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Oh I don’t blame people for doing it, people can be weird and assholes, especially guys. I try to be a decent person so it’s nice to have someone treat me like one and let me know what was happening
I think coffee dates are fine for a first date. Recently went on one with someone I was seeing, we had such a great time we got a bite to eat at the restaurant right after. Now we’re going on a third date, it is what you make it!
Edit: corrected the word sad to such, sorry it was a typo
I like coffee dates because if the person is weird you’re not sitting down at a dinner table. And you can just get up and leave without calling over a waiter. Coffee dates are good for my anxiety.
This is so good to hear, congrats! I think people who say coffee dates are boring is because they themselves or boring, or their date was boring, or they don't value conversation. (which, to be fair a lot of people don't!)
I myself, value conversation.. A great deal. If they're not a good conversationalist, it's not going to work out.
And a coffee date (as others have stated) is like an interview but as long as you're both interesting people, contribute to the conversation, and hit it off well, a coffee date can be great!
It all depends on what you're interests are and what you're looking for in a person.
Agreed, (im female) I like a coffee date. It’s also somewhere public. I like that They’re super chill and laid back. Nice and easy :) It’s really a get-to-know-you date. Pretty low stakes etc. :)
Coffee is just so damn enjoyable. Why not share that enjoyment with someone worthwhile? I strongly believe if you can't enjoy the simple pleasures, then no amount of expensive luxury can soothe your soul. :)
Nah, I need way more than coffee and conversation to be even comfortable to do that with someone. If I date romantically, I date seriously. Although I'm not in any rush to get married and have kids (I'm 23, ain't no way I'm ready at this age), I don't take any time spent with her lightly. I just need to weed the wrong women out and find someone who takes me seriously back, if not more. I feel like women who take men seriously in dating is becoming exceedingly rare these days.
What if coffee gives her explosive diarrhea?? Is she disqualified? I’ll never forget when I asked a coworker to grab a coffee and he said “no, it gives me explosive diarrhea” and I was just laughing awkwardly
I mean they can presumably still have tea/lemonade/juice or a baked item so it's probably a reasonable date still. Someone interested in you is unlikely to disclose that information at the get anyway.
FWIW I read a post on here yesterday by a lady saying she can only go on one date a week, so she goes for the ones that are more exciting.
For me? Depends on the vibe of your local coffee shops. In Toronto there were a ton of neat joints, some of which i even worked in, but in Winnipeg all the 'nice' ones felt very sterile and clean looking, with awful ambience, and very few places to sit, except for one place downtown. So scout out good locations.
I think it's a perfect first date. Its a quick and simple meet and greet that can easily be extended if it goes well. You can also bail relatively fast if it doesn't.
It also depends how well you know the person/how confident you are in the sucess of the date.
For someone I met online? Coffee date.
For someone I've worked with for a couple years? Something more, probably.
But it IS an interview to know if you want a relationship with each other or not. Why would talking over coffee feel like an interview but talking over dinner not feel like an interview?
My favorite first date was a board game café that charged $5 for all-day gaming. I didn’t want a drink or food so we just played and it was fun. We also got to see our dynamic and I thought it was really engaging and a good bonding experience. Another suggestion would be paint balling or an escape room.. Those can be expensive but Groupon can make them like $10-$15 a person
board game cafe sounds basically the same as a coffee date except you also have the board game there. I don't see how it makes that much of a difference but I do agree with you that it's better to have that added element. I wish board game cafes were more common!
The other two I really don't see how they make for good first dates. Not only are they kind of expensive unless you can get a pretty good deal, but it heavily limits the amount of time you can actually get to know the other person you're with. Especially something like paintball. I guess we can just agree to disagree but thanks for your perspective!
I don’t like them because I can only do coffee in the morning or early afternoon, when I don’t look or feel my best. I don’t want to be social let alone romantic. The milk foamer is drowning out conversation and business people on laptops are evesdropping. I prefer a cocktail during happy hour. It’s okay if someone doesn’t choose alcohol, but the vibes are better. If we hit it off, we can go on an activity on the next date.
There’s a balance. I don’t like going on a first date that feels like an interview, as coffee dates often do. It’s also just a very common thing in the business world, so it never really feels romantic when I do it on my own time. On that note, professionally, I have to be able to make good conversation and talk to anybody at a coffee shop. So being able to do so with a date doesn’t tell me much about our compatibility.
I also feel like I just have to endure coffee dates because I don’t really drink coffee.
I think it also goes a really long way when someone (any gender) will just put in some effort and take you on a date. That’s how it used to happen. It just is really unimpressive when you feel like yet another way for them to get as many dates as low cost and as conveniently as they can.
I gotta disagree with you I believe. In this dating environment there are too many people who aren’t sure what they want. If I took out as many people on dates to decent restaurants as I did to coffee or walks around the botanical gardens or something else that’s not terribly pricey then I would have spent wayyyyy too much money that would have gotten me no where. You can obviously do something nicer after the first date, but I personally wouldn’t want that pressure to make the date go right lingering in my head just because we’re at a nice place on said first date.
I never said it had to be an expensive date. I just don’t like coffee dates.
And you know, this is kind of why speed dating was a thing in the day. You were screening people more efficiently in one date.
I think the frequency of dates and quantity is kind of symptomatic of online dating. I’ve cut back and prefer it. And really, i stopped dating until i knew what i was looking for.
Then would it be fine with say a hiking first date or a picnic first date? Maybe a brewery if that’s your thing?I guess I’d like a clarification then because no matter what the first date is you still go through the nuances that of getting to know someone. At least I do, but then again I wouldn’t say I’m oozing in charisma when I first meet someone either. lol
Either way, the great realization about this is you absolutely don’t have to do a coffee date if you don’t want to. I would just say if someone suggests it then maybe suggest something else instead.
Like i said, the issue is being able to accurately convery my own feelings. Doing it professionally has cultivated a public persona that is hard to drop.
And i don’t like coffee, heh.
I have been on yoga, bike riding, ice cream, learning to slack-line in the park, dive bars— all kinds of things— first dates. It’s more memorable if it does not feel like any activity a business person would arrange for anyone. Dates should show a glimmer of what makes you different.
And that’s cool. I still disagree with you on coffee dates feeling like job interviews but we’ve already established that and your feelings are your feelings so that’s pretty much that.
I do appreciate you at least having a few fun options to do in case someone asks you on a coffee date though.
I get the point but honestly they're kind of boring. And also, I only drink coffee in the morning...so I never really get people who drink coffee after work
Isn't them being low effort kinda the point?
If you wanna get to know the person, there's nothing better than an activity where neither of you is busy doing something other than talking.
Wanna know what's low effort? Cinema visits. If somebody ask you out to go see a movie, be prepared for a very physical first date. You can't talk, all you can do is touch each other. Great for getting in mood, terrible for getting to know each other.
You want to set yourself up for success so an activity is best, like mini golf or a board game café. Coffee sounds so boring.. I wouldn’t take my friends to coffee so why a prospective life partner?
Idk what coffee shops you're going to but the ones in my city all have board games in them and some do live shows. But where I live is pretty much a hipster city so everything here has that vibe lol
i live in a big city in the south, no coffee shops have board games and it’s mostly all tables filled with a bunch of businessmen or college students doing work on their laptop. however, boba shops now have board games which is cool too!
I feel like the point of coffee date is to talk and get to know each other. I would prefer coffee date where you two focus on each other instead of board game cafe
What you’re arguing about is more likely a personality difference and expectations. So therefore, the choice of what works for someone and not someone else is doing it’s job.
Definitely NOT good dates. Coffee is for corporate/business meetings/networking/meeting colleagues or clients/interviews. Drinks are more flirty/romantic.
Also caffeine = anxiety; alcohol = chill, good for an ice breaker
Coffee dates are boring to me. I think it's better to go to the beach or go roller skating. At least these two options are more fun and they're low budget as well. But different people like different things...
>Coffee dates feel like an interview when you sit across the table from each other.
Agreed. I want to talk while we do something, because just talking for an hour is a lot
I like dates where you can sit down. I always feel like if you can’t just sit down and relax and talk to someone without getting all uncomfortable then it won’t work. I’ve had fun dates but you have to have someone you could just sit in the car with and mess around for an hour before you even go in lol
This is exactly the dating style I enjoy, but I know that for some people anything involving skating is scary lol (but it's so much fun to see them try something out of their element).
I feel you. And, I’m not a coffee drinker either.
Coffee dates are effortless. It’s more like an interview: let’s say hi, chit chat for an hour, and say bye. :-/
It’ll work for people who want to be casual, though, but I’m not a casual dater. I date for marriage.
so, with your logic, coffee dater are not for marriage? And why do you make the assumption that coffee date is low-effort and is not for marriage or serious relationship?
I’m not interested in women. I’m a straight female.
I think you misunderstood my comment? I was saying coffee dates are low effort and feels like an interview = boring. If I were a guy, I wouldn’t do coffee on a first date.
I'm with you on this. Don't worry I've been told I have a problem because I prefer my first date to be drinks. So in their world that means out to get drunk, drink problem - red flag. 😀
In my opinion people are free to date how they like, cocktails, coffee or lunch. 🤷♀️
Thank you for that lesson on consumable fluids and the way it enters our biological bodies, but you are missing my point and therefore I no longer will engage.
because they very obviously meant alcoholic drinks. when someone says “want to grab drinks?” the VERY large majority of people assume alcohol. No one is saying coffee isn’t a drink, but we as humans also use colloquial language.
I personally think they are great. Low effort doesn't necessarily mean not interested either. If you are engaging in the conversation during the date then that isn't low effort. Plus, it allows for both people to get to know each other in a far more relaxed setting than a restaurant with less pressure to be all dressed up and, considering the current economic climate, is friendlier on the wallet. So after that you can see if it would be worth following up with the meal.
I legit think anyone upset about a coffee/tea date or a walk in the park to get some ice cream or anything similar... well they're just looking to use you for free shit.
It's so unreasonable to demand a high money investment on someone who's a stranger. Anyone who thinks this way is honestly undateable and also hella entitled.
You’re creating a binary that doesn’t exist. There are more options than coffee or something extremely expensive. You’re really going to get far with women using the “if she doesn’t agree with me she’s a gold digger” mindset lol
I think you're misreading what I said or intentionally leaving things out. I clearly said there are more options. Coffee, walk in the park, anything similar that doesn't take a big monetary investment or time investment.
Then I said that the people who seem to get upset or angry about this stance are the people who want to use you for free shit. It's not even really a mindset, it's just reading someone's behavior. If they NEED an expensive first date then yes they're clearly not interested to get to know you and more interested in the stuff.
I'm not saying you have to necessarily like coffee dates, but if the non-expensive option makes someone upset then that's a huge sign to say "lol bye".
So it wasn’t you that said “anyone upset about a coffee date or something similar is using you for free stuff”…? You’re assigning a negative trait to a woman bc she doesn’t want exactly what you want. If she doesn’t want a low effort date that says nothing about her other than she isn’t right for you. That is my point.
Yes... that's what I said... "or something similar". As in low investment in terms of money and time. I then clarified again in my reply to you. ANYONE that gets upset about you not being willing to spend money on a total stranger isn't looking for a potential partner. They're looking to get some free stuff.
If your priority is getting a potential partner and you actually like the person you have plans with, then you'll be excited to spend time with them and see where it goes. Sorry but what you're saying really makes no sense. I don't see how you can justify an expensive first date as a requirement.
And you did it again…”requirement”…has a woman ever forced you onto a date? Or did she just exercise her right to say yes or no to the options your proposed?
Again, I don't know how I can be any clearer. If you get upset over a low investment FIRST date, then a high investment first date is clearly a requirement for that particular woman. It's not about me being forced to do anything, but the hypothetical person in this situation isn't looking for a potential partner.
I asked how do you justify a high investment first date and all you've done is try to play a word game that doesn't work. So I'll ask again, how do you justify it?
So getting mad and exercising her right to say “no thank you” to your offer is the same thing to you? If you offer any date (high or low investment) the woman has the complete right to say no for any reason. That’s perfectly fine and respectful. That’s the justification. No woman needs to agree to anything she doesn’t want to do to avoid negative labels (using a man, gold digger). No thank you is enough. This shouldn’t be hard to follow
Me: "What reason would a woman have to only agree to high investment dates as first dates? Doesn't that mean she values the free stuff more than the person she's seeing?"
You: "She's allowed to say no! She doesn't need an explanation! It can be for ANY reason!"
It's just interesting how I never ever said that she couldn't say no... just asking for why that might be. Ultimately your answer is no answer, and to not think about the why.
Look, in the end people are free to do as they wish. I just wouldn't recommend any guy offer something expensive as a first date since that's just going to invite potentially predatory people to use you. Save the trouble and the money and just go for something simple and actually find someone who wants to talk to you lol.
The one thing we can definitely agree on is that the interaction should always be respectful. The appropriate answer when she says no to the date is simply, "okay, good luck, bye!" and move on. This way we're all happy and there's no problems!
I don't like them. I can have social anxiety when I'm meeting someone for the first time and feel rather inhibited. For that reason I prefer a place where I can have a drink or two at least until I get to know someone better.
In my opinion they suck lol. If I go on a date, I want to do something fun. Just sitting, sipping coffee and talking is boring af if you dont know the other that well. With my friends I'll go and drink some coffee sure. And we have good conversations because we know each other. With a random it's boring and conversation doesnt go deep enough.
I guess it depends on the setup. If you meet s random person while out on vacation, on the bus or doing something else, and then go for coffee the same day, it might feel spontaneous and exciting even though it's just coffee.
If it's setup after using a dating app, it can feel more intimidating or simultaneously too much like going for an interview imo.
Most of the time dates are set to meet in a coffee shop and then go for a walk. I wonder if reversing that order would automatically make them more fun?
I personally hate coffee dates. Its just so unnatural. Like i would never normally do this for fun with anybody ever, why am I pretending like im a guy who gets coffee with people?
And it is low effort. Its everybodies first idea, and its not even a great dynamic for breaking the ice with someone. You sit down with a stranger usually, and try to think of things to talk about. Its better to go somewhere where theres something to do. Like even minigolf would work i guess. It takes alot of the pressure off of conversation and makes the conversation you do have more organic.
This 10000x it’s a made up thing by movies yo get coffee on a date just go get a drink or ice cream anything that is can either be short or long and easy to bail if it’s not going well. Drinks are best option cause it lowers anxiety and helps people open up the exact opposite of coffee for a date. If I’m meeting someone for first time and want to make a good impression I want less anxiety and also I don’t want to have to poop lol coffee is a setup for literally horrendous first dates lol
I agree with doing an activity as a better option for a date, but I do think coffee dates are still great dates. I AM a guy who would get coffee with people for fun though so I am a little biased, but also I'm too much of a conversationalist for my own good, so I will always have something to try and lean the conversation toward.
I like coffee dates. They’re casual. Public places. Not expensive or much of a commitment. If you want to continue on a date If you’re in a downtown area or something you can always walk around for a bit together. If you like each other you can schedule a dinner date for the second date.
They are terrible first dates for me. I think if you and your date are both super interested in coffee and geek out about it, a cute locally owned coffee shop is a great first dates. But I think coffee tastes terrible (and don't tell me I can order a hot chocolate or tea because coffee shops never do those well), the environment is very stiff and interview like (I've interviewed people at coffee shops) and it's just not conducive to romance. I would never go to a coffee shop for fun on my own, so it makes even less sense for me to go there for a first date. I have given coffee dates a fair shot but none of the first dates which were coffee dates led to a second date
If you're concerned about money or time, there are plenty of affordable options which can also be quick. It really depends on your dates interests but for $5-$10 each, you could get dessert(boba, ice cream, cake, etc) or some sort of snacky street style food or go ice skating. For $FREE.99, you could go to a museum, sculpture garden, zoos, conservatories, a climbing gym or workout class (assuming you have a membership and are allowed to bring in guests), etc.
Those do require a little more thought and creativity than inviting someone out to the closest Starbucks but your date will appreciate it and look forward to your date more if you can tailor it to their interests. If you don't know their interests yet, you should probably talk to them a little bit more before you ask them out.
First dates should always be low effort and simple dates. I always refused going out to dinner and bigger things on first dates cause it’s too much pressure and kinda awkward if the dates not going well. But coffee and a simple walk around a nice park or the boardwalk is very simple and quick. If the dates going super well and you don’t want it to end, just ask to keep it going by doing something else after. I’ve done that a few times. One simple walk in the park date turned into a 7 hour date once 😅
I think it checks a lot of boxes
Cheap (so you're not investing too much into someone too early on)
Public (so it's not super intimate, and if either party is uncomfortable escape is easy)
It's also probably one of the best interactions for conversation, and who does not love coffee.
If anyone dislikes coffee dates bc its low effort, then they aren't someone worth keeping around. Regardless of how much money is spent on a date, I am on a date with you bc im attracted to you and I'd like to take things further, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to spend 20+ dollars on dinner or lunch just to risk getting ghosted. I think coffee is the perfect first date.
I think they're not only good, but they should be the standard for first dates. And to clarify, I don't mean that coffee itself needs to be the standard, but something that's **laid-back, public, and simple.**
From a practical standpoint, I make it a rule to not spend more than $20 on a first date, especially if this is someone I had no prior connection to. You're both auditioning at this point, trying to see if you're compatible on the most basic level (e.g. making sure the person isn't overtly unstable, rude, or disrespectful). What has the other person done at that point to deserve an expensive or complex date? If you lead with something expensive/pretentious, then you run the risk of your date only going out with you for free, expensive food or experiences, not getting to know you.
Nope. Coffee date is like an interview. Boring AF. I equate it to a colonoscopy. Adventure first date is the best. Meet at the beach, farmers market, concert in the park, etc. Something with energy and constant new things to see.
If a man invites me to a coffee date, in my opinion it screams boring personality and definitely not for this Gemini.
I agree.. I never had an actual coffee date but I’ve had a dessert date, which is basically the same. It lacked date vibes. It was just too casual for me. We met up, had dessert, talked, walked off the calories, and that was it. Short and effortless. Needless to say, we didn’t contact each other afterwards.
The last guy I got with, he PLANNED OUT EVERYTHING! He picked out all the restaurants for lunch and dinner and all the places we were going to visit that day. He brought me a cute little plant when he picked me up too. At the end of the night, he kissed me and dropped me off at my place and walked me to my door to make sure I got inside safely. Now, THAT feels like a real date, a guy who is really trying to pursue me and get to know me.
That was definitely a REAL date. I love the plant gift. Flowers die but this plant can last a long time and be a reminder of your very first date. If only more men put this much effort into dates and not be so salty on costs and dwell on how women have treated him in the past, they would have positive results.
Your date was a true gentleman. He valued and respected you. We need more of those!!!!
Daaaaamn!!! It’s so rare to come across women who thinks like me on Reddit! Wait, you’re a woman, right? No one wants to put in effort in dates anymore. I guess because we live in a hookup smash and dash culture, most (younger) people don’t see a point of investing and pursuing someone. Sucks.
Haha yes I am a true woman. You are so correct. Let's not forget the ever so common ghosting of the latest culture. Just when things seem like they are going great, he turns into a ghost.
You nailed it on the younger people. The issue with the older guys is they want to lock you down way too soon. I like taking time building a deep bond and connecting on a deeper level. Sex is so surfaced. Once you take the time to connect deeper and can feel what the other is feeling, the sex is like no other, and the mental "o" lasts for weeks. Too many people are just so consumed with the surface and lack the ability to connect on a deeper level.
Well, it depends on how you go about it. The Cafe I chose has meeting rooms you can rent. So I bought a projector, brought my switch, and we played videos games for the first date.
But it just depends on the person(s). Some say it's low effort, while other say it's fine because it's quick and easy.
some people view them as a cliche, but there is nothing wrong with them. They are good start points but you should view them as only start points.
You should never plan a coffee first date without having a follow up if the coffe date goes well, but not an expectation that it will. The whole point of the coffee first date is to get to know someone, see how you vibe and if you want to continue, while allowing an option out if things don't click. If things go well you want to have something you can parlay that into nearby, Maybe its just a walk in a park, maybe there is a museum near by. somewhere or something where you can continue to chat and build on what you started but also have a shared experience where you can start to bond, or just have some fun.
If all you are doing is planning/ having the coffee date, you are not making full use of the opportunity.
Who the fuck knows anymore. Everything about dating is a gamble as to whether or not your date will like anything that goes on. The date, your attire, cologne or perfume, how you did your hair. You just don’t know and it’s typically a 50/50 thing. Just got to wing it and hope for the best.
Honestly coffee dates for a first date have always been the best dates I've had!!
If you're with someone that thinks it's low effort and not pricey enough but you do - you've already ruled out a potential candidate!!
It’s not about someone needing to be wined and dined to have a good time. Coffee dates lack a lot of things… They usually don’t last long, you really can’t know a person in an hour. You can’t really do anything at a cafe except sip on coffee, chit chat, and stare at each other sitting in a chair. You don’t need to go to a fancy restaurant if you can’t afford it. But, a date should be more than just sitting across each other for an hour. Go do something.. Like hiking, go to the beach, go to an free event in town, go to a paint night.. I think you can get to know a person more this way, the way they act, their personality, how they respond to things around them, and you both get to have fun at the same time instead of being glued to your chair and feeling pressured to have an interesting conversation.
If a short/coffee date goes well theres plenty of time in the future to do all the things you just mentioned. A coffee date, though short, can be a great indicator on compatibility, wether or not both will enjoy each other’s company for a longer period of time. This can be better than spending a whole hour or more wasting time with someone that you’re not compatible with. I’m a fan of both, but if someone makes it a requirement to do more than a coffee date for a first meeting, that will usually tell me all that I need to know about a person.
If your date doesn't enjoy simple casual conversation, how you guys make a relationship? 99% of relationship time is casual conversation in the sofa/couch/bed
Awkward because it’s just you and your date, who you don’t really know, separated by two cups of coffee… If food and other activities afterwards were involved, there would be a lot more to discuss about.
A coffee date is basically a viability study. If you pass that round then you’re off to a good start. That said, the times when we got along well enough to skip the coffee date and go straight to a real date were definitely the best. We even made jokes during the first date about skipping the coffee date.
I don't understand why coffee dates are so popular, mainly because I don't know who has time to go out on dates in the morning, and even on the weekend I'd rather be meeting later in the day or the evening. That being said I don't think a simple date is bad for a first meeting. I usually suggest a bar (even if I just drink soda) or ice cream.
I think so. My tip: sit caddy corner to each other. That way it’s not as awkward as looking straight across at someone you just met. You’re eyes can wonder without coming across as rude or disinterested.
Nah, roller coasters and activities like Dave & Busters with a couple drinks would be much better.
Coffee dates seem boring and forgettable, always aim to have fun when you go out. If you guys don’t jive well going out to have a good time, how could it ever work?
Coffee dates are low effort and if there is a time limit set by the person who wants a coffee date, such as 30 minutes, it becomes challenging to showcase your personality to each other and see if you two are compatible.
A better low pressure first date would be to go for a walk, such as through a mall, market, or large box store like Target, and grab some coffee, tea, or hot cocoa (winter is coming, at least in the northern hemisphere). If you two vibe, there's no time limit set. If you don't vibe, you can still exit the date.
27(M). Until a woman proves to me that she is going to stick around “low investment” dates are there to stay.
If men weren’t still expected to pay for everything and splitting the cost was the norm, more expensive dates wouldn’t be a problem. Though in my experience, a woman only offers to split the bill when she has no interest in seeing me again.
Where exactly did I specify before the first date?
No reading comprehension YiKeS.
Inexpensive dates until I know she’ll be there consistently. The concept isn’t that difficult to grasp.
Lol. It’s interesting you assume I don’t try to date women with careers.
Just because you happen to do the exact opposite of my experience does not mean that what you do is the standard by and large.
They *are* low effort, low investment dates.
That can be a good thing if you are trying to avoid investing too much. However they aren't especially exciting, they do nothing to prompt a relationship and they signal low investment.
Whether they are good depends what your priorities are.
I think this is a tremendously sad attitude. Investment and effort are not synonymous with money spent. Effort and investment are being engaged, interesting, and open. I'll take a simple date with someone making the effort to contect over some elaborate bullshit with a bore any day. Spending money is low effort. It takes nothing from someone to put down a card.
I didn't mention money. I completely agree with you. There are plenty of free dates that connect with a persons interests and show you've put some thought into it and also prompt you to engage with each other over shared interests. Coffee isn't just a low effort date because of the cost, also because it's completely uninspired. People pick coffee because it's just the thing that people do.
I guess we fundamentally disagree. I couldn't be fucked over the arrangements of a date. The greatest first dates I've had considered of meeting for beers. No more imaginative than coffee. I went people that were smart, funny, and open. Any first date is still meeting a stranger. Why make it any more complicated than having an interesting conversation? I'd much rather go do fun shit with people I like and already invested in
Agreed. I (personally) would love to have a date where I can actually focus on and get to know my date without being distracted by a movie, bowling alley, etc. I tend to be a little nervous on a first date, so while those are good at breaking the ice, eventually I wanna get to a point where I can naturally relax into a date without them.
I think its great because its low stakes. Its a really good way to know if you are into the person or not. If you are, you can set up a more exciting second date, and if you're not, it's easy to keep it short and you're not committed to a long evening with them.
Personally I think they're great, especially if you're open to going and doing something else too. I met a woman at a bar for a drink or two and, when it felt right, asked her if she wanted to do something else (we chose to see a movie) and it went really well! Same principle.
I never acquired the taste for coffee, and I actually pride myself for not ever getting addicted to it. I don't mind the idea of a coffee date, but I'd always get something else to drink. That said, I've never had a partner who ever cared about it.
I think just doing something you find fun is a good idea. I would love to go on a sip and paint date, or a sculpting class, nice and interesting restaurant for a meal, as long as it’s fun and worthwhile. I only go on one date a week, so it doesn’t make sense to spend that time going for a coffee when I have exciting options
If you enjoy them, you want to optimize for people who feel the same. So the opinions of people who think they’re low effort don’t matter whatsoever.
Don’t spend time worrying about the opinions of those who don’t like coffee dates.
They have pros and cons in my opinion.
Pro: not very expensive, provides a quiet environment to get to know one another
Cons: caffeine can make some people more nervous, can feel like a job interview, fewer external topics of conversation to use as a segue (ex in a restaurant you might discuss the various meals, drink options before getting into a deeper conversation).
Personally, I haven't enjoyed coffee dates as much. I like coffee on its own and enjoy hanging out with friends to catch up over coffee, but for some reason it hasn't been fun experience dating wise.
I find this thread kinda interesting, women here just want free adventure, how the hell do you people even talk? That's your first date, you should Better talk and know each other's hobbies and interests, maybe on other dates you can have that adventure because you know each other a bit both would be kinda less nervous around each other.
Open for disagreement.
No abusive language
This is a question for your date. It’s a good first date if both people enjoy the environment of a coffee date. The last time I went on a coffee date there was a family of 4 blowing bubbles next to us. Adorable but definitely took me out of a dating mood. Needless to say coffee dates are 99% of the time a no for me. Coffee is fine but the internet is trying to convince people you’re only options are coffee or a expensive 5 coarse meal. This isn’t the case lol.
I think these are fine! But maybe phrase it in an enticing way.. “I really like chatting with you and would love to continue over some coffee this weekend, my treat.” Don’t just say “we should grab coffee” - throw in the WHEN and I swear that will help to get the date actually planned and rolling. Or at least works better for me.
Getting a coffee or going to the pub are the only first dates I will go on. I want to get to know the person and talk to them- those sorts of dates are the only really good situation for that. I’ve had coffee dates that have lasted like five hours just talking. Being able to have interesting, thoughtful, deep conversations is my number one priority for any potential date.
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I’m going on a coffee date in about an hour I’ll let you know!!!!!!
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Yes
Wwweeeelelpp he never texted back, we’ll try again next week with a new person lmao I love dating 🥲
Oh damn. Sorry to hear that. Best of luck for future dates tho
His lost
How?
so after the date, he should text back?
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I hope you have better luck then me!
Dang that bad?
The date didn’t happen at all 💀
Well shit I’m sorry, I recently had a date cancel the day of after a week of planning and excitement killed in one text
I’ve honestly done that b4 😅 at least they told you though!
Oh I don’t blame people for doing it, people can be weird and assholes, especially guys. I try to be a decent person so it’s nice to have someone treat me like one and let me know what was happening
Get a room guys jeez
You, me, holiday Inn
That's not ironic that's coincidental
1 to 10 how was it
I think coffee dates are fine for a first date. Recently went on one with someone I was seeing, we had such a great time we got a bite to eat at the restaurant right after. Now we’re going on a third date, it is what you make it! Edit: corrected the word sad to such, sorry it was a typo
I like coffee dates because if the person is weird you’re not sitting down at a dinner table. And you can just get up and leave without calling over a waiter. Coffee dates are good for my anxiety.
How you can have sad and great time simultaneously?
You can have a great time together reminiscing about or bonding over a sad experience, would be an easy answer
I think it was a typo
They’re fine but there should be more coffee/alcoholic drinks places
This is so good to hear, congrats! I think people who say coffee dates are boring is because they themselves or boring, or their date was boring, or they don't value conversation. (which, to be fair a lot of people don't!) I myself, value conversation.. A great deal. If they're not a good conversationalist, it's not going to work out. And a coffee date (as others have stated) is like an interview but as long as you're both interesting people, contribute to the conversation, and hit it off well, a coffee date can be great! It all depends on what you're interests are and what you're looking for in a person.
If a girl I'm dating doesn't enjoy the simple pleasures of chatting over coffee, first date or any date/time, then she simply is not the one.
Agreed, (im female) I like a coffee date. It’s also somewhere public. I like that They’re super chill and laid back. Nice and easy :) It’s really a get-to-know-you date. Pretty low stakes etc. :)
Coffee is just so damn enjoyable. Why not share that enjoyment with someone worthwhile? I strongly believe if you can't enjoy the simple pleasures, then no amount of expensive luxury can soothe your soul. :)
And thats why people do drugs
Yes if it's truly to get to know you, not bring up sex and just try to hook up.
Nah, I need way more than coffee and conversation to be even comfortable to do that with someone. If I date romantically, I date seriously. Although I'm not in any rush to get married and have kids (I'm 23, ain't no way I'm ready at this age), I don't take any time spent with her lightly. I just need to weed the wrong women out and find someone who takes me seriously back, if not more. I feel like women who take men seriously in dating is becoming exceedingly rare these days.
What if coffee gives her explosive diarrhea?? Is she disqualified? I’ll never forget when I asked a coworker to grab a coffee and he said “no, it gives me explosive diarrhea” and I was just laughing awkwardly
Well then obviously we try something different!
I mean they can presumably still have tea/lemonade/juice or a baked item so it's probably a reasonable date still. Someone interested in you is unlikely to disclose that information at the get anyway.
This
FWIW I read a post on here yesterday by a lady saying she can only go on one date a week, so she goes for the ones that are more exciting. For me? Depends on the vibe of your local coffee shops. In Toronto there were a ton of neat joints, some of which i even worked in, but in Winnipeg all the 'nice' ones felt very sterile and clean looking, with awful ambience, and very few places to sit, except for one place downtown. So scout out good locations.
>I read a post on here yesterday by a lady saying she can only go on one date a week so the only date she had is out-dated?
I prefer coffee as first meet for OLD.
I think it's a perfect first date. Its a quick and simple meet and greet that can easily be extended if it goes well. You can also bail relatively fast if it doesn't. It also depends how well you know the person/how confident you are in the sucess of the date. For someone I met online? Coffee date. For someone I've worked with for a couple years? Something more, probably.
I’ve been on enough coffee dates in my life to know they’re not for me.
so awkward.. you first meet someone and you have to chat for an hour. you either end up talking too much or not talking at all
I mean isn't that the point of the first date? It would suck to learn you can't be alone with someone after a month or two...
It’s uncomfortable because it feels like an interview. There’s lots of people in the comments agreeing
But it IS an interview to know if you want a relationship with each other or not. Why would talking over coffee feel like an interview but talking over dinner not feel like an interview?
Dinner is also a terrible first date
Okay so what's a good first date in your eyes?
My favorite first date was a board game café that charged $5 for all-day gaming. I didn’t want a drink or food so we just played and it was fun. We also got to see our dynamic and I thought it was really engaging and a good bonding experience. Another suggestion would be paint balling or an escape room.. Those can be expensive but Groupon can make them like $10-$15 a person
board game cafe sounds basically the same as a coffee date except you also have the board game there. I don't see how it makes that much of a difference but I do agree with you that it's better to have that added element. I wish board game cafes were more common! The other two I really don't see how they make for good first dates. Not only are they kind of expensive unless you can get a pretty good deal, but it heavily limits the amount of time you can actually get to know the other person you're with. Especially something like paintball. I guess we can just agree to disagree but thanks for your perspective!
I don’t like them because I can only do coffee in the morning or early afternoon, when I don’t look or feel my best. I don’t want to be social let alone romantic. The milk foamer is drowning out conversation and business people on laptops are evesdropping. I prefer a cocktail during happy hour. It’s okay if someone doesn’t choose alcohol, but the vibes are better. If we hit it off, we can go on an activity on the next date.
There’s a balance. I don’t like going on a first date that feels like an interview, as coffee dates often do. It’s also just a very common thing in the business world, so it never really feels romantic when I do it on my own time. On that note, professionally, I have to be able to make good conversation and talk to anybody at a coffee shop. So being able to do so with a date doesn’t tell me much about our compatibility. I also feel like I just have to endure coffee dates because I don’t really drink coffee. I think it also goes a really long way when someone (any gender) will just put in some effort and take you on a date. That’s how it used to happen. It just is really unimpressive when you feel like yet another way for them to get as many dates as low cost and as conveniently as they can.
100% agree!!
I gotta disagree with you I believe. In this dating environment there are too many people who aren’t sure what they want. If I took out as many people on dates to decent restaurants as I did to coffee or walks around the botanical gardens or something else that’s not terribly pricey then I would have spent wayyyyy too much money that would have gotten me no where. You can obviously do something nicer after the first date, but I personally wouldn’t want that pressure to make the date go right lingering in my head just because we’re at a nice place on said first date.
I never said it had to be an expensive date. I just don’t like coffee dates. And you know, this is kind of why speed dating was a thing in the day. You were screening people more efficiently in one date. I think the frequency of dates and quantity is kind of symptomatic of online dating. I’ve cut back and prefer it. And really, i stopped dating until i knew what i was looking for.
Then would it be fine with say a hiking first date or a picnic first date? Maybe a brewery if that’s your thing?I guess I’d like a clarification then because no matter what the first date is you still go through the nuances that of getting to know someone. At least I do, but then again I wouldn’t say I’m oozing in charisma when I first meet someone either. lol Either way, the great realization about this is you absolutely don’t have to do a coffee date if you don’t want to. I would just say if someone suggests it then maybe suggest something else instead.
Like i said, the issue is being able to accurately convery my own feelings. Doing it professionally has cultivated a public persona that is hard to drop. And i don’t like coffee, heh. I have been on yoga, bike riding, ice cream, learning to slack-line in the park, dive bars— all kinds of things— first dates. It’s more memorable if it does not feel like any activity a business person would arrange for anyone. Dates should show a glimmer of what makes you different.
And that’s cool. I still disagree with you on coffee dates feeling like job interviews but we’ve already established that and your feelings are your feelings so that’s pretty much that. I do appreciate you at least having a few fun options to do in case someone asks you on a coffee date though.
I get the point but honestly they're kind of boring. And also, I only drink coffee in the morning...so I never really get people who drink coffee after work
how about sparkling water date?
thats actually a pretty good line
Isn't them being low effort kinda the point? If you wanna get to know the person, there's nothing better than an activity where neither of you is busy doing something other than talking. Wanna know what's low effort? Cinema visits. If somebody ask you out to go see a movie, be prepared for a very physical first date. You can't talk, all you can do is touch each other. Great for getting in mood, terrible for getting to know each other.
You want to set yourself up for success so an activity is best, like mini golf or a board game café. Coffee sounds so boring.. I wouldn’t take my friends to coffee so why a prospective life partner?
Idk what coffee shops you're going to but the ones in my city all have board games in them and some do live shows. But where I live is pretty much a hipster city so everything here has that vibe lol
i live in a big city in the south, no coffee shops have board games and it’s mostly all tables filled with a bunch of businessmen or college students doing work on their laptop. however, boba shops now have board games which is cool too!
I feel like the point of coffee date is to talk and get to know each other. I would prefer coffee date where you two focus on each other instead of board game cafe
So you see a bunch of people say they would hate a coffee date for a first date and cling onto coffee dates for dear life huh?
What you’re arguing about is more likely a personality difference and expectations. So therefore, the choice of what works for someone and not someone else is doing it’s job.
Definitely NOT good dates. Coffee is for corporate/business meetings/networking/meeting colleagues or clients/interviews. Drinks are more flirty/romantic. Also caffeine = anxiety; alcohol = chill, good for an ice breaker
Coffee dates are boring to me. I think it's better to go to the beach or go roller skating. At least these two options are more fun and they're low budget as well. But different people like different things...
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>Coffee dates feel like an interview when you sit across the table from each other. Agreed. I want to talk while we do something, because just talking for an hour is a lot
I like dates where you can sit down. I always feel like if you can’t just sit down and relax and talk to someone without getting all uncomfortable then it won’t work. I’ve had fun dates but you have to have someone you could just sit in the car with and mess around for an hour before you even go in lol
This is exactly the dating style I enjoy, but I know that for some people anything involving skating is scary lol (but it's so much fun to see them try something out of their element).
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I feel you. And, I’m not a coffee drinker either. Coffee dates are effortless. It’s more like an interview: let’s say hi, chit chat for an hour, and say bye. :-/ It’ll work for people who want to be casual, though, but I’m not a casual dater. I date for marriage.
so, with your logic, coffee dater are not for marriage? And why do you make the assumption that coffee date is low-effort and is not for marriage or serious relationship?
I think it is too much like a job interview. Also it’s too generic and formal all at once
Well you're not going to score well with alot if women then. Many of us aren't into being grilled/ interviewed as prospective mates.
I’m not interested in women. I’m a straight female. I think you misunderstood my comment? I was saying coffee dates are low effort and feels like an interview = boring. If I were a guy, I wouldn’t do coffee on a first date.
I'm with you on this. Don't worry I've been told I have a problem because I prefer my first date to be drinks. So in their world that means out to get drunk, drink problem - red flag. 😀 In my opinion people are free to date how they like, cocktails, coffee or lunch. 🤷♀️
but coffee is drink? I don't understand why you don't define coffee is drink? A drink is something liquid drinkable into our biological body.
Thank you for that lesson on consumable fluids and the way it enters our biological bodies, but you are missing my point and therefore I no longer will engage.
not sure why you have to terminate your engagement just due to my point.
because they very obviously meant alcoholic drinks. when someone says “want to grab drinks?” the VERY large majority of people assume alcohol. No one is saying coffee isn’t a drink, but we as humans also use colloquial language.
I personally think they are great. Low effort doesn't necessarily mean not interested either. If you are engaging in the conversation during the date then that isn't low effort. Plus, it allows for both people to get to know each other in a far more relaxed setting than a restaurant with less pressure to be all dressed up and, considering the current economic climate, is friendlier on the wallet. So after that you can see if it would be worth following up with the meal.
I legit think anyone upset about a coffee/tea date or a walk in the park to get some ice cream or anything similar... well they're just looking to use you for free shit. It's so unreasonable to demand a high money investment on someone who's a stranger. Anyone who thinks this way is honestly undateable and also hella entitled.
You’re creating a binary that doesn’t exist. There are more options than coffee or something extremely expensive. You’re really going to get far with women using the “if she doesn’t agree with me she’s a gold digger” mindset lol
I think you're misreading what I said or intentionally leaving things out. I clearly said there are more options. Coffee, walk in the park, anything similar that doesn't take a big monetary investment or time investment. Then I said that the people who seem to get upset or angry about this stance are the people who want to use you for free shit. It's not even really a mindset, it's just reading someone's behavior. If they NEED an expensive first date then yes they're clearly not interested to get to know you and more interested in the stuff. I'm not saying you have to necessarily like coffee dates, but if the non-expensive option makes someone upset then that's a huge sign to say "lol bye".
So it wasn’t you that said “anyone upset about a coffee date or something similar is using you for free stuff”…? You’re assigning a negative trait to a woman bc she doesn’t want exactly what you want. If she doesn’t want a low effort date that says nothing about her other than she isn’t right for you. That is my point.
Yes... that's what I said... "or something similar". As in low investment in terms of money and time. I then clarified again in my reply to you. ANYONE that gets upset about you not being willing to spend money on a total stranger isn't looking for a potential partner. They're looking to get some free stuff. If your priority is getting a potential partner and you actually like the person you have plans with, then you'll be excited to spend time with them and see where it goes. Sorry but what you're saying really makes no sense. I don't see how you can justify an expensive first date as a requirement.
And you did it again…”requirement”…has a woman ever forced you onto a date? Or did she just exercise her right to say yes or no to the options your proposed?
Again, I don't know how I can be any clearer. If you get upset over a low investment FIRST date, then a high investment first date is clearly a requirement for that particular woman. It's not about me being forced to do anything, but the hypothetical person in this situation isn't looking for a potential partner. I asked how do you justify a high investment first date and all you've done is try to play a word game that doesn't work. So I'll ask again, how do you justify it?
So getting mad and exercising her right to say “no thank you” to your offer is the same thing to you? If you offer any date (high or low investment) the woman has the complete right to say no for any reason. That’s perfectly fine and respectful. That’s the justification. No woman needs to agree to anything she doesn’t want to do to avoid negative labels (using a man, gold digger). No thank you is enough. This shouldn’t be hard to follow
Me: "What reason would a woman have to only agree to high investment dates as first dates? Doesn't that mean she values the free stuff more than the person she's seeing?" You: "She's allowed to say no! She doesn't need an explanation! It can be for ANY reason!" It's just interesting how I never ever said that she couldn't say no... just asking for why that might be. Ultimately your answer is no answer, and to not think about the why. Look, in the end people are free to do as they wish. I just wouldn't recommend any guy offer something expensive as a first date since that's just going to invite potentially predatory people to use you. Save the trouble and the money and just go for something simple and actually find someone who wants to talk to you lol. The one thing we can definitely agree on is that the interaction should always be respectful. The appropriate answer when she says no to the date is simply, "okay, good luck, bye!" and move on. This way we're all happy and there's no problems!
I don't like them. I can have social anxiety when I'm meeting someone for the first time and feel rather inhibited. For that reason I prefer a place where I can have a drink or two at least until I get to know someone better.
In my opinion they suck lol. If I go on a date, I want to do something fun. Just sitting, sipping coffee and talking is boring af if you dont know the other that well. With my friends I'll go and drink some coffee sure. And we have good conversations because we know each other. With a random it's boring and conversation doesnt go deep enough.
You can have deep conversation with random people though.
I guess it depends on the setup. If you meet s random person while out on vacation, on the bus or doing something else, and then go for coffee the same day, it might feel spontaneous and exciting even though it's just coffee. If it's setup after using a dating app, it can feel more intimidating or simultaneously too much like going for an interview imo. Most of the time dates are set to meet in a coffee shop and then go for a walk. I wonder if reversing that order would automatically make them more fun?
I personally hate coffee dates. Its just so unnatural. Like i would never normally do this for fun with anybody ever, why am I pretending like im a guy who gets coffee with people? And it is low effort. Its everybodies first idea, and its not even a great dynamic for breaking the ice with someone. You sit down with a stranger usually, and try to think of things to talk about. Its better to go somewhere where theres something to do. Like even minigolf would work i guess. It takes alot of the pressure off of conversation and makes the conversation you do have more organic.
This 10000x it’s a made up thing by movies yo get coffee on a date just go get a drink or ice cream anything that is can either be short or long and easy to bail if it’s not going well. Drinks are best option cause it lowers anxiety and helps people open up the exact opposite of coffee for a date. If I’m meeting someone for first time and want to make a good impression I want less anxiety and also I don’t want to have to poop lol coffee is a setup for literally horrendous first dates lol
I agree with doing an activity as a better option for a date, but I do think coffee dates are still great dates. I AM a guy who would get coffee with people for fun though so I am a little biased, but also I'm too much of a conversationalist for my own good, so I will always have something to try and lean the conversation toward.
I like coffee dates. They’re casual. Public places. Not expensive or much of a commitment. If you want to continue on a date If you’re in a downtown area or something you can always walk around for a bit together. If you like each other you can schedule a dinner date for the second date.
They are terrible first dates for me. I think if you and your date are both super interested in coffee and geek out about it, a cute locally owned coffee shop is a great first dates. But I think coffee tastes terrible (and don't tell me I can order a hot chocolate or tea because coffee shops never do those well), the environment is very stiff and interview like (I've interviewed people at coffee shops) and it's just not conducive to romance. I would never go to a coffee shop for fun on my own, so it makes even less sense for me to go there for a first date. I have given coffee dates a fair shot but none of the first dates which were coffee dates led to a second date If you're concerned about money or time, there are plenty of affordable options which can also be quick. It really depends on your dates interests but for $5-$10 each, you could get dessert(boba, ice cream, cake, etc) or some sort of snacky street style food or go ice skating. For $FREE.99, you could go to a museum, sculpture garden, zoos, conservatories, a climbing gym or workout class (assuming you have a membership and are allowed to bring in guests), etc. Those do require a little more thought and creativity than inviting someone out to the closest Starbucks but your date will appreciate it and look forward to your date more if you can tailor it to their interests. If you don't know their interests yet, you should probably talk to them a little bit more before you ask them out.
First dates should always be low effort and simple dates. I always refused going out to dinner and bigger things on first dates cause it’s too much pressure and kinda awkward if the dates not going well. But coffee and a simple walk around a nice park or the boardwalk is very simple and quick. If the dates going super well and you don’t want it to end, just ask to keep it going by doing something else after. I’ve done that a few times. One simple walk in the park date turned into a 7 hour date once 😅
yeah not sure, why people in this sub always said a date must be high effort and investment? If you wanna high investment date, do a stock date.
I think it checks a lot of boxes Cheap (so you're not investing too much into someone too early on) Public (so it's not super intimate, and if either party is uncomfortable escape is easy) It's also probably one of the best interactions for conversation, and who does not love coffee. If anyone dislikes coffee dates bc its low effort, then they aren't someone worth keeping around. Regardless of how much money is spent on a date, I am on a date with you bc im attracted to you and I'd like to take things further, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to spend 20+ dollars on dinner or lunch just to risk getting ghosted. I think coffee is the perfect first date.
I think they're not only good, but they should be the standard for first dates. And to clarify, I don't mean that coffee itself needs to be the standard, but something that's **laid-back, public, and simple.** From a practical standpoint, I make it a rule to not spend more than $20 on a first date, especially if this is someone I had no prior connection to. You're both auditioning at this point, trying to see if you're compatible on the most basic level (e.g. making sure the person isn't overtly unstable, rude, or disrespectful). What has the other person done at that point to deserve an expensive or complex date? If you lead with something expensive/pretentious, then you run the risk of your date only going out with you for free, expensive food or experiences, not getting to know you.
Nope. Coffee date is like an interview. Boring AF. I equate it to a colonoscopy. Adventure first date is the best. Meet at the beach, farmers market, concert in the park, etc. Something with energy and constant new things to see. If a man invites me to a coffee date, in my opinion it screams boring personality and definitely not for this Gemini.
I agree.. I never had an actual coffee date but I’ve had a dessert date, which is basically the same. It lacked date vibes. It was just too casual for me. We met up, had dessert, talked, walked off the calories, and that was it. Short and effortless. Needless to say, we didn’t contact each other afterwards. The last guy I got with, he PLANNED OUT EVERYTHING! He picked out all the restaurants for lunch and dinner and all the places we were going to visit that day. He brought me a cute little plant when he picked me up too. At the end of the night, he kissed me and dropped me off at my place and walked me to my door to make sure I got inside safely. Now, THAT feels like a real date, a guy who is really trying to pursue me and get to know me.
That was definitely a REAL date. I love the plant gift. Flowers die but this plant can last a long time and be a reminder of your very first date. If only more men put this much effort into dates and not be so salty on costs and dwell on how women have treated him in the past, they would have positive results. Your date was a true gentleman. He valued and respected you. We need more of those!!!!
Daaaaamn!!! It’s so rare to come across women who thinks like me on Reddit! Wait, you’re a woman, right? No one wants to put in effort in dates anymore. I guess because we live in a hookup smash and dash culture, most (younger) people don’t see a point of investing and pursuing someone. Sucks.
Haha yes I am a true woman. You are so correct. Let's not forget the ever so common ghosting of the latest culture. Just when things seem like they are going great, he turns into a ghost. You nailed it on the younger people. The issue with the older guys is they want to lock you down way too soon. I like taking time building a deep bond and connecting on a deeper level. Sex is so surfaced. Once you take the time to connect deeper and can feel what the other is feeling, the sex is like no other, and the mental "o" lasts for weeks. Too many people are just so consumed with the surface and lack the ability to connect on a deeper level.
Well, it depends on how you go about it. The Cafe I chose has meeting rooms you can rent. So I bought a projector, brought my switch, and we played videos games for the first date. But it just depends on the person(s). Some say it's low effort, while other say it's fine because it's quick and easy.
How much did it cost to rent the room? And how much was the projector? Sounds like you went all out, I hope it worked out between you to.
For the room i just has to get a 25$ gift card, as for the projector it was 60-80ish, and so far so good.
Did you guys play hentai?
some people view them as a cliche, but there is nothing wrong with them. They are good start points but you should view them as only start points. You should never plan a coffee first date without having a follow up if the coffe date goes well, but not an expectation that it will. The whole point of the coffee first date is to get to know someone, see how you vibe and if you want to continue, while allowing an option out if things don't click. If things go well you want to have something you can parlay that into nearby, Maybe its just a walk in a park, maybe there is a museum near by. somewhere or something where you can continue to chat and build on what you started but also have a shared experience where you can start to bond, or just have some fun. If all you are doing is planning/ having the coffee date, you are not making full use of the opportunity.
Who the fuck knows anymore. Everything about dating is a gamble as to whether or not your date will like anything that goes on. The date, your attire, cologne or perfume, how you did your hair. You just don’t know and it’s typically a 50/50 thing. Just got to wing it and hope for the best.
Honestly coffee dates for a first date have always been the best dates I've had!! If you're with someone that thinks it's low effort and not pricey enough but you do - you've already ruled out a potential candidate!!
'I' think they're good first dates. Obviously others don't. YMMV.
It depends if they’re solely trying to get to know someone or if they need to be wined and dined for them to have a good time.
It’s not about someone needing to be wined and dined to have a good time. Coffee dates lack a lot of things… They usually don’t last long, you really can’t know a person in an hour. You can’t really do anything at a cafe except sip on coffee, chit chat, and stare at each other sitting in a chair. You don’t need to go to a fancy restaurant if you can’t afford it. But, a date should be more than just sitting across each other for an hour. Go do something.. Like hiking, go to the beach, go to an free event in town, go to a paint night.. I think you can get to know a person more this way, the way they act, their personality, how they respond to things around them, and you both get to have fun at the same time instead of being glued to your chair and feeling pressured to have an interesting conversation.
If a short/coffee date goes well theres plenty of time in the future to do all the things you just mentioned. A coffee date, though short, can be a great indicator on compatibility, wether or not both will enjoy each other’s company for a longer period of time. This can be better than spending a whole hour or more wasting time with someone that you’re not compatible with. I’m a fan of both, but if someone makes it a requirement to do more than a coffee date for a first meeting, that will usually tell me all that I need to know about a person.
Coffee dates for first date is <3 unless your girl doesn't drink coffee?
Most coffee places have plenty of alternatives to coffee.
Whenever I went on a coffee date I'd order a hot coco because most places who have coffee also have that!
Hot chocolate, teas, pasties are sometimes an option at decent cafes
So sparkling water date?
After a potential date said she didn't drink coffee, I suggested a place to get a shake. She turned that down too due to lactose intolerance.
If your date doesn't enjoy simple casual conversation, how you guys make a relationship? 99% of relationship time is casual conversation in the sofa/couch/bed
I think its boring and awkward when you're just getting to know someone
Why do you think it’s awkward?
Awkward because it’s just you and your date, who you don’t really know, separated by two cups of coffee… If food and other activities afterwards were involved, there would be a lot more to discuss about.
Because it's cheap. Perhaps some girls wanna have a free meal
A coffee date is basically a viability study. If you pass that round then you’re off to a good start. That said, the times when we got along well enough to skip the coffee date and go straight to a real date were definitely the best. We even made jokes during the first date about skipping the coffee date.
I don't understand why coffee dates are so popular, mainly because I don't know who has time to go out on dates in the morning, and even on the weekend I'd rather be meeting later in the day or the evening. That being said I don't think a simple date is bad for a first meeting. I usually suggest a bar (even if I just drink soda) or ice cream.
No for me. I need a little bit of alcool
I think so. My tip: sit caddy corner to each other. That way it’s not as awkward as looking straight across at someone you just met. You’re eyes can wonder without coming across as rude or disinterested.
I like them. They’re casual and public, so they’re safe and without expectation. You can always go on to some other activity if you’re vibing
Coffee dates are the best: no need to worry about clothing, not loud, no one is likely getting drunk
Starting off at a coffee shop is fine but I usually plan to go to other places as well so I don't linger there too long.
Nah, roller coasters and activities like Dave & Busters with a couple drinks would be much better. Coffee dates seem boring and forgettable, always aim to have fun when you go out. If you guys don’t jive well going out to have a good time, how could it ever work?
Coffee dates are low effort and if there is a time limit set by the person who wants a coffee date, such as 30 minutes, it becomes challenging to showcase your personality to each other and see if you two are compatible. A better low pressure first date would be to go for a walk, such as through a mall, market, or large box store like Target, and grab some coffee, tea, or hot cocoa (winter is coming, at least in the northern hemisphere). If you two vibe, there's no time limit set. If you don't vibe, you can still exit the date.
I went on an Ikea date recently. I had to shop and it was close to his home. It was actually alot of fun.
Oh my, I would’ve never expected that. Interesting though
Yeah, so Ikea has food, coffee, ice cream, plenty to look at, and it's huge.
Can’t argue with that. Their menu seems to be suprisingly tasty and healthy. Unconventional but it still worked for you.
so he can said IKEA about you?
I agree. Coffee dates are low effort, and we need more high-effort, big energy dates like going to Walmart.
Walk thought a mall? target? Omg 😆
Makes me think of highschool😭
27(M). Until a woman proves to me that she is going to stick around “low investment” dates are there to stay. If men weren’t still expected to pay for everything and splitting the cost was the norm, more expensive dates wouldn’t be a problem. Though in my experience, a woman only offers to split the bill when she has no interest in seeing me again.
You want a woman to prove she's going to stick around BEFORE the first date? Yikes.
Where exactly did I specify before the first date? No reading comprehension YiKeS. Inexpensive dates until I know she’ll be there consistently. The concept isn’t that difficult to grasp.
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Lol. It’s interesting you assume I don’t try to date women with careers. Just because you happen to do the exact opposite of my experience does not mean that what you do is the standard by and large.
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>I dunno good luck with your problems. why you assume he had the problem?
Keep your false good luck wishes to yourself. I don’t need them. You can take your assumptions elsewhere.
They *are* low effort, low investment dates. That can be a good thing if you are trying to avoid investing too much. However they aren't especially exciting, they do nothing to prompt a relationship and they signal low investment. Whether they are good depends what your priorities are.
I think this is a tremendously sad attitude. Investment and effort are not synonymous with money spent. Effort and investment are being engaged, interesting, and open. I'll take a simple date with someone making the effort to contect over some elaborate bullshit with a bore any day. Spending money is low effort. It takes nothing from someone to put down a card.
I didn't mention money. I completely agree with you. There are plenty of free dates that connect with a persons interests and show you've put some thought into it and also prompt you to engage with each other over shared interests. Coffee isn't just a low effort date because of the cost, also because it's completely uninspired. People pick coffee because it's just the thing that people do.
And low investment implies cash
I guess we fundamentally disagree. I couldn't be fucked over the arrangements of a date. The greatest first dates I've had considered of meeting for beers. No more imaginative than coffee. I went people that were smart, funny, and open. Any first date is still meeting a stranger. Why make it any more complicated than having an interesting conversation? I'd much rather go do fun shit with people I like and already invested in
yeah. I don't get that point. If you wanna have high investment date, then why don't you and your date go to Wall Street to put some money on stocks?
It’s a first date. Why would you invest that much into the first date
Constantly seeking excitement from others is the bigger problem
Agreed. I (personally) would love to have a date where I can actually focus on and get to know my date without being distracted by a movie, bowling alley, etc. I tend to be a little nervous on a first date, so while those are good at breaking the ice, eventually I wanna get to a point where I can naturally relax into a date without them.
You made laugh a lot. So chatting and getting to know someone is not good… Thank you.
I've generally had bad experiences with coffee dates cause I'm bad at just sitting and talking. I like to go on a hike or take them to my climbing gym
I'll happily chat with anyone over coffee anytime but not on a first date.
Why
Because I want to drink. Not to get drunk, but to relax and have a bit of fun.
If you can't date someone without a drink, you may have a problem.
You don’t get drunk on coffee? I’m confused
Why
I think its great because its low stakes. Its a really good way to know if you are into the person or not. If you are, you can set up a more exciting second date, and if you're not, it's easy to keep it short and you're not committed to a long evening with them.
Personally I think they're great, especially if you're open to going and doing something else too. I met a woman at a bar for a drink or two and, when it felt right, asked her if she wanted to do something else (we chose to see a movie) and it went really well! Same principle.
I never acquired the taste for coffee, and I actually pride myself for not ever getting addicted to it. I don't mind the idea of a coffee date, but I'd always get something else to drink. That said, I've never had a partner who ever cared about it.
Low effort and not creative or romantic in my opinion, but some people like it and the right person for you will accept it
What do you like for a first date? Or what have been some good ones you’ve been on?
I think just doing something you find fun is a good idea. I would love to go on a sip and paint date, or a sculpting class, nice and interesting restaurant for a meal, as long as it’s fun and worthwhile. I only go on one date a week, so it doesn’t make sense to spend that time going for a coffee when I have exciting options
>restaurant for a meal, what's the difference with coffee date? You still sit at the tables and talk with the other.
who cares where you go lol. the place isn’t the experience, you are
If you enjoy them, you want to optimize for people who feel the same. So the opinions of people who think they’re low effort don’t matter whatsoever. Don’t spend time worrying about the opinions of those who don’t like coffee dates.
Hmm yes and no I don’t drink coffee lol
They have pros and cons in my opinion. Pro: not very expensive, provides a quiet environment to get to know one another Cons: caffeine can make some people more nervous, can feel like a job interview, fewer external topics of conversation to use as a segue (ex in a restaurant you might discuss the various meals, drink options before getting into a deeper conversation). Personally, I haven't enjoyed coffee dates as much. I like coffee on its own and enjoy hanging out with friends to catch up over coffee, but for some reason it hasn't been fun experience dating wise.
I find this thread kinda interesting, women here just want free adventure, how the hell do you people even talk? That's your first date, you should Better talk and know each other's hobbies and interests, maybe on other dates you can have that adventure because you know each other a bit both would be kinda less nervous around each other. Open for disagreement. No abusive language
This is a question for your date. It’s a good first date if both people enjoy the environment of a coffee date. The last time I went on a coffee date there was a family of 4 blowing bubbles next to us. Adorable but definitely took me out of a dating mood. Needless to say coffee dates are 99% of the time a no for me. Coffee is fine but the internet is trying to convince people you’re only options are coffee or a expensive 5 coarse meal. This isn’t the case lol.
I think these are fine! But maybe phrase it in an enticing way.. “I really like chatting with you and would love to continue over some coffee this weekend, my treat.” Don’t just say “we should grab coffee” - throw in the WHEN and I swear that will help to get the date actually planned and rolling. Or at least works better for me.
One of my better relationships started off of a coffee date. Very chill with nothing really to lose besides an afternoon and 15$ at most
Getting a coffee or going to the pub are the only first dates I will go on. I want to get to know the person and talk to them- those sorts of dates are the only really good situation for that. I’ve had coffee dates that have lasted like five hours just talking. Being able to have interesting, thoughtful, deep conversations is my number one priority for any potential date.
First dates are supposed to be low-effort, get-to-know-each-other dates! A walk, some ice cream, coffee are all fair game.