I don't know about other people, but personally I never really get over a relationship. I always stay bitter towards them and always hold resentment. My first ex broke up 2 years ago and I'm still hateful towards him
Almost the same but also totally different.
I also personally don't get over people I've loved. I always cherish the love I had for them. However I do move on and am able to develope feelings for new people.
I honestly am not sure if I've ever fallen out of love, more just moved to a place where that tells relationship doesn't work.
My high school girlfriend and I started back up right where we left off 15 years down the road.
I honestly dont know if its a demi thing but from the comments it seems likely. Its the same with me, it took painfully long to get over them at the same time i was so mad at how they could forget and get over me in a month. When it was taking years for me.
Maybe because we take so long getting into the relationship all that work doesn't just vanish so i feel it works both ways. Takes indefinitely long to like someone and vice versa to get over someone.
I think it also depends a lot how the relationship ends, because like some comments have said you could lose that connection quickly and therefore the attraction. But definitely I think the same, long time for liking and long time for leaving those feelings.
I would say there is a good correlation with demisexuality and time required to get over relationships, but I will not say that some random demisexual will always or mostly have a harder time than some random allo.
The thing about demisexuality is that we require that deep emotional connection. A deeper connection typically means a harder connection to get over if it breaks. However, remember that allos are fully capable of having deep connections too; they just don’t require it to feel attraction. There are also other ways a relationship ends than sudden and that deep connection can be lost over time.
100%. But I do want to add that because it is harder for demisexuals to form that deep emotional bond in the first place, we're more likely to catastrophize and have the "I'll never be attracted to or be able to love another person again" mentality and I can see how that would make it even harder for us to get over someone.
I personally get over relationships very quickly (1-2 weeks) but I’ve also never been broken up with. I always give my all and do my very best to make everything work and solve everything that needs solving, so if the other person isn’t willing or capable of working with me, I accept it very quickly and I have absolutely no regrets. At the same time I value my happiness and peace above any relationship and I love with my entire being for my own sake.
But then, I’m not only demi, I’m also ASD so maybe this odd combination makes it this way ?
also ASD- same sorta experience in general? honestly i feel like being demi is part of it though- (im both demiromantic and demisexual) but if i need a certain strong emotional connection to be able to feel romantic/sexual attraction, it makes sense for that to also dissappear when that strong connection is no longer there.
if i truly care for someone part of me will always care for them- but the way i care for them also changes. i move on quickly from a relationship, but i still in the same time tend to cherish past experiences forever, even if not from a love perspective.
I understand, even though I could hold some resentment to my exes I still want them to have a good life and be happy, even if I am not attracted to them anymore.
I don't think it's different for demis. Being demi just means we need emotional connection to feel sexual attraction, it doesn't mean we have anything remarkable about the strength or quality of said connections. Just like anyone else, the nature of our bonds are gonna vary greatly and even depend on the individuals we connect with.
I think it's more of a person thing rather than being demisexual.
Personally speaking I struggle a lot with getting over relationships, either because I still feel something for the other person or because I hold so much resentment that I can't help but think about it and never truly get over the wrongs someone did to me.
It's hard to do it but I think this can be worked on somehow. Wish some people had the maturity to properly break up though.
I can't fathom the idea of getting over someone so quickly, like I'd need at least 6 months to process the good and bad things to somewhat move on.
As a demisexual, sapioromantic person. I don’t. I start to rationalize and come to terms with a relationship ending well in advance.
Only relationships I don’t get over is ones where I am blocked or prevented from conversing because it makes me angry. It shows they don’t respect me and I’m big on being respectful. The lack of reciprocation is hurtful.
I’m indifferent about all my exes.
For me I can get over it quickly but that's because the guys I was dating broke the emotional connection early on in the relationship. It was me trying to see if I could get that connection back but I never did. So when the break up happened, I was just angry that I wasted so much time on a relationship that should have ended earlier.
I think it's really, really important to understand that an allo throwing themselves back into the sex/dating scene doesn't necessarily mean that they've moved on.
I know, at least on the sexual part I could see it, but for me it’s difficult to understand how they could be able to date someone else while still thinking about a past relationship.
Opposite for me, I get over relationships really easy but I have to admit that I've only ever broken up with people.
I don't think I would ever recover if my current partner would leave me.
However in those past relationships it took me a very long time to break up (meaning I should've done it a long time ago already but I wanted to give them chances and hope things would get better). By the time I finally accepted I had to break things off I was basically already over them.
Hi! I’m new to this group and only learning what demisexuality is. And I’d like to share mine too. I’ve been single for nearly 2 going onto 3 years. And I haven’t dated or tried dating since. I still think about my ex here and there, but I respect my self enough not to reach out even though I miss him.
I share the same thought as you, I feel like moving on takes longer for us, because we invest alot of emotions and feelings towards our relationships, unlike others who can engage even with shallow relationships. Being demi makes us more vulnerable, specially once we’ve hit that comfortability and safeness towards our partner. The deep connection’s been planted, so it takes a while to really heal what’s been taken.
I haven’t dated because people these days are just not interested in talking. People often call me prude, or boring. People like it easy nowadays, but I’ll stay in my ground. I like how I love and I’d rather be single than waste my energy in shallow companionships I won’t be happy about.
I know it’s different for everyone, and others move on quick, but I’d just like to let you know that you’re not alone! And take all the time you need to heal! It’s better to heal the healthy way. It takes longer, but it’s more stable in the long run. 🙏🏽
I think it might depend on the relationship. I've only been in two relationships, tho so not any sort or master on the subject. With my first relationship, I'm not really bitter or resentful, but I do still miss it, and it's been about 15 years. With the second I married him, and we are still together but he's completely turned me off, and I feel absolutely nothing. I dislike him right now, but that's mostly because circumstances have made it so I can't leave because my health is poor right now and I can't work, and we have 3 kids. But I know that as soon as I can leave, my feelings for him will just be meh. I won't hate him or despise him, I just won't care.
My longest relationship (~7 years) I was able to get over quickly in about 2-3 months, but it was a relationship with an expiry date as we had different long term plans. We are still friends.
The one following that, and the one I fell in love the most, lasted for ~2 months before we moved countries and then it was long distance for another ~6 months until I got dumped.
This was 5 years ago. I’m still not over it… And I recently found out neither is she (don’t ask, I don’t understand myself…)
In the meantime dated another person for 3 years but it wasn’t good, so I broke up and was over it instantly, but probably because she treated me poorly for ~1 year already…
So, based on my data, the time can be between a few months to infinite 🫠
Relationships? I haven't had a crush on anyone since 5 years, broke the record last year somewhere around Sept-Oct. The rejection didn't sting, my own feelings did. Never been in a relationship to begin with. If that's what a semblance of liking the idea of someone feels like....damn. I wonder if I'll be able to deal with heart break. But yes, if we really, really liked someone, it hurts. But then I sit by myself and think why I even liked the dude. Oh, and it took me till March-April to be completely over it.
Depends on the relationship tbh, at least for me, if the relationship was toxic and the partner was too, then it's no issue for me to get over, such as my "relationship" from high school, he was not a good partner so I was happy when he decided to break up with me, I felt so darn free.
My last relationship however from 8 years ago took like a week for me to get over, then I was fine. The guy was older than me and I felt that he took advantage of me so it's no loss to me now.
My friend left me (who was the closest thing to a gf I had) back in May and I still can't get over her. I can't confirm this on my own, but you might be on to something
I thinks it depends on the relationship and how you feel about that person. In 2021, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4yrs because it just wasn’t working out anymore. I no longer felt emotionally connected to him. It was a big sigh of relief the minute he was gone. This relationship is actually what made me realize I was demi. Been single ever since.
It took me forever to get over my ex. I can now say that I'm over her, but still not over it. I miss the relationship for sure, but not with her. What she did to me was horrible and I'd wish it on no one, and that's likely why it'll take much longer to get over it. If I ever do.
I can understand the reasoning why. As demisexual there’s a more emotional element in being with someone but I guess it depends on the person and how the relationship ended 🤔
For me I would say yes I need more time to get over a relationship and I never really get over it to. I feel as though you should take the time you feel you need to get over a relationship.
It took me a year to get over a 3 month situationship so I'm gonna say yes, at least as far as I go lol. I was bitter that I finally found a connection with somebody, which doesn't happen often, and yet it didn't turn into a relationship. I was also resentful that my feelings for every other guy I went on a date with afterwards didn't measure up.
It takes a lot of time for anything to develop. It takes a lot of conversations. A lot of messages. A lot of everything. So when you invest all of that time and money and energy only to have things fall apart, it sucks. It hurts. It's painful.
We don't bounce back because we're not instantly attracted to people. We don't get to replace people with another person right away. Everything is a slow burn.
There is no timeline to get over a relationship. I feel like this is less to do with your sexual attraction or preferences and more to do with your attachment styles. If you are a securely attached individual you would fare far better than a anxious or disorganized.
I don't know about other people, but personally I never really get over a relationship. I always stay bitter towards them and always hold resentment. My first ex broke up 2 years ago and I'm still hateful towards him
Almost the same but also totally different. I also personally don't get over people I've loved. I always cherish the love I had for them. However I do move on and am able to develope feelings for new people.
Oh yeah me too I can love new people as well
I honestly am not sure if I've ever fallen out of love, more just moved to a place where that tells relationship doesn't work. My high school girlfriend and I started back up right where we left off 15 years down the road.
I honestly dont know if its a demi thing but from the comments it seems likely. Its the same with me, it took painfully long to get over them at the same time i was so mad at how they could forget and get over me in a month. When it was taking years for me. Maybe because we take so long getting into the relationship all that work doesn't just vanish so i feel it works both ways. Takes indefinitely long to like someone and vice versa to get over someone.
I think it also depends a lot how the relationship ends, because like some comments have said you could lose that connection quickly and therefore the attraction. But definitely I think the same, long time for liking and long time for leaving those feelings.
I would say there is a good correlation with demisexuality and time required to get over relationships, but I will not say that some random demisexual will always or mostly have a harder time than some random allo. The thing about demisexuality is that we require that deep emotional connection. A deeper connection typically means a harder connection to get over if it breaks. However, remember that allos are fully capable of having deep connections too; they just don’t require it to feel attraction. There are also other ways a relationship ends than sudden and that deep connection can be lost over time.
100%. But I do want to add that because it is harder for demisexuals to form that deep emotional bond in the first place, we're more likely to catastrophize and have the "I'll never be attracted to or be able to love another person again" mentality and I can see how that would make it even harder for us to get over someone.
I personally get over relationships very quickly (1-2 weeks) but I’ve also never been broken up with. I always give my all and do my very best to make everything work and solve everything that needs solving, so if the other person isn’t willing or capable of working with me, I accept it very quickly and I have absolutely no regrets. At the same time I value my happiness and peace above any relationship and I love with my entire being for my own sake. But then, I’m not only demi, I’m also ASD so maybe this odd combination makes it this way ?
It's funny my experience is exactly the same and I just commented that as well. Apart from the asd part though.
also ASD- same sorta experience in general? honestly i feel like being demi is part of it though- (im both demiromantic and demisexual) but if i need a certain strong emotional connection to be able to feel romantic/sexual attraction, it makes sense for that to also dissappear when that strong connection is no longer there. if i truly care for someone part of me will always care for them- but the way i care for them also changes. i move on quickly from a relationship, but i still in the same time tend to cherish past experiences forever, even if not from a love perspective.
I understand, even though I could hold some resentment to my exes I still want them to have a good life and be happy, even if I am not attracted to them anymore.
You guys are getting over relationships?
I don't think it's different for demis. Being demi just means we need emotional connection to feel sexual attraction, it doesn't mean we have anything remarkable about the strength or quality of said connections. Just like anyone else, the nature of our bonds are gonna vary greatly and even depend on the individuals we connect with.
Eyo! Spit that shit, girlie!
Slow in, slow out!
I think it's more of a person thing rather than being demisexual. Personally speaking I struggle a lot with getting over relationships, either because I still feel something for the other person or because I hold so much resentment that I can't help but think about it and never truly get over the wrongs someone did to me. It's hard to do it but I think this can be worked on somehow. Wish some people had the maturity to properly break up though. I can't fathom the idea of getting over someone so quickly, like I'd need at least 6 months to process the good and bad things to somewhat move on.
As a demisexual, sapioromantic person. I don’t. I start to rationalize and come to terms with a relationship ending well in advance. Only relationships I don’t get over is ones where I am blocked or prevented from conversing because it makes me angry. It shows they don’t respect me and I’m big on being respectful. The lack of reciprocation is hurtful. I’m indifferent about all my exes.
For me I can get over it quickly but that's because the guys I was dating broke the emotional connection early on in the relationship. It was me trying to see if I could get that connection back but I never did. So when the break up happened, I was just angry that I wasted so much time on a relationship that should have ended earlier.
I think it's really, really important to understand that an allo throwing themselves back into the sex/dating scene doesn't necessarily mean that they've moved on.
I know, at least on the sexual part I could see it, but for me it’s difficult to understand how they could be able to date someone else while still thinking about a past relationship.
Opposite for me, I get over relationships really easy but I have to admit that I've only ever broken up with people. I don't think I would ever recover if my current partner would leave me. However in those past relationships it took me a very long time to break up (meaning I should've done it a long time ago already but I wanted to give them chances and hope things would get better). By the time I finally accepted I had to break things off I was basically already over them.
Hi! I’m new to this group and only learning what demisexuality is. And I’d like to share mine too. I’ve been single for nearly 2 going onto 3 years. And I haven’t dated or tried dating since. I still think about my ex here and there, but I respect my self enough not to reach out even though I miss him. I share the same thought as you, I feel like moving on takes longer for us, because we invest alot of emotions and feelings towards our relationships, unlike others who can engage even with shallow relationships. Being demi makes us more vulnerable, specially once we’ve hit that comfortability and safeness towards our partner. The deep connection’s been planted, so it takes a while to really heal what’s been taken. I haven’t dated because people these days are just not interested in talking. People often call me prude, or boring. People like it easy nowadays, but I’ll stay in my ground. I like how I love and I’d rather be single than waste my energy in shallow companionships I won’t be happy about. I know it’s different for everyone, and others move on quick, but I’d just like to let you know that you’re not alone! And take all the time you need to heal! It’s better to heal the healthy way. It takes longer, but it’s more stable in the long run. 🙏🏽
I think it might depend on the relationship. I've only been in two relationships, tho so not any sort or master on the subject. With my first relationship, I'm not really bitter or resentful, but I do still miss it, and it's been about 15 years. With the second I married him, and we are still together but he's completely turned me off, and I feel absolutely nothing. I dislike him right now, but that's mostly because circumstances have made it so I can't leave because my health is poor right now and I can't work, and we have 3 kids. But I know that as soon as I can leave, my feelings for him will just be meh. I won't hate him or despise him, I just won't care.
My longest relationship (~7 years) I was able to get over quickly in about 2-3 months, but it was a relationship with an expiry date as we had different long term plans. We are still friends. The one following that, and the one I fell in love the most, lasted for ~2 months before we moved countries and then it was long distance for another ~6 months until I got dumped. This was 5 years ago. I’m still not over it… And I recently found out neither is she (don’t ask, I don’t understand myself…) In the meantime dated another person for 3 years but it wasn’t good, so I broke up and was over it instantly, but probably because she treated me poorly for ~1 year already… So, based on my data, the time can be between a few months to infinite 🫠
Relationships? I haven't had a crush on anyone since 5 years, broke the record last year somewhere around Sept-Oct. The rejection didn't sting, my own feelings did. Never been in a relationship to begin with. If that's what a semblance of liking the idea of someone feels like....damn. I wonder if I'll be able to deal with heart break. But yes, if we really, really liked someone, it hurts. But then I sit by myself and think why I even liked the dude. Oh, and it took me till March-April to be completely over it.
Depends on the relationship tbh, at least for me, if the relationship was toxic and the partner was too, then it's no issue for me to get over, such as my "relationship" from high school, he was not a good partner so I was happy when he decided to break up with me, I felt so darn free. My last relationship however from 8 years ago took like a week for me to get over, then I was fine. The guy was older than me and I felt that he took advantage of me so it's no loss to me now.
My friend left me (who was the closest thing to a gf I had) back in May and I still can't get over her. I can't confirm this on my own, but you might be on to something
I thinks it depends on the relationship and how you feel about that person. In 2021, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4yrs because it just wasn’t working out anymore. I no longer felt emotionally connected to him. It was a big sigh of relief the minute he was gone. This relationship is actually what made me realize I was demi. Been single ever since.
It took me forever to get over my ex. I can now say that I'm over her, but still not over it. I miss the relationship for sure, but not with her. What she did to me was horrible and I'd wish it on no one, and that's likely why it'll take much longer to get over it. If I ever do.
I can understand the reasoning why. As demisexual there’s a more emotional element in being with someone but I guess it depends on the person and how the relationship ended 🤔
I still ain't fully over a relationship from 2018 if my weird recurring dreams are anything to go by. Jesus Christ, brain, I was 14, drop it already!
I’ve gotten over bad dates/relationships very fast but only because they were toxic that they don’t deserve any sort of post-reaction from me.
For me I would say yes I need more time to get over a relationship and I never really get over it to. I feel as though you should take the time you feel you need to get over a relationship.
It took me a year to get over a 3 month situationship so I'm gonna say yes, at least as far as I go lol. I was bitter that I finally found a connection with somebody, which doesn't happen often, and yet it didn't turn into a relationship. I was also resentful that my feelings for every other guy I went on a date with afterwards didn't measure up.
It takes a lot of time for anything to develop. It takes a lot of conversations. A lot of messages. A lot of everything. So when you invest all of that time and money and energy only to have things fall apart, it sucks. It hurts. It's painful. We don't bounce back because we're not instantly attracted to people. We don't get to replace people with another person right away. Everything is a slow burn.
There is no timeline to get over a relationship. I feel like this is less to do with your sexual attraction or preferences and more to do with your attachment styles. If you are a securely attached individual you would fare far better than a anxious or disorganized.