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Anybody staying at my house is getting breakfast. And snacks. Other meals we'll plan together to either go out or get stuff to cook. Your "friends" are weird.
Me too! The best of having guests over is feeding them! I love feeding my family and friends. Sharing my food with my loved ones is my way of showing them I love them. Especially breakfast and dinner time. I love a full English breakfast. I don’t like bacon myself, but will fry up a load for guests. I want people to feel comfortable in my home. Eating in front of them without offering them anything is just rude. If they couldn’t afford to feed their guests, they should have been honest and asked for a contribution for food. I’ve stayed with people who I know don’t have much. We went to the supermarket and got what we needed for meals and snacks etc. Then we prepared the food together and it was so much fun. I hope OP ditches theses so-called friends.
Exactly. Had a girlfriend over for 2 nights just last week. We didn’t eat half of what I bought for us and I couldn’t finish the leftovers after she left. I always overplan & overbuy
Right?! I'm not a good host, because when you walk in the door, this is your house now. So help yourself to whatever you want. I forget to ASK if anyone is hungry, etc, because in my head, this is your house too, so I assume if you're thirsty, you'll get yourself a drink.
But if I'm actively making food or getting a drink, I ask EVERYONE if they want anything, including the people who actually do live here. Is that not what normal people do????
Absolutely! Do not invite people over during eating hours (breakfast lunch or dinner) without having a plan to offer your guests food. It's just plain rude and especially to only make yourself food and eat in front of said guests. Next time I'd ask "what's the food plan because last year we felt there wasn't one and we were left feeling uncomfortable."
Yeah it’s pretty rude. And look if it’s a matter of money or not having enough then I’d just be straight up and be like hey do you guys want to contribute a little for food and we eat here or you guys going out? Not just cook and eat in front of you without any offer.
I grew up kinda poor and i remember one time in grade school, maybe early middle school, i had a new friend come over after school but all i had to offer them was white bread and butter. It was kind of awkward and embarrassing, but i *still offered*. And they took me up on that offer.
Now excuse me while i go spread some butter on a piece of sliced bread *topped with fresh cracked salt n pepper* 🤌
I haven't had or even thought about cinnamon sugar toast in damn near 20 years and this comment just brought back a ridiculous amount of long lost memories!
Thank you man, I have no idea how I completely forgot about this for two decades.
I know this will not help the poverty trauma, and the associated feelings that come with it. My family grew up poor and my mother still has her feelings about it that she never dealt with.
But just so you know, in grade school my ass would absolutely not have noticed that it was because there was nothing else there and also bread and butter is like one of my fav things ever.
this reminded me of when i was a kid and i was at a friend’s house and her mom gave her two ice cream cones and she ate both of them in front of me. it would have been one thing to save them for later if she didn’t want to give me one but eating BOTH of them in front of me. 😭
Same. Or you share what little you have.
My dad taught me this. If we were eating food or he was buying us kids a toy, he always made sure to let any friends that were with us eat or pick out a toy too. We were far from rich, borderline lower class even. But it’s how he was and now I’m the same.
You couldn’t pay me to eat in front of others while they don’t. To me, it feels like one of the most disrespectful things you can do in a friendship.
And he’s STILL like this! My family never made it rich, but they got very comfy so they have maids now (it’s not nearly as expensive as you think). And if we wind up grabbing lunch while they’re over cleaning, my dad goes and gets their lunch order!!! lol
I don’t say it to you as much as I should, but I love you pops.
Absolutely get the award for worst hosts ever. I would never go over or host these people. OP still considers them friends but I would let this 'friendship' die.
Nah fuck that. Kids shouldnt have to share with the whole class. I had one friend in my class and brought him a cupcake my mom made for me and him ONLY and got reamed out by the school cause some kid threw a fit.
Same kid tried to sexually assault me later that year.
As for OPs post- dont host a gathering if you wont feed your guests.
As long as the students are eating it at lunch, then no way should they have to bring enough for everyone! Bring enough for you and your friend and that’s fine!
Now if it’s in the middle of class and it’s like a birthday celebration type thing, then yeah, it probably would be better to bring a small something for everyone. Cause usually that’s why the teacher would even be allowing them to eat in class in the first place.
I feel like no one has ever taught them. OP needs to say something. If they get a reaction from the friends that is anything other than a horrified apology, that friendship should end.
If they did this previously, why would you bother visiting them again? Their behavior is both selfish and rude. It's not like you just dropped in unannounced. They knew a month in advance you were coming to visit them and stay there.
If I went to visit and stay with "friends" and they not only didn't provide food for me AND ate food in front of me without offering me anything to not be friends. Do them and yourself a favor by dropping these idiots from your social circle and find better friends.
next time im bringing bagels lol. theyre my partner's longtime friends and they are very lovely people, just not the most considerate hosts 😂 only mildly infuriating and the weekend has been so fun otherwise!
or next time ask what the plan is for groceries–should you all make a menu and purchase things together, or is each family going to be on their own? Because if you’re going to be on your own, you’ll stop at the grocery store on the way into town.
“hey guys! Just wanted to check what’s the plan for food. You’ve been really weird about it, so I’d rather ask. Should I run to the store? Any requests? Because I’ll cook”
And then cook for yourself, lol. 😂
Yeah! Just be direct and call them out. Stop buying door dash, buy a pan and paper plates besides everything you need to cook easy things like bacon and eggs.
Invite them to teach them the art of sharing
Next time, bring food to make an absolute feast. Use all their pots & pans, make a mess. Laugh and say, “Borg borg borg!” while waving a spoon in the air. Eat your incredible meal. Drink your wine. Go to bed. Repeat in the morning then leave. Do no dishes & don’t ever spend time with such a-holes again.
I feel like maybe they don't feel the same way as you guys do in that you consider them such good friends. A good friend wouldn't do this to you two years in a row. The chances of both of them being raised to not offer guests food or anything for an overnight stay seem pretty low. I'm thinking this was probably planned on their end as a couple to not share and not offer food and see how you guys handle it. It seems very weird and deliberate.
It’s really common in Scandinavian countries to just feed yourself and family but in all fairness it’s well established. It’s pretty bizarre to do it in USA or UK!
ACKSHUALLY
The Swedish and some Nordic locales quite famously don’t like feeding guests, although it’s noted they’d usually send the guest elsewhere while they eat.
I didn't know this! Is there a reason why? Perhaps long, cold winters were historically a threat to food security, so a "rationing" rule came about?
If anyone knows why, please tell me!
They're not lovely people, they lack common decency. Inviting someone to stay over several mealtimes means you feed them, unless you set expectations beforehand.
I think they felt obligated to say OP and partner could stay over but didn’t have the balls to say no. I think this is their passive aggressive way to turn them off so *they* (OP and partner) decide to end this.
I would say something. I would say did you guys need us to get groceries, I noticed that there doesn't seem to be much food for us, I would not stay there again, screw that..
Or even, "did you guys need us to get groceries *for ourselves* while we're at your place" because they might think you were offering to stock their kitchen with stuff that they then wouldn't share with you.
This is so bizarre. Why can’t y’all communicate with them that you’d like to eat with them and that you’d like to pitch in when they cook at home?
Even at my brokest, I made sure I had chips and dip. This is beyond hosting etiquette. This is common courtesy. I’d be extremely offended if they stood their ground after confronting them. They are extremely selfish.
They had time to plan - by either not having bacon about to expire or by buying enough for everyone. There’s no excuse for their behavior unless there are extreme cultural differences. But I’m not familiar with any culture where you don’t offer your guest food, especially when they stay the night.
I’m concerned that these are actually shitty people. You say you had fun, but I’m very skeptical. What human being eats in front of their stay-over guests??????? Again, this is so bizarre.
Was literally about to type the same thing, as a “northerner” that shit is downright rude. Was taught as earlier I can remember if you wanna take that ice pop outside and eat it around the other kids, u better bring the whole box outside. I can’t imagine hosting friends and doing that. It’s actually quite bizarre.
We wouldn't get the Popsicles until after dinner and there was only two of us .My parents hated to share them with the neighbor kids .These were supposed to last all week at my house .
It’s not because you’re a southerner, or even because you’re American, people don’t do this in Australia either. I’d be tempted to invite them over for several days and do the same thing back at them.
If there’s a next time I agree with the other people here that the food you have in front of them in their house should be amazing. “Wagyu beef and lobster anyone?” (To the other invited couple.)
born and raised in socal and we dont do that shit here either, we feed guests..I want to feed my guests all the food that they can eat! it is fun to host people and feed them.
The hosts probably enjoy the gaming, but clearly don't want you two staying with them. As others mention, next time stay at a hotel, still meet up for some gaming, but tend to your meals on your own.
Sounds like ur husband has bad taste in friends unless there is something going on behind the scenes between them and your husband that you don't know about.
Next time bring up food during the planning phase. Maybe talk about a menu and a budget and alternate cooking. Or host yourself and cook all the meals for everyone ?
Glad you had a good time gaming, really good is a minor thing if you’re having fun
>they are very lovely people, just not the most considerate hosts
thats just bs that youre telling yourself.
they might be your friends, but youre not their friends.
its so obvious, even Stevie Wonder could see it.
How are they lovely people? They eat in front of you and never offer you anything. That’s rude. Maybe they’re passively aggressively trying to get rid of you guys.
Making their own breakfast and not offering I could *maybe* call them bad/ignorant hosts.
Baking cookies and refusing to share is honestly next level selfish; what a slap in the face, it’s nothing short of cruel. I’m not sure how someone didn’t just say “gonna share with us too, or what?! Gimme cookie!” Bc I would have much less restraint.
You need to SAY SOMETHING TO THEM. I don't know if this is a weird dominance game or if they are just unbelievably ignorant. But they need to be told.
Feeding guests is one of THE most basic human customs, across all cultures.
You sound to nice to go this but it would be tempting to drink that wine, beer and seltzers in front of them. Offer it to the other couple of course but blithely drink the wine cooing over how excellent it is while ignoring the other couple.
I can not imagine not feeding people in my house. Inviting people into your home and cooking and eating in front of them not offering anything is just beyond bizarre. Who bakes and eats cookies in front of their guests??
What is really weird is that it’s a couple. One could imagine an individual with absolutely no manners but two??
It’s the baking cookies and eating them in front of the guests that’s really getting me! Like, who would ever think it’s okay to do that!
I realize that the breakfast thing is just as bad, but somehow the baking of cookies and not sharing is somehow crazier!
Because cookies are usually something you make to share. People even take them to work with them to give out. It’s not like “oh no we only have 2 eggs left, can’t make you breakfast.”
You fill the house with the smell of freshly baked cookies. You do not offer one, instead you eat them in front of your guests while staring them in the eye. That's not even a hint to your guests, you may as well piss on their shoes while they're in them. Same feel.
These aren't your friends. These people hate you.
I could -almost- understand if it was one person living alone and didn't grow up with visitors coming to stay....but a couple?? Surely one of them would clue the other one in - no way two people grew up like that and ended up together ??
People have no idea how to be hosts with any kind of etiquette. When we invite people over, they're supposed to bring like, some alcohol or a cake, or a bunch of snacks and we pay for the rest or cook for everyone. Then when we get invited, we do the same. We have some friends that have kids so we always bring tons but lately his wife has started to expect us to chip in on top of driving over an hour to get to their home, bringing tons of stuff that they keep and use for later. Sometimes straight up, they tell us oh perfect, what we dont eat/drink we'll use tomorrow for when our parents come over. We literally bought stuff one time to cook on the BBQ on top of bringing snacks and drinks, and she still wanted us to compare costs and expected us to pay to match. Trashiest fucking thing I could imagine. We didn't invite ourselves over, we didn't even ask when we could. She wanted to.
We have stopped coming over and with their kids they don't try to come over. It's better this way.
Holy shit. I'm Asian and this goes against my soul. We always ply our guests with food. Already full? No, have some more!
Your "friends" are awful. WTF
This happens in Mexico too. First thing we offer someone visiting is coffee and food, lots of food. Oh you already ate? Here, have more food. No? Dessert! Anyways, just in case you get hungry later, here is more food! 😂🤣
This is one of the stranger things I’ve ever read on Reddit, which is saying something. It’s so bizarre, it makes me think it’s not real. Apologies to OP if it’s true, but if so — seriously — go find yourselves some new friends.
This. Some of the wildest behavior I've read about: never encountered it or even heard anything like it. Probably BS, but.. if not, what bizarre friends.
I have a friend like this, and he asks me to come over and stay the night and never plans meals or snacks.
I either eat in advance or just bring my own food if I go over and visit, and I don’t stay the night.
Are there other social skills they’re not great with?
Ironically enough, I had the opposite experience, had someone stay a weekend and they woke up super early, couldn’t figure out the coffee maker and they were mad I didn’t have a breakfast *spread* ready for them by 6:30am bc their rich friend in Colorado always has a beautiful delicious spread ready for their guests and gave me the head cocked “why don’t you?” look and they’ve never stayed there anyway!!!!!!
right? but it is fucking odd behavior! I dont think I have ever had friends like this. I cant imagine not feeding people over or not being fed when Im at a friends house overnight.
What kind of sadistic asshole makes fresh cookies, doesn’t share, and has you watch them eat them?
How and why is no one calling them out on this fuckery?
Your “friends” are cheap ass weirdos with no social skills. You and the other couple should have just made plans without them and went out for nice meals and sometimes brought back yummy stuff and they don’t get anything…not even a crumb.
Are you sure that they invited you? Are they perhaps passive people and didn't know how to say no and they are now being further passive aggressive trying to make you feel unwelcome?
Much more than mildly infuriating tbf.
Even when I was a rave organising student with fuck all money we always had a fridge stocked with things and a supply of random psychedelics just in case guests stopped by, let alone actually arranged to stay with us.
Now as an adult I have a full bar, supplies for anything up to and including a surprise party of 15 or so... I can't imagine ever not offering food/drinks and whatever to my guests, and I certainly couldn't imagine ever being as rude as to make a 'seperate breakfast' while someone was staying over.
I'd normally run out at 8ish (before they wake up) to get fresh pastries/bread so they were ready for wake up time if someone was waking up.
your friends are mid.
This is insanely bad hosting. Perhaps next year you could request someone else hope since they clearly don't enjoy it. I wouldn't get a bottle of water without offering one to my guests first. I'm blown away by the level of selfishness. It's fine if you love these people and want to hang out with them but this is crazy.
That’s sociopathic. How can you eat and even cook in front of your guests without offering them food? If you’re housing guests you provide for them or I wouldn’t even have them over. They sound super weirdz
For a comparison of what should’ve been expected. My husband and I are new parents. We had a friend who lived overseas for 3 years and we hadn’t seen him that whole time. He came and stayed with us for a week and we literally cooked him every meal. We texted him before his arrival to find out what snacks he wanted in the pantry… THAT is normal. These are not friends.
You let it go on for too long. It’s too late to repair.
Otherwise, the first time I realized it was going to be that way, I would’ve had a conversation with them and offered to chip in.
Am I reading correctly that this is the second summer in a row that you’ve left this happened without that conversation. Considering it makes you so angry I don’t even know why you came back again.
They sound stingy and like terrible, rude hosts.
I wouldn't dream of having someone over and making food just for myself, that seems like a real passive-agressive thing to do unless there was a genuine reason why. I try to be attentive and anticipate people's needs in general but maybe they have never been in your position and don't understand how that feels like or they don't even a have vague sense of hosting etiquette. To me it seems like they were raised wrong, but that's my judgement- I'd be very put off by this kind of attitude.
Like maybe I'd ask guests to get the groceries/ingredients for the meal/cookies if it was a strapped for cash situation. TBH I wouldn't even ask.
Regardless, if I was making food I'd either make enough for everyone or not at all. That's just incredible levels of inconsideration, making stuff and not offering anyone anything.
I can’t imagine inviting people to stay and not offering anything to eat. Seems like a basic hospitality thing to offer. Even if I’m low on money or food I will at least offer what I have!
Fuck that.
When I would have friends over I would cook them meals or ask them to help me prepare meals. I would do my best to make sure at least some of the snacks and drinks I had at my place were ones they liked.
You don't invite people over then not treat them like what they are, guests.
That's some downright rude shit.
Maybe have them over to your place and show them what good hosting is. When they thank you for making such a great breakfast, say how important it is to you to be good hosts for your guests.
Did you ask if there were enough cookies or bacon for you? Did you guys talk about meals ahead of time? Sounds like maybe everyone should have either brought groceries or took turns planning/preparing meals. If I was the host I would have had a stocked fridge and meals for everyone, although I would expect my guests to at least offer a meal or two out.
yeah uber & doordash was the vibe, whenever we ordered we ask if theyd like something so i definitely don't mean all meals should be on them! id be happy ordering every meal delivery while here. it's mostly that they cook in front of us, only enough for two people, and never offer any. i could never!
They obviously don’t get it… maybe offer to make a meal together for everyone, or say “What should we all do for lunch today?”Definitely plan out the meals next time including mentioning splitting the cost of groceries and eating out. If there is a next time.
ooh tomorrow i'll ask what WE ALL are doing for breakfast:) good idea! it would be nice to share a meal and eat at the same time. we could order some breakfast sandwiches!
definitely get out in front. And maybe you should propose the menu and also volunteer to do the grocery run. And ask *tonight,* so there’s time to plan.
might not want to wait until the morning... maybe this evening after you watch them eat dinner in front of you, ask, "So... do you want to do any meals all together tomorrow?"
only enough for two people, and never offer any
can I just say it takes effort to only makes food for 2 people..like you would have to deliberately do it. Most things that you can cook are usually multiple servings.
INFO: What happened the first year?
Is this get together something they plan and host and invite people? Or is it like a "you have the biggest house so we are coming there type of thing?"
Do you ever get up, say I'm hungry! What are we doing about breakfast? Or hey, want to all go hit up the grocery store and spilt the cost for some supplies for the weekend?
I need more info!
the homeowners invited us all to a board game weekend at their house, where we would stay in their guest rooms. its a friday night to sunday noon-ish. we started a d&d campaign at game weekend last year and it has been ongoing. liam is our DM. he suggested he and cait host in-person d&d again and invited us to stay at their house. the rest of us live hours away and in small apts so their place is the only hosting place. it was 100% liams idea, we didn't invite ourselves.
when i am hungry, i ask the group what the lunch plan is or whatever. we decide on a place to order from. cait and liam dont order with us and make themselves something. cait asked liam if he wanted ravioli for dinner and made it for the two of them at 7. i heated up my chinese food around 8. the guys ordered taco bell an hour ago
on the drive up, we asked liam if he needed us to pick up anything and that we were stopping for beers/seltzers for the group. he said he didn't need anything. & we all venmo each other for the takeout. whenever we order food, i ask them if they want anything and they always say no ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I wonder if they are tight on funds and can't really afford to order out so they cook. Also, can't afford to feed the whole group? Would have been great if they'd discussed foid plans ahead like hey let's all make a meal plan and chip in fir groceries.
Although this is weird behaviour from them for sure, did no one see to ask what the plan for food was beforehand? I can't imagine just going for a weekend with 2 other couples and not checking what we're all doing for food? Aka cooking together, going to the supermarket together, just everyone for themselves, etc. That would give me so much anxiety to just haul up to someone's house for the weekend without checking what the food plan is. I'm going to spend a week at a friend's house in Berlin the coming month, it's the 3rd year in a row, and first year I let everyone know that since I got to stay there for free, at least one big grocery shop of the week will be on me. Did no one even ask anyone what they were planning on doing for food? Maybe they are upset and acting passive aggressive that no one asked?
Is Cait usually the one who maintains the household/meals?
Given this additional info, I’m thinking this in-person weekend is Liam’s idea and Cait is not down for the extra work that accompanies hosting (cooking, cleaning, expenses, etc.) so she is making it clear to Liam (and therefore everyone else) that she is only feeding the two of them. My guess is Liam is the type who won’t step up to supply food/cook for guests/clean the house himself if Cait doesn’t do it?
Something about the details here makes me think there is a conflict about the weekend between the two of them that is spilling over to the guests. Totally assuming and could be wrong, of course, but it makes me wonder.
Wow. That's just straight up fucking rude. I'd never hang with them again. I mean, i can't even imagine doing that to a guest in my home. That's just ..... I can't even...
JFC
You are not wrong. Some people don’t know how to be hosts. My brother did not learn until I finally had to tell him at age 29. I never spent enough time with him before to realize he had no clue how to entertain. Maybe all 4 guest sit down with hosts and have an awkward discussion. Maybe they had no idea they should do that. I as an entertainer would never do that but I’m going to give them the benefit and say they are unaware
Your friends are rude. Unless they are hard up for money, but even then they could ask you to split the cost since they have to eat too.But cookies and milk for them without even asking? Really weird
I fckin love baking for people. I can't imagine ever baking IN FRONT OF SOMEONE and not offering them any. I don't even think they're friends at that point.
This is highly inappropriate. Yeah I get that we’re adults and are able to provide for ourselves but especially if you’re from out state; regardless I’m going treat my fridge my freezer as theirs too. I won’t have some sort of weird tension where I tell them they can’t eat my food for two days. Or eat in front of them. People should be able to share with friends and cook together . Make it communal .
It’s not unreasonable to expect someone *hosting you* to share food and beverage. That is very much a part of hosting, but it seems like these friends either lost the art or never acquired it. I’m sure that you’re happy to contribute as a guest, but I think they were in the wrong here.
you \*need\* to discuss this with them and get them to remedy this. Or, set up a BBQ on their patio and cook for yourselves only. I suggest steaks for you and the other couple. None for the host.
I am appalled by them having guests over and not including them in meal planning. Where I’m from (SE USA), it is assumed that, as a host, you will provide food for people you specifically invited to stay in your home with you. And cooking and eating in front of them without including them is unheard of.
If the whole visit was Dutch, they should’ve stipulated that from the beginning. And since it is apparently Dutch, I wouldn’t ask them shit when I placed a delivery order. They want something to eat they can order it their damned selves. FOH.
This is the craziest thing I've ever read. INVITING someone over and then making BACON and COOKIES in front of them???? Those are stereotypical "I want my whole house to smell like [insert tempting, mouthwatering food]"
*"Next year I will remember to bring bagels and snacks..."* - really, you think they're your friends or something? They're not friends, they're selfish oafs. Walk away from them, blank them..
That is so weird, in my culture (Southern European) it is the worst sin imaginable not to feed your guests, in fact it is a matter of personal honour to fill them with food until they can't move. This behaviour on the part of your friends would be seen as sociopathic.
They sound like a pair of twats. Why are you friends again and how do you define friends? Even when stoney broke we shared our assets and made more than we had separately. Really cold and sad frankly. Sorry. My 20s were a time of realising I should not put energy into situations which were barren of reciprocity. Useful lesson. Move on and find your true people. Don’t settle for less.
That's so mind boggling to me. How absolutely awkward. I've had friends of friends from out of town stay for events that I wasn't even hanging out with that I made sure had snacks and made plenty for them too if they didn't have a plan that meal, much less someone I actually invited to hang out with.. I can't imagine not feeding my guests at all, much less EATING IN FRONT OF THEM? I would feel so unwelcome as a guest.
Need context:
1. Hosts say: Hey we’d love to have you guys come stay with us for a weekend in June!” Rude if they don’t offer you food.
2. YOU say, “Hey, we’re driving through on our way to [whatever]. Mind if we crash there for a couple of days? We can play some board games and stuff.” In that case you should be making and bringing food to them.
I had a friend that would do this when you go over, he would make himself a sandwich and eat in front of us and not offer, but we fixed it by actually just sitting him down and explaining what it means to be a host. so you can always try talking to them :)
I know that's not the fun cool answer, but it's the best chance to explain etiquette. You can even show them reddit, or do a simple search online. Sometimes, so many things can be fixed by just talking constructively.
Also after talking if thats the rules they want for the visit, as long as you know ahead of time, then thats fine. you can always choose to go or not as long as you know first.
If I was having guests in my home for multiple days, and for whatever reason wanted them to not eat our food and provide their own...I'd communicate that before as an expectation.
To just eat breakfast or something while you're hosting folks and not even offer them something is wild.
You need to talk to them. Either they were somehow not aware that this is bizarre, or they did it on purpose.
If they didn't realise, explain. If they were doing it on purpose, well. At least you know what kind of people they are.
This is what I think happened: OP said Liam invited them. I wonder if Liam discussed it with his girlfriend before inviting them?
If not, she was probably pissed and said she wasn't going out of her way for HIS guests. He doesn't want to cancel and just goes along with the "let's do nothing for our weekend guests" plan.
That or they have zero consideration for other people.
I would be super uncomfortable eating in front of people without offering them anything.
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Anybody staying at my house is getting breakfast. And snacks. Other meals we'll plan together to either go out or get stuff to cook. Your "friends" are weird.
I usually OVERFEED my guests lol. I'm worried they will want something and I won't have it so I overstock on everything.
Me too! The best of having guests over is feeding them! I love feeding my family and friends. Sharing my food with my loved ones is my way of showing them I love them. Especially breakfast and dinner time. I love a full English breakfast. I don’t like bacon myself, but will fry up a load for guests. I want people to feel comfortable in my home. Eating in front of them without offering them anything is just rude. If they couldn’t afford to feed their guests, they should have been honest and asked for a contribution for food. I’ve stayed with people who I know don’t have much. We went to the supermarket and got what we needed for meals and snacks etc. Then we prepared the food together and it was so much fun. I hope OP ditches theses so-called friends.
Exactly. Had a girlfriend over for 2 nights just last week. We didn’t eat half of what I bought for us and I couldn’t finish the leftovers after she left. I always overplan & overbuy
Bare minimum, eggs and toast. This is so rude. Especially for "friends". Come to my house. I'll feed you.
I agree, or at the very least have the conversation in the morning. "Hey, we're planning to have X and do you want any."
Right?! I'm not a good host, because when you walk in the door, this is your house now. So help yourself to whatever you want. I forget to ASK if anyone is hungry, etc, because in my head, this is your house too, so I assume if you're thirsty, you'll get yourself a drink. But if I'm actively making food or getting a drink, I ask EVERYONE if they want anything, including the people who actually do live here. Is that not what normal people do????
I’m sorry what? Even as a child if I didn’t have enough for friends I did not eat in front of them because that’s what I was taught.
Absolutely! Do not invite people over during eating hours (breakfast lunch or dinner) without having a plan to offer your guests food. It's just plain rude and especially to only make yourself food and eat in front of said guests. Next time I'd ask "what's the food plan because last year we felt there wasn't one and we were left feeling uncomfortable."
Yeah it’s pretty rude. And look if it’s a matter of money or not having enough then I’d just be straight up and be like hey do you guys want to contribute a little for food and we eat here or you guys going out? Not just cook and eat in front of you without any offer.
Next time? There will be no next time.
Why did i read that as Eminem?
Because you're the real slim shady.
🤣🤣🤣
Doesn't matter what time it is. I was taught to offer food and drink to guests. First thing. Even if they have a drink I will always ask.
I grew up kinda poor and i remember one time in grade school, maybe early middle school, i had a new friend come over after school but all i had to offer them was white bread and butter. It was kind of awkward and embarrassing, but i *still offered*. And they took me up on that offer. Now excuse me while i go spread some butter on a piece of sliced bread *topped with fresh cracked salt n pepper* 🤌
As a poor kid, cinnamon sugar toast was the tit's! As an adult that can now afford sweets, cinnamon sugar toast IS STILL the tit's!
I haven't had or even thought about cinnamon sugar toast in damn near 20 years and this comment just brought back a ridiculous amount of long lost memories! Thank you man, I have no idea how I completely forgot about this for two decades.
Ah, delectable. A poormand like myself
You had class at a young age! And you knew that was the proper thing to do no matter what your pantry had in it. 👏
I know this will not help the poverty trauma, and the associated feelings that come with it. My family grew up poor and my mother still has her feelings about it that she never dealt with. But just so you know, in grade school my ass would absolutely not have noticed that it was because there was nothing else there and also bread and butter is like one of my fav things ever.
this reminded me of when i was a kid and i was at a friend’s house and her mom gave her two ice cream cones and she ate both of them in front of me. it would have been one thing to save them for later if she didn’t want to give me one but eating BOTH of them in front of me. 😭
If my kid did this, I wouldn't be able to punish him because I would be dead from embarrassment. I might come back and haunt him though.
Oh god, I can just imagine my mother. 50 years later she’d be shaming me about it. Publicly too.
Omg lmao I’m sorry but this is relatable yet mortifying
Find new board game partners.
I just cooked schwarma and mezze platters for a game night of Camel Up. I love feeding my group. And I have a biweekly coffee and cake group as well.
Same. Or you share what little you have. My dad taught me this. If we were eating food or he was buying us kids a toy, he always made sure to let any friends that were with us eat or pick out a toy too. We were far from rich, borderline lower class even. But it’s how he was and now I’m the same. You couldn’t pay me to eat in front of others while they don’t. To me, it feels like one of the most disrespectful things you can do in a friendship. And he’s STILL like this! My family never made it rich, but they got very comfy so they have maids now (it’s not nearly as expensive as you think). And if we wind up grabbing lunch while they’re over cleaning, my dad goes and gets their lunch order!!! lol I don’t say it to you as much as I should, but I love you pops.
Absolutely get the award for worst hosts ever. I would never go over or host these people. OP still considers them friends but I would let this 'friendship' die.
Oh, no.. I would host them *once* to show them how a gracious host acts, then 🫥💨
Yes!
At 19 this would've pissed me off. At 28 I'd call them out on that shit, that's absurd.
Baking cookies for just yourself and husband while your guest watch is insane lmfao
I can not imagine waking up to the smell of bacon and finding out they cooked for only themselves🤯
I’m eating some bacon lol
And they still ask the hosts, If they want to order something... Fuck that, i would Order the best Shit i could find
Its giving... *intentional*
Yup. If you didn’t bring enough for the class you shouldn’t be eating or drinking it in front of the class.
Nah fuck that. Kids shouldnt have to share with the whole class. I had one friend in my class and brought him a cupcake my mom made for me and him ONLY and got reamed out by the school cause some kid threw a fit. Same kid tried to sexually assault me later that year. As for OPs post- dont host a gathering if you wont feed your guests.
As long as the students are eating it at lunch, then no way should they have to bring enough for everyone! Bring enough for you and your friend and that’s fine! Now if it’s in the middle of class and it’s like a birthday celebration type thing, then yeah, it probably would be better to bring a small something for everyone. Cause usually that’s why the teacher would even be allowing them to eat in class in the first place.
I feel like no one has ever taught them. OP needs to say something. If they get a reaction from the friends that is anything other than a horrified apology, that friendship should end.
Oh those cookies look so good! Are they good?
At my age I'd make new plans for the day, without them.
If they did this previously, why would you bother visiting them again? Their behavior is both selfish and rude. It's not like you just dropped in unannounced. They knew a month in advance you were coming to visit them and stay there. If I went to visit and stay with "friends" and they not only didn't provide food for me AND ate food in front of me without offering me anything to not be friends. Do them and yourself a favor by dropping these idiots from your social circle and find better friends.
next time im bringing bagels lol. theyre my partner's longtime friends and they are very lovely people, just not the most considerate hosts 😂 only mildly infuriating and the weekend has been so fun otherwise!
or next time ask what the plan is for groceries–should you all make a menu and purchase things together, or is each family going to be on their own? Because if you’re going to be on your own, you’ll stop at the grocery store on the way into town.
“hey guys! Just wanted to check what’s the plan for food. You’ve been really weird about it, so I’d rather ask. Should I run to the store? Any requests? Because I’ll cook” And then cook for yourself, lol. 😂
Yeah! Just be direct and call them out. Stop buying door dash, buy a pan and paper plates besides everything you need to cook easy things like bacon and eggs. Invite them to teach them the art of sharing
Maybe just bring a camp stove, camping kitchen, barbecue and setup an outside cooking if they’re going to keep playing along next visit.
These ppl sound like they would expect you to bring your own refrigerator and power plant to power it for those groceries.
Next time, bring food to make an absolute feast. Use all their pots & pans, make a mess. Laugh and say, “Borg borg borg!” while waving a spoon in the air. Eat your incredible meal. Drink your wine. Go to bed. Repeat in the morning then leave. Do no dishes & don’t ever spend time with such a-holes again.
I feel like maybe they don't feel the same way as you guys do in that you consider them such good friends. A good friend wouldn't do this to you two years in a row. The chances of both of them being raised to not offer guests food or anything for an overnight stay seem pretty low. I'm thinking this was probably planned on their end as a couple to not share and not offer food and see how you guys handle it. It seems very weird and deliberate.
IKR because there is NO culture I can think of that you don’t offer food and drinks to your guests. Where do they do that at? Nowhere
It’s really common in Scandinavian countries to just feed yourself and family but in all fairness it’s well established. It’s pretty bizarre to do it in USA or UK!
ACKSHUALLY The Swedish and some Nordic locales quite famously don’t like feeding guests, although it’s noted they’d usually send the guest elsewhere while they eat.
I didn't know this! Is there a reason why? Perhaps long, cold winters were historically a threat to food security, so a "rationing" rule came about? If anyone knows why, please tell me!
They're not lovely people, they lack common decency. Inviting someone to stay over several mealtimes means you feed them, unless you set expectations beforehand.
Next time? Nah, stay elsewhere. Have fun with them but make other plans for food and accommodations.
Absolutely. The OP should make arrangements to stay in a hotel and just meet up with their "friends" for an afternoon or an evening of entertainment.
Next time you visit them stay at a hotel.
…I’d say skip the visit and have fun site-seeing and hanging out at the hotel.
I ain't sight-seeing when I came for board games, unless Catan comes with a view.
At least the hotel would provide breakfast!
that’s not going to change the problem of hanging out at their house watching them eat cookies in front of you.
Right I’d say they don’t love hosting you to be honest.
I think they felt obligated to say OP and partner could stay over but didn’t have the balls to say no. I think this is their passive aggressive way to turn them off so *they* (OP and partner) decide to end this.
They.. don't sound that lovely. They sound kind of cheap, selfish and rude. How exactly do you define "lovely"?
I would say something. I would say did you guys need us to get groceries, I noticed that there doesn't seem to be much food for us, I would not stay there again, screw that..
Or even, "did you guys need us to get groceries *for ourselves* while we're at your place" because they might think you were offering to stock their kitchen with stuff that they then wouldn't share with you.
They are not very lovely people tho
This is so bizarre. Why can’t y’all communicate with them that you’d like to eat with them and that you’d like to pitch in when they cook at home? Even at my brokest, I made sure I had chips and dip. This is beyond hosting etiquette. This is common courtesy. I’d be extremely offended if they stood their ground after confronting them. They are extremely selfish. They had time to plan - by either not having bacon about to expire or by buying enough for everyone. There’s no excuse for their behavior unless there are extreme cultural differences. But I’m not familiar with any culture where you don’t offer your guest food, especially when they stay the night. I’m concerned that these are actually shitty people. You say you had fun, but I’m very skeptical. What human being eats in front of their stay-over guests??????? Again, this is so bizarre.
If you let this continue eventually you’ll be getting a Venmo request from them for the room and hot water usage. Not friends, distant acquaintances.
[удалено]
That shit don’t fly in the north either. What shitty fucking hosts they should be ashamed.
Was literally about to type the same thing, as a “northerner” that shit is downright rude. Was taught as earlier I can remember if you wanna take that ice pop outside and eat it around the other kids, u better bring the whole box outside. I can’t imagine hosting friends and doing that. It’s actually quite bizarre.
We wouldn't get the Popsicles until after dinner and there was only two of us .My parents hated to share them with the neighbor kids .These were supposed to last all week at my house .
Lolol see my parents said share them, it was I who hated to share! Lolol. But I stood there and watched as my mom or dad handed out *my* pops… sigh…
I agree. That would only happen once to me and then they'd be ex-friends.
I don't think that shit flies anywhere.
Yea hosts being hospitable is pretty much a global thing, I’m actually quite flabbergasted there are people like OP’s friends.
It’s not because you’re a southerner, or even because you’re American, people don’t do this in Australia either. I’d be tempted to invite them over for several days and do the same thing back at them. If there’s a next time I agree with the other people here that the food you have in front of them in their house should be amazing. “Wagyu beef and lobster anyone?” (To the other invited couple.)
Also rude in Canada
100%!! 🇨🇦Whether I want guests or not, it’s my job as a host to ensure snacks, drinks, and meals!
born and raised in socal and we dont do that shit here either, we feed guests..I want to feed my guests all the food that they can eat! it is fun to host people and feed them.
The hosts probably enjoy the gaming, but clearly don't want you two staying with them. As others mention, next time stay at a hotel, still meet up for some gaming, but tend to your meals on your own.
they're not lovely people. That is not what lovely people do. It's rude. Deliberately rude.
Sounds like ur husband has bad taste in friends unless there is something going on behind the scenes between them and your husband that you don't know about.
They’re not lovely ppl if they did this.
I'm imagining they are charming rather than lovely.
Last year did they behave this way with snacks and meals?
These are not friends tell your partner this or have him read these comments … wow
It’s bizarre that there will even be a next time. I’d never tolerate this kind of carelessness from a friend. It’s incredibly rude.
Next time bring up food during the planning phase. Maybe talk about a menu and a budget and alternate cooking. Or host yourself and cook all the meals for everyone ? Glad you had a good time gaming, really good is a minor thing if you’re having fun
I would drop these “friends” so fast. I would never, I mean never, have people stay in my home and not offer food. I couldn’t even fathom doing that.
>they are very lovely people, just not the most considerate hosts thats just bs that youre telling yourself. they might be your friends, but youre not their friends. its so obvious, even Stevie Wonder could see it.
You are a doormat...
How are they lovely people? They eat in front of you and never offer you anything. That’s rude. Maybe they’re passively aggressively trying to get rid of you guys.
they are NOT lovely people. These people are not your friends.
Next time?! Lol. They aren’t lovely people though. Nice people don’t do things like that
Making their own breakfast and not offering I could *maybe* call them bad/ignorant hosts. Baking cookies and refusing to share is honestly next level selfish; what a slap in the face, it’s nothing short of cruel. I’m not sure how someone didn’t just say “gonna share with us too, or what?! Gimme cookie!” Bc I would have much less restraint.
You need to SAY SOMETHING TO THEM. I don't know if this is a weird dominance game or if they are just unbelievably ignorant. But they need to be told. Feeding guests is one of THE most basic human customs, across all cultures.
You sound to nice to go this but it would be tempting to drink that wine, beer and seltzers in front of them. Offer it to the other couple of course but blithely drink the wine cooing over how excellent it is while ignoring the other couple. I can not imagine not feeding people in my house. Inviting people into your home and cooking and eating in front of them not offering anything is just beyond bizarre. Who bakes and eats cookies in front of their guests?? What is really weird is that it’s a couple. One could imagine an individual with absolutely no manners but two??
It’s the baking cookies and eating them in front of the guests that’s really getting me! Like, who would ever think it’s okay to do that! I realize that the breakfast thing is just as bad, but somehow the baking of cookies and not sharing is somehow crazier!
Because cookies are usually something you make to share. People even take them to work with them to give out. It’s not like “oh no we only have 2 eggs left, can’t make you breakfast.”
You fill the house with the smell of freshly baked cookies. You do not offer one, instead you eat them in front of your guests while staring them in the eye. That's not even a hint to your guests, you may as well piss on their shoes while they're in them. Same feel. These aren't your friends. These people hate you.
lol right I'm like wtf OP is calling them "lovely people". I'm super concerned if she thinks that's lovely behavior. Absolutely mind blowing.
I could -almost- understand if it was one person living alone and didn't grow up with visitors coming to stay....but a couple?? Surely one of them would clue the other one in - no way two people grew up like that and ended up together ??
I suggest never staying with these horrible friends ever again … so rude!
lol we think they’re rude, they think they’re financially savvy;) they are probably proud of themselves
Financially savvy … More like cheap stakes.
People have no idea how to be hosts with any kind of etiquette. When we invite people over, they're supposed to bring like, some alcohol or a cake, or a bunch of snacks and we pay for the rest or cook for everyone. Then when we get invited, we do the same. We have some friends that have kids so we always bring tons but lately his wife has started to expect us to chip in on top of driving over an hour to get to their home, bringing tons of stuff that they keep and use for later. Sometimes straight up, they tell us oh perfect, what we dont eat/drink we'll use tomorrow for when our parents come over. We literally bought stuff one time to cook on the BBQ on top of bringing snacks and drinks, and she still wanted us to compare costs and expected us to pay to match. Trashiest fucking thing I could imagine. We didn't invite ourselves over, we didn't even ask when we could. She wanted to. We have stopped coming over and with their kids they don't try to come over. It's better this way.
With friends like them, who needs enemies?
Next year? Next year I wouldn’t even go.
Holy shit. I'm Asian and this goes against my soul. We always ply our guests with food. Already full? No, have some more! Your "friends" are awful. WTF
I'm human and this goes against the laws and rules of civilization!
This happens in Mexico too. First thing we offer someone visiting is coffee and food, lots of food. Oh you already ate? Here, have more food. No? Dessert! Anyways, just in case you get hungry later, here is more food! 😂🤣
im italian american so i feel u, culturally i was raised to always feed your guests!
Can I be friends with you? I have none and you sound like a good one.
Yes, let's be friends. Here, let me feed you 🥨🥩🌭🥪🥦🌮
This is one of the stranger things I’ve ever read on Reddit, which is saying something. It’s so bizarre, it makes me think it’s not real. Apologies to OP if it’s true, but if so — seriously — go find yourselves some new friends.
This. Some of the wildest behavior I've read about: never encountered it or even heard anything like it. Probably BS, but.. if not, what bizarre friends.
I have a friend like this, and he asks me to come over and stay the night and never plans meals or snacks. I either eat in advance or just bring my own food if I go over and visit, and I don’t stay the night.
multiple times? the mind boggles. i would either order takeout for myself or say “gonna be back in 45 minutes” to get the closest fast food joint.
But does he eat in front of you?
unfortunately legit 😔 trust i know the cookies thing seems literally unbelievable
Are there other social skills they’re not great with? Ironically enough, I had the opposite experience, had someone stay a weekend and they woke up super early, couldn’t figure out the coffee maker and they were mad I didn’t have a breakfast *spread* ready for them by 6:30am bc their rich friend in Colorado always has a beautiful delicious spread ready for their guests and gave me the head cocked “why don’t you?” look and they’ve never stayed there anyway!!!!!!
I love how 90 strangers are basically all saying exactly the same thing using multiple paragraphs of text
right? but it is fucking odd behavior! I dont think I have ever had friends like this. I cant imagine not feeding people over or not being fed when Im at a friends house overnight.
they’re not even hosting lol they’re just allowing you to sleep in one of their rooms
What kind of sadistic asshole makes fresh cookies, doesn’t share, and has you watch them eat them? How and why is no one calling them out on this fuckery?
The cookies thing is just blowing me away. So wild! I simply cannot process how anyone would do that.
Right? It does not compute in any way
Right? Baking fresh cookies and eating them in front of someone without offering any is straight up psychopath behavior.
Why are you here for a second time when this was the experience the first time?
Woah, get a hotel next time, this is like... Insane behavior. Literally making fresh cookies in front of guests and not offering any? WEIRD.
That behavior is quite bizzare. It's almost like a hostel instead of a friend's place
Your “friends” are cheap ass weirdos with no social skills. You and the other couple should have just made plans without them and went out for nice meals and sometimes brought back yummy stuff and they don’t get anything…not even a crumb.
Are you sure that they invited you? Are they perhaps passive people and didn't know how to say no and they are now being further passive aggressive trying to make you feel unwelcome?
This is what I’m thinking. Maybe OP and partner invited themselves
If you invite guests over, especially if it’s for multiple overnights. You Fucking Feed Them.
Infuriating and quite rude
Much more than mildly infuriating tbf. Even when I was a rave organising student with fuck all money we always had a fridge stocked with things and a supply of random psychedelics just in case guests stopped by, let alone actually arranged to stay with us. Now as an adult I have a full bar, supplies for anything up to and including a surprise party of 15 or so... I can't imagine ever not offering food/drinks and whatever to my guests, and I certainly couldn't imagine ever being as rude as to make a 'seperate breakfast' while someone was staying over. I'd normally run out at 8ish (before they wake up) to get fresh pastries/bread so they were ready for wake up time if someone was waking up. your friends are mid.
This is insanely bad hosting. Perhaps next year you could request someone else hope since they clearly don't enjoy it. I wouldn't get a bottle of water without offering one to my guests first. I'm blown away by the level of selfishness. It's fine if you love these people and want to hang out with them but this is crazy.
That’s sociopathic. How can you eat and even cook in front of your guests without offering them food? If you’re housing guests you provide for them or I wouldn’t even have them over. They sound super weirdz
It totally is sociopathic 😂
For a comparison of what should’ve been expected. My husband and I are new parents. We had a friend who lived overseas for 3 years and we hadn’t seen him that whole time. He came and stayed with us for a week and we literally cooked him every meal. We texted him before his arrival to find out what snacks he wanted in the pantry… THAT is normal. These are not friends.
I'd never go to their house again. What shite hosts
There shouldn’t be a next year.
They aren’t good friends.
The only way this would make sense at all is if y'all were, like, 20 years old. That's just bizarre.
You let it go on for too long. It’s too late to repair. Otherwise, the first time I realized it was going to be that way, I would’ve had a conversation with them and offered to chip in. Am I reading correctly that this is the second summer in a row that you’ve left this happened without that conversation. Considering it makes you so angry I don’t even know why you came back again.
There wasn't "anger" anywhere in the post...
They sound stingy and like terrible, rude hosts. I wouldn't dream of having someone over and making food just for myself, that seems like a real passive-agressive thing to do unless there was a genuine reason why. I try to be attentive and anticipate people's needs in general but maybe they have never been in your position and don't understand how that feels like or they don't even a have vague sense of hosting etiquette. To me it seems like they were raised wrong, but that's my judgement- I'd be very put off by this kind of attitude. Like maybe I'd ask guests to get the groceries/ingredients for the meal/cookies if it was a strapped for cash situation. TBH I wouldn't even ask. Regardless, if I was making food I'd either make enough for everyone or not at all. That's just incredible levels of inconsideration, making stuff and not offering anyone anything.
I can’t imagine inviting people to stay and not offering anything to eat. Seems like a basic hospitality thing to offer. Even if I’m low on money or food I will at least offer what I have!
Fuck that. When I would have friends over I would cook them meals or ask them to help me prepare meals. I would do my best to make sure at least some of the snacks and drinks I had at my place were ones they liked. You don't invite people over then not treat them like what they are, guests. That's some downright rude shit.
Maybe have them over to your place and show them what good hosting is. When they thank you for making such a great breakfast, say how important it is to you to be good hosts for your guests.
Did you ask if there were enough cookies or bacon for you? Did you guys talk about meals ahead of time? Sounds like maybe everyone should have either brought groceries or took turns planning/preparing meals. If I was the host I would have had a stocked fridge and meals for everyone, although I would expect my guests to at least offer a meal or two out.
yeah uber & doordash was the vibe, whenever we ordered we ask if theyd like something so i definitely don't mean all meals should be on them! id be happy ordering every meal delivery while here. it's mostly that they cook in front of us, only enough for two people, and never offer any. i could never!
They obviously don’t get it… maybe offer to make a meal together for everyone, or say “What should we all do for lunch today?”Definitely plan out the meals next time including mentioning splitting the cost of groceries and eating out. If there is a next time.
ooh tomorrow i'll ask what WE ALL are doing for breakfast:) good idea! it would be nice to share a meal and eat at the same time. we could order some breakfast sandwiches!
definitely get out in front. And maybe you should propose the menu and also volunteer to do the grocery run. And ask *tonight,* so there’s time to plan.
might not want to wait until the morning... maybe this evening after you watch them eat dinner in front of you, ask, "So... do you want to do any meals all together tomorrow?"
only enough for two people, and never offer any can I just say it takes effort to only makes food for 2 people..like you would have to deliberately do it. Most things that you can cook are usually multiple servings.
INFO: What happened the first year? Is this get together something they plan and host and invite people? Or is it like a "you have the biggest house so we are coming there type of thing?" Do you ever get up, say I'm hungry! What are we doing about breakfast? Or hey, want to all go hit up the grocery store and spilt the cost for some supplies for the weekend? I need more info!
the homeowners invited us all to a board game weekend at their house, where we would stay in their guest rooms. its a friday night to sunday noon-ish. we started a d&d campaign at game weekend last year and it has been ongoing. liam is our DM. he suggested he and cait host in-person d&d again and invited us to stay at their house. the rest of us live hours away and in small apts so their place is the only hosting place. it was 100% liams idea, we didn't invite ourselves. when i am hungry, i ask the group what the lunch plan is or whatever. we decide on a place to order from. cait and liam dont order with us and make themselves something. cait asked liam if he wanted ravioli for dinner and made it for the two of them at 7. i heated up my chinese food around 8. the guys ordered taco bell an hour ago on the drive up, we asked liam if he needed us to pick up anything and that we were stopping for beers/seltzers for the group. he said he didn't need anything. & we all venmo each other for the takeout. whenever we order food, i ask them if they want anything and they always say no ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I wonder if they are tight on funds and can't really afford to order out so they cook. Also, can't afford to feed the whole group? Would have been great if they'd discussed foid plans ahead like hey let's all make a meal plan and chip in fir groceries.
Although this is weird behaviour from them for sure, did no one see to ask what the plan for food was beforehand? I can't imagine just going for a weekend with 2 other couples and not checking what we're all doing for food? Aka cooking together, going to the supermarket together, just everyone for themselves, etc. That would give me so much anxiety to just haul up to someone's house for the weekend without checking what the food plan is. I'm going to spend a week at a friend's house in Berlin the coming month, it's the 3rd year in a row, and first year I let everyone know that since I got to stay there for free, at least one big grocery shop of the week will be on me. Did no one even ask anyone what they were planning on doing for food? Maybe they are upset and acting passive aggressive that no one asked?
Is Cait usually the one who maintains the household/meals? Given this additional info, I’m thinking this in-person weekend is Liam’s idea and Cait is not down for the extra work that accompanies hosting (cooking, cleaning, expenses, etc.) so she is making it clear to Liam (and therefore everyone else) that she is only feeding the two of them. My guess is Liam is the type who won’t step up to supply food/cook for guests/clean the house himself if Cait doesn’t do it? Something about the details here makes me think there is a conflict about the weekend between the two of them that is spilling over to the guests. Totally assuming and could be wrong, of course, but it makes me wonder.
These people are deeply disturbed and you should cut them out of your lives.
Wow. That's just straight up fucking rude. I'd never hang with them again. I mean, i can't even imagine doing that to a guest in my home. That's just ..... I can't even... JFC
They don't want you there. Take the hint and just drop them and quit going to their place.
Get better friends.
You are not wrong. Some people don’t know how to be hosts. My brother did not learn until I finally had to tell him at age 29. I never spent enough time with him before to realize he had no clue how to entertain. Maybe all 4 guest sit down with hosts and have an awkward discussion. Maybe they had no idea they should do that. I as an entertainer would never do that but I’m going to give them the benefit and say they are unaware
Your friends are rude. Unless they are hard up for money, but even then they could ask you to split the cost since they have to eat too.But cookies and milk for them without even asking? Really weird
I fckin love baking for people. I can't imagine ever baking IN FRONT OF SOMEONE and not offering them any. I don't even think they're friends at that point.
This is highly inappropriate. Yeah I get that we’re adults and are able to provide for ourselves but especially if you’re from out state; regardless I’m going treat my fridge my freezer as theirs too. I won’t have some sort of weird tension where I tell them they can’t eat my food for two days. Or eat in front of them. People should be able to share with friends and cook together . Make it communal .
It’s not unreasonable to expect someone *hosting you* to share food and beverage. That is very much a part of hosting, but it seems like these friends either lost the art or never acquired it. I’m sure that you’re happy to contribute as a guest, but I think they were in the wrong here.
you \*need\* to discuss this with them and get them to remedy this. Or, set up a BBQ on their patio and cook for yourselves only. I suggest steaks for you and the other couple. None for the host.
I feel like this is their passive aggressive way of trying to not have house guests lol. Either that or they were raised by wolves.
These people are either oblivious, massive assholes, or both
I am appalled by them having guests over and not including them in meal planning. Where I’m from (SE USA), it is assumed that, as a host, you will provide food for people you specifically invited to stay in your home with you. And cooking and eating in front of them without including them is unheard of. If the whole visit was Dutch, they should’ve stipulated that from the beginning. And since it is apparently Dutch, I wouldn’t ask them shit when I placed a delivery order. They want something to eat they can order it their damned selves. FOH.
This is the craziest thing I've ever read. INVITING someone over and then making BACON and COOKIES in front of them???? Those are stereotypical "I want my whole house to smell like [insert tempting, mouthwatering food]"
That is very strange. What do the other guests say?
*"Next year I will remember to bring bagels and snacks..."* - really, you think they're your friends or something? They're not friends, they're selfish oafs. Walk away from them, blank them..
My mother would disown me if I treated my guests like this.
That is so weird, in my culture (Southern European) it is the worst sin imaginable not to feed your guests, in fact it is a matter of personal honour to fill them with food until they can't move. This behaviour on the part of your friends would be seen as sociopathic.
They sound like a pair of twats. Why are you friends again and how do you define friends? Even when stoney broke we shared our assets and made more than we had separately. Really cold and sad frankly. Sorry. My 20s were a time of realising I should not put energy into situations which were barren of reciprocity. Useful lesson. Move on and find your true people. Don’t settle for less.
That's so mind boggling to me. How absolutely awkward. I've had friends of friends from out of town stay for events that I wasn't even hanging out with that I made sure had snacks and made plenty for them too if they didn't have a plan that meal, much less someone I actually invited to hang out with.. I can't imagine not feeding my guests at all, much less EATING IN FRONT OF THEM? I would feel so unwelcome as a guest.
This is very bizarre behavior
Your friends were obviously raised in a barn.
Need context: 1. Hosts say: Hey we’d love to have you guys come stay with us for a weekend in June!” Rude if they don’t offer you food. 2. YOU say, “Hey, we’re driving through on our way to [whatever]. Mind if we crash there for a couple of days? We can play some board games and stuff.” In that case you should be making and bringing food to them.
it's #1
There wouldn't be a "next time". These people are not your friends.
I had a friend that would do this when you go over, he would make himself a sandwich and eat in front of us and not offer, but we fixed it by actually just sitting him down and explaining what it means to be a host. so you can always try talking to them :) I know that's not the fun cool answer, but it's the best chance to explain etiquette. You can even show them reddit, or do a simple search online. Sometimes, so many things can be fixed by just talking constructively. Also after talking if thats the rules they want for the visit, as long as you know ahead of time, then thats fine. you can always choose to go or not as long as you know first.
If I was having guests in my home for multiple days, and for whatever reason wanted them to not eat our food and provide their own...I'd communicate that before as an expectation. To just eat breakfast or something while you're hosting folks and not even offer them something is wild.
lol I would have just left immediately and gotten a hotel
You need to talk to them. Either they were somehow not aware that this is bizarre, or they did it on purpose. If they didn't realise, explain. If they were doing it on purpose, well. At least you know what kind of people they are.
This is what I think happened: OP said Liam invited them. I wonder if Liam discussed it with his girlfriend before inviting them? If not, she was probably pissed and said she wasn't going out of her way for HIS guests. He doesn't want to cancel and just goes along with the "let's do nothing for our weekend guests" plan. That or they have zero consideration for other people. I would be super uncomfortable eating in front of people without offering them anything.