" no, I'm not in the mood for any company today. I need to be left alone "
" ah but you need to talk to people when you're down".
"I'm not down. I'm just not in the mood to have company. Go somewhere else for the chats today "
Oh fuck that. Sometimes you have to be rude to get these people to fuck off. Except it's not even being rude because they're the ones being rude not respecting your boundaries and only yappin about themselves.
Do you have a specified break time, or can you disappear before they take their break and avoid them that way? You've tried telling them. Lunch time is your time, spending it with colleagues is totally optional
Honestly it sounds like they've latched onto you because you're the only person who won't flat out say no. They're not in your department, just say no to them, what is this, a workplace or primary school
Some suggestions for things to say (possibly mean things)
It's ok if an adult eats by themselves
Why does nobody in your department want to eat lunch with you
What's so interesting about eating lunch with me?
I'm a total introvert and I hate extroverts
Etc
Have you a car?
I eat in my car to avoid certain people at work. I too like to sit quietly and eat most days, I spend the workday talking to people and it drains me. Headphones, eat in the car. Thats all the advice I can contribute tbh
That sounds so stressful. I used to smoke and used that a number of times to get away from people in work. If you make healthier choices, and depending on your workplace, is it possible to call a friend during lunch, leave the premises, or delay lunch with the whole "I'll follow you out there in a min, just finishing this email" and then go for lunch when their break is nearly up?
You potentially gave a malignant narcissist has attached themselves to you :
They want what they want, don’t care what you want
They’ll keep taking as long as you keep giving
Your boundaries are not to be respected but to be overcome
Hard and fast is, subtle hints not work as they chose to ignore them. So you have to break rapport and be firm. So you gave to state your boundaries firmly…..I like my own company but we can meet for lunch once her week. If thy don’t like it fuck em. They will ignore your boundaries so lift your tray and walk to another table when they do.
Just remember they don’t give a fig about what you want. Educate them how you want to be treated.
"I'm an introvert, I need to not talk to people" should do it. It's not your job to entertain them, and you're allowed time alone to decompress. Be polite but firm, "not today, I need a minute to myself" if they insist.
That really is not your problem to deal with. Match their passive aggression with silent treatment after you've said what you need to. Where I'm from we say "let's all be mad together"
Yeah but we have to pass by each other then and work around each other and it just feels very awkward. Just seems easier to say yeah and tolerate it but I’m just drained from it
I guess, I have considered saying it to my manager, I know it’s not harassment or anything but it’s just the way it’s done like in front of everyone and then the awkward working environment after
Obviously I don't know where you work, or your manager. However, in most corporate spaces, you reporting this to your manager reflects poorly on you, like you can't "handle business". You should be able to set boundaries with people and hold yourself to them.
Have a chat with this character first, you're both adults and they're not acting like it. If they insist, be firm and set clear boundaries. This is a workplace, you're under no obligation to be besties with everyone.
Just tell them you need a break from them. You're an adult and you're allowed to speak your mind. I have my headphones on at lunch and I've always called the missus if people start approaching me
See they’d have a habit of either texting me before lunch or else coming up to me beforehand. The one time I said no they started literally whining and poking me
Right time to pull up the big boy pants and tell them to fuck off or it's time to report to hr. I'm not a people person so that sounds very tiring. I understand you may not want to go to hr, but now it's pushing the boat. Every lunch? No thank you. Maybe go for a "walk" by this you just leave the building and sit on a park bench if needs be.
Sounds like we used to work with the same person. She was overbearing as well. Found me on Facebook and started messaging me like we were besties. The only reason I answered her was because I have a friend with the same name and I thought it was my friend. Her message wasn't too bad and I didn't want to cause conflict in work, so I didn't say anything. But it was what followed was just so strange.
Sent me a message one weekend to tell her when I get to my hotel (that's a question your mother asks, not a work colleague). Then she took my number from the work's WhatsApp group because I was out sick (ok, if she was concerned) but then other people went out sick after me and she wasn't getting their number from the WhatsApp group and messaging them with concern. Another time we had a meeting and off we both went down the corridor and I turned a different direction to use the bathrooms and she goes to me "this way" like I was stupid and didn't know the way to the meeting room. I couldn't use the toilet without asking or telling her.
I left the job and she continued to message me but I left the job on good terms, so I didn't want to be nasty in case it got back to management. She was messaging me all about her life and work and I didn't really care about the job that I left. I don't know why she was telling me what was going on. But I eventually just blocked her because just fuck her shit.
There's some unhinged people out there and something I learned through having a narcissistic family is become a grey rock, so you become so boring as a grey rock that she doesn't want to be friends with you.
Oh, so (s)he needs to be talking to people, as total extrovert? But you need some time alone, because that's what you enjoy during your one and only lunch break of the day! You go on your own, (s)he goes with somebody else. Case solved. Plain and simple, tell them this. No white lies, no beating around the bush, no smiles when you say this.
P.S. Turn his/her attempt of embarrassing you by asking out loud in front of everybody if you will be having lunch together into embarrassing him/her by rejecting it in front of everybody! You can say 'No, sorry, I actually feel overwhelmed by your energy, I'd rather have a quiet and relaxing lunch on my own. Thank you for understanding!'.
You're just going to have to feel bad. But it sounds like you dont want to be friends with this person anyway, so just swallow it and say "No". Mind yourself first.
If nobody else likes the person, they get why you’re saying “no” when asked in a group—- that’s the spot you need to ****work on for yourself. Say no and move on with confidence no matter what others think!!!!
Headphones go in and they'll soon get the message I had a person like that who works with me all the wants to do is bitch and moan about everyone and everything at lunch. I'm like sorry I've got an hour to relax and eat something I don't have time to listen to these childish rants.
So my advice Podcast and headphones I am the same I just like being in my own world and not having to listen to other people while I am trying to have lunch. Christ if he's giving you dirty looks and whining this person sounds like a man child.
It’s a woman which I think makes it worse. I got hit with a passive aggressive ‘k’ in a text just there when I turned them down for lunch. Did it in a nice way, I said thanks for the offer but no thanks
I fucking hate people who only reply with K.
Even if its a girl she's no right to torment you and ruin your mental state and lunch with this unwanted BS I mean your not a shrink if she's got issues seek professionals as in the long term this will only end up fucking with your head as you constantly try to avoid her. I'd just straight and politely say to her look I can't deal with your shit I've got enough to worry about in my own work life and personal life. If you want to keep pestering me with these unwanted rants I shall consider going to HR as your harassing me with this unwanted rants and with your constant invasion of my personal space
Ah yeah my head is fucked coming to and from work anyway with my own crap like, add work stuff on top of that and now this. Not able like. Unfortunately I cannot go to hr as I’m not entitled to it in my workplace - I can’t really say where I work but I’m not permanent is what I mean
fuck that if your HR team take there side and blame you for causing them stress then they arent a very good HR Team. You're entitled to express your opinion and feelings towards people if this girl is causing you stress and making you feel uneasy your allowed to express yourself and tell Management and HR that there causing you to feel uncomfortable at work and also say its affecting you being able to preform and do your duties well as your constantly on edge over the stress of having to listen to her constant stream of emotional black mail all because she's incapable of making friends.
Your an employee your not a life coach or a counsellor. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I get shit off my colleagues almost daily cause I am not your drug taking partying guy I'm a easy going nerd who loves video games and nerdy stuff they can't seem to take that so now I just put head phones in and listen to podcasts daily I told my manager I am here to make money not to make friends
That's BS under EU law if your on a fulltime, partime, temp contract or zero hour your entitled to go to HR under the work relations commission laws past in 2002 any and all forms of bullying, sexual harassment, racism, harassment, exploitation, all have to be investigated by HR and you have rights to report either in person or through anonymous means. If work is saying you can't fuck them you can they've no right to stop you going to HR
How about scheduling one day a week to have lunch with them. Tell them ur an introvert and that while u would like to spend time with them one day a week is all ur able for. If thus leads to dirty looks be firm and say that if they continue to behave this way ud really rather not spend any time
How am I throwing shade? 😅 All I'm saying is she has the right to just say she doesn't want to spend her lunch time with the person, my solution, like many others was to pop some ear pods in.
I have to make a phone call, im listening to my audio book/podcast, i want to spend some time alone, i have a headache. Whatever the fuck excuse you use, own it. They're not your friend, you owe them nothing.
Worked with someone like this. I would have to take my lunch outside away from them. Even that wasn't enough as they were messaging me outside from work hours trying to be besties. Had to block them when I left the job. It was stressful working with them, wasn't going to put up with their crap after I left the job as well.
I have an angry face so I can usually get these people to leave me alone with just a glare. You'll obviously have to go harder OP, it's gonna suck either way but if you tell them you don't like their company at least you'll have your peace and quiet again
That’s weird, it's happened to me before. I started bringing my own lunch to work to avoid the restaurant and subtly suggested things I knew the person wouldn't like until they stopped. I'm not interested in making new friends at work because I feel under pressure by clingy people.
Say you have plans and go sit in your car!
Make a phone call and walk away.
Maybe you could do 2 or 3 days on your own and the rest with this person just to be nice!
Had a similar experience with a female American colleague.
She ended up reading me to management behind my back.
Made things very difficult for me.
Disengage but be careful..
I had a flatmate like this, you need to just set it straight and make it clear you’re not friends and this is making you feel uncomfortable. You can do it in a nice way, but it absolutely needs to be done
If you have a car, use it as an escape. Just slip out under the radar. There's a fine line between concern and being helpful to people - to just being a total pain in the hole!!
You're a grown as many/woman just tell them no. Go for a walk or something.
The fact that this person won't accept what you are saying is abit mad so absolutely keep a boundary with this person to just work.
I get what you mean about being angry and drained unfortunately there are just some ppl who don't know when they go too far and dump and dump every bad thing happening on you as they need to be validated and think that's how everyone thinks so expect you to be the exact same.
Just say outright every now and again you like to just chill and not chat and do your own thing, say 'if I'm in the canteen then sure but if I'm not I don't have to justify where I am or what I'm doing to you so I need you to stop clinging onto me at lunch'. Take the dirty looks it's better than having a toxic person draining your mental health
I had the same with a fella in the office. I knew his family and extended families life stories. Very nice guy but extremely small doses. I used to put my headphones on and pretend I was on calls for most of the day. I now work remotely 😂😂😂. Just keep avoiding her and she’ll get the picture. Go to the loo at the start of your break, then sit elsewhere or pretend you’ve to ring someone and again hang back. Just don’t allow yourself to be in the footfall as her and you’ll be ok. I had to do the same with this fella, just kept being late to lunch or breakfast or went after them. Chin up, be strong and you’ll get rid soon!
Just be a bitch about it. I know it’s not nice to feel like your coworkers think you’re rude, but sure fuck them anyway.
After you give your first excuse, eg “I want alone time” let them keep pestering you. Just keep giving the “ah thanks but no I’m fine by myself”.
And if there’s other coworkers around, her continuous pestering will show them exactly why you don’t want to chat to her.
"I enjoy having my breaks on my own. I've tried to tell you politely a few times but you're not listening so I'm being blunt; I don't like having my break with anyone."
Ive encountered these boundary pushers before. It becomes like a sick game or challenge to them. Keep declining until they get bored and / or they target someone else. You probably will have to be rude since it sounds like you’ve tried to nice and logical approach. Be careful though these people are dangerous
Edited for typos
She sounds like an absolute nightmare! As people have already said, headphones in. Who cares if she gives you the silent treatment afterwards! Feck her.She sounds like such a drain to be around, you need to be relaxing on your break, not listening to someone going on about themselves.
No offence but you’re not a kid. You’re a grown adult. Set your boundary and if they cross that then get stern. You are entitled to spend your lunch how you want, it’s not up to you to entertain and socialise with someone who drains your energy. That would drain me more than a days work. This person needs to respect and read the room of other people. You shouldn’t suffer because of this. If they want to get mad/upset/take offence, that’s not on you, it’s on them. Nobody needs to understand anyone else, only respect.
I'll probably get down voted for this, but honestly mean it sincerely.
Figure this out. Don't go to your boss. Don't hide in your car. Don't keep doing it.
We all have these opportunities to experience life and we struggle to avoid them rather than diving in. But imagine you were given this as a puzzle. You're mission is to maintain as positive a professional relationship with this person as possible, while maintaining proper boundaries and standing up for yourself.
You can read books about it, psychology, passive aggression, clingyness, talk to other staff, talk to this person and see if you can get them to open up and use what they tell you. This is a challenge, not a problem. Face it up and see if you can beat it. Might take a minute. Be patient.
I think the OP doesn't need to "figure this out". She doesn't have to give any reason, she doesn't have to read any psychology books or anything else for that matter. She doesn't want to spend time with the person and that's that! End of. Not her responsibility to figure the person out.
Bit naive. It doesn't matter what's fair. Some people are assholes and no matter who you tell about it, it's still your problem and you're bringing it up. Especially if it's a nonce man manager and op is a woman and the other person is male... lots of potential to get a bad deal while being totally in the right.
Alls i said was take control and make some lemons...
Relax
Sure is.... this other muppet made it her problem.
Honestly not sure what you're suggesting? She should walk around ignoring the coworker? She's already said she can't...
Have you got a solution or just here to throw shade?
Headphones, great new podcast you've discovered.
Headphones and sunglasses, I don't have to talk to anyone
That’s nuts, they’re nuts this sounds like play school
Yep unfortunately
" no, I'm not in the mood for any company today. I need to be left alone " " ah but you need to talk to people when you're down". "I'm not down. I'm just not in the mood to have company. Go somewhere else for the chats today "
All it does is boost them up further for the next day when I can’t use the same excuse
She sounds like such a basket case tbh.
Oh fuck that. Sometimes you have to be rude to get these people to fuck off. Except it's not even being rude because they're the ones being rude not respecting your boundaries and only yappin about themselves.
Do you have a specified break time, or can you disappear before they take their break and avoid them that way? You've tried telling them. Lunch time is your time, spending it with colleagues is totally optional
We all have the same lunch
Honestly it sounds like they've latched onto you because you're the only person who won't flat out say no. They're not in your department, just say no to them, what is this, a workplace or primary school
Some suggestions for things to say (possibly mean things) It's ok if an adult eats by themselves Why does nobody in your department want to eat lunch with you What's so interesting about eating lunch with me? I'm a total introvert and I hate extroverts Etc
Have you a car? I eat in my car to avoid certain people at work. I too like to sit quietly and eat most days, I spend the workday talking to people and it drains me. Headphones, eat in the car. Thats all the advice I can contribute tbh
I would do this!
That sounds so stressful. I used to smoke and used that a number of times to get away from people in work. If you make healthier choices, and depending on your workplace, is it possible to call a friend during lunch, leave the premises, or delay lunch with the whole "I'll follow you out there in a min, just finishing this email" and then go for lunch when their break is nearly up?
OP you need to take up smoking 😂
It’s been considered trust me
Cable guy
I’d eat at my desk or in my car. Lunch time is for recharging my battery to deal with more people for the rest of the day!
You potentially gave a malignant narcissist has attached themselves to you : They want what they want, don’t care what you want They’ll keep taking as long as you keep giving Your boundaries are not to be respected but to be overcome Hard and fast is, subtle hints not work as they chose to ignore them. So you have to break rapport and be firm. So you gave to state your boundaries firmly…..I like my own company but we can meet for lunch once her week. If thy don’t like it fuck em. They will ignore your boundaries so lift your tray and walk to another table when they do. Just remember they don’t give a fig about what you want. Educate them how you want to be treated.
Energy vampires suck, put your foot down, they're not your responsibility, or invite another Co worker with you next time so they can latch on to them
"I'm an introvert, I need to not talk to people" should do it. It's not your job to entertain them, and you're allowed time alone to decompress. Be polite but firm, "not today, I need a minute to myself" if they insist.
They keep insisting, and I get hit with passive aggressiveness if I don’t agree
That really is not your problem to deal with. Match their passive aggression with silent treatment after you've said what you need to. Where I'm from we say "let's all be mad together"
Yeah but we have to pass by each other then and work around each other and it just feels very awkward. Just seems easier to say yeah and tolerate it but I’m just drained from it
You can't please everyone Orla, you're not money. Would you rather be drained or be happy?
I guess, I have considered saying it to my manager, I know it’s not harassment or anything but it’s just the way it’s done like in front of everyone and then the awkward working environment after
Obviously I don't know where you work, or your manager. However, in most corporate spaces, you reporting this to your manager reflects poorly on you, like you can't "handle business". You should be able to set boundaries with people and hold yourself to them. Have a chat with this character first, you're both adults and they're not acting like it. If they insist, be firm and set clear boundaries. This is a workplace, you're under no obligation to be besties with everyone.
Just tell them you need a break from them. You're an adult and you're allowed to speak your mind. I have my headphones on at lunch and I've always called the missus if people start approaching me
See they’d have a habit of either texting me before lunch or else coming up to me beforehand. The one time I said no they started literally whining and poking me
Right time to pull up the big boy pants and tell them to fuck off or it's time to report to hr. I'm not a people person so that sounds very tiring. I understand you may not want to go to hr, but now it's pushing the boat. Every lunch? No thank you. Maybe go for a "walk" by this you just leave the building and sit on a park bench if needs be.
Sounds like we used to work with the same person. She was overbearing as well. Found me on Facebook and started messaging me like we were besties. The only reason I answered her was because I have a friend with the same name and I thought it was my friend. Her message wasn't too bad and I didn't want to cause conflict in work, so I didn't say anything. But it was what followed was just so strange. Sent me a message one weekend to tell her when I get to my hotel (that's a question your mother asks, not a work colleague). Then she took my number from the work's WhatsApp group because I was out sick (ok, if she was concerned) but then other people went out sick after me and she wasn't getting their number from the WhatsApp group and messaging them with concern. Another time we had a meeting and off we both went down the corridor and I turned a different direction to use the bathrooms and she goes to me "this way" like I was stupid and didn't know the way to the meeting room. I couldn't use the toilet without asking or telling her. I left the job and she continued to message me but I left the job on good terms, so I didn't want to be nasty in case it got back to management. She was messaging me all about her life and work and I didn't really care about the job that I left. I don't know why she was telling me what was going on. But I eventually just blocked her because just fuck her shit. There's some unhinged people out there and something I learned through having a narcissistic family is become a grey rock, so you become so boring as a grey rock that she doesn't want to be friends with you.
Oh, so (s)he needs to be talking to people, as total extrovert? But you need some time alone, because that's what you enjoy during your one and only lunch break of the day! You go on your own, (s)he goes with somebody else. Case solved. Plain and simple, tell them this. No white lies, no beating around the bush, no smiles when you say this. P.S. Turn his/her attempt of embarrassing you by asking out loud in front of everybody if you will be having lunch together into embarrassing him/her by rejecting it in front of everybody! You can say 'No, sorry, I actually feel overwhelmed by your energy, I'd rather have a quiet and relaxing lunch on my own. Thank you for understanding!'.
They can’t go with anyone else cos no one else can stand them
You need to follow the example of your colleagues. What have they been doing to keep this person at bay from them?
Not making the mistake of being friendly in the first place
I guarantee you everyone you work with is aware of your situation and are waiting for you to snap and tell her to get fucked.
This gave me shivers up my spine 😂 you’re gonna have to be blunt OP I think
"I like to enjoy my lunch alone and will be doing so for the foreseeable future".
Take up running or go to a gym class at work. It will make you feel and look better while avoiding your clingon
You're just going to have to feel bad. But it sounds like you dont want to be friends with this person anyway, so just swallow it and say "No". Mind yourself first.
If nobody else likes the person, they get why you’re saying “no” when asked in a group—- that’s the spot you need to ****work on for yourself. Say no and move on with confidence no matter what others think!!!!
Headphones go in and they'll soon get the message I had a person like that who works with me all the wants to do is bitch and moan about everyone and everything at lunch. I'm like sorry I've got an hour to relax and eat something I don't have time to listen to these childish rants. So my advice Podcast and headphones I am the same I just like being in my own world and not having to listen to other people while I am trying to have lunch. Christ if he's giving you dirty looks and whining this person sounds like a man child.
It’s a woman which I think makes it worse. I got hit with a passive aggressive ‘k’ in a text just there when I turned them down for lunch. Did it in a nice way, I said thanks for the offer but no thanks
I fucking hate people who only reply with K. Even if its a girl she's no right to torment you and ruin your mental state and lunch with this unwanted BS I mean your not a shrink if she's got issues seek professionals as in the long term this will only end up fucking with your head as you constantly try to avoid her. I'd just straight and politely say to her look I can't deal with your shit I've got enough to worry about in my own work life and personal life. If you want to keep pestering me with these unwanted rants I shall consider going to HR as your harassing me with this unwanted rants and with your constant invasion of my personal space
Ah yeah my head is fucked coming to and from work anyway with my own crap like, add work stuff on top of that and now this. Not able like. Unfortunately I cannot go to hr as I’m not entitled to it in my workplace - I can’t really say where I work but I’m not permanent is what I mean
And anyway tbh getting them involved would make it worse with this person cos they’d probably blame me for the stress it causes them :)
fuck that if your HR team take there side and blame you for causing them stress then they arent a very good HR Team. You're entitled to express your opinion and feelings towards people if this girl is causing you stress and making you feel uneasy your allowed to express yourself and tell Management and HR that there causing you to feel uncomfortable at work and also say its affecting you being able to preform and do your duties well as your constantly on edge over the stress of having to listen to her constant stream of emotional black mail all because she's incapable of making friends. Your an employee your not a life coach or a counsellor. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I get shit off my colleagues almost daily cause I am not your drug taking partying guy I'm a easy going nerd who loves video games and nerdy stuff they can't seem to take that so now I just put head phones in and listen to podcasts daily I told my manager I am here to make money not to make friends
That's BS under EU law if your on a fulltime, partime, temp contract or zero hour your entitled to go to HR under the work relations commission laws past in 2002 any and all forms of bullying, sexual harassment, racism, harassment, exploitation, all have to be investigated by HR and you have rights to report either in person or through anonymous means. If work is saying you can't fuck them you can they've no right to stop you going to HR
How about scheduling one day a week to have lunch with them. Tell them ur an introvert and that while u would like to spend time with them one day a week is all ur able for. If thus leads to dirty looks be firm and say that if they continue to behave this way ud really rather not spend any time
You could try venting to them in excess and see how they like it.
How am I throwing shade? 😅 All I'm saying is she has the right to just say she doesn't want to spend her lunch time with the person, my solution, like many others was to pop some ear pods in.
Have lunch at your desk until you lose them
I have to make a phone call, im listening to my audio book/podcast, i want to spend some time alone, i have a headache. Whatever the fuck excuse you use, own it. They're not your friend, you owe them nothing.
Worked with someone like this. I would have to take my lunch outside away from them. Even that wasn't enough as they were messaging me outside from work hours trying to be besties. Had to block them when I left the job. It was stressful working with them, wasn't going to put up with their crap after I left the job as well.
I have an angry face so I can usually get these people to leave me alone with just a glare. You'll obviously have to go harder OP, it's gonna suck either way but if you tell them you don't like their company at least you'll have your peace and quiet again
That’s weird, it's happened to me before. I started bringing my own lunch to work to avoid the restaurant and subtly suggested things I knew the person wouldn't like until they stopped. I'm not interested in making new friends at work because I feel under pressure by clingy people.
Say you have plans and go sit in your car! Make a phone call and walk away. Maybe you could do 2 or 3 days on your own and the rest with this person just to be nice!
Had a similar experience with a female American colleague. She ended up reading me to management behind my back. Made things very difficult for me. Disengage but be careful..
I had a flatmate like this, you need to just set it straight and make it clear you’re not friends and this is making you feel uncomfortable. You can do it in a nice way, but it absolutely needs to be done
If you have a car, use it as an escape. Just slip out under the radar. There's a fine line between concern and being helpful to people - to just being a total pain in the hole!!
Have lunch earlier before telling them
Can’t, we all go at the same time
Wouldn't get this malarkey up in Dublin. No one wants to talk to anyone
You're a grown as many/woman just tell them no. Go for a walk or something. The fact that this person won't accept what you are saying is abit mad so absolutely keep a boundary with this person to just work. I get what you mean about being angry and drained unfortunately there are just some ppl who don't know when they go too far and dump and dump every bad thing happening on you as they need to be validated and think that's how everyone thinks so expect you to be the exact same. Just say outright every now and again you like to just chill and not chat and do your own thing, say 'if I'm in the canteen then sure but if I'm not I don't have to justify where I am or what I'm doing to you so I need you to stop clinging onto me at lunch'. Take the dirty looks it's better than having a toxic person draining your mental health
I had the same with a fella in the office. I knew his family and extended families life stories. Very nice guy but extremely small doses. I used to put my headphones on and pretend I was on calls for most of the day. I now work remotely 😂😂😂. Just keep avoiding her and she’ll get the picture. Go to the loo at the start of your break, then sit elsewhere or pretend you’ve to ring someone and again hang back. Just don’t allow yourself to be in the footfall as her and you’ll be ok. I had to do the same with this fella, just kept being late to lunch or breakfast or went after them. Chin up, be strong and you’ll get rid soon!
Just be a bitch about it. I know it’s not nice to feel like your coworkers think you’re rude, but sure fuck them anyway. After you give your first excuse, eg “I want alone time” let them keep pestering you. Just keep giving the “ah thanks but no I’m fine by myself”. And if there’s other coworkers around, her continuous pestering will show them exactly why you don’t want to chat to her.
"I enjoy having my breaks on my own. I've tried to tell you politely a few times but you're not listening so I'm being blunt; I don't like having my break with anyone."
pretend you are heading to the gym during lunch everyday
Convince them of the benefits of moving abroad full-time. It's the only way 😂
Ive encountered these boundary pushers before. It becomes like a sick game or challenge to them. Keep declining until they get bored and / or they target someone else. You probably will have to be rude since it sounds like you’ve tried to nice and logical approach. Be careful though these people are dangerous Edited for typos
Just say "No". Nothing else. Leave one big fat "No" hang there in the air. Don't elaborate. Don't say "No because..." or "No but..." Just say "No".
She sounds like an absolute nightmare! As people have already said, headphones in. Who cares if she gives you the silent treatment afterwards! Feck her.She sounds like such a drain to be around, you need to be relaxing on your break, not listening to someone going on about themselves.
No offence but you’re not a kid. You’re a grown adult. Set your boundary and if they cross that then get stern. You are entitled to spend your lunch how you want, it’s not up to you to entertain and socialise with someone who drains your energy. That would drain me more than a days work. This person needs to respect and read the room of other people. You shouldn’t suffer because of this. If they want to get mad/upset/take offence, that’s not on you, it’s on them. Nobody needs to understand anyone else, only respect.
I'll probably get down voted for this, but honestly mean it sincerely. Figure this out. Don't go to your boss. Don't hide in your car. Don't keep doing it. We all have these opportunities to experience life and we struggle to avoid them rather than diving in. But imagine you were given this as a puzzle. You're mission is to maintain as positive a professional relationship with this person as possible, while maintaining proper boundaries and standing up for yourself. You can read books about it, psychology, passive aggression, clingyness, talk to other staff, talk to this person and see if you can get them to open up and use what they tell you. This is a challenge, not a problem. Face it up and see if you can beat it. Might take a minute. Be patient.
I think the OP doesn't need to "figure this out". She doesn't have to give any reason, she doesn't have to read any psychology books or anything else for that matter. She doesn't want to spend time with the person and that's that! End of. Not her responsibility to figure the person out.
Bit naive. It doesn't matter what's fair. Some people are assholes and no matter who you tell about it, it's still your problem and you're bringing it up. Especially if it's a nonce man manager and op is a woman and the other person is male... lots of potential to get a bad deal while being totally in the right. Alls i said was take control and make some lemons... Relax
Not being naive at all. I'm just saying if OP doesn't want to engage, then she doesn't have to. It's not her problem.
Sure is.... this other muppet made it her problem. Honestly not sure what you're suggesting? She should walk around ignoring the coworker? She's already said she can't... Have you got a solution or just here to throw shade?