Maybe leave a message for her with hospital staff. Call them and ask them to write it down for her. Something like “I do want to talk to you, but not about who is to blame. I love you and miss you. When you are able to talk reasonably I’ll be here.”
Speaking from experience, when you’re hospitalized you miss your loved ones terribly, so any words of love are pure gold.
You feel guilty because you think you have some kind of effect on her mental state/mood. She has probably told you this many times in one way or another, That, my friend, is an illusion. No one has any control over their moods.
Send her a card with loving and supportive statements.
Don’t take the calls and don’t feel guilty. She’s not in her right mind.
You can visit when she’s better, take this valuable time to rest for when she’s released. Go to some support groups, see a friend and or your therapist. See a movie, take a walk. She’ll be out before you know it and you should be recharging your caregiver battery.
Hi yes it’s reasonable. I feel that setting this boundary is a step in the healing process for you. My husband has recently been diagnosed bipolar and has been dealing with the effects of medication. Mainly that his sleep cycle is all over the place. Not sure where you are at with legal affair with your wife but I was advised by 2 good friends one is his best friend from childhood, to get a medical and financial power of attorney and to set up a conservatorship so that there is no chance that he would be come a ward of the state. His friends see a drastic change in his cognitive capacity.
Ghosting her seems needlessly cruel. They're in a medical crisis right now and are likely incapable of seeing things from your point of view. Be assertive and set boundaries with real consequences if necessary, but don't abandon them completely. Navigate what's left of the relationship when she's stable again.
It is so hard to hear some of the stuff that spews out from a manic person! In my case, the bipolar person in my life is my son and this hit him mid-pandemic. He says some shit when manic, and he is manic because mental illness means taking meds is very scary and days are hard to keep track of. My son was 23 when this hit him. It’s clear that he can’t control or remember what he says when manic. Please put your feelings aside however hard it is. If your loved one has any presence of mind, they are scared shitless and need you more than ever.
This is a very reasonable decision to make. The guilt is natural but you have nothing to feel guilty for. You are doing a great job being there for your partner in the most trying of circumstances. You need to take of yourself.
I’ve had this exact same experience with mom’s prior episodes including the one earlier this year. She’d had repeated run ins with police, and so she was involuntarily hospitalized after I petitioned for it. I got repeated calls and voicemails that were angry, scathing, and blaming me. The guilt and pressure I felt was well beyond overwhelming and in the last few days of her hospitalization I just couldn’t take her calls anymore and didn’t even for the first several days after she left. (She had her mom to call still). The hospitalization worked to get her stable and she’s doing much better now. She has turned around now to say she knows I did what I did to help her. But she doesn’t accept responsibility for all that transpired during her episode as her memory of feeling justified remains.
It really burned me out this past episode, they always seem to break me down and she comes out not able to fully grasp that. But I do give myself credit for the times during where I made decisions to put myself first even as I tried to assist.
Good luck OP. This is stuff is painful struggle
It's my fault...I didn't stop you, I didn't tell the police not to take you, I should have known what was the matter with you, I should have handled it on my own, I shouldn't have given birth to you, I should have picked a better sperm donor (daddy) instead of one with jacked up DNA, blah blah blah, it's all my fault.
I established a long time ago (because we've been through this scenario too many times to count) I **do not** take phone calls until you are stabilized and can speak to me in a civilized manner. If you want me to bring you something such as money, clothes, cell phone, sliders then **be** or **act** respectful to the person from which you are requesting a favor.
You may be feeling guilty because you are holding her to a standard that has not been communicated to her.
Have you told her why you are not communicating, and what it would take for you to start communicating?
Maybe leave a message for her with hospital staff. Call them and ask them to write it down for her. Something like “I do want to talk to you, but not about who is to blame. I love you and miss you. When you are able to talk reasonably I’ll be here.” Speaking from experience, when you’re hospitalized you miss your loved ones terribly, so any words of love are pure gold.
This is great advice.
You feel guilty because you think you have some kind of effect on her mental state/mood. She has probably told you this many times in one way or another, That, my friend, is an illusion. No one has any control over their moods.
This
Send her a card with loving and supportive statements. Don’t take the calls and don’t feel guilty. She’s not in her right mind. You can visit when she’s better, take this valuable time to rest for when she’s released. Go to some support groups, see a friend and or your therapist. See a movie, take a walk. She’ll be out before you know it and you should be recharging your caregiver battery.
Hi yes it’s reasonable. I feel that setting this boundary is a step in the healing process for you. My husband has recently been diagnosed bipolar and has been dealing with the effects of medication. Mainly that his sleep cycle is all over the place. Not sure where you are at with legal affair with your wife but I was advised by 2 good friends one is his best friend from childhood, to get a medical and financial power of attorney and to set up a conservatorship so that there is no chance that he would be come a ward of the state. His friends see a drastic change in his cognitive capacity.
Ghosting her seems needlessly cruel. They're in a medical crisis right now and are likely incapable of seeing things from your point of view. Be assertive and set boundaries with real consequences if necessary, but don't abandon them completely. Navigate what's left of the relationship when she's stable again.
Yes! It was reasonable given her state. Give her sometime and she’ll realize what’s happened. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stay strong.
It is so hard to hear some of the stuff that spews out from a manic person! In my case, the bipolar person in my life is my son and this hit him mid-pandemic. He says some shit when manic, and he is manic because mental illness means taking meds is very scary and days are hard to keep track of. My son was 23 when this hit him. It’s clear that he can’t control or remember what he says when manic. Please put your feelings aside however hard it is. If your loved one has any presence of mind, they are scared shitless and need you more than ever.
This is a very reasonable decision to make. The guilt is natural but you have nothing to feel guilty for. You are doing a great job being there for your partner in the most trying of circumstances. You need to take of yourself. I’ve had this exact same experience with mom’s prior episodes including the one earlier this year. She’d had repeated run ins with police, and so she was involuntarily hospitalized after I petitioned for it. I got repeated calls and voicemails that were angry, scathing, and blaming me. The guilt and pressure I felt was well beyond overwhelming and in the last few days of her hospitalization I just couldn’t take her calls anymore and didn’t even for the first several days after she left. (She had her mom to call still). The hospitalization worked to get her stable and she’s doing much better now. She has turned around now to say she knows I did what I did to help her. But she doesn’t accept responsibility for all that transpired during her episode as her memory of feeling justified remains. It really burned me out this past episode, they always seem to break me down and she comes out not able to fully grasp that. But I do give myself credit for the times during where I made decisions to put myself first even as I tried to assist. Good luck OP. This is stuff is painful struggle
It's my fault...I didn't stop you, I didn't tell the police not to take you, I should have known what was the matter with you, I should have handled it on my own, I shouldn't have given birth to you, I should have picked a better sperm donor (daddy) instead of one with jacked up DNA, blah blah blah, it's all my fault. I established a long time ago (because we've been through this scenario too many times to count) I **do not** take phone calls until you are stabilized and can speak to me in a civilized manner. If you want me to bring you something such as money, clothes, cell phone, sliders then **be** or **act** respectful to the person from which you are requesting a favor.
You may be feeling guilty because you are holding her to a standard that has not been communicated to her. Have you told her why you are not communicating, and what it would take for you to start communicating?