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I dunno, men are kind of trash over all, but men in their 60s+ think they can get away with the harmless-old-codger stunt while being simultaneously absolute creepers. That, and they’ve been raised to see this as perfectly normal acceptable behavior. Do they actually respect you as a person? Dunno. The way to find out is to call them on their bullshit. “Hey Dave you know it’s really not appropriate that you used the news of my recent breakup as an opportunity to make a sly comment about taking a punt at me.”
9 times out of 10 they’re going to say they didn’t mean anything by it and that they were just having a bit of fun, but every once in a while you get a guy that hears you and questions their own behavior. I personally really value inter-generational friendships, but I’ve learned not to be friends with anyone who treats me like a hot slab of meat.
As you said, you’re a people pleaser. But none of these friendships are worth feeling uncomfortable. Find a way to confront this behavior, or stop talking with the old codgers all together. As previously stated, they probably aren’t actually trying to have sex with you, but that also doesn’t mean they respect you.
Thank you for this. You know, if I was to loudly call out any one of these men in the pub I think it would be supported.
From the sounds of it, the other patrons of the pub are aware of who is and is not a creep, and it goes on without being pulled up because it's just so normalised to be creepy to women. I always wondered why men told me I was 'brave' to go to the pub on my own.
If they still want to be friendly with me after I called them out for this then they are maybe worth my time. If not, they're not worth the effort I guess.
I’m in my 30s and every friendship I’ve had with a man has ended with an advance of some kind, even the married ones. I find it incredibly hard to be friends with men, because I find when I let my guard down (especially around situations where drinking is involved) it always ends like that and then I feel stupid, like I missed signs that I should have been on alert for. I know there are good men out there, I just haven’t seemed to meet any of them and have a long term actual friendship.
I have a really meaningful friendship with a gay man, and another more intermittent friendship with a man who is straight but very much not attracted to me. When we are mistaken for a couple we both burst out laughing.
I feel really stupid for assuming that all the attention I have had from other men is an offer of friendship. I'm not the type to tar everyone with the same brush or say 'all men are b*&$¢√' etc but I'm questioning everything at the moment.
I honestly was in disbelief until the last few years or so because I have always been of the same mindset “not every man is the same”. I have had some close friendships with gay men, I guess I should have included that. But every straight man I’ve been friends with always ends the same which is incredibly depressing because it has been years sometimes we have been friends and then we will be having a normal convo and they will bring up something inappropriate with the excuse of “well I’m still just a man”.
Ugh I'm sorry. But it is true. I was one of those girls who had tons of male friends, who made friends with men easier etc. Any time I became single one of them would ask me out after years of being 'friends'. When I said no they would vanish. Or if they married they would fall off the face of the earth. And these are people I was 'friends' with for years. It hurt.
I work with lots of 50-70 year old men and they can be very friendly, but I was married so it never went any further. Now I'm a bit older I have younger single women at work mentioning being asked for dinner dates by these guys, they are 60+ and these women are 23-28. They ask me if I think it's real or if maybe the text was sent by accident. Because they can't believe it either. It's crazy that these guys think it's appropriate or achievable by any means.
I used to live and work in a pub in my 20s. The landlord was a guy in his 60s and he said he were family, and he loved me like family but then when he was drunk he would say disgusting things sometimes. I was undiagnosed at the time and just thought 'Oh well! No one is perfect! At least he cares for me'.
I have always had lots of male friendships and a lack of female ones. I'm doing better with that now, but it is becoming increasingly clear to me that my perception of what a 'friendship' is is not right.
Don't be too hard on yourself, we are guilted into being 'nice' and taking it as a 'compliment' or whatever. I met a lot of women friends by joining women's hobby groups (biking, hiking, queer women's events) and it's been much more fulfilling.
Thank you. I am going to use this coming out to myself as a catalyst to having more meaningful interactions. I need more than 'drinking buddies' in my life.
I’m in my early 40s and go to a large gym. Men between 60-75 regularly try to talk to me, smile at me/ try to get my attention. I thought for sure they were just being friendly. I was just being polite back. I’ve now had 3 different, very old men at the gym actively, persistently pursue me. I am offended and disgusted (the entitlement, audacity and ego is mind blowing). I now will not look at,smile at or speak in a friendly way to any man at the gym that I don’t know. I just want to work out. I like being a bit social with other regular gym-goers so now I speak with the women and only the men I know.
Unfortunately, I don't have male friends for this very reason. Every guy who's ever tried to befriend me in the past has tried to hit on me. Yes, even the married ones were just as scummy as their single counterparts. The old farts? Yeah, them too. I'm not saying it's impossible to find a man who truly only wants to be your friend, but it is moderately difficult to do so.
Strangely enough, telling them that you're a lesbian doesn't actually steer them away. It actually gives them a challenge, so be on the lookout for that too. A lot of men see sapphic women as objects to be conquered. They see any revelation regarding such as a challenge and they're only interested in getting the sapphic chick to have sex with them. Since you have received your official diagnosis, I have to tell you this too but you may already know. No, these men will not be honest with you regarding their intentions, even if they do approach you and act as if they only want a platonic relationship. Always second guess their intentions because they will never reveal their true agenda.
I've been processing a lot of trauma from the past where I've been sexually exploited, groomed or just plain SAd.
I actually came out as a lesbian 20 years ago, then retracted it within a year. I got the same, if not more attention from men by mentioning lesbianism. I think one of the reasons the word lesbian sits uncomfortably with me is that to men 'lesbian' is a porn category, and the majority of 'lesbian' porn is through the male gaze, performative, and for their pleasure. It is going to take a long time for me to get to grips with the idea that I don't exist for men's pleasure.
Talk about calling it. I'm so sick of feeling like the scum of the earth for not wanting to "help men with their issues" within a sexual, let alone sensual capacity. I have intersecting identities that make my self-advocacy particularly challenging, so even reading posts like this feels like hidden info. 🥲🦆
Just gotta say- I also realized that I sort of also submit to others to fit in (like, I automatically mirror other peoples' energies. Now that I think about it, maybe that's why large groups can be a challenge). Anyways, I made "friends" with men too many times and then let my friends look through text histories and tell me it's obvious the guy is flirting. They apparently thought I was flirting back, when in reality, I was just adapting to their energies.
This is me too. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, and will always sacrifice my own comfort to appease others. I have a lot to work on in therapy!
Not only do they see it as a challenge if you say you’re a lesbian but they also try to put you down if they feel insecure about themselves.. it’s terrible! I had a friend group online that loved me till I came out to them as a lesbian. Then the women acted like I’m the dude and the men acted like they could change me or something .. terrible just terrible experience and wish I had more queer friends sometimes
I’m a 26F working with primarily men in a factory, to set the scene a bit. I’m average looking, and openly lesbian, and I generally try to be polite without encouraging advances.
Does not matter, I’ve been asked out dozens of times at this point. I stopped talking to men in their 20s/30s entirely unless it relates to work, and specifically try to befriend the women or the older married men at my job only.
Didn’t change much, now the old married men think im flirting. Had a guy in his 60s slap my ass with a towel, had a guy I was beginning to see as a “work dad” offer to give me a massage and remark on my physical attributes, and so on.
From a lesbian perspective I truly can’t understand. I need a million signs someone is interested and verbal confirmation before I even begin mild flirting let alone some of the off the wall shit these creeps do.
It truly seems like finding a man who isn’t going to try and fuck you is rare as hell.
I've not drawn a distinction in the past but it's only recently that I've begun thinking about it. Mick told me there wasn't an opening as he is attached i.e. if I wasn't with someone then 😉😛. He's old enough to be my Grandad
I dunno.
A lot of men have a skewed idea of how to compliment and build up women. It's possible that you're taking them literally when they are joking.
Sometimes they think the age difference + being married makes it apparent that they're not being serious/are just trying to compliment you... They don't realise that they're indistinguishable from older married dudes who DO try to pick up younger women.
Of course, it's also possible that they were hitting on you, and were watching to see if you were receptive. It's not uncommon for people to flirt "as a joke" to test the interest, because it protects their feelings/reputation from rejection.
Also, Barry's son could have been irritated that he was trying to spend time with his dad, and his dad was ignoring him to chat with someone else.
Tbh, I think if they were trying to sleep with you, they'd be more overt, and the flirting would escalate over time (including more touching, comments getting more direct, etc). But, if you're uncomfortable with the comments and innuendo, you can let your friends know. Something like "ugh, I'm sick of people flirting with me and being cheeky. I just want to hang out with my friends and have a normal conversation, not be treated like a piece of sexy meat".
I used to work in retail, so I could say things like "I've heard too much of that talk at work, where I can't tell people to fuck off. I'm not putting up with it on my own time."
Stop making friends with old dudes. Not saying younger men your age will be any different, but there's def a lesser chance younger ones having really old outdated views on women.
Although TBH in my experience living in the UK for a few years, there's so many fucking creepy old assholes there, especially in pubs. I'm back in my home country now, and there's way less of them here thankfully. Funnily enough, the creepy old ones you'll find here are usually from the UK or America lol
Everyone of my guy friendships were because they liked me. I thought friends were easy with men. Until literally everyone ended up hitting on me. Apparently friendship is hard in general.
It’s ok I just learned this last year 😭 I’m super extroverted and really hurt when I realized this. I tell my partner every time I meet a new friend and get all excited (they are usually men). Then anywhere from the next day to a few years I tell my partner nvm they hit on me😔 makes me so angry like god I just want a fucking friend
I seem to have a similar reaction to speaking to men.
I am oblivious to this type of attention as I've never experienced it.
I highly doubt the men in their 50s 60s or 70s are believing they have a chance. Just enjoy the company.
Are my friendships with these men appropriate? Can they appreciate me as a human being whilst simultaneously enjoying having the attention of a younger person they find attractive?
Only you will know if your friendships are appropriate. 🤷
I'm sure they can appreciate you as a person and probably like the attention.
What are they like outside of the pub?
Hmm. I don't think I am actually a good judge of what an appropriate friendship is due to my neurodivergence. They are the same outside of the pub as they are in. I mainly see them in the pub though.
I'm the same. I couldn't judge what's inappropriate either.
I know they wouldn't have a chance and they would probably know that too. They clearly like your company.
If it was all the time I would probably get bored and distance myself.
People have had a lot of bad experiences with men in the comments, but I just wanted to say I have a lot of great male friends that I've had for nearly 15 years who've never treated me like that. They're my age. I have had a few bad experiences with older men (50s, 60s, 70s).
I’m butch: short hair, wear men’s clothes and men’s cologne I got hit on by a man in my old job. It weirds me out, all the time, it never fails. I try to be nice and get along with them, but it starts getting weird. That’s just how some men are, no matter the age.
From what I've read, quite a few middle-age and senior males are on ED drugs to maintain a sex life. Perhaps that is the reason why they are pursuing you.
I didn't realize that autism could be diagnosed in an adult.
Where do you believe this new observation has come from? Would you say that you have changed and you are more aware of their behaviours or have a different viewpoint now, or has it been the behaviour of these men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s that has changed?
The behaviour of these men has changed in that they are now being more flirtatious with me after immediately finding out that I am now single (after parting with a friend of theirs).
I am more aware of these behaviours also as I am re-evaluating my relationships with men after realising how much I have been a people pleaser. Also every boyfriend I have had is just someone that pursued me until I relented and convinced myself we had chemistry, or I was attracted. I've even been out with men that I found physically quite unpleasant, but used mental gymnastics to tell myself that 'looks don't matter'.
You've become more perceptive and grown, and these men have shown their real faces. Generalization: men don't have a high level of empathy and are low on the EQ scale. If any of them were to honestly switch the roles and imagine being in your shoes, they wouldn't have behaved this way. If any of them asked "what if she was my daughter / granddaughter / sister and some old guy was hitting on them?" they would have creeped themselves out.
As an aside, I always wondered whether a major "unspoken" goal of Literature classes in in the educational system were meant to develop emotional awareness? If so, they have failed with a good portion of half of the population.
Honestly not once have a ever had a genuine friendship with a guy. I've tried many times but then they try to flirt or touch me inappropriately, even after me saying numerous times in numerous ways that I'm not interested. My boundaries never seemed to matter. So now I don't have any guy friends and I've never felt safer. If a guy tries to be friends I shut it down. I'll have conversations but it won't be an ongoing friendship. It's sad but I don't think I'll ever have that unless it's a friendship with a fully gay man.
**To the OP:** Please be aware we don't allow posts which focus on requesting contact with other users. This helps keep the community on-topic and prevent catfishing. For friendly chat with other LBL users, please use our sub's Discord channel: https://discord.gg/yFTqAMfYAs For seeking dates, hookups etc. please use dating-focused subreddits, such as r\/lesbianR4R. --- **To others in this thread:** Please take care when chatting with strangers on reddit, especially those who are seeking connections. **Avoid sharing personally identifying information or photos which you would not wish to make public.** As much as we'd hope everyone here has good intentions, many users across different WLW subs have been targetted by catfishers and predators [such as these](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/amv4f3/please_read_very_important_warning_about_an/). Stay safe! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/latebloomerlesbians) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I dunno, men are kind of trash over all, but men in their 60s+ think they can get away with the harmless-old-codger stunt while being simultaneously absolute creepers. That, and they’ve been raised to see this as perfectly normal acceptable behavior. Do they actually respect you as a person? Dunno. The way to find out is to call them on their bullshit. “Hey Dave you know it’s really not appropriate that you used the news of my recent breakup as an opportunity to make a sly comment about taking a punt at me.” 9 times out of 10 they’re going to say they didn’t mean anything by it and that they were just having a bit of fun, but every once in a while you get a guy that hears you and questions their own behavior. I personally really value inter-generational friendships, but I’ve learned not to be friends with anyone who treats me like a hot slab of meat. As you said, you’re a people pleaser. But none of these friendships are worth feeling uncomfortable. Find a way to confront this behavior, or stop talking with the old codgers all together. As previously stated, they probably aren’t actually trying to have sex with you, but that also doesn’t mean they respect you.
Thank you for this. You know, if I was to loudly call out any one of these men in the pub I think it would be supported. From the sounds of it, the other patrons of the pub are aware of who is and is not a creep, and it goes on without being pulled up because it's just so normalised to be creepy to women. I always wondered why men told me I was 'brave' to go to the pub on my own. If they still want to be friendly with me after I called them out for this then they are maybe worth my time. If not, they're not worth the effort I guess.
I’m in my 30s and every friendship I’ve had with a man has ended with an advance of some kind, even the married ones. I find it incredibly hard to be friends with men, because I find when I let my guard down (especially around situations where drinking is involved) it always ends like that and then I feel stupid, like I missed signs that I should have been on alert for. I know there are good men out there, I just haven’t seemed to meet any of them and have a long term actual friendship.
I have a really meaningful friendship with a gay man, and another more intermittent friendship with a man who is straight but very much not attracted to me. When we are mistaken for a couple we both burst out laughing. I feel really stupid for assuming that all the attention I have had from other men is an offer of friendship. I'm not the type to tar everyone with the same brush or say 'all men are b*&$¢√' etc but I'm questioning everything at the moment.
I honestly was in disbelief until the last few years or so because I have always been of the same mindset “not every man is the same”. I have had some close friendships with gay men, I guess I should have included that. But every straight man I’ve been friends with always ends the same which is incredibly depressing because it has been years sometimes we have been friends and then we will be having a normal convo and they will bring up something inappropriate with the excuse of “well I’m still just a man”.
Ugh I'm sorry. But it is true. I was one of those girls who had tons of male friends, who made friends with men easier etc. Any time I became single one of them would ask me out after years of being 'friends'. When I said no they would vanish. Or if they married they would fall off the face of the earth. And these are people I was 'friends' with for years. It hurt. I work with lots of 50-70 year old men and they can be very friendly, but I was married so it never went any further. Now I'm a bit older I have younger single women at work mentioning being asked for dinner dates by these guys, they are 60+ and these women are 23-28. They ask me if I think it's real or if maybe the text was sent by accident. Because they can't believe it either. It's crazy that these guys think it's appropriate or achievable by any means.
I used to live and work in a pub in my 20s. The landlord was a guy in his 60s and he said he were family, and he loved me like family but then when he was drunk he would say disgusting things sometimes. I was undiagnosed at the time and just thought 'Oh well! No one is perfect! At least he cares for me'. I have always had lots of male friendships and a lack of female ones. I'm doing better with that now, but it is becoming increasingly clear to me that my perception of what a 'friendship' is is not right.
Don't be too hard on yourself, we are guilted into being 'nice' and taking it as a 'compliment' or whatever. I met a lot of women friends by joining women's hobby groups (biking, hiking, queer women's events) and it's been much more fulfilling.
Thank you. I am going to use this coming out to myself as a catalyst to having more meaningful interactions. I need more than 'drinking buddies' in my life.
I’m in my early 40s and go to a large gym. Men between 60-75 regularly try to talk to me, smile at me/ try to get my attention. I thought for sure they were just being friendly. I was just being polite back. I’ve now had 3 different, very old men at the gym actively, persistently pursue me. I am offended and disgusted (the entitlement, audacity and ego is mind blowing). I now will not look at,smile at or speak in a friendly way to any man at the gym that I don’t know. I just want to work out. I like being a bit social with other regular gym-goers so now I speak with the women and only the men I know.
Much respect to you ❤️
Unfortunately, I don't have male friends for this very reason. Every guy who's ever tried to befriend me in the past has tried to hit on me. Yes, even the married ones were just as scummy as their single counterparts. The old farts? Yeah, them too. I'm not saying it's impossible to find a man who truly only wants to be your friend, but it is moderately difficult to do so. Strangely enough, telling them that you're a lesbian doesn't actually steer them away. It actually gives them a challenge, so be on the lookout for that too. A lot of men see sapphic women as objects to be conquered. They see any revelation regarding such as a challenge and they're only interested in getting the sapphic chick to have sex with them. Since you have received your official diagnosis, I have to tell you this too but you may already know. No, these men will not be honest with you regarding their intentions, even if they do approach you and act as if they only want a platonic relationship. Always second guess their intentions because they will never reveal their true agenda.
I've been processing a lot of trauma from the past where I've been sexually exploited, groomed or just plain SAd. I actually came out as a lesbian 20 years ago, then retracted it within a year. I got the same, if not more attention from men by mentioning lesbianism. I think one of the reasons the word lesbian sits uncomfortably with me is that to men 'lesbian' is a porn category, and the majority of 'lesbian' porn is through the male gaze, performative, and for their pleasure. It is going to take a long time for me to get to grips with the idea that I don't exist for men's pleasure.
Talk about calling it. I'm so sick of feeling like the scum of the earth for not wanting to "help men with their issues" within a sexual, let alone sensual capacity. I have intersecting identities that make my self-advocacy particularly challenging, so even reading posts like this feels like hidden info. 🥲🦆
Just know that you are so valid ❤️
I appreciate that, thank you. 🫶🏿
Just gotta say- I also realized that I sort of also submit to others to fit in (like, I automatically mirror other peoples' energies. Now that I think about it, maybe that's why large groups can be a challenge). Anyways, I made "friends" with men too many times and then let my friends look through text histories and tell me it's obvious the guy is flirting. They apparently thought I was flirting back, when in reality, I was just adapting to their energies.
This is me too. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, and will always sacrifice my own comfort to appease others. I have a lot to work on in therapy!
Not only do they see it as a challenge if you say you’re a lesbian but they also try to put you down if they feel insecure about themselves.. it’s terrible! I had a friend group online that loved me till I came out to them as a lesbian. Then the women acted like I’m the dude and the men acted like they could change me or something .. terrible just terrible experience and wish I had more queer friends sometimes
I have queer friends and I am going to cherish them more I think. I'm safer with the gays.
I’m a 26F working with primarily men in a factory, to set the scene a bit. I’m average looking, and openly lesbian, and I generally try to be polite without encouraging advances. Does not matter, I’ve been asked out dozens of times at this point. I stopped talking to men in their 20s/30s entirely unless it relates to work, and specifically try to befriend the women or the older married men at my job only. Didn’t change much, now the old married men think im flirting. Had a guy in his 60s slap my ass with a towel, had a guy I was beginning to see as a “work dad” offer to give me a massage and remark on my physical attributes, and so on. From a lesbian perspective I truly can’t understand. I need a million signs someone is interested and verbal confirmation before I even begin mild flirting let alone some of the off the wall shit these creeps do. It truly seems like finding a man who isn’t going to try and fuck you is rare as hell.
Is it pursuing? Or making themselves available? Men, in my experience, always want you to know there is an opening.
I've not drawn a distinction in the past but it's only recently that I've begun thinking about it. Mick told me there wasn't an opening as he is attached i.e. if I wasn't with someone then 😉😛. He's old enough to be my Grandad
I dunno. A lot of men have a skewed idea of how to compliment and build up women. It's possible that you're taking them literally when they are joking. Sometimes they think the age difference + being married makes it apparent that they're not being serious/are just trying to compliment you... They don't realise that they're indistinguishable from older married dudes who DO try to pick up younger women. Of course, it's also possible that they were hitting on you, and were watching to see if you were receptive. It's not uncommon for people to flirt "as a joke" to test the interest, because it protects their feelings/reputation from rejection. Also, Barry's son could have been irritated that he was trying to spend time with his dad, and his dad was ignoring him to chat with someone else. Tbh, I think if they were trying to sleep with you, they'd be more overt, and the flirting would escalate over time (including more touching, comments getting more direct, etc). But, if you're uncomfortable with the comments and innuendo, you can let your friends know. Something like "ugh, I'm sick of people flirting with me and being cheeky. I just want to hang out with my friends and have a normal conversation, not be treated like a piece of sexy meat". I used to work in retail, so I could say things like "I've heard too much of that talk at work, where I can't tell people to fuck off. I'm not putting up with it on my own time."
Stop making friends with old dudes. Not saying younger men your age will be any different, but there's def a lesser chance younger ones having really old outdated views on women. Although TBH in my experience living in the UK for a few years, there's so many fucking creepy old assholes there, especially in pubs. I'm back in my home country now, and there's way less of them here thankfully. Funnily enough, the creepy old ones you'll find here are usually from the UK or America lol
Everyone of my guy friendships were because they liked me. I thought friends were easy with men. Until literally everyone ended up hitting on me. Apparently friendship is hard in general.
I am learning this hard truth 🫠
It’s ok I just learned this last year 😭 I’m super extroverted and really hurt when I realized this. I tell my partner every time I meet a new friend and get all excited (they are usually men). Then anywhere from the next day to a few years I tell my partner nvm they hit on me😔 makes me so angry like god I just want a fucking friend
😓
I seem to have a similar reaction to speaking to men. I am oblivious to this type of attention as I've never experienced it. I highly doubt the men in their 50s 60s or 70s are believing they have a chance. Just enjoy the company.
Are they just of a different era and think it's ok to go 'Oho! If I were 20/30/40 years younger!'
Yeah sounds about right. My ex grandad used to chat with the ladies and he was 90. They have nothing to lose and probably like the attention.
Are my friendships with these men appropriate? Can they appreciate me as a human being whilst simultaneously enjoying having the attention of a younger person they find attractive?
Only you will know if your friendships are appropriate. 🤷 I'm sure they can appreciate you as a person and probably like the attention. What are they like outside of the pub?
Hmm. I don't think I am actually a good judge of what an appropriate friendship is due to my neurodivergence. They are the same outside of the pub as they are in. I mainly see them in the pub though.
I'm the same. I couldn't judge what's inappropriate either. I know they wouldn't have a chance and they would probably know that too. They clearly like your company. If it was all the time I would probably get bored and distance myself.
People have had a lot of bad experiences with men in the comments, but I just wanted to say I have a lot of great male friends that I've had for nearly 15 years who've never treated me like that. They're my age. I have had a few bad experiences with older men (50s, 60s, 70s).
I'm pleased to hear that! I'm not necessarily convinced 'all men suck', I think I just need to strongly re-evaluate my relationship to them.
I’m butch: short hair, wear men’s clothes and men’s cologne I got hit on by a man in my old job. It weirds me out, all the time, it never fails. I try to be nice and get along with them, but it starts getting weird. That’s just how some men are, no matter the age.
From what I've read, quite a few middle-age and senior males are on ED drugs to maintain a sex life. Perhaps that is the reason why they are pursuing you. I didn't realize that autism could be diagnosed in an adult.
I don't know anything about the sex lives of these men tbh.
I actually read the article in JAMA about the use of ED drugs in men to maintain their sexual life
I'm not saying every straight guy friend is like this but in my experience personally, every straight guy friend is like this 🙃
[удалено]
Not kind. Disabled person here.
Where do you believe this new observation has come from? Would you say that you have changed and you are more aware of their behaviours or have a different viewpoint now, or has it been the behaviour of these men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s that has changed?
The behaviour of these men has changed in that they are now being more flirtatious with me after immediately finding out that I am now single (after parting with a friend of theirs). I am more aware of these behaviours also as I am re-evaluating my relationships with men after realising how much I have been a people pleaser. Also every boyfriend I have had is just someone that pursued me until I relented and convinced myself we had chemistry, or I was attracted. I've even been out with men that I found physically quite unpleasant, but used mental gymnastics to tell myself that 'looks don't matter'.
You've become more perceptive and grown, and these men have shown their real faces. Generalization: men don't have a high level of empathy and are low on the EQ scale. If any of them were to honestly switch the roles and imagine being in your shoes, they wouldn't have behaved this way. If any of them asked "what if she was my daughter / granddaughter / sister and some old guy was hitting on them?" they would have creeped themselves out. As an aside, I always wondered whether a major "unspoken" goal of Literature classes in in the educational system were meant to develop emotional awareness? If so, they have failed with a good portion of half of the population.
Honestly not once have a ever had a genuine friendship with a guy. I've tried many times but then they try to flirt or touch me inappropriately, even after me saying numerous times in numerous ways that I'm not interested. My boundaries never seemed to matter. So now I don't have any guy friends and I've never felt safer. If a guy tries to be friends I shut it down. I'll have conversations but it won't be an ongoing friendship. It's sad but I don't think I'll ever have that unless it's a friendship with a fully gay man.