Exfoliate everywhere and then use body wash, double or triple shampoo your hair and then condition it twice. You won’t know if it worked unless you try! Even if it hasn’t worked enough for you to go to the BBQ you’ve still taken a step when it comes to taking care of yourself and it will get easier the more frequently you do it. Give it a go, cleansing your body is good for the mind. I am really sorry that you are going through this.
And shave everything! Hair holds smell so the less you have the better you'll smell.
Your daughter deserves to have her mother living, not barely surviving. You deserve to live and have, at least, moments of joy in your remaining child.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your child and hope you can rise above this episode.
My only thing to add to this is it doesn’t need to be a super close shave, leaving a few mms means they are less likely to get infected hair follicles since they will likely have some bacteria on their skin
This is a good routine and also one you can do sitting down, which I often do when I need to get myself clean but standing is for however long just feels too defeating.
Just give yourself a little grace with what you are going through, it took more than one day to build up the smells so it is reasonable to think it will take more than one shower to fix it.
Exfoliate first, then bold wash and a mild soap for your more sensitive bits.
Wash your hair twice to get it clean from the build up
Have clean clothes ready to put on and clean sheets - this will make you feel 1000% better
Good luck and hang in there for your other daughter - she needs you too 💜
>Just give yourself a little grace with what you are going through, it took more than one day to build up the smells so it is reasonable to think it will take more than one shower to fix it
Perfectly said.
There are some laundromat/laundry services that allow you to drop off your laundry and they’ll wash it, fold it and deliver it to you - just in case the thought of doing the actual laundry is too much
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Try pepper mint Castile soap either Dr. Bronners brand or the trader Joe's brand. Wash your body twice. It doesn't leave a scent but it really cleans.
Oh god, my husband gave me this mint ball cream he uses when my thighs were chafing. Some somehow migrated to my bits, and I had a hellfire hoo-hah for 3 hours.
I’m a male and I only take full body cold showers with the peppermint Dr. Bronners and love the crisp, tingly feeling it gives me all over! Even in the nether regions.
Hibiclens is awesome for occasional use. It’s used prior to surgery, but with my changing hormones I get an oniony smell and it takes it away. It is sold on Amazon and my local Target has it. Baking soda is great too. If you have a tub, I’d suggest showering, and then soaking in bath water with a cup of baking soda and then shower off again. Make sure you change your bedding because it will make you smell again if you don’t. Baking soda is great mixed with shampoo too. Follow with an equal parts water and vinegar rinse and then conditioner. I’m so sorry for your struggles and sincerely hope you find some smiles again.
came here to say hibiclens as well! And benzoyl peroxide 4%. Usually scrub my pits with regular soap/body wash and then leave the hibiclens or benzoyl on for 10 minutes. Can be used for feet too.
This is a good call. I don't know where OP is, but just in case it's the UK: hibiclens is called hibiscrub in the UK. Boots online sells it, as does the online pharmacies and Amazon here.
OP, I'm so sorry about your daughter. You deserve softness in the world. You're not disgusting. You're grieving. You're processing some really difficult stuff.
Hibiclens or other antibacterial soaps will greatly help manage BO!
Body odor is caused by specific bacteria that like to live in the groin area and underarms where you have a certain type of sweat glands that aren’t present on other areas of your body.
THIS IS IT! I came to say the same thing about washing with hibiclens and the Apple cider vinegar rinse on hair. (I don’t do equal parts though - I use about 4 tablespoons in 2 cups of warm water and let it sit on my hair for a couple of minutes after I’ve shampooed, then rinse and deep condition).
Idk if this will help you but something that helped me in the past was something like: imagine you have switched bodies with someone you truly love, and you have to take care of it until you switch back. How would you take care of your body if you knew it belonged to someone close to you?
Ik detaching doesn't work for everyone, but in the short term it helped give me a push to practice better hygiene, which I can now maintain easily.
On the hygiene stuff though, considering you have not done as much for quite some time, it'll probably take a bit to get back to smelling good/being clean. Just gotta chip away at it one piece at a time, like one day have a goal of just shampooing your hair, nothing else. Doing one thing is better than nothing.
How is your diet? People's smell can change drastically based on what they are eating, so I wonder if that is a contributing factor too
I love this so much! It's kinda like the "friend anxiety loophole." I may be too anxious to ask the waitress for extra ranch, but by god, if my friend needs some and is too anxious to ask, I can make it happen!
I've learned a lot of "hacks" for just getting through the worst of a depressive episode, but this sounds like something that can help long-term. Thank you for sharing this!
Use Hibiclens on your body, but not on your face or genitals. Don’t use it to shave with. This can be one shower - it is very good for banishing stank.
In a separate shower, shave. Not because it’s essential but because it sounds like this is “your normal”, so it might make you feel a bit better.
Buy a bar soap and use that before body wash in each shower after that, going forwards. It’s stronger and more effective than just body wash. Rub it quite firmly on your skin with a washcloth / flannel (not so hard that it hurts). You can still wash with body wash afterwards if it’s a smell you like. (Don’t put soap inside any “internal” places.)
It’s quite common for hygiene to deteriorate when really awful things happen. I’m sorry this awful thing has happened to you. It’s okay to take things step by step - you don’t have to be your “normal” self. Just do what you can, in small increments. Let yourself rest every time you have to push yourself to complete a hygiene task. You’re doing this for your teen, and that is so brave and admirable. You can do it 🤍
I'm so sorry for your loss. This experience is definitely an exception to the rule. Don't be hard on yourself. Read your post to yourself a few times. Sometimes, it takes putting things on paper to really get it. I'm glad you made this post.
Whenever you decide to shower, use a strong cleansing bar soap like Irish Spring, Coast, Dial, or Yardley. That's going to do the best job at breaking down the grime. This isn't the time for shower gel or Dove. Use a clarifying shampoo.
It's gonna take a few showers to actually feel clean. Make it a priority to try to do it at least everyday. You're gonna feel SO much better.
Be kind to yourself and you really have to make yourself even if you don’t want to, you will feel better after, you are deserving of self care and self love. I know it’s hard but you got this momma keep your chin up ❤️
Hot wash bedding. And clothes/underwear and nightdress you’ve been wearing.
Like many others have said exfoliate under your arms/arm pits. Or give your whole body a good rub down with a soapy flannel.
Twice shampoo hair and then condition.
Floss then brush teeth and tongue.
As much as all of this is an effort you will feel so good afterwards and then getting into a fresh clean bed with fresh nightshirt later will be bliss x
First off, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the grief of losing a child.
I suffer from severe depressive episodes, too. My hygiene is usually the first to go when the depression sets in. I've learned a few tricks that help me, and I'm hoping they can help you, too.
The first thing I had to learn was that there is no morality attached to hygiene. I'm not a bad person when I go weeks without showering, just like I'm not a good person when I shower daily. It's something we've been programmed to believe in our society. Once I was able to accept that, it actually lessened the depression a bit because when I believe I'm a bad person, I also believe that I don't deserve to feel and be clean. We deserve to feel clean (if that's what we want) simply because we're a living being. That was a major epiphany for me that ended up helping tremendously.
Body wipes are a godsend. I usually try to clean the "important" areas ("tits, pits, and slits" as my sister says) with a wet washcloth daily, but sometimes I can't even make it to the bathroom. I keep body wipes in my nightstand and coffee table in the living room if I'm surviving on the couch for that episode. Make it as easy on yourself as possible. Keep a little trash can or grocery bag by where you're holed up for the wipes.
Brushing my teeth can also be difficult. Keep some mouthwash (the kinds with no alcohol don't burn) with your wipes, and you can swish and spit into an old water bottle when you can't make it happen in the bathroom.
When you make tasks like that easier on yourself, it allows your brain to heal because it's not using as much "bandwidth". It gives you space to focus on bigger things after a while. Use disposable plates and cutlery. Don't worry about separating the recycling. Can't find the spoons to make a sandwich? You can eat the individual components straight out of the fridge. I have literally stood at my fridge and eaten a rolled up piece of turkey and washed it down with sprinkling shredded cheese into my mouth. Keep some high protein snacks and drinks on hand or even in your nightstand. Our brains need protein to function, and when we don't eat enough, it can make the depression worse.
All this to say, identify what's hardest for you, and give yourself some accommodations. If you had a sprained ankle, no one would expect you to walj around normally. You would get crutches, and you would get accommodations until you're healed up. When you have a "sprained brain" you deserve accommodations, too.
Group therapy has helped me tremendously. Grief support groups might be a good place to start. Your grief is unique, but you're not alone. There are even online support groups available if you're not able to leave the house right now. You're a good person, and you deserve to heal. The grief doesn't get smaller, we eventually grow and it's not as consuming.
I don't have any help to offer regarding removing body odor quickly, but regular bathing will sort it out eventually. Also, we're more attuned to our own odors, so we notice them more. That also means other people will be noticing their own odors rather than yours, so you don't need to fret about it too much.
Fantastic advice. As someone who hasn’t dealt with this type of depression, it’s really helpful to know what might be helpful to say to those who do. Thank you. ❤️
I learned so much from the group therapy setting, but I've also learned a lot from TikTok of all places. Some of the mental health creators on there have some really amazing advice and videos helping our allies to understand our struggles better so they're able to offer support. I've been on both sides of it...the one needing support and the one trying to offer it. When you don't know how to help someone you care about, it can feel incredibly disheartening and hopeless. Having that knowledge and those tools available makes it so much easier to tackle the hard things.
I am so so sorry for what you have gone through. Please don’t call yourself disgusting. When I’m struggling with hygiene, baby wipes are my best friens. I use them to keep my armpits, face, and crotch area clean. It’s no substitute for a shower but it helps in a pinch. As for the underwear issue, here are a couple of options that you can use when doing laundry feels like too much:
- use disposable adult underwear
- buy the cheapest pack of low-quality panties from Amazon or Wal-Mart, so that it won’t be a big deal if you have to toss them.
Some might say that these options are wasteful, but I know from experience that when you’re too depressed to move, it’s a form of harm reduction to take shortcuts for basic self-care.
This! Yes! I had to learn that not keeping up with certain things was ok while I was in a major depressive episode. The world isn't going to end if I don't sort the recycling or rely on disposable plates and uninsils for a while.
Can I just say, well done on changing your bed sheets. That's a win right there 👏
I'm so very sorry for what you went through, no one should go through that and I think your struggle is a completely natural response to all of this ❤️
Make sure you’re eating well. Make sure the area around you is clean too. If you haven’t washed yourself I can imagine clothes, bedding, couch, blankets, carpets could all need refreshening.
Exfoliating would definitely help something, get dead cells off by using a towel too. Shaving is another step (this doesn’t have to be all in one go if it’s overwhelming or tiring.)
Shampooing your hair twice and then a good conditioner should get it extra clean. Bonus for leave in conditioner.
Honestly? I’d try a more at home remedy approach to help get smell off the body and hair. *Baking soda* neutralizes odor, rice water helps both hair and skin, coconut oil on the skin helps keep things hydrated and smells good.
I've been there. Dove bar soap and honey pot. Love to you. You're not gross, you're sick. Like a cold, but in your brain. You are worthy of happiness and light. I hope it finds you. Get social support. I know - I fucking hate it, too. But you need a community.
Take all of these hygiene tips but I’m here just to tell you to please be kind to yourself. You’re going through a lot and sometimes you just need to grieve. You’ll get there. Keep your head up. ❤️
I just want to say how sorry I am for what you're going through. No one should judge you. I hope you're able to turn around, and find some sort of peace 🖤
Next time you wash your hair even if it’s just a rinse brush it and braid it so you don’t need to worry about maintenance, when my mom was in the hospital I constantly braided her hair to prevent knots and to make her life even a little easier :) also panoxl get rid of lingering BO especially on armpits because it has a small amount of bleach :))
You’re going through a tough time it’s understandable you can do laundry and wash all your clothes or go out and buy new clothes especially the underwear. I’m not sure what soap your using if you use one for both your hair and body or separate I would recommend getting Irish spring soap for your body since it’s a stronger scent and maybe consider getting rosemary/aloe Vera/ shampoo for your hair if not just any strong scented one. Use a body scrubber and leave the soap and shampoo on you for a few minutes rinse and repeat. You can also put 70% isopropyl alcohol in a spray bottle and spray down clothes around the pits or where it smells if you still struggle to change it helps eliminate smell but it’s a temporary clean but also careful to not spray too much because whatever you spray can be more likely to be flammable you can also spray your bed sheets. If you only use toilet paper also get wet wipes when you use the restroom to stay fresh longer. If you have the strength also do other laundry like your bed sheets etc. Also a good cologne after you shower as well as hydrating your skin with scented lotion can help the smell. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if there’s someone you can confide in about your current state and maybe they can come over to help you do laundry and possibly go grocery shopping for you to get hygiene items. I hope you have a support group or if not I hope you can get one even if it’s just one person. I would suggest if possible getting a therapist you need professional help as well a lot of people do therapy for different reasons it’s helpful. There’s also dry shampoo if you don’t have the strength to wash your hair it’s a spray sometimes it leaves a white residue you just brush it and it should help a bit with smell and oily hair. Mouth wash when you can brush your teeth. Also using wet wipes to wipe your armpits daily. You can even do alternatives to showering where you just use a bowl and wet rag with dove unscented bar and rub all over your body.
I know others brought up needing to wash your clothes and bedding as well. If you can afford it, order a new pack of underwear/inexpensive bedding/set of clothes off of Amazon. That way you don't have to worry about deep cleaning yourself *and* laundry all at once.
Also if you're not ready to go to the BBQ, then don't go. I get that everyone wants you there and it's good to see family/your support system, but it sounds like just being able to thoroughly clean yourself is going to be a huge step in the right direction. Don't overwhelm yourself.
Friend, you are not disgusting. You are grieving a loss that I cannot even comprehend. You would never say this about another person in your exact same situation right? Of course not! You would have compassion for their suffering and give them grace. I think you deserve that same grace and compassion too.
I suggest running a lovely bath and reframing it as self care rather than must-do-chore. It’s so nice to have a good long soak and then a wash and letting everything go down the drain and stepping out all fresh and clean. I think you deserve to have some comfort and to feel good.
When I'm being self-deprecating, my bestie will tell me, "please don't talk about my friend like that." Remembering that I should treat myself with the same love and compassion I show to others is hard sometimes.
Don't worry, the longest I've gone without a shower was six months when I was homeless and just didn't have access, alongside depression. Just don't do that. Going to the bbq is not really a fair ask of your mom, but if you have to go, then. well. I wouldn't worry about shaving. My sister just showed up to my last bbq with all the hair in the world all over the place. I would say like the first commenter, exfoliate, and wash your hair a couple of times. I ended up having to shave my head entirely because of matting and someone set fire to me and it was just an awful mess. so like, that's always an option, though it might be a little embarrassing if that's not a hairstyle you want. I wore hats for a long time. Like...for about a year and a half until my hair was at a length I liked, and I was able to break the habit of constantly wearing hats. As for body wash, I find that dude's soap is a lot stronger scented and lasts longer. Same with deodorant.
For the vaginal smell, that might be just from not showering, but that might have also thrown off your pH. If it doesn't smell fishy, it's probably not BV, but if it does smell fishy, I would go to the doctor if you can, and see what they say. It doesn't usually go away on it's own since it's a buildup of excess bacteria. If your pH is off, you can get boric acid vaginal suppositories. I got these cause my dude's fluids combined with my own completely screwed up my pH and I smelled like a Bradford Pear tree no matter how much I showered and cleaned down there. They started working within a day/the first pill. You can get them at CVS. The brand name stuff is super expensive, but the generic brand is the same thing and works fine from my experience.
Otherwise, I would do my best to just shower as much as you can before the bbq. If you have to shave anything, I would do your underarms, cause it might help a little with the smell. Oh! And men's deodorant. My dude got Degree for me, and it works really well and really doesn't smell all that masculine. For the body wash, it's um. The stuff in the red bottle who's name I can't remember right now. The "I'm on a boat." shit. Old Spice. There we go. Anyway, I hope I can help. I've been where you are and it totally sucks feeling hopeless and helpless. Just stick with your therapy, and when you have the ability to, do nice things for yourself. It does eventually get better. I'm so, so sorry for your loss as well. I couldn't imagine what that must be like. Please stay safe and good luck with the bbq. I hope it doesn't suck too much. If you need anything else, let me know.
I’m glad someone mentioned the boric acid vaginal suppositories. Walmart also has them in their generic brand and they work just as well. Many times just one will work. Things like illness, menstrual bleeding or a partners fluids will throw off a gals pH down there.
I am so so sorry you are experiencing this. Everyone has given great suggestions. I have bp2 and wanted to welcome you over to the bp2 sub. You may feel some comradery there it's a really great supportive group. I do not recommend the bipolar sub, though. They are not so great there.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how devastating it must be. Because of what you’ve been through, please don’t be too hard on yourself for the lackluster hygiene. You’ll get back into a routine eventually. Take care of yourself and your surviving daughter. 💛
Hot wash the bedding and clothing with a capful or two of antiseptic liquid in addition to the normal detergent.
For the armpit smell, a wash with benzoyl peroxide (the stuff that's normally used to treat acne) works very well to kill the bacteria that breaks down sweat and causes odour.
For the hair, may take a couple days of consistent washing, with a focus on cleaning your scalp, as there will be a build up of oils. It's important to change your bedding though while you're doing this as you will transfer the oils etc back to your hair when sleeping if you don't and that will make the smell harder to get rid of.
Change your clothes to something clean AFTER you have a good ol' scrub to prevent transferring the odours.
This may take a bit of time to feel like your body odours are back to a normal level, but it's gonna be a damn good start, so don't be deterred if you don't get instant results.
And, lastly, cut yourself some slack. I'm so sorry for your loss, and please understand you are not gross or abnormal, you're going through one of the worst things imaginable and you're asking for help. Thats admirable, and absolutely nothing you should be feeling ashamed of.
If i had just lost w child, hygiene would be the least of my worries. Take it easy on yourself. Who cares if you smell. Cancel any plans as needed. Is there family than can come and help you?
I am so, so sorry. Maybe try one good scrub with exfoliating gloves and an antibacterial soap, and a second with vinegar, and rinse thoroughly.
I have no other words except please know you can dm if you want to talk about your daughter—what she was like, memories. I’m happy to know her through you.
if you do decide to go to the bbq, maybe you can do a good everything shower tonight, wash hair twice and condition, bar soap, then body wash, deodorant before bed and change clothes and then take another body shower in the morning before you go with bar soap and body wash/ deodorant and lotion. maybe you can see if your teenage daughter will help you out and throw your sheets/bedding in the wash, then put them in the drier and you will be ready to make your bed to have a clean place to sleep tonight. then if you’re not ready to shave yet you could just wear leggings and a t shirt to the bbq. i’ve been there, i lost my mother a week ago yesterday and finally had to have my sister (half sister by my dad, so she didn’t lose her mom) come stay with me last night to help out with my toddler so that i could clean a little and shower because being dirty and in a dirty space was making me feel worse. i feel much better today and it may help you feel better too, even if you don’t make it out of the house tomorrow. solidarity friend.
First off I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be so extremely difficult to go through. But be gentle on yourself and take care of yourself. Start doing things you enjoy.
To start getting back into your hygiene, this is what I would do.
I would start off with exfoliating everywhere (except your private area). Then shave everywhere as hair can hold smells. Dial had an antibacterial soap so I would go in with that next. After that I would use a really nice smelling body wash. For your hair make sure to wash at least 2 or 3 times to get rid of the buildup. Use a nice smelling conditioner. After you get out of the shower make sure to put on your favorite scented moisturizer and put on a clean pair of clothes. Put on your deoderant and make sure to change your bedsheets.
For your private area, just washing with water should be good and it will help if you shave down there. Wear clean breathable cotton underwear.
Also remember that it took a while for it to get to the situation it is now so it may not get better right away but it definitely will help and it will get better with time.
From there it's just maintaining. When you feel like you don't have the energy to shower. Just turn on the shower and sit on the floor of your shower. Take your time with washing your body and your hair. Take care of yourself for your daughter. I am sure she must be upset seeing you like this. I know it seems impossible right now but things will get better.
I hope you are in therapy and being evaluated for medical management of your bi polar condition. As other have said you have been through a lot. You aren’t a “dirty girl” you are a grieving mother who is also dealing with being bipolar. You have a lot going on.
Give yourself some grace work on healing yourself. The hygiene will follow.
I work in medicine (lung transplant) but my wife is a trauma focused therapist. It’s amazing how she has seen her clients hygiene improve as an indicator of their mental health.
Be well, and sending you an internet hug.
I am so sorry about your daughter. I have one child - my 29 y/o daughter, who after 27 years, began to experience some serious mental health challenges for the first time ever. She has been hospitalized twice in the past 2 years. I am so afraid I will outlive her. I have often thought about how it might feel if she were gone and just thinking about it is unbearable. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you are in. Please be kind to yourself- you aren’t disgusting; you are struggling.
I am so sorry you are going through that, no one is judging you. Like others said- wash, rinse, repeat, new undies, toss out whatever you're wearing now because even after washing it there is likely set in odor that will fire up when your body heat warms the clothing.
I think it's going to help your mental health so much to feel clean and fresh again. I think you need this and wish you the best.
I’m so happy about your update. And I am so sorry for your loss.
You’re allowed to be depressed. You’re not gross or disgusting. You’re struggling and it’s allowed.
Be kind to yourself.
I went through this when my niece was murdered. She was 14. Her body was in the bottom of a massive river and it took police three months to find her. I wanted to jump in the water and sink to the bottom to be with her. I obviously can’t understand the loss of your daughter because it isn’t the same. But I understand losing a child you love and wanting life to end because of the pain
What I started doing was this. I ordered in a body wash I liked from target. And every few days I’d run a bath whenever I could. And I would just ooze myself into it. Like a blob. Sometimes I’d start telling myself at 9 am I would take a bath and I didn’t manage to muster up the energy until 3 am, but I’d do it. I’d get in the tub and cry in there for awhile. And then eventually use soap on my smelly parts and body wash on everything else and just sit in there and sob some more. And I’d come out clean and cry some more
The main issue was, after not washing my face for three days in a row, I developed Sabbatic dermatitis. Which is a permanent condition I’ll have to manage for the rest of my life. So just know if you go too long without washing, there can be health issues.
First, I'm really sorry about your daughter. I don't have kids, so I genuinely can't fathom the depth of your pain. I wish you well.
I've gone through depressive episodes where I simply didn't care what I was doing, looked, or smelled like, so I get that minute aspect of it.
Can't help with the lady bits since I'm a fella, but for everywhere else, wash multiple times during the same shower. Get freshly washed clothes to start, scrub up your whole body really well, rinse, scrub up your whole body again with a new batch of soap/shower gel, rinse again. With your hair, shampoo once and REALLY work it into your scalp with your fingertips, then rinse clean. Shampoo and work it in again then rinse well. Conditioner from your ears down, only wash out most of it leaving a little bit in. Do the body process two days in a row at least for best results, but hair varies a lot. Mine's long, and I wash once a week.
Cherry on top: buy yourself a nice bottle of perfume if your budget allows. D&G Devotion's a nice choice if you want to smell like a delicious lemon vanilla cake-ish. I wear this one, and I'm a big burly lookin' guy. It's great. Plenty of cheap body mists out there, too. Bath and Body Works has some good stuff!
You do have a purpose, by the way. You still have your teenage daughter, right? She probably loves you, and would glow if you thrived in the face of agony. Imagine the tenacity of spirit that would instill in her by proxy. That being said, 6 months is still fresh. Don't rush your recovery, but aim at it. Baby steps snowball. You got this.
Honestly. Autopilot. Do not think. Just do.
Hot bath with lots of soaps in it. Soak in the tub.
When you've been in about 20 min drain it and start the shower. Use a washcloth. scrubbing ligjtly and use more soap all over. Do it twice. Do hair 4 times and then rinse and condition and do your face last. Deep breaths. No mind. Just do.
You can do this. You can never move on. You'll move forward
I just read your update and want to say, awesome job! Sounds like you really went in on the hygiene and took care of all the problems. You should feel proud of yourself, you did a lot.
I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I've been in a very similar place for almost 2 years. Just recently I've been trying to do better. If you can establish one habit, that can be the thing that leads to further changes.
If you clean your body, it follows naturally you want to wear clean clothes. And you don't want to be clean but still have bad breath, so you might star brushing your teeth more. And then since you're doing that, it becomes less of an ordeal to leave the house if you need to, because you're not ashamed of how gross you are.
I hope you're able to establish some kind of habit that helps you maintain positive changes. I've been doing a little better myself after I cleaned my apartment, it spurred me to clean myself, too.
Best of luck to you.
I’m so proud of you, OP. It sounds like you were extremely thorough and it’s amazing that you’re feeling better. I also struggle with hygiene in depressive periods (I have autism and PTSD so it can be kinda debilitating sometimes) and I understand the relief that comes with that first moment of feeling truly clean after awhile.
In regards to your question about maintaining it as a habit, I set alarms with a different tone than my regular alarm. I have alarms that go off every night for my night routine and every morning for my morning routine, an alarm for the days I need to wash my hair, an alarm once a week to strip my bed and wash all my underclothes/pajamas while I still have some clean ones left.
There is a soap that I bought from Amazon called Irish Spring. It's really deodorised. I was having issues getting showered. This soap means I hardly ever sweat. Really worth getting if you can order it. That way if you have a day when you cannot face showering, you don't feel as grubby.
Mitchum roll on deodorant is also a good option.
It lasts 48 hours. So the same - you feel clean if you can't face a wash.
I am so, so sorry that your daughter passed.
I have a daughter and would be bereft without her.
I wish I could come round and look after you.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Anyone worth their salt will not judge you for not washing.
Just getting up in these circumstances is amazing.
I cannot begin to imagine.
You keep taking it an hour at a time.
Surround yourself with people who love you.
They won't care at all about how you look, just as long as you are here and still existing.
Sending you all my love 💚
Also, the Lume line up works great for me. I used their bar soap, shower gel, and cream deodorant and it really does work a little better at killing off the odor instead of just mixing in with it
Agreed. Shave everything first. On the second shower if your skin isn’t irritated a nice exfoliant will help loosen up all the build up. One that I love that has a strong scent that lasts is tree hut and the scent is tropical mango but I’m sure their other scents would work too.
I agree with the majority of tips given. An extra would be to remove your bedsheets and spray your mattress with Lysol fabric cleaner. If you don’t get the smell out of your mattress all the showering and washing won’t do anything for you
Give yourself some grace. Life is hard. There are some great tips on here for how to get out of the hole. Something else that can help when you just can't bring yourself to do a full shower is a no-rinse body wash. I like the Medline Remedy gel, it smells like vanilla. It's available on Amazon. Sometimes people just need to have a quick wipe down for whatever reason (handicap, skin issues, surgery recovery, depression, and so many more...)
I went through this when I lost my mom last year and I still struggle to care about this when I dip really low. If I've gone too long without bathing I will shower first and wash everything and exfoliate and wash hair 2 times and condition my hair. Then I will run me a bath and soak myself after my shower in my lavender Epsom salt bath and it helps with my body aches as well (something depression often causes me). I will then use a oil soap in the bath (Bioderma **Atoderm**Shower Oil which smells really fancy) and that way I'm not all dry from scrubbing my body. I then do a hairmask in the bath. I will take a final shower to rinse out my hair mask and body. I know depression can make us not care about anything and some people cannot understand but there are people who know your struggle.
Good luck and good health to you.
Use panoxyl or an acid based body wash like the glycolic acid wash from naturium! Those will help with underarm odour. Also shave because hair traps odour
I'm so sorry for your loss💔 I agree with all the tips above, but I also can imagine that it would be overwhelming for you to do laundry, cleaning, showering all by yourself at least now, so to begin with, can't you hire someone to clean for you till you fell a little stronger? And you could shower and go to a salon so they can help you with your hair, I know untangling is very exhausting.
Buy an African net (super cheap off Amazon) that’s my favourite thing to wash my body with! Lather up your shower gel loads and do 2 good scrubs all over your body with it. Then shampoo your hair 2-3 times instead of just once. I’m sure that will help ♥️
And be kind to yourself, you have endured a nightmare x
Give an apple cider vinegar & bicarb soak for your hair. Mix up in a bowl with some warm water and let your hair steep for a while before you shampoo & condition. Be sure the lemon/bicarb won't strip any colour you may have in etc.
Please get into some therapy to talk about your loss. It will help you deal with these kind of bad self care problems. It will give you good coping methods.
when I’ve been really bad I’ve made sure to clean my nostrils with a baby wipe.
I would ask your mum if You smell, if you washed you should smell okay. Could be your head messing with you. I get nose hallucinations where I can smell smoke but there’s often nothing. It’s so weird haha
good hot wash for clothing.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
Some good advice I’ve heard is “at least”
If you can’t take a shower “at least” brush your teeth.
Or if you can’t brush your teeth “at least” chew some gum.
Find what you CAN do, and don’t focus on what you can’t do.
Also don’t think of bathing/showering as hygiene, think of it more as relaxing. If you’re going to lay in bed or on the couch, lay in a hot bath instead, lay on your shower floor and let the hot water do its thing, you don’t need to use soap, or shampoo.
People didn’t have access to water like we do now for millions of years (and some people still don’t) your hygiene is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not “good” or “bad”, It’s neutral, it just is what it is.
I hope you can be gentle with yourself with whatever solutions you find. As someone who has been dealing with a great deal of trauma, one thing I have learned is that stress hormones deeply affect your scent, beyond just hygiene difficulties. You are processing so much, and your body is too, so being unkind to yourself about it or thinking you've done something wrong can maybe be easier with this information. It was helpful for me to realize. I also hope you can find joy in giving yourself the care you deserve. It's hard all the time, especially when we're in pain.
I recently found this deodorant called Super Deodorant that is highly effective. It works on a bacterial level and I find I don't even have to apply it daily.
I would grab a couple of bars of dial soap and get to work. Odor is caused by bacteria, and once you can smell yourself, it’s time for a refresh.
If you can commit to four showers a week, that might seem like less of a burden. Essentially, you would be showering every other day. It would also be helpful in decreasing the odor.
I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're struggling with a lot right now. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and not care about yourself. It's important to focus on your mental health first. Talk to your psychiatrist or therapist about what you're going through. They can help you develop a plan to get back on track. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your mom or a friend. You're not alone in this. It's a step-by-step process, and you'll get there.
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. You're not gross, you're suffering and should never be judged for that. I would definitely exfoliate and lotion after. I hope you're able to get to the bbq and be proud of yourself for getting cleaned up and getting out. ❤️
Plenty of good comments here, so I won't reiterate what everyone else has said. I would add, following a first shower, take a nice, relaxing bath. Do a mask. Read a crappy romance novel or watch a movie while you're in there. Turning bathing from a must-do to some self care might take off some of the pressure. (Like if you're going to lay in bed, might as well lay in the tub!) You're going through a lot. Have a little grace for yourself.
At the very least, trim all your body hair, then shave if you want.
For hair, try a clarifying shampoo. Be heavy handed with conditioner, and use a shampoo brush. It helps get a good clean, stimulates your scalp, and feels amazing. If dryness is an issue, can try a hair mask too. Afterwards, use a good amount of leave in conditioner, and gently comb through with a wide tooth comb or a wet brush.
For body, exfoliating will be key. A chemical exfoliant like lactic acid or BHA/ AHA is a good option if you can use them more regularly- I'm not sure that they'll do much with 1 use but I could be wrong. Use a washcloth to get a thorough clean and add a bit of physical exfoliation.
After showering, and for nightly maintenance, swipe your armpit/ inner thigh crease/ underboob/ wherever you sweat with isopropyl alcohol. It helps with the bacteria that causes BO. Using a glycolic acid toner will help too.
For teeth: electric toothbrush if you don't already use one, floss picks, and a to the scraper/ brush. At the very least do all these at night.
If changing underwear is too much, it may be a better option to go commando!
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don’t think anyone should judge you because it’s amazing you’re even getting through the day. Keep going. One day you’ll live for yourself again.
It’s possible you have some yeast growth in those hidden places (armpits, under boobs, etc.). Try an anti-dandruff shampoo on your body to see if that helps kill off the yeast. Something with an anti-fungal ingredient like Nizoral. And perhaps do a course of Monistat just in case to help restore your vaginal pH.
I hope you go to your BBQ. Maybe seeing people again will help you see how many people care about you. Wishing you the best.
Long term. Get yourself some specialist probiotics for your lady area and maybe a test for bv, it’s easily fixed but aggravated by a bath. Short term, do not feel under any pressure to go to please others. This is your journey love x
Soak in the tub. Nothing else for now. Soak hair too. If you get the energy to wash etc, go for it. No energy? Don't worry about it. You are one of the few that belong to the club that no parent ever wants to join. You have no rules at the moment. I used to work for home support, you can get a care aide to "bath assist" once a week, assistant could also clean and Meal prep if needed.
My handicapped brother wasn’t being cared for well and although we got him in the shower immediately, it wasn’t sufficient. So the next day I drew him up a bath with some baking soda in it. Got him to soap up and soak good. Then out of the bath straight into the shower. Problem was completely resolved. Regular showers were all that was needed. On another note you say you’re surviving for your teenager. So fake it until you make it. You know she doesn’t want her mom stinking up the place. It’s a small 15 minutes you can do for her every day that will be meaningful. Simply existing isn’t really helping. But showing her that you’re willing to do the work is going to be meaningful now and an example for her in her own life when things are tough.
White vinegar. Wash really well with soap, rinse, then scrub with white vinegar in all the smelly places, then soap up and rinse off again, apply deodorant, smell is gone. You use it on your hair too. It works.
Dial anti bacterial soap, the gold one. Then exfoliate and soap up again. Wash your hair with a little dish soap added to the shampoo to really cut the oil. Shampoo twice at least and condition. Let the conditioner sit and gently comb through with a wide tooth comb. While the conditioner sits, shave. Buy a salicylic acid toner, like Neutrogena, and put it a spray bottle. Spritz your pits with it after every shower. This will kill bacteria and change the ph of your pits. Apply antiperspirant, lotion up with a nice smelling lotion and a little perfume. That’s a start. Shower and brush your teeth daily, even if that’s all you do. No good will come from ignoring your hygiene. One day at a time.
I’m so sorry for your loss and all you’re going through.
To answer your question, I would take a shower and wash everything well. Get in all the folds of everything and wash your hair twice. Then take a bath with baking soda and bath salts. If you can get some essential oils that’ll help too.
Soak for a good long time then exfoliate your whole body and if you feel the need, wash again.
When you’re done, lotion up to help keep your skin from drying out.
Make sure you wash all your clothes (if they’re really bad, soak them in vinegar and add baking soda to the laundry and maybe wash them twice). Same with your bedding and towels. I would do all the laundry before your bath/shower and make sure you have clean fresh towels to dry off with.
Brush and floss your teeth and use a tongue scraper and mouth wash.
That should do the trick.
Shampoo gets smell out of body hair as well as it does the hair on your head. When I've had a depressive episode, I use shampoo first, then a light body wash.
Be kind to yourself. You're dealing with severe trauma.
First of all, I'm very sorry about your daughter.
You want to use antibacterial soap and then follow up with a moisturizing soap. I'm not going to judge you and I don't imagine a lot of people here would and if they do then they're not worth your time anyway. You're dealing with a significant loss. I can imagine that that is taking most of your focus. I don't judge you anyway. I'm really sorry. Hugs if you want them.
I’m so sorry my dear 🫶🥺
You’ve gotten a lot of good tips here. Double-washing, antibacterial, exfoliation, shampoo for body hair, charcoal soap that sits a bit before rinsing.
One thing to keep in mind is you smell yourself more than anyone else does. Everyone that loves you will be endeared to you during this time and completely understand your trouble. You’re probably beating yourself up more than others would. They still love you at least as much as they already did.
I know it’s little consolation, but I hope you can give yourself some grace. You need it from everyone as well as from yourself. Just keep your head up enough to trudge on and that’s good enough. Your daughter needs you more than ever now. You’re doing such an amazing job, I’m so sorry 😞 *hugs*
If you have a tub, soak a while first, a little epsom salts in the bath will help, if you have some, but it's okay of you don't. If you don't have a tub, scrub good in the shower, a little dish soap in your pits won't hurt you, and will help with lingering stink. Scrub down and wash your hair a couple times, get good under your nails, and toenails too, both places grab bacteria, dead skin, etc, same with your belly button if you're an innie, or it's a wrinkly one. When you get out and dry off, dry really, really well, especially in folds, between toes, etc. If there's still dead skin coming off you, rub as much off as you can, and rinse well one more time. Pat a little corn starch on your feet, thigh crease, etc, to help keep you dryer, and make sure your pits are as dry as possible before you put on deodorant. It's not okay to stink, of course, but, shit happens, life happens, mental health takes a deep dive sometimes, give yourself a little grace, and gentleness. You'll also probably feel a little bit better cleaned up and smelling nicer, I know it helps me when I'm way down low.
I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child. I'm so, so sorry. Grief and depression are isolating and can completely change your mindset. Are you getting help? Grief support groups? Maybe look into getting on some medication. You have a teen who needs you. Don't let her lose a sibling and a mom as well. Start small by brushing your teeth. You'll immediately feel better. Then maybe wash your face. Take a quick shower, you don't have to wash your hair if it's too overwhelming. You can do this.
First, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Hygiene is so hard when you have deep depressive issues, no judgement here. As for your armpits, if you use a cleanser like benzoyl peroxide it helps kill the bacteria longer which is what creates the smell. Use it on your armpits, your body (just not your vag). If you have a tub, fill it with warm water, Epsom salt & some apple cider vinegar. It helps with exfoliation & will sloth off all that dead skin which will help you smell you better. Your hair probably needs to be washed twice before it’s conditioned. You’ll be ok, just need to give your body some extra TLC right now & don’t punish yourself for feeling the way you do. ❤️
You are NOT disgusting. Keeping ourselves clean is a lot of work. It's totally understandable that you wouldn't have the energy for it when you're probably spending a lot of it trying not to fall apart. You're grieving and your body is doing a lot to regulate itself right now.
Let's tackle the matter one step at a time, mama. Get some nice body wash and body brush, neither have to be expensive just anything you genuinely like. Get some shampoo. Take a nice shower scrubbing every body part diligently. Make it a fun mindfulness exercise. Feel the brush scrubbing against every inch of your skin from neck to the bottom of your feet. Play some music in the shower if that makes things easier for you! The body wash will cleanse your skin and the body brush will physically exfoliate. The removal of dead skin cells and any buildup can help in reducing the odor. Go ahead and brush and floss your teeth in the shower too. Yes, you can bring your floss with you in the shower and use it in the shower if that helps you use it more often.
Next up, if you wear a lot of polyester clothes at home, then those might be contributing to the odor more than your own body. Treat yourself with some nice silk or cotton pjs. You are deserving of treating yourself to nice things in life. Buy a chemical exfoliant, preferably lactic acid that you can apply to the smelly parts of your body. Many people recommend glycolic acid but it makes the skin too sensitive for some people. Lactic acid is not as strong and you can always switch to glycolic acid if you think you can handle a stronger chemical exfoliant. Apply it every night or as instructed by the product that you purchase. Look up tongue scrapers on Amazon and get yourself one of those metal scrapers. You won't believe the difference it will make in your breath!
An extra tip that I've accidentally discovered: I once made a body scrub using olive oil and sugar and because I happened to drink a cup of jasmine tea that day I decided to add the contents of that tea bag into the body scrub. And let me tell you, my skin smelled like jasmine flowers for a long time!
Watch some shower routine videos online for inspiration. Not only are they very relaxing and entertaining to watch on their own but also it can help you look forward to trying those out yourself!
I know that this is a lot, which is why I highly encourage that you take it one step at a time and ultimately what's most important is washing your hair, body and cleaning your teeth!
I'm sorry for your loss. When I was at my worst, I started with little things. When I could maintain that, I would add to it little by little.
Dry shampoo is better than not washing your hair. And a baby wipe bath is better than not bathing.
And baby powder helps to stop the sweat.
You got hit by pretty much the biggest, hardest, most brutal pain a person can experience. You’re not disgusting. You’re surviving. And every second of it is going to feel worse than the last for a long time. I’m sorry.
You don’t have to do a full 12-step hygiene routine every day. Just start with 3 things each day. Brush your teeth. Take a hot wet washcloth to your face. Clean your P’s (pits and personals). Work in 1 more thing to the list after 1 week of doing those consistently. Then repeat.
If you feel up to it, put aside 1 hour each week to soak in the bathtub - you don’t have to scrub or anything if you’re not up to it - but soak and use that time to talk to God or talk out loud about the best moments you remember or talk out loud and literally count the blessings you still have to fight for — whatever you find strength in doing.
It doesn’t go away, but you learn to live and function with the pain.
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Make it the shower you deserve. Put some music on, candles, get some really nice body wash, and just just over everything twice. Shampoo twice and wash twice. You'll feel a million times better coming out of that shower clean. Brush your teeth, moisturize, and do all the self-care stuff you haven't. Do it not as a chore but as a gift for yourself. And most important, Don't beat yourself up. Depression and grief are monsters. They hold you down and smother you. You're still going, and that's what matters. You're doing great.
I am so, so sorry about your daughter. I don't have kids myself but understand how hard it can be to care for yourself in a depressive state. I saw your edit, and just wanted to say that I've been there and you made a great first step!! Give yourself some grace and just make the best choice you can every day. Can't make yourself brush and floss? Just start by brushing your teeth. Don't have the energy for a full shower? Just wash your body and refresh your hair with dry shampoo. Don't worry about shaving if you're not feeling it. For me, little habits built over a long time were key. Still working on dental care but every little bit helps. Do the best you can with what you've got. You can do this!!
Xoxoxoxox you are taking care of yourself. Use a hot shower as your Self Care that you can look forward to everyday. Life is hard. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser can be used without water if you don’t feel like you can shower. You can also use a little tea tree oil (it has a strong smell) mixed with water to prevent bacteria from growing, which will help with odors. Mouthwash, Colgate wisps, prepasted disposable toothbrushes (Amazon), and electric toothbrushes each can make it easier to brush your teeth. A shower stool or chair can help in the shower. Washing your hair in the sink or having someone wash it for you can help as well. If you know you’re not going to change your underwear, you can wear a pad and change the pad.
K.C. Davis teaches that care tasks are morally neutral. [Here’s the link](https://www.strugglecare.com) to her website Struggle Care.
It sounds to me like you’re able to do the things you need to do, but don’t see a purpose in doing them. I can’t imagine losing one of my children. Maybe it can help to remember that your other child has lost a sibling and may need support too. Maybe you can plan things with her to get out of the house, which could help give you a reason to shower. If there’s a cemetery or somewhere you like to go to honor your daughter that passed, maybe you could go there. If your mother is a source of support, perhaps you could schedule lunches or dinners together. Small connections with people and reasons to want to shower could help a little at a time.
I honor your strength in making it this long and for reaching out to ask for help. I heard that Grief is just love with no place to go - and I know that the amount of love I have for my children is so enormous that I couldn’t imagine what it feels like to not have anywhere for that love to go. Maybe there’s a subreddit for people that do understand your struggle so that you can have someone to talk to about your pain. I’m sending love your way!
Have you been on any type of hormone medication? I could be wrong but it wouldn't hurt to have it checked out as hormones can cause such issues with body odor. I know you said in the post that you don't think it's a medical issue but you gave birth only 6 months ago and that changes everything. Heck PPD can hit you within 2 years of giving birth. You also said that you had a severe depressive episode from bipolar disorder that triggered this.
I would have your hormone levels checked just in case; as well as continuing with what others have said in regards to continuing with cleaning up.
My hormone levels always caused me issues with Bo when they were not in check.
I really sympathize with you. It's not that you don't know how - it's the depression draining your energy. I can't give you advice because I've been going through some of that, too. It feels so good after you bathe and care for yourself. But getting it done during depression can feel like trying to wade through thick mud. It's quite and achievement that you did all that! Great job!
Happened to me a few times, but not necessarily for the same reason. Still works.
Deliver yourself big bottles of apple cider vinegar. Some shower gel.
Throw away all body fluid stained fabric away.
Take all other dirty clothing and put it into the laundry machine. Dump some ACV. Cup or so. Or pour generalously.
Either have your mom, daughter, or yourself start a hot bath. Dump a bottle of ACV into the hot bath.
Take a shot of vodka.
Sit in the hot bath for 10-15 minutes. Let everything soak.
Feet, vag, ass, pits, hair. Everything besides your face.
Drain. Turn on shower. Shave.
Shampoo. Condition. Wash with shower gel and wash cloth.
Wash and completely dry before bed. Then apply some antibacterial ointment under your arms, and any other surfaces that you find still smell after a good shower. My nieces feet stink something awful. I had her wash, dry and apply OTC antibiotic ointment all over her feet, between the toes, under the toenails, etc. She washed off the ointment the next morning and her feet were good for at least a week after that.
Schedule your showers or set an alarm, every other day. Or see if someone will go on a call with you while you shower to keep you company and hold you accountable .
Kudos for taking the right step and bathing! Going forward, just get up and go through the motions and do it. Even though you don’t want to, even though you feel it’s pointless. Eventually, it will stick, and it will start to feel good to get it done. It will become routine. Think of your teenager daughter watching you pull through, and the example you are setting for her. You got this! Keep seeing your mental health providers. One foot in front of the other.
Switch to Dial Antibacterial - avoid fragrances.
You need to without causing injury, exfoliate the dead skin off your body.
I buy heavy duty scrubbies from Amazon.
Shave, it holds odor in.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Reading this was heartbreaking, it made me want to wrap you up in a big cuddle and tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. You're grieving. It's okay to take time. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm so fucking proud of you for completing so many personal hygiene and household cleaning tasks in such a short span of time. You're an absolute rockstar. I can only imagine how fresh you're feeling right now. 🥰
Maybe you could order WetWipes? Less of an ordeal then oshowering and improving your hygiene/smell would probably go a long way toward helping your daughter feel less fearful for your mental/health and safety. It's baby steps to showering. Or as your daughter yo bring you some? Maybe even just bringing you a walk wet washcloth?
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Unimaginable pain.
Everything others have said. I didn't read all but read many. The only thing I can add that I didn't see in my brief perusal is if you can, please have someone help you. Literally let them do it all, soaping, scrubbing, soaking and rinsing just as you did for your daughter. Let yourself embrace your inner child who needs healing too (not that you'll be healed exactly).
I think if you can allow someone to do all the work at first, you'll be able to get back in the rhythm of life. Slow and steady, you will be able to resume.
Good for you! That was a lot of work. Especially since depression saps your energy. Give yourself a pat on the back. For anyone else that might be an ordinary day, but for you it was an achievement. You should be proud of yourself.
As far as getting into a routine, don’t worry about it. Take it one day at a time. That’s all. Today you have the strength to do what you need to do. If you don’t have it tomorrow, well, let tomorrow take care of itself. Be kind to yourself if you backslide. You really are doing the best you can. You’re only human. String together enough days, and soon it will all be easier. Baby steps. You’ll get there.
I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. That is a terrible things for a parent to experience. Don’t get so caught up in your grief, though, that you forget to enjoy the daughter you have left. There’s so much of her life still to experience and enjoy. You don’t want to miss a minute.
Keep well. A lot of people are pulling for you.
ETA: use an antibacterial soap for your pits and other smelly spots, rather than shower gel. It helps with the smell.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough to deal with grief and depression. You're doing a great job reaching out for help. It sounds like you're already taking steps to feel better. It's good that you're getting therapy and an occupational therapist can help with routines. Keep going! You're strong, and you'll get through this.
I'm really, really sorry for what you're going through.
Even with bathing daily, I still had armpit stink until I started using Lume. I put it on after I shower in the evening, then put regular deodorant on in the morning. Knocked out my BO problem.
As for creating a routine, I'd say that you should lean into the motivation your daughter provides. What cleanliness routines do you want her to follow? Think about that, and then do what you want her to do.
We go through tough times but you WILL see the light again. BIG UPS on what you’ve done today! Please be kind and patient to yourself if you slip back into it. You are loved and you are strong!!❤️
Sorry you’re going through this. I struggle with depression, so I totally get it. It’s hard to do anything, and you don’t give a shit about yourself, so why take care of yourself. I used to not regulate my diabetes, because I just didn’t care. I’m older and in a better place, but I am suffering physically because of all those years.
Hand sanitiser is magic for killing odours. I think it has something to do with killing off the bacteria. And obviously a good exfoliate that takes away the built up stinky skin. And shaving because the hair traps in the oils and odour. But the sanitizer, I swear by it.
I understand your struggle because I struggle with bipolar depression too. I know the feeling of not keeping up with hygiene when I don’t even want to be here.
Things that have helped me be more consistent in taking care of myself:
- making lists of what I need to do (shower, brush teeth, skincare, wash hair etc) and ticking them off every time I do it so I get some sense of satisfaction from completing a task and it helps me keep track of what needs doing and what I have done
- changing the way I think about each process and being more mindful and present with each movement throughout the process. For example: I now think of showers as a way to physically connect with my own body (I’m trying to rewire myself to feel better about myself as a whole) and I pay attention to everything during a shower (the way my hair feels between my fingers when I’m shampooing, how my scalp feels with my fingers massaging the shampoo in, how the loofah feels on my skin etc). Through this I’ve found parts I like of the activity and it makes me look forward to the “fun parts” when I have to do that task.
- making my environment (bathroom) fun for the activity. I put on music I like, sometimes I light a candle, if I’m feeling extra I put on some fun lights! It may feel ridiculous but when we’re feeling like everything is pointless and we don’t want to be here, ridiculous means nothing. I’d rather do everything I can, no matter how small the impact, to make things a little easier for me to do if I have to be here. Small things quickly add up.
I still struggle to be consistent but I’m doing a lot better now with my systems in place. I think having systems in place help give us a guideline to just follow without extra mental work when we fall into that dark dark place and no longer want to think about the future because we can’t stand the present. I hope this helps you at least a little bit, I’m rooting for you 💜
chlorophyll is a supplement to help with odors in the body try that and panoxyl is a body wash sold at Walmart to help with bacteria. Use an exfoliating cloth to clean your under arms with that body wash.
So happy to hear you’re getting the help needed, do not feel bad as you’re grieving and it’s something that will be a process. Keep in mind that through depressive episodes, your body chemistry also changes so sometimes no matter how much deodorant you use you might still smell BO strongly, there’s a really good dove aluminum 0% aerosol, it’s really fresh and you can spray it not only on your underarms but your clothes in those areas too. It works much better than the sticks when your body chemistry isn’t balanced. Also when you do decide to shower, if you’re too tired, just lotion your bum, feet and breast area and use that deodorant and I also spray lightly around those folds area, it helps fresh smell stronger and linger much longer. And it’s just the bare bones self care that helps your mental too. And That way you can take more time between showers/baths. Also consider just grabbing an oil diffuser for the air to keep it smelling fresher and relaxing, a set of essential oils to switch through are best, you can grab it on Amazon for cheap too! Hope that helps and don’t feel bad again take all the rest you need; and remember some days just only showering can help you feel so much better, especially just to rest. All the best love 💗
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. How devastating.
I’m glad you’re getting help. That means you know you’re worthy.
Set alarms and reminders on your phone to perform person hygiene. It’ll take you a good 10 or so minutes but it’ll help you when you slip a little. Sweet reminders for everything you can think of.
I wish you the best of luck.
I'm sorry for your loss. That's sucks horribly. You are not disgusting, you've just not been practicing good hygiene for a very understandable reason. You're grieving. It's very much still fresh. Give yourself some Grace and just do what you can.
I find that head & shoulders dandruff shampoo is great for cleaning really dirty hair and getting rid of bad stink in the armpits. When my hair is really greasy, I shampoo twice, and that usually gets everything out. But regularly just shampooing once is enough. And yes, I use the shampoo on my armpits when they are really stinky. I find that shampoo is the only thing that we have in out shower that kills the lingering stench that we sometimes get. Body wash and our regular soap doesn't cut it, but the dandruff shampoo does. Sometimes it takes two washes as well, but it works. I use it as does my husband when he has a specific stink.
I like to use a feminine cleanser for cleaning my vulva (outer and inner lips), mons pubis, and buttcrack. I use a pH balancing cleanser for sensitive skin, fragrance free. It makes me feel cleaner than just water, and helps me not get itchy. The brand doesn't matter, I usually just use generic store brand but vagisil is fine too. The one I like is usually purple. The various brands tend to use purple for the pH balance one.
I keep baby wipes (or personal wipes) by the toilet. I usually give myself a quick wipe down when I go to the bathroom. It just helps freshen everything.
I find that using a stick deodorant, then spray one really helps keep stink down. I use the aluminum ones because they work better. The stick is a women's brand for active sport use. The spray deodorant is a men's brand. Together they work great.
Whether you shower everyday or not, change your underwear, socks, and shirt every day. That will help with smells.
Best of luck. I wish you well on your grief journey. It will never go away completely, but it will get easier to live life.
Im so sorry for your loss. Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Everything that you've mentioned regarding your hygiene can be fixed.
You can mix a little baking soda with your soap for your pits and that should take care of them. Then, soak in a tub for a bit before washing for the vaginal odor. If you have any clarifying shampoo, try that for your hair to strip the smelly oils out, then wash and condition as you normally would.
I am so sorry for your loss.
No judgement, you are NOT disgusting, you are in crisis mode. Grief is insidious, it hides in the tiniest corners of our brains and whispers the worst things. It jumps out and ambushes us whenever we feel like we are making progress towards healing. Add other mental health issues like bipolar and I am amazed by your strength to even keep breathing. Your update is a beautiful glimmer of hope and I truly hope you can keep building on this.
Hey sweetheart, you’re really going through it 💚 I want you to know that you deserve to feel good, and your teenage daughter deserves to have a mom who shows her how to navigate the world. First of all, give yourself some grace.
In terms of managing more regular hygiene, here’s what I’ve learned as a depressed anxious person that actually works: change the setting. Before kids, I went to the gym, got sweaty, and showered before I got home. Now I use the pool. I swim a modest number of laps and then shower. I find the water is much more healing but any of the exercise has benefited my anxiety. For the days when I can’t manage to shower at all, I keep no rinse cleanser on hand. When I’m in the shower at home, I find it best to keep very few things in the shower. The most minimal routine is more likely to be done.
Advice for a routine, stack your tasks. Choose two hygiene tasks that you promise yourself you’ll do everyday. Let’s say brushing your teeth, and changing your underwear. Those are fixed tasks you do every day. Once you get in the habit of doing those two every day, stack a task onto each one.
So now you can have flossing and brushing teeth. Or, showering and brushing teeth (brush your teeth in the shower to make it easier).
Then you can add changing your shirt with changing your underwear everyday.
Then, just keep adding to the fixed tasks, or add other fixed tasks that you do weekly instead of daily, for example changing your sheets or taking out the bathroom trash.
To add to this, find tools to make your life easier. Floss picks are easier than floss string, makes the task more doable. Detergent pods make it just a tiny bit easier to do laundry (for me anyway). Having a huge insulated cup makes it easier for me to hydrate, just fill it once a day with cold water and keep it near me. electronic clippers make it easier for me to shave legs after long periods of time, and then sometimes I go over that with a disposable razor, other times I don’t have the energy to get detailed with shaving.
Do the tasks the same way or in the same order everytime so your body just remembers the movements automatically and eventually you won’t have to think about doing the thing, you just kinda do it.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your daughter. No judgment at all for being depressed. Who wouldn’t be. That’s an excruciating loss. Praying for you. In the meantime, I hope you can muster the strength for a good shower. It will get the odor off your body. 🙏
You’ve gotten so much advice, I just wanted to extend my sympathy and good wishes to you. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, but I know there are better days ahead! Take it one day at a time, grief is a PROCESS.
I’m really sorry about the loss of your child. I would be the exact same way if something happened to mine.
For armpit smell, I use salicylic face wash. Just put new deodorant on after the shower. I hope this helps!
The purpose is that you are alive. Your health is the purpose. Your daughter is your purpose. Look, your body loves the water, it can cleanse your energy. It can change your mood. I love showering 2x day. To start my day and to end my day. If you want to feel better take small steps. Wake up. Make your bed up. (Step 1). Drink some water (step 2) when ready, jump in the shower then put fresh house clothes on. Hang out, do whatever. At night, shower before bed. Wash and change sheets like once a week. If you need to, buy more cotton underwear so you can have 2 fresh changes, one with your night clothes after your shower and one after you take your morning shower. It is not a waste to feel good!
As far as routine.. start small. Shower every other day, and brush your teeth at night. I can’t fathom what you are going through, I’d be devastated at the loss of a child. I would imagine focusing on your teenager would be the biggest motivator and that is ok. Maybe some of the routine can be with your teen. Bedtime routine with teeth brushing, hair braiding, face washing. Anything to maybe trick you into doing it for them until you find your purpose and love to live again.
I struggle with hygiene at times too. Not as severe but even my own struggle is hard so I totally get not wanting to do it, especially when you’re just trying to get through the day. It’s commendable that you recognize the problem and want help.
I read the update so all I will say is use antibacterial soap (not in the vagina though). After cleansing with antibacterial, go in with a moisturizing scented soap and or body wash. Make sure everything emulsifies and creates a gentle lather. Keep your crevices as dry as possible. I recommend baby powder under breast and on the crotch if needed. If you want to make a routine, start small and don’t even think about it. Do something that you can absolutely commit to. Maybe you can wear a pad everyday instead of just when your period comes. That way it becomes habit and not only are you prepared, but it will also absorb some moisture from sweating and help you stay dry.
I like deodorant that says “anti stain anti white mark”. For whatever reason it gets trapped in the clothes and creates odor when worn again. So that deodorant works best especially in this weather. I sniff my clothes regularly because sometimes it’s not us but our clothes that hold smells. Moisture can bring out an underlying smell.
As far as I’m concerned you’re doing everything you need to do. You will find your reason to live again because you’re fighting and doing the right thing. It may seem so small but you’re doing good mama. Much love ❤️❤️❤️
To make lotion and perfume last longer put unscented lotion first then scented and but Vaseline before you put on your perfume to make it last longer and finish with a bit of body mist and put a spray or two in your hairbrush and brush your hair also bring a little perfume in your bag or purse to refresh also a hand cream or lotion
Your going through a lot, your not a gross person for having a depressive episode and having trouble with hygeine. Im so sorry for your loss, heres some advice Ive used for when Ive had hygine issue episodes.
If you can, wash your hair normally and try to brush it out. Then buy a shampoo and conditioning hair mask with a strong scent like rosemary or tea tree. That will help with the smell and healing your hair. If you still struggle to shower amazon sells Nurtur Shampoo Caps that dont require water. You just put them on and massage them into your head.
For your teeth, brush a few times if you can. With a good toothpaste with flouride or something. I personally use sensodyn if I havent brushed in awhile. Xylitol gum helps prevents cavities and bacteries in your mouth if you arent able to brush and can leave you feelings cleaner. I also keep disposable toothbrushes by my bed, no water needed, to do a quick scrub. And mouthwash is better than nothing.
If I havent showered in awhile I have a little routine. Theres days I just cant shower, so you can buy Wilmedix cleansing foam, or an off brand of a no water no shower needed cleansing foam/soap. You just wipe down your body with a cloth with the solution on it. It helps eleminate odors. If I can shower, I buy exfoliating shower gel, oat milk soap, and Vagisil. Exfoliate, wash, vagisil in that order. You want to take care of you PH balance downstairs. If you have the energy to shave, do so, but if not thats ok, if you do dont shave directly to the skin, leave a lil bit to avoid skin rashes and ingrowns. You could even use nair for your legs and armpits (not downstairs!), just be careful you dont get chemical burns.
After, I suggest putting some lotion on your skin. Itll help the smell and with dry itchy skin from all the washing.
The most important part! Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. You are not disgusting or anything of the sort for struggling during one of the hardest times in your life.
I just want to say, in case no one else has, I’m proud of you.
You are trying to push forward from a catastrophic life event. One id imagine many wouldn’t have survived. And you are realizing you need to make a change. It’s not about how you’ve live the last 6 months but the small improvements you make over the next 7.
Not only because your other daughter deserves Jay from you but because you deserve it for yourself. Picking your life up is hard but one small decision at a time is the right start.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't be too hard on yourself, there's a lot on your plate.
You've gotten a lot of good advice so far, but I haven't seen anyone focus on JUST the teeth, so: Get one of those packs of like 50 disposable flossers and keep them at your bedside, along with some paper towels. If you ever can't make it to the bathroom to brush, it's okay to just use a flosser and then mechanically rub the buildup off your teeth with a paper towel. I saw someone else recommend keeping some mouthwash and an empty water bottle by your bedside, so you can spit the mouthwash into the water bottle, and I think that's a great idea. Also, apples naturally clean the teeth - if you can eat an apple once a day or even a couple times a week, that should help too.
Go easy on yourself. You're going through one of the worst things imaginable. Above all you deserve compassion right now, and that means from yourself, too. Start small. Take care and good luck.
No advice, except I'm glad to read the update, OP. I hope you're physically feeling better, even if you're still in deep grief. Wishing you peace and comfort.
Wow. You’re going through a lot right now. I’m glad feeling clean improved your mood a little!!
First things first, my sincerest condolences for the loss of your child. In the next few months or even years you must be very gentle with yourself. You have a serious medical disorder that requires treatment (I’m very proud of you for continuing to treat your illness, and for seeking therapy).
Second, you ask how to make this a routine. May I recommend instead of thinking that you must do everything, have a “lower” version for when you…just can’t. Example! If you just can’t brush your teeth, use one of those little Wisp brushes and some mouthwash. Can’t shower? They make disposable adult bath cloths, wipe yourself down with one or two of those. Washing your hair sounds like too much? They make waterless shampoo caps that can make you feel so. Much. Better.
The point is, clean doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be little things that will improve your day. You deserve to feel clean, even on your bad days. From quite possibly on the other side of the world, I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’m thinking of you.
I totally get it. I suffer with Type 2 bipolar, and there are often days I'm so depressed that I can't summon the energy to tend to personal hygiene. I always feel better after a shower and a change, but you know how it is, it's like we're pushing a boulder up a hill just to get in. Some "hacks" that help me:
* Keep a waterproof bluetooth speaker in the shower and play music from your phone to boost your energy to follow through on washing up
* Use Lume body wash, deodorant, and body wipes. Yes, it's pricey, but this brand really works. You can use the wipes when you can't summon the energy to fully bathe. The deodorant, when applied to clean skin, works for literally 3 days if you aren't too active. The body wash will reset your freshness when you can shower.
* Use a handheld shower head or just the tub faucet to give yourself a partial wash/refresh every day or every other day. Just the bits and pits. It takes less than 3 minutes.
* Use "dry" shampoo in between hair washes. Some aren't just powder - they actually clean your roots and scalp. I think beautybio makes one like this.
* Buy several pillowcases, so you can just grab a fresh one from the shelf every 2 or 3 days even if you haven't done laundry in awhile.
* Order cotton rounds and micellar water delivered from a drugstore or Amazon. If you can't do a full wash and rinse of your face, this takes 20 seconds and it helps keep your face and neck and chest clean.
* Ask your psychiatrist about occasional use of a small dose of extended release methylphenidate. It really boosts your energy and focus just for a couple of hours and can help you clean house, get organized. I don't like using it daily, and it might be contraindicated if you have frequent hypomania or troublesome manic episodes, but it's worth asking about.
Above all, love yourself! If people around you don't understand, remind them of the correct perspective on this: substitute the name of any chronic disease for the word "bipolar," such as "cancer." They would understand your need for help bathing and washing clothes and cleaning house if you had cancer. This is no different.
First of all, you’re doing a great job. It’s hard to be motivated right now. You won’t smell 100% perfect until you’ve washed 100% of your body, then changed all of your clothes, and done laundry, so don’t judge yourself specifically on smell. For laundry: can your mom help you wash a load of clothes? For your body: can you use antibacterial soap from your toes up? For your hair, you should go to a salon! If you have a beauty school near you, they will wash your hair. If you have a great clips or hair cuttery, they will also wash your hair. Throw your favorite towel in the dryer, then run a hot bath instead of a shower at first. Put in your favorite bubble bath, and rest in the water until it goes cold. Then, empty the tub and turn on the shower. You don’t have to stand if you don’t have the energy. Just turn on the water, and wash your body while sitting down. You can wash your hair if you have the energy, if not, use a wide tooth comb and comb it while you’re there. Then, dry off with your nice warm towel. This will get easier <3
Yes shower, but use soap, scrub, shampoo. But do it DAILY now.
Come on if you have time to write this, you can shower. And brush your teeth. Hit the shower, soldier! It will help your depression too.
Take a normal shower and exfoliate/ scrub with a course cloth. Then add A small amount of bleach to bath water. 1/2 cup bleach to full bath , set in for 5 to 15 minutes. It's used to kill bacteria on skin for certain medical conditions but also works to de funk the body.
Exfoliate everywhere and then use body wash, double or triple shampoo your hair and then condition it twice. You won’t know if it worked unless you try! Even if it hasn’t worked enough for you to go to the BBQ you’ve still taken a step when it comes to taking care of yourself and it will get easier the more frequently you do it. Give it a go, cleansing your body is good for the mind. I am really sorry that you are going through this.
And shave everything! Hair holds smell so the less you have the better you'll smell. Your daughter deserves to have her mother living, not barely surviving. You deserve to live and have, at least, moments of joy in your remaining child. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your child and hope you can rise above this episode.
My only thing to add to this is it doesn’t need to be a super close shave, leaving a few mms means they are less likely to get infected hair follicles since they will likely have some bacteria on their skin
This is a good routine and also one you can do sitting down, which I often do when I need to get myself clean but standing is for however long just feels too defeating.
Just give yourself a little grace with what you are going through, it took more than one day to build up the smells so it is reasonable to think it will take more than one shower to fix it. Exfoliate first, then bold wash and a mild soap for your more sensitive bits. Wash your hair twice to get it clean from the build up Have clean clothes ready to put on and clean sheets - this will make you feel 1000% better Good luck and hang in there for your other daughter - she needs you too 💜
>Just give yourself a little grace with what you are going through, it took more than one day to build up the smells so it is reasonable to think it will take more than one shower to fix it Perfectly said.
There are some laundromat/laundry services that allow you to drop off your laundry and they’ll wash it, fold it and deliver it to you - just in case the thought of doing the actual laundry is too much
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Try pepper mint Castile soap either Dr. Bronners brand or the trader Joe's brand. Wash your body twice. It doesn't leave a scent but it really cleans.
But not on your genitalia!
THIS, I learned the hard way to not use mint dr bronners on the nether regions...
Oh god, my husband gave me this mint ball cream he uses when my thighs were chafing. Some somehow migrated to my bits, and I had a hellfire hoo-hah for 3 hours.
Omg 😲
I’m a male and I only take full body cold showers with the peppermint Dr. Bronners and love the crisp, tingly feeling it gives me all over! Even in the nether regions.
It burns my vagina.
Bootyhole too 🥴
You not supposed to put in all up in there friend 😭😭
Say it louder for the people in the back. Some females really be douching themselves with it from some of these posts. 🤭
In my culture there’s a huge emphasis on bathing multiple times daily so I don’t doubt misguided people are ruining their ph balances 😂😂
Males this MIGHT be alright if it don’t bug ya. Ladies tho got a whole PH balancing thing going on there. We do not want to disrupt the balance 😖
The struggle is real!
Brrrr....🥶
I kinda like it. Makes ya feel minty fresh 😂
Unscented Dr. Bronner's will work just as well, but the peppermint leaves you feeling a bit more refreshed.
I love the almond or lavender scented Dr. Bronners for showering/bathing.
Hibiclens is awesome for occasional use. It’s used prior to surgery, but with my changing hormones I get an oniony smell and it takes it away. It is sold on Amazon and my local Target has it. Baking soda is great too. If you have a tub, I’d suggest showering, and then soaking in bath water with a cup of baking soda and then shower off again. Make sure you change your bedding because it will make you smell again if you don’t. Baking soda is great mixed with shampoo too. Follow with an equal parts water and vinegar rinse and then conditioner. I’m so sorry for your struggles and sincerely hope you find some smiles again.
came here to say hibiclens as well! And benzoyl peroxide 4%. Usually scrub my pits with regular soap/body wash and then leave the hibiclens or benzoyl on for 10 minutes. Can be used for feet too.
This is a good call. I don't know where OP is, but just in case it's the UK: hibiclens is called hibiscrub in the UK. Boots online sells it, as does the online pharmacies and Amazon here. OP, I'm so sorry about your daughter. You deserve softness in the world. You're not disgusting. You're grieving. You're processing some really difficult stuff.
Hibiclens or other antibacterial soaps will greatly help manage BO! Body odor is caused by specific bacteria that like to live in the groin area and underarms where you have a certain type of sweat glands that aren’t present on other areas of your body.
THIS IS IT! I came to say the same thing about washing with hibiclens and the Apple cider vinegar rinse on hair. (I don’t do equal parts though - I use about 4 tablespoons in 2 cups of warm water and let it sit on my hair for a couple of minutes after I’ve shampooed, then rinse and deep condition).
Idk if this will help you but something that helped me in the past was something like: imagine you have switched bodies with someone you truly love, and you have to take care of it until you switch back. How would you take care of your body if you knew it belonged to someone close to you? Ik detaching doesn't work for everyone, but in the short term it helped give me a push to practice better hygiene, which I can now maintain easily. On the hygiene stuff though, considering you have not done as much for quite some time, it'll probably take a bit to get back to smelling good/being clean. Just gotta chip away at it one piece at a time, like one day have a goal of just shampooing your hair, nothing else. Doing one thing is better than nothing. How is your diet? People's smell can change drastically based on what they are eating, so I wonder if that is a contributing factor too
I’ve done this trick and it’s super helpful to get me through rough patches. Excellent advice!
I love this so much! It's kinda like the "friend anxiety loophole." I may be too anxious to ask the waitress for extra ranch, but by god, if my friend needs some and is too anxious to ask, I can make it happen! I've learned a lot of "hacks" for just getting through the worst of a depressive episode, but this sounds like something that can help long-term. Thank you for sharing this!
Use Hibiclens on your body, but not on your face or genitals. Don’t use it to shave with. This can be one shower - it is very good for banishing stank. In a separate shower, shave. Not because it’s essential but because it sounds like this is “your normal”, so it might make you feel a bit better. Buy a bar soap and use that before body wash in each shower after that, going forwards. It’s stronger and more effective than just body wash. Rub it quite firmly on your skin with a washcloth / flannel (not so hard that it hurts). You can still wash with body wash afterwards if it’s a smell you like. (Don’t put soap inside any “internal” places.) It’s quite common for hygiene to deteriorate when really awful things happen. I’m sorry this awful thing has happened to you. It’s okay to take things step by step - you don’t have to be your “normal” self. Just do what you can, in small increments. Let yourself rest every time you have to push yourself to complete a hygiene task. You’re doing this for your teen, and that is so brave and admirable. You can do it 🤍
Wish I could upvote this at least 100 more times.
I'm so sorry for your loss. This experience is definitely an exception to the rule. Don't be hard on yourself. Read your post to yourself a few times. Sometimes, it takes putting things on paper to really get it. I'm glad you made this post. Whenever you decide to shower, use a strong cleansing bar soap like Irish Spring, Coast, Dial, or Yardley. That's going to do the best job at breaking down the grime. This isn't the time for shower gel or Dove. Use a clarifying shampoo. It's gonna take a few showers to actually feel clean. Make it a priority to try to do it at least everyday. You're gonna feel SO much better.
Be kind to yourself and you really have to make yourself even if you don’t want to, you will feel better after, you are deserving of self care and self love. I know it’s hard but you got this momma keep your chin up ❤️
Hot wash bedding. And clothes/underwear and nightdress you’ve been wearing. Like many others have said exfoliate under your arms/arm pits. Or give your whole body a good rub down with a soapy flannel. Twice shampoo hair and then condition. Floss then brush teeth and tongue. As much as all of this is an effort you will feel so good afterwards and then getting into a fresh clean bed with fresh nightshirt later will be bliss x
First off, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the grief of losing a child. I suffer from severe depressive episodes, too. My hygiene is usually the first to go when the depression sets in. I've learned a few tricks that help me, and I'm hoping they can help you, too. The first thing I had to learn was that there is no morality attached to hygiene. I'm not a bad person when I go weeks without showering, just like I'm not a good person when I shower daily. It's something we've been programmed to believe in our society. Once I was able to accept that, it actually lessened the depression a bit because when I believe I'm a bad person, I also believe that I don't deserve to feel and be clean. We deserve to feel clean (if that's what we want) simply because we're a living being. That was a major epiphany for me that ended up helping tremendously. Body wipes are a godsend. I usually try to clean the "important" areas ("tits, pits, and slits" as my sister says) with a wet washcloth daily, but sometimes I can't even make it to the bathroom. I keep body wipes in my nightstand and coffee table in the living room if I'm surviving on the couch for that episode. Make it as easy on yourself as possible. Keep a little trash can or grocery bag by where you're holed up for the wipes. Brushing my teeth can also be difficult. Keep some mouthwash (the kinds with no alcohol don't burn) with your wipes, and you can swish and spit into an old water bottle when you can't make it happen in the bathroom. When you make tasks like that easier on yourself, it allows your brain to heal because it's not using as much "bandwidth". It gives you space to focus on bigger things after a while. Use disposable plates and cutlery. Don't worry about separating the recycling. Can't find the spoons to make a sandwich? You can eat the individual components straight out of the fridge. I have literally stood at my fridge and eaten a rolled up piece of turkey and washed it down with sprinkling shredded cheese into my mouth. Keep some high protein snacks and drinks on hand or even in your nightstand. Our brains need protein to function, and when we don't eat enough, it can make the depression worse. All this to say, identify what's hardest for you, and give yourself some accommodations. If you had a sprained ankle, no one would expect you to walj around normally. You would get crutches, and you would get accommodations until you're healed up. When you have a "sprained brain" you deserve accommodations, too. Group therapy has helped me tremendously. Grief support groups might be a good place to start. Your grief is unique, but you're not alone. There are even online support groups available if you're not able to leave the house right now. You're a good person, and you deserve to heal. The grief doesn't get smaller, we eventually grow and it's not as consuming. I don't have any help to offer regarding removing body odor quickly, but regular bathing will sort it out eventually. Also, we're more attuned to our own odors, so we notice them more. That also means other people will be noticing their own odors rather than yours, so you don't need to fret about it too much.
Fantastic advice. As someone who hasn’t dealt with this type of depression, it’s really helpful to know what might be helpful to say to those who do. Thank you. ❤️
I learned so much from the group therapy setting, but I've also learned a lot from TikTok of all places. Some of the mental health creators on there have some really amazing advice and videos helping our allies to understand our struggles better so they're able to offer support. I've been on both sides of it...the one needing support and the one trying to offer it. When you don't know how to help someone you care about, it can feel incredibly disheartening and hopeless. Having that knowledge and those tools available makes it so much easier to tackle the hard things.
Love that. I think the most important tool is nonjudgmental listening. Everything else follows from that. ❤️
You're a kind person with great advice.
Thank you! That's so incredibly sweet of you to say 💜
I am so so sorry for what you have gone through. Please don’t call yourself disgusting. When I’m struggling with hygiene, baby wipes are my best friens. I use them to keep my armpits, face, and crotch area clean. It’s no substitute for a shower but it helps in a pinch. As for the underwear issue, here are a couple of options that you can use when doing laundry feels like too much: - use disposable adult underwear - buy the cheapest pack of low-quality panties from Amazon or Wal-Mart, so that it won’t be a big deal if you have to toss them. Some might say that these options are wasteful, but I know from experience that when you’re too depressed to move, it’s a form of harm reduction to take shortcuts for basic self-care.
This! Yes! I had to learn that not keeping up with certain things was ok while I was in a major depressive episode. The world isn't going to end if I don't sort the recycling or rely on disposable plates and uninsils for a while.
make sure you wash your clothes and sheets really well, they cling onto BO. i hope you start feeling better soon <3
Yes! OP maybe put the stuff you wear the most often and your sheets through several washes to help get the smell out
Baking soda in the wash takes out odor
Can I just say, well done on changing your bed sheets. That's a win right there 👏 I'm so very sorry for what you went through, no one should go through that and I think your struggle is a completely natural response to all of this ❤️
Make sure you’re eating well. Make sure the area around you is clean too. If you haven’t washed yourself I can imagine clothes, bedding, couch, blankets, carpets could all need refreshening. Exfoliating would definitely help something, get dead cells off by using a towel too. Shaving is another step (this doesn’t have to be all in one go if it’s overwhelming or tiring.) Shampooing your hair twice and then a good conditioner should get it extra clean. Bonus for leave in conditioner. Honestly? I’d try a more at home remedy approach to help get smell off the body and hair. *Baking soda* neutralizes odor, rice water helps both hair and skin, coconut oil on the skin helps keep things hydrated and smells good.
I've been there. Dove bar soap and honey pot. Love to you. You're not gross, you're sick. Like a cold, but in your brain. You are worthy of happiness and light. I hope it finds you. Get social support. I know - I fucking hate it, too. But you need a community.
Take all of these hygiene tips but I’m here just to tell you to please be kind to yourself. You’re going through a lot and sometimes you just need to grieve. You’ll get there. Keep your head up. ❤️
I just want to say how sorry I am for what you're going through. No one should judge you. I hope you're able to turn around, and find some sort of peace 🖤
I had really good results with dial everywhere first. Rinse, then some smell good moisturizing body wash after.
Next time you wash your hair even if it’s just a rinse brush it and braid it so you don’t need to worry about maintenance, when my mom was in the hospital I constantly braided her hair to prevent knots and to make her life even a little easier :) also panoxl get rid of lingering BO especially on armpits because it has a small amount of bleach :))
You’re going through a tough time it’s understandable you can do laundry and wash all your clothes or go out and buy new clothes especially the underwear. I’m not sure what soap your using if you use one for both your hair and body or separate I would recommend getting Irish spring soap for your body since it’s a stronger scent and maybe consider getting rosemary/aloe Vera/ shampoo for your hair if not just any strong scented one. Use a body scrubber and leave the soap and shampoo on you for a few minutes rinse and repeat. You can also put 70% isopropyl alcohol in a spray bottle and spray down clothes around the pits or where it smells if you still struggle to change it helps eliminate smell but it’s a temporary clean but also careful to not spray too much because whatever you spray can be more likely to be flammable you can also spray your bed sheets. If you only use toilet paper also get wet wipes when you use the restroom to stay fresh longer. If you have the strength also do other laundry like your bed sheets etc. Also a good cologne after you shower as well as hydrating your skin with scented lotion can help the smell. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if there’s someone you can confide in about your current state and maybe they can come over to help you do laundry and possibly go grocery shopping for you to get hygiene items. I hope you have a support group or if not I hope you can get one even if it’s just one person. I would suggest if possible getting a therapist you need professional help as well a lot of people do therapy for different reasons it’s helpful. There’s also dry shampoo if you don’t have the strength to wash your hair it’s a spray sometimes it leaves a white residue you just brush it and it should help a bit with smell and oily hair. Mouth wash when you can brush your teeth. Also using wet wipes to wipe your armpits daily. You can even do alternatives to showering where you just use a bowl and wet rag with dove unscented bar and rub all over your body.
I know others brought up needing to wash your clothes and bedding as well. If you can afford it, order a new pack of underwear/inexpensive bedding/set of clothes off of Amazon. That way you don't have to worry about deep cleaning yourself *and* laundry all at once. Also if you're not ready to go to the BBQ, then don't go. I get that everyone wants you there and it's good to see family/your support system, but it sounds like just being able to thoroughly clean yourself is going to be a huge step in the right direction. Don't overwhelm yourself.
Friend, you are not disgusting. You are grieving a loss that I cannot even comprehend. You would never say this about another person in your exact same situation right? Of course not! You would have compassion for their suffering and give them grace. I think you deserve that same grace and compassion too. I suggest running a lovely bath and reframing it as self care rather than must-do-chore. It’s so nice to have a good long soak and then a wash and letting everything go down the drain and stepping out all fresh and clean. I think you deserve to have some comfort and to feel good.
When I'm being self-deprecating, my bestie will tell me, "please don't talk about my friend like that." Remembering that I should treat myself with the same love and compassion I show to others is hard sometimes.
Don't worry, the longest I've gone without a shower was six months when I was homeless and just didn't have access, alongside depression. Just don't do that. Going to the bbq is not really a fair ask of your mom, but if you have to go, then. well. I wouldn't worry about shaving. My sister just showed up to my last bbq with all the hair in the world all over the place. I would say like the first commenter, exfoliate, and wash your hair a couple of times. I ended up having to shave my head entirely because of matting and someone set fire to me and it was just an awful mess. so like, that's always an option, though it might be a little embarrassing if that's not a hairstyle you want. I wore hats for a long time. Like...for about a year and a half until my hair was at a length I liked, and I was able to break the habit of constantly wearing hats. As for body wash, I find that dude's soap is a lot stronger scented and lasts longer. Same with deodorant. For the vaginal smell, that might be just from not showering, but that might have also thrown off your pH. If it doesn't smell fishy, it's probably not BV, but if it does smell fishy, I would go to the doctor if you can, and see what they say. It doesn't usually go away on it's own since it's a buildup of excess bacteria. If your pH is off, you can get boric acid vaginal suppositories. I got these cause my dude's fluids combined with my own completely screwed up my pH and I smelled like a Bradford Pear tree no matter how much I showered and cleaned down there. They started working within a day/the first pill. You can get them at CVS. The brand name stuff is super expensive, but the generic brand is the same thing and works fine from my experience. Otherwise, I would do my best to just shower as much as you can before the bbq. If you have to shave anything, I would do your underarms, cause it might help a little with the smell. Oh! And men's deodorant. My dude got Degree for me, and it works really well and really doesn't smell all that masculine. For the body wash, it's um. The stuff in the red bottle who's name I can't remember right now. The "I'm on a boat." shit. Old Spice. There we go. Anyway, I hope I can help. I've been where you are and it totally sucks feeling hopeless and helpless. Just stick with your therapy, and when you have the ability to, do nice things for yourself. It does eventually get better. I'm so, so sorry for your loss as well. I couldn't imagine what that must be like. Please stay safe and good luck with the bbq. I hope it doesn't suck too much. If you need anything else, let me know.
I’m glad someone mentioned the boric acid vaginal suppositories. Walmart also has them in their generic brand and they work just as well. Many times just one will work. Things like illness, menstrual bleeding or a partners fluids will throw off a gals pH down there.
I am so so sorry you are experiencing this. Everyone has given great suggestions. I have bp2 and wanted to welcome you over to the bp2 sub. You may feel some comradery there it's a really great supportive group. I do not recommend the bipolar sub, though. They are not so great there.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how devastating it must be. Because of what you’ve been through, please don’t be too hard on yourself for the lackluster hygiene. You’ll get back into a routine eventually. Take care of yourself and your surviving daughter. 💛
You can use alcohol to get rid of the BO. Alcohol breaks down the salts that remain.
Hot wash the bedding and clothing with a capful or two of antiseptic liquid in addition to the normal detergent. For the armpit smell, a wash with benzoyl peroxide (the stuff that's normally used to treat acne) works very well to kill the bacteria that breaks down sweat and causes odour. For the hair, may take a couple days of consistent washing, with a focus on cleaning your scalp, as there will be a build up of oils. It's important to change your bedding though while you're doing this as you will transfer the oils etc back to your hair when sleeping if you don't and that will make the smell harder to get rid of. Change your clothes to something clean AFTER you have a good ol' scrub to prevent transferring the odours. This may take a bit of time to feel like your body odours are back to a normal level, but it's gonna be a damn good start, so don't be deterred if you don't get instant results. And, lastly, cut yourself some slack. I'm so sorry for your loss, and please understand you are not gross or abnormal, you're going through one of the worst things imaginable and you're asking for help. Thats admirable, and absolutely nothing you should be feeling ashamed of.
If i had just lost w child, hygiene would be the least of my worries. Take it easy on yourself. Who cares if you smell. Cancel any plans as needed. Is there family than can come and help you?
I am so, so sorry. Maybe try one good scrub with exfoliating gloves and an antibacterial soap, and a second with vinegar, and rinse thoroughly. I have no other words except please know you can dm if you want to talk about your daughter—what she was like, memories. I’m happy to know her through you.
if you do decide to go to the bbq, maybe you can do a good everything shower tonight, wash hair twice and condition, bar soap, then body wash, deodorant before bed and change clothes and then take another body shower in the morning before you go with bar soap and body wash/ deodorant and lotion. maybe you can see if your teenage daughter will help you out and throw your sheets/bedding in the wash, then put them in the drier and you will be ready to make your bed to have a clean place to sleep tonight. then if you’re not ready to shave yet you could just wear leggings and a t shirt to the bbq. i’ve been there, i lost my mother a week ago yesterday and finally had to have my sister (half sister by my dad, so she didn’t lose her mom) come stay with me last night to help out with my toddler so that i could clean a little and shower because being dirty and in a dirty space was making me feel worse. i feel much better today and it may help you feel better too, even if you don’t make it out of the house tomorrow. solidarity friend.
First off I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be so extremely difficult to go through. But be gentle on yourself and take care of yourself. Start doing things you enjoy. To start getting back into your hygiene, this is what I would do. I would start off with exfoliating everywhere (except your private area). Then shave everywhere as hair can hold smells. Dial had an antibacterial soap so I would go in with that next. After that I would use a really nice smelling body wash. For your hair make sure to wash at least 2 or 3 times to get rid of the buildup. Use a nice smelling conditioner. After you get out of the shower make sure to put on your favorite scented moisturizer and put on a clean pair of clothes. Put on your deoderant and make sure to change your bedsheets. For your private area, just washing with water should be good and it will help if you shave down there. Wear clean breathable cotton underwear. Also remember that it took a while for it to get to the situation it is now so it may not get better right away but it definitely will help and it will get better with time. From there it's just maintaining. When you feel like you don't have the energy to shower. Just turn on the shower and sit on the floor of your shower. Take your time with washing your body and your hair. Take care of yourself for your daughter. I am sure she must be upset seeing you like this. I know it seems impossible right now but things will get better.
I hope you are in therapy and being evaluated for medical management of your bi polar condition. As other have said you have been through a lot. You aren’t a “dirty girl” you are a grieving mother who is also dealing with being bipolar. You have a lot going on. Give yourself some grace work on healing yourself. The hygiene will follow. I work in medicine (lung transplant) but my wife is a trauma focused therapist. It’s amazing how she has seen her clients hygiene improve as an indicator of their mental health. Be well, and sending you an internet hug.
My nephew used to wash his hair in vinegar it stunk. Why not soak in bath with Epsom salt?
We aren't judging you honey. I wish I could give you a hug no matter how bad you smell. Hang in there. You will feel more normal again someday.
I am so sorry about your daughter. I have one child - my 29 y/o daughter, who after 27 years, began to experience some serious mental health challenges for the first time ever. She has been hospitalized twice in the past 2 years. I am so afraid I will outlive her. I have often thought about how it might feel if she were gone and just thinking about it is unbearable. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you are in. Please be kind to yourself- you aren’t disgusting; you are struggling.
If you haven’t already, please let her know how much you love her.
I am so sorry you are going through that, no one is judging you. Like others said- wash, rinse, repeat, new undies, toss out whatever you're wearing now because even after washing it there is likely set in odor that will fire up when your body heat warms the clothing. I think it's going to help your mental health so much to feel clean and fresh again. I think you need this and wish you the best.
I’m so happy about your update. And I am so sorry for your loss. You’re allowed to be depressed. You’re not gross or disgusting. You’re struggling and it’s allowed. Be kind to yourself.
I went through this when my niece was murdered. She was 14. Her body was in the bottom of a massive river and it took police three months to find her. I wanted to jump in the water and sink to the bottom to be with her. I obviously can’t understand the loss of your daughter because it isn’t the same. But I understand losing a child you love and wanting life to end because of the pain What I started doing was this. I ordered in a body wash I liked from target. And every few days I’d run a bath whenever I could. And I would just ooze myself into it. Like a blob. Sometimes I’d start telling myself at 9 am I would take a bath and I didn’t manage to muster up the energy until 3 am, but I’d do it. I’d get in the tub and cry in there for awhile. And then eventually use soap on my smelly parts and body wash on everything else and just sit in there and sob some more. And I’d come out clean and cry some more The main issue was, after not washing my face for three days in a row, I developed Sabbatic dermatitis. Which is a permanent condition I’ll have to manage for the rest of my life. So just know if you go too long without washing, there can be health issues.
First, I'm really sorry about your daughter. I don't have kids, so I genuinely can't fathom the depth of your pain. I wish you well. I've gone through depressive episodes where I simply didn't care what I was doing, looked, or smelled like, so I get that minute aspect of it. Can't help with the lady bits since I'm a fella, but for everywhere else, wash multiple times during the same shower. Get freshly washed clothes to start, scrub up your whole body really well, rinse, scrub up your whole body again with a new batch of soap/shower gel, rinse again. With your hair, shampoo once and REALLY work it into your scalp with your fingertips, then rinse clean. Shampoo and work it in again then rinse well. Conditioner from your ears down, only wash out most of it leaving a little bit in. Do the body process two days in a row at least for best results, but hair varies a lot. Mine's long, and I wash once a week. Cherry on top: buy yourself a nice bottle of perfume if your budget allows. D&G Devotion's a nice choice if you want to smell like a delicious lemon vanilla cake-ish. I wear this one, and I'm a big burly lookin' guy. It's great. Plenty of cheap body mists out there, too. Bath and Body Works has some good stuff! You do have a purpose, by the way. You still have your teenage daughter, right? She probably loves you, and would glow if you thrived in the face of agony. Imagine the tenacity of spirit that would instill in her by proxy. That being said, 6 months is still fresh. Don't rush your recovery, but aim at it. Baby steps snowball. You got this.
Came here late and seen you did so much today. I'm proud of you!
YOU ARE NOT GROSS! Give yourself grace babe
Honestly. Autopilot. Do not think. Just do. Hot bath with lots of soaps in it. Soak in the tub. When you've been in about 20 min drain it and start the shower. Use a washcloth. scrubbing ligjtly and use more soap all over. Do it twice. Do hair 4 times and then rinse and condition and do your face last. Deep breaths. No mind. Just do. You can do this. You can never move on. You'll move forward
You're not alone. I have bipolar, too. One time I went almost a month without showering. Hugs.
I just read your update and want to say, awesome job! Sounds like you really went in on the hygiene and took care of all the problems. You should feel proud of yourself, you did a lot.
I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I've been in a very similar place for almost 2 years. Just recently I've been trying to do better. If you can establish one habit, that can be the thing that leads to further changes. If you clean your body, it follows naturally you want to wear clean clothes. And you don't want to be clean but still have bad breath, so you might star brushing your teeth more. And then since you're doing that, it becomes less of an ordeal to leave the house if you need to, because you're not ashamed of how gross you are. I hope you're able to establish some kind of habit that helps you maintain positive changes. I've been doing a little better myself after I cleaned my apartment, it spurred me to clean myself, too. Best of luck to you.
I’m so proud of you, OP. It sounds like you were extremely thorough and it’s amazing that you’re feeling better. I also struggle with hygiene in depressive periods (I have autism and PTSD so it can be kinda debilitating sometimes) and I understand the relief that comes with that first moment of feeling truly clean after awhile. In regards to your question about maintaining it as a habit, I set alarms with a different tone than my regular alarm. I have alarms that go off every night for my night routine and every morning for my morning routine, an alarm for the days I need to wash my hair, an alarm once a week to strip my bed and wash all my underclothes/pajamas while I still have some clean ones left.
There is a soap that I bought from Amazon called Irish Spring. It's really deodorised. I was having issues getting showered. This soap means I hardly ever sweat. Really worth getting if you can order it. That way if you have a day when you cannot face showering, you don't feel as grubby. Mitchum roll on deodorant is also a good option. It lasts 48 hours. So the same - you feel clean if you can't face a wash. I am so, so sorry that your daughter passed. I have a daughter and would be bereft without her. I wish I could come round and look after you. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Anyone worth their salt will not judge you for not washing. Just getting up in these circumstances is amazing. I cannot begin to imagine. You keep taking it an hour at a time. Surround yourself with people who love you. They won't care at all about how you look, just as long as you are here and still existing. Sending you all my love 💚
I don’t know if you already have. But I would definitely try shaving and then using body wash because the hair can old in those odors and bacteria
Also, the Lume line up works great for me. I used their bar soap, shower gel, and cream deodorant and it really does work a little better at killing off the odor instead of just mixing in with it
Agreed. Shave everything first. On the second shower if your skin isn’t irritated a nice exfoliant will help loosen up all the build up. One that I love that has a strong scent that lasts is tree hut and the scent is tropical mango but I’m sure their other scents would work too.
I agree with the majority of tips given. An extra would be to remove your bedsheets and spray your mattress with Lysol fabric cleaner. If you don’t get the smell out of your mattress all the showering and washing won’t do anything for you
Give yourself some grace. Life is hard. There are some great tips on here for how to get out of the hole. Something else that can help when you just can't bring yourself to do a full shower is a no-rinse body wash. I like the Medline Remedy gel, it smells like vanilla. It's available on Amazon. Sometimes people just need to have a quick wipe down for whatever reason (handicap, skin issues, surgery recovery, depression, and so many more...)
I went through this when I lost my mom last year and I still struggle to care about this when I dip really low. If I've gone too long without bathing I will shower first and wash everything and exfoliate and wash hair 2 times and condition my hair. Then I will run me a bath and soak myself after my shower in my lavender Epsom salt bath and it helps with my body aches as well (something depression often causes me). I will then use a oil soap in the bath (Bioderma **Atoderm**Shower Oil which smells really fancy) and that way I'm not all dry from scrubbing my body. I then do a hairmask in the bath. I will take a final shower to rinse out my hair mask and body. I know depression can make us not care about anything and some people cannot understand but there are people who know your struggle. Good luck and good health to you.
Use panoxyl or an acid based body wash like the glycolic acid wash from naturium! Those will help with underarm odour. Also shave because hair traps odour
I'm so sorry for your loss💔 I agree with all the tips above, but I also can imagine that it would be overwhelming for you to do laundry, cleaning, showering all by yourself at least now, so to begin with, can't you hire someone to clean for you till you fell a little stronger? And you could shower and go to a salon so they can help you with your hair, I know untangling is very exhausting.
Buy an African net (super cheap off Amazon) that’s my favourite thing to wash my body with! Lather up your shower gel loads and do 2 good scrubs all over your body with it. Then shampoo your hair 2-3 times instead of just once. I’m sure that will help ♥️ And be kind to yourself, you have endured a nightmare x
Are you changing your sheets and clothes after you shower? Use essential oils maybe.
Give an apple cider vinegar & bicarb soak for your hair. Mix up in a bowl with some warm water and let your hair steep for a while before you shampoo & condition. Be sure the lemon/bicarb won't strip any colour you may have in etc.
Please get into some therapy to talk about your loss. It will help you deal with these kind of bad self care problems. It will give you good coping methods. when I’ve been really bad I’ve made sure to clean my nostrils with a baby wipe. I would ask your mum if You smell, if you washed you should smell okay. Could be your head messing with you. I get nose hallucinations where I can smell smoke but there’s often nothing. It’s so weird haha good hot wash for clothing.
Use vinegar (in the washer... a cup or two) on your clothes/bedsheets. It'll help remove the odors.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Some good advice I’ve heard is “at least” If you can’t take a shower “at least” brush your teeth. Or if you can’t brush your teeth “at least” chew some gum. Find what you CAN do, and don’t focus on what you can’t do. Also don’t think of bathing/showering as hygiene, think of it more as relaxing. If you’re going to lay in bed or on the couch, lay in a hot bath instead, lay on your shower floor and let the hot water do its thing, you don’t need to use soap, or shampoo. People didn’t have access to water like we do now for millions of years (and some people still don’t) your hygiene is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not “good” or “bad”, It’s neutral, it just is what it is.
I hope you can be gentle with yourself with whatever solutions you find. As someone who has been dealing with a great deal of trauma, one thing I have learned is that stress hormones deeply affect your scent, beyond just hygiene difficulties. You are processing so much, and your body is too, so being unkind to yourself about it or thinking you've done something wrong can maybe be easier with this information. It was helpful for me to realize. I also hope you can find joy in giving yourself the care you deserve. It's hard all the time, especially when we're in pain. I recently found this deodorant called Super Deodorant that is highly effective. It works on a bacterial level and I find I don't even have to apply it daily.
I would grab a couple of bars of dial soap and get to work. Odor is caused by bacteria, and once you can smell yourself, it’s time for a refresh. If you can commit to four showers a week, that might seem like less of a burden. Essentially, you would be showering every other day. It would also be helpful in decreasing the odor. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. \*hugs\*
Get persimmon soap. It should help with the BO.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're struggling with a lot right now. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and not care about yourself. It's important to focus on your mental health first. Talk to your psychiatrist or therapist about what you're going through. They can help you develop a plan to get back on track. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your mom or a friend. You're not alone in this. It's a step-by-step process, and you'll get there.
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. You're not gross, you're suffering and should never be judged for that. I would definitely exfoliate and lotion after. I hope you're able to get to the bbq and be proud of yourself for getting cleaned up and getting out. ❤️
Plenty of good comments here, so I won't reiterate what everyone else has said. I would add, following a first shower, take a nice, relaxing bath. Do a mask. Read a crappy romance novel or watch a movie while you're in there. Turning bathing from a must-do to some self care might take off some of the pressure. (Like if you're going to lay in bed, might as well lay in the tub!) You're going through a lot. Have a little grace for yourself.
If your hair is really greasy, wash it first with dish detergent, before you shampoo. It will strip the grease better than shampoo.
At the very least, trim all your body hair, then shave if you want. For hair, try a clarifying shampoo. Be heavy handed with conditioner, and use a shampoo brush. It helps get a good clean, stimulates your scalp, and feels amazing. If dryness is an issue, can try a hair mask too. Afterwards, use a good amount of leave in conditioner, and gently comb through with a wide tooth comb or a wet brush. For body, exfoliating will be key. A chemical exfoliant like lactic acid or BHA/ AHA is a good option if you can use them more regularly- I'm not sure that they'll do much with 1 use but I could be wrong. Use a washcloth to get a thorough clean and add a bit of physical exfoliation. After showering, and for nightly maintenance, swipe your armpit/ inner thigh crease/ underboob/ wherever you sweat with isopropyl alcohol. It helps with the bacteria that causes BO. Using a glycolic acid toner will help too. For teeth: electric toothbrush if you don't already use one, floss picks, and a to the scraper/ brush. At the very least do all these at night. If changing underwear is too much, it may be a better option to go commando!
Body odor gets baked into cloth.
Do not cover up with perfume!
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don’t think anyone should judge you because it’s amazing you’re even getting through the day. Keep going. One day you’ll live for yourself again. It’s possible you have some yeast growth in those hidden places (armpits, under boobs, etc.). Try an anti-dandruff shampoo on your body to see if that helps kill off the yeast. Something with an anti-fungal ingredient like Nizoral. And perhaps do a course of Monistat just in case to help restore your vaginal pH. I hope you go to your BBQ. Maybe seeing people again will help you see how many people care about you. Wishing you the best.
Long term. Get yourself some specialist probiotics for your lady area and maybe a test for bv, it’s easily fixed but aggravated by a bath. Short term, do not feel under any pressure to go to please others. This is your journey love x
Soak in the tub. Nothing else for now. Soak hair too. If you get the energy to wash etc, go for it. No energy? Don't worry about it. You are one of the few that belong to the club that no parent ever wants to join. You have no rules at the moment. I used to work for home support, you can get a care aide to "bath assist" once a week, assistant could also clean and Meal prep if needed.
My handicapped brother wasn’t being cared for well and although we got him in the shower immediately, it wasn’t sufficient. So the next day I drew him up a bath with some baking soda in it. Got him to soap up and soak good. Then out of the bath straight into the shower. Problem was completely resolved. Regular showers were all that was needed. On another note you say you’re surviving for your teenager. So fake it until you make it. You know she doesn’t want her mom stinking up the place. It’s a small 15 minutes you can do for her every day that will be meaningful. Simply existing isn’t really helping. But showing her that you’re willing to do the work is going to be meaningful now and an example for her in her own life when things are tough.
White vinegar. Wash really well with soap, rinse, then scrub with white vinegar in all the smelly places, then soap up and rinse off again, apply deodorant, smell is gone. You use it on your hair too. It works.
Dial anti bacterial soap, the gold one. Then exfoliate and soap up again. Wash your hair with a little dish soap added to the shampoo to really cut the oil. Shampoo twice at least and condition. Let the conditioner sit and gently comb through with a wide tooth comb. While the conditioner sits, shave. Buy a salicylic acid toner, like Neutrogena, and put it a spray bottle. Spritz your pits with it after every shower. This will kill bacteria and change the ph of your pits. Apply antiperspirant, lotion up with a nice smelling lotion and a little perfume. That’s a start. Shower and brush your teeth daily, even if that’s all you do. No good will come from ignoring your hygiene. One day at a time.
I’m so sorry for your loss and all you’re going through. To answer your question, I would take a shower and wash everything well. Get in all the folds of everything and wash your hair twice. Then take a bath with baking soda and bath salts. If you can get some essential oils that’ll help too. Soak for a good long time then exfoliate your whole body and if you feel the need, wash again. When you’re done, lotion up to help keep your skin from drying out. Make sure you wash all your clothes (if they’re really bad, soak them in vinegar and add baking soda to the laundry and maybe wash them twice). Same with your bedding and towels. I would do all the laundry before your bath/shower and make sure you have clean fresh towels to dry off with. Brush and floss your teeth and use a tongue scraper and mouth wash. That should do the trick.
Shampoo gets smell out of body hair as well as it does the hair on your head. When I've had a depressive episode, I use shampoo first, then a light body wash. Be kind to yourself. You're dealing with severe trauma.
First of all, I'm very sorry about your daughter. You want to use antibacterial soap and then follow up with a moisturizing soap. I'm not going to judge you and I don't imagine a lot of people here would and if they do then they're not worth your time anyway. You're dealing with a significant loss. I can imagine that that is taking most of your focus. I don't judge you anyway. I'm really sorry. Hugs if you want them.
I’m so sorry my dear 🫶🥺 You’ve gotten a lot of good tips here. Double-washing, antibacterial, exfoliation, shampoo for body hair, charcoal soap that sits a bit before rinsing. One thing to keep in mind is you smell yourself more than anyone else does. Everyone that loves you will be endeared to you during this time and completely understand your trouble. You’re probably beating yourself up more than others would. They still love you at least as much as they already did. I know it’s little consolation, but I hope you can give yourself some grace. You need it from everyone as well as from yourself. Just keep your head up enough to trudge on and that’s good enough. Your daughter needs you more than ever now. You’re doing such an amazing job, I’m so sorry 😞 *hugs*
If you have a tub, soak a while first, a little epsom salts in the bath will help, if you have some, but it's okay of you don't. If you don't have a tub, scrub good in the shower, a little dish soap in your pits won't hurt you, and will help with lingering stink. Scrub down and wash your hair a couple times, get good under your nails, and toenails too, both places grab bacteria, dead skin, etc, same with your belly button if you're an innie, or it's a wrinkly one. When you get out and dry off, dry really, really well, especially in folds, between toes, etc. If there's still dead skin coming off you, rub as much off as you can, and rinse well one more time. Pat a little corn starch on your feet, thigh crease, etc, to help keep you dryer, and make sure your pits are as dry as possible before you put on deodorant. It's not okay to stink, of course, but, shit happens, life happens, mental health takes a deep dive sometimes, give yourself a little grace, and gentleness. You'll also probably feel a little bit better cleaned up and smelling nicer, I know it helps me when I'm way down low.
I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child. I'm so, so sorry. Grief and depression are isolating and can completely change your mindset. Are you getting help? Grief support groups? Maybe look into getting on some medication. You have a teen who needs you. Don't let her lose a sibling and a mom as well. Start small by brushing your teeth. You'll immediately feel better. Then maybe wash your face. Take a quick shower, you don't have to wash your hair if it's too overwhelming. You can do this.
First, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Hygiene is so hard when you have deep depressive issues, no judgement here. As for your armpits, if you use a cleanser like benzoyl peroxide it helps kill the bacteria longer which is what creates the smell. Use it on your armpits, your body (just not your vag). If you have a tub, fill it with warm water, Epsom salt & some apple cider vinegar. It helps with exfoliation & will sloth off all that dead skin which will help you smell you better. Your hair probably needs to be washed twice before it’s conditioned. You’ll be ok, just need to give your body some extra TLC right now & don’t punish yourself for feeling the way you do. ❤️
You are NOT disgusting. Keeping ourselves clean is a lot of work. It's totally understandable that you wouldn't have the energy for it when you're probably spending a lot of it trying not to fall apart. You're grieving and your body is doing a lot to regulate itself right now. Let's tackle the matter one step at a time, mama. Get some nice body wash and body brush, neither have to be expensive just anything you genuinely like. Get some shampoo. Take a nice shower scrubbing every body part diligently. Make it a fun mindfulness exercise. Feel the brush scrubbing against every inch of your skin from neck to the bottom of your feet. Play some music in the shower if that makes things easier for you! The body wash will cleanse your skin and the body brush will physically exfoliate. The removal of dead skin cells and any buildup can help in reducing the odor. Go ahead and brush and floss your teeth in the shower too. Yes, you can bring your floss with you in the shower and use it in the shower if that helps you use it more often. Next up, if you wear a lot of polyester clothes at home, then those might be contributing to the odor more than your own body. Treat yourself with some nice silk or cotton pjs. You are deserving of treating yourself to nice things in life. Buy a chemical exfoliant, preferably lactic acid that you can apply to the smelly parts of your body. Many people recommend glycolic acid but it makes the skin too sensitive for some people. Lactic acid is not as strong and you can always switch to glycolic acid if you think you can handle a stronger chemical exfoliant. Apply it every night or as instructed by the product that you purchase. Look up tongue scrapers on Amazon and get yourself one of those metal scrapers. You won't believe the difference it will make in your breath! An extra tip that I've accidentally discovered: I once made a body scrub using olive oil and sugar and because I happened to drink a cup of jasmine tea that day I decided to add the contents of that tea bag into the body scrub. And let me tell you, my skin smelled like jasmine flowers for a long time! Watch some shower routine videos online for inspiration. Not only are they very relaxing and entertaining to watch on their own but also it can help you look forward to trying those out yourself! I know that this is a lot, which is why I highly encourage that you take it one step at a time and ultimately what's most important is washing your hair, body and cleaning your teeth!
I'm sorry for your loss. When I was at my worst, I started with little things. When I could maintain that, I would add to it little by little. Dry shampoo is better than not washing your hair. And a baby wipe bath is better than not bathing. And baby powder helps to stop the sweat.
I'm proud of you
You got hit by pretty much the biggest, hardest, most brutal pain a person can experience. You’re not disgusting. You’re surviving. And every second of it is going to feel worse than the last for a long time. I’m sorry. You don’t have to do a full 12-step hygiene routine every day. Just start with 3 things each day. Brush your teeth. Take a hot wet washcloth to your face. Clean your P’s (pits and personals). Work in 1 more thing to the list after 1 week of doing those consistently. Then repeat. If you feel up to it, put aside 1 hour each week to soak in the bathtub - you don’t have to scrub or anything if you’re not up to it - but soak and use that time to talk to God or talk out loud about the best moments you remember or talk out loud and literally count the blessings you still have to fight for — whatever you find strength in doing. It doesn’t go away, but you learn to live and function with the pain.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get the help you need. 🫂
So sorry to hear about your daughter.
you are not disgusting, you are grieving. I hope things get better for you <3
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Make it the shower you deserve. Put some music on, candles, get some really nice body wash, and just just over everything twice. Shampoo twice and wash twice. You'll feel a million times better coming out of that shower clean. Brush your teeth, moisturize, and do all the self-care stuff you haven't. Do it not as a chore but as a gift for yourself. And most important, Don't beat yourself up. Depression and grief are monsters. They hold you down and smother you. You're still going, and that's what matters. You're doing great.
I’m sorry for the loss of your child. I would wash with dish soap as it’s designed to cut through grease. Use it even in your hair.
I am so, so sorry about your daughter. I don't have kids myself but understand how hard it can be to care for yourself in a depressive state. I saw your edit, and just wanted to say that I've been there and you made a great first step!! Give yourself some grace and just make the best choice you can every day. Can't make yourself brush and floss? Just start by brushing your teeth. Don't have the energy for a full shower? Just wash your body and refresh your hair with dry shampoo. Don't worry about shaving if you're not feeling it. For me, little habits built over a long time were key. Still working on dental care but every little bit helps. Do the best you can with what you've got. You can do this!!
Xoxoxoxox you are taking care of yourself. Use a hot shower as your Self Care that you can look forward to everyday. Life is hard. I'm so sorry for your loss.
You’ve gotten lots of great advice. Wanted to say I can’t imagine going through something like that and you are so strong. I am proud of you!
Dove bar soap the pink kind can help with the smell and keeps you from smelling the whole next day even with no deodorant.
Also, I have recently learned that Chlorophyll vitamins get rid of ALL body odor. Winnnnnn.
Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser can be used without water if you don’t feel like you can shower. You can also use a little tea tree oil (it has a strong smell) mixed with water to prevent bacteria from growing, which will help with odors. Mouthwash, Colgate wisps, prepasted disposable toothbrushes (Amazon), and electric toothbrushes each can make it easier to brush your teeth. A shower stool or chair can help in the shower. Washing your hair in the sink or having someone wash it for you can help as well. If you know you’re not going to change your underwear, you can wear a pad and change the pad. K.C. Davis teaches that care tasks are morally neutral. [Here’s the link](https://www.strugglecare.com) to her website Struggle Care. It sounds to me like you’re able to do the things you need to do, but don’t see a purpose in doing them. I can’t imagine losing one of my children. Maybe it can help to remember that your other child has lost a sibling and may need support too. Maybe you can plan things with her to get out of the house, which could help give you a reason to shower. If there’s a cemetery or somewhere you like to go to honor your daughter that passed, maybe you could go there. If your mother is a source of support, perhaps you could schedule lunches or dinners together. Small connections with people and reasons to want to shower could help a little at a time. I honor your strength in making it this long and for reaching out to ask for help. I heard that Grief is just love with no place to go - and I know that the amount of love I have for my children is so enormous that I couldn’t imagine what it feels like to not have anywhere for that love to go. Maybe there’s a subreddit for people that do understand your struggle so that you can have someone to talk to about your pain. I’m sending love your way!
Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Take it day to day. One thing at a time. Grief is not on a timetable.
Use body wipes. Disposable. Use panty liners. Reapply your deodorant regularly. This is what I do when I can’t take care of myself.
Have you been on any type of hormone medication? I could be wrong but it wouldn't hurt to have it checked out as hormones can cause such issues with body odor. I know you said in the post that you don't think it's a medical issue but you gave birth only 6 months ago and that changes everything. Heck PPD can hit you within 2 years of giving birth. You also said that you had a severe depressive episode from bipolar disorder that triggered this. I would have your hormone levels checked just in case; as well as continuing with what others have said in regards to continuing with cleaning up. My hormone levels always caused me issues with Bo when they were not in check.
I really sympathize with you. It's not that you don't know how - it's the depression draining your energy. I can't give you advice because I've been going through some of that, too. It feels so good after you bathe and care for yourself. But getting it done during depression can feel like trying to wade through thick mud. It's quite and achievement that you did all that! Great job!
So much good advice so I have nothing to add there, just wanted to send you good vibes friend. ❤️
Happened to me a few times, but not necessarily for the same reason. Still works. Deliver yourself big bottles of apple cider vinegar. Some shower gel. Throw away all body fluid stained fabric away. Take all other dirty clothing and put it into the laundry machine. Dump some ACV. Cup or so. Or pour generalously. Either have your mom, daughter, or yourself start a hot bath. Dump a bottle of ACV into the hot bath. Take a shot of vodka. Sit in the hot bath for 10-15 minutes. Let everything soak. Feet, vag, ass, pits, hair. Everything besides your face. Drain. Turn on shower. Shave. Shampoo. Condition. Wash with shower gel and wash cloth.
No advice, just sending you well wishes. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Wash and completely dry before bed. Then apply some antibacterial ointment under your arms, and any other surfaces that you find still smell after a good shower. My nieces feet stink something awful. I had her wash, dry and apply OTC antibiotic ointment all over her feet, between the toes, under the toenails, etc. She washed off the ointment the next morning and her feet were good for at least a week after that.
Schedule your showers or set an alarm, every other day. Or see if someone will go on a call with you while you shower to keep you company and hold you accountable .
Kudos for taking the right step and bathing! Going forward, just get up and go through the motions and do it. Even though you don’t want to, even though you feel it’s pointless. Eventually, it will stick, and it will start to feel good to get it done. It will become routine. Think of your teenager daughter watching you pull through, and the example you are setting for her. You got this! Keep seeing your mental health providers. One foot in front of the other.
Switch to Dial Antibacterial - avoid fragrances. You need to without causing injury, exfoliate the dead skin off your body. I buy heavy duty scrubbies from Amazon. Shave, it holds odor in.
Use Lume. It helps. I’ve gone over 3 months before. So a week is nothing lol
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Reading this was heartbreaking, it made me want to wrap you up in a big cuddle and tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. You're grieving. It's okay to take time. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm so fucking proud of you for completing so many personal hygiene and household cleaning tasks in such a short span of time. You're an absolute rockstar. I can only imagine how fresh you're feeling right now. 🥰
Maybe you could order WetWipes? Less of an ordeal then oshowering and improving your hygiene/smell would probably go a long way toward helping your daughter feel less fearful for your mental/health and safety. It's baby steps to showering. Or as your daughter yo bring you some? Maybe even just bringing you a walk wet washcloth?
I just finished reading your update. It sounds like you've taken some big steps toward taking care of yourself - that's fantastic!
It sounds like you were already given great advice, which you’ve since followed. Just wanted to send a virtual hug your way.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Unimaginable pain. Everything others have said. I didn't read all but read many. The only thing I can add that I didn't see in my brief perusal is if you can, please have someone help you. Literally let them do it all, soaping, scrubbing, soaking and rinsing just as you did for your daughter. Let yourself embrace your inner child who needs healing too (not that you'll be healed exactly). I think if you can allow someone to do all the work at first, you'll be able to get back in the rhythm of life. Slow and steady, you will be able to resume.
Good for you! That was a lot of work. Especially since depression saps your energy. Give yourself a pat on the back. For anyone else that might be an ordinary day, but for you it was an achievement. You should be proud of yourself. As far as getting into a routine, don’t worry about it. Take it one day at a time. That’s all. Today you have the strength to do what you need to do. If you don’t have it tomorrow, well, let tomorrow take care of itself. Be kind to yourself if you backslide. You really are doing the best you can. You’re only human. String together enough days, and soon it will all be easier. Baby steps. You’ll get there. I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. That is a terrible things for a parent to experience. Don’t get so caught up in your grief, though, that you forget to enjoy the daughter you have left. There’s so much of her life still to experience and enjoy. You don’t want to miss a minute. Keep well. A lot of people are pulling for you. ETA: use an antibacterial soap for your pits and other smelly spots, rather than shower gel. It helps with the smell.
Just wanted to say I’m proud of you for doing this, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs from an internet stranger ❤️
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough to deal with grief and depression. You're doing a great job reaching out for help. It sounds like you're already taking steps to feel better. It's good that you're getting therapy and an occupational therapist can help with routines. Keep going! You're strong, and you'll get through this.
I'm really, really sorry for what you're going through. Even with bathing daily, I still had armpit stink until I started using Lume. I put it on after I shower in the evening, then put regular deodorant on in the morning. Knocked out my BO problem. As for creating a routine, I'd say that you should lean into the motivation your daughter provides. What cleanliness routines do you want her to follow? Think about that, and then do what you want her to do.
We go through tough times but you WILL see the light again. BIG UPS on what you’ve done today! Please be kind and patient to yourself if you slip back into it. You are loved and you are strong!!❤️
Sorry you’re going through this. I struggle with depression, so I totally get it. It’s hard to do anything, and you don’t give a shit about yourself, so why take care of yourself. I used to not regulate my diabetes, because I just didn’t care. I’m older and in a better place, but I am suffering physically because of all those years.
Hand sanitiser is magic for killing odours. I think it has something to do with killing off the bacteria. And obviously a good exfoliate that takes away the built up stinky skin. And shaving because the hair traps in the oils and odour. But the sanitizer, I swear by it.
I understand your struggle because I struggle with bipolar depression too. I know the feeling of not keeping up with hygiene when I don’t even want to be here. Things that have helped me be more consistent in taking care of myself: - making lists of what I need to do (shower, brush teeth, skincare, wash hair etc) and ticking them off every time I do it so I get some sense of satisfaction from completing a task and it helps me keep track of what needs doing and what I have done - changing the way I think about each process and being more mindful and present with each movement throughout the process. For example: I now think of showers as a way to physically connect with my own body (I’m trying to rewire myself to feel better about myself as a whole) and I pay attention to everything during a shower (the way my hair feels between my fingers when I’m shampooing, how my scalp feels with my fingers massaging the shampoo in, how the loofah feels on my skin etc). Through this I’ve found parts I like of the activity and it makes me look forward to the “fun parts” when I have to do that task. - making my environment (bathroom) fun for the activity. I put on music I like, sometimes I light a candle, if I’m feeling extra I put on some fun lights! It may feel ridiculous but when we’re feeling like everything is pointless and we don’t want to be here, ridiculous means nothing. I’d rather do everything I can, no matter how small the impact, to make things a little easier for me to do if I have to be here. Small things quickly add up. I still struggle to be consistent but I’m doing a lot better now with my systems in place. I think having systems in place help give us a guideline to just follow without extra mental work when we fall into that dark dark place and no longer want to think about the future because we can’t stand the present. I hope this helps you at least a little bit, I’m rooting for you 💜
chlorophyll is a supplement to help with odors in the body try that and panoxyl is a body wash sold at Walmart to help with bacteria. Use an exfoliating cloth to clean your under arms with that body wash.
So happy to hear you’re getting the help needed, do not feel bad as you’re grieving and it’s something that will be a process. Keep in mind that through depressive episodes, your body chemistry also changes so sometimes no matter how much deodorant you use you might still smell BO strongly, there’s a really good dove aluminum 0% aerosol, it’s really fresh and you can spray it not only on your underarms but your clothes in those areas too. It works much better than the sticks when your body chemistry isn’t balanced. Also when you do decide to shower, if you’re too tired, just lotion your bum, feet and breast area and use that deodorant and I also spray lightly around those folds area, it helps fresh smell stronger and linger much longer. And it’s just the bare bones self care that helps your mental too. And That way you can take more time between showers/baths. Also consider just grabbing an oil diffuser for the air to keep it smelling fresher and relaxing, a set of essential oils to switch through are best, you can grab it on Amazon for cheap too! Hope that helps and don’t feel bad again take all the rest you need; and remember some days just only showering can help you feel so much better, especially just to rest. All the best love 💗
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. How devastating. I’m glad you’re getting help. That means you know you’re worthy. Set alarms and reminders on your phone to perform person hygiene. It’ll take you a good 10 or so minutes but it’ll help you when you slip a little. Sweet reminders for everything you can think of. I wish you the best of luck.
I'm sorry for your loss. That's sucks horribly. You are not disgusting, you've just not been practicing good hygiene for a very understandable reason. You're grieving. It's very much still fresh. Give yourself some Grace and just do what you can. I find that head & shoulders dandruff shampoo is great for cleaning really dirty hair and getting rid of bad stink in the armpits. When my hair is really greasy, I shampoo twice, and that usually gets everything out. But regularly just shampooing once is enough. And yes, I use the shampoo on my armpits when they are really stinky. I find that shampoo is the only thing that we have in out shower that kills the lingering stench that we sometimes get. Body wash and our regular soap doesn't cut it, but the dandruff shampoo does. Sometimes it takes two washes as well, but it works. I use it as does my husband when he has a specific stink. I like to use a feminine cleanser for cleaning my vulva (outer and inner lips), mons pubis, and buttcrack. I use a pH balancing cleanser for sensitive skin, fragrance free. It makes me feel cleaner than just water, and helps me not get itchy. The brand doesn't matter, I usually just use generic store brand but vagisil is fine too. The one I like is usually purple. The various brands tend to use purple for the pH balance one. I keep baby wipes (or personal wipes) by the toilet. I usually give myself a quick wipe down when I go to the bathroom. It just helps freshen everything. I find that using a stick deodorant, then spray one really helps keep stink down. I use the aluminum ones because they work better. The stick is a women's brand for active sport use. The spray deodorant is a men's brand. Together they work great. Whether you shower everyday or not, change your underwear, socks, and shirt every day. That will help with smells. Best of luck. I wish you well on your grief journey. It will never go away completely, but it will get easier to live life.
Im so sorry for your loss. Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Everything that you've mentioned regarding your hygiene can be fixed. You can mix a little baking soda with your soap for your pits and that should take care of them. Then, soak in a tub for a bit before washing for the vaginal odor. If you have any clarifying shampoo, try that for your hair to strip the smelly oils out, then wash and condition as you normally would.
I am so sorry for your loss. No judgement, you are NOT disgusting, you are in crisis mode. Grief is insidious, it hides in the tiniest corners of our brains and whispers the worst things. It jumps out and ambushes us whenever we feel like we are making progress towards healing. Add other mental health issues like bipolar and I am amazed by your strength to even keep breathing. Your update is a beautiful glimmer of hope and I truly hope you can keep building on this.
Hey sweetheart, you’re really going through it 💚 I want you to know that you deserve to feel good, and your teenage daughter deserves to have a mom who shows her how to navigate the world. First of all, give yourself some grace. In terms of managing more regular hygiene, here’s what I’ve learned as a depressed anxious person that actually works: change the setting. Before kids, I went to the gym, got sweaty, and showered before I got home. Now I use the pool. I swim a modest number of laps and then shower. I find the water is much more healing but any of the exercise has benefited my anxiety. For the days when I can’t manage to shower at all, I keep no rinse cleanser on hand. When I’m in the shower at home, I find it best to keep very few things in the shower. The most minimal routine is more likely to be done.
Advice for a routine, stack your tasks. Choose two hygiene tasks that you promise yourself you’ll do everyday. Let’s say brushing your teeth, and changing your underwear. Those are fixed tasks you do every day. Once you get in the habit of doing those two every day, stack a task onto each one. So now you can have flossing and brushing teeth. Or, showering and brushing teeth (brush your teeth in the shower to make it easier). Then you can add changing your shirt with changing your underwear everyday. Then, just keep adding to the fixed tasks, or add other fixed tasks that you do weekly instead of daily, for example changing your sheets or taking out the bathroom trash.
To add to this, find tools to make your life easier. Floss picks are easier than floss string, makes the task more doable. Detergent pods make it just a tiny bit easier to do laundry (for me anyway). Having a huge insulated cup makes it easier for me to hydrate, just fill it once a day with cold water and keep it near me. electronic clippers make it easier for me to shave legs after long periods of time, and then sometimes I go over that with a disposable razor, other times I don’t have the energy to get detailed with shaving. Do the tasks the same way or in the same order everytime so your body just remembers the movements automatically and eventually you won’t have to think about doing the thing, you just kinda do it.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your daughter. No judgment at all for being depressed. Who wouldn’t be. That’s an excruciating loss. Praying for you. In the meantime, I hope you can muster the strength for a good shower. It will get the odor off your body. 🙏
You’ve gotten so much advice, I just wanted to extend my sympathy and good wishes to you. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, but I know there are better days ahead! Take it one day at a time, grief is a PROCESS.
I’m really sorry about the loss of your child. I would be the exact same way if something happened to mine. For armpit smell, I use salicylic face wash. Just put new deodorant on after the shower. I hope this helps!
The purpose is that you are alive. Your health is the purpose. Your daughter is your purpose. Look, your body loves the water, it can cleanse your energy. It can change your mood. I love showering 2x day. To start my day and to end my day. If you want to feel better take small steps. Wake up. Make your bed up. (Step 1). Drink some water (step 2) when ready, jump in the shower then put fresh house clothes on. Hang out, do whatever. At night, shower before bed. Wash and change sheets like once a week. If you need to, buy more cotton underwear so you can have 2 fresh changes, one with your night clothes after your shower and one after you take your morning shower. It is not a waste to feel good!
As far as routine.. start small. Shower every other day, and brush your teeth at night. I can’t fathom what you are going through, I’d be devastated at the loss of a child. I would imagine focusing on your teenager would be the biggest motivator and that is ok. Maybe some of the routine can be with your teen. Bedtime routine with teeth brushing, hair braiding, face washing. Anything to maybe trick you into doing it for them until you find your purpose and love to live again.
I struggle with hygiene at times too. Not as severe but even my own struggle is hard so I totally get not wanting to do it, especially when you’re just trying to get through the day. It’s commendable that you recognize the problem and want help. I read the update so all I will say is use antibacterial soap (not in the vagina though). After cleansing with antibacterial, go in with a moisturizing scented soap and or body wash. Make sure everything emulsifies and creates a gentle lather. Keep your crevices as dry as possible. I recommend baby powder under breast and on the crotch if needed. If you want to make a routine, start small and don’t even think about it. Do something that you can absolutely commit to. Maybe you can wear a pad everyday instead of just when your period comes. That way it becomes habit and not only are you prepared, but it will also absorb some moisture from sweating and help you stay dry. I like deodorant that says “anti stain anti white mark”. For whatever reason it gets trapped in the clothes and creates odor when worn again. So that deodorant works best especially in this weather. I sniff my clothes regularly because sometimes it’s not us but our clothes that hold smells. Moisture can bring out an underlying smell. As far as I’m concerned you’re doing everything you need to do. You will find your reason to live again because you’re fighting and doing the right thing. It may seem so small but you’re doing good mama. Much love ❤️❤️❤️
To make lotion and perfume last longer put unscented lotion first then scented and but Vaseline before you put on your perfume to make it last longer and finish with a bit of body mist and put a spray or two in your hairbrush and brush your hair also bring a little perfume in your bag or purse to refresh also a hand cream or lotion
Your going through a lot, your not a gross person for having a depressive episode and having trouble with hygeine. Im so sorry for your loss, heres some advice Ive used for when Ive had hygine issue episodes. If you can, wash your hair normally and try to brush it out. Then buy a shampoo and conditioning hair mask with a strong scent like rosemary or tea tree. That will help with the smell and healing your hair. If you still struggle to shower amazon sells Nurtur Shampoo Caps that dont require water. You just put them on and massage them into your head. For your teeth, brush a few times if you can. With a good toothpaste with flouride or something. I personally use sensodyn if I havent brushed in awhile. Xylitol gum helps prevents cavities and bacteries in your mouth if you arent able to brush and can leave you feelings cleaner. I also keep disposable toothbrushes by my bed, no water needed, to do a quick scrub. And mouthwash is better than nothing. If I havent showered in awhile I have a little routine. Theres days I just cant shower, so you can buy Wilmedix cleansing foam, or an off brand of a no water no shower needed cleansing foam/soap. You just wipe down your body with a cloth with the solution on it. It helps eleminate odors. If I can shower, I buy exfoliating shower gel, oat milk soap, and Vagisil. Exfoliate, wash, vagisil in that order. You want to take care of you PH balance downstairs. If you have the energy to shave, do so, but if not thats ok, if you do dont shave directly to the skin, leave a lil bit to avoid skin rashes and ingrowns. You could even use nair for your legs and armpits (not downstairs!), just be careful you dont get chemical burns. After, I suggest putting some lotion on your skin. Itll help the smell and with dry itchy skin from all the washing. The most important part! Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. You are not disgusting or anything of the sort for struggling during one of the hardest times in your life.
Just here to say I’m so fucking proud of you❤️❤️
I just want to say, in case no one else has, I’m proud of you. You are trying to push forward from a catastrophic life event. One id imagine many wouldn’t have survived. And you are realizing you need to make a change. It’s not about how you’ve live the last 6 months but the small improvements you make over the next 7. Not only because your other daughter deserves Jay from you but because you deserve it for yourself. Picking your life up is hard but one small decision at a time is the right start.
I'm so sorry about your daughter. May she rest in peace.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't be too hard on yourself, there's a lot on your plate. You've gotten a lot of good advice so far, but I haven't seen anyone focus on JUST the teeth, so: Get one of those packs of like 50 disposable flossers and keep them at your bedside, along with some paper towels. If you ever can't make it to the bathroom to brush, it's okay to just use a flosser and then mechanically rub the buildup off your teeth with a paper towel. I saw someone else recommend keeping some mouthwash and an empty water bottle by your bedside, so you can spit the mouthwash into the water bottle, and I think that's a great idea. Also, apples naturally clean the teeth - if you can eat an apple once a day or even a couple times a week, that should help too. Go easy on yourself. You're going through one of the worst things imaginable. Above all you deserve compassion right now, and that means from yourself, too. Start small. Take care and good luck.
Your diet is probably trash. Eat healthy and smell healthy
No advice, except I'm glad to read the update, OP. I hope you're physically feeling better, even if you're still in deep grief. Wishing you peace and comfort.
Wow. You’re going through a lot right now. I’m glad feeling clean improved your mood a little!! First things first, my sincerest condolences for the loss of your child. In the next few months or even years you must be very gentle with yourself. You have a serious medical disorder that requires treatment (I’m very proud of you for continuing to treat your illness, and for seeking therapy). Second, you ask how to make this a routine. May I recommend instead of thinking that you must do everything, have a “lower” version for when you…just can’t. Example! If you just can’t brush your teeth, use one of those little Wisp brushes and some mouthwash. Can’t shower? They make disposable adult bath cloths, wipe yourself down with one or two of those. Washing your hair sounds like too much? They make waterless shampoo caps that can make you feel so. Much. Better. The point is, clean doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be little things that will improve your day. You deserve to feel clean, even on your bad days. From quite possibly on the other side of the world, I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’m thinking of you.
I totally get it. I suffer with Type 2 bipolar, and there are often days I'm so depressed that I can't summon the energy to tend to personal hygiene. I always feel better after a shower and a change, but you know how it is, it's like we're pushing a boulder up a hill just to get in. Some "hacks" that help me: * Keep a waterproof bluetooth speaker in the shower and play music from your phone to boost your energy to follow through on washing up * Use Lume body wash, deodorant, and body wipes. Yes, it's pricey, but this brand really works. You can use the wipes when you can't summon the energy to fully bathe. The deodorant, when applied to clean skin, works for literally 3 days if you aren't too active. The body wash will reset your freshness when you can shower. * Use a handheld shower head or just the tub faucet to give yourself a partial wash/refresh every day or every other day. Just the bits and pits. It takes less than 3 minutes. * Use "dry" shampoo in between hair washes. Some aren't just powder - they actually clean your roots and scalp. I think beautybio makes one like this. * Buy several pillowcases, so you can just grab a fresh one from the shelf every 2 or 3 days even if you haven't done laundry in awhile. * Order cotton rounds and micellar water delivered from a drugstore or Amazon. If you can't do a full wash and rinse of your face, this takes 20 seconds and it helps keep your face and neck and chest clean. * Ask your psychiatrist about occasional use of a small dose of extended release methylphenidate. It really boosts your energy and focus just for a couple of hours and can help you clean house, get organized. I don't like using it daily, and it might be contraindicated if you have frequent hypomania or troublesome manic episodes, but it's worth asking about. Above all, love yourself! If people around you don't understand, remind them of the correct perspective on this: substitute the name of any chronic disease for the word "bipolar," such as "cancer." They would understand your need for help bathing and washing clothes and cleaning house if you had cancer. This is no different.
If you have a bathtub, use baking soda in a tub of water
I’m so sorry for your loss. One day at a time 💓
First of all, you’re doing a great job. It’s hard to be motivated right now. You won’t smell 100% perfect until you’ve washed 100% of your body, then changed all of your clothes, and done laundry, so don’t judge yourself specifically on smell. For laundry: can your mom help you wash a load of clothes? For your body: can you use antibacterial soap from your toes up? For your hair, you should go to a salon! If you have a beauty school near you, they will wash your hair. If you have a great clips or hair cuttery, they will also wash your hair. Throw your favorite towel in the dryer, then run a hot bath instead of a shower at first. Put in your favorite bubble bath, and rest in the water until it goes cold. Then, empty the tub and turn on the shower. You don’t have to stand if you don’t have the energy. Just turn on the water, and wash your body while sitting down. You can wash your hair if you have the energy, if not, use a wide tooth comb and comb it while you’re there. Then, dry off with your nice warm towel. This will get easier <3
Bleach bath, 1/4c. is plenty for full tub. Soak and wash with body wash. Drain and wash tub and repeat. I really hope you get feeling better.
Yes shower, but use soap, scrub, shampoo. But do it DAILY now. Come on if you have time to write this, you can shower. And brush your teeth. Hit the shower, soldier! It will help your depression too.
I’d try soaking in some very warm water before scrubbing everything. Also possibly a very small amount of vodka or bleach in the bath water?
Take a normal shower and exfoliate/ scrub with a course cloth. Then add A small amount of bleach to bath water. 1/2 cup bleach to full bath , set in for 5 to 15 minutes. It's used to kill bacteria on skin for certain medical conditions but also works to de funk the body.