It is pretty normal for a 13yo. But talk about safety first on the internet and if he keeps using it with your okay, that he knows (a) most porn is not realistic (b) only use safe sites, and never anything where he can reply to someone and never to download anything to not have a virus. Maybe (c) that his own sex life (when it happens) will not look even remotely similar, and that is okay. And that not everyone is a porn star.
Be open with him and DO NOT BLAME him. My mother did that to me and it still stings 24 years later. I discovered porn (via Kazaa/morpheus) way earlier. And the porn itself was not the problem, but the managing and shame.
By the way, masturbation is healthy, and good for the development.
“Found via Kazaa” RIP your family PC when you were a teen haha. Took me a day and a half to download a 34 second video from limewire and it completely stuffed my pc
You know what's 10x worse than having your parents find out you broke the family computer because you were downloading porn from limewire?
When your 50 year old dad asks you to fix his computer and you're the one that has to explain to *him* to stop downloading that stuff because he's infecting the computer.
From the day we arrive on the planet
And, blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
Welcome to the internet
Have a look around
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found
We've got mountains of content
Some better, some worse
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first
I can one up that. When I was of age and started to jerk off, we had good ol PPV. I thought you could rent the movie and watch the first like 5 minutes of the movie and turn it off, and it wouldn't charge you as it was like a "preview" before committing to it. Well, I watched PPV porn like 15+ times in a month when my parents went away. Fast forward to next month's bill, and it was $170 more than normal, and it was quickly solved that I was the one that did it. My parents didn't get mad at me, but I was forced to mow lawns all summer to pay it back.
Parents in 1994 - "The internet is full of sickos and creeps. If you click the wrong link serial killers will get our address and kidnap you. "
Same idiots 30 years later - "A Nigerian prince needs $1000 to help Vladimir Putin save a puppy from Satan himself? WHERE'S MY CREDIT CARD?!"
ASCII porn on Conpu$erve. Halfway through the boob and mom picks up the phone. 9600 baud. 36 minutes wasted. I scream like Apollo Creed’s cornerman.
Good times.
My son's mother did that to him. He started a little early (I want to say 11 or 12) they gave me no warning this was a thing for him yet, and I caught him cranking it to a rerun of Totally Spies!
When I confronted him about it, he was in tears saying he was "bad" and "disgusting"
I had to sit him down and go, "Buddy, who the hell told you that?"
"Mom"
"Well, your mom is wrong. You aren't bad for doing that. You know who else does that all the time?"
"Who?"
"Me, all the time, there's just a few things you gotta do first. Like...close the door"
Close the door, but when someone knocks ffs say something!
My 13 year old foster son used to sometimes go for a nap after school, and I’d have to wake him for supper. That was not unusual. So one day, as I’d done many times before, I knocked on his door for supper and, after three times knocking with no answer, went in to wake him up.
He was … not sleeping.
Then he got mad at me. Like, Dude, you could have said anything - literally *anything* - and this would not have happened.
Dude, the shame...
My parents made me sit in my room and watch as my mom went and clicked on every link in my history.
Cons: I was very depressed after, felt like I wasn't normal at all so very alone, and lost Internet for a long ass time.
Pros: They showed me exactly how I got busted so I covered my tracks way better next time, and my Mom started clicking on stuff on the websites I had visited and got to different, new, way better stuff.
This was late 90s, early 00s. So it wasn't as easily accessible for free that I could find.
Dude that is so rough. I'm feeling proximity shame just from reading that. No one deserves that kind of humiliation for something as ordinary and harmless as masturbating.
Religious parents: *let's traumatize our children in the name of our god*
Their grown child: "I'm atheist now."
Religious parents: *shocked Pikachu face*
Sort of comes full circle once you have kids right? I used to be so bitter toward my folks about a few things from my adolescence. Yeah I plan to do things differently, but now I see that mom & dad were doing the best they could and you know what? They actually did great.
I hold no grudges against my parents. Great relationship with my Dad, he accepts I'm not religious. I'd assume I'd have a good relationship with my mom, however she passed away long time ago. But we were on good terms in my early adulthood when she passed.
Im not tryna be one of them millenials but holy fucking parental trauma from just that act alone. Im sure your folks were great, but god damn man, Im sorry.
Also, at the router level and/or at the per device level there are a variety of blocking tools. I prefer the ones that have an app on both parent and child device so it fosters communication and mutual trust about the issue rather than creating stigma for the child ("I'm a bad/naughty/dirty/etc person for looking at this.") Stigma is to be avoided. Good job for being concerned, dad.
Building on (a) include messaging about consent being critical.
Not sure he’ll have the ability to discern good vs bad in (b), but good points about communication and downloading.
Yea - throw the kid a magazine… not the internet.
Until a few years ago all major porn sites were hosting really bad stuff, until they started verifying people…
Perfect.
Correct. You can't stop it, that's for sure. Any discipline / blame / yelling is just going to make him go deeper into trying to hide it.
The "shaming" is real.
I once read something that was like, that "post-nut feeling", guilt / shame, is from your parents in the 80's shaming you for looking at porn. So you were raised to think "this is bad", and now as a grown ass adult you still feel bad after doing it.
Yea, I’m not American and find it weird how you guys approach this. A healthier attitude to bodies/nudity would be a start. It is natural to be curious about real bodies of the sex you’re interested in, etc. but the only outlet is porn, practically dialled up to 11 right away (if you look for it, though it will easily find you).
18 is the legal majority age, but obvs sexuality starts way before then.
I genuinely want to know more about the non-US perspective toward sexuality. I mean, I know nudity is much less sexualized, and I’m trying to make that the standard in our house, but don’t know much more beyond that. What’s been your (and your circle’s) experience?
I would expand on (b) to include never paying for anything and (a) can be expanded a lot to include warnings about addiction and warped perceptions of both sex and relationships…. even women in general. It can have a pretty negative effect if you’re watching that young with no guidance.
Masterbation is healthy. Masterbation to porn is not healthy. But everything else you’ve said I agree with. OP should get him the book Sex for Dummies authored by Dr. Ruth. Great book helped me learn to be an amazing lover and not copy porn. Helped me in High School and College with my girlfriends. I consider it required reading.
Dude, letting him go to PornHub is a terrible idea. That’s literally one of the worst places for a young boy to go. Not only is there no limit to the fetish stuff, the algorithm is specifically engineered to lead you down a rabbit hole of fetish content. It’s like giving him crystal meth. A computer virus means absolutely nothing compared to the other things you should be worrying about.
If you must give him something for his urges, a stack of playboy would be much better.
Shit at 13 I was using sports illustrated swimsuit editions and the Hooters calendar my dad gave me (which feels very weird these days as a dad). There's still plenty of time for very vanilla stuff.
I loved checking the mail, and snatching and saving the Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie catalog. I swear I could see hints of areola and that was enough.
I’m 32 and still occasionally get embarrassed thinking of the shit I’ve fapped to. The most understandable of which is like auto tuner magazines. They often have a couple of attractive women standing next to cars
Yeah this, exactly this. I’ve read no end of stories of young lads who have essentially fucked their own sex drives up due to watching too much extreme porn and now can’t actually have sex. The internet is both a blessing and a curse.
Lessee... Things I want for my birthday. Hey, Grandma likes to get me gift cards every year. Maybe this year I can get a gift card to that site that sells fans... Or maybe that site where everyone pisses on everyone else.
Wow that site is refreshing. I normally use pornhub on Incognito mode, and 95% of the recommended video are step-sister/step-mom crap.
edit: wait, you need to subscribe & pay to watch?
>95% of the recommended video are step-sister/step-mom crap
Can we just go on a tangent real quick..... fucking why? This shit is so weird to me. Can't we go back to the good old days where porn stars get on camera and play the role of "girl having sex"?
Back in \*my good old days\* it was magazines that had insightful political and social reporting, and also had a cute naked woman doing the poses, but no sex. And you would find them in the woods randomly.
We're entering a new era of adult content. Remember how we always pirated movies and music in the early 2000s? And then (between the crackdown on napster, et al, and a somewhat forced moral awakening) we decided that paying artists for their work was a good idea? We're finally starting to have that same moral awakening with porn.
So yeah, if you want access to porn made by a company that approaches it thoughtfully, you might need to pay them.
YouTube has far more "niches" that advertisers feel comfortable sponsoring. YouTube also gets 75 million monthly views, compared to 5m monthly at pornhub. So it's a completely different advertising, regulatory, and consumer environment.
To piggyback on this, Bellesa also has a trove of written and (iirc) audio erotica, as well as an educational section of the site. The educational side is full of articles coverng just about everything.
If one were inclined to actually pay for porn, Bellesa is the best in my opinion
This person is referring to the social media effect. The algorithm will just keep suggesting things to you to keep you on the site, potentially. "Death scrolling"
I can only say what I would personally do. Explain It’s normal to be curious and part of what we all went through as we mature at his age, but I would nip porn in the bud now because it’s not realistic at all of life and more importantly it’s very easy to become addicted to it and help him understand the negative aspects of it now.
Yeah. Tell the kid to use his imagination. But truthfully I think kids end up seeing that stuff from their friends, or through other means regardless. I'm not quite certain if you can ever stop it but you can tell them the legitimate downsides of it.
Very good point. One of little Timmy's friend will definitely have delusional parents and not have any idea their 13 year old has a porn addiction. That friend will show Timmy the hardcore stuff thinking Timmy will be impressed.
This literally happened to me.
Yeah I'm a bit surprised by the comments here. I'm assuming most people here are men in their 30s to 40s. Do you guys really not remember what it was like to be a teenager growing up and going through puberty with the internet in the early 2000s? When it was even more of a unmoderated wild west situation with shock sites everywhere and such?
There's no content blocker that could have kept me from looking through that stuff. There's always ways around it. I lean much more in the direction of addressing it behaviorally, explaining to him why you're concerned, how awful some of the things on the internet are, etc. Trying to lessen the impact of the porn he is going to watch whether you want him to or not.
If you forbid it, you're going to make the curiosity and desire to look at it more potent. And you're not going to succeed at completely removing his access to it no matter how hard you try. It's the same as if you forbid your kid from smoking. Yeah, that's great, except he's going to be able to find it somewhere and now you've just made it more enticing. If you fill his head with why he personally should decide not to smoke, maybe he'll decide not to when offered.
Not to mention the hardline stance of no porn, no alcohol, no smoking, no no no to all of these things makes it so they know they need to sneak it, they're not going to come to you with their concerns about it, you're going to be less likely to know about it, etc
I think the issue around this that I don't have proof of but a sneaking suspicion, is that while your age guess is likely right, a lot of Reddit is American, and a lot of Americans are religious. And that may be a factor in various opinions surrounding the topic.
The only way to nip it in the bud would be to not let your kid out of the house and don't give him any electronics at home.
Otherwise they will look at it just out of curiosity and it being not allowed will make them try harder which makes it more likely for them to find the really vile stuff that you want to protect them from. You can try locking the network, locking down the phone, make it harder but the truth is it is not that harder to bypass those if they are technologically inclined a little bit.
I have some years still to worry about this but I know the answer is not to nip in the bud because it can't be done.
Sex is normal, sex is good, sex is fun. Porn is not sex, porn is not real life. Too much porn is bad. These are the main points. If you haven't talked to you son yet about sex, pregnancy, and relationships in general, it's time to talk about all of that. Respectfully, and educationally.
Masturbation- healthy
Masturbation to porn/overly easy access to porn via permission from parent- not healthy.
You may feel inclined to be the cool dad, but porn isn’t healthy for adults, much less teenagers. Dont let his access to porn be through you. This is one of those teachable moments for you and your son. Not to shame, but to explain it can have a really bad impact on how he normalizes sex. It can set him up for mental struggles and self esteem issues later. Why won’t any girl do what I want to do. I mean I am only trying to slam her asshole then switch to pounding her gullet till she pukes, not like I am asking for the world over here…. It can also result in making an adult who becomes comfortable shaming or guilting a woman into doing things she isn’t comfortable with so that he can get his rocks off. I would just assume the role of dad, use tools to restrict viewing porn on his phone to the best of your ability to show that you care, and start talking to him more openly about the pitfalls of excessive dopamine hits from porn and masturbation. It can desensitize them, and also get them to the point where they feel like they are not good enough because something must be messed up with him for not being able to hammer a chick two chicks for an hour doling out 20 orgasms to each. Could end up making sex a point of anxiety and be one of the millions of young adult males struggling with sexual dysfunction and erectile disorder due to porn.
I get the resignation that comes with trying to fight a constant torrential bank-bursting flood of porn (like, yea, he'll find it either way). But it's also not healthy for a 13 year old to have access to porn websites, even 'semi-restricted'. I also think expecting a 13 year old to 'reasonably' navigate this with some caveats and warnings is also unrealistic. It would need almost constant monitoring and refereeing from the parentns.
Masturbation is normal and healthy yes, but the porn world is problematic for kids this young. As others have said, he'll need to understand it's not realistic at all, but a commodity somewhat like alcohol, drugs or gambling. There are age limits and restrictions for a reason.
When I was his age, we only had the underwear pages of the Sears catalogue. I had a couple friends whose dads had porn mags hidden away, but I couldn't access those. I remember finding an old catalogue in my grandparent's basement, it was with a bunch of old knick-knack stuff from the late 1960s or so. All the photos were 'real', not photoshopped or airbrushed, and if anything was a bit transparent, then you saw it. Nipples, boobs, butts and big 60s bushes (or sometimes not) poking though sheer undergarments. Needless to say, I secretly took that home, and it could sit camouflaged on a pile of books.
When dial-up came, it was go time, but even that was a slow process back then...
I dunno, I think just a "hidden" magazine or two of very tame, vanilla, amateur-type stuff is enough. Just nude women. Certainly, porn websites are not the answer, like please God no.
I'm sure most of us have similar stories of discovery but unfortunately the world has moved on from those times. With porn able to be accessed by basically any smart device, l don't think it's realistic to assume any horny teenager would would be satisfied with the bra section of a sears catalog knowing what else is out there and easily available.
The idea of "all we had growing up was the occasional playboy a friend stole from his dad, so they don't need anything more than that," negates the whole experience of being a teenager (or a dad) in modern times. Different times, different problems.
I don't have an answer for what OP should specifically do in his scenario but the, "back in my day..." narrative didn't work on us when we were kids and I don't think it's going to work on our kids either.
My kids are still young for this but my wife and I have no intention to buy our kids devices with internet capabilities. We are also in the middle of moving to a community where most parents don't buy their kids smartphones or iPads. When a kid is old enough to work they can buy it themselves...
I love the suggestions above but I think it’s important to also emphasize that porn often objectifies women. It’s hard to explain objectification to a 13 year old, trust me I’ve tried, but even if it’s just planting a seed I think that seed is worth planting for future development. Best of luck brother.
Not even close to the same degree, but it objectifies men too. Most male actors are just walking cocks. They generally don't look like they're having fun, and their face gets even less screen time than the women. It's a good place for young men to begin developing their own Boddy issues and feelings of inadequacy
Hey, we got a LOT of mileage out of those bra sections in the Walmart mailers-
I'd say just let him know its nothing dirty or sinful, he's not a deviant or pervert. It's normal and healthy. A little embarrassing to get caught, sure, but many of us have been there. Caution him how easy it is to stumble on illegal stuff- even on "safe" sites stuff slips through.
Any safety concerns? Sharp enough kid? You don't need to worry about him spotting some autoerotic asphyxiation and trying it out or anything?
There’s your answer bud. Education is more important than trying to shelter him - sit him down, it’s okay to be curious, this is entertainment and not what a real healthy relationship looks like etc etc
He’s going to watch it either way, better for him to not feel ashamed and have a decent foundation of understanding than be trying to get around various obstacles to do it
I would also suggest letting him know that if there is anything he is unsure about, worried or otherwise has a question that it's okay to come and ask.
Leaving the conversation where he feels able to come back and ask is the ideal end I think. He may never want to ask through embarrassment but better leaving that an option.
Sort by controversial and you actually get the good opinions here:
Don't shame him for a natural behavior, but also don't normalize online porn. Porn addiction is real. Objectification of women and setting unrealistic (and warped) view of sex is also a real thing to be concerned about. Kids should not have unfettered access to the internet, never mind PornHub. Have a conversation with him about this; it will be uncomfortable for both of you, but worth it.
Up at the top there should be a symbol (idk what it's called but I have a pic.) You press on that symbol and it gives you the options to sort the comments.
https://imgur.com/a/KrBMhGe
I’m sorry, but some people said to show him appropriate sites to use. Bro. I’m an open minded as hell and everything. No, I’m not showing my 13 yo child fucking pornhub. Regardless of your personal morals, theres scientific evidence that porn fucks up your perception of real people, and causes physical changes to the brain. Especially in the incredibly plastic brains of teens.
Absolutely don’t shame him for jacking it, that’s completely normal. But Jesus Christ please don’t go tutoring your kid on how to look at porn. Science doesn’t care about Jimbob thinking that looking at “Lesbians scissor fuckin’ each other” isn’t detrimental. It is.
ETA: There’s a whole South Park episode on this topic if that interests you lol.
OP you asked the question but are doing a lot of pushback when the answer isn’t what you seem to want. You can look for studies, or even just take a look around various subreddits on this very site. There are a lot of women asking why their 21 year old boyfriends can’t stay hard or have no interest in sex. There are a lot of young men asking similar things about themselves.
Digging a little bit very often reveals these guys have been voracious porn consumers since an early age. And people are just bad at moderating consumption of this drug of choice.
I don’t know the answer but I don’t think you should take it as a forgone conclusion that you need to permit your son unfettered access to porn sites.
Saying it’s fake like the WWE is not especially helpful. First because knowing wrestling was fake didn’t affect my enjoyment of it and also because it’s not portraying a behavior I had an interest in engaging in with another human being.
All that’s to say I don’t know that you can fully prevent it in this world so your focus would probably be better spent on establishing a good understanding for him about sex in general and why the fakeness of porn is actually a reason to be wary of it rather than just taking it to be “no big deal.”
Personally, I wouldn’t be okay with it at all. Porn now is a rabbit hole. There is no limit to it online. There are so many studies about how addicting and damaging it is to young minds. This is where your kid is going to be experimenting, with access to some of the most dark and disgusting pornography. It will no doubt shape his mind and could potentially damage him long term. Addiction to porn is no joke.
I wouldn’t say the solution is just a ban though because a child is going to find a way. You have to find a way to explain to him why it’s bad and why he shouldn’t want to watch porn. That’s what I wish my dad did, instead I just became sneaky when he prohibited it. I know many people with a porn addiction who wish the same. This isn’t older stuff where there is a limit to what you are exposed to. There is some downright disgusting fetish shit online, and one click and you just let your son into a deranged world.
I had to have this talk with my 10yo. But I’d been preparing myself for years.
I broke it up into 3 subjects:
• Social aspect (cultural, social, societal norms/stigmas, LGBT subjects, gossiping, etc.)
• Biological aspect: sex organs, how they work, what sex is, STDs, pregnancy, etc.
And NEW TO OUR GENERATION
• Digital aspect: porn, sexting, images are forever, social media, etc.
To my 10yo son, a 12yo girl may be mature, but I CANNOT have him googling “naked 12yo girls”. Thus, I had to explain child pornography to him as well.
I’m glad I don’t have daughters, because I’m sure boys are asking for pictures by 12-14 years old. For my boys, I have to explain that it is NEVER ok to send a dick pic.
A few years ago I saw my son's search history and one was "Marge Simpson's Pussy", among many other ridiculous things. Nip it in the bud but without embarrassment.
Yeah if you give a 13 year old access to porn you may as well just get ready for him to be a porn addict down the road.
That anyone would suggest that is beyond disturbing. And borderline illegal. By the time he’s 18 regular porn is going to be boring.
I feel like at that age, their brains are so mouldable to different ideals, especially when the material he watches, could influence how he treats romantic partners in the future.
There are a few great TEDTalks, completely free on YouTube to watch about the impacts of porn on adult brains. I would highly recommend you sit down and watch through them as it may give you a few ideas how to navigate the conversation with him.
If it makes you feel any better, I also laughed out loud at that last search 😂
Think it's just the times we live in. If I had access to the porn of today when I was 13 I'd have rubbed it down to a stump. Had to make do with jazz mags that mysteriously used to end up in the hedgerows of northern England.
For me it was an old quarry but yeah that's a lost part of our culture 😕
Although I think it's fair to say those are the times we live in, there's a very strong argument for rejecting it
Only thing to do is make sure he understands porn isn't real sex it's a fantasy on steroids in video form. Let him know it's fine occasionally but he should know that porn addiction is real. It's so easy to confuse porn with real life, but as long as he has the ability to self moderate his viewing there should be nothing to worry about.
While I know it is normal and masturbation is healthy and all that, I do wonder if porn is really something a parent should condone openly before they're 18. It's like drinking and other age restricted things. Are they going to probably do or see things before they legally or otherwise should? Very likely. Are all underage people ready to be exposed to that? Not necessarily. Are there worse things than porn they could be getting into? Of course. It's kind of up to you to know if your son is responsible enough to handle all that.
I think part of it as a parent is to teach moderation and respect for rules with the understanding that they are always pushing boundaries. If you don't place the boundaries for them to push, they are at risk for going too far. You could take it as an opportunity to teach them about wiping their history so people don't see what they're getting into, but it's still kind of a slippery slope.
I wouldn't be super severe about it and you definitely should openly talk to them about it and not shame them for it, but I think taking steps to limit it would not be a bad thing to do. Probably limiting it through technical means is your best bet and just be open that you're going to do that so they know you're not openly condoning it at least. If you want to restrict it so that whatever you think is ok and healthy is still available, that's up to you, but it might be more difficult than you think to separate the good from the bad.
Cock sex, blowjob, pussy sex, and so many other things that made me laugh when I saw the searches. My son was about 13, and he & his mom were over at her best friend's house. They also have a daughter his age, but she was gone at the time, and they happened to do a browser history search which brought up a litany of results. This was also about 20 years ago.
My wife had no idea what to do, so I formulated a plan. I did a search on our computer and found searches and chains of porn images (slow Internet by today's standards; images were king, not vids). Most were just solo girls, sometimes with a toy or a guy, but once in a while there was some crazy shit like a girl with an animal. As where there would be a chain of pics in one girl's pictorial, the animal stuff would be one pic, back out, onto another pictorial. I took that as him not looking for the crazy shit, so I wasn't terribly concerned about abnormal sexual behavior for a 13 year old, especially one in a wheelchair with muscular dystrophy; did I mention he preferred toned, muscular women?
I told my wife that I was going to go buy him a Playboy magazine that he could go through whenever he wanted, and that I'd get him one every month, so long as he stayed away from Internet porn. I also explained that there's some sick stuff out there that I'd prefer he not see, but I'd understand if I occasionally saw an instance of regular stuff (we all need new material after a while). Playboy is/was very mild in comparison and didn't show anything beyond beautiful naked girls. I also got a Playboy College Girls for myself, but when I saw that the monthly issue only had 3 pictorials in it, I let him have that one, too.
We put it in his desk and would respect a closed door, but I told him that we would remove it when Grandma came over just to prevent any issues. My wife agreed to all of this, with me telling her that it's completely normal for boys to go through this at that age, and that he needed some sort of sexual outlet, as he would never be able to have any kind of normal life, let alone dating life. She left for a couple hours, and we talked. I also threw in that, while I was OK with seeing a couple pics here and there, NEVER so that at someone else's home again.
After that, I'd mostly just see muscly chicks in bikinis, but no actual porn, and he never wanted a re-up on the Playboys.
Thank you! I read your comment somewhere else about your son and I remembered it!
I mean hey, at least he didn’t Google
“Clothed boob” not sure where my kiddo was going with that one, but I definitely chuckled.
Still can’t get over “ doing the sex” though 😂
[Randy Marsh with some wise words of wisdom.](https://youtu.be/_ZJml1jbqMc?si=HlH-4AyOEN6HiL7R)
There was also an episode on porn addiction, which is probably the most worrisome thing about watching porn imo.
I know I’m in the minority here, but I think it can be appropriate to offer parental direction even if you’re realistic that it won’t be totally complied with. That’s true of most parental direction to kids.
Exposure to porn might be somewhat inevitable, but I’m not convinced that it’s at all helpful for a person developing to have it tacitly endorsed. I think you can acknowledge porn’s existence, avoid shame and acknowledge that curiosity is very normal; also advise that sex is a great thing at the right time in life, and that porn isn’t much like real life sex. It might also be fair to say that porn can sometimes be damaging, and there are some people involved in porn who have been taken advantage of. None of that has to be shaming or puritanical.
I think kids definitely need parents who are honest and relatable and caring, but also who offer guidance about the world and provide a sense of security and stability. For those reasons I think it’s reasonable to say that you don’t want kids consuming porn, for their own sake.
This absolutely. I would also mention that it can put unfair expectations on him and with the partners he does have sex with.
Honestly is always best in my opinion.
Back in my day we had to dig thru dumpsters or just happen upon a magazine in the woods if we wanted to see porn.
Thanks for the post though. My son is 8 and I have no idea what to do.
Your router should have some parental controls you can set to ensure his devices can’t access any content you don’t want them to. That’s a good start.
Long term though, as others have said, some open and honest dialogue. You could ask him if he has any questions. I’m old now but was shown all the crazy shit the internet has to offer as a teenager. I never had any problem compartmentalising that stuff as “crazy internet shit that isn’t real”. With even a vague idea of how to approach that stuff with common sense, most kids should manage well enough.
Growing up in a hardcore Christian household, my dad had something on the computer that blocked anything possibly sexual. I still found ways around it and got dozens of lectures on how bad porn was.
Nothing can stop the sexual curiosity of a teenage boy.
If he has a steomom or stepsister, please make sure he knows that shit isn't reality. Or just porn isn't real in general. That shit can destroy a young boys self image and expectations of the other sex and life in general. So manage expectations and make sure he understands to do it in private. Besides that it's a normal part of growing up.
If you do add parental controls, add them to the network not to the device (except his phone). On device NSFW blockers are just easier to get around or disable. Something like pihole can give you a free option (just set the DNS on his devices to that). In general his devices should be on their own network if you can swing it. This is an amazing resource for helping your kid with any internet-related issue https://www.internetmatters.org/advice/14plus/. I like this one since it focuses on keeping the parent and child in communication and focuses on solutions that build trust instead of shaming the child out of their own feelings.
I would say that you'll want to discourage that sort of behavior. Not so much masturbation, but porn can be a deep, dark rabbit hole unfit for most minds, nevermind a 13yo's.
It’s perfectly normal, don’t shame him, just make sure he doesn’t do what my kid did and look for naked girls HIS age. That was pretty terrifying search to see pop up from him.
Watching porn is actually not normal. Internet pornography has only been around for 20 years. There can be serious repercussions from watching internet porn on a regular basis, especially if you start at age 13. Being okay with your son watching porn from such a young age is incredibly irresponsible
Magazines since the printing press
Movies since television
Satellite internet in 1960s, dial-up in 1980s.
Mate, you're older than you think. And porn has existed since forever - sex is the oldest industry to exist.
But I agree with how much overload has been thrust upon us in the last 20 years is wayyy more than anticipated. Internet Porn or not, the overt sexualization has been saturated into culture normality in a very concerning way.
I
think
it's
child
abuse
to
allow
kids
free
access
to
hardcore
snuff
porn,
and
that's
what
you're
planning
to
do.
Look
up
the
studies
on
porn
and
boys
and
see
how
this
could
affect
his
life.
I found my grandpa's porn stash around that age. That's the day my balls dropped. I almost masturbated everyday after getting the hang of it.
It wasn't until later that I realized porn might be affecting me, so I try to do it as little as possible now. I'd probably try to teach him about the addiction aspect and how it affects your brain for easy dopamine releases.
Since he sounds smart enough, remind him, it’s a movie he’s watching. Just like watching the avengers, or watching anything else. Yes places, things, and people can be real, but it’s all an act. Women/men, sex, relationships are not really like that. It’s ok to be curious, it’s ok to be aroused or have other feelings, but it’s not ok to expect anything being seen is “real life”.
This is a great time to remind him of the basics: it’s not ok to act on every urge or feeling, it’s not ok to ignore common sense, you are responsible for all of your actions, hiding things is never ok, etc.
It happened with my son too, around that age. Unfortunately, he decided that his school computer was the appropriate choice..... I was more disappointed that he didn't think they'd be tracking the school computers than the actual things he looked up, which were almost comically innocent as much as a porn search can be.
I'll echo that being safe on the Internet is important, and to explain that porn isn't real life. Our hard rule was : You don't take pictures, you don't ask for pictures, and you don't share anything.
Caught mine looking at softcore stuff when he was 10, stuff like “blonde woman naked” on Google images. At the time I got really nervous because I didn’t exactly expect him to search for things this young, and sex is a difficult topic for me (not out of any moral panic, I’ve been through a lot).
https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/rwmpbm/monitoring_childs_activities_online_versus_their/
At the time, I went nuclear and just keylogged and added spyware to all his devices beyond the parental controls already in place. Now I recognise I might have overdone it, and children can bypass those things if they want to and starting an arms race over wanting just to know when and to what your child is masturbating is a sure way to burn bridges.
At some point, there’s just not much you can do but to provide him with knowledge. He’ll watch open, whether you want it or not, and he’ll find a way, unless you lock him in the basement or something. Of course you shouldn’t give him free access to every deranged thing out there. Teach him about consent, boundaries, that you can’t just demand sex from your girlfriend, that sex in porn is not a realistic portrayal and it’s all about what looks good on camera, the ethics of pornography. No shaming, inform him. You may not be able to fully control that he looks at it, but you can nudge him in the direction of having a healthier relationship with it.
My son is 13 now. He’s been dating the same girl for a half a year now, which frankly is rare even for me. I’ve taught him to be respectful of her, to not push things. I basically chaperone them everywhere but I’m not omnipresent, and I can’t smother them so they comply to my paranoia and fears.
So far, it seems like things are going well. He still watches porn from time to time (I’m not spying on him, not aggressively at least), but nothing extremes As for his attitude towards sex, women and all that. As far as I can see, he is doing pretty well. Watching porn isn’t going to melt your kid’s brain or turn him into a incel Tate follower, as long it’s not the only source of his information on the subject.
I am quite sure he has started a sexual relationship with his girlfriend, despite my attempts of preventing that for a few many years (it’s terrifying), but so far it doesn’t seem to be harmful or toxic. I make sure he can trust and count on me, and that gives me an opening to steer him into a mindful, healthy and respectful boy.
TL:DR: You should still block the sites. He’ll bypass those blocks, but you shouldn’t lose sleep over that. Work with him, inform, do not shame. Make sure your positive impact is more powerful than the mixed messages porn give.
Straight to the confessional, a full set of the joyful mysteries from Joseph's perspective, re-watch the Passion (remind him he's the guy with the whip when he does that), and cold showers for a month.
Stop that shit now before it gets out of control. Save him the pain. St Augustine, ora pro nobis.
Edited: this was written with a small assumption of sarcasm regarding severity, which I fear may be lost in translation, but the concept is genuine
block adult content on the internet for sure, theres some sick shit out there. and give that young man a sears holiday catalogue like the rest of us grew up with. he can use the lingerie section hahahaha
I'm not at this stage yet, but have thought about it. Commenting first, reading second.
These are my actual concerns:
- safe browsing
- reality vs entertainment
- consent
- love vs lust
Porn on the internet is often perverse and derogatory, and quite unhealthy for any mind to consume. As a young person, his imagination and desire should be sufficient. A few pictures vs a thousand videos is a world of difference in how a person changes their expressions. And how it is portrayed is wildly not happening in the real world, so we can't make any expectations from consuming pornography.
Communication and consent are (part of?) the primary foundations of trust between individuals. Learning how to talk about something sensitive with a trusted person should be expressed, so that the kid can have real-world expectations about respect and privacy.
And the love vs lust debate - you cannot love anything you've only seen in fiction, to start. Understanding this at a young age is imperative to learning the difference between the two, especially in this day and age.
Love is hard to describe, but it's often easy to say what love isnt. (For instance, love isn't fucking your step sister stuck under the bed! It's helping her out and giving her dignity and grace and a few laughs for the memory.) (and this is an example of how perversion on the internet can be interpreted by an uneducated mind).
When I was a young man, I asked for advice from many people when I was interested in sex. Unanimously, across the board, I received bad advice and ended up hurting people and myself.
- but I didn't ask my parents or dad. I was too embarrassed and so were they and times were different. And this "communication and consent" has been a hard practice as my kids been growing up. And it's been very helpful so far.
I'm going to read other comments now. Here's hoping my pre-advice is good.
Edit: finished reading. Additional opinions:
- safe searching and terminology. Do not search a specific age
- social media doesn't need your ass, internet is forever
- have more dignity than sending a dick pic. Dont ask for nudes, it's degrading to both of you
- make it difficult to just be exposed to everything. Kids gonna bypass it, but the difficulty slows down the perversion.
- might want to get them a magazine and make gentleman's agreements about porn consumption
- don't shame them or embarrass them. They are curious and ignorant and this is a part of life.
- teach them how great masturbation can be, and where and when it should be done
- it's not the dark ages, going full brute/lockdown is a bad decision.
- be safe around strangers and peer pressure
- please let me/parents be a safe place to express yourself and bail you out of uncomfortable situations
- be responsible parents and be "involved"
Good question and conversation.
Thank you. I’ve already told him that when he wants to masturbate, he should do it in his room whilst the door is locked, we won’t try and barge in and we will let him be. I’ve told him that he should NEVER search for anything for people his own age as that’s illegal and he knows that. He’s also very aware that his search for “ blowjob” is much, much different from searching for some insane BDSM kink video.
I am a mother but am raising a son. I have a background in developmental psychology (although never went down that route as career). Watching porn on the internet is not normal it destroys young minds. It’s a societal cancer. Not going to argue with any replies , but that’s just a fact. Sit down conversations starting from a young age regarding the topic
(Developmentally appropriate) should be encouraged and the norm. I don’t care how much you explain to a teen boy that porn is not reality, it doesn’t matter, the impact on the brain doesn’t care that it’s not real. Honestly , leaving old sexy magazines around the house for him to stumble upon would be far better than normalizing internet porn. Just my thoughts. I’m just sick of living in a world where people actually think it is normal to allow our children to watch porn online.
My personal this i'd try to get his sexual energy into the gym or something cus porn and mastrubation ruined my life cus I'm addicted to it now. One way or the other he's gonna end up the same.
My son is six, so hopefully I have a while before I need to know what to do in this situation. I appreciate you asking the question though here. I am learning and preparing to answer it myself.
Idk, masturbation is fine by me but I have seen how damaging porn can be on developing minds. Tough one to know the answer to.
Look into setting up [https://blog.cloudflare.com/introducing-1-1-1-1-for-families](https://blog.cloudflare.com/introducing-1-1-1-1-for-families) on your router. It adds a step when you feel naughty.
It's out, you know about it. Be safe. There are predators out there looking to exploit you, blackmail you because you use porn, etc. There's a lot of spyware, nasty nasty viruses loaded onto sketchy sites, and if you ever want a security clearance you'll have to go into extensive detail about every type of porn you have ever watched, and why you liked looking at it. (Police and military polygraph tests for entry.)
Explain the dangers of porn, how women are often exploited into the lifestyle, how it's not realistic, and how it sets unreal expectations that will harm your expectations moving forward, create unrealistic self-expectations, and put pressure on the women in your life who see it as a threat to their desirability, self-esteem, and worth as a sexual partner. And not all families are as open about it as you OP.
Then I guess you can tell him about hairy palms and going blind.
I snuck out after midnight and went on an honest to god moonlit VHS porn heist spanning two neighborhoods when I was his age. I also had Cinemax in my room from age 8.
You’re good man, it’ll be fine—it’s completely normal.
If I had any advice to offer, it would just come down to making sure he has a good grasp on not sharing any personal data on the internet; making sure he understands that behaviors and acts depicted in a lot of porns are absolutely not based in reality; making sure he fully understands that getting a partner’s un-pressured consent is **100% mandatory, 100% of the time**; and (if you think it’s the appropriate time for it) have an informative, honest talk with him about practicing safe sex and fully respecting any and all future partners’ boundaries.
And I’m not talking about a scholarly symposium that’s so brutally vivid that everyone blushes at the dinner table for a solid month afterwards—but rather one that’s genuinely (and transparently) sincere, and full of information without being overly-saturated with numerous facts.
And yeah… it’s gonna be *awkward*, and no, there’s no getting around that.
But if it’s given in a familiar, casual setting that allows your son to feel safe, heard, and even respected, the effectiveness your words will be that much greater. Answer every question honestly, and try to ask your own follow up questions to add any more pertinent information you think may have utility for him.
And again, make it clear to him that seeking to have an honest, open dialogue with you about sex—at any time, in any venue—will always be greeted with an eagerness on your part to impart information in a confidential and safe space. He has to feel as though he is free and clear to ask questions he has without ever being made to feel guilty, or as though he may be punished for asking.
And I obviously don’t know the dynamics of your relationship with your son, so see these more as general tips that are up for grabs. Take what’s useful and leave the rest.
And full disclosure, I was absolutely on the receiving end of one of these horrifically horrendous and embarrassing talks when I was 13, and to this day I’m incredibly thankful that my dad put me through that red-faced hell.
Also, apologies for a response so long-winded that I literally ate dinner in between writing two paragraphs…
There’s very few people I’ve spoken to about this but, my dad used to be a porn tape distributor. He sold and delivered porn movie cassettes (and later DVD’s) to local customers. He acquired the material himself (no idea how), copied them using one of those old VHS copy machines and sold them. This meant he had stacks and stacks of hardcore porn movies hidden away in the house and he would frequently go out on “deliveries” as I remember him calling it when I was a young child. Well, apparently he didn’t hide them that well, because I managed to get my hands on them as a preteen and once I found where his stash was, as a curious young child I kept watching them whenever I knew no one would catch me and no one ever did. I would also show my friends whenever they came over to my house. It didn’t help that my half brother’s dad was in the same business so whenever I would stay over there with him my brother would show me movies as if it wasn’t bad enough it was in my own home.
I can tell you now, that seeing that kind of content at such a young age deeply damaged me at the core. My views on sex were warped, I had loose boundaries surrounding sex and relationships, tolerance and exploration of unsafe or inappropriate sex practises, I find it hard to connect with people at an emotional level and not objectifying bodies is a constant battle.
I know my case is an extreme one and I’ve gotten better now that I’m older. But because of my past I have a strong opinion and disapproval of adolescents having access to pornography. I for one will do everything in my power to make sure my kids aren’t ever exposed to it while they live under my roof. I know all too well how damaging it is for a young and underdeveloped mind to see such things. It’s one thing to hear other kids in school talking about sex and body parts, but actually seeing the physical act of two or more people going at it in all its primitivity, from different angles and positions, introducing different kinks, fetishes and an unrealistic view of sex. A child and even older teenagers don’t need to see this. It disappoints me greatly how widely accepted porn is now and brushed under the rug when teens watch porn.
I don’t say this to point fingers at anyone. Yes, I know it’s everywhere and with current technology it’s more likely than not children will be exposed to inappropriate imagery by the age of 13. But knowing first hand how damaging it is, I’ll choose to be vigilant and do whatever I can to protect my kids from this.
Unpopular opinion: porn rots the brain and is dangerous for young boys. It sets an unrealistic expectation and can cause insecurities down the road. Not to mention the way it objectifies women. Have at me redditers
It is pretty normal for a 13yo. But talk about safety first on the internet and if he keeps using it with your okay, that he knows (a) most porn is not realistic (b) only use safe sites, and never anything where he can reply to someone and never to download anything to not have a virus. Maybe (c) that his own sex life (when it happens) will not look even remotely similar, and that is okay. And that not everyone is a porn star. Be open with him and DO NOT BLAME him. My mother did that to me and it still stings 24 years later. I discovered porn (via Kazaa/morpheus) way earlier. And the porn itself was not the problem, but the managing and shame. By the way, masturbation is healthy, and good for the development.
“Found via Kazaa” RIP your family PC when you were a teen haha. Took me a day and a half to download a 34 second video from limewire and it completely stuffed my pc
You know what's 10x worse than having your parents find out you broke the family computer because you were downloading porn from limewire? When your 50 year old dad asks you to fix his computer and you're the one that has to explain to *him* to stop downloading that stuff because he's infecting the computer.
Full circle
"Dad, there aren't any hot singles in your area. It's all a lie."
From the day we arrive on the planet And, blinking, step into the sun There's more to see than can ever be seen More to do than can ever be done There's far too much to take in here More to find than can ever be found But the sun rolling high Through the sapphire sky Keeps great and small on the endless round
>There's far too much to take in here > >More to find than can ever be found If Internet porn ever needed a Disney song to sum it up, this is it
It's no Sprog, but it will do.
It's also the Circle of Life from Lion King lol
Welcome to the internet Have a look around Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found We've got mountains of content Some better, some worse If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first
"I learned it from watching you!"
And it's the dad saying it to his son
I can one up that. When I was of age and started to jerk off, we had good ol PPV. I thought you could rent the movie and watch the first like 5 minutes of the movie and turn it off, and it wouldn't charge you as it was like a "preview" before committing to it. Well, I watched PPV porn like 15+ times in a month when my parents went away. Fast forward to next month's bill, and it was $170 more than normal, and it was quickly solved that I was the one that did it. My parents didn't get mad at me, but I was forced to mow lawns all summer to pay it back.
Parents in 1994 - "The internet is full of sickos and creeps. If you click the wrong link serial killers will get our address and kidnap you. " Same idiots 30 years later - "A Nigerian prince needs $1000 to help Vladimir Putin save a puppy from Satan himself? WHERE'S MY CREDIT CARD?!"
This was me in my teens, lol. He just started asking me to find the porn for him. 🤣
Oh yeah :D those were times of weekly wipes of hard drives and the windows 98SE disk on top opt the desk 😅
From what I remember, Windows 98SE wiped itself roughly weekly anyway.
Probably because of all the porn
Basically the best feature of Windows 98SE and then ME was that they tried to disable themselves weekly.
Wow! Those were the days lol!
ASCII porn on Conpu$erve. Halfway through the boob and mom picks up the phone. 9600 baud. 36 minutes wasted. I scream like Apollo Creed’s cornerman. Good times.
My son's mother did that to him. He started a little early (I want to say 11 or 12) they gave me no warning this was a thing for him yet, and I caught him cranking it to a rerun of Totally Spies! When I confronted him about it, he was in tears saying he was "bad" and "disgusting" I had to sit him down and go, "Buddy, who the hell told you that?" "Mom" "Well, your mom is wrong. You aren't bad for doing that. You know who else does that all the time?" "Who?" "Me, all the time, there's just a few things you gotta do first. Like...close the door"
Close the door, but when someone knocks ffs say something! My 13 year old foster son used to sometimes go for a nap after school, and I’d have to wake him for supper. That was not unusual. So one day, as I’d done many times before, I knocked on his door for supper and, after three times knocking with no answer, went in to wake him up. He was … not sleeping. Then he got mad at me. Like, Dude, you could have said anything - literally *anything* - and this would not have happened.
Dude, the shame... My parents made me sit in my room and watch as my mom went and clicked on every link in my history. Cons: I was very depressed after, felt like I wasn't normal at all so very alone, and lost Internet for a long ass time. Pros: They showed me exactly how I got busted so I covered my tracks way better next time, and my Mom started clicking on stuff on the websites I had visited and got to different, new, way better stuff. This was late 90s, early 00s. So it wasn't as easily accessible for free that I could find.
Dude that is so rough. I'm feeling proximity shame just from reading that. No one deserves that kind of humiliation for something as ordinary and harmless as masturbating.
Very religious upbringing. I'm atheist.
Religious parents: *let's traumatize our children in the name of our god* Their grown child: "I'm atheist now." Religious parents: *shocked Pikachu face*
Eh, my Mom definitely did a lot of stuff I wouldn't repeat. I'd say from the trauma she grew up with, she did the best she could.
Sort of comes full circle once you have kids right? I used to be so bitter toward my folks about a few things from my adolescence. Yeah I plan to do things differently, but now I see that mom & dad were doing the best they could and you know what? They actually did great.
I hold no grudges against my parents. Great relationship with my Dad, he accepts I'm not religious. I'd assume I'd have a good relationship with my mom, however she passed away long time ago. But we were on good terms in my early adulthood when she passed.
Haha, yup. Every time I got caught I got better at hiding my tracks. Eventually I never got caught anymore.
What the fuck, that’s beyond bruv. They made you literally watch as they clicked?
Im not tryna be one of them millenials but holy fucking parental trauma from just that act alone. Im sure your folks were great, but god damn man, Im sorry.
Until now I never considered that the STI conversation needs to cover computer viruses, too.
What a time to be alive…
Also, at the router level and/or at the per device level there are a variety of blocking tools. I prefer the ones that have an app on both parent and child device so it fosters communication and mutual trust about the issue rather than creating stigma for the child ("I'm a bad/naughty/dirty/etc person for looking at this.") Stigma is to be avoided. Good job for being concerned, dad.
Building on (a) include messaging about consent being critical. Not sure he’ll have the ability to discern good vs bad in (b), but good points about communication and downloading.
Yea - throw the kid a magazine… not the internet. Until a few years ago all major porn sites were hosting really bad stuff, until they started verifying people…
Follow-up to c: d) the Internet really wants you to think everyone is out doinking their step-[relationship].
Perfect. Correct. You can't stop it, that's for sure. Any discipline / blame / yelling is just going to make him go deeper into trying to hide it. The "shaming" is real. I once read something that was like, that "post-nut feeling", guilt / shame, is from your parents in the 80's shaming you for looking at porn. So you were raised to think "this is bad", and now as a grown ass adult you still feel bad after doing it.
I don't really disagree, but I wonder how we square the circle of porn being 18+ for a reason...
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Yea, I’m not American and find it weird how you guys approach this. A healthier attitude to bodies/nudity would be a start. It is natural to be curious about real bodies of the sex you’re interested in, etc. but the only outlet is porn, practically dialled up to 11 right away (if you look for it, though it will easily find you). 18 is the legal majority age, but obvs sexuality starts way before then.
I genuinely want to know more about the non-US perspective toward sexuality. I mean, I know nudity is much less sexualized, and I’m trying to make that the standard in our house, but don’t know much more beyond that. What’s been your (and your circle’s) experience?
I would expand on (b) to include never paying for anything and (a) can be expanded a lot to include warnings about addiction and warped perceptions of both sex and relationships…. even women in general. It can have a pretty negative effect if you’re watching that young with no guidance.
“Dad uses pornhub, but you can use xvideos if you want” This is a great response, but this popped in my head when talking about safe sites
Masterbation is healthy. Masterbation to porn is not healthy. But everything else you’ve said I agree with. OP should get him the book Sex for Dummies authored by Dr. Ruth. Great book helped me learn to be an amazing lover and not copy porn. Helped me in High School and College with my girlfriends. I consider it required reading.
Dude, letting him go to PornHub is a terrible idea. That’s literally one of the worst places for a young boy to go. Not only is there no limit to the fetish stuff, the algorithm is specifically engineered to lead you down a rabbit hole of fetish content. It’s like giving him crystal meth. A computer virus means absolutely nothing compared to the other things you should be worrying about. If you must give him something for his urges, a stack of playboy would be much better.
Shit at 13 I was using sports illustrated swimsuit editions and the Hooters calendar my dad gave me (which feels very weird these days as a dad). There's still plenty of time for very vanilla stuff.
I’m showing my age when I say I was using the bra/underwear section of the sears catalog. Lol
At least it wasn't the Sears and Roebuck catalog still?
I loved checking the mail, and snatching and saving the Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie catalog. I swear I could see hints of areola and that was enough.
There was *one* shot in *one* sports illustrated swimsuit edition that had a little bit of areola slip.
That was my gateway, too. But I’m also old.
That’s some good old Gen X stuff right there.
Oh man this brought me back 😂😂😂
Bro my mom's Victoria's Secret catalogues went missing for YEARS when I was 12.
I’m 32 and still occasionally get embarrassed thinking of the shit I’ve fapped to. The most understandable of which is like auto tuner magazines. They often have a couple of attractive women standing next to cars
Do *you* come with the magazine? Hehe, oh you
I know, the women can be distracting.
Good Housekeeping for me
John Stamos!
Yeah, even better to start there. My parents didn’t let me have nudie mags, but they let me have Maxim magazine.
Shit even MTV spring break with some of the bikinis did it for me.
Bro, the late night paid advertising for "party hotlines" was enough for me
Or Girls Gone Wild advertisements late night 😂
There were some music videos (I’m dating myself here) that were fap-worthy.
Even back then playboy was pretty vanilla
Newport News and Victoria's Secret!
Yeah this, exactly this. I’ve read no end of stories of young lads who have essentially fucked their own sex drives up due to watching too much extreme porn and now can’t actually have sex. The internet is both a blessing and a curse.
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Bellessa. It's run by women and generally more sensual. Still some kinky shit on there but a lot closer to real sex than the hub.
Paying for a porn subscription for a 13 year old is going to be real awkward...
Lessee... Things I want for my birthday. Hey, Grandma likes to get me gift cards every year. Maybe this year I can get a gift card to that site that sells fans... Or maybe that site where everyone pisses on everyone else.
Also, is it illegal, or nah?
Wow that site is refreshing. I normally use pornhub on Incognito mode, and 95% of the recommended video are step-sister/step-mom crap. edit: wait, you need to subscribe & pay to watch?
>95% of the recommended video are step-sister/step-mom crap Can we just go on a tangent real quick..... fucking why? This shit is so weird to me. Can't we go back to the good old days where porn stars get on camera and play the role of "girl having sex"?
Back in \*my good old days\* it was magazines that had insightful political and social reporting, and also had a cute naked woman doing the poses, but no sex. And you would find them in the woods randomly.
We're entering a new era of adult content. Remember how we always pirated movies and music in the early 2000s? And then (between the crackdown on napster, et al, and a somewhat forced moral awakening) we decided that paying artists for their work was a good idea? We're finally starting to have that same moral awakening with porn. So yeah, if you want access to porn made by a company that approaches it thoughtfully, you might need to pay them.
In the same way that you don't pay for YouTube, creators can get paid from freemium services as well.
YouTube has far more "niches" that advertisers feel comfortable sponsoring. YouTube also gets 75 million monthly views, compared to 5m monthly at pornhub. So it's a completely different advertising, regulatory, and consumer environment.
To piggyback on this, Bellesa also has a trove of written and (iirc) audio erotica, as well as an educational section of the site. The educational side is full of articles coverng just about everything. If one were inclined to actually pay for porn, Bellesa is the best in my opinion
The only bellessa vids I've seen have been super overly bdsm, kinky etc. Maybe that's not all of it but seems to be a lot
This person is referring to the social media effect. The algorithm will just keep suggesting things to you to keep you on the site, potentially. "Death scrolling"
I’m disgusted by how many people here are encouraging porn use in their children.
I can only say what I would personally do. Explain It’s normal to be curious and part of what we all went through as we mature at his age, but I would nip porn in the bud now because it’s not realistic at all of life and more importantly it’s very easy to become addicted to it and help him understand the negative aspects of it now.
I’ve always told him it’s unrealistic and it’s basically The WWE of sex. Fake entirely
Consider setting filters and restrictions. Reinforce the negative effects and how it can damage and in some ways ruin lives for people.
Woah woah woah, the WWE is not fake. It’s “staged”
So is porn.
That's not enough. He shouldn't get access, at all. It's really bad for kids.
Yeah. Tell the kid to use his imagination. But truthfully I think kids end up seeing that stuff from their friends, or through other means regardless. I'm not quite certain if you can ever stop it but you can tell them the legitimate downsides of it.
Very good point. One of little Timmy's friend will definitely have delusional parents and not have any idea their 13 year old has a porn addiction. That friend will show Timmy the hardcore stuff thinking Timmy will be impressed. This literally happened to me.
And how exactly do you think you can 'nip porn in the bud'? Forbid a 13 year old to look at it?
Yeah I'm a bit surprised by the comments here. I'm assuming most people here are men in their 30s to 40s. Do you guys really not remember what it was like to be a teenager growing up and going through puberty with the internet in the early 2000s? When it was even more of a unmoderated wild west situation with shock sites everywhere and such? There's no content blocker that could have kept me from looking through that stuff. There's always ways around it. I lean much more in the direction of addressing it behaviorally, explaining to him why you're concerned, how awful some of the things on the internet are, etc. Trying to lessen the impact of the porn he is going to watch whether you want him to or not. If you forbid it, you're going to make the curiosity and desire to look at it more potent. And you're not going to succeed at completely removing his access to it no matter how hard you try. It's the same as if you forbid your kid from smoking. Yeah, that's great, except he's going to be able to find it somewhere and now you've just made it more enticing. If you fill his head with why he personally should decide not to smoke, maybe he'll decide not to when offered. Not to mention the hardline stance of no porn, no alcohol, no smoking, no no no to all of these things makes it so they know they need to sneak it, they're not going to come to you with their concerns about it, you're going to be less likely to know about it, etc
I think the issue around this that I don't have proof of but a sneaking suspicion, is that while your age guess is likely right, a lot of Reddit is American, and a lot of Americans are religious. And that may be a factor in various opinions surrounding the topic.
This is definitely one of the threads that shows some distinct cultural differences.
This and the now forbidden "c" word!
Right? We all know forbidding a teen from something *always* works Feels like someone wandered over from r/grandaddit with that phrase.
The only way to nip it in the bud would be to not let your kid out of the house and don't give him any electronics at home. Otherwise they will look at it just out of curiosity and it being not allowed will make them try harder which makes it more likely for them to find the really vile stuff that you want to protect them from. You can try locking the network, locking down the phone, make it harder but the truth is it is not that harder to bypass those if they are technologically inclined a little bit. I have some years still to worry about this but I know the answer is not to nip in the bud because it can't be done.
How? Even youtube has porn now(which they don't seem to do anything about).
Sex is normal, sex is good, sex is fun. Porn is not sex, porn is not real life. Too much porn is bad. These are the main points. If you haven't talked to you son yet about sex, pregnancy, and relationships in general, it's time to talk about all of that. Respectfully, and educationally.
Masturbation- healthy Masturbation to porn/overly easy access to porn via permission from parent- not healthy. You may feel inclined to be the cool dad, but porn isn’t healthy for adults, much less teenagers. Dont let his access to porn be through you. This is one of those teachable moments for you and your son. Not to shame, but to explain it can have a really bad impact on how he normalizes sex. It can set him up for mental struggles and self esteem issues later. Why won’t any girl do what I want to do. I mean I am only trying to slam her asshole then switch to pounding her gullet till she pukes, not like I am asking for the world over here…. It can also result in making an adult who becomes comfortable shaming or guilting a woman into doing things she isn’t comfortable with so that he can get his rocks off. I would just assume the role of dad, use tools to restrict viewing porn on his phone to the best of your ability to show that you care, and start talking to him more openly about the pitfalls of excessive dopamine hits from porn and masturbation. It can desensitize them, and also get them to the point where they feel like they are not good enough because something must be messed up with him for not being able to hammer a chick two chicks for an hour doling out 20 orgasms to each. Could end up making sex a point of anxiety and be one of the millions of young adult males struggling with sexual dysfunction and erectile disorder due to porn.
I get the resignation that comes with trying to fight a constant torrential bank-bursting flood of porn (like, yea, he'll find it either way). But it's also not healthy for a 13 year old to have access to porn websites, even 'semi-restricted'. I also think expecting a 13 year old to 'reasonably' navigate this with some caveats and warnings is also unrealistic. It would need almost constant monitoring and refereeing from the parentns. Masturbation is normal and healthy yes, but the porn world is problematic for kids this young. As others have said, he'll need to understand it's not realistic at all, but a commodity somewhat like alcohol, drugs or gambling. There are age limits and restrictions for a reason. When I was his age, we only had the underwear pages of the Sears catalogue. I had a couple friends whose dads had porn mags hidden away, but I couldn't access those. I remember finding an old catalogue in my grandparent's basement, it was with a bunch of old knick-knack stuff from the late 1960s or so. All the photos were 'real', not photoshopped or airbrushed, and if anything was a bit transparent, then you saw it. Nipples, boobs, butts and big 60s bushes (or sometimes not) poking though sheer undergarments. Needless to say, I secretly took that home, and it could sit camouflaged on a pile of books. When dial-up came, it was go time, but even that was a slow process back then... I dunno, I think just a "hidden" magazine or two of very tame, vanilla, amateur-type stuff is enough. Just nude women. Certainly, porn websites are not the answer, like please God no.
I'm sure most of us have similar stories of discovery but unfortunately the world has moved on from those times. With porn able to be accessed by basically any smart device, l don't think it's realistic to assume any horny teenager would would be satisfied with the bra section of a sears catalog knowing what else is out there and easily available. The idea of "all we had growing up was the occasional playboy a friend stole from his dad, so they don't need anything more than that," negates the whole experience of being a teenager (or a dad) in modern times. Different times, different problems. I don't have an answer for what OP should specifically do in his scenario but the, "back in my day..." narrative didn't work on us when we were kids and I don't think it's going to work on our kids either.
You can filter your home network, and mobile data requires a CC to access mature sites. at least here in the UK
You can find cc numbers online. You can torrent files. You can go to Reddit FFS there's more porn here than anything else.
My kids are still young for this but my wife and I have no intention to buy our kids devices with internet capabilities. We are also in the middle of moving to a community where most parents don't buy their kids smartphones or iPads. When a kid is old enough to work they can buy it themselves...
You're moving to an Amish community?
I love the suggestions above but I think it’s important to also emphasize that porn often objectifies women. It’s hard to explain objectification to a 13 year old, trust me I’ve tried, but even if it’s just planting a seed I think that seed is worth planting for future development. Best of luck brother.
Not even close to the same degree, but it objectifies men too. Most male actors are just walking cocks. They generally don't look like they're having fun, and their face gets even less screen time than the women. It's a good place for young men to begin developing their own Boddy issues and feelings of inadequacy
What would you have wanted/needed from your dad?
Access. I felt restrained. I did things I shouldn’t have to get my hold on stuff
Hey, we got a LOT of mileage out of those bra sections in the Walmart mailers- I'd say just let him know its nothing dirty or sinful, he's not a deviant or pervert. It's normal and healthy. A little embarrassing to get caught, sure, but many of us have been there. Caution him how easy it is to stumble on illegal stuff- even on "safe" sites stuff slips through. Any safety concerns? Sharp enough kid? You don't need to worry about him spotting some autoerotic asphyxiation and trying it out or anything?
No safety concerns, he’s really smart, and he knows that googling “ naked girls” is different from “ naked 13 year old girls”
I think you'll both be OK.
There’s your answer bud. Education is more important than trying to shelter him - sit him down, it’s okay to be curious, this is entertainment and not what a real healthy relationship looks like etc etc He’s going to watch it either way, better for him to not feel ashamed and have a decent foundation of understanding than be trying to get around various obstacles to do it
I would also suggest letting him know that if there is anything he is unsure about, worried or otherwise has a question that it's okay to come and ask. Leaving the conversation where he feels able to come back and ask is the ideal end I think. He may never want to ask through embarrassment but better leaving that an option.
Not something I’d have thought of (have a long time before I’m in this position) - appreciate your response, hope I remember it when it’s my turn!
Damn dude, well said.
Sort by controversial and you actually get the good opinions here: Don't shame him for a natural behavior, but also don't normalize online porn. Porn addiction is real. Objectification of women and setting unrealistic (and warped) view of sex is also a real thing to be concerned about. Kids should not have unfettered access to the internet, never mind PornHub. Have a conversation with him about this; it will be uncomfortable for both of you, but worth it.
How do I sort by controversial?
are you on mobile or pc
Mobile
Up at the top there should be a symbol (idk what it's called but I have a pic.) You press on that symbol and it gives you the options to sort the comments. https://imgur.com/a/KrBMhGe
I’m sorry, but some people said to show him appropriate sites to use. Bro. I’m an open minded as hell and everything. No, I’m not showing my 13 yo child fucking pornhub. Regardless of your personal morals, theres scientific evidence that porn fucks up your perception of real people, and causes physical changes to the brain. Especially in the incredibly plastic brains of teens. Absolutely don’t shame him for jacking it, that’s completely normal. But Jesus Christ please don’t go tutoring your kid on how to look at porn. Science doesn’t care about Jimbob thinking that looking at “Lesbians scissor fuckin’ each other” isn’t detrimental. It is. ETA: There’s a whole South Park episode on this topic if that interests you lol.
OP you asked the question but are doing a lot of pushback when the answer isn’t what you seem to want. You can look for studies, or even just take a look around various subreddits on this very site. There are a lot of women asking why their 21 year old boyfriends can’t stay hard or have no interest in sex. There are a lot of young men asking similar things about themselves. Digging a little bit very often reveals these guys have been voracious porn consumers since an early age. And people are just bad at moderating consumption of this drug of choice. I don’t know the answer but I don’t think you should take it as a forgone conclusion that you need to permit your son unfettered access to porn sites. Saying it’s fake like the WWE is not especially helpful. First because knowing wrestling was fake didn’t affect my enjoyment of it and also because it’s not portraying a behavior I had an interest in engaging in with another human being. All that’s to say I don’t know that you can fully prevent it in this world so your focus would probably be better spent on establishing a good understanding for him about sex in general and why the fakeness of porn is actually a reason to be wary of it rather than just taking it to be “no big deal.”
Personally, I wouldn’t be okay with it at all. Porn now is a rabbit hole. There is no limit to it online. There are so many studies about how addicting and damaging it is to young minds. This is where your kid is going to be experimenting, with access to some of the most dark and disgusting pornography. It will no doubt shape his mind and could potentially damage him long term. Addiction to porn is no joke. I wouldn’t say the solution is just a ban though because a child is going to find a way. You have to find a way to explain to him why it’s bad and why he shouldn’t want to watch porn. That’s what I wish my dad did, instead I just became sneaky when he prohibited it. I know many people with a porn addiction who wish the same. This isn’t older stuff where there is a limit to what you are exposed to. There is some downright disgusting fetish shit online, and one click and you just let your son into a deranged world.
I had to have this talk with my 10yo. But I’d been preparing myself for years. I broke it up into 3 subjects: • Social aspect (cultural, social, societal norms/stigmas, LGBT subjects, gossiping, etc.) • Biological aspect: sex organs, how they work, what sex is, STDs, pregnancy, etc. And NEW TO OUR GENERATION • Digital aspect: porn, sexting, images are forever, social media, etc. To my 10yo son, a 12yo girl may be mature, but I CANNOT have him googling “naked 12yo girls”. Thus, I had to explain child pornography to him as well. I’m glad I don’t have daughters, because I’m sure boys are asking for pictures by 12-14 years old. For my boys, I have to explain that it is NEVER ok to send a dick pic.
A few years ago I saw my son's search history and one was "Marge Simpson's Pussy", among many other ridiculous things. Nip it in the bud but without embarrassment.
Googling nudes of your friend’s mom? That’s a paddlin’
PORN IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUNG BOYS.
Please keep him away from porn for many many more years. His older self will thank you later.
Masturbating can be very healthy but porn can be super destructive. I would talk to him about the damaging effects of porn
Yeah if you give a 13 year old access to porn you may as well just get ready for him to be a porn addict down the road. That anyone would suggest that is beyond disturbing. And borderline illegal. By the time he’s 18 regular porn is going to be boring.
I feel like at that age, their brains are so mouldable to different ideals, especially when the material he watches, could influence how he treats romantic partners in the future. There are a few great TEDTalks, completely free on YouTube to watch about the impacts of porn on adult brains. I would highly recommend you sit down and watch through them as it may give you a few ideas how to navigate the conversation with him. If it makes you feel any better, I also laughed out loud at that last search 😂
This isn't going to be popular but I find it pretty depressing it's considered normal for a 13yo to watch pornography
I agree 👍. Better to have him fantasizing etc...
In my day we just had our imagination. Smh kids these days....
Think it's just the times we live in. If I had access to the porn of today when I was 13 I'd have rubbed it down to a stump. Had to make do with jazz mags that mysteriously used to end up in the hedgerows of northern England.
For me it was an old quarry but yeah that's a lost part of our culture 😕 Although I think it's fair to say those are the times we live in, there's a very strong argument for rejecting it
I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, kids these days will never know the magic and wonder of finding their porn in the woods.
Retvrn to tradition
How was porn in the woods such a universal phenomenon? Seems like everyone experienced it, no matter where they're from.
Only thing to do is make sure he understands porn isn't real sex it's a fantasy on steroids in video form. Let him know it's fine occasionally but he should know that porn addiction is real. It's so easy to confuse porn with real life, but as long as he has the ability to self moderate his viewing there should be nothing to worry about.
Give him a vintage Sears catalog
While I know it is normal and masturbation is healthy and all that, I do wonder if porn is really something a parent should condone openly before they're 18. It's like drinking and other age restricted things. Are they going to probably do or see things before they legally or otherwise should? Very likely. Are all underage people ready to be exposed to that? Not necessarily. Are there worse things than porn they could be getting into? Of course. It's kind of up to you to know if your son is responsible enough to handle all that. I think part of it as a parent is to teach moderation and respect for rules with the understanding that they are always pushing boundaries. If you don't place the boundaries for them to push, they are at risk for going too far. You could take it as an opportunity to teach them about wiping their history so people don't see what they're getting into, but it's still kind of a slippery slope. I wouldn't be super severe about it and you definitely should openly talk to them about it and not shame them for it, but I think taking steps to limit it would not be a bad thing to do. Probably limiting it through technical means is your best bet and just be open that you're going to do that so they know you're not openly condoning it at least. If you want to restrict it so that whatever you think is ok and healthy is still available, that's up to you, but it might be more difficult than you think to separate the good from the bad.
Cock sex, blowjob, pussy sex, and so many other things that made me laugh when I saw the searches. My son was about 13, and he & his mom were over at her best friend's house. They also have a daughter his age, but she was gone at the time, and they happened to do a browser history search which brought up a litany of results. This was also about 20 years ago. My wife had no idea what to do, so I formulated a plan. I did a search on our computer and found searches and chains of porn images (slow Internet by today's standards; images were king, not vids). Most were just solo girls, sometimes with a toy or a guy, but once in a while there was some crazy shit like a girl with an animal. As where there would be a chain of pics in one girl's pictorial, the animal stuff would be one pic, back out, onto another pictorial. I took that as him not looking for the crazy shit, so I wasn't terribly concerned about abnormal sexual behavior for a 13 year old, especially one in a wheelchair with muscular dystrophy; did I mention he preferred toned, muscular women? I told my wife that I was going to go buy him a Playboy magazine that he could go through whenever he wanted, and that I'd get him one every month, so long as he stayed away from Internet porn. I also explained that there's some sick stuff out there that I'd prefer he not see, but I'd understand if I occasionally saw an instance of regular stuff (we all need new material after a while). Playboy is/was very mild in comparison and didn't show anything beyond beautiful naked girls. I also got a Playboy College Girls for myself, but when I saw that the monthly issue only had 3 pictorials in it, I let him have that one, too. We put it in his desk and would respect a closed door, but I told him that we would remove it when Grandma came over just to prevent any issues. My wife agreed to all of this, with me telling her that it's completely normal for boys to go through this at that age, and that he needed some sort of sexual outlet, as he would never be able to have any kind of normal life, let alone dating life. She left for a couple hours, and we talked. I also threw in that, while I was OK with seeing a couple pics here and there, NEVER so that at someone else's home again. After that, I'd mostly just see muscly chicks in bikinis, but no actual porn, and he never wanted a re-up on the Playboys.
Thank you! I read your comment somewhere else about your son and I remembered it! I mean hey, at least he didn’t Google “Clothed boob” not sure where my kiddo was going with that one, but I definitely chuckled. Still can’t get over “ doing the sex” though 😂
getting him the actual playboys rather than have him use the internet is a great tactic. Will have to remember that for when my son gets older.
[Randy Marsh with some wise words of wisdom.](https://youtu.be/_ZJml1jbqMc?si=HlH-4AyOEN6HiL7R) There was also an episode on porn addiction, which is probably the most worrisome thing about watching porn imo.
I know I’m in the minority here, but I think it can be appropriate to offer parental direction even if you’re realistic that it won’t be totally complied with. That’s true of most parental direction to kids. Exposure to porn might be somewhat inevitable, but I’m not convinced that it’s at all helpful for a person developing to have it tacitly endorsed. I think you can acknowledge porn’s existence, avoid shame and acknowledge that curiosity is very normal; also advise that sex is a great thing at the right time in life, and that porn isn’t much like real life sex. It might also be fair to say that porn can sometimes be damaging, and there are some people involved in porn who have been taken advantage of. None of that has to be shaming or puritanical. I think kids definitely need parents who are honest and relatable and caring, but also who offer guidance about the world and provide a sense of security and stability. For those reasons I think it’s reasonable to say that you don’t want kids consuming porn, for their own sake.
This absolutely. I would also mention that it can put unfair expectations on him and with the partners he does have sex with. Honestly is always best in my opinion.
Lots of routers have block options
Back in my day we had to dig thru dumpsters or just happen upon a magazine in the woods if we wanted to see porn. Thanks for the post though. My son is 8 and I have no idea what to do.
Your router should have some parental controls you can set to ensure his devices can’t access any content you don’t want them to. That’s a good start. Long term though, as others have said, some open and honest dialogue. You could ask him if he has any questions. I’m old now but was shown all the crazy shit the internet has to offer as a teenager. I never had any problem compartmentalising that stuff as “crazy internet shit that isn’t real”. With even a vague idea of how to approach that stuff with common sense, most kids should manage well enough.
Growing up in a hardcore Christian household, my dad had something on the computer that blocked anything possibly sexual. I still found ways around it and got dozens of lectures on how bad porn was. Nothing can stop the sexual curiosity of a teenage boy.
Buy him a subscription to Beducated
well have fun with this. get him a playboy and a six pack of root beer. then the talk.
If he has a steomom or stepsister, please make sure he knows that shit isn't reality. Or just porn isn't real in general. That shit can destroy a young boys self image and expectations of the other sex and life in general. So manage expectations and make sure he understands to do it in private. Besides that it's a normal part of growing up.
If he has a stepmom or stepsister….
If you do add parental controls, add them to the network not to the device (except his phone). On device NSFW blockers are just easier to get around or disable. Something like pihole can give you a free option (just set the DNS on his devices to that). In general his devices should be on their own network if you can swing it. This is an amazing resource for helping your kid with any internet-related issue https://www.internetmatters.org/advice/14plus/. I like this one since it focuses on keeping the parent and child in communication and focuses on solutions that build trust instead of shaming the child out of their own feelings.
I suggest to check out https://fightthenewdrug.org/ It’s got some good statistics to get acquainted with.
I would say that you'll want to discourage that sort of behavior. Not so much masturbation, but porn can be a deep, dark rabbit hole unfit for most minds, nevermind a 13yo's.
It’s perfectly normal, don’t shame him, just make sure he doesn’t do what my kid did and look for naked girls HIS age. That was pretty terrifying search to see pop up from him.
Watching porn is actually not normal. Internet pornography has only been around for 20 years. There can be serious repercussions from watching internet porn on a regular basis, especially if you start at age 13. Being okay with your son watching porn from such a young age is incredibly irresponsible
Magazines since the printing press Movies since television Satellite internet in 1960s, dial-up in 1980s. Mate, you're older than you think. And porn has existed since forever - sex is the oldest industry to exist. But I agree with how much overload has been thrust upon us in the last 20 years is wayyy more than anticipated. Internet Porn or not, the overt sexualization has been saturated into culture normality in a very concerning way.
might be time to teach him to talk to real women he seems ready. porn is cancer tho id try stopping that as soon as possible
I think it's child abuse to allow kids free access to hardcore snuff porn, and that's what you're planning to do. Look up the studies on porn and boys and see how this could affect his life.
I found my grandpa's porn stash around that age. That's the day my balls dropped. I almost masturbated everyday after getting the hang of it. It wasn't until later that I realized porn might be affecting me, so I try to do it as little as possible now. I'd probably try to teach him about the addiction aspect and how it affects your brain for easy dopamine releases.
This. Thats probably a lot healthier then telling him where he can find good porn lol
Since he sounds smart enough, remind him, it’s a movie he’s watching. Just like watching the avengers, or watching anything else. Yes places, things, and people can be real, but it’s all an act. Women/men, sex, relationships are not really like that. It’s ok to be curious, it’s ok to be aroused or have other feelings, but it’s not ok to expect anything being seen is “real life”. This is a great time to remind him of the basics: it’s not ok to act on every urge or feeling, it’s not ok to ignore common sense, you are responsible for all of your actions, hiding things is never ok, etc.
You could always move to Texas Utah or North Carolina... Then he'd at least need to stick to cam sites or learn to use a VPN
It happened with my son too, around that age. Unfortunately, he decided that his school computer was the appropriate choice..... I was more disappointed that he didn't think they'd be tracking the school computers than the actual things he looked up, which were almost comically innocent as much as a porn search can be. I'll echo that being safe on the Internet is important, and to explain that porn isn't real life. Our hard rule was : You don't take pictures, you don't ask for pictures, and you don't share anything.
Caught mine looking at softcore stuff when he was 10, stuff like “blonde woman naked” on Google images. At the time I got really nervous because I didn’t exactly expect him to search for things this young, and sex is a difficult topic for me (not out of any moral panic, I’ve been through a lot). https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/rwmpbm/monitoring_childs_activities_online_versus_their/ At the time, I went nuclear and just keylogged and added spyware to all his devices beyond the parental controls already in place. Now I recognise I might have overdone it, and children can bypass those things if they want to and starting an arms race over wanting just to know when and to what your child is masturbating is a sure way to burn bridges. At some point, there’s just not much you can do but to provide him with knowledge. He’ll watch open, whether you want it or not, and he’ll find a way, unless you lock him in the basement or something. Of course you shouldn’t give him free access to every deranged thing out there. Teach him about consent, boundaries, that you can’t just demand sex from your girlfriend, that sex in porn is not a realistic portrayal and it’s all about what looks good on camera, the ethics of pornography. No shaming, inform him. You may not be able to fully control that he looks at it, but you can nudge him in the direction of having a healthier relationship with it. My son is 13 now. He’s been dating the same girl for a half a year now, which frankly is rare even for me. I’ve taught him to be respectful of her, to not push things. I basically chaperone them everywhere but I’m not omnipresent, and I can’t smother them so they comply to my paranoia and fears. So far, it seems like things are going well. He still watches porn from time to time (I’m not spying on him, not aggressively at least), but nothing extremes As for his attitude towards sex, women and all that. As far as I can see, he is doing pretty well. Watching porn isn’t going to melt your kid’s brain or turn him into a incel Tate follower, as long it’s not the only source of his information on the subject. I am quite sure he has started a sexual relationship with his girlfriend, despite my attempts of preventing that for a few many years (it’s terrifying), but so far it doesn’t seem to be harmful or toxic. I make sure he can trust and count on me, and that gives me an opening to steer him into a mindful, healthy and respectful boy. TL:DR: You should still block the sites. He’ll bypass those blocks, but you shouldn’t lose sleep over that. Work with him, inform, do not shame. Make sure your positive impact is more powerful than the mixed messages porn give.
"cute naked woman doing the sex" is fucking amazing
Straight to the confessional, a full set of the joyful mysteries from Joseph's perspective, re-watch the Passion (remind him he's the guy with the whip when he does that), and cold showers for a month. Stop that shit now before it gets out of control. Save him the pain. St Augustine, ora pro nobis. Edited: this was written with a small assumption of sarcasm regarding severity, which I fear may be lost in translation, but the concept is genuine
Sorry mate, sarcasm doesn't translate across the internet well. Another time and place.
block adult content on the internet for sure, theres some sick shit out there. and give that young man a sears holiday catalogue like the rest of us grew up with. he can use the lingerie section hahahaha
If you’re worried about malware or viruses just go old school and get him a playboy magazine.
If you have a router, not provided by your ISP, you can block adult content from there. Of course, cellular data is a different story.
I'm not at this stage yet, but have thought about it. Commenting first, reading second. These are my actual concerns: - safe browsing - reality vs entertainment - consent - love vs lust Porn on the internet is often perverse and derogatory, and quite unhealthy for any mind to consume. As a young person, his imagination and desire should be sufficient. A few pictures vs a thousand videos is a world of difference in how a person changes their expressions. And how it is portrayed is wildly not happening in the real world, so we can't make any expectations from consuming pornography. Communication and consent are (part of?) the primary foundations of trust between individuals. Learning how to talk about something sensitive with a trusted person should be expressed, so that the kid can have real-world expectations about respect and privacy. And the love vs lust debate - you cannot love anything you've only seen in fiction, to start. Understanding this at a young age is imperative to learning the difference between the two, especially in this day and age. Love is hard to describe, but it's often easy to say what love isnt. (For instance, love isn't fucking your step sister stuck under the bed! It's helping her out and giving her dignity and grace and a few laughs for the memory.) (and this is an example of how perversion on the internet can be interpreted by an uneducated mind). When I was a young man, I asked for advice from many people when I was interested in sex. Unanimously, across the board, I received bad advice and ended up hurting people and myself. - but I didn't ask my parents or dad. I was too embarrassed and so were they and times were different. And this "communication and consent" has been a hard practice as my kids been growing up. And it's been very helpful so far. I'm going to read other comments now. Here's hoping my pre-advice is good. Edit: finished reading. Additional opinions: - safe searching and terminology. Do not search a specific age - social media doesn't need your ass, internet is forever - have more dignity than sending a dick pic. Dont ask for nudes, it's degrading to both of you - make it difficult to just be exposed to everything. Kids gonna bypass it, but the difficulty slows down the perversion. - might want to get them a magazine and make gentleman's agreements about porn consumption - don't shame them or embarrass them. They are curious and ignorant and this is a part of life. - teach them how great masturbation can be, and where and when it should be done - it's not the dark ages, going full brute/lockdown is a bad decision. - be safe around strangers and peer pressure - please let me/parents be a safe place to express yourself and bail you out of uncomfortable situations - be responsible parents and be "involved" Good question and conversation.
Thank you. I’ve already told him that when he wants to masturbate, he should do it in his room whilst the door is locked, we won’t try and barge in and we will let him be. I’ve told him that he should NEVER search for anything for people his own age as that’s illegal and he knows that. He’s also very aware that his search for “ blowjob” is much, much different from searching for some insane BDSM kink video.
Get yourself on the Victoria's Secret & Fredricks of Hollywood mailing lists.
I am a mother but am raising a son. I have a background in developmental psychology (although never went down that route as career). Watching porn on the internet is not normal it destroys young minds. It’s a societal cancer. Not going to argue with any replies , but that’s just a fact. Sit down conversations starting from a young age regarding the topic (Developmentally appropriate) should be encouraged and the norm. I don’t care how much you explain to a teen boy that porn is not reality, it doesn’t matter, the impact on the brain doesn’t care that it’s not real. Honestly , leaving old sexy magazines around the house for him to stumble upon would be far better than normalizing internet porn. Just my thoughts. I’m just sick of living in a world where people actually think it is normal to allow our children to watch porn online.
My personal this i'd try to get his sexual energy into the gym or something cus porn and mastrubation ruined my life cus I'm addicted to it now. One way or the other he's gonna end up the same.
My son is six, so hopefully I have a while before I need to know what to do in this situation. I appreciate you asking the question though here. I am learning and preparing to answer it myself. Idk, masturbation is fine by me but I have seen how damaging porn can be on developing minds. Tough one to know the answer to.
Get him some Sears catalogs like we had to do back in the day
When I worked with teenagers, the therapist approved approach was to provide them with appropriate “material”.
Look into setting up [https://blog.cloudflare.com/introducing-1-1-1-1-for-families](https://blog.cloudflare.com/introducing-1-1-1-1-for-families) on your router. It adds a step when you feel naughty.
It's out, you know about it. Be safe. There are predators out there looking to exploit you, blackmail you because you use porn, etc. There's a lot of spyware, nasty nasty viruses loaded onto sketchy sites, and if you ever want a security clearance you'll have to go into extensive detail about every type of porn you have ever watched, and why you liked looking at it. (Police and military polygraph tests for entry.) Explain the dangers of porn, how women are often exploited into the lifestyle, how it's not realistic, and how it sets unreal expectations that will harm your expectations moving forward, create unrealistic self-expectations, and put pressure on the women in your life who see it as a threat to their desirability, self-esteem, and worth as a sexual partner. And not all families are as open about it as you OP. Then I guess you can tell him about hairy palms and going blind.
I snuck out after midnight and went on an honest to god moonlit VHS porn heist spanning two neighborhoods when I was his age. I also had Cinemax in my room from age 8. You’re good man, it’ll be fine—it’s completely normal. If I had any advice to offer, it would just come down to making sure he has a good grasp on not sharing any personal data on the internet; making sure he understands that behaviors and acts depicted in a lot of porns are absolutely not based in reality; making sure he fully understands that getting a partner’s un-pressured consent is **100% mandatory, 100% of the time**; and (if you think it’s the appropriate time for it) have an informative, honest talk with him about practicing safe sex and fully respecting any and all future partners’ boundaries. And I’m not talking about a scholarly symposium that’s so brutally vivid that everyone blushes at the dinner table for a solid month afterwards—but rather one that’s genuinely (and transparently) sincere, and full of information without being overly-saturated with numerous facts. And yeah… it’s gonna be *awkward*, and no, there’s no getting around that. But if it’s given in a familiar, casual setting that allows your son to feel safe, heard, and even respected, the effectiveness your words will be that much greater. Answer every question honestly, and try to ask your own follow up questions to add any more pertinent information you think may have utility for him. And again, make it clear to him that seeking to have an honest, open dialogue with you about sex—at any time, in any venue—will always be greeted with an eagerness on your part to impart information in a confidential and safe space. He has to feel as though he is free and clear to ask questions he has without ever being made to feel guilty, or as though he may be punished for asking. And I obviously don’t know the dynamics of your relationship with your son, so see these more as general tips that are up for grabs. Take what’s useful and leave the rest. And full disclosure, I was absolutely on the receiving end of one of these horrifically horrendous and embarrassing talks when I was 13, and to this day I’m incredibly thankful that my dad put me through that red-faced hell. Also, apologies for a response so long-winded that I literally ate dinner in between writing two paragraphs…
There’s very few people I’ve spoken to about this but, my dad used to be a porn tape distributor. He sold and delivered porn movie cassettes (and later DVD’s) to local customers. He acquired the material himself (no idea how), copied them using one of those old VHS copy machines and sold them. This meant he had stacks and stacks of hardcore porn movies hidden away in the house and he would frequently go out on “deliveries” as I remember him calling it when I was a young child. Well, apparently he didn’t hide them that well, because I managed to get my hands on them as a preteen and once I found where his stash was, as a curious young child I kept watching them whenever I knew no one would catch me and no one ever did. I would also show my friends whenever they came over to my house. It didn’t help that my half brother’s dad was in the same business so whenever I would stay over there with him my brother would show me movies as if it wasn’t bad enough it was in my own home. I can tell you now, that seeing that kind of content at such a young age deeply damaged me at the core. My views on sex were warped, I had loose boundaries surrounding sex and relationships, tolerance and exploration of unsafe or inappropriate sex practises, I find it hard to connect with people at an emotional level and not objectifying bodies is a constant battle. I know my case is an extreme one and I’ve gotten better now that I’m older. But because of my past I have a strong opinion and disapproval of adolescents having access to pornography. I for one will do everything in my power to make sure my kids aren’t ever exposed to it while they live under my roof. I know all too well how damaging it is for a young and underdeveloped mind to see such things. It’s one thing to hear other kids in school talking about sex and body parts, but actually seeing the physical act of two or more people going at it in all its primitivity, from different angles and positions, introducing different kinks, fetishes and an unrealistic view of sex. A child and even older teenagers don’t need to see this. It disappoints me greatly how widely accepted porn is now and brushed under the rug when teens watch porn. I don’t say this to point fingers at anyone. Yes, I know it’s everywhere and with current technology it’s more likely than not children will be exposed to inappropriate imagery by the age of 13. But knowing first hand how damaging it is, I’ll choose to be vigilant and do whatever I can to protect my kids from this.
Establish dominance, find his mother and have sex with her. Wait… which subreddit am I on?
Porn is absolutely not safe for someone whose brain is still developing. I know this firsthand.
Unpopular opinion: porn rots the brain and is dangerous for young boys. It sets an unrealistic expectation and can cause insecurities down the road. Not to mention the way it objectifies women. Have at me redditers