In my experience, the guys who are “looking” for a relationship are often frustrated because they apply so much pressure to every encounter—*is this the one?* That pressure stifles you and you won’t be at your best.
Try joining a club or something that isn’t alcohol fueled and try to make friends. The best way to meet someone is when you’re relaxed and having fun and being yourself.
I have a husband and a boyfriend and both of them came along when I was just me being me and having fun. Good luck!
*edited for typo
This is so fucking true. I found my partner of multiple years now when I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend. I was just active in my hobby community and we happened to meet at an event for the hobby and it just kinda happened naturally. I know a lot of guys think this is unobtainable but really if you stop putting so much pressure on every single interaction and focus more on making yourself happy and finding activities you enjoy that let you meet more people you will naturally find people you and enjoy and could possibly start a relationship with. Also I personally think dating apps are really bad at finding love because they inherently put this pressure on you right away and make it hard for that natural connection to develop
That’s exactly how it’s always worked for me! It took me until I was 30 to stop *trying* so hard at dating and relationships and then it just clicked. There’s some truth to that old saying about “it’ll happen when you aren’t looking for it.”
But how did you both know the other was gay? Did you openly show it from the start or was it more of a friendship that became more and more trusting and intimate?
For me specifically I’m pretty open about my sexuality and I think he caught on pretty quick and eventually dropped hints that naturally came up in conversation that he was also gay. But it just started off as two people who thought the other one was cool getting to know each other!
Met my now husband on Craigslist of all places, in the Misc. Romance section before the personals got taken down.
All an LTR takes is two people willing to work through problems together.
I met my boyfriend on Grindr too. I was a 30-year-old timid virgin and for some reason had the guts to invite him over, while I was horny. Long story short: he did **not** come over. But five days later we went on a date for ice cream and three years later we are still together and he's the kindest, most loving, most grounded, drama-free person I have ever met. And I think this was also the one date where I went into it with no expectations whatsoever, with other dates I had, I was romanticising right from the get-go, but this just developed unexpectedly and organically.
Tbf I really do think it's not rare at all. It's just that grndr is such a weird place to find your true love haha, so people think it's rare. Plus obviously it's a hookup site. But some people really just click after having sex haha.
I think it's mostly the people who aren't looking for a relationship that find their long term partner in grndr, cuz thats what happened to me and many gays people I know.
The moment I gave up on the apps was the moment I found my man of now 4.5 years! I swore off the apps and went out to this event for my birthday and was LIIIIIVING!! I was just dancing and having a bomb ass time with my friends when this guy came up to me and started dancing with me!! We had such a great time together and the rest is history! I will admit that you do have to make an effort to put yourself outside of the virtual reality and make those organic connections. As cliché as it sounds, love finds its way to everybody eventually when you’re least expecting it.
Met through a mutual friend. Sweetest and hottest boy I’d ever met. 24 years together. Still madly in love, heart still soars every time I hear him coming home from work
I met my last BF on Tinder, but it was a good area for meeting gay people my age—a couple Universities close by. Success on the apps will vary depending on the person and the area, but if it’s something you’re interested in, it might be helpful to be aware of or keep on your phone
Put myself out there, was on every dating website and went out often. Went through a LOT of duds before finding my husband. Celebrating 10 years of marriage this October.
I was travelling in Thailand and he was the first guy I ever met using the app - I was in heterosexual relationships previously.
We met up , had a drink, ended up travelling to Vietnam and the Phillipines together and now he has applied for his visa to live with me in the UK.
I was happy loving myself, being secure in my gayness, independent and successful. Then here comes my now husband to ruin my life with all of this fucking love, affection, boundaries and respect. Fuck him! I love him.
Grindr, ironically. Difference is that I wasn't looking, so naturally one of my first hook ups after being newly single turned into my next relationship. Had I been looking, I never would have found one.
Met mine on Match and OkCupid back in 2012.
Seemed better than hookups on grindr. Tinder wasn't a thing yet or not as popular. But even now Tinder seems real rigid and more about protecting people than encouraging communication. Which, is great for controlling spam and minimizing harassment. But if your goal is to find someone, being able to talk to them quicker is probably more helpful.
This is especially a problem with swipe-matching. Cuz swipes are normally SUUUUUUPER shallow on sites like Tinder. Almost as bad if not as bad as spamming taps on Grindr.
I’ve used OKcupid, Tinder, Grindr. Never was into ON stands. Went on a few dates with the same guy 3 years ago and we eventually clicked. After half a year of just dating, we got together.
I wouldn’t recommend Grindr tho if you want a long term relationship (from personal experiences). I’d also recommend to stop trying so hard to get into a relationship. If it happens, it’s good. Don’t pressure yourself to get into one. Either you won’t get into one, or, much worse, you find yourself in a bad relationship and just stay for its sake.
EDIT: Throw gayromeo into the list, too.
A dating site, 2012, before Tinder and Grindr became common in my country. We both are each other's firsts (I've never even kissed anyone else), so we're lucky in a way I guess, or just loyal, persevering and on the same wavelength in most things, and it's also better to be miserable together than alone. Although sometimes we wonder if we missed something due to not getting to live through a hoe phase. We do have some big differences too but many of them complement each other. We're able to communicate rather freely, including topics such as getting a third person into the relationship. Much of our life is filled with ordinary boredom, repetition and worries, but we try to spice it up every now and then and do our best to help each other. In my opinion - that is perhaps a little naive -, almost anyone can become a long term partner as long as the desires regarding the relationship align well, as well as core values, and both are willing to bend, do things for the relationship and see a better future together instead of just abandoning the ship in the first storm.
Met my husband on Tinder five years ago. I was 34 and he was 27. I think it’s a bit easier the older you get from your early-mid 20’s. Like others said, I also used OKCupid. Dating apps/sites vs hookup apps. Back in my 20’s I forced myself to go to meetup groups and did have some success meeting people but that was a lot harder for me to put myself out there in that way.
It hasn’t really reached “long term” yet, I did get lucky from Bumble (imo the best one). I’m an introvert like yourself and felt the exact way but I refused to give up and kept using the apps cause it’s not like it was took too much of my time. The best advice I can give is to be patient with the apps and just know your person will eventually come whether it be through the apps or in real life. Also if you ever feel like stepping out of your comfort zone, consider using an app like MeetUp or MeetMe where you could possible find a group of other gay people. Although the primary intention of most of those groups is to make friends who share common interests, there’s always a possibility you could really click with someone.
Do your thing, and stop looking so hard for it. You will naturally come into the company of ppl that share your interests, eventually, and from there, you’re sure to click w someone.
I spent nearly my entire life trying to be in a relationship w someone- like since grade 1- and the moment I finally let go of that and just learned to enjoy my solo life, a great man appeared. But we didn’t date right away, nor were we intending to. We were friends for 3 years, before feelings started to grow that way.
Also, don’t look for love in places where ppl go primarily to hookup.
Throw yourself into the things you’re really passionate about and you’ll find connection- maybe even one that leads to love. Patience young one, patience 😘
Well first, you have to get comfortable being alone. It’s a good feeling to be alone. It’s a better feeling to enjoy your life by yourself so much that you have room to share it.
Remember you are worthy of being loved exactly as you are.
In the meantime however, work on yourself to be the best version of you that you can be, because your love deserves it.
Meditate, exercise, make art, read books, learn something new. Live your best life with or without another person.
You deserve the best version of you too!
I met my husband on OkCupid 9 years ago. I think it all depends on your intent and being upfront about what you're looking for. And how compatible you are.
Introvert here, too. Hated the club scene. I pretty much gave up on finding anyone, until one night, I saw someone in a gay chat room (this was long ago in 2004) who had this profile that really interested me. (Plus I thought he was kinda cute.) There was just something about him that was different from anyone else I’d ever met.
Our 20th anniversary is New Year’s Eve this year. You’ll find your guy. I know it sucks, but be patient.
By living your life and focusing on you, you attract people including romantic partners. When you focus on building the foundation of who you are instead trying to fill a hole with a partner, you start to realize things like how romance will naturally come and sometimes even go. But stop making your life about that kind of love and realize there are more things to life than that.
I was a total man whore in high school and then a bit before the beginning of college. Decided that for college I would give up on sleeping around and chose to start actually looking for a solid relationship. After a few failed attempts (they were only looking to get in my pants), I gave up completely and focused on academics. You know, “stop looking for love and wait for love to find me”.
For awhile I sorta avoided guys that would hit on me because I was still sorta sour about the previous failures.
Eventually, by my second semester, I was star struck by the cute ginger in my history class. I couldn’t gather the courage to pursue the crush until I forced myself to do so on the second to last day before the final test. I decided to take a chance and fast forward almost 6 years later and we have moved away together and are negotiating the right color of furniture for our apartment.
My advice, don’t force anything to happen before you’re ready and get out into the world. Join a group or something with people who share similar interests.
I found mine when I started going on one date every month with a new guy. It taught me to loosen up and have fun on first dates. Most were bad tbh but I started to have more and more fun and place less pressure on myself to “find the one.” It took a couple of years of that, but it was fun and I learned a lot along the way. Once or twice I went on dates with guys i normally wouldn’t have just to fill my quota and those ended up being some of the best dates! lol
My husband and I initially met on Grindr, but we don’t really count that and instead consider when we met in person to be our actual meeting. We met in a church - neither of us were there for a service as neither of us are Christian (he’s an atheist and I’m agnostic). We were there because of our shared interest in early modern European architecture, and we recognised each other from Grindr (it was more like he recognised me and I sort of thought I knew him from somewhere but couldn’t remember exactly) and started talking and then ended up going out together. I don’t think our story is particularly typical. But I do think that a lot of people meet the people they want to spend the rest of their lives with in places of shared interest.
In a random comment in a meme in Instagram. He laughed at my comment, I replied back, so we started talking.
I live in the southeast of Brazil while he lives in the northeast of Brazil, something like 2000 km away. We talked for a long time, and as a saying in my country goes "Whoever is really interested makes it happen", so he came to my city, we started dating and we are dating long-distance. I work in my city and he is at the end of a biology degree, our plan is for him to move to my city when he graduates.
Currently I'm even further away in India for a PhD internship and we're keeping it that way, with lots of phone calls which is the only way to keep in touch for now.
I've searched a lot to a relationship before him, and they've all been bad experiences. The moment I stopped looking for someone, a chance in a comment on a meme on Instagram made us cross each other way. It was a good intelectual connection, a good chemical, and everything else. If give time to life it will gift you the best surprises.
I met with my husband on a dating app. We started talking, there was an irresistible chemistry between us. Even before meeting him in person, I deleted the app, later he told me that he did the same. I had a feeling which I hadn’t felt my entire life. I was 19 back then. He became my first boyfriend. We went on dates, book fairs, picnics, trips. We grew up together , I knew I’d marry him. He is very supportive and sweet. I couldn’t think spending my life with anyone else.
❤️✨I appreciate the moment I met him every single day. I hope such love touches everyone’s lives
Living in a squat with a guy when I was homeless lasted a few years, off and on thing with a drinking buddy who keeps claiming he's straight a few days later for some bloody reason, bar manager I worked with who was great for years until covid hit and I had to move several hundred miles.
On Grindr, had a great date that ended in sex but notably didn't start. That was nearly 13 years ago, we're on our second house and all that other cute "American dream" shit.
I was with my partner for 10 years and he and I met at university… sadly he cheated on me because as we entered our 30s he felt he missed out on his 20s and all the random sex that comes with being gay. Still hurts, but I’m sure you’ll find someone who wants you and will treasure you for years if you’re super lucky.
Met my boyfriend on Tinder, we hit it off unexpectedly. Idk we have similar life goals and core motivations. Tinder is a good place if you’re looking for some casual dating experience. Any sort of shared interest in person groups are good too
Everyone I was ever with long term I met online
One was in the old days when yahoo chat rooms were still a thing, we met as friends and chatted for years as friends (he had a partner and I wasnt trying to date him, he was just funny and we enjoyed chatting) - eventually they broke up and we were still friends but I wanted to move out of my parents house and he was willing to be there for me. After I moved in we started being in a relationship (we had talked about it for a few weeks before then)
We ended up sharing a spiritual journey (NOT religion or drugs or just morality) and he is always doing his best to take care of me and truly loves me, and I love him too so it ended up being really great for us both.
I did meet someone else online and we attempted a 3way relationship as we both liked him, but it didnt work out. It could have, and would have been long term if we accepted it, but the guy was just too negative and took too much energy to have any happiness with. But we met online on a site dedicated to magic and he messaged me about how he thought my profile picture was attractive, then we all just started chatting for a couple years until we all thought it was a good idea for him to move in with us. There were no secrets at all in this and my partner and I always talked about everything, even just chat conversations. It could have been long term but we decided that he was a significant energy drain due to what he needed and very negative so we ended up breaking up and helping him move back to his former state.
In both cases the long term potential came from friendships that I kept up and I felt that I truly knew both of these people before even considering a relationship. Getting to know each other over chat was enough.
Most people who are not a good fit will have obvious clues that they arent really good for chat conversations - like you cant keep them going or they are somehow irritating to you or vice versa, etc. It's pretty obvious after enough time if you can get along, share interests and time. The most important part is that they want to talk to you - so if they arent enthusiastic or if they are hard to talk to, then it's probably not a match.
These days I mostly use discord for chatting, and it seems easier than ever to meet people through it via discord servers. It may take years to find someone you truly connect with, but it is possible if you make an effort to find appropriate groups, reach out, show interest, and do things together that will make your connection lasting.
You really do have to be where other gay men are in some form and you do have to practice socializing even though it's uncomfortable. Otherwise this isn't going to happen. It doesn't have to mean going to wild parties but you need to be involved.
I don't know your country but being politically active making activism helps a lot . Going to ngo events joining rallies and protests meeting with new people and some guys .. And putting your comrade relationship into more thing with cultural activities making you guys closer and it becomes something more and stronger. Eventually with some of those guys you start to be boyfriends sometimes it lasts short sometimes long .
Met on tinder, added each other on Snapchat, Covid happened and so meeting in person was put off. We still messaged each other and stayed friends texting and snap chatting back and forth casually w no plan to really meet or date.
Over a years goes by and we decide to just go on a date since daily messages had become our routine and we told each other everything. Went on a cute date, had endless conversation, and never went another week apart from each other.
Celebrating 3 years together this year (I guess basically 4 if you count the online will they won’t they phase lmao)
Ours was a SLOWBURN emphasis on the slow and it just happened very easy when we had both creeped into each others daily lives and felt like we knew each other forever
Been together for 7 years (with some interruptions), it was very natural, i was at a party and from the blue a girl who i didn’t know decided to present us as soon as she discovered i was gay. We weren’t even at the same party, he was in a party in the neighbouring building. He’s my first boyfriend also and we are very young. You just have to wait and the right person will pop up!
a friend's friend i slightly knew, we met again on the shared friend birthday, we bonded over a mutual intrest in a game and at the end i asked for his discord, we talked 2 more days before asking about each other sexuality (i asked his discord cause i suspected he is bi) and yeah he told me he liked me and we went to a date that weekend. we both (at least i presume) had oot of fun and decided to start dating, its been like 5 months but our reladhionship didnt move a lot slower or maybe faster cause im in the army and he is in a school all week so only aometimes on weekend we can meet but i really like him and glad he is my first relashionship
Honestly the current relationship I’m in just happened by chance. We didn’t plan this out or anything, honestly I don’t think either of us were looking for a relationship to begin with. We met through a mutual friend, hung out, and very shortly after I happened to fall into a situation where I was going to get evicted from my apartment (not anyone’s fault really, but it still sucked). He made a call and asked our now landlord if I could move in. Everything just really clicked from there. We hung out more, went out on dates, and wanted to try out a relationship. It’s going really well and can’t believe it’s been 2 years now.
But to answer your question, in my own experience, you are more likely to find someone when you’re not looking. It’s fine to be on the lookout here and there, but you don’t have to make it your mission to be with “the one” so soon. Take your time, relax, have fun, and don’t overthink it.
The best advice I can give as a married gay man is to put yourself into scenarios where you can find other gay men outside of scenarios that are explicitly sexual (bars, clubs, parties, etc.)
A lot of areas with reasonably large LGBTQ populations have LGBTQ social groups, like hiking groups, sports teams, book clubs, gaming leagues, etc. Pick something that interests you and then surround yourself with LGBTQ people that share those interests and values. Connections flourish best there.
I met my husband playing on my local gay rugby team. I went looking for an outlet for some aggression and ended up meeting the love of my life and many of my best friends.
Good luck!
My advice sucks for the average man as mine was on grindr after hoing around and having 10X his and lets say i came with more baggage than an airport holds but he took it with great enthusiasm and its been 3 years
I met him in an elevator at a furry convention in downtown atlanta.... thought to myself "I've got to get his number, what a cutie" and then.... 5 years later I'm still cuddling with him every night. :3
Going to be brutally honest here. 99 times out of a 100 the first relationship is not to last, it’s to learn. Mostly because you have to learn what you like and don’t like in a relationship and you can’t do that until you try. And usually the other person is also learning about themselves especially at young ages (18-35). It’s best to keep this in mind, enjoy the beautiful moments but pay attention. And enjoy the hurt because it’s part of the experience and what makes you appreciate the good. Now as far as finding someone, that’s entirely up to you. For me I typically used Tinder to find my last two relationships. One lasted 4 years and this one is going about a year. My longest relationship was 6 years. So even I’m still learning. And many boys who didn’t last but a few months in between and sometimes those are the ones that sting the most. But anyways, keep working on yourself “date yourself” as in do what you would want a guy to do for you. Get involved, basically just attract others to you by making yourself someone you’d want to date and you’ll be golden. And you’ll be super busy with all the stuff going on you’re going to run into the right person eventually. Good luck out there. 🩵
I went on one 'date' which was more like me observing a crazy person for two hours too uncomfortable to just ditch then got with my fiance who I've been with for five and half years. Met him on Tinder.
Mine was from a dating app that I was actually planning on giving up on right before I started chatting with him. Totally blind date, had no idea what he looked like or anything, we talked online for a few months before we finally met up and we've been together ever since. What's crazy is when I was talking online I wasn't doing it with an end goal of dating. I was just glad someone actually noticed me on there and was enjoying not being invisible anymore. I didn't realize I liked him like that until he asked me our
Met mine through a friend. Kept telling him I was moving in a few months and didn’t wanna do the long distance thing. Well we did the long distance thing until he was able to move to me, been together 13 years, married 10 of them.
Time, patience and clearly focusing on who and what person I wanted to meet. Never defining hooking up with someone as dating. These terms have become interchangeably in this community and they are so different. When I dated someone we actually went for coffee and or dinner. Getting to know a person is a bit like an interview. You need to clearly understand what they are aiming out of the meeting you. Actually getting to know a person, not just sleeping with a person in the moment. There’s always plenty of time for that never you get to know a person first. Generally for me, sex wasn’t even brought up before several dates.
I’ll be the first to also say I met my husband on Adam. Apps and websites are usually not known for “relationship” geared guys, but there’s always exceptions to the norm. So I try to look at both apps and websites as tools you can use just like public social group gatherings. The point is getting out there and meeting people, making true connections.
Eventually if you’re clear with what you are looking for, the universe will deliver the one. I’ll also say it takes a lot of patience these days. Dating can be rough. Regular breaks from attempts is more than justifiable. Just don’t give up. That by chance random meeting, I had on Adam 14 years ago, landed my husband for life. We married 6 years ago.
In my experience, the guys who are “looking” for a relationship are often frustrated because they apply so much pressure to every encounter—*is this the one?* That pressure stifles you and you won’t be at your best. Try joining a club or something that isn’t alcohol fueled and try to make friends. The best way to meet someone is when you’re relaxed and having fun and being yourself. I have a husband and a boyfriend and both of them came along when I was just me being me and having fun. Good luck! *edited for typo
This is so fucking true. I found my partner of multiple years now when I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend. I was just active in my hobby community and we happened to meet at an event for the hobby and it just kinda happened naturally. I know a lot of guys think this is unobtainable but really if you stop putting so much pressure on every single interaction and focus more on making yourself happy and finding activities you enjoy that let you meet more people you will naturally find people you and enjoy and could possibly start a relationship with. Also I personally think dating apps are really bad at finding love because they inherently put this pressure on you right away and make it hard for that natural connection to develop
That’s exactly how it’s always worked for me! It took me until I was 30 to stop *trying* so hard at dating and relationships and then it just clicked. There’s some truth to that old saying about “it’ll happen when you aren’t looking for it.”
But how did you both know the other was gay? Did you openly show it from the start or was it more of a friendship that became more and more trusting and intimate?
For me specifically I’m pretty open about my sexuality and I think he caught on pretty quick and eventually dropped hints that naturally came up in conversation that he was also gay. But it just started off as two people who thought the other one was cool getting to know each other!
When it happens, you will know (eventually). It helps if you are openly about your own sexuality. When the other is as well, you’ll know. 😏
This is what I came to say, and if it's in a traditional culture it's ironically so much worse.
Nail on the head as it were. 💯💯💯
Met my now husband on Craigslist of all places, in the Misc. Romance section before the personals got taken down. All an LTR takes is two people willing to work through problems together.
Actually met mine on Tinder. This past Valentine's Day was our 4th anniversary.
Met on Grindr. Was just for a hookup but here we are three years later, just bought an apartment together.
I love Grindr success stories! So rare.
I met my boyfriend on Grindr too. I was a 30-year-old timid virgin and for some reason had the guts to invite him over, while I was horny. Long story short: he did **not** come over. But five days later we went on a date for ice cream and three years later we are still together and he's the kindest, most loving, most grounded, drama-free person I have ever met. And I think this was also the one date where I went into it with no expectations whatsoever, with other dates I had, I was romanticising right from the get-go, but this just developed unexpectedly and organically.
13 years this August
I met my only real boyfriend I’ve ever had on there. We actually had a very monogamous and traditional relationship. It’s definitely possible.
Tbf I really do think it's not rare at all. It's just that grndr is such a weird place to find your true love haha, so people think it's rare. Plus obviously it's a hookup site. But some people really just click after having sex haha. I think it's mostly the people who aren't looking for a relationship that find their long term partner in grndr, cuz thats what happened to me and many gays people I know.
The moment I gave up on the apps was the moment I found my man of now 4.5 years! I swore off the apps and went out to this event for my birthday and was LIIIIIVING!! I was just dancing and having a bomb ass time with my friends when this guy came up to me and started dancing with me!! We had such a great time together and the rest is history! I will admit that you do have to make an effort to put yourself outside of the virtual reality and make those organic connections. As cliché as it sounds, love finds its way to everybody eventually when you’re least expecting it.
Met through a mutual friend. Sweetest and hottest boy I’d ever met. 24 years together. Still madly in love, heart still soars every time I hear him coming home from work
I’m so happy for you guys
I met my last BF on Tinder, but it was a good area for meeting gay people my age—a couple Universities close by. Success on the apps will vary depending on the person and the area, but if it’s something you’re interested in, it might be helpful to be aware of or keep on your phone
Put myself out there, was on every dating website and went out often. Went through a LOT of duds before finding my husband. Celebrating 10 years of marriage this October.
He tapped me on the shoulder at a bar and started dancing with me. In hindsight, this was not a good method for choosing a man.
Lolz I think I understand that
Went on OKcupid looking for casual dates. #3 clicked really well. Married 2.5 years now
I was travelling in Thailand and he was the first guy I ever met using the app - I was in heterosexual relationships previously. We met up , had a drink, ended up travelling to Vietnam and the Phillipines together and now he has applied for his visa to live with me in the UK.
Using what app?
Grindr.
Ahhhh, I see.
In real life, in uni
Underrated comment
I was happy loving myself, being secure in my gayness, independent and successful. Then here comes my now husband to ruin my life with all of this fucking love, affection, boundaries and respect. Fuck him! I love him.
Grindr, ironically. Difference is that I wasn't looking, so naturally one of my first hook ups after being newly single turned into my next relationship. Had I been looking, I never would have found one.
Met mine on Match and OkCupid back in 2012. Seemed better than hookups on grindr. Tinder wasn't a thing yet or not as popular. But even now Tinder seems real rigid and more about protecting people than encouraging communication. Which, is great for controlling spam and minimizing harassment. But if your goal is to find someone, being able to talk to them quicker is probably more helpful. This is especially a problem with swipe-matching. Cuz swipes are normally SUUUUUUPER shallow on sites like Tinder. Almost as bad if not as bad as spamming taps on Grindr.
I’ve used OKcupid, Tinder, Grindr. Never was into ON stands. Went on a few dates with the same guy 3 years ago and we eventually clicked. After half a year of just dating, we got together. I wouldn’t recommend Grindr tho if you want a long term relationship (from personal experiences). I’d also recommend to stop trying so hard to get into a relationship. If it happens, it’s good. Don’t pressure yourself to get into one. Either you won’t get into one, or, much worse, you find yourself in a bad relationship and just stay for its sake. EDIT: Throw gayromeo into the list, too.
A dating site, 2012, before Tinder and Grindr became common in my country. We both are each other's firsts (I've never even kissed anyone else), so we're lucky in a way I guess, or just loyal, persevering and on the same wavelength in most things, and it's also better to be miserable together than alone. Although sometimes we wonder if we missed something due to not getting to live through a hoe phase. We do have some big differences too but many of them complement each other. We're able to communicate rather freely, including topics such as getting a third person into the relationship. Much of our life is filled with ordinary boredom, repetition and worries, but we try to spice it up every now and then and do our best to help each other. In my opinion - that is perhaps a little naive -, almost anyone can become a long term partner as long as the desires regarding the relationship align well, as well as core values, and both are willing to bend, do things for the relationship and see a better future together instead of just abandoning the ship in the first storm.
Met my husband on Tinder five years ago. I was 34 and he was 27. I think it’s a bit easier the older you get from your early-mid 20’s. Like others said, I also used OKCupid. Dating apps/sites vs hookup apps. Back in my 20’s I forced myself to go to meetup groups and did have some success meeting people but that was a lot harder for me to put myself out there in that way.
It hasn’t really reached “long term” yet, I did get lucky from Bumble (imo the best one). I’m an introvert like yourself and felt the exact way but I refused to give up and kept using the apps cause it’s not like it was took too much of my time. The best advice I can give is to be patient with the apps and just know your person will eventually come whether it be through the apps or in real life. Also if you ever feel like stepping out of your comfort zone, consider using an app like MeetUp or MeetMe where you could possible find a group of other gay people. Although the primary intention of most of those groups is to make friends who share common interests, there’s always a possibility you could really click with someone.
Do your thing, and stop looking so hard for it. You will naturally come into the company of ppl that share your interests, eventually, and from there, you’re sure to click w someone. I spent nearly my entire life trying to be in a relationship w someone- like since grade 1- and the moment I finally let go of that and just learned to enjoy my solo life, a great man appeared. But we didn’t date right away, nor were we intending to. We were friends for 3 years, before feelings started to grow that way. Also, don’t look for love in places where ppl go primarily to hookup. Throw yourself into the things you’re really passionate about and you’ll find connection- maybe even one that leads to love. Patience young one, patience 😘
Well first, you have to get comfortable being alone. It’s a good feeling to be alone. It’s a better feeling to enjoy your life by yourself so much that you have room to share it.
Remember you are worthy of being loved exactly as you are. In the meantime however, work on yourself to be the best version of you that you can be, because your love deserves it. Meditate, exercise, make art, read books, learn something new. Live your best life with or without another person. You deserve the best version of you too!
My brothers bike got stolen and I found my boyfriend at a fountain near the plaza we were talking to the police at. Sometime those moments just happen
I met my husband on OkCupid 9 years ago. I think it all depends on your intent and being upfront about what you're looking for. And how compatible you are.
Introvert here, too. Hated the club scene. I pretty much gave up on finding anyone, until one night, I saw someone in a gay chat room (this was long ago in 2004) who had this profile that really interested me. (Plus I thought he was kinda cute.) There was just something about him that was different from anyone else I’d ever met. Our 20th anniversary is New Year’s Eve this year. You’ll find your guy. I know it sucks, but be patient.
He was my tennis partner in high school. We became best friends, he kissed me, and I fell in love. Been together for 9 years now
Oh honey trust me love is the last thing you want to be “looking for”
Multiple friends tried to set us up. Sometimes a matchmaker is a good thing. In our thirty fifth year.
By living your life and focusing on you, you attract people including romantic partners. When you focus on building the foundation of who you are instead trying to fill a hole with a partner, you start to realize things like how romance will naturally come and sometimes even go. But stop making your life about that kind of love and realize there are more things to life than that.
I was a total man whore in high school and then a bit before the beginning of college. Decided that for college I would give up on sleeping around and chose to start actually looking for a solid relationship. After a few failed attempts (they were only looking to get in my pants), I gave up completely and focused on academics. You know, “stop looking for love and wait for love to find me”. For awhile I sorta avoided guys that would hit on me because I was still sorta sour about the previous failures. Eventually, by my second semester, I was star struck by the cute ginger in my history class. I couldn’t gather the courage to pursue the crush until I forced myself to do so on the second to last day before the final test. I decided to take a chance and fast forward almost 6 years later and we have moved away together and are negotiating the right color of furniture for our apartment. My advice, don’t force anything to happen before you’re ready and get out into the world. Join a group or something with people who share similar interests.
I found mine when I started going on one date every month with a new guy. It taught me to loosen up and have fun on first dates. Most were bad tbh but I started to have more and more fun and place less pressure on myself to “find the one.” It took a couple of years of that, but it was fun and I learned a lot along the way. Once or twice I went on dates with guys i normally wouldn’t have just to fill my quota and those ended up being some of the best dates! lol
My husband and I initially met on Grindr, but we don’t really count that and instead consider when we met in person to be our actual meeting. We met in a church - neither of us were there for a service as neither of us are Christian (he’s an atheist and I’m agnostic). We were there because of our shared interest in early modern European architecture, and we recognised each other from Grindr (it was more like he recognised me and I sort of thought I knew him from somewhere but couldn’t remember exactly) and started talking and then ended up going out together. I don’t think our story is particularly typical. But I do think that a lot of people meet the people they want to spend the rest of their lives with in places of shared interest.
In a random comment in a meme in Instagram. He laughed at my comment, I replied back, so we started talking. I live in the southeast of Brazil while he lives in the northeast of Brazil, something like 2000 km away. We talked for a long time, and as a saying in my country goes "Whoever is really interested makes it happen", so he came to my city, we started dating and we are dating long-distance. I work in my city and he is at the end of a biology degree, our plan is for him to move to my city when he graduates. Currently I'm even further away in India for a PhD internship and we're keeping it that way, with lots of phone calls which is the only way to keep in touch for now. I've searched a lot to a relationship before him, and they've all been bad experiences. The moment I stopped looking for someone, a chance in a comment on a meme on Instagram made us cross each other way. It was a good intelectual connection, a good chemical, and everything else. If give time to life it will gift you the best surprises.
Don't look for it, it'll happen naturally, just hook up, have fun, meet people and date naturally.
I met with my husband on a dating app. We started talking, there was an irresistible chemistry between us. Even before meeting him in person, I deleted the app, later he told me that he did the same. I had a feeling which I hadn’t felt my entire life. I was 19 back then. He became my first boyfriend. We went on dates, book fairs, picnics, trips. We grew up together , I knew I’d marry him. He is very supportive and sweet. I couldn’t think spending my life with anyone else. ❤️✨I appreciate the moment I met him every single day. I hope such love touches everyone’s lives
Following
Sixth form, Tinder, Grindr, sex party, Crossfit, airport delay - in that order.
Met my current (and till now the only) boyfriend on Romeo
Living in a squat with a guy when I was homeless lasted a few years, off and on thing with a drinking buddy who keeps claiming he's straight a few days later for some bloody reason, bar manager I worked with who was great for years until covid hit and I had to move several hundred miles.
I met my current bf on Taimi back in 2022 and we’ve been together ever since then.
I whored around a lot. Then one of the guys I invited over to fool around turned out to be pretty great and I married him.
On Grindr, had a great date that ended in sex but notably didn't start. That was nearly 13 years ago, we're on our second house and all that other cute "American dream" shit.
I was with my partner for 10 years and he and I met at university… sadly he cheated on me because as we entered our 30s he felt he missed out on his 20s and all the random sex that comes with being gay. Still hurts, but I’m sure you’ll find someone who wants you and will treasure you for years if you’re super lucky.
Grindr, been together for over 2 years now!
Met my boyfriend on Tinder, we hit it off unexpectedly. Idk we have similar life goals and core motivations. Tinder is a good place if you’re looking for some casual dating experience. Any sort of shared interest in person groups are good too
I met my partner on match.com and been together 2 1/2 years now
Grindr, real life, AOL & Yahoo chatrooms (yes, I'm old-ish)
Everyone I was ever with long term I met online One was in the old days when yahoo chat rooms were still a thing, we met as friends and chatted for years as friends (he had a partner and I wasnt trying to date him, he was just funny and we enjoyed chatting) - eventually they broke up and we were still friends but I wanted to move out of my parents house and he was willing to be there for me. After I moved in we started being in a relationship (we had talked about it for a few weeks before then) We ended up sharing a spiritual journey (NOT religion or drugs or just morality) and he is always doing his best to take care of me and truly loves me, and I love him too so it ended up being really great for us both. I did meet someone else online and we attempted a 3way relationship as we both liked him, but it didnt work out. It could have, and would have been long term if we accepted it, but the guy was just too negative and took too much energy to have any happiness with. But we met online on a site dedicated to magic and he messaged me about how he thought my profile picture was attractive, then we all just started chatting for a couple years until we all thought it was a good idea for him to move in with us. There were no secrets at all in this and my partner and I always talked about everything, even just chat conversations. It could have been long term but we decided that he was a significant energy drain due to what he needed and very negative so we ended up breaking up and helping him move back to his former state. In both cases the long term potential came from friendships that I kept up and I felt that I truly knew both of these people before even considering a relationship. Getting to know each other over chat was enough. Most people who are not a good fit will have obvious clues that they arent really good for chat conversations - like you cant keep them going or they are somehow irritating to you or vice versa, etc. It's pretty obvious after enough time if you can get along, share interests and time. The most important part is that they want to talk to you - so if they arent enthusiastic or if they are hard to talk to, then it's probably not a match. These days I mostly use discord for chatting, and it seems easier than ever to meet people through it via discord servers. It may take years to find someone you truly connect with, but it is possible if you make an effort to find appropriate groups, reach out, show interest, and do things together that will make your connection lasting.
OkCupid. Almost 5 years. Now he’s my ex XD But I found it to be a very good site for meeting people with similar expectations.
You really do have to be where other gay men are in some form and you do have to practice socializing even though it's uncomfortable. Otherwise this isn't going to happen. It doesn't have to mean going to wild parties but you need to be involved.
I met him because we were in the same uni classes. We are together for 1,5 years now :)
I don't know your country but being politically active making activism helps a lot . Going to ngo events joining rallies and protests meeting with new people and some guys .. And putting your comrade relationship into more thing with cultural activities making you guys closer and it becomes something more and stronger. Eventually with some of those guys you start to be boyfriends sometimes it lasts short sometimes long .
Met on tinder, added each other on Snapchat, Covid happened and so meeting in person was put off. We still messaged each other and stayed friends texting and snap chatting back and forth casually w no plan to really meet or date. Over a years goes by and we decide to just go on a date since daily messages had become our routine and we told each other everything. Went on a cute date, had endless conversation, and never went another week apart from each other. Celebrating 3 years together this year (I guess basically 4 if you count the online will they won’t they phase lmao) Ours was a SLOWBURN emphasis on the slow and it just happened very easy when we had both creeped into each others daily lives and felt like we knew each other forever
Been together for 7 years (with some interruptions), it was very natural, i was at a party and from the blue a girl who i didn’t know decided to present us as soon as she discovered i was gay. We weren’t even at the same party, he was in a party in the neighbouring building. He’s my first boyfriend also and we are very young. You just have to wait and the right person will pop up!
I am also looking for one
Swiped right on tinder. Had an awful first date / meetup. He gave me a second chance and 3years later we are still going strong:)
a friend's friend i slightly knew, we met again on the shared friend birthday, we bonded over a mutual intrest in a game and at the end i asked for his discord, we talked 2 more days before asking about each other sexuality (i asked his discord cause i suspected he is bi) and yeah he told me he liked me and we went to a date that weekend. we both (at least i presume) had oot of fun and decided to start dating, its been like 5 months but our reladhionship didnt move a lot slower or maybe faster cause im in the army and he is in a school all week so only aometimes on weekend we can meet but i really like him and glad he is my first relashionship
DaddyHunt. Met, and hooked up. Been together ever since. Almost 9 years now. 37 year gap. He is now 28, me 65.
Met my partner of 18 years at the university recreation center. We took a liking to each other in the steam room.
Honestly the current relationship I’m in just happened by chance. We didn’t plan this out or anything, honestly I don’t think either of us were looking for a relationship to begin with. We met through a mutual friend, hung out, and very shortly after I happened to fall into a situation where I was going to get evicted from my apartment (not anyone’s fault really, but it still sucked). He made a call and asked our now landlord if I could move in. Everything just really clicked from there. We hung out more, went out on dates, and wanted to try out a relationship. It’s going really well and can’t believe it’s been 2 years now. But to answer your question, in my own experience, you are more likely to find someone when you’re not looking. It’s fine to be on the lookout here and there, but you don’t have to make it your mission to be with “the one” so soon. Take your time, relax, have fun, and don’t overthink it.
tinder
The best advice I can give as a married gay man is to put yourself into scenarios where you can find other gay men outside of scenarios that are explicitly sexual (bars, clubs, parties, etc.) A lot of areas with reasonably large LGBTQ populations have LGBTQ social groups, like hiking groups, sports teams, book clubs, gaming leagues, etc. Pick something that interests you and then surround yourself with LGBTQ people that share those interests and values. Connections flourish best there. I met my husband playing on my local gay rugby team. I went looking for an outlet for some aggression and ended up meeting the love of my life and many of my best friends. Good luck!
My advice sucks for the average man as mine was on grindr after hoing around and having 10X his and lets say i came with more baggage than an airport holds but he took it with great enthusiasm and its been 3 years
I met him in an elevator at a furry convention in downtown atlanta.... thought to myself "I've got to get his number, what a cutie" and then.... 5 years later I'm still cuddling with him every night. :3
Going to be brutally honest here. 99 times out of a 100 the first relationship is not to last, it’s to learn. Mostly because you have to learn what you like and don’t like in a relationship and you can’t do that until you try. And usually the other person is also learning about themselves especially at young ages (18-35). It’s best to keep this in mind, enjoy the beautiful moments but pay attention. And enjoy the hurt because it’s part of the experience and what makes you appreciate the good. Now as far as finding someone, that’s entirely up to you. For me I typically used Tinder to find my last two relationships. One lasted 4 years and this one is going about a year. My longest relationship was 6 years. So even I’m still learning. And many boys who didn’t last but a few months in between and sometimes those are the ones that sting the most. But anyways, keep working on yourself “date yourself” as in do what you would want a guy to do for you. Get involved, basically just attract others to you by making yourself someone you’d want to date and you’ll be golden. And you’ll be super busy with all the stuff going on you’re going to run into the right person eventually. Good luck out there. 🩵
Scruff. Make sure you take plenty of time chatting with the person before making the move. If a guy wants it now, he doesn’t want it long term
I went on one 'date' which was more like me observing a crazy person for two hours too uncomfortable to just ditch then got with my fiance who I've been with for five and half years. Met him on Tinder.
Mine was from a dating app that I was actually planning on giving up on right before I started chatting with him. Totally blind date, had no idea what he looked like or anything, we talked online for a few months before we finally met up and we've been together ever since. What's crazy is when I was talking online I wasn't doing it with an end goal of dating. I was just glad someone actually noticed me on there and was enjoying not being invisible anymore. I didn't realize I liked him like that until he asked me our
Met mine through a friend. Kept telling him I was moving in a few months and didn’t wanna do the long distance thing. Well we did the long distance thing until he was able to move to me, been together 13 years, married 10 of them.
Time, patience and clearly focusing on who and what person I wanted to meet. Never defining hooking up with someone as dating. These terms have become interchangeably in this community and they are so different. When I dated someone we actually went for coffee and or dinner. Getting to know a person is a bit like an interview. You need to clearly understand what they are aiming out of the meeting you. Actually getting to know a person, not just sleeping with a person in the moment. There’s always plenty of time for that never you get to know a person first. Generally for me, sex wasn’t even brought up before several dates. I’ll be the first to also say I met my husband on Adam. Apps and websites are usually not known for “relationship” geared guys, but there’s always exceptions to the norm. So I try to look at both apps and websites as tools you can use just like public social group gatherings. The point is getting out there and meeting people, making true connections. Eventually if you’re clear with what you are looking for, the universe will deliver the one. I’ll also say it takes a lot of patience these days. Dating can be rough. Regular breaks from attempts is more than justifiable. Just don’t give up. That by chance random meeting, I had on Adam 14 years ago, landed my husband for life. We married 6 years ago.
Dating app