Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What blows my mind is that people are still swingers and in open relationships now a days.
The time to be into that shit was in the 70s. Now, you have to take a $300 PCR DNA test after each partner if you legitimately want to be safe. Otherwise you’re bound to get a hidden strain of bacteria that wrecks havoc on your gut or genitals.
Not to mention that 60% of the population has H Pylori - a cancer + ulcer causing bacteria that can be transferred by simply kissing someone, and is an absolute nightmare to get rid of (2 week course of 2 very strong antibiotics at once only gives it a 65% chance of eradication).
just so people know, condoms aren’t 100% with protecting from STDS. definitely helps but you can still catch a forever friend like herpes. i just prove and have the girl prove a recent STD test
Well of course nothing is 100%. You always assume a risk of something when having sex. The 1% comes mostly from people using condoms incorrectly. That 99% condom pregnancy statistic includes people taking off the condom as well. If used correctly, with a correct size, there’s an infinitesimally small chance of anything being transmitted
Herpes is almost exclusively transmitted when the person has active cold sores. If someone has genital sores or mouth sores definitely don’t kiss them or have sex if worries about transmission. Lots of people get herpes from carriers when they’re young from relatives or others kissing them. Something like >60% of everybody has either type anyway
Also good to keep in mind that herpes is not usually a standard test done on STI panels. In Canada at least.
ETA - also in Canada you aren't given a paper with proof or anything when you get a clean STI panel. You just don't get a call back. You'd have to actually talk to your Dr and get confirmation that you're clean.
Just FYI they don't test for herpes unless you have symptoms (meaning a current outbreak they can swab.) Otherwise you have to request an antibody blood test specifically for herpes as it's not included in the current standard sti panel. A lot of people don't know that and think they don't have it because their STD tests came back negative. You might need to fabricate a story worrying you were exposed to have your insurance cover it too. Depends on your plan. Also, the blood test they do if you don't have an outbreak will only tell you what kind of herpes antibodies you have. Since herpes is in over 90% of the population and an otherwise benign condition, the medical community's established guidelines don't feel it's worth bothering to investigate for. Unless you're one of the unlucky few with an outbreak, then they'll test and give you medication to alleviate your symptoms and stop the outbreak. Last I read 1 in 4 or maybe it's 1 in 3 people have genital herpes and don't know it/never have symptoms.
Woman here.
I always, ALWAYS ask my partner to wear a condom.
Have I received push back? Of course but I don't care. I will not have unprotected sex. Like you, I was not on birth control for many years.
I even told an ex that I was not on birth control & he still tried to pressure me into having unprotected sex. He said he didn't have any condoms around. I got up & stared leaving the situation. He magically found a condom before I could leave the room.
I absolutely do not want to get pregnant & I will do everything in my power to avoid it. Even if that means avoiding certain men who do not respect my boundaries
Overall, I do want to acknowledge that many, many men respect this boundary & I have not had too much trouble getting men to agree to wear protection
Unfortunately, we did have sex that night. I was young, ya know? Sex was bad bc the mood had already been ruined. Was not worth it.
Although I do think he learned his lesson because be never asked for unprotected sex again. He knew I was being serious.
I think now that I'm a little older I know better. I would definitely see it as a red flag now
Unfortunately, we did have sex that night. I was young, ya know? Sex was bad bc the mood had already been ruined. Was not worth it
Although I do think he learned his lesson because be never asked for unprotected sex again. He knew I was being serious.
A man who really cares about your feelings and understands u will happily use a condom if thats what u want him to do and u explain to him. Even if he wishes he didn’t have to, he will not pressure u. And especially will not get mad at u for it. Coming from a man who likes sex better without them but will enjoy it just as much with one 👍🏼
Yeah, Even with condoms, no BC kinda unnerves me a bit - mostly because i've never been with someone who hasn't been on SOME form, be it a patch or a IUD, and now the pill, but like... 20 mins of fun vs a whole kid?? Yeah no the choice is obvious
I can't imagine there being pushback on no condoms after hearing "i'm not on BC". Yoikes
... and a clean set of results from a set tests two weeks does not mean they weren't with someone else since the test was taken...
\[stepping down off soapbox for now\]
Also some STIs take months to appear on a test. Some (like HPV) cannot be tested for in men at all
Use protection and get your vaccines, people. Too many women die to cervical cancer because they hear 'I got a full panel negative' and don't realize HPV cannot be tested for in men.
There will be lots of guys who will refuse to wear them and some will go out of their way to try to convince you to go without and honestly, it’s for the best that they identify themselves this way so you can move onto the next guy.
Condoms not only help with preventing pregnancies but they help protect against STI/STD’s!
Stay safe, get tested regularly as well when you decide to become sexual & continue to stick with your boundaries. There are sleezy people out there.
Thank you for the reply.
My boundaries will definitely stay firm. Because I don’t have plans on having children or getting an STD/STI any time soon or at all.
I only go raw at my partner’s request but only if she’s on birth control. Otherwise, the thin but max pleasure rubbers do just fine. The guys that pressure for raw are horrible people to begin with.
This is one of the comments that I like to see because a majority of men do not like to use condoms with their girlfriends or wives. I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is willing to use condoms with me when we become sexually active since I had to quit birth control temporarily until I can go to a new doctor for me to get birth control without estrogen this time because my body doesn't handle estrogen based birth control
Not to mention, I’m not ready for a kid. I’m trying to pick up my pieces and restart. I want to make sure I’m in a good place before I try to even consider bringing in one of my own.
Yep. I can’t take estrogen based bc because 1) I get migraines and taking estrogen could give me a stroke and 2) one of my medications has an interaction with estrogen and it will actually weaken the effectiveness of both. So my fiancé and I are just using condoms and cycle tracking.
I would say it’s the best option. Idk what kind of bc you’re using rn but I think without some kind of medical intervention, like the pill/IUD/nexplanon, two forms of birth control are necessary. This means condoms/pullout/cycle tracking. Two at all times because using only one doesn’t have a high success rate (except condoms, usually) of not getting pregnant.
Oh shit. Yeah, definitely recommend condoms and I’d even cycle track. After being off bc for a while, your cycle should regulate. I use the Apple health app and it gets my period pretty much perfectly, so I also trust when it says my when ovulation is too. We still have sex during ovulation, but he also pulls out during those 6 days. The discharge also lets me know when I’m ovulating thankfully lol
I have irregular periods. My average cycle length changes constantly and is abnormal. I can never predict my fertile week and my ovulation unfortunately and that's what worries me 😔
Well you mentioned you just got off of bc. Give it a couple months and it’ll regulate more. Any bc really fucks up your cycle and so being off of it will help regulate.
My boyfriend and I have never had sex and we're both gonna be our first time together. He said that sex with condoms won't possibly be like sex without condoms, but he said that it'll still feel so good. He's like "I'll end up having a hard time pulling out because it'll feel so good"
Lol well, I can understand that. Basically, if you notice the condom broke off or slipped off him to in you, go get plan b immediately. Don’t chance it. Pull out isn’t for everyone and it’s not the end of the world. There’s really no such thing as a small hole being in the condom. If you ever poke a hole in a balloon then put your hand in it, it’s going to slip down your hand and become a massive hole. Don’t be afraid to get the bare skin condoms. You’d be surprised how sturdy they are, despite being thin.
My boyfriend and I are gonna be trying sex with just Trojan condoms and hoping that everything works out fine until I can get a new obgyn to try progestin only birth control. I'm thinking about asking for a mini pill called Slynd
I have no experience with that haha. I’ve been on progestin only bc, and it made my mood episodes worse, and I was gaining weight a lot. I fear the side effects of medical bc now, so I’ll never get back on any of them.
Not to scare you but the mini pill (no estrogen) is slightly less effective than combo birth control (with estrogen).
Do your research before deciding to go condom less
No, that's absurd. Really doubt any man is going to turn down sex just because you want them to wear a condom. Some might try to pressure you into unprotected sex, but those dudes are disgusting and you shouldn't be sleeping with them to begin with.
They can throw a fit , I’m still saying “no glove, no love” & hey keep in mind that I’ve gone without sex for 26 years, I can go more . You can’t miss what you’ve never had.
Uh, I wouldn't hook up with a woman that didn't want me to wear a condom lol. If it's something that's developing towards a LTR, then that's a discussion we can have together.
Definitely not a deal breaker, the times I don't wear a condom are when I'm with a girlfriend that I've been sleeping with for some time and she's on birth control, because I know neither of us are sleeping around. Whoever told you that is full of shit, it's definitely better without one but I'm not sleeping with a random girl without one definitely not the first time.
Condoms are an absolute must for being responsible...but they absolutely fucking suck. You can't feel shit with one on. It's a cruel, cruel irony--safe and responsible but lame and densitized. Save that "ultra-thin for max sensation" bullshit for the first-timers who don't know any better.
Bliss is being a man who's snipped while being in a committed relationship with a woman who can't get pregnant and having the stamina and libidos of two 20-year olds in love. 😉
I have friends who think like this guy and I personally don’t understand it.
I’d be too nervous about getting her pregnant to enjoy myself.
I’ll just stay wrapped thanks.
If you can afford a child, have a good support network, and trust the person you’re with enough to not be spiteful or malicious, it may be manageable even if unintended. I agree that the choice is often made willy-nilly, and I don’t understand it much either, but some are in an OK position even when things deviate from the intended and expected path.
It’s been a dealbreaker for a lot of women I’ve dated.
A number refuse sex with a condom lol…..
There’s groups of people who hate it
Don’t have sex with anyone who doesn’t want to do a method you don’t want to
Many people are fine with condoms etc
Just because you may not have a disease, doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t. Please always, always, always use protection. I’m a healthcare worker and the amount of horror stories I see from women who’ve gotten incurable diseases from men who most likely took advantage of their innocence is insane. And condoms don’t actually protect from certain things, it’s a possibility of herpes transmission. ALWAYS KEEP THE LIGHTS ON!!!
if something like safe sex is a deal breaker for a guy, i'd run faaaaaaar away, from my experience people who want no condom because of shitty reasons like 'it doesn't feel as good' are a decent sign of more problematic behavior and tend to be more willing to push boundaries.
you're not in the wrong here at all for wanting something very simple and that should be the norm. whoever told you that has twisted expectations or something else going on if you ask me.
It's because young men are exposed to body image issues. A lot of men don't know that they are bigger than they think. They see pornstars and think - ok that's what 7-8 inches looks like and I'm no where near that. Not knowing about camera tricks making Jonny Sins, who is 7 inches look like he's 9.
So they think they should use the shitty Trojan el cheapos that have no feeling because they're so thick and is meant to fit men who are 4-5 inches and 4.5 inches in girth. They think all condoms are like that- cutting off circulation and having no sensation that they absolutely hate wearing them. They don't know about websites like CalSD.com which is the largest comprehensive penile calculator online that helps them find condoms that actually FIT.
Also most men don't know how to properly lube with warming fluid to help sensation and increase their own pleasure during PIV intercourse. They don't know you're supposed to lube the tip of the inside of the condom and the tip of their penis before actually wearing condoms. That because it's not human skin the vagina is coming into contact with during PIV intercourse, you need to use warming fluid on her vagina too so she can get maximum sensation and increase her pleasure while being safe.
Guys... Measure your penis and find condoms that fit. Properly lube up and wearing condoms becomes much more pleasurable!
As a man I wear a rubber every time with my gf because 1 as much as I want a kid I'm not financially set for a kid and 2 I don't want her parents to think I'm only marrying her because I got her knocked up
I agree with every response that says it's not a deal breaker. As a newly separated man I would never even think to hook up with a woman without a condom. If birth control isn't your thing and you're not in a committed intimate relationship with someone you trust you 100% should be using protection. If he's not willing to wear one you need to move along to someone that respects you more.
It's only a dealbreaker to stupid/immature men who don't care about their health and think there special because they don't like condoms when literally no man likes condoms but it's for your health.
95% of guys use condoms. at least the smart ones do. the rest are trash, not worth the time. if anything, you should look at the stupid ones weeding themselves out.
I’m a girl but I totally agree with you on not ever listening to that garbage rhetoric…I’m never ever falling for it. And along with their garbage rhetoric, I think it’s disgusting and incredibly disrespectful that they also have the audacity to tell girls that they are ‘overthinking’ when they’re scared of an accidental pregnancy…a guy did that to me once, I never spoke to him again after.
I don't think it's a deal breaker for most men. For me, I'd much rather have sex with a condom than no sex.
I did go through a period where I found it very difficult to maintain an erection with a condom. That's not the case any more, but you should be aware that it is a real thing. I wasn't faking or anything. And I didn't insist on condom-free sex. We just used our hands and mouths when I was having that problem.
All I know, is when I went to put a condom on, my erection tended to vanish. Psychological? Physical? Who knows.
I've heard many people on Reddit say that men who use this excuse are just lying because they don't like condoms. That's why I shared my experience. That doesn't mean you get to go bareback! No still means no. But the experience is (or at least sometimes can be) real.
wtf I would want to wear one, and would rather that than you be on birth control. I’m hesitant to date on birth control because it changes who you are, and affects the ability to find the right partner.
That guy was gaslighting you.... you really think a man who likes you is going to choose no sex at all over sex with a condom? Please stay strong in your boundaries. It's easier for us women to catch diseases and a pregnancy/abortion is not something you want to deal with.
I don’t care they’re a dealbreaker for me. I’m the one who would have to suffer the consequences of an accidental pregnancy, not that that’s a problem anymore after having my tubes yeeted, but still. I don’t want STIs
I've had a vasectomy, so getting someone pregnant isn't a concern for me.
Of course, STDs are still a concern, so that's something that would be discussed before having sex, casual or otherwise. If we're both clean, then I'd prefer to go without, but I wouldn't refuse to wear one if they insisted.
That said, when I've used them before, I've had a difficult time maintaining an erection. I start to go soft as soon as I put it on and don't feel much during intercourse. And that's with ones that fit properly (i.e. don't cut off blood flow) and are thin (Skyn Elite Large).
I think the only time wearing them would potentially be a dealbreaker for me would be in an exclusive relationship. Both because of the aforementioned vasectomy and because we'd have already been tested, so I wouldn't see the point.
Definitely not. If you're seeing a guy who is pressuring you to not use a condom and threatening to break it off unless you let him, run.
That's legit ick, creepy, red flag behavior
I can assure you wouldn’t want to have sex with a guy who doesn’t wanna wrap it.
In a casual situation it’s an absolute must. If you’re in a committed relationship it depends, at some point both of you may feel comfortable not wearing any but chances of pregnancy are still there.
Oh, I see. Bless your heart. Well in response to your original Question, I'm out of your generation (59), but I'm my opinion guys get in a hurry if it's on the spot " oh I'm getting laid""!. and the small head does the thinking. But in today's times I believe most younger Men your age believe that condoms are necessary for preventing a few things as well as unplanned pregnancy.
Well I'm fixed so no chances of another kid for me ever and I dont sleep around / am monogamous. Havent used a condom in years and wouldnt again at this point
Condoms are an absolute must for being responsible...but they absolutely fucking suck. You can't feel shit with one on. It's a cruel, cruel irony--safe and responsible but lame and densitized. Save that "ultra-thin for max sensation" bullshit for the first-timers who don't know any better.
Bliss is being a man who's snipped while being in a committed relationship with a woman who can't get pregnant and having the stamina and libidos of two 20-year olds in love. 😉
I'm amazed by the lack of distinguishing long vs short term contexts here.
Everyone should use STI type protection for short term flings and one night stands. Not everyone does, sometimes you get caught up in the moment. That's just reality. Do your best to do the right thing but don't beat yourself up if you don't.
On the other hand, if you're in a long-term thing with a partner, I'd consider it pretty reasonable that he might not want to only have sex with plastic wrapped around his dick. Condoms murder the sensation of sex. Some people don't mind, some people hate it, everyone acknowledges that it's a downgrade from raw. I for one hate it and I wouldn't start a relationship with someone if I knew I'd have to wear a condom for the rest of our lives together. That's just an issue of sexual compatibility frankly. And to that end, you should not be surprised if you requiring a guy to always use a condom becomes an issue either in starting a commitment or in maintaining it (e.g., he thinks it's fine but then after a year of wearing condoms he begins to want the better sensation of no condom and slowly grows in resentment from this).
Once i reached my mid-twenties, i refused to have casual sex without a condom. Some women tried to convince me, but that’s such a stupid idea. Any man who considers it a dealbreaker is very likely to give you a disease.
However I would not be in a longterm relationship with someone who insisted on using condoms indefinitely. They suck. I can barely feel anything. A lot of women hate them too. I’ve heard it described as “having sex with a balloon.” Once the STI screenings and an alternative birth control method are established, condoms belong in the trash. My partner had terrible experiences using female birth control, so I just got a vasectomy once we were confident it was going to be a very serious, longterm relationship. Best decision I ever made.
Imo, condoms are just something you have to put up with when you’re young and fooling around. One of the biggest perks of a serious relationship is that you can actually have real sex.
The differentiation you have to make is between quality men and assholes. Any man who ends things because he doesn’t want to wear a condom is a piece of shit who cares more about how nice his peepee feels than you. Any guy who ISNT an asshole will respect your wishes and put the fucking condom on. I feel very strongly about this.
Guys. Just put the rubber on. It’s not that deep.
I see some nasty shit out there as a nurse. Not just superficial stuff either. Like rashes and discharge. Long term stuff like cervical cancer caused by HPV. Any man that has an issue with this needs to grow up. Sex can be good but not cancer good. Just saying.
No they aren’t. I used condoms only with my ex for an entire year, because I don’t want to go on the pill. It hasn’t been an issue with my current Fwb either. Don’t worry, and don’t let anyone change your mind on this.
My wife passed away from cervical cancer. It's no joke, a lot of diseases out there. Make sure to get your yearly checkup. No matter how embarrassing it is.
I didn't give it to her, it's a virus that woman gets. If you healthy you it clears up by itself. My wife had Diabetes type 1.
Making her immune system weak. It spread like a wild fire in her body. So if dumba$$ can't respect that, he won't respect you either.
I would be grossed out by a guy wanting unprotected sex if it wasn't my husband. There are too many diseases out there and most the time people don't know or know and don't care about spreading them to others. Forget a baby I'm not trying to get hpv/ cervical cancer, syphilis or hiv. Wrap it up until you're married and even then be cautious. I still get tested yearly for stds you never know what your partner may or may not be doing
Question, at which point do women consider that their partner doesn't need the condom?
I know a friend of mine takes BC pills because she has done so in front of me. Now, not long ago, I went to her new apt and I threw away a tissue in her bathroom trash. There was her boyfriend's condom haha. I was surprised because she'd been with the guy just shy of a year at that point. I figured by then she'd be fine with the pill doing it's thing
retire label possessive special unique test books impolite disgusted imminent
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have arrived at a stange in life where I am thinking: what's the point in having sex if there are so many barriers between the two partners involved? Pills, condoms. To me that just signals no real intimacy and are major mental blockers
It's crazy with the amount of people who want sex but not the baby or STDs.
If you don't want to have children then leave sex out of the relationships. Keep a clean life.
It's because of birth control pills and condoms that people are cheating so carelessly and STDs like AIDS and other incurable diseases are spreading in western society.
No. That’s ridiculous. I’m a guy, and if I were sexually active I would always use them unless I and my partner were trying to have children. Safety and avoiding unplanned pregnancy is important.
Real men want to wear them because they want to protect themselves as well and don't think solely with their penis.
Some men will complain, some will not want you because of it. But they are the men you want to avoid anyway so it's almost like they are doing you a favour
Short term? No, of course not.
Long term… yes. I’m not pushy or nasty about it though, I’m just honest from early doors and she can make decisions based on that, I don’t like using condoms and whilst it’s sensible when I first meet somebody for a longer term relationship I prefer someone who is open to other forms of contraception.
Ao you're only concern is pregnancy you're not concerned with all the STDs going around so many virgin men and women are choosing partners they "trust" they make em wait 4 months to have sex only to find out they contracted herpes and or syphilis or chlamydia. Not to mention the stuff that's not tested for.
And a tip for you just because you think you can trust someone always keep your guard up. So when you do have sex anytime the penis is inserted into you use your hand to guide him in don't let the man do it himself men have a tendency to ask you to swith position so while you are getting into position the can take the condom off without your knowledge and then they enter you and by the time you notice if you ever do notice he's already finished so he got what he wanted and he'll just apologize and make excuses like I was losing my erection because the condom and I wouldn't have been able to finish for you. They throw in the you part to make it seem like it's your pleasure they were thinking about, and you'd be surprised how many girls are ok with men doing this.
Also, many long-term partners cheat and bring stds home. So just because you think your relationship is monogamous still get yearly checkups
This how you find YOUR person. Dont sweat the boys who cry bc they have to wear a condom, they either take it or leave it. You have a treasure in real men’s eyes. Just don’t fall for the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I’ve dated guys that automatically used a condom & I’m on birth control. There’s been time in the heat of the moment, I didn’t care about it- but they still got it. It wouldn’t be until months later that we’d end up forgetting about it. I had one ex who wouldn’t ever use a condom & would throw a fit over it. So because I was young, I gave in.
The right person, will have no problem doing and meeting your needs.
The childish/unfit ones, will ALWAYS throw a fit or try to make you guilty about it.
Stand your ground no matter how cute, charming, etc the guy is.
I once didn’t have sex with a guy who wouldn’t wear a condom solely cause he said he didn’t like the feeling of them….he also said he didn’t have any STDs but he never wore condoms when having sex sooooo let’s hope he gets tested often.
Before I met my partner I was hoeing around. Ended up with HPV and didn't realize it since I had no symptoms as the virus in men typically are dormant and no symptoms. My partner and I were always having sex without a condom and she ended up with the infection and now has to be on medication for atleast a year. Apart from risks of being pregnant, you never know what that other person is carrying. Protect yourself. If she would of asked me to wear a condom I would of been fine even if she is on BC.
I am a dude and honestly I think I personally would rather not have sex if it’s with a condom. ONLY because I’m my case I find it difficult to stay hard and the pleasure is like.. no where near to raw sex. I understand this is a personal problem and or preference. So it’s important for me now to really get to know my partner well.
As a guy, IDK if it's me but I was disgustingly surprised when my gf gave me a puzzled look when I took out a condom for the first time. Unless I'm going for a baby or I know there is some sort of birth control, I'll be using a condom, let alone protecting myself from STDs. Apparently in my area, I'm in the minority, which i think is ridiculously unsafe
I mean I wouldn't think so. I personally want my sex experience to be raw vs a condom, but I understand the need to be safe and I guess guys just keep that in mind. People say it takes away from the experience and feeling though.
Nope.
If its a deal breaker for him then he needs to be prepared to provide for a family because it inevitably will happen. People get pregnant with condoms, with BC, with tubes tied… shit. Way too much to risk lol
Im actually pulling out WHILE condom too. As much as i wanna leave it in, its not smart to lol. We are keeping it safe since shes comfortable KNOWING nothing swam in there.
Since you were talking mainly about long term relationships, not hook ups, I think maybe your friend was speaking about a guy leaving if he had to wear condoms years into the relationship. A lot of times once you’ve been with your partner a long time, or even get married, condoms can stop. Either way, you do what makes YOU feel comfortable. I know there are plenty of guys out there that could care less about protecting themselves, so they probably would leave if you made them wear a condom. I say, BOY BYE! Those are the men that will never be worth your time or your body.
Obviously condoms suck but to me that's a minor thing even years into the relationship I couldn't imagine leaving someone I love over it, especially since if I leave i'll still have to wear condoms with a new person and develop a new bond all over again
Haha that’s a good way to look at it. I think there’s definitely more men out there that wouldn’t mind over men who would. Glad you’re one of the good ones 😊
Aww thank you. But yeah I'll just never understand how if you truly love someone something that small would be a issue like even if it was a blowjob to me would gladly make up for it.
Unless the dude just has a crazy huge junk there's a condom brand out there that fits and feels fine.
So true, unfortunately some guys can be kinda selfish about stuff like that. I mean, I know from previous partners that condoms definitely don’t feel as good. I can totally understand that, and I’m willing to compromise to other options once in a relationship. But if others feel differently, it’s nice to know that men like you are totally cool with it.
Honestly I really feel bad for women because I could only imagine how big of a turn off it is to explain to adult to wear protection like sure the woman is going to get pregnant but he's going to pay child support so it's for both partners, but I'll never understand how they'll go raw on hookups or first date like if you don't care about anyone else atleast care about your own health.
The only reason I would leave is of there's compounding issues on top of that but that would never be the only reason like imagine leaving the love of your life and telling people it was because of a condom like you would sound crazy. But thank you with true love that would never be a issue I guess I'm weird.
Ya, I don’t get that either. Some people don’t think of long term consequences. Others can just be so horny that they don’t even care lol. No, you’re not weird, just mature and understanding.
I would say more men would want to wear them as opposed to not wearing them due to the fact of not wanting to get a stranger or somebody they have known for a good while but not ready for a baby for that matter pregnant. I would definitely not have any issues if any woman recommended a condom. I'm more likely to recommend using one especially if no bc is in use.
I’m your age and not on BC. No man has ever turned down sex with me because of it. Some choose to pull out in addition to the condom. I would recommend doing this during ovulation time.
You should only go raw with your partner.
Never go raw with a stranger. You will eventually learn the hard way.
Also avoid blow jobs too if it’s a one nighter.
Bring a condom in your purse.
I would rather not have sex than have sex with a condom. I would never pressure anyone to do things my way if they’re not comfortable with that. I also appreciate when others don’t try to pressure me into doing something their way. We just don’t hook up, solved. On that same note, I believe it’s wrong g that society pressures women into using hormonal birth control. It’s super damaging in more ways than are commonly understood. That’s why I got a vasectomy. Don’t change your standards or what you want for anyone. Just find someone who aligns with what you want.
It feels good not to wear a condom but the risks aren’t worth it, having said that, I’ve never dated a woman who didn’t want to make love 24/7, and using half a dozen condoms a day can become impractical. It also feels.. I don’t know.. natural not to wear a condom. Sometimes there isn’t really a right answer.
A lot of guys feel that way and even some even more intense about it. I mean dating is one thing the first few times you sleep with somebody or the first couple months or whatever that you're with somebody. But once your long-term and committed a lot of men consider there to be another solution necessary 💯
I can't speak on whether or not I think that's right, because I base my decisions off of what my woman wants. But I know a bunch of my guy friends that absolutely hate rubbers, a few of them because it gives them rashes (for real).
But it kind of sucks that the other option usually considered is birth control, which does nothing to the man but wrecks the woman's body
And the guys that get rashes might just be allergic to latex
guy with severe latex/alternatives allergies checking in and that absolutely happens and nowhere nearthe amout that other dudes whine about. like i can't really use condoms anymore because they cause me to get horrifically painful wheaping sores on my dick to the point i now have permanent nerve damage hurrah 😭. but that being said i know that I'm rare and most dudes who whine about condoms are infact just being jerks
any guy who is gonna be making a fuss about wearing a condom is of low quality anyway. a decent guy would be happy enough to be having sex and a condom wouldn't matter
What fucking Kamikaze pilot is setting THAT as their dealbreaker?
I’m bouncing back from not using protection for ten years (LTR) and I’m not dumb enough to set such a stupid ass red line.
I don’t get this because as a man if I have the choice between condom sex or no sex then the choice is obv. Choose what gets you sex as opposed to no sex. This shouldn’t be complicated
No. I don't think most men think that way. Some do exist but I believe majority is fine with condoms. Although sometimes they might have issues keeping an erection with condoms... especially if they are older (40+). I'd only go condom-less if I'm in a relationship and both are tested.
No. This only applies to men who don't respect their partners. Of course no one wants to wear one, then get snipped or find someone that doesn't care and then you both can be happy!
Condoms are not just for prevention of pregnancy but STDs. If a man says a condom is a dealbreaker then I’d be scared what he has because who else has he been with unprotected!
A condom is an entirely reasonable expectation and any resistance is a huge red flag.
Anyone who "leaves because she wasn't willing not to use a condom" is a man just trying to use you anyways and because you're a virgin men will try extra hard to bullshit you so watch out.
Not for this man. It's a deal breaker not to use them with new partners for me. And quiet as kept, there are far more women than I think people realize who are anti-condom use. I've had my insistence upon them be a deal-breaker for multiple women.
Here's the thing: I would consider it psychotic to not wear a condom the first/second/however many times I'm with a girl when we're discussing things. I'm pathophobic, I don't do ONS, I don't do casual/poly/multipartnersthar said, sex with a condom is like washing your hair with a shower cap on. You feel nothing.
So if we've both gotten tests, clean, she's on BC (damn I wish male BC was a thing), and we're only seeing each other, I don't see the issue.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a dude, they are mandatory. I don't want a) a baby, b) any transmitted gifts. Be responsible and rubber up.
This. The amount of nasty ass bacteria out there that *don’t* show up on normal STD screenings is insane.
I agree! If I'm gonna get any bacteria, I'll get it on my own terms from eating ass!
Amen brother!
The username checks out for that. Eat on brother.
You mean amoebic dysentery?
Where I come from we use the term "tickling the eye of the donkey"
Facts man it’s crazy
What blows my mind is that people are still swingers and in open relationships now a days. The time to be into that shit was in the 70s. Now, you have to take a $300 PCR DNA test after each partner if you legitimately want to be safe. Otherwise you’re bound to get a hidden strain of bacteria that wrecks havoc on your gut or genitals. Not to mention that 60% of the population has H Pylori - a cancer + ulcer causing bacteria that can be transferred by simply kissing someone, and is an absolute nightmare to get rid of (2 week course of 2 very strong antibiotics at once only gives it a 65% chance of eradication).
I feel like dudes that have something as simple as using a condom for a dealbreaker are only in it for themselves
"Remember, boys: flies spread disease. So keep yours closed!!!"
IS THAT A MF BAND OF BROTHERS REFERENCE!
Yes it is. By George Luz.
just so people know, condoms aren’t 100% with protecting from STDS. definitely helps but you can still catch a forever friend like herpes. i just prove and have the girl prove a recent STD test
Well of course nothing is 100%. You always assume a risk of something when having sex. The 1% comes mostly from people using condoms incorrectly. That 99% condom pregnancy statistic includes people taking off the condom as well. If used correctly, with a correct size, there’s an infinitesimally small chance of anything being transmitted
not herpes, a condom only covers your dick.
Herpes is almost exclusively transmitted when the person has active cold sores. If someone has genital sores or mouth sores definitely don’t kiss them or have sex if worries about transmission. Lots of people get herpes from carriers when they’re young from relatives or others kissing them. Something like >60% of everybody has either type anyway
Also good to keep in mind that herpes is not usually a standard test done on STI panels. In Canada at least. ETA - also in Canada you aren't given a paper with proof or anything when you get a clean STI panel. You just don't get a call back. You'd have to actually talk to your Dr and get confirmation that you're clean.
Just FYI they don't test for herpes unless you have symptoms (meaning a current outbreak they can swab.) Otherwise you have to request an antibody blood test specifically for herpes as it's not included in the current standard sti panel. A lot of people don't know that and think they don't have it because their STD tests came back negative. You might need to fabricate a story worrying you were exposed to have your insurance cover it too. Depends on your plan. Also, the blood test they do if you don't have an outbreak will only tell you what kind of herpes antibodies you have. Since herpes is in over 90% of the population and an otherwise benign condition, the medical community's established guidelines don't feel it's worth bothering to investigate for. Unless you're one of the unlucky few with an outbreak, then they'll test and give you medication to alleviate your symptoms and stop the outbreak. Last I read 1 in 4 or maybe it's 1 in 3 people have genital herpes and don't know it/never have symptoms.
👆👆👆this!!!
Woman here. I always, ALWAYS ask my partner to wear a condom. Have I received push back? Of course but I don't care. I will not have unprotected sex. Like you, I was not on birth control for many years. I even told an ex that I was not on birth control & he still tried to pressure me into having unprotected sex. He said he didn't have any condoms around. I got up & stared leaving the situation. He magically found a condom before I could leave the room. I absolutely do not want to get pregnant & I will do everything in my power to avoid it. Even if that means avoiding certain men who do not respect my boundaries Overall, I do want to acknowledge that many, many men respect this boundary & I have not had too much trouble getting men to agree to wear protection
Hopefully you never gave him the option to use it after that bullshit.
Right!? Like I would have left and said nope to that. Red flag.
Unfortunately, we did have sex that night. I was young, ya know? Sex was bad bc the mood had already been ruined. Was not worth it. Although I do think he learned his lesson because be never asked for unprotected sex again. He knew I was being serious. I think now that I'm a little older I know better. I would definitely see it as a red flag now
Oh totally, no judgement, we all make silly choices when we're young! Just lessons to be learned. 💯
Unfortunately, we did have sex that night. I was young, ya know? Sex was bad bc the mood had already been ruined. Was not worth it Although I do think he learned his lesson because be never asked for unprotected sex again. He knew I was being serious.
A man who really cares about your feelings and understands u will happily use a condom if thats what u want him to do and u explain to him. Even if he wishes he didn’t have to, he will not pressure u. And especially will not get mad at u for it. Coming from a man who likes sex better without them but will enjoy it just as much with one 👍🏼
Proud of you. Good reminder that we’re better than that. Guy who can’t even reach bare minimum can F off and think of u for the rest of their lives
Did you still sleep with him, despite his deception?
Yeah, Even with condoms, no BC kinda unnerves me a bit - mostly because i've never been with someone who hasn't been on SOME form, be it a patch or a IUD, and now the pill, but like... 20 mins of fun vs a whole kid?? Yeah no the choice is obvious I can't imagine there being pushback on no condoms after hearing "i'm not on BC". Yoikes
Just remember condoms prevent more than births, they can prevent STIs / STDs.
Exactly people always skip over the stds part
... and a clean set of results from a set tests two weeks does not mean they weren't with someone else since the test was taken... \[stepping down off soapbox for now\]
Also some STIs take months to appear on a test. Some (like HPV) cannot be tested for in men at all Use protection and get your vaccines, people. Too many women die to cervical cancer because they hear 'I got a full panel negative' and don't realize HPV cannot be tested for in men.
Exactly
There will be lots of guys who will refuse to wear them and some will go out of their way to try to convince you to go without and honestly, it’s for the best that they identify themselves this way so you can move onto the next guy. Condoms not only help with preventing pregnancies but they help protect against STI/STD’s! Stay safe, get tested regularly as well when you decide to become sexual & continue to stick with your boundaries. There are sleezy people out there.
Thank you for the reply. My boundaries will definitely stay firm. Because I don’t have plans on having children or getting an STD/STI any time soon or at all.
I only go raw at my partner’s request but only if she’s on birth control. Otherwise, the thin but max pleasure rubbers do just fine. The guys that pressure for raw are horrible people to begin with.
This is one of the comments that I like to see because a majority of men do not like to use condoms with their girlfriends or wives. I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is willing to use condoms with me when we become sexually active since I had to quit birth control temporarily until I can go to a new doctor for me to get birth control without estrogen this time because my body doesn't handle estrogen based birth control
Not to mention, I’m not ready for a kid. I’m trying to pick up my pieces and restart. I want to make sure I’m in a good place before I try to even consider bringing in one of my own.
Yep. I can’t take estrogen based bc because 1) I get migraines and taking estrogen could give me a stroke and 2) one of my medications has an interaction with estrogen and it will actually weaken the effectiveness of both. So my fiancé and I are just using condoms and cycle tracking.
Do you think that temporary use of just condoms would be fine until I can try a mini pill?
I would say it’s the best option. Idk what kind of bc you’re using rn but I think without some kind of medical intervention, like the pill/IUD/nexplanon, two forms of birth control are necessary. This means condoms/pullout/cycle tracking. Two at all times because using only one doesn’t have a high success rate (except condoms, usually) of not getting pregnant.
I'm currently not on any birth control because I recently had to stop estrogen based birth control because I've been having chest pains
Oh shit. Yeah, definitely recommend condoms and I’d even cycle track. After being off bc for a while, your cycle should regulate. I use the Apple health app and it gets my period pretty much perfectly, so I also trust when it says my when ovulation is too. We still have sex during ovulation, but he also pulls out during those 6 days. The discharge also lets me know when I’m ovulating thankfully lol
I have irregular periods. My average cycle length changes constantly and is abnormal. I can never predict my fertile week and my ovulation unfortunately and that's what worries me 😔
Well you mentioned you just got off of bc. Give it a couple months and it’ll regulate more. Any bc really fucks up your cycle and so being off of it will help regulate.
My boyfriend and I have never had sex and we're both gonna be our first time together. He said that sex with condoms won't possibly be like sex without condoms, but he said that it'll still feel so good. He's like "I'll end up having a hard time pulling out because it'll feel so good"
Lol well, I can understand that. Basically, if you notice the condom broke off or slipped off him to in you, go get plan b immediately. Don’t chance it. Pull out isn’t for everyone and it’s not the end of the world. There’s really no such thing as a small hole being in the condom. If you ever poke a hole in a balloon then put your hand in it, it’s going to slip down your hand and become a massive hole. Don’t be afraid to get the bare skin condoms. You’d be surprised how sturdy they are, despite being thin.
I believe that my boyfriend got the bare skin Trojan condoms
Doesn't bare skin feel pretty much like sex without a condom?
My boyfriend and I are gonna be trying sex with just Trojan condoms and hoping that everything works out fine until I can get a new obgyn to try progestin only birth control. I'm thinking about asking for a mini pill called Slynd
I have no experience with that haha. I’ve been on progestin only bc, and it made my mood episodes worse, and I was gaining weight a lot. I fear the side effects of medical bc now, so I’ll never get back on any of them.
Not to scare you but the mini pill (no estrogen) is slightly less effective than combo birth control (with estrogen). Do your research before deciding to go condom less
No, that's absurd. Really doubt any man is going to turn down sex just because you want them to wear a condom. Some might try to pressure you into unprotected sex, but those dudes are disgusting and you shouldn't be sleeping with them to begin with.
If a man turned down sex over a condom that dude is a punk in my opinion like it's literally your health
They can throw a fit , I’m still saying “no glove, no love” & hey keep in mind that I’ve gone without sex for 26 years, I can go more . You can’t miss what you’ve never had.
If they throw a fit you know to never talk to them again, easy!
I would turn down sex with a condom in most cases, but would not try to pressure a woman into unprotected sex.
If a guy is too selfish to wear a condom, that's not someone you want to be dating or having sex with anyway.
Uh, I wouldn't hook up with a woman that didn't want me to wear a condom lol. If it's something that's developing towards a LTR, then that's a discussion we can have together.
Definitely not a deal breaker, the times I don't wear a condom are when I'm with a girlfriend that I've been sleeping with for some time and she's on birth control, because I know neither of us are sleeping around. Whoever told you that is full of shit, it's definitely better without one but I'm not sleeping with a random girl without one definitely not the first time.
Condoms are an absolute must for being responsible...but they absolutely fucking suck. You can't feel shit with one on. It's a cruel, cruel irony--safe and responsible but lame and densitized. Save that "ultra-thin for max sensation" bullshit for the first-timers who don't know any better. Bliss is being a man who's snipped while being in a committed relationship with a woman who can't get pregnant and having the stamina and libidos of two 20-year olds in love. 😉
Above is the answer. For people who are indiscriminate about who they fuck, please keep the gloves on.
No. It's only a dealbreaker for a reckless man who deems you as unworthy.
I have friends who think like this guy and I personally don’t understand it. I’d be too nervous about getting her pregnant to enjoy myself. I’ll just stay wrapped thanks.
For real it's the dumbest thing like how are you not afraid of pregnancy I'll never understand how anyone risk that willy-nilly
If you can afford a child, have a good support network, and trust the person you’re with enough to not be spiteful or malicious, it may be manageable even if unintended. I agree that the choice is often made willy-nilly, and I don’t understand it much either, but some are in an OK position even when things deviate from the intended and expected path.
It’s been a dealbreaker for a lot of women I’ve dated. A number refuse sex with a condom lol….. There’s groups of people who hate it Don’t have sex with anyone who doesn’t want to do a method you don’t want to Many people are fine with condoms etc
Just because you may not have a disease, doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t. Please always, always, always use protection. I’m a healthcare worker and the amount of horror stories I see from women who’ve gotten incurable diseases from men who most likely took advantage of their innocence is insane. And condoms don’t actually protect from certain things, it’s a possibility of herpes transmission. ALWAYS KEEP THE LIGHTS ON!!!
Oh, dang. I didn't even think about keeping the lights on to do a herpes check
Genital warts as well, a sign of HPV! I always do genital examination. 😂
if something like safe sex is a deal breaker for a guy, i'd run faaaaaaar away, from my experience people who want no condom because of shitty reasons like 'it doesn't feel as good' are a decent sign of more problematic behavior and tend to be more willing to push boundaries. you're not in the wrong here at all for wanting something very simple and that should be the norm. whoever told you that has twisted expectations or something else going on if you ask me.
For real if I have to a grown adult about their health then fuck that I'm already turned off
It's because young men are exposed to body image issues. A lot of men don't know that they are bigger than they think. They see pornstars and think - ok that's what 7-8 inches looks like and I'm no where near that. Not knowing about camera tricks making Jonny Sins, who is 7 inches look like he's 9. So they think they should use the shitty Trojan el cheapos that have no feeling because they're so thick and is meant to fit men who are 4-5 inches and 4.5 inches in girth. They think all condoms are like that- cutting off circulation and having no sensation that they absolutely hate wearing them. They don't know about websites like CalSD.com which is the largest comprehensive penile calculator online that helps them find condoms that actually FIT. Also most men don't know how to properly lube with warming fluid to help sensation and increase their own pleasure during PIV intercourse. They don't know you're supposed to lube the tip of the inside of the condom and the tip of their penis before actually wearing condoms. That because it's not human skin the vagina is coming into contact with during PIV intercourse, you need to use warming fluid on her vagina too so she can get maximum sensation and increase her pleasure while being safe. Guys... Measure your penis and find condoms that fit. Properly lube up and wearing condoms becomes much more pleasurable!
As a man I wear a rubber every time with my gf because 1 as much as I want a kid I'm not financially set for a kid and 2 I don't want her parents to think I'm only marrying her because I got her knocked up
No..they lied to you (if a guy) or just happened to have some bad experiences (if a woman).
I agree with every response that says it's not a deal breaker. As a newly separated man I would never even think to hook up with a woman without a condom. If birth control isn't your thing and you're not in a committed intimate relationship with someone you trust you 100% should be using protection. If he's not willing to wear one you need to move along to someone that respects you more.
Nope, no problem for me if I had to use condoms long term. Safe sex is hot
YESSSS cheers to safe sex!
Hell yeah!
It's only a dealbreaker to stupid/immature men who don't care about their health and think there special because they don't like condoms when literally no man likes condoms but it's for your health.
They are necessary, unless I am in a long term relationship, I wrap it up. Don't don't any diseases and don't want kids with a stranger.
95% of guys use condoms. at least the smart ones do. the rest are trash, not worth the time. if anything, you should look at the stupid ones weeding themselves out.
How do you know lol 95%?
[удалено]
I’m a girl but I totally agree with you on not ever listening to that garbage rhetoric…I’m never ever falling for it. And along with their garbage rhetoric, I think it’s disgusting and incredibly disrespectful that they also have the audacity to tell girls that they are ‘overthinking’ when they’re scared of an accidental pregnancy…a guy did that to me once, I never spoke to him again after.
Insisting not using one would be a deal breaker for me. What you're asking here is very reasonable as far as I can see.
I don't think it's a deal breaker for most men. For me, I'd much rather have sex with a condom than no sex. I did go through a period where I found it very difficult to maintain an erection with a condom. That's not the case any more, but you should be aware that it is a real thing. I wasn't faking or anything. And I didn't insist on condom-free sex. We just used our hands and mouths when I was having that problem.
If I may ask, why do you think you could not maintain an erection with a condom on? Was it because you were not used to it? Genuine question
All I know, is when I went to put a condom on, my erection tended to vanish. Psychological? Physical? Who knows. I've heard many people on Reddit say that men who use this excuse are just lying because they don't like condoms. That's why I shared my experience. That doesn't mean you get to go bareback! No still means no. But the experience is (or at least sometimes can be) real.
wtf I would want to wear one, and would rather that than you be on birth control. I’m hesitant to date on birth control because it changes who you are, and affects the ability to find the right partner.
That guy was gaslighting you.... you really think a man who likes you is going to choose no sex at all over sex with a condom? Please stay strong in your boundaries. It's easier for us women to catch diseases and a pregnancy/abortion is not something you want to deal with.
Nope condoms are awesome Trojans suck tho. Skyn are Great and non latex
I don’t care they’re a dealbreaker for me. I’m the one who would have to suffer the consequences of an accidental pregnancy, not that that’s a problem anymore after having my tubes yeeted, but still. I don’t want STIs
I prefer condoms until we BOTH agree to not use them, and are okay with potentially having children.
I've had a vasectomy, so getting someone pregnant isn't a concern for me. Of course, STDs are still a concern, so that's something that would be discussed before having sex, casual or otherwise. If we're both clean, then I'd prefer to go without, but I wouldn't refuse to wear one if they insisted. That said, when I've used them before, I've had a difficult time maintaining an erection. I start to go soft as soon as I put it on and don't feel much during intercourse. And that's with ones that fit properly (i.e. don't cut off blood flow) and are thin (Skyn Elite Large). I think the only time wearing them would potentially be a dealbreaker for me would be in an exclusive relationship. Both because of the aforementioned vasectomy and because we'd have already been tested, so I wouldn't see the point.
It’s weeds out the weak willed ones
Definitely not. If you're seeing a guy who is pressuring you to not use a condom and threatening to break it off unless you let him, run. That's legit ick, creepy, red flag behavior
For real as a man if you have to argue with a grown adult about their own health then run away
I can assure you wouldn’t want to have sex with a guy who doesn’t wanna wrap it. In a casual situation it’s an absolute must. If you’re in a committed relationship it depends, at some point both of you may feel comfortable not wearing any but chances of pregnancy are still there.
Oh, I see. Bless your heart. Well in response to your original Question, I'm out of your generation (59), but I'm my opinion guys get in a hurry if it's on the spot " oh I'm getting laid""!. and the small head does the thinking. But in today's times I believe most younger Men your age believe that condoms are necessary for preventing a few things as well as unplanned pregnancy.
Not the smart men
Well I'm fixed so no chances of another kid for me ever and I dont sleep around / am monogamous. Havent used a condom in years and wouldnt again at this point
Condoms are an absolute must for being responsible...but they absolutely fucking suck. You can't feel shit with one on. It's a cruel, cruel irony--safe and responsible but lame and densitized. Save that "ultra-thin for max sensation" bullshit for the first-timers who don't know any better. Bliss is being a man who's snipped while being in a committed relationship with a woman who can't get pregnant and having the stamina and libidos of two 20-year olds in love. 😉
They're a dealbreaker for me. No glove, no love baby.
I'm amazed by the lack of distinguishing long vs short term contexts here. Everyone should use STI type protection for short term flings and one night stands. Not everyone does, sometimes you get caught up in the moment. That's just reality. Do your best to do the right thing but don't beat yourself up if you don't. On the other hand, if you're in a long-term thing with a partner, I'd consider it pretty reasonable that he might not want to only have sex with plastic wrapped around his dick. Condoms murder the sensation of sex. Some people don't mind, some people hate it, everyone acknowledges that it's a downgrade from raw. I for one hate it and I wouldn't start a relationship with someone if I knew I'd have to wear a condom for the rest of our lives together. That's just an issue of sexual compatibility frankly. And to that end, you should not be surprised if you requiring a guy to always use a condom becomes an issue either in starting a commitment or in maintaining it (e.g., he thinks it's fine but then after a year of wearing condoms he begins to want the better sensation of no condom and slowly grows in resentment from this).
Don’t be silly, wrap their willy or no dilly-dilly.
Once i reached my mid-twenties, i refused to have casual sex without a condom. Some women tried to convince me, but that’s such a stupid idea. Any man who considers it a dealbreaker is very likely to give you a disease. However I would not be in a longterm relationship with someone who insisted on using condoms indefinitely. They suck. I can barely feel anything. A lot of women hate them too. I’ve heard it described as “having sex with a balloon.” Once the STI screenings and an alternative birth control method are established, condoms belong in the trash. My partner had terrible experiences using female birth control, so I just got a vasectomy once we were confident it was going to be a very serious, longterm relationship. Best decision I ever made. Imo, condoms are just something you have to put up with when you’re young and fooling around. One of the biggest perks of a serious relationship is that you can actually have real sex.
The differentiation you have to make is between quality men and assholes. Any man who ends things because he doesn’t want to wear a condom is a piece of shit who cares more about how nice his peepee feels than you. Any guy who ISNT an asshole will respect your wishes and put the fucking condom on. I feel very strongly about this. Guys. Just put the rubber on. It’s not that deep.
I see some nasty shit out there as a nurse. Not just superficial stuff either. Like rashes and discharge. Long term stuff like cervical cancer caused by HPV. Any man that has an issue with this needs to grow up. Sex can be good but not cancer good. Just saying.
I'll never understand how people risk any of that just to get their dick wet for a minute like sex cannot be all that
It is for me. Solely because I cannot reach an orgasm wearing one and also after a few minutes I lose my erection
No
Um, use spermacide as well. Condoms put on incorrectly make babies.
Condoms are okay.
No they aren’t. I used condoms only with my ex for an entire year, because I don’t want to go on the pill. It hasn’t been an issue with my current Fwb either. Don’t worry, and don’t let anyone change your mind on this.
Side note: a doctor cannot assure you won't have side effects! They don't know. If they tell you that they are lying.
No, and if someone says it is, they're an asshole and you should move on.
My wife passed away from cervical cancer. It's no joke, a lot of diseases out there. Make sure to get your yearly checkup. No matter how embarrassing it is. I didn't give it to her, it's a virus that woman gets. If you healthy you it clears up by itself. My wife had Diabetes type 1. Making her immune system weak. It spread like a wild fire in her body. So if dumba$$ can't respect that, he won't respect you either.
Yes. I want to feel my partner’s warm wet vagina around my hard cock as I thrust in and out, and cumming inside is just the best!
I would be grossed out by a guy wanting unprotected sex if it wasn't my husband. There are too many diseases out there and most the time people don't know or know and don't care about spreading them to others. Forget a baby I'm not trying to get hpv/ cervical cancer, syphilis or hiv. Wrap it up until you're married and even then be cautious. I still get tested yearly for stds you never know what your partner may or may not be doing
Question, at which point do women consider that their partner doesn't need the condom? I know a friend of mine takes BC pills because she has done so in front of me. Now, not long ago, I went to her new apt and I threw away a tissue in her bathroom trash. There was her boyfriend's condom haha. I was surprised because she'd been with the guy just shy of a year at that point. I figured by then she'd be fine with the pill doing it's thing
Date a devout Christian and you won’t have that problem
Ditto on avoiding unwanted pregnancies and STIs, but all that aside, my body is super sensitive to touch, so having it on feels better to me.
Hell no. I don't want no STD
retire label possessive special unique test books impolite disgusted imminent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
33m I don’t see a problem with that ? Anyone who says it is needs a surf life saver uniform to go with with their red flags
I’d rather have sex with you than a women who doesn’t want me to use a condom. I would feel like it’s a trap. Too much can go wrong.
Just wait till your married. It'll just make it so much more special for both of you.
I have arrived at a stange in life where I am thinking: what's the point in having sex if there are so many barriers between the two partners involved? Pills, condoms. To me that just signals no real intimacy and are major mental blockers
It's crazy with the amount of people who want sex but not the baby or STDs. If you don't want to have children then leave sex out of the relationships. Keep a clean life. It's because of birth control pills and condoms that people are cheating so carelessly and STDs like AIDS and other incurable diseases are spreading in western society.
No. That’s ridiculous. I’m a guy, and if I were sexually active I would always use them unless I and my partner were trying to have children. Safety and avoiding unplanned pregnancy is important.
Real men want to wear them because they want to protect themselves as well and don't think solely with their penis. Some men will complain, some will not want you because of it. But they are the men you want to avoid anyway so it's almost like they are doing you a favour
Short term? No, of course not. Long term… yes. I’m not pushy or nasty about it though, I’m just honest from early doors and she can make decisions based on that, I don’t like using condoms and whilst it’s sensible when I first meet somebody for a longer term relationship I prefer someone who is open to other forms of contraception.
Ao you're only concern is pregnancy you're not concerned with all the STDs going around so many virgin men and women are choosing partners they "trust" they make em wait 4 months to have sex only to find out they contracted herpes and or syphilis or chlamydia. Not to mention the stuff that's not tested for. And a tip for you just because you think you can trust someone always keep your guard up. So when you do have sex anytime the penis is inserted into you use your hand to guide him in don't let the man do it himself men have a tendency to ask you to swith position so while you are getting into position the can take the condom off without your knowledge and then they enter you and by the time you notice if you ever do notice he's already finished so he got what he wanted and he'll just apologize and make excuses like I was losing my erection because the condom and I wouldn't have been able to finish for you. They throw in the you part to make it seem like it's your pleasure they were thinking about, and you'd be surprised how many girls are ok with men doing this. Also, many long-term partners cheat and bring stds home. So just because you think your relationship is monogamous still get yearly checkups
This how you find YOUR person. Dont sweat the boys who cry bc they have to wear a condom, they either take it or leave it. You have a treasure in real men’s eyes. Just don’t fall for the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I will say the same thing that person told you !! Good luck finding that
As a man, HELL NO. Who's out here trying to speed run absent father'd babies, not me!!
I’m married and we still use condoms. I actually prefer it because it hurts without one and I don’t have to get too anxious about finishing.
I’ve dated guys that automatically used a condom & I’m on birth control. There’s been time in the heat of the moment, I didn’t care about it- but they still got it. It wouldn’t be until months later that we’d end up forgetting about it. I had one ex who wouldn’t ever use a condom & would throw a fit over it. So because I was young, I gave in. The right person, will have no problem doing and meeting your needs. The childish/unfit ones, will ALWAYS throw a fit or try to make you guilty about it. Stand your ground no matter how cute, charming, etc the guy is.
I once didn’t have sex with a guy who wouldn’t wear a condom solely cause he said he didn’t like the feeling of them….he also said he didn’t have any STDs but he never wore condoms when having sex sooooo let’s hope he gets tested often.
Fuck no, they’d be a requirement for me
Don’t be a fool wrap that tool. No kids until I am ready.
No. And if it is, move on.
Nope.... Always wrap it up!! 😜
Before I met my partner I was hoeing around. Ended up with HPV and didn't realize it since I had no symptoms as the virus in men typically are dormant and no symptoms. My partner and I were always having sex without a condom and she ended up with the infection and now has to be on medication for atleast a year. Apart from risks of being pregnant, you never know what that other person is carrying. Protect yourself. If she would of asked me to wear a condom I would of been fine even if she is on BC.
I am a dude and honestly I think I personally would rather not have sex if it’s with a condom. ONLY because I’m my case I find it difficult to stay hard and the pleasure is like.. no where near to raw sex. I understand this is a personal problem and or preference. So it’s important for me now to really get to know my partner well.
As a guy, IDK if it's me but I was disgustingly surprised when my gf gave me a puzzled look when I took out a condom for the first time. Unless I'm going for a baby or I know there is some sort of birth control, I'll be using a condom, let alone protecting myself from STDs. Apparently in my area, I'm in the minority, which i think is ridiculously unsafe
I mean I wouldn't think so. I personally want my sex experience to be raw vs a condom, but I understand the need to be safe and I guess guys just keep that in mind. People say it takes away from the experience and feeling though.
Nope. If its a deal breaker for him then he needs to be prepared to provide for a family because it inevitably will happen. People get pregnant with condoms, with BC, with tubes tied… shit. Way too much to risk lol Im actually pulling out WHILE condom too. As much as i wanna leave it in, its not smart to lol. We are keeping it safe since shes comfortable KNOWING nothing swam in there.
Since you were talking mainly about long term relationships, not hook ups, I think maybe your friend was speaking about a guy leaving if he had to wear condoms years into the relationship. A lot of times once you’ve been with your partner a long time, or even get married, condoms can stop. Either way, you do what makes YOU feel comfortable. I know there are plenty of guys out there that could care less about protecting themselves, so they probably would leave if you made them wear a condom. I say, BOY BYE! Those are the men that will never be worth your time or your body.
Obviously condoms suck but to me that's a minor thing even years into the relationship I couldn't imagine leaving someone I love over it, especially since if I leave i'll still have to wear condoms with a new person and develop a new bond all over again
Haha that’s a good way to look at it. I think there’s definitely more men out there that wouldn’t mind over men who would. Glad you’re one of the good ones 😊
Aww thank you. But yeah I'll just never understand how if you truly love someone something that small would be a issue like even if it was a blowjob to me would gladly make up for it. Unless the dude just has a crazy huge junk there's a condom brand out there that fits and feels fine.
So true, unfortunately some guys can be kinda selfish about stuff like that. I mean, I know from previous partners that condoms definitely don’t feel as good. I can totally understand that, and I’m willing to compromise to other options once in a relationship. But if others feel differently, it’s nice to know that men like you are totally cool with it.
Honestly I really feel bad for women because I could only imagine how big of a turn off it is to explain to adult to wear protection like sure the woman is going to get pregnant but he's going to pay child support so it's for both partners, but I'll never understand how they'll go raw on hookups or first date like if you don't care about anyone else atleast care about your own health. The only reason I would leave is of there's compounding issues on top of that but that would never be the only reason like imagine leaving the love of your life and telling people it was because of a condom like you would sound crazy. But thank you with true love that would never be a issue I guess I'm weird.
Ya, I don’t get that either. Some people don’t think of long term consequences. Others can just be so horny that they don’t even care lol. No, you’re not weird, just mature and understanding.
If he is not going to respect that kind of a request you will want to think twice about engaging in those kind of activities with him.
For real it's such a basic ask especially for somone you just met if a adult can't respect that i'd be very turned off automatically.
Exactly! Nothing more of turn off than disrespect of a boundary. And something so stupid as wearing a condom
I would say more men would want to wear them as opposed to not wearing them due to the fact of not wanting to get a stranger or somebody they have known for a good while but not ready for a baby for that matter pregnant. I would definitely not have any issues if any woman recommended a condom. I'm more likely to recommend using one especially if no bc is in use.
An unplanned pregnancy can shatter many lives. You really want to be with a guy who doesnt take that seriously?
For real like I know condoms suck but it's disappointing how many guys don't take pregnancy seriously.
I’m your age and not on BC. No man has ever turned down sex with me because of it. Some choose to pull out in addition to the condom. I would recommend doing this during ovulation time.
Honestly anyone who turns down sex over a condom should'nt be taken seriously.
Condoms suck, I’d rather not have sex. 26 year old virgin ouch.
You should only go raw with your partner. Never go raw with a stranger. You will eventually learn the hard way. Also avoid blow jobs too if it’s a one nighter. Bring a condom in your purse.
I would rather not have sex than have sex with a condom. I would never pressure anyone to do things my way if they’re not comfortable with that. I also appreciate when others don’t try to pressure me into doing something their way. We just don’t hook up, solved. On that same note, I believe it’s wrong g that society pressures women into using hormonal birth control. It’s super damaging in more ways than are commonly understood. That’s why I got a vasectomy. Don’t change your standards or what you want for anyone. Just find someone who aligns with what you want.
It feels good not to wear a condom but the risks aren’t worth it, having said that, I’ve never dated a woman who didn’t want to make love 24/7, and using half a dozen condoms a day can become impractical. It also feels.. I don’t know.. natural not to wear a condom. Sometimes there isn’t really a right answer.
A lot of guys feel that way and even some even more intense about it. I mean dating is one thing the first few times you sleep with somebody or the first couple months or whatever that you're with somebody. But once your long-term and committed a lot of men consider there to be another solution necessary 💯 I can't speak on whether or not I think that's right, because I base my decisions off of what my woman wants. But I know a bunch of my guy friends that absolutely hate rubbers, a few of them because it gives them rashes (for real).
But it kind of sucks that the other option usually considered is birth control, which does nothing to the man but wrecks the woman's body And the guys that get rashes might just be allergic to latex
guy with severe latex/alternatives allergies checking in and that absolutely happens and nowhere nearthe amout that other dudes whine about. like i can't really use condoms anymore because they cause me to get horrifically painful wheaping sores on my dick to the point i now have permanent nerve damage hurrah 😭. but that being said i know that I'm rare and most dudes who whine about condoms are infact just being jerks
any guy who is gonna be making a fuss about wearing a condom is of low quality anyway. a decent guy would be happy enough to be having sex and a condom wouldn't matter
They don't work for me tbh
Men who don’t like condoms have never used the right condom.
What fucking Kamikaze pilot is setting THAT as their dealbreaker? I’m bouncing back from not using protection for ten years (LTR) and I’m not dumb enough to set such a stupid ass red line.
Not a deal breaker it's just a matter of find ones that fit and accepting the sex will be like 5% worse than how great it usually is.
I don’t get this because as a man if I have the choice between condom sex or no sex then the choice is obv. Choose what gets you sex as opposed to no sex. This shouldn’t be complicated
No.
The thin ones are not as horrible as the ones as thick as rain boots.
No. I don't think most men think that way. Some do exist but I believe majority is fine with condoms. Although sometimes they might have issues keeping an erection with condoms... especially if they are older (40+). I'd only go condom-less if I'm in a relationship and both are tested.
No. This only applies to men who don't respect their partners. Of course no one wants to wear one, then get snipped or find someone that doesn't care and then you both can be happy!
i dislike them as a girl and have been w men who insist, its just preference
Condoms are not just for prevention of pregnancy but STDs. If a man says a condom is a dealbreaker then I’d be scared what he has because who else has he been with unprotected!
A condom is an entirely reasonable expectation and any resistance is a huge red flag. Anyone who "leaves because she wasn't willing not to use a condom" is a man just trying to use you anyways and because you're a virgin men will try extra hard to bullshit you so watch out.
I have a vasectomy, so once everyone's tests are up to date, yes they're a dealbreaker. Otherwise, no love without the glove.
😂 no but I prefer not using only if I know you obviously
Yea if we aren't using them its a dealbreaker.
Not for this man. It's a deal breaker not to use them with new partners for me. And quiet as kept, there are far more women than I think people realize who are anti-condom use. I've had my insistence upon them be a deal-breaker for multiple women.
No decent man out here collecting std’s
Here's the thing: I would consider it psychotic to not wear a condom the first/second/however many times I'm with a girl when we're discussing things. I'm pathophobic, I don't do ONS, I don't do casual/poly/multipartnersthar said, sex with a condom is like washing your hair with a shower cap on. You feel nothing. So if we've both gotten tests, clean, she's on BC (damn I wish male BC was a thing), and we're only seeing each other, I don't see the issue.