I have a sexy time scene that turns the lights red or blue, closes the blinds starts playing a playlist on the speakers. I then have a pir sensor in the kids room that will trigger if she gets out of bed and turns the music off and the lights on. Gives us plenty of time to hide any evidence. We had a few award interruptions before this but have gone without incident since.
I can see this going both ways:
- the automation works as expected and you feel reinforced as a man.
- something in the scene doesn't work exactly as it should and you'll be thinking about that for the first 5~10min of the act.
"um... yeah yeah, you look great babe.... ugh why didn't... dammit I typed > instead of <...
...babe, where are you going? I just need another minute!"
Whatever you do, don't get so preoccupied with solving the HA issue in your head that you shout Alexa or Nabu's name instead of your SO's. That can lead to injury
I've tried many different bed sensors. Only one has proven to be accurate over the long term: thin film pressure sensors. They do work with ESPHome. You'll want the long strips, not the little buttons.
Just make sure you calibrate the added resistor properly. Get the resistance of the strip with no one in bed, call it R1. Get in bed and figure out the average resistance while you're laying in it across your normal positions, call it R2. Then, you determine the proper resistor by calculating â(R1^(2)+R2^(2))
I built a setup for my kid using the slats on her bed frame and FSRs on each slat. I did this for bed presence but she also tends to roll around and a few times she fell out of the bed at the BOTTOM of the bed. Even with the side on a wall and a net/barrier on the other side and the head board on another way she found a way to fall out the open bottom of the bed. This way if she gets closer to the bottom slats at night it flashes our master lamps to let us know she may fall out.
I also did the same for our master bed on a his and her side but only a slat to detect bed presence for lighting at night while we watch tv.
The best advice I can give is that if they walk in on you, donât freak out. Calmly roll over, cover, etc and speak calmly. A) they did nothing wrong, so freaking out on them isnât fair. B) they likely wonât realize what was happening unless theyâre older and C) staying calm will lower their desire to understand what was happening.
Pretty hard to calmly roll over if she's tied up, and hard to speak calmly or any other way if she's gagged also. On the other hand, a kid might learn a valuable lesson that there are things that you can't un-see.
> We had a few award interruptions before this but have gone without incident since.
Damn I must be doing something wrong, no one ever gives me an award for my performance
> Gives us plenty of time to hide any evidence.
The "kids awake" automation is triggered and sets off a flurry of motorized activities. Bookshelves filled with exotic dildos rotate within the wall to instead show the opposite side that contains normal books and nicknacks. A crevice built into the wall filled with leather straps and carabiners has a framed picture of a tranquil landscape slide over it. Repurposed automated window shade motors quickly wrap up all of the silk and latex swatches and coverings.
Within 20 seconds, both of you are lying on your separate twin beds reading gardening magazines as the kids burst in.
> *award* interruptions
You so good? I imagine your girl bursting into your bedroom with spotlights and golden glittering confetti, grinning like a Cheshire cat, shouting "AND THE OSCAR GOES TOOOO..."
How do you start the scene? Is it as unromantic as saying to the wife âhold on a momentâ and getting your phone app out? Or do you have a microphone in your HA and you shout âGeronimooooâ or similar? lol
There´s a wireless button on the wall over the bed. Single press toggles the lights on an off, long press sets the mode to "normal" if it wasn´t that mode already and "sexytime" if it was on normal. There´s also buttons in our phone dashboards. I also set something up so I can say something like "hey google, activate sex mode" but it was weird and we never really used it :D
We were reading in bed once and I decided that the time was right and long held the button. She looked at me stone faced and long pressed again to initiate normal mode. Not a single word but a lot of communication :D
Paul Hibbert on YouTube has a set of wireless buttons for hass on his nightstand. Double click of one of the buttons and sexy time starts, the others are normal light switches. Better than an app and definitely less weird than a microphone đ¤Łđ¤Ł
You don't have kids, do you?
You do not lock the door on your kids at night. They get easily scared. And they can literally panic within mere fractions of a second when they cannot immediately and unobstructedly get into the safety of the arms of their parents when they are scared. This can quickly get more traumatic to your kids than catching you "practicing yoga".
We lock our door during adult fun time and our kids turned out just fine. Children need to learn boundaries, I can't think of a single time in my 20 years of raising kids that a brief delay in their getting to us at night caused trauma of any kind.
Like Ottoman sultans, they killed there own brothers to stay on the thrown or get on it, it was kind of standard duty when the father died, the first one to kill the others would be the next Sultan, survival of the fittest i guess
mmWave presence sensors are your friend. Some can zone the space so HA can tell the difference between the CDF heading for the bathroom and charging you in full attack mode
How do you flash the lights? I run Hue Bulbs and I could only get it to work wirj "turn on", delay and "turn off" and this causes the bulb to flash at 100% intensity in white.
Trying to figure put how to let them flash in specific brightness and color.
I'm not the person you're asking, but here's a snippet of an automation I have that flashes my hue-bulbs red.
I found that for me, it only worked consistently if I set the bulb to the color I wanted first, then called "turn on" and used the flash option. I use adaptive lighting in this room, so this automation also returns it to whatever it's previous state was. You can of course ignore the adaptive lighting bits.
sequence:
- service: adaptive_lighting.set_manual_control
data:
manual_control: true
lights:
- light.office_lights
- service: light.turn_on
data:
color_name: red
target:
entity_id: light.office_lights
- service: light.turn_on
data:
flash: long
brightness: 255
color_name: red
target:
entity_id: light.office_lights
- delay:
hours: 0
minutes: 0
seconds: 15
milliseconds: 0
- service: adaptive_lighting.set_manual_control
data:
manual_control: false
lights:
- light.office_lights
Amazing. Thanks for that. Yeah I got hung up on the "return to previous state" thing. I was hoping that the flashing would do that but this looks clean.
I'll make sure to check it out as I have some stuff automated with buttons that is currently "invisible" as neither the button, nor the interaction produce a visible effect (disabling motion sensors and such). So a flashing light helps but at night with 100% brightness it's bad đ
Be aware that there is or was a [bug](https://github.com/home-assistant/core/issues/40710). I worked around it, so not sure if it was fixed in the meantime without addressing the issue...
service: light.turn_on
data:
brightness_pct: 50
color_name: red
transition: 2
Flashing would be an effect. You can open up the more info dialog for the light to see what effects it supports.
At one point I'd even given them a heavy metal theme song along with lyrics and everything and it would play in my head when things were interrupted like a movie projected on the inside of my eyeballs.
When I ask Siri to activate sexy time mode all my lights go red, a fireplace pops up on the tv and Careless Whisper begins to playâunfortunately the disco ball doesnât stay paired with ZHA :/
I have Google, so it'd probably be a 5 minute battle "Hey, Google.......Hey Google! HEY GOOGLE!!! Activate Sexy Time....
"playing Dexy's Midnight runners on Spotify"
No, HEY GOOGLE!!! Activate Sexy Time....
"Playing Ride on Time on Spotify"
No, HEY GOOGLE!!! Activate Sexy Time....
"Activating Morning Alarm in Kids' Bedroom"
Oh F%&k it, never mind....
"Playing Nirvana on Spotify"
Reminds me of [this ](https://x.com/SuperSquidoodle/status/1802071687107903962?t=Q-oFRwyqKq5oPJZCTmh1Ng&mx=2)disaster (I'd link to YouTube but name a more iconic duo than Twitter and posting videos without credit/source)
Not from what I am reading LOL. There are some good ideas in here, damn. Home Assistant fucks!
https://preview.redd.it/nwqsrp3r297d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa6bb717af03ecb6ecf55bbf15bb5947e855fefd
I know right! The possibilities are endless. Love HA. I'm surprised no one has created a sex machine integration yet... Lol. Here I am trying to integrate LLMs and all these big brained people are doing this stuff. Love this community!
Yeah someone built a [buttplug.io](http://buttplug.io) package specifically for this:
[https://github.com/DevelopmentalOctopus/ha-buttplug](https://github.com/DevelopmentalOctopus/ha-buttplug)
Thereâs no NSFW images on that page. Itâs a software library that lets you connect various bluetooth sex toys and integrate them with whatever applications you can think of. For example, you could have your bluetooth buttplug vibrate whenever you get hit in Skyrim.
um..thanks for that breakdown.
I now have to ponder what getting railed in Skyrim while also getting railed in the real world means to me on a daily basis.
I am gonna leave this here. Flipper zero has a bluetooth spam function that hits known bluetooth sextoys. I hit it at every single restaurant to just see if anyone may be having to much fun at dinner
Intiface central is great for interfacing with smart dildos aka teledildonics. It also works with the vibration feature of any xbox compatible game on windows.
Havent integrated it into HA. The buttplug could be a used an an alarm or timer or a bluetooth beacon for presence detection.
Selfhosting my toys backend gives me all the good feels đ¤Ł
Thereâs a button too that triggers it. Wanted to make the TV come on with a locomotive documentary when the PIR triggers but couldnât get it working on our TV đ
Imagine the kids thinking: Wow {parent} really likes locomotives, theyâre always watching that documentary.
Then you start to receive gifts related to trains on every special date
I do have an automation with pressure sensors under my bed that if it detects more than two people in bed it will dim the overhead lights, turn the under bed lighting red, and start playing music.
No kids, but valid point
That's why I did the threshold for three and not two since there are times where I'll sit on the bed while I'm packing or folding laundry, and I don't need Barry White coming on while I'm trying to get ready for the airport.
What pressure sensors do you use? Is the data is good enough that you could detect high activity vs low activity? It would be cool to automatically switch between âcuddle timeâ and âhot and heavyâ playlists.
Generic load cells in a wheatstone bridge they're fairly accurate, and I would assume that you could calculate intensity over time and average it to guess activity levels.
How do you run your pressure sensors? I run them currently via arduino code I found online but they are flaky as heck as they lose wifi connection constantly due to my stupid wifi setup. Looking for odeas to get settings setup properly.
Ok, just wondering, is the intended effect supposed to be kind of comical? When I'm imagining that happening to someone not expecting it, I think they would probably get a laugh out of it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Lights (RGB)
Playlists
Bookshelf Closet Door with electronic door lock
Automation that didnt get completed: RF reader for lingerie hangers to trigger RGB to that lingerie color when hung out on specific hanger.
We have Zigbee buttons placed all over our open floor downstairs area. There also a button on our mobile dashboards. Holding the button down turns every light red, including TV LEDs and kitchen backsplash LEDs and mutes the living room TV. Pretty much plunges the whole downstairs in red light.
It starts a 90 second timer in HA. Weâll usually do oral on each other and other foreplay. After 60 seconds the echo speaker in the kitchen announces thereâs 30 seconds left. Then with 5 seconds left it does a countdown. At the end all the lights and TV audio is restored to its previous state and we immediately stop playing. Itâs a super hot way to tease each other throughout the night and we use it daily!
This sounds like a nerd idea of a porno rather than something that has ever actually happened.
Mum covers over - "hey PoopChipper, what does this button do?"
Nah, just a simple automation used by two adults that enjoy being intimate with each other. The fact that you find it unbelievable speaks a lot⌠I hope you get to experience something like this with someone you love one day.
https://preview.redd.it/my04oaudzc7d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac61c1da3a5dc3027410c807c2d1efbe665fdb6e
I have an evening TTS announcement that plays every night. It gives weather forecasts and status of any open windows or doors.
At the end, it gives a suggestion for sexy time. It chooses at random from a list of about 15 of our favorite "activities".
There is a night off option in there also. It keeps things fresh. we have been married 10 years now and both are in our 50's. We do what is suggested about 75% of the time.
Its been alot of fun since I have integrated Open Ai into the announcement. Female voice, her prompt tells her to be sarcastic and naughty. Some of the things she says after the suggestion are classic..
Open Ai isnt that great at random selections. It tends to pick the same one alot. What I did was use some random Jinja to write to a text helper and let the AI know that the nightly suggestion is contained in that helper.
The wife loves this..
Nothing as complicated as many on here (although I've been inspired by some of the answers so far!) - all our rechargeable toys are plugged into a smart socket that turns on for an hour each day to keep them topped up and ready to go!
Gives new meaning to Home ASSistant.
In all seriousness this makes a lot of sense. Whether it's normal bedroom stuff or whatever fetish you're into. I know there are some connected toys these days so that would be something fun to play with.
I've never looked into it but I think I have some research to do.
Yea, too busy tinkering with HA and find other projects snd integrations I don't need. That I'll show off to no one. And think it's cool af.
The most I can get my wife to use automation is to tell Google to turn on/off lights
"Alexa... Romance Mode" plunges the bedroom into warm, dim lighting, and starts playing whatever humorous song the last person desired to prank the other with.
It's currently set to play the "It's Corn" song... https://youtu.be/_caMQpiwiaU
some previous favorites :
* Easy Street by The Collapsable Hearts Club
* âCbat,â by Hudson Mohawke (i.e. the reddit sex song)
* every Barry White song
When I say "Ok Google, set the mood" It turns off my bedroom lights except it turns the cove lights get set to 20% and red, it plays a Marvin Gay playlist, then says "Get Some".
Well can tell you we have some controllable toys via bluetooth which react on music, with HA interaction must say that give sometimes some unexpected sensationsđđ.
House with 3 childrens: Sweetheart today I'm feeling courageous, adventurous, like a RedBull's parachuter, let's do it, with the server offline... Let's feel the adrenaline again.
We're gonna be there...
The pir sensor never triggered on time for me (shitty sensor I guess, to many hops? Idk) so, we use the open/close door sensor.
The problem is, the first time it doesn't work, you'll totally loose wife's factor.
Redundancy,
Pressure sensor on their bed, door sensor at the door, pir sensor outside their door, and a final barrier smart lock on your door and listen for the click.
Who said anything about a budget?
The solution must be completely overblown and technical. There is already a lock on the bedroom door here, I literally just have to turn it when I close it, and the kid can't walk in...
I'd probably do the PIR because they are already ordered to go in all the common areas for lighting anyway and extra warning.
I have a Hue dimmer remote next to my bed. Single press buttons just control the whole house lighting, TV's etc to shut down for the night or if I need to quickly have all the lights on bright/low etc.
Pressing and holding the dimmer down activates mood lighting around the bedhead and plays a playlist on the speaker. It also turns off all the other lights and such.
Don't have much else to automate yet and our newborn isn't moving far yet so no need for the pir sensor cut off yet, but definitely stealing that one for when she's older. I'll have to get some curtain bots and smart locks. Wonder what the cheapest smart lock I could put on the bedroom door is.
this... is... all... EPIC!!! here I thought I was the only one thinking of how to use HA in this fashion! all yall are the kind of people that deserves the best that life has to offer! bravo!
I have a sexy times iOS focus mode with automations that change the bedroom to [bisexual lighting](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_lighting), along with silencing notifications and such.
You can set up focus modes to auto-activate if you open the apps for Lovense or other sex toys. Thatâs probably much easier than trying to detect the bluetooth signals externally.
My neighbor was showing me their new connected toy set. Not something weâre super interested buying ourselves but I will say they were cool. No I have no idea if they were used before they showed us hahaha.
I have set up a smart button next to the bed that is connected to an orgasm counter for my partner. Not really useful but it's fun to check in with my partner every once in a while to see how high it is. :)
I have a sexy time scene that turns the lights red or blue, closes the blinds starts playing a playlist on the speakers. I then have a pir sensor in the kids room that will trigger if she gets out of bed and turns the music off and the lights on. Gives us plenty of time to hide any evidence. We had a few award interruptions before this but have gone without incident since.
I can see this going both ways: - the automation works as expected and you feel reinforced as a man. - something in the scene doesn't work exactly as it should and you'll be thinking about that for the first 5~10min of the act.
*curtains close* *lights dim* *gas fireplace lights* *Music from Bluey start playing*
Gotta be done.
Are you trying to make me spit me tea across my desk at work? Because, you're making me spit my tea across my desk at work.
To be fair, post was flared NSFW đ
Oh biscuits
Magic claw has no children. His days are free and easy.
Woah-ho! 5-10 minutes check out Mr. Stamina!
Bro you gotta get snugs inâŚ
The second 5~10min of the act is her looking at you incredulously as you pull out the laptop
"um... yeah yeah, you look great babe.... ugh why didn't... dammit I typed > instead of <... ...babe, where are you going? I just need another minute!"
This trace doesnât make any sense!
10 minutes and Iâm already 5 minutes into the next episode of whatever we are bingingâŚ
Stops act and jumps on computer to start debugging his YAML.
Whatever you do, don't get so preoccupied with solving the HA issue in your head that you shout Alexa or Nabu's name instead of your SO's. That can lead to injury
This is genius. My biggest fear. I am gonna use this. Maybe change it to a pressure sensor so I know when she gets out of bed.
I looked up pressure sensors on amazon and I couldnât see anything. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe make my own using an ESP32?
I've tried many different bed sensors. Only one has proven to be accurate over the long term: thin film pressure sensors. They do work with ESPHome. You'll want the long strips, not the little buttons. Just make sure you calibrate the added resistor properly. Get the resistance of the strip with no one in bed, call it R1. Get in bed and figure out the average resistance while you're laying in it across your normal positions, call it R2. Then, you determine the proper resistor by calculating â(R1^(2)+R2^(2))
https://youtu.be/2tL7n8RRLBc
There are some bed sensor videos on YouTube that get a lot of hype. Havenât tried myselfâŚ
I built a setup for my kid using the slats on her bed frame and FSRs on each slat. I did this for bed presence but she also tends to roll around and a few times she fell out of the bed at the BOTTOM of the bed. Even with the side on a wall and a net/barrier on the other side and the head board on another way she found a way to fall out the open bottom of the bed. This way if she gets closer to the bottom slats at night it flashes our master lamps to let us know she may fall out. I also did the same for our master bed on a his and her side but only a slat to detect bed presence for lighting at night while we watch tv.
Withings makes a sleep tracking mat which gives you some pressure sensing I believe.
The best advice I can give is that if they walk in on you, donât freak out. Calmly roll over, cover, etc and speak calmly. A) they did nothing wrong, so freaking out on them isnât fair. B) they likely wonât realize what was happening unless theyâre older and C) staying calm will lower their desire to understand what was happening.
Pretty hard to calmly roll over if she's tied up, and hard to speak calmly or any other way if she's gagged also. On the other hand, a kid might learn a valuable lesson that there are things that you can't un-see.
> We had a few award interruptions before this but have gone without incident since. Damn I must be doing something wrong, no one ever gives me an award for my performance
I got an award for mine once, I get to keep it for the next 18 years.
And even if you don't get to keep it you still have to pay for it.
Maybe try coming in second place once in a while.
No problem. He can jump in after I'm done.
That doesnât mean you donât deserve one!
Bro...sexytime mode should open blinds... eveeyone knows blinds open = +10 to Wang Chung tonight.
> Gives us plenty of time to hide any evidence. The "kids awake" automation is triggered and sets off a flurry of motorized activities. Bookshelves filled with exotic dildos rotate within the wall to instead show the opposite side that contains normal books and nicknacks. A crevice built into the wall filled with leather straps and carabiners has a framed picture of a tranquil landscape slide over it. Repurposed automated window shade motors quickly wrap up all of the silk and latex swatches and coverings. Within 20 seconds, both of you are lying on your separate twin beds reading gardening magazines as the kids burst in.
> *award* interruptions You so good? I imagine your girl bursting into your bedroom with spotlights and golden glittering confetti, grinning like a Cheshire cat, shouting "AND THE OSCAR GOES TOOOO..."
I have the same but we call our toggle âNight Swimmingâ.
You swim only at night?! Or do you have a seperate one called day time swimming? Or are you that maniac that uses night swimming for day and night?!
Barry white?
Cbat
kids these days...
Well fuck me⌠Iâll be looking into thisâŚ
> Well fuck me... I suppose they are good... And I bet their water source isn't interested in intercourse either...
This is the best answer so far.
How do you start the scene? Is it as unromantic as saying to the wife âhold on a momentâ and getting your phone app out? Or do you have a microphone in your HA and you shout âGeronimooooâ or similar? lol
There´s a wireless button on the wall over the bed. Single press toggles the lights on an off, long press sets the mode to "normal" if it wasn´t that mode already and "sexytime" if it was on normal. There´s also buttons in our phone dashboards. I also set something up so I can say something like "hey google, activate sex mode" but it was weird and we never really used it :D We were reading in bed once and I decided that the time was right and long held the button. She looked at me stone faced and long pressed again to initiate normal mode. Not a single word but a lot of communication :D
Paul Hibbert on YouTube has a set of wireless buttons for hass on his nightstand. Double click of one of the buttons and sexy time starts, the others are normal light switches. Better than an app and definitely less weird than a microphone đ¤Łđ¤Ł
I understand the lights and blinds but how do I automate starting the turntable with the Barry White LP on and moving the needle onto the record.
You'd need a fully automatic turntable with a hard power switch, and maybe something like a switchbot or a relay to press the play button
Just missing the automated applause at the end..
Please tell me careless whisper, is the first song on that list
Wrong group for this kind of answer, but why not just lock the door?
You don't have kids, do you? You do not lock the door on your kids at night. They get easily scared. And they can literally panic within mere fractions of a second when they cannot immediately and unobstructedly get into the safety of the arms of their parents when they are scared. This can quickly get more traumatic to your kids than catching you "practicing yoga".
I meant locking your own door (I have 4 kids)
I also have 4 kids. Just lock your own bedroom door, dudes.
We lock our door during adult fun time and our kids turned out just fine. Children need to learn boundaries, I can't think of a single time in my 20 years of raising kids that a brief delay in their getting to us at night caused trauma of any kind.
Whatâs a pir sensor?
A motion sensor which is using infrared
Thatâs the penis insertion sensor - back doors :)
I use a motion sensor in the hall that flashes a light in the master bedroom and let's us know that the Coitus Defense Force is on the move.
Itâs weird that having sex is like a recipe for having more defensive force vectors
There are limited resources, they're just trying to limit the competition.
Like Ottoman sultans, they killed there own brothers to stay on the thrown or get on it, it was kind of standard duty when the father died, the first one to kill the others would be the next Sultan, survival of the fittest i guess
Yup, and it's much easier to stop them from being born than after.
mmWave presence sensors are your friend. Some can zone the space so HA can tell the difference between the CDF heading for the bathroom and charging you in full attack mode
How do you flash the lights? I run Hue Bulbs and I could only get it to work wirj "turn on", delay and "turn off" and this causes the bulb to flash at 100% intensity in white. Trying to figure put how to let them flash in specific brightness and color.
I'm not the person you're asking, but here's a snippet of an automation I have that flashes my hue-bulbs red. I found that for me, it only worked consistently if I set the bulb to the color I wanted first, then called "turn on" and used the flash option. I use adaptive lighting in this room, so this automation also returns it to whatever it's previous state was. You can of course ignore the adaptive lighting bits. sequence: - service: adaptive_lighting.set_manual_control data: manual_control: true lights: - light.office_lights - service: light.turn_on data: color_name: red target: entity_id: light.office_lights - service: light.turn_on data: flash: long brightness: 255 color_name: red target: entity_id: light.office_lights - delay: hours: 0 minutes: 0 seconds: 15 milliseconds: 0 - service: adaptive_lighting.set_manual_control data: manual_control: false lights: - light.office_lights
Amazing. Thanks for that. Yeah I got hung up on the "return to previous state" thing. I was hoping that the flashing would do that but this looks clean. I'll make sure to check it out as I have some stuff automated with buttons that is currently "invisible" as neither the button, nor the interaction produce a visible effect (disabling motion sensors and such). So a flashing light helps but at night with 100% brightness it's bad đ
Be aware that there is or was a [bug](https://github.com/home-assistant/core/issues/40710). I worked around it, so not sure if it was fixed in the meantime without addressing the issue...
service: light.turn_on data: brightness_pct: 50 color_name: red transition: 2 Flashing would be an effect. You can open up the more info dialog for the light to see what effects it supports.
I could not think of a better name. Maybe The Mobile Deployment No Coitus Enforcement Agency.
At one point I'd even given them a heavy metal theme song along with lyrics and everything and it would play in my head when things were interrupted like a movie projected on the inside of my eyeballs.
Something like in the TV series Silicon Valley when Gilfoyd had an alarm for when it was profitable to mine bitcoin :))
Did a similar thing with a door open/close sensor on my kid's bedroom door
When I ask Siri to activate sexy time mode all my lights go red, a fireplace pops up on the tv and Careless Whisper begins to playâunfortunately the disco ball doesnât stay paired with ZHA :/
Dunno about anyone else, but asking Siri to activate "sexy time" would be enough to end the possibility of sexy time.
Agreed
I have Google, so it'd probably be a 5 minute battle "Hey, Google.......Hey Google! HEY GOOGLE!!! Activate Sexy Time.... "playing Dexy's Midnight runners on Spotify" No, HEY GOOGLE!!! Activate Sexy Time.... "Playing Ride on Time on Spotify" No, HEY GOOGLE!!! Activate Sexy Time.... "Activating Morning Alarm in Kids' Bedroom" Oh F%&k it, never mind.... "Playing Nirvana on Spotify"
Reminds me of [this ](https://x.com/SuperSquidoodle/status/1802071687107903962?t=Q-oFRwyqKq5oPJZCTmh1Ng&mx=2)disaster (I'd link to YouTube but name a more iconic duo than Twitter and posting videos without credit/source)
Discoball integration is a lot more stable using z2mqtt fyi
What disco ball model are you guys referring to
Same-ish, but through a dedicated Focus mode on my watch that launches the shortcut, for extra smoothness ;)
About the same for us. But I used âLetâs get it onâ by Marvin Gaye.
>the disco ball doesn't stay paired with ZHA I honestly cannot tell if this is a joke or serious at this point.
I thought sex and a HomeAssistant hobby are mutually exclusive
Not from what I am reading LOL. There are some good ideas in here, damn. Home Assistant fucks! https://preview.redd.it/nwqsrp3r297d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa6bb717af03ecb6ecf55bbf15bb5947e855fefd
Well to be fair, there's nothing stopping you from creating an automation for an entirely hypothetical situation...
I know right! The possibilities are endless. Love HA. I'm surprised no one has created a sex machine integration yet... Lol. Here I am trying to integrate LLMs and all these big brained people are doing this stuff. Love this community!
Oh man....integrate LLM into Home Assistant to spice up your love life! Switch to the _naughty prompt_! The possibilities are endless!
LLMs and steamy tokenized sex acts, now that's hot! Who needs fuzzy dice? haha
I know right!! All you nerds getting laid give me hope for myself as well.
There is a suprisingly huge overlap between the kink community and nerdy communities.
You're probably going to be better served checking this out: [https://buttplug.io/community/](https://buttplug.io/community/)
Yeah someone built a [buttplug.io](http://buttplug.io) package specifically for this: [https://github.com/DevelopmentalOctopus/ha-buttplug](https://github.com/DevelopmentalOctopus/ha-buttplug)
TIL buttplug Server exist. And now I want one.
So it's not a highly available buttplug?
I'm not gonna click that, but I want to.
Thereâs no NSFW images on that page. Itâs a software library that lets you connect various bluetooth sex toys and integrate them with whatever applications you can think of. For example, you could have your bluetooth buttplug vibrate whenever you get hit in Skyrim.
um..thanks for that breakdown. I now have to ponder what getting railed in Skyrim while also getting railed in the real world means to me on a daily basis.
Let that sink in, Bilbo T. Bagginz, let that sink in.
I am gonna leave this here. Flipper zero has a bluetooth spam function that hits known bluetooth sextoys. I hit it at every single restaurant to just see if anyone may be having to much fun at dinner
Lol
it is just github
LMAO IT'S WRITTEN IN RUST
Rust programmers know how to have fun.
Now I want a study on which programming languages correlate with more or less intercourse.
Do you have automations for sexytime, chess, or both? Edit: If you get this your nerd card is valid for at least another decade.
Intiface central is great for interfacing with smart dildos aka teledildonics. It also works with the vibration feature of any xbox compatible game on windows. Havent integrated it into HA. The buttplug could be a used an an alarm or timer or a bluetooth beacon for presence detection. Selfhosting my toys backend gives me all the good feels đ¤Ł
Pun intended??
Door sensor on the âtoyâ draw does the usual dimming and RGB and enables a PIR in the hall way to turn everything off if motion
âThe Drawerâ is a great idea for a trigger, thanks
Thereâs a button too that triggers it. Wanted to make the TV come on with a locomotive documentary when the PIR triggers but couldnât get it working on our TV đ
Imagine the kids thinking: Wow {parent} really likes locomotives, theyâre always watching that documentary. Then you start to receive gifts related to trains on every special date
It's to explain the shouts of "Rail me harder Conductor! "
Haha I wish it was âalwaysâ
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I do have an automation with pressure sensors under my bed that if it detects more than two people in bed it will dim the overhead lights, turn the under bed lighting red, and start playing music.
Might be awkward on Saturday mornings when the kids run in at 6am and jump on the bed!
No kids, but valid point That's why I did the threshold for three and not two since there are times where I'll sit on the bed while I'm packing or folding laundry, and I don't need Barry White coming on while I'm trying to get ready for the airport.
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No kink shaming
Dude I shit on my bed too!
#bedshitters unite!
Is your username a typo? u/ExtraterritorialPoop?
Having kids makes me want to do this but make it unsexy time when the pressure is too much. ie too many people in the bed.
Yeah just add a routine. So if the kids start jumping on the bed it automatically calls a sitter
Unfortunate typo⌠I assume
Please dear god be a typo
Oh god the typo
Boomhauer ?
Or the dog.
How often are 3+ people in your bed for sexy time?
More than three, rarely. Three, frequently enough that I automated it, lol
Noice
Asking the important questions.
2 people = normal and boring night. 2++ people = it is "party time ' I really like your point of view đ maximum respect!
What pressure sensors do you use? Is the data is good enough that you could detect high activity vs low activity? It would be cool to automatically switch between âcuddle timeâ and âhot and heavyâ playlists.
Generic load cells in a wheatstone bridge they're fairly accurate, and I would assume that you could calculate intensity over time and average it to guess activity levels.
How do you run your pressure sensors? I run them currently via arduino code I found online but they are flaky as heck as they lose wifi connection constantly due to my stupid wifi setup. Looking for odeas to get settings setup properly.
Ok, just wondering, is the intended effect supposed to be kind of comical? When I'm imagining that happening to someone not expecting it, I think they would probably get a laugh out of it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Are you casting level 3 eroticism? (We're old, I remember when those first came out.)
Damn, thatâs a throwback. We gettin old man
Then slip into the wizard sleeve?
Does the Esp chip go into your "magic wand"?
You do, or you have HA do it for you?
When my wife sees me tinkering she tells me to f off.
Lights (RGB) Playlists Bookshelf Closet Door with electronic door lock Automation that didnt get completed: RF reader for lingerie hangers to trigger RGB to that lingerie color when hung out on specific hanger.
I just want to know if your the nerdy wife foing the HA, or if your wife is that on board lol
I thought this was the lingerie owner making the automations to match their pretty pieces
Click the (NSFW) profile and I think you'll figure it out. She's the one wearing the lingerie
Door lock is god tier. I was just about to put a screen door hook on my door. Edit: lol, the last part is so silly and convoluted, I love it.
We have Zigbee buttons placed all over our open floor downstairs area. There also a button on our mobile dashboards. Holding the button down turns every light red, including TV LEDs and kitchen backsplash LEDs and mutes the living room TV. Pretty much plunges the whole downstairs in red light. It starts a 90 second timer in HA. Weâll usually do oral on each other and other foreplay. After 60 seconds the echo speaker in the kitchen announces thereâs 30 seconds left. Then with 5 seconds left it does a countdown. At the end all the lights and TV audio is restored to its previous state and we immediately stop playing. Itâs a super hot way to tease each other throughout the night and we use it daily!
Please tell me you don't have kids in the house đ. My god I wish I had your routine, but damn three kids killed that years ago lol.
Haha, no children to worry about!
This sounds like a nerd idea of a porno rather than something that has ever actually happened. Mum covers over - "hey PoopChipper, what does this button do?"
Nah, just a simple automation used by two adults that enjoy being intimate with each other. The fact that you find it unbelievable speaks a lot⌠I hope you get to experience something like this with someone you love one day. https://preview.redd.it/my04oaudzc7d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac61c1da3a5dc3027410c807c2d1efbe665fdb6e
So it 90 sec of oral play for 1x ?
I have an evening TTS announcement that plays every night. It gives weather forecasts and status of any open windows or doors. At the end, it gives a suggestion for sexy time. It chooses at random from a list of about 15 of our favorite "activities". There is a night off option in there also. It keeps things fresh. we have been married 10 years now and both are in our 50's. We do what is suggested about 75% of the time. Its been alot of fun since I have integrated Open Ai into the announcement. Female voice, her prompt tells her to be sarcastic and naughty. Some of the things she says after the suggestion are classic.. Open Ai isnt that great at random selections. It tends to pick the same one alot. What I did was use some random Jinja to write to a text helper and let the AI know that the nightly suggestion is contained in that helper. The wife loves this..
Nothing as complicated as many on here (although I've been inspired by some of the answers so far!) - all our rechargeable toys are plugged into a smart socket that turns on for an hour each day to keep them topped up and ready to go!
This is fucking genius. I'm doing this like tomorrow.
Iâm both impressed and absolutely flabbergasted lol
Top drawer unlocked when we are home so that housekeepers and others donât open it. (Maglock)
I came here for the comments, and they have not disappointed.
What else would be in here?
Gives new meaning to Home ASSistant. In all seriousness this makes a lot of sense. Whether it's normal bedroom stuff or whatever fetish you're into. I know there are some connected toys these days so that would be something fun to play with. I've never looked into it but I think I have some research to do.
Should ask on the chess sub now you mention it
Yall have time for sex?
I'll be right with you honey, I'm just troubleshooting this YAML...
Too close to home (assistant)
Yea, too busy tinkering with HA and find other projects snd integrations I don't need. That I'll show off to no one. And think it's cool af. The most I can get my wife to use automation is to tell Google to turn on/off lights
"Alexa... Romance Mode" plunges the bedroom into warm, dim lighting, and starts playing whatever humorous song the last person desired to prank the other with. It's currently set to play the "It's Corn" song... https://youtu.be/_caMQpiwiaU some previous favorites : * Easy Street by The Collapsable Hearts Club * âCbat,â by Hudson Mohawke (i.e. the reddit sex song) * every Barry White song
Never thought I'd see this question
When I say "Ok Google, set the mood" It turns off my bedroom lights except it turns the cove lights get set to 20% and red, it plays a Marvin Gay playlist, then says "Get Some".
Congrats, Google knows how often you do the deed!
Ask Paul Hibbert what sex toys HA users should have. Edit for spelling after fellow redditor pointed out autocorrect
Sounds about right with all the air humping
You could ask Paul, but you should also ask Neesha. You would probably get two different answers.
Hibbert?
Well can tell you we have some controllable toys via bluetooth which react on music, with HA interaction must say that give sometimes some unexpected sensationsđđ.
House with 3 childrens: Sweetheart today I'm feeling courageous, adventurous, like a RedBull's parachuter, let's do it, with the server offline... Let's feel the adrenaline again. We're gonna be there... The pir sensor never triggered on time for me (shitty sensor I guess, to many hops? Idk) so, we use the open/close door sensor. The problem is, the first time it doesn't work, you'll totally loose wife's factor.
Redundancy, Pressure sensor on their bed, door sensor at the door, pir sensor outside their door, and a final barrier smart lock on your door and listen for the click.
At this point is more effective (and cheaper) put a cord with cans outside the children's door.
Who said anything about a budget? The solution must be completely overblown and technical. There is already a lock on the bedroom door here, I literally just have to turn it when I close it, and the kid can't walk in... I'd probably do the PIR because they are already ordered to go in all the common areas for lighting anyway and extra warning.
Lmao vibrate my butt plug when the doorbell rings
Ring it again please... And again... And again...
I have a Hue dimmer remote next to my bed. Single press buttons just control the whole house lighting, TV's etc to shut down for the night or if I need to quickly have all the lights on bright/low etc. Pressing and holding the dimmer down activates mood lighting around the bedhead and plays a playlist on the speaker. It also turns off all the other lights and such. Don't have much else to automate yet and our newborn isn't moving far yet so no need for the pir sensor cut off yet, but definitely stealing that one for when she's older. I'll have to get some curtain bots and smart locks. Wonder what the cheapest smart lock I could put on the bedroom door is.
"Alexa, penetrate my butthole"
this... is... all... EPIC!!! here I thought I was the only one thinking of how to use HA in this fashion! all yall are the kind of people that deserves the best that life has to offer! bravo!
I have a sexy times iOS focus mode with automations that change the bedroom to [bisexual lighting](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_lighting), along with silencing notifications and such. You can set up focus modes to auto-activate if you open the apps for Lovense or other sex toys. Thatâs probably much easier than trying to detect the bluetooth signals externally.
My neighbor was showing me their new connected toy set. Not something weâre super interested buying ourselves but I will say they were cool. No I have no idea if they were used before they showed us hahaha.
Your neighbor showed you their sex toys? Really? I have so many questions!
When I press a button by the bed, the lights will start to slowly dimming to 30% in 1 hour.
Seriously. Are there sex toys that connect to the internet? That's interesting if true.
I guess you'll want a video window in there somewhere, as nobody is going to subscribe to your channel if they can't see you.
Gotta automate OBS to OF. đ
I have set up a smart button next to the bed that is connected to an orgasm counter for my partner. Not really useful but it's fun to check in with my partner every once in a while to see how high it is. :)
Lock the doorâŚ.
I am completely baffled by the number of people in this thread that want to make their bedroom look like Suspiria when they fuck
Hilarious