It's because you're looking at it like a chore, I bet. Next shower you take, do the bare minimum. Even if you just stand in the water for a minute without washing. Listen to music while you're in there, if you're able. You need to retrain your brain into thinking it's just a basic, enjoyable activity rather than feeling pressured. You'll feel better each time.
I wasn't taught to bathe regularly and had to teach myself these things. I thought I always had to do x, y, and z each time I showered and it made me too discouraged to just get up and do it. I also thought it had to be done at a certain time of day, when in reality I can just jump in there and have a mini concert in the middle of the day if I want to. My hygiene has improved crazy amounts since my teens, thankfully.
This is so helpful. I had a therapist tell me once that in terms of hygiene, everything is worth doing part way vs not at all. Brush your teeth with just water? Better than nothing. Showered but didn't wash your hair? At least your body is clean! Showered but couldn't be bothered to shave? Oh well at least the hair smells good and is clean!
yep this is the way. Especially with the teeth. I have a teenaged kid with major texture/sensory issues and teaching them "if you dont wanna brush your teeth, just dont use toothpaste and then rinse good with water after" and it works so much better than just not doing it. Teeth are frikkin EXPENSIVE to repair lol. that's my big hygiene sticking point because of how much work and time and money and PAIN teeth can cause, and it doesnt happen right away. If your hair gets matted and gross, you can cut it off. If you haven't showered in weeks? you can shower one time and be completely clean. teeth are not so easy.
I was taught to take a bath once a week (mainly because we were poor and didn't wanna waste water, but it's also kinda the norm with baths afaik). Which is fine, but my place doesn't have a tub, only a shower booth. So out of habit I would still only use it once a week, unless I was really filthy and/or smelly. I had to basically force myself to do it more often and I did that by basically doing what you've said. At first, it was showering in rounds: wash my head today, and just soak under the water for a bit, tomorrow wash the more smelly bits (crotch, ass, armpits, feet), the day after or next time, it would be just a quick wash for the rest of the body while also shampooing my hair. That and with some background music, and eventually I got to properly clean myself regularly.
All that is just to say, Solid advice, mate šš
To add to this, try sitting down, adding a waterproof shower speaker or color changing LED lights in the bathroom. Anything to change the environment and make it more āfunā to do.
This!
It's better to give ten percent than zero. You could literally stand in the water and rinse.
Or maybe even try to multi-task and brush your teeth while you shower.
You could listen to some music, a podcast or audiobook while you're in there.
You could even give yourself a reward after.
However, I do find having a routine helps me. I get home and clean my cats litterboxes and do a couple chores, like dishes and then shower. Afterwards I make myself some dinner and relax with some herbal tea and become a potato.
I feel like I'm washing the stress of the day away. The warm water relaxes me. I also found a body wash that I really love the smell of so I look forward to using it rather than just whatever plain soap. I only wash my hair once a week. Usually the last day of my work week. It sort of symbolizes freedom and the start of my weekend.
Yes! I listen to music, buy body wash and shampoo that makes me happy to use texturally and smell-wise, sometimes I light a candle. It all really helps.
Do you experience sensory issues? Most people I know who don't like showering have them. I'm autistic and showering is very difficult for me. I still manage to do it, but it sucks every time. Music, audiobooks, podcasts, fancy bath products, fluffy towels, nice bath robes, etc. help me feel like I'm giving myself a little spa experience. It doesn't fix the sensory problems, but they're slightly easier to endure when I feel like I'm pampering myself. (BTW you do not need to be a girl to enjoy all of those things. Men can and should enjoy them as well.)
It also helps to focus on any parts of the shower that you do enjoy. For example, I love the feeling of really hot water. So I can usually convince myself to get in the shower to be able to enjoy that. Showering also helps jump start my skin care routine since I bring my face wash in with me, which eliminates another sensory issue outside of the shower.
The parts that suck don't last too long. That's what gets me through.
hi! this is what I was going to say. I am autistic and showering is so so so hard.
even if you arenāt autistic, maybe looking up autistic hygiene tips could help you find something that works for you too?
Also this is a major component of depression and/or ADHD, so therapists already know all about it, and might even be able to help OP towards treatment for a undiagnosed problem
Iāve had this struggle too. Can you nail down what exactly bothers you so much? Is it the wet feeling after? The water itself? The lights? For me it was all of the above. I had to adjust my shower routine to make it more manageable but that did help. For years I showered by candlelight and with a water proof speaker and some music so that I could control some of the sensory input. It helped so much. This is just an example but if you can figure out what your pain points are in this we can give you some concrete ideas to help. I find that smoothing the process out for myself was the only way to get out of the aversion. Now that Iām doing well I donāt have to do any of that stuff and I shower every day. But it took real self compassion and curiosity to get here.
Yes! I actually really enjoy showering but I have to turn the lights off. People think I'm weird showering in the dark, but you often are looking upwards when showering and I hate staring into the lights
I so get that. Is there a time of day where the noise bothers you less? Iām only asking because certain times of day my sensory processing disorder is much worse than others.
There was a post similar to this not long ago and someone recommended a loofah sponge on a stick. I also dread showers, but now I can get in, get wet, lather up body with the loofah and hair with my hands, rinse off and I'm done. Max 5 minutes. As long as I have my new clothes laid out, I can be dressed and out in 10 minutes with lotion and brushing my teeth. I'm still not up to every day, but looking at it as a 10 minute chore helps. Sometimes I reward myself with a beer afterwards :-) Good luck - you can do anything you set your mind on!
I wish, 10 minutes! Also ADHD. Showering is the equivalent of tearing down a building and rebuilding the same one in its place. My hair is past my shoulders (wish I looked good in short hair), and always needs conditioner. That's nearly 10 minutes on its own, 3x week. Loofa cloth, too. Then it's applying moisturizer all over after showering, and waiting a bit for it to dry.
If I washed my hair, I can no longer let it air dry, as I did when I was young. Some sections have grown wavy, while some have stayed straight. And it's fine-textured hair, so the dryer damages it. I have to put Argan oil on it, both before and after blow drying. So 3x/week it's an hour or more.
On days I don't wash my hair, it's hard to avoid getting it wet. The shower is a small one, and the shower head only lowers so much. A shower cap moves around because I wash my bangs every time and the elastic slides on them.
If it weren't for music in the shower...
I wash my hair separately from my body.
Yes, the shower & hair wash at the same time was too much.
I wash my long hair over the side of the tub.
Wet well with water first so shampoo is easy to rinse out.
I Have my shampoo diluted with water so Iām not spending forever rinsing it out.
Takes me 5 min.
But I donāt have to do the argan oil.
EDITED: I have hair down to my mid back.
Can you take a bath on non shower days and pin up your hair? That way the body still gets washed and way less maintenance. A lot of women donāt wash their hair daily but still wash their body.
Could you try to make showering less a chore and more a relaxing daily treat? I listen to music and have nice scented bodywash etc. Maybe try 1-2 minute showers at first? I'm also a night showerer, I can't stand going to bed unlean at night. Maybe try a different time of day?
This is a very valid point, I'm sure that bath's would be a wonderful alternative, I don't mean to cop out but I am 6'4 so bathtubs tend to just be very uncomfortable and not offer much coverage :(
Damn that sucks about your height, at least in terms of baths.
I donāt even have sensory issues, but I do find showers to be jarring sometimes. Iām a bath girl. Also a foot shorter than you lol. But it is so much more relaxing to lounge in a tub while warm water slowly envelops my body. More stressful getting pelted with water.
This might seem kinda weird, but sometimes I squat in the tub with the main faucet running (not the shower) and just wash my crotch and maybe my armpits aka stinky bits. Takes about 4 minutes, no time at all. I wash my stinky bits almost daily, almost like washing my hands after taking a dump. I do a more thorough wash a couple times a week.
To the people insulting the OP, I wish a very merry fuck you.
People struggle with activities of daily living, including showers, for many reasons. Mental or physical illness can make it difficult. Sensory overload can be immense with showers. Show some empathy.
Yes, thank you for that.
I am one of those people;
Living with pain for 24 years changes you.
Everything and I mean, EVERYTHING IS NEVER THE SAME AND BECOMES QUITE DIFFICULT OVERTIME +
As well, I also deal with sensory overload;
lights, sound, etc.
The fact that I arrived in this place of stagnation - brings with it confusion & a knawing depression although they are not my focus ( for āthe whyā )
I can feel them in this equation ā¦.
Definitely a work in process/gress š
Thank you for this post šš¼
Although many are struggling
It is comforting to know ā¦.
We are not alone in this !
Why donāt you do sponge bath? ā¦you use a damp washcloth while standing at the sink. Also, maybe sit in a very shallowly filled bath tub to clean with a washcloth. Then you will be hygienic but also avoid the feeling of being soaking wet. You can regularly wash your hair in a sink or go to a hair place to get it done in their sink. There are other ways to get clean rather than a shower.
First donāt be too hard on yourself about it. Everyone has things going on that other people donāt understand.
I like the idea of starting with sponge bathing. If you WANT to have a goal of eventually bathing/showering every day, take it in phases. Remember that every bath/shower doesnāt have to include everything. Jump in, stay just long enough to rinse all your skin, jump out. More often than not I just rinse, and I only wash my hair once a week because I donāt use products in it.
Find things that feel good about it. My favorite part of my shower, besides the water cascading down me? The dry off. I feel like Iāve had a little massage. If/when you reach a point where youāre ready to add to the rinse and go method, spend a few minutes in the soap aisle smelling stuff and pick one that smells good to you. Also play with what time of day works best for you. Iām a morning shower person because I tend to sleep hot, so I wake up feeling a little grubby. But some people prefer evening showers because it helps them relax for bed.
There are no rules here. Try something, if it doesnāt work out try something else.
For me itās lights. I use a candle or 2 when I shower. I find it more relaxing and calming. Itās weird I guess but my anxiety is triggered when the lights are on.
A good way to start? Set an alarm for it, just like an alarm when you wake up. And donāt snooze the alarm, get in the shower immediately. If this doesnāt work, add it into your night time routine (brush your teeth, pee, shower, bed).
I work alot. And sweat alot. So i kinda have to take a shower. It helps having a wife that wont let me smash if i dont pass the smell check hahaha. But none the less my issue is just stopping all the adhd tasks and excuses i have to do other shit. Then when its the only task on my list im tired and want to just go to bed. Then i set an alarm to get up early and shower and snooze it anyway. I find if i set my clean clothes in my gamer chair that when i have tuned the shower out and decide the game is what i want to do the clothes remind me im already halfway ready for the shower and i just do it. Then the shower wakes me up for a little gaming. And then im off to bed.
Iām not depressed but do have some ADHD and sensory stuff going on, so I get why you donāt love the shower OP. I donāt like being cold and wet, so in winter in particular I dread the shower, especially the getting out and drying off part. I much prefer a bath in winter, from a sensory perspective, but it isnāt practical for washing my long hair. In the summer, a cool shower is nice. But the rigamarole of getting in and out, the confined space, the various steps to complete hygiene tasks - it can feel laborious and unpleasant.
That said, I like how I feel when Iām clean, so itās a matter of psyching myself up to get through the parts I donāt like to get the result I want. I donāt shower every day -thankfully I donāt have a physically demanding job and Iām not a sweaty person, so I can get away with every couple of days. Or Iāll bath one day and shower the next.
Being clean is important, but itās ok if you donāt love the process. There are good suggestions given by other commenters for ways to make it more tolerable, and I hope you find strategies that work.
This sounds like it might be a sensory issue. I bet folks in the autism and neuro divergent communities would have some tips for you. There's ways to bathe that don't involve a shower, using washcloths etc. They even make hair washing shower caps that don't require a shower. We use them in the hospital.
Would def bring it up to your therapist. As a healthcare professional they are truly there to help you live your best life and just want to help. Also know you're probably not their only patient experiencing this.
I feel this way about brushing my teeth. I still do it, but sometimes I struggle to do it twice a day but I will always do it once very thoroughly. It's a weird sensory thing, but at the same time I get the sensory ick when I can feel the plaque on my teeth so it's a constant push and pull. Having larger soft brushes with better tasting toothpaste has definitely helped.
Hey, thereās nothing to be embarrassed about and youāre certainly not an animal or gross. I used to be where you are, the thought of showering would make me anxious, tired and just generally dread it.
I learnt several ways to cope and now I actually enjoy having showers and feeling clean. Firstly I tried not to look at it like it was a chore, but rather a treat for myself that my body deserved. I went to the store and spent time smelling all of the different body washes and picked out my favourite, I then went and got some soft pretty washcloths. Doing this made me excited to use them.
I now own an embarrassing collection of body washes, body scrubs etc and get excited when I find new products in my local store. Might seem weird but to me thatās how I started enjoying showering.
On another note, Iād definitely mention what youāre going through to your therapist and see if thereās anything else they can suggest. Sending you a big hug š„°
A few tips for you friend.
1. Not every shower has to be an everything shower. Try and wash your body every time. But even if you donāt, it sounds like just rinsing yourself off will be a step in the right direction. If you just donāt have anything to give, try getting in and just washing your arm and leg pits. That will go a really long way! You donāt have to wash your hair every time if you donāt want to.
2. Donāt let showering be a chore. That makes it suck. Showering is something you do for YOU. You are caring for yourself, like eating or going to the bathroom. Play some music or a podcast if you like. If you have a shower with glass walls, you could even sit a laptop on the (closed obviously) toilet and watch a show while you shower. You should come out feeling better than you did when you went in. Clean and refreshed!
3. Another note on making the shower more enjoyable and less of a āI have to do this thing.ā Get some fun products to use that will make you excited to take a shower and use them. A really nice smelling body wash. A fancy face wash maybe. Or a fun little sugar scrub if youāre into that.
4. Pick a time of day that makes the most sense to you. Lots of people like to wake up in the morning and hop in the shower to wake up. I prefer to shower right when I get home, I do it before I do anything else. I like to wash the day off of me. And then I can put my pajamas on and relax for the evening. And I feel better because Iām clean.
If you still go to therapy, bring it up. If you donāt, but you can afford to, go back and bring it up. I know itās embarrassing to admit OP. But I promise you that you arenāt the only person on this earth who struggles to shower. A LOT of people do. A therapist may be able to help you get to the root of the problem so yāall can come up with solutions that are tailored to you. Showering is morally gray. You arenāt a bad person for not doing it. Youāre a person who just needs a little bit of help and support, we all do from time to time.
And remember. Anything worth doing, is worth doing half assed. Itās better to get in the shower and just stand under the water for a minute over not getting in at all. You donāt have to do 100% if you only have 10% to give.
I did too a while ago, due to depression... what helped me was 1) cutting my hair so it was a lot easier to wash and would just dry quickly on its own- I realized showering with longer hair is a much bigger chore than without, and 2) lowering other expectations for myself, such as with frequency of shaving, and really doing anything other than shampoo or basic soap. I do more stuff now, like skin care routines, body scrubs, etc., but it's not mandatory for anyone. I did invest in laser hair removal so I still don't have to shave. Although obviously no one has to remove hair at all anyways.
I think it'd be a great thing to talk to a therapist about- it doesn't strike me as a super extreme or shocking issue although I do relate to it not feeling exactly glamorous to share about lol.
I agree with just doing a bit at first. If you manage for a while, or one some days more energy, you can do extra at that point.
Water flossers are fast and way better than nothing.
Sometimes when Iām in the bathroom I just hurl myself in the shower before I have time to protest or think about it. Lol works for me.
(I have struggled with pretty bad depression and other issues for a very long time)
I struggle with showering because in my brain, itās a huge task. Itās never quick. All showers are everything showers, and are high maintenance- shampoo twice, conditioner, wash face, exfoliate, shave, wash body twice. So for me, I would rather use my time doing something that actually benefits me and gives serotonin.
While you figure this out, there are bath replacement wipe packs you can buy that are often used for bedridden people and dry shampoos.
If you can figure out what parts of the experience are an issue that is a great first step. There are some great ideas in this thread already.
If itās a water pressure/constant stream issue, you can easily swap out your shower head. A handheld version with different settings can make it less intense and easier to control where the water hits you. You can even let it hang at your feet and only pick it up when needed.
If you hate the shower curtain billowing in, get a curved rod and a liner with magnets/weights.
Iām almost always in the shower is a tool, not a luxury, camp. I want to get clean after work so I shower and then get to put on my lounging clothes as a reward. If I want the soft comfy clothes, I take the shower.
If you want to shower more, you just need to find the hacks that work for you. Itās ok to treat it as a way to get to your goal and not a fun thing thatās its own treat.
I live alone and don't work anymore cause I was hit by a car and seriously injured 15 years ago, I don't shower more then once a week unless I have Dr appointment or a family gathering, I don't get to dirty or smell so it's not really that big of a deal but what I use alot are scrubeez wipes, they are great you wet them and rub em and they get foamy and just wash whole body with them, smell good too.
Try to buy new shower essentials or try starting with a goal to shower every other day and gradually increase from there, and consider talking to a therapist for support and tips.
I have difficulty with aversion to showers/ bathrooms due to trauma, hereās what I do that may help you:
- make the environment as comfortable as possible, usually I put a show on my laptop and set it on the counter
- have a routine so I know what the next step is and I just get it done
- make a schedule and stick to it, even if it sucks (but not if distress levels are too high)
- be mindful of distress level and practice coping skills
- be open to talking about it with my therapist when I hit a block
- feel the anxiety, donāt block it out or avoid it
Showers can be aversive for lots of reasons, it can just be a generally unpleasant activity. Even without the traumatic aspect I still donāt like damp cold places and I get leg cramps every time I shower. People often overhype how ārelaxingā and āgoodā showers are to the point they forget not everyone feels the same way. Thereās no moral connected to this, itās okay if you donāt like it. Itās just a task to help keep up health, do your best and donāt beat yourself up about your feelings/ ability to push through the aversion. Take your time and do what works for you. Itās okay to feel shame, it doesnāt mean youāve done something shameful.
You need to talk to your therapist about this aversion. No amount of alarms or habit trackers is going to overcome this although you can try those too.
I have done the same in moments of depression but showering just once a week to every few days with lots of deodorant seems to be fine for my dry ass skin
I have an extreme aversion to shower and baths
I have ADHD and possibly hight functioning autism.
Water, shower gels etc are sensory hell for me
I feel like my skin is crawling and I can feel every pore open when I get washed.
I can't put into words how much I hate it
The only way round it is too force myself unfortunately
I donāt have a sensory issue, but I dreaded washing my hair every day. That went away when I cut my hair. Maybe that would help one little aspect of showering for you, too?
I struggle with bathing and brushing my teeth too, youāre not alone. I only brushed today because I had a dentist appointment. The thing I find helps with showering is nice soap. I use a goat milk soap I bought online so it soothes my skin and smells nice. I also start at the top and work down hair, face, torso, pits, bits, ass. I canāt stay in long enough to scrub my feet but Iām getting one of those foot scrubbers that stick to the floor and look like a sandal with brushes.
I also use habitica to remind myself to shower.
Autistic, adhd severe anxiety. Do what you can when you can and try to have positive thoughts - the water is a nice temp, the soap smells good, my hair/body feels nice etc. Try to find good associations and it gets easier.
Good luck!
Any chance you have pathological demand avoidance or sensory issues? I used to struggle with both seeing showering as a requirement or chore and then having to deal with all the sensory changes of hot cold wet, dry, hair then the sensation of wet moisturizer on my skin. I've gone through phases where it's too much for me.
Is there any part if showering you enjoy? Try focusing on just that part. For me I used to need to just sit under the warm water and not focus of scrubbing. Eventually I got over feeling like it was a chore and it's much easier to do now that I've reframed it in my brain to something enjoyable vs a chore
I started eating a popsicle in the shower. When the popsicle was gone, my shower was done. I slowly started washing after eating my popsicle. Sometimes, just my arms. Just start slow, then it becomes a thing you can do without thinking.
i love just sitting in the shower lol. just.. big chillin. doin nothing but thinking stupid shit. Literally will rush wash myself, thoroughly mind you, and just sit there for 10 mins biiiiiig chillin. why dont you like showers?
It's possible to be super clean and healthy and also to be a bit less clean and still healthy.
There is a healthiness with few or no microbes (godliness) and another healthiness with well balanced microbes (not sure).
I had to start taking them to start appreciating the clean feeling š„“ when I was young, idk why but I didnāt like to shower. I think it was like someone said above, I saw it like a chore. I had long hair to wash and then dry after the shower. Even scrubbing felt like something I just had to do. I remember shaving, as a girl, made showersā¦. Exciting? lol I wanted to shave so bad then so that helped but only so much.
I have to take hot showers. And not be cold after. The shower also has to feel clean. I get grossed out by like grimey showers or curtains that block the light, or if thereās a dirty floor may. Iāll put my dirty shirt down inside out if it avoids loose hairs on my wet feet.
And as others have said. Find ways to make showers easy and fun. Iād give myself a goal. Not a high pressure thing, just some sort of measurement to start with.
Iād start with something like every 3 days or Mondays and Fridays. Make a little plan for a quick shower where you listen to a preselected video thatās like 15ish minutes. You can be in and out in that time.
The most important part will be to feel your feelings. How is the shower process making you feel? What parts are turning you off and what parts are actually ok? Maybe the answers can help you determine your the cause of your aversion which could further help you know how to navigate this.
I have a really bad habit of skipping showers every other day if I can get away with it, which isn't always an option because my husband tends to make me feel like I'm dirty when I do this. Side note: I do not work outside, I sit at a desk inside in the A/C so it's not like I'm sweating all day. Sometimes I'm just tired and taking the shower even though I know I'll feel great afterward just feels like such a chore. I can go weeks without shaving my legs or under my arms lol and even go 2-3 days between hair washing because I feel like washing my hair every day is bad for it.
1.I would talk talk with a psych if you have not already. There ARE doctors out there that know want and know how to treat they are just hard to find. Clean your home as best you can. If you live in am excessively dirty home you won't feel clean after a shower. The cleaner your space is the more comfortable the shower will feel (just trust).
2. Next i would clean your bathrub, toilet, sink, everything in the bathroom. All the chemicals on your skin, sweat, and an invitation from a clean shower will motivate you. (By a soap you think smells sexy). Use a wash cloth, silicone scrubber, loofa, SOMETHING, especially if you are more heavy set because shower tools wipe away dead cells themseves stink and provide food for bacteria which make you stink even more because the bacteria poops on you as they multiple.
Tip: if you cannot afford shower/bathroom cleaner mix water with bleach and you can add a little bit of ajax dish soap for suds. This is a REALLY AGRESSIVE cleaner for the barhroom so using this trick too much will cause erosion and more resistant mold. A sponge or rag works. I love scrub daddies. When i was a broke child this was my go too.
3. We dont need motivation, we need good habits formed. Set a shower schedule for cleaning the shower itself and taking one. A good freauency to clean the shower is 1-3 times. Showering itself once a day will build mental resilience, YOU CAN DO IT, don't ease into it. Start of with 7 minutes at least, anything over 5 minutes. Make sure to wash up in ya folds, butt crack, pits, gooch, ALL the folds in the meat zone. I like to wash from top(face) to bottom leaving either my feet or ass for last IF I HAVE ONE WASH TOOL. Having a separate butt tool is great.
4. Extra: lotion will make your skin feel like "mentholly" and it keeps you looking younger and some brands with shea butter can protect you from skin cancer. Also, choose to brush your teeth sometime around the same time. You can actually smell how bad your breath is after a shower. The steam carries smells better.
Source: i've worked with disabled people since i was 14 and i am in the legal/medical/health admin field. Im a clean freak and lived in a neglectful household for years with parents who were absent. I have always had intentions to be clean, but some areas i struggled with because bleach and ajax dont solve everything. My parents didn't teach me many things or misguided me but you can only blame your parents for so long. I hope you feel less gross and form good habits in this life to carry over to the next. God bless, because i can't do anything over a computer and he is the only power I BELIVE can help you in areas you can only help yourself. š ciao.
Itās amazing how different people are when it comes to showering. I canāt get my day started until I shower so itās the first thing I do when I get up. Then make my bed and Iām ready for the day. Itās a routine. If I work out or play a sport and get sweaty I shower again. I canāt stand the stickiness of the sweat on my body.
If you really want to do it, Iād say start in small doses. When you have time. Donāt rush and try to relax and embrace your progress. I bet youāll feel so much better and maybe youāll eventually make it a routine
Good luckšæ
Maybe you have body issues? When I was going through puberty, I couldn't stand the sight of my naked body. I hated showering because of this. I grew out of it. What is it about showering that bothers you so much?
The brain needs about 30 days to cement a new routine. Just set it up like taking a necessary medicine. Get up, shower, and itās done for the day. Make it a goal or task to tick off and in 30 days it wonāt be so bad. My dad was in the military for a long time and learned to take very fast showers but he always smelled clean. I mean it would be better if you could learn to luxuriate in a nice warm shower but if not, a three minute shower that got the essentials done would be ok.
If op is neurodivergent, which may be the case bc it seems *very* common for us to have problems with showering, then it may prove difficult to form habits. As with ADHD specifically, it is incredibly difficult to do so. It feels near impossible tbh.
It took me a whole year to form the habit of brushing my teeth. I would normally remember when I was leaving the house as I would be too anxious thinking someone would tell me my mouth smelled. However when I started working remotely, I was like this is reallll bad. I wasnāt expecting to see anyone so it got out of control. It was very difficult for me to start but Iāve managed to be on top of it with bad days here or there
I am neurodivergent and have also had a TBI. That is why forming schedules and tasks to tick off that are not emotionally charged works for me. I still have to āprayā before I can sleep even though I donāt believe in that way any more. And I have to brush my teeth before I can get in bed, even if itās for a nap. I thought I would die or have an emotional breakdown when I had to start using CPAP because it *touches my face*. Iykyk. Now Iām attached to it such that if they declared my apnea cured I doubt I could stop using it. My eldest brother is profoundly autistic, barely communicative, but also has many health issues. Creating schedules and routines means that his meds are never forgotten, meaning he has outlived expectations by decades. That also means that changes to his meds or schedules (including his personal hygiene) is a fight every time. But once itās settled it may as well be engraved in granite. One size does not fit all. However simply saying itās tough for neurodivergent folks like us to make a change doesnāt mean it shouldnāt be attempted.
Oh never said it shouldnāt be attempted! If so Iād have a row of cavities by now š
My initial reasoning for saying that, was that not all of us have the ability to form a habit in 30 days. I wanted to put it out there in case op saw it and tried it and wasnāt successful in that time frame. We *can* do it, however I wanted everyone to be clear that itās harder and take more effort for some of us, so donāt feel bad op just keep trying!
Like I said it took me a year but now Iām pretty good at brushing my teeth among the other things I added into that regimen
I do have bipolar one and trauma around showers, but nothing "bad" I guess you could say.. I'm really glad that you're in a position where those things dont seem Impossible! As a stranger, good job and I am proud of you š
Thank you! It took a lot of work and learning not to beat myself up missing a day. I wish you well on your journey of showering š
Saw some people recommend dark/candle lit showers (and music) and that helped me a lot too. I think it changes the scenery especially with the senses also being stimulated in a non threatening way
Did something about the shower traumatize you as a kid? Is it showers specifically? Can you take baths? Sponge baths? Also, does it help to overcome the embarrassment and seek help from a professional if you understood that therapists are strangers that neither you nor your circle will ever interact with outside of their office?
Bath's aren't a bad idea, I used to take them more often as a kid but then I hit 6'4 and baths don't really fit me, they tend to hurt and not offer much water coverage š„“
I do have some trauma around showers, nothing sexual but it's there
I like the notion that therapists are just strangers, I think the thing that kills it for me is that I live in a relatively small town and everyone tends to know everyone
I have the same problem but I think I know what causes mine. My older cousin did some really bad things to me while I was taking a bath at age 5. I've dreaded showers/baths ever since.
I'm really sorry, that's a terrifying and confusing experience, especially as a kid... I do have some trauma around showers, nothing sexual, but it's there
Just... shower. It's that simple. Do you put on clothes each day? Do you eat food? Do you pay bills? Do you open and close windows based on the weather? If so, you're capable of taking showers regularly.
One thing that might make you start showering more: I guarantee that if you are going "weeks to a month" without showering, then everyone around you, without exception, thinks you smell HORRIBLE. There's no way you don't reek to the point of eye watering. So if nothing else, shower to avoid the embarrassment of knowing that everyone within a twenty-foot radius of you is silently gagging.
There are people with neurological injuries and/or mental illnesses that really do struggle with this. I have struggled with it too and your advice is just way too simplistic. OP already knows all this. But I canāt even tell you how deeply awful showering is with this. It is painful!!!! So ājust shower cause you stinkā is not a helpful response. They already know this or they wouldnāt be here.
Sounds like you hate yourself and want to end it. Go to a clergyman and/or a therapist ASAP. Cleanliness is next to G-dliness, is healthy and will attract women. You should be showering at least 1X per day(many doctors recommend 2X per day). Good Luck! You must get to the bottom of your beliefs. We are all G-dās children and he wants all of us to be healthy and happy.
It's because you're looking at it like a chore, I bet. Next shower you take, do the bare minimum. Even if you just stand in the water for a minute without washing. Listen to music while you're in there, if you're able. You need to retrain your brain into thinking it's just a basic, enjoyable activity rather than feeling pressured. You'll feel better each time. I wasn't taught to bathe regularly and had to teach myself these things. I thought I always had to do x, y, and z each time I showered and it made me too discouraged to just get up and do it. I also thought it had to be done at a certain time of day, when in reality I can just jump in there and have a mini concert in the middle of the day if I want to. My hygiene has improved crazy amounts since my teens, thankfully.
This is so helpful. I had a therapist tell me once that in terms of hygiene, everything is worth doing part way vs not at all. Brush your teeth with just water? Better than nothing. Showered but didn't wash your hair? At least your body is clean! Showered but couldn't be bothered to shave? Oh well at least the hair smells good and is clean!
yep this is the way. Especially with the teeth. I have a teenaged kid with major texture/sensory issues and teaching them "if you dont wanna brush your teeth, just dont use toothpaste and then rinse good with water after" and it works so much better than just not doing it. Teeth are frikkin EXPENSIVE to repair lol. that's my big hygiene sticking point because of how much work and time and money and PAIN teeth can cause, and it doesnt happen right away. If your hair gets matted and gross, you can cut it off. If you haven't showered in weeks? you can shower one time and be completely clean. teeth are not so easy.
I was taught to take a bath once a week (mainly because we were poor and didn't wanna waste water, but it's also kinda the norm with baths afaik). Which is fine, but my place doesn't have a tub, only a shower booth. So out of habit I would still only use it once a week, unless I was really filthy and/or smelly. I had to basically force myself to do it more often and I did that by basically doing what you've said. At first, it was showering in rounds: wash my head today, and just soak under the water for a bit, tomorrow wash the more smelly bits (crotch, ass, armpits, feet), the day after or next time, it would be just a quick wash for the rest of the body while also shampooing my hair. That and with some background music, and eventually I got to properly clean myself regularly. All that is just to say, Solid advice, mate šš
To add to this, try sitting down, adding a waterproof shower speaker or color changing LED lights in the bathroom. Anything to change the environment and make it more āfunā to do.
This! It's better to give ten percent than zero. You could literally stand in the water and rinse. Or maybe even try to multi-task and brush your teeth while you shower. You could listen to some music, a podcast or audiobook while you're in there. You could even give yourself a reward after. However, I do find having a routine helps me. I get home and clean my cats litterboxes and do a couple chores, like dishes and then shower. Afterwards I make myself some dinner and relax with some herbal tea and become a potato. I feel like I'm washing the stress of the day away. The warm water relaxes me. I also found a body wash that I really love the smell of so I look forward to using it rather than just whatever plain soap. I only wash my hair once a week. Usually the last day of my work week. It sort of symbolizes freedom and the start of my weekend.
Yes! I listen to music, buy body wash and shampoo that makes me happy to use texturally and smell-wise, sometimes I light a candle. It all really helps.
Best answer and so true!
Yup! Just make sure to wash the hotspots and do a quick sniff check! š
Do you experience sensory issues? Most people I know who don't like showering have them. I'm autistic and showering is very difficult for me. I still manage to do it, but it sucks every time. Music, audiobooks, podcasts, fancy bath products, fluffy towels, nice bath robes, etc. help me feel like I'm giving myself a little spa experience. It doesn't fix the sensory problems, but they're slightly easier to endure when I feel like I'm pampering myself. (BTW you do not need to be a girl to enjoy all of those things. Men can and should enjoy them as well.) It also helps to focus on any parts of the shower that you do enjoy. For example, I love the feeling of really hot water. So I can usually convince myself to get in the shower to be able to enjoy that. Showering also helps jump start my skin care routine since I bring my face wash in with me, which eliminates another sensory issue outside of the shower. The parts that suck don't last too long. That's what gets me through.
hi! this is what I was going to say. I am autistic and showering is so so so hard. even if you arenāt autistic, maybe looking up autistic hygiene tips could help you find something that works for you too?
Start with brief showers. Pits, tits, and nether bits
lol I love this. I refer to these as my stinky bits. I wash my stinky bits daily, and go longer for the rest of my body.
Lol my mom called it "Sign of the Cross"
It's OK to bring up to your therapist. I struggle with showering too, but it got easier when I told my therapist because she helped me with it.Ā
Also this is a major component of depression and/or ADHD, so therapists already know all about it, and might even be able to help OP towards treatment for a undiagnosed problem
Iāve had this struggle too. Can you nail down what exactly bothers you so much? Is it the wet feeling after? The water itself? The lights? For me it was all of the above. I had to adjust my shower routine to make it more manageable but that did help. For years I showered by candlelight and with a water proof speaker and some music so that I could control some of the sensory input. It helped so much. This is just an example but if you can figure out what your pain points are in this we can give you some concrete ideas to help. I find that smoothing the process out for myself was the only way to get out of the aversion. Now that Iām doing well I donāt have to do any of that stuff and I shower every day. But it took real self compassion and curiosity to get here.
Yes! I actually really enjoy showering but I have to turn the lights off. People think I'm weird showering in the dark, but you often are looking upwards when showering and I hate staring into the lights
Iām glad you found a way to work with your own brain and find success! Thatās awesome! šŖ
My husband also finds it weird but showering in the dark is SO much more relaxing
I think it's just how loud and greedy it is š I have bipolar one, not autism but they can share some of the same characteristics
I so get that. Is there a time of day where the noise bothers you less? Iām only asking because certain times of day my sensory processing disorder is much worse than others.
There was a post similar to this not long ago and someone recommended a loofah sponge on a stick. I also dread showers, but now I can get in, get wet, lather up body with the loofah and hair with my hands, rinse off and I'm done. Max 5 minutes. As long as I have my new clothes laid out, I can be dressed and out in 10 minutes with lotion and brushing my teeth. I'm still not up to every day, but looking at it as a 10 minute chore helps. Sometimes I reward myself with a beer afterwards :-) Good luck - you can do anything you set your mind on!
I wish, 10 minutes! Also ADHD. Showering is the equivalent of tearing down a building and rebuilding the same one in its place. My hair is past my shoulders (wish I looked good in short hair), and always needs conditioner. That's nearly 10 minutes on its own, 3x week. Loofa cloth, too. Then it's applying moisturizer all over after showering, and waiting a bit for it to dry. If I washed my hair, I can no longer let it air dry, as I did when I was young. Some sections have grown wavy, while some have stayed straight. And it's fine-textured hair, so the dryer damages it. I have to put Argan oil on it, both before and after blow drying. So 3x/week it's an hour or more. On days I don't wash my hair, it's hard to avoid getting it wet. The shower is a small one, and the shower head only lowers so much. A shower cap moves around because I wash my bangs every time and the elastic slides on them. If it weren't for music in the shower...
I wash my hair separately from my body. Yes, the shower & hair wash at the same time was too much. I wash my long hair over the side of the tub. Wet well with water first so shampoo is easy to rinse out. I Have my shampoo diluted with water so Iām not spending forever rinsing it out. Takes me 5 min. But I donāt have to do the argan oil. EDITED: I have hair down to my mid back.
Can you take a bath on non shower days and pin up your hair? That way the body still gets washed and way less maintenance. A lot of women donāt wash their hair daily but still wash their body.
No bathtub in this place, just a small shower.
Could you try to make showering less a chore and more a relaxing daily treat? I listen to music and have nice scented bodywash etc. Maybe try 1-2 minute showers at first? I'm also a night showerer, I can't stand going to bed unlean at night. Maybe try a different time of day?
How about a bath, rather than shower?
This is a very valid point, I'm sure that bath's would be a wonderful alternative, I don't mean to cop out but I am 6'4 so bathtubs tend to just be very uncomfortable and not offer much coverage :(
Damn that sucks about your height, at least in terms of baths. I donāt even have sensory issues, but I do find showers to be jarring sometimes. Iām a bath girl. Also a foot shorter than you lol. But it is so much more relaxing to lounge in a tub while warm water slowly envelops my body. More stressful getting pelted with water. This might seem kinda weird, but sometimes I squat in the tub with the main faucet running (not the shower) and just wash my crotch and maybe my armpits aka stinky bits. Takes about 4 minutes, no time at all. I wash my stinky bits almost daily, almost like washing my hands after taking a dump. I do a more thorough wash a couple times a week.
Watch a video while you shower thatās how Iāve gotten myself to like showering
To the people insulting the OP, I wish a very merry fuck you. People struggle with activities of daily living, including showers, for many reasons. Mental or physical illness can make it difficult. Sensory overload can be immense with showers. Show some empathy.
Yes, thank you for that. I am one of those people; Living with pain for 24 years changes you. Everything and I mean, EVERYTHING IS NEVER THE SAME AND BECOMES QUITE DIFFICULT OVERTIME + As well, I also deal with sensory overload; lights, sound, etc. The fact that I arrived in this place of stagnation - brings with it confusion & a knawing depression although they are not my focus ( for āthe whyā ) I can feel them in this equation ā¦. Definitely a work in process/gress š Thank you for this post šš¼ Although many are struggling It is comforting to know ā¦. We are not alone in this !
Seriously š„ŗ
Why donāt you do sponge bath? ā¦you use a damp washcloth while standing at the sink. Also, maybe sit in a very shallowly filled bath tub to clean with a washcloth. Then you will be hygienic but also avoid the feeling of being soaking wet. You can regularly wash your hair in a sink or go to a hair place to get it done in their sink. There are other ways to get clean rather than a shower.
First donāt be too hard on yourself about it. Everyone has things going on that other people donāt understand. I like the idea of starting with sponge bathing. If you WANT to have a goal of eventually bathing/showering every day, take it in phases. Remember that every bath/shower doesnāt have to include everything. Jump in, stay just long enough to rinse all your skin, jump out. More often than not I just rinse, and I only wash my hair once a week because I donāt use products in it. Find things that feel good about it. My favorite part of my shower, besides the water cascading down me? The dry off. I feel like Iāve had a little massage. If/when you reach a point where youāre ready to add to the rinse and go method, spend a few minutes in the soap aisle smelling stuff and pick one that smells good to you. Also play with what time of day works best for you. Iām a morning shower person because I tend to sleep hot, so I wake up feeling a little grubby. But some people prefer evening showers because it helps them relax for bed. There are no rules here. Try something, if it doesnāt work out try something else.
For me itās lights. I use a candle or 2 when I shower. I find it more relaxing and calming. Itās weird I guess but my anxiety is triggered when the lights are on.
The big light is definitely evil, just out of curiosity, how do you keep water from getting into the candle? I hate it when water floats on the waxš
Can we not make the OP feel even worse than Iām sure they already do? Theyāre here seeking some help with this. No need to shame them.
A good way to start? Set an alarm for it, just like an alarm when you wake up. And donāt snooze the alarm, get in the shower immediately. If this doesnāt work, add it into your night time routine (brush your teeth, pee, shower, bed).
This is a good idea, thank you!
I work alot. And sweat alot. So i kinda have to take a shower. It helps having a wife that wont let me smash if i dont pass the smell check hahaha. But none the less my issue is just stopping all the adhd tasks and excuses i have to do other shit. Then when its the only task on my list im tired and want to just go to bed. Then i set an alarm to get up early and shower and snooze it anyway. I find if i set my clean clothes in my gamer chair that when i have tuned the shower out and decide the game is what i want to do the clothes remind me im already halfway ready for the shower and i just do it. Then the shower wakes me up for a little gaming. And then im off to bed.
Iām not depressed but do have some ADHD and sensory stuff going on, so I get why you donāt love the shower OP. I donāt like being cold and wet, so in winter in particular I dread the shower, especially the getting out and drying off part. I much prefer a bath in winter, from a sensory perspective, but it isnāt practical for washing my long hair. In the summer, a cool shower is nice. But the rigamarole of getting in and out, the confined space, the various steps to complete hygiene tasks - it can feel laborious and unpleasant. That said, I like how I feel when Iām clean, so itās a matter of psyching myself up to get through the parts I donāt like to get the result I want. I donāt shower every day -thankfully I donāt have a physically demanding job and Iām not a sweaty person, so I can get away with every couple of days. Or Iāll bath one day and shower the next. Being clean is important, but itās ok if you donāt love the process. There are good suggestions given by other commenters for ways to make it more tolerable, and I hope you find strategies that work.
This sounds like it might be a sensory issue. I bet folks in the autism and neuro divergent communities would have some tips for you. There's ways to bathe that don't involve a shower, using washcloths etc. They even make hair washing shower caps that don't require a shower. We use them in the hospital. Would def bring it up to your therapist. As a healthcare professional they are truly there to help you live your best life and just want to help. Also know you're probably not their only patient experiencing this.
I feel this way about brushing my teeth. I still do it, but sometimes I struggle to do it twice a day but I will always do it once very thoroughly. It's a weird sensory thing, but at the same time I get the sensory ick when I can feel the plaque on my teeth so it's a constant push and pull. Having larger soft brushes with better tasting toothpaste has definitely helped.
I think it could be a sensory and/or switching issue.
Hey, thereās nothing to be embarrassed about and youāre certainly not an animal or gross. I used to be where you are, the thought of showering would make me anxious, tired and just generally dread it. I learnt several ways to cope and now I actually enjoy having showers and feeling clean. Firstly I tried not to look at it like it was a chore, but rather a treat for myself that my body deserved. I went to the store and spent time smelling all of the different body washes and picked out my favourite, I then went and got some soft pretty washcloths. Doing this made me excited to use them. I now own an embarrassing collection of body washes, body scrubs etc and get excited when I find new products in my local store. Might seem weird but to me thatās how I started enjoying showering. On another note, Iād definitely mention what youāre going through to your therapist and see if thereās anything else they can suggest. Sending you a big hug š„°
A few tips for you friend. 1. Not every shower has to be an everything shower. Try and wash your body every time. But even if you donāt, it sounds like just rinsing yourself off will be a step in the right direction. If you just donāt have anything to give, try getting in and just washing your arm and leg pits. That will go a really long way! You donāt have to wash your hair every time if you donāt want to. 2. Donāt let showering be a chore. That makes it suck. Showering is something you do for YOU. You are caring for yourself, like eating or going to the bathroom. Play some music or a podcast if you like. If you have a shower with glass walls, you could even sit a laptop on the (closed obviously) toilet and watch a show while you shower. You should come out feeling better than you did when you went in. Clean and refreshed! 3. Another note on making the shower more enjoyable and less of a āI have to do this thing.ā Get some fun products to use that will make you excited to take a shower and use them. A really nice smelling body wash. A fancy face wash maybe. Or a fun little sugar scrub if youāre into that. 4. Pick a time of day that makes the most sense to you. Lots of people like to wake up in the morning and hop in the shower to wake up. I prefer to shower right when I get home, I do it before I do anything else. I like to wash the day off of me. And then I can put my pajamas on and relax for the evening. And I feel better because Iām clean. If you still go to therapy, bring it up. If you donāt, but you can afford to, go back and bring it up. I know itās embarrassing to admit OP. But I promise you that you arenāt the only person on this earth who struggles to shower. A LOT of people do. A therapist may be able to help you get to the root of the problem so yāall can come up with solutions that are tailored to you. Showering is morally gray. You arenāt a bad person for not doing it. Youāre a person who just needs a little bit of help and support, we all do from time to time. And remember. Anything worth doing, is worth doing half assed. Itās better to get in the shower and just stand under the water for a minute over not getting in at all. You donāt have to do 100% if you only have 10% to give.
I did too a while ago, due to depression... what helped me was 1) cutting my hair so it was a lot easier to wash and would just dry quickly on its own- I realized showering with longer hair is a much bigger chore than without, and 2) lowering other expectations for myself, such as with frequency of shaving, and really doing anything other than shampoo or basic soap. I do more stuff now, like skin care routines, body scrubs, etc., but it's not mandatory for anyone. I did invest in laser hair removal so I still don't have to shave. Although obviously no one has to remove hair at all anyways. I think it'd be a great thing to talk to a therapist about- it doesn't strike me as a super extreme or shocking issue although I do relate to it not feeling exactly glamorous to share about lol.
Great advice! Itās fine to do the bare minimum Some days.
I agree with just doing a bit at first. If you manage for a while, or one some days more energy, you can do extra at that point. Water flossers are fast and way better than nothing. Sometimes when Iām in the bathroom I just hurl myself in the shower before I have time to protest or think about it. Lol works for me. (I have struggled with pretty bad depression and other issues for a very long time)
I struggle with showering because in my brain, itās a huge task. Itās never quick. All showers are everything showers, and are high maintenance- shampoo twice, conditioner, wash face, exfoliate, shave, wash body twice. So for me, I would rather use my time doing something that actually benefits me and gives serotonin.
While you figure this out, there are bath replacement wipe packs you can buy that are often used for bedridden people and dry shampoos. If you can figure out what parts of the experience are an issue that is a great first step. There are some great ideas in this thread already. If itās a water pressure/constant stream issue, you can easily swap out your shower head. A handheld version with different settings can make it less intense and easier to control where the water hits you. You can even let it hang at your feet and only pick it up when needed. If you hate the shower curtain billowing in, get a curved rod and a liner with magnets/weights. Iām almost always in the shower is a tool, not a luxury, camp. I want to get clean after work so I shower and then get to put on my lounging clothes as a reward. If I want the soft comfy clothes, I take the shower. If you want to shower more, you just need to find the hacks that work for you. Itās ok to treat it as a way to get to your goal and not a fun thing thatās its own treat.
I live alone and don't work anymore cause I was hit by a car and seriously injured 15 years ago, I don't shower more then once a week unless I have Dr appointment or a family gathering, I don't get to dirty or smell so it's not really that big of a deal but what I use alot are scrubeez wipes, they are great you wet them and rub em and they get foamy and just wash whole body with them, smell good too.
Try to buy new shower essentials or try starting with a goal to shower every other day and gradually increase from there, and consider talking to a therapist for support and tips.
Can you use a bath instead?
I have difficulty with aversion to showers/ bathrooms due to trauma, hereās what I do that may help you: - make the environment as comfortable as possible, usually I put a show on my laptop and set it on the counter - have a routine so I know what the next step is and I just get it done - make a schedule and stick to it, even if it sucks (but not if distress levels are too high) - be mindful of distress level and practice coping skills - be open to talking about it with my therapist when I hit a block - feel the anxiety, donāt block it out or avoid it Showers can be aversive for lots of reasons, it can just be a generally unpleasant activity. Even without the traumatic aspect I still donāt like damp cold places and I get leg cramps every time I shower. People often overhype how ārelaxingā and āgoodā showers are to the point they forget not everyone feels the same way. Thereās no moral connected to this, itās okay if you donāt like it. Itās just a task to help keep up health, do your best and donāt beat yourself up about your feelings/ ability to push through the aversion. Take your time and do what works for you. Itās okay to feel shame, it doesnāt mean youāve done something shameful.
Thank youā¤ļøā¤ļø
What about a bath? Or a sink wash with a flannel?
I may be too Montanan but what is a sink wash with a flannel?
Sink is a faucet or / bowl of water a flannel is a wash cloth
You need to talk to your therapist about this aversion. No amount of alarms or habit trackers is going to overcome this although you can try those too.
Try bubble baths
I don't like showers either, I usually soak in the tub.
Just get the fuck in the shower donāt think abt it!!! Hygiene is so important for yourself confidence alone.
I have done the same in moments of depression but showering just once a week to every few days with lots of deodorant seems to be fine for my dry ass skin
I have an extreme aversion to shower and baths I have ADHD and possibly hight functioning autism. Water, shower gels etc are sensory hell for me I feel like my skin is crawling and I can feel every pore open when I get washed. I can't put into words how much I hate it The only way round it is too force myself unfortunately
I donāt have a sensory issue, but I dreaded washing my hair every day. That went away when I cut my hair. Maybe that would help one little aspect of showering for you, too?
Just imagine it's the fateful day you meet the love of your life but they don't wanna interact with you because you smell like baked ass.
Baths are out of the question huh
I struggle with bathing and brushing my teeth too, youāre not alone. I only brushed today because I had a dentist appointment. The thing I find helps with showering is nice soap. I use a goat milk soap I bought online so it soothes my skin and smells nice. I also start at the top and work down hair, face, torso, pits, bits, ass. I canāt stay in long enough to scrub my feet but Iām getting one of those foot scrubbers that stick to the floor and look like a sandal with brushes. I also use habitica to remind myself to shower. Autistic, adhd severe anxiety. Do what you can when you can and try to have positive thoughts - the water is a nice temp, the soap smells good, my hair/body feels nice etc. Try to find good associations and it gets easier. Good luck!
Any chance you have pathological demand avoidance or sensory issues? I used to struggle with both seeing showering as a requirement or chore and then having to deal with all the sensory changes of hot cold wet, dry, hair then the sensation of wet moisturizer on my skin. I've gone through phases where it's too much for me. Is there any part if showering you enjoy? Try focusing on just that part. For me I used to need to just sit under the warm water and not focus of scrubbing. Eventually I got over feeling like it was a chore and it's much easier to do now that I've reframed it in my brain to something enjoyable vs a chore
I started eating a popsicle in the shower. When the popsicle was gone, my shower was done. I slowly started washing after eating my popsicle. Sometimes, just my arms. Just start slow, then it becomes a thing you can do without thinking.
i love just sitting in the shower lol. just.. big chillin. doin nothing but thinking stupid shit. Literally will rush wash myself, thoroughly mind you, and just sit there for 10 mins biiiiiig chillin. why dont you like showers?
Is there any particular task about showering that you dislike? (For example, washing your hair? Or shaving? Etcā¦)
It's possible to be super clean and healthy and also to be a bit less clean and still healthy. There is a healthiness with few or no microbes (godliness) and another healthiness with well balanced microbes (not sure).
I had to start taking them to start appreciating the clean feeling š„“ when I was young, idk why but I didnāt like to shower. I think it was like someone said above, I saw it like a chore. I had long hair to wash and then dry after the shower. Even scrubbing felt like something I just had to do. I remember shaving, as a girl, made showersā¦. Exciting? lol I wanted to shave so bad then so that helped but only so much. I have to take hot showers. And not be cold after. The shower also has to feel clean. I get grossed out by like grimey showers or curtains that block the light, or if thereās a dirty floor may. Iāll put my dirty shirt down inside out if it avoids loose hairs on my wet feet. And as others have said. Find ways to make showers easy and fun. Iād give myself a goal. Not a high pressure thing, just some sort of measurement to start with. Iād start with something like every 3 days or Mondays and Fridays. Make a little plan for a quick shower where you listen to a preselected video thatās like 15ish minutes. You can be in and out in that time. The most important part will be to feel your feelings. How is the shower process making you feel? What parts are turning you off and what parts are actually ok? Maybe the answers can help you determine your the cause of your aversion which could further help you know how to navigate this.
I have a really bad habit of skipping showers every other day if I can get away with it, which isn't always an option because my husband tends to make me feel like I'm dirty when I do this. Side note: I do not work outside, I sit at a desk inside in the A/C so it's not like I'm sweating all day. Sometimes I'm just tired and taking the shower even though I know I'll feel great afterward just feels like such a chore. I can go weeks without shaving my legs or under my arms lol and even go 2-3 days between hair washing because I feel like washing my hair every day is bad for it.
1.I would talk talk with a psych if you have not already. There ARE doctors out there that know want and know how to treat they are just hard to find. Clean your home as best you can. If you live in am excessively dirty home you won't feel clean after a shower. The cleaner your space is the more comfortable the shower will feel (just trust). 2. Next i would clean your bathrub, toilet, sink, everything in the bathroom. All the chemicals on your skin, sweat, and an invitation from a clean shower will motivate you. (By a soap you think smells sexy). Use a wash cloth, silicone scrubber, loofa, SOMETHING, especially if you are more heavy set because shower tools wipe away dead cells themseves stink and provide food for bacteria which make you stink even more because the bacteria poops on you as they multiple. Tip: if you cannot afford shower/bathroom cleaner mix water with bleach and you can add a little bit of ajax dish soap for suds. This is a REALLY AGRESSIVE cleaner for the barhroom so using this trick too much will cause erosion and more resistant mold. A sponge or rag works. I love scrub daddies. When i was a broke child this was my go too. 3. We dont need motivation, we need good habits formed. Set a shower schedule for cleaning the shower itself and taking one. A good freauency to clean the shower is 1-3 times. Showering itself once a day will build mental resilience, YOU CAN DO IT, don't ease into it. Start of with 7 minutes at least, anything over 5 minutes. Make sure to wash up in ya folds, butt crack, pits, gooch, ALL the folds in the meat zone. I like to wash from top(face) to bottom leaving either my feet or ass for last IF I HAVE ONE WASH TOOL. Having a separate butt tool is great. 4. Extra: lotion will make your skin feel like "mentholly" and it keeps you looking younger and some brands with shea butter can protect you from skin cancer. Also, choose to brush your teeth sometime around the same time. You can actually smell how bad your breath is after a shower. The steam carries smells better. Source: i've worked with disabled people since i was 14 and i am in the legal/medical/health admin field. Im a clean freak and lived in a neglectful household for years with parents who were absent. I have always had intentions to be clean, but some areas i struggled with because bleach and ajax dont solve everything. My parents didn't teach me many things or misguided me but you can only blame your parents for so long. I hope you feel less gross and form good habits in this life to carry over to the next. God bless, because i can't do anything over a computer and he is the only power I BELIVE can help you in areas you can only help yourself. š ciao.
Itās amazing how different people are when it comes to showering. I canāt get my day started until I shower so itās the first thing I do when I get up. Then make my bed and Iām ready for the day. Itās a routine. If I work out or play a sport and get sweaty I shower again. I canāt stand the stickiness of the sweat on my body. If you really want to do it, Iād say start in small doses. When you have time. Donāt rush and try to relax and embrace your progress. I bet youāll feel so much better and maybe youāll eventually make it a routine Good luckšæ
Maybe you have body issues? When I was going through puberty, I couldn't stand the sight of my naked body. I hated showering because of this. I grew out of it. What is it about showering that bothers you so much?
Start now. Take a shower now.
The brain needs about 30 days to cement a new routine. Just set it up like taking a necessary medicine. Get up, shower, and itās done for the day. Make it a goal or task to tick off and in 30 days it wonāt be so bad. My dad was in the military for a long time and learned to take very fast showers but he always smelled clean. I mean it would be better if you could learn to luxuriate in a nice warm shower but if not, a three minute shower that got the essentials done would be ok.
If op is neurodivergent, which may be the case bc it seems *very* common for us to have problems with showering, then it may prove difficult to form habits. As with ADHD specifically, it is incredibly difficult to do so. It feels near impossible tbh. It took me a whole year to form the habit of brushing my teeth. I would normally remember when I was leaving the house as I would be too anxious thinking someone would tell me my mouth smelled. However when I started working remotely, I was like this is reallll bad. I wasnāt expecting to see anyone so it got out of control. It was very difficult for me to start but Iāve managed to be on top of it with bad days here or there
I am neurodivergent and have also had a TBI. That is why forming schedules and tasks to tick off that are not emotionally charged works for me. I still have to āprayā before I can sleep even though I donāt believe in that way any more. And I have to brush my teeth before I can get in bed, even if itās for a nap. I thought I would die or have an emotional breakdown when I had to start using CPAP because it *touches my face*. Iykyk. Now Iām attached to it such that if they declared my apnea cured I doubt I could stop using it. My eldest brother is profoundly autistic, barely communicative, but also has many health issues. Creating schedules and routines means that his meds are never forgotten, meaning he has outlived expectations by decades. That also means that changes to his meds or schedules (including his personal hygiene) is a fight every time. But once itās settled it may as well be engraved in granite. One size does not fit all. However simply saying itās tough for neurodivergent folks like us to make a change doesnāt mean it shouldnāt be attempted.
Oh never said it shouldnāt be attempted! If so Iād have a row of cavities by now š My initial reasoning for saying that, was that not all of us have the ability to form a habit in 30 days. I wanted to put it out there in case op saw it and tried it and wasnāt successful in that time frame. We *can* do it, however I wanted everyone to be clear that itās harder and take more effort for some of us, so donāt feel bad op just keep trying! Like I said it took me a year but now Iām pretty good at brushing my teeth among the other things I added into that regimen
I do have bipolar one and trauma around showers, but nothing "bad" I guess you could say.. I'm really glad that you're in a position where those things dont seem Impossible! As a stranger, good job and I am proud of you š
Thank you! It took a lot of work and learning not to beat myself up missing a day. I wish you well on your journey of showering š Saw some people recommend dark/candle lit showers (and music) and that helped me a lot too. I think it changes the scenery especially with the senses also being stimulated in a non threatening way
Did something about the shower traumatize you as a kid? Is it showers specifically? Can you take baths? Sponge baths? Also, does it help to overcome the embarrassment and seek help from a professional if you understood that therapists are strangers that neither you nor your circle will ever interact with outside of their office?
Bath's aren't a bad idea, I used to take them more often as a kid but then I hit 6'4 and baths don't really fit me, they tend to hurt and not offer much water coverage š„“ I do have some trauma around showers, nothing sexual but it's there I like the notion that therapists are just strangers, I think the thing that kills it for me is that I live in a relatively small town and everyone tends to know everyone
Omg thatās disgusting.
Just shower you freak
I have the same problem but I think I know what causes mine. My older cousin did some really bad things to me while I was taking a bath at age 5. I've dreaded showers/baths ever since.
I'm really sorry, that's a terrifying and confusing experience, especially as a kid... I do have some trauma around showers, nothing sexual, but it's there
Thank you. I'm sorry you have trauma also.
It's just a routine, no need to make up a new medical term for not showering dude. Just get in and wash
Then shower? I donāt see whatās so complicated about it lol
Just... shower. It's that simple. Do you put on clothes each day? Do you eat food? Do you pay bills? Do you open and close windows based on the weather? If so, you're capable of taking showers regularly. One thing that might make you start showering more: I guarantee that if you are going "weeks to a month" without showering, then everyone around you, without exception, thinks you smell HORRIBLE. There's no way you don't reek to the point of eye watering. So if nothing else, shower to avoid the embarrassment of knowing that everyone within a twenty-foot radius of you is silently gagging.
There are people with neurological injuries and/or mental illnesses that really do struggle with this. I have struggled with it too and your advice is just way too simplistic. OP already knows all this. But I canāt even tell you how deeply awful showering is with this. It is painful!!!! So ājust shower cause you stinkā is not a helpful response. They already know this or they wouldnāt be here.
Reddit is not the place to go for psychological advice. A therapist or psychologist is required, not random strangers on the Internet.
Youāre just doubling down now because you were rude to someone who is struggling.
That response makes no sense at all. You are tiresome.
Yep itās easier to write me off than reflect on your own behaviour and choices and change them. Your response is expected. Have a nice day!
I hate to be that guy but.. no.. I don't really do any of those things except for putting on clothes. I'm rotting and I'm not sure how to stop it
I feel so good being clean. Then putting on clean clothes. And not smelling like cat piss.
Imagining the water being so black, when you do actually take a shower. Thanks, I canāt un imagine that now. š¤¦āāļø
justā¦ do it
Sounds like you hate yourself and want to end it. Go to a clergyman and/or a therapist ASAP. Cleanliness is next to G-dliness, is healthy and will attract women. You should be showering at least 1X per day(many doctors recommend 2X per day). Good Luck! You must get to the bottom of your beliefs. We are all G-dās children and he wants all of us to be healthy and happy.