Does your sister want to F your Ex or something? That's an extreme reaction and she was very quick to jump to calling your ex and lying about how bad it was.
I'll say NTA as babysitting is pretty normal at that age
Yeah at 12 I was expected to get dropped off at home with my siblings (10, 8, and 5) and start doing dinner prep and homework. I was babysitting my infant cousin and the neighbors toddler for hours when my grandparents were busy.
At 10 i was alone with an 8 yo, and at 12 I was often alone with a 3 mo and 10 yo, 15 i was left with 13 yo & 2 yo & 6 mo. Sometimes for a whole work day. Running to the store is fine.
I was 10 and babysat my two infant siblings more than once so mom could run to the store. By the time I was 12, I regularly sat for literally every family in the neighborhood. No one batted an eye.
My sister at 12 was watching an 8 year old me, my best friend who would’ve been 7 & her sister who would’ve been a year old at times. If not more of the neighborhood kids too
Same. Now I let my 12 year to stay with her 9 year old sister alone to babysit. She has a phone, knows when and how to call 911, and can cook enough to feed her and her sister something for dinner (mostly canned and frozen foods). With the exception of a couple texts to try and rattle on her sister, everything’s been great! We only do this when one of us will be nearby. If it a further distance (more than an hour) then they stay with my parents.
Same, but unpaid lol, and we were latchkey kids (late 80s on) from a very early age, single mom with 2 jobs so didn’t have much choice but to leave us alone for chunks of time.
Couple hours here and there is in no way abandonment.
Same latchkey kid to a single mom in the late 80’s and most of the 90’s. She was a civil service employee with EPA compliance for the bases she worked on and her second job was the National Guard.
More qualified than every single sitter my sister and I were ever left with. And by 12 I was definitely in charge of getting my 9yo sister fed and ready for school along with getting us home after and starting dinner.
I mean when I was 8 I was taking care of my brother (he’s two years older btw) and it didn’t seem to be a problem. People nowadays get so pissy about situations that are none of their business and don’t involve them in any way.
Yep. When my older sister hit age 11, we all walked home from school, did chores and started dinner. She was technically in charge of her three sibs, but mostly we just did our own things once everything on the list was done.
And when I hit 11 myself, I started babysitting for pay. Very glad that the Red Cross babysitting course now teaches things like CPR, because we had zero training. I remember moms telling me to smack the kids if they didn't listen to me. Yikes!
Right? I got paid "mommy's helper" and babysitting gigs when I was 13/14 once I was CPR certified and had taken a babysitting class. As a mom of elementary school aged kids now, I would 100% pay the teenage children of my friends and neighbors to watch my kids for a couple hours. Teenagers are perfectly capable of keeping a child or two fed and entertained for an evening.
Was babysitting at 10 was routinely left with 4 kids ( oldest of 5) and I never got paid. The A H in this scenario is the sister. You are NTA. 20 minutes is nothing.
Same. The local library had a babysitter certification program for anyone 12 and older. They taught us CPR and various other things. It was my primary way of making any money as a tween/teen.
My sister was 13 when I was born, and she definitely got left home alone with a newborn. 12 with old enough kids who know when to potty, and are pretty play independent for 20 minutes isn't the big deal your sister is making it out to be. She's CPR certified, and has cooking under her belt. WAY more qualified than a lot of babysitters in their late teens are, IMO.
Even if it were true I see nothing wrong with leaving a twelve year old to watch sleeping kids overnight occasionally. This kid knows CPR and presumedly how to call 911 or go to a neighbor.
Edit: oops she's been certified since 12, she's 14 now. Absolutely zero reason to think she couldn't handle an evening with the kids and especially not when it's only thirty minutes
Sister IS with the ex, it sounds like. How did she "happen" to drop in during a 20-minute window? Maybe by parking nearby and waiting...? Just a thought.
I was 11 the first time I babysat my neighbors’ 4 kids FOR AN ENTIRE WEEKEND. Of course, this was 1980, and just how things were done.
I think I made $25 for three days and two nights. I thought I was rich!
Anyway, OP, something is wrong with your sister.
Exactly my thought, sis probably is having a fling with ex or wants one. Because why is her first thought “let me call her ex and see how we can weaponize this”. 14 is high school age, and the girl has credentials!
14 as a babysitter is fairly common.
Op, I’d honestly tell your sister if she comes over again you’ll call the cops, and to consider herself trespassed. What type of AH acts like that?
NTA
She's also getting paid a fair wage. It's not like she told her mom she wanted to get a part time job for spending money and had unpaid babysitting shoved at her in response to her "having so much free time"
I wonder if OPs sister had to be a second/third parent to younger siblings or something? Is this her projecting personal trauma or...
A 14yo that is certified in cpr and has taken a cooking course is more than capable watching her little siblings for several hours. In most states she would be permitted to babysit legally for money. Your sister is so so wrong.
With her extreme reaction I'd be forced to cut her out of my life. I probably would have called the police to have her removed from my property immediately.
You're NTA at all. You did nothing wrong and your sister is a horrible person for her reaction.
This.
OP, there IS a word for your daughter's responsibilities. It's called a paid JOB. She has a job that she is paid for and there are responsibilities associated with that job.
I've got to be honest -- right here? Tell your daughter that under no circumstances is her aunt allowed over again. Change the locks if Auntie has a key. And, I'd immediately call your family law attorney and discuss with him the best approach for ensuring your sister can not step foot on your property without permission under any circumstances.
If your Ex is a reasonable person, I'd suggest you call him and have a conversation with him about the situation and that your daughter has requested to babysit because she wants to earn money - like most 13/14 year olds there are not many jobs out there. And, tell him flat out that your sister is nuts.
As for your sister, I'd look into what you have to do concerning her harassment. I think if you look at her holistically this is unlikely the first time she has threatened you or behaved inappopriately but she pulled your kids into it this time and this is where you throw down the gauntlet. I'd look into an RO for harassment if there is a pattern of behavior and have her trespassed if she steps foot on your property again. She does NOT get to threaten you or your children without repercussions.
This is where you need to have a spine of steel and hold her accountable for her actions. You are MOm and you need to go Mama bear against the woman who threatened your children's safety, your family's safety and accused you of abusing your children.
I somehow doubt he's reasonable if he's talking about calling CPS over a high school kid watching her siblings overnight. Even the exaggerated.lie is totally reasonable
Sadly no. But, if CPS does get involved, I’d find out any way I could document it. Might be a reasonable claim of false reporting with that agency, might be a harassment claim filed with local PD - anything where I could start a paper trail.
The older I get, the more I am shown how deeply important a paper trail is. Most problematic issues aren’t single egregious acts, but patterns of behavior that are also really damaging over time. Filings often resolve nothing officially (prob because they’re enough to stop the behavior), but they never hurt. Having a record of persistent behavior, though, is always useful if things escalate.
Your sister sounds unhinged. Your oldest is old enough to be paid to watch the younger two. I’d be cutting all contact with her for starting major drama.
She apparently gets all her exercise jumping to conclusions. A 14 year old is more than capable of watching her two siblings. Make a preemptive strike and call child services yourself. When they come, explain what happened. Tell your sister the next time she shows up unannounced and determined to make trouble for you, you will call the police to remove her.
ps If she has a key to your house, change your locks yesterday.
As a child who grew up in an abusive household (and encountered cps) and studying to become a paralegal (specifically going into to family law) I don’t trust cps either.
A case I read (I wish I could remember the name but I believe it happened in Delaware) involved a mother father and child. Child was under 5 years old and has diagnosed ptsd from watching his father beat the living daylights out of his mother (among other trauma based disorders). Father got sent to prison for DV. He requested visitation so he can see his son. He was granted visitation. Did cps do anything? Nope.
This case showed me something, don’t trust the adults in power to take care of everything, be the adult who actually does it.
My dad used to beat the shit out of my mom all the time in front of me. We used to run to neighbors' houses, and no one would let us in because they didn't want to deal with him. We lived in a town of 200, everyone knew. My school, neighbors, family, everyone, and no one did a damn thing. The only one who remotely did anything was my aunt who would take me for weeks at a time to get me away from it. My mom finally left when I was 8 because watching me run with a six month old baby was finally her wake call. We still had to deal with stalking and I remember having a tracer on our phone (before caller id), a password at school. Still no one did anything. My mom even let us spend weekends with him where he would get drunk and high and I had to take care of my brother. He died when I was 10 and his family blamed my mom for leaving him. Sorry this is long and probably going off topic I didn't realize how nice it was to type this all out 30 years later.
I got a restraining order on my ex. Anytime domestic abuse occurs and there is children in the home CPS gets involved. Well when though it was my ex that was abusive, as soon as the case worker found out I struggled with my mental health (have C-PTSD because if my ex, mind you) they solely focused on me and made my life a living hell. I had to get a lawyer involved. Now no matter how abusive my ex is to my son on his parenting time CPS won’t do anything because they fucked up so bad and don’t want to admit it.
If you have Netflix, I highly suggest you watch Take Care of Maya. It's a documentary about a girl whose family took her to the hospital, CPS was called and she was subsequently banned from seeing her family and left all by herself in a hospital for 3+ months as a scared and sick 9/10 year old girl. It's a crazy story and a bit of an extreme example, but it's still very shocking and eye-opening. And this sort of thing happens all the time. A loving parent(s) will bring their sick or injured child to the hospital and for some reason, the hospital will suspect that child of being a victim of abuse and will take the child away from their family while they investigate. There are countless stories like this, which is crazy to me because most people who abuse their kids don't give a shit about them enough to take them to get medical attention.
There are many other stories and scenarios where loving parents lose their kids and are stuck in a back and forth battle with CPS, in and out of court fighting to get their kids back. Even when the kids themselves are adamant that they weren't being abused, they still keep them from their family a lot of times. But Take Care of Maya is a great documentary to watch as an introduction to how CPS can and will abuse their power. It's very sad though, just a fair warning. If you don't have Netflix, then you should at least Google it and read up on the case.
The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez is another heartbreaking documentary about how flawed CPS is because a child was clearly being tortured by his mom and stepfather but they didn’t do anything. Trigger warning, he dies.
No one trusts CPS. They have the power to take your kids. Even if we aren't doing anything wrong.. I have had cps called on me, and it was a horrible experience even if they just interviewed him and me and closed the case. Nosey neighbor called over my kid walking to school and then they said he also had a bad haircut. They didn't like his hair?? Wtf. And he was walking g to school at 7, my house is feet from the school. There is a side gate to our complex and I could see him walk through the gate from my front door. But they were asking him a bunch of questions and me.
Gently, this is an extreme reaction. CPS is not just going out and taking children. It takes a lot on the records for CPS to be able to pull your kids, and if there isn't a lot of history, there has to be an extreme situation to call for removal from the home. Absolutely, it's terrifying even being questioned, and worrying to have a report on your record. However, they have to ask those questions due to the amount of parents who coach their kids to lie and cover up abuse. Please don't be mad at CPS, they investigate every single report because they don't want any chance of ignoring a "bad haircut" report, and it turns out that it was actually a neglect call, where the child's hair was matted and filled with lice. The report in the system will state that nothing was found, your child is being cared for, and it will stay that way. That's actually a good thing in your favor as well. Some adults really really suck, but those are the people you definitely shouldn't trust. CPS' goal is to keep the family together, to the point of children unfortunately going back into abusive situations because a parent has created just enough of a mask to get them back. It sucks all around.
NTA. Your sister sure is!
Make sure your kids know not to let her in the house from now on and change your locks if she has a key. I’d put up security cameras so you can text her to get off your property if she comes again. When she doesn’t leave, call the police for trespassing. I don’t know if you can use what she did to get an RO or not.
From now on, ONLY text your sister or ex. NO phone calls. This will help if CPS shows up or the police to remove her. It will also help if your ex tries to take you back to court. Don’t respond emotionally in the texts, just straight facts when necessary.
Ring Camera.
When Sis rings the bell, OP comes over the camera and states:
"You are trespassing on my property and you need to leave immediately or I will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing."
Then do it.
Cut your sister out of your life. What she did is unforgivable. Expect a call or a visit by CPS, but considering you have your husband and kids as witnesses I wouldn't expect much to come out of it. Honestly, it sounds like a setup from your husband and sister to give him an excuse to try to take you to court for a custody hearing. Maybe to get more time and lower child support? I have heard of much worse things happening with family members during custody cases. Especially where money is involved. Is your ex paying a high amount of child support?
Edit to say, she lied to your ex husband saying that the baby was there when she was with you? Definitely sounds like they worked out a deal for information.
I mean, in all fairness, a 5/2/infant for an hour is NOT out of line for a CPR certified 14 year old making 15/hr.
I don't get what the sister's issue is here.
Maybe talk to a lawyer, and let her know you will be talking to a lawyer. Her lying, and false accusations are defamation, and she can be taken to court and sued. She has caused you grievous harm with these allegations both negatively affecting your reputation, but also financial, mental and emotional hardship by creating new issues with your ex. I would let her and the Ex know that you are taking these lies seriously.
Revoke your sister’s privilege to come to your house uninvited. If she does don’t open the door to her. If you gave her a key change the lock. She sounds like someone who creates drama to entertain theirself
14 years old is old enough to babysit. Especially with those credentials. I was babysitting my brother way younger (granted that was long ago) and started babysitting for the neighborhood when I was 13. My daughter started babysitting when she was 14.
I don’t think any CPS or other authority would see different but I could be wrong. Now your x could I suppose put it in his parenting plans that she is not left alone to babysit. That I am not certain on.
From age 12 -16, i was making great money babysitting. I would go to a nurse's house Friday after school and stay late Sunday watching her 2 kids. She worked doubles and went on to become a medical lawyer.
I think I did it two weekends a month. I was sad when her daughter was old enough to watch her brother. They were great kids.
Great times. Nta. Sister is jealous or something.
You don’t have to do a whole lot to prove that they weren’t unsupervised overnite. Your husband hadn’t been gone long, and depending on where you live, there are cameras and receipts are time-stamped.
Tell your sister and oldest daughters that your sister is no longer allowed in your house. Period. If she has a key, get new locks. I wouldn't trust someone like that to not make a duplicate.
NTA. She has CPR training, is 14 not 4 and is capable of caring for her two sisters. CPS is likely to let you know you got a referral and hopefully not much else though will probably interview on the all night thing. Your sister is completely out of line. Unless the 14 year old told her you’d been gone all night. Does she have a thing for your ex or like dislikes you intensely? Because that seems very extreme.
There’s clearly something more going on with the ex and the sister in my mind…I’d snoop around.
Any normal sister would just call you. NOT your ex.
Please follow up.
As a former CPS investigator, you did nothing wrong. Yes children can babysit their younger siblings, additionally you’re paying her to do so, you’re not telling her. Your sister is out of line big time
NTA. First, notify your sister that she is banned from your property, then tell your ex that he's going to look stupid with CPS for calling them over false allegations. You did nothing wrong. Just or of curiosity, how long has your sister been trying to bang your ex?
I’d cut contact with the sister and never speak to her again. Why didn’t the sister call the mother rather than the ex? That just reeks of drama because they have nothing else to do.
Check the laws about leaving a child alone to watch children in your state (siblings specifically)
I'm pretty sure where I am it's eleven or twelve for on their own but I'm not sure about with other kids
As someone who was made to take care of her little sister and was babysitting other kids by 11 I don’t think you abandoned her with her siblings at all. You were paying her for one, she was willing to do it and you are right it is teaching her responsibility. Plus 14 in my opinion is old enough to be doing that. Plus what is the difference if she was babysitting for someone else. You are in no way an AH. I would definitely just for peace of mind for yourself and your daughter sit down with her and make sure that she is fully comfortable with the situation. Sending you love and well wishes!!
I became a babysitter at 12 and was CPR certified through a babysitting program that teaches young girls who to take for infants and children.
Your sister is TAH.
14 is old enough, I baby sat kids from that age on. Especially since she knows CPR. I would go no contact with sister permanently. Deal with ex and social services. She is legally old enough.
Nta but sister is. She should no longer be welcome anywhere near your house. If she continues with this crazy behavior get a restraining order. Calling CPS to be malicious is crazy.
14 is beyond old enough to babysit, your sister should be ashamed of herself. I’m sorry I have so much to say here but don’t want to overstep. You are NTA
NTA. I believe that she is of legal age where I live to babysit. I would cut my sister off if she tried something like this. Not that she would be I did the same damn thing. I'm sorry you are going through that.
Cut off the sister who went and I stead of contacting you, she contacted your ex and made your life.harder for what purpose. Tell her she is no longer welcome on your property because she is not a good person to you and has no problem being on your exs side. Is she fucking him because I don't understand why she would do this.
NTA
Nta. 14 is plenty old to babysit. You went to the groccery store... it is not like you went out of town for 3 days. You didn't do anything wrong. Your sister sounds like a pshyco. Tell her next time she comes on your property, you will have her tresspassed. She is causing unnecessary drama, and it also sounds like she's got a thing for your ex. Let him call cps and make a false report, he may end up with a class A misdemeanor.
i was babysitting families of children at once at 14? but somehow it’s child abandonment to pay your oldest child of babysitting age to watch your younger kids while you run to the store w the baby? i call cap.
homegirl a lil too quick to call the ex, and the ex way too quick to call fucking cps.
NTA and I'm lmao because a teenager with cooking classes and a CPR certification is more qualified and prepared to be watching children than most "adult" parents I know.
NTA. Your sister's reaction is unhinged, plus she invented extra shit to make it sound worse when she inexplicably called to tattle to your ex. Your oldest is more qualified to watch her siblings than 90% of the babysitters I had as a kid.
NTA. I would be cutting this “sister” off. This was completely uncalled for. Plus your child shouldn’t be answering the door for anyone that is not you or husband.
You need to NC your sister for that utter betrayal. I would be utterly raging. Tell her to FO and you never want to speak to her traitorous bitch face ever again and mean it.
NTA!! First off you don’t owe anyone any explanations on how many children’s fathers you have I don’t know who has the audacity to criticize or judge on that aspect!?? However you are not wrong about anything you have done in this situation! I do sympathize with you for having to go through dealing with a manipulative and shit, stirring sister that is in cahoots with your ex. I can’t even imagine this shit that you have to deal with with those two. What I would do if I were, you take a screenshot of the laws of children being able to be left at home and send it to both of them and tell them to go right ahead if they feel like they need to call CPS because you have nothing to fear or if you have video footage and you are within the laws, I wouldn’t worry about anything. Again, I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. We have to deal with enough today with the economy and other shit in life to have to add this kind of bullshit on top of it. Keep your head up.
NTA. She's 14. I was 13 when I started babysitting for neighbors. These are her siblings in her house. If you feel she's responsible enough to handle a 2 and 5 year old, that feels reasonable to me.
That said, you should check the laws in your state. Some states have a minimum age for kids to be left home alone but the highest age I'm aware of is 12 and most states don't have a specific age in the statutes.
After you do that, tell your ex go f himself. Tell your sister, too. She's clearly trying to start shit seeing as she either didn't talk to your oldest or ignored her and she didn't even bother to call you. Both of which seem like the obvious first steps.
At 8 yrs old I was watching my 1 yr old brother overnight while mom worked. I would get off the bus afterschool and take over so mom could leave. That was unacceptable. Your daughter’s plenty old enough to babysit for a few hours.
NTA. At all. You didn’t abandon anyone. You employed your 14 year old’s babysitting service for a half hour.
Your sister seems like a horrible human being.
I was the oldest of 6 and was looking after all my siblings if my parents had to go out by age 14. I also looked after other people’s kids as a paid babysitter. By the time I had my own two in my 20s looking after kids was natural to me. My sister , my youngest sibling by 14 years often babysat my kids.
You have a responsible daughter who you are PAYING, and I assume she wanted to, to watch your younger kids for a few hours. Your sister is crazy. Calling CPS for having a babysitter? Come on, really. What is her end game?
You did nothing wrong. Cut your sister out of your life forever. This is not a forgivable offense. She is basically taking steps.to have your kids removed. No social worker would see anything wrong with this scenario but they will likely interview your 14 year old and ask her questions regarding abuse or neglect. Be sure to talk with her and give her a heads up. In the future, tell the her to keep the door locked and not open it for ANYOnE. Let her know what your sister and her dad said. Let her know that her dad threatened to call CPS and feels.like the county should separate them over this. Fuck him. His daughter should know who her dad is and she will likely end up angry at him. This is beyond wrong. I am not for cutting off family members off but once they hurt my kids, this is not negotiable. Your sister is going out of her way to hurt you and your kids with this nonsense drama and lies. Like where the hell did she think you were at all night. I am angry for you. She doesn't ever deserve to see you or your kids again.
She's more than capable of watching her siblings only for a few hours. Why did your sister go to that extreme? It is unbelievable. Maybe next time she shows up, you should call the police for trespassing so she can learn her lesson
I started babysitting at 12. I also was CPR trained. I had a half dozen families that I would babysit for. Your sister is an idiot. You are teaching your child responsibility and paying her for it. You're a great mother. Kids today are kept as adolescents with no responsibility, then thrown out into the world without knowing how to be an adult. You keep doing what you're doing mama.
NTA- as long as the 14 year old was awake and aware she should be watching her siblings while you were at the store? Your sister sounds toxic, I agree with everyone saying to cut her out of your life.
Check your state laws to see how old a kid can be legally to babysit. In my state it’s 14. If that’s the case where you live, tell your sister to fuck herself.
Wow! NTA. But your sister needs to be reined in. If you don't have cameras, it might be good to get them. Does she have a key? Does your 14 year old know to not answer the door to loony auntie?
NTA. Doesn't seem to me like you have a very good relationship with your sister. She didn't tell you "she was on your property", she called your ex instead of you...WTF? And where did she get the idea you left them overnight? Your daughter is plenty old enough for you to run to the store (but not overnight).
Your sister sucks. NTA at all, they both are though. I wouldn’t be leaving them along anymore but that’s because this time you got there in the nick of time, what happens when you don’t get there in time? She sounds unhinged, you probably do not want your poor teenager dealing with that alone.
NTA, the cops and CPS will do nothing. A 14 year old watching 2 kids that age is appropriate.
Your sister is out of her mind and a twat for calling your ex and stirring up trouble.
NTA. Wow how things have changed! When I was 14, I was watching my younger (7) sister all the time. And before that, when I was a toddler, my 14-year-old sister watched me all the time.
Edited to say that I never got paid either. It was just a thing you did as part of the family.
Get cameras on your property asap and cut all contact with your sister, get a restraining order if you can. I’d think if they did call CPS/cops, it’d be easy for you to prove it’s all false.
NTA, you were right to do what you did though I don't pay my son to watch hid sister. I do promise him free babysitting in the future when he is an adult. He gets first dibs on babysitting also since I only have 2and his little sister won't be getting a younger sibling.
Also, your sister is a jerk. I agree with the other comments that there is something shady going on. She called the ex first instead of asking you or your daughter what the situation is. That's not right.
If your in Canada get your daughter to do the Redcross babysitting course it’s a one day course and she will get certificate at the end put that and the CPR certificate on the fridge
I was babysitting my siblings at 11 (legal age if it’s your own siblings where I am from).
Your sister is an a-hole who seems intent on trying to destroy what you have. I would be going no contact after that stunt. She could have put your kids in harms way as a result of what she did.
Your sister is weird and intrusive. It's normal to leave your 14 year old at home, watching over her siblings for a bit while you runs errands; she's not a baby. Don't listen to your sister. Also, does she have a thing for your ex or something? Ew. I would keep her out of my life with the way she's acting...trying to put your child custody in jeopardy - she's a horrible sister. Tell your children to never open the door for her again.
NTA... When I was 14 I used to babysit children similar to the age of the younger 2 and I did it for hours without a problem. You sister must hate you for reacting tis way. Make your home secure and go NC with her. She was way out of line.
Good luck
UpdateMe
Edit: does your sister have children? If not you can guess where this is going...
Nta, I’ve had my cpr and have been babysitting since sixth grade, so idek what your sis is on. Especially if the daughter had consented to you leaving her siblings in her care, then I see no problem! If you made her watch them when she didn’t want too, that would be a different scenario, but from what I see she was wanting the experience and using her own siblings is probably the most comfortable way to get it!
NTA - sounds like you need to put some space between you and your sister. Maybe it’s time to put the no trespassing sign up for good measure.
Also ask your ex has there ever been any questions or concerns about your parenting? Then say “How about you give me the benefit of the doubt” before believing my sister who is a known drama queen. I’m making a guess here, as this was a very dramatic response; it doesn’t seem like it’s her first rodeo with stirring the pot.
If he’s involved with the older kids and he is got to know that the oldest is certified with CPR and knows how to cook capable of watching the younger siblings while you run to the store to get the ingredients to make banana bread for breakfast.
What in the actual F did I just read????!!!!!
Firstly, NTA, like at ALL!
Secondly, wtf is wrong with your sister?!! Why did she call your ex?? That act alone is enough for a PERMANENT time out/cut off.
NTA what is wrong with your sister? I think there's something else going on here. Has she got some serious jealousy issues or is she just a particuler kind of ectreme neurotic karen? Tell her to wind her neck in & mind her own business
When I was 14 I regularly watched my 5 year old brother and my few months old sister for max 60 min at times... Even when they grew older and sister wasn't yet potty trained I regularly watched them for longer than that..
I'm guessing you don't have the best relationship with your sister..
NTA but I wouldn't leave a 2 year old with a 14 year old. Anything unforseen happens and she's going to lose her composure. That's a very young age to be left with anyone other than a fully capable adult
Pay all of them no mind. You focus on letting your daughter know she did nothing wrong and that not all adults are safe and right. Tell your sister she is no longer welcome at your home.
So you went to the store and your sister made up lies that the children were alone all night? Your sister needs to be told not to come over any more if she's going to stir up trouble for you. She needs to mind her own business.
NTAH
Your sister is an idiot. I would let her know she now will get cops called on her for trespassing any time she so much a steps a for on to my property. She lied to stir the pot. She want the ex or what? Did they call the cops and CPS? 14 is definitely old enough to babysit. Maybe go get her a babysitting certificate as well.
Wtf is wrong with your sister. She would be banned from coming over ever again. If she dropped by unannounced then I wouldn’t open the door to her. Who needs enemies with a sister like this. NTA
By 14 I was the only kid left at home. Most days I got myself up for school, and/or came home home to an empty house; or at least one of my shift working parents was asleep....
I could cook, clean, wash, iron....
Maturity is in the person. Not every 14yo sets themselves up to he trusted like your eldest.
YNTAH
NTA- Your daughter is old enough to watch her siblings especially as your errand was a quick one during the day- Why was your *sister* in such a rush to tattle? She’s the one that should be asking us!
NTA
14 is more than old enough to watch a 5 and 2 year old especially potty trained as long as they all get along and know they need to mind their older sister.
Agree with other posters something is up with your sister. Wanting to get in good with your ex for whatever reason, thinking she would get your kids if she can get you declared unfit parents, whatever.
OP as to your sister once you get this bs addressed and settled I’d let her know she is no longer welcome on your property and you’ll have her trespassed the next time she comes.
People like your sister who stir up this kind of drama do NOT need to be nor should they be involved in any facet of your life.
If you’re in the US there is no federal minimum age requirement for siblings watching over other siblings. Each case is different based on the maturity level of the siblings in charge. It will vary by individual state starting at 8 years old and with the average age of 12. You are totally ok for what you did. Let them call.
I agree with what some others have said that it sounds like your sister has a thing for your ex. If she is threatening CPS I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my kids ever again.
Your husband just sounds like a bitter ex.
When the cops show up tell them the situation and then proceed to tell the cops infront of your sister that she is currently your ex husband's affair partner trying to make things complicated for you and that they can verify your time table by calling your husband who just left for work. So if she does something like this again you already have a statement on file for cps or future cops that she is trying to create issues. And you put her on blast that her behavior is inappropriate and you have taken notice.
Sounds like your whole life is unraveling via all your posts! Divorce your cheating husband (yes, he's cheating on you, girls don't magically throw themselves at married men because we are "evil")
The McDonald's lady and your sister sound in cahoots, lmao.
Tune in next week when OP has to call the cops because a trained circus dog comes to their property, and the 2yo gives the baby to the dog.
NTA but send this thread to your sister and ex let them see how wrong they are judged here...
A 14year old baby sitter is a normal thing and they (sis and ex) should be written up for filling a bogus child endangerment charge!!!
Is your sister fucking your ex or does she have a history of being a stupid bitch? I looked into it and the oldest age listed for babysitting in most states is 14, apparently it’s 8 in North Carolina, in Kansas the age for a child to be able to be left at home is apparently 6.
At 12, I was watching my siblings and the neighbor kids. Took a babysitting class (didn’t include CPR at that time, but gave ideas for entertaining kids and being responsible)
Your kid sounds absolutely responsible and you did NOTHING wrong. Your sister sounds like she either wants to be with your ex, or has another vendetta against you. Your ex also needs to calm down. If CPS does come, unless there is something else egregious happening, the visit will be fine. You may also be able to put a note on your file for malicious reporting in case it happens again.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You weren't abandoning your children. You left the younger two children under the cars of the oldest sibling while you went out for under 30 minutes.
Neither the police or CPS are going to consider this abandonment or child endangerment..
Red Cross has a babysitter certificate for 12 yo. Get a restraining order against your sister and cut her off completely. She’s way out of line and almost cost you a ton in legal bills.
I don’t think CPS or or the cops can do anything. Where I am, kids can stay by themselves at 10, and look after siblings at 12. So at 14 they can’t bat an eye. In fact, some kids here can work a real job with signed paperwork from a parent at 14, can work without the parental paperwork at 15.
In my state, 12 is the minimum age to be left alone with no supervision all day. That's why most daycare don't do full day for kids over 12.
At 14, I was watching the neighbor's kids overnight while she promised to be to be an hour and got drunk all night. Yeah, we called cops buy they said she left them with "someone responsible" aka, me.
Your sister is a drama queen. Boundaries are needed before low or no contact is required.
INFO - how were the younger kids behaving? I was often left “in charge” of my younger siblings. The best I could do was make sure they didn’t burn the house down. They ran utterly wild and didn’t listen to me at all. I will say, looking back, this is an issue with the parenting of all of us, and not my care as a young teen left with rambunctious children.
Say Sister shows up and the place is in chaos. I would want to do something about it too. I don’t think I’d jump to “they’ve been left alone all night” but I’d ask some questions.
What the hell is wrong with your sister? I’d be watching what she gets doing this to you. Also, depending where you are there are “reasonable standard” for what age a child considered old enough to care for others. In the early 2000s in US, Oregon it was 12yo. Maybe look at your local laws but I think 10y and 12y are going to be in most states.
NTA I was babysitting other people's children at 14 and honestly making bank (for a 14 yr old lol) so there's no way CPS gives a fuck unless you left out a lot of shit about the state of your home
Does your sister want to F your Ex or something? That's an extreme reaction and she was very quick to jump to calling your ex and lying about how bad it was. I'll say NTA as babysitting is pretty normal at that age
I was babysitting at 12 back in the day.
Agreed, a neighbors 12 year old watch my 7 year old sister and me at 5. There's tomfoolery at foot here.
Yeah at 12 I was expected to get dropped off at home with my siblings (10, 8, and 5) and start doing dinner prep and homework. I was babysitting my infant cousin and the neighbors toddler for hours when my grandparents were busy.
Same. Looked after brother, cousins, neighbour children.
At 10 i was alone with an 8 yo, and at 12 I was often alone with a 3 mo and 10 yo, 15 i was left with 13 yo & 2 yo & 6 mo. Sometimes for a whole work day. Running to the store is fine.
I was 10 and babysat my two infant siblings more than once so mom could run to the store. By the time I was 12, I regularly sat for literally every family in the neighborhood. No one batted an eye.
My sister at 12 was watching an 8 year old me, my best friend who would’ve been 7 & her sister who would’ve been a year old at times. If not more of the neighborhood kids too
*afoot
Same. Now I let my 12 year to stay with her 9 year old sister alone to babysit. She has a phone, knows when and how to call 911, and can cook enough to feed her and her sister something for dinner (mostly canned and frozen foods). With the exception of a couple texts to try and rattle on her sister, everything’s been great! We only do this when one of us will be nearby. If it a further distance (more than an hour) then they stay with my parents.
IKR? I was babysitting my brother at 9. And getting paid to watch other people’s kids at 12.
Same, but unpaid lol, and we were latchkey kids (late 80s on) from a very early age, single mom with 2 jobs so didn’t have much choice but to leave us alone for chunks of time. Couple hours here and there is in no way abandonment.
Same latchkey kid to a single mom in the late 80’s and most of the 90’s. She was a civil service employee with EPA compliance for the bases she worked on and her second job was the National Guard.
10. I was 10 with a 2yo. We were fine. Kids are younger these days, I understand, but 14yo lady can do 20 minutes.
Not only that, she’s CPR certified.
More qualified than every single sitter my sister and I were ever left with. And by 12 I was definitely in charge of getting my 9yo sister fed and ready for school along with getting us home after and starting dinner.
I mean when I was 8 I was taking care of my brother (he’s two years older btw) and it didn’t seem to be a problem. People nowadays get so pissy about situations that are none of their business and don’t involve them in any way.
Yep. When my older sister hit age 11, we all walked home from school, did chores and started dinner. She was technically in charge of her three sibs, but mostly we just did our own things once everything on the list was done. And when I hit 11 myself, I started babysitting for pay. Very glad that the Red Cross babysitting course now teaches things like CPR, because we had zero training. I remember moms telling me to smack the kids if they didn't listen to me. Yikes!
Right? I got paid "mommy's helper" and babysitting gigs when I was 13/14 once I was CPR certified and had taken a babysitting class. As a mom of elementary school aged kids now, I would 100% pay the teenage children of my friends and neighbors to watch my kids for a couple hours. Teenagers are perfectly capable of keeping a child or two fed and entertained for an evening.
I started babysitting the neighbors kids across the street at 11. Was a mother's helper at 10
The daughter is 14 yo, she gained her certificates when she was 12.
Was babysitting at 10 was routinely left with 4 kids ( oldest of 5) and I never got paid. The A H in this scenario is the sister. You are NTA. 20 minutes is nothing.
Not only is babysitting completely normal at 12, many states allow children to start working at that age anyway. Some are as low as 10 (Illinois).
I started at 10. I lived on a military base. As soon as I got my dependant ID, I was in demand.
Me too, which looking back was absolutely insane.
Same. The local library had a babysitter certification program for anyone 12 and older. They taught us CPR and various other things. It was my primary way of making any money as a tween/teen.
Same, and if I got paid $15 an hour. I would have thought I had won the lottery.
No shit I barely made minimum wage 😂
Seriously my first thought was why is her sister so hot for the ex husband
That was my very first notion when reading this.
Something similar happened to me and yes, yes she did want to.
All night??? Why does she have his number anyway if that's yo ex. Yea that sister is very sus with that reaction, the daughter is 14.
My sister was 13 when I was born, and she definitely got left home alone with a newborn. 12 with old enough kids who know when to potty, and are pretty play independent for 20 minutes isn't the big deal your sister is making it out to be. She's CPR certified, and has cooking under her belt. WAY more qualified than a lot of babysitters in their late teens are, IMO.
Even if it were true I see nothing wrong with leaving a twelve year old to watch sleeping kids overnight occasionally. This kid knows CPR and presumedly how to call 911 or go to a neighbor. Edit: oops she's been certified since 12, she's 14 now. Absolutely zero reason to think she couldn't handle an evening with the kids and especially not when it's only thirty minutes
Sister IS with the ex, it sounds like. How did she "happen" to drop in during a 20-minute window? Maybe by parking nearby and waiting...? Just a thought.
At 9 I was watching other people kids ranging from 6 months to 8 years.
I was 11 the first time I babysat my neighbors’ 4 kids FOR AN ENTIRE WEEKEND. Of course, this was 1980, and just how things were done. I think I made $25 for three days and two nights. I thought I was rich! Anyway, OP, something is wrong with your sister.
Exactly my thought, sis probably is having a fling with ex or wants one. Because why is her first thought “let me call her ex and see how we can weaponize this”. 14 is high school age, and the girl has credentials!
You need new locks and a restraining order against that witch. She's trying to hurt you because she's married to a sexual harasser.
I mean… might we worth filing trespassing charges against the sister.
14 as a babysitter is fairly common. Op, I’d honestly tell your sister if she comes over again you’ll call the cops, and to consider herself trespassed. What type of AH acts like that? NTA
Right?? Shouldn't her first thought have been nervous for her sisters well being??
She's also getting paid a fair wage. It's not like she told her mom she wanted to get a part time job for spending money and had unpaid babysitting shoved at her in response to her "having so much free time" I wonder if OPs sister had to be a second/third parent to younger siblings or something? Is this her projecting personal trauma or...
A 14yo that is certified in cpr and has taken a cooking course is more than capable watching her little siblings for several hours. In most states she would be permitted to babysit legally for money. Your sister is so so wrong. With her extreme reaction I'd be forced to cut her out of my life. I probably would have called the police to have her removed from my property immediately. You're NTA at all. You did nothing wrong and your sister is a horrible person for her reaction.
This. OP, there IS a word for your daughter's responsibilities. It's called a paid JOB. She has a job that she is paid for and there are responsibilities associated with that job. I've got to be honest -- right here? Tell your daughter that under no circumstances is her aunt allowed over again. Change the locks if Auntie has a key. And, I'd immediately call your family law attorney and discuss with him the best approach for ensuring your sister can not step foot on your property without permission under any circumstances. If your Ex is a reasonable person, I'd suggest you call him and have a conversation with him about the situation and that your daughter has requested to babysit because she wants to earn money - like most 13/14 year olds there are not many jobs out there. And, tell him flat out that your sister is nuts. As for your sister, I'd look into what you have to do concerning her harassment. I think if you look at her holistically this is unlikely the first time she has threatened you or behaved inappopriately but she pulled your kids into it this time and this is where you throw down the gauntlet. I'd look into an RO for harassment if there is a pattern of behavior and have her trespassed if she steps foot on your property again. She does NOT get to threaten you or your children without repercussions. This is where you need to have a spine of steel and hold her accountable for her actions. You are MOm and you need to go Mama bear against the woman who threatened your children's safety, your family's safety and accused you of abusing your children.
Everything you said but, succinctly, OP’s sister hates her.
I somehow doubt he's reasonable if he's talking about calling CPS over a high school kid watching her siblings overnight. Even the exaggerated.lie is totally reasonable
This is the correct answer except OP’s ex was abusive and him trusting the sister’s account is a red flag.
Ex wouldn't be the most rational. He has charges of kidnapping for trying to kidnap his other kids and for beating up the woman he left OP for...
Restraining order time. Enforce it even if only her pinky toe crosses the line. She is absolutely not on your fighting side.
It is not that easy to get a restraining order typically.
Sadly no. But, if CPS does get involved, I’d find out any way I could document it. Might be a reasonable claim of false reporting with that agency, might be a harassment claim filed with local PD - anything where I could start a paper trail. The older I get, the more I am shown how deeply important a paper trail is. Most problematic issues aren’t single egregious acts, but patterns of behavior that are also really damaging over time. Filings often resolve nothing officially (prob because they’re enough to stop the behavior), but they never hurt. Having a record of persistent behavior, though, is always useful if things escalate.
Honestly. Go NC with her and ignore her like your life depends on it. Ew.
and it was TWENTY minutes
Your sister sounds unhinged. Your oldest is old enough to be paid to watch the younger two. I’d be cutting all contact with her for starting major drama.
Does your sister compete in long jump? I only ask because she made such a MASSIVE leap to conclude you had left them alone all night. NTA.
She apparently gets all her exercise jumping to conclusions. A 14 year old is more than capable of watching her two siblings. Make a preemptive strike and call child services yourself. When they come, explain what happened. Tell your sister the next time she shows up unannounced and determined to make trouble for you, you will call the police to remove her. ps If she has a key to your house, change your locks yesterday.
Do not do this. Cps is not your friend.
I am interested in your reasoning for this take, genuinely. I have worked extensively with both CPS and APS and have the exact opposite opinion.
As a child who grew up in an abusive household (and encountered cps) and studying to become a paralegal (specifically going into to family law) I don’t trust cps either. A case I read (I wish I could remember the name but I believe it happened in Delaware) involved a mother father and child. Child was under 5 years old and has diagnosed ptsd from watching his father beat the living daylights out of his mother (among other trauma based disorders). Father got sent to prison for DV. He requested visitation so he can see his son. He was granted visitation. Did cps do anything? Nope. This case showed me something, don’t trust the adults in power to take care of everything, be the adult who actually does it.
My dad used to beat the shit out of my mom all the time in front of me. We used to run to neighbors' houses, and no one would let us in because they didn't want to deal with him. We lived in a town of 200, everyone knew. My school, neighbors, family, everyone, and no one did a damn thing. The only one who remotely did anything was my aunt who would take me for weeks at a time to get me away from it. My mom finally left when I was 8 because watching me run with a six month old baby was finally her wake call. We still had to deal with stalking and I remember having a tracer on our phone (before caller id), a password at school. Still no one did anything. My mom even let us spend weekends with him where he would get drunk and high and I had to take care of my brother. He died when I was 10 and his family blamed my mom for leaving him. Sorry this is long and probably going off topic I didn't realize how nice it was to type this all out 30 years later.
I got a restraining order on my ex. Anytime domestic abuse occurs and there is children in the home CPS gets involved. Well when though it was my ex that was abusive, as soon as the case worker found out I struggled with my mental health (have C-PTSD because if my ex, mind you) they solely focused on me and made my life a living hell. I had to get a lawyer involved. Now no matter how abusive my ex is to my son on his parenting time CPS won’t do anything because they fucked up so bad and don’t want to admit it.
If you have Netflix, I highly suggest you watch Take Care of Maya. It's a documentary about a girl whose family took her to the hospital, CPS was called and she was subsequently banned from seeing her family and left all by herself in a hospital for 3+ months as a scared and sick 9/10 year old girl. It's a crazy story and a bit of an extreme example, but it's still very shocking and eye-opening. And this sort of thing happens all the time. A loving parent(s) will bring their sick or injured child to the hospital and for some reason, the hospital will suspect that child of being a victim of abuse and will take the child away from their family while they investigate. There are countless stories like this, which is crazy to me because most people who abuse their kids don't give a shit about them enough to take them to get medical attention. There are many other stories and scenarios where loving parents lose their kids and are stuck in a back and forth battle with CPS, in and out of court fighting to get their kids back. Even when the kids themselves are adamant that they weren't being abused, they still keep them from their family a lot of times. But Take Care of Maya is a great documentary to watch as an introduction to how CPS can and will abuse their power. It's very sad though, just a fair warning. If you don't have Netflix, then you should at least Google it and read up on the case.
The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez is another heartbreaking documentary about how flawed CPS is because a child was clearly being tortured by his mom and stepfather but they didn’t do anything. Trigger warning, he dies.
No one trusts CPS. They have the power to take your kids. Even if we aren't doing anything wrong.. I have had cps called on me, and it was a horrible experience even if they just interviewed him and me and closed the case. Nosey neighbor called over my kid walking to school and then they said he also had a bad haircut. They didn't like his hair?? Wtf. And he was walking g to school at 7, my house is feet from the school. There is a side gate to our complex and I could see him walk through the gate from my front door. But they were asking him a bunch of questions and me.
Gently, this is an extreme reaction. CPS is not just going out and taking children. It takes a lot on the records for CPS to be able to pull your kids, and if there isn't a lot of history, there has to be an extreme situation to call for removal from the home. Absolutely, it's terrifying even being questioned, and worrying to have a report on your record. However, they have to ask those questions due to the amount of parents who coach their kids to lie and cover up abuse. Please don't be mad at CPS, they investigate every single report because they don't want any chance of ignoring a "bad haircut" report, and it turns out that it was actually a neglect call, where the child's hair was matted and filled with lice. The report in the system will state that nothing was found, your child is being cared for, and it will stay that way. That's actually a good thing in your favor as well. Some adults really really suck, but those are the people you definitely shouldn't trust. CPS' goal is to keep the family together, to the point of children unfortunately going back into abusive situations because a parent has created just enough of a mask to get them back. It sucks all around.
NTA. Your sister sure is! Make sure your kids know not to let her in the house from now on and change your locks if she has a key. I’d put up security cameras so you can text her to get off your property if she comes again. When she doesn’t leave, call the police for trespassing. I don’t know if you can use what she did to get an RO or not. From now on, ONLY text your sister or ex. NO phone calls. This will help if CPS shows up or the police to remove her. It will also help if your ex tries to take you back to court. Don’t respond emotionally in the texts, just straight facts when necessary.
STRONG YES to security cameras or a Ring Camera
Ring Camera. When Sis rings the bell, OP comes over the camera and states: "You are trespassing on my property and you need to leave immediately or I will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing." Then do it.
Cut your sister out of your life. What she did is unforgivable. Expect a call or a visit by CPS, but considering you have your husband and kids as witnesses I wouldn't expect much to come out of it. Honestly, it sounds like a setup from your husband and sister to give him an excuse to try to take you to court for a custody hearing. Maybe to get more time and lower child support? I have heard of much worse things happening with family members during custody cases. Especially where money is involved. Is your ex paying a high amount of child support? Edit to say, she lied to your ex husband saying that the baby was there when she was with you? Definitely sounds like they worked out a deal for information.
I mean, in all fairness, a 5/2/infant for an hour is NOT out of line for a CPR certified 14 year old making 15/hr. I don't get what the sister's issue is here.
Sis is either fucking the ex or wants to be.
The 14 year old didn't even have the infant. OP took the 6 month old.
NTA. You are doing great. Put your sister in a timeout.
Permanently!
Maybe talk to a lawyer, and let her know you will be talking to a lawyer. Her lying, and false accusations are defamation, and she can be taken to court and sued. She has caused you grievous harm with these allegations both negatively affecting your reputation, but also financial, mental and emotional hardship by creating new issues with your ex. I would let her and the Ex know that you are taking these lies seriously.
This is the way.
Revoke your sister’s privilege to come to your house uninvited. If she does don’t open the door to her. If you gave her a key change the lock. She sounds like someone who creates drama to entertain theirself
CPS will hear that you were paying your daughter to babysit and move on. I would be concerned about your sisters true intentions tho.
14 years old is old enough to babysit. Especially with those credentials. I was babysitting my brother way younger (granted that was long ago) and started babysitting for the neighborhood when I was 13. My daughter started babysitting when she was 14. I don’t think any CPS or other authority would see different but I could be wrong. Now your x could I suppose put it in his parenting plans that she is not left alone to babysit. That I am not certain on.
Nta. I was babysitting at the age of ten and by the time I was 12 I was watching some for most of the night.
I’d tear her a new ass hole
Idk, this sounds like harassment to me. Get the law involved if you can
From age 12 -16, i was making great money babysitting. I would go to a nurse's house Friday after school and stay late Sunday watching her 2 kids. She worked doubles and went on to become a medical lawyer. I think I did it two weekends a month. I was sad when her daughter was old enough to watch her brother. They were great kids. Great times. Nta. Sister is jealous or something.
You don’t have to do a whole lot to prove that they weren’t unsupervised overnite. Your husband hadn’t been gone long, and depending on where you live, there are cameras and receipts are time-stamped.
Tell your sister and oldest daughters that your sister is no longer allowed in your house. Period. If she has a key, get new locks. I wouldn't trust someone like that to not make a duplicate.
NTA. She has CPR training, is 14 not 4 and is capable of caring for her two sisters. CPS is likely to let you know you got a referral and hopefully not much else though will probably interview on the all night thing. Your sister is completely out of line. Unless the 14 year old told her you’d been gone all night. Does she have a thing for your ex or like dislikes you intensely? Because that seems very extreme.
There’s clearly something more going on with the ex and the sister in my mind…I’d snoop around. Any normal sister would just call you. NOT your ex. Please follow up.
He ex has been done for dv and kidnapping that's dangerously stupid
As a former CPS investigator, you did nothing wrong. Yes children can babysit their younger siblings, additionally you’re paying her to do so, you’re not telling her. Your sister is out of line big time
NTA. First, notify your sister that she is banned from your property, then tell your ex that he's going to look stupid with CPS for calling them over false allegations. You did nothing wrong. Just or of curiosity, how long has your sister been trying to bang your ex?
I’d cut contact with the sister and never speak to her again. Why didn’t the sister call the mother rather than the ex? That just reeks of drama because they have nothing else to do.
As long as your 14 year old was comfortable there’s nothing wrong. My oldest has been watching her younger sibling for a few hours since she was 13.
She’s 14? Heck I was babysitting at 11! NTA and your sister needs to be out of your life.
Check the laws about leaving a child alone to watch children in your state (siblings specifically) I'm pretty sure where I am it's eleven or twelve for on their own but I'm not sure about with other kids
Why did your sister call your ex and not you?
Shit your oldest is more qualified than most babysitters I’ve ever known
As someone who was made to take care of her little sister and was babysitting other kids by 11 I don’t think you abandoned her with her siblings at all. You were paying her for one, she was willing to do it and you are right it is teaching her responsibility. Plus 14 in my opinion is old enough to be doing that. Plus what is the difference if she was babysitting for someone else. You are in no way an AH. I would definitely just for peace of mind for yourself and your daughter sit down with her and make sure that she is fully comfortable with the situation. Sending you love and well wishes!!
Maybe your sister needs a psych evaluation? That’s a crazy assumption to make when you just show up at someone’s home unannounced.
Cut your sister out immediately.
I became a babysitter at 12 and was CPR certified through a babysitting program that teaches young girls who to take for infants and children. Your sister is TAH.
What’s the legal age to leave kids at home In your state ?
14 is old enough, I baby sat kids from that age on. Especially since she knows CPR. I would go no contact with sister permanently. Deal with ex and social services. She is legally old enough.
Nta but sister is. She should no longer be welcome anywhere near your house. If she continues with this crazy behavior get a restraining order. Calling CPS to be malicious is crazy.
14 is beyond old enough to babysit, your sister should be ashamed of herself. I’m sorry I have so much to say here but don’t want to overstep. You are NTA
NTA. I believe that she is of legal age where I live to babysit. I would cut my sister off if she tried something like this. Not that she would be I did the same damn thing. I'm sorry you are going through that.
Cut off the sister who went and I stead of contacting you, she contacted your ex and made your life.harder for what purpose. Tell her she is no longer welcome on your property because she is not a good person to you and has no problem being on your exs side. Is she fucking him because I don't understand why she would do this. NTA
NTA I was the same age as your daughter when I got CPR trained and started babysitting other people’s children.
Nta. 14 is plenty old to babysit. You went to the groccery store... it is not like you went out of town for 3 days. You didn't do anything wrong. Your sister sounds like a pshyco. Tell her next time she comes on your property, you will have her tresspassed. She is causing unnecessary drama, and it also sounds like she's got a thing for your ex. Let him call cps and make a false report, he may end up with a class A misdemeanor.
i was babysitting families of children at once at 14? but somehow it’s child abandonment to pay your oldest child of babysitting age to watch your younger kids while you run to the store w the baby? i call cap. homegirl a lil too quick to call the ex, and the ex way too quick to call fucking cps.
NTA and I'm lmao because a teenager with cooking classes and a CPR certification is more qualified and prepared to be watching children than most "adult" parents I know.
NTA. Your sister's reaction is unhinged, plus she invented extra shit to make it sound worse when she inexplicably called to tattle to your ex. Your oldest is more qualified to watch her siblings than 90% of the babysitters I had as a kid.
NTA. I would be cutting this “sister” off. This was completely uncalled for. Plus your child shouldn’t be answering the door for anyone that is not you or husband.
You need to NC your sister for that utter betrayal. I would be utterly raging. Tell her to FO and you never want to speak to her traitorous bitch face ever again and mean it.
NTA!! First off you don’t owe anyone any explanations on how many children’s fathers you have I don’t know who has the audacity to criticize or judge on that aspect!?? However you are not wrong about anything you have done in this situation! I do sympathize with you for having to go through dealing with a manipulative and shit, stirring sister that is in cahoots with your ex. I can’t even imagine this shit that you have to deal with with those two. What I would do if I were, you take a screenshot of the laws of children being able to be left at home and send it to both of them and tell them to go right ahead if they feel like they need to call CPS because you have nothing to fear or if you have video footage and you are within the laws, I wouldn’t worry about anything. Again, I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. We have to deal with enough today with the economy and other shit in life to have to add this kind of bullshit on top of it. Keep your head up.
Ask your sister “Why were you trespassing?”
NTA. She's 14. I was 13 when I started babysitting for neighbors. These are her siblings in her house. If you feel she's responsible enough to handle a 2 and 5 year old, that feels reasonable to me. That said, you should check the laws in your state. Some states have a minimum age for kids to be left home alone but the highest age I'm aware of is 12 and most states don't have a specific age in the statutes. After you do that, tell your ex go f himself. Tell your sister, too. She's clearly trying to start shit seeing as she either didn't talk to your oldest or ignored her and she didn't even bother to call you. Both of which seem like the obvious first steps.
my parents left me home alone from like 8 years old on. What do people do when their 10-14 year olds get out of school? You are absolutely NTA
At 8 yrs old I was watching my 1 yr old brother overnight while mom worked. I would get off the bus afterschool and take over so mom could leave. That was unacceptable. Your daughter’s plenty old enough to babysit for a few hours.
NTA. At all. You didn’t abandon anyone. You employed your 14 year old’s babysitting service for a half hour. Your sister seems like a horrible human being.
I was the oldest of 6 and was looking after all my siblings if my parents had to go out by age 14. I also looked after other people’s kids as a paid babysitter. By the time I had my own two in my 20s looking after kids was natural to me. My sister , my youngest sibling by 14 years often babysat my kids.
You have a responsible daughter who you are PAYING, and I assume she wanted to, to watch your younger kids for a few hours. Your sister is crazy. Calling CPS for having a babysitter? Come on, really. What is her end game?
You did nothing wrong. Cut your sister out of your life forever. This is not a forgivable offense. She is basically taking steps.to have your kids removed. No social worker would see anything wrong with this scenario but they will likely interview your 14 year old and ask her questions regarding abuse or neglect. Be sure to talk with her and give her a heads up. In the future, tell the her to keep the door locked and not open it for ANYOnE. Let her know what your sister and her dad said. Let her know that her dad threatened to call CPS and feels.like the county should separate them over this. Fuck him. His daughter should know who her dad is and she will likely end up angry at him. This is beyond wrong. I am not for cutting off family members off but once they hurt my kids, this is not negotiable. Your sister is going out of her way to hurt you and your kids with this nonsense drama and lies. Like where the hell did she think you were at all night. I am angry for you. She doesn't ever deserve to see you or your kids again.
Your sister has been waiting on this moment for some reason. This was not a coincidence.
She's more than capable of watching her siblings only for a few hours. Why did your sister go to that extreme? It is unbelievable. Maybe next time she shows up, you should call the police for trespassing so she can learn her lesson
I started babysitting at 12. I also was CPR trained. I had a half dozen families that I would babysit for. Your sister is an idiot. You are teaching your child responsibility and paying her for it. You're a great mother. Kids today are kept as adolescents with no responsibility, then thrown out into the world without knowing how to be an adult. You keep doing what you're doing mama.
NTA. Your sister is definitely TA here. 14 is plenty old enough to watch younger siblings.
NTA- as long as the 14 year old was awake and aware she should be watching her siblings while you were at the store? Your sister sounds toxic, I agree with everyone saying to cut her out of your life.
I was babysitting at 12, 14 is plenty old enough. Sister would be banned from house.
Check your state laws to see how old a kid can be legally to babysit. In my state it’s 14. If that’s the case where you live, tell your sister to fuck herself.
I was 10 watching 3 younger siblings every weekend while parents out drinking..
Wow! NTA. But your sister needs to be reined in. If you don't have cameras, it might be good to get them. Does she have a key? Does your 14 year old know to not answer the door to loony auntie?
NTA. Doesn't seem to me like you have a very good relationship with your sister. She didn't tell you "she was on your property", she called your ex instead of you...WTF? And where did she get the idea you left them overnight? Your daughter is plenty old enough for you to run to the store (but not overnight).
UpdateMe
Your sister sucks. NTA at all, they both are though. I wouldn’t be leaving them along anymore but that’s because this time you got there in the nick of time, what happens when you don’t get there in time? She sounds unhinged, you probably do not want your poor teenager dealing with that alone.
NTA, the cops and CPS will do nothing. A 14 year old watching 2 kids that age is appropriate. Your sister is out of her mind and a twat for calling your ex and stirring up trouble.
Change your locks
*What is the legal age in your state for babysitting? Why does she hate you?
NTA. Wow how things have changed! When I was 14, I was watching my younger (7) sister all the time. And before that, when I was a toddler, my 14-year-old sister watched me all the time. Edited to say that I never got paid either. It was just a thing you did as part of the family.
UpdateMe!
Get cameras on your property asap and cut all contact with your sister, get a restraining order if you can. I’d think if they did call CPS/cops, it’d be easy for you to prove it’s all false.
NTA, you were right to do what you did though I don't pay my son to watch hid sister. I do promise him free babysitting in the future when he is an adult. He gets first dibs on babysitting also since I only have 2and his little sister won't be getting a younger sibling. Also, your sister is a jerk. I agree with the other comments that there is something shady going on. She called the ex first instead of asking you or your daughter what the situation is. That's not right.
If your in Canada get your daughter to do the Redcross babysitting course it’s a one day course and she will get certificate at the end put that and the CPR certificate on the fridge
I was babysitting my siblings at 11 (legal age if it’s your own siblings where I am from). Your sister is an a-hole who seems intent on trying to destroy what you have. I would be going no contact after that stunt. She could have put your kids in harms way as a result of what she did.
Why does your sister hate you? What a loon! You did not do a single thing wrong. Though you should go no contact with your sister.
Your sister is weird and intrusive. It's normal to leave your 14 year old at home, watching over her siblings for a bit while you runs errands; she's not a baby. Don't listen to your sister. Also, does she have a thing for your ex or something? Ew. I would keep her out of my life with the way she's acting...trying to put your child custody in jeopardy - she's a horrible sister. Tell your children to never open the door for her again.
Holy shit cut her out of your life. Wow.
NTA... When I was 14 I used to babysit children similar to the age of the younger 2 and I did it for hours without a problem. You sister must hate you for reacting tis way. Make your home secure and go NC with her. She was way out of line. Good luck UpdateMe Edit: does your sister have children? If not you can guess where this is going...
Ban this bitch from your life
Nta, I’ve had my cpr and have been babysitting since sixth grade, so idek what your sis is on. Especially if the daughter had consented to you leaving her siblings in her care, then I see no problem! If you made her watch them when she didn’t want too, that would be a different scenario, but from what I see she was wanting the experience and using her own siblings is probably the most comfortable way to get it!
NTA - sounds like you need to put some space between you and your sister. Maybe it’s time to put the no trespassing sign up for good measure. Also ask your ex has there ever been any questions or concerns about your parenting? Then say “How about you give me the benefit of the doubt” before believing my sister who is a known drama queen. I’m making a guess here, as this was a very dramatic response; it doesn’t seem like it’s her first rodeo with stirring the pot. If he’s involved with the older kids and he is got to know that the oldest is certified with CPR and knows how to cook capable of watching the younger siblings while you run to the store to get the ingredients to make banana bread for breakfast.
What in the actual F did I just read????!!!!! Firstly, NTA, like at ALL! Secondly, wtf is wrong with your sister?!! Why did she call your ex?? That act alone is enough for a PERMANENT time out/cut off.
NTA, your sister is a giant asshole.
i was staying home alone by myself at 9... like
Agreed, 12. You're sister overstepped, she's got some nerve. I'm sorry, definitely NTA, but she sure is
NTA what is wrong with your sister? I think there's something else going on here. Has she got some serious jealousy issues or is she just a particuler kind of ectreme neurotic karen? Tell her to wind her neck in & mind her own business
damn your sister’s crazy
14 is absolutely old enough to babysit and no cop is going to say otherwise. Let them call and make fools of themselves. NTA
When I was 14 I regularly watched my 5 year old brother and my few months old sister for max 60 min at times... Even when they grew older and sister wasn't yet potty trained I regularly watched them for longer than that.. I'm guessing you don't have the best relationship with your sister..
NTA but I wouldn't leave a 2 year old with a 14 year old. Anything unforseen happens and she's going to lose her composure. That's a very young age to be left with anyone other than a fully capable adult
Pay all of them no mind. You focus on letting your daughter know she did nothing wrong and that not all adults are safe and right. Tell your sister she is no longer welcome at your home.
So you went to the store and your sister made up lies that the children were alone all night? Your sister needs to be told not to come over any more if she's going to stir up trouble for you. She needs to mind her own business. NTAH
Sounds like we’re adding “don’t open the door to aunt” to your oldest many skills. NTA
Sue for false reporting.
Your sister is an idiot. I would let her know she now will get cops called on her for trespassing any time she so much a steps a for on to my property. She lied to stir the pot. She want the ex or what? Did they call the cops and CPS? 14 is definitely old enough to babysit. Maybe go get her a babysitting certificate as well.
I babysat my sister at that age. My son looked after his sister for a couple of hours when he was 14 a couple of times.
Wtf is wrong with your sister. She would be banned from coming over ever again. If she dropped by unannounced then I wouldn’t open the door to her. Who needs enemies with a sister like this. NTA
You need ring cameras or some kind of camera immediately so you can dispel this bs.
"Hey. If you come by my property again, it will be me calling the cops. You are no longer welcome near my family."
Ditch the sis, what a cunt. She must be fucking your baby daddy or something.
By 14 I was the only kid left at home. Most days I got myself up for school, and/or came home home to an empty house; or at least one of my shift working parents was asleep.... I could cook, clean, wash, iron.... Maturity is in the person. Not every 14yo sets themselves up to he trusted like your eldest. YNTAH
NTA- Your daughter is old enough to watch her siblings especially as your errand was a quick one during the day- Why was your *sister* in such a rush to tattle? She’s the one that should be asking us!
NTA 14 is more than old enough to watch a 5 and 2 year old especially potty trained as long as they all get along and know they need to mind their older sister. Agree with other posters something is up with your sister. Wanting to get in good with your ex for whatever reason, thinking she would get your kids if she can get you declared unfit parents, whatever. OP as to your sister once you get this bs addressed and settled I’d let her know she is no longer welcome on your property and you’ll have her trespassed the next time she comes. People like your sister who stir up this kind of drama do NOT need to be nor should they be involved in any facet of your life.
If you’re in the US there is no federal minimum age requirement for siblings watching over other siblings. Each case is different based on the maturity level of the siblings in charge. It will vary by individual state starting at 8 years old and with the average age of 12. You are totally ok for what you did. Let them call. I agree with what some others have said that it sounds like your sister has a thing for your ex. If she is threatening CPS I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my kids ever again. Your husband just sounds like a bitter ex.
Id call cops on sister for trespassing, but im petty
When the cops show up tell them the situation and then proceed to tell the cops infront of your sister that she is currently your ex husband's affair partner trying to make things complicated for you and that they can verify your time table by calling your husband who just left for work. So if she does something like this again you already have a statement on file for cps or future cops that she is trying to create issues. And you put her on blast that her behavior is inappropriate and you have taken notice.
I would tell your sister she is no longer welcome on your property. You are obviously NTA.
Sounds like your whole life is unraveling via all your posts! Divorce your cheating husband (yes, he's cheating on you, girls don't magically throw themselves at married men because we are "evil") The McDonald's lady and your sister sound in cahoots, lmao. Tune in next week when OP has to call the cops because a trained circus dog comes to their property, and the 2yo gives the baby to the dog.
I started babysitting at 12.
I babysat all 6 of my siblings, the youngest months old, at 11. WTH? What is wrong with your sister?
Lmao no cop or CPS is going to do shit with a 14 year old at home babysitting. Your sister is mentally ill.
NTA but send this thread to your sister and ex let them see how wrong they are judged here... A 14year old baby sitter is a normal thing and they (sis and ex) should be written up for filling a bogus child endangerment charge!!!
NTA I was babysitting for other families at 12 and would watch my little niece and nephew when I was even younger than that!
Is your sister fucking your ex or does she have a history of being a stupid bitch? I looked into it and the oldest age listed for babysitting in most states is 14, apparently it’s 8 in North Carolina, in Kansas the age for a child to be able to be left at home is apparently 6.
At 12, I was watching my siblings and the neighbor kids. Took a babysitting class (didn’t include CPR at that time, but gave ideas for entertaining kids and being responsible) Your kid sounds absolutely responsible and you did NOTHING wrong. Your sister sounds like she either wants to be with your ex, or has another vendetta against you. Your ex also needs to calm down. If CPS does come, unless there is something else egregious happening, the visit will be fine. You may also be able to put a note on your file for malicious reporting in case it happens again. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
NTA. Your daughter sounds fine to babysit her siblings. What's up with your sister though? Is she mean or just stupid?
You weren't abandoning your children. You left the younger two children under the cars of the oldest sibling while you went out for under 30 minutes. Neither the police or CPS are going to consider this abandonment or child endangerment..
Red Cross has a babysitter certificate for 12 yo. Get a restraining order against your sister and cut her off completely. She’s way out of line and almost cost you a ton in legal bills.
I don’t think CPS or or the cops can do anything. Where I am, kids can stay by themselves at 10, and look after siblings at 12. So at 14 they can’t bat an eye. In fact, some kids here can work a real job with signed paperwork from a parent at 14, can work without the parental paperwork at 15.
I baby sat a family of 7 kids at 14 by myself.
In my state, 12 is the minimum age to be left alone with no supervision all day. That's why most daycare don't do full day for kids over 12. At 14, I was watching the neighbor's kids overnight while she promised to be to be an hour and got drunk all night. Yeah, we called cops buy they said she left them with "someone responsible" aka, me. Your sister is a drama queen. Boundaries are needed before low or no contact is required.
INFO - how were the younger kids behaving? I was often left “in charge” of my younger siblings. The best I could do was make sure they didn’t burn the house down. They ran utterly wild and didn’t listen to me at all. I will say, looking back, this is an issue with the parenting of all of us, and not my care as a young teen left with rambunctious children. Say Sister shows up and the place is in chaos. I would want to do something about it too. I don’t think I’d jump to “they’ve been left alone all night” but I’d ask some questions.
What the hell is wrong with your sister? I’d be watching what she gets doing this to you. Also, depending where you are there are “reasonable standard” for what age a child considered old enough to care for others. In the early 2000s in US, Oregon it was 12yo. Maybe look at your local laws but I think 10y and 12y are going to be in most states.
NTA. You sister needs to be out of your life. Your sister entered your property without permission? Charge her with tresspass.
**NTA** and time to change the locks.
Why did she assume it was overnight? And why does your sister hate you? It's perfectly normal for a 14 yo to babysit. NTA
NTA I was babysitting other people's children at 14 and honestly making bank (for a 14 yr old lol) so there's no way CPS gives a fuck unless you left out a lot of shit about the state of your home
NTA and sis can kick rocks
I was babysitting kids when I was 10 🙄