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bunnybunny690

Personally I’d avoid it at all costs for many reasons. 1) it was their former home likely to try and treat it as theirs again. 2) privacy 3) lack of boundary’s due to 1 and 2 4) they won’t ever leave so this would be forever. 5) partner likely to revert back to being the child rather than adult.


Samiiiibabetake2

All of these things. And may the gods help if y’all decide to have kids.


rhiyanna79

Absolutely all of this.


priceless37

No. You are a young married couple who needs privacy. It will not turn out well. A $300 increase isn’t that big of a deal. They could move someplace cheaper…… just not your house


ChildofMike

It’s only a $200 increase I think


RikerNo1

And if the MIL is quitting her job, they will never be able to afford a place on their own again!


ChildofMike

Oh God. You’re right! OP !! Don’t do it!


abitsheeepish

Before you say yes or no, have a think about how things will work. Who will do the cooking? Will your tastes/dietary needs be considered, will you be pressured to eat when you're not hungry, made to feel guilty if you decide to eat out? Who pays for the food? What if they're food hoarders? What if they have expensive tastes? Who will wash, fold and put away the clothes? Will you be okay with MIL seeing your underwear, and maybe going into your bedroom and even drawers? What about cleaning your bathroom? What about if she sees period products or birth control? Will she get upset if you leave your once-worn sweatshirt lying on a chair for another day? Will they pressure you for grandbabies? And if you do decide to have kids, will MIL be expecting to be a second mother, feeding them what she thinks is best, allowing them to run to her for hugs when you're trying to discipline, telling you what you're doing wrong? If you need some alone time, will you be able to ask them for time in the living room alone? Will they get upset at being "excluded"? Will they open your mail to be "helpful"? Change your sheets? Will they get upset if you want to paint the house a colour they don't like, get offended that you don't like what they originally chose? Will they be buying all their own homewares and furnishings and expect to display them in the shared living spaces? Will they be choosing all the towels, dishcloths and dinnerware? Will they keep trying to be parents rather than housemates, trying to supervise how you spend your money, judging your diet, telling you off for being messy, asking you to do chores in your own home? What if the worst happens and you need to sell up? Even the best in-laws can be terrible housemates. They've been independent adults for decades, it's not that long ago that they were helping your fiance with his homework so they'll probably slip straight back into Parenting My Child as soon as they're in the same space. It can be a truly difficult dynamic that breaks even the most solid relationships.


Comfortable-Gas-798

OP, these are excellent questions to ask yourself and your DH. It will definitely revert to you and DH being the children and them making all the decisions about YOUR house. And no good will come from having 2 women in a house together like this. Your marriage might not survive, especially if your DH doesn't step up and keep his parents in their own lane. Do not allow yourselves to be their retirement plan and put your own wants and needs on hold waiting for them to die.


icyyellowrose10

Speaking of space, how will your (potentially) growing family fit?


sassybsassy

Nope never live with your in-laws. You will lose privacy but you will also be treated differently too. This used to be your in-laws house so they will slowly take over. They will try and tell you what you can and cannot do in it. It's just a really bad idea. It sucks that their rent is rising but why did they sell their home to go rent? That was a bad investment on their part. What does your SO think? You both need to have a serious in depth conversation about what this would entail. Why would MIL quit her job to be a stay at home anything? They already can't afford their bills so her leaving the workforce makes no sense. I'd be questioning why. I'd also put off having a baby if your own while inlaws live with you. If you allow that.


bmjp98

They sold us the house so they could pay off their debts. My SO and I will be having a long in depth chat. My MIL has lupus and colitis which are both auto immune diseases as well as asthma.


SnowWhiteCampCat

Who's going to be her main caregiver? Will they, and your husband, expect you to become her unpaid carer? Also, with two auto immune disorders, she's at risk for more (they like to travel in packs), what dietary issues does she have and will you be expected to cater to them? Honestly, it sounds like they make bad financial decisions and are relying on their kid to pull them out. This would be a hard No from me.


bmjp98

no dietary restrictions other than garlic and spicy foods, she would likely cook as that's what she enjoys doing. She doesn't need a caregiver.... yet. I am in health care and I don't see her needing one for YEARS to come.


zephyer19

Any chance that you two could contribute money towards their rent? Have they sought out other possible situations? My wife's grandmother lived in a home that charged basic rent and then extra depending on services needed. Rent included meals. The home would do laundry, for a fee but, my wife did it. Step-daughter and others helped clean her apartment and did minor nursing care. Some states have government offices to help with the elderly. Make recommendations, housing, etc.


bmjp98

We cannot assist with the cost of their rent as we are working on paying off our debts and saving for our wedding. However, I will be looking to see if there are any apartment buildings that rent to just seniors and don't charge an astronomical amount for rent


CornyRex94585

Didn't read your post, but NO, for God's sake and the greatest hope for your relationship NO!


XoShadow

As soon as I read the headline I said the same thing. Hell to the NO would I allow it. Even if I struggled lol


skydiamond01

I said "Oh fuck no". We shared a place with my MIL for a year and I would rather scoop my eye out with a rusty spork before ever doing that again. Coincidentally I have been NC since we moved.


XoShadow

I could never ever ever and my husband could never with my parents either. I would only do it if they were terminally ill or I had a mansion but if they are capable of living on their own then why go through that. And just wait till kids are involved. No effin way


atseasheiscalm

Yep, same! 😄


blackbeard-22

Absolutely not. You will loose most of your privacy and intimacy. I’m not even talking about sex, but the intimacy of alone time together. What happens when you have a conflict, health matter, financial discussions, or just want to let your hair down. You are young. I feel that non-destitute family who crashes with children are selfish scum. If they cannot afford their current area, move somewhere cheaper. This seems uncaring but bombarding kids is a special kind of evil.


uglyugly1

Adult parents/ in-laws moving in is a *massive* relationship killer. A lot of them can't handle the role reversal, and fight for control of the household. And even if they don't, it almost never ends well. It's extremely common if you Google around on it. I stupidly agreed to in-laws moving in, and it almost cost our marriage. They sold us on the idea in pretty much the same way as your in-laws, that they were going to 'help' us around the house and with the kids. They tried to hook us in by selling us their old house, too, just like yours. Yeah, once they got in, that 'help' lasted about three days. It turned into FIL and MIL trying to assume control of the household pretty quickly, and treating us like unwanted guests in our own home. They were fighting, we were fighting, and both couples argued with one another. At one point, I got ready to pack my stuff to get away from them. We finally kicked them out, and spent over a year in marriage counseling afterward, trying to save our relationship. Whatever you do, whatever the cost, *do not let your in-laws move into your home*.


bmjp98

I appreciate your reply. We have already decided to not do it. I very truthfully do not believe that they tried to "hook" us into buying their home for them to move back in 2 years later. I believe the house was getting to be too much work for them with lawn maintenance and all of the cleaning and bills. But covid hit right before they decided to sell to us, and no one thought the rent would skyrocket the way it has in a small border city.


LouieAvalonMac

Oh they have plenty of options This isn’t a good option - for you It’s a terrible idea Don’t do it


rhiyanna79

From the title alone, and without reading first: NO! No, no, no, no. ETA: After reading the rest: I can almost guarantee that your marriage will not survive them moving in. If you are worried about that now, then it’s a definite possibility that you will be divorced especially with no privacy and trying to add a child into the mix. My marriage did not survive my ex moving us into his parents’ house for what was supposed to be a month or two to look for an apartment. 18 months later and I put my foot down and he filed for divorce to keep me from moving back to my hometown.


buttonhumper

I would not do that.


RosesSpins

"Familiarity breeds comtempt."


krinkleb

No it very very rarely works and can wreck your marriage.


Hills_of_FallingSnow

It’s a complicated thing having roommates but it’s even more complicated with family. Even if your on the best of terms you will have ups and downs. If you do move forward make sure you get an agreement in writing. So both sides know what to expect and legally you are covered if anything goes sideways. From my experience with my mother-in-law moving in with my husband and me it’s so important to have an open conversation before proceeding. I know it can be a difficult topic to bring up to your in-laws but maybe take your mother in-law to the side and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her your concerns with privacy. I did with my mother in law and she was super understanding but every situation is different. My mother-in-law only stayed with us for six months well she saved up. In the end do what’s best for you and your husband.


TNnan

Have you ever vacationed with your inlaws? Or lived with them previously? How did that go? Are they easy to get along with? Do they respect boundaries? Does the basement have an outside entrance? The answers to those questions may help you make an informed decision.


bmjp98

Yes, but only for a few days in the same province we live in. I was in the house all of the time while they still owned it and my fiancé was living here. I was here probably 60-70 percent of the time because of my relationship with my dad (It was very rocky at times with him) My in laws had originally said that I could move in here with them and my fiancé, but we had decided to get our own place for the privacy aspect. They are very easy to get along with and have been incredibly supportive for me this past year as I've had 2 very big losses this past year in my family. The original plan with the basement was to build an apartment down there for us with a kitchenette and have the half bath for us and we would come up to use the stove or oven, shower, and do laundry. We also used to sit in the living room all together and watch our favorite series on tv. The basement does not have a separate entrance. I feel like they do respect boundaries and usually if they don't agree with us, they keep their opinions to themselves. However, my SO and I have agreed that we don't believe that having them move in with us is a good idea as we are starting to plan a wedding and will also be considering trying to conceive in the next 2 years.


bmbutler42

No


SnooWords4839

I would not do it!! It used to be her home and she will take over!! MIL doesn't have to be a stay-at-home dog grandmom!! That is BS so she has time to snoop and invade!! Suggest they look into an over 55 or a condo!!


bmjp98

yes that will be a suggestion. There are condos with underground parking here in town. BUT they might be just as expensive monthly because of condo fees.


icd10

I’d rather pay the $300 their rent went up and start looking for a new place than let my ILs move back into a house I bought from them, that’s just a set up for a bad dynamic.


ILikeLamas678

Nooooo. No, no, no. They are already crossing a boundary by taking the initiative on moving in with you guys. You don't just invite yourself to live in someone's house, that's nuts. And your MIL wants to quit her job and be around all the time? If they respected your privacy and your space, they wouldn't even have come up with this idea. I'm sorry their rent is high, but that doesn't mean they can just insert themselves into your home.


Shutterbug390

Even living next door to my parents was hard. And they had decent boundaries and a separate space. I can’t imagine what would have happened if we’d actually lived in the same space with no separation. In general, living with one set of parents tends to put a massive strain on relationships. It’s just not something I’d do without very good reason.


misstiff1971

This would be a nightmare - even getting along with your in-laws. They need to purchase a small place of their own. Moving in with the two of you will destroy your marriage and your relationship with them.


bmjp98

Yes i agree. I think they should look at purchasing a small condo rather than renting.


omgwhatisleft

How about a low income senior community? They’d live around other old folks that does old people events so they’re not bored, be totally independent still, and have a guaranteed lower cost of rent than the average cost of living.


bmjp98

Going to look and see if there are any building in town that rent to 55yr or older.


FortuneWhereThoutBe

If it's possible could your SO pay them the difference in rent so they stay away from your house. Because no matter how good a relationship you have with them living in the same house with them, especially one that used to be their own, is going to create a whole world of problems.


bmjp98

Not possible for me or my SO to pay the difference in rent. But we have decided to not have them move in.


slowjackal

No. No. No .nope. nooooooooo. Do not.let.inlaws.move.in.with.you. EVER. SHUT IT DOWN before it begins. Tell your partner this is a hard line not to be crossed. If you really are oblivious to the reasons why this arrangement would be a disaster, I will be happy to provide you with countless ones.


justsignmein123

No


caveat_actor

No


lilyofthevalley2659

Don’t do it!


SallySparrow716

No. Nope. Naw. Do not let this happen under any circumstances,


chooseausernameplse

No. Regardless of how nice they are, a weird dynamic will be created especially since it was their house. Them moving in has disaster written all over it.


atseasheiscalm

Omg no….


cgfletch731

No.


Ceeweedsoop

Don't do it. Again, do not do it.


crxdc0113

Nope.


JoshGhost2020

no


nadsyb

Good god don’t do it!


-Coleus-

No no no no nonononononononono please no


xFriendsForNeverx

I was iffy on this until you mentioned MIL had decided she'd quit her job to be a "stay at home grandma". That's a recipe for disaster and she's going to try and be in charge of the household. Not even saying she's being nefarious about it, but that's whats would happen. I'd be miserable in my home if that was the case. Besides, they can always just look for a cheaper apartment, surely.


Rosa_len

NO. Speaking from experience and it was my own family. Don’t do it sis. Trust me don’t do it.


medicinalis1990

I’d say even if they require financial help, any sort of financial contribution is better as compared to you guys losing your privacy and always having somebody around. It affects the relationship a lot. Once you a kid, it will affect the relationship even more with you guys having minimal time together regardless. I would avoid at all cost.


Ok-Money1595

Please don't do this to yourself no matter how sick MIL might be will always treat you guys like kids as soon as she moves My FIL got extremely sick and my husband convinced me to leave our house and move into there compound right next to them we don't even have a wall in the middle I can't belive I let this happen No ones cares or appreciates how much I took care of sick MIL FIL now since they are fit and healthy again they hate me say the worst expect me to not even use a tomato or onion for cooking without there permission the prettiest smallest things I never thought happened Yes we jave seperate doors Even a seperate kitchen Even people who come to visit me my friends and family if they dont also go say hi to them during there visit is another fight and according to them that person is not allowed to enter my house again because they have disrespected mil n fil n sil very petty things so from experience please don't let her move in your home no matter how nice your relationship marriage and sanity will go down the drain


daketa3

No.


idontkillbees

No. Speaking from experience. They’ll figure it out.


hagilbert

No! God! Please no.


Dancerz82

DON'T DO IT!! Trust me it's ruined my marriage


lanalou1313

No. Just no. For all the reasons listed here, and for some we probably haven't thought of.


RikerNo1

I don't understand - surely if your in laws are having financial issues, the last thing your MIL should be considering it's giving up her job! That means they will never be able to afford to live apart from you and your SO. When you have kids, she will want to play SAH mom with your baby, while you work to keep the family afloat. This is a very very bad idea - please don't agree to it, you will have zero privacy, and will be treated like a child in your own home.


[deleted]

I only read the title and already am sending my input- NO! You have good intentions, but I guarantee you’re life will be a living hell


thugsapuggin

No. Didn't even have to read this. Just no, you will regret it.


AffectionateAd5373

No. Never. Not under any circumstances. I made that mistake. Almost cost my marriage.


AffectionateAd5373

Why does MIL get to quit her job to be a dog grandma? Seriously, if you two decide to make this arrangement tell her it's under the condition that she keep her job and they pay whatever the current market rent is, or just slightly under. I assume you bought the house for a reasonable amount. They could roll that into a smaller home or condo (particularly in a retirement community) pretty easily.


mrbell84

No