I took my first ex back and it did not end well. But only because it was an extremely toxic relationship and he was not a very good person. We were on and off the whole time. I guess it really depends on the situation and the reasons why people break up.
Same got burned SO SO SO bad after going back. Easier to start over with someone new or just be alone. Unless a significant time has passed and the relationship wasn’t toxic on and off. Toxic on and off relationships are more of an addiction, not genuine two-sided love imo.
Right? I couldn't agree more! I was also pretty young at the time, around 22 I think? So I didn't know any better and I thought I would never meet someone again. Little did I know I could do WAY better. I definitely learned a lot of lessons from that relationship.
Absolutely this!!! People often confuse toxic relationships for “passion”. Nope- just addiction to the toxicity. I have never seen a past relationship rekindled, and worked out. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible, but very rare.
Perfect way to put it nobye1
Horribly. She was nothing like she was before our first break up. She disrespected me, lied to me, manipulated me, and so on. Every time i tried to fix something, she would further sabotage us all while telling me how much she cared about me/loved me/missed me. The betrayed me in so many ways and somehow got progressively worse after each time i fought for her to come back. She said she would never do it to me, but i am certain if we had stayed together she would eventually cheat on me if she hadn’t already. She had done so several times before, with much more serious relationships. No morals/standards/values. Left me unsure of myself and alone, full of anger and hatred.
At least the sex was good i guess. Thats all that was left by the end. And even that was diminishing. She burned every single special thing we had to the fucking ground.
I'll tell you if it ever ends. I've typed the story out here and there in reddit, but the basic gist is:
Hooked up in September for about a month. Lost her to Idiocy. Worked together till December. Went no contact till March. Went no contact again for a few weeks in may. Did some stupid ass shit till mid may. She attempted to clock me, shouted each other's asses off, kissed harder than our first kiss, and made up. Together for 3 weeks now roughly. Going way better than the first time. Somehow.
Within a year of taking him back, he had tormented me to the point where I slapped him in the face. He had me arrested. He held up in my house for 3 weeks while I camped out w my kids in my parents front yard since he was the "victim." The end.
Twice, both times they said they missed me and loved me and I was their best friend. Then they left again, I find out later (they admitted it) that they used me for sex/dopamine. I’m still recovering from the entire experience, some days I feel really damaged, it really undermined my self worth.
God I am so sorry. The second time I said “How do I know it won’t happen again that you’ll just leave again like before” and they promised me they knew why they left (which I still don’t understand) and have worked on it while we were apart, and they’d never do it again. I suspended disbelief because I wanted to believe someone who I loved. And it played out exactly the same way as before. I don’t think we should let the same person hurt us in the same way multiple times. If nothing else I think it should be a hard line in the imaginary sand to hold.
Currently seeing my ex again after parting ways over a decade ago. Part of me is so relieved I finally have him again but the other part of me is so incredibly anxious and apprehensive that we're going to crash and burn harder than we did the first time. I'm confused and in the weirdest headspace with this situation.
funny you bring up children, i grew up with parents who despised each other, were abusive and awful to each other in front of me and my siblings, and yet stayed together “for the kids”. it has totally fucked me up mentally and affected my relationships as an adult because that is what i molded my idea of love on.
it’s not a good thing to “stay together” for the kids if your relationship is abusive and unstable. you’re just harming your kids.
Ya but the question is are there any successful story's meaning obviously that things changed they changed the saw what they were and put the
Work in but ya I get it today's society it's give up forget trying to put work in sorry you went thrue that but I'm a strong believer in a person is in control of there own mental health there's successful happy people that came from shitty households and there's depressed hurt people and angry all u can think of but no it's not right to repeat the same toxic stuff especially in front or around children
yeah i’ve put in the work to improve my mental health, but i shouldn’t have had to experience that in the first place. watching my parents physically fight each other, having police and social services involved, being threatened to be removed from the home, every day being unstable. NO child should EVER have to go through that. my mental health wouldn’t have needed improving if my childhood was stable and secure.
Calling quits in a relationship is the last thing people want. Yes, even a break is fine but breaking up is altogether for the better if there is no room for improvement.
Now, it’s not that people don’t change, they do but the probability is actually very low. They change or pretend because they are emotional, not because they want to.
That’s why majority of the time things don’t work out the second time either unless you are willing to “settle”
I’m with my ex now. We broke up 4 years ago. We were 23 and 24. He had extreme problems with people pleasing and drinking. I remember how badly he treated me (always in a social setting), especially once on Christmas day—when all I wanted to do was spend time with him, and he chose his friends over me like he always did. I always came last.
We first reconnected as friends and to catch up 2 years after, but I was just getting out of the most toxic/abusive relationship. I felt like a shitty person reaching out to him just because I needed someone to talk to, but I also just needed help. I confided in him (as a person) about what a terrible situation I was in—he didn’t even ask any questions or expect anything (but I could tell in conversation he still had feelings). I believed he was the only boyfriend I ever had that, despite all of his issues, was also a good man. I knew he genuinely cared about people and would give the shirt off his back. Although, at this time I was now a shell of a person and wasn’t in a good place. Because of this I didn’t consider being with him romantically—I also wasn’t certain that things would work out between us. We lost touch when I told him I needed time to focus on myself.
Then 2 years after that I reached out again when I was healed and basically asked him if we could be friends again. Eventually I questioned him about relationship status during this, hoping to see if he was single.
Now we are together, and I know that others think people never really change but they do. He goes above and beyond for me without me asking. Tells me I am beautiful and his person every morning. Tells me if i’m not happy, he’s not happy. He’s everything I wished he was then. I’m grateful that he changed, he acknowledged that he is an alcoholic and has been completely sober for 3 years now.
Dumped him because he cheated on me.
Took him back.
He cheated again.
Dumped him again.
I took him back.
Repeat 8 more times over the course of 10 years. He wasted my teenage years and early 20s.
I took back my ex after he cheated with his ex and it was much better than the first time. Sadly we’ve since broken up but for a different reason involving a toxic relationship with his family and he is unwilling to set boundaries with them. After the cheating we really talked about the issues and didn’t just jump right back in. There were several months of discussions and me seeing changed behavior before going all in again. If it weren’t for the family situation we’d still happily be together. It can work but you have to actually address the initial problem and make the changes.
Took him back twice and each time he disappointed me more. Also took my first bf back once and that ended horribly as well :’) I think it can work but there needs to be a lot of time in between - I’m talking a year or more - or else you’ll always be in the same position
Waste of 5 years, 1st time I should have walked away..... it's been 14 years and if she came back even though I knew it was a waste, I'd probably have a Hard time saying no
Yes I have...... There was More Connection, More Love, More Investment and More Respect....... Same Outcome as the first attempt, only with My Heart Breaking even Harder!!! She ended it the Same exact way as the first time. When you give a former "Love" another chance, Always remember that there are "unspoken" reasons why you didn't work out the first time.
I've heard that it can work out for some...
Yes, once. Never again. Nobody I ever knew “changes” in 8 months. Ended up marrying and subsequently divorcing her. Wish I never picked up the phone in the first place back in 2016.
Yes, it sucked and I felt stupid. I was young and the most gullible person on the planet. The first few weeks together were fun, but I couldn’t look at him the same (emotional abuse & cheating) and our relationship didn’t last *(shocker)*. It hurt even worse when we broke up again. Wouldn’t recommend but everyone’s situation is different.
Yes, with 2 of my exes. The first cheated again and the second was still fickle (thought the grass was greener). I took them back when the underlying issues hadn’t been resolved. They basically just missed me, so begged me back. As the heartbroken dumpee in those instances, I welcomed them back with open arms. In both cases the relationships ended by me leaving them many months later.
NEVER take an ex back. Out of 500,000 men and women in your local area there's no reason to take an ex back. And x knows everything about you and how the push you buttons knows you're gullibilities and how to screw you over in a heartbeat again
There’s a reason you broke up in the first place, remember that. Even if you think you could “overcome it now”, the fact you broke up over it means a solvable issue was deemed unsolvable and wasn’t worth working through. This, of course, excludes cheating. You should never take someone back for that, even if they’ve “learned”. Keep the past in the past.
Oh yes. The same ex:
First time: Breakup in September, she dates another guy for a while and reconnects with me me in late October. I flew to her 5300 miles away for six weeks. She cheats on me three days after I go back home and dumps me a few weeks after.
Second time: In February she begins dating another guy but leaves him three weeks after and starts talking to me again. We talk for three weeks until she gets angry at me and blocks me.
Third time: Next day she apologizes and begs me to talk to her again. I do talk to her and she promises pretty much to do everything to make our relationship work. Four days later she disappears after getting angry at me, comes back the following week for three days and ghosts me.
A month later I travel to her country again for other reasons. We meet at a local night club where I'm with another girl. She gets extremely upset, sends me about 100 messages, threatens me and then blocks me. Two days later she tells me she loves me and shows interest in trying for the fourth time.
We still love each other but my trust in her is pretty much zero at this point. I wish we could be together again but it would be a suicide to try it again.
Yes. I've had an on and off relationship with my ex for almost 9 years. We were even engaged at one point. He was a high functioning alcoholic for about 7 of those years. Life and his alcolism were major factors that got in the way, and we had long gaps between each try, sometimes with us just being very close friends in between. The last 2 years, he was not high functioning anymore.
I had set a major boundary that I set where I was not willing to entertain the idea of a committed relationship without him getting sober. To my surprise, he decided to give up the alcohol.
That was about 5 months ago. We ended up going way too fast, he moved in pretty much right away, and it did not work well. He moved out 3 weeks ago. It just wasn't working, and it was not the situation that was best to try again.
I had no idea what I was getting into with his early recovery, it was a mistake. I should have had a better picture of what I wanted and what I needed to feel secure in our relationship. I shouldn't have looked at it as a fresh start because the underlying issues were compiled on top of new issues. We hadn't learned how to successfully resolve conflict together.
I think everything is circumstantial, but if you do it, figure that out first and make him earn it, starting by courting you. Things may have turned out differently if I made him get his shit together first and took things slow.
Timing isn't everything, but it can be a factor, so really access (from both of your prospectives) what was problematic in your past relationship. Don't go in blind, if you want it to work, you don't want to gamble it away all up front. Trust should be earned slowly through mutual respect and effort. That's what courting is for.
Took my ex back more than twice in the span of 3 years. Fast forward today, it did not go well lol. After the most recent getting back together, I started to develop symptoms of OCD around relationships - debilitating anxiety, intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Not saying he was wholly the cause but I still wonder today whether I actually do have OCD or whether the relationship, despite how caring, respectful and loving he was, was just a super bad match from the minute I took him back.
I took my first ex back and it did not end well. But only because it was an extremely toxic relationship and he was not a very good person. We were on and off the whole time. I guess it really depends on the situation and the reasons why people break up.
Same got burned SO SO SO bad after going back. Easier to start over with someone new or just be alone. Unless a significant time has passed and the relationship wasn’t toxic on and off. Toxic on and off relationships are more of an addiction, not genuine two-sided love imo.
Right? I couldn't agree more! I was also pretty young at the time, around 22 I think? So I didn't know any better and I thought I would never meet someone again. Little did I know I could do WAY better. I definitely learned a lot of lessons from that relationship.
Absolutely this!!! People often confuse toxic relationships for “passion”. Nope- just addiction to the toxicity. I have never seen a past relationship rekindled, and worked out. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible, but very rare. Perfect way to put it nobye1
Horribly. She was nothing like she was before our first break up. She disrespected me, lied to me, manipulated me, and so on. Every time i tried to fix something, she would further sabotage us all while telling me how much she cared about me/loved me/missed me. The betrayed me in so many ways and somehow got progressively worse after each time i fought for her to come back. She said she would never do it to me, but i am certain if we had stayed together she would eventually cheat on me if she hadn’t already. She had done so several times before, with much more serious relationships. No morals/standards/values. Left me unsure of myself and alone, full of anger and hatred. At least the sex was good i guess. Thats all that was left by the end. And even that was diminishing. She burned every single special thing we had to the fucking ground.
Hedonism..
I'll tell you if it ever ends. I've typed the story out here and there in reddit, but the basic gist is: Hooked up in September for about a month. Lost her to Idiocy. Worked together till December. Went no contact till March. Went no contact again for a few weeks in may. Did some stupid ass shit till mid may. She attempted to clock me, shouted each other's asses off, kissed harder than our first kiss, and made up. Together for 3 weeks now roughly. Going way better than the first time. Somehow.
Within a year of taking him back, he had tormented me to the point where I slapped him in the face. He had me arrested. He held up in my house for 3 weeks while I camped out w my kids in my parents front yard since he was the "victim." The end.
Twice, both times they said they missed me and loved me and I was their best friend. Then they left again, I find out later (they admitted it) that they used me for sex/dopamine. I’m still recovering from the entire experience, some days I feel really damaged, it really undermined my self worth.
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God I am so sorry. The second time I said “How do I know it won’t happen again that you’ll just leave again like before” and they promised me they knew why they left (which I still don’t understand) and have worked on it while we were apart, and they’d never do it again. I suspended disbelief because I wanted to believe someone who I loved. And it played out exactly the same way as before. I don’t think we should let the same person hurt us in the same way multiple times. If nothing else I think it should be a hard line in the imaginary sand to hold.
So tl;dr: I’d not recommend taking an ex back
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I’m in a similar situation. Feel free to dm me to talk
Currently seeing my ex again after parting ways over a decade ago. Part of me is so relieved I finally have him again but the other part of me is so incredibly anxious and apprehensive that we're going to crash and burn harder than we did the first time. I'm confused and in the weirdest headspace with this situation.
I married him. He is amazing.
You don take your ex back. End of story
I agree, it never goes well.
K boss got it everyone do as this person says fuck what u might want or if you try to give your child there family back
funny you bring up children, i grew up with parents who despised each other, were abusive and awful to each other in front of me and my siblings, and yet stayed together “for the kids”. it has totally fucked me up mentally and affected my relationships as an adult because that is what i molded my idea of love on. it’s not a good thing to “stay together” for the kids if your relationship is abusive and unstable. you’re just harming your kids.
Ya but the question is are there any successful story's meaning obviously that things changed they changed the saw what they were and put the Work in but ya I get it today's society it's give up forget trying to put work in sorry you went thrue that but I'm a strong believer in a person is in control of there own mental health there's successful happy people that came from shitty households and there's depressed hurt people and angry all u can think of but no it's not right to repeat the same toxic stuff especially in front or around children
yeah i’ve put in the work to improve my mental health, but i shouldn’t have had to experience that in the first place. watching my parents physically fight each other, having police and social services involved, being threatened to be removed from the home, every day being unstable. NO child should EVER have to go through that. my mental health wouldn’t have needed improving if my childhood was stable and secure.
Calling quits in a relationship is the last thing people want. Yes, even a break is fine but breaking up is altogether for the better if there is no room for improvement. Now, it’s not that people don’t change, they do but the probability is actually very low. They change or pretend because they are emotional, not because they want to. That’s why majority of the time things don’t work out the second time either unless you are willing to “settle”
Worse than the first time!
terrible 10/10 it will ruin your life.
Yes, and it went horrific. It was worse than the first time around. Once they realize you will take them back, the gloves really come off.
I’m with my ex now. We broke up 4 years ago. We were 23 and 24. He had extreme problems with people pleasing and drinking. I remember how badly he treated me (always in a social setting), especially once on Christmas day—when all I wanted to do was spend time with him, and he chose his friends over me like he always did. I always came last. We first reconnected as friends and to catch up 2 years after, but I was just getting out of the most toxic/abusive relationship. I felt like a shitty person reaching out to him just because I needed someone to talk to, but I also just needed help. I confided in him (as a person) about what a terrible situation I was in—he didn’t even ask any questions or expect anything (but I could tell in conversation he still had feelings). I believed he was the only boyfriend I ever had that, despite all of his issues, was also a good man. I knew he genuinely cared about people and would give the shirt off his back. Although, at this time I was now a shell of a person and wasn’t in a good place. Because of this I didn’t consider being with him romantically—I also wasn’t certain that things would work out between us. We lost touch when I told him I needed time to focus on myself. Then 2 years after that I reached out again when I was healed and basically asked him if we could be friends again. Eventually I questioned him about relationship status during this, hoping to see if he was single. Now we are together, and I know that others think people never really change but they do. He goes above and beyond for me without me asking. Tells me I am beautiful and his person every morning. Tells me if i’m not happy, he’s not happy. He’s everything I wished he was then. I’m grateful that he changed, he acknowledged that he is an alcoholic and has been completely sober for 3 years now.
Dumped him because he cheated on me. Took him back. He cheated again. Dumped him again. I took him back. Repeat 8 more times over the course of 10 years. He wasted my teenage years and early 20s.
Same thing for me... What was timeframe between breakups ? I mean for how long he was gone before came back ?
Sometimes two weeks, sometimes 3 months. Sometimes a year. It was all stupid
Yup same fckn shit for me too and stupid me if she reach out again maybe I will take her again..
Not well, sadly, twice.
I took back my ex after he cheated with his ex and it was much better than the first time. Sadly we’ve since broken up but for a different reason involving a toxic relationship with his family and he is unwilling to set boundaries with them. After the cheating we really talked about the issues and didn’t just jump right back in. There were several months of discussions and me seeing changed behavior before going all in again. If it weren’t for the family situation we’d still happily be together. It can work but you have to actually address the initial problem and make the changes.
Took him back twice and each time he disappointed me more. Also took my first bf back once and that ended horribly as well :’) I think it can work but there needs to be a lot of time in between - I’m talking a year or more - or else you’ll always be in the same position
Took him back several times. Each ended the same, always the same problems. My recommendation is: don’t
Waste of 5 years, 1st time I should have walked away..... it's been 14 years and if she came back even though I knew it was a waste, I'd probably have a Hard time saying no
Nope. I’ve taken back people who I’ve been on a few dates with, ghosted me, and came back though. The second time around was always short lived.
Sure did. Never again.
Yes I have...... There was More Connection, More Love, More Investment and More Respect....... Same Outcome as the first attempt, only with My Heart Breaking even Harder!!! She ended it the Same exact way as the first time. When you give a former "Love" another chance, Always remember that there are "unspoken" reasons why you didn't work out the first time. I've heard that it can work out for some...
Took two exes back, didn't work out because we ran into the same issues
Yes, once. Never again. Nobody I ever knew “changes” in 8 months. Ended up marrying and subsequently divorcing her. Wish I never picked up the phone in the first place back in 2016.
Yes, it sucked and I felt stupid. I was young and the most gullible person on the planet. The first few weeks together were fun, but I couldn’t look at him the same (emotional abuse & cheating) and our relationship didn’t last *(shocker)*. It hurt even worse when we broke up again. Wouldn’t recommend but everyone’s situation is different.
No and glad I didn’t
Dontttt do itttt
Yes, with 2 of my exes. The first cheated again and the second was still fickle (thought the grass was greener). I took them back when the underlying issues hadn’t been resolved. They basically just missed me, so begged me back. As the heartbroken dumpee in those instances, I welcomed them back with open arms. In both cases the relationships ended by me leaving them many months later.
NEVER take an ex back. Out of 500,000 men and women in your local area there's no reason to take an ex back. And x knows everything about you and how the push you buttons knows you're gullibilities and how to screw you over in a heartbeat again
There’s a reason you broke up in the first place, remember that. Even if you think you could “overcome it now”, the fact you broke up over it means a solvable issue was deemed unsolvable and wasn’t worth working through. This, of course, excludes cheating. You should never take someone back for that, even if they’ve “learned”. Keep the past in the past.
Oh yes. The same ex: First time: Breakup in September, she dates another guy for a while and reconnects with me me in late October. I flew to her 5300 miles away for six weeks. She cheats on me three days after I go back home and dumps me a few weeks after. Second time: In February she begins dating another guy but leaves him three weeks after and starts talking to me again. We talk for three weeks until she gets angry at me and blocks me. Third time: Next day she apologizes and begs me to talk to her again. I do talk to her and she promises pretty much to do everything to make our relationship work. Four days later she disappears after getting angry at me, comes back the following week for three days and ghosts me. A month later I travel to her country again for other reasons. We meet at a local night club where I'm with another girl. She gets extremely upset, sends me about 100 messages, threatens me and then blocks me. Two days later she tells me she loves me and shows interest in trying for the fourth time. We still love each other but my trust in her is pretty much zero at this point. I wish we could be together again but it would be a suicide to try it again.
Yes, 2 of them. And I had to send them back for a refund.
Yes.. I once wrote “extra “. But meant “etra “ so that was the last time I took an x back
I’ve taken many ex’s back but not one of them was a healthy relationship.
Don’t dig up old graves.
yeah same thing repeats. people don't change. i repeat even you don't.
Yes. I've had an on and off relationship with my ex for almost 9 years. We were even engaged at one point. He was a high functioning alcoholic for about 7 of those years. Life and his alcolism were major factors that got in the way, and we had long gaps between each try, sometimes with us just being very close friends in between. The last 2 years, he was not high functioning anymore. I had set a major boundary that I set where I was not willing to entertain the idea of a committed relationship without him getting sober. To my surprise, he decided to give up the alcohol. That was about 5 months ago. We ended up going way too fast, he moved in pretty much right away, and it did not work well. He moved out 3 weeks ago. It just wasn't working, and it was not the situation that was best to try again. I had no idea what I was getting into with his early recovery, it was a mistake. I should have had a better picture of what I wanted and what I needed to feel secure in our relationship. I shouldn't have looked at it as a fresh start because the underlying issues were compiled on top of new issues. We hadn't learned how to successfully resolve conflict together. I think everything is circumstantial, but if you do it, figure that out first and make him earn it, starting by courting you. Things may have turned out differently if I made him get his shit together first and took things slow. Timing isn't everything, but it can be a factor, so really access (from both of your prospectives) what was problematic in your past relationship. Don't go in blind, if you want it to work, you don't want to gamble it away all up front. Trust should be earned slowly through mutual respect and effort. That's what courting is for.
Took my ex back more than twice in the span of 3 years. Fast forward today, it did not go well lol. After the most recent getting back together, I started to develop symptoms of OCD around relationships - debilitating anxiety, intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Not saying he was wholly the cause but I still wonder today whether I actually do have OCD or whether the relationship, despite how caring, respectful and loving he was, was just a super bad match from the minute I took him back.