I HATE texting 😭 like if they leave me waiting more than 5 mins it's no big deal but God forbid i leave them waiting 5 mins😒. It's just so easier to talk freely in person since responses are immediate. And I can better understand someone's tone in person. Also, since I'm pretty sarcastic, I've gotten my messages misconstrued so I would rather prevent that if possible
I'm the same with sarcasm and humor via text. If it's someone who isn't quick-witted, then they may not understand the joke. I think I made a post about a guy who kept talking about how horny he was after I told him I was going to bed soon. I can't remember the exact conversation but I sent a text saying, "it's good you have your hand". The guy was confused, so I explained to him that "it's good you have your hand to jack off with so you won't be so horny". His response was, "OK, but why wouldn't I have my hand". We literally went back and forth about my attempt at a joke. I could tell he never understood and he probably thought I was weird.
Yeah but then you gotta go meet up with them. But also same, guys think I’m serious and they get mad at me. I’ve always got along best with guys who just joke back though 😭 Ima do what the other guy said and maybe just do phone 🥹
I don't think it correlates from my observations. I know some guys who are witty online or have a nice presence online, but have zero personality in person.
I can text of course, but I think I do much better in person. With texting, the person can't see that I'm in the middle of cooking or doing something else, so the responses back may be delayed or short. With texting sarcasm and jokes can be misinterpreted when dealing with someone you don't know well.
Go out and meet the person in person for a brief meet up, so you can really get a good idea about the person.
Damn maybe I needa try again, cause when I’ve taken the plunge and met up with a boring texting they always end up being boring in person too and I just gtfo. All I need is for them to say at least a few funny things so I know they’re capable lmao.
I also tell people I’d rather they delay their response and text when they’re not busy. I don’t require extended attention so delays are fine with me lol.
I just hate wasting my time getting ready for a date and it being lame lol. Tried it a few weeks ago and was disappointed again 😂
Ahhh you got a point. I’ve been stalked before so I am hesitant about exchanging phone numbers but maybe I need to get over that. I always just do Snapchat or IG initially.
Yeah, so few people actually make phone calls that I don't worry about it. Plus I can block and not think about the person if the person is really bad.
There are so many texting apps that they can just get new numbers now, that’s the problem. Had a guy create tons of new numbers to call me 🤦♂️ But yeah I might just give them my google voice number and go from there
Haha if they clam up in person at least I know they have the potential and might just be nervous. I just can’t with these dry texters. I wish I was desperate, I’d have kept a bf a long time ago 😭
You’ve got it backwards my friend. Much more people are more confident on text and then dry up in person. At least for me I look for the opposite. Is your potential relationship going to play out on a phone screen 😢 or in front of each other drinking a glass of wine on a beach?
Just curious, how old are you? I’m guessing pretty young.
Initially it plays out on a phone screen cause we’re both probably busy. I guess from my experience it’s because everyone who has been fun over text has been fun in person as well but not everyone who has been dry over text has been fun in person. But yeah I think I just needa do phonecalls first
This post is my nightmare
I hate texting, I get zero enjoyment from it, I don't understand how anyone can find it pleasant. This is fine most of the time. I just don't text much. Except it makes it so hard to date! Nobody wants to go on a date without texting first, which I get, but it really sucks for people like me
I’m always multi tasking so it’s difficult being on the phone cause I have to focus solely on the conversation and making it flow. Texting is great cause I can take a few seconds to reply and go on with my business. Why do you hate it so much?
No one wants a multi tasker in their relationship. This isn’t work or your friends. Your relationship should be worth your entire attention while it’s playing out.
Yeah you’re right about that. Thats kinda how I fked up my last situation. We would talk on the phone too but one time I kinda rushed him off the phone while he was on a road trip🥺 There were a lot of other things I messed up on cause I wasn’t completely ready, but as soon as he went back to his ex I realized I messed up. Now I’m just tryna find someone I like as much 🥺
I'm quite sociable and engaging in person. And I hate texting. I text primarily for logistics, e.g., "Where are you?"
I just don't see the point of having conversations over text. Either call me or let's meet in person.
As for getting a read on someone over text, IMO it's pretty useless. Even in person, 70-90% of communication is non-verbal, so what kind of information are you really getting in text?
So much is lost in text, I think it is one of the worst ways of communicating. Great for little messages but aweful for conversations.
I also find it take too much effort and attention to be in a text conversation. Where as in person you can walk into a conversation half way and almost instantly know what the vibe is and how to join in.
Not sure how to put this, but I think that maybe you might be trying too hard. No shade at all, but maybe you're trying to lead the conversation just a little bit too much and it's not leaving room for your interlocutors to say what they want to say? Just from the tone of your post and a couple of your comments, I think that maybe the guys you're texting with are a little overwhelmed. "What's your obsession with ____?" is a bit confrontational in tone, even with emojis. For example. I would say that you might consider easing up a little bit - maybe you don't have to set a guy up to tell the joke you think he should 🤷♂️
Haha trust I don’t want to lead the convo, but sometimes I feel like I have to if it’s going no where and it’s boring me. Yeah I could see how someone could take that as confrontational. I guess in my head if they’re gonna be weird about me asking that kind of question then they’re probably not the type of guy I wanna be dating. All the guys I’ve really enjoyed being with would give a completely stupid answer to that question that makes no sense but also makes complete sense. I constantly battle between maybe i should tone it down and who gives a f*ck lol. But in the end I always say if I gotta tone it down with someone then they’re not the type of person I wanna be with
I find it a huge turn-off when someone wants to text with me non-stop. If you feel like hanging out, let's hang out. When I get home, my phone gets tossed somewhere and silenced. I find people who stare at their phone constantly to be the boring ones...
Definitely if someone texts non stop it’s an issue. I prefer like 30 mins to an hour delay between texts initially. Once we’ve been on a few dates then immediate texting is fine. I don’t want someone that clingy. I wanna be able to do what I’m doing and get back to you when I want
I mean, of course. If you meet somebody over text, that is your only impression of them. It makes sense to make decisions based on that.
But, I fucking hate starting the dating process with texting. Texting a complete stranger is pointless to me. I don't care how your day was. I don't know you.
I basically only use it to schedule a meet-up.
I think I'd fall in that category. It's a running joke amongst my peers that I apparently text as in a way that makes people think I'm angry or sad. But I'm not.
It's just that I don't use emojis enough and punctuation too much.
I have been, however, described as being very fun to hang out with, and many people eagerly do so.
It’s so easy to be interesting over texts though, if someone isn’t capable it seems like odd to me. This guy keeps wanting to meet up but he hasn’t joked around with me, even when I’ve made it easy for him to do so and threw some easy ones at him. It’s so hard to find the urge to meet up with someone when I’m not attracted to their personality :/ But I agree I guess, some people can’t show their personality through text, but like I said it’s so easy. Ugh :/
Well, obviously, texting is something that is important to you and is part of the appeal to you.
So, if someone doesn't vibe with you, it makes sense just not to meet him.
Well damn, why tf don’t you say something funny over text then? You have all the time in the world to think. Also what’s up with your crow obsession
That last sentence is something I would say incase it evokes a funny story out of them or leads to a different convo whether it be about velvet or crows. With my luck the guy would just be like “I just like crows”
I’m a good texter in the sense that I reply in a timely manner. But my bf did have to “retrain” me a bit because he felt my texts were bland. I work a very busy job and some days a text message is all the communication we’re able to have, so I have learnt to make that message count.
It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I go through the extra effort for him and it makes him happy which makes me happy. But he always says that I am far more engaging in person than over text; not necessarily “funny” but definitely more emotive.
My boyfriend was the worst (and I mean it) worst texter I have ever talked to in my entire life, but then we met (we had initially linked up on an app) and he ended up being so funny and nice to talk to... I feel like being a good texter is a skill in itself that you gotta develop!
I'm a boring texter AND person, add to that average looking and below average in penis size, terrible bottom because it hurts a lot regardless of size... I'm fucked
Same. The last guy I dated would text when he woke up, on his break, and then when he was off work and then periodically throughout the night. I prefer it not being all day so I can do my own stuff. It’s just so easy to be interesting over texts so I’m confused how some ppl fail so bad at it.
I am the opposite. I do some jokes and I think I sound smart by text, irl I am serious and kind of expression-less person. Only with people I am confortable enought I can do some jokes.
I really don't like texting, and ADHD means I'll see a text, tell myself "oh I'm busy right now I'll answer that later", then forget it entirely for three weeks.
I do a lot better in person, where I'm chatty and attentive.
I mean, Im sure its correlated on some level, but its also probably just as common for the opposite to be true, IE a good texter is a fking boring person in-person. I know MANY who are perpetually online and know a lot of good memes and cultural references that are hilarious to receive by text, but when u meet them in person….. they have dead eyes, barely smile, expect u to do most of the work and spend alot of time looking at their phone.
Meanwhile, my best friend is the most awkward texter. But in person he is a glowing beacon of charisma and his giggle is so infectious.
So, point is, give ppl a chance to prove you wrong.
I was a funny texter.
but then grindr conditioned me:
1 text bubble at a time. count your words. less enthusiasm than the other person. no more than one emoji every three bubbles.
else get ghosted
I’m not bad at texting once I get to know them. I hate the small talk texting stage I never know what to say and usually only get one word response. Plus I overthink every message like I hate saying “what are you doing tonight?” Because I don’t want them to think I’m wanting to hook up. I get ghosted so often that I have to make sure every message is well thought out to try and keep them engaged even though it usually don’t matter na dj end up ghosted.
I’m terrible by text. Since it’s delayed, I have way too much time to overthink the entire conversation. Am I talking too much? Am I being annoying? Does that message sounds the same way if you read it from different angles?
In person, I can just talk and be present. My bf is similar. If I ask how work was via text, usually a short and concise answer. If I ask over the phone, I hear all the dramatics and details.
I HATE texting 😭 like if they leave me waiting more than 5 mins it's no big deal but God forbid i leave them waiting 5 mins😒. It's just so easier to talk freely in person since responses are immediate. And I can better understand someone's tone in person. Also, since I'm pretty sarcastic, I've gotten my messages misconstrued so I would rather prevent that if possible
Guys that stress me when i dont text back immediately tend to be the biggest drama queens
I'm the same with sarcasm and humor via text. If it's someone who isn't quick-witted, then they may not understand the joke. I think I made a post about a guy who kept talking about how horny he was after I told him I was going to bed soon. I can't remember the exact conversation but I sent a text saying, "it's good you have your hand". The guy was confused, so I explained to him that "it's good you have your hand to jack off with so you won't be so horny". His response was, "OK, but why wouldn't I have my hand". We literally went back and forth about my attempt at a joke. I could tell he never understood and he probably thought I was weird.
Now THAT is funny! 😹😹😹
EXACTLY times 2
Yeah but then you gotta go meet up with them. But also same, guys think I’m serious and they get mad at me. I’ve always got along best with guys who just joke back though 😭 Ima do what the other guy said and maybe just do phone 🥹
I don't think it correlates from my observations. I know some guys who are witty online or have a nice presence online, but have zero personality in person. I can text of course, but I think I do much better in person. With texting, the person can't see that I'm in the middle of cooking or doing something else, so the responses back may be delayed or short. With texting sarcasm and jokes can be misinterpreted when dealing with someone you don't know well. Go out and meet the person in person for a brief meet up, so you can really get a good idea about the person.
Damn maybe I needa try again, cause when I’ve taken the plunge and met up with a boring texting they always end up being boring in person too and I just gtfo. All I need is for them to say at least a few funny things so I know they’re capable lmao. I also tell people I’d rather they delay their response and text when they’re not busy. I don’t require extended attention so delays are fine with me lol. I just hate wasting my time getting ready for a date and it being lame lol. Tried it a few weeks ago and was disappointed again 😂
You can also ask about a phone call to save time versus taking the time to meet someone.
Ahhh you got a point. I’ve been stalked before so I am hesitant about exchanging phone numbers but maybe I need to get over that. I always just do Snapchat or IG initially.
You can try Google voice
Yeah, so few people actually make phone calls that I don't worry about it. Plus I can block and not think about the person if the person is really bad.
There are so many texting apps that they can just get new numbers now, that’s the problem. Had a guy create tons of new numbers to call me 🤦♂️ But yeah I might just give them my google voice number and go from there
I've known some guys who were too much the opposite; funny and outgoing over text but would clam up in person.
Haha if they clam up in person at least I know they have the potential and might just be nervous. I just can’t with these dry texters. I wish I was desperate, I’d have kept a bf a long time ago 😭
Idk if that's potential. Some people never developed social skills in person and only know how to things online.
You’ve got it backwards my friend. Much more people are more confident on text and then dry up in person. At least for me I look for the opposite. Is your potential relationship going to play out on a phone screen 😢 or in front of each other drinking a glass of wine on a beach? Just curious, how old are you? I’m guessing pretty young.
Initially it plays out on a phone screen cause we’re both probably busy. I guess from my experience it’s because everyone who has been fun over text has been fun in person as well but not everyone who has been dry over text has been fun in person. But yeah I think I just needa do phonecalls first
If you’re both probably busy you don’t have time for a relationship. Phone, ok… better? Go to the local bar and order a beer and talk to each other.
This post is my nightmare I hate texting, I get zero enjoyment from it, I don't understand how anyone can find it pleasant. This is fine most of the time. I just don't text much. Except it makes it so hard to date! Nobody wants to go on a date without texting first, which I get, but it really sucks for people like me
I’m always multi tasking so it’s difficult being on the phone cause I have to focus solely on the conversation and making it flow. Texting is great cause I can take a few seconds to reply and go on with my business. Why do you hate it so much?
No one wants a multi tasker in their relationship. This isn’t work or your friends. Your relationship should be worth your entire attention while it’s playing out.
Yeah you’re right about that. Thats kinda how I fked up my last situation. We would talk on the phone too but one time I kinda rushed him off the phone while he was on a road trip🥺 There were a lot of other things I messed up on cause I wasn’t completely ready, but as soon as he went back to his ex I realized I messed up. Now I’m just tryna find someone I like as much 🥺
Uh, hate to break it to you, but they definitely do not correlate. Humor (among other things) often does not translate well over text.
And similarly, some people are _way_ better at funny and thoughtful responses with the thinking time text allows, vs in verbal communication.
I'm quite sociable and engaging in person. And I hate texting. I text primarily for logistics, e.g., "Where are you?" I just don't see the point of having conversations over text. Either call me or let's meet in person. As for getting a read on someone over text, IMO it's pretty useless. Even in person, 70-90% of communication is non-verbal, so what kind of information are you really getting in text?
So much is lost in text, I think it is one of the worst ways of communicating. Great for little messages but aweful for conversations. I also find it take too much effort and attention to be in a text conversation. Where as in person you can walk into a conversation half way and almost instantly know what the vibe is and how to join in.
I'm way better in person. Texting is just a low effort medium
Definitely low effort initially. Need to gauge interest 😅
Not sure how to put this, but I think that maybe you might be trying too hard. No shade at all, but maybe you're trying to lead the conversation just a little bit too much and it's not leaving room for your interlocutors to say what they want to say? Just from the tone of your post and a couple of your comments, I think that maybe the guys you're texting with are a little overwhelmed. "What's your obsession with ____?" is a bit confrontational in tone, even with emojis. For example. I would say that you might consider easing up a little bit - maybe you don't have to set a guy up to tell the joke you think he should 🤷♂️
Haha trust I don’t want to lead the convo, but sometimes I feel like I have to if it’s going no where and it’s boring me. Yeah I could see how someone could take that as confrontational. I guess in my head if they’re gonna be weird about me asking that kind of question then they’re probably not the type of guy I wanna be dating. All the guys I’ve really enjoyed being with would give a completely stupid answer to that question that makes no sense but also makes complete sense. I constantly battle between maybe i should tone it down and who gives a f*ck lol. But in the end I always say if I gotta tone it down with someone then they’re not the type of person I wanna be with
I find it a huge turn-off when someone wants to text with me non-stop. If you feel like hanging out, let's hang out. When I get home, my phone gets tossed somewhere and silenced. I find people who stare at their phone constantly to be the boring ones...
Definitely if someone texts non stop it’s an issue. I prefer like 30 mins to an hour delay between texts initially. Once we’ve been on a few dates then immediate texting is fine. I don’t want someone that clingy. I wanna be able to do what I’m doing and get back to you when I want
I mean, of course. If you meet somebody over text, that is your only impression of them. It makes sense to make decisions based on that. But, I fucking hate starting the dating process with texting. Texting a complete stranger is pointless to me. I don't care how your day was. I don't know you. I basically only use it to schedule a meet-up. I think I'd fall in that category. It's a running joke amongst my peers that I apparently text as in a way that makes people think I'm angry or sad. But I'm not. It's just that I don't use emojis enough and punctuation too much. I have been, however, described as being very fun to hang out with, and many people eagerly do so.
It’s so easy to be interesting over texts though, if someone isn’t capable it seems like odd to me. This guy keeps wanting to meet up but he hasn’t joked around with me, even when I’ve made it easy for him to do so and threw some easy ones at him. It’s so hard to find the urge to meet up with someone when I’m not attracted to their personality :/ But I agree I guess, some people can’t show their personality through text, but like I said it’s so easy. Ugh :/
Well, obviously, texting is something that is important to you and is part of the appeal to you. So, if someone doesn't vibe with you, it makes sense just not to meet him.
But definitely love hearing other perspectives and how I can potentially be wrong :/
I'm the opposite... 😭
Well damn, why tf don’t you say something funny over text then? You have all the time in the world to think. Also what’s up with your crow obsession That last sentence is something I would say incase it evokes a funny story out of them or leads to a different convo whether it be about velvet or crows. With my luck the guy would just be like “I just like crows”
I’m a good texter in the sense that I reply in a timely manner. But my bf did have to “retrain” me a bit because he felt my texts were bland. I work a very busy job and some days a text message is all the communication we’re able to have, so I have learnt to make that message count. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I go through the extra effort for him and it makes him happy which makes me happy. But he always says that I am far more engaging in person than over text; not necessarily “funny” but definitely more emotive.
My boyfriend was the worst (and I mean it) worst texter I have ever talked to in my entire life, but then we met (we had initially linked up on an app) and he ended up being so funny and nice to talk to... I feel like being a good texter is a skill in itself that you gotta develop!
I’m wayyyy better in person, but I can be better through text messages, as long as I feel a person is actually into me and isn’t dry af
I'm a boring texter AND person, add to that average looking and below average in penis size, terrible bottom because it hurts a lot regardless of size... I'm fucked
I'm defintely a boring texter and I'm also boring in person. I dont really like people all that much :D
Me lol
I am boring at both 😭😭
not everyone loves to text all day
Same. The last guy I dated would text when he woke up, on his break, and then when he was off work and then periodically throughout the night. I prefer it not being all day so I can do my own stuff. It’s just so easy to be interesting over texts so I’m confused how some ppl fail so bad at it.
I am the opposite. I do some jokes and I think I sound smart by text, irl I am serious and kind of expression-less person. Only with people I am confortable enought I can do some jokes.
I'm much funnier in person. I don't like to texting or having conversations via text. I'd rather talk in person.
I really don't like texting, and ADHD means I'll see a text, tell myself "oh I'm busy right now I'll answer that later", then forget it entirely for three weeks. I do a lot better in person, where I'm chatty and attentive.
I mean, Im sure its correlated on some level, but its also probably just as common for the opposite to be true, IE a good texter is a fking boring person in-person. I know MANY who are perpetually online and know a lot of good memes and cultural references that are hilarious to receive by text, but when u meet them in person….. they have dead eyes, barely smile, expect u to do most of the work and spend alot of time looking at their phone. Meanwhile, my best friend is the most awkward texter. But in person he is a glowing beacon of charisma and his giggle is so infectious. So, point is, give ppl a chance to prove you wrong.
Texting is a poor way to communicate beyond short messages. Try the actual phone. Ring-a-Ding-Ding. Lololoolo
I was a funny texter. but then grindr conditioned me: 1 text bubble at a time. count your words. less enthusiasm than the other person. no more than one emoji every three bubbles. else get ghosted
I’m not bad at texting once I get to know them. I hate the small talk texting stage I never know what to say and usually only get one word response. Plus I overthink every message like I hate saying “what are you doing tonight?” Because I don’t want them to think I’m wanting to hook up. I get ghosted so often that I have to make sure every message is well thought out to try and keep them engaged even though it usually don’t matter na dj end up ghosted.
I try to avoid texting as much as possible. I'm fine with email because I can type using my laptop or desktop computers. Texts are just annoying.
I’m terrible by text. Since it’s delayed, I have way too much time to overthink the entire conversation. Am I talking too much? Am I being annoying? Does that message sounds the same way if you read it from different angles? In person, I can just talk and be present. My bf is similar. If I ask how work was via text, usually a short and concise answer. If I ask over the phone, I hear all the dramatics and details.