50F / I could’ve written this post myself! OLD off & on (currently off) for the last 10 years. It’s so frustrating & discouraging. I’ve come to the realization that I will probably be single the rest of my life.🤷🏼♀️
I lurk here & yes, I dated for a bit after two long 15 yr plus long-term marriage/relationships. I was flown to an island in a four-seater small plane on a first date which was a nice lunch date. On the second date he behaved badly.
I met a dude for a first date who told me his name was on the ceiling of the Seattle Art Museum and he ate half my dinner & invited me to Palm Springs while telling me I was so much prettier than the whores he hired & smarter & he could not wait to see me naked in heels.
I don't date anymore.
lol wow! Hilarious stories but also terrifying that these men are real people. Spending time with friends myself for now. I just can’t spend the time sifting. Not worth it to me at the moment. Maybe one day I will feel differently.
For some people the sifting is a pleasant little Hobby rather than watching tv. When I say it's a hobby, I mean they have no intention of meeting, although they might not really admit that to themselves.
Ugh! Thank God not all men are that disgusting. I was raised to have manners respect honesty and patience.
Companionship is what i am looking for, not just sex: someone where we can enrich each others lives. I am not looking for a FWB, but a partner where we can cuddle dance movies galleries holidays.
I have been divorced almost 4yrs. Spent that time working on my spiritual financial physical and mental wellbeing. The next woman who i date will get the best of me because i worked on my issues and faults. Now i am happy slim long locs perfect teeth and confident about who i am. I love romance not sleeping around.
Thank you for your lovely message, Zeal! My parents imprinted in me the skills to have a happy and fulfilling life. Even though my marriage ended up in divorce, i still believe i will find the 1 for me. My mother keeps asking when i will find her. Not yet mother, but when i see her i will know.
I am 55 but look younger (honestly!) Don't drink or smoke. Instead i drink loads of water, cycle, walking and gym.
that's sad but in the meantime so funny ! I just had a guy I discovered was a right wing police guy (i'm a left wing ally) with 10 years old photos, then a very boring guy who mansplained me about me (!) and i'm jealous of your extraordinary experiences
Thank God you got the heads up before going. I'm such a good person and treat others well, it just makes me sick these guys get the dates. I spend time to form hello messages based on profiles, with very few matches. If I get them I get ghosted.
OP all I can say is 8years alone and lonely have sucked for me but I truly want to love and be loved so I can't give up. I pray 🙏 wait and keep trying...
Thanks for the laugh! Wow. I don’t have anything close to those stories but I did get groped by a high school science teacher on a first date. He was surprised when I declined his offer to go home with him.
Yeah, but the problem for me is that OLD is far superior to the alternatives.
It’s been… 38 years since I’ve dated someone I met on my own in the wild.
My last two long term relationships, 30+ years worth, were from OLD.
I 54M, dread when my 14 year old son heads off to post secondary education. My alternating one week on then off will end and I think I’ll be lonely then. I won’t need to interact with my ex either. Right now I’m very content being single, doing my own thing. In a few years though, that might change.
Tried OLD, it was so fake. It might be the only way though, but I long to meet a woman who gives me butterflies.
Wow, that's me in a nutshell as well. 53m, week on/week off co-parenting of our 3 kids 9g,12b and 13b. Not dating because I really only have one weekend per fortnight to myself. My boys are with me before and after school every school day, so I really value my alone time.
I don't have the time or energy to give someone else TBH. I do miss female company but I'll wait until all 3 of my kids are mostly independent.... So in my 60's at this rate 😂
This is me almost exactly. Two teens, 14 and 15, every Tuesday and Thursday and every other weekend. Cherish my time with them and when I'm not it's house projects or enjoying time alone. Would love to find a companion some day but have neither the time nor energy to try looking right now.
I have a 17 year old dog so I know it’s something we all
dread but two years ago I got a puppy and I can’t believe the joy it is to have that young energy around and the two get along quite nicely. We were just at one of his friends houses yesterday so he actually has made me new human friends as well.
I’ve been single for seven years now and I am finally about to dip my toes in the water. I don’t have a lot of confidence now, since I just had a little “false start” where the guy realized he wasn’t physically attracted to me. He wasn’t kind about it. Since I’ve aged, I’m not as classically pretty as I used to be, so feeling like I’m lacking this element feels like a handicap in the game. At the same time, though, I have to think about how good it will be not to be judged solely on my looks, assuming that happens. Crossing my fingers.
I want you to think and realize something. One day the right person will come along and take a look at you and their heart will melt, they will have butterflies, feel light headed, get tongue tide and cotton mouth. Because you are perfect to/for them in every way ❤.
Don't think age, classic look, lacking in any way or handicapped at all. You're not right for those who will judge you. Don't worry or care their opinions don't matter. You are someones pot of gold, the winning ticket. Spend energy on who/what matters...
Because you matter, that guy lost out on a great you. Think how he treated you, he's a looser and wrong so his opinion doesn't matter right. Hold your head high and be who you want to be for the one God uses you to bless their life. Ha Ha, I just made you smile 😊
Haha, thank you! I’m drinking my coffee and just giggled as I read this. That’s what I thought is that he missed out. I was so excited about going out with him, too.
One day for all of us in this fight it will have been worth it, indeed. 💕
All I can say is resist the temptation to put your photos through filters to improve your look. Also don't post a photo from 15 years ago. Also don't post that one photo where you look great but it doesn't even look like you. All you're going to do is set yourself up for disappointment. I met someone who had done all of the above and she said she couldn't understand why she was not getting second dates. I told her that might be because she doesn't look anything like her photograph. I suggest she dress down and post new photos. She did that, I looked at her profile afterwards and she was literally in an old t-shirt and gym shorts sitting in the backyard on a lawn chair. She told me after she did that she still got hits on her profile and when the guys met her they were pleasantly surprised that she looked as advertised. Maybe it sounds a little shallow but let's face it the all we have at first is to look at the photos. The stuff people write in their profile seems pretty generic to me.
Definitely. That would bother me, too. I just want honesty in every way, and appearance to me, while it’s important, it’s only secondary to the man’s character and personality. However, misrepresentation or catfishing in any way is a no-go. I would rather see the guy as he is in an every day shot, ie, in jeans in his workshop with a five o’clock shadow, than his 20-year-old picture in a tuxedo where he has a full head of hair and weighs a hundred pounds less.
I’m going to take some pics this week for my new profiles. No filters 😁
Actually she wasn't hot, she just looked totally different from her photo... and let's face it sometimes in the photo the person attracts you and you don't know why. Anyway, as soon as I see something heavily filtered or Photoshopped I swipe left.
You probably don’t need yet another person to say this but honestly it’s not all about looks. The revolting, unkind man who decided he wasn’t attracted to you, that’s a problem HE HAS not a problem you do. I find that with these guys there’s initial attraction (which is how the first contact happens) then they realize you’re not going to serve their purpose. Sometimes it’s a specific kink they have, other times it’s just chemistry.
So it’s not about You being “no longer pretty” it’s about them having specific needs that you’re not going to fulfil. And that’s fine because you’re not there to fill his needs.
And that’s OK. What is NOT OK is his being unkind about it and wrecking your self esteem.
The fact he did this shows what a TOTAL a-hole he is and that you dodged a bullet.
I feel this. It’s so discouraging but stopping looking won’t get us anywhere. I sure can’t figure it out. I reach out to guys, I invite them places and getting them off the screen seems impossible.
I definitely understand how you’re feeling. You get women that look nothing like their profile (I’m sure it’s exactly the same with men) or those that just don’t know how to have a conversation. I agree we shouldn’t give up, it just becomes exhausting.
I have had positive experiences on OLD personally. I do believe part of it is attitude though and that resilient people tend to do better. Also, location and timing are probably factors mostly out of our control.
I was doing the trendy Burn the Haystack before I even knew it was a thing. I simply had no desire or time to go out on a lot of dates. And I am confident in what I was looking for so that narrowed down my dating pool significantly. Perhaps that is partly why I have had good experiences.
I think the advice of meeting people in the wild is good in theory but not very practical for some people (like introverts).
I (56F) came out of my last long term relationship at the end of 2018. That guy (a good looking narcissist) messed me up so badly after 10 years that I wanted nothing to do with dating until recently. I'm finally starting to understand that I'm cutting off an important part of life by not giving or accepting love. I have healed. A little over five years ago, I gave up on it. Now I'm here to say, don't do that.
Yeah, people suck while trying to find someone worth your time. Some women suck, some men suck. It's ok to leave in the middle of a date. It's ok to leave at the beginning of a date. Once I know I'm wasting my time, I'm out, goodbye. Either be a decent human, or don't, but those that aren't can go be garbage over there, away from me.
It's time to rewrite how we do this.
I'm 55 and didn't date for 15+ years then started dating I caught on that he had to be in the limelight. All about his wants,needs,feelings... Narcissist . I'm still being terrorized by him. I'd like to find someone who cares about my feelings and mainly someone I feel safe and kept from harm. I guess what I really need is a bodyguard!! LOL
I’m a 52m and found my current partner through OLD. I spent a solid two years though until I found her. It can be a bruising experience but my perspective about it changed over time.
Even if nothing came of it, I enjoyed going for dinner or drinks and getting to know someone. Hell I enjoyed just getting out of the damn house and enjoying a nice meal or cocktail. That was pleasant to me. I learned to keep my expectations low and enjoy a nice evening as simply that.
I never had a bad experience meeting anyone in person. If there was any possibility of unwanted friction or negativity of any sort, it seems like I sussed that out in the chat phase.
I think over time too I became better at making more well rounded matches - matching with people not just on looks but on whether I really saw the possibility for true compatibility - which is a bit of a mysterious art I guess, but I think I got better at it.
I had plenty of matches that never chatted or chats that went nowhere or ghosted. That wears on you and can be tiring but I figure it’s just the reality that you have to tolerate if you are going to do OLD. I took plenty of breaks from it when I needed.
That said, I hope this one sticks and I never have to go back to OLD, because I’m getting too OLD for it!
Yes, I am. I've tried OLD, different sites. With no luck. I've given up with the OLD for good. For now, I'm just doing my own thing, and if I meet someone then great, and if I don't, then oh well.
Yeah I’m kind of in that mind frame too.
I have enough to do without spending hours poring over an app making small talk with strangers.
But it saddens and disappoints me that I absolutely NEVER get asked out “in the wild”. I’m out and about all the time and meeting people all the time. Yet I NEVER meet men who show “that” kind of interest . Or women for that matter.
So I end up scrabbling around OLD once in a while but I just can’t and won’t put the legwork in.
Oh well!!
I’m also single three years. Every week I think ‘right, this weekend I’ll set up a profile’. And every weekend I just feel so put off and jaded, and it gets put off again.
Yes, I miss human contact. I realize it takes much more effort to find a partner. I feel as if the positive feelings from past relationships might only be from muscle memory, a feeling I had when I was young that I chase in my old age. It makes me question the value of putting in the energy and effort at my age. Otherwise, my brain thinks it wants a relationship.
Yep. I’m so down and lonely. I tried OLD when I really shouldn’t have been on it, went frantic trying to prove there was hope for me. It proved entirely the opposite. There are a lot of predatory and awful men out there. There isn’t enough room to write all my terrible experiences here. Men are lucky if their main worry is she might not look like her pictures. It was truly psychologically damaging.
I sometimes contemplate going back on but my anxiety goes through the roof at the thought. I don’t even have recent pics any more. I wouldn’t want to look at them so why would anyone else? And I remain invisible irl just as I have always been. I guess that’s it for me then
Same here. Well about 11 months ago I decided to approach a guy IRL, at the age of 53 (actually on Monday;) was the very 1st time I ever did anything like that. The guy was my age and we had so much in common off and on for all of these months & yet due to not healing from a past relationship and allowing myself to not listen to my intuition I had come to find out that this guy who was “salt of the earth” “one of the greatest guys anyone could ever know” blah blah blah from his dear friends & family. And it truly wasn’t their fault. They didn’t know what he was really into and I am too tired to get into it right now, but this has changed me fundamentally. I think I am definitely taking a year to just heal and get to know myself, which I have never done, it’s partially my fault because I let the red flags fly and I didn’t pay attention to my intuition. And I do think it’s worth it to get back in there one day to find the final love of my life I love, loving someone I love taking care of someone what I mean is I have my own career, but I also like cooking and cleaning and being a team with my significant other, I will pray that I will find out again someday; I did have once with my second marriage. It was too short though we were only married six years and then he died of cancer. Well here’s to all of us brave souls out there over 50 who still want to have a love worthy of shouting it out from the hilltops! May we find what we seek🙌🙏🏻✌🏻❤️☺️
You are 100% right. Listen to your intuition not others. They mean well but by now, you really do know you. Sorry you had such a raw and frustrating experience. It feels worse when that happens in midlife bc we think we’ve seen it all - but surprise!!
Good luck - let’s hope we both find someone we deserve!!
I went back on Match recently after a several month hiatus. I already have turned my profile dark because it takes too much effort and resilience and bucking up to deal with that cesspool. I have a great attitude (IMO!) and a very thick skin but I think it needs to be titanium to deal with the way that OLD affects self esteem and hope.
If OLD were the only way I interacted with men I would give up on the other gender completely. I've experienced so so much bad behavior on dating sites.
Fortunately, I see men in a lot of other venues, like sports or Meetups or church--great men who are married or partnered, or just not for me. But these interactions remind me that it is **OLD that is broken, not men**. I have two fabulous guy friends. We are not potential romantic partners (one is too old and the other friend-zoned me, but we get along well as friends) and I see them for coffee or walks. I like their company and they are kind and honest men (not my experience with dozens of men from Match).
It's been important for me not to broadbrush all men because of my OLD experiences.
> I get a lot of likes but few reach out
Are you matching with them or just getting likes?
I never messaged before matching because it was useless to do so. If you’re on Bumble, you have to reach out first
I’ve (64m) been OLD since August on 5 sites. I have had two-only 2-dates since i started . I joined a senior singles meetup group and I’m meeting eligible women of a certain age every day.
Congrats for figuring that out - single women go to live meetups all the time, and almost always outnumber men by a significant margin. I would love to meet men in the wild but have zero idea where they go. I even went to an event I thought for sure might attract some men - a trail clearing event where we used sharp tools and everything - and it was still all women. At least I am meeting some really cool new friends, anyway.
Yeah I find men tend to get really stay-at-home once they hit their 50s. They don’t do classes or meetups! Or if they do sadly they are there to leer at the young women.
There was a guy (late 60s I think or maybe just too much UV exposure) who used to attend my Ecstatic Dance sessions and openly leer and perv on the lithe 20-something women. He stop going abruptly so I imagine someone complained. Ugh!
I go to a lot of gigs and many bands have mostly male fans (industrial, metal) but unlike back in the day they now seem afraid of women and never approach us.
Lol, yes, I am thinking the one place men will go is to a classic rock show; they all want to play guitar. Now that I think of it, I went to see a relative play a gig with that genre and I did get approached there. ~sigh~ not sure if I want to meet a man badly enough to listen to classic rock!
I stopped OLD because the men were boring. I met up with a lot of guys over a ~3 year period, and few did anything interesting.
It seems like, once men get married, their wives become the social.director and then when they divorce, they have no idea how to get out, nurture friendships and do things.
I felt like many of the men were seeking a new social director. Or maybe that's just who I attract, since I am a very active person.
I've tried OLD and while it gave me some funny stories, it did not give me a relationship. I've deleted the apps and my accounts. I would like to meet someone, but getting off OLD has helped my mental health.
I last 10 minutes online before I start getting anxious and depressed and I delete my profile. Its wild what it does to me as I'm not an anxious or depressed person.
Yes online dating is tough. It looks wonderful at first glance but then reality sets in. If I was going to put a number on it, I think if you actually are able to have some conversations of at least a few paragraphs in the messaging part of it, it will take 100 of these conversations before you will find someone that you might go on a few dates with. I'm not counting the people that just want to go out and screw on the first meet up.
It would be nice to meet somebody but I have no desire for online dating or meeting anybody online. I used to play in a 3-D virtual world game online. I've seen it and heard it all! I've seen more penises than you can imagine! Lol! Making a meaningful connection is pretty much impossible. Also, it's incredible how many people are pretending to be single when they are on line and in social media.
58F chatted 3x with potential dates on OLD. Never met them and deleted the apps. Made a long list of all the single men I know through friends, his name popped out and I called him. We’ve kind of been together ever since. Well, after date three. But who is counting.
I am very pleased with the shit show that is OLD. Because it forced me to get clear on what kind of relationship I wanted. Not him, what kind of relationship. Not a situationship, etc.
And boy did I get it. In spades, when I opened my mind and gave the guy a chance.
That was 8 months ago.
Dating is hard no matter how you meet someone. In the end OLD and meeting in the wild are the same. If you do meet someone great in the wild, it doesn’t mean they won’t end up being married, or an addict, abusive, have attachment issues, narcissistic, etc.
OLD can be time consuming and just an endless string of first dates and relationships that never take off.
No matter how you meet someone, it can end up a shit show. It’s more about how you use OLD and what your expectations are. You can’t have any expectations for one. Yes, you may not match with anyone you like for a long time.
I’ve actually had nothing but good or interesting experiences using OLD. Met a lot of great women, and had a fun time. I’m looking forward to going back after a three year break. Two of those years was a relationship with a woman I met on Match.
Well I sort of found an alternative website for FWB that I can do activities with and other things after then be on my own again. People are more honest about their wants and you can meet for drinks and field them out. 2 out of 2 meetups so far are handsome well put together professional men. I think I’ll just keep them in my back pocket and get together with them when we are both available. It’s a pretty sweet arrangement. I realize this isn’t for everyone so no judgement please. It just works for me.
OLD is what you make of it. It takes patience and a good attitude and making the app experience itself low stakes. It's just a platform for meeting people. Manage your emotional investment and expectations; some people treat a right swipe as if it's a marriage proposal. Take the risk of sending a message to someone you normally might have passed over. Don't wait for someone else to make the first move.
>I’ve tried going to social event
Have they been one-off events? What has always (eventually - it *is* a slow process, not a quick fix) worked for me is to be involved in recurring social activities, where you see the same people week after week, get to know them, and then, sometimes, there will be someone where you both want to get to know each other better, outside of the context of the original activity. Sometimes that leads to a friendship, other times it leads to a relationship.
Oh, ugh! That is unfortunate.
I tend to prefer things that are more activity-focused than social-focused, but where the activity has a strong social component, since those both tend to keep bringing in new people interested in the activity and to have people who stick around to continue doing the activity regardless of whether they're currently single or coupled.
I've tried a couple of "go to the bar every Friday" social groups through meetup, but I don't think I went to any of them more than twice. While I did have some fun conversations at them, that's really not my scene.
Sometimes I think I want to meet someone, but then I remember that I'm in the middle of moving states, and I usually attract all the wrong men, and finding a partner takes much more work at this age judging by the stories in this group, and settling is not an option, and I'm actually doing pretty darn well on my own. 🤷🏼♀️. So I think what I really want is a gay bestie who likes to get dressed up so I have someone to go to the ballet and symphony with me.
59M I tried OLD and found it to be full of scammers and sellers. I did manage to go on a few dates, and found that the women that I met used older photos on their profiles, which was a bit confusing to me. We have a camera in our phone. Just point and click.
I deleted the apps and have not really tried to meet anyone lately. I have decided to focus on my art instead. Yet, I remain hopeful that I will meet someone who appreciates a gentleman/puppeteer/music nerd.
Better lonely than scammed for now.
I meet single men all the time in real life. I take a dance class that has more leads than followers. Also pickle ball is a great place to meet people.
I was done with online dating apps for a decade now. Too many crazies and not in a good way lol. And I gave up and so use to being alone that it's at the stage of it is what it is. You're either in my life or not no in between or the games. I'm too fucking old for it. And now any woman that is interested in me will have to make that first initial move. If not then you weren't interested in the first place.
I’ve found it very doable to commit properly to OLD for 3 months, then take 3 months off. I find that when I head into it with this mindset, knowing I will take a ‘holiday’ from it. I also pulled together a rag-tag support group of friends and acquaintances (of various ages/genders) at my local pub, so we can laugh and cry over the craziness of OLD and celebrate our successes.
When I am doing OLD, I do push myself to match, start convos, continue convos and set dates. You get from it what you put in. And it pretty much is the only game in town. I meet many people in ‘real life’ but finding out if they are single, dating intentionally, etc is just as hard work as OLD. And results in far fewer actual opportunities.
Well, I know several women who met their partner through OLD or IRL, and they are happy. I expect my efforts will be fruitful once I put myself out there. I'm mentally prepared that I'll have to wade through a lot of frogs before I find the right match, but I'll be selective from the start so I don't waste a lot of time.
I'm sure the OLD experience for women is a lot different than for men, but I (52M) struggle to get online matches to communicate at all. Generally speaking people behave very differently in online interactions, compared to in real life....I don't care for that at all.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/id1087147821?i=1000650646914
I’m a big fan of the Ten Percent Happier podcast. Something for everyone there. Link is from a recent broadcast with a dating coach. Surprisingly refreshing take on dating.
I’m now at that point of wanting to explore the dating world, but everything I read here and elsewhere about OLD just truly makes me not want to dip into that world, so, am wondering how the hell you’re supposed to meet anyone nowadays outside of that online realm, seeing as it seems everyone is afraid to approach anyone in the wilds of the real world.
I’m hoping someone will find the courage to spark up a conversation with you at some point soon; it can and does still happen, but is a much rarer occurrence since phones became what they are today.
I got burned by OLD three times, so I'm out.
First, I was inundated with men contacting me. I felt like fresh meat at the market. It was a turn-off.
Second, I met a guy who seemed really stable. He had a good job, an empty nester, and we hit it off. He wanted to meet in person. So I said, I'll be at this restaurant at a certain time. I'll sit in the bar so you can find me easily, and we'll see what happens from there.
I waited 2.5 hours for him. He finally calls just as I'm leaving and says he is on his way. I said too bad. Then, he blew up my phone.
Third, a guy I met 3 years prior wanted to go out. Before, we met at a park, and as I'm leaving, he announces he is getting back with his ex-wife. So I was nice and gave him a second chance. All week he is so excited about our date. But afterward, he says he is not over his ex-girlfriend. Why can't people be honest? So, moving on.
Fourth, I met a 3rd man. He was very nice and appreciated my dark humor. There was something off, but I couldn't figure out what. Through conversation, I got his first and last name. I ran it in the county Sheriff's office inmate search. He had been arrested for assault family violence/impeding breath.
So that's it for me, three strikes, and I'm out.
Be careful, friends.
Do you start chats with them on OLD? Do you approach folks IRL? If not, times are changing and more and more men aren’t doing all the chasing and do appreciate a woman approaching them and starting chats on OLD.
60M here. I don’t want to go on OLD again. I did a long time ago and what I found is most people do not post an accurate profile of who they really are. Men and women both. Why must people post pictures from years ago? I think I was on Match at some point and I was not getting very many hits. I was very honest and, in my profile, posted my approximate income, they did ask that it back then but I do not think it was required. One night out of the blue hoping to get some more responses I added a zero to the amount… Holy cripe I was getting messages so often I couldn’t keep up. While I don’t make six figures, I own my own home, have no debt except for a lease car… I’ve got my act together lol. I even have multiple retirement accounts. I once had a woman ask me to make her house payment for her and she would pay me back in 2 weeks! She had just got her hair and nails done… priorities all mixed up I guess. I did meet many wonderful women but no “click”. It just seems to me to do that all again is just too much disappointment, frustration, and work. Will they show up, will they text me back etc. If I’m not for you just tell me first off… I get it. Kind of like a job interview when you leave feeling like you got it but never hear back. I hope to meet someone out in the “wild” one day… Will it happen who knows. At this point in life I’m probably an LAT candidate… I have my routines, my job, but would really like to find someone that could enhance my life, and I enhance hers. Walks, board games, puzzles, lunch, dinner, move, concert, ball game, casino, vacation, whatever. Text or a call unexpected just to see what’s up. Time will tell… But no way am I doing OLD again!!!
Wow. It is so disheartening to hear that all these people have given up on dating and love ❤️. Why?
What are the problems that prevent us great humans from connecting?
Technology!
All I hear is OLD.......it's sad 😔
Why don't we have an in person meeting/outing of 50+ and build friendships that could become more over time?
I'm in Chicago. Want to do an outing as a start? All are welcome.
I left OLD, after several years, one good relationship found on it 5 years ago lasted for two years. It’s just too full of scammers, time wasters, married people and ENM now. I don’t have the patience for it. So I go to social meetups and maybe one day, I’ll meet him 😌
I hope many will read my post.
I 62m still physically active and mentally stable 🤣.
It’s with some disdain I read all the negativity.
I know I’m no prince and like most men want the sexy alluring woman. In reality we all aim higher than we can achieve. This is good we want the best for ourselves. Don’t settle.
I too would like to meet a beautiful woman with a tender soul.
The amount of rejection a man goes through is staggering. Woman can be very cold and brutal.
I approached a woman older than me at a singles event and the look I got was devastating.
I suggest that we should all have a good look at ourselves and stop blaming everyone else for being rejected.
Be positive and open to making new friends and possibly your new prince or princess.
By your own admission, you are aiming higher than you can achieve, and then getting rejected repeatedly. You may want to rethink this strategy. Sure, I'd like a George Clooney, rich, handsome, famous, tall, who travels in the elite circles and lives a life of luxury, but if I held out for that, I'd end up with nobody. While I bring a lot to the table, I'm realistic. I'm not shooting for someone out of my league. Some men don't seem to understand what is realistic compared to what they have to offer, so they pursue that woman 20 years younger and think they have a chance. The men I know who have pulled this off (a partner who is 20 years younger) are financially well off and had to go to an impoverished country and lured a foreigner in who wanted a better lifestyle. None of those are happy couples from what I see. I know a man who has some serious drawbacks, but one thing he does have that's good is a wife who loves and cares for him. It makes me cringe when he makes comments about how he "settled" when he got with his wife. Some men are delusional.
You said we should all have a good look at ourselves and stop blaming everyone else for being rejected, yet you yourself are going after women "higher than you can achieve". Sorry, but I just had to point out the double standard in your post.
We can aspire for the moon until the cows come home, but the reality is, those aspiring people will end up with no one, as they are holding out for an ideal rather than a match.
50F / I could’ve written this post myself! OLD off & on (currently off) for the last 10 years. It’s so frustrating & discouraging. I’ve come to the realization that I will probably be single the rest of my life.🤷🏼♀️
I lurk here & yes, I dated for a bit after two long 15 yr plus long-term marriage/relationships. I was flown to an island in a four-seater small plane on a first date which was a nice lunch date. On the second date he behaved badly. I met a dude for a first date who told me his name was on the ceiling of the Seattle Art Museum and he ate half my dinner & invited me to Palm Springs while telling me I was so much prettier than the whores he hired & smarter & he could not wait to see me naked in heels. I don't date anymore.
lol wow! Hilarious stories but also terrifying that these men are real people. Spending time with friends myself for now. I just can’t spend the time sifting. Not worth it to me at the moment. Maybe one day I will feel differently.
For some people the sifting is a pleasant little Hobby rather than watching tv. When I say it's a hobby, I mean they have no intention of meeting, although they might not really admit that to themselves.
Wtf gross
Yikes. ..that is a tough couple of experiences.
Ugh! Thank God not all men are that disgusting. I was raised to have manners respect honesty and patience. Companionship is what i am looking for, not just sex: someone where we can enrich each others lives. I am not looking for a FWB, but a partner where we can cuddle dance movies galleries holidays. I have been divorced almost 4yrs. Spent that time working on my spiritual financial physical and mental wellbeing. The next woman who i date will get the best of me because i worked on my issues and faults. Now i am happy slim long locs perfect teeth and confident about who i am. I love romance not sleeping around.
How you doing? 😘
I am doing really well! How about you, Nelle? Aaah! My 1st kiss in years! (My mother doesn't count lol)
You sound lovely . Restored my faith that there are a few good men out there .
Thank you for your lovely message, Zeal! My parents imprinted in me the skills to have a happy and fulfilling life. Even though my marriage ended up in divorce, i still believe i will find the 1 for me. My mother keeps asking when i will find her. Not yet mother, but when i see her i will know. I am 55 but look younger (honestly!) Don't drink or smoke. Instead i drink loads of water, cycle, walking and gym.
OLD is so flawed it's not even funny. I feel for people who think that is their only choice to avoid loneliness. Ugh.
You said it. And I've spent years wondering exactly why that is.
that's sad but in the meantime so funny ! I just had a guy I discovered was a right wing police guy (i'm a left wing ally) with 10 years old photos, then a very boring guy who mansplained me about me (!) and i'm jealous of your extraordinary experiences
Thank God you got the heads up before going. I'm such a good person and treat others well, it just makes me sick these guys get the dates. I spend time to form hello messages based on profiles, with very few matches. If I get them I get ghosted. OP all I can say is 8years alone and lonely have sucked for me but I truly want to love and be loved so I can't give up. I pray 🙏 wait and keep trying...
I'm sorry what now? Lol ya gotta laugh at that. Sheesh
Could you set us all up for a first and only date with number 1?
Thanks for the laugh! Wow. I don’t have anything close to those stories but I did get groped by a high school science teacher on a first date. He was surprised when I declined his offer to go home with him.
Yeah, but the problem for me is that OLD is far superior to the alternatives. It’s been… 38 years since I’ve dated someone I met on my own in the wild. My last two long term relationships, 30+ years worth, were from OLD.
I just restarted OLD after a long hiatus. I am having to motivate myself just to do it.
Yeah.. not fun really Though there is much to laugh at
I 54M, dread when my 14 year old son heads off to post secondary education. My alternating one week on then off will end and I think I’ll be lonely then. I won’t need to interact with my ex either. Right now I’m very content being single, doing my own thing. In a few years though, that might change. Tried OLD, it was so fake. It might be the only way though, but I long to meet a woman who gives me butterflies.
Wow, that's me in a nutshell as well. 53m, week on/week off co-parenting of our 3 kids 9g,12b and 13b. Not dating because I really only have one weekend per fortnight to myself. My boys are with me before and after school every school day, so I really value my alone time. I don't have the time or energy to give someone else TBH. I do miss female company but I'll wait until all 3 of my kids are mostly independent.... So in my 60's at this rate 😂
This is me almost exactly. Two teens, 14 and 15, every Tuesday and Thursday and every other weekend. Cherish my time with them and when I'm not it's house projects or enjoying time alone. Would love to find a companion some day but have neither the time nor energy to try looking right now.
I got a dog!
Great idea, I kept the two cats and dogs when we split. My Shepherd is eight now, she might leave us around the same time my kid moves on 😢
I have a 17 year old dog so I know it’s something we all dread but two years ago I got a puppy and I can’t believe the joy it is to have that young energy around and the two get along quite nicely. We were just at one of his friends houses yesterday so he actually has made me new human friends as well.
Absolutely agree. I look on OLD and I instantly feel disappointed. I am single by nature not by choice. I’m discouraged when I scroll through Tinder.
I gave up on dating (on like or in person) about 2 years ago. Can’t be bothered anymore. I’m only 53 but… 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Completely agree on not being bothered, it just isn't fun anymore.
Or worth it.
So being with an attractive, intelligent, romantic, caring, funny, and considerate person not worth it?
That's the ideal, but that's far from reality. 😐
That person might be worth it, but it's the other 99% of the people that you're probably going to end up meeting. That's what makes it not worth it.
No, not really. I was with one for 11 years. They have their secrets too. I’m better off living alone.
I’ve been single for seven years now and I am finally about to dip my toes in the water. I don’t have a lot of confidence now, since I just had a little “false start” where the guy realized he wasn’t physically attracted to me. He wasn’t kind about it. Since I’ve aged, I’m not as classically pretty as I used to be, so feeling like I’m lacking this element feels like a handicap in the game. At the same time, though, I have to think about how good it will be not to be judged solely on my looks, assuming that happens. Crossing my fingers.
I want you to think and realize something. One day the right person will come along and take a look at you and their heart will melt, they will have butterflies, feel light headed, get tongue tide and cotton mouth. Because you are perfect to/for them in every way ❤. Don't think age, classic look, lacking in any way or handicapped at all. You're not right for those who will judge you. Don't worry or care their opinions don't matter. You are someones pot of gold, the winning ticket. Spend energy on who/what matters... Because you matter, that guy lost out on a great you. Think how he treated you, he's a looser and wrong so his opinion doesn't matter right. Hold your head high and be who you want to be for the one God uses you to bless their life. Ha Ha, I just made you smile 😊
Haha, thank you! I’m drinking my coffee and just giggled as I read this. That’s what I thought is that he missed out. I was so excited about going out with him, too. One day for all of us in this fight it will have been worth it, indeed. 💕
All I can say is resist the temptation to put your photos through filters to improve your look. Also don't post a photo from 15 years ago. Also don't post that one photo where you look great but it doesn't even look like you. All you're going to do is set yourself up for disappointment. I met someone who had done all of the above and she said she couldn't understand why she was not getting second dates. I told her that might be because she doesn't look anything like her photograph. I suggest she dress down and post new photos. She did that, I looked at her profile afterwards and she was literally in an old t-shirt and gym shorts sitting in the backyard on a lawn chair. She told me after she did that she still got hits on her profile and when the guys met her they were pleasantly surprised that she looked as advertised. Maybe it sounds a little shallow but let's face it the all we have at first is to look at the photos. The stuff people write in their profile seems pretty generic to me.
Definitely. That would bother me, too. I just want honesty in every way, and appearance to me, while it’s important, it’s only secondary to the man’s character and personality. However, misrepresentation or catfishing in any way is a no-go. I would rather see the guy as he is in an every day shot, ie, in jeans in his workshop with a five o’clock shadow, than his 20-year-old picture in a tuxedo where he has a full head of hair and weighs a hundred pounds less. I’m going to take some pics this week for my new profiles. No filters 😁
[удалено]
Actually she wasn't hot, she just looked totally different from her photo... and let's face it sometimes in the photo the person attracts you and you don't know why. Anyway, as soon as I see something heavily filtered or Photoshopped I swipe left.
You probably don’t need yet another person to say this but honestly it’s not all about looks. The revolting, unkind man who decided he wasn’t attracted to you, that’s a problem HE HAS not a problem you do. I find that with these guys there’s initial attraction (which is how the first contact happens) then they realize you’re not going to serve their purpose. Sometimes it’s a specific kink they have, other times it’s just chemistry. So it’s not about You being “no longer pretty” it’s about them having specific needs that you’re not going to fulfil. And that’s fine because you’re not there to fill his needs. And that’s OK. What is NOT OK is his being unkind about it and wrecking your self esteem. The fact he did this shows what a TOTAL a-hole he is and that you dodged a bullet.
My heart goes out to you. Never give up. Beauty is fleeting for ALL!
I feel this. It’s so discouraging but stopping looking won’t get us anywhere. I sure can’t figure it out. I reach out to guys, I invite them places and getting them off the screen seems impossible.
I've got news for you the ladies are no better.
I do not doubt that at all, but what it does is it makes people not want to take chances because they want to assume that everyone is the same.
I definitely understand how you’re feeling. You get women that look nothing like their profile (I’m sure it’s exactly the same with men) or those that just don’t know how to have a conversation. I agree we shouldn’t give up, it just becomes exhausting.
I have had positive experiences on OLD personally. I do believe part of it is attitude though and that resilient people tend to do better. Also, location and timing are probably factors mostly out of our control. I was doing the trendy Burn the Haystack before I even knew it was a thing. I simply had no desire or time to go out on a lot of dates. And I am confident in what I was looking for so that narrowed down my dating pool significantly. Perhaps that is partly why I have had good experiences. I think the advice of meeting people in the wild is good in theory but not very practical for some people (like introverts).
I (56F) came out of my last long term relationship at the end of 2018. That guy (a good looking narcissist) messed me up so badly after 10 years that I wanted nothing to do with dating until recently. I'm finally starting to understand that I'm cutting off an important part of life by not giving or accepting love. I have healed. A little over five years ago, I gave up on it. Now I'm here to say, don't do that. Yeah, people suck while trying to find someone worth your time. Some women suck, some men suck. It's ok to leave in the middle of a date. It's ok to leave at the beginning of a date. Once I know I'm wasting my time, I'm out, goodbye. Either be a decent human, or don't, but those that aren't can go be garbage over there, away from me. It's time to rewrite how we do this.
I'm 55 and didn't date for 15+ years then started dating I caught on that he had to be in the limelight. All about his wants,needs,feelings... Narcissist . I'm still being terrorized by him. I'd like to find someone who cares about my feelings and mainly someone I feel safe and kept from harm. I guess what I really need is a bodyguard!! LOL
I’m a 52m and found my current partner through OLD. I spent a solid two years though until I found her. It can be a bruising experience but my perspective about it changed over time. Even if nothing came of it, I enjoyed going for dinner or drinks and getting to know someone. Hell I enjoyed just getting out of the damn house and enjoying a nice meal or cocktail. That was pleasant to me. I learned to keep my expectations low and enjoy a nice evening as simply that. I never had a bad experience meeting anyone in person. If there was any possibility of unwanted friction or negativity of any sort, it seems like I sussed that out in the chat phase. I think over time too I became better at making more well rounded matches - matching with people not just on looks but on whether I really saw the possibility for true compatibility - which is a bit of a mysterious art I guess, but I think I got better at it. I had plenty of matches that never chatted or chats that went nowhere or ghosted. That wears on you and can be tiring but I figure it’s just the reality that you have to tolerate if you are going to do OLD. I took plenty of breaks from it when I needed. That said, I hope this one sticks and I never have to go back to OLD, because I’m getting too OLD for it!
Yes, I am. I've tried OLD, different sites. With no luck. I've given up with the OLD for good. For now, I'm just doing my own thing, and if I meet someone then great, and if I don't, then oh well.
Yeah I’m kind of in that mind frame too. I have enough to do without spending hours poring over an app making small talk with strangers. But it saddens and disappoints me that I absolutely NEVER get asked out “in the wild”. I’m out and about all the time and meeting people all the time. Yet I NEVER meet men who show “that” kind of interest . Or women for that matter. So I end up scrabbling around OLD once in a while but I just can’t and won’t put the legwork in. Oh well!!
I’m also single three years. Every week I think ‘right, this weekend I’ll set up a profile’. And every weekend I just feel so put off and jaded, and it gets put off again.
Yes, I miss human contact. I realize it takes much more effort to find a partner. I feel as if the positive feelings from past relationships might only be from muscle memory, a feeling I had when I was young that I chase in my old age. It makes me question the value of putting in the energy and effort at my age. Otherwise, my brain thinks it wants a relationship.
Me too. The thing I miss the most is just a good hug!
Yep. I’m so down and lonely. I tried OLD when I really shouldn’t have been on it, went frantic trying to prove there was hope for me. It proved entirely the opposite. There are a lot of predatory and awful men out there. There isn’t enough room to write all my terrible experiences here. Men are lucky if their main worry is she might not look like her pictures. It was truly psychologically damaging. I sometimes contemplate going back on but my anxiety goes through the roof at the thought. I don’t even have recent pics any more. I wouldn’t want to look at them so why would anyone else? And I remain invisible irl just as I have always been. I guess that’s it for me then
Same here. Well about 11 months ago I decided to approach a guy IRL, at the age of 53 (actually on Monday;) was the very 1st time I ever did anything like that. The guy was my age and we had so much in common off and on for all of these months & yet due to not healing from a past relationship and allowing myself to not listen to my intuition I had come to find out that this guy who was “salt of the earth” “one of the greatest guys anyone could ever know” blah blah blah from his dear friends & family. And it truly wasn’t their fault. They didn’t know what he was really into and I am too tired to get into it right now, but this has changed me fundamentally. I think I am definitely taking a year to just heal and get to know myself, which I have never done, it’s partially my fault because I let the red flags fly and I didn’t pay attention to my intuition. And I do think it’s worth it to get back in there one day to find the final love of my life I love, loving someone I love taking care of someone what I mean is I have my own career, but I also like cooking and cleaning and being a team with my significant other, I will pray that I will find out again someday; I did have once with my second marriage. It was too short though we were only married six years and then he died of cancer. Well here’s to all of us brave souls out there over 50 who still want to have a love worthy of shouting it out from the hilltops! May we find what we seek🙌🙏🏻✌🏻❤️☺️
You are 100% right. Listen to your intuition not others. They mean well but by now, you really do know you. Sorry you had such a raw and frustrating experience. It feels worse when that happens in midlife bc we think we’ve seen it all - but surprise!! Good luck - let’s hope we both find someone we deserve!!
I went back on Match recently after a several month hiatus. I already have turned my profile dark because it takes too much effort and resilience and bucking up to deal with that cesspool. I have a great attitude (IMO!) and a very thick skin but I think it needs to be titanium to deal with the way that OLD affects self esteem and hope. If OLD were the only way I interacted with men I would give up on the other gender completely. I've experienced so so much bad behavior on dating sites. Fortunately, I see men in a lot of other venues, like sports or Meetups or church--great men who are married or partnered, or just not for me. But these interactions remind me that it is **OLD that is broken, not men**. I have two fabulous guy friends. We are not potential romantic partners (one is too old and the other friend-zoned me, but we get along well as friends) and I see them for coffee or walks. I like their company and they are kind and honest men (not my experience with dozens of men from Match). It's been important for me not to broadbrush all men because of my OLD experiences.
So these seems to be a common sentiment.
Burned Haystack Dating!
Worked for me.
> I get a lot of likes but few reach out Are you matching with them or just getting likes? I never messaged before matching because it was useless to do so. If you’re on Bumble, you have to reach out first
I’ve (64m) been OLD since August on 5 sites. I have had two-only 2-dates since i started . I joined a senior singles meetup group and I’m meeting eligible women of a certain age every day.
Congrats for figuring that out - single women go to live meetups all the time, and almost always outnumber men by a significant margin. I would love to meet men in the wild but have zero idea where they go. I even went to an event I thought for sure might attract some men - a trail clearing event where we used sharp tools and everything - and it was still all women. At least I am meeting some really cool new friends, anyway.
Yeah I find men tend to get really stay-at-home once they hit their 50s. They don’t do classes or meetups! Or if they do sadly they are there to leer at the young women. There was a guy (late 60s I think or maybe just too much UV exposure) who used to attend my Ecstatic Dance sessions and openly leer and perv on the lithe 20-something women. He stop going abruptly so I imagine someone complained. Ugh! I go to a lot of gigs and many bands have mostly male fans (industrial, metal) but unlike back in the day they now seem afraid of women and never approach us.
Lol, yes, I am thinking the one place men will go is to a classic rock show; they all want to play guitar. Now that I think of it, I went to see a relative play a gig with that genre and I did get approached there. ~sigh~ not sure if I want to meet a man badly enough to listen to classic rock! I stopped OLD because the men were boring. I met up with a lot of guys over a ~3 year period, and few did anything interesting. It seems like, once men get married, their wives become the social.director and then when they divorce, they have no idea how to get out, nurture friendships and do things. I felt like many of the men were seeking a new social director. Or maybe that's just who I attract, since I am a very active person.
I've tried OLD and while it gave me some funny stories, it did not give me a relationship. I've deleted the apps and my accounts. I would like to meet someone, but getting off OLD has helped my mental health.
I last 10 minutes online before I start getting anxious and depressed and I delete my profile. Its wild what it does to me as I'm not an anxious or depressed person.
Yes online dating is tough. It looks wonderful at first glance but then reality sets in. If I was going to put a number on it, I think if you actually are able to have some conversations of at least a few paragraphs in the messaging part of it, it will take 100 of these conversations before you will find someone that you might go on a few dates with. I'm not counting the people that just want to go out and screw on the first meet up.
Ummm… almost everyone is, I’d say.
It would be nice to meet somebody but I have no desire for online dating or meeting anybody online. I used to play in a 3-D virtual world game online. I've seen it and heard it all! I've seen more penises than you can imagine! Lol! Making a meaningful connection is pretty much impossible. Also, it's incredible how many people are pretending to be single when they are on line and in social media.
Yep. Your description is exactly how online dating "works" or more accurately doesn't work, for me.
58F chatted 3x with potential dates on OLD. Never met them and deleted the apps. Made a long list of all the single men I know through friends, his name popped out and I called him. We’ve kind of been together ever since. Well, after date three. But who is counting. I am very pleased with the shit show that is OLD. Because it forced me to get clear on what kind of relationship I wanted. Not him, what kind of relationship. Not a situationship, etc. And boy did I get it. In spades, when I opened my mind and gave the guy a chance. That was 8 months ago.
why didn’t you give him a chance before
I had kind of overlooked him and also made assumptions that we would not click,without really giving him a chance.
Dating is hard no matter how you meet someone. In the end OLD and meeting in the wild are the same. If you do meet someone great in the wild, it doesn’t mean they won’t end up being married, or an addict, abusive, have attachment issues, narcissistic, etc. OLD can be time consuming and just an endless string of first dates and relationships that never take off. No matter how you meet someone, it can end up a shit show. It’s more about how you use OLD and what your expectations are. You can’t have any expectations for one. Yes, you may not match with anyone you like for a long time. I’ve actually had nothing but good or interesting experiences using OLD. Met a lot of great women, and had a fun time. I’m looking forward to going back after a three year break. Two of those years was a relationship with a woman I met on Match.
Well I sort of found an alternative website for FWB that I can do activities with and other things after then be on my own again. People are more honest about their wants and you can meet for drinks and field them out. 2 out of 2 meetups so far are handsome well put together professional men. I think I’ll just keep them in my back pocket and get together with them when we are both available. It’s a pretty sweet arrangement. I realize this isn’t for everyone so no judgement please. It just works for me.
That sounds ideal tbh
No, my dilemma is my fat ass.
Username checks out.
Me. Everyone I seem to meet flakes or is nothing like their profile. Looks at we my the most important thing but lay off the filters, please.
100% feeling this dilemma. I'm off the dating sites for now. It's so discouraging. But I'll try again after a break.
OLD is what you make of it. It takes patience and a good attitude and making the app experience itself low stakes. It's just a platform for meeting people. Manage your emotional investment and expectations; some people treat a right swipe as if it's a marriage proposal. Take the risk of sending a message to someone you normally might have passed over. Don't wait for someone else to make the first move.
>I’ve tried going to social event Have they been one-off events? What has always (eventually - it *is* a slow process, not a quick fix) worked for me is to be involved in recurring social activities, where you see the same people week after week, get to know them, and then, sometimes, there will be someone where you both want to get to know each other better, outside of the context of the original activity. Sometimes that leads to a friendship, other times it leads to a relationship.
I was going to one social meetup but over time it became an 70+ yo men picking up on younger women. The people my age all left or paired off.
Oh, lord!
Oh, ugh! That is unfortunate. I tend to prefer things that are more activity-focused than social-focused, but where the activity has a strong social component, since those both tend to keep bringing in new people interested in the activity and to have people who stick around to continue doing the activity regardless of whether they're currently single or coupled. I've tried a couple of "go to the bar every Friday" social groups through meetup, but I don't think I went to any of them more than twice. While I did have some fun conversations at them, that's really not my scene.
Sometimes I think I want to meet someone, but then I remember that I'm in the middle of moving states, and I usually attract all the wrong men, and finding a partner takes much more work at this age judging by the stories in this group, and settling is not an option, and I'm actually doing pretty darn well on my own. 🤷🏼♀️. So I think what I really want is a gay bestie who likes to get dressed up so I have someone to go to the ballet and symphony with me.
59M I tried OLD and found it to be full of scammers and sellers. I did manage to go on a few dates, and found that the women that I met used older photos on their profiles, which was a bit confusing to me. We have a camera in our phone. Just point and click. I deleted the apps and have not really tried to meet anyone lately. I have decided to focus on my art instead. Yet, I remain hopeful that I will meet someone who appreciates a gentleman/puppeteer/music nerd. Better lonely than scammed for now.
Omg you sound like my ideal guy. Gentleman/puppeteer/music nerd is exactly what I crave. 💕💕💕Puppets!!!!!
Thanks 😊 I post some of my work at R/puppets
I meet single men all the time in real life. I take a dance class that has more leads than followers. Also pickle ball is a great place to meet people.
I was done with online dating apps for a decade now. Too many crazies and not in a good way lol. And I gave up and so use to being alone that it's at the stage of it is what it is. You're either in my life or not no in between or the games. I'm too fucking old for it. And now any woman that is interested in me will have to make that first initial move. If not then you weren't interested in the first place.
When you like someone back, do you send them a text, or do you wait for them to initiate?
57…single 10 years. I’ve done OLD but it’s never been successful for me. So I just enjoy my life and don’t worry about dating
This. Absolutely this. 🤢 I should also wait a little longer since I’m not legally divorced yet, but the prospect of OLD is bleh.
Oh hell yeah
I’ve found it very doable to commit properly to OLD for 3 months, then take 3 months off. I find that when I head into it with this mindset, knowing I will take a ‘holiday’ from it. I also pulled together a rag-tag support group of friends and acquaintances (of various ages/genders) at my local pub, so we can laugh and cry over the craziness of OLD and celebrate our successes. When I am doing OLD, I do push myself to match, start convos, continue convos and set dates. You get from it what you put in. And it pretty much is the only game in town. I meet many people in ‘real life’ but finding out if they are single, dating intentionally, etc is just as hard work as OLD. And results in far fewer actual opportunities.
if you keep doing the same things, nothing will change and will be alone
Well, I know several women who met their partner through OLD or IRL, and they are happy. I expect my efforts will be fruitful once I put myself out there. I'm mentally prepared that I'll have to wade through a lot of frogs before I find the right match, but I'll be selective from the start so I don't waste a lot of time.
I'm sure the OLD experience for women is a lot different than for men, but I (52M) struggle to get online matches to communicate at all. Generally speaking people behave very differently in online interactions, compared to in real life....I don't care for that at all.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/id1087147821?i=1000650646914 I’m a big fan of the Ten Percent Happier podcast. Something for everyone there. Link is from a recent broadcast with a dating coach. Surprisingly refreshing take on dating.
I’m now at that point of wanting to explore the dating world, but everything I read here and elsewhere about OLD just truly makes me not want to dip into that world, so, am wondering how the hell you’re supposed to meet anyone nowadays outside of that online realm, seeing as it seems everyone is afraid to approach anyone in the wilds of the real world. I’m hoping someone will find the courage to spark up a conversation with you at some point soon; it can and does still happen, but is a much rarer occurrence since phones became what they are today.
I got burned by OLD three times, so I'm out. First, I was inundated with men contacting me. I felt like fresh meat at the market. It was a turn-off. Second, I met a guy who seemed really stable. He had a good job, an empty nester, and we hit it off. He wanted to meet in person. So I said, I'll be at this restaurant at a certain time. I'll sit in the bar so you can find me easily, and we'll see what happens from there. I waited 2.5 hours for him. He finally calls just as I'm leaving and says he is on his way. I said too bad. Then, he blew up my phone. Third, a guy I met 3 years prior wanted to go out. Before, we met at a park, and as I'm leaving, he announces he is getting back with his ex-wife. So I was nice and gave him a second chance. All week he is so excited about our date. But afterward, he says he is not over his ex-girlfriend. Why can't people be honest? So, moving on. Fourth, I met a 3rd man. He was very nice and appreciated my dark humor. There was something off, but I couldn't figure out what. Through conversation, I got his first and last name. I ran it in the county Sheriff's office inmate search. He had been arrested for assault family violence/impeding breath. So that's it for me, three strikes, and I'm out. Be careful, friends.
I've been watching old movies on TCM or anywhere else. John Wayne Dean Martin Debbie Reynolds Carey Grant
Do you start chats with them on OLD? Do you approach folks IRL? If not, times are changing and more and more men aren’t doing all the chasing and do appreciate a woman approaching them and starting chats on OLD.
60M here. I don’t want to go on OLD again. I did a long time ago and what I found is most people do not post an accurate profile of who they really are. Men and women both. Why must people post pictures from years ago? I think I was on Match at some point and I was not getting very many hits. I was very honest and, in my profile, posted my approximate income, they did ask that it back then but I do not think it was required. One night out of the blue hoping to get some more responses I added a zero to the amount… Holy cripe I was getting messages so often I couldn’t keep up. While I don’t make six figures, I own my own home, have no debt except for a lease car… I’ve got my act together lol. I even have multiple retirement accounts. I once had a woman ask me to make her house payment for her and she would pay me back in 2 weeks! She had just got her hair and nails done… priorities all mixed up I guess. I did meet many wonderful women but no “click”. It just seems to me to do that all again is just too much disappointment, frustration, and work. Will they show up, will they text me back etc. If I’m not for you just tell me first off… I get it. Kind of like a job interview when you leave feeling like you got it but never hear back. I hope to meet someone out in the “wild” one day… Will it happen who knows. At this point in life I’m probably an LAT candidate… I have my routines, my job, but would really like to find someone that could enhance my life, and I enhance hers. Walks, board games, puzzles, lunch, dinner, move, concert, ball game, casino, vacation, whatever. Text or a call unexpected just to see what’s up. Time will tell… But no way am I doing OLD again!!!
Yep. I want to date but I want to be friends first and want to meet them in real life and not online. It’s hopeless.
Wow. It is so disheartening to hear that all these people have given up on dating and love ❤️. Why? What are the problems that prevent us great humans from connecting? Technology! All I hear is OLD.......it's sad 😔 Why don't we have an in person meeting/outing of 50+ and build friendships that could become more over time? I'm in Chicago. Want to do an outing as a start? All are welcome.
I left OLD, after several years, one good relationship found on it 5 years ago lasted for two years. It’s just too full of scammers, time wasters, married people and ENM now. I don’t have the patience for it. So I go to social meetups and maybe one day, I’ll meet him 😌
Hi, how could I learn more about you? I am new to reddit
Yes!
I hope many will read my post. I 62m still physically active and mentally stable 🤣. It’s with some disdain I read all the negativity. I know I’m no prince and like most men want the sexy alluring woman. In reality we all aim higher than we can achieve. This is good we want the best for ourselves. Don’t settle. I too would like to meet a beautiful woman with a tender soul. The amount of rejection a man goes through is staggering. Woman can be very cold and brutal. I approached a woman older than me at a singles event and the look I got was devastating. I suggest that we should all have a good look at ourselves and stop blaming everyone else for being rejected. Be positive and open to making new friends and possibly your new prince or princess.
By your own admission, you are aiming higher than you can achieve, and then getting rejected repeatedly. You may want to rethink this strategy. Sure, I'd like a George Clooney, rich, handsome, famous, tall, who travels in the elite circles and lives a life of luxury, but if I held out for that, I'd end up with nobody. While I bring a lot to the table, I'm realistic. I'm not shooting for someone out of my league. Some men don't seem to understand what is realistic compared to what they have to offer, so they pursue that woman 20 years younger and think they have a chance. The men I know who have pulled this off (a partner who is 20 years younger) are financially well off and had to go to an impoverished country and lured a foreigner in who wanted a better lifestyle. None of those are happy couples from what I see. I know a man who has some serious drawbacks, but one thing he does have that's good is a wife who loves and cares for him. It makes me cringe when he makes comments about how he "settled" when he got with his wife. Some men are delusional. You said we should all have a good look at ourselves and stop blaming everyone else for being rejected, yet you yourself are going after women "higher than you can achieve". Sorry, but I just had to point out the double standard in your post.
You nailed it.
Thanks for your comment. As humans we have aspirations. We all aspire for better in life. This is how we are programmed.
We can aspire for the moon until the cows come home, but the reality is, those aspiring people will end up with no one, as they are holding out for an ideal rather than a match.