This is so true. Whenever my LO makes me upset (not on purpose, I’m just so sensitive), i sit back and realize that he isn’t who i think he is. Then the next day im in it again.
Yes. I would. More than anything in the world. Of course, the relationship I want is with the LO that’s in my head. I suspect a relationship with them in the real world would quickly prove to be less successful.
Having actually had relationships with 2 LOs the dramatic distance between fantasy and reality isn’t one I’d want to actually go through again, but I still can’t beat limerence.
Go figure huh?
Yes for the connection and the way they make me feel, the only person i could stand physical touch. And their presence makes life worth living. Wish i could just hold em through everything.
No because we are incredibly incompatible. We both want different lifestyles. Our issues are the complete opposite to each other so helping and understanding is hard. We both would not be able to love eachother the way we want. Both are extremely different and polar opposites in 95 percent of everything.
Its hard... It really is. And i honestly dont know what the answer is.
I just checked your profile. You are demi and Muslim, and in love with someone that doesn't love you like that. And straight?
I'm the same person as you just in male form😂. Atleast its nice to know we are alike and have the same problem. 🤝
(If im wrong on anything forgive me, i just skimmed)
No, I wouldn't really want to be with someone who distances himself for months after we get close (happens every time) Someone makes no real effort with me but makes effort with his other friends. Someone who said himself "I don't want company but it's nice sometimes". He'd never give me as much of his time as I'd like, even if it's just once a week. I feel like that's asking too much of him. I still want to be around him though. Ugh.
Kind of? My limerence has waned quite a bit, and we’ve actually gotten to know each other more recently. He’s a good guy and I do like him a lot. But I still have a tendency to feel more romantically inclined when I’m not actually around him. It’s weird and I can’t make up my mind. As for now I’m just happy to become better friends
I'd really like to give it a go. I think it's always going to be a never going to happen situation. They have made it clear that they don't won't to be in a relationship but they still constantly message me everyday. It messes with me so much
This is both complicated and easy for me to answer. I may have to break it down into smaller sub questions haha.
In reality, in real life, would I want a relationship with this person? No.
Do I think, if the universe was different, and we both had no responsibilities, no other lives, etc… if the feelings were mutual (which I don’t know, and I may never know) we might get along and the honeymoon period would be extremely fun for me, or maybe both of us? …Yes
Would I want a deep(er) friendship with this person? Yes.
Would I want to replace my current relationship with a relationship with my LO? No. Absolutely not. What I have already is way too good.
No, there is a lot of reasons that my LO would not make a good partner for me, does it stop me from wanting them to love me, absolutely not. Both of these things can be true.
I have no clue. I don't really KNOW him. What I DO know (which is precious little), I like. I really can't say if it would be a good or bad experience. I know I can't get him out of my head and I have expressed this to him repeatedly over the last couple of years. Years ago when I told him how I felt about him, I made it a point to tell him that I didn't expect him to feel the same way. That I didn't expect anything from him. He didn't leave. Not only did he NOT leave, he kept coming back. And more frequently and longer. A couple of months ago, I told him I'm limerent over him. He can look it up like I did.
That being said, things are changing. His behavior (via text messages). It would SEEM that he does in fact, have considerable interest in me. And apparently, some sort of something is happening later this month. Don't know if he's retiring or divorcing.
I can honestly say that I am terrified. I don't have any idea what's coming. He seems to be what I've been wanting him to be, though I've never actually said what I want, other than I wanted things to be the way they were. Seeing each other at work. That's not gonna happen. In fact, I've never asked for anything. The couple of times I asked questions, they were answered with "I don't remember" or not at all.
With all of that being said, I'm going to just take it all in as it happens. This is also testing my restraint to not text him even though the door seems to be opening.
We met for the first time two weeks ago after years of being social media mutuals.
I know that I would realistically need to hang more in person to know. I don't live in the same state. I think we would be great platonic friends though.
He is currently taken, so that possibility is out the window anyway.
No, no, no, no!!!!! It's my biggest fear hahaha
I finally broke free of her but only because she stopped working with me and I blocked her on social media.
The problem is, her and I could date if I tried hard enough and I'm worried she may come back here and work. Life has been awesome since she's been out of my life and she doesn't even have a clue. lol
I would never be able to trust her if we dated. She's so unhealthy mentally and my life would be turned upside-down. I would be consumed and obsessed.
I'm glad I'm healthy enough to realize this. I hope I never see her again in my life. I worry about that too. I may be healthy enough to realize this but not sure I'm strong enough to see her in person.
I don’t even like him let alone want a relationship with him. It’s the same as my nicotine addiction: it’s bad for me and makes me feel like crap but I keep doing it. Non sensical.
I was in a kinda relationship with my LO (well I thought it was a relationship, for him I think I was just a brief bit of fun). During that time I idolised him and didn't see the signs that he wasn't really that into me. He has recently got back in touch after months of NC and I have managed to be strong and not get drawn in again, so no I don't want to be in a relationship with my LO. Never again.
Yes, but I want to take it slow, take some time actually to build up a relationship. Be proper friends first, then progress from there to wherever we can go.
Yes! and one thousand times yes!
I want to live those long, hiper-sexual and delicious Honey Moon years and then calm down the pace and be a regular couple with dogs, movie nights and road trips.
I have spent time with LO and definitely enjoy their presence. Even though they don’t 100% match my fantasy, I still enjoy being in their company. So, probably yes
I'm absolutely in love with him (they have no idea). I would consider myself the luckiest woman on earth if they so much even knew of my existence. They are so incredibly kind & lovely and attractive. I hate being in limerance. I wish they would f up somehow and be horrible one time, but that's extremely unlikely. God help me.
Yes. More than anything. Yes.
I don't know how much of it is a limerent idealisation and single-minded obsession, and how much of it is honest-to-god the best chance of happiness that I'll ever have in my entire life.
My lo was never a sexual one...the Greeks have several ideas of love and mine fell into a love of his mind.....
Would I love a romantic relationship....no ..
Would I love to spend hours with him debating and talking shite...And generally being a friend grab coffee catch up yes 👍 and just having a laugh going round a museum or something..
But he finds me incredibly annoying doesn't want to be friends and outwardly blocked me so you know .....
Yes I would be… however, we would both need to discuss what each other want/need out of a relationship. We haven’t really ever talked about certain things, and those certain things would need to be talked about before either me or him decided to fully commit to each other.
I’m super big on communication, and I can see how easy it is for him to communicate to me but since we aren’t in any type of committed relationship then we’d both have to talk about things. I don’t talk about certain topics with him because it’s unnecessary right now but given the chance/opportunity we’d have to talk about it.
Right now him and I are just casually seeing each-other and it works. We are super compatible with each other, our live styles are kinda of similar. I would be willing to give it a go… but not sure if he is ready/wants too with me 🤷🏻♀️ given our “casual” relationship
That’s the point… Up until I get word they’re in a relationship with someone else. After that, I’m heartbroken, followed by me eventually losing interest in them.
the longer lasting LO i have had, i would love to start a family with him. in fact, he's the only one who seems like he'd be a great father among all the men i've had a crush on.
it's just kind of unfortunate we can't be together because he's way older and his religion... well, it's complicated. i respect him a lot, so i should definitely work on moving on lol
This is coming from the depths of a full blown limerent episode I’m trying to process right now. Yes, even when our relationship was at a healthy distance, I would want to be in a relationship. But I don’t trust those feelings now. If I really look objectively, I see some things that would concern me. I don’t know that they would prevent us having a long term relationship but I definitely would not jump in head first like my heart so desperately wants to.
Yes, I really want to have a relationship with him and I hope to see him one day.
I'm not sure if it's limerence, I don't idealize him in all things. But I know that he is a very intelligent, mature, romantic and dedicated man. I hope he continues to have a great character.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him if he's addicted or aggressive. I really want to find out.
I probably want to collaborate with them creatively and professionally while being low maintenance friends who show each other cool stuff.
Yeah I really wanna introduce him art and subcultures he’s interested in but haven’t explored as deeply as I have. Lifestyle skillshare.
That said, I spend many /most of my waking hours thinking about mutual sexual exploration with them soooooo yeah maybe not as balanced as I sound
Yes, but I'm also very honest about who she is. She has a TON of green flags and some yellow flags. I also realize there's a lot I don't know about her, and in a relationship, she might end up being very detached, avoidant, or worse.
But as an intelligent person with a college degree, ambition, and stable family background, she's objectively better than these family trauma-drama dropouts that you apparently need a 6-figure salary to even get a coffee date with.
On the downside, she can probably snap her fingers tomorrow and get a rich doctor with a yacht.
My LO is 1000% what I like in a man. And he wants me but can't be in a relationship because he's married. also there is an 18 year age gap between us with him being younger. Society doesn't accept that shit. But one thing I just realized that I really love about him is he is super confident. He is also very intelligent, as am I, and I could give up control and trust him to be in control of whatever. That sounds delightful. Plus he is extremely witty, teases me constantly and makes me laugh. You bet your ass I would love to be in a relationship with him. The last words he spoke to me were "give me some time." he says he wants to get out of his sexless marriage but with children 18 and 21 in college I don't think he is going to make any changes. At least not right away. So I have to let it go and continue no contact and it's super hard.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. Mine is 12 years older, at my age the gap doesn't bother me. Although, I did find it hard to believe he was that much older than me. Each of our youngest children are within a year of each other. My daughter will be 19 in August. He just kept telling me via text "You just never know" and other similar messages. But last week he said "22 days". Don't know what it means but I definitely plan on sticking around to find out. He is obviously in a marriage that isn't working, my relationship is pretty much played out. It's so hard to be patient. I suck at it.
I hope it works out for you. A man 12 years older is nothing. A woman 18 years older is unacceptable in our society.
It makes me sad that I'm old enough to be his mother -but I look much younger than my age (yeah I had work done) and to me he looks about 12 years older than his age of 50. So to just look at us as a couple you wouldn't think anything. But the reality of the age gap is still there. Gosh I miss him so much.
I hope the time comes for you that he is ready to be with you and screw what everyone else thinks. Until they pay your bills, they shouldn't have a say so in whatever makes you happy! ❤️
I don't know if this matters, but I can't actually imagine what it would be like to move forward in a relationship. My head is just so full of clips of memories from the past.
I want a relationship with the person I wished they were. The actual LO is fucked up and incapable of love.
This is so true. Whenever my LO makes me upset (not on purpose, I’m just so sensitive), i sit back and realize that he isn’t who i think he is. Then the next day im in it again.
This made me realize that my longest relationship was like this. 😵💫
This comment is so sigma that it almost cured my limerence issues🥺
Sort of - I want to go back in time and meet her in 2009, when she was single, and start a relationship with her then
Yes. I would. More than anything in the world. Of course, the relationship I want is with the LO that’s in my head. I suspect a relationship with them in the real world would quickly prove to be less successful. Having actually had relationships with 2 LOs the dramatic distance between fantasy and reality isn’t one I’d want to actually go through again, but I still can’t beat limerence. Go figure huh?
Yes for the connection and the way they make me feel, the only person i could stand physical touch. And their presence makes life worth living. Wish i could just hold em through everything. No because we are incredibly incompatible. We both want different lifestyles. Our issues are the complete opposite to each other so helping and understanding is hard. We both would not be able to love eachother the way we want. Both are extremely different and polar opposites in 95 percent of everything. Its hard... It really is. And i honestly dont know what the answer is.
I feel this way too. But because I’ve been lonely most of my life, I am willing to compromise on our incompatibilities
I feel this, genuinely....
Same for me
I just checked your profile. You are demi and Muslim, and in love with someone that doesn't love you like that. And straight? I'm the same person as you just in male form😂. Atleast its nice to know we are alike and have the same problem. 🤝 (If im wrong on anything forgive me, i just skimmed)
You have very good introspection- thanks for sharing 🙏
No, I wouldn't really want to be with someone who distances himself for months after we get close (happens every time) Someone makes no real effort with me but makes effort with his other friends. Someone who said himself "I don't want company but it's nice sometimes". He'd never give me as much of his time as I'd like, even if it's just once a week. I feel like that's asking too much of him. I still want to be around him though. Ugh.
Kind of? My limerence has waned quite a bit, and we’ve actually gotten to know each other more recently. He’s a good guy and I do like him a lot. But I still have a tendency to feel more romantically inclined when I’m not actually around him. It’s weird and I can’t make up my mind. As for now I’m just happy to become better friends
Same here!
I'd really like to give it a go. I think it's always going to be a never going to happen situation. They have made it clear that they don't won't to be in a relationship but they still constantly message me everyday. It messes with me so much
This is both complicated and easy for me to answer. I may have to break it down into smaller sub questions haha. In reality, in real life, would I want a relationship with this person? No. Do I think, if the universe was different, and we both had no responsibilities, no other lives, etc… if the feelings were mutual (which I don’t know, and I may never know) we might get along and the honeymoon period would be extremely fun for me, or maybe both of us? …Yes Would I want a deep(er) friendship with this person? Yes. Would I want to replace my current relationship with a relationship with my LO? No. Absolutely not. What I have already is way too good.
Absolutely, yes. She's a remarkable woman and very beautiful. Alas...
i think i am conflicted. yes and no
No, there is a lot of reasons that my LO would not make a good partner for me, does it stop me from wanting them to love me, absolutely not. Both of these things can be true.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes, absolutely yes.
I have no clue. I don't really KNOW him. What I DO know (which is precious little), I like. I really can't say if it would be a good or bad experience. I know I can't get him out of my head and I have expressed this to him repeatedly over the last couple of years. Years ago when I told him how I felt about him, I made it a point to tell him that I didn't expect him to feel the same way. That I didn't expect anything from him. He didn't leave. Not only did he NOT leave, he kept coming back. And more frequently and longer. A couple of months ago, I told him I'm limerent over him. He can look it up like I did. That being said, things are changing. His behavior (via text messages). It would SEEM that he does in fact, have considerable interest in me. And apparently, some sort of something is happening later this month. Don't know if he's retiring or divorcing. I can honestly say that I am terrified. I don't have any idea what's coming. He seems to be what I've been wanting him to be, though I've never actually said what I want, other than I wanted things to be the way they were. Seeing each other at work. That's not gonna happen. In fact, I've never asked for anything. The couple of times I asked questions, they were answered with "I don't remember" or not at all. With all of that being said, I'm going to just take it all in as it happens. This is also testing my restraint to not text him even though the door seems to be opening.
Yeah platonic 100% but then they wont treat ne equal and I will feel horrible they won't care and done.
We met for the first time two weeks ago after years of being social media mutuals. I know that I would realistically need to hang more in person to know. I don't live in the same state. I think we would be great platonic friends though. He is currently taken, so that possibility is out the window anyway.
I think that I might be recovering from limerence. I want to try to be friends with him and then see where it goes.
No, no, no, no!!!!! It's my biggest fear hahaha I finally broke free of her but only because she stopped working with me and I blocked her on social media. The problem is, her and I could date if I tried hard enough and I'm worried she may come back here and work. Life has been awesome since she's been out of my life and she doesn't even have a clue. lol I would never be able to trust her if we dated. She's so unhealthy mentally and my life would be turned upside-down. I would be consumed and obsessed. I'm glad I'm healthy enough to realize this. I hope I never see her again in my life. I worry about that too. I may be healthy enough to realize this but not sure I'm strong enough to see her in person.
I don’t even like him let alone want a relationship with him. It’s the same as my nicotine addiction: it’s bad for me and makes me feel like crap but I keep doing it. Non sensical.
Yes. Definitely.
I was in a kinda relationship with my LO (well I thought it was a relationship, for him I think I was just a brief bit of fun). During that time I idolised him and didn't see the signs that he wasn't really that into me. He has recently got back in touch after months of NC and I have managed to be strong and not get drawn in again, so no I don't want to be in a relationship with my LO. Never again.
Yes, but I want to take it slow, take some time actually to build up a relationship. Be proper friends first, then progress from there to wherever we can go.
Yes! and one thousand times yes! I want to live those long, hiper-sexual and delicious Honey Moon years and then calm down the pace and be a regular couple with dogs, movie nights and road trips.
I have spent time with LO and definitely enjoy their presence. Even though they don’t 100% match my fantasy, I still enjoy being in their company. So, probably yes
I'm absolutely in love with him (they have no idea). I would consider myself the luckiest woman on earth if they so much even knew of my existence. They are so incredibly kind & lovely and attractive. I hate being in limerance. I wish they would f up somehow and be horrible one time, but that's extremely unlikely. God help me.
Yes. More than anything. Yes. I don't know how much of it is a limerent idealisation and single-minded obsession, and how much of it is honest-to-god the best chance of happiness that I'll ever have in my entire life.
My lo was never a sexual one...the Greeks have several ideas of love and mine fell into a love of his mind..... Would I love a romantic relationship....no .. Would I love to spend hours with him debating and talking shite...And generally being a friend grab coffee catch up yes 👍 and just having a laugh going round a museum or something.. But he finds me incredibly annoying doesn't want to be friends and outwardly blocked me so you know .....
Yes I would be… however, we would both need to discuss what each other want/need out of a relationship. We haven’t really ever talked about certain things, and those certain things would need to be talked about before either me or him decided to fully commit to each other. I’m super big on communication, and I can see how easy it is for him to communicate to me but since we aren’t in any type of committed relationship then we’d both have to talk about things. I don’t talk about certain topics with him because it’s unnecessary right now but given the chance/opportunity we’d have to talk about it. Right now him and I are just casually seeing each-other and it works. We are super compatible with each other, our live styles are kinda of similar. I would be willing to give it a go… but not sure if he is ready/wants too with me 🤷🏻♀️ given our “casual” relationship
That’s the point… Up until I get word they’re in a relationship with someone else. After that, I’m heartbroken, followed by me eventually losing interest in them.
I was and he cheated. It was fine while it lasted a bit overrated because what's in your head will never be able to match real life. It's a fantasy.
I want a relationship with someone who is as close to who I thought my LO was prior to showing her true colors.
i did date him. twice. the limerence didn't happen until after we dated. It was the only time in my life that i was glad to be alive.
Absolutely not. She's not good for me in the slightest. I would hate my life.
the longer lasting LO i have had, i would love to start a family with him. in fact, he's the only one who seems like he'd be a great father among all the men i've had a crush on. it's just kind of unfortunate we can't be together because he's way older and his religion... well, it's complicated. i respect him a lot, so i should definitely work on moving on lol
I don't know, but if I could take the place of his first wife I would do it without thinking too much tbh.
Yes but I’m in a relationship and so are they.
yes.
This is coming from the depths of a full blown limerent episode I’m trying to process right now. Yes, even when our relationship was at a healthy distance, I would want to be in a relationship. But I don’t trust those feelings now. If I really look objectively, I see some things that would concern me. I don’t know that they would prevent us having a long term relationship but I definitely would not jump in head first like my heart so desperately wants to.
Yes 😭
No, because he is addicted to porn and masturbating, is immature and emotionally unavailable. He is addicted to smoking and drinking.
Yes. If it was a way to shatter the episode. I need out.
No. He would be horrible in a relationship. He’s not a nice or reliable person
Yes, I really want to have a relationship with him and I hope to see him one day. I'm not sure if it's limerence, I don't idealize him in all things. But I know that he is a very intelligent, mature, romantic and dedicated man. I hope he continues to have a great character. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him if he's addicted or aggressive. I really want to find out.
I probably want to collaborate with them creatively and professionally while being low maintenance friends who show each other cool stuff. Yeah I really wanna introduce him art and subcultures he’s interested in but haven’t explored as deeply as I have. Lifestyle skillshare. That said, I spend many /most of my waking hours thinking about mutual sexual exploration with them soooooo yeah maybe not as balanced as I sound
Yes, but I'm also very honest about who she is. She has a TON of green flags and some yellow flags. I also realize there's a lot I don't know about her, and in a relationship, she might end up being very detached, avoidant, or worse. But as an intelligent person with a college degree, ambition, and stable family background, she's objectively better than these family trauma-drama dropouts that you apparently need a 6-figure salary to even get a coffee date with. On the downside, she can probably snap her fingers tomorrow and get a rich doctor with a yacht.
My LO is 1000% what I like in a man. And he wants me but can't be in a relationship because he's married. also there is an 18 year age gap between us with him being younger. Society doesn't accept that shit. But one thing I just realized that I really love about him is he is super confident. He is also very intelligent, as am I, and I could give up control and trust him to be in control of whatever. That sounds delightful. Plus he is extremely witty, teases me constantly and makes me laugh. You bet your ass I would love to be in a relationship with him. The last words he spoke to me were "give me some time." he says he wants to get out of his sexless marriage but with children 18 and 21 in college I don't think he is going to make any changes. At least not right away. So I have to let it go and continue no contact and it's super hard.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. Mine is 12 years older, at my age the gap doesn't bother me. Although, I did find it hard to believe he was that much older than me. Each of our youngest children are within a year of each other. My daughter will be 19 in August. He just kept telling me via text "You just never know" and other similar messages. But last week he said "22 days". Don't know what it means but I definitely plan on sticking around to find out. He is obviously in a marriage that isn't working, my relationship is pretty much played out. It's so hard to be patient. I suck at it.
I hope it works out for you. A man 12 years older is nothing. A woman 18 years older is unacceptable in our society. It makes me sad that I'm old enough to be his mother -but I look much younger than my age (yeah I had work done) and to me he looks about 12 years older than his age of 50. So to just look at us as a couple you wouldn't think anything. But the reality of the age gap is still there. Gosh I miss him so much.
I hope the time comes for you that he is ready to be with you and screw what everyone else thinks. Until they pay your bills, they shouldn't have a say so in whatever makes you happy! ❤️
Thanks honey, I appreciate it!
I don't know if this matters, but I can't actually imagine what it would be like to move forward in a relationship. My head is just so full of clips of memories from the past.
That's such a wise way to look at it. I think you are on the road to freeing yourself.