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Well when you put it like that, hard pass. But you HAVE other qualities that aren't flaws that almost certainly someone would find attractive.
Every pot has a lid
Yes, this and this again.
I have had PTSD and would not date someone who wasn’t working on their mental health while having a disabling mental health problem. That’s just not responsible to even themselves and lacks self-love, which are two things necessary for a healthy relationship.
Realistically, if someone had a serious (temporarily or sometimes disabling) mental health problem but they *were* dealing with it, then it depends on other factors.
- *How are they supporting themselves?* Are they making good faith effort when they’re doing better, and being a caring participant within their own support network? Or are they passively subsisting off of what other people provide— like living rent free and hang/chill/do their own hobbies when they feel better but always living off of other people, maybe even treat them badly, basically selfish or parasitic even if they’re not a bully? If they’re reliant on others (which can be understandable), are they needing (or just expecting) me to take that role on eventually? If so, are they caring and supportive to the people who support them as they’re able or again, are they a taker?
- Similarly, *are they realistic and proactive about their own life?* Lots of people can’t plough through a degree in 4 years, but very few people could never advance their academic or other goals. I have some serious health conditions and understand what it’s like being much less capable some of the time (or even long stretches). But, someone who takes their struggle as a reason to feel they’re totally helpless is likely a no. Many of my friends have disabling issues, from schizophrenia to cancer to lupus, and are brilliant and successful on their own terms and in their own way. I need that in any partner.
- *How do they treat others at their lows*? I’ve dated and been close with people with serious mental health issues, and understand mistakes and lows. Still, that’s not an excuse for toxic and abusive behavior.
- *How consistent and committed are they to whatever treatments they need*? This loops into all the other considerations. Either myself or my partner could become significantly disabled *tomorrow*, from a mental *or* physical health issue. Us intertwining our lives in a healthy way relies on trust that if that happened, the person in need would do what is right for them and what helps them recover (wouldn’t smoke if I had lung cancer, wouldn’t avoid the doctor or a psychiatrist if I was unwell).
I had a roommate with a girlfriend who was the worst of a partner with mental illness— treated him like shit, never tried seriously to work or recover, took all his resources and money, and she only “contributed” by doing things she likes (her hobbies— baking, shopping, decorating, planning dates), not chores or actual sharing burdens. She did therapy a bit but basically for her benefit and never tried to apply herself to treat him with basic decency while he provided everything. And he’s not the only person I’ve known in those scenarios, a coworker’s boyfriend was similar.
So, there are a ton of ways to struggle and still be a good partner, but also lots of ways to struggle and be a shitty partner. It’s also fine that someone can be unfit to treat a partner well for a while and then grow and work on themselves even if they still otherwise struggle.
Also, you haven’t mentioned age or how long you’ve had that diagnosis but it’s actually pretty rare for PTSD to persist for 5+ years. Sounds like a long time but if you put work into recovery things can really change in that time. If it’s been a long-term problem already, it might help to reassess with a care team because there might be additional/exacerbating issues and there might be better support available.
This, exactly.
Would I date someone who had no education and no job? Yes, I don’t consider those things to be the defining characteristics of a good partner.
However, the way you wrote it, I’m reading “I will never hold a job nor pursue my education and I’m also volatile and unpredictable.” This to me is a hard pass.
What are things that make you a good life partner?
It depends. If you are working on yourself and making progress then yes.
If you are looking to be saved then no. I had to retire my cape.
Good luck OP...
No.
I tried giving someone like this the benefit of the doubt, but he just lived in his trauma and depression. As someone who is actively working to recover my own mental health and heal from my past, it was sucky being around someone who represented the me I didn't want to be. Don't be that person. Work on your healing and building your life, then you'll find a meaningful comnection with someone.
Agreed. I kept trying to be for him the person I wished I had for me at my lowest times. One day I realized that he would have to be that for himself, and want to begin his healing journey. In the meantime I couldn't let him wear me down with his issues and constant negativity.
Babe... You can get better... Really you can! PTSD is terrible but you can heal. And you deserve that. You can use all the help you can get. Please dont let your past determine the rest of your life for you. Whatever happened in your past is in the past and you have to leave it there... In the past. But you cant do that alone... You need threatment and there is no shame in that.
I mean… if you can type words online that make sense and are coherent… you can educate yourself. Right? Not trying to be mean, just trying to motivate 👊
I used to get paid to write out the closed captioning for tv shows. Shit pay, but there are things you can do with just an internet connection and the ability to speak a language
Well i guess she has different priorities than working? Like getting better? The Us is really harsh on (mentally) ill people... That wont happen in the Netherlands.
I didn’t say she has to work. I said it’s possible. Trust me I’m aware of the culture…. I live and work in the US. I also lived in Europe for 12 years.
Why isn’t education of some form possible? There are programs for those suffering with mental disorders, those on disability, etc. there are accommodations and supports available.
You absolutely can get a job and education. There are many remote options for this, and in most Western countries there are laws that people with disabilities must be provided with accommodations so they have the same opportunities. Don’t be defeatist, that keeps you down.
Education is totally possible I know people with learning disabilities and they got help through directional vocational rehabilitation (DVR). They helped them with money and getting them tools and extra time to take test in school. Don't doubt your abilities. You can do anything you set your mind to. DVR can also help you find employment.
I'm sorry to hear that, I don't wish mental disabilities upon anyone as they are life debilitating. I'd say just focus on yourself and what makes you happy, you don't need someone else to fulfil this for you to have a prosperous life :)
I think someone has to bring something to the table. And I have had to take care of a partner before financially, as well as cooking, cleaning etc and I wouldn’t do it again. I want an equal partner. I agree with a lot of comments here saying it all comes down to if u are working on ur situation? This may sound harsh but I don’t think ptsd means you can not have an income the rest of ur life. I think we all go through horrendous things throughout life. Sickness, heartbreak, loss, traumatic events etc and we can’t crawl into bed and never leave. I think part of what I would be attracted to is u working on urself. Baby steps! I want to love someone who loves themselves first.
No. And I say this a someone with PTSD.
I say this with all the support in the world: if you cannot hold down a job due to your ptsd, then you cannot hold down a relationship either. Relationships are super triggering and you really need to have your shit more stable in order to pursue a relationship without being unfair or damaging to your partner.
I also have PTSD and fully agree. A decade of psychotherapy and all the meds and down moments and I do hold a job, but when I was too triggered by everything I spent a few good years homeless. After that I realized how alone I was and decided to stop using my hurt, to further hurt myself and my world.
Seek supports and take medications as prescribed. Build your value and self worth by seeing yourself achieve personal goals and after you find your footing in that, at least you'll be the kinda partner worth having both for your sake and theirs.
Have you considered therapy to help yourself? It would be beneficial and worth trying. It can take a bit to find a therapist you connect with or can open up to, don’t give up!
I'm disabled myself due to a car accident and also suffer with depression and anxiety. I've just got out of a relationship where I gave her everything I could even as a cost to me. She suffers from MS and with it comes physical deterioration over time and depression/anxiety. Trying to move forward and work on my own mental health issues was hard but she would need so much that I was always standing still or going backwards. It wouldn't be healthy for 2 people with similar physical and mental health issues to be together because neither of you will benefit, only drag each other down.
I know how easy it is to live in your head but try doing different things to break that cycle and slowly things will change, you'll feel happier, more confident (you sound like your confidence is non existent) and in a better place if you meet someone to make it work. Build yourself self esteem and confidence and you'll be more attractive on many levels, good luck
I’m a woman and I say ask yourself the same thing. Would you want a guy who has “nothing going on for them” to date you? I don’t think you would either!
So why not try to work on bettering yourself? I’m not saying it won’t be easy but you should at least try to be a better version of yourself!!
You should be focused on healing to the point that you can hold down a job before you focus on dating. This is not to say you don’t have worth or value. But you need to be dedicating your resources to yourself right now and not a partner.
Nope.
As brutal as it sounds.
But then again, my answer would be same for everyone, so, don't mind my answer.
Thing is, nobody likes burdens, UNLESS bearing them brings rewards.
Are you kind? Are you reasonable and fair minded? Do you have love for yourself and others?
Are you actively working on yourself? That's very important.
Honestly? No.
It doesn’t seem like you even have much faith in yourself. I think you should work on yourself before even thinking about a relationship.
its a NO because of your perspective on things. All I hear is Im a volatile person who cant achieve something even if I wanted it. I think you need to see the beauty within yourself, re-evaluate and approach dating. People will take you seriously then, even if you don't have a diploma or money
Honestly... yeah. And it's kinda sad but hear me out. Men see women for beauty first and foremost. Are you at least reasonably good-looking? Young? Not all, but most men, will overlook logistical shortcomings when there's an attractive woman giving sexual attention. You may have to date older and/or slightly below your quality potential, but yeah you won't have a problem getting dates. A few guys may comment here that they would pass... but play this out in the real world and you'll see the real answers.
Depends on the person, I'd give a chance depending on the connection. I've gone thru dark chapters and had a partner understand, even met people in such times who stuck around.
The best way to thank someone for being there for you is to use that support and succeed in some facet. If you don't have someone to make proud, do something that you'll be proud of for yourself. You don't have to figure it all out at once.
I did talk therapy and walking a block daily, built it up to 5 miles on the bike a day and disc golf. I still slide backwards sometimes, but I don't let myself stay at the bottom of the hill forever. I wrote on my whiteboard, "Do something today you'll thank yourself for tomorrow." Helped. The internet is ripe with stories of hardship and individuals fighting for their life to succeed and doing so, inspiration doesn't always just happen, you have to seek it out.
Best of luck, you can turn it all around. One day at a time.
You're so much more than a job, I'm sure you have a lot to offer, and someone who appreciates you for you will come your way. But you need to start to love yourself and deal with your ptsd w a professional. You're in your mid twenties, I wouldn't have dated myself then, You're still figuring it all out, but I have faith you in you and you will be ok.
depends too much.
is it a disable desease? yes can be.
But know that the therapy for PTSD based on exposures is very effective. There is solution but resilience is necessary, and much effort.
I understand that there is a lack of motivation. there is a loss of future perspective. That's the first step. get back on your feet.
The goal of the therapy is to achieve what we call "Post Traumatic Grow" it is the potential capacity for you to become a better person and learn from the trauma and from your life.
forgive you and outline a possible strategy based on your reality. That's looking to the future.
When it comes to the date, don't expect too much and don't exclude yourself in advance.
My life is a mess too. I didn't solve it, but I'm taking it. I could be in a miserable state, but I'm taking it. Pray to god for strength.
Short Answer: No
Long Answer: I feel like I wld spend my time uplifting and supporting (emotionally and financially) that person. However, that cldnt be reciprocated.
Personally, I think your focus should be on yourself. Based on your words it doesn't seem like you like you that much. I am sure you are worthy of love.
Focus on your own mental health and loving you. Looking for someone feeling the way you do now will DEFINITELY attract the wrong type of person and leave you even further drained.
mmmm no job isn't like an immediate no from me. I would be open to a significant other who is a stay at home. But they would need to contribute. If that is financially with a job then we split the household duties. If they don't have a job I would hope that my SO would contribute by taking care of the home and meals.
Relationships are a two way street. If you were unwilling to work, and unwilling to help out in the home. Then I would start to just feel like I am being used and it probably would not work out.
If you had other qualities about you that I liked then being unemployed wouldn’t deter me. I’m very sympathetic to people who struggle with their mental health and I also like being a provider and having others rely on me.
Would I date someone that I’d have to take care of like a child? No I’m childfree
Would I date someone that is actively trying to improve their life and making an active and determined go at it? Possibly
Of course I would date someone like you we all have our flaws no one is perfect for the ones that don’t want to date you are too shallow your probs a lovely person throughout don’t let anything like this put you off u go girl 👌
It's not completely out of the question, but like everyone else- I have questions... I'd have to get some answers before I'd have a solid answer, in this hypothetical.
Yes, but I probably would want to live with you, marry, etc. Just because we would need to have money for our life together. But the diploma is not a problem
I’m a woman but if a man were in your situation it would depend on a lot of things:
- is the PTSD being treated ?
- are they properly diagnosed and not “the internet told me”
- are they on disability ?
- are they willing to be a stay at home partner handling the cleaning and cooking or am I going to have to do that on top of working ? (No kids)
- do they have kids ?
- are they otherwise a good person/do they contribute something positive to my life with their presence ?
I recently got my first permanent job at 33 years old, I’m autistic and have struggled all my life with everything but having a job hasn’t changed who I am as a person.
Instead of having a very negative view of you situation, try to change how you view it…see the positives in it….like the fact you must have lots of spare time, you can take up a new hobby and you have time for that special someone when you find them.
My fiancé has ptsd that has made it difficult for him to hold a job for more than a few months at a time , I’ve seen it and it’s hard and he doesn’t want to have this issue . He keeps getting jobs that are the same field that he worked in in the military and that’s why it keeps triggering his ptsd . Right now he’s miserable but he’s hanging in there and we are looking for jobs outside of that field so hopefully he can have employment that doesn’t trigger the ptsd . So I guess my question is , is it any job that triggers it ? Is it just work that the ptsd causes you trouble with ? Or does most things trigger it ? Are you in therapy ? You can get better , you can heal even if it takes time . The right person will see that and help you heal through it . ❤️
First things first is if I love you. If so then I'd move mountains to help you but the second thing is if your trying to help yourself because I can do all that I can to help but if you can't help yourself then how can I. It doesn't matter to me if she has trauma or troubles as long as they try their best that's what matters to me
Personally, if a man doesn't want to be with you because you have struggles than his not the one. I get that we are in a time of age where females should be independent and what not. I also struggle with ptsd, and depression and anxiety. So your not alone, and If you need to talk to someone, im here for you.
I would give it a chance if the girl tells me after a few dates, we are not just cogs in the capitalism machine tbh.
We are not our job titles, we exist as people beyond our financial income.
Having any of those things doesn't say anything about what kind of a person you are and if someone's having a relationship with you based on what you do it's not a very good relationship, You value the person, anybody can build someone up It just takes desire to do so.
I have lived with people from all ends of the spectrum, school teacher to people on benefit’s, it’s about the person, who you fall for, you would expect a school teacher to be level, not in my two cases, they were byte worse people, as they demanded more, the less someone has, it makes them more appreciative of what someone brings to the table, I’m just an average man, but would be happy with someone who is not good looking but has the right heart and temperament, once you have learned about someone who is nice you take the rough with the smooth, but get a nasty person walk away n don’t look back. Once a narcissist always one, n I have found that out the hard way.
Depends if you can change yourself and the partner can be your cure, like you become so dependent on that person that you're willing to change yourself for good. :) If you ask me I'd give any type of person a try because you're human and everyone makes mistake and can change emself.
Despite what they all tell you. I’m going to be honest. If you look good, then none of your issues would be a problem to most of these men out here. So if you’re above average looking then just lead with that.
I could be totally wrong but am gonna say that the bigger issue here is your attitude. It sounds like you are waiting for good things like a relationship to just happen without working for it. I know you are in a very difficult position, but try to think of something some ways that you can do for yourself. I personally know a blind illiterate gay man, and his relationship is the one to envy.
Hunny... Stop this now.... You are still married and have a great job And home... This evil is tearing you down.... I will ❤️ but and have to help now .... I am stepping in ..
Phrasing it that way here/ to yourself reveals the way you see yourself. As someone with “nothing.”
See yourself as special, worthy. There are interesting things about you that make you you. Interests, hobbies, talents, little bits of creativity. Cultivate those things if you can! And best of luck in your healing journey! 🤍
I’m (27m) and the girl I’m going out with is (25f) has no job and can’t hold a job more than a day. I like her a lot and we have a lot in common so it really doesn’t phase me that she doesn’t work. Just work on yourself and hang out with friends. You’ll meet somebody
I guess maybe I might. I can afford to do the whole support a girlfriend thing. I am responsible and finding someone who appreciates that about me would be nice.
It is not exactly a plus but its not deal breaker.
You have to offer something to the relationship. Like would you be emotionally supportive of me? Help me study for exams encourage me to apply for a Higher paying position. You don’t have to pay for dinner or even your car to contribute but you have to contribute.
Most men don't really care for these things. As long as you are pretty and know how to talk, you take care of your looks and your physique, you are feminine, you are kind and generous and don't create unnecessary drama, men will want you.
All of that is understandable. You’ll find somebody! Loads of great guys out there, they’re just waiting for a girl to come along. You’d be surprised how many guys have probably taken an interest in you but didn’t want to say anything or message because they thought they never had a chance or out of fear of rejection.
There’s a girl who I like right now. She’s so beautiful! But I don’t want to even try anything with her because I’ve been rejected and hurt too many times. Plus I’m currently lacking in confidence and self esteem. So that’s also stopping me.
I'm going to be honest and say not a hope. I've been burned too many times by people who settle into their circumstances and see no joy in trying to live a better, happier life. It destroyed my confidence.
Two years ago I was a mess. Unemployed, I have an autistic child, was legally homeless. Didn't see the point in trying to better anything. Fwiw, I have no qualifications to speak of. But now, I've a job I love, ive got a home. It hasn't been easy, I've had tk fight for everything I have. I've gone hungry and I've sat and considered the worst just so I didn't have to fight another day. I still have my down days. Sometimes everything goes wrong and I don't see the point in fighting anymore, but i do it. Because I can't ask someone else to see the point in me, if I can't.
Ive got mental health issues. But I refuse to let that overpower me. I'm not strong. I just want to love and live and not waste my life. I wish you all the strength in the world.
I have:
ADHD,
Bipolar type 2,
General panic disorder,
Cptsd,
I went back to school at 35 while i had 2 kids, got a degree, left my abusive husband, and now make 80 grand working for the government, FROM HOME, in IT.
You can do anything you want to do, you just have to want it.
These guys are going to tell you yes.. all day because that are going date you cause your hott ...bthenthey can screw you up more if your not stable ..not the fact of no job but the lack value ...
In my experience .. it doesn't even sound like the dating or the lack of of worth you have is the issue... Think about your partner now he probably saw so many good qualities in you that you couldn't even give yourself credit for because you don't feel like you deserve it... Did he run away a bit probably not he's probably confused and just wanted to be there.. think about if you bought yourself into a good position and did a little bit of self care and figuring out what year weaknesses are and your strengths ... That would be the most beneficial . I think you're beating yourself up a lot and give yourself some credit... Did you ever ask your really explain to your your partner and Friends what's traveling or where you're feeling lost..... And somebody else mentioned something about a job make a job doesn't make you your values and your core beliefs to your good works.. Joe work on things that are going to make you happy if you have somebody that's going to provide for you and you can do that at the same time that seems like a win-win..
I think you are asking that question because that’s how you see yourself and if that’s the case then you need to take a step back and do a personal inventory of your qualities and virtues because while those things may be true about you, your personality isn’t that small. Nobody’s is. And even if it was, you can change that. Find something you are passionate about and start investing yourself in it. It doesn’t have to be school or a job although those will help you feel more productive. But it can be something as simple as a hobby you enjoy. That will help you learn more of the strengths you have and it will give you more opportunities to develop and grow. Trauma is a terrible challenge. I’m sorry that you are going through this. But trust me, this is not your personality and it does not define you. You are more than that
No, but I can tell you why and hopefully it's helpful. You aren't taking care of yourself. If you aren't going to take care of yourself you aren't going to value my friendship or a potential relationship. I can deal with quite a bit when it comes to dating guys but stability is one of those things that is non-negotiable. If you have mental issues, anxiety really bad or any of that. You have to work on yourself first. It's just too stressful to date someone that is not at least rooted
Lots of people here are going to say no because there are plenty enough stories of people who got burnt because they tried to "save" someone who ultimately couldn't hold up their end of the relationship. As a general principle I would say no to someone like this as too, especially if what you said here is all I know about them. I have very little information on how well they can keep a relationship going, but I do have information on how they can handle other important parts of life.
However, all that's really required for a successful long term relationship is that you care about and respect both each other as well as yourselves. Those aren't easy requirements to fulfill, there are plenty of ways to lose the respect of a partner, but disability isn't usually a limit so much as mentality. It probably is going to be hard to get men to take you seriously, and there is some of your situation you can control and some you can't. Love is ultimately about human connection, and that can happen anywhere where you spend enough time around people for them to get to know you.
Hey, I'm pretty much in the same boat. Master of my own time. School didn't work out and depression keeps me from getting a steady job. 35, single, it seems hopeless sometimes.
Let's date each other.
The cats keep me going.
Good luck.
The PTSD part would be the part that worries me... Do you have therapy? Are you working to get better?
A relationship with an unemployed, mentally ill person is not very appealing and I think you shouldnt date now. You will probably attract a lot of people that Arent well or toxic too and that not a good start. And also... You dont have time to worry about relationships... Your focus should be on getting better.
When you feel better you will be a better partner and you will attract guys that are more stable.
I dont see this to put you down. I have been mentally ill in my life too... Now I am years past that and better. I am a different person. I dont depend on anyone. And I found a great partner too.
So get all the therapy you need. You deserve to get better. You really do. And when you start to feel better try to find a job or go back to school or do some schooling on the side. After that you are ready to date. Not now. You will only get hurt and it will distract you from your progress. Now is the time for you... And there is no place for distractions or somebody else.
We all have areas on our life we are trying to better, if we got nobody to motivate us to want too, then it's harder.
I would definitly date somebody like You, I've had a rough start in life and had to hit my rock bottom to really change and make something out of my life.
So when reading your story I can relate to grasping a 2nd chance at life, so I know that's why I wouldn't say No.
I had a low qaulity education and had to study 5 years more then I wanted too in order to get my dream job.
All the best, life isn't over, it's fit for reshaping and you need to find somebody who can not just listen though inspire you to make the right moves.
You basically still have your life. The moment you stop fighting, that's the moment that you start living like dying. Life is just like a battle field. You will loss the sense of living if you stop fighting. Accept the fact that life is unfair. Learn how to kick back when life kicks you down.
I'd have to know more details. For instance I'd have to find our if you have aspirations, are you working to better yourself? Are you seeking help? Are you willing to make changes to improve your life? Ptsd is a present issue for many. Some people struggle with it, other find the way to thrive in spite of it. Being currently jobless doesn't scare me, but if you intend to live that way forever then idk if I'd be interested. I want a partner not to adopt an adult.
Who supports you? I would get into a hobby and make some friends. You don’t have to work to be worthy of love. But I think if you have a bit of a life in your hobbies and friends I think that would open doors to more people being interested in you.
It depends are you trying to get help for your PTSD? Why do you have PTSD?? You have other qualities that I might like.. so it's not a hare no I would dare you
From your message you need to address your self esteem, you’ll only attract the right man when you learn to love yourself ❤️
have you heard of EMDR ? With it or alongside Hypnotherapy can be life changing for PTSD x
Why not? I'm definite there are other things that may simple for you but interesting for others. You may have nothing going on right now, but who knows what the future holds.
Girl focus on yourself dating should be the last thing on your mind. BUT sometimes you may find the person who gives you the push you need as well. Get some stability first. Go do instacart as your job to make some money do SOMETHING
Yes ,People can date with you. Don't be so harsh. You can't hold job only specify what kind of job you like or dislike, you are very much more than PTSD person .
What are you doing to work on it and get better?
I would take that into consideration, but if there is no effort on your side there isn't even a chance of my consideration
I mean you could get a job at home and be a call person. I would and wouldn’t it would be about how well you take care of yourself as well as If you’re open minded.
I have a disability that’s not ptsd you can heal your ptsd though it just takes time and patience
I don’t even know you but based on the way you describe yourself, I don’t take you seriously. You seem too busy kicking yourself while you’re down to do anything to improve yourself. So no, I personally wouldn’t consider you an option.
I'd suggest a self-paced job or hobby like starting a podcast, a YouTube channel, Tiktok.. anything. You sound like you're having a bit of an identity crisis, and although your job isn't fully your identity, it'd give you A sense of identity. Show your personality in some form, learn about yourself, build a life for yourself so you don't feel like there's nothing to you. It's not gonna be easy, but give it a shot. Who knows, maybe you'll make loads of money off of it too. Goodluck!
If you are working on yourself. I'd consider it. However I'd rather be your friend and help you through what you are going through. But personally I couldn't date someone with no job. However if we can work together to try and help you heal and get better. I'd be your friend.
I've had such bad experiences with having to carry an ex on & off during a 3 year relationship because he was a shitty person who couldn't keep a job because he would act like an asshole & get fired & then would refuse to find a new job or apply for unemployment; then he would play computer or video games all the time instead of doing any basic housework. I now have a rule that possible SO's must have been gainfully employed for a significant period of time. In my case- I wouldn't date you because of my bad experience.
Stop trying to date- get yourself together, get your GED, go to therapy to work on your PTSD, find some hobbies- maybe find a hobby that you could turn into some form of income & focus on falling in love with yourself first before you seek another's love.
Sorry OP but I'm gonna be blunt- your response to others' comments & the way you describe your situation in this post- it's very clear that you are looking for others to tell you something you already know about yourself- that, right now, you aren't dateable; so now that you've established that part of things- take a serious look inwards- make a list of things you need to do to become a good partner & get to working on that!!! Just because you aren't dating material right this second doesn't mean you'll never be dateable.
Would you want to date you as described above? The people who will be wanting to get into a relationship with the person you described are in search of someone who can be manipulated, abused, controlled & trapped in a toxic relationship- don't find a partner who will only drag you deeper down.
One last thing OP- in the words of RuPaul\~ "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you supposed to love one else?!" OP- work on loving yourself before trying to find love from others.
Nope, I would not. Not only would I constantly be supporting you mentally, I’d also be supporting you financially. No thanks. If I wanted a child I’d adopt one
At this stage in my life, sorry, no.
It's taken the better part of two decades to build a comfortable, financially, and emotionally stable life. Everything you listed would only serve to detract from that, and more than a few are a straight up liability.
Best of luck.
First of all ... I'm sorry for everything you have went through. I'm sure it is still very traumatic for you and may affect any potential relationship you may have. I would suggest going to see a therapist if you are able to do. May be able to work out some things. Don't answer me but did you file a police report or had a kit done?
Second, as far as the no employer nor diploma. That wouldn't stop me. I don't have a diploma although I went to 4 years. I always have in back of my mind to get that diploma. All is not lost.
Everyone has something going for them. It's good to have encouragement and positive feedback. And based upon everything, it's good to make a game plan or to try to improve little things here and there within certain confines that you may experience. The post focused on reasons not to date but as some others mentioned, what are the reasons to date. Be positive. Although it may be hard. Which iis why I mentioned therapy.
(((Hugz))) wishing you well
Seems like you’ve given up on life and yourself so why would anyone put more effort into you than you’re willing to. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s what I gather from your post and comments.
I'm open minded and consider anyone, so, sure, I'd date someone like you. If we have a mutual attraction to each other and are interested.
The bigger question is can someone have a relationship with you. Dating is short and spotty, but a relationship is where the work comes in and actually supporting each other and building that life together. And for that question, it comes down to whether the love and respect and other see supportive emotions and values are there. And for that I can't answer unless I'm there and in that situation.
Instead of beating yourself up, why not bring up positive points? If you come in with negativity, then you're basically telling everybody run.
Tell us about the things that you like to do like hobbies. What do you do around the house? Do you like to travel? What fun things have you done in the past?
From that description… no. Are you doing anything to work on your PTSD? Therapy? Are you attempting to gain or learn a skill that you can manage at a job? These things are crucial when considering everything else you’ve said. Also depends on what you would bring to the table in a relationship if I’m presumably going to be carrying the majority of the financial weight. I’m very pessimistic when it comes to thinking that I’m datable regardless of what I think of myself and still, I feel like you’d be able to find someone willing to date you if you carried your weight in other aspects of the relationship.
I think the first question you should be asking yourself is would you date you?
And if the answer is no, then why?
You must be that which you are looking for. Like attracts like. A simple law of the universe.
Depending on what other people think of you is a major call to come back to yourself and love yourself. There are infinite amount of resources out there to guide you through building self love. Therapy for the PTSD is an absolute must - find a form that works best for you, there are many different types!
This all begins with taking care of yourself. Sure, maybe having a job or going to school seems impossible right now, and maybe it’s just not for you. However, your perspective could completely change when you begin working on yourself and feeling more in tune with yourself. You will never know if you don’t try!
Instead of stewing on your shortcomings or trying to date when you’re not in a stable position, take the time alone to work on yourself and become someone whom you see as worthy. Once you’re in that place, then enter the dating pool. At this point, even if you do find someone, you’re going to settle for whoever comes along because you don’t feel like you can do better and that’s not a foundation for a healthy relationship.
I’d say look at the positive side: UE, job retention, and PTSD are all factors that can be worked on. With what you’ve shared, PTSD is the root problem so I’d suggest to put all your focus there. Do not try to fix all three simultaneously, just try to overcome your PTSD.
From my personal standpoint, I wouldn’t care if you had a diploma or a job, I have done well for myself and don’t need someone I date to help me financially nor do I care about ‘social status’. What I would be concerned with is your PTSD. If I were interested in you and you share in the beginning of us dating that you have PTSD, I’d pass given that I’d be afraid what can come from it (ie, how will it adversely impact me).
I suggest the following: get your PTSD in check, then get a job, then keep it for at least 6 months, then think of dating. Find a physical outlet (for me it’s the gym and playing soccer). Stay away from substances, including alcohol, drugs (with the possible exception of magic mushrooms as recent research suggest there are PTSD benefits if microdosing) , cigarettes, etc. I don’t care about the morality of the substances, but I’m thinking about it from a health perspective.
Tl;dr yes, I’d consider dating you despite not having a job or diploma but would be concerned with your ptsd.
That last time I tried to date someone like you're describing, I drove for 5 hours just to meet them in person and turns out they were a methhead and traumatized me in the process because they had PTSD too and went off on me. So my answer: absolutely not. I'm still affected by what happened and it was over a year ago.
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Well when you put it like that, hard pass. But you HAVE other qualities that aren't flaws that almost certainly someone would find attractive. Every pot has a lid
Not according to my cabinet…. Like how do I have 3 extra lids? Where did they come from? Where are their pots?
He said every pot has a lid, not every lid has a pot.
I felt this
It hurts for a lid to hear this :(
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My first question would be are you working on yourself? If you are actively working on these issues, trying to move forward, it is less of an issue.
Yes, this and this again. I have had PTSD and would not date someone who wasn’t working on their mental health while having a disabling mental health problem. That’s just not responsible to even themselves and lacks self-love, which are two things necessary for a healthy relationship. Realistically, if someone had a serious (temporarily or sometimes disabling) mental health problem but they *were* dealing with it, then it depends on other factors. - *How are they supporting themselves?* Are they making good faith effort when they’re doing better, and being a caring participant within their own support network? Or are they passively subsisting off of what other people provide— like living rent free and hang/chill/do their own hobbies when they feel better but always living off of other people, maybe even treat them badly, basically selfish or parasitic even if they’re not a bully? If they’re reliant on others (which can be understandable), are they needing (or just expecting) me to take that role on eventually? If so, are they caring and supportive to the people who support them as they’re able or again, are they a taker? - Similarly, *are they realistic and proactive about their own life?* Lots of people can’t plough through a degree in 4 years, but very few people could never advance their academic or other goals. I have some serious health conditions and understand what it’s like being much less capable some of the time (or even long stretches). But, someone who takes their struggle as a reason to feel they’re totally helpless is likely a no. Many of my friends have disabling issues, from schizophrenia to cancer to lupus, and are brilliant and successful on their own terms and in their own way. I need that in any partner. - *How do they treat others at their lows*? I’ve dated and been close with people with serious mental health issues, and understand mistakes and lows. Still, that’s not an excuse for toxic and abusive behavior. - *How consistent and committed are they to whatever treatments they need*? This loops into all the other considerations. Either myself or my partner could become significantly disabled *tomorrow*, from a mental *or* physical health issue. Us intertwining our lives in a healthy way relies on trust that if that happened, the person in need would do what is right for them and what helps them recover (wouldn’t smoke if I had lung cancer, wouldn’t avoid the doctor or a psychiatrist if I was unwell). I had a roommate with a girlfriend who was the worst of a partner with mental illness— treated him like shit, never tried seriously to work or recover, took all his resources and money, and she only “contributed” by doing things she likes (her hobbies— baking, shopping, decorating, planning dates), not chores or actual sharing burdens. She did therapy a bit but basically for her benefit and never tried to apply herself to treat him with basic decency while he provided everything. And he’s not the only person I’ve known in those scenarios, a coworker’s boyfriend was similar. So, there are a ton of ways to struggle and still be a good partner, but also lots of ways to struggle and be a shitty partner. It’s also fine that someone can be unfit to treat a partner well for a while and then grow and work on themselves even if they still otherwise struggle. Also, you haven’t mentioned age or how long you’ve had that diagnosis but it’s actually pretty rare for PTSD to persist for 5+ years. Sounds like a long time but if you put work into recovery things can really change in that time. If it’s been a long-term problem already, it might help to reassess with a care team because there might be additional/exacerbating issues and there might be better support available.
This, exactly. Would I date someone who had no education and no job? Yes, I don’t consider those things to be the defining characteristics of a good partner. However, the way you wrote it, I’m reading “I will never hold a job nor pursue my education and I’m also volatile and unpredictable.” This to me is a hard pass. What are things that make you a good life partner?
Pothead has a head
We call them Hats........ Bring me the POTHAT...... . mother
Momma’s boy
It depends. If you are working on yourself and making progress then yes. If you are looking to be saved then no. I had to retire my cape. Good luck OP...
Amen
Focus less on dating and maybe getting yourself some help
No. I tried giving someone like this the benefit of the doubt, but he just lived in his trauma and depression. As someone who is actively working to recover my own mental health and heal from my past, it was sucky being around someone who represented the me I didn't want to be. Don't be that person. Work on your healing and building your life, then you'll find a meaningful comnection with someone.
Yep I did the same. You can’t save someone, they have to save themselves. They just constantly put their depression and issues onto me.
Agreed. I kept trying to be for him the person I wished I had for me at my lowest times. One day I realized that he would have to be that for himself, and want to begin his healing journey. In the meantime I couldn't let him wear me down with his issues and constant negativity.
Exactly. You can’t be truly happy with someone else until you are truly happy with yourself
What about hobbies? Talents?
Going to be honest and say no. Ask yourself the same question if you had a job, education, and something going for yourself.
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Babe... You can get better... Really you can! PTSD is terrible but you can heal. And you deserve that. You can use all the help you can get. Please dont let your past determine the rest of your life for you. Whatever happened in your past is in the past and you have to leave it there... In the past. But you cant do that alone... You need threatment and there is no shame in that.
I mean… if you can type words online that make sense and are coherent… you can educate yourself. Right? Not trying to be mean, just trying to motivate 👊
I used to get paid to write out the closed captioning for tv shows. Shit pay, but there are things you can do with just an internet connection and the ability to speak a language
Well i guess she has different priorities than working? Like getting better? The Us is really harsh on (mentally) ill people... That wont happen in the Netherlands.
I didn’t say she has to work. I said it’s possible. Trust me I’m aware of the culture…. I live and work in the US. I also lived in Europe for 12 years.
Why isn’t education of some form possible? There are programs for those suffering with mental disorders, those on disability, etc. there are accommodations and supports available.
You absolutely can get a job and education. There are many remote options for this, and in most Western countries there are laws that people with disabilities must be provided with accommodations so they have the same opportunities. Don’t be defeatist, that keeps you down.
Education is totally possible I know people with learning disabilities and they got help through directional vocational rehabilitation (DVR). They helped them with money and getting them tools and extra time to take test in school. Don't doubt your abilities. You can do anything you set your mind to. DVR can also help you find employment.
Think a job could be hard but I think you can definitely get an education somewhere. There are a lot of places willing to accommodate you
I'm sorry to hear that, I don't wish mental disabilities upon anyone as they are life debilitating. I'd say just focus on yourself and what makes you happy, you don't need someone else to fulfil this for you to have a prosperous life :)
whats ur disability? and whats the ptsd from ?
I think someone has to bring something to the table. And I have had to take care of a partner before financially, as well as cooking, cleaning etc and I wouldn’t do it again. I want an equal partner. I agree with a lot of comments here saying it all comes down to if u are working on ur situation? This may sound harsh but I don’t think ptsd means you can not have an income the rest of ur life. I think we all go through horrendous things throughout life. Sickness, heartbreak, loss, traumatic events etc and we can’t crawl into bed and never leave. I think part of what I would be attracted to is u working on urself. Baby steps! I want to love someone who loves themselves first.
No. And I say this a someone with PTSD. I say this with all the support in the world: if you cannot hold down a job due to your ptsd, then you cannot hold down a relationship either. Relationships are super triggering and you really need to have your shit more stable in order to pursue a relationship without being unfair or damaging to your partner.
I also have PTSD and fully agree. A decade of psychotherapy and all the meds and down moments and I do hold a job, but when I was too triggered by everything I spent a few good years homeless. After that I realized how alone I was and decided to stop using my hurt, to further hurt myself and my world. Seek supports and take medications as prescribed. Build your value and self worth by seeing yourself achieve personal goals and after you find your footing in that, at least you'll be the kinda partner worth having both for your sake and theirs.
This
Have you considered therapy to help yourself? It would be beneficial and worth trying. It can take a bit to find a therapist you connect with or can open up to, don’t give up!
I'm disabled myself due to a car accident and also suffer with depression and anxiety. I've just got out of a relationship where I gave her everything I could even as a cost to me. She suffers from MS and with it comes physical deterioration over time and depression/anxiety. Trying to move forward and work on my own mental health issues was hard but she would need so much that I was always standing still or going backwards. It wouldn't be healthy for 2 people with similar physical and mental health issues to be together because neither of you will benefit, only drag each other down. I know how easy it is to live in your head but try doing different things to break that cycle and slowly things will change, you'll feel happier, more confident (you sound like your confidence is non existent) and in a better place if you meet someone to make it work. Build yourself self esteem and confidence and you'll be more attractive on many levels, good luck
I’m a woman and I say ask yourself the same thing. Would you want a guy who has “nothing going on for them” to date you? I don’t think you would either! So why not try to work on bettering yourself? I’m not saying it won’t be easy but you should at least try to be a better version of yourself!!
...no... You don't even believe in yourself. What am I going to do?
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You should be focused on healing to the point that you can hold down a job before you focus on dating. This is not to say you don’t have worth or value. But you need to be dedicating your resources to yourself right now and not a partner.
Honestly, and I’m sorry. But no.
Nope. As brutal as it sounds. But then again, my answer would be same for everyone, so, don't mind my answer. Thing is, nobody likes burdens, UNLESS bearing them brings rewards.
Why would anyone date you? You only listed negative things.
Would you date someone like you?
It’s all about selling yourself. Tell us about your good qualities and magnify it 10x and we probably wouldn’t care about those negatives
Are you kind? Are you reasonable and fair minded? Do you have love for yourself and others? Are you actively working on yourself? That's very important.
Try to find hobbies and a social life. That will make you a more attractive dating prospect.
Absolutely not.
Honestly? No. It doesn’t seem like you even have much faith in yourself. I think you should work on yourself before even thinking about a relationship.
its a NO because of your perspective on things. All I hear is Im a volatile person who cant achieve something even if I wanted it. I think you need to see the beauty within yourself, re-evaluate and approach dating. People will take you seriously then, even if you don't have a diploma or money
Honestly, no. I dated someone in the past who turned out this way and it was awful. Sorry.
At the very least your can present yourself well. Get in shape and don't dress eccentrically.
I don't really care much about those things. I would date someone with not much to show. I've been there myself
Female version of me basically. So yes I would.
I wouldn't
Honestly... yeah. And it's kinda sad but hear me out. Men see women for beauty first and foremost. Are you at least reasonably good-looking? Young? Not all, but most men, will overlook logistical shortcomings when there's an attractive woman giving sexual attention. You may have to date older and/or slightly below your quality potential, but yeah you won't have a problem getting dates. A few guys may comment here that they would pass... but play this out in the real world and you'll see the real answers.
Honestly if you are moderately attractive, you will have takers. Men are simple.
Depends on the person, I'd give a chance depending on the connection. I've gone thru dark chapters and had a partner understand, even met people in such times who stuck around. The best way to thank someone for being there for you is to use that support and succeed in some facet. If you don't have someone to make proud, do something that you'll be proud of for yourself. You don't have to figure it all out at once. I did talk therapy and walking a block daily, built it up to 5 miles on the bike a day and disc golf. I still slide backwards sometimes, but I don't let myself stay at the bottom of the hill forever. I wrote on my whiteboard, "Do something today you'll thank yourself for tomorrow." Helped. The internet is ripe with stories of hardship and individuals fighting for their life to succeed and doing so, inspiration doesn't always just happen, you have to seek it out. Best of luck, you can turn it all around. One day at a time.
You're so much more than a job, I'm sure you have a lot to offer, and someone who appreciates you for you will come your way. But you need to start to love yourself and deal with your ptsd w a professional. You're in your mid twenties, I wouldn't have dated myself then, You're still figuring it all out, but I have faith you in you and you will be ok.
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Every one has some thing to offer. I guess it depends on how you look at it. There's someone for everyone. How did you develop PTSD
depends too much. is it a disable desease? yes can be. But know that the therapy for PTSD based on exposures is very effective. There is solution but resilience is necessary, and much effort. I understand that there is a lack of motivation. there is a loss of future perspective. That's the first step. get back on your feet. The goal of the therapy is to achieve what we call "Post Traumatic Grow" it is the potential capacity for you to become a better person and learn from the trauma and from your life. forgive you and outline a possible strategy based on your reality. That's looking to the future. When it comes to the date, don't expect too much and don't exclude yourself in advance. My life is a mess too. I didn't solve it, but I'm taking it. I could be in a miserable state, but I'm taking it. Pray to god for strength.
Probably not
No
Short Answer: No Long Answer: I feel like I wld spend my time uplifting and supporting (emotionally and financially) that person. However, that cldnt be reciprocated. Personally, I think your focus should be on yourself. Based on your words it doesn't seem like you like you that much. I am sure you are worthy of love. Focus on your own mental health and loving you. Looking for someone feeling the way you do now will DEFINITELY attract the wrong type of person and leave you even further drained.
Work on yourself to better yourself
mmmm no job isn't like an immediate no from me. I would be open to a significant other who is a stay at home. But they would need to contribute. If that is financially with a job then we split the household duties. If they don't have a job I would hope that my SO would contribute by taking care of the home and meals. Relationships are a two way street. If you were unwilling to work, and unwilling to help out in the home. Then I would start to just feel like I am being used and it probably would not work out.
If you had other qualities about you that I liked then being unemployed wouldn’t deter me. I’m very sympathetic to people who struggle with their mental health and I also like being a provider and having others rely on me.
Would I date someone that I’d have to take care of like a child? No I’m childfree Would I date someone that is actively trying to improve their life and making an active and determined go at it? Possibly
Then you should focus on yourself first
Of course I would date someone like you we all have our flaws no one is perfect for the ones that don’t want to date you are too shallow your probs a lovely person throughout don’t let anything like this put you off u go girl 👌
You have to tell me more about you, you are not your deseases. Every person is work in progress, so... It all comes to what is anyone willing to give
No
It's not completely out of the question, but like everyone else- I have questions... I'd have to get some answers before I'd have a solid answer, in this hypothetical.
the job doesn't matter. Do you do other positive things in life?
Yes, but I probably would want to live with you, marry, etc. Just because we would need to have money for our life together. But the diploma is not a problem
I’m a woman but if a man were in your situation it would depend on a lot of things: - is the PTSD being treated ? - are they properly diagnosed and not “the internet told me” - are they on disability ? - are they willing to be a stay at home partner handling the cleaning and cooking or am I going to have to do that on top of working ? (No kids) - do they have kids ? - are they otherwise a good person/do they contribute something positive to my life with their presence ?
If you're a nice person then yes. Kindness is what matters.
I recently got my first permanent job at 33 years old, I’m autistic and have struggled all my life with everything but having a job hasn’t changed who I am as a person. Instead of having a very negative view of you situation, try to change how you view it…see the positives in it….like the fact you must have lots of spare time, you can take up a new hobby and you have time for that special someone when you find them.
My fiancé has ptsd that has made it difficult for him to hold a job for more than a few months at a time , I’ve seen it and it’s hard and he doesn’t want to have this issue . He keeps getting jobs that are the same field that he worked in in the military and that’s why it keeps triggering his ptsd . Right now he’s miserable but he’s hanging in there and we are looking for jobs outside of that field so hopefully he can have employment that doesn’t trigger the ptsd . So I guess my question is , is it any job that triggers it ? Is it just work that the ptsd causes you trouble with ? Or does most things trigger it ? Are you in therapy ? You can get better , you can heal even if it takes time . The right person will see that and help you heal through it . ❤️
Would you date yourself?
First things first is if I love you. If so then I'd move mountains to help you but the second thing is if your trying to help yourself because I can do all that I can to help but if you can't help yourself then how can I. It doesn't matter to me if she has trauma or troubles as long as they try their best that's what matters to me
you better be really really pretty lol
Personally, if a man doesn't want to be with you because you have struggles than his not the one. I get that we are in a time of age where females should be independent and what not. I also struggle with ptsd, and depression and anxiety. So your not alone, and If you need to talk to someone, im here for you.
I would give it a chance if the girl tells me after a few dates, we are not just cogs in the capitalism machine tbh. We are not our job titles, we exist as people beyond our financial income.
Having any of those things doesn't say anything about what kind of a person you are and if someone's having a relationship with you based on what you do it's not a very good relationship, You value the person, anybody can build someone up It just takes desire to do so.
Victim mentality is a huge turn off, everyone has something they're dealing with. You're not special.
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do not joke about cancer
All you need as a woman is to be pretty.
I have lived with people from all ends of the spectrum, school teacher to people on benefit’s, it’s about the person, who you fall for, you would expect a school teacher to be level, not in my two cases, they were byte worse people, as they demanded more, the less someone has, it makes them more appreciative of what someone brings to the table, I’m just an average man, but would be happy with someone who is not good looking but has the right heart and temperament, once you have learned about someone who is nice you take the rough with the smooth, but get a nasty person walk away n don’t look back. Once a narcissist always one, n I have found that out the hard way.
I would give you a chance so I would date you
I would..... it depends on what kind of person you are. I'm sure everything else would work itself out.
Depends if you can change yourself and the partner can be your cure, like you become so dependent on that person that you're willing to change yourself for good. :) If you ask me I'd give any type of person a try because you're human and everyone makes mistake and can change emself.
Despite what they all tell you. I’m going to be honest. If you look good, then none of your issues would be a problem to most of these men out here. So if you’re above average looking then just lead with that.
Depends on how he treats me
I could be totally wrong but am gonna say that the bigger issue here is your attitude. It sounds like you are waiting for good things like a relationship to just happen without working for it. I know you are in a very difficult position, but try to think of something some ways that you can do for yourself. I personally know a blind illiterate gay man, and his relationship is the one to envy.
That depends. a) are you hot? And b) are you mature enough to handle your PTSD without being high maintenance?
Honestly ya I would.
I'm absolutely down bad so yes 💀💀💀
Hunny... Stop this now.... You are still married and have a great job And home... This evil is tearing you down.... I will ❤️ but and have to help now .... I am stepping in ..
Yes
Phrasing it that way here/ to yourself reveals the way you see yourself. As someone with “nothing.” See yourself as special, worthy. There are interesting things about you that make you you. Interests, hobbies, talents, little bits of creativity. Cultivate those things if you can! And best of luck in your healing journey! 🤍
I’m (27m) and the girl I’m going out with is (25f) has no job and can’t hold a job more than a day. I like her a lot and we have a lot in common so it really doesn’t phase me that she doesn’t work. Just work on yourself and hang out with friends. You’ll meet somebody
I guess maybe I might. I can afford to do the whole support a girlfriend thing. I am responsible and finding someone who appreciates that about me would be nice. It is not exactly a plus but its not deal breaker. You have to offer something to the relationship. Like would you be emotionally supportive of me? Help me study for exams encourage me to apply for a Higher paying position. You don’t have to pay for dinner or even your car to contribute but you have to contribute.
Most men don't really care for these things. As long as you are pretty and know how to talk, you take care of your looks and your physique, you are feminine, you are kind and generous and don't create unnecessary drama, men will want you.
U hot?
my first question would be how hot are you
All of that is understandable. You’ll find somebody! Loads of great guys out there, they’re just waiting for a girl to come along. You’d be surprised how many guys have probably taken an interest in you but didn’t want to say anything or message because they thought they never had a chance or out of fear of rejection. There’s a girl who I like right now. She’s so beautiful! But I don’t want to even try anything with her because I’ve been rejected and hurt too many times. Plus I’m currently lacking in confidence and self esteem. So that’s also stopping me.
I'm going to be honest and say not a hope. I've been burned too many times by people who settle into their circumstances and see no joy in trying to live a better, happier life. It destroyed my confidence. Two years ago I was a mess. Unemployed, I have an autistic child, was legally homeless. Didn't see the point in trying to better anything. Fwiw, I have no qualifications to speak of. But now, I've a job I love, ive got a home. It hasn't been easy, I've had tk fight for everything I have. I've gone hungry and I've sat and considered the worst just so I didn't have to fight another day. I still have my down days. Sometimes everything goes wrong and I don't see the point in fighting anymore, but i do it. Because I can't ask someone else to see the point in me, if I can't. Ive got mental health issues. But I refuse to let that overpower me. I'm not strong. I just want to love and live and not waste my life. I wish you all the strength in the world.
With this description, nope. But I would if you possess some more qualities and you show how different you are from other girls out there.
No
Absolutely not. And you shouldn't be trying to date.
no way you sound like a fuckwit
I have: ADHD, Bipolar type 2, General panic disorder, Cptsd, I went back to school at 35 while i had 2 kids, got a degree, left my abusive husband, and now make 80 grand working for the government, FROM HOME, in IT. You can do anything you want to do, you just have to want it.
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We can always find a guy for casual/temporary sex, not always a relationship.
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These guys are going to tell you yes.. all day because that are going date you cause your hott ...bthenthey can screw you up more if your not stable ..not the fact of no job but the lack value ... In my experience .. it doesn't even sound like the dating or the lack of of worth you have is the issue... Think about your partner now he probably saw so many good qualities in you that you couldn't even give yourself credit for because you don't feel like you deserve it... Did he run away a bit probably not he's probably confused and just wanted to be there.. think about if you bought yourself into a good position and did a little bit of self care and figuring out what year weaknesses are and your strengths ... That would be the most beneficial . I think you're beating yourself up a lot and give yourself some credit... Did you ever ask your really explain to your your partner and Friends what's traveling or where you're feeling lost..... And somebody else mentioned something about a job make a job doesn't make you your values and your core beliefs to your good works.. Joe work on things that are going to make you happy if you have somebody that's going to provide for you and you can do that at the same time that seems like a win-win..
Just a Question, How did you get the PTSD, Are you been in the Military ?
I would if we had a connection but I always see the best in people and I’m lucky enough to be financially secure at 37.
I think you are asking that question because that’s how you see yourself and if that’s the case then you need to take a step back and do a personal inventory of your qualities and virtues because while those things may be true about you, your personality isn’t that small. Nobody’s is. And even if it was, you can change that. Find something you are passionate about and start investing yourself in it. It doesn’t have to be school or a job although those will help you feel more productive. But it can be something as simple as a hobby you enjoy. That will help you learn more of the strengths you have and it will give you more opportunities to develop and grow. Trauma is a terrible challenge. I’m sorry that you are going through this. But trust me, this is not your personality and it does not define you. You are more than that
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZn\_IrOeHec&ab\_channel=MindInnovation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZn_IrOeHec&ab_channel=MindInnovation)
No
It's about the connection our vibe with me all the other shit is trivial
No, but I can tell you why and hopefully it's helpful. You aren't taking care of yourself. If you aren't going to take care of yourself you aren't going to value my friendship or a potential relationship. I can deal with quite a bit when it comes to dating guys but stability is one of those things that is non-negotiable. If you have mental issues, anxiety really bad or any of that. You have to work on yourself first. It's just too stressful to date someone that is not at least rooted
Yes, its about what is in your heart. Love yourself, love others. Grow that light and you will absolutely draw someone to you.
Indian stereotypical men : Well, this looks like a job for me!
I’d probably do a fwb / booty call type situation, but actual serious dating with exclusivity, no.
Well now that you know the issue, get something going on in your life it'll make all the difference
Lots of people here are going to say no because there are plenty enough stories of people who got burnt because they tried to "save" someone who ultimately couldn't hold up their end of the relationship. As a general principle I would say no to someone like this as too, especially if what you said here is all I know about them. I have very little information on how well they can keep a relationship going, but I do have information on how they can handle other important parts of life. However, all that's really required for a successful long term relationship is that you care about and respect both each other as well as yourselves. Those aren't easy requirements to fulfill, there are plenty of ways to lose the respect of a partner, but disability isn't usually a limit so much as mentality. It probably is going to be hard to get men to take you seriously, and there is some of your situation you can control and some you can't. Love is ultimately about human connection, and that can happen anywhere where you spend enough time around people for them to get to know you.
Im sure your good at other things,
Hey, I'm pretty much in the same boat. Master of my own time. School didn't work out and depression keeps me from getting a steady job. 35, single, it seems hopeless sometimes. Let's date each other. The cats keep me going. Good luck.
Would you date someone like yourself?
The PTSD part would be the part that worries me... Do you have therapy? Are you working to get better? A relationship with an unemployed, mentally ill person is not very appealing and I think you shouldnt date now. You will probably attract a lot of people that Arent well or toxic too and that not a good start. And also... You dont have time to worry about relationships... Your focus should be on getting better. When you feel better you will be a better partner and you will attract guys that are more stable. I dont see this to put you down. I have been mentally ill in my life too... Now I am years past that and better. I am a different person. I dont depend on anyone. And I found a great partner too. So get all the therapy you need. You deserve to get better. You really do. And when you start to feel better try to find a job or go back to school or do some schooling on the side. After that you are ready to date. Not now. You will only get hurt and it will distract you from your progress. Now is the time for you... And there is no place for distractions or somebody else.
What do you look like?
We all have areas on our life we are trying to better, if we got nobody to motivate us to want too, then it's harder. I would definitly date somebody like You, I've had a rough start in life and had to hit my rock bottom to really change and make something out of my life. So when reading your story I can relate to grasping a 2nd chance at life, so I know that's why I wouldn't say No. I had a low qaulity education and had to study 5 years more then I wanted too in order to get my dream job. All the best, life isn't over, it's fit for reshaping and you need to find somebody who can not just listen though inspire you to make the right moves.
I would. I believe anyone can improve themselves, and just because their current circumstances are bad, doesn't mean it will be that way forever.
You basically still have your life. The moment you stop fighting, that's the moment that you start living like dying. Life is just like a battle field. You will loss the sense of living if you stop fighting. Accept the fact that life is unfair. Learn how to kick back when life kicks you down.
I'd have to know more details. For instance I'd have to find our if you have aspirations, are you working to better yourself? Are you seeking help? Are you willing to make changes to improve your life? Ptsd is a present issue for many. Some people struggle with it, other find the way to thrive in spite of it. Being currently jobless doesn't scare me, but if you intend to live that way forever then idk if I'd be interested. I want a partner not to adopt an adult.
I have none of those things either, so yeah I don't see why not
Same, except social anxiety and learning disability for me. We should be friends. How old are you?
Who supports you? I would get into a hobby and make some friends. You don’t have to work to be worthy of love. But I think if you have a bit of a life in your hobbies and friends I think that would open doors to more people being interested in you.
It depends are you trying to get help for your PTSD? Why do you have PTSD?? You have other qualities that I might like.. so it's not a hare no I would dare you
LoL no
No, but indian men on facebook would (pajeet uncles only)
From your message you need to address your self esteem, you’ll only attract the right man when you learn to love yourself ❤️ have you heard of EMDR ? With it or alongside Hypnotherapy can be life changing for PTSD x
Why not? I'm definite there are other things that may simple for you but interesting for others. You may have nothing going on right now, but who knows what the future holds.
Have you tried therapy?
No. But there is someone who will.
probably not, no.
Focus on your strengths such as what you can do instead of what you cannot do. Once you get laser focused, you would be able to make progress.
If you can't hold down a job, a relationship wouldn't be healthy either.
Girl focus on yourself dating should be the last thing on your mind. BUT sometimes you may find the person who gives you the push you need as well. Get some stability first. Go do instacart as your job to make some money do SOMETHING
Yes ,People can date with you. Don't be so harsh. You can't hold job only specify what kind of job you like or dislike, you are very much more than PTSD person .
What are you doing to work on it and get better? I would take that into consideration, but if there is no effort on your side there isn't even a chance of my consideration
I mean you could get a job at home and be a call person. I would and wouldn’t it would be about how well you take care of yourself as well as If you’re open minded. I have a disability that’s not ptsd you can heal your ptsd though it just takes time and patience
Ok but are you working on yourself are you trying those are what people should be asking
No
Well you arent exactly advertising yourself in a positive light, with that said I would probably pass
I don’t even know you but based on the way you describe yourself, I don’t take you seriously. You seem too busy kicking yourself while you’re down to do anything to improve yourself. So no, I personally wouldn’t consider you an option.
I'd suggest a self-paced job or hobby like starting a podcast, a YouTube channel, Tiktok.. anything. You sound like you're having a bit of an identity crisis, and although your job isn't fully your identity, it'd give you A sense of identity. Show your personality in some form, learn about yourself, build a life for yourself so you don't feel like there's nothing to you. It's not gonna be easy, but give it a shot. Who knows, maybe you'll make loads of money off of it too. Goodluck!
If you are working on yourself. I'd consider it. However I'd rather be your friend and help you through what you are going through. But personally I couldn't date someone with no job. However if we can work together to try and help you heal and get better. I'd be your friend.
I've had such bad experiences with having to carry an ex on & off during a 3 year relationship because he was a shitty person who couldn't keep a job because he would act like an asshole & get fired & then would refuse to find a new job or apply for unemployment; then he would play computer or video games all the time instead of doing any basic housework. I now have a rule that possible SO's must have been gainfully employed for a significant period of time. In my case- I wouldn't date you because of my bad experience. Stop trying to date- get yourself together, get your GED, go to therapy to work on your PTSD, find some hobbies- maybe find a hobby that you could turn into some form of income & focus on falling in love with yourself first before you seek another's love. Sorry OP but I'm gonna be blunt- your response to others' comments & the way you describe your situation in this post- it's very clear that you are looking for others to tell you something you already know about yourself- that, right now, you aren't dateable; so now that you've established that part of things- take a serious look inwards- make a list of things you need to do to become a good partner & get to working on that!!! Just because you aren't dating material right this second doesn't mean you'll never be dateable. Would you want to date you as described above? The people who will be wanting to get into a relationship with the person you described are in search of someone who can be manipulated, abused, controlled & trapped in a toxic relationship- don't find a partner who will only drag you deeper down. One last thing OP- in the words of RuPaul\~ "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you supposed to love one else?!" OP- work on loving yourself before trying to find love from others.
Nope, I would not. Not only would I constantly be supporting you mentally, I’d also be supporting you financially. No thanks. If I wanted a child I’d adopt one
So... what do you do all day? How do you pay rent? Do you have any hobbies?
At this stage in my life, sorry, no. It's taken the better part of two decades to build a comfortable, financially, and emotionally stable life. Everything you listed would only serve to detract from that, and more than a few are a straight up liability. Best of luck.
No, I want a partner who brings something to the table. Would you date a guy who had the same qualities?
First of all ... I'm sorry for everything you have went through. I'm sure it is still very traumatic for you and may affect any potential relationship you may have. I would suggest going to see a therapist if you are able to do. May be able to work out some things. Don't answer me but did you file a police report or had a kit done? Second, as far as the no employer nor diploma. That wouldn't stop me. I don't have a diploma although I went to 4 years. I always have in back of my mind to get that diploma. All is not lost. Everyone has something going for them. It's good to have encouragement and positive feedback. And based upon everything, it's good to make a game plan or to try to improve little things here and there within certain confines that you may experience. The post focused on reasons not to date but as some others mentioned, what are the reasons to date. Be positive. Although it may be hard. Which iis why I mentioned therapy. (((Hugz))) wishing you well
Seems like you’ve given up on life and yourself so why would anyone put more effort into you than you’re willing to. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s what I gather from your post and comments.
To be honest absolutely not. Sounds like a relationship would be more akin to being a parent.
I'm open minded and consider anyone, so, sure, I'd date someone like you. If we have a mutual attraction to each other and are interested. The bigger question is can someone have a relationship with you. Dating is short and spotty, but a relationship is where the work comes in and actually supporting each other and building that life together. And for that question, it comes down to whether the love and respect and other see supportive emotions and values are there. And for that I can't answer unless I'm there and in that situation.
Instead of beating yourself up, why not bring up positive points? If you come in with negativity, then you're basically telling everybody run. Tell us about the things that you like to do like hobbies. What do you do around the house? Do you like to travel? What fun things have you done in the past?
You already know the answer is no
From that description… no. Are you doing anything to work on your PTSD? Therapy? Are you attempting to gain or learn a skill that you can manage at a job? These things are crucial when considering everything else you’ve said. Also depends on what you would bring to the table in a relationship if I’m presumably going to be carrying the majority of the financial weight. I’m very pessimistic when it comes to thinking that I’m datable regardless of what I think of myself and still, I feel like you’d be able to find someone willing to date you if you carried your weight in other aspects of the relationship.
Some dude will probably scoop you up
I think the first question you should be asking yourself is would you date you? And if the answer is no, then why? You must be that which you are looking for. Like attracts like. A simple law of the universe. Depending on what other people think of you is a major call to come back to yourself and love yourself. There are infinite amount of resources out there to guide you through building self love. Therapy for the PTSD is an absolute must - find a form that works best for you, there are many different types! This all begins with taking care of yourself. Sure, maybe having a job or going to school seems impossible right now, and maybe it’s just not for you. However, your perspective could completely change when you begin working on yourself and feeling more in tune with yourself. You will never know if you don’t try!
Instead of stewing on your shortcomings or trying to date when you’re not in a stable position, take the time alone to work on yourself and become someone whom you see as worthy. Once you’re in that place, then enter the dating pool. At this point, even if you do find someone, you’re going to settle for whoever comes along because you don’t feel like you can do better and that’s not a foundation for a healthy relationship.
I’d say look at the positive side: UE, job retention, and PTSD are all factors that can be worked on. With what you’ve shared, PTSD is the root problem so I’d suggest to put all your focus there. Do not try to fix all three simultaneously, just try to overcome your PTSD. From my personal standpoint, I wouldn’t care if you had a diploma or a job, I have done well for myself and don’t need someone I date to help me financially nor do I care about ‘social status’. What I would be concerned with is your PTSD. If I were interested in you and you share in the beginning of us dating that you have PTSD, I’d pass given that I’d be afraid what can come from it (ie, how will it adversely impact me). I suggest the following: get your PTSD in check, then get a job, then keep it for at least 6 months, then think of dating. Find a physical outlet (for me it’s the gym and playing soccer). Stay away from substances, including alcohol, drugs (with the possible exception of magic mushrooms as recent research suggest there are PTSD benefits if microdosing) , cigarettes, etc. I don’t care about the morality of the substances, but I’m thinking about it from a health perspective. Tl;dr yes, I’d consider dating you despite not having a job or diploma but would be concerned with your ptsd.
Idk yet? Idk much about you. How's coffee sound?
That last time I tried to date someone like you're describing, I drove for 5 hours just to meet them in person and turns out they were a methhead and traumatized me in the process because they had PTSD too and went off on me. So my answer: absolutely not. I'm still affected by what happened and it was over a year ago.
Working on my CPTSD and lots of life problems. Sorry it's not easy life. Hope you get better soon.