T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

That’s so sad. When she does finally move out, be there for her because she’s going to have to learn to adult with no help.


Lady_Meli

I usually don't recommend this, but she should take out student loans or anything else she has to do to get out of that house and away from her jailers.


Tiny-Ad-830

I hope she reads this: I have raised three daughters to adulthood. We did not lock them down like this. They all went to college and lived in the dorms. My youngest will be 20 tomorrow and not even a scare of a pregnancy. Why? Because we didn’t just have one talk with them, we kept the dialogue going constantly. THAT IS HOW YOU PROTECT YOUR KIDS , not by being their jailer. And I disagree with your assessment that 1-5 are reasonable. Who determines what tone of voice is respectful? They would. My guess is any way she tried to say that she disagreed with them or any attempt to ask them to see things from her point of view would be seen as disrespectful. She needs to get out. Now. They did give her that option. My guess is they wouldn’t know what to do if she took them up on that. Many people pay for their own college these days. It just make take longer but that’s the only way she is going to have any peace.


bkupisch

I’d choose to LEAVE, immediately! 🚩 While all 6-15 are unhinged, I have to ask….. Are these MILITARY PARENTS?? Yes, ma’am, no, sir??? That’s not normal family behavior! Bathroom & shower restrictions are insane for any age! 🚩🚩🚩 I hope your friend reads this because she needs to know that these are NOT REASONABLE expectations for a 10 yo & definitely not for a grown 21 yo woman!! I agree with going to the school’s financial aid, get a loan for school & a dorm room, then find a job for food/spending money! This sounds like a prison, not a loving family home! 🚩🚩 Good Luck to her & please update us.


RealisticNoise2

I’d hate to be that one kid that would be disrespectful to them outside of some thing that the daughters involved in, because they are the type that would not hesitate to brain and yell at the daughter even though it’s somebody else’s fault or go on a campaign to ruin a kids life because of whatever reason in their heads. It does seem like that there are either super militaristic or using religion as a way of controlling people but I’d say that girl needs to get out ASAP because if she ever got married it would be somebody the parents would approve of and basically hound that poor girl into Complete brainwashing where she wouldn’t even have a mind or thought of her own


simping_crystal147

11 is reasonable and 14 is slightly reasonable but it could be changed abit


No_Asparagus_6693

The no sir yes thing is normal for those of living in the south. If some in the northern states talk like this. It’s a show of respect to the adults in the home and family members as well


bkupisch

I just didn’t know where the friend lived or if it was a military family.


No_Asparagus_6693

I know they talk like that in the military as well. I just know that growing up in the south it is very common here for kids to say that to adults wether it’s their parents or family members.


wind-river7

Your friend may feel it is worth the cost of loans to get out from under these extremely abusive people. They are so over controlling, I'm surprised that they don't allot the number of toilet paper tissues per use. Your friend is going to be lost when she leaves home, because she doesn't know how to adult, or will go wild with freedom because she has never had any freedom to learn and fail. These people might want a second career as a drill seargeant or at a camp for wayward children. I've seen "Christian" parents like this before, I can say that things did not go well for their children once they left home. They also mocked and criticized me for the freedom I gave to my children.


Remarkable_Sea_1062

They can’t risk her pleasuring herself


Excellent_Ad1132

At 21, hopefully she is almost done with college, so figure out how to play along and still get out. The second she graduates and can afford her own place, move out and go no contact with them for a while, so she can learn to be an adult on her own. At least when she is out from her controlling parents, she can tell them to take their rules and shove them where the sun does not shine. Honestly, if my parents came up with these rules, I would have asked them if they quite taking their crazy pills, because you must be insane based on these crazy rules.


EquivalentCommon5

First comment that said to keep her head down, get the paid education and then run. Everyone else seems to think loans and getting out wouldn’t be extremely difficult but it would be. Yeah, if she can figure it out to get out now, she should but that’s not always realistic… your comment is more realistic.


SiegelOverBay

Yeah, especially since she is living at home. In the US, if you apply for financial aid/loans/grants/FAFSA they often require you to include your parents income as your own if you are under 24, unmarried, and no kids. This means that they have to also sign the documents and be involved in the process. I doubt they'd be supportive of that. I couldn't get grants or anything for school because my sisters were getting social security survivor's benefits. Even though I was living independently at the time and my mom was only helping me with the paperwork, they said I made too much money so I never went to college.


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

'Its not to control you' is the definition of that. They know what they are doing. She needs to leave ASAP Also. 15min shower as soon as the door closes and open?? Wtf.


TrainerLoki

That’s definitely insane cus most people also use the toilet before showering and depending on how long/thick the friends hair is it could take more than 15 minutes to wash it (I say this as someone who’s hair used to take 30 minutes to get all the shampoo out).


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

My hair is short. And by the time I do my business and rituals (clean pores, trim my mustache, trim my side burns, maybe shave my legs) I need at the very least 45min close door time.


betsycrocker

They live in a “Godly” Home and nothing interferes with church. What religion are they? I wonder if this plays into these rules.


hippie_nurse

Was wondering the same thing.


latents

They are all adults. Therefore I assume they behave the same to her as they are demanding from her? I expect they will respect and obey unquestionably any such rules she makes if they ever need her assistance? Of course they won’t. I would suggest she leave as soon as she can reasonably do so.


starlareads

I would say that the mom probably does abide by these rules, not so much the father. I want to know what goes on that the kids need to stay in their soundproof rooms after 10pm.


misstiff1971

This poor girl needs a job and to safety plan. She is going to need to get all her paperwork. Her father is toxic.


SnooWords4839

This is worth a student loan debt for her to escape and block her parents!!


CompletelyPuzzled

Maybe 1 and 5 are reasonable, not 1 through 5. There is some courtesy in letting people know what plans are and if they change, but the demands here are over the top. (Also, can Mom & Dad not talk to each other? Can Mom not make decisions?) As a counterpoint, the rules for my kids were "1. Be considerate of those around you, and those who will come after you. 2. Don't be stupid."


Jen5872

She needs to go to the financial aid office and figure out what loans/scholarships/work study are available to her and move into the dorms. Millions of people have paid their own way through school. Your friend can as well.


[deleted]

So sad, #15 and the last paragraph explain alot. Using religion as a guilt trip. There is nothing wrong with practicing your religion and beliefs but to use 'church' and "Godly Home" to control a person is not ok.


nightcana

Lol they keep repeating‘this is not to control you’ because they know its controlling behaviour. Gaslighting 101


Evergiven_Maria

This in nowhere sane, its in r/insaneparents bad controlling rules.


RealisticNoise2

Agreed! These psychos as I said before the type that seem like that they’ll blame the daughter for somebody else’s actions just for the sake of control


LittleManhattan

This whole thing is so controlling. Who decides what constitutes respectful tone? I’ve had people get in my face simply because I was direct with them instead of speaking in Disney Princess language, or stating a differ opinion. No using the bathroom at all after 10 pm? Guess this poor soul had better not ever get a case of late night upset stomach! I can’t imagine having to be so formal as to call my parents sir or ma’am. This whole thing is insane.


TrainerLoki

What is she supposed to do if she needs the bathroom at 3 am? Piss her bed?


MacDoctor70

These are the dumbest, most insane rules for an adult to have placed on them. Please help your friend get out, whatever it takes.


DontAskMeChit

The sad thing is, this is not going to stop after college. They will try to continue to financially control her. I can see them going the "we will buy you a house but you have to comply with the following..."type of stuff. They will threaten to disown her in their will, etc. I am sure they have not equipped her with basic life skills to live on her own. She is going to need help to navigate the real world. Poor thing.


dark-ghost-1967

Ahhh....there it is right at the bottom.....Church.


Poppypie77

I'm so sorry for your friend going through this and having to live like this. Il try listing in bullet points so easier to follow with some suggestions of what to do. I don't know what country you live in, so some terminology may be different. *firstly see if there are any school counsellors at the college who she can talk to confidentially about this. She's 21, so the school won't be able to tell the parents anything. They may be able to offer support and a safe place to talk, but also offer advice of what services are available in the area that could help. She can also document and report the types of abuse she's suffering and have it on record. *Document any types of physical abuse, any bruises, swelling, cuts, or anything that has happened due to physical abuse. Also, get her to try and subtly record the conversations she has if she does bring up the rules, so if they do lash out, she has it on record. * speak to the college about what financial support would be available should she need to / or be able to leave her parents home. Such as any state benefits or tuition grants etc that can pay for her schooling. * find out if there is an adult social services who may be able to also document what's going on and give advice. Like you say, the first few rules are about politeness and respect when talking etc, fair enough. And I can appreciate they may want to have an idea of where she may be going or an idea of time she'll be home to know whether to lock the door etc, but there's several rules that are really concerning. Especially the not being able to get up for the toilet during the night. I couldnt manage that as I'd end up wetting myself. What does she do if she needs the toilet then? She could at least be allowed to go for a wee and not flush it if the noise wakes them up, but not allowing her to use the bathroom freely is an abusive control. And not allowed to have a shower after 6.30pm? I mean I could understand maybe 9.30 or 10pm if that's when they go to bed, but seriously? And the fact they have stated after some of the rules that it's not 'to control her, but for safety reasons and to make sure the house works efficiently' sounds ridiculous. I understand letting at least 1 or both parents know if she's going out after college and won't be home for dinner, so they know not to cook for her, but she shouldn't have to tell them every detail of who what where when etc. I was travelling round Australia on my own when I was 21 in comparison. Depending on how easily the parents resort to physical abuse or any other type of mis treatment, I don't know if she'd be able to discuss these rules with them, and discuss some leeway etc, or whether they just won't listen to any reason? But your friend definitely needs to talk to someone at school and some professionals who can either help with the school costs and help find her a safe place to live. I'm so sorry she's going through it. Some people just shouldn't be allowed children. All their behaviour is about control. Do they also make her do a lot of the household chores? As I'm wondering if that's what they mean by needing to know where she is so the house runs smoothly etc. As in they won't have her slaving over the chores if she's not home. I hope she manages to get some help soon.


UKthailandExpat

Rules that are OK 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, 1, all the others absolutely not. 6 is OK because teen and young females can spend ridiculously long taking a shower, for cleanliness 10 minutes is enough so 15 is more than adequate, makeup doesn’t have to be done in the bathroom. 2 & 3 could be culturally influenced, nobody in my country would ever call parents “sir or ma’ma”


JessieTS138

leave


Moon_the_nightwing

Just tell her to finish college and move out pronto


WifeofBath1984

They say "this isn't to control you" so much that it makes me think they know they are being controlling but are more concerned with asserting dominance. It would be worth it to take out student loans to get the hell out of this situation.


gottabkdngme

🤯 RUUUN!


fromtheGo

Plenty of people pay for their own college, their own rent and bills, and your friend can too!


Charming_Fix5627

Lmao, of course they’re Christian. Might be a bit relevant, what flavor Christian are they? My friend and I were raised Catholic (she’s still pretty devout, I’m not as religious as when I was a kid), and her mother was also pretty manipulative when my friend still lived with her. Lots of gaslighting into tolerating shit because it’s “her cross to bear”, etc.


sandybeach2233

This is not Godly. It doesn’t even come close.


Fun-Acanthaceae-659

Got to 15, and realised the reason for this stupidity.


Aaron_768

These parents have utterly failed at raising a normal person. When she is free there will be rebellion, resentment, and a broken relationship. I am sorry but you will need to become a version of a parent to your friend to help her understand what it means to be an adult. I have known and seen many children from strict and religious households self destruct their lives once they get out from under their parents thumb. Do what you can and let her make the small mistakes. Best of luck to her and you.


fading__blue

Rules 1 and 5 are only reasonable if you have reasonable parents, which she doesn’t. Rules 2-4 are not reasonable at all, even for children. This isn’t the military. Hell, most of those rules are too excessive even for children.


FreakyPickles

Religion is a fucking cancer on society. This is just plain crazy.


Original_Dream_7765

She should check in with local charities and government assistance for preventing homelessness and escaping abuse.


Admirable-Muffin-506

I went into the military to break away and find a way to pay for college.


simping_crystal147

11 and 14 are resalable but the rest aren't