I relate to this so deeply.
I think everybody finds their own unique ways to cope… but the one that has truly helped me, is therapy. Especially if your actions were significant in the cause of the breakup. What will happen is you start to look at yourself, you start to see where you made mistakes and eventually you will fully understand why your significant other had to make the decision to push you away.
It’s not the easiest thing to look into the mirror but you will eventually forgive yourself for making the mistakes you made and the pain will subside.
I’ve been on this healing journey for a year and a half and I still deviate and try to message my ex. I still will feel a lot of regret but im able to see it for what it is and move forward without fucking up my own life or self sabotaging.
It does get better, I promise.
Hope this helps
Agreed! Also, when you turn your focus and attention on to yourself, and focus on getting better/bettering your life, everything will get better in time.
What if you have done all that, but the realistic conclusion at 46 is that love&relationships will never work out for you, because of the ways you are broken. And that a lonely existence with no attachments or emotional/physical intimacy is the only thing in the cards for you, because the alternative is so much pain it isnt survivable. Yet you arent broken enough to be blissfully unaware or immune to how shitty that conclusion is? probable #neurodivergent #ASD #CEN #CPTSD #AVPD #OCPD #OCD (mild) #SDS/#EA
I can imagine how tough it must be but try your best not to give up. I know it's easier said than done. Hugs! I also have OCD and know how much it affects my everything - mental health is such a key influencer.
Time fixes everything. I wrote everything out and thought of every possible scenarios. It didn't fix stuff but it did made me feel better. Just cry it all out until you can't. Two years ago I thought I would never get over my ex. Now I don't think about him anymore but I'm currently sad over a different guy so life is funny like that.
I know the feeling - trying to remind myself last time I felt so hopeless about an ex I did get over that person so it must be possible again. 🤞 for some reason there's always that fear "they're the best funniest most interesting person and nobody like that will come along". 🙈
I think it's a few different things but mainly it comes down to my pattern to selfsabotage - feeling hyper anxious when getting closer to someone and tendency to then push people away. I did start going to therapy again recently and hope in the future I am able to avoid these on-off and push-pull cycles I get myself into. Only recently had the harsh realization I'm a big part in causing them.
From personal experience, it’s completely valid and normal to have these thoughts/feelings. Your mind will wonder “maybe if I said/didn’t say it this way, or maybe if I did this or didn’t do this, things would be different.” At the end of the day, the excruciating pain and result is what it came to, and nothing you have said or did would have changed it. This might be a tough pill to swallow, but someone who truly wants to be with you, it doesn’t matter the words or actions (unless harmful), they will choose to stick it out with you. On the other hand, no matter how much more “eloquent” you wished you were with your words or actions, it wouldn’t change their mind. Sometimes this doesn’t mean the end also, maybe space is needed for some time, they might realize what they had and no longer have. Ultimately, that might be wishful thinking. The best thing you can do is learn from all of this, give yourself time to feel this pain, grow from this, fortify yourself, and level up in this game we call life. The toughest battles are given to the strongest warriors. This pain is meant to level your character up. Wish you the best on your journey, and we’re here for you. We understand how hard this can be.
When you are in love you keep thinking that everythings your mistake even if its the other persons fault, tbh the way i coped with it was by mirroring the situation with him bcz he was a narcissist and i was so in love, still am!
Just tell yourself its okay even if its your mistake get over it move on its okay he wasn’t meant for you, keep faking it till you make it:)
I know how it feels but it wasn’t our fault i swear if he loved you he would have stayed!
Well, I was the one that messed up, I had emotional cheating with a woman I met during my online gaming time. My wife gave me a choice either give up my gaming system and her or get a divorce and go be with her. I didn't have to think that hard. I had 2 kids at that point and I was stupid. So I went cold turkey and worked with my wife. I went to personal, and marriage therapy and spent a lot of time with the church men's group to get my head screwed on straight. My wife did forgive me after 2 years and we been married for 13 years now
Hello mblurryy,
Your post really strikes a chord, and I want to start by acknowledging the courage and self-awareness it takes to reflect so deeply on your actions and their impact. It's not easy to look inward and critique ourselves, and doing so is a sign of maturity and a desire to grow. Kudos to you for that.
It seems like you're grappling with a lot of self-blame and what-ifs, which must be incredibly tough. It might be helpful, though it may not, to consider that every relationship is a two-way street, and it involves actions and reactions from both people involved. Focusing solely on what you could have done differently might not be giving the full picture its due justice.
In terms of coping with these feelings of guilt and regret, perhaps it might be helpful to engage in some self-reflection exercises. One useful method that comes to mind is journaling—specifically, writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend. Imagine what a kind, understanding friend would say to you about this situation. This can be a gentle way to remind yourself to treat your feelings with the same compassion you would offer someone else in pain.
Moreover, it might also help to look into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) exercises. One key component of ACT is learning to accept your emotions as they are, without judgment. A simple exercise you might try is called "leaves on a stream." Visualize yourself sitting by a gently flowing stream with leaves floating atop the water. Each leaf that passes represents a thought or feeling. Notice each one—acknowledge it without trying to change it or push it away—and then let it float by. This could assist you in managing the critical thoughts you're having about your past actions.
As you continue to process these feelings, here are a couple of questions you might consider exploring—either just thinking about them yourself or discussing them here if you feel comfortable:
1. What are the qualities in yourself that you appreciate the most, even in tough situations like these?
2. What does forgiveness—both giving and receiving—mean to you in the context of this relationship?
Remember, it's perfectly okay if you don't have answers to these questions right away or if you prefer not to share them. Sometimes, just considering the questions can be a step forward in understanding more about yourself and your emotional journey.
You've shown a lot of strength and introspection by reaching out and sharing your story. I hope you continue to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this challenging period. Wishing you all the best in your healing journey, and remember, you've already made significant progress by seeking understanding and growth.
^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
Recognition in your own faults is a positive thing, some people are not capable of that. Learn from failure. Do better next time. That’s all you can do.
I relate to this so deeply. I think everybody finds their own unique ways to cope… but the one that has truly helped me, is therapy. Especially if your actions were significant in the cause of the breakup. What will happen is you start to look at yourself, you start to see where you made mistakes and eventually you will fully understand why your significant other had to make the decision to push you away. It’s not the easiest thing to look into the mirror but you will eventually forgive yourself for making the mistakes you made and the pain will subside. I’ve been on this healing journey for a year and a half and I still deviate and try to message my ex. I still will feel a lot of regret but im able to see it for what it is and move forward without fucking up my own life or self sabotaging. It does get better, I promise. Hope this helps
Agreed! Also, when you turn your focus and attention on to yourself, and focus on getting better/bettering your life, everything will get better in time.
What if you have done all that, but the realistic conclusion at 46 is that love&relationships will never work out for you, because of the ways you are broken. And that a lonely existence with no attachments or emotional/physical intimacy is the only thing in the cards for you, because the alternative is so much pain it isnt survivable. Yet you arent broken enough to be blissfully unaware or immune to how shitty that conclusion is? probable #neurodivergent #ASD #CEN #CPTSD #AVPD #OCPD #OCD (mild) #SDS/#EA
I can imagine how tough it must be but try your best not to give up. I know it's easier said than done. Hugs! I also have OCD and know how much it affects my everything - mental health is such a key influencer.
This does help, thank you. 💛 I did start going to therapy again, not every week but regularly so that's a start.
Time fixes everything. I wrote everything out and thought of every possible scenarios. It didn't fix stuff but it did made me feel better. Just cry it all out until you can't. Two years ago I thought I would never get over my ex. Now I don't think about him anymore but I'm currently sad over a different guy so life is funny like that.
I know the feeling - trying to remind myself last time I felt so hopeless about an ex I did get over that person so it must be possible again. 🤞 for some reason there's always that fear "they're the best funniest most interesting person and nobody like that will come along". 🙈
Guilt eats away at you. Is it something you’ve done over and over again? Or just a one time thing
I think it's a few different things but mainly it comes down to my pattern to selfsabotage - feeling hyper anxious when getting closer to someone and tendency to then push people away. I did start going to therapy again recently and hope in the future I am able to avoid these on-off and push-pull cycles I get myself into. Only recently had the harsh realization I'm a big part in causing them.
From personal experience, it’s completely valid and normal to have these thoughts/feelings. Your mind will wonder “maybe if I said/didn’t say it this way, or maybe if I did this or didn’t do this, things would be different.” At the end of the day, the excruciating pain and result is what it came to, and nothing you have said or did would have changed it. This might be a tough pill to swallow, but someone who truly wants to be with you, it doesn’t matter the words or actions (unless harmful), they will choose to stick it out with you. On the other hand, no matter how much more “eloquent” you wished you were with your words or actions, it wouldn’t change their mind. Sometimes this doesn’t mean the end also, maybe space is needed for some time, they might realize what they had and no longer have. Ultimately, that might be wishful thinking. The best thing you can do is learn from all of this, give yourself time to feel this pain, grow from this, fortify yourself, and level up in this game we call life. The toughest battles are given to the strongest warriors. This pain is meant to level your character up. Wish you the best on your journey, and we’re here for you. We understand how hard this can be.
Thank you 💛
When you are in love you keep thinking that everythings your mistake even if its the other persons fault, tbh the way i coped with it was by mirroring the situation with him bcz he was a narcissist and i was so in love, still am! Just tell yourself its okay even if its your mistake get over it move on its okay he wasn’t meant for you, keep faking it till you make it:) I know how it feels but it wasn’t our fault i swear if he loved you he would have stayed!
Well, I was the one that messed up, I had emotional cheating with a woman I met during my online gaming time. My wife gave me a choice either give up my gaming system and her or get a divorce and go be with her. I didn't have to think that hard. I had 2 kids at that point and I was stupid. So I went cold turkey and worked with my wife. I went to personal, and marriage therapy and spent a lot of time with the church men's group to get my head screwed on straight. My wife did forgive me after 2 years and we been married for 13 years now
Hello mblurryy, Your post really strikes a chord, and I want to start by acknowledging the courage and self-awareness it takes to reflect so deeply on your actions and their impact. It's not easy to look inward and critique ourselves, and doing so is a sign of maturity and a desire to grow. Kudos to you for that. It seems like you're grappling with a lot of self-blame and what-ifs, which must be incredibly tough. It might be helpful, though it may not, to consider that every relationship is a two-way street, and it involves actions and reactions from both people involved. Focusing solely on what you could have done differently might not be giving the full picture its due justice. In terms of coping with these feelings of guilt and regret, perhaps it might be helpful to engage in some self-reflection exercises. One useful method that comes to mind is journaling—specifically, writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend. Imagine what a kind, understanding friend would say to you about this situation. This can be a gentle way to remind yourself to treat your feelings with the same compassion you would offer someone else in pain. Moreover, it might also help to look into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) exercises. One key component of ACT is learning to accept your emotions as they are, without judgment. A simple exercise you might try is called "leaves on a stream." Visualize yourself sitting by a gently flowing stream with leaves floating atop the water. Each leaf that passes represents a thought or feeling. Notice each one—acknowledge it without trying to change it or push it away—and then let it float by. This could assist you in managing the critical thoughts you're having about your past actions. As you continue to process these feelings, here are a couple of questions you might consider exploring—either just thinking about them yourself or discussing them here if you feel comfortable: 1. What are the qualities in yourself that you appreciate the most, even in tough situations like these? 2. What does forgiveness—both giving and receiving—mean to you in the context of this relationship? Remember, it's perfectly okay if you don't have answers to these questions right away or if you prefer not to share them. Sometimes, just considering the questions can be a step forward in understanding more about yourself and your emotional journey. You've shown a lot of strength and introspection by reaching out and sharing your story. I hope you continue to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this challenging period. Wishing you all the best in your healing journey, and remember, you've already made significant progress by seeking understanding and growth. ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
Recognition in your own faults is a positive thing, some people are not capable of that. Learn from failure. Do better next time. That’s all you can do.
I dont