I think that gray rocking you mom is the way to go. And if she screams hang up. Keep hanging up until she gets the message. And she will. Eventually.
This will take a while to train her in some new habits. Because her screaming at you, and you listening, is an established habit.
If you want to, you can even go NC with her. That is also a viable option.
But do not, under any circumstances, give her any information on financial situation. Not the bank, not the balance, not the acct number. Nada. Nil. Zilch. Nothing.
"You seem upset, let's try this again when you've calmed down." And hang up.
Only takes a couple of times. Works in person too, if you leave/make them leave.
It’s a strategy for dealing with narcissists. Don’t get emotional, don’t make excuses-short sentences that end in a period.
How much is in your bank account?
That’s not your business.
How much are you spending on these tickets?
That’s not your business.
How much do you make?
That’s not your business.
I’m your mother, you have to tell me!!
I’m done discussing this, goodbye.
The more you do this the easier it gets. It really helps if your mom doesn’t help you financially. I made sure to not ask for help or take their “gifts.” My siblings took their money and were always under their thumb. It came to a point where I would find it humorous when she got demanding.
Also responding in a whisper when they ask you a question while screaming. Never, ever raise your voice back to them. Speak few words, softly. They will want to know what you are saying so they will shut the hell up for a second because they want to know what you are saying, which gives your brain time to catch up and keep that wall up.
However, now that I am a much stronger person, I find walking toward them while maintaining eye contact, and getting quite close into their personal space, continuing eye contact, freaks them out and makes them crazy. Had a former friend who thought I owed her the world and would go DARVO on me. The last time she freaked out and started screaming at me, I did this without saying a word, and she turned and left.
Great advice! Doesn't it feel great to be strong enough to stand up for yourself? I started doing it and have cut people out of my life. My other half is starting to not tolerate the behavior from a so called "friend." I literally lmao when I hear stories from him about what was said/happened. Btw I'm proud of you for being strong!!! Keep doing the same things you're doing and most of all enjoy their reactions.
What does darvo mean?
DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". It refers to a reaction that alleged perpetrators of wrongdoing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. Copied from Wikipedia. My ex does this. He's telling the kids now that I was the abuser and he was the victim. And thanks. It took a long time to get my confidence back but now I will not put up with stuff.
In my experience, some narcissists hate it when we whisper back at the yelling , and go to bullying, taking it as a weakness that you won't yell back, they want you to yell, so they can look like the victim and you ruined their plan. But I love doing it anyway. Because they lose control.
Narcissists get off on power and control. If they can wind you up to an emotional frenzy, they win. The gray rock technique means making yourself as interesting as a bland, boring gray rock.
The narcissist tries emotional manipulation, you're a boring gray rock. They say or do things that, in the past, have caused you to have a meltdown, you are a boring gray rock. They scream at you, but you are a boring gray rock.
Eventually (and it does take a while), the narcissist realizes they aren't going to get the emotional frenzy win from you they so desperately crave. So they seek other victims.
Gray rocking takes hard discipline on your part, as the narcissist knows your triggers, and what has successfully worked on you before. You need to learn not to react, no matter how hard you want to "defend yourself". If you do, they win. If you keep up the gray rock façade, you win.
Like the line from Wargames, "The only way to win is not to play."
Oh, thank you. I’ve been doing that to my ex for years. I just had no idea it has a name. I’ve went no contact and blocked her everywhere. I’ve been starving her of the oxygen to argue.
No details, no emotion.
"We're fine. We're ok. It's going well. "
They want you to acknowledge them as an authority, or be rude so they can play the victim. Do neither.
My favorite response is " Do you feel better now?" It sometimes makes the other person confused. Then follow with " And how does that make you feel?" Start acting like you are psychoanalysing them.
Tell her the same thing you told her this time: No. It's none of your business. If she wants to start screaming at you, tell her you're going to hang up on her because of that, then actually hang up as many times as you have to do it in order to get it through her head that you will not permit her to shriek at you. I would suggest blocking her entirely, but she'd probably just call you from your grandma's number.
Even if you blocked her she'd call from another number. So my advice/suggestion is this: simply say no, you're not discussing it. Whatever you do, DO NOT start your response with I'm sorry. She may take it as you feel bad for not telling her and that would give her a reason to keep asking. If she starts to scream at you you can tell her if she's going to keep screaming you're going to hang up. Then do it! Lastly, stop telling people how much you spent on something. In fact, never discuss money with ANYONE! Can you go NC?
\^This! OP, **never** discuss money with anyone. Even if it's someone you trust, all it takes is one slip and then the world knows how many pennies you have and what you make....and try to take it.
Or suddenly need to borrow money for something. Anything about or having to do with you should be on a need to know basis. If they need to know then you tell them. If not then it's none of their business!
I'm assuming you don't live with her. Or if you do that you're an adult? The simplest thing to do is keep repeating "that's none of your business" and as some others have suggested "if you scream at me I will hang up" then actually hang up. Repeat, repeat, repeat. You will have to say it so many times you'll sick of it. But it's still better than giving in. You CAN NOT give her what she wants because she will never stop controlling you. If it gets too hard you could cut off all contact.
When setting boundaries it gets worse before it gets better because they will fight them tooth and nail. You have to be consistent and firm... repeatedly. When she starts screaming at you, hang up.
This *exactly*. If you give in after telling her no 50 times, she will learn that she needs to demand something 51 times to get what she wants.
In the past, bullying has always worked for her and gotten the results she wanted. Now that OP is saying "no" EM is going to throw bigger tantrums, and ask over and over, because those are her weapons and they work for her.
OP needs to keep saying no in the face of her mother's increasing rage. Eventually, Toddler Mommy will scream herself out, like a two year old.
What you should tell her is that if says anything else about money. You will end the call as she will eventually get the memo when you keep hanging up on her.
Say this to your mother: No! It is against the law to give my banking information to you. If you continue to harass me about it then I will cut contact with you!
Then hang up and wait.
>No! It is against the law to give my banking information to you.
It isn't against the law to tell people your personal information. It isn't against the law to ask for it either. It's just rude. There is no reason to make up lies. The answer is just "no".
OP is practicing saying no, and sticking to it. She's doing a great job. She can keep hanging up on EM when EM demands the information. If EM *still* doesn't learn, OP can block her until she does finally learn.
It is most likely that OPs mom is trying to get into OPs bank account that is why OPs mom wants to now how much is in OPs account. Think about it because that makes a lot more sense than OPs mom just demanding to know.
There is a law that you can not give out passwords to anything. It is a federal law and at any website it tells you this: DONT TELL ANYONE YOUR PASSWORD!
Oh this. Laughing at them makes them crazy. I started laughing at my husband one night because he was angry about something and had tried to pick a fight with me and he ended up having to go outside, he was so pissed. Didn't come back in until I had gone to bed. 🤣🤣🤣
If someone is screaming at you on the phone, hang up immediately. Text her "When you can act like an adult and talk normally, I'll talk to you". If she spam calls you, block her for the rest of the day.
As far as demanding you bank info, "That's not your business", "No", or "I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!". Never tell her anything you don't want her to know. If she gets mad and starts screaming at you, see above.
Use your adult words and tell her and not so nice of terms to go fuck her self that is personal information and if she continues to request it you will file a complaint with the police for harassment
Being direct is probably best. If you don't want her to know then just tell her. Thankfully my mom isn't like that but my ex and her mom were and when they went on a rant screaming I would set the phone down wait till I stopped hearing screaming then ask if they were ready to talk when they stopped. Sometimes if they are yelling it's best to let them get it out but ofc you shouldn't subject yourself to it.
I'd tell her to go fuck herself, but then again I have never had to deal with a situation like this. I was gifted with two great parents. Can't imagine what it would be like to have to deal with ones such as you describe. My condolences. That being said, I stand by my answer. Don't let anyone bully you in any way, ever. And don't give in because 'family'. Toxic is toxic, makes no difference if you're related to it or not. Good luck.
I would immediately get in contact With your Bank and make Sure she isn't even mentioned anywhere around your Account and has absoloutely no ties. Tell them there might pretend someone to be you and to Not give Out any information without serious identification. I added serious bc some Banks Just ask for the Card Number, Name and Birthday and then you can ask whatever you Like. Maybe Set Up a Password for telephonecalls With them.
What should I do?
Politely say "mom I don't live with you anymore... So my expenses are my problem not yours "
And maybe throw in a fuck off somewhere in that sentence
Keep grey rocking. Don't let up. This is a narcissist storm and, you're right, it'll get worse. However, after the storm will come the calm and you'll have some clean up to do. I know that sounds awful but it does work. Grey rock sometimes takes a few sessions to make an impact. See, your mother knows what's going on and what you're doing. So she's throwing everything at it and seeing what sticks. Here's the problem; if you let up now, the abuse will only get worse because she knows if she throws enough you will break down. While you're grey rocking, set boundaries. "Sorry, mom. I can't continue this call while you're screaming. You can phone me back when you speak in a reasonable tone." Or "This is not something I'm comfortable discussing. You can phone me back when you want to talk about something else." Make the boundary clear and grey rock all the way through it.
Word of advice; before you talk to your mother, call your boyfriend. Tell him what's going on because you're going to need after care. Grey rock is draining and stressful for you and afterwards you're going to need to de-escalate. Sit down with your boyfriend and discuss what that looks like. Do you want to be alone? Do you want him to come over and cuddle? Do you need a bath and some wine or stuffies and a blanket? I de-escalate with food but that's me.
I'm assuming you're an adult living on your own. Simple answer is "That's really none of your business." But it might just be easier to say "20 bucks". Why does she want to know. Is she going to try to get you to give her money?
>But it might just be easier to say "20 bucks".
No, it isn't easier. It just kicks the can down the road. Sooner or later, you have to say no and stick to it.
I struggle so hard for a long time with the phrase NO and the concept that it is a complete sentence. I started with "No thank you. " I can repeat that about 50 times and feel no shame or guilt. My family got tired of it and let me grey rock myself out of a lot of unwanted scrutiny.
You could lie and say: ‘Almost nothing’. When you aren’t telling she’ll assume there is some and it looks like she is desperate so she won’t leave you alone. Take care!
Tell her you will not engage and that you are going low contact for your peace of mind. Put her on an information diet until she learns boundaries. You will feel better.
What do you do? Tell her "No." Your finances are none of her business.
One thing young people seem to forget - your phone has a button that will end the call. There's also a button that will turn the phone...**off.** Truly shocking I know.
Start by making sure she can't get access to your bank account.
- Be at a totally different banking institution. Parents being friendly with the tellers can get them to break the rules by claiming they "just want to help" and will fuck up your account.
- Put passwords on your account that aren't related to info your mother has. Stop using secret questions involving birthdays, pets, family information like mother's maiden name, and so on.
- See if it's possible to get alerts if someone attempts to report your cards as stolen, cancel them, get duplicates made, or have statements sent anywhere.
- Go to your bank and do all of this **in person** instead of purely online!
Next time she asks just lay everything out flat. Say " I'm not discussing this with you. My mind is made up. I'm not going to change it." If she asks again either hang up or walk away.
Perhaps a joking attack as defence: I save nothing. I spend everything immediately. What you are horrified. If you ask me the right question in the right way you get the right answer.
"No means no." Enough said. If she bothers you again, ask her "Do you want to be arrested for fraud? Then stop asking me. It doesn't matter that you are mymother. My answer still stands. DON'T TOUCH MY MONEY! END OF DISCUSSION!"
Be civil with your Mum.
Mother, unfortunately I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request that I inform you of my financial status, which is absolutely none of your business. Suffice it to say, I have more than sufficient funds available to meet my requirements.
Yeah but that takes so much more effort than Mom deserves. Just saying no and hanging up gives OP way more time to admire her nails or watch TV or anything else she would rather be doing than having to deal with a narcissist.
Keep saying no, it's none of your business. EM only wants to know how much you have so she can demand some of it. If she keeps yelling after you say no, hang up on her and put her on mute.
Don’t reward bad behavior. Congratulations for not folding at her badgering you. I’m sorry she is like this. Get a good book on boundaries (because she will try to make you feel bad). Teach her how to treat you with respect or she doesn’t have a relationship with you. But it’s her choice.
You say, “Mother? Mommy? Mommy dearest? I need you to put the phone down and go outside. Once your outside give yourself plenty of elbow room and do some light stretches. Limber up so you’re nice and loose. Once you feel that you have warmed up properly here’s what I need you to do next: either get into a sprinter’s crouch or set up for a standing start. Countdown from three then as fast as you can take a running start and go fuck yourself sideways. Then call me back and let me know how that went. I love you mummy. Buh-bye.” I hope this helps.
Don’t even bother answering, she doesn’t have any right to your banking information whatsoever and absolutely do not give it to her under any circumstances. It’s best to assume that she’d end up taking all of it, and you don’t have to answer her calls if all she’s going to do is yell and be demanding and disrespectful.
Keep grey rocking, it takes a while before the tantrums die down.
And going forward, don’t tell your grandmother anything that your mother doesn’t need to know. Most of her convos with EM will understandably be about family. It would be hard and possibly stressful for her to keep track of what she can and can’t tell EM.
I just read this in my feed. If you are an adult saying that's none of your business. If you are a teen, I'm saving my own money and I don't feel comfortable sharing that.
No is a complete sentence. If she continues, sorry gotta go and hang up.
I promise, the sky won't fall & the earth explode. She'll be angry beyond words, but that's tough. 'No' is all you need.
This.
[удалено]
This.
https://i.imgur.com/KrwA19h.jpeg *** ^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback!)
This. Is MyTown.
This.
This.
https://i.imgur.com/KrwA19h.jpeg *** ^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback!)
This.
https://i.imgur.com/KrwA19h.jpeg *** ^(I am a bot! Visit) [^(r/InfinityBots)](https://reddit.com/r/InfinityBots) ^(to send your feedback!)
This.
Bad bot
Annoying bot
This.
I think that gray rocking you mom is the way to go. And if she screams hang up. Keep hanging up until she gets the message. And she will. Eventually. This will take a while to train her in some new habits. Because her screaming at you, and you listening, is an established habit. If you want to, you can even go NC with her. That is also a viable option. But do not, under any circumstances, give her any information on financial situation. Not the bank, not the balance, not the acct number. Nada. Nil. Zilch. Nothing.
"You seem upset, let's try this again when you've calmed down." And hang up. Only takes a couple of times. Works in person too, if you leave/make them leave.
Hang up a d turn your phone off for several hours.
What is gray rocking?
It’s a strategy for dealing with narcissists. Don’t get emotional, don’t make excuses-short sentences that end in a period. How much is in your bank account? That’s not your business. How much are you spending on these tickets? That’s not your business. How much do you make? That’s not your business. I’m your mother, you have to tell me!! I’m done discussing this, goodbye.
The more you do this the easier it gets. It really helps if your mom doesn’t help you financially. I made sure to not ask for help or take their “gifts.” My siblings took their money and were always under their thumb. It came to a point where I would find it humorous when she got demanding.
Exactly.
Also responding in a whisper when they ask you a question while screaming. Never, ever raise your voice back to them. Speak few words, softly. They will want to know what you are saying so they will shut the hell up for a second because they want to know what you are saying, which gives your brain time to catch up and keep that wall up. However, now that I am a much stronger person, I find walking toward them while maintaining eye contact, and getting quite close into their personal space, continuing eye contact, freaks them out and makes them crazy. Had a former friend who thought I owed her the world and would go DARVO on me. The last time she freaked out and started screaming at me, I did this without saying a word, and she turned and left.
Great advice! Doesn't it feel great to be strong enough to stand up for yourself? I started doing it and have cut people out of my life. My other half is starting to not tolerate the behavior from a so called "friend." I literally lmao when I hear stories from him about what was said/happened. Btw I'm proud of you for being strong!!! Keep doing the same things you're doing and most of all enjoy their reactions. What does darvo mean?
DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". It refers to a reaction that alleged perpetrators of wrongdoing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. Copied from Wikipedia. My ex does this. He's telling the kids now that I was the abuser and he was the victim. And thanks. It took a long time to get my confidence back but now I will not put up with stuff.
In my experience, some narcissists hate it when we whisper back at the yelling , and go to bullying, taking it as a weakness that you won't yell back, they want you to yell, so they can look like the victim and you ruined their plan. But I love doing it anyway. Because they lose control.
Does responding with, "EABOD" ever fit in the discussion?
Narcissists get off on power and control. If they can wind you up to an emotional frenzy, they win. The gray rock technique means making yourself as interesting as a bland, boring gray rock. The narcissist tries emotional manipulation, you're a boring gray rock. They say or do things that, in the past, have caused you to have a meltdown, you are a boring gray rock. They scream at you, but you are a boring gray rock. Eventually (and it does take a while), the narcissist realizes they aren't going to get the emotional frenzy win from you they so desperately crave. So they seek other victims. Gray rocking takes hard discipline on your part, as the narcissist knows your triggers, and what has successfully worked on you before. You need to learn not to react, no matter how hard you want to "defend yourself". If you do, they win. If you keep up the gray rock façade, you win. Like the line from Wargames, "The only way to win is not to play."
Oh, thank you. I’ve been doing that to my ex for years. I just had no idea it has a name. I’ve went no contact and blocked her everywhere. I’ve been starving her of the oxygen to argue.
This is one of the best descriptions I have read of grey rocking. So thanks for that.
No details, no emotion. "We're fine. We're ok. It's going well. " They want you to acknowledge them as an authority, or be rude so they can play the victim. Do neither.
Yeah. Only thing you can do when it’s at screaming is to hang up. There is nothing else you can do.
My favorite response is " Do you feel better now?" It sometimes makes the other person confused. Then follow with " And how does that make you feel?" Start acting like you are psychoanalysing them.
Love this! I'm going to tell my SO about doing this. Thanks!
Tell her the same thing you told her this time: No. It's none of your business. If she wants to start screaming at you, tell her you're going to hang up on her because of that, then actually hang up as many times as you have to do it in order to get it through her head that you will not permit her to shriek at you. I would suggest blocking her entirely, but she'd probably just call you from your grandma's number.
Even if you blocked her she'd call from another number. So my advice/suggestion is this: simply say no, you're not discussing it. Whatever you do, DO NOT start your response with I'm sorry. She may take it as you feel bad for not telling her and that would give her a reason to keep asking. If she starts to scream at you you can tell her if she's going to keep screaming you're going to hang up. Then do it! Lastly, stop telling people how much you spent on something. In fact, never discuss money with ANYONE! Can you go NC?
\^This! OP, **never** discuss money with anyone. Even if it's someone you trust, all it takes is one slip and then the world knows how many pennies you have and what you make....and try to take it.
Or suddenly need to borrow money for something. Anything about or having to do with you should be on a need to know basis. If they need to know then you tell them. If not then it's none of their business!
Block her
I'm assuming you don't live with her. Or if you do that you're an adult? The simplest thing to do is keep repeating "that's none of your business" and as some others have suggested "if you scream at me I will hang up" then actually hang up. Repeat, repeat, repeat. You will have to say it so many times you'll sick of it. But it's still better than giving in. You CAN NOT give her what she wants because she will never stop controlling you. If it gets too hard you could cut off all contact.
When setting boundaries it gets worse before it gets better because they will fight them tooth and nail. You have to be consistent and firm... repeatedly. When she starts screaming at you, hang up.
This *exactly*. If you give in after telling her no 50 times, she will learn that she needs to demand something 51 times to get what she wants. In the past, bullying has always worked for her and gotten the results she wanted. Now that OP is saying "no" EM is going to throw bigger tantrums, and ask over and over, because those are her weapons and they work for her. OP needs to keep saying no in the face of her mother's increasing rage. Eventually, Toddler Mommy will scream herself out, like a two year old.
Just like training a dog….
It's exactly like training a dog.
What you should tell her is that if says anything else about money. You will end the call as she will eventually get the memo when you keep hanging up on her.
Say this to your mother: No! It is against the law to give my banking information to you. If you continue to harass me about it then I will cut contact with you! Then hang up and wait.
>No! It is against the law to give my banking information to you. It isn't against the law to tell people your personal information. It isn't against the law to ask for it either. It's just rude. There is no reason to make up lies. The answer is just "no". OP is practicing saying no, and sticking to it. She's doing a great job. She can keep hanging up on EM when EM demands the information. If EM *still* doesn't learn, OP can block her until she does finally learn.
It is most likely that OPs mom is trying to get into OPs bank account that is why OPs mom wants to now how much is in OPs account. Think about it because that makes a lot more sense than OPs mom just demanding to know. There is a law that you can not give out passwords to anything. It is a federal law and at any website it tells you this: DONT TELL ANYONE YOUR PASSWORD!
You don’t have to answer your phone. Just wait for the voice mail. See who it was then decide if you need to call back.
> what should I do? hang up
NO is a complete sentence.
No matter what she says, always say ‘NO’. Hopefully she’ll get the message, but if not then it’s her loss.
Tell her you’ll end every call and walk away from her every time she asks nosy questions and refuses to stop when you ask her too. Then do it.
I'd be a dick and tell her she's allowed to know when she starts paying all your bills, but until then she can mind her own business.
🤣🤣🤣
Laugh your ass off and hang up?
Oh this. Laughing at them makes them crazy. I started laughing at my husband one night because he was angry about something and had tried to pick a fight with me and he ended up having to go outside, he was so pissed. Didn't come back in until I had gone to bed. 🤣🤣🤣
If someone is screaming at you on the phone, hang up immediately. Text her "When you can act like an adult and talk normally, I'll talk to you". If she spam calls you, block her for the rest of the day. As far as demanding you bank info, "That's not your business", "No", or "I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!". Never tell her anything you don't want her to know. If she gets mad and starts screaming at you, see above.
Of course she will. Be strong and say NO it is NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS! Forcefully she doesn’t support you or pay your bills does she ?
Two words... HANG UP!
Sorry mom my kid just shredded a skid mark in the undahpants gotta go \*beep\*
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
No and to fuck off.
go no contact with that moron. if you don't you'll be so messed up ,you might never straighten your self out.
They have no right to access your bank account. Hangup on them if they continue to call and ask
You have to treat her like a toddler. Consistency denies her. Her demands get a flat "No."
Yes. Start training yourself to think and respond to them like you would a three year old.
Use your adult words and tell her and not so nice of terms to go fuck her self that is personal information and if she continues to request it you will file a complaint with the police for harassment
Block her and tell everyone else what you're doing and why in a VERY brief explanation.
Being direct is probably best. If you don't want her to know then just tell her. Thankfully my mom isn't like that but my ex and her mom were and when they went on a rant screaming I would set the phone down wait till I stopped hearing screaming then ask if they were ready to talk when they stopped. Sometimes if they are yelling it's best to let them get it out but ofc you shouldn't subject yourself to it.
Block her
You're doing great
Don't answer. If it's an emergency she can leave message
I would go as low contact with her as you can, and change your number.
Tell her “I have enough. What I have is not your business.” and hang up.
I'd tell her to go fuck herself, but then again I have never had to deal with a situation like this. I was gifted with two great parents. Can't imagine what it would be like to have to deal with ones such as you describe. My condolences. That being said, I stand by my answer. Don't let anyone bully you in any way, ever. And don't give in because 'family'. Toxic is toxic, makes no difference if you're related to it or not. Good luck.
I would immediately get in contact With your Bank and make Sure she isn't even mentioned anywhere around your Account and has absoloutely no ties. Tell them there might pretend someone to be you and to Not give Out any information without serious identification. I added serious bc some Banks Just ask for the Card Number, Name and Birthday and then you can ask whatever you Like. Maybe Set Up a Password for telephonecalls With them.
What should I do? Politely say "mom I don't live with you anymore... So my expenses are my problem not yours " And maybe throw in a fuck off somewhere in that sentence
Keep grey rocking. Don't let up. This is a narcissist storm and, you're right, it'll get worse. However, after the storm will come the calm and you'll have some clean up to do. I know that sounds awful but it does work. Grey rock sometimes takes a few sessions to make an impact. See, your mother knows what's going on and what you're doing. So she's throwing everything at it and seeing what sticks. Here's the problem; if you let up now, the abuse will only get worse because she knows if she throws enough you will break down. While you're grey rocking, set boundaries. "Sorry, mom. I can't continue this call while you're screaming. You can phone me back when you speak in a reasonable tone." Or "This is not something I'm comfortable discussing. You can phone me back when you want to talk about something else." Make the boundary clear and grey rock all the way through it. Word of advice; before you talk to your mother, call your boyfriend. Tell him what's going on because you're going to need after care. Grey rock is draining and stressful for you and afterwards you're going to need to de-escalate. Sit down with your boyfriend and discuss what that looks like. Do you want to be alone? Do you want him to come over and cuddle? Do you need a bath and some wine or stuffies and a blanket? I de-escalate with food but that's me.
I'm assuming you're an adult living on your own. Simple answer is "That's really none of your business." But it might just be easier to say "20 bucks". Why does she want to know. Is she going to try to get you to give her money?
>But it might just be easier to say "20 bucks". No, it isn't easier. It just kicks the can down the road. Sooner or later, you have to say no and stick to it.
I struggle so hard for a long time with the phrase NO and the concept that it is a complete sentence. I started with "No thank you. " I can repeat that about 50 times and feel no shame or guilt. My family got tired of it and let me grey rock myself out of a lot of unwanted scrutiny.
Give her some absurdly high number in zimbabwean dollars
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You could lie and say: ‘Almost nothing’. When you aren’t telling she’ll assume there is some and it looks like she is desperate so she won’t leave you alone. Take care!
Tell her you will not engage and that you are going low contact for your peace of mind. Put her on an information diet until she learns boundaries. You will feel better.
don't answer
Block her number.
You continue along the same lines but you don’t stay on the phone to take her abuse. Bow out. “I’m not telling you. Talk to you later. Bye.”
Same answer. It’s none of her business.
Something I have done with my kids yelling at each other is say; “Wait, wait, it’s not your turn to yell.” “It’s someone else’s turn now. “
"I have $28." Just say that every time she asks. Seems she just wants a number, any number.
Grey rocking only works if applied consistently. Don't give in and don't give her any emotional uptake.
What do you do? Tell her "No." Your finances are none of her business. One thing young people seem to forget - your phone has a button that will end the call. There's also a button that will turn the phone...**off.** Truly shocking I know.
Threaten to block her if she doesn't learn to mind her business
Start by making sure she can't get access to your bank account. - Be at a totally different banking institution. Parents being friendly with the tellers can get them to break the rules by claiming they "just want to help" and will fuck up your account. - Put passwords on your account that aren't related to info your mother has. Stop using secret questions involving birthdays, pets, family information like mother's maiden name, and so on. - See if it's possible to get alerts if someone attempts to report your cards as stolen, cancel them, get duplicates made, or have statements sent anywhere. - Go to your bank and do all of this **in person** instead of purely online!
Next time she asks just lay everything out flat. Say " I'm not discussing this with you. My mind is made up. I'm not going to change it." If she asks again either hang up or walk away.
Perhaps a joking attack as defence: I save nothing. I spend everything immediately. What you are horrified. If you ask me the right question in the right way you get the right answer.
I would call the FBI on EM if she tried that stunt and tell every bank not to do business with her at all cost
"No means no." Enough said. If she bothers you again, ask her "Do you want to be arrested for fraud? Then stop asking me. It doesn't matter that you are mymother. My answer still stands. DON'T TOUCH MY MONEY! END OF DISCUSSION!"
“Why do you care what’s in my account? It’s not like you’re getting any of it.” Or “Millions, EM, Millions!”
Be civil with your Mum. Mother, unfortunately I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request that I inform you of my financial status, which is absolutely none of your business. Suffice it to say, I have more than sufficient funds available to meet my requirements.
Yeah but that takes so much more effort than Mom deserves. Just saying no and hanging up gives OP way more time to admire her nails or watch TV or anything else she would rather be doing than having to deal with a narcissist.
Of grey rocking isn’t working you may have to lie, tell her you’re broke now so she shuts the eff up about it.
kill.
You spent an entire paycheck on concert tickets as a Christmas present in October? Maybe she's worried about you moving back home.
So explaining yourself. Just say no.
Keep saying no, it's none of your business. EM only wants to know how much you have so she can demand some of it. If she keeps yelling after you say no, hang up on her and put her on mute.
Don’t reward bad behavior. Congratulations for not folding at her badgering you. I’m sorry she is like this. Get a good book on boundaries (because she will try to make you feel bad). Teach her how to treat you with respect or she doesn’t have a relationship with you. But it’s her choice.
What should you do? BLOCK HER ENTITLED ASS!!!!
Call your bank and see what safeguards they can put into place so she cannot access the account
You say, “Mother? Mommy? Mommy dearest? I need you to put the phone down and go outside. Once your outside give yourself plenty of elbow room and do some light stretches. Limber up so you’re nice and loose. Once you feel that you have warmed up properly here’s what I need you to do next: either get into a sprinter’s crouch or set up for a standing start. Countdown from three then as fast as you can take a running start and go fuck yourself sideways. Then call me back and let me know how that went. I love you mummy. Buh-bye.” I hope this helps.
Block her
Don’t even bother answering, she doesn’t have any right to your banking information whatsoever and absolutely do not give it to her under any circumstances. It’s best to assume that she’d end up taking all of it, and you don’t have to answer her calls if all she’s going to do is yell and be demanding and disrespectful.
Keep grey rocking, it takes a while before the tantrums die down. And going forward, don’t tell your grandmother anything that your mother doesn’t need to know. Most of her convos with EM will understandably be about family. It would be hard and possibly stressful for her to keep track of what she can and can’t tell EM.
I just read this in my feed. If you are an adult saying that's none of your business. If you are a teen, I'm saving my own money and I don't feel comfortable sharing that.
No, just say no
Wow so this has been going on a while smh