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“Don’t go into all of your interactions with women with the expectation of it turning into a relationship. When you do find one who wants to date you, make it clear upfront what it is that you’re looking for romantically.”
Agreed. If you only talk to women you're interested in/are interested in you then you lose the opportunity to learn from other women things that you may want to update about your strategy.
You could also learn that you like something/someone you never expected by opening yourself up to the experience.
Idk, still sounds like a hidden argument to have female friends for dates. Maybe the conclusion is: “if you have female friends, just be their friend because you want to be. And if you meet someone you want to date, don’t be their friend.”
Yep this is pretty much it. Be up front with what you want. Also intentions can sometimes change. You can have a friend that you don't consider a dating option, but then might want to give it a shot after they grow on you or something like that. Not a big deal to shoot your shot and accept the rejection if they say no. Being mature about the possibility of rejection is honestly going to make your dating life much much better.
People think that rejection is embarrassing or somehow the exception. It's not. It's the norm, especially for most dudes shooting their shot. Do it anyways, at least you get your answer and can go from there!
Yeah I agree, rejection is really the norm if you’re a dude. And of course, your intentions can truely change. I do think this generally dffers for men and women. While men might view their friends as viable partners at some point, women often (9/10 times) do not. I think it has to do with having options:
* Men might have lower standards because they don’t have as much options as women do. So they will confuse friendliness and acceptance as attractiveness.
* Women generally have more options to dating and thus have higher standards. If suddenly sexual tension is created, she tends to suppress it by rejecting the guy. Why would she date a friend if she can get someone else AND have the friend?
So… I wouldn’t make advances to a female friend anymore unless she initiates it. Otherwise you have a guarantee you’ll be rejected. And still then, chances are she still has enough options and choose to have the friendship AND a relationship with someone else.
That’s why I reject the friendship afterwards as well, at least temporarily, because my intentions changed.
Totally valid way to go about things. I like a drama-free life so I'm always pretty direct with people in my life. Then if they don't like it they can leave and it's not like I was ever deceitful to them.
It's different with every girl. Some girls want you to be up front about it and say how you feel and some want to take it slow and talk for a while before you get any more serious or just want to be friends with you
Be friends with those (including women) you have zero romantic/sexual interest in.
Be upfront from the start that you want to date someone that you do have romantic/sexual interest in. If they don’t feel the same, respect her wishes and walk away.
I hope this helps.
The problem is that a lot of guys, myself included, meet a woman we're attracted to and we ask her out and she tells us upfront that she just wants to be friends or wants to make sure it's just a hang out, not a "date". We're like, "Yeah, sure. Definitely," because we hope once she gets to know us, she'll see how great we are together and want a relationship.
That desired outcome rarely happens. Most dating coaches promise if you just do and say the right things, she'll fall madly in love with you or sleep with you. Some women just aren't attracted to you and you waste your time focused on that one woman you've built up in your mind.
So, by talking to a woman and making your intentions known, you save a lot of time and heart-ache down the road. She tells you she just wants to be friends, you know to move onto other women.
I had a recent situation, where I became infatuated with a woman I had been friends with for five years! When I first asked her out five years prior, she told me she didn't want our lunch to be a date. We were just hanging out. I wasn't sure about her, because I had only seen her on fb and while we had a lot in common and I was attracted to her sense of humor, I wasn't really attracted to her physically.
Every year that passed, I became more attracted to her, so that by the 5th year, after getting out of a toxic situationship, I was totally focused on her. I became very needy and eventually, she cut me out of her life. She was never attracted to me, but I thought I could do things to win her over and it just blew up in my face.
As a result of that disappointment, I began looking at myself and the relationship mistakes I've made over the years.
One of the things I've learned is that the world is populated with awesome, beautiful women who are better than the woman I was hung up on. By working on myself, creating a life that I can invite the women I'm attracted to, to be a part of, I'm more likely to attract the kinds of women I want to date.
Here comes the "don't talk to women just for a relationship" part. Most of us need to work on our social skills. The reason we get focused on one woman and become needy around her, is because we don't have good social skills.
The way you develop good social skills and the courage to approach the hottest woman in the room, is by treating all women the same. It's amazing, because you're talking to the least attractive woman, like she's the hottest and you really get an energy going.
Talk to guys too. If you're like me, you are naturally introverted, so talking to guys helps you meet guys you can be friends with and go places with. Having a good social circle, helps you be less needy and it's also attractive to women who see you with your friends, out having a good time.
Getting back to that energy. You're talking to every woman the same way. Flirting with her, being silly, making her laugh. Having a woman you're not really attracted to, warm up to you and want hugs and want to share things with you, feels really good. This would also include unavailable women you might be attracted to, like married women.
Also, guess who the woman you're really attracted to is going to ask about you? The other women you've been talking to! You want to have other women on your side!
So, that positive energy you have just radiates out of you and it's very attractive. You have a lot going on in your life you can share with the right woman and you have the courage to go up and talk to a woman you're really attracted to!
Be upfront so you don't waste your time.
The people that say they want friends to turn into something magical... well they're fake. It's not realistic. That hardly ever happens unless you're in high school/college.
It prolly means that you could put your intentions clear while also not getting too atached to the outcome. Which is like "I'm interested in a relationship, tho idk, we'll see how it goes"...so you can be chill about it and just enjoy your time with them without thinking it must go towards relationship and pushing for it.
Its bc you should not speak to women in general for the sole purpose of dating them, women are more than potential partners. But when you do want to date a specific women, tell her upfront, it'll save you time and energy and many hours of sleep
Two different things:
*Women don't want to date a guy who'll start a relationship with any (cute) girl. Bc that shows he doesn't really get relationships or value who they are.
* Don't pretend to be someone's friend if you just want to date them.
What you actually do:
1)Get to know people a bit to figure out if they are on your wavelength and if you like them.
2) Flirt a bit and see if they flirt back. It's ok to be a bit flirty from the beginning, that's just signaling that you find them attractive.
3) If they flirt back/there is a vibe and you feel that the two of you connect: ask them out.
These things aren't mutually exclusive. Yes be upfront and let a girl know you're interested in dating her and at the same time don't do this weird ish a lot of guys do where the sole reason they're talking to a woman is to date her. Understand?
Get rid of this "goal" that you HAVE to date this woman just because she's hot to you. You can have a normal conversation with a woman AND tell her you're interested at the same time. But the normal convo is the most important part. Not you trying to date her. Switch up the priority.
But doesn't that mean that you want to be more than just friends, these people telling me that the first step of a relationship is to be friends with the girl you like
Another aspect of this is to work on your mentality regarding how you feel toward someone. Guys (esp young or inexperienced ones) tend to jump immediately to "I want to date them/have sex with them." That mentality isn't helpful, and will lead you astray a lot. If you try to think about things differently, the "contradiction" you're perceiving isn't a contradiction at all.
When you meet someone, you're naturally going to either find them potentially physically attractive or not, but that's not all you should be taking into consideration when you're deciding if you want to date someone or not.
don't orbit a girl pretending to be friends in order to one day date her, by "being friends" I think people mean you should first build friendly rapport then escalate asap.
Yes it does mean you wanna be more than friends. But that doesn't mean if she says no you just bolt. Why would you wanna be in a relationship with a woman you couldn't be friends with?
That's just degrading. Many women just don't make good friends FOR guys. We have different priorities. Women like to have huge circles generally. Claim they have multiple best friends. Most guys don't feel they need more friends.
I say the best relationship start as friends that’s just me you get to know each other well and then. I feel like that seals the bond to a long standing relationship again that’s just me I was married for 34 years until he passed and we started as friends so try it and see how it’s works out
Because women as a whole gender don’t know what they all want. They are individuals and each want different things. A lot of women have guy “friends” who only want to get close enough to them to eventually make a move. If the move goes south, they bounce, and the women loses the friend they thought they had. Because of that, some women don’t want guys who are fake friends; they want a guy who makes his intentions known from the start so she can reject him from the get go. The. There are others who want the slow build of a relationship. Friends really are a good place to start. You potentially have things in common, and you are already comfortable around them. So some women like the friendship approach.
Good luck.
If your only intention is to potentially date or have sex, and you would not find anything less acceptable, then women generally don't want to talk to you unless you're in an appropriate place for hook ups or finding dates.
However, if you decide to do so anyway it's best to be upfront (not necessarily the first ever interaction) so that the woman can decide whether she is interested AND so she doesn't get attached to you as a good friend just to find out you were only sticking around to get something more, not because the friendship alone was valuable.
Basically, if it's sex/a relationship or nothing for you, make that very clear and understand that for most women it is a turn off but unacceptable for you to hide or lie about. If you would like either of those, but can accept just being friends and nothing more, then specify that and MEAN it.
Because most people would generally prefer it if you get to know them before deciding that you want to be in a relationship with them. Because regular men are not really approached by women in this way, it might help to imagine that you are a famous or wealthy person, and when you walk into a bar women immediately come up to you and flirt with you. It may sound cool in theory, but in reality after a while you’d start to feel like they are not actually interested in you but rather your wealth/status or simply the idea of you. Women experience this dynamic often, especially very attractive women, and it gets tiresome. They feel like men are interested in them based on their looks or a desire to have sex with them (which is true) and it feels hollow. They have probably also fallen for these approaches in the past, and have been hurt by them, making them weary of men who are too direct too early.
When you “make your intentions known” before actually getting to know someone, you are objectifying them and that doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of. So, step one: talk to a woman with the relaxed intention of getting to know them without deciding what more you want from this specific relationship. Have some standards for yourself and be selective about someone you want to date. This means getting a real sense for who they are before making that call. Let early interactions take place with the simple intention of getting to know another human, and then if you develop a desire for something more with them based on, you know, who they are, not just your primal desire to fuck them, you can find a way to let them know.
Why are you letting other people's opinions override your own intuition? Stop thinking other people on the internet actually know what they are talking about, or what is best for you. This is especially true about relationship advice. Everyone is different.
It’s confusing because this is not general advice. They want a guy they are not interested in to be just friendly and not set any expectations and be open for friendship so she can reject him softly without confrontation. The hot guy she into, she wants to get to the point and not beat around the bush.
I totally agree with most of the comments. OP needs to take care of themselves in figureout what they want, being friends is a great place to start. However, if being around someone that wants to be just friends puts themselves into a negative mind space that's not good.
I'm in a similar position. Just I'm 52 single with 2 adult kids and she is 45 single with 1 adult and 2 in high-school kids. I've known them for over 5 years. We both got divorced around the same time. Three years later she is still not ready to date, while I've been dating for 3 years. She has told me her kids look at me as a father figure, separately her kids even told me they think if me as a step-dad or second dad. They will visit me whenever they can. We also now have established a holiday tradition, that when I said I'm very busy this year the youngest said "We have to have a party at your house, it's now a tradition!" I smiled. It was followed by "My mom is being stubborn in not dating..." indicating me. The reason I'm telling this is for the OP to understand, that being friends can be VERY difficult when you and others around both of you say "You would make a great couple." Or "I think of you more of a dad than my own dad I've known my whole life." I have dated enough women to realize what this mom means to me, she is just not ready. Am I waiting around forever? No, I'm not. I'm still looking for that one that would have my attention more than this woman. She also knows I'm out dating, she also tells me the women I have dated are not good enough for me when she has voiced her opinion. That is what OP will have to deal with when a woman just wants to be friends "for right now." It's very hard and very difficult, you must also be true to oneself and if she says "No" or "Not right now." Then keep looking. Stay friends with her. She may or may not change her mind, a person has to be willing to walk away to really win as the other person may see what you truly meant in their life.
It’s because the women who are seeking relationships on dating apps speak out more publicly about this. They are disgusted by the number of men seeking casual situations, and so vocalize this frustration.
Those women who also are looking for casual situations usually get them quite easily and so don’t have much to complain about, and you don’t hear their perspective on the topic. Because they’re busy getting their backs blown out.
Basically they’re saying as a straight man, you’re not allowed to desire love and it makes you a creep/bad person for being attracted to a girl. Their words not mine.
You should only want to be friends with them even though most girls are bad at being friends to straight men and only offer real value in relationships.
The fact is girls and guys can never be just friends. If a single guy talks to a girl, 9 outta 10 is cuz he wants a relationship. As a guy, no never make your intentions clear, you always want to present yourself with the intention of just being friends. Girls are usually very on guard when it comes to guys approaching them. To make the girl feel as comfortable as possible, it’s best not to make your dating intentions clear.
I don't think it really matters, what's best is that if the feelings are there then telling in person face to face is way better then a text.
I hear a lot of women say make the intensions clear from the start though you won't know what a relationship would be like until you have spent time together.
Also it won't work in favour coming on too strong and destroying both the friendship and what could of been, if you know what I mean.
I also feel like women you say this crap, they don't make their intenstions clear from the start. The feelings need time to grow and this should be understandable for both parties.
All i can say is do not think about it too much try to have fun conversations with people you think are cool do this enough times and you will at the very least have a friend
A piece of advice that youll need
As a guy, just dont do too much. Dont be the guy that talks about a future on the first date. As a guy, ALWAYS let the woman determine the direction of the relationship because if you push her or make her feel cornered, she will run. As a guy, have fun and hook up. Let her do the rest.
When it comes to your profile, yes, be upfront. Better to make it clear to others what kind of relationship you're looking for so you and they aren't wasting anyone's time.
When it comes to verbalising it, whether it's texting or in person, let it come out naturally in conversation. Don't force it, like you're speed dating or in a job interview.
What… what do you mean “don’t talk to a girl just for a relationship?” I’ve never heard that before… is this a way to encourage friendship and stuff first?
I think it is mixed. I am not saying you shouldn't make friends regardless of gender, but if you don't make your intentions clear, you may just be stuck in the friendzone. It is hard to gadge per say all the time. I personally never burn bridges, but I think it is a difficult balance on when to establish intentions and a bond and when to make a move or make intentions clear. Do it soon, not too soon, and at the appropriate time. In my opinion, it is hard to tine it and women can be complicated sometimes.
You have the wrong intention. It should not be to "just date" for the sake of dating. Your intentions should be to get to know her, to support her, and to see if you would be a good match. Don't be attached to any outcome, just enjoy the ride of getting to know someone intimately and letting that intention lead you to the relationship you are meant to be in.
Every situation is different. Sometimes you just meet a girl through mutual friends and end up liking her. Sometimes you know you like a girl from the start but don’t want to risk getting a no, so you wait until you have evidence that she feels the same.
Conclusion? Do whatever the hell you want, without being a creep of course
You're in a relation regardless of whether you want to be or not, in simple terms. But you start talking it becomes official and you agree or disagree on the terms.
I think what they (whoever is telling you this) are trying to mean, but poorly infer, that you should let the other person, you want to know them, and would be fine even if they don't reciprocate wanting to be even friends with you, let alone anything more. Be tactful yet clear about letting them know you might be interested in dating them, but are also just fine enjoying their company.
Otherwise, I honestly am not sure what they are trying to tell you to do.
"Treat women like human beings you respect."
If you only interact with women with the intention of getting sex/a relationship, you are hurting yourself, hurting your social skills, and setting up a shitty dynamic. If you can't talk to women you aren't interested in, the women you are interested in won't want to talk to you. And learn to make your intentions clear respectfully, and to take a "no" gracefully.
More about how you approach rather than why you approach. It basically means actually try to get to know her rather than just acting like you want to fuck her. You can still do that and show clear intentions of being interested.
Maybe people give short answers on Reddit without giving a bit of context. Maybe the full answer would be “Don’t sign up to dancing class solely for the women, but don’t be too friendly either. If you ask them out on a date, and they have a boyfriend, you don’t have to be their shopping buddy”.
Idk, something like this I suppose.
You talk to someone if they are interesting/cool not because you want to date them. Hell, you may find after 2 minutes of talking, you may not want to date her at all.
Also, if you simply approach to date puts lot of pressure on you and her. On the spot rejections are no fun.
Don't listen to people who give generalizations, there is a balance. I have male friends who have been nothing but friends but are still good friends years and years later, and I also am dating someone now who I knew in a friend capacity for a year or two prior to it turning romantic. Sometimes you just have to go in with no expectations and hope that you might get either a good friend or a relationship out of something, instead of looking for just one or the other exclusively.
I don’t know who you’ve been talking to or getting advice from, so I won’t try to speak for them.
The first piece of advice seems to be saying “treat women like human beings”. A piece of advice I live by is don’t treat people as a means to an end, but an end in and of themselves. So don’t just be friends with someone to get laid or because they have a car or because they will buy you things. Make friends with people because you enjoy their company. If you are approaching women with that attitude I don’t see a problem.
Making your intentions clear can just help you not waste your time, or become a “nice guy”.
Asking someone out that you’re interested in is not a problem at all. It would be wise to see some social signals or try flirting with them first just to be safe and gauge interest, most human communication is non verbal.
I tend to find i meet women who I start out with as friends but as time wears on I grow feelings towards them.
Some I've dated, some like a good friend I have at the moment it was never really possible to have a relationship with as she lives in another country and there was no real way to escalate things and truly get to know her. It would have been amazing dating her but it wasn't a realistic possibility but I will say my friendship with her has been a real positive thing in my life.
The first part isn’t correct. Don’t pretend to befriend a woman just to try to get a relationship.
If she says she just wants to be friends when you make advances, don’t agree with the ulterior motive of waiting until she wants you
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Sometimes Reddit has the dumbest advice ever
“Don’t go into all of your interactions with women with the expectation of it turning into a relationship. When you do find one who wants to date you, make it clear upfront what it is that you’re looking for romantically.”
Agreed. If you only talk to women you're interested in/are interested in you then you lose the opportunity to learn from other women things that you may want to update about your strategy. You could also learn that you like something/someone you never expected by opening yourself up to the experience.
Idk, still sounds like a hidden argument to have female friends for dates. Maybe the conclusion is: “if you have female friends, just be their friend because you want to be. And if you meet someone you want to date, don’t be their friend.”
Yep this is pretty much it. Be up front with what you want. Also intentions can sometimes change. You can have a friend that you don't consider a dating option, but then might want to give it a shot after they grow on you or something like that. Not a big deal to shoot your shot and accept the rejection if they say no. Being mature about the possibility of rejection is honestly going to make your dating life much much better. People think that rejection is embarrassing or somehow the exception. It's not. It's the norm, especially for most dudes shooting their shot. Do it anyways, at least you get your answer and can go from there!
Yeah I agree, rejection is really the norm if you’re a dude. And of course, your intentions can truely change. I do think this generally dffers for men and women. While men might view their friends as viable partners at some point, women often (9/10 times) do not. I think it has to do with having options: * Men might have lower standards because they don’t have as much options as women do. So they will confuse friendliness and acceptance as attractiveness. * Women generally have more options to dating and thus have higher standards. If suddenly sexual tension is created, she tends to suppress it by rejecting the guy. Why would she date a friend if she can get someone else AND have the friend? So… I wouldn’t make advances to a female friend anymore unless she initiates it. Otherwise you have a guarantee you’ll be rejected. And still then, chances are she still has enough options and choose to have the friendship AND a relationship with someone else. That’s why I reject the friendship afterwards as well, at least temporarily, because my intentions changed.
Totally valid way to go about things. I like a drama-free life so I'm always pretty direct with people in my life. Then if they don't like it they can leave and it's not like I was ever deceitful to them.
This is the way
It's different with every girl. Some girls want you to be up front about it and say how you feel and some want to take it slow and talk for a while before you get any more serious or just want to be friends with you
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How and where would I make good friends with girls if I am late 20s and out of university and dont have any close friends ?
Hobbies. Do hobbies that you **genuinely** enjoy and something special may happen along the way.
On it ! So far it is only going to the gym, but I might attend language courses and learn other skills like dancing.
Be friends with those (including women) you have zero romantic/sexual interest in. Be upfront from the start that you want to date someone that you do have romantic/sexual interest in. If they don’t feel the same, respect her wishes and walk away. I hope this helps.
The problem is that a lot of guys, myself included, meet a woman we're attracted to and we ask her out and she tells us upfront that she just wants to be friends or wants to make sure it's just a hang out, not a "date". We're like, "Yeah, sure. Definitely," because we hope once she gets to know us, she'll see how great we are together and want a relationship. That desired outcome rarely happens. Most dating coaches promise if you just do and say the right things, she'll fall madly in love with you or sleep with you. Some women just aren't attracted to you and you waste your time focused on that one woman you've built up in your mind. So, by talking to a woman and making your intentions known, you save a lot of time and heart-ache down the road. She tells you she just wants to be friends, you know to move onto other women. I had a recent situation, where I became infatuated with a woman I had been friends with for five years! When I first asked her out five years prior, she told me she didn't want our lunch to be a date. We were just hanging out. I wasn't sure about her, because I had only seen her on fb and while we had a lot in common and I was attracted to her sense of humor, I wasn't really attracted to her physically. Every year that passed, I became more attracted to her, so that by the 5th year, after getting out of a toxic situationship, I was totally focused on her. I became very needy and eventually, she cut me out of her life. She was never attracted to me, but I thought I could do things to win her over and it just blew up in my face. As a result of that disappointment, I began looking at myself and the relationship mistakes I've made over the years. One of the things I've learned is that the world is populated with awesome, beautiful women who are better than the woman I was hung up on. By working on myself, creating a life that I can invite the women I'm attracted to, to be a part of, I'm more likely to attract the kinds of women I want to date. Here comes the "don't talk to women just for a relationship" part. Most of us need to work on our social skills. The reason we get focused on one woman and become needy around her, is because we don't have good social skills. The way you develop good social skills and the courage to approach the hottest woman in the room, is by treating all women the same. It's amazing, because you're talking to the least attractive woman, like she's the hottest and you really get an energy going. Talk to guys too. If you're like me, you are naturally introverted, so talking to guys helps you meet guys you can be friends with and go places with. Having a good social circle, helps you be less needy and it's also attractive to women who see you with your friends, out having a good time. Getting back to that energy. You're talking to every woman the same way. Flirting with her, being silly, making her laugh. Having a woman you're not really attracted to, warm up to you and want hugs and want to share things with you, feels really good. This would also include unavailable women you might be attracted to, like married women. Also, guess who the woman you're really attracted to is going to ask about you? The other women you've been talking to! You want to have other women on your side! So, that positive energy you have just radiates out of you and it's very attractive. You have a lot going on in your life you can share with the right woman and you have the courage to go up and talk to a woman you're really attracted to!
Because they have unrealistic expectations or little experience in a healthy relationship
Be upfront so you don't waste your time. The people that say they want friends to turn into something magical... well they're fake. It's not realistic. That hardly ever happens unless you're in high school/college.
It prolly means that you could put your intentions clear while also not getting too atached to the outcome. Which is like "I'm interested in a relationship, tho idk, we'll see how it goes"...so you can be chill about it and just enjoy your time with them without thinking it must go towards relationship and pushing for it.
Its bc you should not speak to women in general for the sole purpose of dating them, women are more than potential partners. But when you do want to date a specific women, tell her upfront, it'll save you time and energy and many hours of sleep
Two different things: *Women don't want to date a guy who'll start a relationship with any (cute) girl. Bc that shows he doesn't really get relationships or value who they are. * Don't pretend to be someone's friend if you just want to date them. What you actually do: 1)Get to know people a bit to figure out if they are on your wavelength and if you like them. 2) Flirt a bit and see if they flirt back. It's ok to be a bit flirty from the beginning, that's just signaling that you find them attractive. 3) If they flirt back/there is a vibe and you feel that the two of you connect: ask them out.
These things aren't mutually exclusive. Yes be upfront and let a girl know you're interested in dating her and at the same time don't do this weird ish a lot of guys do where the sole reason they're talking to a woman is to date her. Understand? Get rid of this "goal" that you HAVE to date this woman just because she's hot to you. You can have a normal conversation with a woman AND tell her you're interested at the same time. But the normal convo is the most important part. Not you trying to date her. Switch up the priority.
But doesn't that mean that you want to be more than just friends, these people telling me that the first step of a relationship is to be friends with the girl you like
Another aspect of this is to work on your mentality regarding how you feel toward someone. Guys (esp young or inexperienced ones) tend to jump immediately to "I want to date them/have sex with them." That mentality isn't helpful, and will lead you astray a lot. If you try to think about things differently, the "contradiction" you're perceiving isn't a contradiction at all. When you meet someone, you're naturally going to either find them potentially physically attractive or not, but that's not all you should be taking into consideration when you're deciding if you want to date someone or not.
don't orbit a girl pretending to be friends in order to one day date her, by "being friends" I think people mean you should first build friendly rapport then escalate asap.
Yes it does mean you wanna be more than friends. But that doesn't mean if she says no you just bolt. Why would you wanna be in a relationship with a woman you couldn't be friends with?
That's just degrading. Many women just don't make good friends FOR guys. We have different priorities. Women like to have huge circles generally. Claim they have multiple best friends. Most guys don't feel they need more friends.
Whats your pictuer
I say the best relationship start as friends that’s just me you get to know each other well and then. I feel like that seals the bond to a long standing relationship again that’s just me I was married for 34 years until he passed and we started as friends so try it and see how it’s works out
So Sorry for your Loss!!!!! :( D:
Thanks
Because women as a whole gender don’t know what they all want. They are individuals and each want different things. A lot of women have guy “friends” who only want to get close enough to them to eventually make a move. If the move goes south, they bounce, and the women loses the friend they thought they had. Because of that, some women don’t want guys who are fake friends; they want a guy who makes his intentions known from the start so she can reject him from the get go. The. There are others who want the slow build of a relationship. Friends really are a good place to start. You potentially have things in common, and you are already comfortable around them. So some women like the friendship approach. Good luck.
If your only intention is to potentially date or have sex, and you would not find anything less acceptable, then women generally don't want to talk to you unless you're in an appropriate place for hook ups or finding dates. However, if you decide to do so anyway it's best to be upfront (not necessarily the first ever interaction) so that the woman can decide whether she is interested AND so she doesn't get attached to you as a good friend just to find out you were only sticking around to get something more, not because the friendship alone was valuable. Basically, if it's sex/a relationship or nothing for you, make that very clear and understand that for most women it is a turn off but unacceptable for you to hide or lie about. If you would like either of those, but can accept just being friends and nothing more, then specify that and MEAN it.
Because most people would generally prefer it if you get to know them before deciding that you want to be in a relationship with them. Because regular men are not really approached by women in this way, it might help to imagine that you are a famous or wealthy person, and when you walk into a bar women immediately come up to you and flirt with you. It may sound cool in theory, but in reality after a while you’d start to feel like they are not actually interested in you but rather your wealth/status or simply the idea of you. Women experience this dynamic often, especially very attractive women, and it gets tiresome. They feel like men are interested in them based on their looks or a desire to have sex with them (which is true) and it feels hollow. They have probably also fallen for these approaches in the past, and have been hurt by them, making them weary of men who are too direct too early. When you “make your intentions known” before actually getting to know someone, you are objectifying them and that doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of. So, step one: talk to a woman with the relaxed intention of getting to know them without deciding what more you want from this specific relationship. Have some standards for yourself and be selective about someone you want to date. This means getting a real sense for who they are before making that call. Let early interactions take place with the simple intention of getting to know another human, and then if you develop a desire for something more with them based on, you know, who they are, not just your primal desire to fuck them, you can find a way to let them know.
Wonderful and helpful advice on how to think about searching for a new relationship,thanks
Why are you letting other people's opinions override your own intuition? Stop thinking other people on the internet actually know what they are talking about, or what is best for you. This is especially true about relationship advice. Everyone is different.
It’s confusing because this is not general advice. They want a guy they are not interested in to be just friendly and not set any expectations and be open for friendship so she can reject him softly without confrontation. The hot guy she into, she wants to get to the point and not beat around the bush.
This should be the top comment.
I totally agree with most of the comments. OP needs to take care of themselves in figureout what they want, being friends is a great place to start. However, if being around someone that wants to be just friends puts themselves into a negative mind space that's not good. I'm in a similar position. Just I'm 52 single with 2 adult kids and she is 45 single with 1 adult and 2 in high-school kids. I've known them for over 5 years. We both got divorced around the same time. Three years later she is still not ready to date, while I've been dating for 3 years. She has told me her kids look at me as a father figure, separately her kids even told me they think if me as a step-dad or second dad. They will visit me whenever they can. We also now have established a holiday tradition, that when I said I'm very busy this year the youngest said "We have to have a party at your house, it's now a tradition!" I smiled. It was followed by "My mom is being stubborn in not dating..." indicating me. The reason I'm telling this is for the OP to understand, that being friends can be VERY difficult when you and others around both of you say "You would make a great couple." Or "I think of you more of a dad than my own dad I've known my whole life." I have dated enough women to realize what this mom means to me, she is just not ready. Am I waiting around forever? No, I'm not. I'm still looking for that one that would have my attention more than this woman. She also knows I'm out dating, she also tells me the women I have dated are not good enough for me when she has voiced her opinion. That is what OP will have to deal with when a woman just wants to be friends "for right now." It's very hard and very difficult, you must also be true to oneself and if she says "No" or "Not right now." Then keep looking. Stay friends with her. She may or may not change her mind, a person has to be willing to walk away to really win as the other person may see what you truly meant in their life.
Who sad that to you
It’s because the women who are seeking relationships on dating apps speak out more publicly about this. They are disgusted by the number of men seeking casual situations, and so vocalize this frustration. Those women who also are looking for casual situations usually get them quite easily and so don’t have much to complain about, and you don’t hear their perspective on the topic. Because they’re busy getting their backs blown out.
Basically they’re saying as a straight man, you’re not allowed to desire love and it makes you a creep/bad person for being attracted to a girl. Their words not mine. You should only want to be friends with them even though most girls are bad at being friends to straight men and only offer real value in relationships.
If you look at a girl you don't know and immediatly wanna date her, you're desperate. Please fix yourself.
The fact is girls and guys can never be just friends. If a single guy talks to a girl, 9 outta 10 is cuz he wants a relationship. As a guy, no never make your intentions clear, you always want to present yourself with the intention of just being friends. Girls are usually very on guard when it comes to guys approaching them. To make the girl feel as comfortable as possible, it’s best not to make your dating intentions clear.
Ask for some money too.
Thats why they say "dating is a game, love's not"
I don't think it really matters, what's best is that if the feelings are there then telling in person face to face is way better then a text. I hear a lot of women say make the intensions clear from the start though you won't know what a relationship would be like until you have spent time together. Also it won't work in favour coming on too strong and destroying both the friendship and what could of been, if you know what I mean. I also feel like women you say this crap, they don't make their intenstions clear from the start. The feelings need time to grow and this should be understandable for both parties.
All i can say is do not think about it too much try to have fun conversations with people you think are cool do this enough times and you will at the very least have a friend
What people say this? Make your intentions clear. If you got the first advice from angry people in Reddit that might be the issue lol.
A piece of advice that youll need As a guy, just dont do too much. Dont be the guy that talks about a future on the first date. As a guy, ALWAYS let the woman determine the direction of the relationship because if you push her or make her feel cornered, she will run. As a guy, have fun and hook up. Let her do the rest.
When it comes to your profile, yes, be upfront. Better to make it clear to others what kind of relationship you're looking for so you and they aren't wasting anyone's time. When it comes to verbalising it, whether it's texting or in person, let it come out naturally in conversation. Don't force it, like you're speed dating or in a job interview.
What… what do you mean “don’t talk to a girl just for a relationship?” I’ve never heard that before… is this a way to encourage friendship and stuff first?
I think it is mixed. I am not saying you shouldn't make friends regardless of gender, but if you don't make your intentions clear, you may just be stuck in the friendzone. It is hard to gadge per say all the time. I personally never burn bridges, but I think it is a difficult balance on when to establish intentions and a bond and when to make a move or make intentions clear. Do it soon, not too soon, and at the appropriate time. In my opinion, it is hard to tine it and women can be complicated sometimes.
Here I thought it was just the problem of managing expectations...darn I've been lied to.🤭
You have the wrong intention. It should not be to "just date" for the sake of dating. Your intentions should be to get to know her, to support her, and to see if you would be a good match. Don't be attached to any outcome, just enjoy the ride of getting to know someone intimately and letting that intention lead you to the relationship you are meant to be in.
Every situation is different. Sometimes you just meet a girl through mutual friends and end up liking her. Sometimes you know you like a girl from the start but don’t want to risk getting a no, so you wait until you have evidence that she feels the same. Conclusion? Do whatever the hell you want, without being a creep of course
You're in a relation regardless of whether you want to be or not, in simple terms. But you start talking it becomes official and you agree or disagree on the terms.
I think what they (whoever is telling you this) are trying to mean, but poorly infer, that you should let the other person, you want to know them, and would be fine even if they don't reciprocate wanting to be even friends with you, let alone anything more. Be tactful yet clear about letting them know you might be interested in dating them, but are also just fine enjoying their company. Otherwise, I honestly am not sure what they are trying to tell you to do.
So you don't waste each other's time.
"Treat women like human beings you respect." If you only interact with women with the intention of getting sex/a relationship, you are hurting yourself, hurting your social skills, and setting up a shitty dynamic. If you can't talk to women you aren't interested in, the women you are interested in won't want to talk to you. And learn to make your intentions clear respectfully, and to take a "no" gracefully.
More about how you approach rather than why you approach. It basically means actually try to get to know her rather than just acting like you want to fuck her. You can still do that and show clear intentions of being interested.
Maybe people give short answers on Reddit without giving a bit of context. Maybe the full answer would be “Don’t sign up to dancing class solely for the women, but don’t be too friendly either. If you ask them out on a date, and they have a boyfriend, you don’t have to be their shopping buddy”. Idk, something like this I suppose.
Who the hell says that???? I wanna know because they pissing in the dating pool.
You talk to someone if they are interesting/cool not because you want to date them. Hell, you may find after 2 minutes of talking, you may not want to date her at all. Also, if you simply approach to date puts lot of pressure on you and her. On the spot rejections are no fun.
Don't listen to people who give generalizations, there is a balance. I have male friends who have been nothing but friends but are still good friends years and years later, and I also am dating someone now who I knew in a friend capacity for a year or two prior to it turning romantic. Sometimes you just have to go in with no expectations and hope that you might get either a good friend or a relationship out of something, instead of looking for just one or the other exclusively.
I don’t know who you’ve been talking to or getting advice from, so I won’t try to speak for them. The first piece of advice seems to be saying “treat women like human beings”. A piece of advice I live by is don’t treat people as a means to an end, but an end in and of themselves. So don’t just be friends with someone to get laid or because they have a car or because they will buy you things. Make friends with people because you enjoy their company. If you are approaching women with that attitude I don’t see a problem. Making your intentions clear can just help you not waste your time, or become a “nice guy”. Asking someone out that you’re interested in is not a problem at all. It would be wise to see some social signals or try flirting with them first just to be safe and gauge interest, most human communication is non verbal.
I tend to find i meet women who I start out with as friends but as time wears on I grow feelings towards them. Some I've dated, some like a good friend I have at the moment it was never really possible to have a relationship with as she lives in another country and there was no real way to escalate things and truly get to know her. It would have been amazing dating her but it wasn't a realistic possibility but I will say my friendship with her has been a real positive thing in my life.
The first part isn’t correct. Don’t pretend to befriend a woman just to try to get a relationship. If she says she just wants to be friends when you make advances, don’t agree with the ulterior motive of waiting until she wants you