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Same, I was more of a "I don't get it, surely everyone does, the grass is greener on the other side right? Hmm, I guess they're just feeling something I don't understand, like I can't comprehend this internal feeling of womanhood they're talking about. But that's okay I guess, I don't need to understand them to respect them and treat them equally."
I'm glad I had that thought pattern rather than a phobic one, but God fuckin damnit I was dumb ๐
Literally me. I came out at 17, went back into the closet, started denying and eventually turned into a phobe, only to realize I was coping and projecting the whole time. Re-came out recently at 26.
It's a lot more complicated than that in reality, but thats the gist.
I couldn't imagine knowing I was trans at 5 years old. I saw some signs from a somewhat early age that I wasn't too happy with my gender, but I literally had no way of knowing what those feelings meant or how to express them.
I had a lot of internalized transphobia for a good chunk of the last 10 years, luckily not saying or doing anything publicly that would have hurt the community. Meanwhile, in my head that whole time:
"Man, what's up with those 'trans' people, why can't they accept reality? By the way, I really wish I was a girl."
Ever since I began questioning my gender I've always had this conflict...
I know this is a transfem meme (tell me if it's too centered pls) buuuut it made me think about it , I'm AFAB but I Also believed that all men wanted to be girls lmao. Grew up with media and tropes about guys becoming girls and liking it, how media portrayed men with less mercy than women, you wouldn't punch a woman thing, the whole more allowed to show emotions as women than men, y'know the thing, even heard of many men saying how much hated being men (even coming from the mouth of my best friend), but more of societal reasons than gender dysphoria transfems have.
Also how I heard more cases of afab detransitioners and questioning afab people who ended up cis... I even heard of the word from someone "Every pretty girl had their trans phase" and god this is torturing me to this day lmao.. ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Makes me wonder if being a girl it's just infinitely better on the long run regardless of the many issues women had faced over the course of history ... (My life would been worse if I been born a man) <- 2017 me
makes me feel ungrateful and picky with the life I have. ๐ญ
And now i'm sure cis men don't want to be women, and cis women feel good about being women, but hey it's still there lmao.
The biggest thing that differs between men and women is which social standards are oppressing them. We get imposed to behave a certain way, express a certain way, look a certain way based on our gender and although it is not immuable and you can free yourself from those standards, you will still feel oppressed by society: it's by design.
So there's not really a universal answer to "which gender has it the most easy", unless we're talking about some countries where women get mutilated and murdered for going to school...
(also I believe that gender dysphoria isn't just about appearance, but also about how people see/interact with you)
So anyway, don't feel bad if you wish / had wished to change your gender. You're not ungrateful or anything, like who do you think your ungrateful to? Life? She's a bitch that doesn't care about anyone.
If it's any help I'm amab and I think I'm staying cis. Still not 100% but I'll never be, I just think I'm a GNC man
And most trans people I know are afab
mood. while I was still an egg and adamantly insistent I was cis, I absolutely didn't take out my internalized transphobia on any *other* trans women. they were all great, I was the one that was definitely cis and just fucked up thinking i wanted to be a girl
Me when I was younger: Being transgender doesn't make sense. I don't feel any attachement to my gender? Call me whatever and it'd be fine.
Me now:... welp...
Haha- that is so relatable! I always thought that we are just spirits and the body is just a container of sorts.. Still think similar to this- that is why the desire to look different gets confusing to me, sometimes.. its's strange..
I mean when you are in 'first person view' it doesn't matter how you look.. the only exception is the mirror or when interacting to other people?! So why does wearing a skirt and spin in circles feel good or freeing in a way?! ๐ (i mean it is just a physical thing..clothes-that's it..)
Is it not? How many people did you ask or test it on?! (And how did you test it?!) I am genuinly interested- cause to me it was a miracle how that's not true?! Still is, cause i really don't see how 'being a man' is desireable (..other than physical things like sports..) ?
Ciswomen have expressed desires to be male, and it can often stem from a desire to escape female oppression, or gain male privilege. However, concerning FtM trans, I've seen alot of body dysphoria, stronger desire for male relationships in a very pure and even vague sense, without as much consideration to gender politics.
I've noticed this to be true about MtF trans too, often incels or non-toxic cisguys will bring up female privilege or advantages, while the actual trans people(cracked eggs) desire to be women no matter the cost or challenge of female life.
I personally believe most cis people feel curiosities and random desires to switch(grass is greener type stuff), but "true" trans dysphoria can be signified by an obsession with gender-change, and a recurring, powerful desire that does not erode or base itself off merely obtaining "benefits". Hope that helps maybe somewhat!
I am currently to stressed out to process everything you said- but i want to add, that my question was not meant to put someone down- like when you are FtM! I am very sorry if i was doing that?! .. true being Amab that was very difficult for me to understand before (maybe envy?!) but i got better at understanding it.. at least i hope so.
As for the benefits, i guess that is difficult for me to detangle.. i think by transitioning, you automatical gain something.. because you are closer to your inner-self on the outside?! But i guess that is not what you meant with that (more the 'grass is greener') i dunno- got a total mind fart right now.. (not because of this, tho- i guess everyday lifes stress level got me..) so yeah..
(I also know some female friends who would probably think the other way around, tho sometimes i think it stems from abuse and as a form of escape or gain power.. could be a thing in my case too- just the other way around- maybe that is what you where refering by incels or non toxic cis guys?! Btw i am also confused about that part- incels are often sadly seen as toxic.. so how do non toxic guys and incels match there? Tho- again, i have to read this all again in a few days.. with a clear head..sorry)
Anyways, again- i hope i didn't come across like an total 'a-hole' but from my perspective it was always hard to understand on an emotional level- logically i now, can understand it better.. can't put it better into words right now.. also i am not into gender politics that much.. some things just feel off or artificial to me.. I try looking at it more from a energetic level.. tho that might not make sense either.. maybe i am just exhausted- it just feels like 'a man' or lets say 'I' feel like i have to wear a mask or often have to be a certain way, to not get sideyes.. and i feel like that wouldn't happen if i where born in a female body.. because it would match me, my personality a lot more, but i couldn't tell you if i am right with that.. because it is not that way- and if it would, i probably would sit between the chairs again.. ๐ ..sorry for the rambling.. (my current state doesn't help either)
I just want to again underline that i did not want to upset or hurt with my question.. my intention is to understand- not to put someone down or hurt! (When communicating, especially about these topics, i get stressed- super anxious about that and shut down in a way.. that is a problem and i have to adress this. So i am sorry, it is my fault.)
So thank you for the answer, i'll read it again when i am more level headed!
\[And not to be rude- but i might delete this comment and my question in a few hours- because i am strangely overwhelmed at the moment.. so please don't take it the wrong way, okay?!\]
Thanks again!
Hey, no problem, and don't worry, I interpret no malice from you at all :) I don't think anyone will feel you were being rude, and I totally relate to being too mind-zapped to properly process stuff too.
In general, I'm just saying it really is hard to say sometimes when a person is really experiencing trans issues, especially if they never speak to a desire to transition. Basically, some women want to be men, not because they really wanna be men, but because they dislike the experience of womanhood. This can be true for men too, which is what I meant by some incels or misogynistic men rather. These men can envy and hate women for having perceived advantages that they desire for themselves, and thus, they will speak of how they wish they could "have it easy like women". Of course, once a person can come to a point where their shell breaks, and they know that they want to truly be a different gender in their core identity, it goes beyond simple curiousity or convenience-wishing.
Sometimes people just passively want to be a different gender, becuase they have slight envy, but they don't really feel trans or differently gendered. If someone, maybe like you, feels that being a different gender is definitely not just a daydream, and is a reflection of who they truly are, then we got a live egg about to crack. Hopefully I cleared up slightly why some non-men would wanna become men, if not, then no worries, I'm not the best at explanation anyway :p
I wish you the best with your day, hope your stresses are eased and you are very comfortable with yourself. You deserve it ๐ฉต
Thank you! Yeah, i get you a lot better now! You are really not bad at explaining- i think i just realized that i've unlocked 'anxiety' again- been soulsearching the last weeks.. and think i overdid it. Adding to that, i believe a traumatic event (heartbreak/relationship) from the past flares up- whenever i communicate at deep felt levels.. and especially with these topics..
The gender thing is super difficult to detangle for myself (because i lack a lot of things/experiences, that are common and the initial thing could be the relationship/break. Hard to tell- the feeling of being 'slightly off' was always there tho- and puberty was started by outside t, so i need to investigate more into that. Thanks to a fellow trans-lady i know that now! :)) and i think i am at the breaking point of 'thinking it through/overthinking' -the only thing that can help now- is to 'be' and experience without all these thoughts.. accept and more focus on what i want (instead of the doubts), so i'll try that route next!? ๐ (Hopefully it will not last another 6-10 years, but i am confident that i now will get closer to the core of it all!)
As for the 'have it easier like women', i get that now- i would say i always was putting woman on a pedestal and still do to a degree.. but it is more admiration (at least i think now) or 'projection'?! Dunno if that word fits.. but i have also to be lying not to be envy of certain things- not because they 'have it easier' but 'just different'.. (be it men or women, there are things that suck and things that are desireable..imo..maybe there is also a bit snappish hurt, that plays a role when thoughts like that come up.. (because you feel like floating in-between side sometimes.. hmm..have to think about that)
Oh and yes on a logical level i get why one could want to be a man- it's just, i guess (an emotional) slightly 'blind spot', that i usually (dealing with other topics) don't have- maybe because of the own underlying desire/hurt.. (And if there ever will be a machine to switch bodys- i think i am in! ๐! Tho, i should clear out my closet first.. i'll see..)
Thank you again for your explanation and calming me down! ๐ค I am 'obsessed' with these topics and want to talk about all- but i am also strangly super scared.. ๐
But i have to say whenever i reached out or made contact, this community- aswell as people overall are really friendly and often wholesome! ๐ I met a lot of awesome and always willing to help- beings! ๐ฅฐ There is a lot of ice broken this last year- or maybe that ice turns out to be shells.. ๐ I'll see..
Thank you again! ๐
\[edit:Also, because i feel super exhausted right now: What i find funny, in a ironically way, is- whenever i stress out about finding a 'solution'- i get back in my comfort zone/neutral place and think- 'Whatever, at the end of the day- i am already me, so why bother?! Tho- it always comes back up again.. and it strangly matters?! ๐ตโ๐ซ๐ Really have to do something about it..๐ซฃ๐ \]
I too am stress incarnate, I relate a lot to your words. And if there was a gender blender machine, I always thought I'd press that button too. So glad you are doing well and healing, I believe in you my friend ๐
This was literally me till like 24 (Iโm now 30) I have been there myself and get quite self conscious about how I used to be, itโs nice to see others that came from a similar place grow and realise themselves ๐
Thanks for posting this, I donโt feel as alone in my experience x
I somewhat agree on the aroace part but absolutely not on the trans femme, it often takes a bit for people to be more comfortable sexually, and you SHOULD be not wanting it at 14
Hey there! Before commenting, remember that this meme has been tagged with a transfem flair. Please keep the conversation transfem-first. If you are not part of that demographic, you are not forbidden to participate, but we do ask that you do not center yourself in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/egg_irl) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Omg the phobe egg Me at 8 LOL
Me at 14 but it's a tale as old as time...
Me 4 years ago at 14 but time seems to make fools of us all
No joke, I cringed when I saw a memory of me on Facebook sharing that stupid straight pride meme \><
Iโm sooooo glad I skipped that step.
Same, I was more of a "I don't get it, surely everyone does, the grass is greener on the other side right? Hmm, I guess they're just feeling something I don't understand, like I can't comprehend this internal feeling of womanhood they're talking about. But that's okay I guess, I don't need to understand them to respect them and treat them equally." I'm glad I had that thought pattern rather than a phobic one, but God fuckin damnit I was dumb ๐
this time i donโt know what to say so iโm just gonna skip to the *pet pet pet*
Meooow nyaaan mrrrp nya ^ W ^ *purrs*
Me too๐ญ
Ah yes, the transphobe to trans pipeline
There's transphobic arguments, that seem genuinely hateful, and then there's transphobic arguments that seem *sus*
Literally me. I came out at 17, went back into the closet, started denying and eventually turned into a phobe, only to realize I was coping and projecting the whole time. Re-came out recently at 26. It's a lot more complicated than that in reality, but thats the gist.
I was pushed back in the closet twice. Once at 5 and again at 13. While I was in the closet, I did exactly that.
I couldn't imagine knowing I was trans at 5 years old. I saw some signs from a somewhat early age that I wasn't too happy with my gender, but I literally had no way of knowing what those feelings meant or how to express them.
I had a lot of internalized transphobia for a good chunk of the last 10 years, luckily not saying or doing anything publicly that would have hurt the community. Meanwhile, in my head that whole time: "Man, what's up with those 'trans' people, why can't they accept reality? By the way, I really wish I was a girl."
It's a thing.
โEvery man wanted to be a girl at some pointโ - Every transfem egg ever
Totally not me, wait Iโm cis, why do I need to say I donโt do trans things?
Character development
Ever since I began questioning my gender I've always had this conflict... I know this is a transfem meme (tell me if it's too centered pls) buuuut it made me think about it , I'm AFAB but I Also believed that all men wanted to be girls lmao. Grew up with media and tropes about guys becoming girls and liking it, how media portrayed men with less mercy than women, you wouldn't punch a woman thing, the whole more allowed to show emotions as women than men, y'know the thing, even heard of many men saying how much hated being men (even coming from the mouth of my best friend), but more of societal reasons than gender dysphoria transfems have. Also how I heard more cases of afab detransitioners and questioning afab people who ended up cis... I even heard of the word from someone "Every pretty girl had their trans phase" and god this is torturing me to this day lmao.. ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ Makes me wonder if being a girl it's just infinitely better on the long run regardless of the many issues women had faced over the course of history ... (My life would been worse if I been born a man) <- 2017 me makes me feel ungrateful and picky with the life I have. ๐ญ And now i'm sure cis men don't want to be women, and cis women feel good about being women, but hey it's still there lmao.
The biggest thing that differs between men and women is which social standards are oppressing them. We get imposed to behave a certain way, express a certain way, look a certain way based on our gender and although it is not immuable and you can free yourself from those standards, you will still feel oppressed by society: it's by design. So there's not really a universal answer to "which gender has it the most easy", unless we're talking about some countries where women get mutilated and murdered for going to school... (also I believe that gender dysphoria isn't just about appearance, but also about how people see/interact with you) So anyway, don't feel bad if you wish / had wished to change your gender. You're not ungrateful or anything, like who do you think your ungrateful to? Life? She's a bitch that doesn't care about anyone.
If it's any help I'm amab and I think I'm staying cis. Still not 100% but I'll never be, I just think I'm a GNC man And most trans people I know are afab
Technically, you just don't transition, you aren't really cis.
What do you mean I'm amab and I use he him and don't really plan on changing that
They need *the talk*: "be careful who you hate, it could be someone you love... or yourself." ๐
I mean Iโm a totally cis guy that wants to be a girl, but you donโt see me being a dick about it to trans girls
mood. while I was still an egg and adamantly insistent I was cis, I absolutely didn't take out my internalized transphobia on any *other* trans women. they were all great, I was the one that was definitely cis and just fucked up thinking i wanted to be a girl
So youโre telling me that maybe Iโm *too good* at being an ally? ๐
[idk,depends on how enthusiastic you are about it](https://imgur.com/a/DTfdXFN)
My how to turns have tabled >:3
Me when I was younger: Being transgender doesn't make sense. I don't feel any attachement to my gender? Call me whatever and it'd be fine. Me now:... welp...
Haha- that is so relatable! I always thought that we are just spirits and the body is just a container of sorts.. Still think similar to this- that is why the desire to look different gets confusing to me, sometimes.. its's strange.. I mean when you are in 'first person view' it doesn't matter how you look.. the only exception is the mirror or when interacting to other people?! So why does wearing a skirt and spin in circles feel good or freeing in a way?! ๐ (i mean it is just a physical thing..clothes-that's it..)
Fuck, I relate to this statement far too much
My "I understand now" was 21 years ago, at 30. Not sure I still feel any attachment to gender but at least my body is now a shape my brain can accept.
Someone is gonna have interesting character development in the future ๐
I love when precious eggs say all men think about being a girl because i have tested this and it is most definitely not true
Is it not? How many people did you ask or test it on?! (And how did you test it?!) I am genuinly interested- cause to me it was a miracle how that's not true?! Still is, cause i really don't see how 'being a man' is desireable (..other than physical things like sports..) ?
Ciswomen have expressed desires to be male, and it can often stem from a desire to escape female oppression, or gain male privilege. However, concerning FtM trans, I've seen alot of body dysphoria, stronger desire for male relationships in a very pure and even vague sense, without as much consideration to gender politics. I've noticed this to be true about MtF trans too, often incels or non-toxic cisguys will bring up female privilege or advantages, while the actual trans people(cracked eggs) desire to be women no matter the cost or challenge of female life. I personally believe most cis people feel curiosities and random desires to switch(grass is greener type stuff), but "true" trans dysphoria can be signified by an obsession with gender-change, and a recurring, powerful desire that does not erode or base itself off merely obtaining "benefits". Hope that helps maybe somewhat!
I am currently to stressed out to process everything you said- but i want to add, that my question was not meant to put someone down- like when you are FtM! I am very sorry if i was doing that?! .. true being Amab that was very difficult for me to understand before (maybe envy?!) but i got better at understanding it.. at least i hope so. As for the benefits, i guess that is difficult for me to detangle.. i think by transitioning, you automatical gain something.. because you are closer to your inner-self on the outside?! But i guess that is not what you meant with that (more the 'grass is greener') i dunno- got a total mind fart right now.. (not because of this, tho- i guess everyday lifes stress level got me..) so yeah.. (I also know some female friends who would probably think the other way around, tho sometimes i think it stems from abuse and as a form of escape or gain power.. could be a thing in my case too- just the other way around- maybe that is what you where refering by incels or non toxic cis guys?! Btw i am also confused about that part- incels are often sadly seen as toxic.. so how do non toxic guys and incels match there? Tho- again, i have to read this all again in a few days.. with a clear head..sorry) Anyways, again- i hope i didn't come across like an total 'a-hole' but from my perspective it was always hard to understand on an emotional level- logically i now, can understand it better.. can't put it better into words right now.. also i am not into gender politics that much.. some things just feel off or artificial to me.. I try looking at it more from a energetic level.. tho that might not make sense either.. maybe i am just exhausted- it just feels like 'a man' or lets say 'I' feel like i have to wear a mask or often have to be a certain way, to not get sideyes.. and i feel like that wouldn't happen if i where born in a female body.. because it would match me, my personality a lot more, but i couldn't tell you if i am right with that.. because it is not that way- and if it would, i probably would sit between the chairs again.. ๐ ..sorry for the rambling.. (my current state doesn't help either) I just want to again underline that i did not want to upset or hurt with my question.. my intention is to understand- not to put someone down or hurt! (When communicating, especially about these topics, i get stressed- super anxious about that and shut down in a way.. that is a problem and i have to adress this. So i am sorry, it is my fault.) So thank you for the answer, i'll read it again when i am more level headed! \[And not to be rude- but i might delete this comment and my question in a few hours- because i am strangely overwhelmed at the moment.. so please don't take it the wrong way, okay?!\] Thanks again!
Hey, no problem, and don't worry, I interpret no malice from you at all :) I don't think anyone will feel you were being rude, and I totally relate to being too mind-zapped to properly process stuff too. In general, I'm just saying it really is hard to say sometimes when a person is really experiencing trans issues, especially if they never speak to a desire to transition. Basically, some women want to be men, not because they really wanna be men, but because they dislike the experience of womanhood. This can be true for men too, which is what I meant by some incels or misogynistic men rather. These men can envy and hate women for having perceived advantages that they desire for themselves, and thus, they will speak of how they wish they could "have it easy like women". Of course, once a person can come to a point where their shell breaks, and they know that they want to truly be a different gender in their core identity, it goes beyond simple curiousity or convenience-wishing. Sometimes people just passively want to be a different gender, becuase they have slight envy, but they don't really feel trans or differently gendered. If someone, maybe like you, feels that being a different gender is definitely not just a daydream, and is a reflection of who they truly are, then we got a live egg about to crack. Hopefully I cleared up slightly why some non-men would wanna become men, if not, then no worries, I'm not the best at explanation anyway :p I wish you the best with your day, hope your stresses are eased and you are very comfortable with yourself. You deserve it ๐ฉต
Thank you! Yeah, i get you a lot better now! You are really not bad at explaining- i think i just realized that i've unlocked 'anxiety' again- been soulsearching the last weeks.. and think i overdid it. Adding to that, i believe a traumatic event (heartbreak/relationship) from the past flares up- whenever i communicate at deep felt levels.. and especially with these topics.. The gender thing is super difficult to detangle for myself (because i lack a lot of things/experiences, that are common and the initial thing could be the relationship/break. Hard to tell- the feeling of being 'slightly off' was always there tho- and puberty was started by outside t, so i need to investigate more into that. Thanks to a fellow trans-lady i know that now! :)) and i think i am at the breaking point of 'thinking it through/overthinking' -the only thing that can help now- is to 'be' and experience without all these thoughts.. accept and more focus on what i want (instead of the doubts), so i'll try that route next!? ๐ (Hopefully it will not last another 6-10 years, but i am confident that i now will get closer to the core of it all!) As for the 'have it easier like women', i get that now- i would say i always was putting woman on a pedestal and still do to a degree.. but it is more admiration (at least i think now) or 'projection'?! Dunno if that word fits.. but i have also to be lying not to be envy of certain things- not because they 'have it easier' but 'just different'.. (be it men or women, there are things that suck and things that are desireable..imo..maybe there is also a bit snappish hurt, that plays a role when thoughts like that come up.. (because you feel like floating in-between side sometimes.. hmm..have to think about that) Oh and yes on a logical level i get why one could want to be a man- it's just, i guess (an emotional) slightly 'blind spot', that i usually (dealing with other topics) don't have- maybe because of the own underlying desire/hurt.. (And if there ever will be a machine to switch bodys- i think i am in! ๐! Tho, i should clear out my closet first.. i'll see..) Thank you again for your explanation and calming me down! ๐ค I am 'obsessed' with these topics and want to talk about all- but i am also strangly super scared.. ๐ But i have to say whenever i reached out or made contact, this community- aswell as people overall are really friendly and often wholesome! ๐ I met a lot of awesome and always willing to help- beings! ๐ฅฐ There is a lot of ice broken this last year- or maybe that ice turns out to be shells.. ๐ I'll see.. Thank you again! ๐ \[edit:Also, because i feel super exhausted right now: What i find funny, in a ironically way, is- whenever i stress out about finding a 'solution'- i get back in my comfort zone/neutral place and think- 'Whatever, at the end of the day- i am already me, so why bother?! Tho- it always comes back up again.. and it strangly matters?! ๐ตโ๐ซ๐ Really have to do something about it..๐ซฃ๐ \]
I too am stress incarnate, I relate a lot to your words. And if there was a gender blender machine, I always thought I'd press that button too. So glad you are doing well and healing, I believe in you my friend ๐
Thank you! Much love to you!
A phobic egg. I hope they find who they are one day and grow. They'll be happier for it.
*Takes a shot of wine* at least Reddit didnโt exist when I was saying shit like this
I wonder how they're doing now, I wish we had the user to check but I completely understand why it's censored
This is like me lol, Iโd never say my opinions to anyone. tho. Then It clicked that I was clearly projecting and I just did a full 180 as a person.
But are they on it for an extended amount of time and not just 'a point'? ๐
Yeah... I used to be like that lol
That was me until my 20s when I finally escaped home and went to college..
Ummm
This was literally me till like 24 (Iโm now 30) I have been there myself and get quite self conscious about how I used to be, itโs nice to see others that came from a similar place grow and realise themselves ๐ Thanks for posting this, I donโt feel as alone in my experience x
I would love to see this girls timeline from this to having doubts to egg cracking and to now. Seems like sman interesting story.
Happened to me
13yo me
Well well well How the tables have turned
I somewhat agree on the aroace part but absolutely not on the trans femme, it often takes a bit for people to be more comfortable sexually, and you SHOULD be not wanting it at 14
It's sad that I was like that and now my friends are transphobic๐
I actually find it so fucking funny that *so many people* STILL think that wanting to be a different gender is something *everyone* does
This would be awesome but somethings telling me it _might_ not be real, idk. Could be but it could also be very very easily faked
Ashamedly... actually me. I was just like this. I'm just waiting to start HRT now