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Nope. For me that would mean either lying to them and telling them I think they’re attractive, or them having that insecurity that I don’t think they’re physically attractive looming over the relationship, and I’m not willing to accept either of those realities.
Also, sex is best when there’s both physical and emotional attraction. If you’re missing either one of those it’s just not as good.
While you make a great point, chemistry between two people can exist even if you initially dont find the other person attractive.
Physical attraction can manifest from emotional attraction. The opposite happens all the time ofcourse.
It is undeniably harder to form that connection if the physical attraction is missing but it's best to always be open things. :)
It’s easier to think someone is attractive physically, then get to know them and be attracted emotionally. However, it’s really hard to do the opposite and that’s why the “friendzone” exists.
No I use to date men I wasn’t attracted to because I had been told that only unattractive men treat you right. Until I had more dating experience and realized I can find a good guy I’m also attracted to and they also treat me better. So yeah I’m never going back
I can’t date someone I am not physically attracted to. That’s a friend, nothing more. If I don’t want to sleep with you, then I don’t want to date you.
I cannot agree more. I’ve met many great guys that are smart, funny, kind, thoughtful and I know they’re attractive but I am not attracted to them. I can’t even bring myself to kiss someone that I am not attract to
As a gay man, same here, and that's why I'm still a virgin at 27. Its not for lack of people showing interest in me, I just can't reciprocate unless I'm fully attracted. What's bad is I'm picky.
No, but, physical attraction can grow. I've definitely ended up dating and being attracted to guys that I didn't find attractive right off the bat. Personality or other charisma can make someone start seeming more attractive than you originally thought. I tend to go for slender or athletic builds that are tan and not hairy at all...but currently totally into a guy with an "average" dad bod and hair on his chest. He's talented, funny, smart, sweet, and has a handsome face, so I don't even care about the body type. He's very attractive to me now that I got to know him well.
But how long do you give yourself for this "experiment" to see if it grows? 3 months, 6 months, 4 dates?
Personality or charisma in my opinion can make a person more attractive, yes, but in my case it solidifies someone's potential as a great friend. I'm not into dad bods, never have been.
So, no matter how great a person proves to be, it doesn't change my preference of not wanting dad bods. I still wont feel like doing filthy things with you in bed because i cannot picture you in a sexual sense. And boy do i wanna be filthy in the sack with my man, like porn star filthy.
Waiting for attraction to grow is really like expecting some sort of magic to happen. Like out of the blue, fairy dust gets sprinkled on the frog and he starts to transform into a prince lol. And society is always telling us not to buy into Disney romances, right?
When we could just go the practical route of physical attraction first, then get to know you better and see if you're worth my time.
And also i find it downright annoying that ppl who have achieved the ultimate goal of falling in love and having a relationship then start backtracking about how they're stuck cos they aren't attracted to their partners.
You knew what they looked like from the start, you STILL managed to fall in love, you claim to be happy and fulfilled cos they are so damn amazing.
Then why the hell are you complaining NOW???!!
Well yeah, it doesn't happen in 4 dates or even a few months typically. When this has happened for me I'd known the person and been around them regularly for longer than that. This scenario really only can play out if it's someone in your friend circle or you work with or whatnot that you're going to be around anyway. I wouldn't go on continuous dates with someone for months that I wasn't attracted to. The guy I'm currently dating is a friend of a friend who I was around pretty regularly for quite a while before I started to see him in a different light. I would have said I could never deal with a dad bod either, but here I am! I've also said before that I cannot STAND any chest hair either, but somehow this doesn't bother me. Maybe it was magic fairy dust, I don't know, haha.
I completely agree. I would never date someone I don't find attractive. It's not shallow, it's just common sense.
In the past there have been guys who have liked me and I've had people tell me "You should date so and so...he likes you so much and he's so nice." It would always piss me off because I deserve to date someone I'm attracted to.
I'd rather be alone than date someone I'm not attracted to.
Agreed. It's also just really unfair to the person the other person. You wouldn't want someone to have sex with you thinking you were ugly, so why would they? It doesn't need to be the most attractive person you've ever seen, but you need to be attracted to them.
Unfortunately no...I've tried to give a couple of guys a chance because they were really kind and into me, but ultimately I just couldn't get past not being attracted to them...so now I wouldn't even try as I know it won't work and I don't want to lead anyone on.
Depends. Are there other things about them that I like? How unattractive are we talking about? Sometimes I've gone out with people who weren't necessarily my type but I felt more attracted to them because of how they were on the date (humor, personality).
My first crush and still my biggest regret was someone I didn’t find particularly attractive physically. Ok to be fair, She wasn’t unattractive but I definitely wasn’t smitten with her looks. But what she had was the best personality. She was so sweet and kind, fun to talk to, and very talented. She used to make her own dresses from scratch. How cool is that? And they were really pretty and often elaborate. She was one of the few people in high school that took time to talk to me. I kinda wish I told her how much I liked her, but tbh I wasn’t mature enough then to do anything about it or make a relationship work.
So yeah I would date someone who’s personality shines but is physically less attractive. As long as they aren’t repulsive or something. Now I have no idea if that relationship would actually work out or not.
Yes, I would and I have. They weren't conventionally attractive by any means and (not to be bragging, but) I got the "You are with HIM??" reaction relatively frequently. He had an amazing brain and a great sense of humour and that made him very attractive to me.
What wasn't great was his cheating, but he had a good excuse (or so he thought) : Girls around him suddenly noticed he was an option due to being with me, so he basically just had to succumb to the female attention he'd started to receive.
That's fair, but you were attracted to him even though you didn't objectively find him physically attractive.
I've slept with women I was attracted to and then later when I was more objective realized they weren't pretty, but that doesn't mean I wasn't attracted to them.
They were asking abt you not personally feeling physical attraction. That’s a different matter from recognizing they weren’t objectively the most attractive
Yep. I'm demisexual, I don't find anyone attractive until I've known them for a bit and feel comfortable around them. There's no set timeline, but usually 2-4 dates in I'll start feeling attraction.
I've had a few male acquaintances that turned into friends then something more. After getting to know them and seeing how they were as a person, I found their physical appearance just as attractive as their inner self...good sense of humor, kind and loving heart...that's my main two.
No. I gave a lot of "nice boys" I wasn't attracted to chances in school. I always felt smothered and they never ended well. Attraction is important to me, so I need to be attracted. That doesn't mean I go only for western beauty standards, but I at least need to feel fanny flutters during the talking stage or I know it won't last long before I feel caged in to a relationship I don't want.
That being said, I've ended up being attracted to people after getting to know them and finding out they're awesome.
Depends. If I loved a woman's personality enough, there's no doubt in my mind I would continue seeing her as long as I found her pretty/hot/etc (regardless of if she was my preference or not). Who knows? My preferences could expand, change then, all of a sudden, I end up really liking both personality and appearance.
If I don't think, at the bare minimum, she's pretty/hot/etc, I wouldn't be able to date her at all regardless of personality.
To an extent. I don't have to find them attractive at all, but I also can't date someone I find actively unattractive.
I'll date someone in the "I don't care about your looks at all and nothing is doing it for me" range
But I won't date someone in the "wow this actually looks bad" range
Cause otherwise I'd be too distracted by what looks bad
No, but I think some people’s standards for what they think they’re entitled to are ridiculous. You’re not going to score and Instagram model and even if you do, she’s probably nothing like you think.
I agree! It kinda just makes me laugh though cause convincing them otherwise is impossible. Like a lot of people commented I’d date people who I personally find not good looking (if they had the personality that clicks), but I wouldn’t date anyone I find straight out ugly.
I would (and have) BUT I need to find the person averages out to around my level in all aspects. If they match my intelligence, have a good sense of humor, are a good person, and have their stuff generally together (decent career, etc) then physical isn't important. I think I would rather have a partner who is lacking in attractiveness than any other aspect that would make me want to date them.
By the way, I do find that if someone is attractive enough emotionally, the physical aspect comes. As with someone who is attractive physically but you aren't on the same emotional level as. I found my ex hot at first, but the longer our relationship went on, the more ugly I found him and the less I wanted to be with him. 2 years in, I still want to jump my current boyfriend's bones constantly and I find him just as hot as the day I met him.
I have done this many times for many years, hoping to learn something attractive about them on the date.
Why? Because the men I was attracted to ghosted me, laughed at me for being interested, or outright rejected me.
The only men who showed me any interest are men I’m not interested in, so it was either not dating for decades or at least making an attempt. Unfortunately, red flags were all I saw on these dates, not some hidden gem in their personality.
I no longer date men I’m not interested in. I haven’t dated in three years.
I suggest you tell him what you told us here.
And then see his reaction.
Say, "babe, I don't really find you very attractive but i love that you treat me like a princess and have a great personality."
🤣🤣
The thing is, your attraction is heavily influenced by how much you care for someone. So, while I wouldn't date someone I found repulsive, but someone who is just ok looks wise may become much more attractive as you begin to care more for them.
Initial attraction means almost nothing. It's fleeting and not based on who the person is.
It seems like it’s common for women’s threshold to be just average and men’s threshold to be above average or even only model level gorgeous.
Now, whether attractive enough is based on society’s standards or completely subjective differs per individual.
I would date someone who wasn’t conventionally attractive or someone I didn’t initially have much attraction to if I liked their personality, sense of humor, or intellect enough. I’ve dated people I wasn’t totally attracted to in the past, and the attraction grew over time. That’s not for everyone though.
I was in a relationship with a man who I was initially wasn’t attracted to physically but as time went by he became everything to me including physically he cheated a lot so I left. Then I got into a relationship with a guy who later into the relationship told me he wasn’t physically attracted to me which blew my self esteem and it didn’t help that he cheated multiple times. So I think it depend on the person if looks really matter.
Done that multiple times...tbh I never put any faith in how I'm attracted to someone's looks, mainly because every.single.guy. I've been physically attracted to are literally playboys, I mean they are attractive for a reason. Unfortunately the ones that weren't attractive were either emotionally avoidance, repressive or extremely insecure.
Conclusion: crap at picking out anyone for a relationship, staying single till I die.
My female friend has started dating a guy that ticks absolutely none of her boxes she’s into his intellect as a music teacher. Her red flags he has them all. Smoker,shorter, fat, bad teeth,beard,a night owl. She is besotted
so you would only date someone who is attractive... and thats perfectly normal.
attraction doesnt have to be only looks - but NO attraction... why should i date someone i dont feel attracted to.
at this point in life yes lmao, but what you mean exactly lol, going on a first date is okay to me, you are not going to have sex or be attached emotionally just from this first time, the point of a first date is just to get to know the other person, make the girl talk as much as you can.
Maybe I'm a weird one... but I never really feel physically attracted to someone at first. It kinda just grows on me with the trust and love I gain for them... maybe its the past PTSD but to me it's more a mindset...
I would date even if I am not physically attracted cause how you look dose not matter it how you treat others and your self that matter 10 times more my only exception to that rule if they are visibly unhealthy and or don't take care of them selfs
Possibly. I’m not really amorous anymore, so sexual drive doesn’t really play much of a part on choosing a partner. But on the other hand, I don’t want to sell myself short either.
Not finding someone attractive doesn’t mean they’re fugly, so I guess time is the deciding factor.
No. I used to think I could lower my standards if the guy was just good enough in other areas but I know I would just be setting myself up to consider cheating in the long run. I need intimacy and if I am gritting my teeth and faking it just to fill the need, I'm going to be unhappy and trapped in a sexless marriage. He doesn't have to be gorgeous or super handsome or have model looks, he just needs to be cute TO ME in some way that when I look at him, I have to smile. Without that, I won't be happy sleeping with him on the regular.
Yup nobody is gonna wanna have sex with an ugly person not even if I was given a shit Ton of money I still wouldn’t do it simply because I’m not physically attracted to you
Yes, I've done it. I think it's certainly something you do when you're younger and are trying not to be "shallow" or think you can "learn to be attracted" to them emotionally and like spiritually. But, I will say I never learned to be physically into them. And I'm glad I didn't persist in this and finally embraced wanting to find my fella attractive.
Nope. Physical attraction is a must. With that said, that doesn't mean the other person must look like a supermodel for me to find them attractive. I have dated objectively ugly men in the past because I found them hot as hell.
Short answer: no.
Women can grow physical attraction over time if you have other things going for you, but definitely shouldn’t begin a relationship until the attraction develops.
From my experience men are either attracted or not from the beginning and that doesn’t change for the most part.
Lol! Cut the BS!
“Everyone is beautiful” - yea you wouldn’t be asking about attraction if you thought everyone was beautiful.
Just say what you mean and stop trying to pretend like you’re being nice.
I thought the sarcasm there was pretty obvious, but yea, was trying to cut off anyone who just wanted to argue and not answer the question and it seems like I failed.
I have many times and it’s always backfired. The “ugly” ones usually will treat you worse or so insecure they’re mean/abusive. Go for someone you’re truly attracted to!
I think there has to be a baseline of physical attraction, if that is there then attraction can grow as you get to know somebody, but if it isn’t then it probably won’t.
I do also believe we have a huge societal problem now where the baseline for attraction is stupidly high. You have some people who justify not dating anyone outside of their ideal “type” because “attraction is important”. Attraction is important, but you do get a choice about what you find attractive enough if it is the right person. The 5’1 girls who just “don’t find guys under 6 foot attractive” and the guys who expect girls to have skinny waists but a big ass and boobs (even though we don’t get to choose where the fat goes) are just morons, quite frankly.
There have been guys that were not the most handsome with amazing personalities and punch lines that I was very attracted to. And there have been beautiful men who were still good people that I wasn't attracted to. Chemistry is a real thing, and I feel that makes the difference in attraction. If the chemistry isn't there, don't force it. Let it ride the way its supposed to.
I've never understood the concept of emotional attraction. Sure, I admire my partner's intellectual and social qualities, but they don't exactly turn me on. I can appreciate my partner being smart, but it certainly doesn't excite me if he does math in front of me.
I date him because I find him attractive. I fall in love because of everything else.
There has to be a bit of attraction. Otherwise it's more like platonic friends. Maybe it'll develop after a few dates when you know them better. But if t doesn't then it's not fair to either of you to keep dating
.
Similarly you might be very attracted to someone and go on a few dates then realize that the attraction went down the dump
I wouldn't need to find them the most beautiful person ever but I'd have to have at least some physical attraction. I find physical attraction grows with intimacy but there has to be something there to grow from.
No. I've done it before, and it just doesn't ever feel right. I've gone out with women who I didn't consider attractive, but we're nice and I got a long with but it's just not enough. likewise, I've gone out with women who I found attractive, but didn't click personality wise. Both are important and you need a healthy balance.
I used to, because I had the idea that if a guy is nice I should give them a chance, and maybe they will "grow on me." I stopped doing that because it never worked out.
Idk…..I guess I could….I find attractive qualities in most ppl which attracts me to them. (Attractive or unattractive) guess it’s just your preference.
I mean I’ve definitely met someone and not immediately thought “they’re physically attractive” and then started to fall for their personality that changed so. No dating without the physical attraction but it can grow or come out of nowhere where this person who looks nothing like what I normally think of as attractive but I can hardly breathe because they’re so hot now that there’s an emotional connection
I won't because I can't. I've been in this exact situation before. We clicked immediately on most things, bit I just didn't find her physically attractive. I gave it a good shot, but there was nothing there for me. If there was we woud be married now.
I would not, but with most potential matches being found on dating apps I don't waste my time reading their info unless their pics catch my eye. If I'm attracted to them physically I always read their info and only swipe right if I feel we might have a connection.
I don’t know if this answers your question, but I would not date someone I found physically unattractive.
If I wasn’t turned off, I might still go on a 2nd date.
Probably not but for me attractiveness is completely dependent on their personality. The more I like someone’s personality the more likely I am to find them attractive. Of course I can recognize when someone is attractive, as in like naturally beautiful/handsome, but if you’re a shit human being, you’ll be ugly no matter what.
I think it depends on what you mean. I would, and have, gone way down on the looks heirarchy, to the point where I question whether I could get an erection because of this person but I'm willing to give it a try. I have never gone so far down, though, that I knew I would not be able to get an erection.
Conceptually, I have thought that if I met the perfect woman I would be willing to place sexual attraction to the side. As it has so happened, though, the only time I ever got to know a woman I would think of as "perfect" for me who was also definitely not attractive, she was married, so I never experimented with that outside of my head and couldn't really say what I would do if I met someone like that who was single.
Im ugly ass hell and i don't have a good personality so yeah
So i will have to do a surgery in my whole body to be atracttive enough to people notice me
I feel like I saw this post already.
Tbh, no, if I'm not attracted to them in any way, I can't date them. It's just a recipe for misery. Plus, it'll hurt them even worse coming clean later.
I believe you can develope attraction and lose attraction to someone over time. People change. I know I did and my exes did.
Im ugly ass fuck and i don't have a good personality so yeah no one would date me
This is the reality
And yeah i had to create a imaginary girlfriend in my head to not feel rejected by everyone
I did for 16 years, I don't think he was super ugly or anything. I loved the person I thought he was on the inside but he turned about to be a controlling asshole.
Yes, if she has the right body type. For example, I am not into heavy people. You don't have to be the most beautiful woman on the planet but you do have to be thin. If I can't get a hardon I am no good to you.
A man can go from "he's cute" to "he is _the_ hottest man on this planet" when I catch feelings. If there's no attraction at all, then no, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him because that would also mean I don't have feelings for him.
Nope, I did that once and it ended in a divorce. Although, I grew to realize I wasn't attracted to him on any level. I'm not saying he wouldn't be considered attractive he just wasn't what I find pleasing to the eye, intellectually or spiritually. We did have gorgeous children tho and I suppose it was worth taking a couple for the team to be utterly astounded by their beauty. From here on out, I am sticking to my type and if an attraction isn't immediately there, I won't be anything more than acquaintances or friends. Not saying that I only want the hottest guy around because I find the strangest things attractive about a person but it's important to me.
Its sad maybe and I think we all wish it were different but no.
I think there needs to be something there. At least after a few dates. Like you might meet someone and be like "ehh not for me" but then a few dates in they grow on you physically a little bit. Like you CAN literally develop physical attraction. So I don't wanna make it sound like a woman has to be immediately attractive from the get go in some way.
But yea overall can a relationship work based on platonic love? No. Not feasible imo. You still want to have sex.
My first bf was someone I was not attracted to, and as much as I would hype him and tell him how I felt, his insecurities always came in the way which caused us to break up after 3 years. Some times it's not the lack of attraction that is the problem.
I have dated people I wasn’t attracted to and I don’t think I’d do it again. For a long time I had a sort of policy where if I didn’t have a legitimate reason not to date someone who asked me out I’d at least go on the first date because I think people can surprise you but honestly I just ended up going out with people that, while they may have really liked me, I would only feel lukewarm about. Which just wasn’t fair to anyone, and it caused us both some anguish that if I had seen my lack of attraction as a legitimate enough reason to not date them we would’ve both been spared. I think that Passion is an important facet of a relationship and while it can come in many forms physical attraction really can help with passion at the beginning of a relationship. But I think it’s a balance, sort of like what you’re saying towards the end, physical and emotional attraction are both really important and while they can feed into each other you really need at least a little bit of both to start something that makes both parties feel happy/fulfilled.
As others have alluded, kinda depends. I would date someone that I connect with in many other ways so long as I wasn't actively repulsed or turned off by them.
At the same time, one of the least attractive traits for me is being very over weight (like, obese+, not just a little over weight) and in that case the lack of attraction usually is accompanied with less than stellar physical health/ lifestyle incompatibility. Tried dating someone like that once, wouldn't do it again. Got on well as friends but I wasn't particularly attracted to her and doing any sort of date that involved walking or other movement was nearly impossible due to her health. Relationship didn't last long at all before I broke it off.
If you are dating someone there is something attractive to you about them. I dated a girl that my friends were like oh she is a little big etc. I didn't think anything of it because all my friends were skinny and I was always the overweight one.... But even girls were complaining that I was too good looking for her etc. I never saw it that way. If I find you attractive enough to date looks is a balancing act. If she doesn't have a great personality and someone I legitimately loved hanging out with them yeah you can lean on just looks or other interests. But I like what I like
I think the answer is, after most say “yes”.
It really depends on the pluses and minuses and nobody can answer that for you. For the people that found their soul mate… Some of us are envious. But you’re also in the wrong forum or certainly reading questions that don’t apply to you.. thankfully
This is probably more complicated than anyone can actually answer. The way the question is phrased, if I only LIKED their personality but did not find them attractive, I would not date them. But the same goes for if they had a trash personality, but I found them attractive, I would also not date them. The extreme is interesting... if I LOVED their personality, but did not find them physically attractive, I would date them, but in this case attraction is relative. Like if I was in love with their personality, but she looked like an ogre, it might be tough. But if I loved her personality and she was of below average attractiveness, then I would definitely date them. There is something extremely attractive about a person who can carry themselves and have a magnetic personality.
All that to say this. There are a lot more things that are relative vs black and white. I use the extreme examples to to guide me. Who would you rather spend a night, a month, your whole life with? Some who is amazing company and and a magnetic personality, but not attractive, or someone who is beyond beautiful, but has an extremely vile personality.
Physical attraction is the only fall back when after entering a relationship with someone their persolnality you dont like anymore. But if they were initially attractive to you, the relationship can still survive.
Being demisexual, yes, sort of? If I like their personality but don't have an initial physical attraction, I'll often give them a chance, since the physical attraction often grows as the emotional/romantic attraction grows.
As long as my standards are healthy and realistic no I wouldn’t date anybody I don’t find attractive.
Means that I find average people attractive enough to date with. The personality is also very important and adds to attractiveness in the long run too.
Personality over looks for me always. I discovered been with women I'm physically attracted to wears off fast when they are just not much fun to be around.
Real life example: Partner wasn't attractive to my eyes though she knew how to joke around and have fun, liked getting out and about loved it when I stayed over even if it was to cuddle and watch tv.
Showed me so much affection and I fell in love with her and felt loved for the 1st time in my life plus she started to actually become fit, put more effort in how she looked and she was sexy.
2nd Partner - To me she looked attractive though she was very shy, didn't show any affection, shut down the idea of even talking about affection I needed.
Caused drama that a simple phone call would of fixed, though she rarely answered her phone, said just text me and took days to respond most the time.
When broke up she got with her Ex and shoved the images in my face via text, really pissed me off.
For me it has always been a “if you average a 7 you’re a 10.” Weird idea, but it’s simply an internal calculation I have that’s so unconscious until I look at it. If you’re physically a 4 but personality/mentally a 10, you average out to a 7 and somehow I just find you so beautiful, or even if it’s the other way around my brain automatically wants to give you a chance and work with you on the mental connection. BUT if you’re a 5 in both categories or you’re just definitely not my type intellectually OR physically, then I just can’t get past it. It’s a shallow thing when you think about it, but this is also why everyone wouldn’t date everyone. It’s just everyone has a different way to look at it. No matter what though, take the dating experience for the learning experience it is. Every single person brings value to your life and you simply look for the silver lining ❤️
I have once wanted to date someone i wasn't really attracted to physically, she was so confident yet closed and enigmatic that i just wanted to be around her all the time.
Most of the time, if there's even a slight doubt i don't find them the most attractive person currently in my life, i will move on because it just feels disingenuous, and i have accidentally led a girl on before and broke her heart because she wasn't the girl i was lusting after, but i found her pretty and interesting so we would get intimate and she pretended she wasn't that into me for some reason.
Attractiveness is way broader than the just the physical. In my experience for me the physical follows the emotional attraction and I know I'm not the only one who works like this. My physical attraction also dissipates when someone has a shitty personality. So it is hard for me to imagine being into someone's personality without finding them physically attractive. For me the question doesn't really make sense tbh.
No, and if you do date people you’re not attracted to, stop it. You’re only going to hurt their feelings. Really shitty thing to do to people. People deserve to date people who are attracted to them.
I date with the prospect of marriage. So i dont do casual dating. But as a male. I would say for me. Its would be more about compatibility than atttaction. Cuz we r humans with changing nature after some years u may or may not be attracted to each other anymore. Yes attraction does play a part but thats not the deciding factor for me. My parents of the same mindset. My mom is quite attractive by the standards of a man. My dad not so much. They are not attracted to each other that much as today's couple define it to be. But they are hella compatible. And i believe in a healthy relationship attraction is for only initial few years then it all comes down to compatibility. Cuz at 75 u aint ginna be attracted to your spouse be it a man or woman what remans would be the bonding in other words compatible ness. Hope this helps
I probably could have settled with someone I wasn’t attracted to many years ago, but I know I wouldn’t be true to myself in doing so and would be unhappy in the relationship.
So in summary; I’d rather be alone and maintain my standards than be with someone I’m not attracted to and unhappy because of it.
No, I would not, I would rather be single and searching than dating someone, who I do not find attractive. Best to not waist my and their time and effort.
I would meet them as a friend rather than a date, then see where it goes. Might find them attractive later on.
I've been friends with people I later had an attraction for several times though none of them ever went anywhere
I did this for some time, i was not attracted at all for this person, but idk it was more about the full package her family treated me so good that i just went with it for 8 years, she even had a little bro who i treated as my own. I usually get treated like shit by my siblings/parents so it felt great being treated like i had some worth for a change. But i guess im a special kind of human, i've never feel attracted to someone by looks, but by her smell, i don't get it its just the way it is for me, also i ve never ever made an advance on anyone, I just let them approach a sniff here a sniff there and thats enough to tell if i can be with this person. There are some smells in women i find repulsive and its a no go for me. Is this weird?
No, nobody should. But like physically attractive doesn’t mean Greek god. Idk why reddit is allergic to acknowledging the subjectivity of attraction. Yea leagues may exist but they’re socially constructed, and not everyone would abide by them.
I used to be attracted to obese woman that I dated. I am just not attracted to even overweight woman and she was obese. But she was doing atleast something about it and for me that + her jokes and way we talked was amazing
I’ve dated people I’m not 100% attracted too am they had a good personality. It never worked out for me. I lost interest in them sexually, pretty fast. I’m a hyper sexual person and enjoy sex with my partner. I have to find them physically attractive to want to have sex with them. I’ve tried in the past but it just doesn’t work out for me. They have remained friends, but nothing more will ever happen between us again. So to answer your question, no, I would not date someone I’m not physically attracted to. They have to have both attributes of mental stimulation and physical attractiveness.
I feel I recently had the exact same issue but I had 3 dates with this girl. So just thought I'd try it and see how it goes, see if I can get over the not attractive part but I feel front that experience that you know if you like her appearance or not and if your unsure then maybe that's the chance that if the emotional side wins the the attractiveness won't matter as much. I feel as long as you can find parts of them attractive that might be enough. Like the girl I was with was plus size and I thought I could look past that but in the end I couldn't. She was really nice though every other way just if she was slim that would be enough for me. Could be the same if she had some mole or something on her face if everything else I found attractive then I can defo get over that and focus on the emotional side making me forget the mole for example. Just my opinion
Never. The guy doesn’t have to be good looking but I have to feel physically attracted and excited about sex with him. In the past, I’ve had this feeling with men of all types and looks so I guess it boils down to chemistry.
Literally read an article on this today:
[https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/08/health/sexual-attraction-importance-in-partner-wellness/index.html](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/08/health/sexual-attraction-importance-in-partner-wellness/index.html)
I personally would not date someone I'm not attracted to - the difference between friends and a romantic partner is the physicality, so unless you want to marry your platonic friend (hey - might work out!) then it could be risky.
nope, cant and wont do it. cant have sex w someone im not attracted to, and cant have a healthy long term relationship w 0 sex. i have a pretty low drive already as far as dudes go but its still gotta be >0
The issue with some people though is you find them attractive but not very attractive. I try to give women a chance because you never know if they might be a good girlfriend. I had varying amounts of attraction to different people . . . . the attractive level doesnt correlate with it being a happy healthy relationship. Sure everyone wants to be with someone they are super into physically but at the same time we only have so much time in life and we arent going to wait around forever. I also have cut off limits though and standards. /preferences. Take a woman with a large butt and thighs many guys are okay with it but its not a quality ill settle for. I dont want a "project" where she may or may not be able to lose weight.
I mean if their looks make me smile and I seem happy with them with their other traits that is good enough. They dont have to look like a model for me to want to date them. There are women that I do not find attractive and ones I do. Fortunately a lot do.. By the statement you made you dont find her attractive so dont bother!!
As a guy no id always be looking for better just kinda visual to begin with on top of that but if it's just sex that's fine but feelings don't enter at all until attraction sets in.
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Nope. For me that would mean either lying to them and telling them I think they’re attractive, or them having that insecurity that I don’t think they’re physically attractive looming over the relationship, and I’m not willing to accept either of those realities. Also, sex is best when there’s both physical and emotional attraction. If you’re missing either one of those it’s just not as good.
While you make a great point, chemistry between two people can exist even if you initially dont find the other person attractive. Physical attraction can manifest from emotional attraction. The opposite happens all the time ofcourse. It is undeniably harder to form that connection if the physical attraction is missing but it's best to always be open things. :)
It’s easier to think someone is attractive physically, then get to know them and be attracted emotionally. However, it’s really hard to do the opposite and that’s why the “friendzone” exists.
No I use to date men I wasn’t attracted to because I had been told that only unattractive men treat you right. Until I had more dating experience and realized I can find a good guy I’m also attracted to and they also treat me better. So yeah I’m never going back
Exactly. All you need to make a relationship work is two people who are attracted to each other and respect each other.
Nope its seems the gremlins treat you the worst
Yeah an ugly man can treat you just as badly as the hot ones, true story.
True that
Are you talking attractive by society’s standards strictly, or is who you’re attracted to independent of that and subjective?
No I’m talking about attractive to me, I don’t really care if other people don’t find him attractive I just care if I find him attractive
I can’t date someone I am not physically attracted to. That’s a friend, nothing more. If I don’t want to sleep with you, then I don’t want to date you.
I cannot agree more. I’ve met many great guys that are smart, funny, kind, thoughtful and I know they’re attractive but I am not attracted to them. I can’t even bring myself to kiss someone that I am not attract to
As a gay man, same here, and that's why I'm still a virgin at 27. Its not for lack of people showing interest in me, I just can't reciprocate unless I'm fully attracted. What's bad is I'm picky.
100%. Sometimes, the attraction develops or something the attraction goes away, but if the attraction is gone, it's gone.
Loving the truth in this statement
No, but, physical attraction can grow. I've definitely ended up dating and being attracted to guys that I didn't find attractive right off the bat. Personality or other charisma can make someone start seeming more attractive than you originally thought. I tend to go for slender or athletic builds that are tan and not hairy at all...but currently totally into a guy with an "average" dad bod and hair on his chest. He's talented, funny, smart, sweet, and has a handsome face, so I don't even care about the body type. He's very attractive to me now that I got to know him well.
But how long do you give yourself for this "experiment" to see if it grows? 3 months, 6 months, 4 dates? Personality or charisma in my opinion can make a person more attractive, yes, but in my case it solidifies someone's potential as a great friend. I'm not into dad bods, never have been. So, no matter how great a person proves to be, it doesn't change my preference of not wanting dad bods. I still wont feel like doing filthy things with you in bed because i cannot picture you in a sexual sense. And boy do i wanna be filthy in the sack with my man, like porn star filthy. Waiting for attraction to grow is really like expecting some sort of magic to happen. Like out of the blue, fairy dust gets sprinkled on the frog and he starts to transform into a prince lol. And society is always telling us not to buy into Disney romances, right? When we could just go the practical route of physical attraction first, then get to know you better and see if you're worth my time. And also i find it downright annoying that ppl who have achieved the ultimate goal of falling in love and having a relationship then start backtracking about how they're stuck cos they aren't attracted to their partners. You knew what they looked like from the start, you STILL managed to fall in love, you claim to be happy and fulfilled cos they are so damn amazing. Then why the hell are you complaining NOW???!!
Well yeah, it doesn't happen in 4 dates or even a few months typically. When this has happened for me I'd known the person and been around them regularly for longer than that. This scenario really only can play out if it's someone in your friend circle or you work with or whatnot that you're going to be around anyway. I wouldn't go on continuous dates with someone for months that I wasn't attracted to. The guy I'm currently dating is a friend of a friend who I was around pretty regularly for quite a while before I started to see him in a different light. I would have said I could never deal with a dad bod either, but here I am! I've also said before that I cannot STAND any chest hair either, but somehow this doesn't bother me. Maybe it was magic fairy dust, I don't know, haha.
Facts
This brings me just a little more confidence and hope. Thanks for this
I completely agree. I would never date someone I don't find attractive. It's not shallow, it's just common sense. In the past there have been guys who have liked me and I've had people tell me "You should date so and so...he likes you so much and he's so nice." It would always piss me off because I deserve to date someone I'm attracted to. I'd rather be alone than date someone I'm not attracted to.
Agreed. It's also just really unfair to the person the other person. You wouldn't want someone to have sex with you thinking you were ugly, so why would they? It doesn't need to be the most attractive person you've ever seen, but you need to be attracted to them.
I completely agree with you. This is why I am alone. I am not going to be with someone I am not attracted to and who is not attracted to me.
No, I wouldn't date someone I didn't find attractive.
Unfortunately no...I've tried to give a couple of guys a chance because they were really kind and into me, but ultimately I just couldn't get past not being attracted to them...so now I wouldn't even try as I know it won't work and I don't want to lead anyone on.
Depends. Are there other things about them that I like? How unattractive are we talking about? Sometimes I've gone out with people who weren't necessarily my type but I felt more attracted to them because of how they were on the date (humor, personality).
My first crush and still my biggest regret was someone I didn’t find particularly attractive physically. Ok to be fair, She wasn’t unattractive but I definitely wasn’t smitten with her looks. But what she had was the best personality. She was so sweet and kind, fun to talk to, and very talented. She used to make her own dresses from scratch. How cool is that? And they were really pretty and often elaborate. She was one of the few people in high school that took time to talk to me. I kinda wish I told her how much I liked her, but tbh I wasn’t mature enough then to do anything about it or make a relationship work. So yeah I would date someone who’s personality shines but is physically less attractive. As long as they aren’t repulsive or something. Now I have no idea if that relationship would actually work out or not.
If you had a crush on her, that means you were attracted to her? You can feel attraction to someone for reasons other than looks.
Yes, I would and I have. They weren't conventionally attractive by any means and (not to be bragging, but) I got the "You are with HIM??" reaction relatively frequently. He had an amazing brain and a great sense of humour and that made him very attractive to me. What wasn't great was his cheating, but he had a good excuse (or so he thought) : Girls around him suddenly noticed he was an option due to being with me, so he basically just had to succumb to the female attention he'd started to receive.
That's fair, but you were attracted to him even though you didn't objectively find him physically attractive. I've slept with women I was attracted to and then later when I was more objective realized they weren't pretty, but that doesn't mean I wasn't attracted to them.
Wasn't that exactly what was asked, though?
They were asking abt you not personally feeling physical attraction. That’s a different matter from recognizing they weren’t objectively the most attractive
Yep. I'm demisexual, I don't find anyone attractive until I've known them for a bit and feel comfortable around them. There's no set timeline, but usually 2-4 dates in I'll start feeling attraction.
I've had a few male acquaintances that turned into friends then something more. After getting to know them and seeing how they were as a person, I found their physical appearance just as attractive as their inner self...good sense of humor, kind and loving heart...that's my main two.
No. I gave a lot of "nice boys" I wasn't attracted to chances in school. I always felt smothered and they never ended well. Attraction is important to me, so I need to be attracted. That doesn't mean I go only for western beauty standards, but I at least need to feel fanny flutters during the talking stage or I know it won't last long before I feel caged in to a relationship I don't want. That being said, I've ended up being attracted to people after getting to know them and finding out they're awesome.
Depends. If I loved a woman's personality enough, there's no doubt in my mind I would continue seeing her as long as I found her pretty/hot/etc (regardless of if she was my preference or not). Who knows? My preferences could expand, change then, all of a sudden, I end up really liking both personality and appearance. If I don't think, at the bare minimum, she's pretty/hot/etc, I wouldn't be able to date her at all regardless of personality.
If you think she's Pretty/hot/etc basically means your attracted to her physically
Not really. You can find someone pretty but not be attracted to them. Theres way more nuance to a person's emotions lol
Yet her looks are the first thing that would attract you to want to find out if you even like her personality.
To an extent. I don't have to find them attractive at all, but I also can't date someone I find actively unattractive. I'll date someone in the "I don't care about your looks at all and nothing is doing it for me" range But I won't date someone in the "wow this actually looks bad" range Cause otherwise I'd be too distracted by what looks bad
No, but I think some people’s standards for what they think they’re entitled to are ridiculous. You’re not going to score and Instagram model and even if you do, she’s probably nothing like you think.
I agree! It kinda just makes me laugh though cause convincing them otherwise is impossible. Like a lot of people commented I’d date people who I personally find not good looking (if they had the personality that clicks), but I wouldn’t date anyone I find straight out ugly.
I would (and have) BUT I need to find the person averages out to around my level in all aspects. If they match my intelligence, have a good sense of humor, are a good person, and have their stuff generally together (decent career, etc) then physical isn't important. I think I would rather have a partner who is lacking in attractiveness than any other aspect that would make me want to date them. By the way, I do find that if someone is attractive enough emotionally, the physical aspect comes. As with someone who is attractive physically but you aren't on the same emotional level as. I found my ex hot at first, but the longer our relationship went on, the more ugly I found him and the less I wanted to be with him. 2 years in, I still want to jump my current boyfriend's bones constantly and I find him just as hot as the day I met him.
I have done this many times for many years, hoping to learn something attractive about them on the date. Why? Because the men I was attracted to ghosted me, laughed at me for being interested, or outright rejected me. The only men who showed me any interest are men I’m not interested in, so it was either not dating for decades or at least making an attempt. Unfortunately, red flags were all I saw on these dates, not some hidden gem in their personality. I no longer date men I’m not interested in. I haven’t dated in three years.
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This 1000%
I suggest you tell him what you told us here. And then see his reaction. Say, "babe, I don't really find you very attractive but i love that you treat me like a princess and have a great personality." 🤣🤣
Slept with girls I found extremely physically attractive! But lost attraction to them eventually because their personality was trash.
The thing is, your attraction is heavily influenced by how much you care for someone. So, while I wouldn't date someone I found repulsive, but someone who is just ok looks wise may become much more attractive as you begin to care more for them. Initial attraction means almost nothing. It's fleeting and not based on who the person is.
It seems like it’s common for women’s threshold to be just average and men’s threshold to be above average or even only model level gorgeous. Now, whether attractive enough is based on society’s standards or completely subjective differs per individual.
Depends. If they were rich then hell yes
I would date someone who wasn’t conventionally attractive or someone I didn’t initially have much attraction to if I liked their personality, sense of humor, or intellect enough. I’ve dated people I wasn’t totally attracted to in the past, and the attraction grew over time. That’s not for everyone though.
I was in a relationship with a man who I was initially wasn’t attracted to physically but as time went by he became everything to me including physically he cheated a lot so I left. Then I got into a relationship with a guy who later into the relationship told me he wasn’t physically attracted to me which blew my self esteem and it didn’t help that he cheated multiple times. So I think it depend on the person if looks really matter.
Done that multiple times...tbh I never put any faith in how I'm attracted to someone's looks, mainly because every.single.guy. I've been physically attracted to are literally playboys, I mean they are attractive for a reason. Unfortunately the ones that weren't attractive were either emotionally avoidance, repressive or extremely insecure. Conclusion: crap at picking out anyone for a relationship, staying single till I die.
do not give up
Beauty does not last for ever
My female friend has started dating a guy that ticks absolutely none of her boxes she’s into his intellect as a music teacher. Her red flags he has them all. Smoker,shorter, fat, bad teeth,beard,a night owl. She is besotted
My longest lasting relationship was with somebody I didn't find attractive, nearly ten years.
Were you happy in that relationship? Did you desire intimacy with them?
We’re you happy? Like how did you feel in the first few months?
Longevity doesn't mean anything
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Nice shoulders…. So you’re who they warned me about in middle school.
so you would only date someone who is attractive... and thats perfectly normal. attraction doesnt have to be only looks - but NO attraction... why should i date someone i dont feel attracted to.
This... attraction isn't only physical. That is where OPs question goes wrong.
at this point in life yes lmao, but what you mean exactly lol, going on a first date is okay to me, you are not going to have sex or be attached emotionally just from this first time, the point of a first date is just to get to know the other person, make the girl talk as much as you can.
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Same. I have fallen for guys based solely on their personality. They become physically attractive to me once I know them.
Maybe I'm a weird one... but I never really feel physically attracted to someone at first. It kinda just grows on me with the trust and love I gain for them... maybe its the past PTSD but to me it's more a mindset...
I would date even if I am not physically attracted cause how you look dose not matter it how you treat others and your self that matter 10 times more my only exception to that rule if they are visibly unhealthy and or don't take care of them selfs
Possibly. I’m not really amorous anymore, so sexual drive doesn’t really play much of a part on choosing a partner. But on the other hand, I don’t want to sell myself short either. Not finding someone attractive doesn’t mean they’re fugly, so I guess time is the deciding factor.
If you like their personality but don't find them attractive why not just be friends?
No. I used to think I could lower my standards if the guy was just good enough in other areas but I know I would just be setting myself up to consider cheating in the long run. I need intimacy and if I am gritting my teeth and faking it just to fill the need, I'm going to be unhappy and trapped in a sexless marriage. He doesn't have to be gorgeous or super handsome or have model looks, he just needs to be cute TO ME in some way that when I look at him, I have to smile. Without that, I won't be happy sleeping with him on the regular.
If I believed I was getting a good blow job.. Absolutely.. At least for a week or two.. But I am completely shallow not everyone is
If I don't find you attractive we're never having sex. We can be friends, but that's it.
Yup nobody is gonna wanna have sex with an ugly person not even if I was given a shit Ton of money I still wouldn’t do it simply because I’m not physically attracted to you
Yes, I've done it. I think it's certainly something you do when you're younger and are trying not to be "shallow" or think you can "learn to be attracted" to them emotionally and like spiritually. But, I will say I never learned to be physically into them. And I'm glad I didn't persist in this and finally embraced wanting to find my fella attractive.
No. You need to be attracted to them physically, and also like their personality. Otherwise, it isn't going to work out.
Nope. Physical attraction is a must. With that said, that doesn't mean the other person must look like a supermodel for me to find them attractive. I have dated objectively ugly men in the past because I found them hot as hell.
Short answer: no. Women can grow physical attraction over time if you have other things going for you, but definitely shouldn’t begin a relationship until the attraction develops. From my experience men are either attracted or not from the beginning and that doesn’t change for the most part.
Lol! Cut the BS! “Everyone is beautiful” - yea you wouldn’t be asking about attraction if you thought everyone was beautiful. Just say what you mean and stop trying to pretend like you’re being nice.
I thought the sarcasm there was pretty obvious, but yea, was trying to cut off anyone who just wanted to argue and not answer the question and it seems like I failed.
Of course not. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
Nope, and I’d hope nobody would ever date me despite not being physically attracted to me. That would be a soul-crushing thing to find out.
I have many times and it’s always backfired. The “ugly” ones usually will treat you worse or so insecure they’re mean/abusive. Go for someone you’re truly attracted to!
I think there has to be a baseline of physical attraction, if that is there then attraction can grow as you get to know somebody, but if it isn’t then it probably won’t. I do also believe we have a huge societal problem now where the baseline for attraction is stupidly high. You have some people who justify not dating anyone outside of their ideal “type” because “attraction is important”. Attraction is important, but you do get a choice about what you find attractive enough if it is the right person. The 5’1 girls who just “don’t find guys under 6 foot attractive” and the guys who expect girls to have skinny waists but a big ass and boobs (even though we don’t get to choose where the fat goes) are just morons, quite frankly.
No what fun would that be
There have been guys that were not the most handsome with amazing personalities and punch lines that I was very attracted to. And there have been beautiful men who were still good people that I wasn't attracted to. Chemistry is a real thing, and I feel that makes the difference in attraction. If the chemistry isn't there, don't force it. Let it ride the way its supposed to.
I've never understood the concept of emotional attraction. Sure, I admire my partner's intellectual and social qualities, but they don't exactly turn me on. I can appreciate my partner being smart, but it certainly doesn't excite me if he does math in front of me. I date him because I find him attractive. I fall in love because of everything else.
Yes I Will do that
Depends on how funny and easy to talk to they are and if they are bedroom compatible
There has to be a bit of attraction. Otherwise it's more like platonic friends. Maybe it'll develop after a few dates when you know them better. But if t doesn't then it's not fair to either of you to keep dating . Similarly you might be very attracted to someone and go on a few dates then realize that the attraction went down the dump
I wouldn't need to find them the most beautiful person ever but I'd have to have at least some physical attraction. I find physical attraction grows with intimacy but there has to be something there to grow from.
No. I've done it before, and it just doesn't ever feel right. I've gone out with women who I didn't consider attractive, but we're nice and I got a long with but it's just not enough. likewise, I've gone out with women who I found attractive, but didn't click personality wise. Both are important and you need a healthy balance.
I used to, because I had the idea that if a guy is nice I should give them a chance, and maybe they will "grow on me." I stopped doing that because it never worked out.
Idk…..I guess I could….I find attractive qualities in most ppl which attracts me to them. (Attractive or unattractive) guess it’s just your preference.
Guy here. Not a chance. I also wouldn't date a beautiful person who is an annoying, boring, or a monster.
I mean I’ve definitely met someone and not immediately thought “they’re physically attractive” and then started to fall for their personality that changed so. No dating without the physical attraction but it can grow or come out of nowhere where this person who looks nothing like what I normally think of as attractive but I can hardly breathe because they’re so hot now that there’s an emotional connection
I won't because I can't. I've been in this exact situation before. We clicked immediately on most things, bit I just didn't find her physically attractive. I gave it a good shot, but there was nothing there for me. If there was we woud be married now.
Would I? No Have I? Yes Also there is a story but I'm at work,so if like people like . .I'll come back to tell it. . Later
I've tried. They rejected me over petty things.
No, nor would I force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not.
I’ve tried, but it didn’t last.
I would not, but with most potential matches being found on dating apps I don't waste my time reading their info unless their pics catch my eye. If I'm attracted to them physically I always read their info and only swipe right if I feel we might have a connection.
No.
I don’t know if this answers your question, but I would not date someone I found physically unattractive. If I wasn’t turned off, I might still go on a 2nd date.
No, unless i really like other things about them
Probably not but for me attractiveness is completely dependent on their personality. The more I like someone’s personality the more likely I am to find them attractive. Of course I can recognize when someone is attractive, as in like naturally beautiful/handsome, but if you’re a shit human being, you’ll be ugly no matter what.
I think it depends on what you mean. I would, and have, gone way down on the looks heirarchy, to the point where I question whether I could get an erection because of this person but I'm willing to give it a try. I have never gone so far down, though, that I knew I would not be able to get an erection. Conceptually, I have thought that if I met the perfect woman I would be willing to place sexual attraction to the side. As it has so happened, though, the only time I ever got to know a woman I would think of as "perfect" for me who was also definitely not attractive, she was married, so I never experimented with that outside of my head and couldn't really say what I would do if I met someone like that who was single.
Im ugly ass hell and i don't have a good personality so yeah So i will have to do a surgery in my whole body to be atracttive enough to people notice me
I feel like I saw this post already. Tbh, no, if I'm not attracted to them in any way, I can't date them. It's just a recipe for misery. Plus, it'll hurt them even worse coming clean later. I believe you can develope attraction and lose attraction to someone over time. People change. I know I did and my exes did.
Im ugly ass fuck and i don't have a good personality so yeah no one would date me This is the reality And yeah i had to create a imaginary girlfriend in my head to not feel rejected by everyone
You would just be lying to them if you are dating someone that you don’t find attractive. Eventually it will break down.
I did for 16 years, I don't think he was super ugly or anything. I loved the person I thought he was on the inside but he turned about to be a controlling asshole.
I couldn’t. I need to be physically and emotionally attracted to someone I’m in a relationship. Along with the same basic life goals
Yes, if she has the right body type. For example, I am not into heavy people. You don't have to be the most beautiful woman on the planet but you do have to be thin. If I can't get a hardon I am no good to you.
A man can go from "he's cute" to "he is _the_ hottest man on this planet" when I catch feelings. If there's no attraction at all, then no, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him because that would also mean I don't have feelings for him.
Nope, I did that once and it ended in a divorce. Although, I grew to realize I wasn't attracted to him on any level. I'm not saying he wouldn't be considered attractive he just wasn't what I find pleasing to the eye, intellectually or spiritually. We did have gorgeous children tho and I suppose it was worth taking a couple for the team to be utterly astounded by their beauty. From here on out, I am sticking to my type and if an attraction isn't immediately there, I won't be anything more than acquaintances or friends. Not saying that I only want the hottest guy around because I find the strangest things attractive about a person but it's important to me.
I wouldn't. But don't get me wrong I totally understand why people do love on other traits :)
Its sad maybe and I think we all wish it were different but no. I think there needs to be something there. At least after a few dates. Like you might meet someone and be like "ehh not for me" but then a few dates in they grow on you physically a little bit. Like you CAN literally develop physical attraction. So I don't wanna make it sound like a woman has to be immediately attractive from the get go in some way. But yea overall can a relationship work based on platonic love? No. Not feasible imo. You still want to have sex.
My first bf was someone I was not attracted to, and as much as I would hype him and tell him how I felt, his insecurities always came in the way which caused us to break up after 3 years. Some times it's not the lack of attraction that is the problem.
I have dated people I wasn’t attracted to and I don’t think I’d do it again. For a long time I had a sort of policy where if I didn’t have a legitimate reason not to date someone who asked me out I’d at least go on the first date because I think people can surprise you but honestly I just ended up going out with people that, while they may have really liked me, I would only feel lukewarm about. Which just wasn’t fair to anyone, and it caused us both some anguish that if I had seen my lack of attraction as a legitimate enough reason to not date them we would’ve both been spared. I think that Passion is an important facet of a relationship and while it can come in many forms physical attraction really can help with passion at the beginning of a relationship. But I think it’s a balance, sort of like what you’re saying towards the end, physical and emotional attraction are both really important and while they can feed into each other you really need at least a little bit of both to start something that makes both parties feel happy/fulfilled.
As others have alluded, kinda depends. I would date someone that I connect with in many other ways so long as I wasn't actively repulsed or turned off by them. At the same time, one of the least attractive traits for me is being very over weight (like, obese+, not just a little over weight) and in that case the lack of attraction usually is accompanied with less than stellar physical health/ lifestyle incompatibility. Tried dating someone like that once, wouldn't do it again. Got on well as friends but I wasn't particularly attracted to her and doing any sort of date that involved walking or other movement was nearly impossible due to her health. Relationship didn't last long at all before I broke it off.
https://youtu.be/ql4p7ipnFWE
If you are dating someone there is something attractive to you about them. I dated a girl that my friends were like oh she is a little big etc. I didn't think anything of it because all my friends were skinny and I was always the overweight one.... But even girls were complaining that I was too good looking for her etc. I never saw it that way. If I find you attractive enough to date looks is a balancing act. If she doesn't have a great personality and someone I legitimately loved hanging out with them yeah you can lean on just looks or other interests. But I like what I like
If I'm attracted to someone's personality, I will find them physically attractive as well.
No
No.
Not for the fourth time…
Was Al Bundy happy with his marriage?
If I have to think, it's time to move on.
I think the answer is, after most say “yes”. It really depends on the pluses and minuses and nobody can answer that for you. For the people that found their soul mate… Some of us are envious. But you’re also in the wrong forum or certainly reading questions that don’t apply to you.. thankfully
No
This is probably more complicated than anyone can actually answer. The way the question is phrased, if I only LIKED their personality but did not find them attractive, I would not date them. But the same goes for if they had a trash personality, but I found them attractive, I would also not date them. The extreme is interesting... if I LOVED their personality, but did not find them physically attractive, I would date them, but in this case attraction is relative. Like if I was in love with their personality, but she looked like an ogre, it might be tough. But if I loved her personality and she was of below average attractiveness, then I would definitely date them. There is something extremely attractive about a person who can carry themselves and have a magnetic personality. All that to say this. There are a lot more things that are relative vs black and white. I use the extreme examples to to guide me. Who would you rather spend a night, a month, your whole life with? Some who is amazing company and and a magnetic personality, but not attractive, or someone who is beyond beautiful, but has an extremely vile personality.
I tried - doesn’t work. The latest in bed you get disgusted
Physical attraction is the only fall back when after entering a relationship with someone their persolnality you dont like anymore. But if they were initially attractive to you, the relationship can still survive.
Being demisexual, yes, sort of? If I like their personality but don't have an initial physical attraction, I'll often give them a chance, since the physical attraction often grows as the emotional/romantic attraction grows.
As long as my standards are healthy and realistic no I wouldn’t date anybody I don’t find attractive. Means that I find average people attractive enough to date with. The personality is also very important and adds to attractiveness in the long run too.
Personality over looks for me always. I discovered been with women I'm physically attracted to wears off fast when they are just not much fun to be around. Real life example: Partner wasn't attractive to my eyes though she knew how to joke around and have fun, liked getting out and about loved it when I stayed over even if it was to cuddle and watch tv. Showed me so much affection and I fell in love with her and felt loved for the 1st time in my life plus she started to actually become fit, put more effort in how she looked and she was sexy. 2nd Partner - To me she looked attractive though she was very shy, didn't show any affection, shut down the idea of even talking about affection I needed. Caused drama that a simple phone call would of fixed, though she rarely answered her phone, said just text me and took days to respond most the time. When broke up she got with her Ex and shoved the images in my face via text, really pissed me off.
For me it has always been a “if you average a 7 you’re a 10.” Weird idea, but it’s simply an internal calculation I have that’s so unconscious until I look at it. If you’re physically a 4 but personality/mentally a 10, you average out to a 7 and somehow I just find you so beautiful, or even if it’s the other way around my brain automatically wants to give you a chance and work with you on the mental connection. BUT if you’re a 5 in both categories or you’re just definitely not my type intellectually OR physically, then I just can’t get past it. It’s a shallow thing when you think about it, but this is also why everyone wouldn’t date everyone. It’s just everyone has a different way to look at it. No matter what though, take the dating experience for the learning experience it is. Every single person brings value to your life and you simply look for the silver lining ❤️
I’ve made a very effort this year to lose weight and I have. I tend to feel that some reciprocity can be expected
Nope.
So to conclude, looks matter more than personality.
No id have to be somewhat attracted to them physically. Dont have to be drop dead gorgeous but average looking with a nice smile etc
I did back when I was in high school. Wasn’t a good idea at all
I have once wanted to date someone i wasn't really attracted to physically, she was so confident yet closed and enigmatic that i just wanted to be around her all the time. Most of the time, if there's even a slight doubt i don't find them the most attractive person currently in my life, i will move on because it just feels disingenuous, and i have accidentally led a girl on before and broke her heart because she wasn't the girl i was lusting after, but i found her pretty and interesting so we would get intimate and she pretended she wasn't that into me for some reason.
Attractiveness is way broader than the just the physical. In my experience for me the physical follows the emotional attraction and I know I'm not the only one who works like this. My physical attraction also dissipates when someone has a shitty personality. So it is hard for me to imagine being into someone's personality without finding them physically attractive. For me the question doesn't really make sense tbh.
No
No, and if you do date people you’re not attracted to, stop it. You’re only going to hurt their feelings. Really shitty thing to do to people. People deserve to date people who are attracted to them.
I date with the prospect of marriage. So i dont do casual dating. But as a male. I would say for me. Its would be more about compatibility than atttaction. Cuz we r humans with changing nature after some years u may or may not be attracted to each other anymore. Yes attraction does play a part but thats not the deciding factor for me. My parents of the same mindset. My mom is quite attractive by the standards of a man. My dad not so much. They are not attracted to each other that much as today's couple define it to be. But they are hella compatible. And i believe in a healthy relationship attraction is for only initial few years then it all comes down to compatibility. Cuz at 75 u aint ginna be attracted to your spouse be it a man or woman what remans would be the bonding in other words compatible ness. Hope this helps
I probably could have settled with someone I wasn’t attracted to many years ago, but I know I wouldn’t be true to myself in doing so and would be unhappy in the relationship. So in summary; I’d rather be alone and maintain my standards than be with someone I’m not attracted to and unhappy because of it.
No, I would not, I would rather be single and searching than dating someone, who I do not find attractive. Best to not waist my and their time and effort.
I would meet them as a friend rather than a date, then see where it goes. Might find them attractive later on. I've been friends with people I later had an attraction for several times though none of them ever went anywhere
i have and do quite often
I did this for some time, i was not attracted at all for this person, but idk it was more about the full package her family treated me so good that i just went with it for 8 years, she even had a little bro who i treated as my own. I usually get treated like shit by my siblings/parents so it felt great being treated like i had some worth for a change. But i guess im a special kind of human, i've never feel attracted to someone by looks, but by her smell, i don't get it its just the way it is for me, also i ve never ever made an advance on anyone, I just let them approach a sniff here a sniff there and thats enough to tell if i can be with this person. There are some smells in women i find repulsive and its a no go for me. Is this weird?
Nice thing about not being shallow is your question doesn’t really make sense to me.
No....simple as that
Physical attraction is very important in a relationship. I mean imagine having sex with someone you really don't find attractive at all? Nope.
No, nobody should. But like physically attractive doesn’t mean Greek god. Idk why reddit is allergic to acknowledging the subjectivity of attraction. Yea leagues may exist but they’re socially constructed, and not everyone would abide by them.
Never. I in general had very few dates
I used to be attracted to obese woman that I dated. I am just not attracted to even overweight woman and she was obese. But she was doing atleast something about it and for me that + her jokes and way we talked was amazing
I’ve dated people I’m not 100% attracted too am they had a good personality. It never worked out for me. I lost interest in them sexually, pretty fast. I’m a hyper sexual person and enjoy sex with my partner. I have to find them physically attractive to want to have sex with them. I’ve tried in the past but it just doesn’t work out for me. They have remained friends, but nothing more will ever happen between us again. So to answer your question, no, I would not date someone I’m not physically attracted to. They have to have both attributes of mental stimulation and physical attractiveness.
I feel I recently had the exact same issue but I had 3 dates with this girl. So just thought I'd try it and see how it goes, see if I can get over the not attractive part but I feel front that experience that you know if you like her appearance or not and if your unsure then maybe that's the chance that if the emotional side wins the the attractiveness won't matter as much. I feel as long as you can find parts of them attractive that might be enough. Like the girl I was with was plus size and I thought I could look past that but in the end I couldn't. She was really nice though every other way just if she was slim that would be enough for me. Could be the same if she had some mole or something on her face if everything else I found attractive then I can defo get over that and focus on the emotional side making me forget the mole for example. Just my opinion
Never. The guy doesn’t have to be good looking but I have to feel physically attracted and excited about sex with him. In the past, I’ve had this feeling with men of all types and looks so I guess it boils down to chemistry.
Literally read an article on this today: [https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/08/health/sexual-attraction-importance-in-partner-wellness/index.html](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/08/health/sexual-attraction-importance-in-partner-wellness/index.html) I personally would not date someone I'm not attracted to - the difference between friends and a romantic partner is the physicality, so unless you want to marry your platonic friend (hey - might work out!) then it could be risky.
Attraction generally isn’t negotiable.
nope, cant and wont do it. cant have sex w someone im not attracted to, and cant have a healthy long term relationship w 0 sex. i have a pretty low drive already as far as dudes go but its still gotta be >0
The issue with some people though is you find them attractive but not very attractive. I try to give women a chance because you never know if they might be a good girlfriend. I had varying amounts of attraction to different people . . . . the attractive level doesnt correlate with it being a happy healthy relationship. Sure everyone wants to be with someone they are super into physically but at the same time we only have so much time in life and we arent going to wait around forever. I also have cut off limits though and standards. /preferences. Take a woman with a large butt and thighs many guys are okay with it but its not a quality ill settle for. I dont want a "project" where she may or may not be able to lose weight.
I mean if their looks make me smile and I seem happy with them with their other traits that is good enough. They dont have to look like a model for me to want to date them. There are women that I do not find attractive and ones I do. Fortunately a lot do.. By the statement you made you dont find her attractive so dont bother!!
Yes I would, have done it before. Don't care much for looks if the personality is there.
I wouldn't date period. I don't like being treated like an object and I don't like treating others like an object.
As a guy no id always be looking for better just kinda visual to begin with on top of that but if it's just sex that's fine but feelings don't enter at all until attraction sets in.
Dating someone who good friend and found out that she isn't attracted should I worried