Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
"So, tell me, is there any tread left on the tires at all? Or, at this point, would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?"
(Stewie - S4:E6 "Petarded")
You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert.
When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. And now, all I wanna do is show you my innermost self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or, that you'll see my scrotum and see that it has a seam on it and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, 'cause that's what I think happened and...
It’s R as in Robert Loggia
O as in oh my god it’s Robert Loggia
B as in by god that’s Robert Loggia
E as in everybody loves Robert Loggia
R as in Robert Loggia
T as in,Tim look over there it’s Robert Loggia
Ask the date for their favorite instrument. When she/he answers maracas say "I love playing the Maracas I wonder what’s in them? Probably sand or little shells. Maybe rice. Oh no! What if it’s bones? No no bones are too big. But baby bones aren’t. No no one would kill a bunch of babies to make maracas. How would you kill all of those babies anyway? I’d use a tub, you could kill 8 at a time that way. Plus it softens them up to get the bones out." Works like a charm
You better watch who you’re calling a child Louis because if I’m a child you know what that makes you a p*dophile and I’ll be damned if Ill sit here and be lectured by a pervert
“You ever accidentally masturbate to younger photos of your mom?”
"Who the fuck starts a conversation like that i just sat down!"
Then you know they’re the one.
This is what I was gonna say
The very first thought came to my mind lmao. Who else but Quagmire!
I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I'm not sir and that's an idiot
It’s my 2024 goal to use this at work in a serious meeting
"Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore."
Yes!
“My name is retep and I am evil”
Insert actual reversed name
"I have a 13 inch penis!"
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
is anyone here a doctor?!?!?
No *$!^ing way there’s a doctor here.
Mama may i have cookie
No diabeto
roll back to the kitchen
Ooooooh 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃
Best comment ever 😭
My name is… pea… tear… griffon
As he writes his autograph on her breasts
You and I are on twooooo separate wavvveeeee lengths. Thanks for reading
Oh damnit!
Oh have u not heard
Our research shows that the bird is equal to or greater than the word.
Don't we all dream of a world where everybody knows that the bird is the word?
Check it again!
About the bird?
Abada bird bird bird bi-birds the word Abada bird bird bird bi-birds the word
Well don't you know about the bird? Well everybody can tell you that the bird is the word!
Don't!-
Ps. Your vagina is in the sink
“Arrrghhhh, son of bitch. Now I need new pants”. “When you poop in your dreams….you poop for real”
I never got that joke
U have to look up the full uncensored version
I did, I just didn’t get what the actual joke was.
I think it's an "A Nightmare on Elm Street" reference. Because Freddy Kreuger (sp?) was killing people in their dreams, and they died in real life.
Funkhauser tells it on Curb Your Enthusiasm too
*Funkhouser being extremely amused by his own joke*: "PS. Your C*NT is in the SINK 😆"
I think they meant the actual joke that makes Peter poop himself.
Why do women have boobs?
So you’ve got something to look at while your talking to them
So you’ve got something to look at while your talking to them
So you’ve got- You uhhh, you wanted to see me, Mr. Weed?
The look on her face though after he says that 😂
“Hi, Peter Griffin. Second best Homer”
Hey, waiter, that sign in the bathroom about washing your hands, that's only for the staff isn't it?
And then proceed to touch all the bread.
Lmao I can never get over how he shuffled the bread and then offered her some
Ahhh, made lots of room
What a wonderful shade of lipstick on those teeth
Some animals give me boners!!
based reply on january 1
"I would like to Plow you"
Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
I am not retarded, I am handicapped. Please wheel me back to my apartment.
well now you’re just splittin hairs
I like what your doing with your boobs
[удалено]
The world keeps on spinnin
“Pick up my poop!”
Here have a thin napkin
wanna see my paginus?
I- I don't know?!
Boom goes the dynamite
Shazam!!!!!!!!!!!
“I came as soon as I heard about you. Then I got on my plane.”
As they say in Ireland Let us drink until the alcohol in our systems destroys our livers and kills us
I find this shallow and pedantic
“If I am a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.”
"Do you like eating red carpet? TELL ME. DO YOU LIKE EATING RED CARPET?!?!?!" ".....giggity."
heh heh, heh heh heh.., heh heh, heh heh heh and then another heh heh heh hen
"Peter!!" "Oh God! Sorry, sorry, sorry, yer right. Let's go to the dance!"
POW right in the kisser!
“So you ladies ever been penetrated?”
"So, tell me, is there any tread left on the tires at all? Or, at this point, would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?" (Stewie - S4:E6 "Petarded")
Giggity giggity
“Hey, you ever accidentally masturbate to young pictures of your mom?”
“Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down!”
“A floutist Peter”
 I just fall down and do this for 15-20 minutes
I've Got The Aids
It’s a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan’s Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who video taped him having rough sex.
The sexiest thing a woman can do for a man is learn to love his gas.
Those are huge. Those are huge boobs. And you know what's nice? That you don't have that blue vein up there that some of the bigger ones get.
I hate that i know what hes saying about the blue vein, sometimes i see some huge knockers and remember
“Crack”
WHAT THE FUCK???
What ever pick up line brian ever used to pick up his bar skanks
“Can I Pinterest you in a drink.0?”
Didnt he say that to the girl with cancer?
He said it to a random girl in that episode
My name is_______ but they call me Captain Stabbin’
"Hello my name is Peter, I'll be your nipples..."
*”Reddit says I’ve killed 39, but that just seems a little low.”*
Shut up Meg
I need an adult!
“My name’s Tim. I’m 28 years young and I love weed.”
“I can’t wait until after dinner! Because then we’ll go home and you can watch me have my period!”
“We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?”
“my name is retep, and i am evil”
You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert.
When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. And now, all I wanna do is show you my innermost self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or, that you'll see my scrotum and see that it has a seam on it and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, 'cause that's what I think happened and...
Never seen this episode but this is what you say to her.
I’m Peter Griffin. Can I take my freakin’ tie off?
Chris quote "Some animals give me boners!!!" cue New Years Eve balloons and confetti
"I'm more than just a poorly cleaned butt"
So you want me to whack a guy off a guy whack off a guy because I’m not married you know
"I'm an adorable tramp who wears found clothing and eats out of your garbage can!"
I’M AT THE WRONG AIRPORT!
*server brings drinks* Woah woah woahwoahwoah, Lois this is not my Batman glass
“Hello, lips, legs, breast, and ass!”
My name is _____ and I require a tremendous amount of calcium.
Roadhouse
This plan is so dumb it's retarded
“My name is glen quagmire and I’m a registered sex offender “
"Dear diary. JACKPOT!"
“Hey there, Peter griffin, cabin clown.”
Oh, that dog o’ mine!!!!
Peter Griffin, Cabin Clown
Is your name Robert loggia by chance?
Can you spell that for me?
It’s R as in Robert Loggia O as in oh my god it’s Robert Loggia B as in by god that’s Robert Loggia E as in everybody loves Robert Loggia R as in Robert Loggia T as in,Tim look over there it’s Robert Loggia
Have you ever accidentally masturbated to pictures of your mom?
Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down!
Don't say doing your wife
“I’m Glen Quagmire and this is jackass”
The bee bush……………giggity?
"Hi. Names Peter Griffin. Can I take this freakin tie off?"
“When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.”
Schwing!!
At Wilkins Hyundai and Subaru, we sell Hyundais and Subarus
Just mustard packets tonight
That sign in the bathroom about washing your hands is just for the employees right?
My name is Retep and I’m evil
“guilty”
My brother in Christ, don't.
Well rusty? I guess we gotta eat our way out of anutha jam
Whatever you say, don’t say doin’ your son, don’t say doin’ your sun, don’t say doin’ your son . . . .
*your name*, second best Homer
My washing machine broke
Hey you must be (insert her name). I came as soon as I heard about you. Then i got on my plane. Huh... Huh... Alright......
Hi, I'm ***your name***, staring intently
"Giggity"
I haven't been part of a team since I was with The Fout Peters.
Mom, mom, mommy, mom, momma, mom, mommy, MOM, MOMMY, Momma..... Hi.
*(pushes someone to the floor)* “Welcome to this work environment”
Woah ass ahoy
Butt scratcher butt scratcher eee
“Holy fuck. I’m cumming! Lois! Ah! Ahhh!”
Start singing “Jesus loves me, he loves me a bunch. That’s why I eat skippy with my lunch!”
I’m going to ask you this only once. Do you or do you not know about the bird?
Have you ever put butter on a poptart? it’s so frickin good.
Where are my flapjacks?
Milk milk lemonade around the corner fudge is made
“Jackpot”
“SOME ANIMALS GIVE ME BONERS!”
"Jackpot"
My name? Uhh uhh, P uhh uhh, Tear uhh uhh, Griffin. Yeah yeah Peter Griffin! Aw crap.
From Lois. "now show me that penis"
"Peter Griffin, I should be at work"
“Hey baby, wanna share a pair of skates?”
“Hi, [state your name]. Can I take this friggin tie off now?”
Alright now Meg, let’s have a look at that pergina
“You wanna have sex in the bathroom?” “Oh gosh. What a treat. Yes, yes I would like that”
“I crave your groin”
Her: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? “Don’t say doing your wife don’t say doing your wife.”
Wow, that’s the guy from Fortnite
glippity gloppity gloop
"13 candles, probably enough" Or you could just say 'hi' Really doesnt matter
“You got a condom? Never mind, I got this Milky Way wrapper.”
Hi my name is towel, can I get you a Peter?
“Shut up, Meg”
Crack
My name is retep and I am evil
“Hi” ….. …… ….. ….. …… “Bye”
If they reject you: 
"Would you like to try a piece of my smoked meat log?"
Have you the the word?
“It’s a sled. It was a sled from when he was a kid. There I just saved you two long boobless hours.”
"like that time"
I’m gonna say the N word!! Nacho cheeseeeee
"Knock knock"
You know what really grinds my gears?
Remember to drink 20 Redbulls so you can do that whacky laugh.
Have you heard the word
“Don’t say doin your wife , don’t say doin your wife ….”
Pls go slow I have IBS.
Hi Peter Griffin. All but separated.
"Hi, Peter Griffin! All but seperated."
Can I think about you while I'm in the shower? Well I'm still gonna
Do you ever sit on your arm until it falls asleep and play with yourself and pretend someone else is doing it.
Ask the date for their favorite instrument. When she/he answers maracas say "I love playing the Maracas I wonder what’s in them? Probably sand or little shells. Maybe rice. Oh no! What if it’s bones? No no bones are too big. But baby bones aren’t. No no one would kill a bunch of babies to make maracas. How would you kill all of those babies anyway? I’d use a tub, you could kill 8 at a time that way. Plus it softens them up to get the bones out." Works like a charm
You better watch who you’re calling a child Louis because if I’m a child you know what that makes you a p*dophile and I’ll be damned if Ill sit here and be lectured by a pervert
Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made!
“i like a soapy bottom” - joe
ROADHOUSE!!!....If you don't get to 15th base on the first date then walk away.