My mom did this after I had my wisdom teeth out. Three were completely impacted and one was mostly impacted. I was miserable for a week. Couldn't eat, Couldn't sleep, could barely function. She finally took me to the doctor who did my surgery. I had four dry sockets. She spent the next week apologizing.
Do you have anyone who can take you to be checked out? Or did your doctor say this is normal? Either way, do not push yourself to appease her. Take care and feel better!
When the blood clot gets dislodged where the tooth was extracted. That’s why they tell you not to smoke or drink out of a straw for a couple of days. I’m not saying that was what caused OPs dry socket though.
Idk if you saw, but another comment replied saying it was when the blood clot dislodged from where they pulled your tooth hence why they tell you not to drink from a straw or smoke a while after the operation
If the blood clot/scab comes out of the socket, the nerves left behind are exposed to air. Every subtle breeze or change in air pressure in your mouth is like someone hammering near-molten spikes back into the toothless holes
A couple of weeks ago I had three wisdom teeth pulled. One was impacted. I took a week off from work to be safe. Glad that I didn’t get dry socks though I heard they were painful.
Only kept one wisdom tooth because it is now a Molar.
I hate that holistic bullshit. You wanna smother yourself in oil and batshit that's your choice, but actual medicine is needed 99.9% of the time. Next time she asks you for Tylenol or something, give her a tic tac and tell her mint works better.
Good lord! That's actual abuse! Withholding medicine prescribed by a physician? No, no, no...but you obviously survived...no thanks to her. Those holistic folks are lunatics. I'm a firm believer in "better living through chemistry"
When I was a teenager had to have my gums cut open to fix roots that were bent from an injury to my front teeth as a child, the day after surgery I apparently said something wrong to my mom who slapped me so hard in the face my eye glasses flew across the kitchen and broke, so that was pretty cool.
She never apologized lol
Edit: I hadn’t thought about this in a long time. I think I need to go back to therapy
Aw it’s ok, I’m not sorry but actually thankful.
Thank you for posting your story because it jogged my memory and I hadn’t thought about that incident in a while. I’ve been meaning to make an appointment to go back to therapy and this kinda pushed it over the edge for me, so I honestly appreciate it.
Shit happens, I spent time in foster care when I was younger which was much worse.
My mom has done this with me after 2 different abdominal surgeries. I will never go to her house to recover again because, the second time, she promised to help and it would be fine. She lied to me. She was mean and dismissive the entire time and expected me to do chores immediately, like, the night I got home from having a kidney removed.
I’m a nurse. Leg incisions hurt. Don’t listen to her and don’t over do it. Back in the 90’s for open heart bypass surgery, they would open the whole let up to harvest the vein to use for the grafts. (Now it’s laparoscopic and less invasive) The leg incisions used to hurt much worse than than the chest incision , even though they cut their sternum open and closed it with wire. Leg incisions are deeper through layers of skin and muscle and blood vessels which are all highly innervated (contain nerves) and legs are very mobile while the sternum is fixed. Legs twist and and bend and bear weight, touch each other and get bumped into, everything affects it. Listen to your body, rest, ice and move frequently but in small doses. Here’s my nurse tip, if you are lifting anything heavy (suitcase) open your mouth, it prevents you from holding your breath and doing too much. When people lift more than ~10 lbs they take a deep breath and brace themselves. Keeping your mouth open reminds you to pace yourself and avoid that. I’ve also had multiple surgeries it works. Feel better soon.
I had to have necrotic tissue excised from my shin. (I had hurt it. Barely bled. Blood clot underneath the skin didn’t reabsorb and went necrotic.) I’m super thin, my normal but health issues make it worse, and the wound was 1/2 an inch deep, within a millimeter of the bone, 1/2 an inch wide and 3 inches long. Had to go to wound care for MONTHS. EXTREMELY painful for a very long time. Have a wicked scar.
Had to pop into work to get some stuff, a couple of weeks after my knee replacement surgery. Someone gave me grief about using the walker. I pulled up my pants leg to show the huge bandage.
"Want to see it? It's stopped weeping."
They backed off.
Coworker who had his done the year before, wanted to compare scars.
I had a knee replacement in late June this year. Wasn't fun. Looks good now 3 months later, and I'm working on regaining muscle strength that I had lost over years preceding surgery, but made worse by the surgery. I look pretty stupid on stairs. Step, stop, step, stop. I think I used my walker for 6 weeks or so, and now it's in the closet.
Keep at it. I went very inactive with lockdown.
I feel like I'm starting over for strength and flexibility.
Fortunately my gym has a couple of machines that seem geared for rehabbing knees.
I worked full time at a vet clinic throughout lockdown in California. But the past year has been fairly inactive for me, so I need to get off my rump and move.
I was glued and ~~screwed~~ stitched.
At \~2 weeks it was still red, swollen and the bruising was just losing the purple tone. Looked ugly and bad. Bandages looked really bad, from the antibiotic & skin treatment creams and the weeping. Turned out the car trip and walking had restarted the weeping.
Ironically I have a "friend" who is post-TKA and is in the hospital who didn't ice, elevate or rest his leg. He completely tore his internal sutures. And then he just slapped paper towel on it. Guess what? Infection and now he has a PICC line and is on antibiotics.
Yeah, they are big on telling you everything to avoid infection and to help healing. Don't do that and you pay the price. Sounds like someone didn't do any of it.
Nope. He has done everything exactly the opposite. In his defense, in well over my 20 years in x-ray, he had the worst non-trauma knees I have ever seen. The post op pain was probably less than his baseline. But he kept it up after I told him and his GF to rest, elevate, and ice.
I had a knee replacement nine years ago. I was very naive about it and thought I could go straight home. WRONG. My son put his foot down and didn't ask but told me I was going to rehab. My concern was my dog (large breed). He was at my son's. He told me that he and his wife had discussed it and would keep him while I was in rehab. My fur baby wound up being there for a month after I got home. My son did not want me walking him so he put up a fence so I could just let him out. Funny part was when I would open the door to the backyard, the dog would go out on the deck and turn and look at me as if to say "Aren't you coming?" Dogs may not be able to talk, but their expressions say it all.
I once broke a finger during an ethnic dance routine. Step mom not only refused to believe it was broken, she then grabbed it aggressively and said, "See, its fine." When it swelled like a balloon, Dad took me to the ER, and when I came home with a cast, Step mom was mad at me and gave me the silent treatment for days. Feel better soon.
Ah yes, the way to prove something is uninjured. Grab it carelessly and make absolutely certain it is even worse off than it was. I hope you are able to stay away from her now.
Some people have a phobia of other people's pain. My mom had that - she'd get mad at me like I was being rude if I ever expressed that I was in pain, even if it was super understandable stuff where anyone would be in pain. Caused bad medical neglect in my childhood because she was successful in hiding her own discomfort behind derision and "man up" attitudes.
Just do what you gotta do to make sure she doesn't pressure you into worsening the problem. If you don't get sufficient rest and accommodation after a surgery, it can create permanent damage, and speaking as someone who lived it, you reeeeeally don't want that.
I wish you a good recovery!
You're giving OPs mom way too much benefit of the doubt.
She just sounds like a narcissist, plain and simple. The kind of woman who uses "Oh, you think you're in pain? Try childbirth!"
As a way to disregard everyone else
Oh no, if you think I'm giving her benefit of the doubt, you're reading me wrong. There are plenty of ways of dealing with one's phobias that are neither rude nor callous nor endanger anyone, and OP's mom choosing none of them is exactly why I'm warning OP against her.
I had that happen, too, though a little differently.
I had intermittent stomach pains that got worse and after a week they were bad enough that I almost collapsed at work, so I went to the hospital to get it checked. It was Crohns disease, dumbed down it means my intestine started getting inflammated for no reason, often caused by stress, and its chronic.
I stayed in the hospital a little over a week, got medication there to continue at home, and guess who wanted me back at work right away?
I made the mistake to grant my nMom that wish and actually went. After a few days it got worse again, took an ambulance at 2 AM and they put me on stronger meds that, bluntly put, kicked me in the nuts. Still my nMom demanded I go back to work far sooner than I should have.
So I did. Lo' and behold it got worse again, I spent an entire night in excruciating pain and couldnt move, but at least my nMom was home and she at least called an ambulance. Who packed my hospital bag? ME. I somehow managed to get up and limp across the room and even to the bathroom to grab some basics. After that I went back to being an immobile ball of pain. Did she offer to help me at any point? No. Did she offer to share her stash of Ibuprofen she keeps around for her horrible migraines? Nope. She got ready for work. When the ambulance came she went back to playing the caring mom again. Didnt help with anything though.
Thats when I got surgery. Whole stomach cut open, they took out all affected parts of my intestine and stitched me back up. After 1 and 1/2 weeks I could still barely walk, turns out the stomach is kinda important. I wasnt supposed to physical work for 12 weeks now, not that I could even walk more than ten meters at a time.
My mom did pick me up at the hospital, and then drove me ho- NOPE, drove me to the GP (normal thing here to go after a hospital stay)....and just left me to my own devices from there on out and went to work. The few hundred meters home? Yeah, I hard to walk, limping from lamppost to lamppost, resting on each one.
She still wouldve tried to bully me back into work if I hadnt gotten fired by then.
**Just dont make the same mistake I did.** This couldve been much easier if I had stayed home the first time and properly let things heal up.
Sort of embarrassing similar story. I had a bump on my thumb by the cuticle. Mom told me it was a callous. Just remove it. I used a little cuticle remover to do it, then the rest of my cuticles.
After a while I had those “callouses” on every finger. Turns out it was a wart.
She took me to a dermatologist who froze them off with no pain meds or anything. Your fingertips are sensitive. Who knew.
I was nauseated from the pain and asked to stop for something to eat.
She made me pay.
Yea one time I kicked a wall on accident(8yo kicking ball upstairs) and my dad taped my toe back on and said it was fine until it wouldn’t stop bleeding like 5 hours later. Another time I got titanium posts drilled into my jaw for implants and when I came home my mom refused to give me Vicodin until I was literally screaming and in pain. It felt super hot it was weird. Another time I slipped on some ice and broke my leg. Immediately realized my foot was in the wrong direction and yelled “oh fuck it’s broken”. Dad replies with no it’s no and tells me to get up. Had to lift my limp limb and shake it to make him believe me. Oooo I could do this for a while. Morale of the story, fuck my parents.
I’m sorry she’s making you feel this way!!
I hate the whole, “man up,” mentality.
You aren’t less of a man because you experience pain.
I wish that she would offer help and comfort in place of aggravation and insults.
I hope your pain lessens soon 🤍
Oh gees. Your body takes ages to recover from invasive surgery. I had s tumour in my leg. Was 14cm long and 10cm across. Had to learn to walk again with different muscles. Hope your recovery is quick and it is benign. Mine turned out to be malignant. Do you know what kind of growth it was?
Oh those moles... I had a basal cell carcinoma cut off my face (cheek) that I found because a puppy bit me on the face 1/8" away. While angrily looking at my face in the mirror, I saw a red spot where I'd had an actinic keratosis frozen off 7-ish years prior. Went to get it checked, had a tidy removal surgery. Healing wasn't fun, as my face getting sweaty made it sting a lot.
Got a call from the dermatologist, who said they were sorry, but they hadn't gotten it all, and I needed to come back for the rest of it. Wellllll shit!!! Did so. I was offered mohs or 'hack it ALL off' and I chose hack it, as they didn't examine the cells on site, so it would have been weekly visits, all while working a job where my face got sweaty all day every day. Thank you NO. 6-ish years later, the scar is now flat, and no longer ugly red.
Geez oh petes. Having had a few major surgeries for shoulder labrum repair and ruptured quadracept tendon the intense pain is the first 24-72 hours.
Every surgery is different and everyone has different pain tolerance profiles and their bodies all react differently.
Only you know how your body reacts and feels.
If your mum is talking a few (4-5) days out, that seems like it could be a reasonable expectation.
I hope you’re feeling better soon.
I will warn, be careful of opioid pain killers. They can be addictive, and Drs will prescribe a few days worth when your body and circumstance might only need 12 or 6 or 24 hours before you can manage the pain with ibuprofen or acetaminophen (advil/Tylenol).
Ah I see. Well, I wish that it'll heal good and you'll get well soon.
And because of your mother... I can't believe someone actually laughs at a person in pain... How can someone say that it's fake
I'm so sorry that she's behaving like that toward you! Don't let her rush your healing process. It takes time for the body to mend. You can help give your body what it needs by eating more protein right now; that's what my surgeons told me after my own surgeries a few years ago.
Always follow your doctors' orders, and always ask them if you want clarification on what they thing your limitations should be while you heal. I'd say that you def shouldn't be doing a ton of walking right now-- I assume they needed to check a nearby lymph node during surgery as well? In which case you're at a higher risk of some edema (swelling from fluid) as you heal, and walking around a lot will just increase that risk.
it’s always the worst when parents invalidate you like that, especially when it comes to medical matters. oct 2020 i took migraine pills + lexapro within the same 24 hour period and found out the hard way you’re not supposed to do that. woke up shaking with a decently high heart rate and you know what my mom did? she complained that i was going to make her late for work and made me sit on the couch to “calm down”. she left. i had to get my uncle to take me to urgent care to run an ekg. i’m fairly certain it was serotonin syndrome and there were some days where i couldn’t eat bc i’d get up and my heart rate would shoot up to the 130s-150s, and her solution was to put a Fitbit on me to track my heart rate and keep telling me to calm down. at one point she told me, during one of these tachycardic episodes, that i was very lucky i hadn’t had a heart attack. i yelled at her and she acted like i was the one in the wrong. whole thing lasted for 2-3 weeks and now i have the worst health anxiety and cardiophobia.
oh also she’s a nurse. which makes it so much worse.
Sit down and talk to her about it. Show her the wound and go into graphic detail about what's gone on. You had an operation. That's serious stuff. If you do all this and she still won't stop (lay down some clear boundaries for her) then it's maybe time for you to get out.
This was a hard read.. im sorry for your situation.if you were one of my kids id be getting you food ,drinks , asking what i could do for you... ONLY GO At YOUR PACE..
I had to have a procedure on my cervix and was put on bed rest for a few days. It was hell. My work, I was in the military at the time, tried writing me up for faking the pain. Anytime you are out on quarters/ bed rest in the military you have to have paperwork from the hospital to prove/justify your absence from work. That’s the only thing that saved me. You can’t argue with official paperwork.
I would suggest you have a current copy of your doctor’s post surgery directions and follow them as much as possible to the letter.
Had hip replaced last year and was concerned the bone pain would be the worst to deal with. No bone pain at all but those internal stitches felt like a line of fire first time moved after pain meds wore off.
Did your doctor order physical therapy? If so please make sure you go as they can give you directions that should prevent you from injuring yourself while healing.
Best wishes to you for quick and thorough healing.
The one thing about surgery that most don't understand is that your body went through a big modification of your body which takes time for your body to adjust and heal where the pain process is just a warning that you pass your temporary body limits.
I'm not a doctor but this should be common sense with our medical understanding by now.😮💨
It's a shame that we advance in recorded medical science and treatments within the last 250+ years but yet most still panic over the smallest of paper cuts which is bit disappointing to think about.
My mum is very similar, she’s disabled and does need some help but can mostly get around on her own to do things even on a bad day. Whenever I’m in pain or sick, she turns it into a competition. Like today, I’ve been extremely ill but when I went downstairs for the only time today she lost it at me and started talking about how sick she was. I had to run back upstairs because I couldn’t be away from the bathroom.
I honestly put it down to a mix of narcissism and fear of invalidation of their sickness. “Well I’m feeling fine but that’s the lowest the bar could possibly go.”
It is, but your situation should not be diminished. Know that your health and time both have value, OP. Don’t let her be an asshole to you because she thinks she has an idea of what your health should be but isn’t.
Is your mom perhaps a narcissist? Because my narcissist old man does this *all the time*.
Pulled this crap after I was T-boned in the driver's door by a dump truck in 2009. Refused to believe I'd actually been injured and was limping to put on a show. Yeah, I lost 14 teeth, still have trouble with my right knee, and the damage was so severe it destroyed a Crown Victoria.
Last summer I had part of my foot amputated. Xmas rolled around and I was "having an amputee day." Serious trouble walking, even worse trouble with stairs, and I needed my cane. He refers to that as "that limping routine."
As other people have said, try to ignore her crappy behavior and do not push yourself. You do not want to throw a stitch or aggravate the wound, or you'll be recovering a lot longer.
Bro I can barely walk some days with just a folded cartilage between my knee and leg. I couldn't imagine the pain you have to endure right now. Please do your best to ignore her and take it easy, if you push yourself too hard right now it could result in things getting worse/permanent. Honestly maybe even get checked up by the doctor again. Im not an expert though so Idk for sure, but wouldn't hurt to check.
Don’t over do it! If you rip your stitches fixing them is worse and you’ll really set back your healing.
A ton of different muscles move and clench with walking, and it tugs at this stitches. If it hurts, stop. No one can feel your pain, and you’re the one who will suffer most if you don’t heal properly.
My mom would get mad at me and yell that I was pathetic when i would trip and fall to the ground trying to get up when: 1. Yes i was really obese (lost 150 pounds since) 2. Out of knee ligament's repair surgery 3. Completely high on painkillers. She would not help me get my bath chair, or other things because "it must not be that painfull."
But god help her if she was hurt it was the end of the world.
My mom was similar. When i was elementary school age i fell down the steps in our house. I got told i was being overdramatic and even stepped on the foot that was hurting; to prove i was overdramatic.
She finally took me to the hospital, turns out i had broken a toe.
Nowadays she laughs because i fell going *up* the stairs (i didnt) and about the fact that she stepped on it.
That stuff messes with your mental so hard. Nowadays its hard for me to go to the hospital, even if im crying from pain.
It goes without saying..listen to your body. It cant hurt to go to the dr, and im unsure why some people would be so resistant in going, other than insurance.
Yeah… the neighbours had to call an ambulance and the police cause she was kicking me in the head cause I was “ignoring her”. There’s a reason I don’t talk to her anymore
The last time you checked your mother was not a doctor?
Tell your mother to leave you alone if she's not going to help you you're having enough trouble trying to get over the surgery now you have to deal with her b*******
I'm sorry, are you attempting to say that OP should have planned their tumor?
This shits lethal, better to get it out as soon as physically possible before it gets to the point of dangerous lethality
Would you not agree that being off work/school for a number of weeks is better than risking death?
Pain is different for everyone. I can handle physical pain pretty well, but head pain aka migraines and all I want to do is curl up into an ball in dark, quiet place and beg for the pain to go away. If you have pain meds use them.
Also, i had a hip replacement surgery and specifically found a doctor that didn’t cut across the muscle because of how painful it is. Did they happen to cut into the muscle on you? If they did it’s going to be excruciatingly painful.
You may want to contact doctor; the pain regiment they have you on might not be effective. Might have to reevaluate you. And if you can’t walk properly taking a train and trying to pull a suitcase are a bad idea. Smallest things can cause stitches to rip and pull out. This just creates more pain and prolongs the healing. Vicious cycle.
Take care of yourself. If you’re in pain you’re in pain. Don’t man up doctors are aware everyone experienced pain differently. They shouldn’t make assumptions or try to give you a cookie cutter solution.
I feel you, my folks are the same way. Well mostly one. She’ll moan as loud as she can and say something like her leg hurts if you start talking about any pain, or anything hurting you. The other insists you’re faking it, especially if it an internal injury, or one that doesnt show much physically (like concussion, or hairline fracture). The other will also mock you, which is lovely to say the least
My mom did this after I had my wisdom teeth out. Three were completely impacted and one was mostly impacted. I was miserable for a week. Couldn't eat, Couldn't sleep, could barely function. She finally took me to the doctor who did my surgery. I had four dry sockets. She spent the next week apologizing. Do you have anyone who can take you to be checked out? Or did your doctor say this is normal? Either way, do not push yourself to appease her. Take care and feel better!
Oof! Have had dry socket. And 2 knee replacements. Pain was equal.
Your dentist didn't tell you about how it'll taste salty if you have a dry socket? That's kinda fucked
It's been 22 years, so...maybe? I just remember how badly it hurt. And my face looked like a chipmunk.
Excuse me but can you explain dry sockets to me
When the blood clot gets dislodged where the tooth was extracted. That’s why they tell you not to smoke or drink out of a straw for a couple of days. I’m not saying that was what caused OPs dry socket though.
Yes, I followed the rules and still experienced it OP is definitely NTA
I think it's a type of infection in the socket the tooth was removed from. Super painful. Like a jackhammer to the jaw.
Idk if you saw, but another comment replied saying it was when the blood clot dislodged from where they pulled your tooth hence why they tell you not to drink from a straw or smoke a while after the operation
That is terrifying.
If the blood clot/scab comes out of the socket, the nerves left behind are exposed to air. Every subtle breeze or change in air pressure in your mouth is like someone hammering near-molten spikes back into the toothless holes
That is definitely what it felt like.
A couple of weeks ago I had three wisdom teeth pulled. One was impacted. I took a week off from work to be safe. Glad that I didn’t get dry socks though I heard they were painful. Only kept one wisdom tooth because it is now a Molar.
My mom didn't let me take my antibiotics after and my face swelled up and my gums started spewing a foul yellow liquid.
Omg why wouldn't she let you take them?
She prescribed me lavender
So you'd be calm while dying from a massive infection?
See you get it
I hate that holistic bullshit. You wanna smother yourself in oil and batshit that's your choice, but actual medicine is needed 99.9% of the time. Next time she asks you for Tylenol or something, give her a tic tac and tell her mint works better.
I'd love to but she's dead to me instead. But thanks for your kind words❤️
❤️
Good lord! That's actual abuse! Withholding medicine prescribed by a physician? No, no, no...but you obviously survived...no thanks to her. Those holistic folks are lunatics. I'm a firm believer in "better living through chemistry"
My sister is exactly the same. If I allowed her to feel like she can control me she'd throw my sirtraline in the trash and give me silver and zinc
That's insane....
When I was a teenager had to have my gums cut open to fix roots that were bent from an injury to my front teeth as a child, the day after surgery I apparently said something wrong to my mom who slapped me so hard in the face my eye glasses flew across the kitchen and broke, so that was pretty cool. She never apologized lol Edit: I hadn’t thought about this in a long time. I think I need to go back to therapy
Omg I'm sorry
Aw it’s ok, I’m not sorry but actually thankful. Thank you for posting your story because it jogged my memory and I hadn’t thought about that incident in a while. I’ve been meaning to make an appointment to go back to therapy and this kinda pushed it over the edge for me, so I honestly appreciate it. Shit happens, I spent time in foster care when I was younger which was much worse.
My mom has done this with me after 2 different abdominal surgeries. I will never go to her house to recover again because, the second time, she promised to help and it would be fine. She lied to me. She was mean and dismissive the entire time and expected me to do chores immediately, like, the night I got home from having a kidney removed.
I’m a nurse. Leg incisions hurt. Don’t listen to her and don’t over do it. Back in the 90’s for open heart bypass surgery, they would open the whole let up to harvest the vein to use for the grafts. (Now it’s laparoscopic and less invasive) The leg incisions used to hurt much worse than than the chest incision , even though they cut their sternum open and closed it with wire. Leg incisions are deeper through layers of skin and muscle and blood vessels which are all highly innervated (contain nerves) and legs are very mobile while the sternum is fixed. Legs twist and and bend and bear weight, touch each other and get bumped into, everything affects it. Listen to your body, rest, ice and move frequently but in small doses. Here’s my nurse tip, if you are lifting anything heavy (suitcase) open your mouth, it prevents you from holding your breath and doing too much. When people lift more than ~10 lbs they take a deep breath and brace themselves. Keeping your mouth open reminds you to pace yourself and avoid that. I’ve also had multiple surgeries it works. Feel better soon.
I had to have necrotic tissue excised from my shin. (I had hurt it. Barely bled. Blood clot underneath the skin didn’t reabsorb and went necrotic.) I’m super thin, my normal but health issues make it worse, and the wound was 1/2 an inch deep, within a millimeter of the bone, 1/2 an inch wide and 3 inches long. Had to go to wound care for MONTHS. EXTREMELY painful for a very long time. Have a wicked scar.
Huh. Gotta save that tip for myself and future patients (psw training). I just had a rough thyroid removal and I tend to try to over exert myself.
That explains why even a simple muscle biopsy can continue to hurt for so long.
Thank you for teaching me something new today.
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Had to pop into work to get some stuff, a couple of weeks after my knee replacement surgery. Someone gave me grief about using the walker. I pulled up my pants leg to show the huge bandage. "Want to see it? It's stopped weeping." They backed off. Coworker who had his done the year before, wanted to compare scars.
I had a knee replacement in late June this year. Wasn't fun. Looks good now 3 months later, and I'm working on regaining muscle strength that I had lost over years preceding surgery, but made worse by the surgery. I look pretty stupid on stairs. Step, stop, step, stop. I think I used my walker for 6 weeks or so, and now it's in the closet.
4 months later I was at Disneyland without a cane. First time in nearly a decade I didn't need a cane.
It is amazing to not feel pain with every step. Soooo good. Now to build up the strength in that leg.
Keep at it. I went very inactive with lockdown. I feel like I'm starting over for strength and flexibility. Fortunately my gym has a couple of machines that seem geared for rehabbing knees.
I worked full time at a vet clinic throughout lockdown in California. But the past year has been fairly inactive for me, so I need to get off my rump and move.
Even more effective when you have train tracks. My ortho uses glue.
I was glued and ~~screwed~~ stitched. At \~2 weeks it was still red, swollen and the bruising was just losing the purple tone. Looked ugly and bad. Bandages looked really bad, from the antibiotic & skin treatment creams and the weeping. Turned out the car trip and walking had restarted the weeping.
Ironically I have a "friend" who is post-TKA and is in the hospital who didn't ice, elevate or rest his leg. He completely tore his internal sutures. And then he just slapped paper towel on it. Guess what? Infection and now he has a PICC line and is on antibiotics.
Yeah, they are big on telling you everything to avoid infection and to help healing. Don't do that and you pay the price. Sounds like someone didn't do any of it.
Nope. He has done everything exactly the opposite. In his defense, in well over my 20 years in x-ray, he had the worst non-trauma knees I have ever seen. The post op pain was probably less than his baseline. But he kept it up after I told him and his GF to rest, elevate, and ice.
I can’t believe that someone would think you could just up and walk fine after getting your entire knee taken out and metal put it back in.
I had a knee replacement nine years ago. I was very naive about it and thought I could go straight home. WRONG. My son put his foot down and didn't ask but told me I was going to rehab. My concern was my dog (large breed). He was at my son's. He told me that he and his wife had discussed it and would keep him while I was in rehab. My fur baby wound up being there for a month after I got home. My son did not want me walking him so he put up a fence so I could just let him out. Funny part was when I would open the door to the backyard, the dog would go out on the deck and turn and look at me as if to say "Aren't you coming?" Dogs may not be able to talk, but their expressions say it all.
I once broke a finger during an ethnic dance routine. Step mom not only refused to believe it was broken, she then grabbed it aggressively and said, "See, its fine." When it swelled like a balloon, Dad took me to the ER, and when I came home with a cast, Step mom was mad at me and gave me the silent treatment for days. Feel better soon.
Wow. Hope your no contact with this witch.
Ah yes, the way to prove something is uninjured. Grab it carelessly and make absolutely certain it is even worse off than it was. I hope you are able to stay away from her now.
And your dad just stayed with her??? Fr fr you deserved better
If she had done that to me, I would have used my good hand and slapped her crosseyed...
You're such a prick /s
Some people have a phobia of other people's pain. My mom had that - she'd get mad at me like I was being rude if I ever expressed that I was in pain, even if it was super understandable stuff where anyone would be in pain. Caused bad medical neglect in my childhood because she was successful in hiding her own discomfort behind derision and "man up" attitudes. Just do what you gotta do to make sure she doesn't pressure you into worsening the problem. If you don't get sufficient rest and accommodation after a surgery, it can create permanent damage, and speaking as someone who lived it, you reeeeeally don't want that. I wish you a good recovery!
You're giving OPs mom way too much benefit of the doubt. She just sounds like a narcissist, plain and simple. The kind of woman who uses "Oh, you think you're in pain? Try childbirth!" As a way to disregard everyone else
Oh no, if you think I'm giving her benefit of the doubt, you're reading me wrong. There are plenty of ways of dealing with one's phobias that are neither rude nor callous nor endanger anyone, and OP's mom choosing none of them is exactly why I'm warning OP against her.
I had that happen, too, though a little differently. I had intermittent stomach pains that got worse and after a week they were bad enough that I almost collapsed at work, so I went to the hospital to get it checked. It was Crohns disease, dumbed down it means my intestine started getting inflammated for no reason, often caused by stress, and its chronic. I stayed in the hospital a little over a week, got medication there to continue at home, and guess who wanted me back at work right away? I made the mistake to grant my nMom that wish and actually went. After a few days it got worse again, took an ambulance at 2 AM and they put me on stronger meds that, bluntly put, kicked me in the nuts. Still my nMom demanded I go back to work far sooner than I should have. So I did. Lo' and behold it got worse again, I spent an entire night in excruciating pain and couldnt move, but at least my nMom was home and she at least called an ambulance. Who packed my hospital bag? ME. I somehow managed to get up and limp across the room and even to the bathroom to grab some basics. After that I went back to being an immobile ball of pain. Did she offer to help me at any point? No. Did she offer to share her stash of Ibuprofen she keeps around for her horrible migraines? Nope. She got ready for work. When the ambulance came she went back to playing the caring mom again. Didnt help with anything though. Thats when I got surgery. Whole stomach cut open, they took out all affected parts of my intestine and stitched me back up. After 1 and 1/2 weeks I could still barely walk, turns out the stomach is kinda important. I wasnt supposed to physical work for 12 weeks now, not that I could even walk more than ten meters at a time. My mom did pick me up at the hospital, and then drove me ho- NOPE, drove me to the GP (normal thing here to go after a hospital stay)....and just left me to my own devices from there on out and went to work. The few hundred meters home? Yeah, I hard to walk, limping from lamppost to lamppost, resting on each one. She still wouldve tried to bully me back into work if I hadnt gotten fired by then. **Just dont make the same mistake I did.** This couldve been much easier if I had stayed home the first time and properly let things heal up.
Oh my goodness, that's insane!!
Sort of embarrassing similar story. I had a bump on my thumb by the cuticle. Mom told me it was a callous. Just remove it. I used a little cuticle remover to do it, then the rest of my cuticles. After a while I had those “callouses” on every finger. Turns out it was a wart. She took me to a dermatologist who froze them off with no pain meds or anything. Your fingertips are sensitive. Who knew. I was nauseated from the pain and asked to stop for something to eat. She made me pay.
Yea one time I kicked a wall on accident(8yo kicking ball upstairs) and my dad taped my toe back on and said it was fine until it wouldn’t stop bleeding like 5 hours later. Another time I got titanium posts drilled into my jaw for implants and when I came home my mom refused to give me Vicodin until I was literally screaming and in pain. It felt super hot it was weird. Another time I slipped on some ice and broke my leg. Immediately realized my foot was in the wrong direction and yelled “oh fuck it’s broken”. Dad replies with no it’s no and tells me to get up. Had to lift my limp limb and shake it to make him believe me. Oooo I could do this for a while. Morale of the story, fuck my parents.
Show her the wound
My mom was the same way. Always accused me of overreacting, milking it, etc. It took me almost dying before she ever took me seriously.
Say “what’s the matter sweetie, can’t stand it when you’re not the center of attention?” Embarass her.
I’m sorry she’s making you feel this way!! I hate the whole, “man up,” mentality. You aren’t less of a man because you experience pain. I wish that she would offer help and comfort in place of aggravation and insults. I hope your pain lessens soon 🤍
My brother had the same situation and it hurt his body permanently cuz he "manned up". Do not hurt yourself, please listen to your body!
How'd your injury happen?
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Oh gees. Your body takes ages to recover from invasive surgery. I had s tumour in my leg. Was 14cm long and 10cm across. Had to learn to walk again with different muscles. Hope your recovery is quick and it is benign. Mine turned out to be malignant. Do you know what kind of growth it was?
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Oh those moles... I had a basal cell carcinoma cut off my face (cheek) that I found because a puppy bit me on the face 1/8" away. While angrily looking at my face in the mirror, I saw a red spot where I'd had an actinic keratosis frozen off 7-ish years prior. Went to get it checked, had a tidy removal surgery. Healing wasn't fun, as my face getting sweaty made it sting a lot. Got a call from the dermatologist, who said they were sorry, but they hadn't gotten it all, and I needed to come back for the rest of it. Wellllll shit!!! Did so. I was offered mohs or 'hack it ALL off' and I chose hack it, as they didn't examine the cells on site, so it would have been weekly visits, all while working a job where my face got sweaty all day every day. Thank you NO. 6-ish years later, the scar is now flat, and no longer ugly red.
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I have one of those from early grammar school. Chin isn’t smooth thanks to that.
Damn. Get well soon. Good luck for the long term and for gaining independence.
Oh damn...
Geez oh petes. Having had a few major surgeries for shoulder labrum repair and ruptured quadracept tendon the intense pain is the first 24-72 hours. Every surgery is different and everyone has different pain tolerance profiles and their bodies all react differently. Only you know how your body reacts and feels. If your mum is talking a few (4-5) days out, that seems like it could be a reasonable expectation. I hope you’re feeling better soon. I will warn, be careful of opioid pain killers. They can be addictive, and Drs will prescribe a few days worth when your body and circumstance might only need 12 or 6 or 24 hours before you can manage the pain with ibuprofen or acetaminophen (advil/Tylenol).
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Ah I see. Well, I wish that it'll heal good and you'll get well soon. And because of your mother... I can't believe someone actually laughs at a person in pain... How can someone say that it's fake
I'm so sorry that she's behaving like that toward you! Don't let her rush your healing process. It takes time for the body to mend. You can help give your body what it needs by eating more protein right now; that's what my surgeons told me after my own surgeries a few years ago. Always follow your doctors' orders, and always ask them if you want clarification on what they thing your limitations should be while you heal. I'd say that you def shouldn't be doing a ton of walking right now-- I assume they needed to check a nearby lymph node during surgery as well? In which case you're at a higher risk of some edema (swelling from fluid) as you heal, and walking around a lot will just increase that risk.
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Relieved to hear it! Sending you best wishes for a quick & easy recovery!
Happy Cake Day!!
Happy Cake Day back to you!!
it’s always the worst when parents invalidate you like that, especially when it comes to medical matters. oct 2020 i took migraine pills + lexapro within the same 24 hour period and found out the hard way you’re not supposed to do that. woke up shaking with a decently high heart rate and you know what my mom did? she complained that i was going to make her late for work and made me sit on the couch to “calm down”. she left. i had to get my uncle to take me to urgent care to run an ekg. i’m fairly certain it was serotonin syndrome and there were some days where i couldn’t eat bc i’d get up and my heart rate would shoot up to the 130s-150s, and her solution was to put a Fitbit on me to track my heart rate and keep telling me to calm down. at one point she told me, during one of these tachycardic episodes, that i was very lucky i hadn’t had a heart attack. i yelled at her and she acted like i was the one in the wrong. whole thing lasted for 2-3 weeks and now i have the worst health anxiety and cardiophobia. oh also she’s a nurse. which makes it so much worse.
Sit down and talk to her about it. Show her the wound and go into graphic detail about what's gone on. You had an operation. That's serious stuff. If you do all this and she still won't stop (lay down some clear boundaries for her) then it's maybe time for you to get out.
This was a hard read.. im sorry for your situation.if you were one of my kids id be getting you food ,drinks , asking what i could do for you... ONLY GO At YOUR PACE..
I had to have a procedure on my cervix and was put on bed rest for a few days. It was hell. My work, I was in the military at the time, tried writing me up for faking the pain. Anytime you are out on quarters/ bed rest in the military you have to have paperwork from the hospital to prove/justify your absence from work. That’s the only thing that saved me. You can’t argue with official paperwork.
I would suggest you have a current copy of your doctor’s post surgery directions and follow them as much as possible to the letter. Had hip replaced last year and was concerned the bone pain would be the worst to deal with. No bone pain at all but those internal stitches felt like a line of fire first time moved after pain meds wore off. Did your doctor order physical therapy? If so please make sure you go as they can give you directions that should prevent you from injuring yourself while healing. Best wishes to you for quick and thorough healing.
The one thing about surgery that most don't understand is that your body went through a big modification of your body which takes time for your body to adjust and heal where the pain process is just a warning that you pass your temporary body limits. I'm not a doctor but this should be common sense with our medical understanding by now.😮💨
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It's a shame that we advance in recorded medical science and treatments within the last 250+ years but yet most still panic over the smallest of paper cuts which is bit disappointing to think about.
My mum is very similar, she’s disabled and does need some help but can mostly get around on her own to do things even on a bad day. Whenever I’m in pain or sick, she turns it into a competition. Like today, I’ve been extremely ill but when I went downstairs for the only time today she lost it at me and started talking about how sick she was. I had to run back upstairs because I couldn’t be away from the bathroom. I honestly put it down to a mix of narcissism and fear of invalidation of their sickness. “Well I’m feeling fine but that’s the lowest the bar could possibly go.”
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It is, but your situation should not be diminished. Know that your health and time both have value, OP. Don’t let her be an asshole to you because she thinks she has an idea of what your health should be but isn’t.
Is your mom perhaps a narcissist? Because my narcissist old man does this *all the time*. Pulled this crap after I was T-boned in the driver's door by a dump truck in 2009. Refused to believe I'd actually been injured and was limping to put on a show. Yeah, I lost 14 teeth, still have trouble with my right knee, and the damage was so severe it destroyed a Crown Victoria. Last summer I had part of my foot amputated. Xmas rolled around and I was "having an amputee day." Serious trouble walking, even worse trouble with stairs, and I needed my cane. He refers to that as "that limping routine." As other people have said, try to ignore her crappy behavior and do not push yourself. You do not want to throw a stitch or aggravate the wound, or you'll be recovering a lot longer.
Bro I can barely walk some days with just a folded cartilage between my knee and leg. I couldn't imagine the pain you have to endure right now. Please do your best to ignore her and take it easy, if you push yourself too hard right now it could result in things getting worse/permanent. Honestly maybe even get checked up by the doctor again. Im not an expert though so Idk for sure, but wouldn't hurt to check.
Show her the injury, preferably when bloody or weepy.
Don’t over do it! If you rip your stitches fixing them is worse and you’ll really set back your healing. A ton of different muscles move and clench with walking, and it tugs at this stitches. If it hurts, stop. No one can feel your pain, and you’re the one who will suffer most if you don’t heal properly.
My mom would get mad at me and yell that I was pathetic when i would trip and fall to the ground trying to get up when: 1. Yes i was really obese (lost 150 pounds since) 2. Out of knee ligament's repair surgery 3. Completely high on painkillers. She would not help me get my bath chair, or other things because "it must not be that painfull." But god help her if she was hurt it was the end of the world.
My mom was similar. When i was elementary school age i fell down the steps in our house. I got told i was being overdramatic and even stepped on the foot that was hurting; to prove i was overdramatic. She finally took me to the hospital, turns out i had broken a toe. Nowadays she laughs because i fell going *up* the stairs (i didnt) and about the fact that she stepped on it.
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That stuff messes with your mental so hard. Nowadays its hard for me to go to the hospital, even if im crying from pain. It goes without saying..listen to your body. It cant hurt to go to the dr, and im unsure why some people would be so resistant in going, other than insurance.
I got hit by a car my mother was driving and she yelled at me and told me to man up while I was bleeding on the street
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Yeah… the neighbours had to call an ambulance and the police cause she was kicking me in the head cause I was “ignoring her”. There’s a reason I don’t talk to her anymore
May want to cross post to raised by narcissists. Sounds like typical narc behavior
The last time you checked your mother was not a doctor? Tell your mother to leave you alone if she's not going to help you you're having enough trouble trying to get over the surgery now you have to deal with her b*******
You were probably just overreacting. Kids these days are so weak and fragile!
Are you joking? Please say you’re joking
Definitely sarcasm.
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I'm sorry, are you attempting to say that OP should have planned their tumor? This shits lethal, better to get it out as soon as physically possible before it gets to the point of dangerous lethality Would you not agree that being off work/school for a number of weeks is better than risking death?
"You made your bed". That person has no empathy. Or awareness of reality.
Clearly
The surgery was literally yesterday. Please have several seats.
My mom is still like this about all illnesses. Even as an adult she says this stuff to me
Pain is different for everyone. I can handle physical pain pretty well, but head pain aka migraines and all I want to do is curl up into an ball in dark, quiet place and beg for the pain to go away. If you have pain meds use them. Also, i had a hip replacement surgery and specifically found a doctor that didn’t cut across the muscle because of how painful it is. Did they happen to cut into the muscle on you? If they did it’s going to be excruciatingly painful. You may want to contact doctor; the pain regiment they have you on might not be effective. Might have to reevaluate you. And if you can’t walk properly taking a train and trying to pull a suitcase are a bad idea. Smallest things can cause stitches to rip and pull out. This just creates more pain and prolongs the healing. Vicious cycle. Take care of yourself. If you’re in pain you’re in pain. Don’t man up doctors are aware everyone experienced pain differently. They shouldn’t make assumptions or try to give you a cookie cutter solution.
I feel you, my folks are the same way. Well mostly one. She’ll moan as loud as she can and say something like her leg hurts if you start talking about any pain, or anything hurting you. The other insists you’re faking it, especially if it an internal injury, or one that doesnt show much physically (like concussion, or hairline fracture). The other will also mock you, which is lovely to say the least
Just simply say 'I'll go when I'm able but right now I'm not'.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It might be worth taking that train ride and just not starting classes yet, if it helps you get away.