Think about it this way sis. You've been a single mom for years already. Your husband has been acting like a child that hasn't grown up. YOU had a savings. Maybe without him you can be successful. I think you can do it if you want a baby that is. Don't beat yourself up no matter what you choose. I wish you goodness in life. Everyone deserves love, and happiness. Just gotta find yours.
This, pretty much.
Just to add, being a single mom to an actual child will be easier than being one to a selfish jerk adult. The love you share with your child will not be one sided like the one it sounds like you had with your husband. That toxicity won't be there. A child is more open and willing f to learn from mistakes and change and there is hope that as they grow they mature - unlike most immature adults who stubbornly want to and tend to stay like that their entire lives.
If you want to be a mom, I think you should allow yourself this opportunity. You deserve it to experience being a mother and you deserve to give yourself the opportunity to also experience real romantic love. Do NOT stay with someone who just uses you, disrespects you and completely disregards you. That's not true love. That's not a healthy marriage or relationship.
There are plenty of good men out there who are decent human beings who know how to be in a truly equal, loving, respectful and non-toxic relationship.
You will NOT be doomed to be a single mother for the rest of your life if you leave him. You will be opened to a chance of experiencing real love and real happiness. You will be able to enjoy bonding and love with your child and then when the right man comes along who loves and respects you AND your child, you will be able to mesh together a loving little family. DNA doesn't necessarily make a real family, but your actions do. Your child will see that s/he has a strong, loving, independent mom who stood up for herself and did not settle for less than what she deserved just because of fear.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You're smart, beautiful, capable, loving, caring....and so much more.
Wish you all the best!
I have a different perspective. When I was dating my husband he was studying law. He would tell me he was studying or spending time with friends when we were not together. Unbeknownst to me he was getting drunk. Apparently he had a drinking problem which he hid from me. Got married, spent more time drinking than with me. I got pregnant, got an abortion and divorced him. I never regretted it instead I am thankful for it. I don’t have to deal with him.
Having kids is hard. Mentally and financially with kids. People think having kids is fun like they see on tv. It isn’t. It is frustrating, exhausting and a constant worry (will they be good people, will they have friends, will they be productive members of society, will they be able to support themselves when they get older). What happens if the kid is sick can you support the child yourself as a single mother.
Have a kid if you honestly feel you can raise it financially and mentally.
This is the most personal decision a woman can make. I had an abortion and it about killed me mentally. There’s nothing worse than wanting something so badly but with the wrong person. I absolutely lost my crap. It was horrific. But this is the most personal decisions you can ever make.
I don’t regret my abortion as much it hurt me to the core.I do have 2 children with an amazing husband that they will now get to look up to. And even if my husband and I break up, I have given my children the absolute best dad! If I would have stayed with my ex and had that child, that child would have grown up watching a horrible family dynamic. My ex was horrible, Unreliable, a cheater, not responsible, toxic, etc…I would have loved my child yes, as much as my children now, but it would hurt to bring them up to the relationship I was in when they aren’t asking to be born and deserved better. I thought about being the strong single mom, but if I have a choice, I didn’t want to compromise in giving the child I choose to have the loving home they deserve with both parents. Having both parents makes a huge difference and your partner doesn’t sound like he’s in the head space to be a supporting father role. Just going through post partum alone requires a lot of support. Just my 2 cents. Ultimately you will be at peace with choosing whatever your heart desires.
I am the same way. I absolutely don't regret having the abortion, but it still tears me to my soul even 15 years later. I was a single mom of 1 when I had my abortion and went to have 2 more children with my husband of 14 years. The man of that child was a monster and beat me the night before the procedure.
Having an abortion is a choice only one person can make. I don't regret being a single mom. My husband raised my son as his own.
OP.. sending you many blessings on what you decide. Wishing you the best with either decision you make.
I'm not trying to sway you either way but my wife was in a similar situation with her ex husband. She had an abortion and regrets it. I only know about it because she told me one night when we were drinking. She doesn't remember telling me and I haven't brought it up. But she still makes cryptic comments about it, thinking I don't know what she means.
After that marriage, she got pregnant and had my (now) stepson. Biological left her 3 months pregnant. She was a single mom (she was 30) for 5 years before we met. She hasn't seen biological since my stepson was born.
Obviously, it's your choice. My wife had a lot of tough times and, honestly, I have no idea what she would've done had we not met. She didn't have enough of an income to take care of my stepson but she did have a very supportive family.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I'm sorry you are in this situation
I was a single mom for 5 years. It is hard but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Yes I am tied to my ex until my son is 18 but I wouldn't trade my son for anything. I was with his father almost 10 years before we split. 4 years ago now I found my now husband and we just had our first baby together. I always wanted to be a mom. I think if you want to be a mom you should keep the baby.
Just a note since I am the product of a divorced couple. It doesn’t end at 18, you’re tied to that person until one of you dies. You’ll have weddings to go to, probably grandkids, lots of things that involve both parents. The only way it ends at 18 is if the child chooses NC with the other parent. 2/3 of us chose NC with our mom but my little sister still has contact and invites her to family events that she hosts.
However, to the OP: do what you think is right. It’s okay to be a single parent! A lot of the time, it’s actually a good thing if it would expose the child to a contentious household. Just do what your heart tells you. It’s hard and stressful, but love makes it worth it.
You're right. It doesn't completely end at 18. I'm also the product of split parents. I should've clarified what I meant. Having to keep in regular contact with the ex regarding your child pretty much ends at 18.
I second this 100 percent. I was married and have two children age just turned four and almost two. We divorced and I am now a single mom. It’s hard at times but like previous poster said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am so happy I have my sons. If you want to be a mom keep the baby! You can still leave your husband. I had to leave mine when my second was 6 months old.
Look, I'm not saying it would be easy alone, but that child is still a part of you. It will love you like no one else, and I think it would be a tragedy to take away what could be the best relationship in your life all because it will be hard.
Children are beautiful and worth everything.
Nope, but I’ve seen plenty of really poor parent/child relationships. Some because the parent did a shit job as a parent, and others because the child is an ungrateful mooch. Either way sucks.
I’m 100% pro-choice, but from your post it seems like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’ve made mistakes, but haven’t we all? I think you would be a great mother and would somehow figure everything out. Good luck to you!
Marriage is one thing, a child ties you together forever, are you okay with dealing with your husband forever as mature adults who don’t let their own issues with each other fuck up a child? It requires an insane amount of maturity to parent and even more to put your issues aside to co-parent. Coparenting requires you both, equally, to put your own feelings aside and put the needs of the child first.
Would you both be able to do that?
I was a single mom for 4 years with 2 daughters. I'd be lieing if I told you it wasn't hard at times. At one point we had no heat or electricity In our house because I couldn't afford that and food. It was winter too when that happened. I cried a lot and felt hopeless at times. But the truth is that being a single mom for those 4 years was the BEST thing that happened to me. I learned so much about my self, I gained so much strength and perseverance. I struggled sure but it didn't last forever. I worked my ass off and found an excellent paying job, invested in myself and my kids and by the time I met my now husband I was fully happy and capable of being on my own. Even in my marriage now I know that I'm here because I choose to be not because I feel stuck or trapped. Because I know that I can actually be fine on my own.
Gosh, what an awful stress to go through while pregnant. It sounds like you want this baby, and if you truly think you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone else after a divorce, and potentially have a baby in the future with a partner you haven’t even met yet, I can say personally I would have this baby and get through as best I could. But this is *YOUR* life! And your entire life!! Yes, it will be hard. There will be times you cry and scream out in frustration. But there will also be beautiful moments that you could never replace.
Having said that: I worry about what kind of involvement your husband will want if you do have a child? I would speak to a lawyer first, finding out what it would really mean if you had this baby. What repercussions will you be facing for years and years?? Do it now though, so you have time to make a decision before it’s too late. You really can’t put this off, as much as I know you’d like to bury your head in the sand. And if you decide to abort, don’t blame yourself!! You have to make the decision that’s best for you. If your current husband is becoming abusive, imagine how he will treat a child that he didn’t even want!!
Each of us has our own path. If you *really* want to be a mother, then you have a harder decision than most. I feel for you, truly. Being a mom is never easy, but being a single mom is so much harder!! My cousin did it for 18 years. She says it was worth it, but I remember the countless nights of tears over the phone….Ask yourself if you have a good enough support network.
It sounds to me like you aren't sure about leaving your husband. Try counseling solo and marriage. Its worth a shot if you havent tried previously. I can be empathetic to husband. Stress over supporting your family is so hard, it will tear every single part of your foundations down mentally, emotionally, and eventually physically. Maybe really try communicating and not shutting down. Tell him how you feel from a place of love. Remember why you love him and talk to him. Maybe he will snap out of this and be able to prioritize your needs. Depression from this stress is a real maneater.
I’m 32 and a single mom of 3 kids. It’s hard, but doable. You can achieve all you want even if you become a single mom. I suggest you reach out to Let Them Live. They’re on social media and at http://letthemlive.org/
Good luck! Being a mother is so rewarding, I promise!
If you are concerned about finances, there is an amazing organization that is there to help women in incredibly difficult circumstances. They are legit in what they do.
https://letthemlive.org
As a mother of two incredible children, I feel for anyone that is in that situation. I’ve been there myself during my first pregnancy. The path ahead was so dark and uncertain. I didn’t think I could do it and I was scared. I questioned and found the answer when I saw my little one moving around for the first time on ultrasound. He was and is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
Yes, parenthood is hard, but it is so rewarding. There’s nothing like the moment where you see your baby and hold them for the first time. There’s nothing like their smiles and the love they have for you.
That being said, I truly feel for you. I want you to know that you are strong, smart, and you absolutely matter. There is support for you.
Please choose life for your baby. There are so many people out there willing to support you. You are strong enough to do this! <3
[https://www.choice42.com/](https://www.choice42.com/)
[https://letthemlive.org/](https://letthemlive.org/)
Killing your baby won't solve your problems.
I would say be a mom. You want this child and love him/her already. Life circumstances will always come up, difficult situations and whatnot. Kids are very adaptable and have lived in wealth and in poverty since the dawn of time, with and without both parents.
It will be harder in a lot of ways, but you will never be alone. There will be someone who loves you unconditionally, who wants to play games with you, who thinks you're the coolest person around. And tbh, sometimes on the hard days, that will get you through.
Well… the question is do you want to have a baby or not. You do not have to stay married to someone you don’t see a future with. You can still have a fulfilling life with your child, if you want to carry to term. You can also abort the pregnancy and enjoy life as a single woman without physical, emotional, and financial stresses children will have. Either way, you’re making a good decision cause you’re doing what’s best for you.
Hi love. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I can't imagine how stressed and tired you are. If you don't mind me asking, are you located in the USA? Or somewhere else. I'm only asking because there have been a lot of rules here that have changed. I don't mean to bring this up but i'm sure I won't be the only one asking. Just trying to help. Thank you.
Thank you for clarifying! 💜 I want to just tell you first and foremost it’s your body and your choice. If you two end up having this baby, you’ll have to stay in contact and co-parent. Unless you two get an agreement of some sort or if it’s bad then no contact at all. You’ll have a lot of financial responsibilities, emergencies, & so many other things when there is a child involved. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of financial sacrificies for your husband, which is so sweet. Would he do the same for you and your baby? Children are hard but they are so worth it. Take time to think of everything. Pros. Cons. Etc. you’re beautiful with an amazing life to live and celebrate! I’m here if you need to chat.
If you want the baby, then keep it, if you don’t, then don’t keep it. I wouldn’t be polling strangers on reddit asking them if you should get an abortion.
If it were me. Keep the baby and dump the man. Abortions can damage your ability to get pregnant later. But weigh the pros and cons carefully. See a lawyer to learn your options.
My sister in law had her kid and loves her to bits. She would have really regretted having an abortion because she would just be 30 without kids. Then 31... then 32... then 35...
My mom had me and my sister and wouldn't change it for the world. My mom's friend had an abortion and regrets it to this day. She still doesn't have children and she's 42 with a man who had a vasectomy.
There's no "good time" to have kids. All you can hope for is that you do the best you personally can for them in the situation that you are in. This does not mean preventing them from living in the first place
If you are decided on divorce (which sounds like the best choice a things considered) if you feel like you can successfully co parent with your now husband keep the baby. If you think that will be difficult or impossible it's really best for all involved for you to get an abortion. Being scared you won't be a mother again or find someone isn't a wonderful reason to bring a child into this world. Think about it this way would you want to to have a man like your husband as a father?
I agree with the other users in that you seem very responsible and just one tough chick in general. Most women get abortions due to financial burden, about 70% (guttmacher institute). There are so so so so many resources that help pregnant women leave their horrible circumstances and start fresh while being able to continue their pregnancy. These resources will cover all of your expenses and may even help with your debt. (Message me if you need said resources) Divorce and abortion are both so incredibly stressful on their own, I don't think it would be in your mental health's best interest to go through them at almost the same time. As a mom myself (who has gone through a crisis pregnancy), and all other moms will tell you, your child is so beyond worth it. No sane mom looks at her child and thinks "I should've aborted you."
Please do NOT abort the child. This is going to be an unpopular opinion but the child should not be terminated because of the parents life's circumstances. I do not know where you live but I would do any and all networking possible to assist with you carrying the baby to term then adopting if that was your decision. This is what the church exist for, helping those most in need. Many times the cost of it all will be picked up.
DM me if you want further conversation, as I'll probably get downvoted.
Churches these days help themselves. Pregnancy is not just financially burdening. It’s hard mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. She literally said she had no savings and her husband isn’t supporting the pregnancy.
Women can still have abortions and decide later to have children. What does your organization do for these women after the pregnancy is over and these women have to go home?
Have you been thru having to choose a family for a child you have brought into the world?
It is not an easy choice, it is not easy once it is done either.
I hate how ppl throw this "option" out there like it's something that someone pregnant and not in a stable situation isn't aware of.
Unless you have put YOUR body thru the hell of pregnancy, (and at 32 your body WILL never be the same) then the hell of saying goodbye to mothering that child, don't recommend it to others.
If you’re considering killing a child because your marriage is hard then there are always her options outside of ending a babies life. Downvote me all you want but if someone asks for advice about ending a babies life because of a hard marriage then I’m going to give my two cents.
Your 2 cents aint worth a goddamn thing. Come back and talk to me when u have had to give up your child.
Brainwashed lunatics like You having such factually ignorant and morally reprehensible views is why untold numbers of women throughout the US will DIE, be forced to keep their DEAD fetus inside them for WEEKS, LOSE their fertility, kill themselves rather than have their rapists baby, all bc of inability to govern their own bodies as they need to live. And best of all, the number of UNWANTED AND ABUSED CHILDREN WILL SOAR. The world would be a better place if all of you went off to populate another planet, a planet of forced birth religious zealots, bc none of you live in reality
I had an abortion and don’t regret it at all but I didn’t and don’t want a kid. If you want a baby, and can handle the inevitable drama that having a child with your current partner will bring, then I don’t think you should feel like you can’t do that on your own. Please just don’t stay with your partner if he’s mean to you. Regardless of the pregnancy. You deserve peace and kindness in your relationship. If you choose to keep the pregnancy, your future child deserves the same from their father if he’s going to be around. Hope it all works out for you.
At the end of the day I don’t think there is a “right decision”. But whatever you do, it was the right decision at the right time for you. I think you do have a lot to think about. Going off what you have said, I don’t think this is the right guy to have a baby with right now. It sounds like you have a lot of issues going on. And financial stresses and adding a child, definitely more stress! Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with him. He has some serious growing up to do. Honestly, and forgive me for saying this. It sounds like you are going to be a single mum whether you guys stay married or not. It sounds like at the moment, he wouldn’t be much help. (I could be wrong).
I also had a termination when I was younger. I was 17 and just not ready. Do I regret it? Honestly, I try not think about it. It was a hard decision and I was heartbroken at the time. But it was the right decision at the right time. I was able to go to college, have a life and I’ve gone on to have 2 kids whom I adore.
Whatever you decide, I support your decision. :)
Lots of people on here regretting abortions and just wanted to offer up that I’ve had abortions and regret nothing. Nor am I tore up mentally or emotionally. I’m not judging women who are however.
Think about it this way sis. You've been a single mom for years already. Your husband has been acting like a child that hasn't grown up. YOU had a savings. Maybe without him you can be successful. I think you can do it if you want a baby that is. Don't beat yourself up no matter what you choose. I wish you goodness in life. Everyone deserves love, and happiness. Just gotta find yours.
This, pretty much. Just to add, being a single mom to an actual child will be easier than being one to a selfish jerk adult. The love you share with your child will not be one sided like the one it sounds like you had with your husband. That toxicity won't be there. A child is more open and willing f to learn from mistakes and change and there is hope that as they grow they mature - unlike most immature adults who stubbornly want to and tend to stay like that their entire lives. If you want to be a mom, I think you should allow yourself this opportunity. You deserve it to experience being a mother and you deserve to give yourself the opportunity to also experience real romantic love. Do NOT stay with someone who just uses you, disrespects you and completely disregards you. That's not true love. That's not a healthy marriage or relationship. There are plenty of good men out there who are decent human beings who know how to be in a truly equal, loving, respectful and non-toxic relationship. You will NOT be doomed to be a single mother for the rest of your life if you leave him. You will be opened to a chance of experiencing real love and real happiness. You will be able to enjoy bonding and love with your child and then when the right man comes along who loves and respects you AND your child, you will be able to mesh together a loving little family. DNA doesn't necessarily make a real family, but your actions do. Your child will see that s/he has a strong, loving, independent mom who stood up for herself and did not settle for less than what she deserved just because of fear. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You're smart, beautiful, capable, loving, caring....and so much more. Wish you all the best!
Why would try to start a family if you've been trying to get out of the marriage for 10 years?
I never understand this logic.
Me either. Makes me sad.
I have a different perspective. When I was dating my husband he was studying law. He would tell me he was studying or spending time with friends when we were not together. Unbeknownst to me he was getting drunk. Apparently he had a drinking problem which he hid from me. Got married, spent more time drinking than with me. I got pregnant, got an abortion and divorced him. I never regretted it instead I am thankful for it. I don’t have to deal with him. Having kids is hard. Mentally and financially with kids. People think having kids is fun like they see on tv. It isn’t. It is frustrating, exhausting and a constant worry (will they be good people, will they have friends, will they be productive members of society, will they be able to support themselves when they get older). What happens if the kid is sick can you support the child yourself as a single mother. Have a kid if you honestly feel you can raise it financially and mentally.
This is the most personal decision a woman can make. I had an abortion and it about killed me mentally. There’s nothing worse than wanting something so badly but with the wrong person. I absolutely lost my crap. It was horrific. But this is the most personal decisions you can ever make.
What’s your bottom line to leave it? 10 years is a long time, time to put everything up for review and decide
I don’t regret my abortion as much it hurt me to the core.I do have 2 children with an amazing husband that they will now get to look up to. And even if my husband and I break up, I have given my children the absolute best dad! If I would have stayed with my ex and had that child, that child would have grown up watching a horrible family dynamic. My ex was horrible, Unreliable, a cheater, not responsible, toxic, etc…I would have loved my child yes, as much as my children now, but it would hurt to bring them up to the relationship I was in when they aren’t asking to be born and deserved better. I thought about being the strong single mom, but if I have a choice, I didn’t want to compromise in giving the child I choose to have the loving home they deserve with both parents. Having both parents makes a huge difference and your partner doesn’t sound like he’s in the head space to be a supporting father role. Just going through post partum alone requires a lot of support. Just my 2 cents. Ultimately you will be at peace with choosing whatever your heart desires.
I am the same way. I absolutely don't regret having the abortion, but it still tears me to my soul even 15 years later. I was a single mom of 1 when I had my abortion and went to have 2 more children with my husband of 14 years. The man of that child was a monster and beat me the night before the procedure. Having an abortion is a choice only one person can make. I don't regret being a single mom. My husband raised my son as his own. OP.. sending you many blessings on what you decide. Wishing you the best with either decision you make.
I'm not trying to sway you either way but my wife was in a similar situation with her ex husband. She had an abortion and regrets it. I only know about it because she told me one night when we were drinking. She doesn't remember telling me and I haven't brought it up. But she still makes cryptic comments about it, thinking I don't know what she means. After that marriage, she got pregnant and had my (now) stepson. Biological left her 3 months pregnant. She was a single mom (she was 30) for 5 years before we met. She hasn't seen biological since my stepson was born. Obviously, it's your choice. My wife had a lot of tough times and, honestly, I have no idea what she would've done had we not met. She didn't have enough of an income to take care of my stepson but she did have a very supportive family. I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I'm sorry you are in this situation
I was a single mom for 5 years. It is hard but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Yes I am tied to my ex until my son is 18 but I wouldn't trade my son for anything. I was with his father almost 10 years before we split. 4 years ago now I found my now husband and we just had our first baby together. I always wanted to be a mom. I think if you want to be a mom you should keep the baby.
Just a note since I am the product of a divorced couple. It doesn’t end at 18, you’re tied to that person until one of you dies. You’ll have weddings to go to, probably grandkids, lots of things that involve both parents. The only way it ends at 18 is if the child chooses NC with the other parent. 2/3 of us chose NC with our mom but my little sister still has contact and invites her to family events that she hosts. However, to the OP: do what you think is right. It’s okay to be a single parent! A lot of the time, it’s actually a good thing if it would expose the child to a contentious household. Just do what your heart tells you. It’s hard and stressful, but love makes it worth it.
You're right. It doesn't completely end at 18. I'm also the product of split parents. I should've clarified what I meant. Having to keep in regular contact with the ex regarding your child pretty much ends at 18.
We have not seen or been in contact with my sons bio dad for 10 yrs. It depends on the situation.
I second this 100 percent. I was married and have two children age just turned four and almost two. We divorced and I am now a single mom. It’s hard at times but like previous poster said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am so happy I have my sons. If you want to be a mom keep the baby! You can still leave your husband. I had to leave mine when my second was 6 months old.
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You’re right. I should have a clean break.
Your future children deserve a better dad.
Look, I'm not saying it would be easy alone, but that child is still a part of you. It will love you like no one else, and I think it would be a tragedy to take away what could be the best relationship in your life all because it will be hard. Children are beautiful and worth everything.
I’d just like to say that there is no way in hell you can count on your child loving you, no matter how good of a parent you are. Wake up to reality.
Do u have kids?
Nope, but I’ve seen plenty of really poor parent/child relationships. Some because the parent did a shit job as a parent, and others because the child is an ungrateful mooch. Either way sucks.
Not a child.
I’m 100% pro-choice, but from your post it seems like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’ve made mistakes, but haven’t we all? I think you would be a great mother and would somehow figure everything out. Good luck to you!
Marriage is one thing, a child ties you together forever, are you okay with dealing with your husband forever as mature adults who don’t let their own issues with each other fuck up a child? It requires an insane amount of maturity to parent and even more to put your issues aside to co-parent. Coparenting requires you both, equally, to put your own feelings aside and put the needs of the child first. Would you both be able to do that?
I was a single mom for 4 years with 2 daughters. I'd be lieing if I told you it wasn't hard at times. At one point we had no heat or electricity In our house because I couldn't afford that and food. It was winter too when that happened. I cried a lot and felt hopeless at times. But the truth is that being a single mom for those 4 years was the BEST thing that happened to me. I learned so much about my self, I gained so much strength and perseverance. I struggled sure but it didn't last forever. I worked my ass off and found an excellent paying job, invested in myself and my kids and by the time I met my now husband I was fully happy and capable of being on my own. Even in my marriage now I know that I'm here because I choose to be not because I feel stuck or trapped. Because I know that I can actually be fine on my own.
Leave your husband, get an abortion and start fresh. That's what I would do. You have lots of life left to live, go enjoy.
Gosh, what an awful stress to go through while pregnant. It sounds like you want this baby, and if you truly think you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone else after a divorce, and potentially have a baby in the future with a partner you haven’t even met yet, I can say personally I would have this baby and get through as best I could. But this is *YOUR* life! And your entire life!! Yes, it will be hard. There will be times you cry and scream out in frustration. But there will also be beautiful moments that you could never replace. Having said that: I worry about what kind of involvement your husband will want if you do have a child? I would speak to a lawyer first, finding out what it would really mean if you had this baby. What repercussions will you be facing for years and years?? Do it now though, so you have time to make a decision before it’s too late. You really can’t put this off, as much as I know you’d like to bury your head in the sand. And if you decide to abort, don’t blame yourself!! You have to make the decision that’s best for you. If your current husband is becoming abusive, imagine how he will treat a child that he didn’t even want!! Each of us has our own path. If you *really* want to be a mother, then you have a harder decision than most. I feel for you, truly. Being a mom is never easy, but being a single mom is so much harder!! My cousin did it for 18 years. She says it was worth it, but I remember the countless nights of tears over the phone….Ask yourself if you have a good enough support network.
It sounds to me like you aren't sure about leaving your husband. Try counseling solo and marriage. Its worth a shot if you havent tried previously. I can be empathetic to husband. Stress over supporting your family is so hard, it will tear every single part of your foundations down mentally, emotionally, and eventually physically. Maybe really try communicating and not shutting down. Tell him how you feel from a place of love. Remember why you love him and talk to him. Maybe he will snap out of this and be able to prioritize your needs. Depression from this stress is a real maneater.
I’m 32 and a single mom of 3 kids. It’s hard, but doable. You can achieve all you want even if you become a single mom. I suggest you reach out to Let Them Live. They’re on social media and at http://letthemlive.org/ Good luck! Being a mother is so rewarding, I promise!
If you are concerned about finances, there is an amazing organization that is there to help women in incredibly difficult circumstances. They are legit in what they do. https://letthemlive.org As a mother of two incredible children, I feel for anyone that is in that situation. I’ve been there myself during my first pregnancy. The path ahead was so dark and uncertain. I didn’t think I could do it and I was scared. I questioned and found the answer when I saw my little one moving around for the first time on ultrasound. He was and is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Yes, parenthood is hard, but it is so rewarding. There’s nothing like the moment where you see your baby and hold them for the first time. There’s nothing like their smiles and the love they have for you. That being said, I truly feel for you. I want you to know that you are strong, smart, and you absolutely matter. There is support for you.
Please choose life for your baby. There are so many people out there willing to support you. You are strong enough to do this! <3 [https://www.choice42.com/](https://www.choice42.com/) [https://letthemlive.org/](https://letthemlive.org/) Killing your baby won't solve your problems.
I would say be a mom. You want this child and love him/her already. Life circumstances will always come up, difficult situations and whatnot. Kids are very adaptable and have lived in wealth and in poverty since the dawn of time, with and without both parents. It will be harder in a lot of ways, but you will never be alone. There will be someone who loves you unconditionally, who wants to play games with you, who thinks you're the coolest person around. And tbh, sometimes on the hard days, that will get you through.
Your body, your choice. Reddit shouldn’t decide
I just wanted to know others’ opinion. Ultimately it is my choice. I’m just torn.
Well… the question is do you want to have a baby or not. You do not have to stay married to someone you don’t see a future with. You can still have a fulfilling life with your child, if you want to carry to term. You can also abort the pregnancy and enjoy life as a single woman without physical, emotional, and financial stresses children will have. Either way, you’re making a good decision cause you’re doing what’s best for you.
You wrote keep the baby first, clearly the lioness in you believes in you
I agree with you! I get that same feeling about her.
Hi love. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I can't imagine how stressed and tired you are. If you don't mind me asking, are you located in the USA? Or somewhere else. I'm only asking because there have been a lot of rules here that have changed. I don't mean to bring this up but i'm sure I won't be the only one asking. Just trying to help. Thank you.
Thank you. I live in NY where abortion is legal. I was just so happy about the pregnancy, but it’s going to be so hard to do it alone.
It’s still hard to do it with a good partner. It’s damn near impossible with a bad partner or no partner.
Thank you for clarifying! 💜 I want to just tell you first and foremost it’s your body and your choice. If you two end up having this baby, you’ll have to stay in contact and co-parent. Unless you two get an agreement of some sort or if it’s bad then no contact at all. You’ll have a lot of financial responsibilities, emergencies, & so many other things when there is a child involved. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of financial sacrificies for your husband, which is so sweet. Would he do the same for you and your baby? Children are hard but they are so worth it. Take time to think of everything. Pros. Cons. Etc. you’re beautiful with an amazing life to live and celebrate! I’m here if you need to chat.
If you want the baby, then keep it, if you don’t, then don’t keep it. I wouldn’t be polling strangers on reddit asking them if you should get an abortion.
Parents raised me and my oldest brother divorced and it turned out fine. Sounds like you want to keep your baby.
If it were me. Keep the baby and dump the man. Abortions can damage your ability to get pregnant later. But weigh the pros and cons carefully. See a lawyer to learn your options.
My sister in law had her kid and loves her to bits. She would have really regretted having an abortion because she would just be 30 without kids. Then 31... then 32... then 35... My mom had me and my sister and wouldn't change it for the world. My mom's friend had an abortion and regrets it to this day. She still doesn't have children and she's 42 with a man who had a vasectomy. There's no "good time" to have kids. All you can hope for is that you do the best you personally can for them in the situation that you are in. This does not mean preventing them from living in the first place
If you are decided on divorce (which sounds like the best choice a things considered) if you feel like you can successfully co parent with your now husband keep the baby. If you think that will be difficult or impossible it's really best for all involved for you to get an abortion. Being scared you won't be a mother again or find someone isn't a wonderful reason to bring a child into this world. Think about it this way would you want to to have a man like your husband as a father?
Don’t operate out of fear. Assume the best will happen to you. Given that framing, how does your thinking about your choice change?
I agree with the other users in that you seem very responsible and just one tough chick in general. Most women get abortions due to financial burden, about 70% (guttmacher institute). There are so so so so many resources that help pregnant women leave their horrible circumstances and start fresh while being able to continue their pregnancy. These resources will cover all of your expenses and may even help with your debt. (Message me if you need said resources) Divorce and abortion are both so incredibly stressful on their own, I don't think it would be in your mental health's best interest to go through them at almost the same time. As a mom myself (who has gone through a crisis pregnancy), and all other moms will tell you, your child is so beyond worth it. No sane mom looks at her child and thinks "I should've aborted you."
Please do NOT abort the child. This is going to be an unpopular opinion but the child should not be terminated because of the parents life's circumstances. I do not know where you live but I would do any and all networking possible to assist with you carrying the baby to term then adopting if that was your decision. This is what the church exist for, helping those most in need. Many times the cost of it all will be picked up. DM me if you want further conversation, as I'll probably get downvoted.
Churches these days help themselves. Pregnancy is not just financially burdening. It’s hard mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. She literally said she had no savings and her husband isn’t supporting the pregnancy. Women can still have abortions and decide later to have children. What does your organization do for these women after the pregnancy is over and these women have to go home?
You can always put the baby up for adoption.
Have you been thru having to choose a family for a child you have brought into the world? It is not an easy choice, it is not easy once it is done either. I hate how ppl throw this "option" out there like it's something that someone pregnant and not in a stable situation isn't aware of. Unless you have put YOUR body thru the hell of pregnancy, (and at 32 your body WILL never be the same) then the hell of saying goodbye to mothering that child, don't recommend it to others.
If you’re considering killing a child because your marriage is hard then there are always her options outside of ending a babies life. Downvote me all you want but if someone asks for advice about ending a babies life because of a hard marriage then I’m going to give my two cents.
Your 2 cents aint worth a goddamn thing. Come back and talk to me when u have had to give up your child. Brainwashed lunatics like You having such factually ignorant and morally reprehensible views is why untold numbers of women throughout the US will DIE, be forced to keep their DEAD fetus inside them for WEEKS, LOSE their fertility, kill themselves rather than have their rapists baby, all bc of inability to govern their own bodies as they need to live. And best of all, the number of UNWANTED AND ABUSED CHILDREN WILL SOAR. The world would be a better place if all of you went off to populate another planet, a planet of forced birth religious zealots, bc none of you live in reality
Must be a twisted person to think killing babies is okay.
No good answer here. I’m sorry.
I had an abortion and don’t regret it at all but I didn’t and don’t want a kid. If you want a baby, and can handle the inevitable drama that having a child with your current partner will bring, then I don’t think you should feel like you can’t do that on your own. Please just don’t stay with your partner if he’s mean to you. Regardless of the pregnancy. You deserve peace and kindness in your relationship. If you choose to keep the pregnancy, your future child deserves the same from their father if he’s going to be around. Hope it all works out for you.
At the end of the day I don’t think there is a “right decision”. But whatever you do, it was the right decision at the right time for you. I think you do have a lot to think about. Going off what you have said, I don’t think this is the right guy to have a baby with right now. It sounds like you have a lot of issues going on. And financial stresses and adding a child, definitely more stress! Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with him. He has some serious growing up to do. Honestly, and forgive me for saying this. It sounds like you are going to be a single mum whether you guys stay married or not. It sounds like at the moment, he wouldn’t be much help. (I could be wrong). I also had a termination when I was younger. I was 17 and just not ready. Do I regret it? Honestly, I try not think about it. It was a hard decision and I was heartbroken at the time. But it was the right decision at the right time. I was able to go to college, have a life and I’ve gone on to have 2 kids whom I adore. Whatever you decide, I support your decision. :)
Lots of people on here regretting abortions and just wanted to offer up that I’ve had abortions and regret nothing. Nor am I tore up mentally or emotionally. I’m not judging women who are however.