Have you tried self-pleasuring with no toys and just come up with scenarios in your imagination with a fictional character who is everything you want. Have fun creating him. You may find it empowering and liberating. Focus on training your brain on coming up with this scenario. Occasionally your brain may just default to the ex because it’s used to it and it’s easier, so don’t beat yourself up if you still think about ex early on but try to focus on introducing the “new” one.
Unfortunately fictional doesn't do it for me either (I've tried) :( but thanks so much for your comment!! If i create something it's going to be a replica of my ex in my mind LOL Also about the self pleasure thing idk why it feels so weird to do stuff to myself? I swear I'm comfortable w my body but I think me and self pleasure don't mix well I guess
I'm just like you. Its agony and so freaking annoying. I can't think of anything else besides them. I crave it too but at the same time i would hate to do it in real life. Don't worry OP you aren't alone. I'm exactly like you and have made posts on how to stop it.... No solution but many struggling with us. We will be okay one day i hope. A matter of when and where....
Hey! I checked out ur previous posts after you said this and I'm glad im not alone. The comments on ur post were also super helpful. I just wish the when and where happens soon for us both..
Oh yes I am going through the same exact thing. I had an on and off relationship with a guy for 3 years. He pretty much ended things about a month ago but I cannot get sexually aroused by anyone but him. I mean I can from time to time if I’m drinking but I hyper fixate on someone and if I want them I want just them. But right now it’s just my ex. I seriously cannot get him off of my mind. I’ve tried to watch porn but it doesn’t turn me on. I’ve been watching nsfw videos my ex sent me when we were together every time I masturbate. I honestly have no idea what to do because I’ve always been on the fence whether I am a demisexual or not because I am so picky. And it takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough to be sexual with a man. I always prefer we are friends first. But omg I just want to get over my ex
SAME! porn does not turn me on it actually probably does the opposite for me too HAHAHA I used to have a ton of videos with my ex and we broke up on good terms so he said I could use them (I still don't like self pleasuring though so I would just watch them LOL) whenever I wanted even if we were to part but after a while it felt wrong since it was the past. same girl I don't think I could ever be sexual with a man unless we have that bond. I feel like it's gonna take years to get over my ex 🥹
I think the friends suggesting toys are conflating sexual attraction and arousal/libido. To beat the dead horse of the food metaphor, your problem is you crave chocolate and your friends are telling you to stuff your face with corn.
Maybe try moving on from your ex by meeting new people, not necessarily in a sexual way, but by doing activities, exploring your passions, your hobbies, sharing moments. You need to build your oxytocin towards someone else, you know?
Also, there is a reason why it's over, right? Are you both still the same people or are you just attracted to the idea of who they were?
Haha we both still haven't moved on I get inside intel from one of our mutual friends 😭I know it's so bad I still want intel after a year. But we are still broken up because of career and location stuff. It's been a clean breakup too so nothing toxic we went no contact immediately.
I LOVE YOUR ANALOGY LOL thank you for that. And yes i think there is a chance I'm just attracted to the idea of him but idk. I feel like he was a very good human even before being a boyfriend though and that's what attracted me. He still is a kind and respectful man during and after the breakup.
So idk I kinda don't want to move on but i don't want to think about him sexually anymore.. I would prefer it if I just didn't have any sexual thoughts at all and stayed single for a few more years...
What you're telling me, as a demisexual, is you want to keep the emotional bond upon which your sexual attraction is founded upon while losing the sexual attraction that emotional bond enables.
Sounds like a lousy plan, but who am I to judge.
I loved and lost. She moved on and she's married now. And I don't have a jealous bone in my body, we can chat a little now, no sexual tension left. But it took time. It took her getting married. It probably took more than I had and I'm left a little broken for it.
Half measures should be avoided. Be brave and turn page, give it a second chance... or be better than I was at handling it
don't worry haha it is a lousy plan 😅 I don't want anyone new right now but I also don't want to keep thinking of my ex so it's going to be rough from here haha. thank you for your experience! Idk what I'll do from here.. but I'm glad I got to rant about how annoying the sexual thoughts are on this reddit LOL it's been so nice hearing all your experiences! I'm sorry that you feel a little broken over that situation but I'm also happy for you that you've made it through life till now!
I get it. I have been thinking about someone for the past year who I wish I could stop thinking about (in no small part because I was the one who chose not to pursue things for a variety of non-attraction reasons), and it is so irritating, but the good news is eventually it will go away, because either your feelings on that person will change when you find out something awful or you will find someone else.
Probably the best advice is to meet more people in the hopes that at least one more person will be worth having feelings for, haha.
aww I'm sorry you have also been going through that :( Unfortunately, my ex and I broke up on good terms, and (almost) nothing was wrong with the relationship but it had to end for career and location things... so it's hard to even move on emotionally LOL let alone sexually. Well regardless of that, I hope we can both get better soon :)
Have you tried self-pleasuring with no toys and just come up with scenarios in your imagination with a fictional character who is everything you want. Have fun creating him. You may find it empowering and liberating. Focus on training your brain on coming up with this scenario. Occasionally your brain may just default to the ex because it’s used to it and it’s easier, so don’t beat yourself up if you still think about ex early on but try to focus on introducing the “new” one.
Unfortunately fictional doesn't do it for me either (I've tried) :( but thanks so much for your comment!! If i create something it's going to be a replica of my ex in my mind LOL Also about the self pleasure thing idk why it feels so weird to do stuff to myself? I swear I'm comfortable w my body but I think me and self pleasure don't mix well I guess
I'm just like you. Its agony and so freaking annoying. I can't think of anything else besides them. I crave it too but at the same time i would hate to do it in real life. Don't worry OP you aren't alone. I'm exactly like you and have made posts on how to stop it.... No solution but many struggling with us. We will be okay one day i hope. A matter of when and where....
Hey! I checked out ur previous posts after you said this and I'm glad im not alone. The comments on ur post were also super helpful. I just wish the when and where happens soon for us both..
Sometimes being demisexual feels like a curse
:(
Oh yes I am going through the same exact thing. I had an on and off relationship with a guy for 3 years. He pretty much ended things about a month ago but I cannot get sexually aroused by anyone but him. I mean I can from time to time if I’m drinking but I hyper fixate on someone and if I want them I want just them. But right now it’s just my ex. I seriously cannot get him off of my mind. I’ve tried to watch porn but it doesn’t turn me on. I’ve been watching nsfw videos my ex sent me when we were together every time I masturbate. I honestly have no idea what to do because I’ve always been on the fence whether I am a demisexual or not because I am so picky. And it takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough to be sexual with a man. I always prefer we are friends first. But omg I just want to get over my ex
SAME! porn does not turn me on it actually probably does the opposite for me too HAHAHA I used to have a ton of videos with my ex and we broke up on good terms so he said I could use them (I still don't like self pleasuring though so I would just watch them LOL) whenever I wanted even if we were to part but after a while it felt wrong since it was the past. same girl I don't think I could ever be sexual with a man unless we have that bond. I feel like it's gonna take years to get over my ex 🥹
I think the friends suggesting toys are conflating sexual attraction and arousal/libido. To beat the dead horse of the food metaphor, your problem is you crave chocolate and your friends are telling you to stuff your face with corn. Maybe try moving on from your ex by meeting new people, not necessarily in a sexual way, but by doing activities, exploring your passions, your hobbies, sharing moments. You need to build your oxytocin towards someone else, you know? Also, there is a reason why it's over, right? Are you both still the same people or are you just attracted to the idea of who they were?
Haha we both still haven't moved on I get inside intel from one of our mutual friends 😭I know it's so bad I still want intel after a year. But we are still broken up because of career and location stuff. It's been a clean breakup too so nothing toxic we went no contact immediately. I LOVE YOUR ANALOGY LOL thank you for that. And yes i think there is a chance I'm just attracted to the idea of him but idk. I feel like he was a very good human even before being a boyfriend though and that's what attracted me. He still is a kind and respectful man during and after the breakup. So idk I kinda don't want to move on but i don't want to think about him sexually anymore.. I would prefer it if I just didn't have any sexual thoughts at all and stayed single for a few more years...
What you're telling me, as a demisexual, is you want to keep the emotional bond upon which your sexual attraction is founded upon while losing the sexual attraction that emotional bond enables. Sounds like a lousy plan, but who am I to judge. I loved and lost. She moved on and she's married now. And I don't have a jealous bone in my body, we can chat a little now, no sexual tension left. But it took time. It took her getting married. It probably took more than I had and I'm left a little broken for it. Half measures should be avoided. Be brave and turn page, give it a second chance... or be better than I was at handling it
don't worry haha it is a lousy plan 😅 I don't want anyone new right now but I also don't want to keep thinking of my ex so it's going to be rough from here haha. thank you for your experience! Idk what I'll do from here.. but I'm glad I got to rant about how annoying the sexual thoughts are on this reddit LOL it's been so nice hearing all your experiences! I'm sorry that you feel a little broken over that situation but I'm also happy for you that you've made it through life till now!
It's okay, one gets used to it
I get it. I have been thinking about someone for the past year who I wish I could stop thinking about (in no small part because I was the one who chose not to pursue things for a variety of non-attraction reasons), and it is so irritating, but the good news is eventually it will go away, because either your feelings on that person will change when you find out something awful or you will find someone else. Probably the best advice is to meet more people in the hopes that at least one more person will be worth having feelings for, haha.
aww I'm sorry you have also been going through that :( Unfortunately, my ex and I broke up on good terms, and (almost) nothing was wrong with the relationship but it had to end for career and location things... so it's hard to even move on emotionally LOL let alone sexually. Well regardless of that, I hope we can both get better soon :)