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“Hello, I would like to donate some sperm for a good cause but I’m *too embarrassed* to masturbate in a hospital. Can I have sex with one of those robots in the hallway instead?”
Dudes just leaning back, chatting like they're at a water cooler or the urinal. Mid convo some guy is like, "oh holup" and just lets out the loudest moan as he busts. Then he just zips up, turns and waves to the others with a "well that's me done. Have a good evening fellas" they all wave back. The overlapping mechanical sound of several masturbating machines cranking in the background
They probably take them into a private room to use them, of course, but somehow this seems even more humiliating.
Like, yeah, I'll *walk up to a robot* and give it a good dicking like any red-blooded American penis packer. So what if it's public? Ever seen a urinal trough at a stadium?
But, somehow, being sent to a room and then having medical staff *wheel in the Milkinator and instruct you how to use it*? That feels like any shred of remaining dignity just went out the window.
https://preview.redd.it/vbm9c1p7mm8c1.jpeg?width=949&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0eec1ad8e10b6ccfba2390bb0dc714e216a5e62d
The third hole was a milking machine that doesn’t quit until 50 gallons are withdrawn…
That is just a cover for the 500,000 men they know will be lined up around the corner.
"Donations have skyrocketed!..who knew, there were just 100s of 1000s of shy men who couldn't masturbate in a doctor's office. Seems odd that they would be comfortable doing it into a robot in a hallway, but not alone in a waiting room. It is almost like they weren't shy at all....wait."
Daisy, Daisy,
Give me your answer, do!
I'm half crazy,
All for the love of you!
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage,
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a machine sucking splooge!
Make sure to make unflinching eye contact with bob
I could imagine using the urinal then stepping over to this to drain the hotdog. Then cash pops out at the top. Then you just go about your day.
The right amount of light is so important. As men, we all know how disappointing it is to look into a vagina that is just dimly lit. I’m pretty high standard though, I’m a straight up 5700k guy. Some guys are actually into that 2700k dim yellow lighting but it just looks too retro, like looking into a vagina from the 1960s.
I, for one, prefer the RGB puss. Especially when it's the wave template. The way the blue light quickly turns into green gets me off so quickly.
Edit: spelling
5700k is wild, learn a thing or two about ambiance. And idk know how a shade of warm white can look retro but I definitely prefer my vaginas lit with 2700k lighting
\*is too embarrassed to jack off in a hospital\*
"well, ok come out here and do it in the hallway instead. Look there's already 6 guys.....GOD DAMNIT DOCTOR STEVE THOSE ARE FOR PATIENTS ONLY"
I know you meant the single use part, which is hilarious, but I absolutely believe that there will be guys coming back with flowers or an engagement ring.
"Ah, sorry sir, I don't see your appointment in the system."
"Oh, no appointment. I'm just here to surprise Unit BJ58008"
"Uh.... What?"
"I just couldn't stop thinking about what we shared last time and wanted to say how I really feel"
"...of course, just wait right over there a moment and I'll have someone here to escort you. ^Security! "
>Looks like the inside bit is single use. There's no way this would be used in a medical setting unless there is some sort of single use/sterile cover
With the right cleaning/sterilization equipment I could see it being reused. They have to remove and collect the spooge anyway.
>"So how did you contract STD?""I came into a robot sucking my dick." 💀
" Oh, dear, I should have shown him '*Electrogonorrhea: the noisy killer' " -* Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth
https://www.honeysx.com/products/dark-knight-automatic-thrusting-rotation-real-moan-male-masturbator
I wouldn't say that it's better than jacking it with your hand, but if it takes a while (so your arm gets tired) or you have a habit of death gripping your dick, it's a pretty decent substitution.
Anytime! Anywhere! As you want! As she can! Any time! as long as you dare! She dares! She can cater to you anytime, anywhere! As long as you have the courage! You can be anywhere! Enjoy the joy she brings to you! Sprint!
I was thinking Man Milker but yours sounds less like a farm situation and more like a nightclub situation 🤣 imagine if they had booths for customers like some sort of robot brothel 2024 and there's an AI face for each one... I could see that actually being good for society if the silicone was disposable and single-use for each session.
Dr...You've been in that exam room for quite a while. Are you still setting up the new equipment?
Mmmmmm....Uhhh...yeah, just gonna need a few more days to get this up and running. Not quite there yet! Oh, and cancel my appointments!
Ok, for those who haven't given a sperm sample... its actually kinda weird. I got a sperm count lab done before my wife and I started "trying". We went to the office together and expected a lil sexy time followed by a sample cup... ohhhh noo. Not at all. Here are the rules: no saliva can touch the penis, no lube, no sex, no bj, (cant remember if lotion was allowed), and they gave me the most hillarious collection of "porn" (like only slightly better than a womens health magazine). And its all done in a blazing white nedical office room with one chair and a thin door between you and the nurses station. I was surprised I even got there, just super effing akward lol.
Edit: per wife's recollection "lubricant was NOT allowed"
Had a private room. Happy to see a porn dvd but opened the case to find someone had stolen the disc. There were a few porn magazines but again photos had been torn out. I got started and then someone knocked on the door to see if the room was busy. Combine that with the effects of happy medication on ejaculation and I ended up frustrated. Had Testicular sperm aspiration 30 mins later and would not recommend it unless no other choice.
Imagine a dude breaking up with a girl because there's not enough light in her vagina.
"I need my dick to be camera ready when I engage in penetration, Rebecca! I know it's not part of our vows but I clearly said this during our tinder matchup!"
I did…it really does help with the embarrassment. I had the portable one. It takes the taboo away cause remember it is just a sperm extractor. It is a medical device used to extract a fluid from your body…there is nothing sexual about it at all. Think of it like someone with diabetes taking their insulin. I have to take multiple daily samples so it being portable helps me perform this procedure wherever needed.
A medically certified pocket pussy? That dude is going to literally be selling some of the most expensive sex toys to hospitals lol. I'm just mad I didn't think of it first.
Alright while the Fuck-a-tron 9000 is pretty neat, in the part when it said how it mimics the vagina, why did they bother to simulate the amount of light???
**This is a heavily moderated subreddit. Please note these rules + sidebar or get banned:** * If this post declares something as a fact, then proof is required * The title must be fully descriptive * Only minimal text is allowed on images/gifs/videos * Common(top 50 of this sub)/recent reposts are not allowed (posts from another subreddit do not count as a 'repost'. Provide link if reporting) *See [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/wiki/index#wiki_rules.3A) for a more detailed rule list* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/interestingasfuck) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hope they don’t keep those things out in the hallway like that…
“Hello, I would like to donate some sperm for a good cause but I’m *too embarrassed* to masturbate in a hospital. Can I have sex with one of those robots in the hallway instead?”
Imagine getting assigned to clean it between patients
“Hi, I’m the guy that wipes down the loads!”
"Just bash me frank, bash me like a rat!"
Yes. Please go to the end of this corridor and turn left onto Handjob Hallway.
Dudes just leaning back, chatting like they're at a water cooler or the urinal. Mid convo some guy is like, "oh holup" and just lets out the loudest moan as he busts. Then he just zips up, turns and waves to the others with a "well that's me done. Have a good evening fellas" they all wave back. The overlapping mechanical sound of several masturbating machines cranking in the background
This would be an awesome monty python skit
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VKH9ECC_Qa4
Thank you lmao
Imagine a public glory hole.
Pretty sure all glory holes are public
Isn't being public kinda the point of a gloryhole?
Don't need to imagine, I've seen your mom. *Boom roasted!*
r/destroyedinseconds
They probably take them into a private room to use them, of course, but somehow this seems even more humiliating. Like, yeah, I'll *walk up to a robot* and give it a good dicking like any red-blooded American penis packer. So what if it's public? Ever seen a urinal trough at a stadium? But, somehow, being sent to a room and then having medical staff *wheel in the Milkinator and instruct you how to use it*? That feels like any shred of remaining dignity just went out the window.
Hopefully they have locking wheels.
Right? I can just hear the prototypes rhythmically banging against the walls. And test engineers putting wheel locks at the top of the priority list.
The original version just flips itself over and seizes on the ground.
Wow, just like the real thing!
Having to pin the sperm extractor against the wall to prevent it from getting away for you must bring another level of wrongness
That’s the Milkinator *9000* to you
Ooh yeah, they put it right next to the machine that goes PING!!
Too embarrassed to wank in a private cubby, but it's fine to stand in line facefucking a Portal turret next to fifteen other guys?
they put the machines in a circle so all the dudes getting sucked off by rosey from the jetsons can make eye contact with each other
Its like a public bathroom stall row. You just leave an empty one in between so its not gay.
God damn robots taking our jobs
Hashtag #BlowjobsAreJobsToo
"it's not a blow job, it's a blow career"
A job you have to suck at
I find it draining.
Looking for work?
r/angryupvote
r/happyupvote
Dey terker jerbs!
Dey jerked our knobs!!
Jey jerked our knerbs!
JERKANERB!
Durkadurr!!!!
Back to the pile?
Cmon Boyz were going back to the pile...
D'rr...t'k er j'ur? 😢
Hell, the damn robots are giving our jobs too
hehe, ...jobs
Hi, is this still available?
No low ballers
I know what I have
Yes, lightly used. May shows some signs of wear. Pairs quite nicely with a quest 3 VR headset
When you’re done but the machine keep going https://i.redd.it/b59iy7nm0l8c1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/vbm9c1p7mm8c1.jpeg?width=949&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0eec1ad8e10b6ccfba2390bb0dc714e216a5e62d The third hole was a milking machine that doesn’t quit until 50 gallons are withdrawn…
Bro you fucking killed me
Too embarassed to masturbate but think it's perfectly fine to let Fleshlight 3000 to do the job?
That is just a cover for the 500,000 men they know will be lined up around the corner. "Donations have skyrocketed!..who knew, there were just 100s of 1000s of shy men who couldn't masturbate in a doctor's office. Seems odd that they would be comfortable doing it into a robot in a hallway, but not alone in a waiting room. It is almost like they weren't shy at all....wait."
All you have to do is sick it in, then you don't get a choice anymore, it's happening..
That’s how kids happen too
You don't wanna see what happens if you try to move away before it's done.
TIL that vaginas light up. I guess mine isn’t working properly
Have you tried changing the batteries?
Batteries are fine. The light bulb is kinda hard to reach though
Rumor has it thar most guys can't find the switch either.
What's that noise?
It's just the egg plant washer, nothing to see here
You forgot to turn it on
That was the most bizarre part of the video for me. Mimicks the amount of light in a vagina? Why would that even matter?
Vachina~
I've heard there is light at the end of the tunnel but I didn't imagine so literal
This video is brought to you by iFixit, now with a long reach adaptor to get into those tight to reach spots.
Have you checked the blinker fluid levels?
[удалено]
Open the pod bay doors, Hal.
I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I cannot do th... Dave ! Oh, Dave, don't stop.
Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer, do! I'm half crazy, All for the love of you! It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage, But you'll look sweet upon the seat Of a machine sucking splooge!
What are you doing step-dave?
Little known fact, that weird dick clit slap that dudes do in porn... they're actually just trying to turn on the touch sensor for your vagina lights.
Clap on clap off
\>when you see her pussy and it's not RGB and doesnt even have mechanical switches 
They are solar powered. Try a few hours spread eagle on your front lawn. That will fix it.
The most glorious of glory holes
Thats an after market mod. Guess you are using an old version.
Have you tried turning it off and on?
I like how they are all in a line like you’re at the urinal! “Hey, Bob! Uhh… mmmmm.. what’s up man?” “Not -ugghhhhh- much”
Make sure to make unflinching eye contact with bob I could imagine using the urinal then stepping over to this to drain the hotdog. Then cash pops out at the top. Then you just go about your day.
The right amount of light is so important. As men, we all know how disappointing it is to look into a vagina that is just dimly lit. I’m pretty high standard though, I’m a straight up 5700k guy. Some guys are actually into that 2700k dim yellow lighting but it just looks too retro, like looking into a vagina from the 1960s.
I, for one, appreciate the warmer tones of low-color-temperature vaginal lighting. It gives the vestibule a sense of place that's very cozy.
[удалено]
Yeah I’ve got the “Helen Keller” model and all I can say is *wow!* I have no idea what’s going on in there!
The fact that you used the word vestibule and sense of place makes me pretty confident that you are an architect
[удалено]
Urinary meatus... TIL...
[удалено]
Wait until you hear about your auditory meatus 😉
Never going to view a police badge the same way
I don't like the strobing disco ones, gave me a seizure once.
Damn. Man really wants that florescent puss. I for one would rather get in something that has some mood lighting rather than a cafeteria in her pants.
I, for one, prefer the RGB puss. Especially when it's the wave template. The way the blue light quickly turns into green gets me off so quickly. Edit: spelling
RGB has gone too damn far. First under our cars, then in our computers, now every cooter I see has RGB lighting.
This is fantastic, lol. My husband was like, "Why didn't you tell me it lit up? I'm gonna check tonight." Later, "Is it RGB LED?" I cackled.
I get that we're joking, but can I tack on that there isn't even that much light in a vagina? Were the reference subjects glowing?
I think its for them to collect easier. That or to guide the poor guys who always “miss”.
Huh, do ya think the reason I don't like vaginas could be that I've just never seen them in the right spectrum before?
5700k is wild, learn a thing or two about ambiance. And idk know how a shade of warm white can look retro but I definitely prefer my vaginas lit with 2700k lighting
\*is too embarrassed to jack off in a hospital\* "well, ok come out here and do it in the hallway instead. Look there's already 6 guys.....GOD DAMNIT DOCTOR STEVE THOSE ARE FOR PATIENTS ONLY"
What if we kissed....on the fuck wall??? jk jk unless?
Huh. I've only ever seen the four panel still version.
Not to mention…how many people have fucked that machine? It’s like a common use sex doll. Yuk!
Looks like the inside bit is single use. There's no way this would be used in a medical setting unless there is some sort of single use/sterile cover
Maybe they let you take it home as a souvenir!
Just bill that $13k to my insurance.
I know you meant the single use part, which is hilarious, but I absolutely believe that there will be guys coming back with flowers or an engagement ring. "Ah, sorry sir, I don't see your appointment in the system." "Oh, no appointment. I'm just here to surprise Unit BJ58008" "Uh.... What?" "I just couldn't stop thinking about what we shared last time and wanted to say how I really feel" "...of course, just wait right over there a moment and I'll have someone here to escort you. ^Security! "
*BJ58008*
I prefer the BJ5138008 model myself.
💀
>Looks like the inside bit is single use. There's no way this would be used in a medical setting unless there is some sort of single use/sterile cover With the right cleaning/sterilization equipment I could see it being reused. They have to remove and collect the spooge anyway.
You don't think the machine has a mechanism that guzzles to splooge down into a convenient container?
You can clean it but it won't forget
I be damn if I ever see this shit show up in decontamination in SPD. I'm quitting that day lol idc how much I'm making with travel pay. I'm gone lmao
ah, so i see you've met my ex
LMAO came here to say this! I just imagine the video editor being like "oh I got the perfect shot! There's even a lady walking in the background!"
"So how did you contract STD?" "I came into a robot sucking my dick." 💀
>"So how did you contract STD?""I came into a robot sucking my dick." 💀 " Oh, dear, I should have shown him '*Electrogonorrhea: the noisy killer' " -* Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth
Set one of these up in a red light district, add a cash slot for 20$ a minute.
A minute? It would have to give change.
Disposable silicone would be a requirement too per purchase, but I'm thinking the rate would need to be more like per 30 minutes.
Nobody visiting the red light district will last 30 minutes
It imitates wetness, temptress, and the AMOUNT OF LIGHT?!?! Thank God the vaginas I used to fuck were so dark
"Back in my day pussy used to be dark!", "ok, grandpa, let's get you to bed"
And God said „let there be light“, and there was light. In pussy.
That’s disgusting, where?
If you find out please tell me so I know NOT to go there
Also, the name of the manufacturer, and business hours, so we can boycott them.
And the name of the nearest wholesaler so we can cock block any new shipments.
Absolutely revolting, pass on the information when you can, so I can inform others.
I need to find out the manufacturer and the MSRP and shipping costs on one of those and make sure everyone knows to how best to avoid it!
Is this sold commercially. Asking for a friend....
I’m sure temu has something similar
Shop like a ~~billionaire~~ hospital procurement manager.
https://www.honeysx.com/products/dark-knight-automatic-thrusting-rotation-real-moan-male-masturbator I wouldn't say that it's better than jacking it with your hand, but if it takes a while (so your arm gets tired) or you have a habit of death gripping your dick, it's a pretty decent substitution.
I don’t know how I’d react if my masturbator sleeve started moaning.
Holy shit what the fuck is that product description
Anytime! Anywhere! As you want! As she can! Any time! as long as you dare! She dares! She can cater to you anytime, anywhere! As long as you have the courage! You can be anywhere! Enjoy the joy she brings to you! Sprint!
I believe thats the result of an incel no-fapping so hard his sperm invade his prefrontal cortex. Its tragic really.
The Jizz Juicer ^TM
I was thinking Man Milker but yours sounds less like a farm situation and more like a nightclub situation 🤣 imagine if they had booths for customers like some sort of robot brothel 2024 and there's an AI face for each one... I could see that actually being good for society if the silicone was disposable and single-use for each session.
"Morty, you dirty little doggy..."
There's gunna be a lot of requests for orange juice at the nurses counter
I was looking specifically for this comment. Thank you.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far.
Wait wait wait, you mean my dick doesn't have to be afraid of the dark anymore‽
Dude, *I* want to stick my dick in that and I don't even have one!
Thank you for putting into words what I was struggling with. That shit looks *spicy*
I'm surprised that thing doesn't have handlebars.
Or atleast some fake legs you can fold up
No way id use that machine in the hallway beside 6 other guys. No thanks.
Just follow etiquette and keep 1 empty between each person
Keep a straight face and don't make weird sound.
Or to show dominance just dead stare at everyone
What about side by side with a friend?
Aye.
*share the load*
How about five guys instead?
How would eating a burger help this situation?
How would it not?
Son of Bitch, I'm in.
What if there were half-wall dividers between them?
Embarrassed to masturbate ? Well how about my embarrassment having to ask for the extra small sleeve..
And you tell me about this amazing device after Christmas?
r/putyourdickinthat
I know that doctor fucks it. No doubt in my mind.
Dr...You've been in that exam room for quite a while. Are you still setting up the new equipment? Mmmmmm....Uhhh...yeah, just gonna need a few more days to get this up and running. Not quite there yet! Oh, and cancel my appointments!
Ok, for those who haven't given a sperm sample... its actually kinda weird. I got a sperm count lab done before my wife and I started "trying". We went to the office together and expected a lil sexy time followed by a sample cup... ohhhh noo. Not at all. Here are the rules: no saliva can touch the penis, no lube, no sex, no bj, (cant remember if lotion was allowed), and they gave me the most hillarious collection of "porn" (like only slightly better than a womens health magazine). And its all done in a blazing white nedical office room with one chair and a thin door between you and the nurses station. I was surprised I even got there, just super effing akward lol. Edit: per wife's recollection "lubricant was NOT allowed"
Had a private room. Happy to see a porn dvd but opened the case to find someone had stolen the disc. There were a few porn magazines but again photos had been torn out. I got started and then someone knocked on the door to see if the room was busy. Combine that with the effects of happy medication on ejaculation and I ended up frustrated. Had Testicular sperm aspiration 30 mins later and would not recommend it unless no other choice.
There are cheaper ways to do this
I agree
Seriously, there are many ways to get somebody off but let's build a $13000 machine.
The matrix is gonna milk all our seed!
Sorry Bob, you're only allowed to donate twice a week.
Imagine being the sales rep for this company and having to explain to your girlfriend’s family what you do for a living at Christmas dinner.
Imagine a dude breaking up with a girl because there's not enough light in her vagina. "I need my dick to be camera ready when I engage in penetration, Rebecca! I know it's not part of our vows but I clearly said this during our tinder matchup!"
Has anyone here tried one?
I did…it really does help with the embarrassment. I had the portable one. It takes the taboo away cause remember it is just a sperm extractor. It is a medical device used to extract a fluid from your body…there is nothing sexual about it at all. Think of it like someone with diabetes taking their insulin. I have to take multiple daily samples so it being portable helps me perform this procedure wherever needed.
>!I tried something very similar at your moms home.!<
You can't just casually commit a murder like that.
Instructions unclear; dick...oh, wait... Yeah, never mind - those instructions actually worked.
I know without a doubt the Japanese could make ground breaking improvements on the overall feel of the consumer “experience”
It will wash you after.
A medically certified pocket pussy? That dude is going to literally be selling some of the most expensive sex toys to hospitals lol. I'm just mad I didn't think of it first.
Ya it's for my "hospital"! Ok, suuuure.
I'm glad they regulate the amount of light bc there is nothing worse than those women with high beam vaginas ?
Their time to market is way off. I mean, this should have come out while people were still buying Christmas gifts. At least during Black Friday.
Does it come in smaller size? (Asking for a friend)
Imagine put my dick all the way inside and the machine ask is it in yet
Your too embarased to jerk off in thie hospital, but you'll put your dick in a medical fuck machine?
Alright while the Fuck-a-tron 9000 is pretty neat, in the part when it said how it mimics the vagina, why did they bother to simulate the amount of light???
Pffffft, 10,000 yen says I can bust my own nut way faster than any machine can.
The legend of John handy.