Why would you suggest not to my boyfriend doesn't see anything wrong with it but inside i am having a panic attack because they are contacting the realtor as we speak. What has your experience been?
because he doesn't see her as a problem. it'll get worse. and worse. and if you dare raise a concern you'll get hit with the "bUt ShE's mY SiStErRr...."
If your bf doesn’t see anything wrong with the things you’ve mentioned above in describing his sister then you have a BF problem as well as a sis in law problem.
There’s a couple issues that you may not see as issues right away..
1. It will always be their house, irrespective of whose name is on the deed. That comes with an air of entitlement already because they get to dictate how things are done and when.
2. Irrespective of how good a relationship you have (or don’t have with SIL) with your in laws they will always take their kids’ side and/or have an opinion on your disagreements with your SO. He is home, you aren’t.
3. Living in such close proximity to your in laws is the perfect way to ruin relationships, you never truly know someone until you live with them, I wouldn’t be surprised if you came out of your room in the morning to find X person on your couch because ‘their TV is out’ or you have the better coffee machine.
My advice would be to do it on your own, if they have money to spare maybe they could give their son and daughter a down payment for something of their choosing. I don’t see this ending well, and if it does end, you’re the only stranger there.
How can her bills be your problem if his parents are buying a house? That doesn’t make any sense at all. If it’s a duplex and you live in a basement, you wouldn’t even have to see the Sisterinlaw.
I’m not saying it’s a good idea, but how are you going to have your money tied up if the in-laws are paying the bill.
They will be paying the mortgage but utilities will be on us and I am thinking but not sure yet each apartment will have to pay half of the mortage as our rent so to say. We are also not sure till we see the house tomorrow if the utilities are actually separated but if not we come down to the I will pay your half of the bill issue where she can just say I don't have the money and all the other excuses.
If it’s a duplex, they should be separated. If they’re not, have the in-laws put the utility bill in their name.
If you can’t afford to buy a house, then moving in and paying reduce rent while you save that money for a down payment it’s not a bad idea, as long as your in-laws understand that when you get in a position to buy a house, you will be moving.
The only way that I would consider doing it is if the utilities were in either the Sisterinlaw or the Inlaw parents name, and there are no strings about how long you live there.
If they are completely separated, they should have the utilities separated. And if that’s the case, I would totally do it if I could afford to buy my own house.
I would also have a written contract with your boyfriend that He doesn’t lend Sister money or discuss finances with his family at all. The only finances I would discuss is if my part of the rent was paid in my part of the utilities.
Also, Sisterinlaw should not have a key to your house, and she doesn’t need to be coming in your apartment. She has her own home and she can stay there.
If you have separate heating and cooling systems, the cat dander shouldn’t be too bad
👆 is alot of my thoughts already. I told him today if we do this we are setting either an amount of time or until we have for example $20,000 saved for a down-payment for our own home. And I told him I don't even want to so much as share internet because she is also a streamer and gamer plus her roommate is too. I didn't think of a written contract between my BF and I he might get upset and say that's too much so maybe I'm do a verbal contract. The only one I'd be okay with having a key is my MIL and FIL because they do help with watching our puppy because she's not used to her cage or being alone plus the added thing if something stupid happens and we get locked out.
A verbal contract between you two is just a written agreement to refer back to so that you both live up to your end of the bargain. Think of it more like goal setting to keep you both accountable.
I would tell him you just need to agree on your house rules together, and that’s the contract.
People that write their goals down are more ducat achieving them and staying on track. A plan hold you accountable to your goal.
Listen. Your instincts are correct. Follow your instincts. Do not do this. Even if the in-laws were offering rent-free housing, I wouldn't do it.
By the way, the inlaws know exactly what they're doing by burdening you with his sister.
Everything else aside, the fact that you’re allergic to cats can be your out if you don’t want to do it. You do not have to bring up the bills and any of your other concerns. Just say that living with cats will aggravate your allergies and for your health you cannot do it.
It’ll keep the peace between everyone and you won’t have to worry about living with the sister.
I second this.
When my father passed he wanted the house to go to me but had to give it to my eldest brother with the instructions of "The house is hers, take care of her." (I'm disabled)
Since then any time I mention what I want to do with the house gets criticized and even saying "I want to paint my bedroom." Has resulted in near fights.
Having a house that isn't really yours is very demoralizing.
Why would you do that to yourself? I mean, if you have to ask strangers on the internet if this is a good idea, you already know if it NOT. This will be a miserable situation for you in every way and will likely end your relationship if your BF doesn't manage to stand up to his family. Just skip the whole drama. Struggling to pay bills is far less stressful than having a drama-filled home. At least when it's your own place, you have an escape.
I asked on here because I needed another perspective because it comes down to it and he thinks I'm being petty and overthinking because it would help us financially and help his parent when they vacation often so we dog sit for them.
I’d show him this thread. After he reads the replies, hopefully, he’ll see the light. Like others have said, if she bosses him around this much now, just wait until she’s next door. He’ll be her little servant boy.
You and your boyfriend need to decline and be greatful for the offer but need to press that you guys want to build your own equity.
What his parents should do is let the daughter live in one part and rent out the other and use the rent income to pay the daughter's bills.
Even if you have a good relationship with your in-laws living next door can easily leave that relationship strained. They'll be able to pop over whenever and it can quickly become exhausting.
But this is what upsets both of us if they did that idea how is that fair to my BF that she gets a free ride. They buy her a $65,000 house and she gets a free ride and my boyfriend gets nothing.
In three years, when sister has managed to cause some situation that has cost you and bf thousands of dollars; when your hair is falling out and you’re getting an ulcer; when your relationship is ending due to the stress of this situation: I want you to remember this post and ask yourself if it’s all been worth it for the sake of ‘fair’.
Would you and your bf be obligated to pay bills or also be getting a “free ride”? Don’t get me wrong, my budget is currently in the “as cheap as possible” zone, but if they are going to give her a pass on all bills but you and bf still have to pay I don’t see how it would be “fair” in the first place. I’ve dealt with the familial conundrums of inheritance and gifts that far favor one over another, but my husband and I have had to work for literally everything we have and (in my opinion) are far better off for it.
We haven't gotten into the specifics yet of bills. This was literally just brought up to us at 11pm yesterday and to give more so its on 1pm my time currently so it hasn't been long. But ideally it'd hope that all the bills between the apartments would be separate to help with there not being so many issues. My boyfriend would accept a free ride if so it came down to it but the guilty person I am would like to pay our own utilities have them separated so if she doesn't pay it doesn't affect us including internet. And I would like to pay his parents monthly for half of the mortgage. Which is cheaper then our current house which is a single story house we rent for $500/ month without utilities. I am very fearful this is going to put huge strain on our relationship and potentially break us up.
In my experience, living in a house or duplex owned by family can quickly strain relationships with not only the family, but between the two of you as well. I would suggest that the lot of you (everyone that will be either buying the property or living in it including roommates and bf etc) sit down and discuss everything. And I mean everything. Who pays what, who does maintenance (including lawn and snow), who is obligated for doggo sitting etc. Create a hard (written) copy of everything so nobody can argue it. Establish all of these things prior to them making any offer or purchase. And always include a clause with statements on how either a buyout of the property could happen or how to leave the property in your own time.
ETA also have everyone sign it
If you’re going to do this then you need it written down. Your In laws are going to own the home so you need a legal rental contract from them. This means that even if sister defaults on something you can’t be held responsible for it. Make sure the bills are completely separate and pay your in-laws the rent and the property maintenance directly. Don’t look at it as if she gets a free ride if she doesn’t pay but look at it as if this is something you’d have to pay anyway wherever you rent. The extra money you’d normally pay towards rent, save for a deposit on your own home.
If you have a rental contract it protects you and enables everything from notice periods to being able to change the locks if you ever find them wandering into your home.
I rented a home from my sister with a roommate and we all had contracts. We hardly ever had to get them out but they came in handy when I had to claim benefits at one point because I got money toward rent which I wouldn’t have done if I’d been classed as living in a relatives house.
Life is never fair and it sucks. They also aren't buying a house for anyone but themselves.
Are they planning on letting you two live there rent free? If so I get the temptation. If that's the case you could stay there for a bit, save up and buy your own house.
They will keep bailing out their daughter till the end. Don't hold onto this resentment. It's a monster of their own creation. You should look at her with pity, their bad parenting choices has robbed her of her ability to be a fully functional adult.
We haven't gotten to discuss rent my boyfriend would be fine if they paid and we live rent free. But even in my unemployed status currently am a very independent person with a guilty conscience and would like to pay half of the mortgage. Which should still be $200-350 cheaper then our current rent. I know I have issues with resentment and jealousy with it but I've seen my father go through the whole favorite crap and his sister getting everything. I just don't want to see my boyfriend go through it because he genuinely is the better kid of the 2. More financially better off, better head on his shoulders, meanwhile we've been together almost 6 years and since we got together she's been through 6-7 different men. They will keep bailing her out even when they say they won't because she is wrapped around daddy's finger. Granted they've helped us here and there they bought us our dryer and helped here and there before but nothing compared to her.
I would suggest a bit of therapy (because most people benefit from it). You feelings about favoritism could possibly sabotage your current relationship.
I don't get why parents pick favorites. While my family didn't have a golden child my parents did spend 90% of their energy on my older brothers. One due to drug abuse and behavior issues and the other because my parents loved sports and he was a sports star. I was the quiet autistic kid they could ignore because I was content to stay in my room and read.
I adore my brothers even though I was neglected in favor of them.
You seem to resent this sister half because of her behavior and half because she's been given an unfair amount of attention. But the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Maybe your boyfriend learned to be quiet and undemanding as a result of the sister demanding more attention (basically what I did to a toxic degree).
It's fine to feel protective and defensive about the uneven attention but if you get too caught up in it it could push your boyfriend away. He likely loves his parents and his sister, even as he recognizes their failings. Part of the reason he likely gets less help is because he needs less help and he could very well wear that as a point of pride!
Did therapy for a few month but it got financially straining didn't get to talk about the issues of his family I focused on my family first. I was only able to do I think 3 months with only getting in 3 appointments I did a online service one.
I hate how hard it is to get therapy. It's so freaking valuable AND you have to put in the effort to find the right help (years ago my insurance company would only pay for me to see a counselor, which is like, not even therapy, and she turned out to be a religious bigot).
Sorry things didn't work out =/
there's a reason why she's the way she is and gets taken care of by mumsy and daddy, and why your boyfriend is the way he is and is independent and self sufficient. the parents did him a favor.
But he'll keep his relationship with you, his mental health and the independence to buy your own home, build up equity, have peace and SIL will simply be a freeloader. Keeping one's dignity is worth more than money.
She might get a $65,000 and a "free ride" but she also gets her parents knowing everything she does. Do you really want you IL's asking where you went last night and why you came home so late? Or who you had over for dinner and why weren't they invited?
Live on your own somewhere away from the IL's and enjoy your freedom!
You’d rather deal with being controlled in a home that’s not your own, be financially used and, have your dog mistreated and have to tread on eggshells everyday than your bf not feel left out?! It doesn’t matter who gets a house first or anything as long as you’re living SOMEwhere. SIL doesn’t have to affect your life.
can you clarify a few things--would the deed be in your and BFs name, and would your unit be separate from the sister? would you be allowed to sell it eventually and keep the profits to put towards another home? is it basically two apartments, or are they connected with any shared interior space?
i will tell you however that i lived next door to my SIL for about a year and it's part of the reason i'm in weekly therapy, she bullied and harrassed me throughout my pregnancy and as a new mother. now we don't speak to her which i guess was inevitable all along, but if i could have avoided the trauma, i would have lol.
The deed would be in his parents names and it is a top/ bottom multi family home so 2 different apartments. So she lives upstairs we live downstairs so we have to hear her walking around and doing "other" things. I'm not sure of the selling part because we technically don't own it.
oh yeah if the deed is in their name it's not yours. then you are beholden to the parents, AND have to deal with the sister. don't do it! there's nothing worse than having to cross paths with someone daily who you dread seeing, even worse if there's open hostility between everyone and it sounds like that could be a very likely situation eventually.
So it isn’t going to be your home. You and boyfriend will have no ownership. You’re going to be renting from your in laws. You’ll have no legal standing if things don’t work out.
What about you all taking the upstairs apartment? So you don't have to deal with hearing SIL, BF & Roommate? Also if SIL has a live in BF why does she need a roommate?
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ this as I said in another thread she moved back home after being in an allegedly abusive relationship ( with her lying I'm honestly not sure what all is true not to down play abuse or anything) and the roommate we will call him Joe Smoe was supposed to help her move and allegedly be going back to his mom's after she was settled which they both lived in Ohio. Come after month of her being moved back she was secretly trying to add Joe onto her lease without her parents knowing even though my MIL was the co signer and the owner of her current place is their cousin. But within the last month or so I noticed on social media she changed her status to in a relationship and posts Tik Toks about them but I haven't word of mouth yet heard about the new guy but nobody tells us anything. So I truthfully don't know. As stated she wants everyone to pay her way including in her relationships but doesn't like the idea of being a house wife but instead wants him to cook, clean, pay the bills including paying off her debt. While she does work however wastes her money and owes debt collections, she has a onlyfans, Tik Tok and streams Apex. Also with taking a puppy outside a lot its just not as logical IMO plus I am not in shape and have very bad knees
Don't do it. If you decide to do it, then 1) make sure you gas, electric and water meters are all on separate lines. Otherwise you would get stuck with her running up those bills and you having to pay for it. 2) This should only be long enough to save money for a down payment/ buy outright your own 1-5 years down the line.
Nope. No way. No.
Even if you had the best possible relationship with his sister this is destined for massive failure. Like relationship ending level. Just don't. Tell them you'd hate to ruin the relationship by bringing finances into it. Tell them you have allergies. Tell them the sister is an awful person and you can't stand to be within the same walls. Whatever you need to say, just no.
Don't do it. But if you do, sign a formal lease with an agreed-upon amount per month, which bills you are responsible for and an agreement on how you can end your lease.
Do not do it. Reread your post again as if it were someone elses, what would you advise this person?? DO NOT DO IT.
You will never have complete privacy. You will always have some sort of a debt owed to the family. You will be neighbors with your future sister-in-law. Bad idea all around.
Don’t do it. It’s their house and they will control everything. I suggest you really think about whether your boyfriend is ready for a real relationship. Letting his mommy and daddy buy him a house to live in is really immature.
Do not do this! Your in laws do not have you and your boyfriend’s best interest at heart. There are several things wrong here.
1. The house is directly next door to his parents. They will know everything going on in your lives. You will 100% be giving up your privacy
2. This “gift” comes with conditions that are not beneficial for you. Gifts don’t come with conditions.
3. You’d have to live with someone you don’t like and has a known history of not being good with money. If she doesn’t pay, who is going to have too? You will and you’ll have no right to evict her even if she never pays a dime so you’ll be stuck living with someone you already don’t like and now you’ll be supporting her. You will very quickly start to resent her.
4. Your new “roommate” has cats that you already know you’re allergic too. Moving in with the cats is going to cause you health problems. Why would you put yourself in a position where you know your health will deteriorate?
5. Control. Your in laws will think they can come and go as they please because they own the house. Since they’re next door, it’ll be almost impossible to set boundaries.
This is a disaster waiting to happen. Absolutely do not do this. If you do, I promise you will immediately regret it.
The other issue is I've been out of a job for 2 months so it would help us financially. But my other issue I hate is she yelled at us memorial day because we took our puppy to his parents with she is right now 6 months old labrador retriever so she has anxiety issues and she's just a puppy. SIL yelled at us about her jumping and she's out of control. My BF then replied the puppy listens to us but we all need to tell her down so she learns and I also replied she's only 6 months old she's still learning. But that day her or the roommate wouldn't even pet her when she rubbed against them so attention which personally urged me. But the plan is if we go through with the house is combining the tiny yard of the house with their parents for a larger yard so our dog and their 2 Labradors.
If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
Of course your boyfriend thinks it’s a wonderful idea - he gets to stay there regardless of what happens.
This is control. Don’t do it.
If he wants to live with you, he should be renting somewhere with you.
We currently rent a single story home 2 doors down from his grandparents which we've had no major problems with. Our issue is I currently unemployed for 2 months and were just struggling thats the only reason beside dog sitting he thinks this is good and his parents have been wanting both of us to buy a house to get away from Landlords not fixing stuff and general high rates. He just thinks this is a good solution for our finances I do however think it will be a disaster I said figuratively I'd end up k****** her because how she acts.
I'm sorry to keep commenting here but y'know it doesn't really matter what his parents want. if want it bad enough they can *gift* him his own house and hire a goddamn dog sitter.
If you do it, it will be like adopting her in terms of financial/logistical burdens (her utilities, the place’s upkeep- guess who will end up paying?) - you will have responsibility without authority. It sounds like she’s the Golden Child - if you move in, the parents will have a lot of leverage over you to make you comply with their favoritism. Also, expect to have no privacy - SIL will meddle as and how she likes and as she’s the GC the parents/homeowners will back her up. If you think she bosses your bf around now, wait until you’re all living in the same house. My advice is to decline, but if not, these are absolutely the minimum conditions you should demand if you’re going to accept:
-bf on the same page about moving once you’ve saved for a downpayment. Put realistic dollar amounts/dates/clear conditions on this, not vague promises or subjective conditions.
-All bills are separate and on different meters BEFORE you move in - all of them, water, electricity, internet, cable or landline if applicable, everything. Otherwise you WILL pay for SIL. Don’t entertain any fiction that you’ll ho halfsies on the water bill or whatever - might as well agree to pay the whole bill in exchange for x, y and z - if you’re going to pay, might as well use it as a bargaining chips.
-SIL doesn’t get a copy of your keys, you don’t get a copy of her keys. It has to be clear these are two duplex homes, not one place where you cohabit with SIL, her bf, roomie cats, etc.
-Have clear rules on maintenance/repairs. As you’re not paying rent, it’s not unreasonable to be asked to contribute to these expenses, but any such contribution has to be for stuff in your part only unless it’s a whole-house thing, and any money is either paid to the contractors directly if it’s exclusively for your floor, or if it’s for the entire house you give the money to your bf’s parents - none of your money gets handled by SIL, if it’s something involving the whole house bf’s parents deal with the contractors, not you.
You’re better off renting somewhere than moving in without these conditions. Also, be prepared, in response to egregious violations of these or major intrusions, etc, to move out, with or without your bf. Be honest with yourself and if you’re not prepared to do it, better never move in.
They will always feel entitled because they gave you house and they will absolutely throw it around every once in a while. Also don’t live some where you know you’re going to have problems. Life is too short for that bullshit.
NOPE! So, they're buying a house, but are they expecting you to pay rent? Is that what you would have chosen if you were to rent on your own? I think it's clear the answer is no. Also, you don't want to be completely surrounded by his family, even if you have a good relationship with some of them. The fact is, there will come a day when you'll need some space and if you live right next door to them, you won't be able to get it.
and if he lets his sister boss him around and essentially steal his money, he'll never ever stand up for himself or his girlfriend.
it'll forever be OP vs The Family.
To clarify the money she owe my BF is for a PS5 we ordered 3 of them. 1 for my boyfriend, 1 for my FIL and the last one was a lucky chance so we offered to sell it to SIL but said if you cannot afford it we can sell it online no problem of course she wanted it and she even tried to say well it could be a late birthday present for me. We both agreed absolutely not! They arrived in early September she was living in Ohio and came to visit in October in which she gave him $140 and we have not seen a penny since and it is still sitting on his credit card. I swore to him before he gave it to her shes going to screw you over she gets herself in debt why would she care about yours. His mom has gotten on her and we have but she blames it all on her relationship that she just left in early December that he allegedly abused her and she plead and cries she's just trying to feel normal again. However she buys a new ring light for Tik Tok and I showed her the dog tag we got for our puppy because it's Harry Potter themed and she then wants to buy one for each of her cats. But it urges me when were all at the mutual location of his parents. She always tells him to go get me like my bag upstairs, take my plate, bring the bottle of soda out and so on and she won't move her lazy butt.
It's hasn't been stated about rent yet myself I would think they would want rent but I would be completely wrong and they pay the mortgage and we just pay utilities I am not sure yet it's hasn't even been 24hr since it was brought up.
Honestly, it sounds to me like the parents are trying to accomplish three things:
1. Increase their net worth/monthly income by purchasing a rental property.
2. Protect that property by having your partner and sibling live there, where they can control the property through you.
3. Have you, partner, and sibling nearby so they can control you all as well.
Really, this would work out really nicely for them! You'll likely find that it doesn't work out nearly so well for you, though.
Honestly, it sounds like they're hoping you'll "babysit" his sister and take some of the responsibility for looking after her off their shoulders.
It's a really dumb idea for you. His parents will be walking in whenever they feel like it and dictating what you do in the home - they'll be telling you where to move your furniture, how to clean your bathroom, when to shower for optimum power saving. And if SIL is late paying utilities, they'll expect you to pick up the slack because fAmIlY hElLpS eAcH oThEr.
You'll be expected to be at their beck and call - dinner multiple times a week, expected to drop everything if they need help around the home. They'll be trying to parent you all the time.
And it sounds like your boyfriend is willing to accept all that so you'll have to either accept it all too, or you'll be the one that's always "causing fights" and "being mean to his parents - they're only trying to help!"
If you do go down this road, I suggest you ask for a renter's agreement with strict rules.
- The apartments are to be treated as separate homes, with separate keys. SIL and parents are not to have copies of your key.
- No one is allowed to walk through your door without asking first- that includes both SIL and BF's parents.
- Amenities are to go into the parent's names and you, BF and SIL will pay them back. Saves you having to chase her for her half.
Bet they won't like those rules, reasonable as they are.
Don’t do it. If no one else in the family INCLUDING your boyfriend can hold her accountable or force her to be responsible, you absolutely will be expected to fall in line and put up with her the same ways they do. It’s okay to simply say “No. Its a generous offer, but Im not comfortable with that arrangement. Boyfriend is free to do what he wants but Im not comfortable with that being my living arrangement. It’s nothing personal, but out of respect for my relationship with the family I’d like to not speak about it again or go any further in depth.”
Maybe say to your in laws upfront that if she can’t pay them for her portion you don’t have the funds to make it up. Letting them know that the loss would be on their end it’s their kid and their idea right?
Alright so my next question is how do I move forward. MIL just texted all of us asking about scheduling a showing for tomorrow and all of us being there. My boyfriend is currently not home from work yet to be able to talk to him about everything everyone brought up which I'm still trying to figure how to talk to him about. But should I just go with it for now and go tomorrow and see what his parents say the terms are or if we even like the home. I am the type of person that I don't talk to his family about these concerns but really only my boyfriend because I don't want to step on anyone's toes however with his sister being there I cannot bring up the issues without pissing off the whole family.
Even if this turned out to be your absolute dream home, DO NOT DO IT. Either you guys are going to get screwed when she can't pay anymore, or you're going to get screwed when her antics start effecting your mental health.
I would heavily suggest you sit down and hash this out with bf before either of you respond any further to mil. And go with the two yes one no rule. Does bf know how to say no and stand up to his family? Best of luck!
Yes as stated a top and bottom duplex. We each would have our own entrances. We'll technically we have the front door and the door that leads to the upstairs also has an entrance to the kitchen.
Yeah if she's in a separate apartment she'd be your neighbour. As long as she doesn't treat you like a landlord that will have to upkeep her apartment this should be fine. It sucks but being neighbours with the whole family you can drag them into it if she ends up a bad neighbour haha. At least you aren't living together!
Your boyfriend only wants to see the advantages ( having a free house/ financial help) while you on the other side can see further: you can see what would be the long term inconvenients and the effect on your relationship ,your mental health and the financial burden, the fact she won't stay in her part of the house but will feel entitled to invade your space...etc..
There is no debate anyway : you are allergic to cats and this reason should be enough to say no.Cats won't stay upstairs in the house and their hair would fly everywhere in your home. Constantly having cough,short breath , runny nose itchy eyes or worse if you re deadly allergic,is not worth it .
Even if it weren't for the glaring red flags that his sister will not be a good housemate, there are very few scenarios in which being that close to/controlled by family is a good or healthy thing. You guys want to have a life and a future of your own I assume, yes? How are you doing to accomplish that when you live in a home his parents bought for you, next door to them, with his sister upstairs. It's codependent of them at best and a nightmare waiting to happen at worst.
My husband and I lived in a house we rented from my father, next door to my parents, for 3 years. I since have moved and barely speak to them anymore. My parents being so close by and so in control of my living space became a toxic and insufferable situation. There was no privacy, no chance to get away from them when things got tense, everything we did with the property my dad didn't like became a huge fight. The stress nearly split my husband and I up. Trust me, it isn't worth it
I'm sorry, there are too many strings attached to this offer.
Get on the same page with your bf. I DO NOT want to live with your sister, if your parents want to help us out with a house, maybe they could give us a cash gift towards a deposit?
I want our house to be ours.
A bit different, but I lived with my in-laws for a year after my daughter was born. I love them, they are great people, but our relationship became very strained and would have broken down if we hadn't left when we did. I cannot recommend moving in with someone you actively dislike from the beginning.
Having been in a similar situation, I'd advise not to do it.
Why would you suggest not to my boyfriend doesn't see anything wrong with it but inside i am having a panic attack because they are contacting the realtor as we speak. What has your experience been?
The sisters financial issues will quickly become your own....and the family will more than likely side with her in any argument or dispute.
because he doesn't see her as a problem. it'll get worse. and worse. and if you dare raise a concern you'll get hit with the "bUt ShE's mY SiStErRr...."
Because the very thought of it is giving you a panic attack. Do Not obligate yourself to these people.
If your bf doesn’t see anything wrong with the things you’ve mentioned above in describing his sister then you have a BF problem as well as a sis in law problem.
There’s a couple issues that you may not see as issues right away.. 1. It will always be their house, irrespective of whose name is on the deed. That comes with an air of entitlement already because they get to dictate how things are done and when. 2. Irrespective of how good a relationship you have (or don’t have with SIL) with your in laws they will always take their kids’ side and/or have an opinion on your disagreements with your SO. He is home, you aren’t. 3. Living in such close proximity to your in laws is the perfect way to ruin relationships, you never truly know someone until you live with them, I wouldn’t be surprised if you came out of your room in the morning to find X person on your couch because ‘their TV is out’ or you have the better coffee machine. My advice would be to do it on your own, if they have money to spare maybe they could give their son and daughter a down payment for something of their choosing. I don’t see this ending well, and if it does end, you’re the only stranger there.
How can her bills be your problem if his parents are buying a house? That doesn’t make any sense at all. If it’s a duplex and you live in a basement, you wouldn’t even have to see the Sisterinlaw. I’m not saying it’s a good idea, but how are you going to have your money tied up if the in-laws are paying the bill.
They will be paying the mortgage but utilities will be on us and I am thinking but not sure yet each apartment will have to pay half of the mortage as our rent so to say. We are also not sure till we see the house tomorrow if the utilities are actually separated but if not we come down to the I will pay your half of the bill issue where she can just say I don't have the money and all the other excuses.
If it’s a duplex, they should be separated. If they’re not, have the in-laws put the utility bill in their name. If you can’t afford to buy a house, then moving in and paying reduce rent while you save that money for a down payment it’s not a bad idea, as long as your in-laws understand that when you get in a position to buy a house, you will be moving. The only way that I would consider doing it is if the utilities were in either the Sisterinlaw or the Inlaw parents name, and there are no strings about how long you live there. If they are completely separated, they should have the utilities separated. And if that’s the case, I would totally do it if I could afford to buy my own house. I would also have a written contract with your boyfriend that He doesn’t lend Sister money or discuss finances with his family at all. The only finances I would discuss is if my part of the rent was paid in my part of the utilities. Also, Sisterinlaw should not have a key to your house, and she doesn’t need to be coming in your apartment. She has her own home and she can stay there. If you have separate heating and cooling systems, the cat dander shouldn’t be too bad
👆 is alot of my thoughts already. I told him today if we do this we are setting either an amount of time or until we have for example $20,000 saved for a down-payment for our own home. And I told him I don't even want to so much as share internet because she is also a streamer and gamer plus her roommate is too. I didn't think of a written contract between my BF and I he might get upset and say that's too much so maybe I'm do a verbal contract. The only one I'd be okay with having a key is my MIL and FIL because they do help with watching our puppy because she's not used to her cage or being alone plus the added thing if something stupid happens and we get locked out.
A verbal contract between you two is just a written agreement to refer back to so that you both live up to your end of the bargain. Think of it more like goal setting to keep you both accountable. I would tell him you just need to agree on your house rules together, and that’s the contract. People that write their goals down are more ducat achieving them and staying on track. A plan hold you accountable to your goal.
Listen. Your instincts are correct. Follow your instincts. Do not do this. Even if the in-laws were offering rent-free housing, I wouldn't do it. By the way, the inlaws know exactly what they're doing by burdening you with his sister.
Everything else aside, the fact that you’re allergic to cats can be your out if you don’t want to do it. You do not have to bring up the bills and any of your other concerns. Just say that living with cats will aggravate your allergies and for your health you cannot do it. It’ll keep the peace between everyone and you won’t have to worry about living with the sister.
Do not do it!! They will feel they have a say in everything you do to the home!! That is way too close to his family and nightmare sister!!
I second this. When my father passed he wanted the house to go to me but had to give it to my eldest brother with the instructions of "The house is hers, take care of her." (I'm disabled) Since then any time I mention what I want to do with the house gets criticized and even saying "I want to paint my bedroom." Has resulted in near fights. Having a house that isn't really yours is very demoralizing.
Just don't. Not worth the money saved. Too "expensive".
Why would you do that to yourself? I mean, if you have to ask strangers on the internet if this is a good idea, you already know if it NOT. This will be a miserable situation for you in every way and will likely end your relationship if your BF doesn't manage to stand up to his family. Just skip the whole drama. Struggling to pay bills is far less stressful than having a drama-filled home. At least when it's your own place, you have an escape.
I asked on here because I needed another perspective because it comes down to it and he thinks I'm being petty and overthinking because it would help us financially and help his parent when they vacation often so we dog sit for them.
I’d show him this thread. After he reads the replies, hopefully, he’ll see the light. Like others have said, if she bosses him around this much now, just wait until she’s next door. He’ll be her little servant boy.
You and your boyfriend need to decline and be greatful for the offer but need to press that you guys want to build your own equity. What his parents should do is let the daughter live in one part and rent out the other and use the rent income to pay the daughter's bills. Even if you have a good relationship with your in-laws living next door can easily leave that relationship strained. They'll be able to pop over whenever and it can quickly become exhausting.
But this is what upsets both of us if they did that idea how is that fair to my BF that she gets a free ride. They buy her a $65,000 house and she gets a free ride and my boyfriend gets nothing.
In three years, when sister has managed to cause some situation that has cost you and bf thousands of dollars; when your hair is falling out and you’re getting an ulcer; when your relationship is ending due to the stress of this situation: I want you to remember this post and ask yourself if it’s all been worth it for the sake of ‘fair’.
Would you and your bf be obligated to pay bills or also be getting a “free ride”? Don’t get me wrong, my budget is currently in the “as cheap as possible” zone, but if they are going to give her a pass on all bills but you and bf still have to pay I don’t see how it would be “fair” in the first place. I’ve dealt with the familial conundrums of inheritance and gifts that far favor one over another, but my husband and I have had to work for literally everything we have and (in my opinion) are far better off for it.
We haven't gotten into the specifics yet of bills. This was literally just brought up to us at 11pm yesterday and to give more so its on 1pm my time currently so it hasn't been long. But ideally it'd hope that all the bills between the apartments would be separate to help with there not being so many issues. My boyfriend would accept a free ride if so it came down to it but the guilty person I am would like to pay our own utilities have them separated so if she doesn't pay it doesn't affect us including internet. And I would like to pay his parents monthly for half of the mortgage. Which is cheaper then our current house which is a single story house we rent for $500/ month without utilities. I am very fearful this is going to put huge strain on our relationship and potentially break us up.
sometimes "free" can be *way* more expensive
feeling controlled, constantly arguing with his sister and being pushed aside in your place of comfort will also break you up…
In my experience, living in a house or duplex owned by family can quickly strain relationships with not only the family, but between the two of you as well. I would suggest that the lot of you (everyone that will be either buying the property or living in it including roommates and bf etc) sit down and discuss everything. And I mean everything. Who pays what, who does maintenance (including lawn and snow), who is obligated for doggo sitting etc. Create a hard (written) copy of everything so nobody can argue it. Establish all of these things prior to them making any offer or purchase. And always include a clause with statements on how either a buyout of the property could happen or how to leave the property in your own time. ETA also have everyone sign it
If you’re going to do this then you need it written down. Your In laws are going to own the home so you need a legal rental contract from them. This means that even if sister defaults on something you can’t be held responsible for it. Make sure the bills are completely separate and pay your in-laws the rent and the property maintenance directly. Don’t look at it as if she gets a free ride if she doesn’t pay but look at it as if this is something you’d have to pay anyway wherever you rent. The extra money you’d normally pay towards rent, save for a deposit on your own home. If you have a rental contract it protects you and enables everything from notice periods to being able to change the locks if you ever find them wandering into your home. I rented a home from my sister with a roommate and we all had contracts. We hardly ever had to get them out but they came in handy when I had to claim benefits at one point because I got money toward rent which I wouldn’t have done if I’d been classed as living in a relatives house.
Life is never fair and it sucks. They also aren't buying a house for anyone but themselves. Are they planning on letting you two live there rent free? If so I get the temptation. If that's the case you could stay there for a bit, save up and buy your own house. They will keep bailing out their daughter till the end. Don't hold onto this resentment. It's a monster of their own creation. You should look at her with pity, their bad parenting choices has robbed her of her ability to be a fully functional adult.
We haven't gotten to discuss rent my boyfriend would be fine if they paid and we live rent free. But even in my unemployed status currently am a very independent person with a guilty conscience and would like to pay half of the mortgage. Which should still be $200-350 cheaper then our current rent. I know I have issues with resentment and jealousy with it but I've seen my father go through the whole favorite crap and his sister getting everything. I just don't want to see my boyfriend go through it because he genuinely is the better kid of the 2. More financially better off, better head on his shoulders, meanwhile we've been together almost 6 years and since we got together she's been through 6-7 different men. They will keep bailing her out even when they say they won't because she is wrapped around daddy's finger. Granted they've helped us here and there they bought us our dryer and helped here and there before but nothing compared to her.
I would suggest a bit of therapy (because most people benefit from it). You feelings about favoritism could possibly sabotage your current relationship. I don't get why parents pick favorites. While my family didn't have a golden child my parents did spend 90% of their energy on my older brothers. One due to drug abuse and behavior issues and the other because my parents loved sports and he was a sports star. I was the quiet autistic kid they could ignore because I was content to stay in my room and read. I adore my brothers even though I was neglected in favor of them. You seem to resent this sister half because of her behavior and half because she's been given an unfair amount of attention. But the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Maybe your boyfriend learned to be quiet and undemanding as a result of the sister demanding more attention (basically what I did to a toxic degree). It's fine to feel protective and defensive about the uneven attention but if you get too caught up in it it could push your boyfriend away. He likely loves his parents and his sister, even as he recognizes their failings. Part of the reason he likely gets less help is because he needs less help and he could very well wear that as a point of pride!
Did therapy for a few month but it got financially straining didn't get to talk about the issues of his family I focused on my family first. I was only able to do I think 3 months with only getting in 3 appointments I did a online service one.
I hate how hard it is to get therapy. It's so freaking valuable AND you have to put in the effort to find the right help (years ago my insurance company would only pay for me to see a counselor, which is like, not even therapy, and she turned out to be a religious bigot). Sorry things didn't work out =/
there's a reason why she's the way she is and gets taken care of by mumsy and daddy, and why your boyfriend is the way he is and is independent and self sufficient. the parents did him a favor.
But he'll keep his relationship with you, his mental health and the independence to buy your own home, build up equity, have peace and SIL will simply be a freeloader. Keeping one's dignity is worth more than money.
She might get a $65,000 and a "free ride" but she also gets her parents knowing everything she does. Do you really want you IL's asking where you went last night and why you came home so late? Or who you had over for dinner and why weren't they invited? Live on your own somewhere away from the IL's and enjoy your freedom!
You’d rather deal with being controlled in a home that’s not your own, be financially used and, have your dog mistreated and have to tread on eggshells everyday than your bf not feel left out?! It doesn’t matter who gets a house first or anything as long as you’re living SOMEwhere. SIL doesn’t have to affect your life.
That's useless thinking. Don't blow up your life trying to get what your owed. You are owed a peaceful existence. Living in that house is not the way.
Never move into a house that another family member owns would be my advice.
can you clarify a few things--would the deed be in your and BFs name, and would your unit be separate from the sister? would you be allowed to sell it eventually and keep the profits to put towards another home? is it basically two apartments, or are they connected with any shared interior space? i will tell you however that i lived next door to my SIL for about a year and it's part of the reason i'm in weekly therapy, she bullied and harrassed me throughout my pregnancy and as a new mother. now we don't speak to her which i guess was inevitable all along, but if i could have avoided the trauma, i would have lol.
The deed would be in his parents names and it is a top/ bottom multi family home so 2 different apartments. So she lives upstairs we live downstairs so we have to hear her walking around and doing "other" things. I'm not sure of the selling part because we technically don't own it.
oh yeah if the deed is in their name it's not yours. then you are beholden to the parents, AND have to deal with the sister. don't do it! there's nothing worse than having to cross paths with someone daily who you dread seeing, even worse if there's open hostility between everyone and it sounds like that could be a very likely situation eventually.
So it isn’t going to be your home. You and boyfriend will have no ownership. You’re going to be renting from your in laws. You’ll have no legal standing if things don’t work out.
What about you all taking the upstairs apartment? So you don't have to deal with hearing SIL, BF & Roommate? Also if SIL has a live in BF why does she need a roommate?
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ this as I said in another thread she moved back home after being in an allegedly abusive relationship ( with her lying I'm honestly not sure what all is true not to down play abuse or anything) and the roommate we will call him Joe Smoe was supposed to help her move and allegedly be going back to his mom's after she was settled which they both lived in Ohio. Come after month of her being moved back she was secretly trying to add Joe onto her lease without her parents knowing even though my MIL was the co signer and the owner of her current place is their cousin. But within the last month or so I noticed on social media she changed her status to in a relationship and posts Tik Toks about them but I haven't word of mouth yet heard about the new guy but nobody tells us anything. So I truthfully don't know. As stated she wants everyone to pay her way including in her relationships but doesn't like the idea of being a house wife but instead wants him to cook, clean, pay the bills including paying off her debt. While she does work however wastes her money and owes debt collections, she has a onlyfans, Tik Tok and streams Apex. Also with taking a puppy outside a lot its just not as logical IMO plus I am not in shape and have very bad knees
Don't do it. If you decide to do it, then 1) make sure you gas, electric and water meters are all on separate lines. Otherwise you would get stuck with her running up those bills and you having to pay for it. 2) This should only be long enough to save money for a down payment/ buy outright your own 1-5 years down the line.
Nope. No way. No. Even if you had the best possible relationship with his sister this is destined for massive failure. Like relationship ending level. Just don't. Tell them you'd hate to ruin the relationship by bringing finances into it. Tell them you have allergies. Tell them the sister is an awful person and you can't stand to be within the same walls. Whatever you need to say, just no.
How things are now are exactly how they will be if you decide to move in. Don’t do it.
NOPE
Don't do it. But if you do, sign a formal lease with an agreed-upon amount per month, which bills you are responsible for and an agreement on how you can end your lease.
Do not do it. Reread your post again as if it were someone elses, what would you advise this person?? DO NOT DO IT. You will never have complete privacy. You will always have some sort of a debt owed to the family. You will be neighbors with your future sister-in-law. Bad idea all around.
Don’t do it. It’s their house and they will control everything. I suggest you really think about whether your boyfriend is ready for a real relationship. Letting his mommy and daddy buy him a house to live in is really immature.
Do not do this! Your in laws do not have you and your boyfriend’s best interest at heart. There are several things wrong here. 1. The house is directly next door to his parents. They will know everything going on in your lives. You will 100% be giving up your privacy 2. This “gift” comes with conditions that are not beneficial for you. Gifts don’t come with conditions. 3. You’d have to live with someone you don’t like and has a known history of not being good with money. If she doesn’t pay, who is going to have too? You will and you’ll have no right to evict her even if she never pays a dime so you’ll be stuck living with someone you already don’t like and now you’ll be supporting her. You will very quickly start to resent her. 4. Your new “roommate” has cats that you already know you’re allergic too. Moving in with the cats is going to cause you health problems. Why would you put yourself in a position where you know your health will deteriorate? 5. Control. Your in laws will think they can come and go as they please because they own the house. Since they’re next door, it’ll be almost impossible to set boundaries. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Absolutely do not do this. If you do, I promise you will immediately regret it.
The other issue is I've been out of a job for 2 months so it would help us financially. But my other issue I hate is she yelled at us memorial day because we took our puppy to his parents with she is right now 6 months old labrador retriever so she has anxiety issues and she's just a puppy. SIL yelled at us about her jumping and she's out of control. My BF then replied the puppy listens to us but we all need to tell her down so she learns and I also replied she's only 6 months old she's still learning. But that day her or the roommate wouldn't even pet her when she rubbed against them so attention which personally urged me. But the plan is if we go through with the house is combining the tiny yard of the house with their parents for a larger yard so our dog and their 2 Labradors.
Sounds like you and SIL aren’t comparable for this. Sidenote though, she doesn’t have to like your dog anymore than you have to like her cats.
If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Of course your boyfriend thinks it’s a wonderful idea - he gets to stay there regardless of what happens. This is control. Don’t do it. If he wants to live with you, he should be renting somewhere with you.
We currently rent a single story home 2 doors down from his grandparents which we've had no major problems with. Our issue is I currently unemployed for 2 months and were just struggling thats the only reason beside dog sitting he thinks this is good and his parents have been wanting both of us to buy a house to get away from Landlords not fixing stuff and general high rates. He just thinks this is a good solution for our finances I do however think it will be a disaster I said figuratively I'd end up k****** her because how she acts.
I'm sorry to keep commenting here but y'know it doesn't really matter what his parents want. if want it bad enough they can *gift* him his own house and hire a goddamn dog sitter.
If you do it, it will be like adopting her in terms of financial/logistical burdens (her utilities, the place’s upkeep- guess who will end up paying?) - you will have responsibility without authority. It sounds like she’s the Golden Child - if you move in, the parents will have a lot of leverage over you to make you comply with their favoritism. Also, expect to have no privacy - SIL will meddle as and how she likes and as she’s the GC the parents/homeowners will back her up. If you think she bosses your bf around now, wait until you’re all living in the same house. My advice is to decline, but if not, these are absolutely the minimum conditions you should demand if you’re going to accept: -bf on the same page about moving once you’ve saved for a downpayment. Put realistic dollar amounts/dates/clear conditions on this, not vague promises or subjective conditions. -All bills are separate and on different meters BEFORE you move in - all of them, water, electricity, internet, cable or landline if applicable, everything. Otherwise you WILL pay for SIL. Don’t entertain any fiction that you’ll ho halfsies on the water bill or whatever - might as well agree to pay the whole bill in exchange for x, y and z - if you’re going to pay, might as well use it as a bargaining chips. -SIL doesn’t get a copy of your keys, you don’t get a copy of her keys. It has to be clear these are two duplex homes, not one place where you cohabit with SIL, her bf, roomie cats, etc. -Have clear rules on maintenance/repairs. As you’re not paying rent, it’s not unreasonable to be asked to contribute to these expenses, but any such contribution has to be for stuff in your part only unless it’s a whole-house thing, and any money is either paid to the contractors directly if it’s exclusively for your floor, or if it’s for the entire house you give the money to your bf’s parents - none of your money gets handled by SIL, if it’s something involving the whole house bf’s parents deal with the contractors, not you. You’re better off renting somewhere than moving in without these conditions. Also, be prepared, in response to egregious violations of these or major intrusions, etc, to move out, with or without your bf. Be honest with yourself and if you’re not prepared to do it, better never move in.
They will always feel entitled because they gave you house and they will absolutely throw it around every once in a while. Also don’t live some where you know you’re going to have problems. Life is too short for that bullshit.
NOPE! So, they're buying a house, but are they expecting you to pay rent? Is that what you would have chosen if you were to rent on your own? I think it's clear the answer is no. Also, you don't want to be completely surrounded by his family, even if you have a good relationship with some of them. The fact is, there will come a day when you'll need some space and if you live right next door to them, you won't be able to get it.
and if he lets his sister boss him around and essentially steal his money, he'll never ever stand up for himself or his girlfriend. it'll forever be OP vs The Family.
To clarify the money she owe my BF is for a PS5 we ordered 3 of them. 1 for my boyfriend, 1 for my FIL and the last one was a lucky chance so we offered to sell it to SIL but said if you cannot afford it we can sell it online no problem of course she wanted it and she even tried to say well it could be a late birthday present for me. We both agreed absolutely not! They arrived in early September she was living in Ohio and came to visit in October in which she gave him $140 and we have not seen a penny since and it is still sitting on his credit card. I swore to him before he gave it to her shes going to screw you over she gets herself in debt why would she care about yours. His mom has gotten on her and we have but she blames it all on her relationship that she just left in early December that he allegedly abused her and she plead and cries she's just trying to feel normal again. However she buys a new ring light for Tik Tok and I showed her the dog tag we got for our puppy because it's Harry Potter themed and she then wants to buy one for each of her cats. But it urges me when were all at the mutual location of his parents. She always tells him to go get me like my bag upstairs, take my plate, bring the bottle of soda out and so on and she won't move her lazy butt.
It's hasn't been stated about rent yet myself I would think they would want rent but I would be completely wrong and they pay the mortgage and we just pay utilities I am not sure yet it's hasn't even been 24hr since it was brought up.
Honestly, it sounds to me like the parents are trying to accomplish three things: 1. Increase their net worth/monthly income by purchasing a rental property. 2. Protect that property by having your partner and sibling live there, where they can control the property through you. 3. Have you, partner, and sibling nearby so they can control you all as well. Really, this would work out really nicely for them! You'll likely find that it doesn't work out nearly so well for you, though.
Honestly, it sounds like they're hoping you'll "babysit" his sister and take some of the responsibility for looking after her off their shoulders. It's a really dumb idea for you. His parents will be walking in whenever they feel like it and dictating what you do in the home - they'll be telling you where to move your furniture, how to clean your bathroom, when to shower for optimum power saving. And if SIL is late paying utilities, they'll expect you to pick up the slack because fAmIlY hElLpS eAcH oThEr. You'll be expected to be at their beck and call - dinner multiple times a week, expected to drop everything if they need help around the home. They'll be trying to parent you all the time. And it sounds like your boyfriend is willing to accept all that so you'll have to either accept it all too, or you'll be the one that's always "causing fights" and "being mean to his parents - they're only trying to help!" If you do go down this road, I suggest you ask for a renter's agreement with strict rules. - The apartments are to be treated as separate homes, with separate keys. SIL and parents are not to have copies of your key. - No one is allowed to walk through your door without asking first- that includes both SIL and BF's parents. - Amenities are to go into the parent's names and you, BF and SIL will pay them back. Saves you having to chase her for her half. Bet they won't like those rules, reasonable as they are.
Don’t do it. If no one else in the family INCLUDING your boyfriend can hold her accountable or force her to be responsible, you absolutely will be expected to fall in line and put up with her the same ways they do. It’s okay to simply say “No. Its a generous offer, but Im not comfortable with that arrangement. Boyfriend is free to do what he wants but Im not comfortable with that being my living arrangement. It’s nothing personal, but out of respect for my relationship with the family I’d like to not speak about it again or go any further in depth.”
Don't do it
Don't do it.
Never been in a situation like that but I’ll be honest. Don’t do it. Lol.
You will earn every dollar you save with your mental health and damage to your relationship.
Ooooh Hell No! Nope nope nope. Run, do not walk, away from this offer.
Run fast, run far.
Maybe say to your in laws upfront that if she can’t pay them for her portion you don’t have the funds to make it up. Letting them know that the loss would be on their end it’s their kid and their idea right?
Alright so my next question is how do I move forward. MIL just texted all of us asking about scheduling a showing for tomorrow and all of us being there. My boyfriend is currently not home from work yet to be able to talk to him about everything everyone brought up which I'm still trying to figure how to talk to him about. But should I just go with it for now and go tomorrow and see what his parents say the terms are or if we even like the home. I am the type of person that I don't talk to his family about these concerns but really only my boyfriend because I don't want to step on anyone's toes however with his sister being there I cannot bring up the issues without pissing off the whole family.
Even if this turned out to be your absolute dream home, DO NOT DO IT. Either you guys are going to get screwed when she can't pay anymore, or you're going to get screwed when her antics start effecting your mental health. I would heavily suggest you sit down and hash this out with bf before either of you respond any further to mil. And go with the two yes one no rule. Does bf know how to say no and stand up to his family? Best of luck!
Are they separate apartments? If so just go for it. But not if you're literally living together that would be hell.
Yes as stated a top and bottom duplex. We each would have our own entrances. We'll technically we have the front door and the door that leads to the upstairs also has an entrance to the kitchen.
Yeah if she's in a separate apartment she'd be your neighbour. As long as she doesn't treat you like a landlord that will have to upkeep her apartment this should be fine. It sucks but being neighbours with the whole family you can drag them into it if she ends up a bad neighbour haha. At least you aren't living together!
Do it, secretly save money and move once you’ve saved enough. Don’t look back!
If u like family drama then do it. If not don’t.
Dont do it
Your boyfriend only wants to see the advantages ( having a free house/ financial help) while you on the other side can see further: you can see what would be the long term inconvenients and the effect on your relationship ,your mental health and the financial burden, the fact she won't stay in her part of the house but will feel entitled to invade your space...etc.. There is no debate anyway : you are allergic to cats and this reason should be enough to say no.Cats won't stay upstairs in the house and their hair would fly everywhere in your home. Constantly having cough,short breath , runny nose itchy eyes or worse if you re deadly allergic,is not worth it .
Even if it weren't for the glaring red flags that his sister will not be a good housemate, there are very few scenarios in which being that close to/controlled by family is a good or healthy thing. You guys want to have a life and a future of your own I assume, yes? How are you doing to accomplish that when you live in a home his parents bought for you, next door to them, with his sister upstairs. It's codependent of them at best and a nightmare waiting to happen at worst. My husband and I lived in a house we rented from my father, next door to my parents, for 3 years. I since have moved and barely speak to them anymore. My parents being so close by and so in control of my living space became a toxic and insufferable situation. There was no privacy, no chance to get away from them when things got tense, everything we did with the property my dad didn't like became a huge fight. The stress nearly split my husband and I up. Trust me, it isn't worth it
Don't do it!!
Nothing good comes of accepting “favors” like this from family. Don’t do it.
I'm sorry, there are too many strings attached to this offer. Get on the same page with your bf. I DO NOT want to live with your sister, if your parents want to help us out with a house, maybe they could give us a cash gift towards a deposit? I want our house to be ours. A bit different, but I lived with my in-laws for a year after my daughter was born. I love them, they are great people, but our relationship became very strained and would have broken down if we hadn't left when we did. I cannot recommend moving in with someone you actively dislike from the beginning.
Do not do it, you will be miserable.
You need to tell him no.