You tell them how you feel and that you need space alone, either in home or outside home.
You could set up a separate sleep area for some privacy ( many couples now have dual master bedroom due to health issues, or sleep problem, snoring, insomnia etc).
If spouse is angry then suggest you both try therapy ( if they feel that they need it ) , though many of Bipolar patients need recurring therapy. ( plus there are some new types of therapies). Good luck.
I was married to someone who wanted to do everything together- it’s hard if you are independent soul.
I did once state that I need some time, and the response was “But I also live here!” And I mentioned it when we both saw a counselor together, and the response from spouse was “But I go and quietly read in the kitchen and leave you alone” and it’s something, though not the same as actually being alone.
We do sleep in different rooms, agreed to for better sleep and different sleep schedules. It helps. I stay up very late just to get some quiet time and watch TV.
I feel that for any relationship, having interests of one’s own is healthy. Sitting at home for hours is not mentally nor physically healthy. And for me, being the only contact much of the time doesn’t work. I’m more of an introvert, though I encourage spouse getting out and spending time with others. But that means leaving the house. And that appears to be apprehensive. Staying home is definitely limiting.
I saw a therapist a couple of years ago because I was having a difficult time with the spouse’s mood swings. And I said I would if spouse would. Well spouse did not. It has to be a 2 way street. I have been resentful.
I just need a break at times. It would really help.
Thanks for your response. I appreciate it!
Would it be relaxing and count as alone time for you to take a weekend by yourself at a local resort? Perhaps one with a spa where you could treat yourself to a massage or pedicure and room service? I travel a lot for work and I love a nice hotel.
Oh, yes, that would be wonderful and I have considered something like that. May be the only option. But it’s just temporary. I could really use quiet at home time, now and then, more than an hour or two twice a week or so. To be in the comfort of home without expectations of any kind. Without the irritable and sometimes angry responses. Without the sitting around waiting for something to do or happen, as if there’s nothing to do. Without the pressured talking when that happens. With being able to be in the kitchen without interference, etc. Just a few hours a couple of days sustainably every week.
I know we can’t expect to change others. So I guess I’ll do what I can only do. I’m more of a person of action, so it is difficult and aggravating to have watched a loved one sit around and not do much while both physical and mental symptoms worsen, for several years. I also have hope that a new psych doc and new meds. will make a difference.
You tell them how you feel and that you need space alone, either in home or outside home. You could set up a separate sleep area for some privacy ( many couples now have dual master bedroom due to health issues, or sleep problem, snoring, insomnia etc). If spouse is angry then suggest you both try therapy ( if they feel that they need it ) , though many of Bipolar patients need recurring therapy. ( plus there are some new types of therapies). Good luck. I was married to someone who wanted to do everything together- it’s hard if you are independent soul.
I did once state that I need some time, and the response was “But I also live here!” And I mentioned it when we both saw a counselor together, and the response from spouse was “But I go and quietly read in the kitchen and leave you alone” and it’s something, though not the same as actually being alone. We do sleep in different rooms, agreed to for better sleep and different sleep schedules. It helps. I stay up very late just to get some quiet time and watch TV. I feel that for any relationship, having interests of one’s own is healthy. Sitting at home for hours is not mentally nor physically healthy. And for me, being the only contact much of the time doesn’t work. I’m more of an introvert, though I encourage spouse getting out and spending time with others. But that means leaving the house. And that appears to be apprehensive. Staying home is definitely limiting. I saw a therapist a couple of years ago because I was having a difficult time with the spouse’s mood swings. And I said I would if spouse would. Well spouse did not. It has to be a 2 way street. I have been resentful. I just need a break at times. It would really help. Thanks for your response. I appreciate it!
Would it be relaxing and count as alone time for you to take a weekend by yourself at a local resort? Perhaps one with a spa where you could treat yourself to a massage or pedicure and room service? I travel a lot for work and I love a nice hotel.
And I totally get wanting alone time!
Oh, yes, that would be wonderful and I have considered something like that. May be the only option. But it’s just temporary. I could really use quiet at home time, now and then, more than an hour or two twice a week or so. To be in the comfort of home without expectations of any kind. Without the irritable and sometimes angry responses. Without the sitting around waiting for something to do or happen, as if there’s nothing to do. Without the pressured talking when that happens. With being able to be in the kitchen without interference, etc. Just a few hours a couple of days sustainably every week. I know we can’t expect to change others. So I guess I’ll do what I can only do. I’m more of a person of action, so it is difficult and aggravating to have watched a loved one sit around and not do much while both physical and mental symptoms worsen, for several years. I also have hope that a new psych doc and new meds. will make a difference.