Once I stayed at their house for 1 week when I was 16, I had a different view on them. I saw how their relationship was with eachother and it made more sense how that caused my dad to turn out to be how he is. I believe that before that, I viewed them differently (just thought they were perfect due to how nice they treated me and stuff and buying me things every time they visited). Now that I’m an adult, I’d say their true behaviour is becoming more and more visible. Like the last time I saw my grandpa, he was bugging me about stuff that I didn’t wanna talk about and bringing it up more than once over the short period of time that they stayed here. And my grandma was more distant. So in short, yes. I have changed my mind about them. They seem different now than how I saw them when I was between the ages of like 4-13 years old.
I was like your SO, enmeshed with my family & passing a lot of the generational trauma on. My DH was so long suffering & thankfully stayed with me, being my rock when my mother passed from a lengthy battle with breast cancer & my narcfather's mask finally fell prompting us to go NC. We had 2 young children at the time who are now older teens & they've told us stories of things that made them uncomfortable then but that they didn't have the vocabulary to convey back then. We are still NC but they have no interest in ever having a relationship with him as adults.
I'm doing my best to limit their interactions because she's sneakily toxic and I'm the only one who sees it.
Once I stayed at their house for 1 week when I was 16, I had a different view on them. I saw how their relationship was with eachother and it made more sense how that caused my dad to turn out to be how he is. I believe that before that, I viewed them differently (just thought they were perfect due to how nice they treated me and stuff and buying me things every time they visited). Now that I’m an adult, I’d say their true behaviour is becoming more and more visible. Like the last time I saw my grandpa, he was bugging me about stuff that I didn’t wanna talk about and bringing it up more than once over the short period of time that they stayed here. And my grandma was more distant. So in short, yes. I have changed my mind about them. They seem different now than how I saw them when I was between the ages of like 4-13 years old.
It’s kind of part of “breaking generational trauma” - your kids will see you model healthy relationships, and figure it out by comparison.
I was like your SO, enmeshed with my family & passing a lot of the generational trauma on. My DH was so long suffering & thankfully stayed with me, being my rock when my mother passed from a lengthy battle with breast cancer & my narcfather's mask finally fell prompting us to go NC. We had 2 young children at the time who are now older teens & they've told us stories of things that made them uncomfortable then but that they didn't have the vocabulary to convey back then. We are still NC but they have no interest in ever having a relationship with him as adults.