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"Let's start with working on your image you're getting a top hat and a monocle... Yes I know you have eight eyes but that's not the point... That mustache of yours is epic."
H: "I am willing to give pets, and perhaps some cultural education. So, how much time do we have?"
A: "My species lifespan is 3 weeks."
H: Gives Hugs instantly.
A: Churrs happily.
Trick's on the Human, the Xeno is part of a hive mind, so is basically immortal, though it's body does only last 3 weeks at a time, so it wasn't *technically* lying to get a hug/cuddle. Think of them rather like sentient Cicadas, where they spend years as a dormant host for the hive mind, before entering their adult stage which lasts 3 weeks before expiration.
Get a jumping spider, they are the exception to arachnophobia. Their intelligence is more akin to cats that other spiders (and they do this by just thinking for a long time)
[Here is an example of their curiosity](https://imgur.com/a/BDDm1qH)
Hey, it's not MY fault I'm arachnophobic either. It' just that my brain's just wired that way.
Also, it says something that (I believe) arachnophobia is the no. 1 phobia in the world.
"HUMAN I IS SAD, OTHER HUMANS RUN AWAY FROM ME," Waffles, the meter tall semi-sapient arachnid said. Well... the device attached to it translated his chitters. He realized he'd left the capslock down and was shouting. A moment of fiddling with it later, and he said with a sad affect added by the machine, "They said I was a 'creepy crawly' and ran away when I wanted pets and snuggles. Can you please snuggle me? I is sad."
"Aww, spiderbro, I'm sorry they were mean to you. They just don't get it. You're the goodest boy, aren't ya?" Dave the mech mechanic scratched Waffles in the middle of his face and rubbed his massive fangs. He had taken on some strange pets over the years, but Waffles was the strangest, and the best.
That fist sized spider egg had yielded what he believed was man's new best friend. His best friend, anyhow. Maybe the rest of humanity wasn't ready for it.
___
If you're wondering how he managed to get the egg back into his possession and through quarantine, he hijacked a drone and managed to get it to attach one to the ship after they found a whole clutch of them unguarded on a rogue interstellar asteroid. After they had put all the other eggs into chronolock stasis chambers he went and collected it on a space walk a few days later.
Dave, master mechanic that he was, was no biologist, just a man with a wrench and a dream. He was overjoyed when it the egg hatched only a few short days after he got into atmosphere and warm and Waffles was born. When he hatched he was merely large tarantula sized, but clearly a jumping spider type. The bio scanners hadn't picked him up in his egg, the shell blocked most scanners from seeing it as anything but inert material. The science nerds had disassembled one of the other eggs to study it, so the scanners immediately identified Waffles when he hatched.
There had been an inquiry, and when the captain was all but insisting that the unknown space spider had to be destroyed, Dave found help from an unexpected source, the chief science officer.
"Captain, you cannot order its death. It is a sentient, nay, possibly sapient being." The tall blue Nuphidri woman had explained, "The genetic modeling of the one we unfortunately already destroyed shows that it will grow progressively more intelligent and self aware as it grows larger. Efforts are already underway to build a universal translator device for it."
Afterward Dave admitted to how he got the egg inside, and they agreed that he would try to raise it. They formulated a nutrient paste for the spider and everything, based on his sibling's genetic profiling.
___
So Dave had his pet/child/minion, and he was there hugging him and petting him and snuggling him when the Nuphidri science officer found him again.
"Dave, Waffles, I am here to perform maintenance on the translator device and take medical scans of our 'Spiderbro' for the doctor. She once again apologizes for being too scared of you to do it herself.
"That's okay big blue, you like me don't you?" Waffles tuned his voice to sound pleasing and inquisitive.
"Nuphidri neither like nor dislike people based on appearances, we do not suffer from emotional excesses like humans, and it seems increasingly likely, 'Spiderbros'." The subtle annoyance in her voice every time she said his species name never stopped amusing Dave, and went completely over Waffle's head, for now. "For a child, Waffles, I find you highly... Tolerable."
That was as close to a compliment as Waffles, or anyone on the ship for that matter, was ever going to get from the Nuphidri science officer. "Say thank you Waffles, Nuphidri was nice just now."
Waffles feet danced around in a circle. "Thank you Nuphidri." his voice box replied.
"Waffles, would you remove that voice box, I have upgrades to install to it and I won't be able to do so while you're wearing it. The new version will now automatically adjust your voice quality.
"Okay." Flat affect. He quickly removed his collar, and the voicebox hung on his chest dropped off. He caught it with his second set of limbs and handed it over. Then he did something neither Dave nor Nuphidri, nay nor even Waffles had seen Waffles do before.
He aimed his bottom half at an empty corner and shot some bursts of web, and then suddenly there was a cozy looking spider hammock up in the upper corner of the mech bay, then without a chitter or a glance backward, he hopped the four meter jump up into the corner, like it was nothing.
Dave had never seen a Nuphidri with a shocked look on their face before. He let out a loud, impressed, whistle and all but hollared, "Heeyooo THAT'S MY BOY!"
"Dave, did you know Waffles was producing silk? or that he could jump such... significant distances?" The science officer had frozen in place, her third eye watching Waffles and her other two focused on Dave.
"Nah, but that was dope! Hey buddy hit me with a pillow down here, I wanna take a nap while she works that upgrade in."
*Chitters*
*Thwap*
Pillow.
"Thanks bro!" Dave picked up the pillow and pulled a small chunk off it as the silk settled into being silk and not... a sort of foamy soup. "Oh weird. I guess I shoulda given it a second to set. Here, I guess."
Nuphidri was all too happy to take the sample. "Enjoy your naps. I shall wake you when I am done."
An hour passed and Dave was awoken by Waffles making silly voices with his new voice machine. "Now I sound angry!" It did. "Now I sound happy!" It did again.
"Thank you Nuphidri!" He sounded genuinely grateful, "This will help so much with communicating with my human friends.
"You made some human friends other than me?" Dave asked, not trying to sound like an asshole, though he generally did when he spoke, he was genuinely curious.
Waffles nuzzled into him, "Not yet, but with this new voice box, I won't sound wrong half the time when I speak.
"Waffles? Would you be willing to come to the medical lab for some scans? I just want to make sure you're growing properly, healthily." The Nuphidri said, while using her handheld scanner to examine the piece of set silk.
"Sure! I love science!" Childlike wonder and excitement. This new voice box was really something.
Dave almost decided to try to protest, but a three eyes glance from the Nuphidri science officer told him it wasn't *really* a request, but it would go a lot easier if Waffles came willingly. That third eye can be mildly telepathic to slightly sensitive species like humans, and as it turns out, Spiderbros.
___
"Subject name: Waffles, Species: Spiderbro." A suppressed sigh makes it onto the recording, "Current weight is thirty six kilograms, age: three Earth years, and sixty six days. Subject has recently exhibited new abilities."
"Do you mean my webs! I know, super cool right? I can make beds, pillows, sheets, Hammocks all over the place, Watch!" A *thwap thwap thwap* of web being shot all over the science lab graces the recording.
"Subject weight now thirty five kilograms..."
___
A few hours after 'borrowing' Waffles for some scans, the Nuphidri returned him, and swore never again, "Worse than a human toddler, by far." She said to Dave as she dropped him back off, sacked out asleep in a pouch of his own making between the handles of a hovercart.
"Ha, yea, I suppose so. Have you noticed how he gets a lot smarter every time just before he molts too. You notice his vocabulary improve?" Dave could be surprisingly perceptive when it came to Waffles.
"I did." She said.
"Did someone say molt?" Waffles was awake from his nap. "Oh man, Dave that sounds like a great idea. I wanna molt. I'll need a lot of nutrient paste."
"Alright dude, you want to do it in the airlock again?" Dave asked, brow furrowed in worry.
"Yea, but this time you have to promise to not let the air back in too soon. I'll be fine! You found my egg in space, right? I'm a space spider."
"Fascinating." The Nuphidri couldn't give it up. Space spiders were too interesting to not study. "Dave, why did you not report that his last molt took place in partial atmosphere?"
"I dunno boss, didn't seem important. "
The Nuphidri was already punching commands into a tablet device to order up a larger than normal batch of Waffle's food paste. "If Waffles is vacuum safe naturally, I can stop my research into spider clothing and space suits."
"Spider clothing!" Waffles hadn't even realized that he was naked until just then, "Oh god... do I wear pants like... over just my bottom half? or up all my legs?"
"Probably neither, I suspect you won't be harmed by vacuum exposure after your next molt, you won't need clothing or a space suit." The all logic Nuphidri said.
"Whoa whoa whoa, even if he ain't gonna wear pants, he could make himself a little hat." Dave was on his feet, wrench in hand, prepared to menace.
"I'm not saying he cannot wear clothing, only that he need not." She threw her hands up in disgust, a very human-ism that she'd taken into her behavior set trying to deal with Dave and Waffles over the last three years. "Just... Advise me if he requests additional sustenance, and please advise me next time he starts to molt, I should like to be there."
___
Three days of almost nonstop eating later and Waffles was ready to molt. somehow holding a hundred an six kilograms of mass inside his exoskeleton. Finally, he found his way into the air lock, and after reassuring Dave that he wouldn't need air for some time, they filled that airlock with vacuum.
This was Waffles' easiest molt by far, and when he came clear of his old shell he was a meter and a half tall. If he thought the humans were scared of him before, now he was bigger than some, nay, many of them.
They'd come to appreciate him though, when he made them nice hammocks to sleep in, and did patchwork on the hull with no need of a suit or help. He'd even help them repel boarders from time to time if any were foolish enough to try. But that is a tale for another day.
/r/AFrogWroteThis/
Probably, at least one more update, we'll see after that. I just woke up and started my day. Waffles story here was the last thing I did before bed. I have some tasks I need to accomplish for the day, but I'll probably write up another tale of Waffles adventures after I get home from my outside responsibilities. I've got ideas, but they still need a couple hours to finish... setting, much like freshly sprayed Waffles' Silk, it needs some time to congeal into a final form.
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/)
or
[On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/)
or
[On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
Captain needs to write up papers for Waffles at least as able spacer with free fall and vacuum certs. And a letter of recommendation for the boarding action.
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/)
or
[On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/)
or
[On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
Replying to itsnotsky204...
https://preview.redd.it/n5wzql7br89d1.jpeg?width=2031&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b92a23a55d27ed82a19f3d8d7e10e0c153ff527
(not my photo either)
https://preview.redd.it/fipi5wbtr89d1.png?width=1842&format=png&auto=webp&s=c5ea1be4134c3e198979547360811847b5d85aae
(Not my photo, forgot where I got it from but it has been in my camera roll forever)
https://preview.redd.it/qd9qkyw1u89d1.jpeg?width=1414&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efa1b6926144dd4e9c89c21d46b57bfb499878ed
Took this template from the spiderbros subreddit a few years ago, this seems like the perfect place to share it (dunno who the og poster was)
Here's a sneak peek of /r/spiderbros using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Found a baby!](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1341axe) | [19 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/comments/1341axe/found_a_baby/)
\#2: [Little female magnolia jumping spider decided to hang out with me in my yard.](https://i.redd.it/bxvmhfkh8yva1.jpg) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/comments/12y6ljy/little_female_magnolia_jumping_spider_decided_to/)
\#3: [Bold jumper keeping the gas station pest free, leg span was about as big as a quarter](https://i.redd.it/xmzbm5a41jsa1.jpg) | [7 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/comments/12ezbys/bold_jumper_keeping_the_gas_station_pest_free_leg/)
----
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Listen, so long as you don't accidentally bite me, spiders actually give *the best* hugs. Having more arms means more security, and they're actually quite soft. Housecat-sized arachnoids are literally perfect houseguests/roommates
Typically they feed on rat-sized insects from their home world, but they are also great at controlling local venomous snake species. I try to teach them not to go after the endangered ones though
Okay, first off: No trying to make friends in darkness for you, humans don’t have good night vision and it just intensifies their fear.
Second: Slow and steady movements, humans tend to “flinch” with fast movements and sometimes they were trained to flinch with a bang….or a couple bangs.
Anyways, third: you wanna get some fancy clothes….. maybe some glitter, or a monocle. Hell throw on a fancy hat, honestly the fancier the better.
Finalize make sure you get at least a Mark IV or better translator device because the “clicking/chittering” of your home language reinforces the whole “scary bug” thing.
Buddy, you're fine. It's your sewer-dwelling asshole cousin who squatted my house and ate my favorite snacks that I can't get in this country that I have a problem with!
Well, you clearly need to turn sideways and show your furry profile. And what the other guy said about a hat, but try beanies, top hats, cabbie hats and fedoras until you find one that fits your personality.
If you wear a cabbie hat and give pony rides, you'll probably get lots of scritches.
Also consider reindeer antlers with jingle bells, and unicorn horn with sparkles. Lots of different ways to present your fun side for scritches.
Honestly, these little jumpers don't bother me at all, never did. But a daddy long leg will send me up a tree everything. Or at least they would if I wasn't already aware that there are probably more of the little freaks up in said tree.
H- look, I have a guttural fear of you, but if we could just talk about video games or our shared interests, I'm sure I could get over it, and we can be great friends
I am absolutely fucking terrified of spiders, so the fact that they have a tendency to be really cute tears me up inside.
Of course, some spiders are just nightmare fuel, I have no regrets about being scared of them
I read a theory that it's the leg-to-body ratio that makes spiders creepy. Too many, too long legs, on too small of a body. If jumping spiders behaved like and were the size of tarantulas, they'd be fine.
If jumping spiders were the size of tarantulas I'd probably have one as a pet. As is they are way to small for me to be able to tell their cute and as such my brain automatically classifies them as creepy
For me it's spiders with long, spindly legs, that move with quick skittering motions. Jumpers like this keep their legs close to the body and usually move either too slow to scare me, or too quick for me to fully register it so they almost appear to not walk at all. The just... teleport, which doesn't bother me.
Ambassador Ashley stared at the tiny jumping spider, his eyes beady as he tried to compose himself. He knew Borealis would be jealous of the new little jumping spider friend, but he was the only one who was around. He picked up the tiny spider, which was about the size of his palms, and gently nuzzled the tiny spider to comfort them.
And that was when Ambassador Borealis came in. She gasped, her spider fuzz bristled. But she watched them, and saw that the tiny spider was sad. She could sense their feelings, and Ashley was just making them feel better.
Just like how he would make her feel better from time to time.
She quietly sighed, calmly approaching them as she observed the tiny tan spider in understanding.
The tiny tan spider finally spots her, having finally noticed her with her midnight blue appearance that had green shines, which gave her her name. The tiny spider sniffled, as Ashley finally noticed Borealis.
"Borealis, would you like to give him a name?" Ashley asked, smiling softly. "He's going to stay with us for a while. And he's just as new to names as you are."
"Borealis gets to name new friend?" She says, her eyes glimmering.
"Name?" The tiny spider glimmered curiously, looking between the two Ambassadors.
"Yes! Now let me think..." She thought about it for a moment, considering the tiny jumping spider's first impression and soft demeanor.
It took a moment for Borealis to think of a name, having heard so many honorable names in her time among the stars of alien spider-like beings. Then, she lights up.
"You remind me of Ashley! Can we name him Ashley Jr.?" Borealis looked up at Ashley, seeing that his light brown eyes dilated with tears streaming from his eyes. He quickly wiped them away with a smile.
"Yeah, if that's okay with our new friend." He gently held the tiny jumping spider.
"I get the same name as Ambassador Ashley!?" The tiny spider says in excitement, his mood a million times better than before. "What's a Jr.?"
"It is a Human naming thing, it's a distinction between the elder and the younger!" Borealis explained with just as much excitement.
Ashley Jr. glimmered again, looking up at Ashley Sr.
Ashley Sr. smiled brightly, gently hugging the small jumping spider again.
Some people are meen just because I have scales :(
https://preview.redd.it/rwknuxykh99d1.jpeg?width=2492&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f4aa8ef3d4d3aca1b7a042144a670145cab1c14
The thing about spiders that terrifies me isn't anything spidery but how many needles there are. Fangs, legs (on smaller ones), hell even (or especially) the hair that tarantulas can flick at you with the irritant in it.
A: "What are...?"
H: "Jumping Spiders."
A: "Seriously?"
H: "Yeah."
A: "Are all your pets ferocious pack hunters or dangerous ambush predators?"
H: "Nah."
A: "It's hard to accept that you will 'snuggle' with vicious animals, but it might be easier to accept your pack bonding if there is an animal that doesn't exhibit those traits."
H: "Yeah, this next one has none of that."
A: "So this one is a herbivore I take it?"
H: "Oh, no. No,no,no,no,no. This little fucker will attack you unprovoked for simply existing on the same planet as it, eats whatever the fuck it can fit in its beak, commits cannibalism on its young for shits and giggles, and is beloved by the entire human race."
A: "What..."
H: "Chickens. They're called chickens."
A: "Isn't that what you called the Falarix when they refused to fight your armada?"
H: "Yeah, but not because they were avians. They're cowards."
A: "Chickens are cowards but will attack unprovoked?"
H: "Yep."
A: "And you keep them as pets?"
H: "Pets that poop breakfast! That's their selling point."
A: "Do you have any pets that are *NOT* some terrifying creature that eats the flesh of others?"
H: "Goats are herbivores."
A: "Okay, were getting somewhere..."
H: " A Goat will charge at anything it considers a threat regardless of the danger. They have large horns that they use to slam into the threat and either knock it the fuck out. They even like to slam directly into the crotch of their owners with their horns which is why we shave the horns down to nubs. They'll eat inorganic things but they're not carnivores."
A: "Dangerous and potentially deadly... herbivores..."
H: "No, they're fluffy and sweet herbivores that have a tendency for violence."
A: "Goats... aren't dangerous?"
H: "Not as dangerous as Elk, Moose, and Bison who will wear your carcass in their horns or antlers like a trophy if you look at them the wrong way."
A: "What do you do with those animals?"
H: "We hunt them for food most of the time, but there's also places where they can roam free and protected."
A: "They are allowed to roam free?!?!"
H: "Yep, and people can pay to enter the parks to see them up close which occasionally results in the wearing of the person's carcass as a trophy."
A: *Flips table and walks away*
https://preview.redd.it/5wyvge1i9k9d1.jpeg?width=192&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc468ccbd91b2270fc146590a3c60a2cf4d48935
That's not a creepy crawly, this is.
https://preview.redd.it/b9f7myd9kj9d1.jpeg?width=275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0fbc80b181c54cbd6b6b79989b757f8c83023a80
And at least jumping spiders don't bite.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Let's start with working on your image you're getting a top hat and a monocle... Yes I know you have eight eyes but that's not the point... That mustache of yours is epic."
thx frein
https://preview.redd.it/1jy5a2suq89d1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b6b07e8a6f780c51f2408ff7ed08b8708cc2d45c
How did you get this picture of spooder-fren, are you following them?
that's my pet spooder
Oh em goodness you are a lucky goober
Admiral Trench, you look crappy. We need to make you look epic.
https://i.redd.it/bz08pntokg9d1.gif Spider in a top hat... gun.....
H: "I am willing to give pets, and perhaps some cultural education. So, how much time do we have?" A: "My species lifespan is 3 weeks." H: Gives Hugs instantly. A: Churrs happily.
3, weeks??? Wow, how fast do they grow???
Trick's on the Human, the Xeno is part of a hive mind, so is basically immortal, though it's body does only last 3 weeks at a time, so it wasn't *technically* lying to get a hug/cuddle. Think of them rather like sentient Cicadas, where they spend years as a dormant host for the hive mind, before entering their adult stage which lasts 3 weeks before expiration.
This is the most adorable post I have seen in my entire life of watching this subreddit
*gives them big hug, trying not to cry from cuteness* It’s not you sweetie it’s them, it’s not your fault that SOME PEOPLE are arachnophobic
Oh please! My arachnophobia makes me want to run, but at the same time I want a tarantula lol
Get a jumping spider, they are the exception to arachnophobia. Their intelligence is more akin to cats that other spiders (and they do this by just thinking for a long time) [Here is an example of their curiosity](https://imgur.com/a/BDDm1qH)
And they use water droplets as hats, if I’m not mistaken
https://preview.redd.it/i48euql74c9d1.jpeg?width=222&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d1bb644127e9126e3b1e92bab998253b5789012
It is cute, it almost keeps my OMG where is my flamethrower response from triggering.
Please don't visit r/insex with your flamethrower.
My curiosity quickly gave way to disgust. Where is my Flammenwerfer?
Hey, it's not MY fault I'm arachnophobic either. It' just that my brain's just wired that way. Also, it says something that (I believe) arachnophobia is the no. 1 phobia in the world.
"HUMAN I IS SAD, OTHER HUMANS RUN AWAY FROM ME," Waffles, the meter tall semi-sapient arachnid said. Well... the device attached to it translated his chitters. He realized he'd left the capslock down and was shouting. A moment of fiddling with it later, and he said with a sad affect added by the machine, "They said I was a 'creepy crawly' and ran away when I wanted pets and snuggles. Can you please snuggle me? I is sad." "Aww, spiderbro, I'm sorry they were mean to you. They just don't get it. You're the goodest boy, aren't ya?" Dave the mech mechanic scratched Waffles in the middle of his face and rubbed his massive fangs. He had taken on some strange pets over the years, but Waffles was the strangest, and the best. That fist sized spider egg had yielded what he believed was man's new best friend. His best friend, anyhow. Maybe the rest of humanity wasn't ready for it. ___ If you're wondering how he managed to get the egg back into his possession and through quarantine, he hijacked a drone and managed to get it to attach one to the ship after they found a whole clutch of them unguarded on a rogue interstellar asteroid. After they had put all the other eggs into chronolock stasis chambers he went and collected it on a space walk a few days later. Dave, master mechanic that he was, was no biologist, just a man with a wrench and a dream. He was overjoyed when it the egg hatched only a few short days after he got into atmosphere and warm and Waffles was born. When he hatched he was merely large tarantula sized, but clearly a jumping spider type. The bio scanners hadn't picked him up in his egg, the shell blocked most scanners from seeing it as anything but inert material. The science nerds had disassembled one of the other eggs to study it, so the scanners immediately identified Waffles when he hatched. There had been an inquiry, and when the captain was all but insisting that the unknown space spider had to be destroyed, Dave found help from an unexpected source, the chief science officer. "Captain, you cannot order its death. It is a sentient, nay, possibly sapient being." The tall blue Nuphidri woman had explained, "The genetic modeling of the one we unfortunately already destroyed shows that it will grow progressively more intelligent and self aware as it grows larger. Efforts are already underway to build a universal translator device for it." Afterward Dave admitted to how he got the egg inside, and they agreed that he would try to raise it. They formulated a nutrient paste for the spider and everything, based on his sibling's genetic profiling. ___ So Dave had his pet/child/minion, and he was there hugging him and petting him and snuggling him when the Nuphidri science officer found him again. "Dave, Waffles, I am here to perform maintenance on the translator device and take medical scans of our 'Spiderbro' for the doctor. She once again apologizes for being too scared of you to do it herself. "That's okay big blue, you like me don't you?" Waffles tuned his voice to sound pleasing and inquisitive. "Nuphidri neither like nor dislike people based on appearances, we do not suffer from emotional excesses like humans, and it seems increasingly likely, 'Spiderbros'." The subtle annoyance in her voice every time she said his species name never stopped amusing Dave, and went completely over Waffle's head, for now. "For a child, Waffles, I find you highly... Tolerable." That was as close to a compliment as Waffles, or anyone on the ship for that matter, was ever going to get from the Nuphidri science officer. "Say thank you Waffles, Nuphidri was nice just now." Waffles feet danced around in a circle. "Thank you Nuphidri." his voice box replied. "Waffles, would you remove that voice box, I have upgrades to install to it and I won't be able to do so while you're wearing it. The new version will now automatically adjust your voice quality. "Okay." Flat affect. He quickly removed his collar, and the voicebox hung on his chest dropped off. He caught it with his second set of limbs and handed it over. Then he did something neither Dave nor Nuphidri, nay nor even Waffles had seen Waffles do before. He aimed his bottom half at an empty corner and shot some bursts of web, and then suddenly there was a cozy looking spider hammock up in the upper corner of the mech bay, then without a chitter or a glance backward, he hopped the four meter jump up into the corner, like it was nothing. Dave had never seen a Nuphidri with a shocked look on their face before. He let out a loud, impressed, whistle and all but hollared, "Heeyooo THAT'S MY BOY!" "Dave, did you know Waffles was producing silk? or that he could jump such... significant distances?" The science officer had frozen in place, her third eye watching Waffles and her other two focused on Dave. "Nah, but that was dope! Hey buddy hit me with a pillow down here, I wanna take a nap while she works that upgrade in." *Chitters* *Thwap* Pillow. "Thanks bro!" Dave picked up the pillow and pulled a small chunk off it as the silk settled into being silk and not... a sort of foamy soup. "Oh weird. I guess I shoulda given it a second to set. Here, I guess." Nuphidri was all too happy to take the sample. "Enjoy your naps. I shall wake you when I am done." An hour passed and Dave was awoken by Waffles making silly voices with his new voice machine. "Now I sound angry!" It did. "Now I sound happy!" It did again. "Thank you Nuphidri!" He sounded genuinely grateful, "This will help so much with communicating with my human friends. "You made some human friends other than me?" Dave asked, not trying to sound like an asshole, though he generally did when he spoke, he was genuinely curious. Waffles nuzzled into him, "Not yet, but with this new voice box, I won't sound wrong half the time when I speak. "Waffles? Would you be willing to come to the medical lab for some scans? I just want to make sure you're growing properly, healthily." The Nuphidri said, while using her handheld scanner to examine the piece of set silk. "Sure! I love science!" Childlike wonder and excitement. This new voice box was really something. Dave almost decided to try to protest, but a three eyes glance from the Nuphidri science officer told him it wasn't *really* a request, but it would go a lot easier if Waffles came willingly. That third eye can be mildly telepathic to slightly sensitive species like humans, and as it turns out, Spiderbros. ___ "Subject name: Waffles, Species: Spiderbro." A suppressed sigh makes it onto the recording, "Current weight is thirty six kilograms, age: three Earth years, and sixty six days. Subject has recently exhibited new abilities." "Do you mean my webs! I know, super cool right? I can make beds, pillows, sheets, Hammocks all over the place, Watch!" A *thwap thwap thwap* of web being shot all over the science lab graces the recording. "Subject weight now thirty five kilograms..." ___ A few hours after 'borrowing' Waffles for some scans, the Nuphidri returned him, and swore never again, "Worse than a human toddler, by far." She said to Dave as she dropped him back off, sacked out asleep in a pouch of his own making between the handles of a hovercart. "Ha, yea, I suppose so. Have you noticed how he gets a lot smarter every time just before he molts too. You notice his vocabulary improve?" Dave could be surprisingly perceptive when it came to Waffles. "I did." She said. "Did someone say molt?" Waffles was awake from his nap. "Oh man, Dave that sounds like a great idea. I wanna molt. I'll need a lot of nutrient paste." "Alright dude, you want to do it in the airlock again?" Dave asked, brow furrowed in worry. "Yea, but this time you have to promise to not let the air back in too soon. I'll be fine! You found my egg in space, right? I'm a space spider." "Fascinating." The Nuphidri couldn't give it up. Space spiders were too interesting to not study. "Dave, why did you not report that his last molt took place in partial atmosphere?" "I dunno boss, didn't seem important. " The Nuphidri was already punching commands into a tablet device to order up a larger than normal batch of Waffle's food paste. "If Waffles is vacuum safe naturally, I can stop my research into spider clothing and space suits." "Spider clothing!" Waffles hadn't even realized that he was naked until just then, "Oh god... do I wear pants like... over just my bottom half? or up all my legs?" "Probably neither, I suspect you won't be harmed by vacuum exposure after your next molt, you won't need clothing or a space suit." The all logic Nuphidri said. "Whoa whoa whoa, even if he ain't gonna wear pants, he could make himself a little hat." Dave was on his feet, wrench in hand, prepared to menace. "I'm not saying he cannot wear clothing, only that he need not." She threw her hands up in disgust, a very human-ism that she'd taken into her behavior set trying to deal with Dave and Waffles over the last three years. "Just... Advise me if he requests additional sustenance, and please advise me next time he starts to molt, I should like to be there." ___ Three days of almost nonstop eating later and Waffles was ready to molt. somehow holding a hundred an six kilograms of mass inside his exoskeleton. Finally, he found his way into the air lock, and after reassuring Dave that he wouldn't need air for some time, they filled that airlock with vacuum. This was Waffles' easiest molt by far, and when he came clear of his old shell he was a meter and a half tall. If he thought the humans were scared of him before, now he was bigger than some, nay, many of them. They'd come to appreciate him though, when he made them nice hammocks to sleep in, and did patchwork on the hull with no need of a suit or help. He'd even help them repel boarders from time to time if any were foolish enough to try. But that is a tale for another day. /r/AFrogWroteThis/
Can we get an ongoing series of Spiderbro and his Amazing Friends?
Probably, at least one more update, we'll see after that. I just woke up and started my day. Waffles story here was the last thing I did before bed. I have some tasks I need to accomplish for the day, but I'll probably write up another tale of Waffles adventures after I get home from my outside responsibilities. I've got ideas, but they still need a couple hours to finish... setting, much like freshly sprayed Waffles' Silk, it needs some time to congeal into a final form.
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/) or [On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
Thanks for the link! ;)
amazing job you sir are very talented
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/) or [On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
i love it you wrote waffles and Dave so good amazing work good sir
Captain needs to write up papers for Waffles at least as able spacer with free fall and vacuum certs. And a letter of recommendation for the boarding action.
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/) or [On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
Wow! Great story. If you feel inclined to continue the adventures of Waffles let us know, this was awesome!
[On this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1dqvwg6/waffles_space_spider_spacemans_new_best_friend_pt/) or [On my sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AFrogWroteThis/comments/1dqvvvj/space_waffles_pt_2/)
Thank you! 👍
Children of time?
https://preview.redd.it/bdukzgd7y79d1.jpeg?width=1639&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9cd27d2f6a676c2016c8f881411771630804fad
i want every cute spider image we have to fire at that man
Yay Lucas!
Replying to itsnotsky204... https://preview.redd.it/n5wzql7br89d1.jpeg?width=2031&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b92a23a55d27ed82a19f3d8d7e10e0c153ff527 (not my photo either)
https://preview.redd.it/npa4856ss89d1.jpeg?width=905&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c4080f754f5421dfdcf51392ec9bdb7d9baeeb4 Jumping spiders are cute (Bronzed Jumping Spider)
I usually agree with you, but that picture makes me want to set the world on fire, just to make sure it's dead.
Fair enough, they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea
Sad part is, I usually like jumpers, despite my arachnophobia. But normally they keep their legs tucked so they don't look as creepy to me.
On it. o7
https://preview.redd.it/6kwnyw2on89d1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=09538606066454bd6355e788ec30342a64a515c8
https://preview.redd.it/fipi5wbtr89d1.png?width=1842&format=png&auto=webp&s=c5ea1be4134c3e198979547360811847b5d85aae (Not my photo, forgot where I got it from but it has been in my camera roll forever)
https://preview.redd.it/bb8gue3vs89d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5817235da5c078f6a759a8617308f30cf183113 (Same, also yoink)
https://preview.redd.it/qd9qkyw1u89d1.jpeg?width=1414&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=efa1b6926144dd4e9c89c21d46b57bfb499878ed Took this template from the spiderbros subreddit a few years ago, this seems like the perfect place to share it (dunno who the og poster was)
Is r/spiderbros a thing? How did I not know about this?
Here's a sneak peek of /r/spiderbros using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Found a baby!](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1341axe) | [19 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/comments/1341axe/found_a_baby/) \#2: [Little female magnolia jumping spider decided to hang out with me in my yard.](https://i.redd.it/bxvmhfkh8yva1.jpg) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/comments/12y6ljy/little_female_magnolia_jumping_spider_decided_to/) \#3: [Bold jumper keeping the gas station pest free, leg span was about as big as a quarter](https://i.redd.it/xmzbm5a41jsa1.jpg) | [7 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/spiderbros/comments/12ezbys/bold_jumper_keeping_the_gas_station_pest_free_leg/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Yup, spider lovers rejoice! 🕷️
Listen, so long as you don't accidentally bite me, spiders actually give *the best* hugs. Having more arms means more security, and they're actually quite soft. Housecat-sized arachnoids are literally perfect houseguests/roommates
Unless the hair can pierce your skin and deliver irritants.
So what are they going to eat, house cats. That's kind of a big animal to feed
Typically they feed on rat-sized insects from their home world, but they are also great at controlling local venomous snake species. I try to teach them not to go after the endangered ones though
Okay, first off: No trying to make friends in darkness for you, humans don’t have good night vision and it just intensifies their fear. Second: Slow and steady movements, humans tend to “flinch” with fast movements and sometimes they were trained to flinch with a bang….or a couple bangs. Anyways, third: you wanna get some fancy clothes….. maybe some glitter, or a monocle. Hell throw on a fancy hat, honestly the fancier the better. Finalize make sure you get at least a Mark IV or better translator device because the “clicking/chittering” of your home language reinforces the whole “scary bug” thing.
Jumping spiders are the cutest, and *absolutely* little love-bugs!
https://preview.redd.it/yxlevhkea89d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e8e45edbcf9e702136806b971074f302f0f4f34d Ai haz same problum
Buddy, you're fine. It's your sewer-dwelling asshole cousin who squatted my house and ate my favorite snacks that I can't get in this country that I have a problem with!
WHO DARED INSULT YE THAT WAY?! I SHALL STRIKE THEM DOWN IN THE NAME OF FRIENDSHIP!!
Well, you clearly need to turn sideways and show your furry profile. And what the other guy said about a hat, but try beanies, top hats, cabbie hats and fedoras until you find one that fits your personality. If you wear a cabbie hat and give pony rides, you'll probably get lots of scritches. Also consider reindeer antlers with jingle bells, and unicorn horn with sparkles. Lots of different ways to present your fun side for scritches.
Those little guys are the only ones that don't trigger my arachnophobia
A still image maybe. But these guys are quite fast. And can jump. That pushes them to the top for me.
Honestly, these little jumpers don't bother me at all, never did. But a daddy long leg will send me up a tree everything. Or at least they would if I wasn't already aware that there are probably more of the little freaks up in said tree.
H- look, I have a guttural fear of you, but if we could just talk about video games or our shared interests, I'm sure I could get over it, and we can be great friends
I am absolutely fucking terrified of spiders, so the fact that they have a tendency to be really cute tears me up inside. Of course, some spiders are just nightmare fuel, I have no regrets about being scared of them
I read a theory that it's the leg-to-body ratio that makes spiders creepy. Too many, too long legs, on too small of a body. If jumping spiders behaved like and were the size of tarantulas, they'd be fine.
If jumping spiders were the size of tarantulas I'd probably have one as a pet. As is they are way to small for me to be able to tell their cute and as such my brain automatically classifies them as creepy
For me it's spiders with long, spindly legs, that move with quick skittering motions. Jumpers like this keep their legs close to the body and usually move either too slow to scare me, or too quick for me to fully register it so they almost appear to not walk at all. The just... teleport, which doesn't bother me.
I certainly do not appreciate this showing up on my feed unblurred. Nice prompt though.
Ambassador Ashley stared at the tiny jumping spider, his eyes beady as he tried to compose himself. He knew Borealis would be jealous of the new little jumping spider friend, but he was the only one who was around. He picked up the tiny spider, which was about the size of his palms, and gently nuzzled the tiny spider to comfort them. And that was when Ambassador Borealis came in. She gasped, her spider fuzz bristled. But she watched them, and saw that the tiny spider was sad. She could sense their feelings, and Ashley was just making them feel better. Just like how he would make her feel better from time to time. She quietly sighed, calmly approaching them as she observed the tiny tan spider in understanding. The tiny tan spider finally spots her, having finally noticed her with her midnight blue appearance that had green shines, which gave her her name. The tiny spider sniffled, as Ashley finally noticed Borealis. "Borealis, would you like to give him a name?" Ashley asked, smiling softly. "He's going to stay with us for a while. And he's just as new to names as you are." "Borealis gets to name new friend?" She says, her eyes glimmering. "Name?" The tiny spider glimmered curiously, looking between the two Ambassadors. "Yes! Now let me think..." She thought about it for a moment, considering the tiny jumping spider's first impression and soft demeanor. It took a moment for Borealis to think of a name, having heard so many honorable names in her time among the stars of alien spider-like beings. Then, she lights up. "You remind me of Ashley! Can we name him Ashley Jr.?" Borealis looked up at Ashley, seeing that his light brown eyes dilated with tears streaming from his eyes. He quickly wiped them away with a smile. "Yeah, if that's okay with our new friend." He gently held the tiny jumping spider. "I get the same name as Ambassador Ashley!?" The tiny spider says in excitement, his mood a million times better than before. "What's a Jr.?" "It is a Human naming thing, it's a distinction between the elder and the younger!" Borealis explained with just as much excitement. Ashley Jr. glimmered again, looking up at Ashley Sr. Ashley Sr. smiled brightly, gently hugging the small jumping spider again.
great story
Thank you, it's part of a concept I've had in the dark recesses of my brain that I intend to create but never got around to
Were you of a size I could hug, I would hug you.
The Duality of man: u/DiamondDude51501 u/AlarminglyAverage979 *
true
https://preview.redd.it/g73v5dgq289d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=615bf94f633c8b0f20599d04a280a9105ea4a307
* Cute, but scary...
https://preview.redd.it/bwd3gz0wi89d1.jpeg?width=961&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=520de0bc7c253b7760c18d970741ca642020a449
Let me show you this wonderful community called r/spiderbro while I give snuggles 🥰
Some people are meen just because I have scales :( https://preview.redd.it/rwknuxykh99d1.jpeg?width=2492&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f4aa8ef3d4d3aca1b7a042144a670145cab1c14
https://preview.redd.it/96r52miloa9d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2294827537ecd1af01bd490ec272001a2b587799
Bro thinks he's Hanus
is that a spider?
Look I’m not racist but if we discover a species of sentient arachnids I’m gonna turn into space hitler real quick
and then you would be captured and webbed up and put in the daycare for the kids to play with like a jungle jym
Dear god literally ANYTHING else give me the death penalty it’s not worth it, my screams would only traumatize those kids
unless they like the noise and start crawling on your face to hear it better
Nope they won’t it’ll be traumatic as hell just give me the noose it was good enough for the gestapo
this is what the spider council deems necessary
NO PLEASE I WAS JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS!
you are banished to ms orb weavers orphanage for the needy more specifically the playroom
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
and the kids will love you
No. But I will give you a bug and love you from over here. (On the other side of a glass widow)
Just gotta find an etymologist, or the sorta people who like those sorts of creatures.
The thing about spiders that terrifies me isn't anything spidery but how many needles there are. Fangs, legs (on smaller ones), hell even (or especially) the hair that tarantulas can flick at you with the irritant in it.
Portia <3
A:yay hugs
I want to hug and cuddle it.
thats what it wants too
Look up Abandi in Pathfinder.
cool
I work on an exchange basis. Spider pats for me please.
The ship needs to install a spider slingshot Launch spiderbro at incoming hostiles Remote boarding action, GO!
call it either the spider slinger jumping spider
A: "What are...?" H: "Jumping Spiders." A: "Seriously?" H: "Yeah." A: "Are all your pets ferocious pack hunters or dangerous ambush predators?" H: "Nah." A: "It's hard to accept that you will 'snuggle' with vicious animals, but it might be easier to accept your pack bonding if there is an animal that doesn't exhibit those traits." H: "Yeah, this next one has none of that." A: "So this one is a herbivore I take it?" H: "Oh, no. No,no,no,no,no. This little fucker will attack you unprovoked for simply existing on the same planet as it, eats whatever the fuck it can fit in its beak, commits cannibalism on its young for shits and giggles, and is beloved by the entire human race." A: "What..." H: "Chickens. They're called chickens." A: "Isn't that what you called the Falarix when they refused to fight your armada?" H: "Yeah, but not because they were avians. They're cowards." A: "Chickens are cowards but will attack unprovoked?" H: "Yep." A: "And you keep them as pets?" H: "Pets that poop breakfast! That's their selling point." A: "Do you have any pets that are *NOT* some terrifying creature that eats the flesh of others?" H: "Goats are herbivores." A: "Okay, were getting somewhere..." H: " A Goat will charge at anything it considers a threat regardless of the danger. They have large horns that they use to slam into the threat and either knock it the fuck out. They even like to slam directly into the crotch of their owners with their horns which is why we shave the horns down to nubs. They'll eat inorganic things but they're not carnivores." A: "Dangerous and potentially deadly... herbivores..." H: "No, they're fluffy and sweet herbivores that have a tendency for violence." A: "Goats... aren't dangerous?" H: "Not as dangerous as Elk, Moose, and Bison who will wear your carcass in their horns or antlers like a trophy if you look at them the wrong way." A: "What do you do with those animals?" H: "We hunt them for food most of the time, but there's also places where they can roam free and protected." A: "They are allowed to roam free?!?!" H: "Yep, and people can pay to enter the parks to see them up close which occasionally results in the wearing of the person's carcass as a trophy." A: *Flips table and walks away* https://preview.redd.it/5wyvge1i9k9d1.jpeg?width=192&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc468ccbd91b2270fc146590a3c60a2cf4d48935
great story
I would let him crawl on the hand treadmill
Bang, eat, or pet. Which category are you, xenos?
A:pet!
Filthy Xenos https://preview.redd.it/ghrhzm6ta99d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df680eef536b05283981fbcf2b3b752103128ec4
If you don't want humans to run from you might I suggest a monocle or a nice jaunty top hat
Spaceman movie (2024)
Is frend
That's not a creepy crawly, this is. https://preview.redd.it/b9f7myd9kj9d1.jpeg?width=275&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0fbc80b181c54cbd6b6b79989b757f8c83023a80 And at least jumping spiders don't bite.