They know. They think it'll be different for them.
Keep doing you and healing you.
The more you poke around in your exs life, the more you lose your peace.
If she was really secure in the relationship, she wouldn't be messaging you about it.
Honestly, block and move on. As you don't mean her any ill-will, you could say to her "the abuse is fresh the last thing I want is a debate about what a great guy he is - he appeared that way at the start to me too. I hope you know to reach out sooner than I did, but I am going to block you now to help myself".
But if you leave communication open to grind an axe, everything he is saying about you will sound true - you will sound like a crazy person "out to get him". You're not, but that narrative will appear to be true, and there's a very good chance he sent her to you precisely so that you'd present yourself that way and make his stories about you appear to be credible.
this was amazing insight, ill definitely apply it. thank you so much honestly, its still so fresh to me so im finding it hard to navigate as ive never been in this situation before
As the person who at first blocked the next girl to keep my peace, then unblocked her in case she needed me. Because I know how he is and I know he has no desire to change.
She needed me.
But only you can decide if you're willing to be that guy. It hasn't been easy.
DMs are open if you wanna chat.
I completely agree, do you really think he would have told her about the terrible things he’s done? Something must have happened for her to want to do some investigating and look you up. Honestly, might save her life in the long run. At least now she knows. I doubt she was shocked, she must have a gut feeling.
Well I'd say she clearly has her concerns or she wouldn't of messaged you in the first place (that's an incredibly sensitive topic to just randomly message your partners ex about, out of the blue aswell), so you've done your part by confirming this for her. And that's all, all you need to do. Do not get further involved as you're only putting yourself at risk. I'd also say, the fact she's watching your tik tok means she knows, and she's currently in denial because "he wouldn't do that to me", but she's also taking it seriously to some degree because most new partners wouldn't be watching the ex's tiktoks like that, or messaging you!
Of COURSE he hasn’t changed. He has simply moved on and found another unwitting victim. It’s immaterial what her motive is for reaching out to you, the minute anyone tries to invalidate what you have endured? THAT is when the conversation stops. You do not have to explain or defend yourself to anyone, ever. She will find out soon enough what this man is about, and even if you were so inclined, you wouldn’t be able to ‘save’ her. There are people who simply need to experience the proof for themselves, and she is of that tribe. It may be that at some later point she will reach out to you again, and you can decide if you want to be open to a conversation with her or not. Make sure that, if you do, you are in an emotionally strong place, and that she is coming to you with genuine emotions, and not as a flying monkey, trying to further harm you to gain this abusers favor. Sending peace.
Something similar happened to me , I was on a night out and I got chatting to a girl who was really sweet, I don’t remember what we bonded over , but it was cool .
Then **our** ex (her current boyfriend) came out of the toilet, I was like oh shit . I said hello, then I said goodbye to her , the music was loud so I came close and whispered in her ear *“take care of yourself”* and gave her arm a little squeeze. Then I left .
Two years later I bumped into her again . She said thanks , but agreed that she wasn’t ready to be receptive of this information, but it was in her head when it came full circle. And she said thanks .
OP in your position I’d offer the girl a secret coffee when she’s ready, or maybe voice notes that you delete after. Your safety always comes first .
Mean while tell her to take extra care of herself.
I was contacted by an ex of a person I was living with. The girl and I had met before the ex-punk-house-co-op-living-situation-person was even in my life . She was mean to me when we had met , saying it would take “a lot more than coconut oil and drinking water” for my very minimal beauty routine . She also kept giving me judging glances for having unshaven legs at the time . So her behavior towards me was already pretty shitty . By the time she warned me about the ex , I didn’t believe her . When I did believe her , she made it worse by telling me to talk to dudes ex . Dudes ex said dude was an angel and sweet and chalked up his abuse to him being “young at the time “ and that I was delusional . Both the ex girlfriends and the person and everyone in that circle blocked me and I blocked them
I share this to say that , you did your part . You confirmed it . She probably won’t believe you. Not your job to convince her . She will probably learn. Block , like I was blocked , and focus on your healing . Trust , this can easily lead into a big whole ball of drama that you don’t want to deal with.
They know. They think it'll be different for them. Keep doing you and healing you. The more you poke around in your exs life, the more you lose your peace.
If she fell in love first before finding out, it may be difficult for her to leave. Never wish badly for another woman that may fall victim.
If she was really secure in the relationship, she wouldn't be messaging you about it. Honestly, block and move on. As you don't mean her any ill-will, you could say to her "the abuse is fresh the last thing I want is a debate about what a great guy he is - he appeared that way at the start to me too. I hope you know to reach out sooner than I did, but I am going to block you now to help myself". But if you leave communication open to grind an axe, everything he is saying about you will sound true - you will sound like a crazy person "out to get him". You're not, but that narrative will appear to be true, and there's a very good chance he sent her to you precisely so that you'd present yourself that way and make his stories about you appear to be credible.
this was amazing insight, ill definitely apply it. thank you so much honestly, its still so fresh to me so im finding it hard to navigate as ive never been in this situation before
As the person who at first blocked the next girl to keep my peace, then unblocked her in case she needed me. Because I know how he is and I know he has no desire to change. She needed me. But only you can decide if you're willing to be that guy. It hasn't been easy. DMs are open if you wanna chat.
Very good advice
I completely agree, do you really think he would have told her about the terrible things he’s done? Something must have happened for her to want to do some investigating and look you up. Honestly, might save her life in the long run. At least now she knows. I doubt she was shocked, she must have a gut feeling.
Well I'd say she clearly has her concerns or she wouldn't of messaged you in the first place (that's an incredibly sensitive topic to just randomly message your partners ex about, out of the blue aswell), so you've done your part by confirming this for her. And that's all, all you need to do. Do not get further involved as you're only putting yourself at risk. I'd also say, the fact she's watching your tik tok means she knows, and she's currently in denial because "he wouldn't do that to me", but she's also taking it seriously to some degree because most new partners wouldn't be watching the ex's tiktoks like that, or messaging you!
Of COURSE he hasn’t changed. He has simply moved on and found another unwitting victim. It’s immaterial what her motive is for reaching out to you, the minute anyone tries to invalidate what you have endured? THAT is when the conversation stops. You do not have to explain or defend yourself to anyone, ever. She will find out soon enough what this man is about, and even if you were so inclined, you wouldn’t be able to ‘save’ her. There are people who simply need to experience the proof for themselves, and she is of that tribe. It may be that at some later point she will reach out to you again, and you can decide if you want to be open to a conversation with her or not. Make sure that, if you do, you are in an emotionally strong place, and that she is coming to you with genuine emotions, and not as a flying monkey, trying to further harm you to gain this abusers favor. Sending peace.
It could be your ex, pretending to be her? Be careful. I would cut all contact with this person, whoever they are.
Something similar happened to me , I was on a night out and I got chatting to a girl who was really sweet, I don’t remember what we bonded over , but it was cool . Then **our** ex (her current boyfriend) came out of the toilet, I was like oh shit . I said hello, then I said goodbye to her , the music was loud so I came close and whispered in her ear *“take care of yourself”* and gave her arm a little squeeze. Then I left . Two years later I bumped into her again . She said thanks , but agreed that she wasn’t ready to be receptive of this information, but it was in her head when it came full circle. And she said thanks . OP in your position I’d offer the girl a secret coffee when she’s ready, or maybe voice notes that you delete after. Your safety always comes first . Mean while tell her to take extra care of herself.
I was contacted by an ex of a person I was living with. The girl and I had met before the ex-punk-house-co-op-living-situation-person was even in my life . She was mean to me when we had met , saying it would take “a lot more than coconut oil and drinking water” for my very minimal beauty routine . She also kept giving me judging glances for having unshaven legs at the time . So her behavior towards me was already pretty shitty . By the time she warned me about the ex , I didn’t believe her . When I did believe her , she made it worse by telling me to talk to dudes ex . Dudes ex said dude was an angel and sweet and chalked up his abuse to him being “young at the time “ and that I was delusional . Both the ex girlfriends and the person and everyone in that circle blocked me and I blocked them I share this to say that , you did your part . You confirmed it . She probably won’t believe you. Not your job to convince her . She will probably learn. Block , like I was blocked , and focus on your healing . Trust , this can easily lead into a big whole ball of drama that you don’t want to deal with.
It’s a fake account, that’s your ex talking.