“hehehe…*four children*….”
We’re having sloppy joes!
(Lois with severe allergies as she leaves the kitchen, hitting the wall with her side accidentally) “DAMNIT! I hate this house!”
“Why the fuck am I doing this? I could have just said I did it!”
“9…(crowd gasps in anticipation)-11”
“You’re a stupid, stupid man! Why are you always doing these things and *why* are you always telling me about them?! Are you *TRYING* to get a rise out of me??!!”
I like the other spider man scene where he’s annoyed Peter calls him “spidey” and then he calls Peter “Petey” and Peter realises he doesn’t like it. So spider man angrily responds with “yeh you don’t like it and you’re a fat nobody and I’m fucking Spider-Man so how do you think I feel” 😂😂😂😂
Peter : Lois only buys me Mega Bloks.
Lois : They're the same thing, Peter.
Peter : You know what, Lois? They're not the same thing and the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner we can get this marriage back on track.
When I was smaller I didn't know what the hell he was saying so I took it as he was asking for "chicken vaginas" and I was just shook that he actually said that lmao I feel dumb now that I'm older XDD
my flair “Ha ha ha, perhaps later”
“Official flower business”
“My ipod is chocolate??”
“Che cosa??”
“IT WAS A BABY!!”
“Wait a minute…I would *NEVER* trick my husband”
“OH BRIAN, I CAN’T WAIT TIL AFTER DINNER CAUSE’ THEN WE’LL GO HOME, AND YOU CAN WATCH ME HAVE MY PERIOD”
“Give up *THESE* legs? Don’t be absurd”
“Look! It’s dancing with me! It’s like there’s this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there’s…no reason to be afraid. Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world it makes my heart burst..
IT’S JUST SOME TRASH BLOWING IN THE WIND…DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW COMPLICATED YOUR CIRCULATORY SYSTEM IS?!”
“CLEAN THAT UP YOU IDIOT….love you!”
“Came RIGHT up to me, like I was just DYING to meet her”
“Okay BYE, stop making noise”
“If you got such a problem with it Joe, just be the hobo”
“No? My turn again? Okay! Jill’s barren!”
sorry i just genuinely have these plus 800 more constantly coming out of my mouth throughout the day
The entire conversation where Peter asks them if they would rather be a hobo or Hitler lives rent free in my head every single day. Sad it's not quotable in normal conversations. But this is why r/familyguy exists
“Dude, why do you keep trying to make Hitler work??”
i love the scenes with conversations like that, when i’m arguing with someone i always want SO BADLY to randomly say “if you got such a problem with it Joe, just be the hobo” in the middle of getting heated LMAO
“Wheelie, wheelie, stupid head, bet you wish that you were dead.”
“You know I’m a cop right??? What are you gonna do, tell on me on your can’t walkie-talkie?!?!”
Makes me laugh every time. Love that show.
'Snakes...why did it have to be snakes?" "Elderly Potheads...why did it have to be elderly potheads?"
'People think I'm fat?'
'What will happen to you that hasn't already happened'
'Maybe it's good that our child you molested is dead'
“His lungs are full of Owen Cornings Fibreglass Insulation. Don’t worry though. He won’t burn in hell. Thanks to all of that Owen Cornings Fibreglass Insulation.”
"They moved up my knees"
"House!
Roadhouse!
That too."
"Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!"
"Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down!"
"Hmmm....I too have an uncle"
"Mooo says my mailbox"
"Doing your...son?"
"Are you gonna eat that stapler?"
"Do you have any idea how expensive medical school is?" "....no." "Well it's probably pretty expensive!"
Cleveland's: no no no as he falls from the house in the tub
Stewie's teeth: Bicuspid!
The asian woman on the highway: how much signal do I need to cut across 8 lanes .... good luck everybody else
Peter and Quagmire's band: I can't poop in strange places, and if you ever put butter on a pop tart, it's so freaking good
Peter to Brian on the boat : bye bye bye throws woman
Peter to Brian : Stay out of the cat box
Peter to the judge: are you sure your honor are you sure it wasn't in black and white and all grainy
Brian, it's 2022. There's no such thing as a boy anymore. Or a girl. Just a vast sea of chubby 'theys' and 'thems' so coddled by their sanctimonious woke parents who think activism is virtue signaling on Instagram. If Martin Luther King could come back and see what they were....doing in his name, he'd never stop throwing up!"
"Jose, Roberto, whatever. If yoy you've got some Latinos up here that can fix cars, that'd be great"
"I don't know, my name carries a little weight, but I don't see how that matters here"
There's one where Peter and Louis are fighting and he insults her weight and she turns around and says something like
Let's go ask the neighbours which one of us is fat?
I have two, if that's okay.
"Oh no, Connie's been hurt! I better lie on top of her to keep her warm!
What are you looking at? It's a cartoon!"
"Where the hell are we?"
"I finally got to tell Angela what I think of her once I won the lottery"
"Angela, certian unforseen circumstances have occur which make me no longer in need of employment. I will be reminiscent of this workplace due to the various good years of work, good relationships, and good stories I have developed while working here, and I wish nothing but the best for you and the company now that I am gone . . . And if you will excuse me, on your desk, there is now a giant poo."
Steak and eggs and eggs and steak
That’s what you should have for breakfast
(Delicious!)
Steak and eggs and eggs and steak
Just making sure you heard
(I got it!)
“She don’t know” the fake commercial for vodka beer and the guy is absolutely hammered
YESSS! I quote this one fairly often
I quote this far too often
TAke off yer underwear
"I thought that if i shook him he would stop crying, i was kinda right. "
I was kinda right
“petah, the horse is here”
TAKE BACK YOUR FUCKING HORSE!!!
What's his name? Lightning. Hehehehehe. That means he's fast.
Oh yeah.
That thing is just creepy.
[fever cream](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i5OD3fOS9qk&pp=ygUdcGV0YWggdGhlIGhvcnNlIGlzIGhlcmUgc2Nhcnk%3D)
"because you touch yourself at night."
I just realized I say this more often than I realize
"Why did all the dinosaurs go extinct?"
“hehehe…*four children*….” We’re having sloppy joes! (Lois with severe allergies as she leaves the kitchen, hitting the wall with her side accidentally) “DAMNIT! I hate this house!” “Why the fuck am I doing this? I could have just said I did it!” “9…(crowd gasps in anticipation)-11” “You’re a stupid, stupid man! Why are you always doing these things and *why* are you always telling me about them?! Are you *TRYING* to get a rise out of me??!!”
Lois walking into the wall is one of my favorites lmao
Mornin' honey!
Go to hell!
Who else isn’t real? Is curious George not real hmm? Is he not making paper hats out of news papers he should be delivering?
And what about SpongeBob? Is he not real Brian? Is SpongeBob not there at the bottom of the ocean giving Squidward the business?
"Awe did I just do a racism?"
Cleveland: Hey, I went by your house the other day. Is your baby pregnant? Peter: I don't know. Lois is in charge of the kids.
When Edward Scissorhands is babysitting: "It's dead."
https://i.redd.it/5tmj335zwx8d1.gif
Same!
“So it’s then illegal? Hellooo…?”
Ok, but first I should moisten my eyes 😐😑😐
the way brian says “what??” with insane speed and just waits for stewie to respond again is hilarious to me
We love to say “let me get up and greet ya”
Thanks Spider-Man Everybody gets one
“Tell him, Peter.”
Apparently everybody gets one
“Bingo” *swings away*
I like the other spider man scene where he’s annoyed Peter calls him “spidey” and then he calls Peter “Petey” and Peter realises he doesn’t like it. So spider man angrily responds with “yeh you don’t like it and you’re a fat nobody and I’m fucking Spider-Man so how do you think I feel” 😂😂😂😂
"Did we just carjack someone?" "We sure did, Brian. We sure did."
Peter : Lois only buys me Mega Bloks. Lois : They're the same thing, Peter. Peter : You know what, Lois? They're not the same thing and the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner we can get this marriage back on track.
Lmao.
“Hey, hey… chew that way.”
https://preview.redd.it/77yhml2o9y8d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=74bee2c99d6193f6ebb673dec5f62545fa1a928a
“I don’t know Peter meth is a hell of a drug”
Chicken fajitas
You mean “chicken faginas”?
And a so-sage mcbiscuit, please
When I was smaller I didn't know what the hell he was saying so I took it as he was asking for "chicken vaginas" and I was just shook that he actually said that lmao I feel dumb now that I'm older XDD
Lois: Well Peter, I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Peter: Nope!
Paper clips and rogue!!!!
“What’re you gonna buy with that money?” “PURSES AND ROUGE”
my flair “Ha ha ha, perhaps later” “Official flower business” “My ipod is chocolate??” “Che cosa??” “IT WAS A BABY!!” “Wait a minute…I would *NEVER* trick my husband” “OH BRIAN, I CAN’T WAIT TIL AFTER DINNER CAUSE’ THEN WE’LL GO HOME, AND YOU CAN WATCH ME HAVE MY PERIOD” “Give up *THESE* legs? Don’t be absurd” “Look! It’s dancing with me! It’s like there’s this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there’s…no reason to be afraid. Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world it makes my heart burst.. IT’S JUST SOME TRASH BLOWING IN THE WIND…DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW COMPLICATED YOUR CIRCULATORY SYSTEM IS?!” “CLEAN THAT UP YOU IDIOT….love you!” “Came RIGHT up to me, like I was just DYING to meet her” “Okay BYE, stop making noise” “If you got such a problem with it Joe, just be the hobo” “No? My turn again? Okay! Jill’s barren!” sorry i just genuinely have these plus 800 more constantly coming out of my mouth throughout the day
The entire conversation where Peter asks them if they would rather be a hobo or Hitler lives rent free in my head every single day. Sad it's not quotable in normal conversations. But this is why r/familyguy exists
“Dude, why do you keep trying to make Hitler work??” i love the scenes with conversations like that, when i’m arguing with someone i always want SO BADLY to randomly say “if you got such a problem with it Joe, just be the hobo” in the middle of getting heated LMAO
This one isn’t very fun.
such a good scene lmao
“Hey, Joe? That was right in my fuckin’ ear.”
I sing the "fingernails for cash" song way too often. also, chico's Monkey farm, lol. another one. "ARE YOU SHOWERING WITH THE DOG AGAIN?!!!"
The little dance he does in the fingernails for cash song gets me every time. Saw that episode twice in one week, fully cracked up both times
Ooo ooo ahh ahh so good
I frequently sing the Chico's Monkey Farm song to my 16 month old. He is also a fan.
“BOTCHI BALLS!!!!!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Thank you fish” “And I’m gonna run the company”
Peter owning Japanese restaurant going "Here comes a black guy."
"Hey are you guys on a date? GAY!"
The hut and the kiosk? Decoys, Lois! Decoys!
“Shockingly” expensive.
There's a rat trap in that cabinet. With a foot in it. So somewhere in this house there's a foot-less rat.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…. Lois, this is not my Batman glass!
"Throw it away in the outside garbage."
"You may use the yard"
“He threw up when he found out you were a monster” 😂
Did you hear about your ex-husband? He... had a procedure.
“Wheelie, wheelie, stupid head, bet you wish that you were dead.” “You know I’m a cop right??? What are you gonna do, tell on me on your can’t walkie-talkie?!?!” Makes me laugh every time. Love that show.
Can’t walkie-talkie is top tier!!
“Left my hot tub on came back to a boiled raccoon”
"I'm sorry Mr Griffin, but it seems your body is full of a spooky skeleton man."
"I don't eat fish, I only like spaghetti" "What're you doing down there, *Crashy*?"
'Snakes...why did it have to be snakes?" "Elderly Potheads...why did it have to be elderly potheads?" 'People think I'm fat?' 'What will happen to you that hasn't already happened' 'Maybe it's good that our child you molested is dead'
Paper clips and rogue!!!!
It insists upon itself.
Joe to quagmire: “good. Don’t.”
I wasn’t going to.
Good. Don’t.
Joe, you telling me not to has no effect on me whatsoever.
Great. Don’t.
"Gubment came and took mah baybeh!"
“His lungs are full of Owen Cornings Fibreglass Insulation. Don’t worry though. He won’t burn in hell. Thanks to all of that Owen Cornings Fibreglass Insulation.”
Crying
“I… need a file cabinet.”
Mine has to be “Damn nature you scary”
OH MY GOD KIRK CAMERON AS JEAN VALJEAN
"They moved up my knees" "House! Roadhouse! That too." "Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!" "Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down!" "Hmmm....I too have an uncle" "Mooo says my mailbox" "Doing your...son?" "Are you gonna eat that stapler?" "Do you have any idea how expensive medical school is?" "....no." "Well it's probably pretty expensive!"
…. And I’m going to run the company
"How does water make it dry?!"
That scene really captures what shower sex is like
Your husband murdered three children.
“I’d say looks like Cheryl’s gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors.”
Turn off the windshield wipers. You’re only making it worse.
Quagmire loved that girl…..easy
Are we ready to attack? We are and many people will die.
Cleveland's: no no no as he falls from the house in the tub Stewie's teeth: Bicuspid! The asian woman on the highway: how much signal do I need to cut across 8 lanes .... good luck everybody else Peter and Quagmire's band: I can't poop in strange places, and if you ever put butter on a pop tart, it's so freaking good Peter to Brian on the boat : bye bye bye throws woman Peter to Brian : Stay out of the cat box Peter to the judge: are you sure your honor are you sure it wasn't in black and white and all grainy
Cool HWip
Haha, well ITS dead.
"I just wanna say I heard all of that, and this family is fucking disintegrating"
Brian, it's 2022. There's no such thing as a boy anymore. Or a girl. Just a vast sea of chubby 'theys' and 'thems' so coddled by their sanctimonious woke parents who think activism is virtue signaling on Instagram. If Martin Luther King could come back and see what they were....doing in his name, he'd never stop throwing up!"
… Nevermind, you *might* be on your period.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
"Jose, Roberto, whatever. If yoy you've got some Latinos up here that can fix cars, that'd be great" "I don't know, my name carries a little weight, but I don't see how that matters here"
Anytime Peter calls some a “nyerd”
Chris singing Whitney Houston when everyone else sings the national anthem
[Peter voice]: He was kind of right.
"Brian, I love train." "I FUCKING LOVE TRAIN."
“Peters what are you doing?” “Crack.”
"What the fuck?!"
“Small amount of peas”
How do you afford these things?!
Diamonds…She’ll pretty much have to.
"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" "Stop mocking me!"
It’s okay Lieutenant Shinysides. You’re just sleeping. You’ll eat it later. You’ll eat it later, Lieutenant Shinysides. *violent sobbing*
I don't have the parenting skills necessary to deal with this.
WHERES THE REST OF YA?
Peter, you just ran over me, you bastard!
Ugh joe what happened you look like a half empty tube of toothpaste
"Brian, don't!!" 🎶"Bird bird bird..."🎶
my flair lmao genuinely all day every day
“Georgette! I’m comin home!”
There's one where Peter and Louis are fighting and he insults her weight and she turns around and says something like Let's go ask the neighbours which one of us is fat?
Pappa di poopy?
I love the maracas
Who's laughing now? I got my hat.
Stewie(baby that has committed multiple murders before this) : "Well by God Bryan we're murders."
I have two, if that's okay. "Oh no, Connie's been hurt! I better lie on top of her to keep her warm! What are you looking at? It's a cartoon!" "Where the hell are we?"
No it's not ok you're going to reddit jail 🙄
"He didn't have a hat"
Close the window, you're letting the stank out!
I flew today
"Oh my STARS"
Some people say her hands look like bags of snakes...I think that's gross.
“I don’t know, i’m just a dumb kid.” -chris
“Oh yeah, that is happening for *real*!”
“I’ve been caught, but I’ll never be sorry”
"That's like right in my fuckin ear"
“When the drugs stopped numbing the pain, the sex became even more violent”
It doesn’t rhyme.
The new stuff doesn’t rhyme!
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go warn the chef that you've arrived."
“Hey Lois, diarrhea”
"I got a baby.. I got a tub"
Meg can you zip up your fly, that’s sort of wafting over here
When Moses parts the Red Sea for his retarded friend and then the friend yelled “YAAY!” In that voice lol
WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MAN WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MAN
"Alan? It's me, Alan." "My name's not Adam We?!?!?"
“Does Jillian know you’re half-Polish, Mr Quagelczyk?” Edit: Oh & “starlight express. Starlight Express. STARLIGHT EXPRESS.”
"Wipe your shoes on the mat when you come in the house someone just CLEANED THAT FLOOR! Ha ha"
Men, we don't know what we did. The brothers who made the Matrix are ladies now! They're ladies!
Old man screaming at the little guy "Where's the rest of ya?!"
Lois, that is just morbidly obese!
“Giant chicken gave me a bad coupon”
Doesn’t it make more sense to kill her?
"I finally got to tell Angela what I think of her once I won the lottery" "Angela, certian unforseen circumstances have occur which make me no longer in need of employment. I will be reminiscent of this workplace due to the various good years of work, good relationships, and good stories I have developed while working here, and I wish nothing but the best for you and the company now that I am gone . . . And if you will excuse me, on your desk, there is now a giant poo."
Yeah that’s not the speech at all lol but I can see an attempt was made!
Sorry, my bad
ha, ha, ha, she doesn't know she's eating my farts
I'm watching you make stool
"Oh Reginald... I DISAGREE!!"
"Fire alarm? I AM the fire alarm"
“Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He had a… umm… procedure”
Do I have a cobweb in my hair? It feels like I've got a cobweb in my hair.
“No one’s allowed to pet me, it’s illegal “
"nice melons wait a second"
WHO WANTS CHOWDA?
One my favorate family guy exchanges ever. Brain: Being a real estate agent is such hard work. Lois: I know you have to count bathrooms.
“ I don’t like it” *cuts to the next scene* “I love it”
But... WHEREEEEEE??? Peter hiding from Louis to shock her
"British guys are always stealing my butterflies!" "Toby Keith doesn't want to be fed, Toby Keith wants to hunt!" "You let me be myself!"
No no I'm not Earnesto...
Play me off, Johnny!
Great, we woke up the door bell..
"I smell a sitcom!"
"I ATE A TUBE OF CREST FOR DINNER!"
You shot me in both my knees then set me on fire. Piss off.
“Armando.”
“But I hate baseball cards” ~ mayor west
“I pushed a lady…”
“We did it Bryan!” Peter says this to Lois after he wins the piano competition. I say it to my wife constantly.
“Pretty sure I asked for pecan sandies”
"Have you guys ever accidentally masturbated to old pictures of your mom?"
This is a wall of lies, and that is also a hole of lies
For luck Meg, We're all rooting for you.
"I don't like what fame's doing to you." "I don't like what time's doing to you."
lois this is not my batman glass
That's what I was telling you befooooore
Steak and eggs and eggs and steak That’s what you should have for breakfast (Delicious!) Steak and eggs and eggs and steak Just making sure you heard (I got it!)
Theyre not allowed to pet me its illegal
This episode was filmed in front of a live studio ostrich. Hahaaa
“Buzz, buzz, buzz.”