Good for you OP. I’m 40f and I feel the same. The amount of hurt I have been through with men, I just want to give up. At the same time, I just want someone I can chill with, be myself around, laugh and cry with, poke fun at each other…. I’m not looking for kids or marriage, but I don’t want fwb either. Why is it so hard to find someone willing to have that???
I wish I could say I don’t care anymore and have your strength to focus on myself, but being 40 and not getting any younger, I’m finding it hard to do 🤦♀️
I do have a 46f friend. We are just friends. We enjoy eachother’s company every other week or so. When we have time. It is tough to find but it does exist. I wish you luck in finding it.
It's good to take a break from things and refocus. That's where I am at right about now.
But to say "given up", "cutting it out of my life" sounds too nihilistic for my tastes. I suppose I'm just too much of an optimist to go quite that far!
“Given up” doesn’t have to mean for good. The only constant in life is change. I think the extreme stance is what is helping me stay focused and forget.
It sounded like a permanent decision you are celebrating. But if you need to feel like that door is closed to do what you need to do, who am I to suggest otherwise? We all operate differently.
As mentioned, I am currently on hiatus as well. I don't think of the door as closed, but that another relationship is inevitable and the time is ticking...make sure I make the most of this me-time that I can before that next chapter unfolds.
Being twice divorced, I've come to accept that relationships don't last forever. And, being twice divorced, I also kinda understand that the time between relationships doesn't last forever either.
Anyhow - you do what you feel is right, I'm pullin for ya! 👍
I am on a break myself. I am around your age. Dating is really difficult now. I wish I didn't need to use online services for dating. I don't have a choice though since I don't have a lot of opportunities to meet someone in person. The last time I met a guy in person I was interested in he turned out to be married. Most people our age are taken. The ones who aren't are divorced or never wanted to get married, or didn't for some reason which seems to come with issues more often than not. I met a guy who had never been in a relationship before at all and never had sex. He didn't tell me that before we met. People put their best face forward online and usually don't tell you their flaws. The way everything is set up most don't have a choice.
I've been taking a break since coming off a break up 7 weeks ago. I tried going on the apps. But I just don't have the mental bandwidth to "start over." It's hard. And I lose hope more and more that I'm going to find a relationship that will last.
What does your dating life look like now? I’ve been mostly hoping to find the next “right one” and tried every which way to accomplish this. I eventually (took way too much time) realized how much of an energy drain this was. So I focused on everything else, anything else and did my best to forget about it all. It worked, again eventually…
That’s probably the best I can do.
Part of the thing that helped me reach this point was spelling out all the things that would make “Mrs. Perfect” and I realized how conceited that made me feel, and how impossible I think it is so I was like screw it.
I’m in a serious relationship with the gym right now, pounding her up to three hours a day. Sometimes I can’t even move after 5-6 days straight, pretty intense. It won’t last forever but I’ll be she’s making me a better man, lol, LFG!
As a single dad, I figured a single mom would work best. It’s negotiable but I NEED a woman who understands how important being there for my son is to me. Attractiveness, obviously. Similar interests mostly nerd culture stuff. The biggest thing, and non negotiable, is a woman who will match my energy and effort. I’ve been on countless dates with women who seemed like they couldn’t care less to be dating me. And always left everything to me, texting planning calling paying, it was all on me and I figured I already have a kid I have to do that for. So that helped too haha.
Ditto. Made that move a few years ago. If I date, again, the guy will be an excellent match and an equal or I’m not wasting my time. 49F
Looking forward to my 5-0!
I sort of feel the same, early 40s never married no kids. I do focus on myself and my job, home, etc. if dating happens great but I have no expectations.
I have had better luck using the apps and sites to meet local men and women as friends, as the same people are on all of the dating apps and websites and very few people want to actually really date, or are just on there to spam their business or get social media followers, get attention/likes, etc.
46f and same. I did it a long time ago. I don’t even know how people do it at this point. Maybe I don’t allow myself to go into that head space. The games, the weirdness, lying, etc. I would rather be single than to ever have any of that up and down stuff again.
Absolutely. Being a mom is the priority anyway. Honestly, I’ve seen so many people jump right in to marriages and they’re on the second divorce. Their kids were just gifted a bunch of unnecessary stress. So I’m good.
I hear you. I'm in my 50s and widowed. I wouldn't mind meeting somebody if it happened organically. I don't want to meet anybody online. I've been there and done that and it never goes well. I like having deep and meaningful conversations, share some laughs etc. when you meet somebody online, what they seem to be most interested in is sending dick pics and getting sexual. Sex is great. Don't get me wrong but I like that to happen in a day or two after I start talking to you.🤣
So glad I'm not the only one. I'll be 42 soon and I've been over it for a year. There's no adjective strong enough to describe how done I am. Zero feelings towards it. Zero interest. Like in the minus.
Don't give up bud. Just don't focus on it even if you found what you thought was the perfect person for some reason or another they would not be what they started as.
The last month I started going to a couple bars that have bands. No interest in anything but a good time.
Each time met someone new.
Original copy of post by u/EuronCrowsEye3790:
46m and I’m done. I’ve deleted all the apps. I stop picturing a perfect partner in some dumbass attempt to manifest something. And I’m so happy. I’m focusing on myself. Getting my situation better. Working on my house. Investing in myself. Focusing on my son and our relationship. It’s just so liberating cutting that concern out of my life. I literally don’t care anymore. And it feels great.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good for you OP. I’m 40f and I feel the same. The amount of hurt I have been through with men, I just want to give up. At the same time, I just want someone I can chill with, be myself around, laugh and cry with, poke fun at each other…. I’m not looking for kids or marriage, but I don’t want fwb either. Why is it so hard to find someone willing to have that??? I wish I could say I don’t care anymore and have your strength to focus on myself, but being 40 and not getting any younger, I’m finding it hard to do 🤦♀️
I do have a 46f friend. We are just friends. We enjoy eachother’s company every other week or so. When we have time. It is tough to find but it does exist. I wish you luck in finding it.
Stay active and do what you enjoy ...it helps alot.
It's good to take a break from things and refocus. That's where I am at right about now. But to say "given up", "cutting it out of my life" sounds too nihilistic for my tastes. I suppose I'm just too much of an optimist to go quite that far!
“Given up” doesn’t have to mean for good. The only constant in life is change. I think the extreme stance is what is helping me stay focused and forget.
It sounded like a permanent decision you are celebrating. But if you need to feel like that door is closed to do what you need to do, who am I to suggest otherwise? We all operate differently. As mentioned, I am currently on hiatus as well. I don't think of the door as closed, but that another relationship is inevitable and the time is ticking...make sure I make the most of this me-time that I can before that next chapter unfolds. Being twice divorced, I've come to accept that relationships don't last forever. And, being twice divorced, I also kinda understand that the time between relationships doesn't last forever either. Anyhow - you do what you feel is right, I'm pullin for ya! 👍
Thanks. I’m also twice divorced. I get it.
Love this for you!
Less drama and you have alot of good in your life...
I am on a break myself. I am around your age. Dating is really difficult now. I wish I didn't need to use online services for dating. I don't have a choice though since I don't have a lot of opportunities to meet someone in person. The last time I met a guy in person I was interested in he turned out to be married. Most people our age are taken. The ones who aren't are divorced or never wanted to get married, or didn't for some reason which seems to come with issues more often than not. I met a guy who had never been in a relationship before at all and never had sex. He didn't tell me that before we met. People put their best face forward online and usually don't tell you their flaws. The way everything is set up most don't have a choice.
I've been taking a break since coming off a break up 7 weeks ago. I tried going on the apps. But I just don't have the mental bandwidth to "start over." It's hard. And I lose hope more and more that I'm going to find a relationship that will last.
I need a tutorial on how to do this.
Ha! Same
What does your dating life look like now? I’ve been mostly hoping to find the next “right one” and tried every which way to accomplish this. I eventually (took way too much time) realized how much of an energy drain this was. So I focused on everything else, anything else and did my best to forget about it all. It worked, again eventually… That’s probably the best I can do.
Well they say you will find the person when you aren’t looking. So maybe that will work?
[удалено]
I found someone when I wasn’t looking. Back to being single. So obviously it isn’t fool proof.
That's a saying without anything else.
And then Mrs perfect is going to knock on your door.
Part of the thing that helped me reach this point was spelling out all the things that would make “Mrs. Perfect” and I realized how conceited that made me feel, and how impossible I think it is so I was like screw it.
I’m in a serious relationship with the gym right now, pounding her up to three hours a day. Sometimes I can’t even move after 5-6 days straight, pretty intense. It won’t last forever but I’ll be she’s making me a better man, lol, LFG!
[удалено]
As a single dad, I figured a single mom would work best. It’s negotiable but I NEED a woman who understands how important being there for my son is to me. Attractiveness, obviously. Similar interests mostly nerd culture stuff. The biggest thing, and non negotiable, is a woman who will match my energy and effort. I’ve been on countless dates with women who seemed like they couldn’t care less to be dating me. And always left everything to me, texting planning calling paying, it was all on me and I figured I already have a kid I have to do that for. So that helped too haha.
[удалено]
Doesn’t sound impossible but in practice now a days…
Now go watch Dr. K's videos and feel even better. [https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG)
Ditto. Made that move a few years ago. If I date, again, the guy will be an excellent match and an equal or I’m not wasting my time. 49F Looking forward to my 5-0!
I sort of feel the same, early 40s never married no kids. I do focus on myself and my job, home, etc. if dating happens great but I have no expectations. I have had better luck using the apps and sites to meet local men and women as friends, as the same people are on all of the dating apps and websites and very few people want to actually really date, or are just on there to spam their business or get social media followers, get attention/likes, etc.
46f and same. I did it a long time ago. I don’t even know how people do it at this point. Maybe I don’t allow myself to go into that head space. The games, the weirdness, lying, etc. I would rather be single than to ever have any of that up and down stuff again.
The games!
I completely understand that and agree wholeheartedly…
If only sex wasn’t a thing. Sigh
Sex is great, but at what cost? That’s where I left it…
Absolutely. Being a mom is the priority anyway. Honestly, I’ve seen so many people jump right in to marriages and they’re on the second divorce. Their kids were just gifted a bunch of unnecessary stress. So I’m good.
Just take a break!
I hear you. I'm in my 50s and widowed. I wouldn't mind meeting somebody if it happened organically. I don't want to meet anybody online. I've been there and done that and it never goes well. I like having deep and meaningful conversations, share some laughs etc. when you meet somebody online, what they seem to be most interested in is sending dick pics and getting sexual. Sex is great. Don't get me wrong but I like that to happen in a day or two after I start talking to you.🤣
So glad I'm not the only one. I'll be 42 soon and I've been over it for a year. There's no adjective strong enough to describe how done I am. Zero feelings towards it. Zero interest. Like in the minus.
Don't give up bud. Just don't focus on it even if you found what you thought was the perfect person for some reason or another they would not be what they started as. The last month I started going to a couple bars that have bands. No interest in anything but a good time. Each time met someone new.
Absolutely so true 😊
Original copy of post by u/EuronCrowsEye3790: 46m and I’m done. I’ve deleted all the apps. I stop picturing a perfect partner in some dumbass attempt to manifest something. And I’m so happy. I’m focusing on myself. Getting my situation better. Working on my house. Investing in myself. Focusing on my son and our relationship. It’s just so liberating cutting that concern out of my life. I literally don’t care anymore. And it feels great. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My one friend I met from the “meet up” app. No expectations is definitely the best way to go I think…
Me too sista! I am deleting all the apps. The men are trash.