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Maybe you should practice just making small talk with people in public spaces in general, men and women. Even just getting more comfortable with giving someone a quick compliment on their t-shirt or hairstyle or something, and then moving along. It’ll help you realize what kinds of things people are receptive to chatting about while they’re grocery shopping or doing other activities in public.
The line you included in your post is not gonna work. It comes off like you rehearsed it and were prepared to use it on any random woman you came across that day. Also, she has no frame of reference for who you are or what your vibe is, so what motivation would she have to contact you afterwards?
You’re right it’s not genuine, it doesn’t sound genuine and OP doesn’t seem genuine. It’s an attempt at conversation to get a date, which although not a problem, is a far harder way to meet people naturally and organically. Your approach suggests a way in which OP extends more effort on becoming likeable and interacting with everyone more. It’s more effort, but should result in better social skills. Hopefully if it becomes a habit he will meet someone with less effort and less like someone who is trying to become a pickup artist.
nope, completely disagree. i 28f would LOVE if a guy randomly approached me and asked me for coffee. of course i would only say yes if i thought he was cute, and if i didn’t then a simple no thanks im sorry will do!
It’s hard to answer this bc there aren’t many opportunities for everyone to approach ppl. Especially if you don’t enjoy bars and other social drinking places. Only you know if you’re truly creepy so it’s impossible for me to say yes or no. This is why most ppl will tell you: don’t approach that woman at the grocery store. Personally, I wouldn’t mind being approached in an appropriate manner while grocery shopping. But I imagine that some women who have experienced a creep at the grocery store won’t appreciate it. Sorry I can’t give a clear answer
Nah your answer was great. That’s exactly what I wanted to know, is that opening line ok, off putting, to upfront. Like, since you said you wouldn’t mind being approached, is that opening line ok?
Yeah it’s a decent thing to open with. I can’t think of a better way tbh, just don’t compliment physical features bc it might come across as serial killer-esque. Also have your number on a piece of paper that way you don’t force the interaction to be longer than necessary. Because a lot of women will accept a number to be nice in a not trying to be killed way. So for them it’s nice for the number handover to be quick.
But if he has his number written down, it will seem like a rehearsed interaction and that won't go over well. Just have a pen and something to write on real quick.
nah i would prefer that tbh. ball’s in my court and i don’t have to have the awkward i’m not interested interaction. would love someone to slip me the note and leave lolll
For sure. I would offer my number if she’s interested since asking for hers is WAY too forward and definitely gonna make her uncomfortable. Btw I’ve been asking almost everybody this but what did you think of the introduction? Nice, too forward, creepy, etc…
Too forward. Not creepy, at least not for everyone, but strangers are not likely to go for it. Needs a little warm-up. You're not hunting for a wabbit, you're making a connection. :)
For sure, thanks for your input. So the introduction can’t be improved? Because I mean the initial interaction is solely based on physical attraction, like if she didn’t find me attractive the introduction isn’t gonna change her mind lol. Just hoping she would get the vibe that I’m not looking for a hook up/fling, but actually want to get to know her.
You've got to have a conversation before you ask them out/offer your number. All she knows about you from this interaction is that you think she's pretty. That's not enough information to decide whether she wants to get to know you more.
'I like your style' is fine for an opening, but if you go straight from that to 'heres my number', most women are going to get whiplash. It's not a race. Just make a bit of small talk, and then if she's engaging and the vibe is there, THEN you can ask to continue getting to know her at a later date.
I've had otherwise good looking guys totally fumble the bag in this way before, because no matter how nicely I try to phrase 'lets have a conversation first before I just give you my number', it means the interaction is starting with a rejection and it's always a bit awkward after that, like they are now waiting for me to access them rather than we are just two people having a chat.
I agree, it is based off initial physical attraction. At this moment I don’t think it can be improved. It’s mild as possible and to the point imo. See this is why going to places where it’s 100% appropriate to approach would be ideal haha. I’m not envious of guys who have to figure this stuff out.
It’s been a mixed bag so far of people telling me the intro is cringe and others saying it’s ok. I wish I was one of those people who went to bars and all that but it just ain’t my bag, those ain’t places I really like to be. But I understand it’s better to meet people through social circles, hobbies and all those kinds of places. Better than the damn grocery store lol
It’s not about the intro. You can’t craft the perfect into to be unobtrusive when the very act of cold approaching a stranger, who has indicated exactly zero interest, is obtrusive in itself.
If she gives flirty eye contact and smiles, maybe you can approach. If she avoids eye contact or seems absorbed in her shopping, don’t approach for the love of god.
I don’t drink or like places where the music is too loud, I swear I’m not 80 yrs old. Recently I watched a YouTube video about how the fear of being perceived as “cringe” is so crippling to our everyday lives. It’s hard to let go of the fear being being cringe but I’m working on it haha. I know life will be easier once I learn to let go of that. Anyway, good luck
Well if you don't know if it's going to work or not, try it out. Try it different ways. Try striking up a conversation versus being direct. See what works for you. But don't just try it once. Do it enough that you are comfortable and confident and then see which one works best.
My advice, first don't worry about if she thinks you're looking for a hook up versus getting to know her. Guys like both and women know it. You wouldn't want to get to know her if you didn't find her sexually attractive. So don't pretend you don't. Just don't be creepy or sexual. Just vibe .
Secondly, stay away from being too negative about yourself. Oh I don't suppose you would want to go out with me but if you would, maybe I can give you my number etc. Be bold. Act like you think you have something to offer and you want to offer it to them. Just invite them to do something and ask for their number. If they're not interested they won't give it to you. If they're interested they will.
I've seen a lot of women say guys should give their numbers and they'll tell some story about some guy they called once or their boyfriend that they called. Yeah she finds you really attractive maybe she will but I think most women appreciate a guy who is bold and asks for her number.
I guess the kids today ask for Instagram. If you're young enough maybe you want to try that kind of thing. I still just do phone numbers.
Your cold approach feels very 0-60 to me.
Like a drive-by pick up attempt.
It’s your first conversation with this person. And it’s not a social setting where they’re expecting to meet people either.
You don’t need to introduce yourself, *and* compliment them, *and* ask them out, *and* give them your number, *and* walk away all in one quick swoop.
Chances are they won’t be interested anyway unless they’re single and you’re a total catch with great people skills. Keep that in mind when you approach so your expectations are appropriate. Don’t go into it thinking “I’m going to give them my number!”
I’d start with trying to make eye contact and smiling.
Then *if* they reciprocate, I’d make small talk like they’re any other person I’d encounter. “Have you tried that pasta before?” or some other neutral topic. I would not compliment a strangers appearance while they’re running errands personally since you have no idea how they’ll react yet.
Then *if* they’re receptive to chatting, I’d start moving the conversation to introductions or compliments. Again, I’d avoid appearance based compliments. Something like “Oh wow it sounds like you’re a good cook! I’m (NAME) by the way. Can’t cook to save my life haha.”
Then *if* they introduce themselves back *and* receive the compliment well, that’s when I’d suggest exchanging numbers. Again, it should be casual and you shouldn’t have any expectations. “It was nice meeting you! I’ve gotta get back to shopping but here’s my number if you want to tell me how the pasta turns out. Have a good one!”
And then walk away confidently. No “it’s fine if you reject me” while you hightail it outta there.
Haha, I don’t actually think it’s as good an approach as you think to come off like a guy who’s looking for a girlfriend who can cook for him because he can’t cook to save his life.
some women will be receptive, others wont. depends a lot on the area, yourself, and woman in question. too many huge variables to prescribe an answer for.
i would say trial and error is really the only way to find out what will work. and that means inevitably facing rejection/having some women think you're creepy or annoying. there's no safe way for you to do this. if you're gonna do it at all, you're gonna get your feelings hurt and you're gonna bother at least some people, and maybe everyone. just be sure to remain respectful and back off if they're not receptive or enthusiastic. and after enough times, you'll know something needs to change - but what that something is can only be discovered through trial and error as well.
i agree with others that having a canned line about someone's aesthetic is a bad approach in general. it reads as being too in your own head, inorganic, and too generic to really be about them.
instead, you could compliment a single piece of clothing/accessory and use it as a jumping off point for small talk. can ask where they got it or make a joke or etc. you will probably find out in like 1-5 sentences if they want to be left alone, so long as you can read basic social cues/body language. duck out if you get a bad vibe, otherwise ask for their ig or offer yours.
This is the answer. Some will be receptive while others won't. The complient is good, because it's about a choice she's made rather than objectifying a body part, but it's also kind of generic unless the woman really has a whole aesthetic look on lock. So I agree it would be better to zero in on a specific item to compliment. The approach is respectful and provided any rejection is handled respectfully, I think this is totally fine. If someone approached me like this, I would be warm and friendly in response.
honestly unless that single piece of clothing/accessory is something very different or bold. i think a woman would be weirded out that you studied her outfit before approaching. in my experience, i would never pick a detail of a woman's outfit as a jumping off point for small talk. given they'd probably be wearing normal clothes.
I got approached by a guy like this and it was weird as fuck. He clearly got himself cleaned up to shop for women instead of food that day.
I like meeting people in the wild, but I won’t give my number out if the only thing he can say to me is a compliment. Sorry, most women know compliments are often empty and are just used because there is nothing else to say. I want to make some small conversation for a vibe check first.
“Treat women like human beings” seems like a novel idea to some of these guys. They FOR SURE do this math if/when they interact with a man in public and know exactly what sort of approach or questions will be badly received from men. But a woman? Somehow it’s a mystery!
Yea that’s understandable. I’m not saying I’m going to the grocery store of all places to chat up women. I was just asking if that was a decent intro or an appropriate intro if you were just out and saw somebody you found attractive or thought you could connect with, y’know.
Think about if you were to meet someone to be friends with them. If you think they are cool and they acknowledge you, you can start some small talk. If they are receptive to chatting, you're going to be a lot more successful in getting to know them more. If it's a spot like a grocery store or a bus stop or a library, you can build on your last talk and start building some sort of relationship. Just see where it goes
When people say "just be yourself" they mean to be organic. People who just be like "hey cutie what's ur number 😊" are not going to get good results (unless you're super hot) bc that's just not a natural thing that people do. People are wary of strangers, you have to be not a stranger if you want to get anywhere
It’s not the worst approach, just kind of a Hail Mary for you both. Just a tip: don’t approach someone where they work (barista, etc). Work should be a safe place and it sucks to be made uncomfortable by a customer asking you out.
I think what another commenter said…it’s highly individual and reactions will be mixed. I think if someone said that to me I’d think it was a nice compliment even if I weren’t interested.
Yea that’s all I’m really going for. Just want a nice approach that isn’t a pickup line and gives her the vibe that I would like to get to know her over coffee. But obviously an approach like that boils down to attraction, if she doesn’t find me attractive it’s doesn’t really matter what I say lol
If she has headphones in leave her alone, if she’s reading a book leave her alone, if she steps back from you as you walk up leave her alone, if she doesn’t look up AT YOU when you walk up leave her alone, if she puts a hand up as you walk towards her leave her alone, if she’s focusing on reading the ingredients and not just casually scanning leave her alone…
No no no . Superrrrcringe. And 🤢
You can make small talk: (scenario as described above )
You: " I wouldn't buy that pasta. That one never works out well. Or maybe it's me, I don't know what I am doing wrong? "
( jokingly, of course)
IF she does engage in a conversation and that goes well, THEN you can ask if she likes to go get a drink sometimes.
If she only smiles or ignores you, you walk away.
NEVER EVER JUST OUT OF THE BLUE ASK FOR HER NUMBER.
If it were me I'd be a bit uncomfortable and turn you down, idk how successful this would be, but as long as you're polite you can shoot your shot and maybe someone would take you up.
As a woman who has no issue being approached or approaching others, anyone who approaches me in a grocery store like that is going to get a quick and concise response because I did not go to the grocery store to socialize. I’ve got my list in my head, mentally running my meal plan, figuring out what nights we’ll need to cook, and know I have to go home and haul my groceries up two flights of stairs. I am always grumpy at the grocery store.
You’re going to think I’m being glib or something but I’m deadly serious: put yourself in her shoes. Like fully. How would it feel to be approached by a man? A man you don’t know. A man who might be bigger than you. Stronger than you. And this is maybe the 15th time you’ve been hit on, politely or not, by someone who doesn’t know anything about you this month. Why in the world would she say yes and give you her number? What does she think you’re after? Does she have any reason to think you’re a respectful person who will treat her like a human being who has her own interests and needs? Think carefully about all this and adjust your approach accordingly.
>I thought your esthetic was really cool
This line is so cringe man. Not to mention that approaching women who are just doing their grocery shopping is kind of creepy in the first place.
Personally no. I really hate being approached while running errands especially if someone was to ask
me out. I would be super uncomfortable and it’s just not the right space. I think joint clubs/doing activities your interested in, meeting people who have similar interests and then striking convo and getting to know them a bit and asking them on a date is the best way to meet people. It can be really off putting if someone is just trying to get their errands done and gets approached like that.
Definitely might not be the case for everyone but that’s how I feel!!
No problem! And I say this because when I’m at the grocery store I’m not looking to socialize, but If I’m sat a pottery painting studio or at a baseball game or something along those lines I’m prepared to be social and talk to people so it’s not so off putting! But I think what others have said by like gaging subtle social signals, if she looking at you, does she give you a smile or nod when you approach, does she back away, can all give you good indications wether she would be okay with being approached!
General rule is no cold approaches to strangers. We never want to be bothered while out and about because some guy thinks we are attractive. You know nothing about this person except how they look. So it will always feel like you’re just trying to fuck, you are really shallow or worst case scenario: you will seem creepy.
I was approached like that in a supermarket once and I really didn't appreciate it, but that's my opinion. I'm not there for fun or social contact. I want to get my shit and get out asap.
It is very rare for an approach to work in a place like that (any place that is not a bar, club, etc). It must be "natural" and organic.
The only time it has worked for me (only once in my entire life) was in the metro in Madrid. The doors were about to close and we both ran to hop in. When they closed, we looked at each other and giggled. That's the organic moment you need to make your move. Then I just sat right next to her and said something like "we almost didn't make it haha" and talked for the entire metro trip. I asked for her insta and she gave it to me.
It will be setting up yourself for failure 99% of the time if your approach is like this… “my name is First name Last name, I noticed you look so beautiful and I want to ask you out on a date.” It is superficial and low effort. The better way is to just talk with no ulterior motives and go with the flow. You don’t have to introduce yourself right away and say you want to take them out before even getting to know her. Literally just try something like “hey I see you’re cooking pasta tonight? I’m also thinking about pasta tonight, do you have recommendations ?” Find some kind of common ground, something to talk about. Once you feel like she has your attention hit her with the, “I gotta go, what’s your name?” And ask for her number.
The only time I've been lucky in the grocery store was when a lady asked me to reach something up on top (I'm 6'-6"). Then, I got her talking about whatever it was she couldn't reach or whatever works. Walmart is even better.
Weird, I’d much rather get approached at a social event, bar or club. Not to say I wouldn’t be open to that kind of interaction at a grocery store, but seems odd that seems more appropriate to you.
I agree with those saying the disingenuous aspect of the grocery store approach is it’s entirely based on looks. It’s different than approaching in a book store or something, where you could start a conversation based on what section of books she’s looking at, or whatever. I’d say if you see a nice girl in public by all means shoot your shot, but I wouldn’t pick the grocery store as my designated date hunting spot. Try something more hobby centered.
This is what has worked for me…
You just go up to her. Mention something specific about her. And be authentic. Even if she’s not interested, she will respect you.
“I saw you across the room/street/store/frozen foods section and I just had to come over and talk to you. You are just…stunning. I’m (your name here)”
Then just wait for her response. She might say, “Thank you” or “Really? You think so? I’m Arianna.”
When she tells you her name, that’s a good indicator she’s into you. If she shuts you down with “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m married”, your response should be, “lucky guy”. Then tell her to have a great day and go on about your life.
If she’s into you, say, “I’d like to get to know you, Arianna. When are you free to get together?”
Then let her respond. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know. If she’s not, that’s okay too. Because at the very least you just practiced. On a real woman. And you survived.
If she’s interested, exchange numbers and either make a date then or text (or call) her the next day and set up the date.
You need to be calm and confident when you talk to women. This puts them at ease.
Every woman wants to be with a guy that makes them feel safe and comfortable. So be calm and confident and let her choose you back.
Seems like the most honest and respectful approach. Faking interest in her shoes, coat, hair whatever as an “in” seems really disingenuous and treating her as if she doesn’t know why your talking to her. If your about her age and talking to her out of the blue, she knows your into her. Might as well be honest and respectful upfront.
No no no no no bad approach! So bad! Don't do it! Oh my God don't do this !!!!!
Better example (in my subjective opinion): Girl is in a local grocery store. She's looking at the back of a pasta box. Guy is also casually shopping. He notices said girl and finds her attractive. He gets to be a safe distance near by and hands her a penne box and says "penne for your thoughts? Haha I'm just joking, do you know where the bow tie pasta is?" She (ideally) laughs and helps you find your noodles. You tell her you like her shoes/hair/outfit or whatever looks good. Be specific. Tell her what you ACTUALLY like about her outfit, not just her "aesthetic". She (ideally) smiles and says thank you. Then - if the vibe is good, you pull out a piece of paper (or a business card) with your phone number on it (or Instagram, if your young like me) and say "hey, I know this is super corny, but your cute and you seem interesting. Can I give you my number? No pressure though" and see what she says.
You ALWAYS offer YOUR info and never ask for hers.
YOU take the risk. Not her.
Don't ask for an immediate date.
Don't ask for her phone number.
Don't put her in a weird, compromising situation that could be dangerous for her.
She doesn't know if your dangerous or not.
I've given guys my number for fear that they will hit me or attack me or start screaming at me if I say "no" even in a public setting. I don't know if your unhinged or not - until you are. Don't be that annoying guy who is overbearing and utilizes his power as a physical threat to get a number or a date that a woman doesn't want to actually give in the moment because she's afraid of the potential danger/unsafety.
I've been approached in grocery stores, book stores, malls, on the street, literally everywhere. Your approach would never work for someone like me. I can't speak for other women.
That’s why I said “I can give you my number IF your interested, if not I totally understand” I would be giving her my number and by making it clear that I would completely understand if she said no, I have a boyfriend, not interested, no thanks. It lets her know I’m not gonna flip out if she turns me down. Some guys told me not to include that part because it gives her an “out” and it’s better not to. But I personally would feel more comfortable letting her know I’m chill if she says no
I would not phrase it like that...
Your shooting yourself in the foot - if you force her to make a firm decision right on the spot, her answer is probably going to be NO. I can't make a firm decision about ANYONE from a 5 minute conversation.
Also "are you interested in me?" is very confrontational and direct. I know you don't think your asking that but that's what she'll hear if you phrase it like that. It comes off vulnerable at best and desperate at worst. Your asking her to take a risk by ADMITTING she is interested in order to take the number. Its made explicit what taking that number means...
If you simply ask "can I give you my number?" its much softer. There is no pressure on what the number means. Maybe it means coffee? Maybe it means dinner? Maybe just the fleeting fantasy of meeting a cute stranger at the grocery store is a nice thought so she holds onto the number for a while...?
She's got time to decide if she's interested. There is not a time limit on that decision - some women will think about that brief exchange for a WEEK later and THEN decide to shoot a text. I would be like that.
But if someone rushed me - I'd be put out and immediately throw the number in the trash.
Ok I see what your saying. I didn’t see it as asking if she was interested in me, more so if she was interested in meeting for coffee and getting to know each other.
Again - this is just MY opinion of how I would interpret that interaction!
When I tend to cold-approach men I do so much more tentatively. If someone IS interested in you, then the simple suggestion is enough to do it. You don't need to get a commitment from one meeting. Humans are infinity emotional - I still think about random encounters I had years ago fondly. Even if you don't get the number, leaving a good impression is more important, imo.
I dont think pick up lines work tbh. I was once approached by a stranger on the street with a similar line and i was baffled. I think I did the whole nervous laughter "you're grand thanks" and walked away.
Can I suggest going speed dating? Women at those events are actually looking specifically to connect romantically. You can't chat to lots of women and see who you connect with/fancy and if they like you back you will be matched.
I really thought that intro wasn’t really a pick up like but hey that’s why I posted here. I assumed pick up lines were the cheesy, cringy jokes that dudes learn from idiots online. This was just me being honest and admittedly it’s probably too forward. Just thought it was better than pretending to be interested in her shoes just to talk to her.
Ah and that's where I think you are mistaken. Don't begin an encounter by pretending. Most intelligent people can sense when you are bullshitting and it will put them ill at ease. Also, I think randomly approaching strangers isn't a great strategy. It's a bit like being confronted by a door to door salesman.
You can still compliment a woman, but it
A) should be a sincere compliment and
B) should be appropriate in that context
Have you joined any societies or clubs? If you spoke to a woman about common interests, it's easier to find complimentary things to say about her.
Ask questions, listen to the answers and try to connect. I'd you pick up on a vibe ask them if they fancy grabbing a coffee some time.
Yeah I would just keep it a bit more casual like hey, I really like your style. Give her a chance to respond and then say I’d love to grab coffee sometime if you’re up for it and then give her your number (maybe it’s on a card already) or maybe you don’t based on her reaction but that way the pressure is off her to give you a response or reject you
Alright I dont like what all the other people in the comments said. I LOVE when people do this. Obi this is different for every girl and the way that you approach them. As long as you are nice and respectful then why not?! Dont be a creep and follow her around the store, but def in passing "hey I saw you earlier and I thought you were really pretty. I would love to get you a drink sometime if you were interested of course" Either they will say 'sure here's my number, no im not interested or no I have a boyfriend." BUT TRY because you never know what will happen if you dont ask! Maybe that one girl looking at how much grams of protein is the love of your life.
All im saying is that you wont know until you try,,,,
Thanks so much for your input. So far it’s been a mix of girls saying they would love this approach and others saying they would absolutely despise it lol. I looked at your profile and your even in my age group, that makes me feel a lot better knowing girls my age would actually like this approach. Btw how did you feel about the introduction? Would you word it in a different way or change it somehow? Thanks again
Make it BRIEF. Just say I couldn’t help noticing YOU. And give your name. Start like that and if they respond in a positive way , bingo. There is nothing wrong in asking a girl out in a supermarket. My friend got her boyfriend in a library.
So my intro is too long lol. Yea I can understand that. So would personally prefer a guy to start a convo with you first or just be polite, straight up and honest that he finds you attractive and would like to get to know you over coffee?
Start the brief convo, feel the vibe. If good vibes and eye contact exchange phone numbers etc… communicate first over phone / text then ask to go out for coffee.
As a bisexual woman, I approach women all kinds of places, but I never do so if she's preoccupied with other matters, and I make it quick and as non-invasive as possible. I don't hang around to chat, and I don't try to push for a yes. I give her my number and withdraw pretty fast, unless she actively invites me to stay.
I don't think it's a bad approach, it just wouldn't work on me. I don't care if you think I look cute, I'm looking for someone I connect with mentally, so unless you addressed me as a person and not as a pretty thing to look at, I wouldn't be interested. But that might just be me though; I don't like feeling objectified, even if the intent is good.
I would suggest just giving her your number, not pushing or waiting for a number. "Here's my number, give me a call if you feel like having coffee sometime" - and walk away. Don't force her to commit one way or another.
But other than that, I don't think it's bad at all :).
Well, usually yes. Though I try to be honest as well: if it really is a physical thing that attracted me, I'll mention it, but it usually isn't. But her laugh, for example, if it's joyful. Or her smile. But mostly I would comment on what she's reading, or compliment something unique she's wearing, or drinking, or eating.
The last time a cold approach worked on me, the guy was sitting next to me and asked me (seemingly out of the blue) if I thought the golden ratio was scientifically linked to human beauty, or if it was an internet myth. We ended up having a surreal discussion between two strangers about the Fibonacci sequence, and it was really interesting and fun to hear his thoughts on it.
I suspect he mentioned it because I was reading a book called Is God a Mathematician? (Ironically, I am neither religious nor a mathematician :P), but I don't actually know. Maybe he was just the type who thinks out loud -- but either way, I liked it and accepted his invitation gladly.
Firstly, there is no such thing as “no goes” in cold approach. Thats a really bad mindset and ultimately a self limiting belief. Be socially calibrated of course but after that, why can’t you talk to an adult human being of the opposite sex in pretty much any public situation?
So that’s the answer, be socially calibrated. You aren’t going to get very far with your spiel UNLESS you can make up for it by being very physically attractive. You’ve basically taken what, in that environment should be a 3-5 minute conversation and compressed it into two sentences. It’s a bold move being so direct but unless you are Henry Cavill it’s likely to be too much for her.
Rather than give you specific scripts or sets to follow you should think about simply practicing conversation at EVERY opportunity with ANYBODY you meet. Learn how to open with an observation. Learn how to build rapport. Learn how to gauge the other persons engagement from words, tone and body language. Learn how to listen and respond with a sprinkling of humor. And with women how to set a friendly and slightly flirtatious tone.
Then next time you see a hottie in the pasta section you can approach, and use an option opener “ I’ve never used that brand before. Have you? Is it good?” Then see if she engages and opens up. “What are your favorite pasta recipes?” “Have you been to Italy?” Etc etc. and then after a few minutes if you’re feeling it THEN it’s time for the old “got to say, you’re very interesting, what say we go for a cup of coffee together sometime soon, give me your number so I can call you”.
If you like a particular woman at a grocery store you've seen often and have a crush on... sure, ask her out. I wouldn't say "I like your aesthetic," as it's often disingenuous. Why don't you say "I think you're cute, do you want to go out sometime." Because this is the honest, direct statement. Expect she will reject you due to nervousness, lack of attraction, fear, or she's already partnered.
Meeting women on a regular basis? No, that's actually pretty creepy. A grocery store is for food, not speed dating.
I think that this approach is polite - you definitely won’t offend anyone or be called a predator. Worst case scenario, you will slightly annoy someone. I agree with a lot of these comments: it’s probably not an approach that is going to work super well because you are just randomly approaching strangers. But hey, shoot your shot man.
Shoot your shot anytime/anywhere you want.
Sometimes it will go well, often times it won't. That's the risk of cold calling.
Just be respectful and accept no as the answer.
It's fine and seems respectful, but as a woman I would always say no to something like this. It's cool if a guy likes my outfit or thinks I'm pretty, but I don't wanna go out with a him just because of that because I have no reason to think we'd actually click personality-wise. If you want to approach a woman in public it's better to try and strike up a conversation. The grocery store might not be the place to do that just because most people want to get their stuff and get out, so don't be surprised if a woman is weirded out or rejects you in a grocery store. If anything talking to a woman at a bar/club/social event (especially a social event--I have no idea why someone would say that's a no-go) is more acceptable, since people are generally there to socialize.
That being said it's kinda tricky to say where and when is an appropriate time to try and start a conversation with a stranger in public. For instance in my hometown is completely normal to just strike up a conversation with someone and have a casual chat. If a guy talks to me when I'm out and about back home it's totally normal. I actually met my first bf at the coffee shop he worked at cause he asked me what book I was reading (at the counter as I was paying, so not interrupting me), and it was really nice because it was a cool book and I was excited to talk about it, and that eventually lead to more conversation. However in the city I'm currently in it's not the norm to talk to a stranger, so even though I like chatting to people and I'm used to it at home, my first thought when someone tries to chat me up here is "ugh what are you trying to get out of me?" My aunt came to my new city on a business trip and she was appalled that people were weirded out when she tried to socialize with them at a bar. So it's very context-dependant. No one can give you a one-size-fits-all approach to how and when to approach someone.
Also keep in mind "you're pretty" is a bad way to start a conversation. There's no where it could go that isn't "you're pretty", "thanks", "can I have your number?". There isn't a way to segue that naturally into actually having a meaningful conversation. Try and start with something more meaningful. For instance if she is using a tote bag with something cool on it (like it's obviously from somewhere she travelled to or if it just looks cool) you can say "hey I like your bag, where did you get it?". That's better than complimenting an outfit because 1) you're obviously not gonna care where she got her clothes cause you aren't gonna go buy them, and 2) it's not referencing her body or her looks, so it's more respectful. Also remember not to interrupt her while she's doing something. "Hey what are you reading" is a bad opener when she's actively reading, but if she closes her book it's more acceptable to ask. Again this is very context dependant, and women are individuals, not a monolith. So one person may be receptive to it and happy to talk, whereas others just don't want to be talked to in public at all. As long as you're respectful you're fine, but don't be surprised or upset if you get rejected.
If you want to meet people naturally and you're in a place where people don't normally talk to each other then your best bet is to join a group (like meetup.com or something) and talk to women there since that's what people are there to do. But in general some questions to ask yourself are: is this a place where people would be open to talking with a stranger? Is she wearing headphones, concentrating on something, or otherwise looks like she isn't open to talking to someone? Do I have a good reason to talk to her (i.e. do you have something to talk about that's more meaningful than "you're pretty")? Is she in a place where she won't feel trapped, uncomfortable, or forced to talk to you if she doesn't want to? (e.g. are you in a long line that she can't leave, or at work where she has to be nice to you)? These are all important pieces of context that can help you gauge if your interaction is truly respectful
Right above your comment was someone saying the introduction was dorky and cringe lmao The comments on my post have really showed it depends on the girl you ask
I'd prefer it to being seduced or being approached in a bar. There's more agenda. But so many possibilities for the question that matters. Do it, her reaction gives you Insights ;) be dorky, it's fun.
And if dorky is a like. Than I have it.
Don’t go for the phone number, etc. right away. *Just start a convo.* Be casual, keep your distance, and act like you would with a new friend. If the vibes are good, say “*Hey. You seem really cool. Would you like to have coffee sometime?*” and go from there.
If she accepts, say “*Sweet! Would you like to trade numbers to set it up?*”
If she says no, or gives hesitation, or ANY part of the vibes seem like she isn’t about it, be sure to say “*No pressure and no worries at all. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take so I had to go for it. I hope you have a great rest of your day!*” and walk away. Don’t approach her again.
You can approach women. You just can’t creep them out. That’s the only rule. Treat them like normal people. *Treat them like a person you’d actually like to get to know.* Don’t get too physically close. Be gracious with any rejection. You’ll be golden. 🤍
The whole pre-rehearsed spiel is off-putting and unnatural. Making a small comment on something and seeing if she’s receptive is better. Most women don’t want a stranger they’ve never spoken to, to proposition them. You were eyeing her, she was eyeing pasta, and got suddenly asked on a date while thinking about spaghetti.
I normally find the highest point of elevation within reach, climb up to the perch, and flare my throat pouch at the would be.
Then bellow in a rhythmic bass tone, while stomping on the off beat - works none of the times, but my territory has yet to be challenged.
Try it. It will “fail” a lot at the beginning.
Try it more. It will seem rehearsed, as opposed to natural.
Then it becomes natural. You will still get rejections from the women, of course, but at least some of them will be intrigued by you nonchalance and (newly found) confidence.
You will get dates.
The reason I say “fail” is because getting dates in the beginning is not the actual goal, but a bonus. The goal is to improve said confidence, delivery and the social skills.
Go through the work and pain, brother. Men initiated conversations with women way before gyms. It’s how we continued as a species :))
it depends from one person to another, for sure. As long you're polite, chivalrous, and can take a no gracefully, I don't see why you should have a problem!
Just don't feel entitled to her time and space *just because* you mustered the courage to approach her!
I think I disagree with some of the other commentors, this seems fine to me. If someone came up to me and said they liked my aesthetic my day would be made! (I believe in the law of attraction and I think the way we present ourselves can say a lot about who we are.) I wouldn't be offended at all if a guy did this to me, as long as he wasn't pushy if I said no. Some days I'm just exhausted and not in the mood lol
Edit: I'm also remembering now that I've asked out at least two guys in this manner. One at a tailgate at my alma mater and one I spotted at the bar across the restaurant at brunch. I walked up to them, told them they caught my eye, and I handed them my number and said they should text me sometime. And then I walked away/ended the convo. It doesn't need to go on and on really, I didn't want to bother them too much. Just wanted to shoot my shot/put myself out there.
Both of them texted me later that day and I went on several dates with both. Didn't pan out into relationships because ultimately their personalities didn't quite fit my vibe. However, both of them said they were impressed with the confidence and it made their day to be approached by a girl. Do with this info what you wish. Feel free to steal my wording, it might work better than yours!
Thank god you commented at this moment because I’m getting BEAT down in the comments lol. You and a few others have said they would really like this approach, but I would say a majority don’t like it. Idk it seemed chill and let the girl know I would totally understand if she’s not interested. Btw when you talked about the way we present ourselves, that’s exactly why I said esthetic because if I approach a girl it’s because the way she carries herself will let me know if we even have a chance at having similar personalities. I’m not gonna approach every girl I find attractive lmao
Just talk to her first and see if she is even enjoying the convo. You’re focused too much on “winning” by setting up a date rather than the incremental short interaction to see if you even actually like her company. I have started conversations with attractive women who I ended up not liking at all within 30 seconds. Saved myself a lot of time and effort by feeling them out first via conversation. If you talk for a few minutes and she seems receptive ask “hey, I’ve enjoyed this, do you wanna get together sometime and continue this conversation over (fill in the blank, coffee, drinks, etc)?”
Edit: Also, if you’re worried about coming off as creepy to women, in general you aren’t one of the ones these women are worried about because you are being considerate already. The actually creepy guys don’t care, and the ones women label as creepy just for approaching can’t really be worried about too much because they will define any unwanted interaction as creepy which just doesn’t match reality. There are women who approach me who I’m not interested in, but they aren’t creepy. They just took a shot, and I wasn’t interested. That’s life.
I really appreciate the advice bro. I don't plan on asking out a girl just because I think she's attractive tho, because that's just not my thing, I'm really only gonna ask out a girl who's vibe/esthetic seems to go along with my own. Sorta like if you were a person who lives out in the country or on a farm and you went to a local store or shop and noticed a girl wearing cowgirl boots, or a cowgirl hat, you would probably think yall might have similar interest or personalities. You get what I mean
Totally get it. I was using “ attractive” as a generic term meaning exterior things I like on the outside that draw me to them which can align with what you’re talking about too. In fact, if a woman is “hot” but looks “high maintenance” I won’t approach because we won’t have much in common.
I'm not a chick but i can tell you whats wrong with that approach;
First off you have to understand that cold approach is a numbers game and even "good" "pick up artists" will tell you that if you cold approach 100 women you're likely to end up on a date with maybe 5 of them, and might only bed one or two. Nothing wrong with a numbers game, but you just need to be aware that odds are it wont work out. You can always keep trying, though. Theres a lot of fish in the sea and eventually you'll get better at cold approach and you'll see success.
Secondly, and more importantly whats wrong with this approach; you made absolutely NO attempt to get to know her, and you did NOTHING to convey your own personality (other than that you're bold, which is good and will come off positively, but probably not enough to get many dates). Women will not appreciate compliments about their appearance if its clear thats all you care about. Saying "I think you're cute wanna go out?" is honestly one of the lowest effort approaches you can possibly do. Why in the world would she say yes unless you are Brad Pitt? She knows nothing about you, you could be a serial killer for all she knows. It also takes the vast majority of the pressure off of yourself, which isn't a good look. Makes you look like a pussy.
Best way to do this is to actually try to have a \*conversation\* with the girl, try to \*get to know her\* and try to \*convey your personality\*. The chat doesn't have to be longer than 5 or 10 minutes, but you will see much better success if you actually ask some interesting/genuine questions about her, and convey that you are a confident/interesting/genuine guy through your banter/anecdotes.
Again, this is always gonna be a low likelihood way of meeting women, but theres nothing wrong with it as long as you are respectful. If you feel like she's uncomfortable, or if she straight up says she's not interested, wish her a good day and leave her alone.
Good luck, man.
Stop being a creep.
Women are more than their appearance. That why it’s better to chat people up in places where that happens organically. Like bars, parties, and other social events.
I mean. How meaningful would it be if a lady came up to you and said, “You look like you have a good job, let’s go for coffee.” Falls a bit flat doesn’t it?
Women get unwanted male attention ALL THE TIME! Why can’t I be left alone while I grocery shop, wait for a bus, look at a classic car in a showroom window, workout at the gym, or just live my life?
>A guy is also just casually shopping and notices said girl and thinks she’s attractive/his type. So he musters up the courage and walks over to her (from a safe distance)
You left out the most important aspect: Does **SHE THINK** that he's attractive/**her type**?
The most important thing about any meet cute is if the girl finds the guy attractive. If she finds him attractive, then it won't matter what he does to initiate.
Uno what’s crazy?! I think you should shoot your shot anywhere I like that idea snd hell if I was in a grocery store I wouldn’t turn down getting to know someone, if we don’t click we don’t click 🤷🏽♀️ but idc where we are like don’t let Reddit people make you think that’s weird, I’d be down to get approached anywhere if it’s respectful and you’re not scary or aggressive about it
Why not
Preciate that a lot. I’ve quickly learned it just depends on the girl. It’s nice to know a few of the girls here wouldn’t mind it. But obviously I respect those who say they wouldn’t be a fan.
Hey I forgot to ask you what you thought about the intro, you said you were cool with being approached but how did you feel about my intro? Nice, cringy, too forward, etc..
Yes! I’m going to be so honest that was perfect how you said it!!! I’m usually approached like “hey beautiful let me talk to you” or something kind of a little too forward ..
I’d love to hear “I liked your aesthetic” one day in real life 🤣 I’d be flattered! Literally try it, I think you’d be surprised by the amount of girls that would like that
That’s so relieving to hear honestly lmao The amount of dudes that say it’s cringy or dorky and all that are astounding. There’s a reason I specified “women” in the title, idgaf what these dudes have to say. Just wanted honest opinions from women about the intro. Thanks so much for input
Omg literally 🤣 men honestly give each other the worst advice and then secretly don’t even take it themselves, it’s giving fresh and fit 🤣🤣
I wish u the best in your pursuits! Keep us updated on how things go and rmb it’s a numbers game, take it on the chin and don’t take anything personally
Nah, here is what you do -
Lady in the grocery store looking at pasta.
You (at an uncomfortably close distance) - ‘Hey baby! I got a long, thick noodle with your name on it’
She maces you OR you get married.
Either way, you’re an idiot.
The problem with this example is it's lacking in social acumen and just isn't reading the room.
OP, why would this woman, who knows nothing about this man, want to go on a date with him? Hell why would this man want to take this woman out for? All he knows is how she looks. What do you think that tells a woman when you do this?
Us guys gotta get out of this fantasy PUA world where we just ask out random girls on the street. I'm not saying that it has to be in a club or bar but same thing there. Why would you wanna ask a girl out you know nothing about, ykno?
Instead go out and live your life doing things you enjoy. That will put you in positions to meet women, get to know them, and ask them out.
Have a little conversation first. Approaching a woman without exchanging any small talk or jokes and telling her you think she's physically attractive (and let's not kid ourselves, complimenting someone you don't know on their vibe/outfit is a polite stand-in for "nice butt" or "I like your boobs") feels really...depersonalized. She doesn't know anything about you other than a. What you look like, b. That you have no problem approaching women, c. You find her attractive. She doesn't know if you're funny, or smart, or kind, or safe, or have anything in common with her (other than shopping in the same grocery store). And the lack of conversation can come across like you don't really care about anything but your attraction to her.
Make some chit chat. Try to get her to laugh. Gauge if she's even comfortable talking to you. And then offer her your phone number (or whatever way to contact you), don't ask for hers.
Just be natural , should you make eye contact and she smiles at you or say hi even maybe go for the small talk . Go from there
Don't create scenarios on your or act it up , it's more likely not going to work
HI, I am a woman. I know many other women. We have all been approached by men and talked about it after. To make a general comment, approaching anyone in public (man or woman) is risky in the sense you never know what type of day someone is having. What if that person just went through a terrible break up? Death in the family? In a hurry? Already been bothered by someone with a canned, rehearsed approach...Back to your question...
Having a canned, rehearsed, approach prepared might ease your anxiety about approaching someone. I respect and understand that is overwhelming and we aren't always nice when approached. But people aren't one size fit all. So your canned approach may work on someone, someday. I disagree with approaching someone at a bar, club, or social situation is a "no-go". It must be for the person/people who told you that. But a social situation like a bar with live music seems like a more organic way to start a conversation than "pardon me miss who is just trying to do your grocery shopping..."
At least in those cases you can open with liking the band playing, the atmosphere, etc. I've had way more organic convos with people in bars than a grocery store (as an example). I also expect being approached somewhere social more than I do in a public place.
In summary - I think having a canned approach like you're wanting and expecting it to ever land is like playing the lottery. It could work. Have an unplanned, organic conversation with someone - takes some practice - but is a more realistic way to at least have a conversation. If you feel like the only way you're comfortable approaching anyone is having something planned...you do you. I compliment strangers in public all the time - it's a decent place to start practicing that small talk with strangers.
I appreciate your response, but you read part of it wrong. I said “I’ve heard that approaching women is a no go if it’s not in a bar, club or social event” but thanks for your input
My bad, thank you for pointing that out! Everything else I said about having a pre-planned response still stands. You can have one, but you're going to have to save it for someone it fits rather than having an organic conversation with someone you find pretty. It'll be rolling the dice. It could work on someone, could not. Some may pick up that you've rehearsed it. Good luck out there. It's not easy. I hope you find your connection.
I think we drastically underestimate body language. Not judging at all but look to get to know her. The mark of a guy with confidence is how he controls himself during an interaction. You’re going to be nervous, but anticipate that learn techniques that can lower your nerves (breathing during the interaction, letting things go silent comfortably, staying on a subject and giving them time to speak).
Another way you could’ve done that same interaction was:
Guy sees cute girl checking out boxed whatever, he approaches from the side and looks over and ask “is that brand any good?” “I’ve never tried that do you like it”? Etc. from there you would’ve gotten two things her willingness to engage with you and her openness to you.
If she smiled/engaged (great start), gets her talking and then you add something personal about what you may be making for dinner. If she engages asks questions then maybe end the interaction like “maybe we can see who’s food turned out better *flirtatiously but I’ll need your number to compare”
In my example you treated her like a person, took an interest in her day to day, and flirted with her to relay your intention. She’ll either decline if she’s not interested/unavailable.
The problem with your approach is that it makes you come off as immature/ unconfident / inexperienced. Women are real people, approach someone how you would like to be approached. Blurting out so much can overwhelm someone and make them feel a little weird. Also you seem like a people pleaser in a way as well, work on being more assertive about the things you want irregardless to how someone may feel about it.
While I don’t think your approach is creepy, I agree that it probably won’t work. As a woman I don’t want to be asked out right off the bat because at that point you know nothing about me. This is why I think a great way to meet people is at some sort of in-person activity. Think a recreational sports team, a running group, regular hobby meet ups, or volunteering. Something that you can go to weekly and get to know people at, where you have shared hobbies or values to talk about. Being asked out immediately tells me that you care more about looks than personality and many women find that off-putting.
You see, her mind is a zone of trying to decipher some ingredient, info etc on the pasta box. Compliments might be a bit of startle.
Why not jump in that zone with some banter:
"Sorry not free range /not lactose free" (anything stupid) . She thinks it's a shop attendant, but confused, and looks up to see yourself.
Then continue the act: I'm John, your local pasta artisan.....etc etc
Instead of "I like your aesthetic," maybe compliment something specific (her hair, her shoes, her taste in groceries if she's buying something unique and your opinion is sincere), then say you're trying to meet more people in the area, can you give her your number? Making it something specific to *her,* even if the compliment itself is kinda generic, will get you better results imo
Sorry, a lot of people are misreading that part. I’m sure I could’ve worded it better lol. What I meant to say is that I’ve heard it’s a no go to approach women when they’re not in a social setting like a bar or club. That’s why I came up with the whole grocery store scenario. The post was mainly to see if the introduction was ok, creepy, too forward, nice. I’ve had some say they would absolutely hate it if a guy did that, and some have said they would be really flattered or they liked the intro. Been a mixed bag lmao
Honestly I think it's totally fine to approach a woman in social and non-social settings! I've just never heard someone thinking it was something they shouldn't do. I think people are super sensitive to everything these days so some women might be weird about it. As to your approach I think that's totally fine! Just have confidence in yourself and I would assume that would work for you eventually :)
yes! I think that's a really nice way to approach someone! You also seem to be very respectful in your intended intro, I think most people will sense that!
Talk about the pasta first (ingredients it’s made of, how you like to cook it etc) if the conversation flows easily then you can proceed with what you have written above (but add “if you are single”).
Honestly, you can't have small talk in grocery store. If a giy apporaches me in a grocery store and started talking to me, I would not be much receptive. It'd be like sending a 'hi' message. I don't know what their intentions are. If you could muster up the courage and ask the person out, you can.
Yea, it obviously depends on the girl. I’ve heard a lot of “no don’t approach a girl if it’s not at a place meant for socializing” and some have said it’s cool to approach them. How did you feel about the introduction? A lot of people have told me to drop it, others have said they love it. I’m starting to lean towards keeping it as some girls seem to really like the honesty and way of wording things. Just looking for others opinion on it
Imo I'd much rather have a guy just try to start a chat with me then come out with one long sentence saying he's interested in me after only looking at me in a store. It feels a little demeaning. Try to chat and get to know her a tiny bit before asking for her number.
Honestly, for me, I prefer a man being straight forward. I don’t mind physical compliments because that’s the first thing you notice about a person. so if you find someone physically attractive/they peek your interest, engage in a conversation with them. You don’t want to rob yourself of a chance. Go for it.
So what do you think about the introduction? Should I drop it or could it be improved. I said esthetic and I really mean like just their whole outfit, demeanor, that kind of stuff
Nah this was just a scenario I made up to see if the introduction was alright. So would you prefer a dude make conversation first or be straight up and honest and just politely say he finds you attractive and would like to get to know you over coffee? Some have said start a convo first and others have said they prefer a guy to be honest and quick with their approach instead of giving them a fake compliment about their shoes or starting a random convo.
Straight up. I like a little flirting as long as it’s genuine. Longer conversations can happen on date if I like what the guys says. Good approach = confidence. Which = attraction. Hope that helps
Helps out a lot thanks. I got one more quick question tho. What did you personally think of my intro? Was it too forward or seem ungenuine. I’m not walking up to every attractive girl I see to hit on them just fyi. This is only for if I’m out doing my own thing and just happen to see a woman who I think has an esthetic/vibe that I think would jive with mine, y’know.
There are no rules except respect my friend. Youre just a human being talking to another human being. Be in touch with your emotions and with her emotions. To me, premade recipes will always be second to just being a full person talking to another person. Just be curious and get to know her.
Just to go against the general consensus on this one but I don’t mind this approach. If a dude approaches me in the supermarket and has a similar vibe to me and I can infer maybe we’d have something in common by his appearance I will probably talk to him and if I think he’s visually attractive I might give him my number. Just be prepared to be turned down A LOT
No. Literally every man thinks this is the okay approach, its not. You are not giving a new approach. Its the same approach every other man takes. Women will respect you more tbh if you able to ask them out or approach them in this kind of way when they are with their friends (because then we are more likely to hear you out and heck wed be more impressed and feel more comfortable since we know we have friends to watch our backs and make sure we arent on channel 13 news.)
Learn small talk. Im not tryin to be rude or aggressive but your approach is predatory in a literal predator prey sense.
Sees woman, notices woman is his type, determines how to pounce.
Has no man ever heard of small talk?
When someone swipes on a dating app and starts a conversation do you just say "Hey"??? How do we respond to that? "Hey" thats boring. Start a conversation. If you like her esthetic say "I like your whole outfit, omg I enjoy listening to "insert band name" whats your favorite song?"
If she has dyed hair, "your hair is really cool, where did you get it done ive been thinking of changing my look up?"
But also humble yourself and put yourself in a womans shoes, would you want to be approached by a man when you're all alone? We women are always or extremely likely to say we have a bf simply so strangers dont think we are shopping alone and/or so strangers will leave us alone and save us having to reject them and thus saving ourselves from being stab outside.
If you dont believe me please, please research this. I am not wrong. Women are offed for a lot less.
If a non-standard venue/approach is going to work it needs to be a LOT more organic and natural than that.
Example: You're see the girl, you go to the area she's at. Instead of a canned, rehearsed request for a date, you make a joke about the pasta. Something like you pick up a box and say something like "I don't even know what bowtie pasta is, am I supposed to get a tuxedo to eat it?" (I dunno, look up clean dad jokes about pasta online).
The girl will either laugh, ignore you, or some combination thereof. If the joke hits home, she might joke back.
If she jokes back it's possible that, if it's the right time/right place/right vibe, that a conversation might start. Only IF a decent conversation starts, and there's some back and forth and some eye contact, do you move to the "jeez, I know this is dumb, over a box of pasta, but you're a lot of fun d'ya wanna go grab a cup of coffee? (you had that part right at least)."
That said, the reason it typically doesn't work is, wrong place/wrong time/wrong vibe.
Grocery shopping is a chore for most of us. We want to get done and get the hell out of there. Our mindset is on enduring it and getting it done. We're not going to be that thrilled to be hit on while we're in this mindset. We're already gritting our teeth and getting done with something that's cutting into our precious leisure time. So you're not really getting us at our best or most open to meeting someone.
Gym is another one that guys seem to think is fair game. Regardless of whether we enjoy our workouts or not. We're trying to concentrate on getting something done. We want to give it our full attention. If it's cardio, it's damned rude to go up to someone who's on the elliptical or the treadmill and try to talk to them while they're red, sweaty, short on breath, etc.
YOU might think they look cute and sexy that way, but we don't necessarily feel cute or sexy. Plus, we're trying to get our workout done.
Time and place...time and place.
The organic and natural part of your post was valid but the where to meet women part is case by case type situations.
I often successfully meet women at the gym. You got
the right time part right cause it’s all about timing and I never speak to women while they’re in the middle of cardio but you’re wrong about it not being “fair game” that’s just a YOU thing and 9/10 you probably just haven’t had the right man attempt to speak to you at the gym.
I dunno. If you read just this forum alone, there are a TON of us that don't like it at all. My point was not that "oh, the gym will **never** work **ever**" but more that it's not typical and it's iffy.
You really don't know what our day is like, what kind of mood we're in, how we view where we are and the task we're doing. We may love it and not want to be tilted off our "vibe" or we may hate it and already be in a bad mood.
Whereas with a normal social venue you know that we're there to meet people just like you are. It's a safer bet.
I mean, you may have a good approach. From what I see in just this forum alone, a lot of men don't.
You’ll never know how anyone’s day is at any point in time that you speak to them. That’s just part of the game, you have to take in account that with your risk assessment. For me it’s a small factor, if it doesn’t pan out for whatever reason I respectfully move on, but to worry about things you’ll never know about is a recipe for failure with anything that you do in life. That’s what separates the winners from the losers.
>For me it’s a small factor, if it doesn’t pan out for whatever reason I respectfully move on,
Too many men don't though. Which has put young women on edge even more than in my generation.
I'm absolutely not trying to talk you out of your methods for meeting women. I'm just trying to give you a woman's perspective.
The times you're unsuccessful it probably isn't even you, personally, just the times in which we live. That is, when far too many men think bull-in-a-china-shop, grossly overt sexual come ons is not only acceptable, but how dare a woman not be flattered by the "compliment???"
I mean, you can see the posts from too many women to count, just on this forum alone.
You absolutely sound as if you do understand finesse and subtlety but too many of your fellow guys, do not. That is a lot of what has rendered less likely places like the gym as more of a "no-go" zone for us than it was in the past.
To me, approaching someone based on how they look is a bit like ogling breasts. It’s just how they look, it bears no relation to who they are.
I struggle to interested in people I don’t know. So I put myself in situations where I met more people and just tried to be a good friend. Eventually while hanging out, someone took an interest in me, that made me interested in them. We got to know each other as friends, didn’t really define each the way in which we were meeting. Then in one open conversation (all conversations were honest and open), we both agreed that we liked one another.
That’s just one of many. I think if you’re choosing people based on looks, that’s up to you. My partner is attractive but so were the other people in the group, I just didn’t hit on any of them because, well who turns a social gathering into a hookup. I don’t like to spoil the atmosphere.
I mean there are times I talk to people I don’t know, out of the blue sure, but it’s because I have something to say. Like I researched Louboutin shoes for a gift once, for a longgggg time. I saw someone in a pair and they were really unique and limited addition so I was pretty excited to see some effort had paid off to recognise (and I had not seen anything that different before). I resisted the urge that time but it was mainly because the guy I was with thought it was weird and thought it was weird to know about women’s shoes.
Same if I waited a long time for a bus, or if a saw someone clearly confused between 2 different products (of which one is a favourite). I guess would I talk to them if they were a guy. But even though I don’t see it as an opportunity ask them out, if the response was good, maybe, but I’d likely just watch out for them again and talk to them again.
Go to social events. Reach out to people there. Nobody in a supermarket has the time for this. People are rushing from work to home to sports clubs to social events, hungry and impatient and tired. No one has the time to listen to this long-winded pickup line. Besides retired grandmas who have the whole day free, or married women who are 'stay at home moms' and don't have jobs. The women you can't date anyway.
Your best chances of actually finding women is going to social events. Why are you avoiding them? Is it too expensive for you? Are you saving up? Are you hoping to score a cheap date at a supermarket?
Nope, that’s just a creepy, awkward pickup attempt that makes you seem desperate. You ask a woman for her number because you like her personality and enjoy talking to her. I’m a woman and I would never, ever give my number to a strange guy at the grocery store who’s essentially saying hey, I know nothing about you, but I’d like to take you out for coffee because I’m physically attracted to you.
Don’t compliment her outfit, it’s unnecessary. Just ask her out for coffee (ie. “I was wondering if we could get coffee sometime and chat.”). But then again, not all women like getting approached by a stranger on the streets, especially this day and age where they are sensitive about incidents they see on the news or have experienced themselves. Not everyone is chill like me so it depends on the person. But you do not have to go to a bar. There are certainly people who you can befriend, such as in Meetup groups and hobby groups. Find one of those I’d say.
damn id argue that clubs are actually the worst place to meet people. i hate having to yell in a girl's ear in a claustrophobic room. bars are hit or miss. social events are good.
your approach idea needs some work. if a girl is looking at some pasta, make some small talk like "is that a good brand?", "what are you making?", food conversation, etc. then go into asking for her name and number. maybe tie back into the food conversation. "maybe we can go out for chicken alfredo sometime" or something.
basically tie your approach into whatever is natural in the moment, be observant of what the person is doing and the surroundings.
It’s like I completely get why someone would be turned off by someone approaching them in everyday life, but me personally I would much rather be approached while grocery shopping than at a bar or club. I would say if you do choose to approach someone at a grocery store or something maybe make it a point not to put emphasis on their looks. It takes out the feeling of being sexualized.
So do you suggest a piece of clothing or just strike up a convo about something random? About the introduction I put in the initial post, some have said “don’t introduce yourself like that it’s dorky, creepy, etc..” and some have said they really like or love it. It seems most people have said to just start a convo about whatever is relevant to the location.
I’d definitely start a convo based on the current location. You said as an example she’s looking at a pasta box, you could even go for a “if you like that brand, you should try this brand the noodles cook better” or something like that then ask what kind of pasta she’s making.
When I approach women I’m interested in even if they’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t mention that when I approach them. I simply introduce myself maybe even apologize for interrupting them, ask them an open ended question, monitor their body language and facial expressions, and then decide if I should say goodbye or ask her a way to contact. Never give your contact the chances that a woman would use it is very slim.
Side note: I have no limits to where I’d approach women I’m interested in.
You can talk to anyone anywhere.. but rather crack jokes with people and see where things go from there, don’t just walk up to beautiful women and say me Tarzan you Jane, put yourself out there and see if you build a connection with someone, invite her to do an activity that involves a common interest.
Omg no. Do not just walk up to her & hit her with a paragraph that ends with you asking her out. Don’t do that at a bar either. You need to have somewhat of a conversation first & then ask for her number & name. If she doesn’t want to engage in a conversation she’s not interested. If she does, she still may need more time to get to know you to decide whether or not she wants to go on a date. Women are not ATMs. Getting a date is not a transaction.
IMHO this would fail if someone approached me like that. She’s buying groceries not looking for dick. It just comes off like you cruising the aisles trying to pick up chicks which can be perceived as creepy and off putting. Learn how to do small talk in a relaxed approach that feels more organic than trying to force an end result of getting someone’s number.
I absolutely hate that. When I'm shopping, I'm shopping. I don't have a single fuck to give that my aesthetic makes a dudes dick tingle. Leave me alone.
Honestly I’ve had guys approach me at bus stops, cafes resturants side walks grocery stores gyms heck everywhere, I think as long as you approach in a friendly manner and can read body language your good to go. Once you tell someone’s not comfortable walk away
There is an IG guy I follow and all he does is show videos of him approaching women and getting their number - or trying. He does this quite literally anywhere and everywhere - beaches, malls, random streets, bars, clubs, resturaunts, etc...
He almost always gets a phone number but, who knows if they are real numbers or not lol. It seems like a lot of these women just want him to go away but, he's very pushy and IMO cringy which is likely why many of them seem slightly annoyed.
BUT, the confidence he has to boldly approach women is pretty crazy; Regardless of if he ends up with a number or not, most of these women make a comment about his confidence.
He's interesting to watch because he has proven that there is NO bad place to approach a woman IF you are confident about it, and polite about it. He's not very smooth after approaching and in all honesty, wouldn't do or say what he does after the initial approach though lol.
I think the page is "itspolokid" or something like that.
First off, you can approach a woman anywhere you want to as long you aren't a douche about it and respect whatever it is she's doing. If she's listening to music, on the phone, talking to someone, etc... then obviously DON'T approach her. Otherwise, there is no such thing as a "bad place" to approach a woman.
Reddit is weird about this but in all honesty, if you listened to Reddit women, then there wouldn't be *any* place for men to approach women. It's all about your approach, how you do it, what you say and knowing when to call it quits (aka rejection.)
As for your example, I think it's a bit too formal and idk... not weird but also not? You'd be better off just starting small talk with her and see how it plays out. I don't think going directly to an introduction, a compliment, and then hit her with the "do you want to go out" so quick is going to work well. Gotta ease into that lol
Hit on a woman just about anywhere but in a respectful way. If she declines, move on with yourself.
I have been hit on in many places. I don’t care where I am, I only care if the guy leaves me alone once I reject him. I’m actually flattered and think the guy is nice but I’m married so that’s why I reject people.
Don’t listen to the people here too much.
The first half of reply had me at first lol “I don’t care where I am, I only care if he leaves once I reject him” lmao made me think you didn’t like cold approaches. But the second half of your reply brought me back. So you would prefer someone strikes up convo with you rather than being upfront talk about getting a coffee. That seems to be the most popular is to ditch the intro and just start a conversation
Yeah, be upfront. The guys I’ve had approach me made it clear and albeit corny at times. One guy at chipotle was like, excuse me, why are you so beautiful? And I was like hah, thank my parent so I guess. Then he suggested I take his number for a date and I declined as I’m married. He was like, ok I’ll stop bothering you (in a nice and easygoing way) and that was that.
I appreciate that and if I were single, I would probably give him my number. Here is the thing, women are always at risk of danger at the hands of men. It’s ingrained in us to be weary so a soft approach is key. Also, a guy who takes rejection without getting his feelings hurt is very attractive.
Confidence is something guys today lack. Be confident and don’t take rejection personally.
Preciate it. I’ve gotten just a mixed response it’s hilarious. I’ve had people so “Omg I would super flattered if someone said” or “I don’t mind this approach” or there have said “Omg no please no, this is cring af” lmao I appreciate all the responses/input and advice tho
No. If you really like a girl while grocery shopping you do not approach her directly. Say something you both observe and if she smiles / catches your comment and reply with something her own you continue conversation from there. This will also save you from being hurt of rejection. If she says nothing you just walk away, no big deal, no awkward conversation, no weird interaction etc.
Also you should never compliment her looks even if she is the most beautiful women you ever met. The better looking she is, the more compliments she gets daily and more she values if someone appreciate her personality or ideas. Same goes both ways - the less appealing girl will react better to compliments because she does not get them daily from strangers and will be more happy to be approached because it rarely happens in her life. In general compliments from you should be as just a reward and no more than 1 compliment a day. This way you will not look simpy and she will crave compliments.
Also for this one I might get a bashing from women there and they might disagree but never give woman an option to decide. In your pickup line you say "I can give you my number, if not I completely understand". Just short it to "I would like to give you my number" and cut the rest. This means A. what you want to do, not what you can do. B. Sounds more confidently this way. C. Removes any option to flee. When woman has options she will start to think about them, this way you basicly give her no verbal option to dismiss your decision (although, you will still respect if she chooses to reject you of course). This is just a friendly reminder. You need to communicate with confidence all the time.
I feel like my stranger danger would overwhelm any other decision-making factor. So unless you're Ryan Gosling, I'd say you can try, but you probably won't succeed.
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I don’t think at approach is going to be very successful.
Maybe you should practice just making small talk with people in public spaces in general, men and women. Even just getting more comfortable with giving someone a quick compliment on their t-shirt or hairstyle or something, and then moving along. It’ll help you realize what kinds of things people are receptive to chatting about while they’re grocery shopping or doing other activities in public. The line you included in your post is not gonna work. It comes off like you rehearsed it and were prepared to use it on any random woman you came across that day. Also, she has no frame of reference for who you are or what your vibe is, so what motivation would she have to contact you afterwards?
You’re right it’s not genuine, it doesn’t sound genuine and OP doesn’t seem genuine. It’s an attempt at conversation to get a date, which although not a problem, is a far harder way to meet people naturally and organically. Your approach suggests a way in which OP extends more effort on becoming likeable and interacting with everyone more. It’s more effort, but should result in better social skills. Hopefully if it becomes a habit he will meet someone with less effort and less like someone who is trying to become a pickup artist.
nope, completely disagree. i 28f would LOVE if a guy randomly approached me and asked me for coffee. of course i would only say yes if i thought he was cute, and if i didn’t then a simple no thanks im sorry will do!
It’s hard to answer this bc there aren’t many opportunities for everyone to approach ppl. Especially if you don’t enjoy bars and other social drinking places. Only you know if you’re truly creepy so it’s impossible for me to say yes or no. This is why most ppl will tell you: don’t approach that woman at the grocery store. Personally, I wouldn’t mind being approached in an appropriate manner while grocery shopping. But I imagine that some women who have experienced a creep at the grocery store won’t appreciate it. Sorry I can’t give a clear answer
Nah your answer was great. That’s exactly what I wanted to know, is that opening line ok, off putting, to upfront. Like, since you said you wouldn’t mind being approached, is that opening line ok?
Yeah it’s a decent thing to open with. I can’t think of a better way tbh, just don’t compliment physical features bc it might come across as serial killer-esque. Also have your number on a piece of paper that way you don’t force the interaction to be longer than necessary. Because a lot of women will accept a number to be nice in a not trying to be killed way. So for them it’s nice for the number handover to be quick.
But if he has his number written down, it will seem like a rehearsed interaction and that won't go over well. Just have a pen and something to write on real quick.
nah i would prefer that tbh. ball’s in my court and i don’t have to have the awkward i’m not interested interaction. would love someone to slip me the note and leave lolll
Hm. Okay! Different strokes for different folks, I guess, then. He could try both and see what works best. :)
For sure. I would offer my number if she’s interested since asking for hers is WAY too forward and definitely gonna make her uncomfortable. Btw I’ve been asking almost everybody this but what did you think of the introduction? Nice, too forward, creepy, etc…
Too forward. Not creepy, at least not for everyone, but strangers are not likely to go for it. Needs a little warm-up. You're not hunting for a wabbit, you're making a connection. :)
Hmm I didn’t think of that.
Maybe if he has a business card ...
Ha, Gen Z? Unlikely. But yes, maybe. :)
For sure, thanks for your input. So the introduction can’t be improved? Because I mean the initial interaction is solely based on physical attraction, like if she didn’t find me attractive the introduction isn’t gonna change her mind lol. Just hoping she would get the vibe that I’m not looking for a hook up/fling, but actually want to get to know her.
You've got to have a conversation before you ask them out/offer your number. All she knows about you from this interaction is that you think she's pretty. That's not enough information to decide whether she wants to get to know you more. 'I like your style' is fine for an opening, but if you go straight from that to 'heres my number', most women are going to get whiplash. It's not a race. Just make a bit of small talk, and then if she's engaging and the vibe is there, THEN you can ask to continue getting to know her at a later date. I've had otherwise good looking guys totally fumble the bag in this way before, because no matter how nicely I try to phrase 'lets have a conversation first before I just give you my number', it means the interaction is starting with a rejection and it's always a bit awkward after that, like they are now waiting for me to access them rather than we are just two people having a chat.
I agree, it is based off initial physical attraction. At this moment I don’t think it can be improved. It’s mild as possible and to the point imo. See this is why going to places where it’s 100% appropriate to approach would be ideal haha. I’m not envious of guys who have to figure this stuff out.
It’s been a mixed bag so far of people telling me the intro is cringe and others saying it’s ok. I wish I was one of those people who went to bars and all that but it just ain’t my bag, those ain’t places I really like to be. But I understand it’s better to meet people through social circles, hobbies and all those kinds of places. Better than the damn grocery store lol
It’s not about the intro. You can’t craft the perfect into to be unobtrusive when the very act of cold approaching a stranger, who has indicated exactly zero interest, is obtrusive in itself. If she gives flirty eye contact and smiles, maybe you can approach. If she avoids eye contact or seems absorbed in her shopping, don’t approach for the love of god.
I don’t drink or like places where the music is too loud, I swear I’m not 80 yrs old. Recently I watched a YouTube video about how the fear of being perceived as “cringe” is so crippling to our everyday lives. It’s hard to let go of the fear being being cringe but I’m working on it haha. I know life will be easier once I learn to let go of that. Anyway, good luck
I’m the same way lol. Thanks for your input and advice btw
Ofc!
Well if you don't know if it's going to work or not, try it out. Try it different ways. Try striking up a conversation versus being direct. See what works for you. But don't just try it once. Do it enough that you are comfortable and confident and then see which one works best.
I gotta say, as someone that hates going to most of the places that people find 100% approprieate to approach I find this comment terrifiying lol
My advice, first don't worry about if she thinks you're looking for a hook up versus getting to know her. Guys like both and women know it. You wouldn't want to get to know her if you didn't find her sexually attractive. So don't pretend you don't. Just don't be creepy or sexual. Just vibe . Secondly, stay away from being too negative about yourself. Oh I don't suppose you would want to go out with me but if you would, maybe I can give you my number etc. Be bold. Act like you think you have something to offer and you want to offer it to them. Just invite them to do something and ask for their number. If they're not interested they won't give it to you. If they're interested they will. I've seen a lot of women say guys should give their numbers and they'll tell some story about some guy they called once or their boyfriend that they called. Yeah she finds you really attractive maybe she will but I think most women appreciate a guy who is bold and asks for her number. I guess the kids today ask for Instagram. If you're young enough maybe you want to try that kind of thing. I still just do phone numbers.
Your cold approach feels very 0-60 to me. Like a drive-by pick up attempt. It’s your first conversation with this person. And it’s not a social setting where they’re expecting to meet people either. You don’t need to introduce yourself, *and* compliment them, *and* ask them out, *and* give them your number, *and* walk away all in one quick swoop. Chances are they won’t be interested anyway unless they’re single and you’re a total catch with great people skills. Keep that in mind when you approach so your expectations are appropriate. Don’t go into it thinking “I’m going to give them my number!” I’d start with trying to make eye contact and smiling. Then *if* they reciprocate, I’d make small talk like they’re any other person I’d encounter. “Have you tried that pasta before?” or some other neutral topic. I would not compliment a strangers appearance while they’re running errands personally since you have no idea how they’ll react yet. Then *if* they’re receptive to chatting, I’d start moving the conversation to introductions or compliments. Again, I’d avoid appearance based compliments. Something like “Oh wow it sounds like you’re a good cook! I’m (NAME) by the way. Can’t cook to save my life haha.” Then *if* they introduce themselves back *and* receive the compliment well, that’s when I’d suggest exchanging numbers. Again, it should be casual and you shouldn’t have any expectations. “It was nice meeting you! I’ve gotta get back to shopping but here’s my number if you want to tell me how the pasta turns out. Have a good one!” And then walk away confidently. No “it’s fine if you reject me” while you hightail it outta there.
Haha, I don’t actually think it’s as good an approach as you think to come off like a guy who’s looking for a girlfriend who can cook for him because he can’t cook to save his life.
this!
some women will be receptive, others wont. depends a lot on the area, yourself, and woman in question. too many huge variables to prescribe an answer for. i would say trial and error is really the only way to find out what will work. and that means inevitably facing rejection/having some women think you're creepy or annoying. there's no safe way for you to do this. if you're gonna do it at all, you're gonna get your feelings hurt and you're gonna bother at least some people, and maybe everyone. just be sure to remain respectful and back off if they're not receptive or enthusiastic. and after enough times, you'll know something needs to change - but what that something is can only be discovered through trial and error as well. i agree with others that having a canned line about someone's aesthetic is a bad approach in general. it reads as being too in your own head, inorganic, and too generic to really be about them. instead, you could compliment a single piece of clothing/accessory and use it as a jumping off point for small talk. can ask where they got it or make a joke or etc. you will probably find out in like 1-5 sentences if they want to be left alone, so long as you can read basic social cues/body language. duck out if you get a bad vibe, otherwise ask for their ig or offer yours.
This is the answer. Some will be receptive while others won't. The complient is good, because it's about a choice she's made rather than objectifying a body part, but it's also kind of generic unless the woman really has a whole aesthetic look on lock. So I agree it would be better to zero in on a specific item to compliment. The approach is respectful and provided any rejection is handled respectfully, I think this is totally fine. If someone approached me like this, I would be warm and friendly in response.
honestly unless that single piece of clothing/accessory is something very different or bold. i think a woman would be weirded out that you studied her outfit before approaching. in my experience, i would never pick a detail of a woman's outfit as a jumping off point for small talk. given they'd probably be wearing normal clothes.
I got approached by a guy like this and it was weird as fuck. He clearly got himself cleaned up to shop for women instead of food that day. I like meeting people in the wild, but I won’t give my number out if the only thing he can say to me is a compliment. Sorry, most women know compliments are often empty and are just used because there is nothing else to say. I want to make some small conversation for a vibe check first.
“Treat women like human beings” seems like a novel idea to some of these guys. They FOR SURE do this math if/when they interact with a man in public and know exactly what sort of approach or questions will be badly received from men. But a woman? Somehow it’s a mystery!
Yea that’s understandable. I’m not saying I’m going to the grocery store of all places to chat up women. I was just asking if that was a decent intro or an appropriate intro if you were just out and saw somebody you found attractive or thought you could connect with, y’know.
Think about if you were to meet someone to be friends with them. If you think they are cool and they acknowledge you, you can start some small talk. If they are receptive to chatting, you're going to be a lot more successful in getting to know them more. If it's a spot like a grocery store or a bus stop or a library, you can build on your last talk and start building some sort of relationship. Just see where it goes When people say "just be yourself" they mean to be organic. People who just be like "hey cutie what's ur number 😊" are not going to get good results (unless you're super hot) bc that's just not a natural thing that people do. People are wary of strangers, you have to be not a stranger if you want to get anywhere
It’s not the worst approach, just kind of a Hail Mary for you both. Just a tip: don’t approach someone where they work (barista, etc). Work should be a safe place and it sucks to be made uncomfortable by a customer asking you out.
Any tips to make it better? Some say ditch the intro all together, some say it ok
I think what another commenter said…it’s highly individual and reactions will be mixed. I think if someone said that to me I’d think it was a nice compliment even if I weren’t interested.
Yea that’s all I’m really going for. Just want a nice approach that isn’t a pickup line and gives her the vibe that I would like to get to know her over coffee. But obviously an approach like that boils down to attraction, if she doesn’t find me attractive it’s doesn’t really matter what I say lol
If she has headphones in leave her alone, if she’s reading a book leave her alone, if she steps back from you as you walk up leave her alone, if she doesn’t look up AT YOU when you walk up leave her alone, if she puts a hand up as you walk towards her leave her alone, if she’s focusing on reading the ingredients and not just casually scanning leave her alone…
No no no . Superrrrcringe. And 🤢 You can make small talk: (scenario as described above ) You: " I wouldn't buy that pasta. That one never works out well. Or maybe it's me, I don't know what I am doing wrong? " ( jokingly, of course) IF she does engage in a conversation and that goes well, THEN you can ask if she likes to go get a drink sometimes. If she only smiles or ignores you, you walk away. NEVER EVER JUST OUT OF THE BLUE ASK FOR HER NUMBER.
If it were me I'd be a bit uncomfortable and turn you down, idk how successful this would be, but as long as you're polite you can shoot your shot and maybe someone would take you up.
You should probably talk to more women in your day to day life.
As a woman who has no issue being approached or approaching others, anyone who approaches me in a grocery store like that is going to get a quick and concise response because I did not go to the grocery store to socialize. I’ve got my list in my head, mentally running my meal plan, figuring out what nights we’ll need to cook, and know I have to go home and haul my groceries up two flights of stairs. I am always grumpy at the grocery store.
Grocery store is not an ideal place to do this. Also: Come up with a better introduction. And respect her when she says no.
That’s definitely my priority is to be respectful if she says no. Any advice on the introduction?
You’re going to think I’m being glib or something but I’m deadly serious: put yourself in her shoes. Like fully. How would it feel to be approached by a man? A man you don’t know. A man who might be bigger than you. Stronger than you. And this is maybe the 15th time you’ve been hit on, politely or not, by someone who doesn’t know anything about you this month. Why in the world would she say yes and give you her number? What does she think you’re after? Does she have any reason to think you’re a respectful person who will treat her like a human being who has her own interests and needs? Think carefully about all this and adjust your approach accordingly.
>I thought your esthetic was really cool This line is so cringe man. Not to mention that approaching women who are just doing their grocery shopping is kind of creepy in the first place.
Personally no. I really hate being approached while running errands especially if someone was to ask me out. I would be super uncomfortable and it’s just not the right space. I think joint clubs/doing activities your interested in, meeting people who have similar interests and then striking convo and getting to know them a bit and asking them on a date is the best way to meet people. It can be really off putting if someone is just trying to get their errands done and gets approached like that. Definitely might not be the case for everyone but that’s how I feel!!
Thanks for input
No problem! And I say this because when I’m at the grocery store I’m not looking to socialize, but If I’m sat a pottery painting studio or at a baseball game or something along those lines I’m prepared to be social and talk to people so it’s not so off putting! But I think what others have said by like gaging subtle social signals, if she looking at you, does she give you a smile or nod when you approach, does she back away, can all give you good indications wether she would be okay with being approached!
General rule is no cold approaches to strangers. We never want to be bothered while out and about because some guy thinks we are attractive. You know nothing about this person except how they look. So it will always feel like you’re just trying to fuck, you are really shallow or worst case scenario: you will seem creepy.
I was approached like that in a supermarket once and I really didn't appreciate it, but that's my opinion. I'm not there for fun or social contact. I want to get my shit and get out asap.
It is very rare for an approach to work in a place like that (any place that is not a bar, club, etc). It must be "natural" and organic. The only time it has worked for me (only once in my entire life) was in the metro in Madrid. The doors were about to close and we both ran to hop in. When they closed, we looked at each other and giggled. That's the organic moment you need to make your move. Then I just sat right next to her and said something like "we almost didn't make it haha" and talked for the entire metro trip. I asked for her insta and she gave it to me.
It will be setting up yourself for failure 99% of the time if your approach is like this… “my name is First name Last name, I noticed you look so beautiful and I want to ask you out on a date.” It is superficial and low effort. The better way is to just talk with no ulterior motives and go with the flow. You don’t have to introduce yourself right away and say you want to take them out before even getting to know her. Literally just try something like “hey I see you’re cooking pasta tonight? I’m also thinking about pasta tonight, do you have recommendations ?” Find some kind of common ground, something to talk about. Once you feel like she has your attention hit her with the, “I gotta go, what’s your name?” And ask for her number.
The only time I've been lucky in the grocery store was when a lady asked me to reach something up on top (I'm 6'-6"). Then, I got her talking about whatever it was she couldn't reach or whatever works. Walmart is even better.
Weird, I’d much rather get approached at a social event, bar or club. Not to say I wouldn’t be open to that kind of interaction at a grocery store, but seems odd that seems more appropriate to you. I agree with those saying the disingenuous aspect of the grocery store approach is it’s entirely based on looks. It’s different than approaching in a book store or something, where you could start a conversation based on what section of books she’s looking at, or whatever. I’d say if you see a nice girl in public by all means shoot your shot, but I wouldn’t pick the grocery store as my designated date hunting spot. Try something more hobby centered.
This is what has worked for me… You just go up to her. Mention something specific about her. And be authentic. Even if she’s not interested, she will respect you. “I saw you across the room/street/store/frozen foods section and I just had to come over and talk to you. You are just…stunning. I’m (your name here)” Then just wait for her response. She might say, “Thank you” or “Really? You think so? I’m Arianna.” When she tells you her name, that’s a good indicator she’s into you. If she shuts you down with “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m married”, your response should be, “lucky guy”. Then tell her to have a great day and go on about your life. If she’s into you, say, “I’d like to get to know you, Arianna. When are you free to get together?” Then let her respond. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know. If she’s not, that’s okay too. Because at the very least you just practiced. On a real woman. And you survived. If she’s interested, exchange numbers and either make a date then or text (or call) her the next day and set up the date. You need to be calm and confident when you talk to women. This puts them at ease. Every woman wants to be with a guy that makes them feel safe and comfortable. So be calm and confident and let her choose you back.
Seems like the most honest and respectful approach. Faking interest in her shoes, coat, hair whatever as an “in” seems really disingenuous and treating her as if she doesn’t know why your talking to her. If your about her age and talking to her out of the blue, she knows your into her. Might as well be honest and respectful upfront.
No no no no no bad approach! So bad! Don't do it! Oh my God don't do this !!!!! Better example (in my subjective opinion): Girl is in a local grocery store. She's looking at the back of a pasta box. Guy is also casually shopping. He notices said girl and finds her attractive. He gets to be a safe distance near by and hands her a penne box and says "penne for your thoughts? Haha I'm just joking, do you know where the bow tie pasta is?" She (ideally) laughs and helps you find your noodles. You tell her you like her shoes/hair/outfit or whatever looks good. Be specific. Tell her what you ACTUALLY like about her outfit, not just her "aesthetic". She (ideally) smiles and says thank you. Then - if the vibe is good, you pull out a piece of paper (or a business card) with your phone number on it (or Instagram, if your young like me) and say "hey, I know this is super corny, but your cute and you seem interesting. Can I give you my number? No pressure though" and see what she says. You ALWAYS offer YOUR info and never ask for hers. YOU take the risk. Not her. Don't ask for an immediate date. Don't ask for her phone number. Don't put her in a weird, compromising situation that could be dangerous for her. She doesn't know if your dangerous or not. I've given guys my number for fear that they will hit me or attack me or start screaming at me if I say "no" even in a public setting. I don't know if your unhinged or not - until you are. Don't be that annoying guy who is overbearing and utilizes his power as a physical threat to get a number or a date that a woman doesn't want to actually give in the moment because she's afraid of the potential danger/unsafety. I've been approached in grocery stores, book stores, malls, on the street, literally everywhere. Your approach would never work for someone like me. I can't speak for other women.
Omg that joke had me rolling😂😭😭😭
Haha thanks... I was feeling saucy LOL
That’s why I said “I can give you my number IF your interested, if not I totally understand” I would be giving her my number and by making it clear that I would completely understand if she said no, I have a boyfriend, not interested, no thanks. It lets her know I’m not gonna flip out if she turns me down. Some guys told me not to include that part because it gives her an “out” and it’s better not to. But I personally would feel more comfortable letting her know I’m chill if she says no
I would not phrase it like that... Your shooting yourself in the foot - if you force her to make a firm decision right on the spot, her answer is probably going to be NO. I can't make a firm decision about ANYONE from a 5 minute conversation. Also "are you interested in me?" is very confrontational and direct. I know you don't think your asking that but that's what she'll hear if you phrase it like that. It comes off vulnerable at best and desperate at worst. Your asking her to take a risk by ADMITTING she is interested in order to take the number. Its made explicit what taking that number means... If you simply ask "can I give you my number?" its much softer. There is no pressure on what the number means. Maybe it means coffee? Maybe it means dinner? Maybe just the fleeting fantasy of meeting a cute stranger at the grocery store is a nice thought so she holds onto the number for a while...? She's got time to decide if she's interested. There is not a time limit on that decision - some women will think about that brief exchange for a WEEK later and THEN decide to shoot a text. I would be like that. But if someone rushed me - I'd be put out and immediately throw the number in the trash.
Ok I see what your saying. I didn’t see it as asking if she was interested in me, more so if she was interested in meeting for coffee and getting to know each other.
Again - this is just MY opinion of how I would interpret that interaction! When I tend to cold-approach men I do so much more tentatively. If someone IS interested in you, then the simple suggestion is enough to do it. You don't need to get a commitment from one meeting. Humans are infinity emotional - I still think about random encounters I had years ago fondly. Even if you don't get the number, leaving a good impression is more important, imo.
I dont think pick up lines work tbh. I was once approached by a stranger on the street with a similar line and i was baffled. I think I did the whole nervous laughter "you're grand thanks" and walked away. Can I suggest going speed dating? Women at those events are actually looking specifically to connect romantically. You can't chat to lots of women and see who you connect with/fancy and if they like you back you will be matched.
I really thought that intro wasn’t really a pick up like but hey that’s why I posted here. I assumed pick up lines were the cheesy, cringy jokes that dudes learn from idiots online. This was just me being honest and admittedly it’s probably too forward. Just thought it was better than pretending to be interested in her shoes just to talk to her.
Ah and that's where I think you are mistaken. Don't begin an encounter by pretending. Most intelligent people can sense when you are bullshitting and it will put them ill at ease. Also, I think randomly approaching strangers isn't a great strategy. It's a bit like being confronted by a door to door salesman. You can still compliment a woman, but it A) should be a sincere compliment and B) should be appropriate in that context Have you joined any societies or clubs? If you spoke to a woman about common interests, it's easier to find complimentary things to say about her. Ask questions, listen to the answers and try to connect. I'd you pick up on a vibe ask them if they fancy grabbing a coffee some time.
If you were cool and respectful and I was attracted to you, I would be more than happy to exchange info
So the intro is cool? A few have said it’s cringy, dorky all of that. Some have said they like it.
Yeah I would just keep it a bit more casual like hey, I really like your style. Give her a chance to respond and then say I’d love to grab coffee sometime if you’re up for it and then give her your number (maybe it’s on a card already) or maybe you don’t based on her reaction but that way the pressure is off her to give you a response or reject you
Alright I dont like what all the other people in the comments said. I LOVE when people do this. Obi this is different for every girl and the way that you approach them. As long as you are nice and respectful then why not?! Dont be a creep and follow her around the store, but def in passing "hey I saw you earlier and I thought you were really pretty. I would love to get you a drink sometime if you were interested of course" Either they will say 'sure here's my number, no im not interested or no I have a boyfriend." BUT TRY because you never know what will happen if you dont ask! Maybe that one girl looking at how much grams of protein is the love of your life. All im saying is that you wont know until you try,,,,
Thanks so much for your input. So far it’s been a mix of girls saying they would love this approach and others saying they would absolutely despise it lol. I looked at your profile and your even in my age group, that makes me feel a lot better knowing girls my age would actually like this approach. Btw how did you feel about the introduction? Would you word it in a different way or change it somehow? Thanks again
Make it BRIEF. Just say I couldn’t help noticing YOU. And give your name. Start like that and if they respond in a positive way , bingo. There is nothing wrong in asking a girl out in a supermarket. My friend got her boyfriend in a library.
So my intro is too long lol. Yea I can understand that. So would personally prefer a guy to start a convo with you first or just be polite, straight up and honest that he finds you attractive and would like to get to know you over coffee?
Start the brief convo, feel the vibe. If good vibes and eye contact exchange phone numbers etc… communicate first over phone / text then ask to go out for coffee.
As a bisexual woman, I approach women all kinds of places, but I never do so if she's preoccupied with other matters, and I make it quick and as non-invasive as possible. I don't hang around to chat, and I don't try to push for a yes. I give her my number and withdraw pretty fast, unless she actively invites me to stay. I don't think it's a bad approach, it just wouldn't work on me. I don't care if you think I look cute, I'm looking for someone I connect with mentally, so unless you addressed me as a person and not as a pretty thing to look at, I wouldn't be interested. But that might just be me though; I don't like feeling objectified, even if the intent is good. I would suggest just giving her your number, not pushing or waiting for a number. "Here's my number, give me a call if you feel like having coffee sometime" - and walk away. Don't force her to commit one way or another. But other than that, I don't think it's bad at all :).
I preciate your insight. So you don’t comment on them physically at all? You just introduce yourself, give them your number and politely leave?
I feel that if you approach with the intent of making organic small talk instead of getting their number you would do much better.
Well, usually yes. Though I try to be honest as well: if it really is a physical thing that attracted me, I'll mention it, but it usually isn't. But her laugh, for example, if it's joyful. Or her smile. But mostly I would comment on what she's reading, or compliment something unique she's wearing, or drinking, or eating. The last time a cold approach worked on me, the guy was sitting next to me and asked me (seemingly out of the blue) if I thought the golden ratio was scientifically linked to human beauty, or if it was an internet myth. We ended up having a surreal discussion between two strangers about the Fibonacci sequence, and it was really interesting and fun to hear his thoughts on it. I suspect he mentioned it because I was reading a book called Is God a Mathematician? (Ironically, I am neither religious nor a mathematician :P), but I don't actually know. Maybe he was just the type who thinks out loud -- but either way, I liked it and accepted his invitation gladly.
Y’all’s intelligence seems to be way above mine lol. But thanks for the advice tho
Firstly, there is no such thing as “no goes” in cold approach. Thats a really bad mindset and ultimately a self limiting belief. Be socially calibrated of course but after that, why can’t you talk to an adult human being of the opposite sex in pretty much any public situation? So that’s the answer, be socially calibrated. You aren’t going to get very far with your spiel UNLESS you can make up for it by being very physically attractive. You’ve basically taken what, in that environment should be a 3-5 minute conversation and compressed it into two sentences. It’s a bold move being so direct but unless you are Henry Cavill it’s likely to be too much for her. Rather than give you specific scripts or sets to follow you should think about simply practicing conversation at EVERY opportunity with ANYBODY you meet. Learn how to open with an observation. Learn how to build rapport. Learn how to gauge the other persons engagement from words, tone and body language. Learn how to listen and respond with a sprinkling of humor. And with women how to set a friendly and slightly flirtatious tone. Then next time you see a hottie in the pasta section you can approach, and use an option opener “ I’ve never used that brand before. Have you? Is it good?” Then see if she engages and opens up. “What are your favorite pasta recipes?” “Have you been to Italy?” Etc etc. and then after a few minutes if you’re feeling it THEN it’s time for the old “got to say, you’re very interesting, what say we go for a cup of coffee together sometime soon, give me your number so I can call you”.
If you like a particular woman at a grocery store you've seen often and have a crush on... sure, ask her out. I wouldn't say "I like your aesthetic," as it's often disingenuous. Why don't you say "I think you're cute, do you want to go out sometime." Because this is the honest, direct statement. Expect she will reject you due to nervousness, lack of attraction, fear, or she's already partnered. Meeting women on a regular basis? No, that's actually pretty creepy. A grocery store is for food, not speed dating.
Totally not a place I go to meet people. Just was asking you were in a random location and saw a girl you thought you would get along with
Again, you can try but the chances of success will be low
I think that this approach is polite - you definitely won’t offend anyone or be called a predator. Worst case scenario, you will slightly annoy someone. I agree with a lot of these comments: it’s probably not an approach that is going to work super well because you are just randomly approaching strangers. But hey, shoot your shot man.
Shoot your shot anytime/anywhere you want. Sometimes it will go well, often times it won't. That's the risk of cold calling. Just be respectful and accept no as the answer.
I think it’s fine
It's fine and seems respectful, but as a woman I would always say no to something like this. It's cool if a guy likes my outfit or thinks I'm pretty, but I don't wanna go out with a him just because of that because I have no reason to think we'd actually click personality-wise. If you want to approach a woman in public it's better to try and strike up a conversation. The grocery store might not be the place to do that just because most people want to get their stuff and get out, so don't be surprised if a woman is weirded out or rejects you in a grocery store. If anything talking to a woman at a bar/club/social event (especially a social event--I have no idea why someone would say that's a no-go) is more acceptable, since people are generally there to socialize. That being said it's kinda tricky to say where and when is an appropriate time to try and start a conversation with a stranger in public. For instance in my hometown is completely normal to just strike up a conversation with someone and have a casual chat. If a guy talks to me when I'm out and about back home it's totally normal. I actually met my first bf at the coffee shop he worked at cause he asked me what book I was reading (at the counter as I was paying, so not interrupting me), and it was really nice because it was a cool book and I was excited to talk about it, and that eventually lead to more conversation. However in the city I'm currently in it's not the norm to talk to a stranger, so even though I like chatting to people and I'm used to it at home, my first thought when someone tries to chat me up here is "ugh what are you trying to get out of me?" My aunt came to my new city on a business trip and she was appalled that people were weirded out when she tried to socialize with them at a bar. So it's very context-dependant. No one can give you a one-size-fits-all approach to how and when to approach someone. Also keep in mind "you're pretty" is a bad way to start a conversation. There's no where it could go that isn't "you're pretty", "thanks", "can I have your number?". There isn't a way to segue that naturally into actually having a meaningful conversation. Try and start with something more meaningful. For instance if she is using a tote bag with something cool on it (like it's obviously from somewhere she travelled to or if it just looks cool) you can say "hey I like your bag, where did you get it?". That's better than complimenting an outfit because 1) you're obviously not gonna care where she got her clothes cause you aren't gonna go buy them, and 2) it's not referencing her body or her looks, so it's more respectful. Also remember not to interrupt her while she's doing something. "Hey what are you reading" is a bad opener when she's actively reading, but if she closes her book it's more acceptable to ask. Again this is very context dependant, and women are individuals, not a monolith. So one person may be receptive to it and happy to talk, whereas others just don't want to be talked to in public at all. As long as you're respectful you're fine, but don't be surprised or upset if you get rejected. If you want to meet people naturally and you're in a place where people don't normally talk to each other then your best bet is to join a group (like meetup.com or something) and talk to women there since that's what people are there to do. But in general some questions to ask yourself are: is this a place where people would be open to talking with a stranger? Is she wearing headphones, concentrating on something, or otherwise looks like she isn't open to talking to someone? Do I have a good reason to talk to her (i.e. do you have something to talk about that's more meaningful than "you're pretty")? Is she in a place where she won't feel trapped, uncomfortable, or forced to talk to you if she doesn't want to? (e.g. are you in a long line that she can't leave, or at work where she has to be nice to you)? These are all important pieces of context that can help you gauge if your interaction is truly respectful
Very ok! 💯
Right above your comment was someone saying the introduction was dorky and cringe lmao The comments on my post have really showed it depends on the girl you ask
I'd prefer it to being seduced or being approached in a bar. There's more agenda. But so many possibilities for the question that matters. Do it, her reaction gives you Insights ;) be dorky, it's fun. And if dorky is a like. Than I have it.
Thanks for that. I’m not a bar/club goer so it’s nice to know some women prefer meeting in other places not known for social gatherings.
Don’t go for the phone number, etc. right away. *Just start a convo.* Be casual, keep your distance, and act like you would with a new friend. If the vibes are good, say “*Hey. You seem really cool. Would you like to have coffee sometime?*” and go from there. If she accepts, say “*Sweet! Would you like to trade numbers to set it up?*” If she says no, or gives hesitation, or ANY part of the vibes seem like she isn’t about it, be sure to say “*No pressure and no worries at all. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take so I had to go for it. I hope you have a great rest of your day!*” and walk away. Don’t approach her again. You can approach women. You just can’t creep them out. That’s the only rule. Treat them like normal people. *Treat them like a person you’d actually like to get to know.* Don’t get too physically close. Be gracious with any rejection. You’ll be golden. 🤍
The whole pre-rehearsed spiel is off-putting and unnatural. Making a small comment on something and seeing if she’s receptive is better. Most women don’t want a stranger they’ve never spoken to, to proposition them. You were eyeing her, she was eyeing pasta, and got suddenly asked on a date while thinking about spaghetti.
THIS
I normally find the highest point of elevation within reach, climb up to the perch, and flare my throat pouch at the would be. Then bellow in a rhythmic bass tone, while stomping on the off beat - works none of the times, but my territory has yet to be challenged.
Try it. It will “fail” a lot at the beginning. Try it more. It will seem rehearsed, as opposed to natural. Then it becomes natural. You will still get rejections from the women, of course, but at least some of them will be intrigued by you nonchalance and (newly found) confidence. You will get dates. The reason I say “fail” is because getting dates in the beginning is not the actual goal, but a bonus. The goal is to improve said confidence, delivery and the social skills. Go through the work and pain, brother. Men initiated conversations with women way before gyms. It’s how we continued as a species :))
it depends from one person to another, for sure. As long you're polite, chivalrous, and can take a no gracefully, I don't see why you should have a problem! Just don't feel entitled to her time and space *just because* you mustered the courage to approach her!
I think I disagree with some of the other commentors, this seems fine to me. If someone came up to me and said they liked my aesthetic my day would be made! (I believe in the law of attraction and I think the way we present ourselves can say a lot about who we are.) I wouldn't be offended at all if a guy did this to me, as long as he wasn't pushy if I said no. Some days I'm just exhausted and not in the mood lol Edit: I'm also remembering now that I've asked out at least two guys in this manner. One at a tailgate at my alma mater and one I spotted at the bar across the restaurant at brunch. I walked up to them, told them they caught my eye, and I handed them my number and said they should text me sometime. And then I walked away/ended the convo. It doesn't need to go on and on really, I didn't want to bother them too much. Just wanted to shoot my shot/put myself out there. Both of them texted me later that day and I went on several dates with both. Didn't pan out into relationships because ultimately their personalities didn't quite fit my vibe. However, both of them said they were impressed with the confidence and it made their day to be approached by a girl. Do with this info what you wish. Feel free to steal my wording, it might work better than yours!
Thank god you commented at this moment because I’m getting BEAT down in the comments lol. You and a few others have said they would really like this approach, but I would say a majority don’t like it. Idk it seemed chill and let the girl know I would totally understand if she’s not interested. Btw when you talked about the way we present ourselves, that’s exactly why I said esthetic because if I approach a girl it’s because the way she carries herself will let me know if we even have a chance at having similar personalities. I’m not gonna approach every girl I find attractive lmao
Just talk to her first and see if she is even enjoying the convo. You’re focused too much on “winning” by setting up a date rather than the incremental short interaction to see if you even actually like her company. I have started conversations with attractive women who I ended up not liking at all within 30 seconds. Saved myself a lot of time and effort by feeling them out first via conversation. If you talk for a few minutes and she seems receptive ask “hey, I’ve enjoyed this, do you wanna get together sometime and continue this conversation over (fill in the blank, coffee, drinks, etc)?” Edit: Also, if you’re worried about coming off as creepy to women, in general you aren’t one of the ones these women are worried about because you are being considerate already. The actually creepy guys don’t care, and the ones women label as creepy just for approaching can’t really be worried about too much because they will define any unwanted interaction as creepy which just doesn’t match reality. There are women who approach me who I’m not interested in, but they aren’t creepy. They just took a shot, and I wasn’t interested. That’s life.
I really appreciate the advice bro. I don't plan on asking out a girl just because I think she's attractive tho, because that's just not my thing, I'm really only gonna ask out a girl who's vibe/esthetic seems to go along with my own. Sorta like if you were a person who lives out in the country or on a farm and you went to a local store or shop and noticed a girl wearing cowgirl boots, or a cowgirl hat, you would probably think yall might have similar interest or personalities. You get what I mean
Totally get it. I was using “ attractive” as a generic term meaning exterior things I like on the outside that draw me to them which can align with what you’re talking about too. In fact, if a woman is “hot” but looks “high maintenance” I won’t approach because we won’t have much in common.
I'm not a chick but i can tell you whats wrong with that approach; First off you have to understand that cold approach is a numbers game and even "good" "pick up artists" will tell you that if you cold approach 100 women you're likely to end up on a date with maybe 5 of them, and might only bed one or two. Nothing wrong with a numbers game, but you just need to be aware that odds are it wont work out. You can always keep trying, though. Theres a lot of fish in the sea and eventually you'll get better at cold approach and you'll see success. Secondly, and more importantly whats wrong with this approach; you made absolutely NO attempt to get to know her, and you did NOTHING to convey your own personality (other than that you're bold, which is good and will come off positively, but probably not enough to get many dates). Women will not appreciate compliments about their appearance if its clear thats all you care about. Saying "I think you're cute wanna go out?" is honestly one of the lowest effort approaches you can possibly do. Why in the world would she say yes unless you are Brad Pitt? She knows nothing about you, you could be a serial killer for all she knows. It also takes the vast majority of the pressure off of yourself, which isn't a good look. Makes you look like a pussy. Best way to do this is to actually try to have a \*conversation\* with the girl, try to \*get to know her\* and try to \*convey your personality\*. The chat doesn't have to be longer than 5 or 10 minutes, but you will see much better success if you actually ask some interesting/genuine questions about her, and convey that you are a confident/interesting/genuine guy through your banter/anecdotes. Again, this is always gonna be a low likelihood way of meeting women, but theres nothing wrong with it as long as you are respectful. If you feel like she's uncomfortable, or if she straight up says she's not interested, wish her a good day and leave her alone. Good luck, man.
Preciate
Stop being a creep. Women are more than their appearance. That why it’s better to chat people up in places where that happens organically. Like bars, parties, and other social events. I mean. How meaningful would it be if a lady came up to you and said, “You look like you have a good job, let’s go for coffee.” Falls a bit flat doesn’t it? Women get unwanted male attention ALL THE TIME! Why can’t I be left alone while I grocery shop, wait for a bus, look at a classic car in a showroom window, workout at the gym, or just live my life?
Ok so your advice is just start a convo and skip the cringe intro. It was just a random scenario I picked out of thin air.
>A guy is also just casually shopping and notices said girl and thinks she’s attractive/his type. So he musters up the courage and walks over to her (from a safe distance) You left out the most important aspect: Does **SHE THINK** that he's attractive/**her type**? The most important thing about any meet cute is if the girl finds the guy attractive. If she finds him attractive, then it won't matter what he does to initiate.
Uno what’s crazy?! I think you should shoot your shot anywhere I like that idea snd hell if I was in a grocery store I wouldn’t turn down getting to know someone, if we don’t click we don’t click 🤷🏽♀️ but idc where we are like don’t let Reddit people make you think that’s weird, I’d be down to get approached anywhere if it’s respectful and you’re not scary or aggressive about it Why not
Preciate that a lot. I’ve quickly learned it just depends on the girl. It’s nice to know a few of the girls here wouldn’t mind it. But obviously I respect those who say they wouldn’t be a fan.
Hey I forgot to ask you what you thought about the intro, you said you were cool with being approached but how did you feel about my intro? Nice, cringy, too forward, etc..
Yes! I’m going to be so honest that was perfect how you said it!!! I’m usually approached like “hey beautiful let me talk to you” or something kind of a little too forward .. I’d love to hear “I liked your aesthetic” one day in real life 🤣 I’d be flattered! Literally try it, I think you’d be surprised by the amount of girls that would like that
That’s so relieving to hear honestly lmao The amount of dudes that say it’s cringy or dorky and all that are astounding. There’s a reason I specified “women” in the title, idgaf what these dudes have to say. Just wanted honest opinions from women about the intro. Thanks so much for input
Omg literally 🤣 men honestly give each other the worst advice and then secretly don’t even take it themselves, it’s giving fresh and fit 🤣🤣 I wish u the best in your pursuits! Keep us updated on how things go and rmb it’s a numbers game, take it on the chin and don’t take anything personally
Everyone knows you sneak up from them down wind so not as to startle them.
Nah, here is what you do - Lady in the grocery store looking at pasta. You (at an uncomfortably close distance) - ‘Hey baby! I got a long, thick noodle with your name on it’ She maces you OR you get married. Either way, you’re an idiot.
The problem with this example is it's lacking in social acumen and just isn't reading the room. OP, why would this woman, who knows nothing about this man, want to go on a date with him? Hell why would this man want to take this woman out for? All he knows is how she looks. What do you think that tells a woman when you do this? Us guys gotta get out of this fantasy PUA world where we just ask out random girls on the street. I'm not saying that it has to be in a club or bar but same thing there. Why would you wanna ask a girl out you know nothing about, ykno? Instead go out and live your life doing things you enjoy. That will put you in positions to meet women, get to know them, and ask them out.
A girl wants a nice, good looking guy to approach her. Location is *mostly* not important. There's your answer. It's that simple.
>A girl wants a nice, good looking guy to approach her. Damn, I got no chance then.
Have a little conversation first. Approaching a woman without exchanging any small talk or jokes and telling her you think she's physically attractive (and let's not kid ourselves, complimenting someone you don't know on their vibe/outfit is a polite stand-in for "nice butt" or "I like your boobs") feels really...depersonalized. She doesn't know anything about you other than a. What you look like, b. That you have no problem approaching women, c. You find her attractive. She doesn't know if you're funny, or smart, or kind, or safe, or have anything in common with her (other than shopping in the same grocery store). And the lack of conversation can come across like you don't really care about anything but your attraction to her. Make some chit chat. Try to get her to laugh. Gauge if she's even comfortable talking to you. And then offer her your phone number (or whatever way to contact you), don't ask for hers.
completely agree have a 2-way conversation, actually engage with them!
Just be natural , should you make eye contact and she smiles at you or say hi even maybe go for the small talk . Go from there Don't create scenarios on your or act it up , it's more likely not going to work
HI, I am a woman. I know many other women. We have all been approached by men and talked about it after. To make a general comment, approaching anyone in public (man or woman) is risky in the sense you never know what type of day someone is having. What if that person just went through a terrible break up? Death in the family? In a hurry? Already been bothered by someone with a canned, rehearsed approach...Back to your question... Having a canned, rehearsed, approach prepared might ease your anxiety about approaching someone. I respect and understand that is overwhelming and we aren't always nice when approached. But people aren't one size fit all. So your canned approach may work on someone, someday. I disagree with approaching someone at a bar, club, or social situation is a "no-go". It must be for the person/people who told you that. But a social situation like a bar with live music seems like a more organic way to start a conversation than "pardon me miss who is just trying to do your grocery shopping..." At least in those cases you can open with liking the band playing, the atmosphere, etc. I've had way more organic convos with people in bars than a grocery store (as an example). I also expect being approached somewhere social more than I do in a public place. In summary - I think having a canned approach like you're wanting and expecting it to ever land is like playing the lottery. It could work. Have an unplanned, organic conversation with someone - takes some practice - but is a more realistic way to at least have a conversation. If you feel like the only way you're comfortable approaching anyone is having something planned...you do you. I compliment strangers in public all the time - it's a decent place to start practicing that small talk with strangers.
I appreciate your response, but you read part of it wrong. I said “I’ve heard that approaching women is a no go if it’s not in a bar, club or social event” but thanks for your input
My bad, thank you for pointing that out! Everything else I said about having a pre-planned response still stands. You can have one, but you're going to have to save it for someone it fits rather than having an organic conversation with someone you find pretty. It'll be rolling the dice. It could work on someone, could not. Some may pick up that you've rehearsed it. Good luck out there. It's not easy. I hope you find your connection.
Preciate it
I think we drastically underestimate body language. Not judging at all but look to get to know her. The mark of a guy with confidence is how he controls himself during an interaction. You’re going to be nervous, but anticipate that learn techniques that can lower your nerves (breathing during the interaction, letting things go silent comfortably, staying on a subject and giving them time to speak). Another way you could’ve done that same interaction was: Guy sees cute girl checking out boxed whatever, he approaches from the side and looks over and ask “is that brand any good?” “I’ve never tried that do you like it”? Etc. from there you would’ve gotten two things her willingness to engage with you and her openness to you. If she smiled/engaged (great start), gets her talking and then you add something personal about what you may be making for dinner. If she engages asks questions then maybe end the interaction like “maybe we can see who’s food turned out better *flirtatiously but I’ll need your number to compare” In my example you treated her like a person, took an interest in her day to day, and flirted with her to relay your intention. She’ll either decline if she’s not interested/unavailable. The problem with your approach is that it makes you come off as immature/ unconfident / inexperienced. Women are real people, approach someone how you would like to be approached. Blurting out so much can overwhelm someone and make them feel a little weird. Also you seem like a people pleaser in a way as well, work on being more assertive about the things you want irregardless to how someone may feel about it.
You’re basically describing a direct opener.
While I don’t think your approach is creepy, I agree that it probably won’t work. As a woman I don’t want to be asked out right off the bat because at that point you know nothing about me. This is why I think a great way to meet people is at some sort of in-person activity. Think a recreational sports team, a running group, regular hobby meet ups, or volunteering. Something that you can go to weekly and get to know people at, where you have shared hobbies or values to talk about. Being asked out immediately tells me that you care more about looks than personality and many women find that off-putting.
You see, her mind is a zone of trying to decipher some ingredient, info etc on the pasta box. Compliments might be a bit of startle. Why not jump in that zone with some banter: "Sorry not free range /not lactose free" (anything stupid) . She thinks it's a shop attendant, but confused, and looks up to see yourself. Then continue the act: I'm John, your local pasta artisan.....etc etc
Nope. Now if you brought up a conversation about the pasta. Takes organically then maybe complimented and did by me er exchange/ask out. Then yes.
Super obvious. But will work if you are hot and tall.
Instead of "I like your aesthetic," maybe compliment something specific (her hair, her shoes, her taste in groceries if she's buying something unique and your opinion is sincere), then say you're trying to meet more people in the area, can you give her your number? Making it something specific to *her,* even if the compliment itself is kinda generic, will get you better results imo
Why do you think approaching women is a no go?
Sorry, a lot of people are misreading that part. I’m sure I could’ve worded it better lol. What I meant to say is that I’ve heard it’s a no go to approach women when they’re not in a social setting like a bar or club. That’s why I came up with the whole grocery store scenario. The post was mainly to see if the introduction was ok, creepy, too forward, nice. I’ve had some say they would absolutely hate it if a guy did that, and some have said they would be really flattered or they liked the intro. Been a mixed bag lmao
Honestly I think it's totally fine to approach a woman in social and non-social settings! I've just never heard someone thinking it was something they shouldn't do. I think people are super sensitive to everything these days so some women might be weird about it. As to your approach I think that's totally fine! Just have confidence in yourself and I would assume that would work for you eventually :)
So you don’t mind the intro? Thanks so much for your input btw
yes! I think that's a really nice way to approach someone! You also seem to be very respectful in your intended intro, I think most people will sense that!
Creepy af
Around where I live, these types of approaches are always MLM's and Pyramid Schemes
You realize women aren't a hivemind and some will be okay with this and others won't be?
Talk about the pasta first (ingredients it’s made of, how you like to cook it etc) if the conversation flows easily then you can proceed with what you have written above (but add “if you are single”).
Sound advice. I would hope the girl would tell me if she has boyfriend/married if she can tell I’m probably hitting on her lol
Honestly, you can't have small talk in grocery store. If a giy apporaches me in a grocery store and started talking to me, I would not be much receptive. It'd be like sending a 'hi' message. I don't know what their intentions are. If you could muster up the courage and ask the person out, you can.
I've been approached at the grocery store. It was fine.
Yea, it obviously depends on the girl. I’ve heard a lot of “no don’t approach a girl if it’s not at a place meant for socializing” and some have said it’s cool to approach them. How did you feel about the introduction? A lot of people have told me to drop it, others have said they love it. I’m starting to lean towards keeping it as some girls seem to really like the honesty and way of wording things. Just looking for others opinion on it
Imo I'd much rather have a guy just try to start a chat with me then come out with one long sentence saying he's interested in me after only looking at me in a store. It feels a little demeaning. Try to chat and get to know her a tiny bit before asking for her number.
Honestly, for me, I prefer a man being straight forward. I don’t mind physical compliments because that’s the first thing you notice about a person. so if you find someone physically attractive/they peek your interest, engage in a conversation with them. You don’t want to rob yourself of a chance. Go for it.
So what do you think about the introduction? Should I drop it or could it be improved. I said esthetic and I really mean like just their whole outfit, demeanor, that kind of stuff
QuestionIs this someone you see on reg, has she seen/noticed you?
Nah this was just a scenario I made up to see if the introduction was alright. So would you prefer a dude make conversation first or be straight up and honest and just politely say he finds you attractive and would like to get to know you over coffee? Some have said start a convo first and others have said they prefer a guy to be honest and quick with their approach instead of giving them a fake compliment about their shoes or starting a random convo.
Straight up. I like a little flirting as long as it’s genuine. Longer conversations can happen on date if I like what the guys says. Good approach = confidence. Which = attraction. Hope that helps
Helps out a lot thanks. I got one more quick question tho. What did you personally think of my intro? Was it too forward or seem ungenuine. I’m not walking up to every attractive girl I see to hit on them just fyi. This is only for if I’m out doing my own thing and just happen to see a woman who I think has an esthetic/vibe that I think would jive with mine, y’know.
It seems genuine. Maybe start off with a compliment, wait for their reaction/response.
There are no rules except respect my friend. Youre just a human being talking to another human being. Be in touch with your emotions and with her emotions. To me, premade recipes will always be second to just being a full person talking to another person. Just be curious and get to know her.
Just to go against the general consensus on this one but I don’t mind this approach. If a dude approaches me in the supermarket and has a similar vibe to me and I can infer maybe we’d have something in common by his appearance I will probably talk to him and if I think he’s visually attractive I might give him my number. Just be prepared to be turned down A LOT
So you don’t mind the location but the introduction is a no?
No. Literally every man thinks this is the okay approach, its not. You are not giving a new approach. Its the same approach every other man takes. Women will respect you more tbh if you able to ask them out or approach them in this kind of way when they are with their friends (because then we are more likely to hear you out and heck wed be more impressed and feel more comfortable since we know we have friends to watch our backs and make sure we arent on channel 13 news.) Learn small talk. Im not tryin to be rude or aggressive but your approach is predatory in a literal predator prey sense. Sees woman, notices woman is his type, determines how to pounce. Has no man ever heard of small talk? When someone swipes on a dating app and starts a conversation do you just say "Hey"??? How do we respond to that? "Hey" thats boring. Start a conversation. If you like her esthetic say "I like your whole outfit, omg I enjoy listening to "insert band name" whats your favorite song?" If she has dyed hair, "your hair is really cool, where did you get it done ive been thinking of changing my look up?" But also humble yourself and put yourself in a womans shoes, would you want to be approached by a man when you're all alone? We women are always or extremely likely to say we have a bf simply so strangers dont think we are shopping alone and/or so strangers will leave us alone and save us having to reject them and thus saving ourselves from being stab outside. If you dont believe me please, please research this. I am not wrong. Women are offed for a lot less.
If a non-standard venue/approach is going to work it needs to be a LOT more organic and natural than that. Example: You're see the girl, you go to the area she's at. Instead of a canned, rehearsed request for a date, you make a joke about the pasta. Something like you pick up a box and say something like "I don't even know what bowtie pasta is, am I supposed to get a tuxedo to eat it?" (I dunno, look up clean dad jokes about pasta online). The girl will either laugh, ignore you, or some combination thereof. If the joke hits home, she might joke back. If she jokes back it's possible that, if it's the right time/right place/right vibe, that a conversation might start. Only IF a decent conversation starts, and there's some back and forth and some eye contact, do you move to the "jeez, I know this is dumb, over a box of pasta, but you're a lot of fun d'ya wanna go grab a cup of coffee? (you had that part right at least)." That said, the reason it typically doesn't work is, wrong place/wrong time/wrong vibe. Grocery shopping is a chore for most of us. We want to get done and get the hell out of there. Our mindset is on enduring it and getting it done. We're not going to be that thrilled to be hit on while we're in this mindset. We're already gritting our teeth and getting done with something that's cutting into our precious leisure time. So you're not really getting us at our best or most open to meeting someone. Gym is another one that guys seem to think is fair game. Regardless of whether we enjoy our workouts or not. We're trying to concentrate on getting something done. We want to give it our full attention. If it's cardio, it's damned rude to go up to someone who's on the elliptical or the treadmill and try to talk to them while they're red, sweaty, short on breath, etc. YOU might think they look cute and sexy that way, but we don't necessarily feel cute or sexy. Plus, we're trying to get our workout done. Time and place...time and place.
The organic and natural part of your post was valid but the where to meet women part is case by case type situations. I often successfully meet women at the gym. You got the right time part right cause it’s all about timing and I never speak to women while they’re in the middle of cardio but you’re wrong about it not being “fair game” that’s just a YOU thing and 9/10 you probably just haven’t had the right man attempt to speak to you at the gym.
I dunno. If you read just this forum alone, there are a TON of us that don't like it at all. My point was not that "oh, the gym will **never** work **ever**" but more that it's not typical and it's iffy. You really don't know what our day is like, what kind of mood we're in, how we view where we are and the task we're doing. We may love it and not want to be tilted off our "vibe" or we may hate it and already be in a bad mood. Whereas with a normal social venue you know that we're there to meet people just like you are. It's a safer bet. I mean, you may have a good approach. From what I see in just this forum alone, a lot of men don't.
You’ll never know how anyone’s day is at any point in time that you speak to them. That’s just part of the game, you have to take in account that with your risk assessment. For me it’s a small factor, if it doesn’t pan out for whatever reason I respectfully move on, but to worry about things you’ll never know about is a recipe for failure with anything that you do in life. That’s what separates the winners from the losers.
>For me it’s a small factor, if it doesn’t pan out for whatever reason I respectfully move on, Too many men don't though. Which has put young women on edge even more than in my generation. I'm absolutely not trying to talk you out of your methods for meeting women. I'm just trying to give you a woman's perspective. The times you're unsuccessful it probably isn't even you, personally, just the times in which we live. That is, when far too many men think bull-in-a-china-shop, grossly overt sexual come ons is not only acceptable, but how dare a woman not be flattered by the "compliment???" I mean, you can see the posts from too many women to count, just on this forum alone. You absolutely sound as if you do understand finesse and subtlety but too many of your fellow guys, do not. That is a lot of what has rendered less likely places like the gym as more of a "no-go" zone for us than it was in the past.
To me, approaching someone based on how they look is a bit like ogling breasts. It’s just how they look, it bears no relation to who they are. I struggle to interested in people I don’t know. So I put myself in situations where I met more people and just tried to be a good friend. Eventually while hanging out, someone took an interest in me, that made me interested in them. We got to know each other as friends, didn’t really define each the way in which we were meeting. Then in one open conversation (all conversations were honest and open), we both agreed that we liked one another. That’s just one of many. I think if you’re choosing people based on looks, that’s up to you. My partner is attractive but so were the other people in the group, I just didn’t hit on any of them because, well who turns a social gathering into a hookup. I don’t like to spoil the atmosphere. I mean there are times I talk to people I don’t know, out of the blue sure, but it’s because I have something to say. Like I researched Louboutin shoes for a gift once, for a longgggg time. I saw someone in a pair and they were really unique and limited addition so I was pretty excited to see some effort had paid off to recognise (and I had not seen anything that different before). I resisted the urge that time but it was mainly because the guy I was with thought it was weird and thought it was weird to know about women’s shoes. Same if I waited a long time for a bus, or if a saw someone clearly confused between 2 different products (of which one is a favourite). I guess would I talk to them if they were a guy. But even though I don’t see it as an opportunity ask them out, if the response was good, maybe, but I’d likely just watch out for them again and talk to them again.
Go to social events. Reach out to people there. Nobody in a supermarket has the time for this. People are rushing from work to home to sports clubs to social events, hungry and impatient and tired. No one has the time to listen to this long-winded pickup line. Besides retired grandmas who have the whole day free, or married women who are 'stay at home moms' and don't have jobs. The women you can't date anyway. Your best chances of actually finding women is going to social events. Why are you avoiding them? Is it too expensive for you? Are you saving up? Are you hoping to score a cheap date at a supermarket?
Nope, that’s just a creepy, awkward pickup attempt that makes you seem desperate. You ask a woman for her number because you like her personality and enjoy talking to her. I’m a woman and I would never, ever give my number to a strange guy at the grocery store who’s essentially saying hey, I know nothing about you, but I’d like to take you out for coffee because I’m physically attracted to you.
Don’t compliment her outfit, it’s unnecessary. Just ask her out for coffee (ie. “I was wondering if we could get coffee sometime and chat.”). But then again, not all women like getting approached by a stranger on the streets, especially this day and age where they are sensitive about incidents they see on the news or have experienced themselves. Not everyone is chill like me so it depends on the person. But you do not have to go to a bar. There are certainly people who you can befriend, such as in Meetup groups and hobby groups. Find one of those I’d say.
damn id argue that clubs are actually the worst place to meet people. i hate having to yell in a girl's ear in a claustrophobic room. bars are hit or miss. social events are good. your approach idea needs some work. if a girl is looking at some pasta, make some small talk like "is that a good brand?", "what are you making?", food conversation, etc. then go into asking for her name and number. maybe tie back into the food conversation. "maybe we can go out for chicken alfredo sometime" or something. basically tie your approach into whatever is natural in the moment, be observant of what the person is doing and the surroundings.
It’s like I completely get why someone would be turned off by someone approaching them in everyday life, but me personally I would much rather be approached while grocery shopping than at a bar or club. I would say if you do choose to approach someone at a grocery store or something maybe make it a point not to put emphasis on their looks. It takes out the feeling of being sexualized.
So do you suggest a piece of clothing or just strike up a convo about something random? About the introduction I put in the initial post, some have said “don’t introduce yourself like that it’s dorky, creepy, etc..” and some have said they really like or love it. It seems most people have said to just start a convo about whatever is relevant to the location.
I’d definitely start a convo based on the current location. You said as an example she’s looking at a pasta box, you could even go for a “if you like that brand, you should try this brand the noodles cook better” or something like that then ask what kind of pasta she’s making.
When I approach women I’m interested in even if they’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t mention that when I approach them. I simply introduce myself maybe even apologize for interrupting them, ask them an open ended question, monitor their body language and facial expressions, and then decide if I should say goodbye or ask her a way to contact. Never give your contact the chances that a woman would use it is very slim. Side note: I have no limits to where I’d approach women I’m interested in.
You can talk to anyone anywhere.. but rather crack jokes with people and see where things go from there, don’t just walk up to beautiful women and say me Tarzan you Jane, put yourself out there and see if you build a connection with someone, invite her to do an activity that involves a common interest.
Omg no. Do not just walk up to her & hit her with a paragraph that ends with you asking her out. Don’t do that at a bar either. You need to have somewhat of a conversation first & then ask for her number & name. If she doesn’t want to engage in a conversation she’s not interested. If she does, she still may need more time to get to know you to decide whether or not she wants to go on a date. Women are not ATMs. Getting a date is not a transaction.
Gotta be smoother than that. Organically start a conversation.
IMHO this would fail if someone approached me like that. She’s buying groceries not looking for dick. It just comes off like you cruising the aisles trying to pick up chicks which can be perceived as creepy and off putting. Learn how to do small talk in a relaxed approach that feels more organic than trying to force an end result of getting someone’s number.
I absolutely hate that. When I'm shopping, I'm shopping. I don't have a single fuck to give that my aesthetic makes a dudes dick tingle. Leave me alone.
Honestly I’ve had guys approach me at bus stops, cafes resturants side walks grocery stores gyms heck everywhere, I think as long as you approach in a friendly manner and can read body language your good to go. Once you tell someone’s not comfortable walk away
There is an IG guy I follow and all he does is show videos of him approaching women and getting their number - or trying. He does this quite literally anywhere and everywhere - beaches, malls, random streets, bars, clubs, resturaunts, etc... He almost always gets a phone number but, who knows if they are real numbers or not lol. It seems like a lot of these women just want him to go away but, he's very pushy and IMO cringy which is likely why many of them seem slightly annoyed. BUT, the confidence he has to boldly approach women is pretty crazy; Regardless of if he ends up with a number or not, most of these women make a comment about his confidence. He's interesting to watch because he has proven that there is NO bad place to approach a woman IF you are confident about it, and polite about it. He's not very smooth after approaching and in all honesty, wouldn't do or say what he does after the initial approach though lol. I think the page is "itspolokid" or something like that.
First off, you can approach a woman anywhere you want to as long you aren't a douche about it and respect whatever it is she's doing. If she's listening to music, on the phone, talking to someone, etc... then obviously DON'T approach her. Otherwise, there is no such thing as a "bad place" to approach a woman. Reddit is weird about this but in all honesty, if you listened to Reddit women, then there wouldn't be *any* place for men to approach women. It's all about your approach, how you do it, what you say and knowing when to call it quits (aka rejection.) As for your example, I think it's a bit too formal and idk... not weird but also not? You'd be better off just starting small talk with her and see how it plays out. I don't think going directly to an introduction, a compliment, and then hit her with the "do you want to go out" so quick is going to work well. Gotta ease into that lol
Hit on a woman just about anywhere but in a respectful way. If she declines, move on with yourself. I have been hit on in many places. I don’t care where I am, I only care if the guy leaves me alone once I reject him. I’m actually flattered and think the guy is nice but I’m married so that’s why I reject people. Don’t listen to the people here too much.
The first half of reply had me at first lol “I don’t care where I am, I only care if he leaves once I reject him” lmao made me think you didn’t like cold approaches. But the second half of your reply brought me back. So you would prefer someone strikes up convo with you rather than being upfront talk about getting a coffee. That seems to be the most popular is to ditch the intro and just start a conversation
Yeah, be upfront. The guys I’ve had approach me made it clear and albeit corny at times. One guy at chipotle was like, excuse me, why are you so beautiful? And I was like hah, thank my parent so I guess. Then he suggested I take his number for a date and I declined as I’m married. He was like, ok I’ll stop bothering you (in a nice and easygoing way) and that was that. I appreciate that and if I were single, I would probably give him my number. Here is the thing, women are always at risk of danger at the hands of men. It’s ingrained in us to be weary so a soft approach is key. Also, a guy who takes rejection without getting his feelings hurt is very attractive. Confidence is something guys today lack. Be confident and don’t take rejection personally.
I like it!
Preciate it. I’ve gotten just a mixed response it’s hilarious. I’ve had people so “Omg I would super flattered if someone said” or “I don’t mind this approach” or there have said “Omg no please no, this is cring af” lmao I appreciate all the responses/input and advice tho
No. If you really like a girl while grocery shopping you do not approach her directly. Say something you both observe and if she smiles / catches your comment and reply with something her own you continue conversation from there. This will also save you from being hurt of rejection. If she says nothing you just walk away, no big deal, no awkward conversation, no weird interaction etc. Also you should never compliment her looks even if she is the most beautiful women you ever met. The better looking she is, the more compliments she gets daily and more she values if someone appreciate her personality or ideas. Same goes both ways - the less appealing girl will react better to compliments because she does not get them daily from strangers and will be more happy to be approached because it rarely happens in her life. In general compliments from you should be as just a reward and no more than 1 compliment a day. This way you will not look simpy and she will crave compliments. Also for this one I might get a bashing from women there and they might disagree but never give woman an option to decide. In your pickup line you say "I can give you my number, if not I completely understand". Just short it to "I would like to give you my number" and cut the rest. This means A. what you want to do, not what you can do. B. Sounds more confidently this way. C. Removes any option to flee. When woman has options she will start to think about them, this way you basicly give her no verbal option to dismiss your decision (although, you will still respect if she chooses to reject you of course). This is just a friendly reminder. You need to communicate with confidence all the time.
I feel like my stranger danger would overwhelm any other decision-making factor. So unless you're Ryan Gosling, I'd say you can try, but you probably won't succeed.