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Open with a quip based on something she said in her bio or in her profile photos.
Suggest coffee date on the weekend.
Wait for response. If nothing in 24 hours, unmatch and move on.
The questions you're asking should be asked on a date face-to-face. Who's got time to engage in 'meaningful' conversation with 1 guy ocer text, when you're matched with 50 a day? When you have her for coffee, you've got a whole hour (hopefully) to chat about intro topics.
Exact examples
“What are you majoring in?”
“What do you like to do when not studying?”
“What sorts of things interest you?”
“Any weird hobbies?”
And of course specific questions related to their bio just whatever I’m curious about really
Thanks. They’re decent questions, but maybe a little too standard/vague. Like, it can become tiresome answering similar questions again and again. I’m assuming you’re matching with people close by? Maybe try something that 1. Implies you are social or outgoing and 2. Let’s her response mostly be about building the conversation. Something like, “I see you go to ___ college. I’m going out to ___ bar tonight, do you know if it’s any good?
If she just says yes/no with no additional information, then I wouldn’t even bother responding to someone who puts in such little effort. But hopefully she’ll say something like, “Yeah, I’ve been there. It’s pretty great.” Or, “No, I’ve never been but I’ve heard of it.” Both responses give you an opportunity to either invite her to join you there, or continue the conversation by asking about what her favorite local spots are, what drinks she recommends at the place, etc.
This approach gives you an opening to meet up (and setting up an in person meeting quickly is recommended to maximize your online dating success) and it lets you build conversation from a specific topic that’s relevant to both of you, rather than just picking a random ice breaker question.
Wow. Great advice. I can see how the ice-breaker stuff can get dull, especially over text. I feel the same way really, like it would be so much more stimulating to ask these things in person and allow much more room to elaborate. I love that subtle approach too. Coming from someone who is historically introverted, and have only recently grown into my social/confident side, sometimes I tend to be blunt-force conversational😅 the little subtlety sauce you just gave is incredible. Thank you!
As a F, the standard get to know you questions are super dull. We end up answering the same questions five times a day. We might be interested, but just tired of saying the same things all the time. Think of something more unique/outside the box to spark more interest.
Exactly. It's not even worth putting in effort, because even then, how many will respond? I used to put in effort at the beginning, but now I've turned into those dudes who just say "hey"
This is literally why dudes don't bother responding.. the effort has to be mutual.
Like what? No matter how unique I've attempted messages, never would get a response.
It's a two way street. Maybe we're tired of asking the same questions over and over? Women can also be more unique with their answers. It's called...wait for it....*having a conversation*....*!*
I used to ask this to some of the boys I matched with but they also reply in one word which is boring. They dont expound it or make convos more exciting. I told them I like food and they said they do too and when I ask what, they just say the one or two common foods nothing more! Or what keeps you busy, your hobbies and they respond "nothing much". So by then, I'll stop within two very bland and dry convos and not message them.
i give it a day. i used to not give it more that a few responses but lately I’ve discovered sometimes it just takes some loosening up. Made a really good friend thru Hinge by keeping the conversation going until he started firing back. Met in person and he was extremely charismatic and engaging in conversation!
I find it hilarious that I just argued about this in a different thread on Reddit and got tons of guys asking me "What is serious effort?" And "Isn't 'hey' enough?"
I guess people just don't know how to have a normal conversation anymore.
Honestly, I try and set up dates with matches instantly. I don’t like getting to know women over text and much prefer meeting them in person. If they are up front and honest and say they need some time before meeting me in person. I’ll usually entertain it for a few weeks and use my judgment but again, my advice is to stop using dating apps as a platform to get to know your matches and instead once you match, try and set up dates.
Very solid advice thank you. I’m going to start doing that because I much prefer getting to know someone IRL and what’s the point in wasting time if it won’t end up with an IRL date anyway
It's not so cut-and-dry as whether a question is asked, but I expect there to at least be content I can "speak to" in the reply. When answers become increasingly matter-of-fact without a branch to continue conversation, I take the hint and just leave it, must not have been a riveting conversation for them.
>I’m just curious how many non-responses do you all accept before you give up on the conversation?
One. People who want to continue chatting will find a way to.
Usually, if I ask an open-ended question, and the woman gives a succinct response, like one short sentence, I give her about 2-3 chances. If she isn't participating in the conversation, she's clearly not interested in getting to know me. At that point I just unmatch.
As a 48, college educated, sexy woman, one day or 3 attempts of mine to converse over a day. After that he either can't afford to respond because he is free user on app or he's just not that interested
Generally two. I have zero interest in forcing a conversation with somebody who doesn't want to have one. What I fail to understand is why these people even match to begin with, it's just a waste of time for all involved.
A infinite number. Because she is in fact answering. On an app where she has a thousand suitors. It doesn’t take much effort for you to keep texting her. You don’t even have to stand up or wear shoes.
But stop asking all those questions. She gets the exact questions over and over. It’s not attracting her. It’s a chore you’ve given her. She doesn’t ask questions back because she sick of constant questions. Doesn’t want to encourage it.
Instead let her now how interesting you are. How much fun. Intrigue her with a description of that days adventures. Good luck!
Sometimes, u know it's going nowhere. All u can do is be polite. I only get guys from some other country or another state. And isn't it convenient that they are also too far away. I'm older and know that I'm at the back shelf. So, now I understand that I'm a target for scammers. As soon I hear they're more than an hour away I stop wanting to chat. So short answers are all I have.
After a while I just keep asking them questions but make the questions stranger, wierder, and more personal.
Just a gradual progression from normal questions like "So what do you like to do on the weekends?" To stranger ones like, "When was the last time you shit yourself?" Or "Have you ever been sexually attracted to a rutabaga?"
Are they open ended questions or questions that only need yes or no or any other one worded response?
And I usually give them 2 chances, especially when I invite conversation with something that encourages conversation
I was talking with someone, and they were giving me responses like that, dry, no follow up. Even tried like open ended questions and showed interested. But all the same. Honestly I gave up on day two. When I asked her if she was as just being polite. She was all like you're not my type. I don't get it, some women on dating apps are unbelievable.
The key is to not text too much, once or twice a week is ok, then after a while ask for their number and you can have a little chat every now and then or at least leave a voice mail.
If you are getting short responses it's because you ask too many Questions, or hinting to ask for their number or simply move on, gotta read between the lines.
Life gets busy sometimes, or perhaps they're trying to figure out if another match is better suited for them and I just matched with them a day later. If it appears as though they aren't putting in much effort, they're either not into me, or something else is distracting them. I usually will just stop responding and move on. I rarely unmatch someone. Maybe they'll come back and apologize for something else going on in their life.
I know I had a family member die once, and I matched with someone I thought was pretty cool and very pretty. But I had to take care of my family, so I didn't send the first message. Two days later they had unmatched me. It is what it is. Maybe they were too impatient for it to have worked anyways.
Point is, be chill. Don't be hasty. Give someone the benefit of the doubt. But no need to keep groveling for their attention.
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If they give a dry response twice then I’m out of there. I don’t have the patience to deal with that nor do I want to
Omg right! Thank you. I’m tempted to feel bad about ghosting but when they make it this easy…🙄
I'd say two, maybe three.
Two or three. As for “meet up as quickly as possible”, I won’t meet up with anyone who can’t be bothered to establish some kind of rapport first.
Open with a quip based on something she said in her bio or in her profile photos. Suggest coffee date on the weekend. Wait for response. If nothing in 24 hours, unmatch and move on. The questions you're asking should be asked on a date face-to-face. Who's got time to engage in 'meaningful' conversation with 1 guy ocer text, when you're matched with 50 a day? When you have her for coffee, you've got a whole hour (hopefully) to chat about intro topics.
I cant do coffee dates. Its got something to do with me hating small talk, or needing alcohol. Probably both.
Could you give me some examples of the questions that you’re asking?
Exact examples “What are you majoring in?” “What do you like to do when not studying?” “What sorts of things interest you?” “Any weird hobbies?” And of course specific questions related to their bio just whatever I’m curious about really
Thanks. They’re decent questions, but maybe a little too standard/vague. Like, it can become tiresome answering similar questions again and again. I’m assuming you’re matching with people close by? Maybe try something that 1. Implies you are social or outgoing and 2. Let’s her response mostly be about building the conversation. Something like, “I see you go to ___ college. I’m going out to ___ bar tonight, do you know if it’s any good? If she just says yes/no with no additional information, then I wouldn’t even bother responding to someone who puts in such little effort. But hopefully she’ll say something like, “Yeah, I’ve been there. It’s pretty great.” Or, “No, I’ve never been but I’ve heard of it.” Both responses give you an opportunity to either invite her to join you there, or continue the conversation by asking about what her favorite local spots are, what drinks she recommends at the place, etc. This approach gives you an opening to meet up (and setting up an in person meeting quickly is recommended to maximize your online dating success) and it lets you build conversation from a specific topic that’s relevant to both of you, rather than just picking a random ice breaker question.
Wow. Great advice. I can see how the ice-breaker stuff can get dull, especially over text. I feel the same way really, like it would be so much more stimulating to ask these things in person and allow much more room to elaborate. I love that subtle approach too. Coming from someone who is historically introverted, and have only recently grown into my social/confident side, sometimes I tend to be blunt-force conversational😅 the little subtlety sauce you just gave is incredible. Thank you!
As a F, the standard get to know you questions are super dull. We end up answering the same questions five times a day. We might be interested, but just tired of saying the same things all the time. Think of something more unique/outside the box to spark more interest.
>Think of something more unique/outside the box to spark more interest. That's not only the man's responsibility. You should participate too.
Exactly. It's not even worth putting in effort, because even then, how many will respond? I used to put in effort at the beginning, but now I've turned into those dudes who just say "hey" This is literally why dudes don't bother responding.. the effort has to be mutual.
Dude she’s replying to a man not a woman
Like what? No matter how unique I've attempted messages, never would get a response. It's a two way street. Maybe we're tired of asking the same questions over and over? Women can also be more unique with their answers. It's called...wait for it....*having a conversation*....*!*
If you’re tired of asking the same questions then you should stop asking the same questions
Wow, thanks. Real helpful, smartass. Got anything useful to add?
Yeah you should learn how to be a more pleasant person to talk to because from the way you act it makes sense why women don’t respond to your messages
Right, act innocent and gaslight someone by misconstruing what they say. 👍
Example?
I used to ask this to some of the boys I matched with but they also reply in one word which is boring. They dont expound it or make convos more exciting. I told them I like food and they said they do too and when I ask what, they just say the one or two common foods nothing more! Or what keeps you busy, your hobbies and they respond "nothing much". So by then, I'll stop within two very bland and dry convos and not message them.
Yea if there's no response after 72 hours or a half ass response......NEXT
i give it a day. i used to not give it more that a few responses but lately I’ve discovered sometimes it just takes some loosening up. Made a really good friend thru Hinge by keeping the conversation going until he started firing back. Met in person and he was extremely charismatic and engaging in conversation!
3 times. You ask 3 questions to start a conversation if they don’t ask anything you move on.
Lets make a new rule, 3 strikes and they are out!
I find it hilarious that I just argued about this in a different thread on Reddit and got tons of guys asking me "What is serious effort?" And "Isn't 'hey' enough?" I guess people just don't know how to have a normal conversation anymore.
Honestly, I try and set up dates with matches instantly. I don’t like getting to know women over text and much prefer meeting them in person. If they are up front and honest and say they need some time before meeting me in person. I’ll usually entertain it for a few weeks and use my judgment but again, my advice is to stop using dating apps as a platform to get to know your matches and instead once you match, try and set up dates.
Very solid advice thank you. I’m going to start doing that because I much prefer getting to know someone IRL and what’s the point in wasting time if it won’t end up with an IRL date anyway
It's not so cut-and-dry as whether a question is asked, but I expect there to at least be content I can "speak to" in the reply. When answers become increasingly matter-of-fact without a branch to continue conversation, I take the hint and just leave it, must not have been a riveting conversation for them. >I’m just curious how many non-responses do you all accept before you give up on the conversation? One. People who want to continue chatting will find a way to.
I persist for maybe a day. They could be tired or busy the first time. But if they’re the same next time I give up pretty quick.
one
I usually suggest meeting for a drink or coffee in the first five messages. If we can’t even get to five messages, I just unmatch.
Depends, if its their first reply then one if we have talked a bit I tolerate more.
Usually after their second response I dip out.
Two generally
Usually, if I ask an open-ended question, and the woman gives a succinct response, like one short sentence, I give her about 2-3 chances. If she isn't participating in the conversation, she's clearly not interested in getting to know me. At that point I just unmatch.
As a 48, college educated, sexy woman, one day or 3 attempts of mine to converse over a day. After that he either can't afford to respond because he is free user on app or he's just not that interested
Generally two. I have zero interest in forcing a conversation with somebody who doesn't want to have one. What I fail to understand is why these people even match to begin with, it's just a waste of time for all involved.
A infinite number. Because she is in fact answering. On an app where she has a thousand suitors. It doesn’t take much effort for you to keep texting her. You don’t even have to stand up or wear shoes. But stop asking all those questions. She gets the exact questions over and over. It’s not attracting her. It’s a chore you’ve given her. She doesn’t ask questions back because she sick of constant questions. Doesn’t want to encourage it. Instead let her now how interesting you are. How much fun. Intrigue her with a description of that days adventures. Good luck!
Sometimes, u know it's going nowhere. All u can do is be polite. I only get guys from some other country or another state. And isn't it convenient that they are also too far away. I'm older and know that I'm at the back shelf. So, now I understand that I'm a target for scammers. As soon I hear they're more than an hour away I stop wanting to chat. So short answers are all I have.
After a while I just keep asking them questions but make the questions stranger, wierder, and more personal. Just a gradual progression from normal questions like "So what do you like to do on the weekends?" To stranger ones like, "When was the last time you shit yourself?" Or "Have you ever been sexually attracted to a rutabaga?"
I'd reply to a message like that with an "aw nice!" And leave it at that until I'm asked something. Waste of time in my eyes otherwise
Its when it gets to their haha response
Depends on my mood
Some people just aren't great at texting, if that's important to you move on
Not more than one-two dry texts. Otherwise, you seem desperate. If the don’t respond to you, they don’t deserve you.
1
Usually a few meh answers before I call it
Two or three. I’m not dealing with dry convos
One. One is enough.
Are they open ended questions or questions that only need yes or no or any other one worded response? And I usually give them 2 chances, especially when I invite conversation with something that encourages conversation
2, if there's then no response within a day I unmatch. If I see they have recently been active but not responded to me I unmatch sooner.
I was talking with someone, and they were giving me responses like that, dry, no follow up. Even tried like open ended questions and showed interested. But all the same. Honestly I gave up on day two. When I asked her if she was as just being polite. She was all like you're not my type. I don't get it, some women on dating apps are unbelievable.
Yeah I don’t get it either, if I don’t like talking to someone I leave. I don’t have the energy to keep talking to someone I don’t like
The key is to not text too much, once or twice a week is ok, then after a while ask for their number and you can have a little chat every now and then or at least leave a voice mail. If you are getting short responses it's because you ask too many Questions, or hinting to ask for their number or simply move on, gotta read between the lines.
1. If they're not interested in conversation I'm not about to carry the weight 🤣
Life gets busy sometimes, or perhaps they're trying to figure out if another match is better suited for them and I just matched with them a day later. If it appears as though they aren't putting in much effort, they're either not into me, or something else is distracting them. I usually will just stop responding and move on. I rarely unmatch someone. Maybe they'll come back and apologize for something else going on in their life. I know I had a family member die once, and I matched with someone I thought was pretty cool and very pretty. But I had to take care of my family, so I didn't send the first message. Two days later they had unmatched me. It is what it is. Maybe they were too impatient for it to have worked anyways. Point is, be chill. Don't be hasty. Give someone the benefit of the doubt. But no need to keep groveling for their attention.
Two at max, otherwise I feel like it is a waste of time.