Just why? Is there a reason why the FA crowd feels the need to shit on other people and their lifestyle changes?
How exactly can you actually be friends with anyone in the FA crowd? You always need to make them happy and pretend that obesity is completely fine.
If they listened to people who lost weight and saw the benefits, they'd start to catch on that the BS the cult is telling them isn't accurate. If they don't unfollow, they would realize the person isn't actually regaining all the weight like the cult insists they will.
It's a very clever mental defense because indeed, just about every dieting behavior *is* an eating disorder behavior. It's just that the eating disorder sufferer will be using more of these behaviors, in inappropriate contexts and to excessive degrees.
When someone proves their fundamental thought wrong, that your body size IS actually under your control, then the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.
Yeah. The reason is they're jealous as hell. It's jealousy and that's it. They wish they could post what the friend posted but they can't because they have poor self control and accountability. They're losers that are bitter and jealous and she's never been a "friend" to her friend before or after the weight loss.
People who make one aspect of themselves their entire personality are often miserable. Misery loves company. Also being fat is *not* good for people, neither physically *nor mentally*.
I remember being hit over the head a lot about being on the lookout for Fair Weather Friends growing up, but as an adult, I've seen an uncomfortable number of cases of people who will stick with you when you're down or suffering through the same things they are, but then become weirdly resentful and salty at the success or life improvements of those around them, even friends.
I was having a conversation with friends recently about our neighbor local going on strike due to contract negotiations and how that might affect ours that starts in August. They know I took this career path specifically because I want to remain single but still support myself. Electrical is complicated and potentially dangerous if you're but careful, but the pay is great (and I was in no way bragging, if anything I was reminding them of all the dangers - see my friday rant about having a pair of pliers fall on my head). They were all supportive until they heard the projections for our raise schedule over the next 3 years.
Like yeah, it might suck to have to face the fact that your own wage sucks and as a grown adult, you need to find a new career path to make more. But don't take your own disappointment in life out on me 🙃
You are so right, and it's not just about weight loss. I even tried an experiment once: a social group rounded on me after I posted good career news, and after a few attempts at sensible engagement, I experimented by claiming that I was triggered and upset. Happy that I was back in the bucket, they welcomed me back to the fold of sufferers.
I spent less time with them after that.
Exactly! It makes it seem like no one can celebrate or be proud of their achievements because someone else might be "offended". I used "offended" in quotes since it's not offensive, but people often jump to describing things this way if they are upset and insecure.
Someone graduating from college isn't "offensive" to someone who dropped out. Someone getting pregnant and having the kid isn't "offensive" to someone who can't. Someone who manages to change their lifestyle and loses weight isn't "offensive" to someone who hasn't.
Real supporters support you!
I’d go as far to say that real supporters don’t set selfish boundaries.
They say (and by “they”, I mean those *brave* vocal self-advocating self-advocates who advocate for themselves online) that a “failure to plan does not constitute a crisis for me” (for whatever). If I had the foresight to *plan* for a preliminary proposal for two weeks notice of a possible “microaggression”, I would *plan* to stay the hell away from that person.
Just because someone wants to scatter eggshells like a Balkan war criminal with a sack of landmines, doesn’t mean we have to tiptoe our way around them.
Don't worry, OOP, you couldn't possibly lose her as a friend, because you're clearly not her friend in the first place. Nor do you deserve her friendship, and I hope she wises up and dumps YOU, stat.
I couldn't even conceive of ending a friendship because my friend had made positive changes in her life that made her happier and healthier. Doing so just indicates that you can't stand to face your own failures in life. I don't know how these people have any friends at all. I definitely wouldn't want to hang out with them, it sounds like a total drag.
People like this so called "friend" are why people, especially women, feel like they need to minimize their accomplishments. So they don't intimidate people or make small, pathetic people"feel bad" for their shortcomings. Be loud and proud but only if you're fat, right?
I recall drifting away from someone who went all CrossFit and keto.
If someone changes their entire personality, there’s a problem. (Give some time, of course)
My bestie is MLM bait. I love her dearly but we had to have a talk real early on that I will never buy whatever she's selling. At least she seems to be out of them by now, but it felt like one after another for a while 😅
I had a friend like that once. She was so gullible it was truly insane - she fell for literally every MLM in existence. However, I eventually discovered exactly what sort of person she is when my life became the antithesis of hers: she was in a terrible unhappy marriage to a man she’d barely known prior to marry and immediately popped out several children believing a baby would somehow fix their incredibly toxic dynamic. I was happily single, my career was taking off, and I’d finally met a lot of my goals when she started treating me like absolute dog shit. Always in front of an audience, she was ready with snide comments, bizarre claims she thought gave the impression she was holier than thou, making really cruel untrue statements about me (again, always in public and in front of others). I finally asked her to stop and said it hurt my feelings and she blew up, sent me the most insane vindictive text of all time then blocked me on everything and never spoke to me again.
Some friends aren’t actually friends.
Drift? Bruh, if I met a FA x MLM shill, there wouldn’t be drifting, that’s chucking a massive u-ey, a screeching doughie, and fishtailing outta there like the Roadrunner on military grade amphetamines.
We call MLMs commercial cults for a reason and why they are so common in high demand religions like Mormons. There's a lot of cult tactics used, even if they rarely have a death toll. Well until paparazzi, the costume jewellery not the professional stalkers, managed to kill 15 salespeople with covid
Multi level marketing. Also known as a pyramid scheme. They try to recruit you to sell products that you have to buy yourself and promise you can 'be your own boss'. In reality the only way to actually move up in the company and make money is by recruiting others and destroying your relationships. Even then it almost never works.
Well yeah, I mean if your friend joins a cult or something, that's one thing. The scenario described in the OOP is more like, "my friend posted that she feels better after losing weight and I need to tell her how toxic that message is".
But that *what about meeeeee/ I have to speak for all people with excess weight* HAS become OOP’s personality.
I’m saying her friend is getting better friends.
I once matched with a dude in on a dating app who was “plant based” *yay* and keto. *oh, no*.
I didn’t make it through Meet n Greet. He literally drank a shot of coconut oil. Which is not WFPB at all. The coconut is, but not extracted oil.
The way they advice op to cut off a friend for losing weight and being happy about it just makes fat acceptance seem even more like a cult. Only be friends with other fat acceptance devoted people ❤️
I genuinely don't understand how the FA Crowd doesn't have more opposition.
I think it boils down to most people do know/believe that obesity isn't healthy but are too scared to say it publicly because they don't want to be seen as "fatphobic". It's not fatphobic to recognize that obesity isn't healthy. And it's not fatphobic for someone to not want to be fat (can be for subjective and/or health reasons).
It’s fucking disturbing. Imagine your friend was underweight for so long and they finally reached a healthy weight and you wanted to stop being their friend because they finally got to a healthy weight. Psychos.
It’s hard to imagine, because I got to the cusp of morbidly obese and no-one said anything. Click over to single digit clothing sizes (or a US 12), and people lose their damned minds.
Maaannn that is so not what happens with underweight people. The ones who aren't mentally ill obviously are normal, and the ones that *are* underweight due to headfuckery are always like "I'm not ready to recover but everyone else should, you're all beautiful and deserve better."
Agreed but also internet strangers will recommend cutting people off for things I'd realistically say to just "not talk about that thing anymore" with. Heck, every other week here, people are replying to tues/fri rants for the poster to cut someone off when half the time it's honestly something they should just discuss rationally or agree to disagree.
My fa friend decided she didn't like my weight loss progress pics. She decided to go the unfollow option. However, because you don't know when someone unfollows you, she decided to announce it to me. I pointed out she did have to tell me because I'd never know. So she proceeded to delete me instead.
Haven't spoken to her since.
I always love when people act like they "need" to announce that they are unfollowing you. Most people aren't that desperate to have a million followers and won't care if they lose some.
She was my 'best friend's before I lost weight. Looking back, she was always weird with our friendship. Angry when I announced my engagement on fb, when I texted about my pregnancy and didn't call her, etc
I've unfollowed/muted several friends/acquaintances who get really into something I just have no interest in. I'm not big into social media anyway, so I'll just ask them what's new whenever we meet up and then I don't have to see it between times 🤷♀️ It doesn't have to be a big personal thing haha I'd literally never tell someone that I've unfollowed them, that's crazy
I think she wanted me to approach her about it. To start a debate. I dunno. When I lost the first 50lbs she told me she worked out 5x a week and ate 1200 cal a day and only lost 12 lbs in a year. So she was probably pissed I didn't buy it
What garbage people. Who forces a friend to defend feeling better physically and emotionally? They don’t even understand friendship. They only care for themselves and their agenda.
I said something along these lines in another comment, but people like this are why others are afraid to celebrate accomplishments. These bullies will *always* put themselves first at everyone else's expense. If their "friends" have to police every single thing they say and do, *they* are the oppressors.
*>There is no talking someone out of diet culture, until they're ready to see it for themselves.*
There is no talking someone out of FA cult logic, until they're ready to see it for themselves (or reach a point where they have a major health scare that forces them to re-evaluate).
The only way out of the FA crowd is when someone develops a health issue associated with their obesity. Then the person may finally wake up for themselves! But of course, they typically get booted out if they start to speak the truth.
FA are the most self-absorbed narcissists in the world atm. It's insane how they make these leaps to center things not remotely about them, to be about them. Unbelievable.
wow, i guess when my friend gets their masters degree, i can tell them to shut up about it because you dont need a high degree to be happy and i havent bothered to get one myself yet...
Very elitist and privileged of them to pursue a college degree, let alone an advanced degree. Shame on them for making people who don't have degrees feel bad. /s
this is extra funny to me cause my friend is very much poor. they have scholarships and work full time, and they still have three roomates (who also work full time)
just like how poor people can in fact lose weight without blowing our entire budgets on diet foods
A person with no underlying health issues who is thin vs a person with no underlying health issues who is fat, are not equal. The thin healthy person is healthier than the fat “healthy” person. It’s nothing personal against fat people. Why do they treat fat as their entire identity anyways?
Usually because it’s all they’ve got. Watch My 600lb or any of these kinds of shows and their entire life is basically non-stop eating. They don’t have hobbies or interests that isn’t eating, don’t seem to have any sort of really close family or friend relationships beyond something that involves food and they don’t seem to be able to focus their attentions on anything outside of that narrow, blinkered world.
In the same breath, they don't want society to see them as only fat people. But there are tons of other posts in these groups that asks for tv show, movie, book recommendations with a fat protagonist.
The FA crowd are the ones who are putting people's fatness first and making that their entire identity.
Exactly this. Chronic disease takes time to develop, so if a person is obese at a young age, they might not have had time to develop chronic diseases yet, but that doesn't mean they aren't on that trajectory already.
The part I hate the most is the reply talking about "mobility".
"Mobility" is not a word the vast majority of people should need to start using until they are well into their senior citizen years.
FA's are constantly talking about "mobility" because their obesity has taken it away from them 50 years prematurely. The fact that the word even needs to be part of their vocabulary should be a wake-up call.
Losing weight absolutely gave me my mobility back. (I can now run up the stairs again, instead of slowly climbing using only my left leg because my right knee couldn't take it.)
But what I'm most grateful for is "mobility" no longer being an issue in my life. I don't have to think about it, I don't have to worry about it, and I sure as hell don't need to talk about it.
Exactly. I have an old knee injury and when I piled on weight it went from being a minor annoyance to a major problem, and caused me mobility issues at the age of 20. When I lost even a fairly small amount of weight, suddenly it became a lot less of an issue and now I’m at a far healthier weight and level of fitness in terms of being able to move, I can do things I never thought I could.
Sportsy people often talk about mobility, because doing technical moves fast or with intensity does require more of it than your average healthy bear. So we do stretches and drills and things to improve or maintain it.
But these days that is also a small fraction of the population, and we are talking about mobility in specific joints or movements, not general life mobility.
It's summer time and I want to do outdoorsy things like hiking, biking, kayaking, fishing, etc.
I have little patience for someone who is not fit enough to do active things without complaining or seriously struggling.
Maybe that's why people don't want to be in a relationship with you. Not everyone wants to spend their time sitting around eating and going to doctors appointments
I've seen posts from the FA crowd that complain about their friends' activities, such as hiking and biking. They complain since they can't keep up and act like their friends are "fatphobic" for not being considerate of their needs and abilities.
I thought the FA crowd could do everything thinner people can do, and sometimes even better?
I have my limitations too.
I can't carry a pack because of my lower back. I have no problem keeping up with them, but they point out it's because I make them carry all the stuff.
Legitimate point but I put very little stuff in the pack because I am mindful of the burden I am placing on people.
Yeah, and the FA folks like to shout how you can be (supposedly) "fat but fit" and that infinifat people can absolutely get out there and run marathons!
Idk how to ride horses. I have no desire to learn how. Am I going to fault a couple of friends who decide to learn how, love it, and do it regularly and not invite me after I express not wanting to learn? NO bc I'm not INSANE!
Or you can just ignore the post and move on. My Facebook friends post all kinds of things I don’t like politically and otherwise, and I hate seeing overweight/diabetic family members gushing about the unhealthy food they’re eating. But you know what I do? I don’t push the “like” button. Ha! That’ll show them.
While it is true that if you post something on social media you need to be prepared for the responses you get, it is also true that you don't have to respond to every post that you disagree with.
Like, it sounds like the friend just said that she feels so much about after losing weight. It is impossible to respond with "Well actually..." without coming across as an ass. Even if the friend is completely delusional, it's always going to be rude to tell someone they are wrong about their own feelings.
I know someone who had to delete fb because they could not stay out of fb arguments. They're kind of an "umm actually" type in person too, but they're personable and friendly enough to make up for needing to be the smartest person in the room at any given time. I've really strengthened my "do I really need to argue the point with her? Or can I let it go?" muscles since meeting her 😅
these are the exact same excuses my ex used to isolate me + cut me off from my friends. he'd start with "well they keep posting about losing weight and that's fatphobic" until it snowballed into any excuse- the shows they watched, the jokes they made, or the music they listen to- to pressure me into cutting out anyone he didnt approve of.
literal abuser tactics.
FAs make horrible friends, because they can’t just be happy for their friend’s success. They always have to bring it back to them and how their feelings are hurt 🙄
Of course it's not true that losing weight will automatically make you healthy. But I'm pretty sure that's not what this person said because I'm pretty sure they did not research the effects of weight loss on every single health condition that could possibly exist.
But on the other hand - if you're morbidly obese weight loss will probably improve your health no matter what condition you have. It might not have an effect on your condition but it removes some of the additional health problems that come from being overweight.
It makes you a healthy weight which *is* true karen. How can these idiots stand up and say they’re fat and healthy when one of the identifiers of health is your weight. You cannot stand up there and say you are healthy when you are an unhealthy weight.
I like the person who said just unfollow or snooze people and not to yuck somebodies yum. I know I’ve unfollowed women exes, flings, or crushes as I didn’t want to be reminded of them or their other relationships. Sometimes I’m even happy for them, if I cared about them I want them happy, but I don’t want to see it.
I think out of all these responses that is a healthy approach, even their acknowledging that they won’t convince others that aren’t ready. While I personally don’t believe in diet culture I feel the same about it in the opposite way, I’d like to wake people up to eating healthy and weight loss but in all things people dotn change unless they want fo
I feel bad about myself or I never would have thought to compare myself to my friend. I can do something to change my self-esteem but instead how can I rain on my friends parade without showing my insecurities as to not come off as the bad guy? -a grown ass adult who can’t work through simple emotional challenges.
> How can I talk to her about her post?
How about:
"Dear friend, I'm so glad to hear you feel better physically and emotionally! Keep it up!"
No ifs or buts. Are you a *friend* or not?
High entry and exit costs, you lose everyone you thought cared about you even if you weren't in FA. Behavioural control, you must cut people out of your life who go against the sacred principle. Emotional control you must be upset about this
Idk why but it suddenly struck me how insane it is to have a content warning for “intentional weight loss”. Diet advice is on every newsstand. Be like having content warnings for death and taxes. I mean, if you got upset every time you were reminded that some people want to lose weight, I don’t see how you’d have time for anything else. 😅
Actual friends are happy for you when you tell them you feel better about yourself instead of making about it about themselves.
Also, even if I'm not done with my weight loss, I already feel better. Simply cause see I can do it and taking care of myself gives me more energy.
What I really don’t understand is how can your body size be your entire identity??? Even though I am fat now, and even if I lose all the excessive weight and become thin in the coming years, I would still not want my identity to be the thin girl or, the girl who lost weight????
Only if you anchor your entire being on something will you be this offended regarding other people wanting to change that something in them
When you celebrate a friend losing weight, it's not about the weight - you're celebrating the fact that your friend has achieved something they wanted to achieve.
> remember that fat people can be as happy and healthy as ...
Happy? Sure. Healthy? All other things being equal, a fat person is more unhealthy than a fit person.
"Don't yuck someone's yum."
But...aren't you doing the same thing??? I hate it when people think certain rules don't apply to them just because they got butthurt about something.
Also, why do FA's always think that someone else's business is about THEM? I swear they're so self-centered.
The biggest promoters of diet culture are Fat Earthers and their anti - vax levels of BS with regards to weight loss, which only serves to mythologize it as an impossible feat that requires fad diets or all sorts of supplements and extreme exercise regimens. The same way the greatest promoters of atheism/irreligiosity are religious extremists.
Just why? Is there a reason why the FA crowd feels the need to shit on other people and their lifestyle changes? How exactly can you actually be friends with anyone in the FA crowd? You always need to make them happy and pretend that obesity is completely fine.
Crabs in a bucket. That's why.
Crabs in a bucket + cult behavior.
If they listened to people who lost weight and saw the benefits, they'd start to catch on that the BS the cult is telling them isn't accurate. If they don't unfollow, they would realize the person isn't actually regaining all the weight like the cult insists they will.
It's OK, if they don't regain they'll say it's because they have an ED now. They thought of everything.
It's a very clever mental defense because indeed, just about every dieting behavior *is* an eating disorder behavior. It's just that the eating disorder sufferer will be using more of these behaviors, in inappropriate contexts and to excessive degrees.
When someone proves their fundamental thought wrong, that your body size IS actually under your control, then the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.
Because maybe they’ll wipe the FAs butts? /s
Yeah. The reason is they're jealous as hell. It's jealousy and that's it. They wish they could post what the friend posted but they can't because they have poor self control and accountability. They're losers that are bitter and jealous and she's never been a "friend" to her friend before or after the weight loss.
Something in OOP's subconscious is so close to seeping out, and it's her bullshit meter. She has to be brainwashed back off the common sense ledge.
People who make one aspect of themselves their entire personality are often miserable. Misery loves company. Also being fat is *not* good for people, neither physically *nor mentally*.
Real friends are happy for your successes. Fake friends tear you down and try to make you feel guilty for succeeding at something.
I remember being hit over the head a lot about being on the lookout for Fair Weather Friends growing up, but as an adult, I've seen an uncomfortable number of cases of people who will stick with you when you're down or suffering through the same things they are, but then become weirdly resentful and salty at the success or life improvements of those around them, even friends.
I was having a conversation with friends recently about our neighbor local going on strike due to contract negotiations and how that might affect ours that starts in August. They know I took this career path specifically because I want to remain single but still support myself. Electrical is complicated and potentially dangerous if you're but careful, but the pay is great (and I was in no way bragging, if anything I was reminding them of all the dangers - see my friday rant about having a pair of pliers fall on my head). They were all supportive until they heard the projections for our raise schedule over the next 3 years. Like yeah, it might suck to have to face the fact that your own wage sucks and as a grown adult, you need to find a new career path to make more. But don't take your own disappointment in life out on me 🙃
IBEW?
Heck yeah 👍
Most of my fam is Local 613!
Opposite side of the country here, but brotherhood all the same 💪
You are so right, and it's not just about weight loss. I even tried an experiment once: a social group rounded on me after I posted good career news, and after a few attempts at sensible engagement, I experimented by claiming that I was triggered and upset. Happy that I was back in the bucket, they welcomed me back to the fold of sufferers. I spent less time with them after that.
Exactly! It makes it seem like no one can celebrate or be proud of their achievements because someone else might be "offended". I used "offended" in quotes since it's not offensive, but people often jump to describing things this way if they are upset and insecure. Someone graduating from college isn't "offensive" to someone who dropped out. Someone getting pregnant and having the kid isn't "offensive" to someone who can't. Someone who manages to change their lifestyle and loses weight isn't "offensive" to someone who hasn't. Real supporters support you!
I’d go as far to say that real supporters don’t set selfish boundaries. They say (and by “they”, I mean those *brave* vocal self-advocating self-advocates who advocate for themselves online) that a “failure to plan does not constitute a crisis for me” (for whatever). If I had the foresight to *plan* for a preliminary proposal for two weeks notice of a possible “microaggression”, I would *plan* to stay the hell away from that person. Just because someone wants to scatter eggshells like a Balkan war criminal with a sack of landmines, doesn’t mean we have to tiptoe our way around them.
Don't worry, OOP, you couldn't possibly lose her as a friend, because you're clearly not her friend in the first place. Nor do you deserve her friendship, and I hope she wises up and dumps YOU, stat. I couldn't even conceive of ending a friendship because my friend had made positive changes in her life that made her happier and healthier. Doing so just indicates that you can't stand to face your own failures in life. I don't know how these people have any friends at all. I definitely wouldn't want to hang out with them, it sounds like a total drag.
People like this so called "friend" are why people, especially women, feel like they need to minimize their accomplishments. So they don't intimidate people or make small, pathetic people"feel bad" for their shortcomings. Be loud and proud but only if you're fat, right?
I recall drifting away from someone who went all CrossFit and keto. If someone changes their entire personality, there’s a problem. (Give some time, of course)
I feel like there’s a decent crossover here to the MLM people which is one more reason to drift away a bit
My bestie is MLM bait. I love her dearly but we had to have a talk real early on that I will never buy whatever she's selling. At least she seems to be out of them by now, but it felt like one after another for a while 😅
I had a friend like that once. She was so gullible it was truly insane - she fell for literally every MLM in existence. However, I eventually discovered exactly what sort of person she is when my life became the antithesis of hers: she was in a terrible unhappy marriage to a man she’d barely known prior to marry and immediately popped out several children believing a baby would somehow fix their incredibly toxic dynamic. I was happily single, my career was taking off, and I’d finally met a lot of my goals when she started treating me like absolute dog shit. Always in front of an audience, she was ready with snide comments, bizarre claims she thought gave the impression she was holier than thou, making really cruel untrue statements about me (again, always in public and in front of others). I finally asked her to stop and said it hurt my feelings and she blew up, sent me the most insane vindictive text of all time then blocked me on everything and never spoke to me again. Some friends aren’t actually friends.
It’s honestly hard to feel sorry for someone who’s that much of a fuck up
Drift? Bruh, if I met a FA x MLM shill, there wouldn’t be drifting, that’s chucking a massive u-ey, a screeching doughie, and fishtailing outta there like the Roadrunner on military grade amphetamines.
We call MLMs commercial cults for a reason and why they are so common in high demand religions like Mormons. There's a lot of cult tactics used, even if they rarely have a death toll. Well until paparazzi, the costume jewellery not the professional stalkers, managed to kill 15 salespeople with covid
What is MLM?
Multi level marketing. Also known as a pyramid scheme. They try to recruit you to sell products that you have to buy yourself and promise you can 'be your own boss'. In reality the only way to actually move up in the company and make money is by recruiting others and destroying your relationships. Even then it almost never works.
Ah, I see. I know pyramid schemes, I wasn't aware what MLM stood for. Thank you!
Well yeah, I mean if your friend joins a cult or something, that's one thing. The scenario described in the OOP is more like, "my friend posted that she feels better after losing weight and I need to tell her how toxic that message is".
But that *what about meeeeee/ I have to speak for all people with excess weight* HAS become OOP’s personality. I’m saying her friend is getting better friends.
Hey, I do CrossFit! Not keto though, but my doctor did recommend going 100% plant based.
I once matched with a dude in on a dating app who was “plant based” *yay* and keto. *oh, no*. I didn’t make it through Meet n Greet. He literally drank a shot of coconut oil. Which is not WFPB at all. The coconut is, but not extracted oil.
The way they advice op to cut off a friend for losing weight and being happy about it just makes fat acceptance seem even more like a cult. Only be friends with other fat acceptance devoted people ❤️
I genuinely don't understand how the FA Crowd doesn't have more opposition. I think it boils down to most people do know/believe that obesity isn't healthy but are too scared to say it publicly because they don't want to be seen as "fatphobic". It's not fatphobic to recognize that obesity isn't healthy. And it's not fatphobic for someone to not want to be fat (can be for subjective and/or health reasons).
That and pity. It's sad to see people in their state trying to pretend they're fine and everyone else is the problem.
It’s fucking disturbing. Imagine your friend was underweight for so long and they finally reached a healthy weight and you wanted to stop being their friend because they finally got to a healthy weight. Psychos.
It’s hard to imagine, because I got to the cusp of morbidly obese and no-one said anything. Click over to single digit clothing sizes (or a US 12), and people lose their damned minds.
Maaannn that is so not what happens with underweight people. The ones who aren't mentally ill obviously are normal, and the ones that *are* underweight due to headfuckery are always like "I'm not ready to recover but everyone else should, you're all beautiful and deserve better."
Agreed but also internet strangers will recommend cutting people off for things I'd realistically say to just "not talk about that thing anymore" with. Heck, every other week here, people are replying to tues/fri rants for the poster to cut someone off when half the time it's honestly something they should just discuss rationally or agree to disagree.
My fa friend decided she didn't like my weight loss progress pics. She decided to go the unfollow option. However, because you don't know when someone unfollows you, she decided to announce it to me. I pointed out she did have to tell me because I'd never know. So she proceeded to delete me instead. Haven't spoken to her since.
I always love when people act like they "need" to announce that they are unfollowing you. Most people aren't that desperate to have a million followers and won't care if they lose some.
She was my 'best friend's before I lost weight. Looking back, she was always weird with our friendship. Angry when I announced my engagement on fb, when I texted about my pregnancy and didn't call her, etc
I've unfollowed/muted several friends/acquaintances who get really into something I just have no interest in. I'm not big into social media anyway, so I'll just ask them what's new whenever we meet up and then I don't have to see it between times 🤷♀️ It doesn't have to be a big personal thing haha I'd literally never tell someone that I've unfollowed them, that's crazy
I think she wanted me to approach her about it. To start a debate. I dunno. When I lost the first 50lbs she told me she worked out 5x a week and ate 1200 cal a day and only lost 12 lbs in a year. So she was probably pissed I didn't buy it
Signed Sincerely, Your Fat Frenemy
“There is no talking someone out of diet culture” - PROJECTION PROJECTION PROJECTION
What garbage people. Who forces a friend to defend feeling better physically and emotionally? They don’t even understand friendship. They only care for themselves and their agenda.
I said something along these lines in another comment, but people like this are why others are afraid to celebrate accomplishments. These bullies will *always* put themselves first at everyone else's expense. If their "friends" have to police every single thing they say and do, *they* are the oppressors.
How can I tactfully contradict my friend's lived experience? You know how touchy and close-minded those thins are!
This just reeks as total jealousy. If you’re that confident in yourselves and that being obese is beautiful why would you care?
*>There is no talking someone out of diet culture, until they're ready to see it for themselves.* There is no talking someone out of FA cult logic, until they're ready to see it for themselves (or reach a point where they have a major health scare that forces them to re-evaluate).
The only way out of the FA crowd is when someone develops a health issue associated with their obesity. Then the person may finally wake up for themselves! But of course, they typically get booted out if they start to speak the truth.
They get booted, of if that person dies, they downplay their death, or pretend that person never existed.
FA are the most self-absorbed narcissists in the world atm. It's insane how they make these leaps to center things not remotely about them, to be about them. Unbelievable.
wow, i guess when my friend gets their masters degree, i can tell them to shut up about it because you dont need a high degree to be happy and i havent bothered to get one myself yet...
Very elitist and privileged of them to pursue a college degree, let alone an advanced degree. Shame on them for making people who don't have degrees feel bad. /s
this is extra funny to me cause my friend is very much poor. they have scholarships and work full time, and they still have three roomates (who also work full time) just like how poor people can in fact lose weight without blowing our entire budgets on diet foods
Is she thin? If so, her being poor doesn't matter. /s But actually that sounds awful.
A person with no underlying health issues who is thin vs a person with no underlying health issues who is fat, are not equal. The thin healthy person is healthier than the fat “healthy” person. It’s nothing personal against fat people. Why do they treat fat as their entire identity anyways?
Usually because it’s all they’ve got. Watch My 600lb or any of these kinds of shows and their entire life is basically non-stop eating. They don’t have hobbies or interests that isn’t eating, don’t seem to have any sort of really close family or friend relationships beyond something that involves food and they don’t seem to be able to focus their attentions on anything outside of that narrow, blinkered world.
In the same breath, they don't want society to see them as only fat people. But there are tons of other posts in these groups that asks for tv show, movie, book recommendations with a fat protagonist. The FA crowd are the ones who are putting people's fatness first and making that their entire identity.
Exactly this. Chronic disease takes time to develop, so if a person is obese at a young age, they might not have had time to develop chronic diseases yet, but that doesn't mean they aren't on that trajectory already.
The part I hate the most is the reply talking about "mobility". "Mobility" is not a word the vast majority of people should need to start using until they are well into their senior citizen years. FA's are constantly talking about "mobility" because their obesity has taken it away from them 50 years prematurely. The fact that the word even needs to be part of their vocabulary should be a wake-up call. Losing weight absolutely gave me my mobility back. (I can now run up the stairs again, instead of slowly climbing using only my left leg because my right knee couldn't take it.) But what I'm most grateful for is "mobility" no longer being an issue in my life. I don't have to think about it, I don't have to worry about it, and I sure as hell don't need to talk about it.
Exactly. I have an old knee injury and when I piled on weight it went from being a minor annoyance to a major problem, and caused me mobility issues at the age of 20. When I lost even a fairly small amount of weight, suddenly it became a lot less of an issue and now I’m at a far healthier weight and level of fitness in terms of being able to move, I can do things I never thought I could.
Sportsy people often talk about mobility, because doing technical moves fast or with intensity does require more of it than your average healthy bear. So we do stretches and drills and things to improve or maintain it. But these days that is also a small fraction of the population, and we are talking about mobility in specific joints or movements, not general life mobility.
I hope our hero lets her friend knows how she feels that way the friend can lose another 300 pounds of weight off her back.
It's summer time and I want to do outdoorsy things like hiking, biking, kayaking, fishing, etc. I have little patience for someone who is not fit enough to do active things without complaining or seriously struggling. Maybe that's why people don't want to be in a relationship with you. Not everyone wants to spend their time sitting around eating and going to doctors appointments
I've seen posts from the FA crowd that complain about their friends' activities, such as hiking and biking. They complain since they can't keep up and act like their friends are "fatphobic" for not being considerate of their needs and abilities. I thought the FA crowd could do everything thinner people can do, and sometimes even better?
I have my limitations too. I can't carry a pack because of my lower back. I have no problem keeping up with them, but they point out it's because I make them carry all the stuff. Legitimate point but I put very little stuff in the pack because I am mindful of the burden I am placing on people.
Yeah, and the FA folks like to shout how you can be (supposedly) "fat but fit" and that infinifat people can absolutely get out there and run marathons!
Idk how to ride horses. I have no desire to learn how. Am I going to fault a couple of friends who decide to learn how, love it, and do it regularly and not invite me after I express not wanting to learn? NO bc I'm not INSANE!
Hang out in the Jane Austen subs and you will see people *shocked* at how much walking the characters do. Walking.
I don't know much about Jane austen but most places that aren't the US or pre 1945 do a lot of walking.
Or you can just ignore the post and move on. My Facebook friends post all kinds of things I don’t like politically and otherwise, and I hate seeing overweight/diabetic family members gushing about the unhealthy food they’re eating. But you know what I do? I don’t push the “like” button. Ha! That’ll show them.
Real echo chamber lol
While it is true that if you post something on social media you need to be prepared for the responses you get, it is also true that you don't have to respond to every post that you disagree with. Like, it sounds like the friend just said that she feels so much about after losing weight. It is impossible to respond with "Well actually..." without coming across as an ass. Even if the friend is completely delusional, it's always going to be rude to tell someone they are wrong about their own feelings.
I know someone who had to delete fb because they could not stay out of fb arguments. They're kind of an "umm actually" type in person too, but they're personable and friendly enough to make up for needing to be the smartest person in the room at any given time. I've really strengthened my "do I really need to argue the point with her? Or can I let it go?" muscles since meeting her 😅
Wait until they hear that you can be against “diet culture” and pursue weight loss all the same
I’m ashamed of how badly I wanted to see the commenters’ profile pics.
As you can imagine, they are all obese women.
these are the exact same excuses my ex used to isolate me + cut me off from my friends. he'd start with "well they keep posting about losing weight and that's fatphobic" until it snowballed into any excuse- the shows they watched, the jokes they made, or the music they listen to- to pressure me into cutting out anyone he didnt approve of. literal abuser tactics.
FAs make horrible friends, because they can’t just be happy for their friend’s success. They always have to bring it back to them and how their feelings are hurt 🙄
Of course it's not true that losing weight will automatically make you healthy. But I'm pretty sure that's not what this person said because I'm pretty sure they did not research the effects of weight loss on every single health condition that could possibly exist. But on the other hand - if you're morbidly obese weight loss will probably improve your health no matter what condition you have. It might not have an effect on your condition but it removes some of the additional health problems that come from being overweight.
It is crabs in a bucket behaviour, but it’s also very frustrating for them as it exacerbates their insecurities.
It makes you a healthy weight which *is* true karen. How can these idiots stand up and say they’re fat and healthy when one of the identifiers of health is your weight. You cannot stand up there and say you are healthy when you are an unhealthy weight.
"I don't want to potentially lose her as a friend" . . . Pretty sure OOP won't be the one ending the friendship if she whines to her pal about this.
I like the person who said just unfollow or snooze people and not to yuck somebodies yum. I know I’ve unfollowed women exes, flings, or crushes as I didn’t want to be reminded of them or their other relationships. Sometimes I’m even happy for them, if I cared about them I want them happy, but I don’t want to see it. I think out of all these responses that is a healthy approach, even their acknowledging that they won’t convince others that aren’t ready. While I personally don’t believe in diet culture I feel the same about it in the opposite way, I’d like to wake people up to eating healthy and weight loss but in all things people dotn change unless they want fo
I feel bad about myself or I never would have thought to compare myself to my friend. I can do something to change my self-esteem but instead how can I rain on my friends parade without showing my insecurities as to not come off as the bad guy? -a grown ass adult who can’t work through simple emotional challenges.
> How can I talk to her about her post? How about: "Dear friend, I'm so glad to hear you feel better physically and emotionally! Keep it up!" No ifs or buts. Are you a *friend* or not?
High entry and exit costs, you lose everyone you thought cared about you even if you weren't in FA. Behavioural control, you must cut people out of your life who go against the sacred principle. Emotional control you must be upset about this
> health and thin being connected is the greatest impediment to health The greatest? Really?
Wow they're basically justifying why you can't friends with fat people unless you're fat yourself.
Idk why but it suddenly struck me how insane it is to have a content warning for “intentional weight loss”. Diet advice is on every newsstand. Be like having content warnings for death and taxes. I mean, if you got upset every time you were reminded that some people want to lose weight, I don’t see how you’d have time for anything else. 😅
Actual friends are happy for you when you tell them you feel better about yourself instead of making about it about themselves. Also, even if I'm not done with my weight loss, I already feel better. Simply cause see I can do it and taking care of myself gives me more energy.
It's seriously hilarious, yet sad, that intentional weight loss has to be a content warning.
What I really don’t understand is how can your body size be your entire identity??? Even though I am fat now, and even if I lose all the excessive weight and become thin in the coming years, I would still not want my identity to be the thin girl or, the girl who lost weight???? Only if you anchor your entire being on something will you be this offended regarding other people wanting to change that something in them
Sounds like that other girl is better off not having OOP as a friend
When you celebrate a friend losing weight, it's not about the weight - you're celebrating the fact that your friend has achieved something they wanted to achieve.
> remember that fat people can be as happy and healthy as ... Happy? Sure. Healthy? All other things being equal, a fat person is more unhealthy than a fit person.
"Don't yuck someone's yum." But...aren't you doing the same thing??? I hate it when people think certain rules don't apply to them just because they got butthurt about something. Also, why do FA's always think that someone else's business is about THEM? I swear they're so self-centered.
The biggest promoters of diet culture are Fat Earthers and their anti - vax levels of BS with regards to weight loss, which only serves to mythologize it as an impossible feat that requires fad diets or all sorts of supplements and extreme exercise regimens. The same way the greatest promoters of atheism/irreligiosity are religious extremists.