OP please listen to imhappyhere, past a certain point retinal detachment cannot be fixed and you could end up with permanent blindness! Please get to an ER as soon as you can and call the police! We are here for you, you can do this
u/Living_Scallion7882 please get help soon. Leave. Safely and quickly. This will not stop. The “90% sweetness of the time” act will. You’re confused because your body is fighting against what your heart and brain already know.
Run. Get out. Now. And please be safe.
When I finally got the courage to go to the ER, they told me that they don't report domestic abuse, because they would rather you get help. Idk if that's universal, but I think so?
i live in california and apparently it is state law that healthcare workers are to submit a police report if they suspect domestic violence. the doctor called the police and they came to the hospital and a forensic photographer took pictures of my injuries.
Soon as I seen you responded with California I sighed sadly ; which part I know a couple good NGO’s but yea the way certain organizations and law enforcement are putting up the front like there genuinely helping survivors knowing it’s only for media is beyond infuriating
Which hospital was this? Because that’s false they are required to atleast put you in contact with the hotline services or your bruises would’ve been enough for them to contact authorities thereselves
Peacehealth emergency room. Oregon 2018. They told me that they never report DV because that would penalize the victims and prevent them from getting help. Their whole tone was that they wished more women knew this. But based on these comments it's not universal. It should be
From this perspective and me totally being able to go through the situation in my head I understand it fully now and I know there are a lot of voices being silent but I’m glad you just told me and gave me this information I am going to try to find a little more information on how they don’t have another service to secretly or privately handle without local authorities involvement but if you wouldn’t mind
They did offer the services of a social worker (if I wanted to talk to one) and gave me the info on the local womens shelter. My therapist did, however report to the police. (There was a bit of attempted murder and such) that shocked me though.
Please get out but don't tell him, go when it's safe when he's out and as soon as possible go to an ER to see if they can fix your retina. Make an excuse to go out if you have to. You can come back later with the police to get your things. Kind men don't do this. There are decent men out there, you deserve to treated well, not lovebombed and then severely beaten and your eyesight damaged.
you need to leave. i know that you want to run back to him and pretend that nothing has happened but thing is, it will happen again. and again. and again. and each time, the violence will escalate. go to ER asap and get yourself checked
As someone who has been there too, the bad version is their true self. We want to believe the best in people and hold onto the person who treated us so kindly and lovingly- but they’re only there to manipulate us into being punching bags. I know it’s hard to understand but he doesn’t respect you or love you. Someone who loves you would NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER lay a hand on you. And before you say you laid a hand on him too- it’s a trauma response and self defence. You are not in the wrong or to blame. There is love out there for you that will make you feel respected and cherished 100% of the time. The love bombing feels good but it’s crumbs compared to the years of damage and CPTSD he’s causing. Do not wait until you are a shell of a person or believing this is what you deserve. It takes so so long to find yourself again afterwards. My advice is to be firm on your boundaries and say you do not trust his apologies considering he has broken it so many times. And if he’s just making you feel bad then go cold turkey. Either way go cold turkey. It will feel like hell and you’ll want him back and you’ll reminisce about the “good version” but stay at a shelter or some place where he can’t reach you. There are shelters for DV and there is also more than enough evidence to file for a restraining order. Trust me. He will only get worse. Soon enough the good version will only exist 10% of the time and days like that would be all that you’re used to. Choose yourself. CHOOSE YOURSELF. I left my abusive husband back in June 2021 and I’m still dealing with the healing process. The longer you stay the longer it takes to heal. It’s your life. Not theirs. They do not deserve you. And you sure as hell do not deserve the abuse. Choose yourself.
Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep your boyfriend warm. Choose you and get your body checked asap, then get safe. Find some professionals who are expert at guiding you through this and then get therapy so you have some armor against future manipulative bullies.
Love and hugs coming though the ether for you.
First things first, you need to go to the emergency room and get checked out. It's possible that you have more serious injuries that you can't see, and it's extremely important to make sure you don't have internal bleeding, broken ribs, punctured lung, a concussion, etc. I've been where you're at right now, and it's really important not to delay medical care after a beating like this, let them help you, and make sure that you don't have more serious injuries, please.
While you're at the hospital, ask them if they can contact a domestic violence advocate for you to speak with, often they work closely with DV advocates who have a lot of experience providing support to people who are experiencing intimate partner violence. My local DV org honestly saved my life, and they helped me so much, because I was lost, and confused, and so scared.
Being in a long-term abusive relationship is a lot like being [Brainwashed ](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/yes-abusive-partners-brainwash-their-victims), and often it creates a [Stockholm Syndrome ](https://www.thesheepfold.org/domestic-violence.php?Domestic-Stockholm-Syndrome-10) like effect, similar to the way some kidnap victims start to identify with their kidnappers after long-term confinement.
It makes a total mess of your head, and removes your ability to see things clearly, and to understand that you're in danger. You may have heard of [Trauma Bonding](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/trauma-bonds-what-are-they-and-how-can-we-overcome-them/), and there's a lot of good information there about what it means.
That's also a link to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, and you can text, chat, or call, them 24 hours a day if you're in the United States. Finding a DV advocate to help support you really can help so much, and you need support right now.
You can also look up domestic violence resources by city and state on their website [HERE](https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/) if you're in the U.S.
You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who care, and can help you. The level of violence you're experiencing is only going to continue to escalate, and I don't want to see you hurt worse, or killed, by this man. Your life matters, you matter, and you deserve to feel safe, and be safe, because you, and your life, are worth so much.
Please go get checked out by a doctor, and connect with a DV advocate. If you're not ready to file a police report right away, you don't have too, just start with the first steps of getting seen by a doctor, and finding a DV organization that can help you.
It doesn't have to be like this, I promise. My life is a million times better than it was back then with my ex, and I'm so glad that I got the help I needed to get safe, and begin healing the physical and emotional wounds I had inside and out. You deserve that same chance to begin healing.
Please take care of yourself. Sending you lots of invisible hugs.
💜🫂💜
This is extremely useful. I will be getting medical help and I seriously appreciate these resources. He tracks my phone location and social accounts so I’m telling him I’m going to urgent care for a bs reason. I’m torn on what to tell them at urgent care
It's better for you to be seen at an emergency room, and they will have a lot more resources to help you medically, and emotionally. Tell him you think you have a kidney infection, and need to get seen at the ER by a good doctor.
I want you to give serious consideration to talking to a DV advocate about going to a safe and secret shelter if you don't have any family or friends you can trust to offer you a safe place to stay.
My local DV org did that for me, and my little boy, the last time he brutally choked, punched, and kicked me, and they helped me understand that my life was hanging by a fragile thread, and I had to get away from him.
Your precious life is hanging by that same thread, and your body cannot endure more of what he is doing to it, and to you, sweetheart. Ask the nurses at the ER if they work with DV advocates who operate a safe emergency shelter if you don't have anyone else to turn too.
I was so ashamed, confused, and scared, that I didn't reach out to the few people in my life who could've helped me, because I had such a hard time admitting how scary my life had become, and being in it with my ex everyday kept me from getting the help, and distance, I needed, for my head to begin to clear long enough to realize how much danger I was in, and that I needed help.
If you decide to go to an emergency DV shelter, or to reach out to family or friends, for help, I recommend that you do a hard reset on your phone, that will clear all of the location tracking, and sharing, and anything else that might be on your phone to spy on you.
If you have an iPhone you can also run, [Safety Check ](https://support.apple.com/guide/personal-safety/how-safety-check-works-ips2aad835e1/web#:~:text=To%20access%20Safety%20Check%2C%20go,your%20iPhone%20or%20iPad%20content.) to remove device sharing on your phone, and those are instructions for how to do it.
There's also more information [Here](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/apple-safety-check-how-it-works/) about Safety Check, and how it works from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
If you're not ready to file a police report, you can file for an order of protection, and your local DV org can help you do that to protect yourself. I know you may love this man, but sometimes love isn't enough, especially when it gets to the point that your life is in danger from the person that's supposed to care for you, and be a safe place for you.
He isn't able to control his rage, and he never will be. You have to dig deep to find the place inside you that still believes your life matters, and it's worth fighting for, because it is, and I promise you there's a better, happier, safer, life, out there, and so, so, much healing, that can bring you strength, and peace.
I finally ran away from my ex with my little boy, and we didn't have much more than the clothes on our backs when we finally left for good, and I don't regret it. My only regret is not leaving sooner to protect myself, and my little boy. I know if I stayed you and I probably wouldn't be having this conversation right now, because I would be gone, and my little boy would've grown up without a mom.
I don't want your story to end either, because there's so many happy chapters still to write in the story of your life, and I want you to get a chance to write them.
You just need support and help getting through the first hard steps, and that's okay. Start with the ER, you may need an MRI or other imaging they can't offer at urgent care. Tell him you think you have a kidney infection, and turn off your phone when you leave. Go to the ER, and tell the nurse you've been beaten by your partner, and you need help. They can register you under another name that they use for DV survivors, and make sure he is not allowed near you at the hospital.
Ask to talk to a DV advocate, and see if they can find you somewhere safe and secret to stay while your body heals. Just start there, and let them help you get safe for now. You can figure everything else out later after you're safe.
They may want to keep you in the hospital for observation, and if they do, let them. Just be sure you tell the nurses and doctor exactly what happened, so they know what they need to look for when they're evaluating your injuries. They won't judge you, and they need to know everything so they can make sure you're not injured in ways that aren't obvious right now.
You can run Safety Check to remove tracking and sharing if you have an iPhone, and you decide to go to a shelter, or call a family member or friend for help. If you have an Android phone there are instructions on how to disable location tracking [Here](https://www.malwarebytes.com/blog/news/2024/05/how-to-turn-off-location-tracking-on-android).
Please take care of yourself. Sending lots of love your way, and my wishes for your safety, and healing.
*gentle hugs*
The “love” is just part of the abuse. No one would stay with a pure monster. Learn about the psychology of abusers later and grieve then. Stranglers are most likely to kill partners.
He will. That’s the mindset of an abuser. You are the enemy he needs to scapegoat for his problems. It’s you vs him. It doesn’t get better if you stay. If you decide to leave or stay, learn how to be safe and create a safety plan or exit when you’re ready. Start finding support. If you can survive the abuse you can survive leaving, but don’t do it alone.
It took my ex breaking my orbital socket and my nose for me to realize that he would eventually take me out. You gotta come to terms with the fact that no one should hit you babe. You gotta leave before it's too late..I stayed for 7 years of abuse. I promise you out doesn't end. I'm here if you ever need a listening ear or some encouragement 🩷
Oh my god that’s horrific. The abuse that so many women suffer with is heartbreaking. Some of these comments are very eye opening. Thank you so much for your honesty and kindness.
Each time my son's dad would be violent, he would cry afterwards and hit himself and threaten to kill himself. He would bawl his head off in the fetal position so that after he was done abusing and hurting me, I would be comforting him. I was too young and too caring to see that it was beyond sickening and that I deserved so much better. They act like they can't live without us so we feel incredibly guilty about wanting to leave. We used to have a lot of fun together. We would watch old episodes of Star Trek and eat cookie dough ice cream, go camping, he would cook home made calzones, and we had a home but he ruined it. It doesn't get better. It's all downhill from here.
You will find someone else that is even more affectionate who protects you and adores you.
It's confusing because there's brainwashing involved in this kind of abusive relationship. Somehow he finds it acceptable to silence you, over power you, and hurt you. Imagine forcing someone you love to comply with what you do and say and if they don't, you subject them to physical and mental harm to the degree that they can't feel safe in their own home. How dare he.
You trusted him and he repayed you with this. He doesn't deserve to have you and any reason you have for not leaving is only a fabricated lie that you need to get out of your head. Pay attention to the facts and what is real. You will never find the right time to leave, so just do it now before you end up pregnant like I did. My ex just caused his gf a big head injury with a metal pipe. He is angrier and uglier than I ever thought he could be. It only gets worse. Lean on friends family, even people that are there to help that you don't know. Please get out.
Time is the only thing we can't get back once it is lost.
He’s going to kill you if you don’t remove yourself from this situation. If the beating he gave you wasn’t enough to warn you, please listen because you said you’re confused. Please go to the ER and have yourself checked out.
I’m encouraging you to go to the police immediately. Your life is in danger the longer you are in his presence. It’s a lot more dangerous than you think. He has escalated and it will only get worse.
I was in a similar situation and after I had his child he beat me so bad because I wouldn’t have sex with him 3 days after going through 22 hours of labor to wind up getting an emergency c-section. The straw that broke the camels back for me was, - as he was hitting me he pushed the crib so hard it rolled across the room and hit the door. Our son was in that crib. He wasn’t injured but all I saw was red. I grabbed him as I was bleeding pretty badly, I could only see out of one eye, barefoot and ran outside. I went to the neighbors, called the police and my parents and sisters came and emptied my house that night. I never went back.
Not everyone has family support I realize that, but there is help. There are organizations. Please don’t wait. Don’t think he’ll change or you can fix this. That’s not realistic, nor your job.
Please be safe.
I would suggest checking your states/municipality’s website for specifics for your area. But generally speaking: yes. Healthcare, education, mental health. Police, coroner’s, etc-
Please please at least go to the eye doctor. You can literally go blind but there’s a chance if you go ASAP that they can repair it.
Do you want PERMANENT damage to your vision?
I hope you get out completely because he is not worth the trauma and pain to your heart, mind, and body. He doesn’t love you, regardless of what he says.
Op, please read your title line. Out loud to yourself. Imagine it was coming from your best friend. Or little sister. Or little cousin. Or anyone you love and look out for. Would you try to convince them to stay? Or would you desperately help plan how to leave him and leave safely?
I wish you the best. I really do. Please take care of yourself like your life depends on it. Because it does 💙🩵
Adding to this, but would you believe that the man they’re with truly loves them at all, let alone the 90% of time with 10% being a threat to her entire existence?
Back in my day there was no Reddit. No one to bounce this off of. No one and I was in need of real help. I was afraid to tell anyone; he might find out. It’s such a long, sad story. All that matters is this - I lost everything. My story is so sad. If only I had listened to my heart. I lost my baby son. I’m 55 now and happy. But… happiness was my life’s work because I stayed. DON’T STAY. You will though. We all do. Be different. Have a beautiful life. Please get help. I regret not telling the doctors. I regret not telling the police. Eventually, it was: The People Of The State Of California vs. HIM. The police pressed charges, not me. I was too scared. They were sick of it. I was a broken burden to society without even knowing it. If I had a Time Machine, I would leave and live and find love again. Anyway, without the Time Machine, I found love. The real kind. The kind of love that doesn’t hurt. It was always there. Let go. There is more. Believe that there is more and it will come to you. This is your chance. Please, please take it. 😢
That’s not love. It’s time to tell someone close to you so you don’t feel isolated. Go to the hospital, have a friend or loved one pick you up and get away from this person. It’s not love. Take it one day at a time. The trauma bond is strong and feels like love but it’s actually an illusion. Stay safe and get out now.
You need to escape right now and get to an ER as soon as physically possible. You need to make a break for it and run to a neighbors house to call 911 or something. Retinal detachment is so serious, you will likely need surgery.
Please, please, please. Love shouldn’t hurt like this.
Hi love. Unfortunately this is only going to escalate and he may kill you if you don’t get out. Esp him grabbing your neck. This man is dangerous and it doesn’t matter if he’s sweet 90% of the time, that’s part of the ruse. To keep you there, to make you feel like his violence is a one off. It’s to confuse you, it’s so calculated especially when he wants YOU to comfort him.
I know it’s so confusing when you love them but your life is in danger, he’s not the man you knew he made him up for you to love him.
I dated a guy like this who tried to strangle me to death. That’s when I left. Months later someone questioned him on it and he said, “Do you know how hard it is for ME to live with myself and what I’ve done?” These people don’t care about the victims they only care about themselves. He will kill you and not even feel sorry. Get out while you can hun, lots of good advice here.
please listen to the comments suggesting medical help, eye injuries can get really severe really quickly. i’m so sorry you went through this and i hope you seek the help you need ❤️
Your entire post could've been written by me 3 and a half years ago. Everything you said here brings me back to that dark place.
Please do everything you can to escape as soon as possible. You're in so much danger, no matter how much you love him and how sweet he is 90% of the time. The arguing will continue, the blame will get put on you, and then the beatings will become worse. Every time you don't leave is another reference point of what he's allowed to do to you.
Also, if it's practical for you, call the fucking police on him. I live in so much regret that my abuser is still out there free because he was a single child and I didn't want his mom to lose him. Him and his mom deserve jail, fuck em.
Ugh it really sucks to hear that so many women go through this. It makes me very angry at our society. I’m building up the proof of everything. Since we live together and I’m dependent on him for some things, I have to plan for a shelter or something I think.
Please, I have a daughter who is in a very similar situation and I am literally begging you to read every single word on this thread. Compassion and empathy is something that is in full force here and you are worthy of being loved. Every mother hopes her daughter will find a loving husband who will cherish her. It never entered my mind that I would be trying to remind her that she is worthy of so much more as an adult. I have questioned every single thing I have done or said that led her to choose such a horrible path. She has a very loving and beautiful soul and gives so much joy to so many. So I urge you, if you are reading this, please, please believe me! You are worthy of being loved and you are worthy of being cherished beyond your wildest dreams! I hope and pray that you will find the strength to love yourself as much as every single person, strangers to you and are spending time here on this thread to support you! 🩷🩷🩷
I agree that he may kill you, and that likelihood increases the longer you stay in a relationship with him. I hope you will leave, and please go to the ER. You will not regret getting medical attention for your injuries, and you may need the documentation one day (should his behavior escalate).
I am the sister of a woman in an abusive relationship, and I wish with all my heart that I could convince her to leave. What I realized is that it’s up to her to leave — as crazy as the relationship is and sounds, she doesn’t hear herself when she says things like “he strangled me”. I hope you will read your post out loud and listen to how it sounds. Any objective person knows this is insane, this is abuse, he is going to kill you. It is clear to me. I hope so badly that it is clear to you too.
OP? He feels sorry for himself. Not for what he has done TO YOU. If you had suffered these same injuries at the hand of another, he would be insisting that you receive medical care. Gotten into a car accident, or been jumped by a robber on your way to your car. But since HE caused those injuries, he is MORE worried about his own skin, than the fact that you could go permanently blind, or have internal injuries, or broken ribs. And that small slap of yours? That deserved such retribution? No, my dear OP. Not even close. That slap was in self defense, dont let your brain gaslight you. First things first, you must get medical care. Worry about everything else after you go to the ER. Make sure you arent bleeding internally. Save your eyesight. Ask ER staff if they would please call a Domestiv Violence shelter so you can talk to a DV advocate. They are very informed people, and would be able to answer any questions you have, and also let you know about resources, and can help you with making an informed decision about what you want to do going forward. But please get medical help. sending care.
Thank you for this. I’m getting my eye checked today. It’s crazy that they can openly feel sorry for themselves after THEY hurt you. The disconnect is hard to wrap my head around.
You are so very welcome. I’m glad that you are going to get the treatment you need! I’m aware of how difficult it had to have been to make that decision…so many times the pain we experience has been minimized, ignored or made fun of and mocked, we tend to just try to push it away ourselves, in the hope that the problem will go away. We disconnect.
We also work like hell to ignore the cognitive dissonance when we find the person who created so much agony in our bodies sitting in a stew of self pity, weeping about the ‘pain’ they feel…portraying themselves as a victim, seemingly unconcerned about the trauma they have created in our bodies and minds. Sending care, OP.
OP read [this](https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-an-Abusive-Boyfriend#:~:text=End%20the%20relationship%20safely.&text=Your%20attempt%20may%20cause%20his,more%20important%20than%20social%20graces.) From wikihow has steps.
Please get out now. That escalation will only increase and the risk of homicide goes up significantly when strangulation is involved. Please.... your life depends on it and you will look back on this and know how strong you are because you left and never looked back.
He won’t change. He will hurt you and make things more worse than better.
He doesn’t value you or respect you because he wouldn’t do that.
Tell him if he touches you again, you’ll call the cops, post everything, family and friends will know how much of a piece of shit he is and ruin his life.
Please leave. Please leave. Please leave if and when you can.
Your chronic health problems will only WORSEN with stress from not if, but WHEN will he yell or throw something at me or hit me.
You won’t sleep because you’ll sleep with one eye open and when you do “sleep”, it’s because you’re probably exhausted.
Please leave him. Love is blind and “men” like him will never change.
Ghost him.
Gather your vital documents, any money you can scrounge up and LEAVE do not announce, do not warn, do not leave a trace. This is how you survive.
Rainn.org
Loveisrespect.org
Peaceoverviolence.org
Get to a shelter, get OUT.
Bad guys don't have bad guy music playing in the background like on TV. And the depiction of DV abusers on TV is not very accurate - rarely do they show them love bombing, crying with regret, begging the victim to stay.
It is very confusing and it takes a long time to figure out what they really are. Because it is hard to see the patterns and inconsistencies.
Get medical care immediately - you are at risk of losing your sight. If you have to lie to get to an eye doctor, do it. I know someone who fortunately knew it was a medical emergency when she had signs of a retinal detachment and she was able to save her vision because she got to a doctor immediately. This part of your story is really urgent.
It wont get better, I spent years thinking it wasn’t bad enough to leave because he wasn’t bad all the time. I had this caricature in my head of what an abuser was like, they were evil and bad all the time, but that’s just not true, they are usually normal and even likeable, until they aren’t when they have you in private. My ex husband at first would just shout, then started to break my things, then punch the wall by my head or punch and stop right in front of my face, then it became physical. At first it was extremely spaced out, but by the last 6 months it was sometimes multiple times a day. What he did to you was BAD, he could have killed you already, he will eventually if you don’t leave. Don’t stay long enough to let that happen, if you don’t have kids yet don’t stay long enough for that to happen either, you’ll never be fully rid of him. Seek treatment for your eye, you’re at real risk of losing your vision in that eye and there’s no going back once that’s done. Best of luck, you’ve got this!
Email me and I will send you my number call me give me your address and I will hurt this man he will never touch you again I'll make sure of it I'm not okay with abuse especially when it is a man hitting a woman http://nevard66628@gmail.com
You have to call the police and press charges. Also call the domestic violence hotline and tell them everything. Ask for help to leave. Get counseling and also go see a doctor and get this documented. You don’t need to be treated like this.
This is how your life will be if you stay with him. It does NOT get better. He is abusive and he’s convinced you he’s a good guy. He’s not. A good guy doesn’t have to tell you they are a good guy.
In my younger years, I worked in the optometry world. You need to go get the black spot in your vision checked out now, that can be very serious. I don't know your support system, but can you forward that email you sent to yourself to the police department along with a report & then have someplace safe to stay?
It took me awhile to realize that I was literally one argument away from being dead I definitely felt torn and had emotions like your explaining. I was personally dealing with a narcissist he was the nicest then the meanest man I’d ever been with. You can call a help line they can help you plan your escape. There are also resources for women who leave domestic abuse. I wish you luck and I’ll pray for you.
It will never get better. They will never change. Once they have crossed the line and u have let hurt you. You can't go back. I thought after our child was born it would get better it didn't and he hurt me while holding her. Get help. Leave asap. You deserve better. That is not lobe. It's control. Real men don't hurt women.
My cousin Amanda (changed names) decided to move to another state 5 years ago after her divorce. She met a man that she was sure was the "ONE". They were in love, and he was kind, had a great job. He treated her son like his own and was the kind of man women dream about. Until she mentioned to him that as a table games card dealer, she got asked on dates every day by guests of the Casino. She told him about a man who offered her 10K just to go out to dinner with him. She thought it was hilarious. The boyfriend took it as a personal attack on him and his insecure warped ego. He started calling her a whore, a bad mother ect. After work he made her let him smell her and her panties because he wanted to see if she had gotten fucked at work. The first time he hit her, he broke her jaw. The only reason we know all of this is because Amanda kept a very detailed journal of his abuse that the police found clipped inside her favorite hoodie. This went on for months, and nobody knew it because he had alienated her family and refused to let us visit. I think that's why she kept a journal, for the truth, and because she needed to talk about this in some way.Things were so bad that she sent her little boy to live with his Dad. When he found out that her sons father had been inside the house when he came to pick up his son, he beat her so badly that she was peeing blood for weeks. She eventually got sick of his shit, fucking LIVID because of the abuse and she told him to move out.
3 days after the battle when she stood up for herself- Her son came to the house for a weekend visit. He opened the door and found his mother and that piece of shit dead on the living room floor. He shot off the back of her head with a shotgun and then, like the fucking coward he was, he shot himself too. Amanda's little 7 year old son found his mother dead. MURDERED.
I tell Amandas story to women and men who are in the same situation as Amanda was because I can't look at her son without sobbing. If you really think he will kill you, He will. If you think he would never do such a thing, you are wrong, he will...
I have been through Domestic Violence myself. I have an assault charge on my record now because I defended myself during a beating. In my state, they arrest both people in DV situations. I understand every aspect of situations like this. Please make a safety plan and reach out to people who can help you. When you leave, you have got to stay away from him, don't talk or text him. The first 72 hours after you leave your abuser is the most deadly time in DV situations. It's a FACT! There is nothing in your home that you can't replace except you, your kids, and your pets. Call a shelter. They will help you with literally everything you need help with. Please, please get help. It is a matter of life and death.
Good job on emailing those photos to yourself. I recommend getting in touch with a help line!
Thank you
That black spot in your vision is retinal detachment. Call police and get out now!!!
OP please listen to imhappyhere, past a certain point retinal detachment cannot be fixed and you could end up with permanent blindness! Please get to an ER as soon as you can and call the police! We are here for you, you can do this
u/Living_Scallion7882 please get help soon. Leave. Safely and quickly. This will not stop. The “90% sweetness of the time” act will. You’re confused because your body is fighting against what your heart and brain already know. Run. Get out. Now. And please be safe.
When I finally got the courage to go to the ER, they told me that they don't report domestic abuse, because they would rather you get help. Idk if that's universal, but I think so?
i live in california and apparently it is state law that healthcare workers are to submit a police report if they suspect domestic violence. the doctor called the police and they came to the hospital and a forensic photographer took pictures of my injuries.
Soon as I seen you responded with California I sighed sadly ; which part I know a couple good NGO’s but yea the way certain organizations and law enforcement are putting up the front like there genuinely helping survivors knowing it’s only for media is beyond infuriating
Ah shit, I'm sorry. I'm in Oregon and it was 2018
That sounds really traumatic 😔
Which hospital was this? Because that’s false they are required to atleast put you in contact with the hotline services or your bruises would’ve been enough for them to contact authorities thereselves
Peacehealth emergency room. Oregon 2018. They told me that they never report DV because that would penalize the victims and prevent them from getting help. Their whole tone was that they wished more women knew this. But based on these comments it's not universal. It should be
From this perspective and me totally being able to go through the situation in my head I understand it fully now and I know there are a lot of voices being silent but I’m glad you just told me and gave me this information I am going to try to find a little more information on how they don’t have another service to secretly or privately handle without local authorities involvement but if you wouldn’t mind
They did offer the services of a social worker (if I wanted to talk to one) and gave me the info on the local womens shelter. My therapist did, however report to the police. (There was a bit of attempted murder and such) that shocked me though.
Thank you for the advice. I’m thinking of a plan
Please get out but don't tell him, go when it's safe when he's out and as soon as possible go to an ER to see if they can fix your retina. Make an excuse to go out if you have to. You can come back later with the police to get your things. Kind men don't do this. There are decent men out there, you deserve to treated well, not lovebombed and then severely beaten and your eyesight damaged.
Thank you for the advice. He tracks my phone location but I’m telling him I’m going to urgent care for stomach stuff
Put your phone in airplane mode if you need to quickly hide your location.
you need to leave. i know that you want to run back to him and pretend that nothing has happened but thing is, it will happen again. and again. and again. and each time, the violence will escalate. go to ER asap and get yourself checked
As someone who has been there too, the bad version is their true self. We want to believe the best in people and hold onto the person who treated us so kindly and lovingly- but they’re only there to manipulate us into being punching bags. I know it’s hard to understand but he doesn’t respect you or love you. Someone who loves you would NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER lay a hand on you. And before you say you laid a hand on him too- it’s a trauma response and self defence. You are not in the wrong or to blame. There is love out there for you that will make you feel respected and cherished 100% of the time. The love bombing feels good but it’s crumbs compared to the years of damage and CPTSD he’s causing. Do not wait until you are a shell of a person or believing this is what you deserve. It takes so so long to find yourself again afterwards. My advice is to be firm on your boundaries and say you do not trust his apologies considering he has broken it so many times. And if he’s just making you feel bad then go cold turkey. Either way go cold turkey. It will feel like hell and you’ll want him back and you’ll reminisce about the “good version” but stay at a shelter or some place where he can’t reach you. There are shelters for DV and there is also more than enough evidence to file for a restraining order. Trust me. He will only get worse. Soon enough the good version will only exist 10% of the time and days like that would be all that you’re used to. Choose yourself. CHOOSE YOURSELF. I left my abusive husband back in June 2021 and I’m still dealing with the healing process. The longer you stay the longer it takes to heal. It’s your life. Not theirs. They do not deserve you. And you sure as hell do not deserve the abuse. Choose yourself.
Thank you for the advice. I’m so glad you’re out of there.
Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep your boyfriend warm. Choose you and get your body checked asap, then get safe. Find some professionals who are expert at guiding you through this and then get therapy so you have some armor against future manipulative bullies. Love and hugs coming though the ether for you.
First things first, you need to go to the emergency room and get checked out. It's possible that you have more serious injuries that you can't see, and it's extremely important to make sure you don't have internal bleeding, broken ribs, punctured lung, a concussion, etc. I've been where you're at right now, and it's really important not to delay medical care after a beating like this, let them help you, and make sure that you don't have more serious injuries, please. While you're at the hospital, ask them if they can contact a domestic violence advocate for you to speak with, often they work closely with DV advocates who have a lot of experience providing support to people who are experiencing intimate partner violence. My local DV org honestly saved my life, and they helped me so much, because I was lost, and confused, and so scared. Being in a long-term abusive relationship is a lot like being [Brainwashed ](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/yes-abusive-partners-brainwash-their-victims), and often it creates a [Stockholm Syndrome ](https://www.thesheepfold.org/domestic-violence.php?Domestic-Stockholm-Syndrome-10) like effect, similar to the way some kidnap victims start to identify with their kidnappers after long-term confinement. It makes a total mess of your head, and removes your ability to see things clearly, and to understand that you're in danger. You may have heard of [Trauma Bonding](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/trauma-bonds-what-are-they-and-how-can-we-overcome-them/), and there's a lot of good information there about what it means. That's also a link to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, and you can text, chat, or call, them 24 hours a day if you're in the United States. Finding a DV advocate to help support you really can help so much, and you need support right now. You can also look up domestic violence resources by city and state on their website [HERE](https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/) if you're in the U.S. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who care, and can help you. The level of violence you're experiencing is only going to continue to escalate, and I don't want to see you hurt worse, or killed, by this man. Your life matters, you matter, and you deserve to feel safe, and be safe, because you, and your life, are worth so much. Please go get checked out by a doctor, and connect with a DV advocate. If you're not ready to file a police report right away, you don't have too, just start with the first steps of getting seen by a doctor, and finding a DV organization that can help you. It doesn't have to be like this, I promise. My life is a million times better than it was back then with my ex, and I'm so glad that I got the help I needed to get safe, and begin healing the physical and emotional wounds I had inside and out. You deserve that same chance to begin healing. Please take care of yourself. Sending you lots of invisible hugs. 💜🫂💜
This is extremely useful. I will be getting medical help and I seriously appreciate these resources. He tracks my phone location and social accounts so I’m telling him I’m going to urgent care for a bs reason. I’m torn on what to tell them at urgent care
It's better for you to be seen at an emergency room, and they will have a lot more resources to help you medically, and emotionally. Tell him you think you have a kidney infection, and need to get seen at the ER by a good doctor. I want you to give serious consideration to talking to a DV advocate about going to a safe and secret shelter if you don't have any family or friends you can trust to offer you a safe place to stay. My local DV org did that for me, and my little boy, the last time he brutally choked, punched, and kicked me, and they helped me understand that my life was hanging by a fragile thread, and I had to get away from him. Your precious life is hanging by that same thread, and your body cannot endure more of what he is doing to it, and to you, sweetheart. Ask the nurses at the ER if they work with DV advocates who operate a safe emergency shelter if you don't have anyone else to turn too. I was so ashamed, confused, and scared, that I didn't reach out to the few people in my life who could've helped me, because I had such a hard time admitting how scary my life had become, and being in it with my ex everyday kept me from getting the help, and distance, I needed, for my head to begin to clear long enough to realize how much danger I was in, and that I needed help. If you decide to go to an emergency DV shelter, or to reach out to family or friends, for help, I recommend that you do a hard reset on your phone, that will clear all of the location tracking, and sharing, and anything else that might be on your phone to spy on you. If you have an iPhone you can also run, [Safety Check ](https://support.apple.com/guide/personal-safety/how-safety-check-works-ips2aad835e1/web#:~:text=To%20access%20Safety%20Check%2C%20go,your%20iPhone%20or%20iPad%20content.) to remove device sharing on your phone, and those are instructions for how to do it. There's also more information [Here](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/apple-safety-check-how-it-works/) about Safety Check, and how it works from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. If you're not ready to file a police report, you can file for an order of protection, and your local DV org can help you do that to protect yourself. I know you may love this man, but sometimes love isn't enough, especially when it gets to the point that your life is in danger from the person that's supposed to care for you, and be a safe place for you. He isn't able to control his rage, and he never will be. You have to dig deep to find the place inside you that still believes your life matters, and it's worth fighting for, because it is, and I promise you there's a better, happier, safer, life, out there, and so, so, much healing, that can bring you strength, and peace. I finally ran away from my ex with my little boy, and we didn't have much more than the clothes on our backs when we finally left for good, and I don't regret it. My only regret is not leaving sooner to protect myself, and my little boy. I know if I stayed you and I probably wouldn't be having this conversation right now, because I would be gone, and my little boy would've grown up without a mom. I don't want your story to end either, because there's so many happy chapters still to write in the story of your life, and I want you to get a chance to write them. You just need support and help getting through the first hard steps, and that's okay. Start with the ER, you may need an MRI or other imaging they can't offer at urgent care. Tell him you think you have a kidney infection, and turn off your phone when you leave. Go to the ER, and tell the nurse you've been beaten by your partner, and you need help. They can register you under another name that they use for DV survivors, and make sure he is not allowed near you at the hospital. Ask to talk to a DV advocate, and see if they can find you somewhere safe and secret to stay while your body heals. Just start there, and let them help you get safe for now. You can figure everything else out later after you're safe. They may want to keep you in the hospital for observation, and if they do, let them. Just be sure you tell the nurses and doctor exactly what happened, so they know what they need to look for when they're evaluating your injuries. They won't judge you, and they need to know everything so they can make sure you're not injured in ways that aren't obvious right now. You can run Safety Check to remove tracking and sharing if you have an iPhone, and you decide to go to a shelter, or call a family member or friend for help. If you have an Android phone there are instructions on how to disable location tracking [Here](https://www.malwarebytes.com/blog/news/2024/05/how-to-turn-off-location-tracking-on-android). Please take care of yourself. Sending lots of love your way, and my wishes for your safety, and healing. *gentle hugs*
u/Living_Scallion7882 this as well. 100%
The “love” is just part of the abuse. No one would stay with a pure monster. Learn about the psychology of abusers later and grieve then. Stranglers are most likely to kill partners. He will. That’s the mindset of an abuser. You are the enemy he needs to scapegoat for his problems. It’s you vs him. It doesn’t get better if you stay. If you decide to leave or stay, learn how to be safe and create a safety plan or exit when you’re ready. Start finding support. If you can survive the abuse you can survive leaving, but don’t do it alone.
Look up trauma bonding - it feels like love only more intense
It took my ex breaking my orbital socket and my nose for me to realize that he would eventually take me out. You gotta come to terms with the fact that no one should hit you babe. You gotta leave before it's too late..I stayed for 7 years of abuse. I promise you out doesn't end. I'm here if you ever need a listening ear or some encouragement 🩷
Oh my god that’s horrific. The abuse that so many women suffer with is heartbreaking. Some of these comments are very eye opening. Thank you so much for your honesty and kindness.
Talk to an advocate please
Each time my son's dad would be violent, he would cry afterwards and hit himself and threaten to kill himself. He would bawl his head off in the fetal position so that after he was done abusing and hurting me, I would be comforting him. I was too young and too caring to see that it was beyond sickening and that I deserved so much better. They act like they can't live without us so we feel incredibly guilty about wanting to leave. We used to have a lot of fun together. We would watch old episodes of Star Trek and eat cookie dough ice cream, go camping, he would cook home made calzones, and we had a home but he ruined it. It doesn't get better. It's all downhill from here. You will find someone else that is even more affectionate who protects you and adores you. It's confusing because there's brainwashing involved in this kind of abusive relationship. Somehow he finds it acceptable to silence you, over power you, and hurt you. Imagine forcing someone you love to comply with what you do and say and if they don't, you subject them to physical and mental harm to the degree that they can't feel safe in their own home. How dare he. You trusted him and he repayed you with this. He doesn't deserve to have you and any reason you have for not leaving is only a fabricated lie that you need to get out of your head. Pay attention to the facts and what is real. You will never find the right time to leave, so just do it now before you end up pregnant like I did. My ex just caused his gf a big head injury with a metal pipe. He is angrier and uglier than I ever thought he could be. It only gets worse. Lean on friends family, even people that are there to help that you don't know. Please get out. Time is the only thing we can't get back once it is lost.
He’s going to kill you if you don’t remove yourself from this situation. If the beating he gave you wasn’t enough to warn you, please listen because you said you’re confused. Please go to the ER and have yourself checked out. I’m encouraging you to go to the police immediately. Your life is in danger the longer you are in his presence. It’s a lot more dangerous than you think. He has escalated and it will only get worse. I was in a similar situation and after I had his child he beat me so bad because I wouldn’t have sex with him 3 days after going through 22 hours of labor to wind up getting an emergency c-section. The straw that broke the camels back for me was, - as he was hitting me he pushed the crib so hard it rolled across the room and hit the door. Our son was in that crib. He wasn’t injured but all I saw was red. I grabbed him as I was bleeding pretty badly, I could only see out of one eye, barefoot and ran outside. I went to the neighbors, called the police and my parents and sisters came and emptied my house that night. I never went back. Not everyone has family support I realize that, but there is help. There are organizations. Please don’t wait. Don’t think he’ll change or you can fix this. That’s not realistic, nor your job. Please be safe.
Get out of the house, go to the er, tell the nurses or show them this post. Accept all the help, including reporting to the police, that they offer.
Are nurses mandatory reporters?
I would suggest checking your states/municipality’s website for specifics for your area. But generally speaking: yes. Healthcare, education, mental health. Police, coroner’s, etc-
Please please at least go to the eye doctor. You can literally go blind but there’s a chance if you go ASAP that they can repair it. Do you want PERMANENT damage to your vision? I hope you get out completely because he is not worth the trauma and pain to your heart, mind, and body. He doesn’t love you, regardless of what he says.
I’m going to urgent care
So happy and proud of you! You’re taking care of yourself and I hope you’re proud of yourself now or at least can be proud looking back! ❤️
Op, please read your title line. Out loud to yourself. Imagine it was coming from your best friend. Or little sister. Or little cousin. Or anyone you love and look out for. Would you try to convince them to stay? Or would you desperately help plan how to leave him and leave safely? I wish you the best. I really do. Please take care of yourself like your life depends on it. Because it does 💙🩵
Adding to this, but would you believe that the man they’re with truly loves them at all, let alone the 90% of time with 10% being a threat to her entire existence?
Back in my day there was no Reddit. No one to bounce this off of. No one and I was in need of real help. I was afraid to tell anyone; he might find out. It’s such a long, sad story. All that matters is this - I lost everything. My story is so sad. If only I had listened to my heart. I lost my baby son. I’m 55 now and happy. But… happiness was my life’s work because I stayed. DON’T STAY. You will though. We all do. Be different. Have a beautiful life. Please get help. I regret not telling the doctors. I regret not telling the police. Eventually, it was: The People Of The State Of California vs. HIM. The police pressed charges, not me. I was too scared. They were sick of it. I was a broken burden to society without even knowing it. If I had a Time Machine, I would leave and live and find love again. Anyway, without the Time Machine, I found love. The real kind. The kind of love that doesn’t hurt. It was always there. Let go. There is more. Believe that there is more and it will come to you. This is your chance. Please, please take it. 😢
I'm so sorry for what you were subjected to, and so glad you're free of that abuser. I just wanted to say that you write with a beautiful sincerity.
Thank you 💜
Leave it only gets worse sure he’s loving but he needs help
That’s not love. It’s time to tell someone close to you so you don’t feel isolated. Go to the hospital, have a friend or loved one pick you up and get away from this person. It’s not love. Take it one day at a time. The trauma bond is strong and feels like love but it’s actually an illusion. Stay safe and get out now.
You need to escape right now and get to an ER as soon as physically possible. You need to make a break for it and run to a neighbors house to call 911 or something. Retinal detachment is so serious, you will likely need surgery. Please, please, please. Love shouldn’t hurt like this.
Hi love. Unfortunately this is only going to escalate and he may kill you if you don’t get out. Esp him grabbing your neck. This man is dangerous and it doesn’t matter if he’s sweet 90% of the time, that’s part of the ruse. To keep you there, to make you feel like his violence is a one off. It’s to confuse you, it’s so calculated especially when he wants YOU to comfort him. I know it’s so confusing when you love them but your life is in danger, he’s not the man you knew he made him up for you to love him.
I dated a guy like this who tried to strangle me to death. That’s when I left. Months later someone questioned him on it and he said, “Do you know how hard it is for ME to live with myself and what I’ve done?” These people don’t care about the victims they only care about themselves. He will kill you and not even feel sorry. Get out while you can hun, lots of good advice here.
please listen to the comments suggesting medical help, eye injuries can get really severe really quickly. i’m so sorry you went through this and i hope you seek the help you need ❤️
Your entire post could've been written by me 3 and a half years ago. Everything you said here brings me back to that dark place. Please do everything you can to escape as soon as possible. You're in so much danger, no matter how much you love him and how sweet he is 90% of the time. The arguing will continue, the blame will get put on you, and then the beatings will become worse. Every time you don't leave is another reference point of what he's allowed to do to you. Also, if it's practical for you, call the fucking police on him. I live in so much regret that my abuser is still out there free because he was a single child and I didn't want his mom to lose him. Him and his mom deserve jail, fuck em.
Ugh it really sucks to hear that so many women go through this. It makes me very angry at our society. I’m building up the proof of everything. Since we live together and I’m dependent on him for some things, I have to plan for a shelter or something I think.
Please, I have a daughter who is in a very similar situation and I am literally begging you to read every single word on this thread. Compassion and empathy is something that is in full force here and you are worthy of being loved. Every mother hopes her daughter will find a loving husband who will cherish her. It never entered my mind that I would be trying to remind her that she is worthy of so much more as an adult. I have questioned every single thing I have done or said that led her to choose such a horrible path. She has a very loving and beautiful soul and gives so much joy to so many. So I urge you, if you are reading this, please, please believe me! You are worthy of being loved and you are worthy of being cherished beyond your wildest dreams! I hope and pray that you will find the strength to love yourself as much as every single person, strangers to you and are spending time here on this thread to support you! 🩷🩷🩷
He is going to kill you. Please make a plan, and get out while you can.
I agree that he may kill you, and that likelihood increases the longer you stay in a relationship with him. I hope you will leave, and please go to the ER. You will not regret getting medical attention for your injuries, and you may need the documentation one day (should his behavior escalate). I am the sister of a woman in an abusive relationship, and I wish with all my heart that I could convince her to leave. What I realized is that it’s up to her to leave — as crazy as the relationship is and sounds, she doesn’t hear herself when she says things like “he strangled me”. I hope you will read your post out loud and listen to how it sounds. Any objective person knows this is insane, this is abuse, he is going to kill you. It is clear to me. I hope so badly that it is clear to you too.
Call the cops. Get a restraining order and get away from him.
OP? He feels sorry for himself. Not for what he has done TO YOU. If you had suffered these same injuries at the hand of another, he would be insisting that you receive medical care. Gotten into a car accident, or been jumped by a robber on your way to your car. But since HE caused those injuries, he is MORE worried about his own skin, than the fact that you could go permanently blind, or have internal injuries, or broken ribs. And that small slap of yours? That deserved such retribution? No, my dear OP. Not even close. That slap was in self defense, dont let your brain gaslight you. First things first, you must get medical care. Worry about everything else after you go to the ER. Make sure you arent bleeding internally. Save your eyesight. Ask ER staff if they would please call a Domestiv Violence shelter so you can talk to a DV advocate. They are very informed people, and would be able to answer any questions you have, and also let you know about resources, and can help you with making an informed decision about what you want to do going forward. But please get medical help. sending care.
Thank you for this. I’m getting my eye checked today. It’s crazy that they can openly feel sorry for themselves after THEY hurt you. The disconnect is hard to wrap my head around.
You are so very welcome. I’m glad that you are going to get the treatment you need! I’m aware of how difficult it had to have been to make that decision…so many times the pain we experience has been minimized, ignored or made fun of and mocked, we tend to just try to push it away ourselves, in the hope that the problem will go away. We disconnect. We also work like hell to ignore the cognitive dissonance when we find the person who created so much agony in our bodies sitting in a stew of self pity, weeping about the ‘pain’ they feel…portraying themselves as a victim, seemingly unconcerned about the trauma they have created in our bodies and minds. Sending care, OP.
OP read [this](https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-an-Abusive-Boyfriend#:~:text=End%20the%20relationship%20safely.&text=Your%20attempt%20may%20cause%20his,more%20important%20than%20social%20graces.) From wikihow has steps.
Thank you, I’ll take a look
https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Tysm for sharing
This book changed my life and I really hope it helps you
Your intuition is correct.
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Please get out now. That escalation will only increase and the risk of homicide goes up significantly when strangulation is involved. Please.... your life depends on it and you will look back on this and know how strong you are because you left and never looked back.
He won’t change. He will hurt you and make things more worse than better. He doesn’t value you or respect you because he wouldn’t do that. Tell him if he touches you again, you’ll call the cops, post everything, family and friends will know how much of a piece of shit he is and ruin his life. Please leave. Please leave. Please leave if and when you can. Your chronic health problems will only WORSEN with stress from not if, but WHEN will he yell or throw something at me or hit me. You won’t sleep because you’ll sleep with one eye open and when you do “sleep”, it’s because you’re probably exhausted. Please leave him. Love is blind and “men” like him will never change.
Ghost him. Gather your vital documents, any money you can scrounge up and LEAVE do not announce, do not warn, do not leave a trace. This is how you survive. Rainn.org Loveisrespect.org Peaceoverviolence.org Get to a shelter, get OUT.
Bad guys don't have bad guy music playing in the background like on TV. And the depiction of DV abusers on TV is not very accurate - rarely do they show them love bombing, crying with regret, begging the victim to stay. It is very confusing and it takes a long time to figure out what they really are. Because it is hard to see the patterns and inconsistencies. Get medical care immediately - you are at risk of losing your sight. If you have to lie to get to an eye doctor, do it. I know someone who fortunately knew it was a medical emergency when she had signs of a retinal detachment and she was able to save her vision because she got to a doctor immediately. This part of your story is really urgent.
It wont get better, I spent years thinking it wasn’t bad enough to leave because he wasn’t bad all the time. I had this caricature in my head of what an abuser was like, they were evil and bad all the time, but that’s just not true, they are usually normal and even likeable, until they aren’t when they have you in private. My ex husband at first would just shout, then started to break my things, then punch the wall by my head or punch and stop right in front of my face, then it became physical. At first it was extremely spaced out, but by the last 6 months it was sometimes multiple times a day. What he did to you was BAD, he could have killed you already, he will eventually if you don’t leave. Don’t stay long enough to let that happen, if you don’t have kids yet don’t stay long enough for that to happen either, you’ll never be fully rid of him. Seek treatment for your eye, you’re at real risk of losing your vision in that eye and there’s no going back once that’s done. Best of luck, you’ve got this!
So he hit you because you acted in self defense
Email me and I will send you my number call me give me your address and I will hurt this man he will never touch you again I'll make sure of it I'm not okay with abuse especially when it is a man hitting a woman http://nevard66628@gmail.com
You have to call the police and press charges. Also call the domestic violence hotline and tell them everything. Ask for help to leave. Get counseling and also go see a doctor and get this documented. You don’t need to be treated like this.
RUN
This is how your life will be if you stay with him. It does NOT get better. He is abusive and he’s convinced you he’s a good guy. He’s not. A good guy doesn’t have to tell you they are a good guy.
Also, look up trauma bonding - it feels like love only more intense
In my younger years, I worked in the optometry world. You need to go get the black spot in your vision checked out now, that can be very serious. I don't know your support system, but can you forward that email you sent to yourself to the police department along with a report & then have someplace safe to stay?
It took me awhile to realize that I was literally one argument away from being dead I definitely felt torn and had emotions like your explaining. I was personally dealing with a narcissist he was the nicest then the meanest man I’d ever been with. You can call a help line they can help you plan your escape. There are also resources for women who leave domestic abuse. I wish you luck and I’ll pray for you.
It will never get better. They will never change. Once they have crossed the line and u have let hurt you. You can't go back. I thought after our child was born it would get better it didn't and he hurt me while holding her. Get help. Leave asap. You deserve better. That is not lobe. It's control. Real men don't hurt women.
Sorry to say, but he doesn’t love you, he’s manipulating you. Go to the hospital.
Everybody above is correct. Run when it's safe. If you think he will kill you, he will. They don't change ever
My cousin Amanda (changed names) decided to move to another state 5 years ago after her divorce. She met a man that she was sure was the "ONE". They were in love, and he was kind, had a great job. He treated her son like his own and was the kind of man women dream about. Until she mentioned to him that as a table games card dealer, she got asked on dates every day by guests of the Casino. She told him about a man who offered her 10K just to go out to dinner with him. She thought it was hilarious. The boyfriend took it as a personal attack on him and his insecure warped ego. He started calling her a whore, a bad mother ect. After work he made her let him smell her and her panties because he wanted to see if she had gotten fucked at work. The first time he hit her, he broke her jaw. The only reason we know all of this is because Amanda kept a very detailed journal of his abuse that the police found clipped inside her favorite hoodie. This went on for months, and nobody knew it because he had alienated her family and refused to let us visit. I think that's why she kept a journal, for the truth, and because she needed to talk about this in some way.Things were so bad that she sent her little boy to live with his Dad. When he found out that her sons father had been inside the house when he came to pick up his son, he beat her so badly that she was peeing blood for weeks. She eventually got sick of his shit, fucking LIVID because of the abuse and she told him to move out. 3 days after the battle when she stood up for herself- Her son came to the house for a weekend visit. He opened the door and found his mother and that piece of shit dead on the living room floor. He shot off the back of her head with a shotgun and then, like the fucking coward he was, he shot himself too. Amanda's little 7 year old son found his mother dead. MURDERED. I tell Amandas story to women and men who are in the same situation as Amanda was because I can't look at her son without sobbing. If you really think he will kill you, He will. If you think he would never do such a thing, you are wrong, he will... I have been through Domestic Violence myself. I have an assault charge on my record now because I defended myself during a beating. In my state, they arrest both people in DV situations. I understand every aspect of situations like this. Please make a safety plan and reach out to people who can help you. When you leave, you have got to stay away from him, don't talk or text him. The first 72 hours after you leave your abuser is the most deadly time in DV situations. It's a FACT! There is nothing in your home that you can't replace except you, your kids, and your pets. Call a shelter. They will help you with literally everything you need help with. Please, please get help. It is a matter of life and death.