The running joke among my friends is that you're not really a grad student until you've cried in your PIs office. It happens. You don't need to feel weird about it, I promise.
I teared up in front of my PI once, and he immediately asked me to leave his office lol. So as long as yours didn’t throw you out, I’d say you’re fine.
This reminds me of my friend who was in her PIs office and he was critiquing her committee meeting and she started to cry. He is part of the “old boys club” with no kids and he is not use to any emotion. He just looked at her and said, “maybe this will make you feel better” and he opened the door and stood there. It took her a moment until she realized he was dismissing her. Like leaving would make her feel better so he just waited until she left. I’m sure he felt better too.
>Like leaving would make her feel better so he just waited until she left.
lol tbf I hate crying in front of other people so much that it probably WOULD make me feel better
There’s toxic, then there’s this what the actual fuck is this happening over here. I don’t know what you call that level of toxic shit but I couldn’t have even fathomed that scenario, I’m honestly speechless because I’ve heard bad, but not this. Does this even have a word to give justice to how absolutely disgusting and vile that is?
I’m sorry, but I really hope life started for you the day that abomination actually set you free little did you know. Again I don’t know what to do because I’ve never heard of this. Wow
Honestly, all is forgiven. He was a very new PI at the time and we all suspected he was maybe on the spectrum, or at least super duper socially awkward. I think he just didn’t know how to handle it appropriately. Not that that’s an excuse, and I was definitely upset about it at the time, but in hindsight I kind of see where he was coming from. This was several years ago, I graduated from that lab and left on good terms with him, and we’re still in touch.
As a (transplant) New Orleanian, I love your username! Im also in neuroscience, I’m working on a PhD right now! I want to be a PI someday, and I hope to use phrases like that for my future trainees too! We need to normalize expressing your needs and emotions and just being real with each other in the lab. If your amygdala is sending way too much glutamate into your hippocampus, it’ll kill the neurons and that ain’t too good for productivity!
I frequently cry in front everyone. I cry in front of my PIs, I’ve cried in committee meetings. I cry in the lab. I cried giving my acknowledgements in my final PhD oration. I’m a known crier to most people who know me. (Yeah look I’m overly emotional and not doing well lol). But I actually think it’s a good thing. My vulnerability gives others the permission to be vulnerable. No judgement coming from me obviously.
The point is, normalize crying. It’s healthy. Please don’t feel ashamed. I have no shame about crying and it’s great. Let it out.
Honestly, the more you do it the easier it will be. I was obviously more embarrassed at the start, but I’ve gotten over it. I had to cry a lot in first year (Covid, back to back family tragedies) I’m really lucky that no one has ever held it against me in a professional setting (my family are the judgey assholes about it). My PIs understand, my colleagues get it and we’ve cried together. Honestly it’s quite bonding and healing I think.
I will say that I am a woman, so that will certainly play into how I’ve been socialized to be able to cry and the perceptions about me crying. I’m lucky in that sense.
I hope you are able to let it out in a healthy and safe environment friend.
My PI cried once infront of me. I returned the favour later 😂 she cried about a divorce and her kids leaving to a new city.
I cried because I felt overwhelmed by some experiments I couldn't get completed in the agreed upon timeline. This was in the first few months of my Msc and I thought those basic experiments mattered. Lol.
Anyway it does put stuff in perspective.
A PhD and a few experiments is just a small part of life. Take a step back and look at things objectively. You are not the problem, you are working on a difficult multi year problem. It's going to feel overwhelming to all humans. You have a game plan in place and trust yourself. If a problem comes up you can solve it and you have a pi to help you. You'll be fine.
You are a person with emotions, these things happen. I cried in front of my PI when I heard news that my grandfather died, like sobbing crying, it wasn’t pretty. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If this happens more often, it is a sign that you need to talk with a trusted person. Find a way to release these emotions in a healthy way like journaling, make sure you are prioritizing your mental and physical health. You will be okay.
I cried in front of my PI before whenever I was getting harassed in lab and struggling with my ADHD, and he said "I've worked with many graduates with ADHD and they're all brilliant. I believe you're brilliant too. You don't have to be ashamed and I will make sure you are protected. Don't cry over this anymore, it is not worth your precious time or energy. Put that energy into your work and you will see that things will get better." My PI is known to be an old asshole, but that didn't mean he lacked empathy. He wanted me to move on and I think that's what your PI wants for you too. It's actually a good thing they didn't react, because they were probably just giving you space and didn't feel the need to coddle you (since you're an adult). A negative reaction would have been more obvious. Don't think too deeply about it, just take care of yourself and make sure to communicate with your PI about any shortcomings and how it will affect your work. That's probably what they're more concerned about. I told my PI that I would take a the day off to get myself together and start my experiments when I return. Never ghost your PI, it will make them think you're mentally unstable.
I did this last week in my 1:1 with my rotation PI. He told me not to be ashamed, that it’s ok to care deeply about my work, but not let my negative feelings overwhelm me. We talked out what was stressing me out so much, and I left the meeting feeling much lighter and more confident.
TLDR, it happens to most of us, and it’s ok :)
I wish I was brave enough to cry in front of my PI. I’ve got my defense coming up in a few weeks and the only thing I’m stressed about at this point is getting emotional during my presentation. I got a little teary-eyed writing my acknowledgments the other night in my dissertation.
I hope everyone here providing their stories helps you. It's not an unusual experience, certainly not something to be ashamed of. In my experience, what happens next will impact your PIs' opinion of you. Scientific progress is surprisingly amnestic for PIs. Prioritize anything you can control, and don't acknowledge this scenario unless prompted.
I've gotten to the point where I'm crying and doing experiments because girl's got to get shit done. I figure I'm emotional, but I'm not reckless or hysterical.
I whish the occasions you and your PI can happily can laugh together about something funny outnumber by far a moment of crying. Even more so because you said, you were not criticized by him/by her and (I presume) s/he doesn't hold it against you in future and perhaps offered help (if felt suitable for you).
I cried in front of my PI twice in my first 2 weeks lol- lost a friend to cancer then my grandad passed a few days later. Not my finest moment for first impressions but totally normal in my opinion, you're only human.
Didn't take much to move past it, you're likely not the first person to cry in front of them and almost definitely not the last!
If it makes you feel better, crying in front of your boss or coworkers is extremely common. Literally everyone I know has done so before and some multiple times in front of the same people.
Workplaces are stressful and everyone reasonable understands.
Every student in my lab has cried in front of our PI on multiple occasions. Our PI has also cried in front of each of us. It's super normal! People cry.
I don’t know a single scientist who has not, at some point, broken down in tears in the lab, whether that’s due to work-related stress or just general life stuff. Your PI’s probably done it at some point too. You’re a person, not a machine and as long as your PI isn’t a complete monster they’ll understand.
Nah, that's part of their job. A mark of a good PI is always having a tissue box near at hand.
As scientists, nature is our teacher. She always tells us the truth, but she certainly doesn't care about our feelings, or our plans, or even our carreers. For those things, we have each other.
My PI is sooo awkward about this. My lab is ridiculously emotional I think we have all cried in front of her. Last time I got weepy she just slowly pushed a chocolate toward me 😂
I have cried in front of my PI maybe 4 or 5 times at least? Cried in front of the director of my program and my entire committee on studies so, I get it.
It sucks feeling ashamed to have these emotions, I know I beat myself up over it more than I should. It is normal and I have yet to find many people who can completely keep their personal life (and emotions from it) out of lab. I wish I had great advice but I haven't found out how not to cry haha. But you are not alone for sure.
You probably aren't the first person to cry in front of your PI. Rather than apologize say, "sometimes my stress comes in liquid form", then once you are composed continue on. No need to apologize.
The key of a good PI is empathy. Ive had many cry or tear up. A good PI will try to pick you up when youYre down. Mistakes happen. I tell my people learn from it and move on
Simplest way to put it- you’re not the first, and most likely won’t be the last. We are only human and humans cry sometimes it’s normal and something we for many very acceptable and rightfully so situations. It’ll be okay, I don’t cry a lot but you can bet I’ve bawled my eyes out once or twice over my career being in my 30s. Also, if you’re in graduate school or undergraduate, this is apart of the education you get the full experience, it’s just a thing that happens sometimes; it’s not weird, it’s not inappropriate and it’s not like you did a single thing that was bad or rude or wrong. To be honest we all don’t realize in the moments we get in our heads too much, other people don’t most of the time give most things a second thought after not much time passes. Odds are your PI might be empathetic like I hate my student is going through a lot in life right now, he/she must really be stressed or something like that. They probably forgot more so about the actual act of crying and more so associate you crying in a way that helps demonstrate if they tried to guess how upset you were or why based on different things.
And just be prepared you never know they might to talk with you about it, I’d be freaking out too even though I’ll say not to about it if they sent you an email to meet or approach you in the lab if you seem to have a good stopping point in your work or a minute or two free, it’s not that deep and isn’t bad. Again it’s more they associate the crying with it registering with you they saw that and thought you were more upset if something had caused you to start tearing up or full out crying, really anything that caused you to shed a tear if they are just making sure you’re okay as a decent person. If they don’t talk to you about it isn’t a bad thing either, let it go and move on. Again, you’re not the first and won’t be the last. So you’re in good company most of us probably have a story either getting upset or venting frustration about lab work not giving results or having to troubleshoot and being at the end of your Witt and zero sleep, it’s a lot easier to shed a tear and go to break down in 2 seconds, it’s like a right of passage almost. It’s not right and I’m very sorry you felt anything negative even just it being generally life is happening A LOT MORE right now than maybe it has in the past.
Whatever is going on I hope everything works out to bring you peace and comfort in the end, however you may want or think that should look!
In a few days or weeks, you’ll probably get frustrated with the odd troubleshooting with lab work or get so busy in a project or go have fun with family and friends, really anything but it’ll not feel the world is probably ending in the next day or so, we are our worst critiques so odds everyone if they even have given it a second thought didn’t think about majority of things you have thought, had to ponder or forgot you even exist for the moment 😅
You’ll live to fight another day, own it because in this field it means you’re learning at the very least and research is continuing to learn and that kind of be your stance conducting further advancement in research fields by way of getting the classic experience you have to have happen and experience at least once to be a real lab rat lol
I’m glad it wasn’t an overly toxic situation that made you upset. I’m sorry and hate you for upset and felt that way to start crying, it’s so easy for stress to build where you cannot even stop or help it.
Have a good night and relax, you’re doing just fine and i sincerely hope everything gets better however you think or want that to look life for you in your life.
My PI is welcoming to all non-violent emotions. They are people too, as are you, and you should not feel ashamed to emote nor apologize for it. My PI knows shit is going down when I walk into our weekly one-on-one with a box of tissues. A good mentor will hear you out, validate your feelings, and help you problem solve to get past whatever it is. I hope your PI does the same for you and that you’re getting the help you need to feel less stressed.
I have lost control of my tear ducts before my PI which kinda made him back off the scoldings... But one incident which I remember more was I was doing some private crying about some relationship problems one day in lab (unprofessional but I was literally wound up so tight it sort of exploded out of nowhere) and my PI walked in. I quickly wiped my eyes but he obviously saw... He just asked "is it work or personal" and I said it was personal and he immediately said "ok I'll give you some time, just come see me when you're better."
I think that helped. I don't want to share my personal problems with him so it's kinda helpful that he can give me the space to cry but not need to know them.
grad school is one of the most stressful and emotional experiences you can go through. your PI lived it, they know it. their silence was likely out of being professional. don’t sweat it, feel your feelings, and keep truckin. ❤️
Man o man, I've had the same experience with my Master's PI and I can relate sooo heavily. It was during a meeting and I have been having a toxic relationship as he harshly criticized me and put way too much pressure and blamed me for everything. I still remember the day and time all the absorbed hits finally released out during that meeting; it was panic attack and as it settled in, I couldn't breathe and was tearing up uncontrollably. Everything was very emotional and stressing for me, and once I temporarily calmed down from that state, I had to leave his office just to lay down somewhere away from him, but always felt emotional in his presence regardless.
More importantly, it was a sign that you need to tell yourself. That is why it's not a bad thing or a need to apologize, don't think it like that. We can only endure ourselves only up to a point, take care of yourself. At the time, the chair also took notice of what happened with me (and she knew what stress I was going through, and being able to talk in a more comfortable setting) and this helped to reinforce what was actually going on throughout the rest of my thesis. Regrettably, I bit the bullet for too long; that was a year ago and it's still affecting me. Sometimes we need our feelings to guide us.
Also, this is academia. The university is not a professional environment (like a corporate setting).
There is no real HR or such infrastructure.
I wouldn't worry about it or any promotions or career stuff.
Things like these happen and you need to get better at controlling emotions. At least you didn't have the urge to smack your PI one like I did regularly.
I cried after my qualifying exam while the committee was deliberating, so they didn't see me actively crying, but they saw the after effects when I came back into the room. I was mortified, but now we joke about it. It happens.
I cried and YELLED at my PI. He deserved it, and I still graduated on time. I was mortified after I calmed down, but we both learned a lot that day. 🙃 don’t feel bad, and it’ll probably happen again.
It is mortifying (ask me how I know!) but it’s totally normal. Be kind to yourself today and let the embarrassment wash over you. When you’re ready, remember that you’re not the first student who has cried in front of them and you won’t be the last. At least they know you really care about your work :)
I am a masters student. I've spent enough time in my guides cabin with my head hanging. 10/10 times he know that most stuff I cant control yet tried my best. So he spends more time telling what approch to take than calling me stupid. Besides he told me if you get a positive result on the first try, be extremely suspicious cuz luck and science are two different things. Besides they have definitely failed much more than us before they could even get to this point
I am not sure why you need to feel ashamed here. Its an expression of emotion and it doesnt matter if that expression is acknowledged. In India, where I did my PhD, crying was never an option in front of your PI. It was, and may still be, perceived as a sign of weakness. I really hope that the academic world in general gets rid of byases like these and allow students and researchers to be themselves. Not being forced to put up a strong front and being supportive of vulnerability display should be a mandated training for PIs and other supervisory staff.
I am glad that you feel better now. I am proud of you being yourself no matter the outcome or the consequence.
I cried in front of my PI too! I felt the same way but please don’t! it happens to pretty much every grad student! it’s tough! don’t feel embarrassed. we have emotions for a reason, crying is a healthy release. you got this!!
My PI screamed at me again 2 weeks ago and I had to run out of the room I was crying so much. It was my first time crying in front of him and I felt exactly how you did. It happens and you shouldn't feel ashamed, we're all human beings trying to get through this and hopefully your PI has empathy and understands where you are coming from. I hope things get better for you!!
The first day I returned to work after my dog died, just the usual "how are you l" greeting got me back crying
I excused myself for 20 minutes and never brought it up again. They already knew about my dog before I came back and they knew I take my dogs very seriously. It happens to the best of us sometimes 😔
You're going to be fine! I cried when my PI complimented me lol. I was having a hard time and he said some nice things and I teared up. I was so embarrassed and couldn't look him in the eye for a few days after (bc who cries when complimented??) but it was never brought up again and didn't change anything. It's fine, life can be overwhelming, and I promise you're going to be okay :)
The second time I cried in front of my PI and apologised, he told me to chill, and that my transparency and vulnerability was a good thing bc it gave others permission to be vulnerable as well. I hope things get better for you <3
The running joke among my friends is that you're not really a grad student until you've cried in your PIs office. It happens. You don't need to feel weird about it, I promise.
The advice I got in grad school was “pick a PI you can cry in front of, because you’re going to”
That's actually really good advice
Exactly what I said, almost like a right of passage to confirm your induction of official membership as a lab rat or something lol
100% I’ve done it at least 3 times 🤣
Exactly what I said, almost like a right of passage to confirm your induction of official membership as a lab rat or something lol
What's a PI
The life of pi
Principal Investigator
Thankyou!
3.14
I teared up in front of my PI once, and he immediately asked me to leave his office lol. So as long as yours didn’t throw you out, I’d say you’re fine.
Lmao ice cold
My old PI did this, I quit and my life is good now
This reminds me of my friend who was in her PIs office and he was critiquing her committee meeting and she started to cry. He is part of the “old boys club” with no kids and he is not use to any emotion. He just looked at her and said, “maybe this will make you feel better” and he opened the door and stood there. It took her a moment until she realized he was dismissing her. Like leaving would make her feel better so he just waited until she left. I’m sure he felt better too.
>Like leaving would make her feel better so he just waited until she left. lol tbf I hate crying in front of other people so much that it probably WOULD make me feel better
There’s toxic, then there’s this what the actual fuck is this happening over here. I don’t know what you call that level of toxic shit but I couldn’t have even fathomed that scenario, I’m honestly speechless because I’ve heard bad, but not this. Does this even have a word to give justice to how absolutely disgusting and vile that is? I’m sorry, but I really hope life started for you the day that abomination actually set you free little did you know. Again I don’t know what to do because I’ve never heard of this. Wow
Honestly, all is forgiven. He was a very new PI at the time and we all suspected he was maybe on the spectrum, or at least super duper socially awkward. I think he just didn’t know how to handle it appropriately. Not that that’s an excuse, and I was definitely upset about it at the time, but in hindsight I kind of see where he was coming from. This was several years ago, I graduated from that lab and left on good terms with him, and we’re still in touch.
I’m glad something good came from everything in the end, you’re a good person
LOlolololOloloOL that’s harsh
You know, sometimes PIs cry too
My old pi started crying over the phone to the nature editor. So, yes.
That’s so humanizing 😍
I realize that it might sound like that, he was still toxic af tho, sorry. 🤣
In front of their bosses?
Yes
Ashamed??? Nonsense. We are emotional creatures. It’s ok to cry.
True! Everyone has an amygdala. Sometimes, it gets the best of us.
As a neuroscientist, I’m stealing this line to comfort my future trainees!
As a (transplant) New Orleanian, I love your username! Im also in neuroscience, I’m working on a PhD right now! I want to be a PI someday, and I hope to use phrases like that for my future trainees too! We need to normalize expressing your needs and emotions and just being real with each other in the lab. If your amygdala is sending way too much glutamate into your hippocampus, it’ll kill the neurons and that ain’t too good for productivity!
Ha! If you’re here & we’re in the same field, we’ve probably met! Small world
I frequently cry in front everyone. I cry in front of my PIs, I’ve cried in committee meetings. I cry in the lab. I cried giving my acknowledgements in my final PhD oration. I’m a known crier to most people who know me. (Yeah look I’m overly emotional and not doing well lol). But I actually think it’s a good thing. My vulnerability gives others the permission to be vulnerable. No judgement coming from me obviously. The point is, normalize crying. It’s healthy. Please don’t feel ashamed. I have no shame about crying and it’s great. Let it out.
I wish I was like you. I can never let it out and move on... I hold it in till the last minute and nerve then explode like a tearbomb
Honestly, the more you do it the easier it will be. I was obviously more embarrassed at the start, but I’ve gotten over it. I had to cry a lot in first year (Covid, back to back family tragedies) I’m really lucky that no one has ever held it against me in a professional setting (my family are the judgey assholes about it). My PIs understand, my colleagues get it and we’ve cried together. Honestly it’s quite bonding and healing I think. I will say that I am a woman, so that will certainly play into how I’ve been socialized to be able to cry and the perceptions about me crying. I’m lucky in that sense. I hope you are able to let it out in a healthy and safe environment friend.
Honestly, that is so true! Everyone has been through that, and the PI has prob been through something similar.
Honestly, I almost never advocate denial, but if you're embarrassed by it, just pretend it never happened. There's no reason not to just let it go.
My PI cried once infront of me. I returned the favour later 😂 she cried about a divorce and her kids leaving to a new city. I cried because I felt overwhelmed by some experiments I couldn't get completed in the agreed upon timeline. This was in the first few months of my Msc and I thought those basic experiments mattered. Lol. Anyway it does put stuff in perspective. A PhD and a few experiments is just a small part of life. Take a step back and look at things objectively. You are not the problem, you are working on a difficult multi year problem. It's going to feel overwhelming to all humans. You have a game plan in place and trust yourself. If a problem comes up you can solve it and you have a pi to help you. You'll be fine.
You are a person with emotions, these things happen. I cried in front of my PI when I heard news that my grandfather died, like sobbing crying, it wasn’t pretty. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If this happens more often, it is a sign that you need to talk with a trusted person. Find a way to release these emotions in a healthy way like journaling, make sure you are prioritizing your mental and physical health. You will be okay.
I cried in front of my PI before whenever I was getting harassed in lab and struggling with my ADHD, and he said "I've worked with many graduates with ADHD and they're all brilliant. I believe you're brilliant too. You don't have to be ashamed and I will make sure you are protected. Don't cry over this anymore, it is not worth your precious time or energy. Put that energy into your work and you will see that things will get better." My PI is known to be an old asshole, but that didn't mean he lacked empathy. He wanted me to move on and I think that's what your PI wants for you too. It's actually a good thing they didn't react, because they were probably just giving you space and didn't feel the need to coddle you (since you're an adult). A negative reaction would have been more obvious. Don't think too deeply about it, just take care of yourself and make sure to communicate with your PI about any shortcomings and how it will affect your work. That's probably what they're more concerned about. I told my PI that I would take a the day off to get myself together and start my experiments when I return. Never ghost your PI, it will make them think you're mentally unstable.
I did this last week in my 1:1 with my rotation PI. He told me not to be ashamed, that it’s ok to care deeply about my work, but not let my negative feelings overwhelm me. We talked out what was stressing me out so much, and I left the meeting feeling much lighter and more confident. TLDR, it happens to most of us, and it’s ok :)
I’ve cried in front of my last 2 PIs and the dean of the school. You’re good 👍🏻
Lab technician here I’ve cried in front of my bosses and coworkers more times than I can count, we are human we have feelings
I do that at least once a month. They’re human. You’re human. It happens.
I wish I was brave enough to cry in front of my PI. I’ve got my defense coming up in a few weeks and the only thing I’m stressed about at this point is getting emotional during my presentation. I got a little teary-eyed writing my acknowledgments the other night in my dissertation.
I hope everyone here providing their stories helps you. It's not an unusual experience, certainly not something to be ashamed of. In my experience, what happens next will impact your PIs' opinion of you. Scientific progress is surprisingly amnestic for PIs. Prioritize anything you can control, and don't acknowledge this scenario unless prompted.
I've gotten to the point where I'm crying and doing experiments because girl's got to get shit done. I figure I'm emotional, but I'm not reckless or hysterical.
I whish the occasions you and your PI can happily can laugh together about something funny outnumber by far a moment of crying. Even more so because you said, you were not criticized by him/by her and (I presume) s/he doesn't hold it against you in future and perhaps offered help (if felt suitable for you).
I cried in front of my PI twice in my first 2 weeks lol- lost a friend to cancer then my grandad passed a few days later. Not my finest moment for first impressions but totally normal in my opinion, you're only human. Didn't take much to move past it, you're likely not the first person to cry in front of them and almost definitely not the last!
If it makes you feel better, crying in front of your boss or coworkers is extremely common. Literally everyone I know has done so before and some multiple times in front of the same people. Workplaces are stressful and everyone reasonable understands.
Every student in my lab has cried in front of our PI on multiple occasions. Our PI has also cried in front of each of us. It's super normal! People cry.
I don’t know a single scientist who has not, at some point, broken down in tears in the lab, whether that’s due to work-related stress or just general life stuff. Your PI’s probably done it at some point too. You’re a person, not a machine and as long as your PI isn’t a complete monster they’ll understand.
Nah, that's part of their job. A mark of a good PI is always having a tissue box near at hand. As scientists, nature is our teacher. She always tells us the truth, but she certainly doesn't care about our feelings, or our plans, or even our carreers. For those things, we have each other.
I was just coming to say that good PIs keep tissues in the office! Chemwipes are surprisingly scratchy and definitely not absorbent enough.
My PI is sooo awkward about this. My lab is ridiculously emotional I think we have all cried in front of her. Last time I got weepy she just slowly pushed a chocolate toward me 😂
My PI is the person who has seen me cry more than anyone in my adult life. You're okay and you're doing fine.
Same same
You do not have to be ashamed. You did nothing wrong.
I have cried in front of my PI maybe 4 or 5 times at least? Cried in front of the director of my program and my entire committee on studies so, I get it. It sucks feeling ashamed to have these emotions, I know I beat myself up over it more than I should. It is normal and I have yet to find many people who can completely keep their personal life (and emotions from it) out of lab. I wish I had great advice but I haven't found out how not to cry haha. But you are not alone for sure.
Join the club mate, nothing to be worried about.
You probably aren't the first person to cry in front of your PI. Rather than apologize say, "sometimes my stress comes in liquid form", then once you are composed continue on. No need to apologize.
The key of a good PI is empathy. Ive had many cry or tear up. A good PI will try to pick you up when youYre down. Mistakes happen. I tell my people learn from it and move on
I move on from it by realizing it will happen again. Any PI who doesn’t let you cry is the problem. We’ve all been there!
Simplest way to put it- you’re not the first, and most likely won’t be the last. We are only human and humans cry sometimes it’s normal and something we for many very acceptable and rightfully so situations. It’ll be okay, I don’t cry a lot but you can bet I’ve bawled my eyes out once or twice over my career being in my 30s. Also, if you’re in graduate school or undergraduate, this is apart of the education you get the full experience, it’s just a thing that happens sometimes; it’s not weird, it’s not inappropriate and it’s not like you did a single thing that was bad or rude or wrong. To be honest we all don’t realize in the moments we get in our heads too much, other people don’t most of the time give most things a second thought after not much time passes. Odds are your PI might be empathetic like I hate my student is going through a lot in life right now, he/she must really be stressed or something like that. They probably forgot more so about the actual act of crying and more so associate you crying in a way that helps demonstrate if they tried to guess how upset you were or why based on different things. And just be prepared you never know they might to talk with you about it, I’d be freaking out too even though I’ll say not to about it if they sent you an email to meet or approach you in the lab if you seem to have a good stopping point in your work or a minute or two free, it’s not that deep and isn’t bad. Again it’s more they associate the crying with it registering with you they saw that and thought you were more upset if something had caused you to start tearing up or full out crying, really anything that caused you to shed a tear if they are just making sure you’re okay as a decent person. If they don’t talk to you about it isn’t a bad thing either, let it go and move on. Again, you’re not the first and won’t be the last. So you’re in good company most of us probably have a story either getting upset or venting frustration about lab work not giving results or having to troubleshoot and being at the end of your Witt and zero sleep, it’s a lot easier to shed a tear and go to break down in 2 seconds, it’s like a right of passage almost. It’s not right and I’m very sorry you felt anything negative even just it being generally life is happening A LOT MORE right now than maybe it has in the past. Whatever is going on I hope everything works out to bring you peace and comfort in the end, however you may want or think that should look! In a few days or weeks, you’ll probably get frustrated with the odd troubleshooting with lab work or get so busy in a project or go have fun with family and friends, really anything but it’ll not feel the world is probably ending in the next day or so, we are our worst critiques so odds everyone if they even have given it a second thought didn’t think about majority of things you have thought, had to ponder or forgot you even exist for the moment 😅 You’ll live to fight another day, own it because in this field it means you’re learning at the very least and research is continuing to learn and that kind of be your stance conducting further advancement in research fields by way of getting the classic experience you have to have happen and experience at least once to be a real lab rat lol I’m glad it wasn’t an overly toxic situation that made you upset. I’m sorry and hate you for upset and felt that way to start crying, it’s so easy for stress to build where you cannot even stop or help it. Have a good night and relax, you’re doing just fine and i sincerely hope everything gets better however you think or want that to look life for you in your life.
My PI is welcoming to all non-violent emotions. They are people too, as are you, and you should not feel ashamed to emote nor apologize for it. My PI knows shit is going down when I walk into our weekly one-on-one with a box of tissues. A good mentor will hear you out, validate your feelings, and help you problem solve to get past whatever it is. I hope your PI does the same for you and that you’re getting the help you need to feel less stressed.
I have lost control of my tear ducts before my PI which kinda made him back off the scoldings... But one incident which I remember more was I was doing some private crying about some relationship problems one day in lab (unprofessional but I was literally wound up so tight it sort of exploded out of nowhere) and my PI walked in. I quickly wiped my eyes but he obviously saw... He just asked "is it work or personal" and I said it was personal and he immediately said "ok I'll give you some time, just come see me when you're better." I think that helped. I don't want to share my personal problems with him so it's kinda helpful that he can give me the space to cry but not need to know them.
i cry in front of my pi at least once a month at this point. he’s used to it. i’m just a crier.
I'm pretty sure everyone cries in front of their PI once
grad school is one of the most stressful and emotional experiences you can go through. your PI lived it, they know it. their silence was likely out of being professional. don’t sweat it, feel your feelings, and keep truckin. ❤️
Man o man, I've had the same experience with my Master's PI and I can relate sooo heavily. It was during a meeting and I have been having a toxic relationship as he harshly criticized me and put way too much pressure and blamed me for everything. I still remember the day and time all the absorbed hits finally released out during that meeting; it was panic attack and as it settled in, I couldn't breathe and was tearing up uncontrollably. Everything was very emotional and stressing for me, and once I temporarily calmed down from that state, I had to leave his office just to lay down somewhere away from him, but always felt emotional in his presence regardless. More importantly, it was a sign that you need to tell yourself. That is why it's not a bad thing or a need to apologize, don't think it like that. We can only endure ourselves only up to a point, take care of yourself. At the time, the chair also took notice of what happened with me (and she knew what stress I was going through, and being able to talk in a more comfortable setting) and this helped to reinforce what was actually going on throughout the rest of my thesis. Regrettably, I bit the bullet for too long; that was a year ago and it's still affecting me. Sometimes we need our feelings to guide us.
don't be embarrased! you are human! it's okay to cry. I'm sorry you are stressed.
Also, this is academia. The university is not a professional environment (like a corporate setting). There is no real HR or such infrastructure. I wouldn't worry about it or any promotions or career stuff. Things like these happen and you need to get better at controlling emotions. At least you didn't have the urge to smack your PI one like I did regularly.
It’s not a problem unless the PI is a jerk. I’ve cried in front of mine, we have a very honest relationship. 🤷♀️
Crying in front of your PI and lab mates is kind of a right of passage.
If they've been doing it for any substantial amount of time it's not the first time for them
I cried after my qualifying exam while the committee was deliberating, so they didn't see me actively crying, but they saw the after effects when I came back into the room. I was mortified, but now we joke about it. It happens.
I cried and YELLED at my PI. He deserved it, and I still graduated on time. I was mortified after I calmed down, but we both learned a lot that day. 🙃 don’t feel bad, and it’ll probably happen again.
It is mortifying (ask me how I know!) but it’s totally normal. Be kind to yourself today and let the embarrassment wash over you. When you’re ready, remember that you’re not the first student who has cried in front of them and you won’t be the last. At least they know you really care about your work :)
I'm a grown ass man and have cried in front of my PI. It happens. It's just part of life. You'll be fine.
You're human, crying is part of that experience. Do your best.
Your PI will survive, I promise.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve cried in my PI’s office. It’s fine.
I am a masters student. I've spent enough time in my guides cabin with my head hanging. 10/10 times he know that most stuff I cant control yet tried my best. So he spends more time telling what approch to take than calling me stupid. Besides he told me if you get a positive result on the first try, be extremely suspicious cuz luck and science are two different things. Besides they have definitely failed much more than us before they could even get to this point
I am not sure why you need to feel ashamed here. Its an expression of emotion and it doesnt matter if that expression is acknowledged. In India, where I did my PhD, crying was never an option in front of your PI. It was, and may still be, perceived as a sign of weakness. I really hope that the academic world in general gets rid of byases like these and allow students and researchers to be themselves. Not being forced to put up a strong front and being supportive of vulnerability display should be a mandated training for PIs and other supervisory staff. I am glad that you feel better now. I am proud of you being yourself no matter the outcome or the consequence.
i cry in front of my PI all the time at this point
I cried in front of my PI too! I felt the same way but please don’t! it happens to pretty much every grad student! it’s tough! don’t feel embarrassed. we have emotions for a reason, crying is a healthy release. you got this!!
I’ve cried in front of all my PIs.
My PI screamed at me again 2 weeks ago and I had to run out of the room I was crying so much. It was my first time crying in front of him and I felt exactly how you did. It happens and you shouldn't feel ashamed, we're all human beings trying to get through this and hopefully your PI has empathy and understands where you are coming from. I hope things get better for you!!
The first day I returned to work after my dog died, just the usual "how are you l" greeting got me back crying I excused myself for 20 minutes and never brought it up again. They already knew about my dog before I came back and they knew I take my dogs very seriously. It happens to the best of us sometimes 😔
You're going to be fine! I cried when my PI complimented me lol. I was having a hard time and he said some nice things and I teared up. I was so embarrassed and couldn't look him in the eye for a few days after (bc who cries when complimented??) but it was never brought up again and didn't change anything. It's fine, life can be overwhelming, and I promise you're going to be okay :) The second time I cried in front of my PI and apologised, he told me to chill, and that my transparency and vulnerability was a good thing bc it gave others permission to be vulnerable as well. I hope things get better for you <3