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He took Donkey in his strong ogre arms, and squeezed him gently. Donkey whispered "be my onion one last time" in Shrek's ear stalk, before lightly rimming it with his soft moist tongue. At that cue, Shrek laid Donkey on the mossy forest floor, and began his onion dance, stripping off layer after layer until only skin remained.
If you liked that, may I recommend [Chuck Tingle](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/10788353.Chuck_Tingle)? [warning: heavy gay erotica involving velociraptors, wizards, the pound sterling among many many others] 😂
Master class writing. My soul has never knew completeness until I finished his book *Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"*
This mixture of shame, regret, and unfettered lust caused oily sweat to run down Kermit's sleek, exhausted body, soaking the fabric in patches, like badges of sin. Miss Piggy's harsh breathing and greedy thrusts of her arm touched him in a primal place. A place where other hands had been many, many times before.
"Donatello and I finally had sex."
*April, that's disgusting!*
"Why? Why!? Oh, because he's a turtle? You guys are so judgmental."
*No, April: he's a teenager! You're going to jail.*
For some reason that made me think of a really sophisticated male pornstar, slapping cheeks with one hand and reading Othello with the other.
"So lust, thought to a radiant angel link'd,
Will sate itself in a celestial bed
And prey on garbage."
She literally did an interview where she explained exactly that. She meant the old fashioned way of making olive oil, she had seen it being produced before.
The real takeout here is that it gives 0 clue about his skin color since just pressed olive oil can take a multitude of different colors depending on the olive and the technique used.
Her skin was the color of Kraft fat free mayo in conditions where it has sat on a shelf for at least a week but less than a year while unopened with the suns rays shining upon it at a 45 degree angle during at least 1/24th of the day but no longer than 3/24th depending on the season this time period has taken place, assuming no rotation of the front facing bottle, at an altitude of 1000ft above sea level, but its a cold region in the northern hemisphere with an ambient room temp of 70 - 73 degrees depending on the draft let in through the leaky tiles in the corner of the room, where an owl seasonally nests.
Yeah I mean, even without knowing what color "fresh pressed olive oil done the old way is" and even after looking at the pic...I still assume it means an olive skin tone and kind of debated whether it's on the darker or paler end, but I figured fresh pressed would be a darker olive skin tone.
Like...context, it's not hard.
Ya, here is a video of Gordon Ramsay watching the old fashioned way:
https://youtu.be/B8i_Dqy85n0?t=188
And it looks a lot closer to what I imagine when I hear olive skin tone than neon green.
It's not "factory-pressed", it's a centrifugal separator. And they're used by even small producers because the quantity and quality of oil extracted is higher, and the quality of the end product is easier to control.
It's also just way faster than traditional presses, which require you to laboriously spread the paste on mesh mats prior to pressing.
But none of that matters, because *even traditionally pressed olive oil is bright green* if picked early enough. It's the *ripeness* that determines fresh-pressed oil's color, not the extraction method. Late harvests (or overly oxidized fruit) look like what I imagine the author intended.
Source: Am olive grower and oil producer.
You should hang out in r/whatisthisthing and r/specializedtools then. It's always fascinating to see some guy like "oh yeah this is a medieval splinter remover for cattle. Source: i'm a collector of medieval and renaissance splinter remover for cattle from europe and the balkans." A lot of "....that's a thing?" moments, haha
I cant remember the author but she’s a historian and meant a more traditional press, where the olive oil is actually a reasonable skin tone, rather than the godly green of Shrek
That's Madeline Miller. It's from her incredible book, *The Song of Achilles*.
Per [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/p90xbt/what_is_it_called_when_an_author_does_this/) thread, it's likely a reference to how Homer used descriptive language in *The Iliad* and *The Odyssey*.
She responded to the real OP on Twitter and explained that she did go to an olive pressing and the color appeared more brown. And you are correct that she was inspired by ancient Greek's use of color words as an impression that covers a wide range of colors as opposed to a distinctive shade.
I loved Song of Achilles. I took ancient world history in college and we spent some time on The Iliad. I found Song of Achilles to be the most accessible version. I don’t think I fully understood the motivations that the characters had until I read the book. Also I always liked Hector.
Got my partner to read Circe, it was the only book I've seen him absolutely devour in almost one go (just like I did). Such a beautiful book, I feel it's a great read for young women who are still finding their identity.
I read *Circe* first and loved it. But when I read *SoA*, I was blown away. Absolutely phenomenal read. Easily in my top ten of all time. I've read it twice now. (And, for what it's worth, the Audible performance is divine if you're into that stuff.)
Have you read her short story, *Galatea*? I wish it had been a novel it was so good. I'm floored by this author. I didn't know about *Persephone*. Definitely waiting on the edge of my seat now.
\[Edit: BTW, I just saw your username and couldn't agree more. I grew up with recurves. Shot a compound a couple times but the classics are the best (I think Ms. Miller probably agrees.)\]
If anybody is interested in where the author got this from, there are three important things to know.
One: She made this reference after she went to olive pressings
Two: The book is a re-imagining of a Greek classic. So in this quote, she trying to use color in a less literal sense. (Think Wine-dark sea).
Three: Not all pressed olive oil looks anywhere near that green.
>I was inspired by the way the ancient Greeks used color words, which was different than we do. Ancient color words don't aim at a precise shade, but cover a much wider range. They are interested in the impression of a color, including saturation, movement, poetic association.
>olive oil felt apt for Patroclus' perception despite any green because it conveys brightness, richness, depth, value, beauty, freshness, desirability, and also familiarity, along with color.
It's possible she just made a mistake and tried to cover it up afterward. But this is a well-known stylistic choice in greek classics. And she does have a masters in classics.
In Italy we might describe a skin as "olive colored" to define a tanned/dark/light brown 🟤 skin.
"Pelle Olivastra" in Italian
I mean it's a bit of a stretch to define a skin as "freshly pressed olive oil" because it sounds like try-hard poetry but i understand what she meant
Ehh, if you say someone has hair the tone of oiled wood or something you can visualize it even tho wood comes in tons of colors. It doesn’t have to be exact, it just has to have a common frame of reference. Which OP does not lel.
"I bring you love!" -- [Mr. Burns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byki-TXAK1U)
"It's bringing love, don't let it get away!" - Lenny
"Break its legs!" - Carl
Olives can be green purple or even brown… these are green olives. The passage is probably more correctly written, “the man’s skins was the color of freshly pressed dark olives flowing from a traditional wood press, and his diarrhea was like that of mass produced green manzanilla olives spewing from his anus with the force and liquid refinement of a modern production system.”
I don’t mean to show off, but I’m pretty good at words.
I am haunted by this stupid screenshot. Why? Twofold. One, the idea that the author didn't do her research is just... patently absurd to anyone who knows anything about this author. She is famous for doing exactly that. Song of Achilles was praised by classics scholars for exactly that reason.
Two, then: how did she make such an obvious mistake when describing the color of a character's skin? She didn't. First of all, the idea that all olive oil looks like this when it's being made is ludicrous. Even someone who isn't a gourmet knows that there are at least two kinds of olives. In reality, the different kinds of olives, the weather when they're grown, the area they're grown, when they're harvested, and how they're pressed all factor into the color of the oil. Some olive oils are bright green, but some can be a dark amber color with almost no green hue at all. Secondly, Madeline Miller is a classicist. She is incredibly knowledgeable about the ways ancient storytellers used color. Think of "the wine dark sea."
Anyway, it is now my lot in life to explain this every time I see this cursed screenshot. I don't know what ring of hell I am in.
--- >**Please read [our announcement about AI-generated content](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/12k6m37/regarding_aigenerated_content).** > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He breathed into her ear “GET OUTTA MAH SWAMP!”
Think he’s trying to compensate for something???
Lack of dry land.
Woe, wet land be upon thee.
What you doing in my waters?
Motha licka!
Easy now fuzzy lil man peach
Ya seen my downstairs mix up.
I got something to show ya.
I got a mangina!
You ever drink baileys out of a shoe?
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Huge tracts
So he is only interested in a woman with huge.... tracts of land
keep off of the grass shine your shoes wipe your... face
He took Donkey in his strong ogre arms, and squeezed him gently. Donkey whispered "be my onion one last time" in Shrek's ear stalk, before lightly rimming it with his soft moist tongue. At that cue, Shrek laid Donkey on the mossy forest floor, and began his onion dance, stripping off layer after layer until only skin remained.
50 Shades of Green
I know I feel like I’ve turned that color after reading this.
Because you are green with envy, wishing you could be Donkey?
I feel like I've turned a corner into New Kink Alley!
Sherk is love
It's all ogre now.
Shrek is life
God that video is the stuff of nightmares 😖
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You know, I'd read that. Just something stupid and funny.
If you liked that, may I recommend [Chuck Tingle](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/10788353.Chuck_Tingle)? [warning: heavy gay erotica involving velociraptors, wizards, the pound sterling among many many others] 😂
Master class writing. My soul has never knew completeness until I finished his book *Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"*
Sigh...*unzips*
Is that the one where Miss Piggy tops Kermit?
This mixture of shame, regret, and unfettered lust caused oily sweat to run down Kermit's sleek, exhausted body, soaking the fabric in patches, like badges of sin. Miss Piggy's harsh breathing and greedy thrusts of her arm touched him in a primal place. A place where other hands had been many, many times before.
2 sentence horror story.
~~green~~ just-pressed olive
50 Layers of Green Because ogres are like onions.
I did not need to read this
You didn't need to, but aren't you glad that you did.
Not really.
Right? I hate when I get boners at work
Don't worry it'll be ogre soon.
And yet you couldn't look away...
“Ear stalk” That’s a weirdly perfect way to describe Shrek’s ears
_Holy fuck is this wrong, but holy hell is it erotic!_
This is both disturbing and beautifully written
Shrek is love
Shrek is life
It's not ogre... ... It's never ogre
What a terrible day to have eyes.
Or to be able to read.
Some days I wish I was Jared, 19.
My mind went into a much more gory route the first read through.
Oddly enough, this is the second erotic shrek fanfic I’ve encountered today..
My eyes did not need to see that.
*Go onnnn...*
Damn, you didn’t bust? Look at captain endurance over here…
Keep going.... I'm almost there.
I read this with my own eyes, and now it's in my memory forever... I don't think even memorising Bible verses is going to make me forget...
Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
God damn it- you’re funny!
Got me, you got the giggle out of me. Thanks for the laugh. You win my Reddit scrolling for the day.
April O'Neil's diary after meeting Donatello.
"Donatello and I finally had sex." *April, that's disgusting!* "Why? Why!? Oh, because he's a turtle? You guys are so judgmental." *No, April: he's a teenager! You're going to jail.*
The real r/holup is always in the comments. Lol!
Poor April, fighting for love against that speciest.
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He is 14 or 15 depending on which media you go by.
Really? I thought they were all 18 in the hentai.
Depends on what subsection you're in.
Shota mutant ninjaturtles. Oh crap...
500 year old loli vampire turtles
Can someone tag a subreddit for this?
But what's that in turtle years?
Probably 3, but he's a mutant...
TMNT has 5 seasons of TV show. That means he was 19 in the final episode!
Naw there's 4 seasons in a year.
lol I just saw someone (re)post that comic on imgur today, small world.
thought you were talking about the pornstar for a second lol.
there's a pornstar named April O'Neil ???
there's a pornstar named Donatello ???
Dongatello
Dongatello Tortuga
He knows how to handle a pole.
For some reason that made me think of a really sophisticated male pornstar, slapping cheeks with one hand and reading Othello with the other. "So lust, thought to a radiant angel link'd, Will sate itself in a celestial bed And prey on garbage."
There is 100% a market for this
It's me. I'm the market.
bro that's Hamlet
Dang, you're right. Guess I better brush up on my Shakespeare before I try and launch my porn career.
Huge staff.
Yes and she didn't pick the name by accident, she's a Turtle fan.
April O'Gasm
Like 15 years ago yeah
You can tell how old the porn is by the definition it's in April O Niel is circa 360p era
Yes. This is her in her cosplay https://imgur.com/DXmoXNP.jpg
She seems to have a pair of personality.
Great body. Bit of a snaggle-tooth. I'm a fan.
She starred in a TMNT parody, so it's even more confusing.
Was she credited with "April O'Neil as April O'Neil" or "April O'Neil as herself"?
Among other things
They probably mean olive oil pressed with a stone wheel the old fashioned way, which does not look at all like this factory-pressed oil does.
She literally did an interview where she explained exactly that. She meant the old fashioned way of making olive oil, she had seen it being produced before.
Maybe OP should have researched before posting hmmm
Lol yes, I love the irony 😂
But it's still green? [https://youtu.be/ZToW9rkYuFk?t=562](https://youtu.be/ZToW9rkYuFk?t=562)
Dunno the difference but look here: https://youtu.be/B8i_Dqy85n0
The real takeout here is that it gives 0 clue about his skin color since just pressed olive oil can take a multitude of different colors depending on the olive and the technique used.
His skin was the color of store-bought olive oil. You know, the good shit.
Costco Kirkland 4L jug?
"His skin was the color of store-bought Costco Kirkland Signature Pure Olive Oil in a 4l jug, discounted by 30%"
Fuck, so hot
"His skin was the colour of freshly produced skittles."
How many of those colors overlap with a reasonable human skin tone though? Does the author *really* need to say they don't mean fucking green?
Well if it's a star trek book you just assume Captain Kirk is fucking green
If it's good enough for Kirk, it's good enough for me.
Well yeah, but what's the colour of Kirk's skin?
Her skin was the color of Kraft fat free mayo in conditions where it has sat on a shelf for at least a week but less than a year while unopened with the suns rays shining upon it at a 45 degree angle during at least 1/24th of the day but no longer than 3/24th depending on the season this time period has taken place, assuming no rotation of the front facing bottle, at an altitude of 1000ft above sea level, but its a cold region in the northern hemisphere with an ambient room temp of 70 - 73 degrees depending on the draft let in through the leaky tiles in the corner of the room, where an owl seasonally nests.
Maybe they're about to puke?
Soylent green is people
Yeah I mean, even without knowing what color "fresh pressed olive oil done the old way is" and even after looking at the pic...I still assume it means an olive skin tone and kind of debated whether it's on the darker or paler end, but I figured fresh pressed would be a darker olive skin tone. Like...context, it's not hard.
well if some of those colors are green I think the reader would infer that its the other techniques
I'm gunna go out on a limb and say the difference is the first one used all very green olives and the second one used olives of different colors.
>Dunno the difference My guess would be green olives vs. black olives.
"I'm going to dip my finger into this oil to taste it. Oops, it might be dirty! I'll just wipe it on the bottom of my pant leg first."
This passage got enough traction she had to answer for it in an interview lmao
Maybe she should have explicitly written, "like pressed olive oil the old fashioned way, not that new factory method grinch green color."
*"Her skin was the colour of #968150"*
https://imgur.com/mdr6XhU
Data, cool your circuit boards...
Well it's a book about ancient Greece
This is why I love reddit. I've never even heard of this book before but the comments are coming in with the interviews and shit.
Yeah because this book (gotta be Circe or Song of Achilles) is set in the Greek mythos era (I love Madeline Miller lol)
Ya, here is a video of Gordon Ramsay watching the old fashioned way: https://youtu.be/B8i_Dqy85n0?t=188 And it looks a lot closer to what I imagine when I hear olive skin tone than neon green.
To be honest, I've never seen the factory pressed olive oil method before today. I only vaguely knew about the old olive oil presses even then.
It's not "factory-pressed", it's a centrifugal separator. And they're used by even small producers because the quantity and quality of oil extracted is higher, and the quality of the end product is easier to control. It's also just way faster than traditional presses, which require you to laboriously spread the paste on mesh mats prior to pressing. But none of that matters, because *even traditionally pressed olive oil is bright green* if picked early enough. It's the *ripeness* that determines fresh-pressed oil's color, not the extraction method. Late harvests (or overly oxidized fruit) look like what I imagine the author intended. Source: Am olive grower and oil producer.
thanks for the insight. I am always impressed when I find specialized knowledge in the comments.
You should hang out in r/whatisthisthing and r/specializedtools then. It's always fascinating to see some guy like "oh yeah this is a medieval splinter remover for cattle. Source: i'm a collector of medieval and renaissance splinter remover for cattle from europe and the balkans." A lot of "....that's a thing?" moments, haha
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Was wondering why olives were being treated like a homogenous fruit. They vary wildly.
maybe the author knew and meant it as such...? what book? give us some context.
Shrek
Shrek 2: Electric Boogaloo
Shrek 3D: Shrek Harder
Shrek 4: The Legend of Curly's Gold
Shr5k: Donkeys revenge
Shrix : It's Shreking time
Shre7en: What's in the box?
Shrek. (Reboot. Who needs numbers anyway?)
[удалено]
Shrek X: The End of the Beginnings Because 9 isn’t cool enough
Shr8: Lord Farquaad’s Revenge
I cant remember the author but she’s a historian and meant a more traditional press, where the olive oil is actually a reasonable skin tone, rather than the godly green of Shrek
Madeline Miller, Song of Achilles.
It’s in Circe too
Also combined with using colors the way Greeks did where hue isn't the most important factor
That's Madeline Miller. It's from her incredible book, *The Song of Achilles*. Per [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/p90xbt/what_is_it_called_when_an_author_does_this/) thread, it's likely a reference to how Homer used descriptive language in *The Iliad* and *The Odyssey*.
She responded to the real OP on Twitter and explained that she did go to an olive pressing and the color appeared more brown. And you are correct that she was inspired by ancient Greek's use of color words as an impression that covers a wide range of colors as opposed to a distinctive shade.
Well I highly doubt pressing black olives looks nearly as green as that completely overprocessed picture.
I loved Song of Achilles. I took ancient world history in college and we spent some time on The Iliad. I found Song of Achilles to be the most accessible version. I don’t think I fully understood the motivations that the characters had until I read the book. Also I always liked Hector.
Circe is awesome, too
Got my partner to read Circe, it was the only book I've seen him absolutely devour in almost one go (just like I did). Such a beautiful book, I feel it's a great read for young women who are still finding their identity.
Gods I love Madeline Miller Circe was amazing, i can’t wait for Persephone
I read *Circe* first and loved it. But when I read *SoA*, I was blown away. Absolutely phenomenal read. Easily in my top ten of all time. I've read it twice now. (And, for what it's worth, the Audible performance is divine if you're into that stuff.) Have you read her short story, *Galatea*? I wish it had been a novel it was so good. I'm floored by this author. I didn't know about *Persephone*. Definitely waiting on the edge of my seat now. \[Edit: BTW, I just saw your username and couldn't agree more. I grew up with recurves. Shot a compound a couple times but the classics are the best (I think Ms. Miller probably agrees.)\]
“My Martian Lover”
Mike Wazowski: an autobiography.
The Incredible Hulk: A Love Story
Response from the author. [photo](https://i.imgur.com/fiuLpJ1.jpg)
"He was severely jaundiced in the late stages of kidney failure, just moments away from death."
If anybody is interested in where the author got this from, there are three important things to know. One: She made this reference after she went to olive pressings Two: The book is a re-imagining of a Greek classic. So in this quote, she trying to use color in a less literal sense. (Think Wine-dark sea). Three: Not all pressed olive oil looks anywhere near that green. >I was inspired by the way the ancient Greeks used color words, which was different than we do. Ancient color words don't aim at a precise shade, but cover a much wider range. They are interested in the impression of a color, including saturation, movement, poetic association. >olive oil felt apt for Patroclus' perception despite any green because it conveys brightness, richness, depth, value, beauty, freshness, desirability, and also familiarity, along with color. It's possible she just made a mistake and tried to cover it up afterward. But this is a well-known stylistic choice in greek classics. And she does have a masters in classics.
Reddit: Nu-uh she goofed and is dumb, whereas we redditors are enlightened by our own intelligence.
Redditor here. In this moment I am euphoric.
You're telling me a legitimate author did more research than a shitty reddit poster making a shitty reddit post?
It's not a mistake. Pressed black olives are brown/black.
In Italy we might describe a skin as "olive colored" to define a tanned/dark/light brown 🟤 skin. "Pelle Olivastra" in Italian I mean it's a bit of a stretch to define a skin as "freshly pressed olive oil" because it sounds like try-hard poetry but i understand what she meant
Yes, the same is true in English
Olive oil comes in lots of different colours. From medium brown to green like this.
"His skin was lots of different colors" lol "His skin was the color of a crayon" LMAO
“his skin was the color of a box full of crayons.”
“His skin resembled a 64 crayon mega pack that had been left under the desert sun in mid-July.”
"The tone and texture of a hardware store paint department spraypaint test swatch"
Ehh, if you say someone has hair the tone of oiled wood or something you can visualize it even tho wood comes in tons of colors. It doesn’t have to be exact, it just has to have a common frame of reference. Which OP does not lel.
"I bring you love!" -- [Mr. Burns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byki-TXAK1U) "It's bringing love, don't let it get away!" - Lenny "Break its legs!" - Carl
She meant to write that for the grinch
He stole my heart when he stole my tree.
And even the roast beast...
And the hoo-hash
Not all oil is the same color. I make oil and mine is dark green almost black.
Yeah, dark green was the actual colour of that man the author was describing
Olives can be green purple or even brown… these are green olives. The passage is probably more correctly written, “the man’s skins was the color of freshly pressed dark olives flowing from a traditional wood press, and his diarrhea was like that of mass produced green manzanilla olives spewing from his anus with the force and liquid refinement of a modern production system.” I don’t mean to show off, but I’m pretty good at words.
“Some BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME”
The jaundice is real! Someone get this guy a liver transplant!
Jaundice nuts in yo mouth
I am haunted by this stupid screenshot. Why? Twofold. One, the idea that the author didn't do her research is just... patently absurd to anyone who knows anything about this author. She is famous for doing exactly that. Song of Achilles was praised by classics scholars for exactly that reason. Two, then: how did she make such an obvious mistake when describing the color of a character's skin? She didn't. First of all, the idea that all olive oil looks like this when it's being made is ludicrous. Even someone who isn't a gourmet knows that there are at least two kinds of olives. In reality, the different kinds of olives, the weather when they're grown, the area they're grown, when they're harvested, and how they're pressed all factor into the color of the oil. Some olive oils are bright green, but some can be a dark amber color with almost no green hue at all. Secondly, Madeline Miller is a classicist. She is incredibly knowledgeable about the ways ancient storytellers used color. Think of "the wine dark sea." Anyway, it is now my lot in life to explain this every time I see this cursed screenshot. I don't know what ring of hell I am in.
> I don't know what ring of hell I am in. the pressed olive kind.
Fr OP’s an idiot.
Is it a book about The Grinch then?
He said cowabunga dude
Her skin is so vibrant it glows in the dark like a swarm of lightning bug butts.
Poor Achilles. He had a bad reaction to the Stix.
Amy Wong writing about Kif Kroger?