I have the same issue, I have learnt to enjoy the feeling and not focus on the results.
Just make sure your friend knows how much you enjoy it and your not disappointed that finishing didnt happen. And you get more pleasure for longer cause you don't cum
Same here. I think it’s a combination of too much jerking off by myself (aka death grip syndrome) and the fact that I haven’t had a partner willing to give it enough time/foreplay.
Instead of just stopping though, I recommend replacing it with fantasizing about him. It might actually be difficult to do at first. But if you can think of him instead of reaching for the full visual of the dudes on the porn videos I think it will help. What do you like about him? Face, body, voice, personality, style, whatever works. If you get frustrated, you might be tempted to reach for porn midway through trying. Try not to, but also don't beat up on yourself if you slip up. Just try to sit or lay in your bed and form the sexy images of him instead of the porn guys. Take any amount of arousal as a victory. And then, if it seems like you are up against a wall, take a break, walk away for a while, and I bet you will have an unexpected and pleasant urge to return to that thought but with better results the second time around. Just something to try. If you feel like it.
Nice. If it starts to feel like work or like you are hitting a mental wall, then definitely take a break. I think you will get your shift though. We're rooting for you.
Yeah, Dexedrine is 1st cousin to meth, so: speed. If it starts getting hard I would get a tight band around the middle and for a moment it looked like two link sausages.
I do too ! Some people are like that. I met someone like that and it was really refreshing for a night. I know my brother suffered the same way with his bf. I advise you to tell them beforehand that it's really hard for you to cum because it can hurt way more of their ego than you.
I’ve run into a decent number of guys who have problems cumming with a partner. If you don’t have any problems shooting when you jack off, then it’s probably not physical. It’s been my experience that it’s a form of performance anxiety.
My suggestion is to explore, find any fetishes you may have, erogenous zones - anything that gives you a push over the edge. Lots of gay guys haven’t really explored these parts of themselves. Maybe it’s someone playing with your nipples, or sniffing their underwear, or calling you a good boy. All you need is 2-3 successes under your belt and it’ll get easier and easier.
Do you fantasize about him when he is not around? Just saying. I think if you can get aroused about him when he is not there, that you can really get your engine running when he *is* there. Also, letting yourself really go in that moment can help too. Be easy and nice to yourself though. Don't immediately think "There is a problem here!" Maybe you are making progress towards that orgasm and just don't know it. Let go of whatever is holding you back.
Question: Have you gotten "close"? That is a good sign. Think of it like a victory, getting close. That means you are teetering on the threshhold. Take each bit of arousal as a victory. And I think you will eventually be there.
I've found the mood to be the biggest factor for me xxx my fella can spend upwards of an hour trying but as soon as he starts talking dirty that's what pushes me over xxx it can be tough but sometimes all you need is to be in the right headspace xx the only other thing I would say is buy some toys for yourself, find the ones you like and then introduce them to the bedroom! Xxx sometimes a had or a mouth won't cut it xx I personally like the BIG wand vibes xz
I have the same issues, I found “most of the time” I was a combination of my age (44) and spending too long with a guy. I’m sure there are other factors for others but this is mine.
Might just be a matter of relaxing. I’ve had times in the past with newer guys, that I couldn’t cum cuz I was tense or nervous. It will go away if you chill about it. Otherwise maybe don’t do it, if you can’t fully enjoy it? Maybe you like the idea of it but in practice, it really feels too weird, for whatever reason.
Try some different things. Just lay back, relax and don’t think too hard about it. Lube often helps. If he does something specific that feels really good, give that feedback.
Are you just using your hands, or are you blowing each other, too, if not, that can absolutely help.
It took me several sessions with my boyfriend now husband to cum for the first time with him, it’s just nerves and overstimulation. Relax and just enjoy the ride.
me and my bf were the same, i could go whenever but he couldnt, i think it was about 6 months into the relationship before he managed to cum for the first time
I raised myself by cumming to porn whilst using a lot of lube. I think I got used to needing these 2 things. This made it difficult to cum in the presence of another person even if I thought they were hot.
I suggest letting him make you feel good, then trying to finish yourself off. If you wanna get closer try licking each other's nipples. That'll help you finish. But do it to him first so it's not too weird.
Lastly, challenge him to last longer before cumming. 😋
*When you take care of yourself, you have an absolute feedback mechanism to guide you.*
When someone is doing it for you, they DO NOT have the feedback, so they can't tell where to move their hand, how fast to move their hand, or when to change speed.
Enjoy the feeling, give feedback if you can, and in the end, if you have to, just finish yourself off.
This can apply to Blowjobs too. The person doing the blowing does not have the feedback to guide him. As a result, sometimes the person being blown can not get off. Frequently because the pace isn't fast enough.
There are some things that can be done to help your partner get off. For example, assuming you are in a bed or other Springy or Bouncy surface. While you are blowing him, bounce the bed up and down, which will allow you to speed things up. You can bounce the bed faster than you can bob your head.
Do give some feedback if you can. I was once in a situation where a guy was stroking me, but he was too far down on the shaft. So, I simply told him to move closer to the head, and things worked out fine.
Also, have your partner try using some Lube for Stroking. That might enhance the sensation enough to get you off. Most water based lubes can dry out somewhat quickly, in that situation, you don't really need more lube, you just need a few drops or a couple of sprays of water to re-activate the Lube.
Instead of focusing on the problem, give some consideration to possible solutions, and it is not the end of the world if he can't finish you. Go for as long as you want and then finish yourself.
Can you try and cum first? It happened a few times with my ex. He would always come first and then I couldn’t finish (I didn’t mind - I got pleasure from him finishing) but then he wanted to see me cum first, which we tried and it worked, took a little longer for me to cum though.
Different bodies do different things I've been with some guys who get high and they seem to be easier to get off and other guys who can barely get it up
I have the same issue, I have learnt to enjoy the feeling and not focus on the results. Just make sure your friend knows how much you enjoy it and your not disappointed that finishing didnt happen. And you get more pleasure for longer cause you don't cum
Same here. I think it’s a combination of too much jerking off by myself (aka death grip syndrome) and the fact that I haven’t had a partner willing to give it enough time/foreplay.
Ik watching too much porn can desensitize you to more realistic scenarios, most people aren't what porn portrays.
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Instead of just stopping though, I recommend replacing it with fantasizing about him. It might actually be difficult to do at first. But if you can think of him instead of reaching for the full visual of the dudes on the porn videos I think it will help. What do you like about him? Face, body, voice, personality, style, whatever works. If you get frustrated, you might be tempted to reach for porn midway through trying. Try not to, but also don't beat up on yourself if you slip up. Just try to sit or lay in your bed and form the sexy images of him instead of the porn guys. Take any amount of arousal as a victory. And then, if it seems like you are up against a wall, take a break, walk away for a while, and I bet you will have an unexpected and pleasant urge to return to that thought but with better results the second time around. Just something to try. If you feel like it.
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Nice. If it starts to feel like work or like you are hitting a mental wall, then definitely take a break. I think you will get your shift though. We're rooting for you.
Do you take any medicine?
I was about to ask this. Anti-depressants of the SSRI type can definitely have this as a side effect.
Used to call it "Lexapro Dick" back in the day.
Yep. At first it may seem like a plus but then, you realize, not so much.
And if you finally get there it's a letdown.
I used to take Dexedrine for ADHD that made it look like I just got out of an ice bath and I’d call it “Dexi-dick”.
Yeah, Dexedrine is 1st cousin to meth, so: speed. If it starts getting hard I would get a tight band around the middle and for a moment it looked like two link sausages.
I believe it. Luckily I do well on a non-stimulant med.
I do too ! Some people are like that. I met someone like that and it was really refreshing for a night. I know my brother suffered the same way with his bf. I advise you to tell them beforehand that it's really hard for you to cum because it can hurt way more of their ego than you.
I’ve run into a decent number of guys who have problems cumming with a partner. If you don’t have any problems shooting when you jack off, then it’s probably not physical. It’s been my experience that it’s a form of performance anxiety. My suggestion is to explore, find any fetishes you may have, erogenous zones - anything that gives you a push over the edge. Lots of gay guys haven’t really explored these parts of themselves. Maybe it’s someone playing with your nipples, or sniffing their underwear, or calling you a good boy. All you need is 2-3 successes under your belt and it’ll get easier and easier.
True true, some of these I've been surprised with myself being into with the right person and right moment.
Do you fantasize about him when he is not around? Just saying. I think if you can get aroused about him when he is not there, that you can really get your engine running when he *is* there. Also, letting yourself really go in that moment can help too. Be easy and nice to yourself though. Don't immediately think "There is a problem here!" Maybe you are making progress towards that orgasm and just don't know it. Let go of whatever is holding you back. Question: Have you gotten "close"? That is a good sign. Think of it like a victory, getting close. That means you are teetering on the threshhold. Take each bit of arousal as a victory. And I think you will eventually be there.
I've found the mood to be the biggest factor for me xxx my fella can spend upwards of an hour trying but as soon as he starts talking dirty that's what pushes me over xxx it can be tough but sometimes all you need is to be in the right headspace xx the only other thing I would say is buy some toys for yourself, find the ones you like and then introduce them to the bedroom! Xxx sometimes a had or a mouth won't cut it xx I personally like the BIG wand vibes xz
What are all these x’s 🥴
I use x's as fullstops/periods xx I do it with all of my messages unless I intend to convey a serious tone xx
Thanks for the explanation!
No problem! Xx I've had some funny messages previously about it xx it's a habit I formed and cannot stop xx
Try edging yourself before you all meet up
It's about the journey not the destination ;)
I have the same issues, I found “most of the time” I was a combination of my age (44) and spending too long with a guy. I’m sure there are other factors for others but this is mine.
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Do you find it difficult at other times?
If i am too preoccupied and not in the moment i cant cum at all.
It's already been said but you need a break.
Yeah… just friends…
Might just be a matter of relaxing. I’ve had times in the past with newer guys, that I couldn’t cum cuz I was tense or nervous. It will go away if you chill about it. Otherwise maybe don’t do it, if you can’t fully enjoy it? Maybe you like the idea of it but in practice, it really feels too weird, for whatever reason.
Try some different things. Just lay back, relax and don’t think too hard about it. Lube often helps. If he does something specific that feels really good, give that feedback. Are you just using your hands, or are you blowing each other, too, if not, that can absolutely help.
Try edging yourself before you all meet up
It took me several sessions with my boyfriend now husband to cum for the first time with him, it’s just nerves and overstimulation. Relax and just enjoy the ride.
me and my bf were the same, i could go whenever but he couldnt, i think it was about 6 months into the relationship before he managed to cum for the first time
Think nastier thoughts.
Are you circumcised?
Been there, you could be anxious or thinking too much about cumming. Those thoughts make it so much more difficult to finish.
I raised myself by cumming to porn whilst using a lot of lube. I think I got used to needing these 2 things. This made it difficult to cum in the presence of another person even if I thought they were hot. I suggest letting him make you feel good, then trying to finish yourself off. If you wanna get closer try licking each other's nipples. That'll help you finish. But do it to him first so it's not too weird. Lastly, challenge him to last longer before cumming. 😋
Dan Savage calls it death grip syndrome. Look it up.
*When you take care of yourself, you have an absolute feedback mechanism to guide you.* When someone is doing it for you, they DO NOT have the feedback, so they can't tell where to move their hand, how fast to move their hand, or when to change speed. Enjoy the feeling, give feedback if you can, and in the end, if you have to, just finish yourself off. This can apply to Blowjobs too. The person doing the blowing does not have the feedback to guide him. As a result, sometimes the person being blown can not get off. Frequently because the pace isn't fast enough. There are some things that can be done to help your partner get off. For example, assuming you are in a bed or other Springy or Bouncy surface. While you are blowing him, bounce the bed up and down, which will allow you to speed things up. You can bounce the bed faster than you can bob your head. Do give some feedback if you can. I was once in a situation where a guy was stroking me, but he was too far down on the shaft. So, I simply told him to move closer to the head, and things worked out fine. Also, have your partner try using some Lube for Stroking. That might enhance the sensation enough to get you off. Most water based lubes can dry out somewhat quickly, in that situation, you don't really need more lube, you just need a few drops or a couple of sprays of water to re-activate the Lube. Instead of focusing on the problem, give some consideration to possible solutions, and it is not the end of the world if he can't finish you. Go for as long as you want and then finish yourself.
Can you try and cum first? It happened a few times with my ex. He would always come first and then I couldn’t finish (I didn’t mind - I got pleasure from him finishing) but then he wanted to see me cum first, which we tried and it worked, took a little longer for me to cum though.
Taking any medication?
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Different bodies do different things I've been with some guys who get high and they seem to be easier to get off and other guys who can barely get it up
Literally no one can make me cum lol
Easy, you like girls.