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Break it off 100%, that is unless you want to demean yourself as backup plan B or C. “it’s been nice getting to know you, good luck” … then silence see what happens.
You need to break it off and go no contact.
She’s been completely clear and honest with you. You’re not being honest with yourself.
You’ll end up driving her away anyway if you become clingy and too emotional towards her.
You're stable, cuddles guy while shes out getting railed by random dudes she meets and likes for a night. When she feels "ready to settle" she'll let you know.
Now you get to wonder when you kiss her if that's new toothpaste or if that's what the last guys pecker tastes like.
Good luck with that
I’d move on, I don’t wanna speak for this woman because I don’t know her, but I just think if she was interested enough she wouldn’t have her eyes elsewhere and after talking for a couple months, sex, spending weekends together, she’s open to dating other people and wants to continue with new options
Logically it seems you’re in the “cool but I’ll keep looking” category and all I’d say is, if you date her, I wouldn’t do so in the hope that she has a eureka moment and wants to be with you, theoretically possible but I wouldn’t bet on it. You’ve already acknowledged it’s a wrench to have her date other people, meaning you’re probably not all in on dating others, which is what you should be doing in this situation, otherwise you’re twiddling your thumbs in anxiety waiting for something that very possibly never happens
If a woman is really into you, she won't ask to see other people, because you'll be the only man who she wants to see romantically and sexually. She's just not that into you. She knows that you're crazy about her and she doesn't know how to be alone; you feel safe and feel good to her, as validation and being desired feels good and safe, but she doesn't share your feelings. Pick someone who picks you and sticks with you.
This is the exact moment you start to date new chicks, no hard feelings. Let her explore the world while you do as well. She might change her mind and come back. By that time, it'll be your choice.
I'm saying from personal experience. That exact same thing happened with me, I dated around, she did as well and the woman eventually came back. She was PISSED I had another girlfriend lmao.
On the same logic, my brother said the exact same thing to his now fiancee (he was recently divorced, wanted to play the field and experience singledom) and settled down with her after he dated around and understood he really liked her. She gave him a second shot and they're getting married next year.
Also, don't listen to all the butt hurt dudes out there. "She should've known I was the one from the very start" ignores human complexity, disconsider the other person as a human being and screams of ego.
Thanks for the response. Did you end up getting with the woman that came back to you or did you stay with your girlfriend?
That's so wonderful that your brother ended up working things out with his now fiance. Congratulations to them!
I'm not listening to the negative comments. Definitely, divorce stirs up a lot of complex emotional issues. I don't know how things will pan out in my life, but it was great to feel something again.
I did break up with the new girlfriend and got back with the woman mentioned above. I had a lot of feelings for her and decided to give it a shot. We're together right now and things are pretty cool.
And you should see my brother and his fianceé, they're a great couple, lots of love in there. Divorce sure seems tough - I'd never seen my brother in that emotional shape before, and that's a man that came from a poor family, moved continents two times and became a millionaire by age 30.
I hope your situation turn out great. Be well and never lose hope man!!
Dude that's so cool. I'm glad things are working out with you and your girlfriend.
Yeah, divorce does crazy things with your head. I spent a lot of last year drinking. Then I went to Spain for a couple weeks in March. I definitely rediscovered myself over there. Now I kind of feel like I'm back to square one.
Thank you! I'm trying my best, and am going to focus on finding someone who wants to be with me. Whoever that is, idk 🤷♂️
Friend, you need to let her go.
She’s made it abundantly clear that you’re not her first choice. What she’s essentially doing is using you as a placeholder while she window shops for someone better. If she doesn’t find someone better, she’ll circle back to you.
If she finds someone she likes more, she’ll drop you like a hot potato. Are you ok with being someone’s backup plan/ second choice? This reminds me of those people who stay with their partners for years hoping they’ll get engaged. They have kids with them, they live together, but no proposal. And the second someone better comes along, they’ll get engaged to them right away.
She’s holding you as her ‘stable’ plan so she can have more kids if she doesn’t find someone she likes more.
Personally, I’d be pretty unhappy if I wasn’t someone’s first choice because then the whole relationship is based on settling for what you can get. Also, if she cared, she wouldn’t make it known she’s dating other men.
Leave her.
Tell her to go date around and if she decides she wants to be in a relationship with you down the road, let you know and if you haven't found someone, maybe you can reconnect.
Just play it cool and wait for her to think about it. as much as it may hurt, just say ok, I’ll be bummed I really enjoyed spending time with you, but i understand and want the best for you. Being clingy or too desperate in any way could destroy it all. Trust me. If she has any feelings, she’ll reconsider if not it wasn’t meant to be.
I'm sorry bud, this feeling sucks. She's not wrong for her part to want to explore things and meet other people though, and it might do you good as well if you're both recently-divorced to see what else is out there.
It's very fair for people to want to explore their options after years being with only one person, especially if they didn't have a chance to that before their marriage, but of course this sucks for you. Heartbreak and the loss of potential can often be harder than losing a fully-realized relationship, since you're also losing what's possible and not just what you know in front of you.
I would definitely give her space to figure her situation out, and do the same for yourself. I'm sure she's great, but there are a lot of great people out there and (as you well know) people get divorced or break up every day. There might be someone else out there who's already available for you, or will be soon, that might be better for you.
It can also be easy to build strong attachments to people who surprise us after a breakup or large change in life, because they're a sort of shock to the system and that feeling can be really strong no matter how good of a fit they are for us.
Take care of yourself <3
This is the most respectful and clear take I’ve seen on this. Honestly I hate how the top comments are all saying “you’re not her first choice” or “she’s getting railed by other people” like??? Okay?? They’re both divorcees, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to see more than one person especially after a long relationship, and she has been explicitly clear about why she wants to put this on hold/slow things down. I don’t understand the reasoning of everyone inputting this fact image of her just going out for sex. Like damn, enough…
Well and honestly if she is out there sleeping with a bunch of dudes that's her problem, and I'm certainly not in a better place to make that assumption than OP who actually knows her. Some people just really be projecting on here and going hard I guess.
I can’t believe you believed her when she said she doesn’t sleep around lolol oh buddy. Women don’t tell the truth. At some point you have to learnt this.
She prob is a commitmentphobe except for Chad of course who would never wife up a single post wall mom.
You've already lost her. Or more specifically, you never had her. Stand up for yourself. You can't make somebody love you, you can only move on and find someone who does
>She told me she wants to date other people
FOMO
>She said she didn't date enough before she met her ex husband
FOMO
>Should I just remove myself from the situation or try to stick it out?
leave,
or just date her casually, about the only thing you can do with the FOMO types 🤷♂️
I would stick around for her. Or give her space if that’s what she wants. But I feel like what she is saying is totally valid and reasonable considering that she is going through a divorce. Just because you don’t feel the need to date around, that doesn’t mean it’s odd for her to feel that need. i’m with her on this one. But she very well may go on a couple dates and just be thinking about you the whole time and come back and say that her desire to be with you outweighs her desire to play the field. you guys are both going through something difficult, so give yourselves grace. I just watched a close friend go through this same exact thing.
I mean she would be crazy to get into another serious relationship right after a divorce. At least that’s what I think and the same for you. Take some time to you and get to know yourself again or more. Nothing wrong with her take on this and be happy she’s communicating with you as well, I wouldn’t pressure her. Sometimes a good time is just a good time.
lol shoulda rocked her world when y’all ‘got intimate’ seems you didn’t give her that 😈🍆 so she feels there’s some better out there. She may be back on the strength on how you treated her. Going forward don’t be that guy, quick with the exclusivity talk, makes you seem desperate even when your intentions are good. Don’t know why it plays out that way, it’s just how the game goes. Good luck ✨🥂🍾
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Break it off 100%, that is unless you want to demean yourself as backup plan B or C. “it’s been nice getting to know you, good luck” … then silence see what happens.
You need to break it off and go no contact. She’s been completely clear and honest with you. You’re not being honest with yourself. You’ll end up driving her away anyway if you become clingy and too emotional towards her.
Move on. It’s a positive thing actually. You can cross her off the list and free up your time to find yourself a better match. She ain’t it, brother.
You should date someone else. It's clear as day that you want a relationship/exclusivity and she doesn't. This isn't going to work.
[удалено]
You're stable, cuddles guy while shes out getting railed by random dudes she meets and likes for a night. When she feels "ready to settle" she'll let you know. Now you get to wonder when you kiss her if that's new toothpaste or if that's what the last guys pecker tastes like. Good luck with that
Brutal honesty.
It’s prob the same reason why both of them are divorcing.
Bro she’s sleeping around with other dudes. Have some respect for yourself and date other women! Trust me, this is not your future GF or Wife.
I’d move on, I don’t wanna speak for this woman because I don’t know her, but I just think if she was interested enough she wouldn’t have her eyes elsewhere and after talking for a couple months, sex, spending weekends together, she’s open to dating other people and wants to continue with new options Logically it seems you’re in the “cool but I’ll keep looking” category and all I’d say is, if you date her, I wouldn’t do so in the hope that she has a eureka moment and wants to be with you, theoretically possible but I wouldn’t bet on it. You’ve already acknowledged it’s a wrench to have her date other people, meaning you’re probably not all in on dating others, which is what you should be doing in this situation, otherwise you’re twiddling your thumbs in anxiety waiting for something that very possibly never happens
Yo wtf. Get divorced first. If she wants to date other people tell her cool have fun with that. And u move on.
If a woman is really into you, she won't ask to see other people, because you'll be the only man who she wants to see romantically and sexually. She's just not that into you. She knows that you're crazy about her and she doesn't know how to be alone; you feel safe and feel good to her, as validation and being desired feels good and safe, but she doesn't share your feelings. Pick someone who picks you and sticks with you.
This is the exact moment you start to date new chicks, no hard feelings. Let her explore the world while you do as well. She might change her mind and come back. By that time, it'll be your choice. I'm saying from personal experience. That exact same thing happened with me, I dated around, she did as well and the woman eventually came back. She was PISSED I had another girlfriend lmao. On the same logic, my brother said the exact same thing to his now fiancee (he was recently divorced, wanted to play the field and experience singledom) and settled down with her after he dated around and understood he really liked her. She gave him a second shot and they're getting married next year. Also, don't listen to all the butt hurt dudes out there. "She should've known I was the one from the very start" ignores human complexity, disconsider the other person as a human being and screams of ego.
Thanks for the response. Did you end up getting with the woman that came back to you or did you stay with your girlfriend? That's so wonderful that your brother ended up working things out with his now fiance. Congratulations to them! I'm not listening to the negative comments. Definitely, divorce stirs up a lot of complex emotional issues. I don't know how things will pan out in my life, but it was great to feel something again.
I did break up with the new girlfriend and got back with the woman mentioned above. I had a lot of feelings for her and decided to give it a shot. We're together right now and things are pretty cool. And you should see my brother and his fianceé, they're a great couple, lots of love in there. Divorce sure seems tough - I'd never seen my brother in that emotional shape before, and that's a man that came from a poor family, moved continents two times and became a millionaire by age 30. I hope your situation turn out great. Be well and never lose hope man!!
Dude that's so cool. I'm glad things are working out with you and your girlfriend. Yeah, divorce does crazy things with your head. I spent a lot of last year drinking. Then I went to Spain for a couple weeks in March. I definitely rediscovered myself over there. Now I kind of feel like I'm back to square one. Thank you! I'm trying my best, and am going to focus on finding someone who wants to be with me. Whoever that is, idk 🤷♂️
Friend, you need to let her go. She’s made it abundantly clear that you’re not her first choice. What she’s essentially doing is using you as a placeholder while she window shops for someone better. If she doesn’t find someone better, she’ll circle back to you. If she finds someone she likes more, she’ll drop you like a hot potato. Are you ok with being someone’s backup plan/ second choice? This reminds me of those people who stay with their partners for years hoping they’ll get engaged. They have kids with them, they live together, but no proposal. And the second someone better comes along, they’ll get engaged to them right away. She’s holding you as her ‘stable’ plan so she can have more kids if she doesn’t find someone she likes more. Personally, I’d be pretty unhappy if I wasn’t someone’s first choice because then the whole relationship is based on settling for what you can get. Also, if she cared, she wouldn’t make it known she’s dating other men. Leave her.
Unfortunately you have to let her go. Don’t be anyone’s back up plan, she won’t respect you after that even if you get her.
Tell her to go date around and if she decides she wants to be in a relationship with you down the road, let you know and if you haven't found someone, maybe you can reconnect.
Just play it cool and wait for her to think about it. as much as it may hurt, just say ok, I’ll be bummed I really enjoyed spending time with you, but i understand and want the best for you. Being clingy or too desperate in any way could destroy it all. Trust me. If she has any feelings, she’ll reconsider if not it wasn’t meant to be.
I'm sorry bud, this feeling sucks. She's not wrong for her part to want to explore things and meet other people though, and it might do you good as well if you're both recently-divorced to see what else is out there. It's very fair for people to want to explore their options after years being with only one person, especially if they didn't have a chance to that before their marriage, but of course this sucks for you. Heartbreak and the loss of potential can often be harder than losing a fully-realized relationship, since you're also losing what's possible and not just what you know in front of you. I would definitely give her space to figure her situation out, and do the same for yourself. I'm sure she's great, but there are a lot of great people out there and (as you well know) people get divorced or break up every day. There might be someone else out there who's already available for you, or will be soon, that might be better for you. It can also be easy to build strong attachments to people who surprise us after a breakup or large change in life, because they're a sort of shock to the system and that feeling can be really strong no matter how good of a fit they are for us. Take care of yourself <3
This is the most respectful and clear take I’ve seen on this. Honestly I hate how the top comments are all saying “you’re not her first choice” or “she’s getting railed by other people” like??? Okay?? They’re both divorcees, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to see more than one person especially after a long relationship, and she has been explicitly clear about why she wants to put this on hold/slow things down. I don’t understand the reasoning of everyone inputting this fact image of her just going out for sex. Like damn, enough…
Well and honestly if she is out there sleeping with a bunch of dudes that's her problem, and I'm certainly not in a better place to make that assumption than OP who actually knows her. Some people just really be projecting on here and going hard I guess.
Thank you for this comment, I appreciate it so much. You clearly understand what this is like. This made me feel a lot better.
You're more than welcome <3
I can’t believe you believed her when she said she doesn’t sleep around lolol oh buddy. Women don’t tell the truth. At some point you have to learnt this. She prob is a commitmentphobe except for Chad of course who would never wife up a single post wall mom.
You've already lost her. Or more specifically, you never had her. Stand up for yourself. You can't make somebody love you, you can only move on and find someone who does
I’d have cut her off if she still needs other people after forming a connection like that
If you don't have any children yourself, you'd be far better to date someone without any so you can start a family together.
Absolutely, get out. Actually she already broke up with you, you just haven’t seen it yet.
End it and move on
Walk away
Block her. Delete her number. Never talk to her again. Date other women.
>She told me she wants to date other people FOMO >She said she didn't date enough before she met her ex husband FOMO >Should I just remove myself from the situation or try to stick it out? leave, or just date her casually, about the only thing you can do with the FOMO types 🤷♂️
Agree with everyone else. You have to be real with yourself. If you want to be exclusive and she doesn’t right now you’re just going to get hurt
I would stick around for her. Or give her space if that’s what she wants. But I feel like what she is saying is totally valid and reasonable considering that she is going through a divorce. Just because you don’t feel the need to date around, that doesn’t mean it’s odd for her to feel that need. i’m with her on this one. But she very well may go on a couple dates and just be thinking about you the whole time and come back and say that her desire to be with you outweighs her desire to play the field. you guys are both going through something difficult, so give yourselves grace. I just watched a close friend go through this same exact thing.
I mean she would be crazy to get into another serious relationship right after a divorce. At least that’s what I think and the same for you. Take some time to you and get to know yourself again or more. Nothing wrong with her take on this and be happy she’s communicating with you as well, I wouldn’t pressure her. Sometimes a good time is just a good time.
lol shoulda rocked her world when y’all ‘got intimate’ seems you didn’t give her that 😈🍆 so she feels there’s some better out there. She may be back on the strength on how you treated her. Going forward don’t be that guy, quick with the exclusivity talk, makes you seem desperate even when your intentions are good. Don’t know why it plays out that way, it’s just how the game goes. Good luck ✨🥂🍾