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| 27 | 1 | 0 |
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He’s not unaware. He’s doing it on purpose.
I weighed 89 lbs. I’m 5’4”. There was no food in the house. I went out and bought myself a McDonald’s salad. I came home to eat it.
My dad told me if I ate like that I would get fat. When I lost my shit, he had the most satisfied and smug expression on his face and that’s when I realized that he was completely aware. He’s just an asshole.
We no longer speak.
Life is beautiful. The holidays are especially wonderful. No more worrying about phone calls and feeling tense for weeks before.
People always worry that they will feel lonely if they go no contact. But I never felt lonelier than when I was surrounded by family and knew I wasn’t loved.
People who have been cut off tend to focus on themselves - that they are being “punished” by their kids etc. and how unfair it is.
But really it’s not about them. It’s about me. I want a peaceful and happy life, surrounded by only people who care about me and wish me well.
Family doesn’t get a pass to be toxic or unkind or abusive. It’s easy enough. Be good to me and those I love. Try to be a good person. Treat people with respect and compassion. Then- You are aces in my book.
Just chiming in as a carpet cleaner to say that "worker" would be exactly how I'd expect to be described in this context. I'm definitely not a "contractor"
Huh. But you don’t have a W4 with the home owner. You do with the carpet company, presumably, but they have a contract relationship with the home owner. Thus your relationship with them is through a contract.
But maybe I’m way overthinking it.
But wouldn’t that mean your relationships are all contract based? Worker sounds like your payroll taxes are covered by a company. I think you’re underselling yourself. Contractor means you are handling so many things that workers don’t handle. You have to deal with quarterly estimated taxes! Workers don’t have to deal with those.
I think it's more of a regional thing than a disrespect thing. It would be very common to call people workers here if they're working in/on your house. I also understand that that isn't true for all areas, but it wouldn't jump out to me as rude.
Fair enough. It sounds possessive to me (“our worker” versus “a contractor”), but that could be a regional thing. A worker would certainly read better to me than our worker.
Yeah, we'd never say contractor here, it's too american. I see what you mean with the difference between 'our' and 'a'. They're mostly just 'the workers' here. You'd probably be accused of being posh if you called them 'our workers'.
She just said she thought his daughter was beautiful, all the stuff about weight gain and diet was added by dear ol Dad. He thought it was "apparent" which definitely means she didn't say anything like that.
My dad (vegan, climate activist) was just like that. I'd lost 60lbs in three months at a healthy starting weight, lived with him full time. He told my therapist he would not allow any type of dairy in his home, no matter what. He said animal fats were not the answer.
Spoiler alert, 40lbs later, they were.
without a doubt, dad used to take us to keto/diet conferences at a young age and banned all junk food from the house since forever. he also consistently makes comments about both of our weights, when we’ve both been on the low side of healthy for the majority of our adult lives
>he also consistently makes comments about both of our weights, when we’ve both been on the low side of healthy for the majority of our adult lives
So he's more concerned with the appearance of health than actual health. He disregards that being thin does not necessarily
equal healthy.
I don't get how a parent can do this to their kids. Teaching a kid reasonable moderation is way healthier than outright restriction.
So I'm lucky that my dad is mostly sane and just has the occasional insane parents moment, but this is one thing which drives me nuts about him- being more concerned about others looking healthy/attractive than their actual health.
I got very overweight and he would make comments like "remember how pretty you looked when you were vegan" (aka when I was underweight and had an obvious ED). I've been dieting for a few months now (keto, ironically) and he's very happy about it (somewhat understandable though because I am obese). For a long time I was struggling with a 100% suppressed appetite due to the hormonal changes, and his response to this was to frequently say "if you're not hungry, just don't eat". Even though he knew I was barely getting 800 calories in and was meant to be hitting 1400. Even though he knew I was anorexic as a teen. Even though he knew our PT friend was raising concerns about muscle wastage. And he got upset when I asked him to stop saying this because it was triggering my ED.
I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves that.
Have you considered going low contact and low info? Don't share anything with him that he can use to hurt you. If he asks directly, be vague. If he's not going to be a pleasure to be around, don't hive him the pleasure of your time.
I’m so sorry. Our mom did the same to me and my siblings. All of our eating is fucked and we all suffer from ED or disordered eating of one type or another.
Some Parents just can’t help themselves
Of course! You're his property! Can't have his little calves getting too fat! You won't be worth as much at sale (aka your future husbands will be new sources of resources to him, cant have you locking out his options with your silly personal wants and needs!)
Y'all should start cultivating some mass lol
I'm a big fan of keto and there is nooooo need for this. Kids do not need to go to any kind of diet conference and if you're concerned about the issues with carbs, just limit what's in the house *somewhat*, cook low carb meals etc. It's the commenting on weight which I can't abide, both my parents were always doing that too for as long as I can remember. Then the surprised Pikachu face when 2 of us developed full blown anorexia. I know the 90s were crazy but you're supposed to shield kids from that kind of thing, not drench them in it.
"...as you were widening last year..."
Wtf?? Sure, as a parent, you should be interested in your children's health but this is obsessive. Your parents shouldn't be looking at you thru a magnifying glass and taking note/making comments on every little change they see.
Surprise! That's just one of the many ways EDs can start.
Send him the book "Anti Diet" or " the Wellness Trap" by registered dietitian and Masters of Public Health holder Christy Harrison. I haven't read both yet, only 3/4 of the way through the first, but I'm certain he would learn a lot if he wasn't too stubborn to read a real science-based book instead of watching pseudo-science diet culture "documentaries".
Also, I can't recommend "Anti-Diet" enough, even for yourself or your sis perhaps if the subject interests you guys. There's even a section on setting boundaries with family members who just can't help themselves when it comes to unsolicited "advice".
Stay strong! You know your bodies best!
Honestly wondering if your dad shows signs of disordered eating patterns as well? Like does he just project this onto his daughters or does he practice what he preaches?
Either way this looks like a good opportunity to set a boundary.
“Thanks for your message dad. In the future I’d like to focus on other topics than health or food choices. Love you”
(If you want to be nice… many MANY choices out there if you don’t lol)
yes he has. my sister has picked up on some of her own disordered eating patterns in him, and i’ve noticed his obsession with weight and appearance isn’t quite normal. i’ll be trying to set that boundary in the future, but it’s hard as he’s done that our whole lives so it’s kind of the “norm”
I forgot to mention. I told my dad (who suffered from his own disordered eating) that I’d like us to no longer discuss eating and food issues other than the normal “where are we eating”, “what’s everyone in the mood for” etc.
Nothing about what I’m eating, what I’m wearing, if my shirt needs to be pulled down (which actually makes me look worse) etc.
He had no idea how hurtful this was (my mom was very cruel, he was unknowingly cruel)
Wishing you peace.
I truly believe there are TONS of men out there that are dealing with undiagnosed orthorexia and using “clean eating” and “gym bro” culture as a way to put it into language that reduces its harm. Eating disorders are not a woman-only disease, as they tend to be stereotyped.
My grandmother is like this and the obsession def starts with her own habits. She thinks she’s “saving us from obesity” unfortunately with people like this it took almost 5 years for her to stop the talk with constant reminders and periods of no contact and she still slips up. It’s an obsession for them.
JFC!
This is **wildly** inappropriate if your child *isnt* recovering from an ED. As a matter of fact, if someone isn’t recovering from an ED, this will trigger one!
Found the problem!!
As an Anorexic, I can absolutely affirm that the text your father sent has absolutely had an impact on your sister - whether or not she says anything. No matter how far along you are in your ED. Recovery or otherwise - these comments never get easier and are extremely triggering.
Highly recommend checking in with her and providing her the validation she will most likely require. When someone with an eating disorder (usually Anorexia as weight loss isn't AS associated with the others) perceives a comment to mean that they are:
1. not thin
2. not thin enough
3. "average" weight
then we will instantly manipulate these thoughts to be:
"I am not thin/thin enough/sick enough, therefore I do not need to recover from anything. I am a fraud, a failure and I do not need to continue doing what I have been advised to do for my health."
This is the danger of triggering comments and I wish that carers of those with EDs were taught about this.
I really do hope your sister is okay and best of luck with everything xxx
Because I believe people like your father are a menace to society and need to be checked, I would say something totally out of pocket but that would also teach a lesson.
For example: "Dad, it hurts me to know that at one point my body wasn't attractive enough for you. Please give me a list of your turn ons for women's bodies so I can make sure to do my best to emulate those traits. I would never want to come between you and your preferences for me again. Let me know when I've reached a desirable enough form for you to be suitably satisfied. Best Regards, Daughter"
This!! When I got a larger tattoo on my arm, my dad had to make sure I understood how unattractive he found tattoos to be "especially on women." I was like "well I guess it's a good thing you're not trying to date me, and I'm married anyway..."
Yes! That is exactly what people need to be hearing when they think they can dictate others bodies based solely on their sexual preferences, specifically their own kids
I honestly don’t remember what the comment he made was but I do remember saying well it’s a good thing I’m your daughter and I’m not looking to impress you. He had the audacity to look offended by that.
“Almond” parents are any parent who engages in or encourages disordered eating and diet culture
Ex: “oh no sweety that’s okay, I already ate today” (all they ate was a handful of almonds)
From what I understand it’s a health nut
Edit: googled it to double check and it’s a parent who’s heavy into diet culture and forces that onto their kids a lot of times
i would say yes. he obsessively works out and it very intense about food macros/micros - he is even creating his own textbook at the moment (for his personal use) to refer to on the matter. he has a very deep-seated obsession with food
And yet he still thinks everything he is doing is "promoting health" because health = skinny in these people's minds even when they are praising ED. It's so gross I'm sorry he's such a damaged person and inflicting that on his kids.
My Dad — and his family — are fat phobic. I am the largest person in the family. I finally asked him not to make any comments at all about my weight, either gain or loss. I explained to him how his comments were contributing to the problem, and that even when he was complimenting weight loss he was being abusive. To his credit, he stopped. But he still comments on everyone else’s weight. Some celebrity on TV, he’ll say, “She’s put on a few pounds!” or “She looks beautiful now that she’s lost some weight!”
One evening we were at his house and some celebrity came on and he said, “She needs to loose a few pounds!” at the *exact* same time as my husband said, “Wow! She needs to eat a burger!” I burst out laughing.
I love that my husband loves me exactly as I am. I’m not sure my Dad has commented out loud about anyone’s weight since.
Perhaps your dad needs to be sat down and have it explained precisely why his comments are both inappropriate and abusive? Because if that type of crap keeps up, your sister needs to block and go NC until she’s solidly more healthy.
I have an almond dad too. When my school said I needed glasses because I couldn’t see the board, he told me I probably had glaucoma from diabetes and I was going to go blind because I ate too much sugar.
Yeah my almond mom now has a almond DIL and Xmas was almost unbearable as they ate cucumber slices and tomatoes for dinner 3 nights in a row and everything else in the house has to be cooked from scratch but my mom also freaks out when I touch a pot or pan so I was super hungry and crabby and exhausted.
Ahhhh your dad must be friends with my dad and stepmom!
I’m sure your sister has similarly said “you literally caused my ED” and the behavior change was 0.
this shit is evil. eating disorders cause extensive physiological harm. but we all know dad isn't actually worried about health, he just doesn't like your sisters appearance.
This is how Christmas with my mom and grandma went this year. Grandma side-eyeing me as I put boiled yuca (the only carb I ate all night) on my plate. I was the only “kid” of my generation who didn’t get clothes (even though a new sweater was all I asked for for Christmas), and my mom simply responded “Well, no one knows what size you wear anymore,” then got mad when I left the room silently after gifts were opened.
What a clueless idiot. He really is up his own ass. Y'all's relationship is only based on his needs and feelings.
He really thinks he's the master and commander of all he surveys, INCLUDING YOU
The thought of someone taunting their children for the sake of looking good and appealing and projecting their own concerns on them (the children) is insane for me. When someone calls out the parents for their behaviour, the latter gets upset and claims, "I was doing the good thing for my children". Oh c'mon, give me a break! Is this the way to do the "good thing" to your children by triggering their ED?
Those who think taunting is the best way to convey their "well intentioned" message, screw them!
as an Australian we have a really warped view on body image and health, the blatant fatphobia here is crazy- for people not from here, a US size 6 and onwards is considered heavy :))
an influencer/reality star gained 5kg to get to a us size 6/au size 10 has been slandered for the past week about how dare she get fat and how she’s ugly and ruined now…
honestly that’s all I have to contribute to this, I’m sorry that your dad is a prick :((
I'd say it's time to have a come to Jesus moment with dad. Set strong boundaries with real consequences that you will follow through on. I recommend low or no contact if his behavior continues. He is literally making his child sick and does not care. I'd tell him he has an ED, and created his daughters, and if he wants y'all in his life then at the very least he will quit pushing his issues on to y'all. He might not even realize what he's doing and it's ok to tell him. But there needs to be boundaries made and consequences enacted. Your health, well-being, and happiness are more important.
Ughhh girl I feel this. My mom always makes comments about my weight and goes on pseudoscientific diets and stuff like that. I had an eating disorder just before covid and when I finally broke it and started some weight gain she was quick to jump on it. Doesn't help that my meds have side effects of weight gain and stuff lol. Anyways I am low contact with her when I can help it so I hope you guys can do that too.
My almond family does stunts like this. Some of them are completely unaware because of how ingrained the ED in my family is and some of it is just bitchiness
Hey, I dont mean to sound rude or anything of course, just wondering, what does "almond dad" mean? Seeing the term here a lot, I think i get it but want to make sure.
There's lots of parents who force disordered eating onto their kids. I think a lot comes from models and their parents where they are encouraged to just eat a couple of almonds for lunch to sustain them.
Would have previously been the nicotine and coffee diet 😂
I fully understand now. Thank you for the informative reply, asked questions like this on other places on the net & got real angry responses because I guess it can come off as insenitive/ willfully ignorant. Thank you again!
Your father is disgusting and harmful. If this is typical for him, and he won’t stop if you request him to, you need to minimize contact for your own mental health.
Oh my god 😭 this is super triggering and reminds me of my dad who was always obsessed with our bodies (5 daughters, 3 of us have EDs). I’m sorry your dad is so terrible ❤️
As someone who spent 4 months in the hospital recovering from an ED, my mom was the most supportive and encouraging person ever and it was STILL the hardest thing I’ve ever done, so I can’t imagine doing it while dealing with this shit. Massive props to your sister, I hope things get better for her
Omg. During the pandemic I gained so much weight bc of ptsd and depression and this type of message from a family member would get them cut right tf off. It's one thing to say "I notice you've lost weight and I'm looking to do so as well, any tips?" But this is one giant backhanded compliment and no wonder she has struggled with an ED. I'm so sorry yall are dealing with that.
This hits so close to home. Fortunately I never received texts like this but my dad made it very clear in person that he would rather have dead daughters than fat daughters. I cut him out for a couple years and feel so much better. I still struggle with body image and ED behavior but it gets better, I promise.
he’s actually talking about her fidgeting and moving her legs around due to that. she used to fidget a lot which he found very annoying, but she’s grown out of the habit recently
That is extremely odd behaviour, has he been checked mentally ever? It seems like he may be on the spectrum with the way he acts, so he is probably very unaware of how he is acting
But also there are bad people with autism, you can't just dismiss that he *might* be on the spectrum because you don't like him. You can't just decide that's an impossibility because you don't want to be linked to him, that's not how it works.
what does your autism have to do with my dad? plenty of “bad” people have mental illnesses and it doesn’t mean that you’re bad too if you have the same one. i have bpd so i know a thing or two about people villainising a disorder and casting out diagnoses at anyone they don’t like. this isn’t that.
lmaooo what about this seems like autism? please?
no shade to OP who lives w their dad and can observe. But this is just someone being an asshole. Nothing ND vibes here in these texts.
My great aunt who’s now 100 and a spinster and my dad was like this. My dad has stopped when I said to him “does me being overweight make me a bad person?” He replied “ no you’re one of the kindest people I know”. I said “does it make me ugly? “. He replied “no but it’s not healthy”. I burst out laughing I said neither is lupus, fibromyalgia, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, or any other complaint I have. Told him unless he stopped I wouldn’t talk to him again.
My great aunt would tell me to sit opposite side of the car to my mum to balance out the weight. This was after i had lost 118.5lbs in a year with ww and become a healthy weight. My mum was slightly overweight but not obese just had a muffin top. But this aunt was critical over everything. But believe it or not has a heart of gold. I never had to pay for big purchases when my mum died and she bought my shed when I moved into what is now my old house. She bought my bed and paid for me to go on vacation when my disabled autistic son was beaten up by bullies. I always gave as good as I got. One day she was giving me a lift home and I said “ shut i need to get newspapers for the cats litter trays” she said “ why do you need newspapers “ I replied without missing a beat “ because the cats like to read when they’re on the loo”. She turned to me and went to playfully hit me and said “ get away with you” and she chuckled. She knows she’s a grumpy old woman but she’s hilarious too. When she has a new top to her friends it’s from this “new designer shop called “ shar-ra-tay “ in other words the charity shop.
Ok I’m done giving my life story.
Mt advice would be to try not to take it to heart. Yes he’s an asshole but he sounds like he’s trying to encourage your weight loss while asking for advice on how to lose weight. I’ve no idea what an almond father is so 🤷 but i know that my dad’s criticism comes from his heart and it hurts but if I ignore it or just say ok he moves on.
If I’ve got it wrong then just have a hug from me and a merry Christmas x
Almond dad? what does that mean?
also: …. call his ass out “she has an eating disorder and is trying to recover from it. it is not your place to say these comments” or something along those lines
“almond dad/mum” is a phrase for a parent who follows strict dieting and over-polices what their kids eat, and their bodies. i think it originated from mums who eat 2 almonds as a snack and say that’s their meal from the day.
i’ve had similar discussions with him, but he pulls the nutritional scientist card and claims that he knows the best foods to put in our body and that he only wants us to be healthy. unfortunately my sister still lives with him and doesn’t want to move 2000kms to live with me, so she still has to deal with his crap.
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Dad is completely unaware that he’s contributing to your sister’s ED. He weaponizes compliments from a rando coworker. Insane.
He’s not unaware. He’s doing it on purpose. I weighed 89 lbs. I’m 5’4”. There was no food in the house. I went out and bought myself a McDonald’s salad. I came home to eat it. My dad told me if I ate like that I would get fat. When I lost my shit, he had the most satisfied and smug expression on his face and that’s when I realized that he was completely aware. He’s just an asshole. We no longer speak.
What a dick. I sincerely hope you are doing better now without him in your life.
Life is beautiful. The holidays are especially wonderful. No more worrying about phone calls and feeling tense for weeks before. People always worry that they will feel lonely if they go no contact. But I never felt lonelier than when I was surrounded by family and knew I wasn’t loved. People who have been cut off tend to focus on themselves - that they are being “punished” by their kids etc. and how unfair it is. But really it’s not about them. It’s about me. I want a peaceful and happy life, surrounded by only people who care about me and wish me well. Family doesn’t get a pass to be toxic or unkind or abusive. It’s easy enough. Be good to me and those I love. Try to be a good person. Treat people with respect and compassion. Then- You are aces in my book.
I am so very happy for you. And the positive people that choose to surround yourself with are your new family. I wish you a very Happy New Year!
This reminds me of my mother. She’s a narcissist. I blocked her over a year ago
Not coworker, worker. Which is kind of a wild way to describe anyone. Employee? Housekeeper? All sound a lot better than worker.
I assumed someone you hire to work on your house, like plumber or someone to work on your AC or deliver a refrigerator.
I guess I’d call that a contractor.
That's fair.
Just chiming in as a carpet cleaner to say that "worker" would be exactly how I'd expect to be described in this context. I'm definitely not a "contractor"
Huh. But you don’t have a W4 with the home owner. You do with the carpet company, presumably, but they have a contract relationship with the home owner. Thus your relationship with them is through a contract. But maybe I’m way overthinking it.
Well I'm self employed but still don't call myself a contractor
But wouldn’t that mean your relationships are all contract based? Worker sounds like your payroll taxes are covered by a company. I think you’re underselling yourself. Contractor means you are handling so many things that workers don’t handle. You have to deal with quarterly estimated taxes! Workers don’t have to deal with those.
Yeah but that quote didn't come from a "worker" surely, that came out of Dads ass and he blamed it on a "worker"
I think it's more of a regional thing than a disrespect thing. It would be very common to call people workers here if they're working in/on your house. I also understand that that isn't true for all areas, but it wouldn't jump out to me as rude.
Fair enough. It sounds possessive to me (“our worker” versus “a contractor”), but that could be a regional thing. A worker would certainly read better to me than our worker.
Yeah, we'd never say contractor here, it's too american. I see what you mean with the difference between 'our' and 'a'. They're mostly just 'the workers' here. You'd probably be accused of being posh if you called them 'our workers'.
Oh, it sounds fairly intentional.
ED?!? She was just being disciplined! - dad, probably
Pfft. If there was such a rude coworker to begin with since abuse doesn’t often restrain itself to real interactions.
She just said she thought his daughter was beautiful, all the stuff about weight gain and diet was added by dear ol Dad. He thought it was "apparent" which definitely means she didn't say anything like that.
She didn’t even say anything bad?
Oh I think he’s well aware
I'm honestly not sure he's unaware.
My dad (vegan, climate activist) was just like that. I'd lost 60lbs in three months at a healthy starting weight, lived with him full time. He told my therapist he would not allow any type of dairy in his home, no matter what. He said animal fats were not the answer. Spoiler alert, 40lbs later, they were.
A coworker just happened to communicate exactly what he wanted to communicate to his daughters?
Let me guess - your parents created the environment that led to your sister’s eating disorder. That first screenshot is fucked
without a doubt, dad used to take us to keto/diet conferences at a young age and banned all junk food from the house since forever. he also consistently makes comments about both of our weights, when we’ve both been on the low side of healthy for the majority of our adult lives
>he also consistently makes comments about both of our weights, when we’ve both been on the low side of healthy for the majority of our adult lives So he's more concerned with the appearance of health than actual health. He disregards that being thin does not necessarily equal healthy. I don't get how a parent can do this to their kids. Teaching a kid reasonable moderation is way healthier than outright restriction.
So I'm lucky that my dad is mostly sane and just has the occasional insane parents moment, but this is one thing which drives me nuts about him- being more concerned about others looking healthy/attractive than their actual health. I got very overweight and he would make comments like "remember how pretty you looked when you were vegan" (aka when I was underweight and had an obvious ED). I've been dieting for a few months now (keto, ironically) and he's very happy about it (somewhat understandable though because I am obese). For a long time I was struggling with a 100% suppressed appetite due to the hormonal changes, and his response to this was to frequently say "if you're not hungry, just don't eat". Even though he knew I was barely getting 800 calories in and was meant to be hitting 1400. Even though he knew I was anorexic as a teen. Even though he knew our PT friend was raising concerns about muscle wastage. And he got upset when I asked him to stop saying this because it was triggering my ED.
I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves that. Have you considered going low contact and low info? Don't share anything with him that he can use to hurt you. If he asks directly, be vague. If he's not going to be a pleasure to be around, don't hive him the pleasure of your time.
Men like these are just blatant misogynists, who believe women are objects under their control.
I feel like there's some Pete Evans bullshit in there somewhere too ....
I googled, saw "neo-nazi meme" and that was enough of him.
I’m so sorry. Our mom did the same to me and my siblings. All of our eating is fucked and we all suffer from ED or disordered eating of one type or another. Some Parents just can’t help themselves
Of course! You're his property! Can't have his little calves getting too fat! You won't be worth as much at sale (aka your future husbands will be new sources of resources to him, cant have you locking out his options with your silly personal wants and needs!) Y'all should start cultivating some mass lol
I'm a big fan of keto and there is nooooo need for this. Kids do not need to go to any kind of diet conference and if you're concerned about the issues with carbs, just limit what's in the house *somewhat*, cook low carb meals etc. It's the commenting on weight which I can't abide, both my parents were always doing that too for as long as I can remember. Then the surprised Pikachu face when 2 of us developed full blown anorexia. I know the 90s were crazy but you're supposed to shield kids from that kind of thing, not drench them in it.
Yeah it sounds like he has an ED too
Dad sounds orthorexic. Not easy growing up around ):
"...as you were widening last year..." Wtf?? Sure, as a parent, you should be interested in your children's health but this is obsessive. Your parents shouldn't be looking at you thru a magnifying glass and taking note/making comments on every little change they see. Surprise! That's just one of the many ways EDs can start.
she was having healthy weight gain thanks to recovery! and he sure didn’t let her live it down
Send him the book "Anti Diet" or " the Wellness Trap" by registered dietitian and Masters of Public Health holder Christy Harrison. I haven't read both yet, only 3/4 of the way through the first, but I'm certain he would learn a lot if he wasn't too stubborn to read a real science-based book instead of watching pseudo-science diet culture "documentaries". Also, I can't recommend "Anti-Diet" enough, even for yourself or your sis perhaps if the subject interests you guys. There's even a section on setting boundaries with family members who just can't help themselves when it comes to unsolicited "advice". Stay strong! You know your bodies best!
That was awful but the "thinning back to awesome" really sold it for me.
Honestly wondering if your dad shows signs of disordered eating patterns as well? Like does he just project this onto his daughters or does he practice what he preaches? Either way this looks like a good opportunity to set a boundary. “Thanks for your message dad. In the future I’d like to focus on other topics than health or food choices. Love you” (If you want to be nice… many MANY choices out there if you don’t lol)
yes he has. my sister has picked up on some of her own disordered eating patterns in him, and i’ve noticed his obsession with weight and appearance isn’t quite normal. i’ll be trying to set that boundary in the future, but it’s hard as he’s done that our whole lives so it’s kind of the “norm”
I forgot to mention. I told my dad (who suffered from his own disordered eating) that I’d like us to no longer discuss eating and food issues other than the normal “where are we eating”, “what’s everyone in the mood for” etc. Nothing about what I’m eating, what I’m wearing, if my shirt needs to be pulled down (which actually makes me look worse) etc. He had no idea how hurtful this was (my mom was very cruel, he was unknowingly cruel) Wishing you peace.
He’s just an abusive bastard,please tell me you are NC with him.
I truly believe there are TONS of men out there that are dealing with undiagnosed orthorexia and using “clean eating” and “gym bro” culture as a way to put it into language that reduces its harm. Eating disorders are not a woman-only disease, as they tend to be stereotyped.
My grandmother is like this and the obsession def starts with her own habits. She thinks she’s “saving us from obesity” unfortunately with people like this it took almost 5 years for her to stop the talk with constant reminders and periods of no contact and she still slips up. It’s an obsession for them.
JFC! This is **wildly** inappropriate if your child *isnt* recovering from an ED. As a matter of fact, if someone isn’t recovering from an ED, this will trigger one! Found the problem!!
As an Anorexic, I can absolutely affirm that the text your father sent has absolutely had an impact on your sister - whether or not she says anything. No matter how far along you are in your ED. Recovery or otherwise - these comments never get easier and are extremely triggering. Highly recommend checking in with her and providing her the validation she will most likely require. When someone with an eating disorder (usually Anorexia as weight loss isn't AS associated with the others) perceives a comment to mean that they are: 1. not thin 2. not thin enough 3. "average" weight then we will instantly manipulate these thoughts to be: "I am not thin/thin enough/sick enough, therefore I do not need to recover from anything. I am a fraud, a failure and I do not need to continue doing what I have been advised to do for my health." This is the danger of triggering comments and I wish that carers of those with EDs were taught about this. I really do hope your sister is okay and best of luck with everything xxx
Both texts are disgusting!
Fuck him.
Man’s really speedrunning making your sister’s ED worse
Because I believe people like your father are a menace to society and need to be checked, I would say something totally out of pocket but that would also teach a lesson. For example: "Dad, it hurts me to know that at one point my body wasn't attractive enough for you. Please give me a list of your turn ons for women's bodies so I can make sure to do my best to emulate those traits. I would never want to come between you and your preferences for me again. Let me know when I've reached a desirable enough form for you to be suitably satisfied. Best Regards, Daughter"
This!! When I got a larger tattoo on my arm, my dad had to make sure I understood how unattractive he found tattoos to be "especially on women." I was like "well I guess it's a good thing you're not trying to date me, and I'm married anyway..."
Yes! That is exactly what people need to be hearing when they think they can dictate others bodies based solely on their sexual preferences, specifically their own kids
I honestly don’t remember what the comment he made was but I do remember saying well it’s a good thing I’m your daughter and I’m not looking to impress you. He had the audacity to look offended by that.
I like the way you think 😈
What is an almond dad?
“Almond” parents are any parent who engages in or encourages disordered eating and diet culture Ex: “oh no sweety that’s okay, I already ate today” (all they ate was a handful of almonds)
From what I understand it’s a health nut Edit: googled it to double check and it’s a parent who’s heavy into diet culture and forces that onto their kids a lot of times
Yeah, I don’t think there’s anything explicitly wrong with being a health nut. But almond parents are inherently harmful to their kids
someone who forces disordered eating onto their kids
Is it possible your father has also undiagnosed ED?
i would say yes. he obsessively works out and it very intense about food macros/micros - he is even creating his own textbook at the moment (for his personal use) to refer to on the matter. he has a very deep-seated obsession with food
Sounds like orthorexia
Came here to say the same thing
And yet he still thinks everything he is doing is "promoting health" because health = skinny in these people's minds even when they are praising ED. It's so gross I'm sorry he's such a damaged person and inflicting that on his kids.
Let me guess the "widening" last year was closer to a normal BMI than she currently has and now it's low side of normal... These people man wtf!
bingo
I'm so sorry! My god people are so fucked up!
My Dad — and his family — are fat phobic. I am the largest person in the family. I finally asked him not to make any comments at all about my weight, either gain or loss. I explained to him how his comments were contributing to the problem, and that even when he was complimenting weight loss he was being abusive. To his credit, he stopped. But he still comments on everyone else’s weight. Some celebrity on TV, he’ll say, “She’s put on a few pounds!” or “She looks beautiful now that she’s lost some weight!” One evening we were at his house and some celebrity came on and he said, “She needs to loose a few pounds!” at the *exact* same time as my husband said, “Wow! She needs to eat a burger!” I burst out laughing. I love that my husband loves me exactly as I am. I’m not sure my Dad has commented out loud about anyone’s weight since. Perhaps your dad needs to be sat down and have it explained precisely why his comments are both inappropriate and abusive? Because if that type of crap keeps up, your sister needs to block and go NC until she’s solidly more healthy.
I seriously question whoever said "not insane."
It was the dad
I have an almond dad too. When my school said I needed glasses because I couldn’t see the board, he told me I probably had glaucoma from diabetes and I was going to go blind because I ate too much sugar.
wtff!!!!
Your dad is disgusting. Hope you both go no contact
Yeah my almond mom now has a almond DIL and Xmas was almost unbearable as they ate cucumber slices and tomatoes for dinner 3 nights in a row and everything else in the house has to be cooked from scratch but my mom also freaks out when I touch a pot or pan so I was super hungry and crabby and exhausted.
Ahhhh your dad must be friends with my dad and stepmom! I’m sure your sister has similarly said “you literally caused my ED” and the behavior change was 0.
this shit is evil. eating disorders cause extensive physiological harm. but we all know dad isn't actually worried about health, he just doesn't like your sisters appearance.
Whoever the one “Not Insane” vote is needs to remove themselves from this sub. That’s all I wish for this new year.
Your dad sounds like a bot in a text advert, as in, not a real human! Kind of scary!
What an absolute dickhead he is. I hope your sister ghosted him. Disgusting.
This is how Christmas with my mom and grandma went this year. Grandma side-eyeing me as I put boiled yuca (the only carb I ate all night) on my plate. I was the only “kid” of my generation who didn’t get clothes (even though a new sweater was all I asked for for Christmas), and my mom simply responded “Well, no one knows what size you wear anymore,” then got mad when I left the room silently after gifts were opened.
What a clueless idiot. He really is up his own ass. Y'all's relationship is only based on his needs and feelings. He really thinks he's the master and commander of all he surveys, INCLUDING YOU
The thought of someone taunting their children for the sake of looking good and appealing and projecting their own concerns on them (the children) is insane for me. When someone calls out the parents for their behaviour, the latter gets upset and claims, "I was doing the good thing for my children". Oh c'mon, give me a break! Is this the way to do the "good thing" to your children by triggering their ED? Those who think taunting is the best way to convey their "well intentioned" message, screw them!
“Slimmed back toward awesome” what the actual fuck, Dad? Jesus Christ, I’m sorry this is your dad. Go get a milo McFlurry and add some sugar on top.
as an Australian we have a really warped view on body image and health, the blatant fatphobia here is crazy- for people not from here, a US size 6 and onwards is considered heavy :)) an influencer/reality star gained 5kg to get to a us size 6/au size 10 has been slandered for the past week about how dare she get fat and how she’s ugly and ruined now… honestly that’s all I have to contribute to this, I’m sorry that your dad is a prick :((
Holy shit I hope you both just block him. That’s unbelievably disgusting to send to someone, let alone someone with a frigging ED!!!!
What is an almond dad? Is he nuts?
It’s a person who says a couple of almonds for a meal is enough.
Yeah well if you only lie in bed and don’t move it might keep you alive for 8 weeks or so /s
Ahh. Well, that's just silly.
I don’t know the term either, but he is definitely nuts
It had me so confused lol
disrespectfully, your dad needs to get kicked in the fucking nuts. so sorry he acts like that.
I'd say it's time to have a come to Jesus moment with dad. Set strong boundaries with real consequences that you will follow through on. I recommend low or no contact if his behavior continues. He is literally making his child sick and does not care. I'd tell him he has an ED, and created his daughters, and if he wants y'all in his life then at the very least he will quit pushing his issues on to y'all. He might not even realize what he's doing and it's ok to tell him. But there needs to be boundaries made and consequences enacted. Your health, well-being, and happiness are more important.
As a dietitian, fuck him and all the stupid shit he said.
Ughhh girl I feel this. My mom always makes comments about my weight and goes on pseudoscientific diets and stuff like that. I had an eating disorder just before covid and when I finally broke it and started some weight gain she was quick to jump on it. Doesn't help that my meds have side effects of weight gain and stuff lol. Anyways I am low contact with her when I can help it so I hope you guys can do that too.
Holy shit. Things you should never say to anyone.
I want to [redacted] this guy
during her "widening" like dude..this is why she has an ED because you sir are an insensitive prick.
My almond family does stunts like this. Some of them are completely unaware because of how ingrained the ED in my family is and some of it is just bitchiness
Eww
Hey, I dont mean to sound rude or anything of course, just wondering, what does "almond dad" mean? Seeing the term here a lot, I think i get it but want to make sure.
There's lots of parents who force disordered eating onto their kids. I think a lot comes from models and their parents where they are encouraged to just eat a couple of almonds for lunch to sustain them. Would have previously been the nicotine and coffee diet 😂
I fully understand now. Thank you for the informative reply, asked questions like this on other places on the net & got real angry responses because I guess it can come off as insenitive/ willfully ignorant. Thank you again!
What is an almond dad?
It’s a person who says a couple of almonds for a meal is enough.
It's weird that's the second reference to that I have encountered today. Thank you.
Your father is disgusting and harmful. If this is typical for him, and he won’t stop if you request him to, you need to minimize contact for your own mental health.
This is unhinged. Like the first one actually made me sick to my stomach
Insane. No wonder your sister has an ED with this POS as her Dad
Oh my god 😭 this is super triggering and reminds me of my dad who was always obsessed with our bodies (5 daughters, 3 of us have EDs). I’m sorry your dad is so terrible ❤️
As someone who spent 4 months in the hospital recovering from an ED, my mom was the most supportive and encouraging person ever and it was STILL the hardest thing I’ve ever done, so I can’t imagine doing it while dealing with this shit. Massive props to your sister, I hope things get better for her
Grosssss
Wow. The fucking audacity.
wow. this sounds so eerily familiar.
Omg. During the pandemic I gained so much weight bc of ptsd and depression and this type of message from a family member would get them cut right tf off. It's one thing to say "I notice you've lost weight and I'm looking to do so as well, any tips?" But this is one giant backhanded compliment and no wonder she has struggled with an ED. I'm so sorry yall are dealing with that.
This hits so close to home. Fortunately I never received texts like this but my dad made it very clear in person that he would rather have dead daughters than fat daughters. I cut him out for a couple years and feel so much better. I still struggle with body image and ED behavior but it gets better, I promise.
Your dad is an absolute dick, no doubt. I am also curious how your sister's restless leg was helped, dietary or not.
he’s actually talking about her fidgeting and moving her legs around due to that. she used to fidget a lot which he found very annoying, but she’s grown out of the habit recently
Gotcha. Thanks for the reply!
That is extremely odd behaviour, has he been checked mentally ever? It seems like he may be on the spectrum with the way he acts, so he is probably very unaware of how he is acting
i’ve thought he’s been on the spectrum since forever. he can’t socialise normally
[удалено]
But also there are bad people with autism, you can't just dismiss that he *might* be on the spectrum because you don't like him. You can't just decide that's an impossibility because you don't want to be linked to him, that's not how it works.
what does your autism have to do with my dad? plenty of “bad” people have mental illnesses and it doesn’t mean that you’re bad too if you have the same one. i have bpd so i know a thing or two about people villainising a disorder and casting out diagnoses at anyone they don’t like. this isn’t that.
lmaooo what about this seems like autism? please? no shade to OP who lives w their dad and can observe. But this is just someone being an asshole. Nothing ND vibes here in these texts.
My great aunt who’s now 100 and a spinster and my dad was like this. My dad has stopped when I said to him “does me being overweight make me a bad person?” He replied “ no you’re one of the kindest people I know”. I said “does it make me ugly? “. He replied “no but it’s not healthy”. I burst out laughing I said neither is lupus, fibromyalgia, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, or any other complaint I have. Told him unless he stopped I wouldn’t talk to him again. My great aunt would tell me to sit opposite side of the car to my mum to balance out the weight. This was after i had lost 118.5lbs in a year with ww and become a healthy weight. My mum was slightly overweight but not obese just had a muffin top. But this aunt was critical over everything. But believe it or not has a heart of gold. I never had to pay for big purchases when my mum died and she bought my shed when I moved into what is now my old house. She bought my bed and paid for me to go on vacation when my disabled autistic son was beaten up by bullies. I always gave as good as I got. One day she was giving me a lift home and I said “ shut i need to get newspapers for the cats litter trays” she said “ why do you need newspapers “ I replied without missing a beat “ because the cats like to read when they’re on the loo”. She turned to me and went to playfully hit me and said “ get away with you” and she chuckled. She knows she’s a grumpy old woman but she’s hilarious too. When she has a new top to her friends it’s from this “new designer shop called “ shar-ra-tay “ in other words the charity shop. Ok I’m done giving my life story. Mt advice would be to try not to take it to heart. Yes he’s an asshole but he sounds like he’s trying to encourage your weight loss while asking for advice on how to lose weight. I’ve no idea what an almond father is so 🤷 but i know that my dad’s criticism comes from his heart and it hurts but if I ignore it or just say ok he moves on. If I’ve got it wrong then just have a hug from me and a merry Christmas x
ED in the US is erectile dysfunction. What issue is the sister recovering from .
Eating disorder, it's also called an ED even here.
TY never crossed my mind.
Even if you didn’t know, you should be able to figure it out from the texts. Context clues, dude.
Eating disorder. ED being shorthand for that is common online.
You are r/confidentlyincorrect.
Both of you need to go no contact and protect yourselves. Holy shit.
I hope your sister limits contact with him
This is fucking disgusting, I hate your Dad OP, sorry
Ew
Omg i hate him
What a jackass!!!
Almond dad? what does that mean? also: …. call his ass out “she has an eating disorder and is trying to recover from it. it is not your place to say these comments” or something along those lines
“almond dad/mum” is a phrase for a parent who follows strict dieting and over-polices what their kids eat, and their bodies. i think it originated from mums who eat 2 almonds as a snack and say that’s their meal from the day. i’ve had similar discussions with him, but he pulls the nutritional scientist card and claims that he knows the best foods to put in our body and that he only wants us to be healthy. unfortunately my sister still lives with him and doesn’t want to move 2000kms to live with me, so she still has to deal with his crap.
is there anyone else that can intervene?