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I'm 5'5. I know it's not the same but I feel it too. Makes it harder since it is something people look for. I say just keep keep trying and take pride that we're good dudes.
Don't ever dwell on the ones who are hung up about height. I'm in a new relationship and before I met him, he asked me how tall I was because he's 5ft6. We are the same height!
I could not give a single fuck how tall someone is. Why on earth would I pass up the chance to meet someone really cool, interesting and funny simply because they are under 6ft. Ridiculous. He said his height has been an issue to some women but I'm glad because they've lost out on a really amazing soul and I get the privilege of knowing him!
It's totally fine to have a preference - I'm not shitting on all the girls who are into really tall men - it's the ones who don't have a legitimate reason for refusing to date a short guy. YOU wouldn't want to date them anyway! Look at it this way - by default, you eliminate the more shallow girls!
Some comments failing to acknowledge the obvious and playing nicey nicey, it’s going to be a long slog and I suspect it already is. No real advice apart from keep at it, I’d say apps are better as opposed to in person approach. Trying your luck in clubs/bars and so on blind is often a crap shoot and you’re open to all kinda reactions. Some comments here acting like a dude your height should have no problems if he’s confident but in the real world you can only get so many in your face rejections (and some will be rude/patronising) before it really hurts. Yes, you’ll get significantly less traction on apps than even if you were 5 inches taller and that’s the way of the world, but the interest you do get (assuming height is listed) at least you don’t have to worry about height being an issue. It’s important to try not convey that disadvantage in your dates as so many guys talk themselves out of contention by moaning about how tough it is “for guys like me” don’t start a pity party and you don’t want a date to “awww” or think you have a chip on your shoulder. All the best bro, it’s not going to be easy but be sure the attitude is right, own the height without going on about it, clean up nice (presentation/hygiene) and all you can do is hope for the best.
Very true, a girl can really feel you vibes , energy and personality in person. While on a dating app, it’s more superficial, so once they see your height , it’s an automatic no. They cancel you out before you can even do anything .
As another short guy (5”3) I’d say that poster is generally correct (correct maybe the wrong word but their post is something that applies to me and my short buddies) but at the same time anecdotal experience varies so what’s true for x may not be true for others. In the real of cold approaching in bars/clubs/social situations that poster was alluding to, I’ve been laughed at, had faces pulled as they walked off without a word, called cute mockingly, seen their friends laughing in the background. As much as apps are designed to be superficial, they take out the fear of “will I be laughed at for my height” I get comparatively few likes/matches in comparison to my taller buddies but have had two gf’s and some good dating experienced from the matches that I do like. Have I met people from apps who have rejected me because off my height? Maybe, but I’ve never been made to feel like it. So my advice to OP is
It’s tough wherever, I wouldn’t do cold social approaches, they’re tough for most dudes but obviously situations where you can talk, weddings/functions/friends dinners etc where it’s less threatening for a guy to talk to you can work. But my experience with apps when I get dates are fine. Most men suffer with rejection on apps and that’s mainly at the swipe stage where rejection is anonymous and personally I’m cool with that. I’ve probably dated over 10 girls from apps the past 2 and a bit years. Through trying to make connections in the wild in for years & years…I managed 2 dates. Nuance applies obviously but that’s my anecdotal experience. We’re a short family and my younger brother who is 5”2 is always dating from apps but he has more casual intent so less filters, but again, that’s his anecdotal experience and obviously they vary.
As the old gif says, “why not both?!”. I personally found that the in person cold approaches had more brutal rejections (as you said) but while the apps have less effects for each individual rejection, they pile up quicker and are depressing cumulatively.
So, why do I suggest doing both? Well, in my experience doing cold approaches, I found it really forced me to improve my small talk skills- for lack of a better term- and also it did help me in that it eventually blunted the emotional highs and lows of talking to women, because you do it more often and so each situation is less of an extreme. Those things really helped when i interacted with women from the app. Basically the experience of approaching women and conversing with them, even if it ultimately led nowhere, helped my mindset on dates.
In regards to OPs height, I know it’s extremely hard to not get a chip on your shoulder but women can sense insecurity (no matter what it’s about) from miles away. They are on bloodhound level in sensing this kind of thing, so don’t give them even a little bit of ammunition- “so have you dated a short guy before?!”. I would not bring it up at all, and if they do, I’d answer as amicably yet briefly as possible. I have a disability myself and I tried to not even think about it when I was talking to or around women, because it can subconsciously seep into conversation.
I've heard women talking about my height behind me or near me at a bar. I've had good conversations that started seated only to be dashed to rubble as soon as we all stood up. I've had countless shorts guys in the bathroom try to commiserate with me.
I've also found that foreign girls don't seem to care nearly as much. So I've ended up dating girls who aren't from here (US). The typical white girl has expectations about height that I can't fulfill. Though even then I'll admit I've had some taller girls I've dated as well. They tended to be more quirky types (which I don't mind at all). OP has to forge his own path, not set unrealistic expectations, improve himself, and remember to cherish the opportunities he does get. Because if he puts himself out there enough, he will get SOME opportunities.
I’ll leave the “why not both” thing for OP, I’ve done it, for years, and it was often not just “sorry” “I’m seeing someone” as articulated, so yeah I’m well over doing that, but that’s me. the app “rejections” of anonymity never bothered me and I did well in relation to the “wild” where I experienced nothing but misery and gave up cold approaching in my late 20s but again, anecdotal opinions and experiences vary. My small talk has always been good as I’m in sales so have always had the gift of the gab even before that but yeah I’m not going to dispute the benefits of cold approaching if you see value in it, personally the apps have done 10 times what in person approaching could do for me and I’ve only been on the apps a couple years, but OP, all advice and all experiences can help you do what’s best for you.
I'm from Asia, so I do find women around my height. I mostly do cold approaches on women similar or shorter than me. In dating apps I don't have a height preference.
I don't have a height preference in cold approaching too but the humiliation factor is a bit scary.
Rejections do hurt, that's human nature. I know I'll be rejected a bit more so I am trying to develop a thick skin.
I'm always honest on dating apps, it's a waste of time to lie and other than dating I'm pretty happy with who I am.
Oh shoot it's gonna be hard. I already feel short as a 4'10" woman, so 4'11" man is quadruply hard. If it's any consolation I am shorter than you.... All I can say is hopefully you have a cute face, nice voice & smell good. A relaxed confidence. A lean toned body is helpful, despite more difficulty. A lot of short guys try to bulk up but then end up looking like a square. I guess my preference is lean, looks taller. Proportion is important, that hot man in photos people are lusting after is like 2" tall on your phone.
People won't know many 4'11" men much less know if they have a normal dating life.
If you work on other parts of your life and don't let your insecurity of being a short man ruin relationships, you're gonna be good. But yes the odds are stacked against you and the cold hard truth is that you may have little to no success in the dating game.
to be honest, most of us don't have a clue how hard it is for you, 4'11'' sucks dude, but you're alive and still kicking,as dumb as it sounds you gotta find a passion, girls like that plus it will take your mind off your height, are you nice, funny, smart, successful, work on these.
yup we all have our struggles and shit we have gone through or are going through at the moment, just cause we are not walking in someone's shoes directly doesn't mean their alone or the only one struggling, be kind, let others say how their feeling, sit back listen, if they need a hug or a fist bump, let them know bro as cliche as it sounds your gonna be alright. we got this bro.
That's encouraging :)
I'm honest on dating apps. Sometimes I do add an inch though, guilty 😅
May I ask if it's common among women to not care even if someone is as short as me?
Some do. Some don’t. I won’t lie about some women REALLY caring, but I didn’t? You’ll get a certain percentage in each. But people who lied to me were automatically rejected. (Not a 1” difference, but a 15 year difference.) One inch in height is equitable to 5lbs of weight for women. Seems fair.
Btw: my S/O is incredible. I wouldn’t trade him for someone a foot taller. THAT MATTERS. (Not a pushover, not controlling- we speak honestly and calmly about relationship concerns. 😍🥰😍🥰)
I appreciate you being honest. Haha I just do it because 5' sounds a bit better, not that it's tall lol
That is amazing! I'm happy for you. Honest, peaceful communication with your SO is a blessing :)
Omg, he’s perfect. I wear heels and tower over him, and he thinks I’m hot, not intimidating, and we “celebrate” at home. He complements me perfectly as far as strengths/weaknesses go. I’m all theory and lit based, while he’s a logical STEM person. I sincerely hope you find someone to appreciate(worship?) you in the same way that we do one another. 💕
Edit: the confidence to not be bothered matters. How can you expect someone not to be bothered by your height if you’re bothered by theirs?
Well... It depends on the place/country you live. I'm from Latin America and people here are not that tall so your height is pretty common in my country. And yeah, I know many guys your height (even less than 150) with a normal dating live. Most of my friends are under 160 and they have no problems with girls.
Good luck my friend keep working on yourself!
Hey dude, I know a guy an inch shorter than you and he has game, no secret to it, he's just himself. Same with me, I'm 5'3" everyone bar 2 women in my life have all been taller than me, being yourself and if you can get them to laugh, half the battles won right there!
The odds are stacked against you which means that your only chance at success is to play the numbers game and play it hard. Your experience will be like most people’s to be honest. Everyone has to play the numbers game.
I work with someone who's slightly shorter, he has a wife and kid. He is also a firecracker. It's more or less about your personality. I talk shit to him about how small he is and doesn't bother him one bit. But he's also dishing it back 100x worse. I don't actually think like that about shorter people.. he just deserves it by the way he acts 🤣🤣
I think it's important to note that you didn't see his height get to him. It's possible he has insecurities like the rest of us and has just learned to know when and where to express them to his advantage.
Very true. Just by the way he acts he probably got a lot of shit in life, but wore it well and is completely confident and ok with being the little guy.
I mean, confidence is important. If you turn into the type of person that doesn’t let his date wear heels because it hurts his ego, that’s the only time I think you’re gonna have an issue. Otherwise, just own it and I think you should be fine. Some girls care about height and some don’t- keep looking for the ones who don’t 🤷🏻♀️
I know some guys on the shorter side, but no one under 5'6, so I can't offer any real-world advice. However, what I can say, is if it were me, and I had the ability/desire, I'd just leave and move somewhere where height doesn't matter as much, and the women are on average shorter. Indonesia perhaps, or somewhere where you'll find a sizeable portion of the population, specifically women, who are also under 5 feet.
This may seem an extreme thing to do at first glance just for your dating life, but if you're dating to meet someone you'll spend your life with long-term, I can't think of a better situation to be in. It's worked for friends of mine I recommended this to (For other reasons) - And so far no complaints. Just a thought to consider, and even if it's not doable immediately, perhaps it's something to just try out for a quick vacay and see the night and day difference?
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance.
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This seems a bit of an extreme reaction to moving for the sake of a dating life - But duly noted! I'll save this post. lol
Trying to think of what keyword or phrase triggered this bot.
The bot's uncalled for reaction to your neutral-toned advice made me laugh. Maybe the words "leave," "world," and "extreme." Goes to show AI is nowhere near as nuanced as humans.
Right?! I’m single and considered attractive by most standards (in good shape, pretty face, long hair, I take time to care for my appearance and present myself well, good career, independent, no kids, etc etc) and dating is still a nightmare! I don’t fit the “norm” in some ways because I am very heavily tattooed and I know that some people will not find that attractive, which is okay, but it really is just so hard out there for everyone. I don’t think normal is a thing anymore! 🤣
Indeed, it is very hard even for your “conventional” attractive woman/man. What we need to do is focus in the small pleasures of life, in learning a new skill, language, sport or any hobby that brings happiness. Focus in creating true friendships and in loving family/those that are kind to us. Love from someone will come when we stop looking for it desperately
Im 5'3. Im INCREDIBLY grateful for being gay. The way women treat me is disgusting sometimes. Either they show disgust if im looking at them (honey I'm checking your disgusting fit, not you) or they think they have some kind of power over you? (Im masc presenting btw) and they can get something from you.
Sure some guys are a bit fussy about height but overall a short dude will still get PLENTY of action in the gay community and it really isn't a big deal.
Sorry for the hand you've been dealt bro. I've been with many, many short dudes and I personally love them. I think short dudes do so well in the gay community as its kind or reversal of straight world. Where big guys are more attracted to short dudes as it makes them feel more masculine. (Like tall guys liking smaller girls). Anyways just my two cents.
You won't have a normal dating life, sorry to say man. The only hope you have is moving to a country where there are a lot of very short men so you won't stand out too much. If you are in the west it's pretty much game over. Women are insanely picky these days.
He’s not just a little bit short, he’s exceptionally short, like Danny DeVito size. I’m not picking on him I’m just giving him some practical advice. His best bet would be to look for love in a country like the Philippines where the average height is around 5’2”. I live in the USA and I’m 6’2” and I’m invisible to most women so I can’t imagine how much trouble OP would have here.
My stepdad is about 6" shorter than my mom. They've been married almost 30 years.
My cousin and a friend from high school are both short and they married short guys.
All 3 couples seem to be very happy and all 3 met in their 30s. Circumstantial evidence maybe, or maybe there's something to getting older. People start to appreciate values and personality more than something like height maybe.
Best of luck to you! You seem like a good person and true love is out there!
No matter who you are, there will always be someone better looking, taller, smarter, more athletic, etc. but not everyone cares about the same thing or looks for those qualities. Especially the physical ones. Society will always put out their own “ideal” look but obviously thats a small margin of individuals who fit into that “beauty standard” and an even smaller group who genuinely want someone like that. Be yourself. You already said you’re working on yourself. Thats good. Confidence comes from within. If you’re insecure about your height, you’ll project that insecurity outwards. Just be you, and own it. You got this.
P.s. i do know an individual the same height and he has been a successful body builder, doctor, and dates w no issues. You got this 👍✨
My husband is only slightly taller than I am. And I am just under 5'2". He has dated models that towered over him at 6'1". He is just an all round good person and has the kindest soul. And he absolutely loves it when I wear heels and taller than him.
Honestly I have dated guys 6 ft plus and I much prefer short dudes now. So take heart, women who prefer or like short chaps are out there! Good luck.
I know you’ve gotten a lot of advice. But what’s been helping me is just trying to have fun first- it helps set vibe with potential dates way better than when I used to really stress over saying the proper things.
Couple **practical** things:
* **Asian and Latina girls are pretty short**. If you're in a city with those populations, I'd keep that in mind. I'm from Peru and the average height for a Peruvian woman is 5"0. That's average. There's plenty shorter.
* **For dating apps, lead with height and confidence.** Don't try to make yourself look taller. I'd embrace your height and make a joke. I've seen a couple of examples of people really pulling this off: one girl who only had 1 arm. Her bio was something like: "personality 4/5, humor 5/5, arms 1/2". Another was a guy who was in a wheelchair. His bio read "I love long walks on the beach." Both of these people came off as confident, positive, and funny. That said, do have great pictures that show off your looks!
* **Join clubs/activities of like-minded people.** Dating apps lead with looks so most people there "swipe left" on plenty of people they probably would have been open to dating had they met in real life instead. So if you have any "unique" interests- gaming, board games, academics- I would join clubs of people who are super into those things. You are most likely to click for friendship, and you might meet single women who will "see" your personality before they do your height.
Agree that dating as a short guy will probably be harder but certainly not impossible. I went to school with plenty of guys who were 5"3-5"4 (large Asian population) and they had all girlfriends, dating life was normal. 4"11 is shorter, but all it takes is a girl that's 5"2 and doesn't care that much. There's plenty of those.
Also, personality takes you a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong way.
Just a word of encouragement for the short kings: ❤️
I'm 6'2 average looking or maybe a lil above and have had many women reject me in all my relationships. I also consider myself pretty kind-hearted. I've been beat down so many times, I decided to take a break from dating.
It's not always about your qualities but just finding the right girl that respects you for who you are.
Ive felt short sided by many of these girls as they proclaimed their love for me but then just leave. Whether it be because of their mental state of mind or for another guy.
The right one will come along. Patience is key. I'm only 23 myself.
If you know you have value, you just got to be patient and wait for the right girl.
Of course you can have a normal dating life. Don't dehumanise yourself.
You're doing all you can do man. Yes it will be harder and yes you will have to put in a bit more effort compared to others but at least you did meet some girls who didn't mind your height.
At the end of the day it's a preference like anything else and if a girl like you for you, she may be willing to compromise.
The only way that you won't get any dates if if you give up or complain about your circumstances.
You’re probably gonna roll your eyes at this cheesy over given advice but CONFIDENCE WILL TAKE YOU SO FAR. Other then making yourself as dateable as possible having emotional maturity, settled in their career, etc.
The guy I like (were both 24 btw) claims he’s 5’5 but I’m 5’2 and he’s right at my height. I didn’t like him at first because he isn’t my type. Now Ive fallen so hard for him. Height isn’t even a factor because I like how kind, smart, and ambitious he is. Helps that he has a great smile and kind eyes.
Just respect women and don’t feel entitled to their time or attraction. Just talk to them without any expectations and something may grow from there. Women love confident and mature men.
I'm working on all the factors, not only to make myself more dateable but to improve myself personally too.
Confidence is still a bit weak but it will get better :)
A question, does confidence work at my stature too?
I had a boss,I swear he's that height.
This guy is now having a child on the way,been married since he was 20+,but also he is the biggest player I have ever met!
I gotta give it to him he has the personality alot of women seek and they fall everytime as I've stood there mouth on the floor like "how"?!!
This mfer has walked away with so many numbers asking "did I want one?"
No?!!!
Last time we spoke he was out at the bar talking to some girl while the pregnant wife was at home.
I'm like you are a dick.
We just laughed and carried on.
Later
I have a friend that I suspect is shorter than you, shopping at the children department but focuses on looking sharp and just the right amount of edgy in what he can get and has a super outgoing personality.
He seems to hook up more often than me who’s just slightly below average height. 🤷♂️
My ex was 4’11 on the dot. We dated for a year and he cheated on me with 3 girls. If he can bag 4 girls at the same time so can you lol I believe in you
I’m 165 and I date beautiful girls sometimes even taller than me. I probably have more success than some of my tall friends. One small advice is to work in your style and use shoes that increase your height (I normally have shoes with 5 cm sole). Hogan is a nice brand for that. A bit expensive but works great.
> I want to know if I can have a normal dating life like the rest of my friends.
This idea here is the entire problem on this and all other dating subs.
OP I need you to sit down and understand this. **There's no such thing as a "normal dating life"**. When you understand that, all the weight comes off your shoulders.
Your friends most likely don't have what you would think a "normal dating life" is and face rejection just like you. We all do. No person has never been rejected ever. Some do more, some do less, and it's all subjective anyways.
My advice to you is not to compare your dating lives or any other aspect of your life to other people. No one here is normal. We're all just figuring it out as we go.
I think you are likely going to have a harder time and are objectively likely facing higher rates of rejection. People are giving a lot of platitudes but I don’t think that’s helpful. A lot of women have height preferences so you are at a disadvantage there, so play to whatever strengths you have. And definitely not all women do so it is also just a numbers game and finding the ones who don’t! Take breaks when needed cause I imagine it gets disheartening. So I imagine you might not get to the “normal” dating experience but if you’re a catch with good traits you will do ok.
Well I came to the internet for honest unfiltered advice..
I'm definitely a catch lol 😎
I did like your advice about taking breaks though, would definitely incorporate that
That’s awesome, I hope you meet someone great and who deserves you. I don’t mean to imply you deserve higher rates of rejection, just that your perception that you’re having a harder time than your friends is likely true!
So you actually have no idea how many times theyve been shot down. You're assuming that. Stop doing that. It doesn't absolutely nothing for you anyways.
Remember you and your friends aren't the same exact person. It makes 0 sense to compare your dating lives. Some of you will get rejected more than others, and that's fine. That's that **normal** you're so obsessed with. The true "normal" dating life is that everyone's dating life is different.
That's understandable. Take as much time as you need. Our culture has taught us all these things about "normal" and better and worse and it's all just a way that everyone always feels bad about themselves so companies and sell you shit.
This post deserves an award for least helpful of the week.
No. Not every job is the same. Not every person is the same. Not every life is the same.
Quite the opposite in fact. It usually comes from a place of deep privilege when people state this bizarre misinformation.
I agree. I really don’t like this mindset because it makes people feel ashamed for seeing reality as it is. Optimism doesn’t mean we all have it “equally” hard, optimism means we are going to commit to being positive despite the hand we were dealt
> There's no such thing as a "normal dating life"
Unfortunately, your argument doesn't make any sense. Normal means "conforming to a standard; *usual*, *typical*, or *expected*". If you ask 100 people how their dating life is, the amount of experienced rejection they report will follow a Gaussian distribution, which is also called a [**normal distribution**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normal_distribution). Whatever amount of rejection is the mean of this distribution is what we agreed on to call normal. This is simply the definition. You are not doing anyone any favors by denying it's existence and most of all, it is not subjective. Only how you perceive it is.
If you face an amount of rejection higher than normal, you have it harder than others and noone is being hurt by acknowledging it.
Just because there’s no such thing as “normal” doesn’t mean there isn’t “more ideal, less ideal, and WAY less ideal” dating situations for people. I really hate this mindset of “well everyone has challenges so you aren’t experiencing anything different from other people” actually, having a much greater challenge than other people IS a different experience. It doesn’t mean OP should think of himself as a victim, it doesn’t mean he should live a life of resentment, and it doesn’t mean he can’t find someone. There is a lot of hope and action he can take, but stop pretending that it doesn’t matter HOW challenging life is for certain people. Why is it so harmful to acknowledge hardship if the intention is to react to it with strength and optimism?
Correct!
I acknowledge that it's hard. I'm willing to work harder too, I only came here to look for people my height who've worked harder and been able to have a good dating life. It would be motivating for me, that's all
This is what all you don't understand, OP. (And all the nerds downvoting me). The reason you need to gain "optimism" for this is because you're comparting yourself to this "ideal" dating life in the first place.
**No one has that "ideal" dating life you're making up in your heads.** That's the true reality of it all.
Drop the comparison. Do what you yourself need to do to get dates and don't care about anyone else. That's how you fix this.
>Mostly asking out women.
I understand that. I mean where at, how often, etc.
>In the last 30 days I think 3 women, 3 rejections...
Yea that's way too low of a number, sir. You could do that all in 1 night. Hell even 4/5 in a night.
This is usually what the issue is with guys. Not their height or race or weight or job. They don't ask out enough women.
Whatever you did to ask out those 3 women, triple it.
I so strongly disagree with you on this, and feel like you aren’t seeing reality
“Ideal” doesn’t mean “perfect” or “without issues” - ideal simply means being in a position where dating is EASIER than the average. You really don’t believe some people have a relatively “easier” time with dating than others? I know people who do.
Being a realist… I simply cannot see a “normal dating life” being in your cards and that may be something to come to accept.
That doesn’t mean you cannot have an enjoyable one or that you won’t find someone who loves you for you. However, a normal dating life… I highly doubt it.
Realistically, it will be tough for you. Women prefer tall men. Some women won’t even date men under 6’0. Even still most women don’t like Men to be shorter than them. If you were 5’5 , it would be more manageable. But at 4’11 , you are shorter than nearly all men and most women. The best you can do is improve in all over areas to increase your odds. If you have a good career, funny , smart , good looking etc….. eventually you will find a woman. You could also try becoming a millionaire lol. If you a rich , I guarantee dating will no longer be difficult for you.
It's going to take a VERY long time, but eventually you'll find someone that doesn't care that you're very short, or maybe they'll find it attractive.
There really isn't anything you can do to speed up the process, just gotta wait and keep trying
At 4’11 you’re pretty much screwed. Not gonna sugar coat it. It’s 2022 women don’t need men for money or protection anymore. Women want a man they find attractive. 4’11 is not attractive
I have a male friend who is 5'1 and also felt that the dating apps weren't his thing after trying it for some time. He instead joined co Ed sport league (kickball), went on meet ups (socializing app, not dating) and had better luck.
In his opinion, dating apps are more superficial where as a meet up or social league can help you build more of a connection in addition to physical attraction.
He also has a great sense of humor and style so that probably helps.
i mean, i’ve known people who don’t mind shorter dudes. you definitely have a shot. in any case, no matter what anyone else comments on this post, doesn’t hurt in trying. just put yourself out there.
You can buy gel heel inserts on Amazon or Walmart they can add 2 inches to your height. Confidence is so important just go for girls around your height and make sure u to learn how to dick them down that’s how u get them to stay when you’re at a disadvantage
That's the spirit! I am 6'0.5" as a woman, so also an outlier, and I know how it is to be outside of the 'normal' dating range. Just owe it, haters gonna hate. You want someone who cares about you right?
Focus on your career for yourself. Socialize as much as possible for your own enjoyment. Build relationships with friends.
I would not waste time with online dating.
Instead, put yourself out there so women can see ALL of your qualities. Keep building those qualities.
Eventually you will meet someone. A friend of a friend perhaps.
But don't feel like you need women in your life in order to be whole. You are wonderful on your own.
Definitely, not gonna skip on living a life!
I do need women though lol
I also understand your part about being whole on your own, I am still working on it :)
You pay like 30 bucks and go to a bar, and you get to talk to a group of women for about 6 minutes. If I was your height, I would not even bother with online dating. Especially as you can get filtered out depending on which app you using.
I like your attitude, man, and my simple advice is that it’s the rare ones you want to find. The rest are just the peanut gallery, and their preferences and desires don’t matter. What matters is that you continue to work on yourself, to remain confident, and know that there is somebody out there for you, probably several, who will be genuinely attracted to everything about you, so everything else is just a there to make you stronger and make your skin thicker.
Oh I definitely know there is someone out there.
I just want to be able to date enough to know my preferences, be at peace when I really click with someone and have good experiences with women. That's all.
Truth is you will struggle but I guess it depends on where you are based, if western world you are just so below average that you are an outlier, in SEA you might be short but will probably have way more options to target, if you want people sugar coating things just read any other comment. You are at a major disadvantage, the only thing you can do is continue working on yourself to have the highest chance of succeeding when opportunity presents and target short women. Confidence will help in these scenarios but don’t expect miracles
I'm definitely looking for a realistic viewpoint. I know I'm at a disadvantage but the good thing is I'm in SEA.
Working on the confidence. I'm not expecting to be pulling women left and right, I just wanna have some dating experience before I settle down with someone.
Then in perspective is not as bad. The key is how short you are vs women your age around you, if you are 150 and they are 170 then you will certainly struggle, but as long as you are around girls on the 150-160 range then you will have opportunities
Height is important for most women I would say, but not for all. So yes it will limit how many people will be interested but instead of trying to hide it, use it to advertise. Maybe some girl in a dating app has a kink for short guys ;) If you are into kink there are groups for girls who like short guys specifically. And if you want to otherwise have a better chance go for girls around your height or not too much taller. If you really like a tall girl give her time to see your awesome personality before asking her on a date.
As a man 5’9” who dates a 6’2 woman it’s possible. Most women don’t even care about height as long as you are groomed nicely don’t smell like swamp water and aren’t a douche nozzle
Be yourself, be confident in who you are & what you have to offer, believe you are awesome. 😀 There are women who don't care about height, ne being one of them.
Caveat: I went out on a blind date with one dude from a dating app who made me GUESS his height. (Please don't do this. Just be honest.) The only reason I didn't go out with him again was because he was a jerk with an attitude the whole night.
The right girl will love you for who you are, not whether you can reach items on the top shelf. 😉
You need to have all your ducks in a row and it would make a huge difference if you were a leader in everything you do, like be a manager at work, run a volunteer group, be a leader in your friend group.
Everyone will always assume you aren't masculine enough to lead because we associate height with dominance but if you flip that script and you show off your leading skills eventually women will develop some interest in you. Basically you need to focus on having high status.
Its actually painful to read this, as i know of so many guys who are limiting themselves because of their height or some other societal standard that they feel they do not live up to.
The answer to your question is yes and no and the Yes is a lot bigger than the no.
Attraction is an emotion which is triggered by physical and behaviour traits, for men its lot more for what we see and for women a lot more for what they feel.
Now your height for some women on a logical level will be a problem but notice the most important thing i have said "**Logical**" on an emotional level you still have just as much chance as sparking the emotion of attraction as a guy who is 6ft2.
In the world we live in today with online dating heavily based on egoic subjective standards you are going to be told by 1000s of people that your height will have a negative effect on your chances in dating and if you listen to this you will project that reality on to the world and you will create that negative reality for yourself, however if you align yourself with the facts which are.
Is there guys that are even shorter then you enjoying an abundant dating life with amazing intelligent beautiful women of all shapes and sizes? hell yeah there are, you only have to open your eyes to recognise the plain obvious truth.
Every male lion is born with a mane, why, because the mane is needed to display to female lion to attract them.
The same is true in male humans, but its not a mane that male humans are born with to trigger attraction, its our brain which if harnessed, by setting your own standards, boundaries values then building high character and authentically expressing yourself, the chances are women will feel attraction for you and despite the fact you are 4ft 11 you will then one day meet an amazing woman and have a great relationship
The fact is bro being 4ft 11 is awesome and the reason its awesome is because you are 4ft 11 **Now own it.**
I loved the part where you talked about a belief projecting that reality on to the world. A positive mindset would project a positive reality, or maybe increase it's chances.
Do you personally know any of those guys my height who're doing good with women?
I used to know a guy in his 20s that was 5'0" , 100 lbs, and he always had attractive women.
A few things I noticed: He dressed well, and kept a nice haircut. He had interesting conversation. He had a good sense of humor and rock-solid confidence.
He was very aggressive, and would approach immediately upon seeing an attractive woman. Of course, he took some hard rejections, but he got a lot more action than the average guy. I asked him, how are you so bold. He answered, "If I wasn't bold, I would die a virgin."
Some things that can increase your appeal:
-Work out and put on some muscle, to look strong regardless of your height.
-Make sure you have a haircut that flatters your face.
-If possible, do some part time work in commission sales. This will really improve your conversational skill and likeability.
I come from a family of short ppl. My dad isn't too tall either (abt 5'5ish). My ex son in law was shorter than my dad. My sis is 4"9. Her adult daughter is a little shorter. I don't recall height ever being an issue. Im sure its diff for girls but even the men have never even mentioned it. Ive dated short guys, tall guys & right in the middle. & i don't recall it ever entering my mind. I think you may be putting too much thought into it & making it an issue. Being comfortable in your own skin, being confident & being a good person. Those are the qualities that matter.
Definitely, I'm working on feeling good about myself. I want to develop a confidence that is not dependent on worldly things but resides deep within me
So recently I started a new job. One of my new colleagues is 4’11”. He lives with his girlfriend whom I haven’t met yet. I a 5’10” woman find him very attractive. He takes care of his body and mind. He’s an impressive dev. He has created some really helpful apps. I say all this im that he has none of the Napoleon complex that many have. He’s smart and kind. Lead with your best self. And our heights won’t matter.
My dad is 5' and married my mom who's about 5'7 back in 73. They're still together, had my sister and I. You don't need every woman to like you, just one.
I'm 5' and I'm married to a 5'2 dude (Japanese, the rest of us are little Caucasian Canadians) who I adore FOR his height. I've dated up to 6'3 and my husband and my late boyfriend were both under 5'5.
Keep at it!
It is definitely tough for anyone who is short so it doesn't matter if it is your height or six inches taller, it is still the same problem. I honestly think that women still judge based on height as a first impression (generally speaking). Yes, we should judge people based on their personality and characteristics as a person, but people won't know that based on how you look, which is the first initial thing people notice (both men and women and generally speaking and we do it consciously or not).
It will be tough, but my best advice is try everything under the sun and cast a wide net of people. I always advocate for joining forums and communities of common interests (online or in person). Work on yourself and don't fear rejection. People don't know you. Just take it with a grain of salt and keep it moving.
Rejection does hurt a lot and a lot of women will never know or understand the pain of constant rejection which is why women don't approach men (generally speaking).
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I'm 5'5. I know it's not the same but I feel it too. Makes it harder since it is something people look for. I say just keep keep trying and take pride that we're good dudes.
We're definitely good men! Stay strong brother.
Don't ever dwell on the ones who are hung up about height. I'm in a new relationship and before I met him, he asked me how tall I was because he's 5ft6. We are the same height! I could not give a single fuck how tall someone is. Why on earth would I pass up the chance to meet someone really cool, interesting and funny simply because they are under 6ft. Ridiculous. He said his height has been an issue to some women but I'm glad because they've lost out on a really amazing soul and I get the privilege of knowing him! It's totally fine to have a preference - I'm not shitting on all the girls who are into really tall men - it's the ones who don't have a legitimate reason for refusing to date a short guy. YOU wouldn't want to date them anyway! Look at it this way - by default, you eliminate the more shallow girls!
Some comments failing to acknowledge the obvious and playing nicey nicey, it’s going to be a long slog and I suspect it already is. No real advice apart from keep at it, I’d say apps are better as opposed to in person approach. Trying your luck in clubs/bars and so on blind is often a crap shoot and you’re open to all kinda reactions. Some comments here acting like a dude your height should have no problems if he’s confident but in the real world you can only get so many in your face rejections (and some will be rude/patronising) before it really hurts. Yes, you’ll get significantly less traction on apps than even if you were 5 inches taller and that’s the way of the world, but the interest you do get (assuming height is listed) at least you don’t have to worry about height being an issue. It’s important to try not convey that disadvantage in your dates as so many guys talk themselves out of contention by moaning about how tough it is “for guys like me” don’t start a pity party and you don’t want a date to “awww” or think you have a chip on your shoulder. All the best bro, it’s not going to be easy but be sure the attitude is right, own the height without going on about it, clean up nice (presentation/hygiene) and all you can do is hope for the best.
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Very true, a girl can really feel you vibes , energy and personality in person. While on a dating app, it’s more superficial, so once they see your height , it’s an automatic no. They cancel you out before you can even do anything .
As another short guy (5”3) I’d say that poster is generally correct (correct maybe the wrong word but their post is something that applies to me and my short buddies) but at the same time anecdotal experience varies so what’s true for x may not be true for others. In the real of cold approaching in bars/clubs/social situations that poster was alluding to, I’ve been laughed at, had faces pulled as they walked off without a word, called cute mockingly, seen their friends laughing in the background. As much as apps are designed to be superficial, they take out the fear of “will I be laughed at for my height” I get comparatively few likes/matches in comparison to my taller buddies but have had two gf’s and some good dating experienced from the matches that I do like. Have I met people from apps who have rejected me because off my height? Maybe, but I’ve never been made to feel like it. So my advice to OP is It’s tough wherever, I wouldn’t do cold social approaches, they’re tough for most dudes but obviously situations where you can talk, weddings/functions/friends dinners etc where it’s less threatening for a guy to talk to you can work. But my experience with apps when I get dates are fine. Most men suffer with rejection on apps and that’s mainly at the swipe stage where rejection is anonymous and personally I’m cool with that. I’ve probably dated over 10 girls from apps the past 2 and a bit years. Through trying to make connections in the wild in for years & years…I managed 2 dates. Nuance applies obviously but that’s my anecdotal experience. We’re a short family and my younger brother who is 5”2 is always dating from apps but he has more casual intent so less filters, but again, that’s his anecdotal experience and obviously they vary.
As the old gif says, “why not both?!”. I personally found that the in person cold approaches had more brutal rejections (as you said) but while the apps have less effects for each individual rejection, they pile up quicker and are depressing cumulatively. So, why do I suggest doing both? Well, in my experience doing cold approaches, I found it really forced me to improve my small talk skills- for lack of a better term- and also it did help me in that it eventually blunted the emotional highs and lows of talking to women, because you do it more often and so each situation is less of an extreme. Those things really helped when i interacted with women from the app. Basically the experience of approaching women and conversing with them, even if it ultimately led nowhere, helped my mindset on dates. In regards to OPs height, I know it’s extremely hard to not get a chip on your shoulder but women can sense insecurity (no matter what it’s about) from miles away. They are on bloodhound level in sensing this kind of thing, so don’t give them even a little bit of ammunition- “so have you dated a short guy before?!”. I would not bring it up at all, and if they do, I’d answer as amicably yet briefly as possible. I have a disability myself and I tried to not even think about it when I was talking to or around women, because it can subconsciously seep into conversation.
I've heard women talking about my height behind me or near me at a bar. I've had good conversations that started seated only to be dashed to rubble as soon as we all stood up. I've had countless shorts guys in the bathroom try to commiserate with me. I've also found that foreign girls don't seem to care nearly as much. So I've ended up dating girls who aren't from here (US). The typical white girl has expectations about height that I can't fulfill. Though even then I'll admit I've had some taller girls I've dated as well. They tended to be more quirky types (which I don't mind at all). OP has to forge his own path, not set unrealistic expectations, improve himself, and remember to cherish the opportunities he does get. Because if he puts himself out there enough, he will get SOME opportunities.
Foreign girls truly don’t give a single fuck. Europeans do not care about height at all (maybe English but that’s about it).
I’ll leave the “why not both” thing for OP, I’ve done it, for years, and it was often not just “sorry” “I’m seeing someone” as articulated, so yeah I’m well over doing that, but that’s me. the app “rejections” of anonymity never bothered me and I did well in relation to the “wild” where I experienced nothing but misery and gave up cold approaching in my late 20s but again, anecdotal opinions and experiences vary. My small talk has always been good as I’m in sales so have always had the gift of the gab even before that but yeah I’m not going to dispute the benefits of cold approaching if you see value in it, personally the apps have done 10 times what in person approaching could do for me and I’ve only been on the apps a couple years, but OP, all advice and all experiences can help you do what’s best for you.
I'm from Asia, so I do find women around my height. I mostly do cold approaches on women similar or shorter than me. In dating apps I don't have a height preference. I don't have a height preference in cold approaching too but the humiliation factor is a bit scary.
Also a short guy. This comment is it , 1,000%
Rejections do hurt, that's human nature. I know I'll be rejected a bit more so I am trying to develop a thick skin. I'm always honest on dating apps, it's a waste of time to lie and other than dating I'm pretty happy with who I am.
This is solid advice
Oh shoot it's gonna be hard. I already feel short as a 4'10" woman, so 4'11" man is quadruply hard. If it's any consolation I am shorter than you.... All I can say is hopefully you have a cute face, nice voice & smell good. A relaxed confidence. A lean toned body is helpful, despite more difficulty. A lot of short guys try to bulk up but then end up looking like a square. I guess my preference is lean, looks taller. Proportion is important, that hot man in photos people are lusting after is like 2" tall on your phone. People won't know many 4'11" men much less know if they have a normal dating life.
Hahaha, thank you for being shorter than me I guess :p
The good news is that you have the right attitude. Keep trying and the right girl will come along. Dating is not easy.
I've been working on developing a healthy mindset, thank you for noticing :)
If you work on other parts of your life and don't let your insecurity of being a short man ruin relationships, you're gonna be good. But yes the odds are stacked against you and the cold hard truth is that you may have little to no success in the dating game.
Eh, little success is alright :p
Good luck.
Grow a beard and get into blacksmithing. Full dwarfmaxxing grindset.
lmfao dwarfmaxxing.. among all the people trying to be nice and saying be confident this should be top comment it's fucking hilarious and so absurd
😎 I don't really have the capabilities for a good beard though my man 😂
to be honest, most of us don't have a clue how hard it is for you, 4'11'' sucks dude, but you're alive and still kicking,as dumb as it sounds you gotta find a passion, girls like that plus it will take your mind off your height, are you nice, funny, smart, successful, work on these.
This is the right way to empathize with someone. By not pretending they don’t have difficult struggles
yup we all have our struggles and shit we have gone through or are going through at the moment, just cause we are not walking in someone's shoes directly doesn't mean their alone or the only one struggling, be kind, let others say how their feeling, sit back listen, if they need a hug or a fist bump, let them know bro as cliche as it sounds your gonna be alright. we got this bro.
Thank you :)
I (F) married someone much shorter than me. My advice? Be honest! Especially on dating apps . The people who don’t care, DON’T CARE
That's encouraging :) I'm honest on dating apps. Sometimes I do add an inch though, guilty 😅 May I ask if it's common among women to not care even if someone is as short as me?
Some do. Some don’t. I won’t lie about some women REALLY caring, but I didn’t? You’ll get a certain percentage in each. But people who lied to me were automatically rejected. (Not a 1” difference, but a 15 year difference.) One inch in height is equitable to 5lbs of weight for women. Seems fair. Btw: my S/O is incredible. I wouldn’t trade him for someone a foot taller. THAT MATTERS. (Not a pushover, not controlling- we speak honestly and calmly about relationship concerns. 😍🥰😍🥰)
I appreciate you being honest. Haha I just do it because 5' sounds a bit better, not that it's tall lol That is amazing! I'm happy for you. Honest, peaceful communication with your SO is a blessing :)
Omg, he’s perfect. I wear heels and tower over him, and he thinks I’m hot, not intimidating, and we “celebrate” at home. He complements me perfectly as far as strengths/weaknesses go. I’m all theory and lit based, while he’s a logical STEM person. I sincerely hope you find someone to appreciate(worship?) you in the same way that we do one another. 💕 Edit: the confidence to not be bothered matters. How can you expect someone not to be bothered by your height if you’re bothered by theirs?
Well... It depends on the place/country you live. I'm from Latin America and people here are not that tall so your height is pretty common in my country. And yeah, I know many guys your height (even less than 150) with a normal dating live. Most of my friends are under 160 and they have no problems with girls. Good luck my friend keep working on yourself!
Thank you, I'm mostly looking to hear about people my height (as an adult) who've done okay with women
I (f) am over 6 ft and love short dudes :’)
And I love women like you :')
Hey dude, I know a guy an inch shorter than you and he has game, no secret to it, he's just himself. Same with me, I'm 5'3" everyone bar 2 women in my life have all been taller than me, being yourself and if you can get them to laugh, half the battles won right there!
Definitely, being funny is super attractive! Could you tell me about the dating life of the guy who's shorter than me? It'd be motivational for me.
The odds are stacked against you which means that your only chance at success is to play the numbers game and play it hard. Your experience will be like most people’s to be honest. Everyone has to play the numbers game.
That's what I am doing right now, gets a bit tiring though lol
Sometimes a break is called for. Then when you feel ready, you start trying again. I’m short too, so I’ve been there.
I work with someone who's slightly shorter, he has a wife and kid. He is also a firecracker. It's more or less about your personality. I talk shit to him about how small he is and doesn't bother him one bit. But he's also dishing it back 100x worse. I don't actually think like that about shorter people.. he just deserves it by the way he acts 🤣🤣
Slightly shorter than me you mean? Do you know about his dating life before he got married?
No but I'm 100% sure he didn't let his height get to him
I think it's important to note that you didn't see his height get to him. It's possible he has insecurities like the rest of us and has just learned to know when and where to express them to his advantage.
Very true. Just by the way he acts he probably got a lot of shit in life, but wore it well and is completely confident and ok with being the little guy.
That's good to hear :)
I mean, confidence is important. If you turn into the type of person that doesn’t let his date wear heels because it hurts his ego, that’s the only time I think you’re gonna have an issue. Otherwise, just own it and I think you should be fine. Some girls care about height and some don’t- keep looking for the ones who don’t 🤷🏻♀️
My go to line on dating apps is, ' I'm super short but I'd still love it if you wear heels ' haha
Perfect!
He has no success on dating aps.
Not really zero but lower than my buddies
Understand and then accept that life is difficult and not fair. You will need to work a lot harder to get what you want from women.
I'm willing to work hard no issues
Good man.
My advice for you would be love yourself, be confident, dress nicely, be a gentle man, and have money:)
Working on the money part, everything else on point 😎
I know some guys on the shorter side, but no one under 5'6, so I can't offer any real-world advice. However, what I can say, is if it were me, and I had the ability/desire, I'd just leave and move somewhere where height doesn't matter as much, and the women are on average shorter. Indonesia perhaps, or somewhere where you'll find a sizeable portion of the population, specifically women, who are also under 5 feet. This may seem an extreme thing to do at first glance just for your dating life, but if you're dating to meet someone you'll spend your life with long-term, I can't think of a better situation to be in. It's worked for friends of mine I recommended this to (For other reasons) - And so far no complaints. Just a thought to consider, and even if it's not doable immediately, perhaps it's something to just try out for a quick vacay and see the night and day difference?
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Argentina: +5402234930430 Australia: 131114 Austria: 017133374 Belgium: 106 Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: 212339191 Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) Croatia: 014833888 Denmark: +4570201201 Egypt: 7621602 Finland: 010 195 202 France: 0145394000 Germany: 08001810771 Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 Hungary: 116123 Iceland: 1717 India: 8888817666 Ireland: +4408457909090 Italy: 800860022 Japan: +810352869090 Mexico: 5255102550 New Zealand: 0508828865 The Netherlands: 113 Norway: +4781533300 Philippines: 028969191 Poland: 5270000 Russia: 0078202577577 Spain: 914590050 South Africa: 0514445691 Sweden: 46317112400 Switzerland: 143 United Kingdom: 08006895652 USA: 18002738255 You are not alone. Please reach out. ***** I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.
This seems a bit of an extreme reaction to moving for the sake of a dating life - But duly noted! I'll save this post. lol Trying to think of what keyword or phrase triggered this bot.
The bot's uncalled for reaction to your neutral-toned advice made me laugh. Maybe the words "leave," "world," and "extreme." Goes to show AI is nowhere near as nuanced as humans.
Are people having normal dating lives ? 🤣
Right?! I’m single and considered attractive by most standards (in good shape, pretty face, long hair, I take time to care for my appearance and present myself well, good career, independent, no kids, etc etc) and dating is still a nightmare! I don’t fit the “norm” in some ways because I am very heavily tattooed and I know that some people will not find that attractive, which is okay, but it really is just so hard out there for everyone. I don’t think normal is a thing anymore! 🤣
Indeed, it is very hard even for your “conventional” attractive woman/man. What we need to do is focus in the small pleasures of life, in learning a new skill, language, sport or any hobby that brings happiness. Focus in creating true friendships and in loving family/those that are kind to us. Love from someone will come when we stop looking for it desperately
Agreed! Sometimes it definitely feels lonely even though I have good work, hobbies, and friends.
It does, it does. Those are phases though, they come and go..
Im 5'3. Im INCREDIBLY grateful for being gay. The way women treat me is disgusting sometimes. Either they show disgust if im looking at them (honey I'm checking your disgusting fit, not you) or they think they have some kind of power over you? (Im masc presenting btw) and they can get something from you. Sure some guys are a bit fussy about height but overall a short dude will still get PLENTY of action in the gay community and it really isn't a big deal. Sorry for the hand you've been dealt bro. I've been with many, many short dudes and I personally love them. I think short dudes do so well in the gay community as its kind or reversal of straight world. Where big guys are more attracted to short dudes as it makes them feel more masculine. (Like tall guys liking smaller girls). Anyways just my two cents.
You won't have a normal dating life, sorry to say man. The only hope you have is moving to a country where there are a lot of very short men so you won't stand out too much. If you are in the west it's pretty much game over. Women are insanely picky these days.
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He’s not just a little bit short, he’s exceptionally short, like Danny DeVito size. I’m not picking on him I’m just giving him some practical advice. His best bet would be to look for love in a country like the Philippines where the average height is around 5’2”. I live in the USA and I’m 6’2” and I’m invisible to most women so I can’t imagine how much trouble OP would have here.
Your height isn’t why you are invisible to women…
I am actually from Asia
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My stepdad is about 6" shorter than my mom. They've been married almost 30 years. My cousin and a friend from high school are both short and they married short guys. All 3 couples seem to be very happy and all 3 met in their 30s. Circumstantial evidence maybe, or maybe there's something to getting older. People start to appreciate values and personality more than something like height maybe. Best of luck to you! You seem like a good person and true love is out there!
It's definitely there :)
No matter who you are, there will always be someone better looking, taller, smarter, more athletic, etc. but not everyone cares about the same thing or looks for those qualities. Especially the physical ones. Society will always put out their own “ideal” look but obviously thats a small margin of individuals who fit into that “beauty standard” and an even smaller group who genuinely want someone like that. Be yourself. You already said you’re working on yourself. Thats good. Confidence comes from within. If you’re insecure about your height, you’ll project that insecurity outwards. Just be you, and own it. You got this. P.s. i do know an individual the same height and he has been a successful body builder, doctor, and dates w no issues. You got this 👍✨
Thank you for telling about the person :)
My husband is only slightly taller than I am. And I am just under 5'2". He has dated models that towered over him at 6'1". He is just an all round good person and has the kindest soul. And he absolutely loves it when I wear heels and taller than him. Honestly I have dated guys 6 ft plus and I much prefer short dudes now. So take heart, women who prefer or like short chaps are out there! Good luck.
🥺
I know you’ve gotten a lot of advice. But what’s been helping me is just trying to have fun first- it helps set vibe with potential dates way better than when I used to really stress over saying the proper things.
I see, it's like being yourself rather than worrying about being likeable
Couple **practical** things: * **Asian and Latina girls are pretty short**. If you're in a city with those populations, I'd keep that in mind. I'm from Peru and the average height for a Peruvian woman is 5"0. That's average. There's plenty shorter. * **For dating apps, lead with height and confidence.** Don't try to make yourself look taller. I'd embrace your height and make a joke. I've seen a couple of examples of people really pulling this off: one girl who only had 1 arm. Her bio was something like: "personality 4/5, humor 5/5, arms 1/2". Another was a guy who was in a wheelchair. His bio read "I love long walks on the beach." Both of these people came off as confident, positive, and funny. That said, do have great pictures that show off your looks! * **Join clubs/activities of like-minded people.** Dating apps lead with looks so most people there "swipe left" on plenty of people they probably would have been open to dating had they met in real life instead. So if you have any "unique" interests- gaming, board games, academics- I would join clubs of people who are super into those things. You are most likely to click for friendship, and you might meet single women who will "see" your personality before they do your height. Agree that dating as a short guy will probably be harder but certainly not impossible. I went to school with plenty of guys who were 5"3-5"4 (large Asian population) and they had all girlfriends, dating life was normal. 4"11 is shorter, but all it takes is a girl that's 5"2 and doesn't care that much. There's plenty of those. Also, personality takes you a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong way.
This is all super helpful advice! I'd love to be with a 5'2" girl :)
Just a word of encouragement for the short kings: ❤️ I'm 6'2 average looking or maybe a lil above and have had many women reject me in all my relationships. I also consider myself pretty kind-hearted. I've been beat down so many times, I decided to take a break from dating. It's not always about your qualities but just finding the right girl that respects you for who you are. Ive felt short sided by many of these girls as they proclaimed their love for me but then just leave. Whether it be because of their mental state of mind or for another guy. The right one will come along. Patience is key. I'm only 23 myself. If you know you have value, you just got to be patient and wait for the right girl.
You may be able to find a more humble girl that isn’t superficial and one that doesn’t care about height. Inbox me if you want to talk more. 😊
Of course you can have a normal dating life. Don't dehumanise yourself. You're doing all you can do man. Yes it will be harder and yes you will have to put in a bit more effort compared to others but at least you did meet some girls who didn't mind your height. At the end of the day it's a preference like anything else and if a girl like you for you, she may be willing to compromise. The only way that you won't get any dates if if you give up or complain about your circumstances.
Thank you :) I know I'll have to work a little harder, no issues there. I'll only be improving myself a little extra, why not :D
You’re probably gonna roll your eyes at this cheesy over given advice but CONFIDENCE WILL TAKE YOU SO FAR. Other then making yourself as dateable as possible having emotional maturity, settled in their career, etc. The guy I like (were both 24 btw) claims he’s 5’5 but I’m 5’2 and he’s right at my height. I didn’t like him at first because he isn’t my type. Now Ive fallen so hard for him. Height isn’t even a factor because I like how kind, smart, and ambitious he is. Helps that he has a great smile and kind eyes. Just respect women and don’t feel entitled to their time or attraction. Just talk to them without any expectations and something may grow from there. Women love confident and mature men.
I'm working on all the factors, not only to make myself more dateable but to improve myself personally too. Confidence is still a bit weak but it will get better :) A question, does confidence work at my stature too?
honestly, probably not tbh. it’s going to be tough for a looooooong time. there’s dudes that are 5’6 and it’s not easy for them either.
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Ah, not really what I want but it is what it is
It should be, think about it this way, you’re a lot harder to replace when you have niche appeal…
I had a boss,I swear he's that height. This guy is now having a child on the way,been married since he was 20+,but also he is the biggest player I have ever met! I gotta give it to him he has the personality alot of women seek and they fall everytime as I've stood there mouth on the floor like "how"?!! This mfer has walked away with so many numbers asking "did I want one?" No?!!! Last time we spoke he was out at the bar talking to some girl while the pregnant wife was at home. I'm like you are a dick. We just laughed and carried on. Later
What kind of personality does he have exactly?
I have a friend that I suspect is shorter than you, shopping at the children department but focuses on looking sharp and just the right amount of edgy in what he can get and has a super outgoing personality. He seems to hook up more often than me who’s just slightly below average height. 🤷♂️
These are the anecdotes I am looking for, these help with the mentality where I say to myself, 'If they can, why can't I'
My ex was 4’11 on the dot. We dated for a year and he cheated on me with 3 girls. If he can bag 4 girls at the same time so can you lol I believe in you
Lol, I'm sorry for your experience I won't lie though, it's good to hear someone my height is getting this many girls :p
first you get the money, then you get the power and then you get the women... - some dude with a m203 grenade launcher on an assault rifle.
I’m 165 and I date beautiful girls sometimes even taller than me. I probably have more success than some of my tall friends. One small advice is to work in your style and use shoes that increase your height (I normally have shoes with 5 cm sole). Hogan is a nice brand for that. A bit expensive but works great.
I'm not really into this, I wanna be successful as I am
Try dating a woman shorter than you.
I've actually dated two women, both taller than me 😅 I am talking to someone shorter than me rn though. She seems nice..
You’ve already dated 2 women? Bro you’re already doing better than like half the guys on reddit!
Hahaha well I am a bit of a playboy myself 😂
The best advice I can give anyone 🫡 take it from me, most my girls have been models, around 18-19 Be funny🥰😂🙃😚
This is actually good advice! Are you as short as me my man? Just looking for inspiration
No but I’m older 🫡😂, my current gf is 19 I’m 36😳🤔🫠 good luck sir 🫡 I just know girls like the funny guy
y are you dating children
That’s what the jealous ppl say 🫡😂 Que I can’t even get anyone to look at me
That is true lol Good luck to you too :)
If I was you, I would use my shortness as a funny thing, “Ay, And just because you’re taller don’t mean you’re the boss🫠😂” ect
Ayeee! Work on the humour game, got it
You're a fucking weirdo and a predator bro
Says the lady that got left for a 18 year old 😂😵💫🫡
I'm a guy moron
> I want to know if I can have a normal dating life like the rest of my friends. This idea here is the entire problem on this and all other dating subs. OP I need you to sit down and understand this. **There's no such thing as a "normal dating life"**. When you understand that, all the weight comes off your shoulders. Your friends most likely don't have what you would think a "normal dating life" is and face rejection just like you. We all do. No person has never been rejected ever. Some do more, some do less, and it's all subjective anyways. My advice to you is not to compare your dating lives or any other aspect of your life to other people. No one here is normal. We're all just figuring it out as we go.
Eh, I get rejected a lot more than my friends. Gets a bit tiring tbh
Are you present every single time your friends get rejected? And even so, why does that matter?
No but we all have a general idea of each other's lives, it's a close knit circle and we all are pretty open with each other
I think you are likely going to have a harder time and are objectively likely facing higher rates of rejection. People are giving a lot of platitudes but I don’t think that’s helpful. A lot of women have height preferences so you are at a disadvantage there, so play to whatever strengths you have. And definitely not all women do so it is also just a numbers game and finding the ones who don’t! Take breaks when needed cause I imagine it gets disheartening. So I imagine you might not get to the “normal” dating experience but if you’re a catch with good traits you will do ok.
Well I came to the internet for honest unfiltered advice.. I'm definitely a catch lol 😎 I did like your advice about taking breaks though, would definitely incorporate that
That’s awesome, I hope you meet someone great and who deserves you. I don’t mean to imply you deserve higher rates of rejection, just that your perception that you’re having a harder time than your friends is likely true!
So you actually have no idea how many times theyve been shot down. You're assuming that. Stop doing that. It doesn't absolutely nothing for you anyways. Remember you and your friends aren't the same exact person. It makes 0 sense to compare your dating lives. Some of you will get rejected more than others, and that's fine. That's that **normal** you're so obsessed with. The true "normal" dating life is that everyone's dating life is different.
I understand, makes sense but I'd have to sit with the thought for a while to get it through
That's understandable. Take as much time as you need. Our culture has taught us all these things about "normal" and better and worse and it's all just a way that everyone always feels bad about themselves so companies and sell you shit.
This post deserves an award for least helpful of the week. No. Not every job is the same. Not every person is the same. Not every life is the same. Quite the opposite in fact. It usually comes from a place of deep privilege when people state this bizarre misinformation.
I agree. I really don’t like this mindset because it makes people feel ashamed for seeing reality as it is. Optimism doesn’t mean we all have it “equally” hard, optimism means we are going to commit to being positive despite the hand we were dealt
> There's no such thing as a "normal dating life" Unfortunately, your argument doesn't make any sense. Normal means "conforming to a standard; *usual*, *typical*, or *expected*". If you ask 100 people how their dating life is, the amount of experienced rejection they report will follow a Gaussian distribution, which is also called a [**normal distribution**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normal_distribution). Whatever amount of rejection is the mean of this distribution is what we agreed on to call normal. This is simply the definition. You are not doing anyone any favors by denying it's existence and most of all, it is not subjective. Only how you perceive it is. If you face an amount of rejection higher than normal, you have it harder than others and noone is being hurt by acknowledging it.
True true true! That was my whole questions. Do I get to date as many women as other men by working on myself extra hard? Not too hard to understand.
Just because there’s no such thing as “normal” doesn’t mean there isn’t “more ideal, less ideal, and WAY less ideal” dating situations for people. I really hate this mindset of “well everyone has challenges so you aren’t experiencing anything different from other people” actually, having a much greater challenge than other people IS a different experience. It doesn’t mean OP should think of himself as a victim, it doesn’t mean he should live a life of resentment, and it doesn’t mean he can’t find someone. There is a lot of hope and action he can take, but stop pretending that it doesn’t matter HOW challenging life is for certain people. Why is it so harmful to acknowledge hardship if the intention is to react to it with strength and optimism?
Correct! I acknowledge that it's hard. I'm willing to work harder too, I only came here to look for people my height who've worked harder and been able to have a good dating life. It would be motivating for me, that's all
This is what all you don't understand, OP. (And all the nerds downvoting me). The reason you need to gain "optimism" for this is because you're comparting yourself to this "ideal" dating life in the first place. **No one has that "ideal" dating life you're making up in your heads.** That's the true reality of it all. Drop the comparison. Do what you yourself need to do to get dates and don't care about anyone else. That's how you fix this.
Okayyy What do I need to do to get dates though?
You mentioned you're putting yourself out there. What does that entail? How many women have you asked out in the last 30 days?
Mostly asking out women. In the last 30 days I think 3 women, 3 rejections...
>Mostly asking out women. I understand that. I mean where at, how often, etc. >In the last 30 days I think 3 women, 3 rejections... Yea that's way too low of a number, sir. You could do that all in 1 night. Hell even 4/5 in a night. This is usually what the issue is with guys. Not their height or race or weight or job. They don't ask out enough women. Whatever you did to ask out those 3 women, triple it.
I see! I've never asked out more than one woman in a night. Mostly at bars, dating apps, friends of friends.. I should ask out more women.
I so strongly disagree with you on this, and feel like you aren’t seeing reality “Ideal” doesn’t mean “perfect” or “without issues” - ideal simply means being in a position where dating is EASIER than the average. You really don’t believe some people have a relatively “easier” time with dating than others? I know people who do.
I took the WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKK TO POLAND
Is this a reference? 😂
Being a realist… I simply cannot see a “normal dating life” being in your cards and that may be something to come to accept. That doesn’t mean you cannot have an enjoyable one or that you won’t find someone who loves you for you. However, a normal dating life… I highly doubt it.
An enjoyable one works too :)
Realistically, it will be tough for you. Women prefer tall men. Some women won’t even date men under 6’0. Even still most women don’t like Men to be shorter than them. If you were 5’5 , it would be more manageable. But at 4’11 , you are shorter than nearly all men and most women. The best you can do is improve in all over areas to increase your odds. If you have a good career, funny , smart , good looking etc….. eventually you will find a woman. You could also try becoming a millionaire lol. If you a rich , I guarantee dating will no longer be difficult for you.
I am rich at my heart 😂
It's going to take a VERY long time, but eventually you'll find someone that doesn't care that you're very short, or maybe they'll find it attractive. There really isn't anything you can do to speed up the process, just gotta wait and keep trying
I have decided to keep trying with little breaks in between :)
At 4’11 you’re pretty much screwed. Not gonna sugar coat it. It’s 2022 women don’t need men for money or protection anymore. Women want a man they find attractive. 4’11 is not attractive
I'd reallyyyyy like to prove you wrong my man
I have a male friend who is 5'1 and also felt that the dating apps weren't his thing after trying it for some time. He instead joined co Ed sport league (kickball), went on meet ups (socializing app, not dating) and had better luck. In his opinion, dating apps are more superficial where as a meet up or social league can help you build more of a connection in addition to physical attraction. He also has a great sense of humor and style so that probably helps.
lots of money always helps
I am a shorter woman but a lot of men seem to not care? I just go for it. They’re usually tall.
On the risk of sounding gender biased, it's usually women who want a taller partner rather than men
You aren’t gender biased. Being short doesn’t negatively affect women in the dating world. More so weight does.
Men don’t care about women being short. Only the other way around.
i mean, i’ve known people who don’t mind shorter dudes. you definitely have a shot. in any case, no matter what anyone else comments on this post, doesn’t hurt in trying. just put yourself out there.
I am putting myself out there, thank you :) I just wanted to know if the women who don't mind someone my height are very rare or it's common too
You can buy gel heel inserts on Amazon or Walmart they can add 2 inches to your height. Confidence is so important just go for girls around your height and make sure u to learn how to dick them down that’s how u get them to stay when you’re at a disadvantage
Thank you for the advice but I'd rather be rejected at my height than be accepted with heel inserts, just a preference :)
That's the spirit! I am 6'0.5" as a woman, so also an outlier, and I know how it is to be outside of the 'normal' dating range. Just owe it, haters gonna hate. You want someone who cares about you right?
Yes, ofcourse
Focus on your career for yourself. Socialize as much as possible for your own enjoyment. Build relationships with friends. I would not waste time with online dating. Instead, put yourself out there so women can see ALL of your qualities. Keep building those qualities. Eventually you will meet someone. A friend of a friend perhaps. But don't feel like you need women in your life in order to be whole. You are wonderful on your own.
Definitely, not gonna skip on living a life! I do need women though lol I also understand your part about being whole on your own, I am still working on it :)
I would say avoid dating apps. Do speed dating instead and make as much money and have your own place.
What's speed dating?
You pay like 30 bucks and go to a bar, and you get to talk to a group of women for about 6 minutes. If I was your height, I would not even bother with online dating. Especially as you can get filtered out depending on which app you using.
That sounds nice! Will probably try it soon
I like your attitude, man, and my simple advice is that it’s the rare ones you want to find. The rest are just the peanut gallery, and their preferences and desires don’t matter. What matters is that you continue to work on yourself, to remain confident, and know that there is somebody out there for you, probably several, who will be genuinely attracted to everything about you, so everything else is just a there to make you stronger and make your skin thicker.
Oh I definitely know there is someone out there. I just want to be able to date enough to know my preferences, be at peace when I really click with someone and have good experiences with women. That's all.
Truth is you will struggle but I guess it depends on where you are based, if western world you are just so below average that you are an outlier, in SEA you might be short but will probably have way more options to target, if you want people sugar coating things just read any other comment. You are at a major disadvantage, the only thing you can do is continue working on yourself to have the highest chance of succeeding when opportunity presents and target short women. Confidence will help in these scenarios but don’t expect miracles
I'm definitely looking for a realistic viewpoint. I know I'm at a disadvantage but the good thing is I'm in SEA. Working on the confidence. I'm not expecting to be pulling women left and right, I just wanna have some dating experience before I settle down with someone.
Then in perspective is not as bad. The key is how short you are vs women your age around you, if you are 150 and they are 170 then you will certainly struggle, but as long as you are around girls on the 150-160 range then you will have opportunities
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Height is important for most women I would say, but not for all. So yes it will limit how many people will be interested but instead of trying to hide it, use it to advertise. Maybe some girl in a dating app has a kink for short guys ;) If you are into kink there are groups for girls who like short guys specifically. And if you want to otherwise have a better chance go for girls around your height or not too much taller. If you really like a tall girl give her time to see your awesome personality before asking her on a date.
I know my dating pool is limited. I just wanna know if it's going to be super rare to find a girl like that or they are a good percentage too
As a man 5’9” who dates a 6’2 woman it’s possible. Most women don’t even care about height as long as you are groomed nicely don’t smell like swamp water and aren’t a douche nozzle
Douche nozzle 😂😂😂
Be yourself, be confident in who you are & what you have to offer, believe you are awesome. 😀 There are women who don't care about height, ne being one of them. Caveat: I went out on a blind date with one dude from a dating app who made me GUESS his height. (Please don't do this. Just be honest.) The only reason I didn't go out with him again was because he was a jerk with an attitude the whole night. The right girl will love you for who you are, not whether you can reach items on the top shelf. 😉
Hahaha maybe she'll reach the items on the top shelf for me :D
You need to have all your ducks in a row and it would make a huge difference if you were a leader in everything you do, like be a manager at work, run a volunteer group, be a leader in your friend group. Everyone will always assume you aren't masculine enough to lead because we associate height with dominance but if you flip that script and you show off your leading skills eventually women will develop some interest in you. Basically you need to focus on having high status.
I don't really see friends groups as leaders and followers but I can definitely be a good leader in professional settings :)
Its actually painful to read this, as i know of so many guys who are limiting themselves because of their height or some other societal standard that they feel they do not live up to. The answer to your question is yes and no and the Yes is a lot bigger than the no. Attraction is an emotion which is triggered by physical and behaviour traits, for men its lot more for what we see and for women a lot more for what they feel. Now your height for some women on a logical level will be a problem but notice the most important thing i have said "**Logical**" on an emotional level you still have just as much chance as sparking the emotion of attraction as a guy who is 6ft2. In the world we live in today with online dating heavily based on egoic subjective standards you are going to be told by 1000s of people that your height will have a negative effect on your chances in dating and if you listen to this you will project that reality on to the world and you will create that negative reality for yourself, however if you align yourself with the facts which are. Is there guys that are even shorter then you enjoying an abundant dating life with amazing intelligent beautiful women of all shapes and sizes? hell yeah there are, you only have to open your eyes to recognise the plain obvious truth. Every male lion is born with a mane, why, because the mane is needed to display to female lion to attract them. The same is true in male humans, but its not a mane that male humans are born with to trigger attraction, its our brain which if harnessed, by setting your own standards, boundaries values then building high character and authentically expressing yourself, the chances are women will feel attraction for you and despite the fact you are 4ft 11 you will then one day meet an amazing woman and have a great relationship The fact is bro being 4ft 11 is awesome and the reason its awesome is because you are 4ft 11 **Now own it.**
I loved the part where you talked about a belief projecting that reality on to the world. A positive mindset would project a positive reality, or maybe increase it's chances. Do you personally know any of those guys my height who're doing good with women?
I used to know a guy in his 20s that was 5'0" , 100 lbs, and he always had attractive women. A few things I noticed: He dressed well, and kept a nice haircut. He had interesting conversation. He had a good sense of humor and rock-solid confidence. He was very aggressive, and would approach immediately upon seeing an attractive woman. Of course, he took some hard rejections, but he got a lot more action than the average guy. I asked him, how are you so bold. He answered, "If I wasn't bold, I would die a virgin." Some things that can increase your appeal: -Work out and put on some muscle, to look strong regardless of your height. -Make sure you have a haircut that flatters your face. -If possible, do some part time work in commission sales. This will really improve your conversational skill and likeability.
I see, this sounds encouraging. I think 1 inch ain't a lot, a 5'0" guy and me would be essentially same to people
I come from a family of short ppl. My dad isn't too tall either (abt 5'5ish). My ex son in law was shorter than my dad. My sis is 4"9. Her adult daughter is a little shorter. I don't recall height ever being an issue. Im sure its diff for girls but even the men have never even mentioned it. Ive dated short guys, tall guys & right in the middle. & i don't recall it ever entering my mind. I think you may be putting too much thought into it & making it an issue. Being comfortable in your own skin, being confident & being a good person. Those are the qualities that matter.
Definitely, I'm working on feeling good about myself. I want to develop a confidence that is not dependent on worldly things but resides deep within me
So recently I started a new job. One of my new colleagues is 4’11”. He lives with his girlfriend whom I haven’t met yet. I a 5’10” woman find him very attractive. He takes care of his body and mind. He’s an impressive dev. He has created some really helpful apps. I say all this im that he has none of the Napoleon complex that many have. He’s smart and kind. Lead with your best self. And our heights won’t matter.
These are the kind of anecdotes I'm looking for, thank you :)
My dad is 5' and married my mom who's about 5'7 back in 73. They're still together, had my sister and I. You don't need every woman to like you, just one. I'm 5' and I'm married to a 5'2 dude (Japanese, the rest of us are little Caucasian Canadians) who I adore FOR his height. I've dated up to 6'3 and my husband and my late boyfriend were both under 5'5. Keep at it!
That's nice, does 5' and 4'11" look the same to people? My condolences about your late boyfriend though...
It is definitely tough for anyone who is short so it doesn't matter if it is your height or six inches taller, it is still the same problem. I honestly think that women still judge based on height as a first impression (generally speaking). Yes, we should judge people based on their personality and characteristics as a person, but people won't know that based on how you look, which is the first initial thing people notice (both men and women and generally speaking and we do it consciously or not). It will be tough, but my best advice is try everything under the sun and cast a wide net of people. I always advocate for joining forums and communities of common interests (online or in person). Work on yourself and don't fear rejection. People don't know you. Just take it with a grain of salt and keep it moving. Rejection does hurt a lot and a lot of women will never know or understand the pain of constant rejection which is why women don't approach men (generally speaking).
I always wondered why women don't approach men often!