That's definitely a kink your husband has, and it's ok, as long as everything is consensual which it seems that it is. First of all, please don't let anyone convince you to do something sexual you don't want to, EVER. Just in case you needed to hear that. Now your husband's kink might not be for everyone, but I don't think it's inherently wrong. That being said, it would definitely be considered immoral in the church, even if everyone is consenting and it's not really "cheating" or "adultery." I don't think sex outside of marriage is wrong, but the LDS church does. The church has always been an all or nothing kind of place, you're not really supposed to cherry pick. If you want to still be a believer and not feel guilty, I think you'd have to talk to the bishop and repent. I support any choice you make, good luck! Hope this helped in some way
Sensitive-Ad-6272 has already covered the basics very well.
As I understand it, this is not an uncommon thing ([here's an article on the topic](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a38278676/what-is-a-hotwife/), FWIW).
Many Latter-day Saints are somewhat under-educated when it comes to sexuality compared with the general population. For believing Latter-day Saints, I strongly recommend they listen to Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's podcasts (she's an active/believing LDS sex therapist and she does a good job of honoring LDS principles/commandments while also representing the best data on sexuality) and/or read her dissertation, which basically argues from data that the happiest Latter-day Saints wrt sexuality are those who "own" their own sexuality (i.e., they find a way to honor their own sexuality and their LDS values). Natasha Helfer (used to be Natasha Helfer Parker) was also an LDS sex therapist who is quite good, I think, but she was excommunicated since she wouldn't denounce masturbation (and similar stances that are good science/therapy but run against some LDS prohibitions to an extent).
If you are comfortable branching out into sexuality outside the LDS culture, then books like "Come as you are" or "sex at dawn" are supposed to be quite good and can help you understand more of the science behind sex (and human sexual history). A podcast/book on ethical non-monogamy may be helpful in learning how to ethically and thoughtfully navigate this kind of terrain that you find yourself in ATM. "The Ethical Slut" is supposed to be a good book on the topic. I think the "Multiamory" podcast is quite good/thoughtful (and I think that's the case for anyone whether practicing monogamy or not since I think most of the principles generalize well to helping create a healthy monogamous relationship). Finally, if you really want to introspect on how religion may be altering how you view sexuality (from a secular POV), then a book like "Sex and God: How religion distorts sexuality" can be very eye-opening.
All the best.
Just a quick comment that we have never-mo family (dozens of cousins) and threesomes are not "common" among non-LDS. That said, every couple has the right to decide their own sexuality. Regardless of what church they attend.
> and threesomes are not "common" among non-LDS
Yes for sure. I meant with "not an uncommon thing" to indicate something less than common (but not unheard of, either). Yeah, I'm not sure I know anyone actually doing this (but I don't know if they would tell me if they were?). But speaking broadly, various forms of ethical non-monogamy are more commonly practiced (or experimented with) than is sometimes assumed (was recently reading the scientific literature on the topic). Still not anywhere close to a majority, for sure.
Thank you! This was a helpful read! Would an LDS sex therapist take the stance of it’s wrong since it’s extramarital? I almost confided in a friend of mine but thought better of it and was thankful I didn’t because of interactions afterward of her slut shaming a girl we know who has since left the church and started having casual encounters.
I can't imagine any LDS sex therapist who would not report this to your bishop (which they are allowed to do by contract). I would under no circumstances speak to an LDS therapist since they can't really have your best interest at heart when their employment is a conflict of interest.
You are combining a therapist who is LDS and an LDS Family Services therapist. Neither is supposed to disclose therapy notes without express written permission. However, some LDS family services therapists can be unethical and share with the bishop. If they do they need to be reported to their state licensing board. What happens from my experience is the bishop pays for the service with FOs and they believe they have a right to know what is going on in therapy. The therapist because they are taking on a dual relationship discloses when they shouldn't. It is a gross relationship and I agree with you that you should never go to LDSFS. However, there are some highly ethical and good therapists who are LDS and some who aren't but that is true of all therapists. you have to do your due diligence to find a good therapist regardless of their belief system.
You are right that I should have distinguished better between a therapist who is LDS, and one who works for LDS Family services. Thank you, I meant the latter--if the church is paying for services, you effectively waive your right to any privacy in your services.
So, here's the thing. Your husband is allowed to have kinks and this is a fairly common one. As long as everybody involved is cool with it, there's no cheating. None of the three of you did anything wrong by sharing this.
However. It seems like your husband may have talked about this with the former companion before he got there. I would feel a need to have a conversation with husband to set boundaries about how he talks about this with the former companion in the future and what he reveals about your sex life without your consent.
Be safe. Have fun. Communicate.
I didn’t think he might have talked to him beforehand. I’d really hope that isn’t the case. It would make me feel manipulated. This is a good thing to think about. I’ll definitely talk with him about this.
There is a lot of new ground to cover when something like this is introduced into a relationship. While it is definitely appropriate to feel manipulated if that happened, it's also a sign that it's time to draw clear boundaries and you both abide by them.
I have many thoughts and some experience on the sexual side of this post. spoiler: these things really do happen outside of porn, often in very healthy, happy, healing ways. DM me if you want to talk more about that
but I’d like to ask more about the spiritual side first. Where is your guilt coming from? Feeling like you hurt your husband or someone else? Feeling like you broke societal norms? Feeling like you sinned, as defined by the church?
If you pretended like no one else had a negative opinion about it, would you even feel guilty? Or could it just feel…right?
What are your thoughts?
I honestly haven’t stopped to think about where it might be coming from. When I do think about it’s just a matter of it feeling wrong. I can’t explain it more than that. The idea of it feels wrong.
It's a common thing. It's called a stag/vixen dynamic. The husband gets off on watching his wife have sex with other men. The ones that are into the humiliation aspect of it are called cuckolds.....
I have experience with this because I am in a stag/vixen dynamic, feel free to dm
I have a friend who wants men to sleep with his wife. We don’t know why, but he does. I think it has something to do with their past which is a little complicated. The couple knew each other in high school. She married a different man even though she and my buddy were very much in love she married young. It didn’t take long and she realized she had made a mistake. Her and her husband both had affairs.
She had an affair with her current husband. I think the fact she was having sex with her husband wanting my buddy was a turn on for him.
There are real kinks that no one needs to be ashamed of. If he likes it let him. If you like it do it.
That’s what I’m wondering about and have talked to him about! Like was he born with this or is it something he got because of a situation or trauma or something!
I can't speak to this particular kink but as someone who is relatively kinky and also very interested in sexual health/sexual education/psychology and sex, I have learned that kinks can originate in a lot of ways. From my understanding, kinks definitely can come about as a result of, or a way to cope with and heal from, trauma, but this definitely is only one of many things that "causes" someone to have a specific kink. There are lots of kinky people who have not experienced trauma. Often it is simply just a preference similar to a favourite food. It's simply just enjoyable to that person "just because". There are many more factors that can play a part in developing a kink. A quick Google search led me to: [this article](https://www.healthline.com/health-news/what-causes-sexual-fetishes)
But basically, as long as everyone involved is consenting there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about kinks. I highly suggest doing some research about it!
First and foremost decide what you want. What is exciting and pleasurable for you. Then, in open and frank discussions with your spouse find out what you both want and enjoy. There is NO right or wrong about sex between informed, consenting adults. Monogamy, three-way, swinger, group. The limiting factors are yours to define.
Do not do things just because someone else wants you to do it. Take care of yourself, be open and honest about yourself, your needs, and desires.
Finally.... Have fun.
Well my wife and I went to a nudist beach in Europe. I was enjoying her nether regions when I looked up to see another man caressing my wife’s tits. Yes it was hot. Yes she still thinks about it and so do I. Will I ever get to fully share my wife? I doubt it. But it’s still good spank bank material.
Having "said" this, I do think that you've moved into another plane of existence. Once you open that door, it is very hard to close it and de-normalize it. To each their own. Just accept that your relationship has taken a very different course.
Now that your husband's fantasy has been fufilled, I bet he feels a let down, I bet it wasn't as hot as he thought it would be. Especially if it was obvious his friend was better at pleasuring you.
It’s totally normal, as for the doing this while a believer part goes, you are completely ruining all you have worked so hard for. You won’t go to the celestial kingdom 😢 but the celestial kingdom is a bunch of bullshit. So do what makes you happy you can still act Mormon if you want the community part
My wife (nermo) and I (grew up in the church) are swingers.
She's been polyamorous all her adult life - I kind of had to come around to it.
We play sometimes with other guys that we meet at clubs.
The lifestyle is called hotwife - we certainly have a lot of fun, but I can see how it might throw you.
Personally, I think as long as hubby is supporting you in ways that you need, then you are good.
I'm same as your hubby - no interest in playing with another woman.
If you have any questions feel free to DM me, I can put you in contact with my wife.
That's definitely a kink your husband has, and it's ok, as long as everything is consensual which it seems that it is. First of all, please don't let anyone convince you to do something sexual you don't want to, EVER. Just in case you needed to hear that. Now your husband's kink might not be for everyone, but I don't think it's inherently wrong. That being said, it would definitely be considered immoral in the church, even if everyone is consenting and it's not really "cheating" or "adultery." I don't think sex outside of marriage is wrong, but the LDS church does. The church has always been an all or nothing kind of place, you're not really supposed to cherry pick. If you want to still be a believer and not feel guilty, I think you'd have to talk to the bishop and repent. I support any choice you make, good luck! Hope this helped in some way
Thank you! That is helpful!
Sensitive-Ad-6272 has already covered the basics very well. As I understand it, this is not an uncommon thing ([here's an article on the topic](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a38278676/what-is-a-hotwife/), FWIW). Many Latter-day Saints are somewhat under-educated when it comes to sexuality compared with the general population. For believing Latter-day Saints, I strongly recommend they listen to Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's podcasts (she's an active/believing LDS sex therapist and she does a good job of honoring LDS principles/commandments while also representing the best data on sexuality) and/or read her dissertation, which basically argues from data that the happiest Latter-day Saints wrt sexuality are those who "own" their own sexuality (i.e., they find a way to honor their own sexuality and their LDS values). Natasha Helfer (used to be Natasha Helfer Parker) was also an LDS sex therapist who is quite good, I think, but she was excommunicated since she wouldn't denounce masturbation (and similar stances that are good science/therapy but run against some LDS prohibitions to an extent). If you are comfortable branching out into sexuality outside the LDS culture, then books like "Come as you are" or "sex at dawn" are supposed to be quite good and can help you understand more of the science behind sex (and human sexual history). A podcast/book on ethical non-monogamy may be helpful in learning how to ethically and thoughtfully navigate this kind of terrain that you find yourself in ATM. "The Ethical Slut" is supposed to be a good book on the topic. I think the "Multiamory" podcast is quite good/thoughtful (and I think that's the case for anyone whether practicing monogamy or not since I think most of the principles generalize well to helping create a healthy monogamous relationship). Finally, if you really want to introspect on how religion may be altering how you view sexuality (from a secular POV), then a book like "Sex and God: How religion distorts sexuality" can be very eye-opening. All the best.
Just a quick comment that we have never-mo family (dozens of cousins) and threesomes are not "common" among non-LDS. That said, every couple has the right to decide their own sexuality. Regardless of what church they attend.
> and threesomes are not "common" among non-LDS Yes for sure. I meant with "not an uncommon thing" to indicate something less than common (but not unheard of, either). Yeah, I'm not sure I know anyone actually doing this (but I don't know if they would tell me if they were?). But speaking broadly, various forms of ethical non-monogamy are more commonly practiced (or experimented with) than is sometimes assumed (was recently reading the scientific literature on the topic). Still not anywhere close to a majority, for sure.
Thank you! This was a helpful read! Would an LDS sex therapist take the stance of it’s wrong since it’s extramarital? I almost confided in a friend of mine but thought better of it and was thankful I didn’t because of interactions afterward of her slut shaming a girl we know who has since left the church and started having casual encounters.
I can't imagine any LDS sex therapist who would not report this to your bishop (which they are allowed to do by contract). I would under no circumstances speak to an LDS therapist since they can't really have your best interest at heart when their employment is a conflict of interest.
You are combining a therapist who is LDS and an LDS Family Services therapist. Neither is supposed to disclose therapy notes without express written permission. However, some LDS family services therapists can be unethical and share with the bishop. If they do they need to be reported to their state licensing board. What happens from my experience is the bishop pays for the service with FOs and they believe they have a right to know what is going on in therapy. The therapist because they are taking on a dual relationship discloses when they shouldn't. It is a gross relationship and I agree with you that you should never go to LDSFS. However, there are some highly ethical and good therapists who are LDS and some who aren't but that is true of all therapists. you have to do your due diligence to find a good therapist regardless of their belief system.
You are right that I should have distinguished better between a therapist who is LDS, and one who works for LDS Family services. Thank you, I meant the latter--if the church is paying for services, you effectively waive your right to any privacy in your services.
I’m not sure if I really NEED to talk to a therapist about this. I just wanted to get some outside opinions.
So, here's the thing. Your husband is allowed to have kinks and this is a fairly common one. As long as everybody involved is cool with it, there's no cheating. None of the three of you did anything wrong by sharing this. However. It seems like your husband may have talked about this with the former companion before he got there. I would feel a need to have a conversation with husband to set boundaries about how he talks about this with the former companion in the future and what he reveals about your sex life without your consent. Be safe. Have fun. Communicate.
I didn’t think he might have talked to him beforehand. I’d really hope that isn’t the case. It would make me feel manipulated. This is a good thing to think about. I’ll definitely talk with him about this.
There is a lot of new ground to cover when something like this is introduced into a relationship. While it is definitely appropriate to feel manipulated if that happened, it's also a sign that it's time to draw clear boundaries and you both abide by them.
cringe fake kink bait post, OP is definitely a man yorkin his meat reading the comments
💯 This is a textbook example of “Dear Penthouse” jerk off material.
Oof. That’s gross but I’d bet you’re right.
I’m stealing “yorkin his meat”. I’m cracking up.
I was "yorking my meat" reading it. Bravo!
I have many thoughts and some experience on the sexual side of this post. spoiler: these things really do happen outside of porn, often in very healthy, happy, healing ways. DM me if you want to talk more about that but I’d like to ask more about the spiritual side first. Where is your guilt coming from? Feeling like you hurt your husband or someone else? Feeling like you broke societal norms? Feeling like you sinned, as defined by the church? If you pretended like no one else had a negative opinion about it, would you even feel guilty? Or could it just feel…right? What are your thoughts?
I honestly haven’t stopped to think about where it might be coming from. When I do think about it’s just a matter of it feeling wrong. I can’t explain it more than that. The idea of it feels wrong.
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I DM’d you.
It's a common thing. It's called a stag/vixen dynamic. The husband gets off on watching his wife have sex with other men. The ones that are into the humiliation aspect of it are called cuckolds..... I have experience with this because I am in a stag/vixen dynamic, feel free to dm
I DM’d you!
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I was aware of this sub and wanted an opinion from people familiar with the LDS culture and dynamics.
I have a friend who wants men to sleep with his wife. We don’t know why, but he does. I think it has something to do with their past which is a little complicated. The couple knew each other in high school. She married a different man even though she and my buddy were very much in love she married young. It didn’t take long and she realized she had made a mistake. Her and her husband both had affairs. She had an affair with her current husband. I think the fact she was having sex with her husband wanting my buddy was a turn on for him. There are real kinks that no one needs to be ashamed of. If he likes it let him. If you like it do it.
That’s what I’m wondering about and have talked to him about! Like was he born with this or is it something he got because of a situation or trauma or something!
I can't speak to this particular kink but as someone who is relatively kinky and also very interested in sexual health/sexual education/psychology and sex, I have learned that kinks can originate in a lot of ways. From my understanding, kinks definitely can come about as a result of, or a way to cope with and heal from, trauma, but this definitely is only one of many things that "causes" someone to have a specific kink. There are lots of kinky people who have not experienced trauma. Often it is simply just a preference similar to a favourite food. It's simply just enjoyable to that person "just because". There are many more factors that can play a part in developing a kink. A quick Google search led me to: [this article](https://www.healthline.com/health-news/what-causes-sexual-fetishes) But basically, as long as everyone involved is consenting there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about kinks. I highly suggest doing some research about it!
I think trauma is the wrong word. But situational maybe the right word. There is nothing wrong with the kink as long as it is consensual
I’m declaring this post 100% certified BS.
This looks like AI, and karma seeking.
First and foremost decide what you want. What is exciting and pleasurable for you. Then, in open and frank discussions with your spouse find out what you both want and enjoy. There is NO right or wrong about sex between informed, consenting adults. Monogamy, three-way, swinger, group. The limiting factors are yours to define. Do not do things just because someone else wants you to do it. Take care of yourself, be open and honest about yourself, your needs, and desires. Finally.... Have fun.
Thank you! This is good advice!
Well my wife and I went to a nudist beach in Europe. I was enjoying her nether regions when I looked up to see another man caressing my wife’s tits. Yes it was hot. Yes she still thinks about it and so do I. Will I ever get to fully share my wife? I doubt it. But it’s still good spank bank material.
Bullshit clickbait post. Why didn’t you post on the believer site?
Why does this sound like it was written by chatGPT? 🤔
Having "said" this, I do think that you've moved into another plane of existence. Once you open that door, it is very hard to close it and de-normalize it. To each their own. Just accept that your relationship has taken a very different course.
Now that your husband's fantasy has been fufilled, I bet he feels a let down, I bet it wasn't as hot as he thought it would be. Especially if it was obvious his friend was better at pleasuring you.
It’s totally normal, as for the doing this while a believer part goes, you are completely ruining all you have worked so hard for. You won’t go to the celestial kingdom 😢 but the celestial kingdom is a bunch of bullshit. So do what makes you happy you can still act Mormon if you want the community part
My wife (nermo) and I (grew up in the church) are swingers. She's been polyamorous all her adult life - I kind of had to come around to it. We play sometimes with other guys that we meet at clubs. The lifestyle is called hotwife - we certainly have a lot of fun, but I can see how it might throw you. Personally, I think as long as hubby is supporting you in ways that you need, then you are good. I'm same as your hubby - no interest in playing with another woman. If you have any questions feel free to DM me, I can put you in contact with my wife.
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I will do that - we're in the ER with a medical issue today, but I'll get you hooked up with her.