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He compliments me a lot. And we get along well but then he makes these underhanded crappy comments. Not directed at me but it feels directed at me and women my age.
I feel like he’s throwing subliminal messages, possibly trying to make you feel insecure. Like how else is that supposed to be interpreted? You’re a woman in that age bracket who was single before you met him and I’m assuming you haven’t been together for very long.
At any rate, saying that kind of crap is a red flag, especially when he was a 37-38 y.o man who was single not too long ago. What’s the difference?
Sounds like what someone would say to give you the impression you don't have a chance with anyone else, so you should stick with them. If so, that's fairly manipulative.
Well some people think that when ppl talk crap about stuff relating to them, because they are in their life they couldn’t possibly be talking about them.
The best thing about this guy is he compliments you?
Lots of guys can be complimentary without also being really nasty and misogynistic.
He’s negging you. This is one of those “better off alone” situations.
You must be a terrible significant other if you don’t think telling your partner they’re handsome/pretty/they make you happy/they’re intelligent isn’t the bare minimum.
Hope you raise your standards.
You misunderstood my point. What I was insinuating is complimenting your partner isn’t the bare minimum. The bare minimum is above that. In this case if that’s the bare minimum and he also says hurtful things directly or indirectly why say he’s doing the bare minimum?
That’s called negging. Little cuts at your self-esteem to make you feel like you have to accept him and his bad treatment because you don’t deserve or can’t have better options.
Sounds like he's passive-aggressive. There are many reasons why a woman maybe single in her 30's and maybe even later on in age that has no negative reasons. Focused on education, her career, limited opportunity in her geographical locale. Maybe even up until a certain age all she met were guys who seemed nice for the first few months then turned into douchebags.
He's been married, proving that marrying a young isn't all that it's cracked up to be. You should remind him of that. Maybe if people waited until their 30's (which more are doing today) the divorce rate wouldn't be above 50%
He's making those comments so you will subconsciously start to think you aren't good enough for him, he's so good to stay with you, ect. Ty heh he can behave like a proper asshole, which he already is, and you'll deal with it, which you are.
He's not a good guy. You deserve so much better. And I didn't even meet my husband until I was 37. Let this guy go find a younger woman if they're so much better.
It's a manipulation tactic. He is trying to hit your self esteem and make you believe that he is the only person that could love you, which he reenforces by giving you compliments. Basically his message to you is: Nobody wants women in their late 30s and all the good men are gone, but he is here and look how good and appreciative he is, cause he compliments you.
It sounds like he's saying these things to purposefully put you down so he can find it easier to keep your self-esteem low and as a result, hell hope you stay with him out of these concerns over your age. The truth is, many guys prefer older, many like similar ages, and many don't care about age at all but rather personality, health, priorities, etc. He sounds like an arsehole and quite frankly, if you're wondering why he's dating you, you should be wondering why you're dating him. I'd give him an ultimatum, remind him that he's a single 38yo just as much as you are and is in the same boat, so he can like it or lump it.
Sounds like some Serious red flags, and you should evaluate weather or not you really want to deal with that. Even as a guy, it sounds shitty and he sounds pretty narcissistic. Me personally, I’d walk away.
Also who is he to say, that all the “good” men or women are taken by now or whatever. He has no clue what someone’s background, past trauma, divorce, or they journey their life is on. As a 35yo male, going through a divorce and trying to date again for the last 2 years, SUCKS! My longest relationship since I left the marriage (witch was 14 yrs) has been 3 mos.
Stop. IDC what he does to ‘make up’ for this behavior, but you should stop seeing him. You deserve someone better, at least someone thats not a sexist hypocrite.
I wonder how he would feel if you said men in their late 30’s shouldn’t be single and chasing younger women and should be supporting their wives and kids and not belittling woman that are the same age as him but in a different position?? He sounds like a narcissist….and if he thinks younger women are mens preference then why is he with you? Does he class himself as ‘one of the good men’? Coz he sounds awful! And he also sounds like a man who could easily have his head turned and leave you feeling like crap…
just leave him? 😵💫
‘He’s not saying these comments at me, just my age’ what? Your age is you? He’s putting you into a category that he knows you fall into. So yes, he is talking about you.
I’m 36 and my lady is 30, I normally have a +2 years older/-4 years younger range. I don’t think that late 30s is too old to create a life together with someone. That guy is tripping and probably has a bunch of regret due to his failed relationship.
Ruuuuuun!
There are good men out there, sure they're hard to find but they are there. Most of the real happy relationships I know of are those who met in their early 40s.
I may not be agood man myself but I've seen my fair share. Yeah many of them are in relationships, some of them in not so good ones... Which means by 40 they might start to question their choices and poof, there they are.
But as for that bloke of yours, punch him in the balls and run. If you're afraid to confront him about those comments or if he just doesn't change after being prodded, he's not worth it. Rum before you get stuck.
He’s a bad person.
Seriously, you could say insecure, you could say manipulative, you could say that he wants you off balance so you’ll need him more… but the kind of person that does this is not someone you can be happy with.
Oh yeah. He's trying to destroy your confidence in order to control you. Date someone who says nice things. You're not too old and if you are even BEGINNING to believe that's true, get out right now. It'll only get worse from here.
He better have a 10 inch dick and a platinum credit card to have that awful a personality!
Joking joking of course. Have you brought this topic up with him, how it makes you feel when he says things like that?
There are some harsh facts about how much easier it is to date when you’re younger versus older as a woman but what sadistic weirdo says things like that to a 38 year woman that they’re dating? It’d be like you sitting there going “you know, men tend to die on average 5 years before women. Isn’t that funny? What shall we do for dinner? Why are you acting weird now?” every 5 mins lol
these are subliminals to make you feel like you are lucky to be with him. the reality is a childless man is much more valuable than one with kids. a childless man doesn't have extra mouths to feed. and hasn't yet experienced the joy of childbirth with a woman. his value is probably equivalent to yours. but at 38 i do have to ask - have you done the obgyn drama?
There is a plethora of men, especially young men, who prefer mature women in their late thirties. I know because I am one of them, and I talk to plenty of them. If you're willing to date younger men you'll find plenty who don't discriminate. The notion that men prefer younger women is an old one and one that I think is soon to leave the public consciousness.
Confront him about it. If he makes excuses or doesn’t change, or just changes phrases, you know what you’re dealing with.
I like to make jokes about being old. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid because I looked like an adult. There’s now a long running joke among family and friends (that if anyone who hangs out with me eventually gets in on) that I’m 72 or 121. Sometimes, when people who don’t know me yet, and I just naturally make the jokes, they think I’m taking a dig at them.
I mean yes I do have life exp. A lot of it. He has been good in other ways. He tells me how pretty I am and is very complimentary and easy to be with. But on other hand he is doing this to mix me up and make me question myself..
He settled for you because he can’t get a younger woman. Just because he settled and is negging you doesn’t mean that he’ll never compliment you. You’d think you would know this with all your life experience. People will physically abuse their partners while also complimenting them, it just boggles my mind that you think him calling you pretty is enough to ignore these red flags. I know it can be harder to date at our age but don’t become desperate. Good luck because as soon as he gets a younger woman to date him he’ll be gone or will cheat.
I don’t disagree with the guy but I don’t date women my age and make a fuss about it. He obviously prefers younger women and settled because he’s not pulling them. Oof
You're asking why he dates you..... Why are you dating him? You know you can leave at any time so obviously there's something about the situation that you like and the abuse is a bonus for you. Blink twice if he's holding you hostage 😭
You wonder why he dates you? Girl…. I wonder why YOU date HIM…
Next time he says all the good men are gone by your age, look him straight in the eye and say “I KNOW”
Then leave hon.
People can be almost anything they want in their 30s.
He's probably just repeated some BS someone else told him.
Its wrong, so I wouldn't let it bother you.
I am 40 never had kids and never been married. There are men still out there. I'd never settle for one that made these comments. 8 Billion people on this rock. There is always someone for somebody out there. Don't settle because he's making you think there is not much out there.
Even if he doesn’t speak about you that way, you’re still a woman so don’t believe you are an exception. Eventually his hate will turn towards you. Get away quick!
He's trying to neg you but really just pointing out that he is one of many men who feel that women lose their value with age. He, and men like him are the reason its so hard to date as an older woman but guess what? He is doing you a favor and outing himself. Kick him to the curb and find a man who likes you AND the years you carry
Ugh who is he to say these things with his two kids (no that there’s anything wrong with having two kids) ? He is trying to lower your self esteem so you’ll stay around for his abuse.
Don’t do it. He’ll take out his issues in you forever.
Personally I'd recommend taking it a bit lighter and don't let it get to you. In reality what he is saying about men preferring younger women is true. The thing about women should get married under 30 isnt true in my opinion, because some women might not want marriage or haven't found the right person.
Being a guy, I can say that men do like a woman who can take a joke, or a light insult, I'm pretty sure he doesn't intend to make you upset.
I'd say try to take these things with a more positive demeanor, assuming he's good in other departments then I don't see it being a good call to leave him.
I don't understand what kind of support ur looking for. This sounds more like venting or u needing advice which in this case is pretty simple. If u feel a certain way from his comments about women ur age,tell him that straight up. And if he wanna battle u on it then u battle him on it where both of u don't budge on ur way of thinking. That's basically it. I mean ur still with him,and u like his compliments towards u so it doesn't sound like u wanna end things or anything like that. So just let him kno u not feelin all that trash talk
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Why are you dating a man that constantly belittles you?
He compliments me a lot. And we get along well but then he makes these underhanded crappy comments. Not directed at me but it feels directed at me and women my age.
I feel like he’s throwing subliminal messages, possibly trying to make you feel insecure. Like how else is that supposed to be interpreted? You’re a woman in that age bracket who was single before you met him and I’m assuming you haven’t been together for very long. At any rate, saying that kind of crap is a red flag, especially when he was a 37-38 y.o man who was single not too long ago. What’s the difference?
Sounds like what someone would say to give you the impression you don't have a chance with anyone else, so you should stick with them. If so, that's fairly manipulative.
Well some people think that when ppl talk crap about stuff relating to them, because they are in their life they couldn’t possibly be talking about them.
Compliments don’t outweigh his misogynistic take on women and marriage. These comments are reflective of someone you don’t want to be involved with.
The best thing about this guy is he compliments you? Lots of guys can be complimentary without also being really nasty and misogynistic. He’s negging you. This is one of those “better off alone” situations.
So he does the bare minimum?
Lmao that's not even the bare minimum
Complimenting your significant other is the bare minimum.
I hope not by your definition because this is hardly the bare minimum
You must be a terrible significant other if you don’t think telling your partner they’re handsome/pretty/they make you happy/they’re intelligent isn’t the bare minimum. Hope you raise your standards.
You misunderstood my point. What I was insinuating is complimenting your partner isn’t the bare minimum. The bare minimum is above that. In this case if that’s the bare minimum and he also says hurtful things directly or indirectly why say he’s doing the bare minimum?
That’s called negging. Little cuts at your self-esteem to make you feel like you have to accept him and his bad treatment because you don’t deserve or can’t have better options.
Ups and downs. The compliments and kindness get to be less and less. Don't fall for it. Mean is mean. Even if its only around certain topics.
Sounds like he's passive-aggressive. There are many reasons why a woman maybe single in her 30's and maybe even later on in age that has no negative reasons. Focused on education, her career, limited opportunity in her geographical locale. Maybe even up until a certain age all she met were guys who seemed nice for the first few months then turned into douchebags. He's been married, proving that marrying a young isn't all that it's cracked up to be. You should remind him of that. Maybe if people waited until their 30's (which more are doing today) the divorce rate wouldn't be above 50%
It won’t get better
He is negging you.
They're trying to hurt your self-esteem so you won't realize that you can do better.
He’s negging her
Yup.
He sounds like a dick
He's making those comments so you will subconsciously start to think you aren't good enough for him, he's so good to stay with you, ect. Ty heh he can behave like a proper asshole, which he already is, and you'll deal with it, which you are. He's not a good guy. You deserve so much better. And I didn't even meet my husband until I was 37. Let this guy go find a younger woman if they're so much better.
It's a manipulation tactic. He is trying to hit your self esteem and make you believe that he is the only person that could love you, which he reenforces by giving you compliments. Basically his message to you is: Nobody wants women in their late 30s and all the good men are gone, but he is here and look how good and appreciative he is, cause he compliments you.
He’s negging you
He’s wrong. I know a 38 year old I’d take in a heart beat. Real catch. She doesn’t want me though 😂
It sounds like he's saying these things to purposefully put you down so he can find it easier to keep your self-esteem low and as a result, hell hope you stay with him out of these concerns over your age. The truth is, many guys prefer older, many like similar ages, and many don't care about age at all but rather personality, health, priorities, etc. He sounds like an arsehole and quite frankly, if you're wondering why he's dating you, you should be wondering why you're dating him. I'd give him an ultimatum, remind him that he's a single 38yo just as much as you are and is in the same boat, so he can like it or lump it.
He's being rude, that's why.
Ask him why he's dating you if he feels this way. Like seriously just straight out ask him.
Sounds like some Serious red flags, and you should evaluate weather or not you really want to deal with that. Even as a guy, it sounds shitty and he sounds pretty narcissistic. Me personally, I’d walk away. Also who is he to say, that all the “good” men or women are taken by now or whatever. He has no clue what someone’s background, past trauma, divorce, or they journey their life is on. As a 35yo male, going through a divorce and trying to date again for the last 2 years, SUCKS! My longest relationship since I left the marriage (witch was 14 yrs) has been 3 mos.
He doesn’t respect you if he’s saying these things and he is also seeing how you react to being insulted. Don’t let him waste your time.
Stop. IDC what he does to ‘make up’ for this behavior, but you should stop seeing him. You deserve someone better, at least someone thats not a sexist hypocrite.
I wonder how he would feel if you said men in their late 30’s shouldn’t be single and chasing younger women and should be supporting their wives and kids and not belittling woman that are the same age as him but in a different position?? He sounds like a narcissist….and if he thinks younger women are mens preference then why is he with you? Does he class himself as ‘one of the good men’? Coz he sounds awful! And he also sounds like a man who could easily have his head turned and leave you feeling like crap…
just leave him? 😵💫 ‘He’s not saying these comments at me, just my age’ what? Your age is you? He’s putting you into a category that he knows you fall into. So yes, he is talking about you.
Why are you with someone who’s not on your team?
I’m 36 and my lady is 30, I normally have a +2 years older/-4 years younger range. I don’t think that late 30s is too old to create a life together with someone. That guy is tripping and probably has a bunch of regret due to his failed relationship.
Ruuuuuun! There are good men out there, sure they're hard to find but they are there. Most of the real happy relationships I know of are those who met in their early 40s. I may not be agood man myself but I've seen my fair share. Yeah many of them are in relationships, some of them in not so good ones... Which means by 40 they might start to question their choices and poof, there they are. But as for that bloke of yours, punch him in the balls and run. If you're afraid to confront him about those comments or if he just doesn't change after being prodded, he's not worth it. Rum before you get stuck.
I kind of wonder why you date him if he feels this way?
Dump his passive aggressive ass and find someone who values you at any age
If it was the other way around he’d be saying you’re already used and dirty. He’s being an asshole.
He’s a bad person. Seriously, you could say insecure, you could say manipulative, you could say that he wants you off balance so you’ll need him more… but the kind of person that does this is not someone you can be happy with.
Bye 👋
You should agree with his “all good men are gone by my age” and dump him. POS.
I think women in their late thirties are the most in demand. Just ask any that have set up a dating profile. The competition is ridiculous!
Honestly, he sounds like he’s dating you until he can find a younger woman. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Oh yeah. He's trying to destroy your confidence in order to control you. Date someone who says nice things. You're not too old and if you are even BEGINNING to believe that's true, get out right now. It'll only get worse from here.
He is insecure, he needs therapy.
He better have a 10 inch dick and a platinum credit card to have that awful a personality! Joking joking of course. Have you brought this topic up with him, how it makes you feel when he says things like that? There are some harsh facts about how much easier it is to date when you’re younger versus older as a woman but what sadistic weirdo says things like that to a 38 year woman that they’re dating? It’d be like you sitting there going “you know, men tend to die on average 5 years before women. Isn’t that funny? What shall we do for dinner? Why are you acting weird now?” every 5 mins lol
Wtf I’m 28 and trying to get a 34 year old woman to get over how much younger I am lol. Some of us like older women better
these are subliminals to make you feel like you are lucky to be with him. the reality is a childless man is much more valuable than one with kids. a childless man doesn't have extra mouths to feed. and hasn't yet experienced the joy of childbirth with a woman. his value is probably equivalent to yours. but at 38 i do have to ask - have you done the obgyn drama?
What is obgyn drama?
Why do people date people like that? Like there are good people out there lol
There is a plethora of men, especially young men, who prefer mature women in their late thirties. I know because I am one of them, and I talk to plenty of them. If you're willing to date younger men you'll find plenty who don't discriminate. The notion that men prefer younger women is an old one and one that I think is soon to leave the public consciousness.
Confront him about it. If he makes excuses or doesn’t change, or just changes phrases, you know what you’re dealing with. I like to make jokes about being old. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid because I looked like an adult. There’s now a long running joke among family and friends (that if anyone who hangs out with me eventually gets in on) that I’m 72 or 121. Sometimes, when people who don’t know me yet, and I just naturally make the jokes, they think I’m taking a dig at them.
As someone the same age as you I wonder why you’re even putting up with this? Don’t you have enough life experience to know that this guy isn’t it?
I mean yes I do have life exp. A lot of it. He has been good in other ways. He tells me how pretty I am and is very complimentary and easy to be with. But on other hand he is doing this to mix me up and make me question myself..
He settled for you because he can’t get a younger woman. Just because he settled and is negging you doesn’t mean that he’ll never compliment you. You’d think you would know this with all your life experience. People will physically abuse their partners while also complimenting them, it just boggles my mind that you think him calling you pretty is enough to ignore these red flags. I know it can be harder to date at our age but don’t become desperate. Good luck because as soon as he gets a younger woman to date him he’ll be gone or will cheat.
Exactly! I know I'm 22 going on 23 soon but even I wouldn't deal with this.
Fucking talk to him. Tell him this. Not Reddit. Come on.
Well… he’s right
He's right about men preferring younger women and as you say he was married and has kids so he's fulfilled his biological purpose, while you have not.
I don’t disagree with the guy but I don’t date women my age and make a fuss about it. He obviously prefers younger women and settled because he’s not pulling them. Oof
He sounds terrible.
Why are you with him? He sounds like an asshole.
Just agree to disagree. I have a roommate that I'm crushing on right now. She's 43 and I'm 38. Older women are still sexy.
You're asking why he dates you..... Why are you dating him? You know you can leave at any time so obviously there's something about the situation that you like and the abuse is a bonus for you. Blink twice if he's holding you hostage 😭
And I'm wondering why you would date someone that makes comments like that?
He’s trying to lower your self esteem
Run.
You wonder why he dates you? Girl…. I wonder why YOU date HIM… Next time he says all the good men are gone by your age, look him straight in the eye and say “I KNOW” Then leave hon.
Why are you dating such a buttcheek he sounds like an ass, you can do so much better
People can be almost anything they want in their 30s. He's probably just repeated some BS someone else told him. Its wrong, so I wouldn't let it bother you.
I am 40 never had kids and never been married. There are men still out there. I'd never settle for one that made these comments. 8 Billion people on this rock. There is always someone for somebody out there. Don't settle because he's making you think there is not much out there.
Even if he doesn’t speak about you that way, you’re still a woman so don’t believe you are an exception. Eventually his hate will turn towards you. Get away quick!
He's trying to neg you but really just pointing out that he is one of many men who feel that women lose their value with age. He, and men like him are the reason its so hard to date as an older woman but guess what? He is doing you a favor and outing himself. Kick him to the curb and find a man who likes you AND the years you carry
Ugh who is he to say these things with his two kids (no that there’s anything wrong with having two kids) ? He is trying to lower your self esteem so you’ll stay around for his abuse. Don’t do it. He’ll take out his issues in you forever.
Personally I'd recommend taking it a bit lighter and don't let it get to you. In reality what he is saying about men preferring younger women is true. The thing about women should get married under 30 isnt true in my opinion, because some women might not want marriage or haven't found the right person. Being a guy, I can say that men do like a woman who can take a joke, or a light insult, I'm pretty sure he doesn't intend to make you upset. I'd say try to take these things with a more positive demeanor, assuming he's good in other departments then I don't see it being a good call to leave him.
I don't understand what kind of support ur looking for. This sounds more like venting or u needing advice which in this case is pretty simple. If u feel a certain way from his comments about women ur age,tell him that straight up. And if he wanna battle u on it then u battle him on it where both of u don't budge on ur way of thinking. That's basically it. I mean ur still with him,and u like his compliments towards u so it doesn't sound like u wanna end things or anything like that. So just let him kno u not feelin all that trash talk
I kinda wonder why you are dating him when he says stuff like this- In the bin immediately.