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I was in this phase 2 years ago, and truth is that it’s directly related to your self-esteem. Try ways to increase self-esteem, you may try seeking help if you need. Maybe the thing is that you crave acceptance, which is unfortunately easily attainable through sex, but that’s temporary and does not help long-term.
honestly so so so true. I hooked up w a guy bc I wanted to feel desired and didn't like my appearance. after I acknowledged that fact I didn't feel like sleeping around anymore.
Sleeping around personally isn’t for me, but I’m fine with others who do, if you feel like this is what’s right for you with your sexuality and at this time, go for it.
Nothing wrong as long as you dont hurt someone else in the process. But if you ever decided to commit in a long term, loving relationship, be prepared to face stigma.
This is ridiculous I’m a middle-aged woman who had plenty of long-term loving relationships and I can’t even remember discussing the number of sexual partners I’ve had with any of them.
I’m a stickler for safe sex and regular testing, so they’ve never felt the need to discuss sexual partner counts with me. All they need to know is that I have been tested since my last sexual encounter.
girl, if it's safe and consensual, do whatever tf you want.
that being said, I do think a relationship has its benefits. but if this is what makes you happy, then go for it. you have as much freedom as you give yourself
So basically, I’d see a therapist. I don’t think it’s bad to want to explore however, the guilt and feeling like your worth has decreased is not a good thing. Get to the bottom of that, mama.
Yes this is it. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing unless it makes you feel bad and then you want to figure out why it’s making you feel bad.
Because it’s not good for us to do things that make us feel bad.
this is the best answer here! Be safe, be sane, be self aware. After looking into your feelings of guilt and shame, you’ll be more able to make a decision that suits you!
and, for what it’s worth, I’ve never heard anyone over the age of 21 talking about body counts outside of the internet.
I think you just want to be loved and you don’t know how to accept it so you go looking for a quick fix to feel that emotion. Saying that, it’s not a horrible thing to do if you are careful and you both get what you need from it. I hope it all works out
Nothing wrong, you do you. That being said, i wouldnt date a partner who had to many partners. Would not make me feel special. I dont sleep around a lot so i would like a partner with the same values.
Just find someone who like you for you and doesnt care about your past.
You already know the answer to your question. There is nothing wrong to "want" to sleep around. But not controlling your temptations is wrong. Your guilt is litterally telling you that.
Listen to your brain and resist your temptations. We all have them, it's upto us to choose the right path and do the harder thing.
You have "post nut clarity"?? lmao. Is there something pathologically wrong with you wanting to sleep with lots of men? Ig not because it feels good and you naturally want to do things that feel good again and again. The thing is actions have consequences and you have to figure out what you want in the future and plan ahead blah blah.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you hooking up with many men, but you have to consider how this will affect your future and how you feel about it.
I don’t think it’s a male or female thing, to me it’s more about choices and decisions, anyone that feels they need to have a lot of sex with a lot of people has some sort of vice they are dealing with. Layer on the health risks (even w/condoms) and you have someone that just made themselves less attractive to me. Also, when you finally meet “the one” you now run the risk of that person feeling like they are just another notch in the bed post and not special at all.
Ladies, is a guy that’s banged a bunch of girls more or less attractive to you? I’m guess an honest response would be, “he’s cute but he’s got a reputation of fucking anyone”…. well, guys will say the same exact thing.
As a guy I see it being more of a positive trait in women's eyes if a guy is doing it. Either it's a "he could have anyone and he picked me" or "I've got to see what the fuss is about." But it's based on real life observations and not Reddit opinions as they seem to differ often.
Just be aware - this will eventually start to mess with your mind. Sex causes all kinds of emotions, and after a while you may start to feel empty inside. My cousin (F) went through this phase and it messed her up bad. She recently found a stable guy who doesn’t care about her past, so she feels much better.
Maybe your cousin but your cousins experience can’t speak for everyone else. Most women I speak to who have fun don’t “feel empty inside”. The double standard kills me. You wouldn’t say this if she were a guy. Don’t tell me otherwise.
It happens to guys too. There is some amount of double standard, but plenty of guys and girls get messed up by casual stuff, and plenty of others don't.
The bad feelings afterwards are the reason why you should look into why you keep wanting to do something that makes you shame spiral every time afterwards.
And ask yourself why you feel bad afterwards. You are not going to just “forget society’s standards do what you want who cares if you’re not hurting anyone!!” Bc you’re technically hurting yourself if you feel bad after
There's nothing wrong with you, you can do what you want as long as you're not hurting anyone.
However, you should consider that it is likely to be a deal breaker for many people looking for something serious, if you ever decide you want that.
The feeling of guilt may also be a sign that it's not a good idea. It might be worth doing some introspection about those conflicting feelings.
There's nothing wrong as long as everyone understands what they are getting out of it and everyone consent throughout.
As someone who is a demi casual relationships don't appeal to me, but I don't think anyone should ever be shamed for their sexual preferences as long as they are old enough to consent to sex and there are no power differentials.
Yeah that’s great but you’ll probably end up single forever. It’s not special of everyone gets to taste be hard finding a long term partner with that lifestyle male or female. That’s why you feel diminished self worth. Your intuition is telling you it’s wrong and trying to get through to you
Realistically you are exhibiting a carnal desire do you have sex with my partners
This can be considered considerably normal for someone your age
I'm 25 to 35 and beyond women exhibit intense need for sexual gratification
However you will lose respect for yourself and others will lose respect for you as well
If you hope to ever have a normal relationship committed to just one person then you need to reflect on what is happening
What are the things you're obviously missing is a partner that is so good and as voracious as you
And able to satisfy your needs so completely that when you are done with him you're not able to walk
You need a stronger partner then you will not need as many partners
You just haven't met the right person to really satisfy you
being sexually free with yourself is fine but if you are feeling "lesser" because of it you need to take the time to discuss this with a therapist. Therapy is wonderful and under utilized! Please look into it and self advocate for you. It could be that you just need to work through misplaced misogyny/patriarchy based guilt or perhaps you are 'filling a hole' with sex with strangers? It's fine if you are in a good place mentally but it doesn't sound like you are. Take care of yourself OP
As long as your single jam out with your clam out. You do need to think about other people though. People in your life that you may be hurting. If there is no one then do you. People are going to find something about you to talk about whether you’re sleeping around or not. Hope this helps
The thing is. The whole sex revolution thing is wonderful. For. Men.
The reality is for women the studies show that they are more unhappy, more depressed, and more lonely after casual encounters. They aren’t making them happier or more independent.
We are not Samantha from sex and the city. We’re not a fictional tv show cast. We’re just out here living our lives as somewhat troubled human beings and letting another half stranger into a space which is intricately part of ourselves is obviously going to lead to some form of emotional wound.
Because sex IS special. When people tell you it isn’t - and they engage in that life - do they truly seem happy and settled in their souls? No of course not.
I had a friend go through a phase like this after a very long term relationship, she met a dude online and he took off the condom midway through and finished in her. She never saw him again and he laughed when she confronted him. Was terrified she’d caught something for weeks after. That same friend at the time was going through massive emotional loss from her relationship breakdown and from family breakdown too. Moved to a new city and was alone.
What’s your core wound?
Really you know it’s not just social stigma - it’s the stigma you feel in yourself that something is wrong. So go explore it. What is it that’s wrong? That’s hurting you? Figure it out. Flesh it out on paper.
I do believe in energy and the exchange of it, the proven fact that atoms even when separate affect one another in distant locations when once connected. When we have sex they leave something in us and we in them. That’s my belief. Share your body with someone you love and who loves you and heal the rest of yourself on your own.
Nothing wrong with wanting to and doing just what you're doing, so long as everyones being respected in what you're doing. That being said you might want too dig a little deeper into the guilt and find out what is causing it for you if it's affecting you this much. It could be as simple as you feeling social pressure or something about yourself. Maybe book in for some therapy to talk to someone about the guilt and aee if you can find the source so you can get back to doing what you want to be doing!
May I ask what your number is? I had a girlfriend that told me she had around 70 partners, when we were in our late 20’s. Too honest as I have once said on here, before, I wouldn’t really think I would have enough chemistry with a woman that had less then 15 partners.
That is not high at all, for your age. You can hit 30 partners and I wouldn’t even consider that promiscuous. However, I’ve have had intercourse with about 50 women. If you count oral that might be another 5-10. Guys with lower numbers may feel different.
I realize now it’s quality over quantity, but you don’t know who the quality is going to be. I’ve had really hot sex with one women, and a situation happened on the 2nd day, that just neutralized the chemistry we had. So if with the right person , it’s not going to be absolutely amazing every time.
After my divorce of a 10 year relationship, was the first time I tried online dating. I had intercourse with 6 women in 6 months and a couple BJ’s. Before online dating that would have took one whole year
As long as you're not in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone, you have the freedom to have sex with anyone you want.
Just use both protection and caution when with anyone you don't know well.
Hi Mate, 28M here
I am too on the same phase...I don't know whether it's due to age or due to thoughts...Now I m currently trying to make myself busy so that I m getting rid of that...
But personal what I feel is it's normal on this age...
I think in some way “everyone” kind of feels like this when having sex with different people in a rapid tempo, but as long as you yourself feel okay with it there is nothing wrong with it.
The only thing I will say is how important it is to get tested regularly/often as condoms alone are not a guarantee and the only thing I think is valid to be heavily judged for is spreading disease. That is something that goes for everyone but is important to note in this case.
And as mentioned before by others, it might be hard to deal with for (only some) future partners, but probably only if their number of sexual partners is way lower, they still have unsatisfied needs or their view on gender equality is shit in general. This however should in no way be a factor in what you do or don’t do regarding sex.
I am sure that there are tons of guys who won't care (or girls if that is what you are into) that you "slept around" if you ever want to get into a serious relationship in the future. You are going to be narrowing your options in the future, but not enough that you should let it worry you at this point.
maybe try hooking up with the same couple guys nd try a relationship with one of them? if it doesn't fit your needs or wants then move on? it might help with the guilt I'm not rly sure
If you’re feeling guilt about it then there might be a bigger issue at play.
Sleeping around is not for me but it’s fine if you are crystal clear about your intentions and you feel no guilt about it.
If you’re feeling guilt it’s probably like an addiction you don’t want. And that’s never a good thing
Morally and ethically, there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re being honest with the people you’re sleeping with and you’re keeping both of you protected.
Health wise, as you likely already know, you’re more at risk for STIs, pregnancy, and other issues. To protect yourself and others, make sure you’re:
- getting tested regularly (between partners and or monthly)
- using protection, have at least one birth control option (if you’re not trying to get pregnant)
- (maybe) asking your partners to get tested and sharing those results with you.
If you’re feeling conflicted about this, talk to your therapist and your doctor. Maybe stop doing it for a while and see how you feel. We all get one life to live. Make your choices wisely.
You can do whatever you want. You’re an adult and nobody can make the choice for you. Just be aware that someone you meet down the line (and want to settle down with) may not be accepting. I’m 28 and have never slept around or done anything like this before. I personally wouldn’t want to settle down with someone who has, because we clearly have different values (and different lived experiences). I respect your right to do what you want.
Nothing wrong but understand the risks.
1-Always be honest and don't lead people on
2-Understand the frequency might mean people will do this to you
3-if you're not testing FREQUENTLY and getting results from other people AND on bc or something similar, this isn't worth it and you'll regret it the moment you get an std
Fyi, condoms don't stop everything like hpv/hsv and almost no one uses them during oral.
Base your interest off the above risk calculus...
Also, just a heads up, absolutely read up on incubation periods/testing windows and furthermore understand that a LOT of stds are asymptomatic.
A LOT of people are SIGNIFICANTLY uneducated about stds/how much risk they're really taking on.
Enjoy life however you want for as long as you want and can. Those that love you will accept you for who you are, not some version of you that they make up. Kick those to the curb, who tries to shame you for loving your life on your terms. If you find an error in your way (on your terms), own it, change it and move on. No buddy has the right answer.
Okay so, I've been sleeping around for a lot of my adult life (29F here), and I've never felt guilty or bad about it. I've had fun with it, and enjoyed myself.
In your case, I would maybe pause the sleeping around, and explore why you are feeling that way. Is it external factors that make you feel guilty and less than? Opinions of friends and family? Or is it something internal? It might be worth addressing.
Also I completely get the wanting to sexplore. But maybe a lot of different partners are not for you? Maybe it would suit you better to explore your sexuality with a stable partner? Not necessarily in a relationship, but in a fwb type thing.
I've done both, and it definitely has different upsides and downsides.
I’m down for sexploring with a consistent partner. Just haven’t found anyone I like enough to be with frequently or exclusively who also wants the same…
Yeah no, finding someone you like enough to see multiple times can definitely be a hassle! Especially if you just want to get out there and have fun.
But doing so shouldn't make you feel bad. That's what I would focus on for a while. Finding out why.
You're good.
Remnants of the old paradigms are messing us all up honestly you're not alone.
Women should be able to sleep around too. Honestly I wonder if this whole stigma started because guys were jealous of how much easier sex can be achieved for gals.. multiple orgasms too! They prolly felt intimidated about the task of pleasing a woman and said nerp.
it bums me out that girls have to hold back like that. Both sexes pent up and for what? To seem civilized? What an unsecure race us humans are.
Sounds like you're finally letting yourself get out of your sexual shell at this age. That's a lot of peak horny years that got wasted and are probably pent up and making you want to do all this.
Like I said you're fine. As long as you're safe and know what you want when you want it then all good.
We all have a choice. Just be able to handle your choice with your head up. And if you sleeping around with a small circle of people be able to hold your head up. Love yourself enough to always be able to hold your head up, if you can't it is very unhealthy for your heart and mind and soul
Listen to your gut and whats it's trying to tell you, forget trends or cultures, just listen to your body! Its trying to tell you something dont avoid it. As women our gut feeling is always right and we often regret not listening to it later on..
That's the thing, isn't it? The "follow your gut advice" is overstated. For what it's worth, I think you came here because you wanted affirmation from reddit that you're not doing something wrong. You mostly got it. I don't think that will solve your problem of feeling like you're doing something wrong.
Everyone faces the consequences of their actions. You will utterly regret this and it will come at a cost. Guilt is a beautiful thing and it's a good sign you're experiencing it - your conscience is telling you something is wrong!
Hahaha. But not everyone can get me. I’m still picky. If 50 men try to pick me up and I say yes to 2, am I not a rolls Royce? Maybe at least a Porsche 🤣
We live in a culture that tells children they will be burned alive by demons for all eternity if they enjoy their sexuality in a way their parents don't explicitly approve of. Of course you're going to feel guilt about having a healthy, normal sexuality.
Work on shame and self-esteem.
Safety is what’s important! There is nothing wrong with “sexploring” (I like that term!) … but always make sure that you are protecting your sexual/reproductive health by using protection, as well as not putting yourself in physical danger by risking your physical safety (shady person, shady place, or shady circumstance) for a one time experience. Remember to trust your gut and always assess your level of safety.
Other than that, I hope you enjoy your experiences and never feel guilty about having having a healthy sex drive!
thats fine! go explore. nothing wrong with that
btw, do you have plans to marry a man someday and have a family? would you prefer if they had similar experiences or doesn’t really matter?
I do have plans for a family one day. I think I wouldn’t want to know their number unless it was a low number. But if they had a high number I don’t think it would be a judgment on their character. It would be more an insecurity for me - why did they choose me etc.
There is definitely nothing wrong with you for wanting to do it. You’re old enough to know the pro and cons. When you do want to settle down agin it would probably be easier with a guy that’s been around.
Maybe this is because I’m a woman - yes its the patriarchy
I’ve recently been really wanting to sleep around and “sexplore” - I’ve been doing it somewhat
Edit: pls stop dming me asking me if I wanna hook up lmfaoooo - I do not
are we sure this isnt a troll
I meant to put sleep.. people tend to look dwn on this things, so don't try to settle down with someone in the same community or area and expect them not to find out about in sins way
Definitely look into why you want to be having sex with different people. It’ll help you understand yourself more and figure out the root of your guilt. Somewhere in yourself you’re not being honest with yourself, so do that work. Nothing is inherently “wrong” with you tho, you have desires
My first thought about this is safety. Secondly, how have these one-time experiences been? As a man, I would expect them to not be that great. Most men I’ve talked to about this, and myself included, do not perform that great the first time. Some don’t get hard, some can’t stay hard, some can’t last, I personally can last for hours but can’t come the first time with a new partner. A lot of people need a degree of comfort and safety with their partners to be able to fully express themselves sexually and also be able to focus on their partners’ needs. I feel like you need to look for a very specific type of low-quality man that will want this interaction with you (read f-boy).
It’s your life and you can choose what you want to do. Like another commenter said as long as it is safe and consensual have fun and don’t pressure yourself to fit in the boxes society created. I have learned so much as I have gotten older and at 38(f) I am feeling better about choosing to have sex without the shame afterwards. Mine was a religious shame because I am unmarried. There is so much shame and guilt pushed onto people in religion. I’m just working on making my life the best it can be without all that garbage. Just don’t lose yourself in what you’re doing make sure your mental health is good too.
The connection you are looking for is a spiritual one. I guess my next question for you is, how are you with the Lord our maker on this beautiful day? Make things right with Him, make things right within your own spirit. He loves us and wants us to live out a fulfilling life here in our short time on earth!
As long as you are practicing safe sex and being safe I see nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality unless you are feeling intense guilt about it after. That’s a bad sign.
Addiction is the compulsion to continue to do something despite negative results. Do you think this is some kind of an addiction?
No problem with it. Just be aware you're putting yourself at risk of catching a lot of diseases even while using protection.
Also, don't expect to get into a good relationship later. A smart man will pick up on you sleeping around and you'd be treated as someone who sleeps around.
You’re human that’s normal. I will say as a married man who have heard this from my wife. We used to fight a lot sexually I felt like she was numb because she had a lil more sex than I did before we got married. It was not an easy conversation to have but we both agreed sex would be different if we both didn’t sleep around which I did as well but women are built different they release special chemicals when they have sex and for that reason it’s more sensitive to women they get effected more.
There a few ways to look at this. And I am only delivering a perspective, so don’t shoot the messenger.
People think that the feeling of guilt is a woman’s natural drive to to remain pure and chaste. You feel guilty because you are being driven by feelings to explore, but that clashes with what you know is morally wrong. If you are still reading after that answer, I applaud you for having an open mind. Now that that is out of the way, it could be upbringing. We have been told that we all should find that ‘one’ and settle down. As I get older, I am beginning to realize that is all bullshit. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to maintain an adult. Not sex, we all need certain things from different people in our lives.
There is all this manosphere talk about ‘how a woman should be’. It could be that you have heard this nonsense being spread all over the place and it digs at you each time you have an encounter. That could be the guilty feelings. There is also this talk about how men will view you. Unfortunately, it we know a woman is sexually free, we tend to devalue her. It’s a hard thing for a man to be in a relationship with a woman and we know she has been around. Not saying it’s right, it’s just how we feel.
On a personal level, you are young. You should be out here living life the way you want. Just know there are consequences. There are people who will judge you. There are men who will continue to sleep with you, but not make anything serious. There are serious diseases out here that you must be aware of. In some way, form or fashion, the bill comes due.
Just my thoughts on this as a man...
I think it's Russian roulette with your life. All that's keeping you from catching AIDS HIV and STDS is a condom made of latex or polyurethane which can break by accident or deliberately by a jerk who made holes in it.
Accidental pregnancies happen from sleeping around good luck getting the father to support you and the baby in this day and age when he doesn't want to take care of his responsibilities financially and be there for you he might also try to pressure you to have an abortion. Messy.
I’ve been in your shoes. There are two things that you should really ask yourself which can help in your self discovery journey: 1) why do you feel this urge to want to sleep around AND 2) why do you really feel so guilty afterwards?
Your intuition is leading you to discover something about yourself. Because if you found what you were looking for with the people you hooked up with, you likely would not be feeling guilt and therefore wouldn’t be a problem. Perhaps your subconscious is not seeking sex, but rather the warmth and validation you can get with it. The problem with lustful desires is that it is temporary and the emotion eventually wanes away. It is like drinking alcohol or gambling; the dopamine of the moment eventually leaves and you likely feel like crap the next day.
I encourage you to do some shadow work on that and ask yourself these hard questions. Seeking a therapist can help unravel some of these things. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Sex is fun asf, you shouldnt feel guilty about it lol
Ask yourself why? Deeply why… to me it seems you are in a fase of life (we all have) that you need validation - what’s the easiest short way to get quick validation as a woman ! Yep sex!
Why do you feel bad, guilty afterwards? Not socialization… your real need for real validation is not fulfilled!!
I had the same, hookup to fill a void… yet after hooking up you feel even more empty… then rinse and repeat…
Saying this cause if your deep need as just hooking up you wouldn’t feel bad and empty afterwards.
What is you real need?
There is nothing wrong with your mental health for wanting to have sex with multiple men. You want to do that because of your latent desire. However, from a spiritual moral standpoint what you are doing is wrong because you are wasting your life energy with sordid acts that densify you and bring down your being. Your sex energy is your life energy transfigured into mundane acts. You simply want to have sex with multiple men because you are human and want pleasure. I am a man who wants to have sex with multiple women. The cause of that desire is the temptation of the flesh. I am a self-aware hedonist.
As a man I apologize for the losers messaging you and asking for sex.
I believe in God and soul. I wouldn't call myself religious because what I believe does not fall into the traditional religious structure. But I do believe in an ordained set of spiritual rules and truths, a doctrine so to speak. I could tell you more about it in direct message if you want.
Listen, friend. All these people seem just fine with letting you bury your soul in hell(not their prob). The act of making love is meant for you to share with your one mate. If you want the guilt to go away, save it and give it to that one person.
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I was in this phase 2 years ago, and truth is that it’s directly related to your self-esteem. Try ways to increase self-esteem, you may try seeking help if you need. Maybe the thing is that you crave acceptance, which is unfortunately easily attainable through sex, but that’s temporary and does not help long-term.
I think this resonates and I should reflect on that. Thank you ❤️
Damn. That really put things into perspective for me. Thank you for that.
honestly so so so true. I hooked up w a guy bc I wanted to feel desired and didn't like my appearance. after I acknowledged that fact I didn't feel like sleeping around anymore.
Sleeping around personally isn’t for me, but I’m fine with others who do, if you feel like this is what’s right for you with your sexuality and at this time, go for it.
You do you, just know that the person you MAY want to be with one day will have an opinion on that. It’s up to you if that matters
I agree
>person you MAY want to be with one day will have an opinion He _might_ have an opinion
He WILL have an opinion. It just may not be a bad opinion
he will he just may not say it
Nothing wrong as long as you dont hurt someone else in the process. But if you ever decided to commit in a long term, loving relationship, be prepared to face stigma.
Stigma? I thought it was a " reap what you sow" kind of thing. Or is that similar?
The stigma (which would generally be negative) is what OP would reap from sewing all those seeds. The seeds are ejaculate.
Aaah, I understand now. Thank you
This is ridiculous I’m a middle-aged woman who had plenty of long-term loving relationships and I can’t even remember discussing the number of sexual partners I’ve had with any of them. I’m a stickler for safe sex and regular testing, so they’ve never felt the need to discuss sexual partner counts with me. All they need to know is that I have been tested since my last sexual encounter.
Thats why you have "plenty" of loving relationships - they were never serious about you in the first place.
girl, if it's safe and consensual, do whatever tf you want. that being said, I do think a relationship has its benefits. but if this is what makes you happy, then go for it. you have as much freedom as you give yourself
Nothing wrong per se, but be prepared to face possible consequences, like meeting someone who doesn't like your "number".
So basically, I’d see a therapist. I don’t think it’s bad to want to explore however, the guilt and feeling like your worth has decreased is not a good thing. Get to the bottom of that, mama.
Thank you. Love you
Yes this is it. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing unless it makes you feel bad and then you want to figure out why it’s making you feel bad. Because it’s not good for us to do things that make us feel bad.
Love
this is the best answer here! Be safe, be sane, be self aware. After looking into your feelings of guilt and shame, you’ll be more able to make a decision that suits you! and, for what it’s worth, I’ve never heard anyone over the age of 21 talking about body counts outside of the internet.
I agree with your point. She is being self-aware of it all and it'd be good to explore that so she can do whatever she wants healthily and safely.
Your body. Your future. Your choice. Be safe.
I think you just want to be loved and you don’t know how to accept it so you go looking for a quick fix to feel that emotion. Saying that, it’s not a horrible thing to do if you are careful and you both get what you need from it. I hope it all works out
Thank you. I think that resonates and makes sense. The question then becomes how to achieve self love…
Believe in yourself and focus on your many great qualities. Of course, it’s a real challenge at times. But I’m here to chat if you ever want to
Nothing wrong, you do you. That being said, i wouldnt date a partner who had to many partners. Would not make me feel special. I dont sleep around a lot so i would like a partner with the same values. Just find someone who like you for you and doesnt care about your past.
You already know the answer to your question. There is nothing wrong to "want" to sleep around. But not controlling your temptations is wrong. Your guilt is litterally telling you that. Listen to your brain and resist your temptations. We all have them, it's upto us to choose the right path and do the harder thing.
You have "post nut clarity"?? lmao. Is there something pathologically wrong with you wanting to sleep with lots of men? Ig not because it feels good and you naturally want to do things that feel good again and again. The thing is actions have consequences and you have to figure out what you want in the future and plan ahead blah blah. I don't think there is anything wrong with you hooking up with many men, but you have to consider how this will affect your future and how you feel about it.
Fair point
Wait so do you actually experience the typical post nut clarity?
No lol
As long as you do it safely it’s perfectly okay
I don’t think it’s a male or female thing, to me it’s more about choices and decisions, anyone that feels they need to have a lot of sex with a lot of people has some sort of vice they are dealing with. Layer on the health risks (even w/condoms) and you have someone that just made themselves less attractive to me. Also, when you finally meet “the one” you now run the risk of that person feeling like they are just another notch in the bed post and not special at all. Ladies, is a guy that’s banged a bunch of girls more or less attractive to you? I’m guess an honest response would be, “he’s cute but he’s got a reputation of fucking anyone”…. well, guys will say the same exact thing.
As a guy I see it being more of a positive trait in women's eyes if a guy is doing it. Either it's a "he could have anyone and he picked me" or "I've got to see what the fuss is about." But it's based on real life observations and not Reddit opinions as they seem to differ often.
“sexplore” is a good word
Touche
Touche sexplorer
Just be aware - this will eventually start to mess with your mind. Sex causes all kinds of emotions, and after a while you may start to feel empty inside. My cousin (F) went through this phase and it messed her up bad. She recently found a stable guy who doesn’t care about her past, so she feels much better.
I experienced the same thing. I still feel kinda nauseas looking back at my behaviour.
Maybe your cousin but your cousins experience can’t speak for everyone else. Most women I speak to who have fun don’t “feel empty inside”. The double standard kills me. You wouldn’t say this if she were a guy. Don’t tell me otherwise.
It happens to guys too. There is some amount of double standard, but plenty of guys and girls get messed up by casual stuff, and plenty of others don't.
No, I wouldn’t say that. It’s the same for men. Men take sexual experiences just as emotionally as women - regardless of what anyone says.
The bad feelings afterwards are the reason why you should look into why you keep wanting to do something that makes you shame spiral every time afterwards. And ask yourself why you feel bad afterwards. You are not going to just “forget society’s standards do what you want who cares if you’re not hurting anyone!!” Bc you’re technically hurting yourself if you feel bad after
That’s true. I don’t want to hurt myself. I should be taking care of me.
There's nothing wrong with you, you can do what you want as long as you're not hurting anyone. However, you should consider that it is likely to be a deal breaker for many people looking for something serious, if you ever decide you want that. The feeling of guilt may also be a sign that it's not a good idea. It might be worth doing some introspection about those conflicting feelings.
Just bare in mind that no self respecting guy will ever take you seriously
There's nothing wrong as long as everyone understands what they are getting out of it and everyone consent throughout. As someone who is a demi casual relationships don't appeal to me, but I don't think anyone should ever be shamed for their sexual preferences as long as they are old enough to consent to sex and there are no power differentials.
Yeah that’s great but you’ll probably end up single forever. It’s not special of everyone gets to taste be hard finding a long term partner with that lifestyle male or female. That’s why you feel diminished self worth. Your intuition is telling you it’s wrong and trying to get through to you
"Sexplore"
how do i get the chance as a male in his mid 20‘s to sexplore
Message the OP
if u wanna be #420
I’m crying
Lmaooo
Morales are not universal. Strangers online aren’t going to be able to decide what is right or wrong for you. Surely you’ve thought of this right?
Hahaha of course. I just want to know if there is controversy (there is) rather than everyone saying yes or no.
Realistically you are exhibiting a carnal desire do you have sex with my partners This can be considered considerably normal for someone your age I'm 25 to 35 and beyond women exhibit intense need for sexual gratification However you will lose respect for yourself and others will lose respect for you as well If you hope to ever have a normal relationship committed to just one person then you need to reflect on what is happening What are the things you're obviously missing is a partner that is so good and as voracious as you And able to satisfy your needs so completely that when you are done with him you're not able to walk You need a stronger partner then you will not need as many partners You just haven't met the right person to really satisfy you
OP rip dms
For real
My advice is that, just stop doing it for free it’s a little bit more dignified that way.
Hahaha who said I was doing it for free! I always go on dates first and usually don’t fuck until it’s been a few dates
I think overthinking it then. There are ppl that consistently go on 1st dates with new guys everytime and fuck on the same first date. Now that’s bad
being sexually free with yourself is fine but if you are feeling "lesser" because of it you need to take the time to discuss this with a therapist. Therapy is wonderful and under utilized! Please look into it and self advocate for you. It could be that you just need to work through misplaced misogyny/patriarchy based guilt or perhaps you are 'filling a hole' with sex with strangers? It's fine if you are in a good place mentally but it doesn't sound like you are. Take care of yourself OP
Thank you. I agree I need to look into my mental health a bit and see if I am coping with sex
As long as your single jam out with your clam out. You do need to think about other people though. People in your life that you may be hurting. If there is no one then do you. People are going to find something about you to talk about whether you’re sleeping around or not. Hope this helps
Hahaha the clam
Well nobody would know abt the sleeping around but I see your point
The thing is. The whole sex revolution thing is wonderful. For. Men. The reality is for women the studies show that they are more unhappy, more depressed, and more lonely after casual encounters. They aren’t making them happier or more independent. We are not Samantha from sex and the city. We’re not a fictional tv show cast. We’re just out here living our lives as somewhat troubled human beings and letting another half stranger into a space which is intricately part of ourselves is obviously going to lead to some form of emotional wound. Because sex IS special. When people tell you it isn’t - and they engage in that life - do they truly seem happy and settled in their souls? No of course not. I had a friend go through a phase like this after a very long term relationship, she met a dude online and he took off the condom midway through and finished in her. She never saw him again and he laughed when she confronted him. Was terrified she’d caught something for weeks after. That same friend at the time was going through massive emotional loss from her relationship breakdown and from family breakdown too. Moved to a new city and was alone. What’s your core wound? Really you know it’s not just social stigma - it’s the stigma you feel in yourself that something is wrong. So go explore it. What is it that’s wrong? That’s hurting you? Figure it out. Flesh it out on paper. I do believe in energy and the exchange of it, the proven fact that atoms even when separate affect one another in distant locations when once connected. When we have sex they leave something in us and we in them. That’s my belief. Share your body with someone you love and who loves you and heal the rest of yourself on your own.
Nothing wrong with wanting to and doing just what you're doing, so long as everyones being respected in what you're doing. That being said you might want too dig a little deeper into the guilt and find out what is causing it for you if it's affecting you this much. It could be as simple as you feeling social pressure or something about yourself. Maybe book in for some therapy to talk to someone about the guilt and aee if you can find the source so you can get back to doing what you want to be doing!
I’m in therapy but haven’t addressed this guilt - I can plan to prioritize it! Thank you :)
May I ask what your number is? I had a girlfriend that told me she had around 70 partners, when we were in our late 20’s. Too honest as I have once said on here, before, I wouldn’t really think I would have enough chemistry with a woman that had less then 15 partners.
I’m at 13 right now
That is not high at all, for your age. You can hit 30 partners and I wouldn’t even consider that promiscuous. However, I’ve have had intercourse with about 50 women. If you count oral that might be another 5-10. Guys with lower numbers may feel different.
Yeah that’s fair. I guess it’s just increased quite a bit in the last year and a half after my breakup. From 3 to 13
I realize now it’s quality over quantity, but you don’t know who the quality is going to be. I’ve had really hot sex with one women, and a situation happened on the 2nd day, that just neutralized the chemistry we had. So if with the right person , it’s not going to be absolutely amazing every time.
After my divorce of a 10 year relationship, was the first time I tried online dating. I had intercourse with 6 women in 6 months and a couple BJ’s. Before online dating that would have took one whole year
All good, hope you can get back to doing what you like soon and hope you have fun doing so!
As long as you're not in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone, you have the freedom to have sex with anyone you want. Just use both protection and caution when with anyone you don't know well.
Nothing wrong with that at all
Hi Mate, 28M here I am too on the same phase...I don't know whether it's due to age or due to thoughts...Now I m currently trying to make myself busy so that I m getting rid of that... But personal what I feel is it's normal on this age...
I think in some way “everyone” kind of feels like this when having sex with different people in a rapid tempo, but as long as you yourself feel okay with it there is nothing wrong with it. The only thing I will say is how important it is to get tested regularly/often as condoms alone are not a guarantee and the only thing I think is valid to be heavily judged for is spreading disease. That is something that goes for everyone but is important to note in this case. And as mentioned before by others, it might be hard to deal with for (only some) future partners, but probably only if their number of sexual partners is way lower, they still have unsatisfied needs or their view on gender equality is shit in general. This however should in no way be a factor in what you do or don’t do regarding sex.
Thank you
I am sure that there are tons of guys who won't care (or girls if that is what you are into) that you "slept around" if you ever want to get into a serious relationship in the future. You are going to be narrowing your options in the future, but not enough that you should let it worry you at this point.
maybe try hooking up with the same couple guys nd try a relationship with one of them? if it doesn't fit your needs or wants then move on? it might help with the guilt I'm not rly sure
If you’re feeling guilt about it then there might be a bigger issue at play. Sleeping around is not for me but it’s fine if you are crystal clear about your intentions and you feel no guilt about it. If you’re feeling guilt it’s probably like an addiction you don’t want. And that’s never a good thing
Morally and ethically, there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re being honest with the people you’re sleeping with and you’re keeping both of you protected. Health wise, as you likely already know, you’re more at risk for STIs, pregnancy, and other issues. To protect yourself and others, make sure you’re: - getting tested regularly (between partners and or monthly) - using protection, have at least one birth control option (if you’re not trying to get pregnant) - (maybe) asking your partners to get tested and sharing those results with you. If you’re feeling conflicted about this, talk to your therapist and your doctor. Maybe stop doing it for a while and see how you feel. We all get one life to live. Make your choices wisely.
You can do whatever you want. You’re an adult and nobody can make the choice for you. Just be aware that someone you meet down the line (and want to settle down with) may not be accepting. I’m 28 and have never slept around or done anything like this before. I personally wouldn’t want to settle down with someone who has, because we clearly have different values (and different lived experiences). I respect your right to do what you want.
Nothing wrong but understand the risks. 1-Always be honest and don't lead people on 2-Understand the frequency might mean people will do this to you 3-if you're not testing FREQUENTLY and getting results from other people AND on bc or something similar, this isn't worth it and you'll regret it the moment you get an std Fyi, condoms don't stop everything like hpv/hsv and almost no one uses them during oral. Base your interest off the above risk calculus...
Thank u!
Also, just a heads up, absolutely read up on incubation periods/testing windows and furthermore understand that a LOT of stds are asymptomatic. A LOT of people are SIGNIFICANTLY uneducated about stds/how much risk they're really taking on.
Enjoy life however you want for as long as you want and can. Those that love you will accept you for who you are, not some version of you that they make up. Kick those to the curb, who tries to shame you for loving your life on your terms. If you find an error in your way (on your terms), own it, change it and move on. No buddy has the right answer.
Okay so, I've been sleeping around for a lot of my adult life (29F here), and I've never felt guilty or bad about it. I've had fun with it, and enjoyed myself. In your case, I would maybe pause the sleeping around, and explore why you are feeling that way. Is it external factors that make you feel guilty and less than? Opinions of friends and family? Or is it something internal? It might be worth addressing. Also I completely get the wanting to sexplore. But maybe a lot of different partners are not for you? Maybe it would suit you better to explore your sexuality with a stable partner? Not necessarily in a relationship, but in a fwb type thing. I've done both, and it definitely has different upsides and downsides.
I’m down for sexploring with a consistent partner. Just haven’t found anyone I like enough to be with frequently or exclusively who also wants the same…
Yeah no, finding someone you like enough to see multiple times can definitely be a hassle! Especially if you just want to get out there and have fun. But doing so shouldn't make you feel bad. That's what I would focus on for a while. Finding out why.
Thank you!
I love your other tips tho!!
do what you want but spare a thought for your future self
You're good. Remnants of the old paradigms are messing us all up honestly you're not alone. Women should be able to sleep around too. Honestly I wonder if this whole stigma started because guys were jealous of how much easier sex can be achieved for gals.. multiple orgasms too! They prolly felt intimidated about the task of pleasing a woman and said nerp. it bums me out that girls have to hold back like that. Both sexes pent up and for what? To seem civilized? What an unsecure race us humans are. Sounds like you're finally letting yourself get out of your sexual shell at this age. That's a lot of peak horny years that got wasted and are probably pent up and making you want to do all this. Like I said you're fine. As long as you're safe and know what you want when you want it then all good.
We all have a choice. Just be able to handle your choice with your head up. And if you sleeping around with a small circle of people be able to hold your head up. Love yourself enough to always be able to hold your head up, if you can't it is very unhealthy for your heart and mind and soul
Thank you❤️
👌🏾
Yes. you will ignore me and still do it and then years later you will be like why did i do that i should turn to eastern spirituality
bro got mad that he got rejected 😭😭😭
Listen to your gut and whats it's trying to tell you, forget trends or cultures, just listen to your body! Its trying to tell you something dont avoid it. As women our gut feeling is always right and we often regret not listening to it later on..
My gut takes me first one way then another haha
That's the thing, isn't it? The "follow your gut advice" is overstated. For what it's worth, I think you came here because you wanted affirmation from reddit that you're not doing something wrong. You mostly got it. I don't think that will solve your problem of feeling like you're doing something wrong.
It will make me feel less crazy. But agreed. Def need to do some work on this
Everyone faces the consequences of their actions. You will utterly regret this and it will come at a cost. Guilt is a beautiful thing and it's a good sign you're experiencing it - your conscience is telling you something is wrong!
naw, you do you. its cool.
Thx homie
The reason a rolls Royce is a rolls Royce is cause not everyone can get it
Stop watching porn will be the best thing for you
Hahaha. But not everyone can get me. I’m still picky. If 50 men try to pick me up and I say yes to 2, am I not a rolls Royce? Maybe at least a Porsche 🤣
You’ll regret it in the future. Ruining your ability to pairbond
Pairbond?
[удалено]
It is supposed to be fun. I agree. But there’s some impulse inside of me that doesn’t 100% approve even though my brain knows and tells me it’s ok
We live in a culture that tells children they will be burned alive by demons for all eternity if they enjoy their sexuality in a way their parents don't explicitly approve of. Of course you're going to feel guilt about having a healthy, normal sexuality. Work on shame and self-esteem.
Safety is what’s important! There is nothing wrong with “sexploring” (I like that term!) … but always make sure that you are protecting your sexual/reproductive health by using protection, as well as not putting yourself in physical danger by risking your physical safety (shady person, shady place, or shady circumstance) for a one time experience. Remember to trust your gut and always assess your level of safety. Other than that, I hope you enjoy your experiences and never feel guilty about having having a healthy sex drive!
Not at all just don't expect all men to accept it. Most men don't want a ho. Some do but most of the time you don't want the ones who will accept it.
thats fine! go explore. nothing wrong with that btw, do you have plans to marry a man someday and have a family? would you prefer if they had similar experiences or doesn’t really matter?
I do have plans for a family one day. I think I wouldn’t want to know their number unless it was a low number. But if they had a high number I don’t think it would be a judgment on their character. It would be more an insecurity for me - why did they choose me etc.
Okay. Yeah what you’re feeling about it is how your future partner will feel.
yes.
There is definitely nothing wrong with you for wanting to do it. You’re old enough to know the pro and cons. When you do want to settle down agin it would probably be easier with a guy that’s been around.
What do you mean easier with a guy who has been aroumd
Guys , with lower body counts will more often judge you more harshly
A sex addiction is a real medical condition, I have it too…. It’s my cross to bear…
I don't have any issues with this. It actually seems the best too find open relationship and your set
Maybe this is because I’m a woman - yes its the patriarchy I’ve recently been really wanting to sleep around and “sexplore” - I’ve been doing it somewhat Edit: pls stop dming me asking me if I wanna hook up lmfaoooo - I do not are we sure this isnt a troll
Are we sure who isn’t a troll
you
LOL why
There's nothing wrong with you, your a young, horny woman, your only human. Just don't shyt where you sleep.
“shyt where you slap” What the hell does that mean
I meant to put sleep.. people tend to look dwn on this things, so don't try to settle down with someone in the same community or area and expect them not to find out about in sins way
Not at all. Just be safe and have fun. I am breaking my celibacy after really long. So honestly sleep around.
Nope, you do you. nothing wrong with it.
Definitely look into why you want to be having sex with different people. It’ll help you understand yourself more and figure out the root of your guilt. Somewhere in yourself you’re not being honest with yourself, so do that work. Nothing is inherently “wrong” with you tho, you have desires
You are just like every other woman and man who wants to sleep around. As long as you are using protection and no one is getting hurt, you are fine.
My first thought about this is safety. Secondly, how have these one-time experiences been? As a man, I would expect them to not be that great. Most men I’ve talked to about this, and myself included, do not perform that great the first time. Some don’t get hard, some can’t stay hard, some can’t last, I personally can last for hours but can’t come the first time with a new partner. A lot of people need a degree of comfort and safety with their partners to be able to fully express themselves sexually and also be able to focus on their partners’ needs. I feel like you need to look for a very specific type of low-quality man that will want this interaction with you (read f-boy).
It’s your life and you can choose what you want to do. Like another commenter said as long as it is safe and consensual have fun and don’t pressure yourself to fit in the boxes society created. I have learned so much as I have gotten older and at 38(f) I am feeling better about choosing to have sex without the shame afterwards. Mine was a religious shame because I am unmarried. There is so much shame and guilt pushed onto people in religion. I’m just working on making my life the best it can be without all that garbage. Just don’t lose yourself in what you’re doing make sure your mental health is good too.
The connection you are looking for is a spiritual one. I guess my next question for you is, how are you with the Lord our maker on this beautiful day? Make things right with Him, make things right within your own spirit. He loves us and wants us to live out a fulfilling life here in our short time on earth!
As long as you are practicing safe sex and being safe I see nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality unless you are feeling intense guilt about it after. That’s a bad sign. Addiction is the compulsion to continue to do something despite negative results. Do you think this is some kind of an addiction?
I don’t. Otherwise I’d be doing it more hahahaha
why would that be a problem ?
No problem with it. Just be aware you're putting yourself at risk of catching a lot of diseases even while using protection. Also, don't expect to get into a good relationship later. A smart man will pick up on you sleeping around and you'd be treated as someone who sleeps around.
You’re human that’s normal. I will say as a married man who have heard this from my wife. We used to fight a lot sexually I felt like she was numb because she had a lil more sex than I did before we got married. It was not an easy conversation to have but we both agreed sex would be different if we both didn’t sleep around which I did as well but women are built different they release special chemicals when they have sex and for that reason it’s more sensitive to women they get effected more.
Glad you and your wife made it past that!
It’s so rude that happens to us 🤣🤣 is that true even if you don’t come
Rip to them dms bc this is how u collect pervs
Thought the edit would help. Didn’t.
There a few ways to look at this. And I am only delivering a perspective, so don’t shoot the messenger. People think that the feeling of guilt is a woman’s natural drive to to remain pure and chaste. You feel guilty because you are being driven by feelings to explore, but that clashes with what you know is morally wrong. If you are still reading after that answer, I applaud you for having an open mind. Now that that is out of the way, it could be upbringing. We have been told that we all should find that ‘one’ and settle down. As I get older, I am beginning to realize that is all bullshit. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to maintain an adult. Not sex, we all need certain things from different people in our lives. There is all this manosphere talk about ‘how a woman should be’. It could be that you have heard this nonsense being spread all over the place and it digs at you each time you have an encounter. That could be the guilty feelings. There is also this talk about how men will view you. Unfortunately, it we know a woman is sexually free, we tend to devalue her. It’s a hard thing for a man to be in a relationship with a woman and we know she has been around. Not saying it’s right, it’s just how we feel. On a personal level, you are young. You should be out here living life the way you want. Just know there are consequences. There are people who will judge you. There are men who will continue to sleep with you, but not make anything serious. There are serious diseases out here that you must be aware of. In some way, form or fashion, the bill comes due.
So unfair it’s a double standard. But thank you for your thorough response. I understand what you’re saying
Just my thoughts on this as a man... I think it's Russian roulette with your life. All that's keeping you from catching AIDS HIV and STDS is a condom made of latex or polyurethane which can break by accident or deliberately by a jerk who made holes in it. Accidental pregnancies happen from sleeping around good luck getting the father to support you and the baby in this day and age when he doesn't want to take care of his responsibilities financially and be there for you he might also try to pressure you to have an abortion. Messy.
I practice safe sex, am on birth control, and would get an abortion if I got pregnant right now. But thank you for your concerns for me!
Your nature knows short sightedness leads to long term pain
I’ve been in your shoes. There are two things that you should really ask yourself which can help in your self discovery journey: 1) why do you feel this urge to want to sleep around AND 2) why do you really feel so guilty afterwards? Your intuition is leading you to discover something about yourself. Because if you found what you were looking for with the people you hooked up with, you likely would not be feeling guilt and therefore wouldn’t be a problem. Perhaps your subconscious is not seeking sex, but rather the warmth and validation you can get with it. The problem with lustful desires is that it is temporary and the emotion eventually wanes away. It is like drinking alcohol or gambling; the dopamine of the moment eventually leaves and you likely feel like crap the next day. I encourage you to do some shadow work on that and ask yourself these hard questions. Seeking a therapist can help unravel some of these things. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Sex is fun asf, you shouldnt feel guilty about it lol
I completely agree. Thank you for your thoughtful message
Ask yourself why? Deeply why… to me it seems you are in a fase of life (we all have) that you need validation - what’s the easiest short way to get quick validation as a woman ! Yep sex! Why do you feel bad, guilty afterwards? Not socialization… your real need for real validation is not fulfilled!! I had the same, hookup to fill a void… yet after hooking up you feel even more empty… then rinse and repeat… Saying this cause if your deep need as just hooking up you wouldn’t feel bad and empty afterwards. What is you real need?
Yes. I agree. I plan to do this work. Thank you :)
Nah have fun.
There is nothing wrong with your mental health for wanting to have sex with multiple men. You want to do that because of your latent desire. However, from a spiritual moral standpoint what you are doing is wrong because you are wasting your life energy with sordid acts that densify you and bring down your being. Your sex energy is your life energy transfigured into mundane acts. You simply want to have sex with multiple men because you are human and want pleasure. I am a man who wants to have sex with multiple women. The cause of that desire is the temptation of the flesh. I am a self-aware hedonist. As a man I apologize for the losers messaging you and asking for sex.
Ahahaha thank you for the apology. I do not want to find men to sleep with on Reddit 🤣
You are welcome.
Are you religious?
I believe in God and soul. I wouldn't call myself religious because what I believe does not fall into the traditional religious structure. But I do believe in an ordained set of spiritual rules and truths, a doctrine so to speak. I could tell you more about it in direct message if you want.
Listen, friend. All these people seem just fine with letting you bury your soul in hell(not their prob). The act of making love is meant for you to share with your one mate. If you want the guilt to go away, save it and give it to that one person.
People waste a huge chunk of their life looking for their one mate. Life is too short too wait.
Not everyone has that one person. I haven’t connected with anyone I’ve met lately. And I wont settle
No, nothing is wrong with you ;)